TIPS Issue 09

The Tentacles of Trauma

In

CoECTNews

Editor'sNote

MeettheTeam!

AconferencePreview:ASneakPeekintotheConferenceSchedule! TheSimpleGuidetoDevelopmentalTrauma

Aconferencepreview:TheTentaclesofTrauma

Aconferencepreview:CPRMaintainingaconsistent,predictableand reliableenvironmentforthechild

Lookingforthe'Glimmers'ofHope:FocusingontheParent's/Carer's MentalHealthandWellbeing

What'sonWhere?–EventsandConnections

EmbracingResilientCaregiving:AGuidetoNurturingEmotional RegulationinChildren

AsktheExperts

TherapeuticFosteringPanel: MeetDanBoxall-SimpsonViceChairfor twoTherapeuticFosteringAgencies.

Trauma-InformedQualifications

COECT NEWS

2024Conferencenews-notlongto go!

TheCoECTconferenceisnextmonthandthis eventwillbefocusingonTheEssentialToolsof TherapeuticParenting Virtualticketsareonsale for£10plusVAT.InthiseditionofTIPswewillbe takingalookatthetopicswhichtheconference covers,withinsightsfromourmainspeakers SarahNaish,SarahDillonandJaneMitchell

Youcanfindmoreinformationby clickingonthelinkorscanningthe QRcode https://tinyurlcom/yaewvn2s

NewQualifications-comingsoon!

InspireTrainingGrouphasbeen busycreatingtwonew qualificationstosupport professionalsworkingwithchildren whohaveexperiencedearlylife traumaandtheirfamilies.Thefirst qualificationistheLevel3Diploma inTrauma-informedLifeStory Work,andthesecondistheLevel4 DiplomainTrauma-Informed Practice.

Bothwillbeavailableinlate summer,readyforthenext academicyear Youcanregister yourinterestinthesebyemailing inspire@coect.co.uk

NATPTraining

Wehavebeenrunningsomeworkshops forfosterparents,whichfocuson“What todowhennothingworks!”Lotsofyou havebeenaskingusaboutthisfree workshop,andwearenoticingthese arereallypopular.Thismonth,wehave heldin-personworkshopsinWales,as wellasdeliveringaliveonlineeventfor thosewhowereunabletojoinusforthe recentin-personevents.Moreevents arebeingplannedacrossWalesand England,andthenextoneisinExeteron the7thofJune;seepage20fordetails

Ournewtrainingdepartmentisfullyoperationalnow,andour trainersarenowdeliveringtrainingbothin-personandonline. Wehavereceivedmanyenquiriesregardingourcorporate training,andthebrochureisnowavailablefororganisations thatrequiretailoredtrainingtomeettheirspecific requirements Toviewthebrochure,pleaseclickonthislinkor gotowww.naotp.com/training.

Editor’sNote

WelcomeEverybody,

AsweenterMay,we'rejustamonthawayfromourhighlyanticipatedCoECTInternational Conferencefor2024.AtCoECT,allofourtrainersaretherapeuticparentsandhavelived experienceofcaringforandsupportingchildrenwhohaveexperiencedtrauma Weunderstand thingswon’talwaysgotoplanandnormalisetheneedforaplana,b,c,andevenapland sometimes.TheInternationalCoECTConference“TheEssentialToolsofTherapeuticParenting”is takingplaceonThursday20June,from10:00-16:00(BST)andisauniqueopportunitytogain insightsfromrenownedexpertsinthefield.Thisyear'sconferenceisbasedonline,sosecureyour placeandjoinusfromthecomfortofyourhome,orworkplace

Theconference'smainfocusisrevisitingthefoundationalknowledgeoftherapeuticparenting andprovidingyouwithessentialtoolkitstrategies.Whetheryou'reanexperiencedtherapeutic parentlookingforarefresherornewtotheconcept,thisConferenceisdesignedtoequipyou withpracticalinformationandtoolsthatyoucanimmediatelyapplyinyourwork

InthiseditionofourTrauma-InformedParents(TIPs)Magazine,weofferasneakpeekofthe topicsthatwillbecoveredduringtheupcomingConference.OurmainspeakersSarahNaish, SarahDillonandJaneMitchell,renownedexpertsinthefield,shareapreviewofwhattheywillbe discussingatthisyear'sinternationalConference.

Inourwellbeingsectionofthisissue,Mary-JoyJohnson,apsychotherapist,founderofWildways Therapy,andassociatememberofTheHavenParentingandWellbeingCentre,haswrittenan articlediscussingparentalmentalhealthandwell-beingandlookingforthose“glimmers”of hope.

Thisissuealsoexplorestheground-breakingpsychosensorytechnique,Havening Wearejoined byDrKateTruitt,clinicalpsychologist,neuroscientist,best-sellingauthor,anddeveloperofthe HaveningTechniques.DrKateexploreshowtheHaveningTechniquecansupportemotional regulationinchildrenandyoungpeopleandprovidessomepracticaltoolstosupportyouand yourfamily

WearealsojoinedbyDanBoxall-Simpson,aTherapeuticFosterParentandIndependentVice Chairfortwotherapeuticfosteringagencies.Dansharesinsightintowhatit'sliketobean independentvicechairinatherapeuticallyfocusedandtrauma-informedpanel.

ThereisalsoourusualAsktheExpertssection,whichanswersyourquestionsonparenting,and theroundupoftheeventsandtrainingwithinCoECTforthenext3months.Ifyouwouldliketo writeanarticleoradvertisewithusinthefuturecontactusattips@coect.co.uk.

HappyReading!

Sair, Sarah, and The Team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma

MeettheTeam!

TheCentreofExcellenceinChildTraumaismadeupofateamofexpertswhohave essentialreal-lifeexperience.WeareAdopters,FosterParentsandBioparentsof neurodiversechildren,andalsoworkasprofessionalsinthefield

ExecutiveEditor-SarahNaish

SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an Adopteroffivesiblings,former FosterParent,retiredSocialWorker, BestsellinginternationalAuthor, KeynoteSpeakerandfounderof threeIndependentTherapeutic FosteringAgencies

ExecutiveEditor-SairPenna Sair(Sarah)isaTherapeutic Parent,Trainer, Therapeutic ParentingCoach.Directorof NATP,TheHavenParentingand WellbeingCentreandInspire TrainingGroupandauthor,Sair worksacrossCoECTsupporting families

ManagingEditor-Kathryn Talbot

KathrynworksacrossCoECT, specialisingincommunications andpublicrelations

Contributor-DanBoxallSimpson

DanBoxall-Simpsonisa TherapeuticFosterParent, IndependentPanelViceChairfor TRUEFosteringandSafer Fostering,aswellassittingona LocalAuthorityPanelandanother IFAPanelasanIndependent Member

Contributor-JaneMitchell Janeisatherapeuticparent, Adopter,andKeynoteSpeaker, AuthorandHeadofFamily StabilityintwoTherapeutic FosteringAgencies.

Contributor-SarahDillon

SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an AttachmentTherapist,Keynote speaker,formerchildincare, Author(TherapeuticParenting) and HeadofTherapeuticServices (Fostering)

Contributor-DrKateTruitt Dr.KateTruitt,aclinicalpsychologist, appliedneuroscientist,and internationalbestsellingauthor She isgloballyrecognisedforher expertiseintrauma,stress,and resilience Sheisadeveloperofthe HaveningTechniquesandlivesinLos Angeleswheresheleadsher educationalplatformTruittInstitute andheraward-winningclinicalteam atDr KateTruitt&Associates

Contributor-Mary-JoyJohnson Mary-JoyJohnsonisanadopterand therapeuticparent Sheisthe founder,directorandclinicalleadof WildwaysTherapy Asaqualified integrativepsychotherapist,she specialisesinproviding psychotraumatology(trauma therapy)foradopters,special guardians,fostercarers,andsocial careprofessionals

Conference Preview: A Sneak Peek into

the Conference Schedule!

