TIPs Issue 19

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE

T.I.Ps

Trauma Informed Parents ISSUE No.19 January 2026

IN THIS ISSUE: Staying Connected in a Screen-Filled World

Digital Vulnerability: When Trauma Meets Technology

Find Yourself Beneath the Burnout

Photo: ©Coect

Doom-scrolling in the Dark: When Digital Coping Becomes Emotional Drain

Gaming & Emotional Regulation: Escape, Expression, or Exposure?

Training Insight: Trauma-informed Practitioner Diploma

Meet the Team!

Executive Editor - Sarah Naish

Executive Editor - Sair Penna

Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot

Contributor - Jessica Spenceley

Kathryn is co-founder and managing editor of the TIPs magazine, at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C specialising in public relations.

Jessica is a therapeutic social worker with over 20 years of experience helping adoptive parents navigate their parenting journeys using the attachment-based, trauma-informed parenting approach of TBRI®.

Contributor - Gareth Griffiths

Contributor - Sarah Dillon

Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies. Sarah is also and cofounder and CEO at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

Gareth Griffiths is an experienced social worker with 25 years in the field, including roles in local authorities and the private sector. For the last five years, he has worked with SAfER Fostering and TRUE Fostering and has recently become the training manager at both agencies, focusing on the development of foster care practices.

Contributor - Emma Edwards

Emma is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Parent Coach. Emma is also co-founder and Director of Therapeutic Services and Ambassador for England at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C.

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Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Author, Parent Coach and Havening practitioner. Sair is also co-founder and Director of Training, Qualifications & Quality at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C

Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Attachment Therapist, Keynote speaker, former child in care, Author (Therapeutic Parenting) Head of Therapeutic Services (Fostering).

Contributor - Sue Williams

Sue is a HCPC registered dietitian for children and a mum. As an approved adopter she focused on therapeutic parenting and coaching training and has now set up in business to support parents with issues around mealtimes and eating and parenting challenges within families.

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TRAUMA-INFORMED PARENTS

CONTENTS 4 Sarah speaks at the National Foster and Kinship Care Conference in Australia

7 Digital Vulnerability: When Trauma Meets Technology

9 Staying Connected in a Screen-Filled World

3 Editor's Note 11-12 UPCOMING EVENTS CoECT Training, Workshops and Events Schedule 2026 13 Gaming and Emotional Regulation: Escape, Expression, or Exposure?

15 Training Insight: Level 4 Trauma-Informed Practitioner Diploma 17 Doom-scrolling in the Dark: When Digital Coping Becomes Emotional Drain 19 Find yourself beneath the burnout 21 Ask the Experts with Sue Williams

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From its beginnings as a Therapeutic Parenting Group on Facebook a decade ago, we have evolved into a Community Interest Company dedicated to supporting parents of children who have faced early life trauma and display neurodiverse charachteristics. This edition focuses on the topic of navigating technology and screen time with children and young people.

Editor’s Note Dear Readers, Welcome to the first edition of TIPs for 2026! We hope you all had a peaceful Christmas and that it went smoothly. If it wasn’t so peaceful, we hope it's now a distant memory and that you can focus on the new year. Our January Issue of TIPS is packed with articles on an increasingly relevant topic: navigating technology and screen time in our lives and our children's.

In this edition, you’ll find articles that explore the challenges and opportunities posed by technology.

From TBRI strategies for managing screen time to insights on gaming and emotional regulation, our contributors share valuable perspectives to support your parenting journey.

We also share a behind the scenes look at Sarah Naish’s trip to Australia where she spoke as a Keynote speaker at the National Foster and Kinship Care Conference organised by Adopt Change.

We’re also excited to share details about our upcoming National Conference, “The Truth about Tech,” where we’ll further explore these themes with keynote speakers Sarah Naish, Sarah Dillon and Gareth Thomas. If you're a foster parent, be sure to check out the opportunity for funded places!