Iamreallylookingforwardtorevisitingsomeof thosetriedandtrustedstrategiesweallneed!We willalsomakesurewehavesomefunandkeepit lightheartedtoo

SarahDillonandIwillbetalkingabouthowyou identifyandmeetallthoseunmetneeds Wewill alsobehelpingJanewithheressentialinformation aboutthosetrickyteenageyears

Wehaveafewrole-playsupoursleevesforthatbit andwealwayshavesomefunwiththose!I’llalsobe coveringsomeofthereallyimportantlessonsmy childrentaughtme

There’snothinglikethatlived-inexperiencetohelp otherstoseebehindthosetrickybehavioursand reconnectwiththeirchildren Therapeuticparenting isthehardest,mostimportanttaskyouwillever faceinyourlife.Wearehappytoholdyourhands throughit.

ConferenceAgenda

10:00-FirststepsinTherapeuticParenting-Whatmakeourlivesreallyhard?

10:20 -TentaclesofTrauma-Whychildrenwithahistoryoftraumabehavethewaytheydo 11:30 -CoffeeBreak

11:45-TrickyTeens-Howtoapplybehaviourmanagementstrategies

13:00-Lunch

14:00-Meetingtheunmetneed-Makingsenseofourchildren’sbehaviour 15:30-Q&A

16:00-End

Written by Sarah Naish

A conference preview: The Tentacles of Trauma

Written by Sarah Dillon

Thesubjectexploreshow historicaltraumaisrecreatedin thepresent Attendeesaregiven insightintohowachildis conditionedinearlychildhoodto behaveinthewaytheydo Mostcomplexandchallengingbehaviours exhibitedbychildrenfromtraumaarea communicationoftraumaticearlylife experiencesandunmetdevelopmental needs

Commonbehaviours,suchaslying, stealing,rudeness,control,aggressionetc areexploredandunderstoodassymptoms ofdevelopmentaltraumadisorder Manyof thesebehavioursarisefromsignificant neglect

Duringthesession,wewilllookmoreclosely attherootsofsuchbehavioursandgivea newlensthroughwhichtoviewthemand offereffectivewaysofrespondingusing therapeuticparenting Itisvitallyimportanttounderstandachild’s behaviourastheirmodeofcommunication Thingstheyhavenotyetprocessedor madesenseofaredemonstratedthrough behaviour Ibelievethatthechild’s behaviouristheirloudestvoiceandsadly forsome,theironlyvoice!

Whenparentsandsupportingprofessionals viewachildinthisway,theybeginto depersonaliseeventhemostextreme behavioursandareabletoconsciously respondasopposedtoemotionallyreact Thisenablesthechild’srelationshipwiththe parenttoremainintactandavoidbeing catapultedintotoxicshamewhenever thereisanincident.Understandingthatthe childisoftenstuckinanegocentricstate enablesthosecaringforthechildtoreduce theirexpectationsaroundthechild’sability toshowempathy,compassion,and

9

understandingforthemselvesand others. Thechildmaydeny,blame andminimisetheirbehaviourtoavoid expectedrejection Thisisbecause theymayhavenotexperienced regularrelationshiprepairasayoung child,butit’salsocompoundedbythe wayinwhichtheirbrainprocesses threat.

Unfortunatelymanyofourchildren willperceivethreatwherethereis none Thisiscalledfaulty neuroception,asubconscioussystem inthebrainfordetectingthreat.Sarah Naishcallsthisthe‘faultysmoke detector’.Thedetectorconstantly ringingthealarmandpushingthe childintoafight,flight,freeze responsewhenthereisnoapparent reasonforit Recognisingand respondingtothechild’sbehaviouris bettermanagedwhenweconsider theirhistory.Accesstothechild’s chronologyisimperativeifweareto pre-emptpossiblebehavioursor

betterunderstandwhatthechildis experiencing

Manyclaimtobetrauma-informed butknowingthetheoryisn’t enough Parentshavetobe trauma-awareandtheyareat theirmosteffectivewhentheyare abletoremainconnectedwith theirchildusingempathyand nurture

Sadly,childrenandtheirfamilies aresetuptofailwhentheyarenot adequatelypreparedforwhatlies ahead.

Traumaisanuglythingand cannotbemadeprettywithnice wordsandemptypromisesthat everythingwillbeOKbecausethe childisnowinasafeenvironment

Fromthechild’sperspective,no environmentissafeandnoadult canbetrusted Ittakesaverylong timeforachildtoriskinvestingina

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

relationshipwithnewadultswhenallothersfailed Anawarenessoftraumaatalltimesenables parentsto‘listen’towhattheirchildis communicatinganddeveloptheirabilityto understandtheirowntriggersalongsidethechild’s

Arethetentaclesoftraumareachingoutfromthe child’spastbeingre-createdinyourhome?

Areyouinterestedinknowingmoreabout thistopic?

SarahwillbetalkingmoreonthissubjectattheCoect internationalconference onThursday20thJune2024

Topic:TheTentaclesofTraumawithSarahDillon Timeslot:10:20am-11:30am

Usethelinkbelowtobook https://essentialtoolsoftherapeuticparentingvfairscom/

Ifyouhavebeenenjoyingourmagazineand wouldliketoreceiveeachedition,please emailtips@coect.co.uktosetupa subscription

Papersubscription-£2399/year Electronicsubscription-free

PaperSubscriptionsandpasteditionsare alsoavailablethroughtheNATPshop: wwwnaotpcom/shop

It’snotmyfaultthatIactthisway Ihaven’teverlearnedtorelaxandplay: TobethechildIwasborntobe Wassadlytakenawayfromme.

TheynevernoticedwhenIcried TogettheirattentionwhenItried TobeheldandcomfortedwhenIfeltsad Itdidn’thappensoIthinkI’mbad.

Ishouldhavebeenthechildwhothrived InsteadIonlylearnedtosurvive, Togetthrougheachdayasbestascanbe Hopingthatsomeonewouldnoticeme.

Nobodyhelpedmetogrowmybrain Torockmegentlyandsoothemypain Ispentmostofthetimeoutoftheway Nightwasjustnightanddaywasjustday I’doftenfeelhungryanddesperateforfood AndeveryonesaidIwasnaughtyandrude. Alladultswerescaryandfilledmewithdread Ihadnoroutinearoundgoingtobed. Nooneshowedmehowtowashandgetdressed Ilivedeveryminutesurroundedbymess Thesmellofstaleurinewasoh-so-familiar I’dweeonthefloor,inthecornerorsimilar.

Ididn’tlearnhowtolinkcauseandeffect Ijustlearnedtolieasawaytoprotect, TogetthenextthingIsodesperatelyneeded: I’djustgetignoredifIpleadedandpleaded.

Relationshiprepairwasnevermyportion Ihadtolearnquickly,totakeeverycaution TonotgetfoundoutforwhatI’ddonewrong Theignoringwasawfulandwouldlastforsolong Ijustcouldn’tseparatemyselffrombehaviour Ihadtofindwaystobecomemyownsaviour ToprotectmyselffromtheworldwhereIlived WhereallthatwasnoticedwerethingsthatIdid.