As always, we invite your contributions and feedback. Our community grows stronger with every voice, and we would love to hear your thoughts or experiences on technology and parenting. If you would like to contribute to our TIPs Magazine, get in touch with us via tips@coect.co.uk.

We hope you enjoy reading this edition, and we will be back in March with Issue 20!

Sair Penna Executive Editor

Happy Reading!

Warmest wishes Sair, Sarah & The Team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C

Kathryn Talbot Managing Editor

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Written By

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Sarah speaks at the 2025 National Foster and Kinship Care Conference in Australia In November, the National Foster and Kinship Care Conference brought together foster parents, kinship carers, and sector professionals from across Australia. The event was organised by Adopt Change, an organisation dedicated to ensuring that all children have access to a safe, nurturing, and permanent family home while providing strong support for families. This event focused on supporting, educating, and empowering foster and kinship carers throughout Australia.

face but also the positive impact they have on the lives of children and young people.

The conference, which hosted over 600 delegates, was a celebration of connection and community. Sarah emphasised the importance of knowledge sharing and collaboration among carers and professionals.

"We are not alone in this journey,"

she asserted, encouraging both Foster Parents and Supporting Professionals to support one another toward a common goal: supporting the children they care for.

Her talk was one of the highlights of the event, resonating deeply with many in attendance. Sarah's passion for empowering carers through shared experiences and tools was evident.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Among the inspiring speakers was our very own Sarah Naish, CEO of the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma. Sarah, known for her engaging storytelling and practical insights, captivated the audience with her unique perspective on foster care.

Drawing on her extensive experience, she shared not only the challenges foster parents

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She thanked the audience for their dedication and commitment to foster and kinship care, highlighting the important role they play in shaping the future of child welfare in Australia.

As the conference came to a close, participants left inspired and equipped with new strategies and ideas from the keynote speakers they had listened to. Sarah's message of hope and resilience remained with them, a testament to the powerful impact of such gatherings.

With discussions, networking, and personal stories exchanged, the event demonstrated the collective commitment to enhancing the quality of care for vulnerable children, and the high level of support, motivation and camaraderie of Adopt Change’s National Foster and Kinship Care Conference.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Adopt Change Adopt Change is an Australian child welfare organisation focused on ensuring that every child can grow up in a safe, nurturing, and stable family environment. They understand the effects of childhood trauma and are committed to supporting both children and their caregivers through various services, education, and advocacy.

Adopt Change collaborates with government entities, community organisations, and the child welfare sector to improve policies and practices. Through initiatives such as Carers for Kids NSW and additional support services, Adopt Change supplies practical guidance, connection, and ongoing support to ensure foster parents are wellequipped to help children heal and thrive in loving, permanent family settings.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

You can find more about what they do on their website www.adoptchange.org.au/

Sarah Naish will be joining us as a keynote speaker at “The Truth about Tech” Conference this March!

Sarah will be speaking at the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C conference this spring. You can find more information about the lineup of keynote speakers and how to book a place on our website.

To find out more about more about the conference go to our website www.coect.co.uk or scan the QR code.

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TIPS MEET-UPS

Peer Support Groups Our peer support groups, are hosted online, in cafés, community rooms and green spaces across the UK.

Our virtual support groups are organised on a monthly basis. Keep an eye out for a regional online group, where you can connect with others prior to attending an inperson event.

There are also opportunities to create your own local “village of support”.

For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.coect.co.uk/live and search “Meet-Ups” ISSUE 19

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Digital Vulnerability: When Trauma Meets Technology Written By Sarah Dillon

When a child experiences early life trauma especially neglect or a lack of consistent, attuned caregiving, their nervous system develops without the foundation of safety that comes from a responsive adult. Babies depend on coregulation: an adult’s presence, voice, touch, and emotional steadiness help shape the brain’s ability to manage stress, form relationships, and feel secure. When these early needs are not met, a child grows up searching for something to calm their internal distress. In many cases, screens become the quickest substitute.

Phones and tablets offer constant stimulation, predictable reactions, and fast rewards. For a child who has not experienced enough soothing, relational connection, the screen can feel easier and safer than relying on people. They begin using it to self-regulate, not because it is healthy, but because it is the only source of consistent feedback they can find.

However, screen use is not a healthy replacement for human connection.

It does not support the brain systems that develop through eye contact, shared attention, touch, and emotional presence. Screens provide dopamine-driven stimulation, not the oxytocin and relational cues that build secure attachment. Instead of strengthening the brain’s capacity for self-regulation, excessive

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screen dependence can interfere with social development, emotional growth, and healthy stress responses.

When the screen is taken away, the child’s distress may be intense. The meltdown often mirrors the early experience of being left without comfort, because the device has become their main source of emotional relief. Their reaction is not entitlement, it’s a sign of a nervous system that never learned to settle with human support.

The essential message is this:

They are not a neutral tool for a child with early trauma; they actively get in the way of the connection, attunement, and relational safety the child desperately needs.

What the child is truly longing for is an available adult, someone who can offer consistent presence, emotional co-regulation, and the kind of nurturing that builds the brain pathways screens can never replace.

Human connection heals.

Screens do not.

Screens CANNOT and should not fill the developmental role of a caregiver.

Sarah Dillon is set to be one of our keynote speakers at “The Truth about Tech” Conference this March!

Sarah Dillon will be speaking at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma C.I.C conference in the spring and will be exploring this topic further where she will be talking about children using screens to substitute for parental interaction and engagement.

To find out more about more about the conference go to our website www.coect.co.uk or scan the QR code.

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COECT National Conference 2026

The Truth About Tech Technology through a trauma lens What every parent and professional must know Thursday 12 March 2026 10:00 – 15:00 Village Hotel Cardiff 29 Pendwyallt Rd, Cardiff CF14 7EF

www.coect.co.uk

Photo: ©JSpenceley

Staying Connected in a Screen-Filled World Written By Jessica Spenceley

Screen time can quickly become one of the most stressful parts of family life. What starts as a simple request to turn something off can suddenly turn into a power struggle, a meltdown, or a tense stand-off that leaves everyone feeling disconnected. It’s easy to blame the device, but the real issue is usually what the screen is helping your child manage: comfort, control, escape, or just a break from a world that sometimes feels overwhelming.

This is where Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI®) can make a real difference. TBRI is a trauma-informed parenting approach that helps you look beneath behaviour to understand your child’s needs, and uses connection — not control — as the foundation for change.

When it comes to navigating screen use, the TBRI concept of shared power is especially helpful.

Shared power isn’t about letting your child run the show, and it’s not permissive. It’s connection in action — your guidance coming through as partnership. It’s the steady message: You matter. Your voice counts. We’re figuring this out together.

Why Shared Power Matters For many children who have experienced early adversity and trauma, control and safety are deeply linked. When a limit feels imposed, your child may interpret it as a threat rather than support ISSUE 19

— even when the limit is reasonable. A simple “Time to turn off the iPad” can spark panic or anger if your child experiences it as something happening to them, not with them.

Shared power softens this dynamic. When you invite your child into the process, you communicate respect, attunement, and trust. You reduce the sense of threat. You help their body settle. And you transform what could become a battle into an opportunity for collaboration.

Shared power doesn’t eliminate boundaries. It holds them.

Family Meetings: Creating Agreements Together

invested in keeping it. It becomes our plan, not something that feels imposed upon them.

You might ask questions to the whole family, like: What do you enjoy about screen time?

What feels hard or overwhelming?

What kind of screen-time would feel good for everyone?

What should we do if sticking to the agreement becomes difficult?

Shared power also means accountability — for everyone. If the agreement is “no devices at dinner,” and you hold yourself to it as well, your child receives a powerful message: everyone is responsible for keeping our agreements – including you.

One of the most effective ways to practise shared power around screen use is through a family meeting. A family meeting might feel unfamiliar at first, but it’s simply a moment to pause, connect, and think things through together.