Iquicklydevelopedaverythickskin Anddecidedtoneverletadultsgetin Tofindwaystomanagethedreadfulfear Thatgripsmyheartwhentheytrytogetnear.

Soit’sprobablygoingtotakealongtime Torewiremybrainandgetitonline, Todevelopthetrustthatyou’llkeepmesafe, ThatIwon’tfeelthatshamewhenIlookinyourface. Tomeetallmyneedsthatweren’tmetbefore Thatyouwillreturnwhenyouwalkoutthatdoor Thatyou’llfeedmeandholdmeandtellmeyoucare EvenwhenIamrudeordecidetoswear

Ineedyoutotrytounderstand Thisisn’tthelifethatIhadplanned. Sadlyit’sduetowhat’shappenedtome Ireallydon’tdothingsdeliberately.

Idoknowit’shardwhenIseektocontrol Butkeepingaliveisoftenmygoal Ireallyamtryingtokeepmyselfsafe WhenItieyouinknotsallovertheplace. IjustwantyoutoknowthatIdoreallycare I’mactuallyhappythatIhaveyouthere Ihaven’tthewordstoexpresshowIfeel ButIknowthatthey’regrowingandIknowthatthey’rereal.

A conference preview:

CPR Maintaining a consistent, predictable and reliable environment for the child

Written By Jane Mitchell

Overthetimethatwehave workedtogether professionally,SarahDillon, SarahNaishandmyself havelearnedagreatdeal aboutsomeunderpinningstrategies thatareessentialasfirststepsto helpchildrenovercomeearly adverseexperiencesandhavetheir needsmetinanewhome.Wewillbe talkingaboutthesebuildingblocks andstrategiesatourconference,but Iwantedtosharethistoptipwith you.

Bymaintainingaconsistent, predictableandreliableenvironment manyunmetneedsaremethelping achildtoadjusttheirinternal workingmodel Icallthisintervention CPRforthebrain

WehaveallheardofCPR,right? CardioPulmonaryResuscitation–it’s alifesaver Well,nowIwanttotalkabouta differentsortofCPRthatcanhelpto rewire,reactivateandbuildbrains!

CONSISTENCY

PREDICTABILITY

RELIABILITY

Wait,what?No,itcan’tbethat simple,surely?

OK.Firstofall,itISsimple.But amazinglycomplex Here’swhy: Weknownowthatourexperiences buildourideasandourInternal WorkingModel(wayof understandingtheourselves,others andtheworld) Ourearliest experiencesreceivedthroughour sensesactivatepathwaysinour brainandgiveussurvival information Forchildrenthathave sufferedabuseandtrauma,thiscan leadtoabrainwiredtosurvive.

Thus:

Iam–bad,worthless, unlovable,stupid,rubbish, lonely,scared,invisible Mylifeis indanger

Others(adults)are–scary, dangerous,causemepain, untrustworthy,unreliable, unpredictable

Theworldis–dangerous, hostile,unwelcoming,scary.I havetoremainalertallthetime tostayalive

WhenweintroduceConsistency, PredictabilityandReliabilityintoour routinesandresponsesand approachourchildreninacaring, empathicandtherapeuticmanner thisactivatesdifferentpathways Theyarenotasstrongastheold ideas

Actually,ourfeelingsstarttomirror eachothers

Iam-confused.Thisdoesn’tfit Ifeelwobblyandoutofcontrol.I havetotakecharge

Others(adults)are–confusing.Theyseemtocare Thatcan’tberight,itsprobably atrick Itwillallchange Imust keepmyguardup

Theworldis–nothowitused tobe.Idon’tunderstand.Ithink myheadwillexplodewhileItry tomakesenseofit

Parentsfindtheyhavemuch thesamefeelings.Trynotto worry,it’sasignofconnection toyourchild

Overtime,aswekeeptoour routines,ourboundaries,and provideanurturingtherapeutic environmentthenewpathways

Photo:

becomestronger,moreresilient Theoldpathwaysremain,butthey areactivatedlessfrequentlyand usuallyunderextremestressorasa resultofanearlymemory/feeling triggeringaresponse.Itishard,but childrencanresolvetheirconflicts withsupportandthiswillenable themtohaveadifferentkindoflife andrelationshipstotheonethey werestuckin,throughnofaultof theirown Then:

Iam–OK.Prettygoodactually.I amlearningthatIamloveable,I haveskills,Iamcaring SometimesIstillfeelbad

Adultsare–Usuallylovingand helpful,especiallymyparents Its oktobecarefulwithstrangers Myparentscanhelpmesort thingsout. Theworldis–notsoscary I knowIcanhavehelptowork thingsout Partsofitareeven quitefun!

Parentsfeelmuchthesame,but asparentsandchild/ren continuetheprocesstheycan findjoyineachother.

AsDanielSeigelsays,Neuronesthat firetogether,wiretogether Don’t forget–

Makes a healthy brain and a happy heart

Areyouinterestedinknowingmoreabout thistopic?

JanewillbetalkingmoreonthissubjectattheCoect internationalconference.onThursday20thJune2024.

Topic:Meetingtheunmetneed-Makingsenseofour children’sbehaviour

Timeslot:2:00pm-3:30pm

Usethelinkbelowtobook https://essentialtoolsoftherapeuticparenting.vfairs.com/

www.naotp.com/join

Is your child showing signs of frustration and anger, which is presented in aggression and violence towards you and other family members? We can give you the de-escalation tools to support your child through their emotional struggles.

Looking for the 'Glimmers' of Hope: Foc

on the Parent's/Carer's Mental Health and Wellbeing

Acommitmentto,andcuriosit aboutourownmentalhealt isoneofthemostresourcing andpositivethingswecand tosupportourlifeasaparen Idon’tjustmeana

preoccupationwithwhatmakesuss angry,depressedorscared,Ialso meanwhatmakesus‘tick’,whereou happinessreserveis,what/who/whe bringsusourdeepestpeaceandjoy (orevenjustalittlesprinkleofit?). Sometimesthesethingsareinterrupt andlostinthedaytodaystuffof parenting.Ifparentingishardandyo areexperiencingalotofstressand traumathenfindingpeaceandjoyc feelimpossible,ortoomucheffort, especiallywhenourchildren's’needs takepriority.Butnotdoingsoisalsoa risk,forweareourchildren's’greatest resourceandadvocate

Itrainedasanintegrative psychotherapist,trauma-therapistand adoptionsupportcounsellorbecauseI ampassionateaboutprovidingsafe, inclusive,non-pathologisingandnonparent-blamingmentalhealthservices toparentsandcarers Irecogniseand havelivedexperienceoftheunique andcompoundingissuesof developmentaltraumainfamily systems

Iaminspiredandrevivedbythe naturalworldandidentifythedeep connectionandoriginstoryweallhold withnature,bothimplicitlyand explicitly.Thereisadiverseevidence baseforthesupportiveimpactonour mentalhealthofimmersinginnature andIlooktoharnessthisacrossmy services.OneofthewaysIdothisisby acknowledgingtheexquisite mammalianfeaturesofourown nervoussystems Yes,thosenervous systemsthatmeanweareoftenrun

raggedbytheneedsofourchildren (astheirbehaviourscommunicate distressanddysregulation)arealso ourgreatestresource!InmyworkI helpclientslookforwaystoseek soothingandregulationfor themselvesbylookingfortheirown cuesofsafety,feelingintosustainable dailyroutinesandexpandingour awarenessofourownsensoryworlds Eveninonlinesessionsweworkwith sensorythemesandthenatural world.In-person,sessionsareheldin outdoorspaces,walkingand interactingwiththeenvironmentincludingpartneringwithhorses, bringingopportunitiesfortherapeutic relationshipstoemergeandwithit, correctiveemotionalexperiencesof whatitistobewithanother Thiscan besoimportantwhenwehave experiencedtraumaticrelationships withinourfamilies

Sooftenthefocusofourcareison ourchildren-trackingtheirtriggers, planninglowdemandinteractions, soothingtransitionsandpre-empting meltdowns.