Children learn more from what you model, more than any limit you set.

Your follow-through strengthens the trust that makes shared power possible.

Children are great problem solvers, and when they feel safe and heard, they’re often surprisingly thoughtful. They know when screens pull them in too deeply or make transitions harder.

They often suggest fair expectations and reasonable accountability. Most importantly, when children help shape the agreement, they are more

Shared power isn’t just something you use during a family meeting; it’s a way of moving through everyday life. Two simple practices can make shared power feel more natural at home: predictable routines and shared screen experiences.

Putting Shared Power into Everyday Practice

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Predictable routines nurture feltsafety. When you create rhythms together — screens after homework, devices away during meals, or choosing a calm activity after turning something off — your child knows what to expect. And when children participate in shaping those routines, they’re more willing to settle into them rather than fight against them.

Screens don’t have to create distance; they can become a point of connection. Watching something together, asking curious questions about a game, or sharing a laugh at a silly video builds relational safety. These moments show your child: Your interests matter to me. I want to understand your world.

Afterwards, a simple reflection — “That part seemed exciting,” or “I wonder what that character was thinking” — opens gentle conversation and strengthens connection. Shared power means not standing outside your child’s experience, but stepping into it with them.

From Struggle to Connection When screen time becomes a shared responsibility instead of a tug-of-war, things shift. The urgency fades. The conflict reduces. And your relationship — not the device — takes centre stage.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Screens aren’t the real challenge – disconnection is.

And shared power helps you bridge that gap — with attunement, collaboration, and a steady commitment to doing this as a team.

Jessica is the founder of Nurtured Belonging, where she coaches adoptive parents to support their children in healing from early adversity and trauma.

To learn more about TBRI or connect with Jessica, visit https://nurturedbelonging.com/

Have you subscribed to TIPs yet?

Find out more by visiting our website www.coect.co.uk

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UPCOMING EVENTS CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2026 Our training days are open to parents, carers and supporting professionals in the health, education and social care sectors. Some training days count towards part of the Level 4 Diploma in Trauma- informed Practice, as indicated below.

BAIRT - Behaviour Assessment of Impact and Resolution Tool Trainer: Sarah Naish Tuesday 3rd February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm via Zoom Tuesday 23rd June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00pm via Zoom

Understanding behaviour as a mode of communication Trainer: Gareth Thomas Wednesday 4th February 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Wednesday 17th June 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester Available to attend both In-person & Online

Understanding and Addressing Unmet Needs in Children through Therapeutic Parenting and Trauma-Informed Care Trainer: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Monday 23rd March 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Gloucestershire Tuesday 14th July 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester Available to attend both In-person & Online

Trauma-Informed Practice Trainer: Gareth Thomas Wednesday 13th May 2026, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm, Manchester Available to attend both In-person & Online

Introduction to Trauma-Informed Life Story Work

Trainers: Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon Thursday 14th May 2026 – Dursley, Gloucestershire Available to attend both In-person & Online

For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.coect.co.uk/live ISSUE 19

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CoECT Training, Workshops & Events Schedule 2026 continued Compassion Fatigue Day Retreat Facilitator: Emma Edwards Friday 30th January 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 27th March 2026, 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire Friday 26th June 2026. 10:00 am - 4: 00 pm, Gloucestershire

“What to do when nothing works “ Workshop Trainers: Sarah Naish & Sarah Dillon Date tbc 10.00 am - 3:00 pm, Sheffield

TIPs Hub Membership Package

Online Training Portal

Online Wellbeing Programme

TIPs Consult (Virtual problem solving meet-up)

TIPs Meet-Ups (Regional & Virtual Peer support groups)

Access to Trauma-Informed Parenting Resources

Also mapped to provide evidence for Fostering Training Standards in England, Wales and Scotland.

Parental Peer Support Forums

Join Now £18 per month Family Meet-Ups (Regional Family Events)

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Discounts on Qualifications & Havening Sessions.

Supportive Listening Calls

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Gaming & Emotional Regulation: Escape, Expression, or Exposure?

Written By Sair Penna For many young people, accessing screen time for gaming is more than just a way to pass the time—it’s a space where they can connect, create, and sometimes use it as downtime. Whether they’re building in Minecraft, teaming up with friends online to take part in multiplayer action games or choosing to play story-driven quests, games can offer something that feels safe and engaging.

It's easy to get caught up in concerns about screen time or how children spend their time online, understandably given the risk of exposure to negative and harmful content. However, for many children and teenagers, there may be a deeper reason for gaming.

Gaming can serve as a coping mechanism to manage their feelings. It can provide a way to relax after a tricky day, offering a platform to express emotions that are difficult to verbalise, or to escape into a world that can sometimes offer predictability and control. This is particularly relevant to those who display neurodivergent characteristics or have experienced developmental trauma.

Managing strong emotions in a safe and constructive way can be particularly challenging, especially for those who have experienced trauma or display neurodivergent characteristics. For instance, when a child appears upset after school but calmer while engaged in a game, it might not indicate addiction or a desire to escape reality. Instead, gaming may be their means of achieving balance in a world that may often feel overwhelming.

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This outlet can offer a kind of sanctuary. For autistic young people, the structure and predictability of games can be reassuring. They can control the pace, the volume, and the interactions. For those with trauma histories, games might offer a sense of mastery or safety that may seem hard to come by elsewhere. It’s not unusual for a child to retreat into a game after a stressful day—not to shut out the world, but to find a moment of peace within it.

struggles to talk about their feelings might build a world that shows you exactly what they’re carrying.

Sometimes, asking for a tour of their Minecraft creation tells you more than any conversation could. Also screen time isn’t just about gaming, for some neurodivergent young people, time online can be a way to dive deep into their special interests —watching videos, reading forums, or researching topics that bring them joy, focus, and educational knowledge, which may also overlap with their gaming interests.

Games can also be a form of expression. Through avatars, storylines, or creative building, young people can explore identity, process emotions, and express things they might not feel safe or able to say out loud. A child who

These special interests can be a powerful source of regulation, identity, and pride. What might look like “too much screen time” from the outside could be a young person engaging in something that helps them feel grounded and understood.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

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Of course, not all gaming experiences are positive. Some games are intense, fast-paced, or filled with content that can overwhelm or distress. Online spaces can expose children to bullying, exclusion, or social pressure to perform. And when gaming becomes the only way to cope—or starts interfering with sleep, relationships, or daily life— it’s worth pausing things to ask what’s really going on.

Rather than jumping to conclusions, it can help to stay curious. What does this game give them that they don’t feel that they are getting elsewhere? How do they feel before, during, and after they play? Are there patterns — times of day, moods or situations

when they’re more drawn to gaming? What happens when they stop? Is it a smooth transition, or does it feel like a crash?

These aren’t questions with easy answers. But asking them opens up space for insight and connection.

You don’t have to be a pro gamer to be able to support them through this, just the willingness to sit beside them, listen to what gaming – or screen time more broadly – means in their world.

Gaming isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s a tool. Having digital safeguards and clear boundaries in place is really important and can help children and young people enjoy the benefits of gaming,

manage their time playing, and reduce their reliance on it. And sometimes, it’s not even about the game; it can be a way to connect with your child or young person if they are open to this. The moment you sit down next to them. That presence—your quiet interest, your willingness to be there without fixing or judging—can be more regulating than any strategy or screen limit. It tells them: “You matter. I see you. I want to understand.”

The more we understand the emotional challenges a child or young person faces behind the screen, the better we can support them—not by pulling them out of their digital worlds entirely, but by walking with them through it.

Volunteer Opportunities by Region We’re currently recruiting coordinators across the UK to lead online and local meet-ups. If you are interested in joining our team of volunteers, we’d love to hear from you!