Well,whatifwedidthatfor ourselves?

Weareencouraged,trainedand taughttobethesteadfastcoregulatorsofourchildren,butfor someofustheexposureto traumafuelledbehaviours,orour owntraumaticpasts,meanwe areatriskofbeinginourown traumaresponseand dysregulation Weneedtohelp ourselvesfirst Thistakestime, effortandfocus,butknowing ourselves,tracking‘our’triggers, havinglowdemandtimeand pre-emptingourowndistress’ meanswecanbecomethat ‘unassailablesafebase’(Sarah Naish)becausewearethatfor ourselvesfirst

Iworkwiththeconceptof ‘Glimmers’ CoinedbyDebDana (licensedclinicalsocialworker andauthor),sheinvitesustobe curiousaboutthelittlesparksof possibility,thequiet,gently ameliorativethingsthatactasa

Written By Mary-Joy Johnson

Photo:©Mary-JoyJohnson

momentaryinterventionthatgiveusa ‘glimmer’ofhope,peaceandperhaps ahintofjoy.Theseglimmersmatter becausetheycreateaninternal physiologicalshiftinournervous systemsandpromoteanorientation backtowardsregulation.Glimmers, liketriggers,areuniquetousall Often imperceptibleuntiltheyarehappening andeasilyforgotten,thecluesare thereifwelookforthem.Aglimmer couldbeassimpleasthebreathwe takeafterwesipawarmdrink,hearing birdsong,feelingourduvetwrapped aroundourselves.Glimmersarelike ‘sensoryfriends’thatletusknowwe aresafeandsowecanbreatheand returntoamoreregulatedstate The morewenoticeourownsensoryneeds themorewecanpayattentionto repeatingthemandensuringweare accessingthemasmuchaspossible

Humansaredesignedtomove towardshomeostasis,wehavethe mechanismsforfeelingsafe, regulated,peacefulandjoyfulwithin ourownphysiology,it’sin‘our’nature Ourownchildhoodtrauma, bereavement,chronicadvocacyfor servicesforourchild(ren),changesin personalcircumstanceslikelosinga job/career,issuesaround intersectionalityandmarginalisation, traumaticeventsandchronic, prolongedstresscanhavehappened toanyofus Sleepdeprivation, relationalchallenges,child-on-parent abuse,falseallegation,illhealth,life changes(suchasmenopause),24/7 caringforvulnerable,traumatised children thelistofpotentialstressors islong!Thereisnofailureinbeing humanandreachingoverwhelm

Thingstohelp:

Writeyourselfanote/letter-alistof simpleandaccessiblethingsyoulove todo(glimmersandsensoryfriends), seeifyoucandoone(some)ofthese things Evenjustsittingand rememberingthemcanprovokea senseofwellness,a‘glimmer’ Keepthe notesomewhereyoucanfinditon dayswhenitishardtorememberor shareitwithatrustedpersonwhocan remindyouwhentimesarerough Findasafe,truthfulspacetoexplore whatisgoingonforyou

Someofthementalexhaustion andcollapsecomesfromfeeling wehavetomaskand‘present’ oursituationassomehow differentorbetterinsocial circles,withfamilyand professionals Beingabletobe congruentandinourintegrity whilstspeakingaboutwhatis happeningforusandourfamilies, inanon-judgementalspace,is animportantrestorativepractice Hopefullywecandothiswithour partner,familyorfriends.Butnot allofushavethis Parenting traumatisedchildrencanbevery isolating.ThisiswhyIrecommend thatalltheparents/carersIwork withjoinNATPandbecomepart ofthisauthentic,groundedand experiencednetwork

Ifyoudon’tfeelabletotalkto someoneinyourclosecircleof friendsandfamilyorthese relationshipsarealsostrainedby thesameexperiences,doseek alternativepeerorprofessional helpsuchastheNATPHelpline, TheHavenParenting&Wellbeing Centreoraqualifiedand

experiencedtherapist(with knowledgeofdevelopmental traumaandwhospecialisesin workingwithparents) Don’tstopuntilyoufindthe supportthatworksforyou becausegoodmentalhealthand wellbeingisyourrighttoo

Photo: ©Mary-Joy Johnson

WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS

May 2024 - July 2024

Derbyshire ListeningCircle

Tuesday21stMay2024

https://tinyurlcom/wh9ydumf

RugbyListeningCircle

Tuesday28thMay2024

https://tinyurl.com/mwnkuva6

RugbyListeningCircle

Tuesday25thJune

https://tinyurl.com/3bjktemk

FAMILYCIRCLE

BerkshireFamilyCircle

Saturday1stJune 2024

https://tinyurl.com/54umf5w6

CORPORATESESSIONS

Wednesday29thMay2024

https://tinyurlcom/ye2228xu

Tuesday4thJune2024

https://tinyurlcom/y6w4523e

Tuesday25thJune2024

https://tinyurl.com/3xxvxnjj

Tuesday9thJuly2024

https://tinyurl.com/hd4au6xr

Tuesday23rdJuly2024

https://tinyurl.com/59phzbax

SGO/KinshipCarers

Thursday23rdMay2024

https://tinyurl.com/yc7wnkd3

AllTherapeuticParents

Wednesday29thMay2024

https://tinyurl.com/4ynf86mm

Men’sGroup

Tuesday4thJune2024

https://tinyurlcom/m6t2kvay

AllTherapeuticParents

Wednesday12thJune2024

https://tinyurl.com/mt32tnn2

SGO/KinshipCarers

Wednesday12thJune2024

https://tinyurl.com/5n78pfup

SGO/KinshipCarers

Tuesday25thJune2024

https://tinyurl.com/mwwmek29

AllTherapeuticParents

Wednesday26thJune2024

https://tinyurlcom/4jjsa2mm

Men’sGroup

Tuesday2ndJuly2024

https://tinyurl.com/4x9f42nd

SGO/KinshipCarers

Monday8thJuly2024

https://tinyurl.com/3m4ymb98

SESSION:

Thursday6thJune2024

https://tinyurl.com/2xdv2x2c

Tuesday9thJuly2024

https://tinyurlcom/2w3kfbbp VOLUNTEERINFORMATION

SGO/KinshipCarers

Tuesday23rdJuly2024

https://tinyurl.com/y7k9y435

Ourvolunteerskeepusinformedabouttheirweekly listeningcircles.Fordetailsonallupcominglistening sessions,visittheeventspageontheNATPwebsite. www.naotp.com/events

WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS

May 2024 - July 2024

TRAINING(In-personandliveonlinetraining)

ManagingViolentBehaviour(MVB)

OverviewofTraining

Weofferparentswhosechildrencanbeviolent,whichmayresultinharmtothemselvesorothers,alawand guidance-basedframeworkwithspecificstrategiestomanageallsituationssafely,therapeutically,and effectively

Weaimtogiveparentstheconfidencetodealwithdifficultsituationsandaclearunderstandingofthecore legalprinciples,includingtheroleofdisengagementandcontainmentstrategiesinresponsetoachildwho isbeingviolent.

ManagingViolentBehaviour-Day1(heldonlineintwoparts)

Part1-Wednesday22ndMay202419:00-20:30(BST)

Part2-Thursday23rdMay2024,19:00-20:30(BST)

Day1supportsyouto: understandwhychildrenmightbeviolent beabletoavoidcausingorunnecessarilyescalatingconflict understandthebenefitsofempathiclistening recognisewhatourchildren’sbehaviouriscommunicatingtous effectivelyde-escalateconflicttherapeutically recognisetriggersforourchildrenandusandhowtoreduceourvulnerabilitytothem beabletopersuadeotherstocooperateusingdistractionandpersuasiontechniques

TherapeuticallyManagingViolentBehaviour–Day2(In-persontraining)* Friday14thJune,10:00–16:00(BST)

Location:Gloucestershire

Day2supportsyouto: recognisewhenasituationisbecomingdangerousandhowtorespondtoviolence staysafeincrisissituations havetheabilitytodealwithverbalabuseconfidently havetheabilitytomanagedifficultconversations knowwhattodowhenwordsalonefail endaninteractioninabetterplacethanwhereitstarted remainrespectfulandprofessionalnomatterwhereaninteractionendsup

Day1mustbecompletedbeforeattendingDay2

ExploringtheFoundationsofAttachment Wednesday10thJuly,10:-00-13:00(BST)

Thiscoursewillhelpyouunderstandsecureattachmentandwhyitiscriticalintheearliestyears. Youwillgainknowledgeandinsightintowhyattachmentdisordersoccur,begintounderstandthediffering attachmentdifficultiesandbehavioursandgainpracticaltherapeuticparentingstrategies.

Formoreinformationortobookaplace,gotowww.naotp.com/training

WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS

May 2024 - July 2024

TraumaRevolutionWebinars

IfTheA-ZofTherapeuticParenting:StrategiesandSolutionsisyourroadmapofstrategiesthroughto successfuladulthoodforyourchildren,thenTheA-ZofSurvivalStrategieswillbeyourhotflaskoftea orcoffeeandacosyblanketwhichwillkeepyouwarm,safeandwellonyourjourney! Tobookgoto https://www.traumarevolution.co.uk/events

SexualisedBehaviour-28July,12:00–13:00BST

EssentialMaintenance-Wednesday22ndMay,10:00-11:00(BST)

Itcanbeveryfrightening,evenhorrifying,tocomeacrossaveryyoungchildwhois,or,appearstobe,sexually knowledgeableandactive;butifwecanputasideourownhorrorandrevulsionandseewhatthebehaviouris reallytellingus,wecanatleaststartoffwiththerightmindset

JoinusforawebinarwithSarahNaish,authorofTheA-ZofSurvivalStrategies,asshediscussesessential maintenancetipsforcaregiversandparentsofchildrenwithcomplexneeds.Learnpracticalstrategiesto helpyoumaintainyourownwell-beingwhileprovidingthebestcareforyourchild.Don'tmissthis opportunitytogainvaluableinsightsandsupportfromaleadingexpertinthefield.

Shame–1 August,10:00–11:00BST

FamilyandFriendships-Wednesday,5thJune,10:00-11:00(BST)

JoinLauraforaone-hourlivewebinaronShame.Shameisapowerfulandpervasiveemotionforchildren.This webinarwillexplorethereasonsbehindshame,howitmanifestsinchildren,andstrategiesforsupporting childrentoovercomethisdebilitatingemotion ThewebinarwillalsofeatureaQ&Asession,wherewewill answeryourquestionsandprovideinsightsintohowtohelpyourchild

JoinusforaspecialwebinaronFamilyandFriendships,basedonSarahNaish'sinsightfulbookTheA-Zof SurvivalStrategies.Inthiswebinar,wewillexplorepracticaltipsandstrategiesformaintaininghealthy relationshipswithbothfamilymembersandfriends Whetheryouarenavigatingdifficultdynamicswith lovedonesorlookingtostrengthenyourconnections,thiswebinarwillprovidevaluableinsightsand techniquestohelpyouthriveinyourrelationships

SiblingRivalry-10August,10:00-11:00BST

Obsessionsoftenhappenbecauseourchildrenstruggletobestilland'comfortableintheirownskin’When theyarestill,thetrauma,anxietyandemptinessseembiggerandmakethemfeeluncomfortable,drivento actionandtofindadistraction.Joinusforthislivewebinarwithmanyusefulstrategiessurrounding obsessions

FearofChild-Wednesday12thJune,10:00-11:00(BST)

Joinourupcomingwebinaron"OvercomingFearofChild-InsightsfromSarahNaish'sA-ZofSurvival Strategies"andlearnpracticaltipstomanageyouranxietyandbuildstrongrelationshipswithyourchild. DrawingonSarahNaish'sacclaimedbook,ourexpertspeakerwillguideyouthroughproventechniquesto understandyourfears,developcopingmechanisms,andapproachparentingwithconfidence.Whether youareanewparentorstrugglingwithunresolvedchildhoodissues,thiswebinarwillequipyouwiththe toolstoovercomefearandcreateanurturingenvironmentforyourchild.

Forgotten-Wednesday19thJune,10:00-11:00(BST)

JoinusforawebinarfocusedonthetopicofForgottenfromSarahNaish'sgroundbreakingbook,TheA-Z ofSurvivalStrategies.Inthissession,wewillexplorehowchildhoodtraumacanimpactourabilityto forgiveandletgoofpasthurts.Learnpracticalstrategiesandtechniquestohelpyounavigatethe complexitiesofforgivenessandmovetowardshealingandpeace.

FrustrationandDisappointment -Friday28thJune,10:00-11:00(BST)

JoinusforawebinarfeaturingSarahNaish,authorofTheA-ZofSurvivalStrategies,aswedelveintothe topicsoffrustrationanddisappointment.Inthiswebinar,Sarahwillsharevaluableinsightsandpractical strategiesfornavigatingthesechallengingemotionsandturningthemintoopportunitiesforgrowthand resilience.

Grief-Weekcommencing1stJuly2024

Joinusforthisweek'swebinarbasedonGrieffromSarahNaish’sbookTheA-ZofSurvivalStrategies. Griefcanknockyousideways,andyouneverknowwhenit'sgoingtosneakuponyou.Wewillbelooking atstrategiestohelpyouinyourtimeofneedandhelpyoucarryonJ

Guilt- Weekcommencing8thJuly2024

ThisweekwewillbelookingatthesectionGuilt.Thefeelingofguiltisanuncomfortableone.Asparentsof ouruniquechildren,weareparticularlyluckytohavesomanydifferentreasonstowelcomeguiltand shameintoourlives.WewillbelookingatthemostcommonreasonsforguiltrelatedtoTherapeutic ParentinginthiswebinarfollowedbyaQuestionandAnswersession.

Havening -Weekcommencing15thJuly2024

Whensomethingtraumatichappenstousphysically,therearelotsofchangesinthebody,wewillbe lookingatsomeofthethingswearemostlikelytodo Joinusthisweektofindourmoreinformationon thisandhowwecanhelpyougoingforwardatCOECT

Embracing Resilient

Caregiving: A Guide to

Nurturing Emotional

Reg

ulation in Children

Wri

tten By Kate Truitt, Ph.D., MA, MBA

Caregivingandparentingare notjustrolesthatweplayin achild’slifebutalsoa journeythatcan,attimes, unfoldinthemost unpredictableways

Forthosewhoembracetheconcept resilientcaregiving,thisjourney involvesnotonlynurturingthe physicalneedsofchildrenbut profoundlysupportingtheiremotional andpsychologicalresilience.Thisis especiallycrucialwhencaringfor childrenwhohavefacedtraumaor whoarenavigatingthecomplexities offostercare.Theseunique challengesrequireaheightened sensitivityandatailoredapproachto helpthesechildrenheal,grow,and thriveinallaspectsoflife

UnderstandingtheCoreofResilient Caregiving

Resilientcaregivingstartsfromwithin byparentscultivatingtheirown emotionalstabilityandresilience It involvesadoptingstrategieslike therapeutictouchandmindful awareness,whichIdiscussextensively inmybook,HealinginYourHands: Self-HaveningExercisestoHarness Neuroplasticity,HealTraumaticStress, andBuildResilience Thesetechniques arenotmerelymethodsbutgateways todeeperemotionalconnectionsand healing.Forinstance,wecanemploy gentle,soothingtouch,theselfhaveningtouch,tohelpactivate calmingresponsesinthebrain, fosteringasenseofsafetyand relaxationthatisessentialforhealing

IntroducingtheHealinginYour HandsToolstoChildren

TheHealingInYourHandsToolsare asuiteofpowerful,sensory-based toolsthatcanhelpadultsand childrenself-soothe,managestress, andenhancetheiremotional resilience Thismethodinvolvesa gentle,therapeutictouch,calledthe self-haveningtouch,thatstimulates theproductionofcalmingbrain chemicals,providingcomfortand safety Teachingchildrenhowto applytheself-haveningtouchcan empowerthemtofeelmorein controloftheiremotionsand reactions,fosteringasenseof securityandwell-being Integrating imaginativeplayintothelearning andpracticeofself-haveningtouch notonlymakestheexperiencemore engagingforchildrenbutalso anchorsthetechniqueintheir memory Encourageyourchildto conjureupcalmingscenesduring thepractice,suchasthegentlelull ofaquietbeachorthesoftwarmth ofasunlitmeadow,todeepenthe soothingeffect Youcouldalso weaveinelementsofstorytelling, whereeachhaveningtouchhelps smoothoutoceanwavesorbrush

snowflakesfromtheirshouldersand arms,creatinganinteractivenarrative thatcaptivatestheirimagination Continuetoofferpositive reinforcementastheypracticethese tools,celebratingtheirwillingnessto trysomethingnewand acknowledgingtheireffortsin managingtheiremotions.Thiskindof supportnurturestheirconfidencein usingself-haveningtouchasan effectivetoolforself-soothing.

Trauma-InformedPrincipleswiththe Self-HaveningTouch

Whenutilisingmindfultouchfor emotionalregulation,itiscrucialto considertheindividualchild’s experiencesandcomfortlevels, particularlyforthosewhohave experiencedtrauma:

Remembertobemindfulto supportyourchildinbuildingtrust withtheself-haveningtouch Initiatinganyphysicaltouch requiresbuildingafoundationof trust.Childrenmustfeelsecure andincontroloftheirspace beforetheyarecomfortablewith closephysicalinteraction

Photo: ©Dr Kate Truitt

Step-by-Step

1. child are in a comfortable and quiet space.

Create a Calm Environment: Begin by ensuring you and your

2. Explain the Purpose: Use simple language to explain what selfhavening is and how it can help. For example, you might say, "This is a way to give ourselves a gentle hug to help us feel calmer whenever we feel upset or scared."

3. Demonstrate the Technique: Model the self-havening touch yourself first. Cross your arms over your chest, placing each hand on the opposite shoulder. Gently move your hands in a downward motion to your elbows. Repeat this motion slowly and explain that this touch helps release a very calming feeling throughout the brain and body. I like to describe this as giving oneself a “moving hug.” Alternatively, they can perform palm havening, which involves rubbing palms together slowly, as if washing hands.

4. Encourage Slow, Rhythmic Touch: Invite the child to apply the gentle touch slowly and rhythmically to their own arms. You can count out loud or use a calm tone to help them find a soothing rhythm.

Allowingchildrentochoosehow andwhentoengageinthese healingpracticesinmomentsof emotionaldistresswill significantlyenhancetheirsense ofautonomyandcontrol,which isoftencompromisedin traumaticexperiences

Teachingtheself-haveningtouchto childrenisnotonlyawaytohelp themmanageimmediatestressbut alsoalifelongskillthatpromotes emotionalself-regulationand resilience.Inthenextsection,wewill explorewhythesetoolsare supportiveforemotionalregulation andhowtomakethesepracticesa normalpartofyourdailyroutine.

UnderstandingEmotionalZones andUsingSelf-Havening Techniques

Beingaresilientcaregiverrequires continuallearningandadaptation, understandinghowstressaffects children,andprovidingthemwith toolstomanageitcansignificantly improveemotionalresilience Let’s explorehowtointegratetheconcept

stresszoneswithpractical neuroscience-basedtechniquesto supportemotionalregulation.Justas adultsdo,childrenexperience fluctuationsintheiremotionalstates, whichareobservablethroughthree primary"zones"ofarousal:theRed Zone,theBlueZone,andtheGreen Zone Recognizingthesezonesallows parentstounderstandandrespond moreeffectivelytotheirchildren's emotionalandbehavioralsignals

RedZone(Hyperarousal):Inthe RedZone,children'snervous systemsareoverstimulated, comparabletoacarwithitsgas pedalstuckdown Behaviorsinthis zonemayincludeanger,panic, aggression,defensiveness, impulsivity,poorfocus, hyperactivity,andirritability BlueZone(Hypoarousal):TheBlue Zone,ontheotherhand,islikea carwiththebrakepedalstuck down,wherethenervoussystemis under-stimulated.Thiszone's hallmarksarepassivityand withdrawalbehaviors,suchas zoningout,sadness,emotional numbing,reluctancetoengage, andfatigue

GreenZone:TheGreenZone denotesabalancednervous system Here,childrendisplay calmness,alertness,anda readinesstoengage.Thiszoneis characterizedbyemotionalstability, focusedattention,andsocial engagement,allowingchildrento fullyparticipateinlearningandplay, exhibitresiliencetochallenges,and expresscuriosityandenthusiasm fornewexperiences

Byunderstandingthesezones, caregiverscanassisttheirchildrenin navigatingtheiremotionsandfinding theirwaybacktotheGreenZone, wheretheyarebestequippedtothrive emotionally,socially,andcognitively

PracticalToolsforEmotional Regulation

Tool1:BreathingTechniques

Breathing,thoughanautomatic function,cansignificantlyinfluence emotionalcontrolwhenregulated Teachingchildrensimplebreathing exercisescanprovidethemwitha senseofempowermentandan always-accessibleself-regulationtool

Practice:HandBreathing

Thechildholdstheirhandinfrontof them 1.

Startingatthebaseofthethumb, theyusethepointerfingerofthe otherhandtotraceuptothe thumb'stipwhileinhalingslowly

3

2 Theypauseandholdtheirbreathas theytraceoverthetopofthe thumb.

Theyexhaleslowlyastheytrace backdowntheothersideofthe thumbtowardsthepointerfinger

5.

4 Repeatingthisprocessforeach finger,thechildcompletesfiveslow, deepbreaths

Thisexercisehelpschildrenfocus, reducesimpulsivity,andbringsthem backintotheGreenZone

Tool2:CPRFortheAmygdala®

Forchildrenwhomightneedmore engagementtofocusduringstressful moments,CPRfortheAmygdala combinesthesoothingpoweroftouch withcognitivedistractions The acronymCPRstandsforCreating PersonalResilience.Inamomentof distress,ouremotionalbrain,

particularlyouramygdala,can becomeoveractive,leadingto frustration,agitation(theRedZone),or evenleadtotheexperienceof dissociationordepression(theBlue Zone) Thispowerfultoolsupports childrenandourselvesinreturningto theGreenZoneataneurobiological level Foryoungerchildrenwecallthis toolGabaGamesasoneofthebrain chemicalsreleasedwhenweapplythe self-haveningtouchisthe neurotransmitterGABA

Practice:CPRfortheAmygdala/GABA Games

1

Teachthechildtoperformthe self-haveningtouchasdiscussed intheabovesection

2 Pairthesemovementswith simplebraingamessuchas:

aSingingasongtogether Identifyingitemsintheir environment(eg,finding objectsthataresquare,round, soft,orsmooth)

b Countingitemsofdifferent colorsintheroom

c Playanalphabeticalgame,for example,allparticipantsinthe braingametaketurnsnaming animalsfromAtoZ

d. Theseactivitiesengageboththebody andmind,helpingtoreducestressand encouragingareturntotheGreen Zone.

IncorporatingEmotionalRegulation intoDailyRoutines

Byintroducingthesetechniquesinto dailyroutines,youcanhelpchildren buildhabitsthatfosteremotional resilience.Whetherthesetoolsare usedproactivelyeachdayorin responsetovisiblesignsofstress,they equipchildrenwithessentialskillsto managetheiremotionalstates effectively.

MorningRituals:Integrateashort self-haveningsessioneach morningtostartthedaywitha calm,centeredmindset

TransitionTimes:Useselfhaveningduringtransitionsfrom

oneactivitytoanother,suchas beforeleavingforschoolor aftercominghome,tohelpreset andrefreshtheiremotionalstate.

Agreattransitiongameisthe HaveningWelcomeHomeParty co-createdbyLauraHaverand myselfanddetailedinLaura’s bookPlayTogether:Games& ActivitiesfortheWholeFamilyto BoostCreativity,Connection& Mindfulness(2022) Thisactivity encouragesemotionalawareness byinvitingthechildrentoidentifya songthatmatchesafeelingstate theywouldliketohavemoreofas theytransitionintothenextactivity orastheyreturnhomefrom school.Theexperienceisthen enhancedbydancingtothesong whileincorporatingtheselfhaveningtouchtoencourage connection,play,andemotional regulation

BedtimeCalm:Includeselfhaveningaspartofthe bedtimeroutinetohelp childrenunwindandprepare forsleep,reinforcingasenseof safetyandrelaxationatnight.

Encouragechildrentobecreative andcomeupwiththeirown gamesthatincludemindfultouch sotheymaymakethepractice trulytheirs Thisnotonlyenhances theirengagementbutalso promotesadeeperconnectionto

themethod,empoweringthemto takechargeoftheiremotional well-being Byexpandingselfhaveningtechniquesthrough playfulandimaginativeexercises, childrencandeveloparobust toolkitthatsupportstheir emotionalresiliencebothnowand inthefuture

BuildingResilienceTogether

Inresilientcaregiving,the utilizationoftheHealinginYour Handswithself-haveningtools andinteractiveactivitiesismore thanaseriesofisolatedexercises; it'sapracticalapproachto nurturingemotionalhealthinboth childrenandcaregivers Engaging intheseco-regulatorystrategies notonlyaddressesimmediate emotionalneedsbutalso cultivatesenduringresilienceand emotionalintelligence,thereby enhancingthedynamicswithin thefamily Bypractisingselfhaveningandengaginginjoint activities,wedonotalsoreinforce ourownemotionalwell-being In fosteringanurturingand understandingenvironment,we ensurethatresiliencegrowsinour family,benefitingeveryone involved

Thisjourneyisnotjustabout raisingresilientchildren;it'sabout creatingaresilientfamily

LearnmoreabouthowtoincorporatetheHealinginYour HandsprogramsintoyourdailylifebyattendingoneofDr. Kate’sworkshopsattheTruittInstitute.Fordailyhealing educationaltipsandexercises,findDr.Kateonthesesocial mediaplatforms:

SocialMediaLinks:

YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/c/DrKateTruitt

TikTok:https://wwwtiktokcom/@drkatetruitt LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/drkatetruitt/ Instagram:https://wwwinstagramcom/drkatetruitt/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrKateTruitt

ASKTHEEXPERTS

Letourteamofexpertswithfirst-handexperience,guideyouthroughsomeofthosetrickyTIP moments!

RT from Surrey asks;

“Why does my granddaughter

seem to ignore the

(placed with me on Special Guardianship Order)

abusive treatment she received from her birth mother? She

forgives her everything!”

SarahNaishreplies:

KinshipCarers,foster parents,andadopters oftenfaceachallenging situationwhenthe childtheyarecaringfor maintainsastrongloyalty andprotectiveness towardstowardstheir birthparents, evenafter

experiencingabuse.Itcanbedifficultto comprehendandacceptthisbehaviour, especiallywhenitseemstoputthechildin dangerorgoesagainsteveryone'sbetter judgement.

Itiscrucialtounderstandthatthese attachmentsareoftenformedoutoffear. Thechildmayfeeladeepneedtomake theirparentlovethem,especiallyifthey

feelunloved,andthisdrivesthemto seekoutthatlove,evenifitisnotin theirbestinterest Wemustapproach thissituationwithpatience, understanding,andatherapeutic mindset,whichincludesfactual honesty!

Insteadofvilifyingorspeaking negativelyaboutthebirthparents,it isessentialwemaintainhonestyand opencommunicationwiththechild. Thisallowsthechildtofeelsafeand secureinsharingtheirconcernswith theirus,knowingthattheywillbe listenedtoandsupported.

Overcomingthesecomplexdynamics takestimeandadeeplevelof empathyfromtheKinshipCarers

Byapproachingthe situationwith understandingandafocus onthechild'swell-being,it ispossibletohelpthem navigatetheirfeelingsand attachmentsinahealthy way

Doyouhaveaquestion aboutacertainbehaviour yourchilddisplaysora situationwhichseems tricky?Writeintousvia theemail tips@coect.co.uktoget yourquestionansweredin theAsktheExperts section

Therapeutic Fostering Panel:

Meet Dan Boxall-Simpson

Vice Chair for two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies

Tellusabitaboutyouandyourfamily:

I’mDanBoxall-SimpsonandamanIndependentPanelVice ChairforTRUEFosteringandSaferFostering,aswellas sittingonaLocalAuthorityPanelandanotherIndependent FosteringAgency(IFA)PanelasanIndependentMember Myhusband,Lee,andIareFosterParentsforaSouthWest LocalAuthority Wehavebeenfosteringforsixyearsand currentlyhave3-year-old&8-year-oldsiblingsandalso 15-year-old&17-year-oldsiblingswithusathome We haveabitofamadhousewithtwodogs,acat,some tortoises,chickens,peacock,guineapigs,guineafowl,and someturkeys!Webothworkfull-time,alongsidefostering, andIamalsoinvolvedinseveralvoluntaryroles I’maselfconfessedchocoholic

HowlonghaveyoubeenaPanelMemberandwhat promptedyoutoapply?

IjoinedTRUEandSaferabouttwoyearsago.Iwas researchingSarahNaishandTherapeuticParenting A googlesearchbroughtupTRUEfosteringandIwaslooking aroundthewebsiteandcameacrossanadvertfornew IndependentPanelMembers.Ihadalwayslikedtheideaof beingapanelmemberbuthadn’treallythoughtI’deverbe successfulinjoiningapanel Iappliedanywayandwas offeredthepositionafteraninterviewandtheusualsafer recruitmentchecks.IwasmotivatedtojoinasIreally wantedtomakeadifference WhenmyhusbandandI attendedapanelwithourLocalAuthorityfollowingourForm F-basedassessment,myhusbandandourAssessingSocial Workerfeltthatoneparticularmemberofthepanel“gave meagrilling”withhisstyle,toneandcontentofquestioning ItresultedinuswritingtotheChairtomakeaformal complaint ItwassomethingIfeltreallyuncomfortable aboutaswe’djustbeenapprovedtofoster,andherewe werecomplainingalready!TheChairendedupvisitingus andapologising,heconfirmedthatourfeedbackhadbeen takenonboardandthatthepanelwouldbemoresensitive intheirapproach,alongsideanapology.

WhatisdifferentaboutaTherapeuticPanel?

ItstartswiththeTherapeuticFosteringAssessment(TFA) Thestyleoftheassessmentismuchmoretherapeuticfor theapplicants LocalAuthoritieswilloftentalkabout TherapeuticParentingStyles,whichareallaboutthe childrenandhowwecanusePACEaroundthechildren (which,ofcourse,isimportant!).Theydo,however, completelyforgetanddisregardtheFosterParents,

andindeedtheotherprofessionalssuchasChildrens SocialWorkers,SupervisingSocialWorkersandother professionals

TheTFAisakinder,morenaturalapproachatgathering alltheessentialinformationneededforPaneltomake theirrecommendationtotheADM(AgencyDecision Maker).TheTFAislessrepetitiveandflowsnaturally, muchlikeareal-lifestorybook Thisisbeneficialtothe applicants,theassessingSocialWorker,andallthe peopleinvolvedinpullingtheinformationtogether It feelslikeakinderapproach,as,afterall,allfostering assessmentsgointogreatdetailabouteveryaspectofa family'spersonallifeinanintimateandoftenintrusive way

ATherapeuticPanelisthatthestyleofthepanelfeels kinderandalmostmorehumane Thelanguageweuse istherapeuticinnature,suchasnotusingwordssuchas ‘Placements’,‘Cases’,‘Carers’.Instead,usingwordssuch asHomes,Children,FosterParents,thesebeingonlya fewexamples TheformatofthePanelAgendameans thatthereismorenaturalfreedomforPanelMembersto probefurtherinamoreconversationalway.SomeLAand otherIFAPanelscanfeelratheroldfashionedand ‘formal’ WehavetorememberthatPanelisaformal processandthepurposeofpanelistoscrutinisethe informationpresented,butthatdoesn’tmeanwecan’t bekindintheapproach OurPanelMembersallembrace Therapeuticapproachesandareconstantlylearning withthesupportofpeoplewholiveandbreatheit,dayin anddayout.We’reallrealistictoo,afterall,we’reall (mostly)human!

EveryoneatPanelhasfuntoo It’sseriousbusiness,so beingplayfulwitheachotherhelpssetusupfora positivedayswork IattendedmyinterviewforViceChair inarathercolourfulbow-tie(aswellasbeingfully clothedobviously!).Wehadavoteonwhethermybowtiewouldalsodothetrickforwhenwewere

Photo:

©Dan

Boxall-Simpson

observedbyOfsted-itworked,asTRUEwererated OutstandinginOfsted’sreport!Obviously,mybow-tie can’ttakeallthecredit,thoughIliketothinkithelped!

Atourlastpanel,someofourmemberswerehaving technicaldifficulties(OurPanelsareallheldVirtualon MicrosoftTeams) Teamshadupdateditssoftware,and whilewewerewaiting,IsangthewholelyricstoGloria Gaynor’s“IwillSurvive”forPanel.I’mareallybadsinger, butitlightenedthemood

Whatdoyouenjoymostaboutpanel?

Thepeople!Fromthewiderangeofskillsand backgroundsofIndependentPanelMembers,wehaveas partoftheteamtotheabsolutelyamazingFoster Parents,Ifeelveryprivilegedtomeet.Ihavelearntso muchfromotherFosterParentswhoarepresentedtous atthePanel,whichhasultimatelyimprovedmeasa FosterParent Ican’tstressenoughhowgratefulIamafter everysinglePanelsessiontohavebeenabletobepartof theirfosteringjourney.

Isthereanythingyoudon’tlikeaboutPanel?

Wesometimeshavetomakedifficultrecommendations, whichcanbetough.However,I’mmorethanhappyto haveagooddebateinthePanelandbeconfidentinmy individualvote Weareallveryrespectfulofeachother's opinionsbasedonourownareasofexperience.

Whatadvicewouldyougivetoapplicantsattending panel?

Beyourself!It’sokaytobenervous,butthatshowsyou care.Thepanelisn’ttheretoaskquestionstotryand

catchyouout,buttheyneedtobesurethattheycan confidentlyrecommendthatyouareabletosafely lookafterchildrenwhohavebeenthroughareally toughtime,oftenthingsalotofuswillneverhave experiencedbefore.Also,rememberthatifthePanel putsinadditionalrecommendations,suchasreturns tothepanelearly,it’stosupportyouandensurethat theagencyissupportingyouadequately.

Anythingelseyouwouldliketoadd?

IoftensaythatbeingpartofTRUE&SaferFostering panels,alongwithmygrowingexperiencewiththe otherLAandIFA,hasbeenlife-changingforme.I enjoyitimmensely Ididn’tapplyfortheViceChair positionwhenitcameupwithinthefirstfewmonths ofmyjoiningthepanelasIlackedconfidence.Ireally didn’tfeelthatIwasexperiencedenoughasaPanel Member,nevermindapplyingthattoChairingthe Panel AfterayeartoeighteenmonthsofexperienceI didapplytobecometheViceChairandwas successful.Thishasbeenanotherconfidenceboost, andIdofeelmuchmoreknowledgeableandskilled withagoodamountofexperienceundermybelt I’m keentolearnmoreandbepartofaTherapeutic revolution!

I’malwaysbangingthedrumwiththeLAwefosterfor andalsoatmyotherpanelsaboutallthings ‘therapeutic’,notjustforthechildren,butforFoster Parentstoo

TRAUMA INFORMED QUALIFICATIONS

AtInspireTraining,weofferarangeofqualificationsdesignedtoassistparentsand professionalswhosupportchildrenimpactedbyadversechildhoodexperiencesor whodisplayneurodiversecharachteristics

Formoreinformationonoursuiteoftrauma-informedqualificationsgoto https://tinyurl.com/yc73vp9z

Date: Thursday 20th June 2024

Time: 10:00 - 16:00

Location: Virtual/Online

Price: £10 plus VAT

Sarah Naish

Sarah Dillon Jane Mitchell