Email - info@coect.co.uk Scotland North: Moray, Aberdeenshire South: Dumfries & Galloway, Scottish Borders Wales North: Conwy, Denbighshire, Flintshire, Wrexham, Anglesey South: Cardiff, Vale of Glamorgan, Rhondda Cynon Taf, Neath Port Talbot England South East: Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, East Sussex, Kent, Oxfordshire, South West: Bristol, Cornwall, Devon, Gloucestershire, Wiltshire

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CoECT Qualifications

Training Insight: Level 4 Trauma-Informed Practitioner Diploma Written by Gareth Griffiths My name is Gareth Griffiths and I have been a Social Worker for 25 years and worked in Local Authorities and the private sector throughout this time. For the past 5 years I have worked across 2 therapeutic fostering agencies (SAfER Fostering CIC and TRUE Fostering). I have recently had a change of role as the Training Manager across these agencies.

As part of my new role I have recently embarked upon the Trauma-Informed Practitioner Diploma for Social Workers and Therapists which has been a revelation!

For far too long there has been few or no qualifications for social workers, specifically designed to develop a deeper understanding of trauma and its lifelong effects for children who have experienced abuse and how to support them in their healing journey.

If all social workers completed this ground-breaking and innovative course less children would be misunderstood and end up being moved around the system, whilst continuing to face ongoing struggles and challenges with poor outcomes.

And most importantly for me, it gives me the confidence to challenge ‘standard’ approaches of uniformed practitioners and professionals involved in making life changing decisions about children’s lives.

The course consists of 8 units that are easy to access through a learning portal and can be done at your own speed and convenience.

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With tailored support through the course tutor who offers 1:1 support as well as group tutorials. You also get to attend 6 in-person training dates where you can meet the trainers as well as link up and network with other students for peer support.

The units cover the following: UNIT 1 - Trauma-Informed Practitioner: Understanding and Supporting Children and Families UNIT 2 – Understanding Trauma as a mode of communication UNIT 3 - The Therapeutic Parenting approach UNIT 4 - Understanding and Addressing Unmet Needs in Children through Therapeutic Parenting and trauma-informed care UNIT 5 - The link between early life trauma and offending behaviour in later life.

UNIT 6 - Navigating Transitions: Trauma- Informed Support for Children During Visitations and Planned Moves UNIT 7 - Collaborative Resilience: Trauma-informed Practices and Compassionate Teamwork UNIT 8 - Therapeutic Approaches: Enhancing Child Well-being and Family Stability As you work through course content of each unit there are knowledge tasks along the way to embed the learning followed by unit assignments of approx. 1500-2000 words.

The course content has engaging material including webinars from trainers including Sarah Naish, Sarah Dillon, Gareth Thomas, Laura Taylor and Sair Penna who make the therapeutic approach relevant, practical and engaging.

There is also really useful ‘further reading’ articles and research topics, to help you gain a better understanding of underpinning theories.

On successful completion of the programme learners will be issued with a Certificate for the TraumaInformed Practitioner Diploma which is externally accredited as a customised qualification by the nationally recognised awarding body NCFE CACHE. It is also recognised by the Professional Body and Register for Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists, ACCPH. It is a gamechanger’ and believe me, worth every penny! not just for practitioners, but fundamentally for children who WILL benefit hugely from this trauma – informed approach, offering them strategies and support and in turn, provide them with the opportunity for healing so they can achieve better and brighter futures.

https://tinyurl.com/3fumur82

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Doom-scrolling in the Dark: When Digital Coping Becomes Emotional Drain Written by Emma Edwards Let’s be honest: parenting can be a whirlwind. Between balancing work, household responsibilities, and the unique challenges that come with raising children—especially if they’ve experienced early life trauma or have neurodivergent traits—it's no wonder many of us find ourselves reaching for our phones as a form of escape. Whether it’s scrolling through social media, bingewatching cat videos, or losing ourselves in an endless stream of news, our devices often provide a much-needed distraction from the chaos of daily life.

However, while a little screen time can feel like a welcome break, it’s essential to be mindful of how we use our phones and the impact they have on our families. Are we using them to unwind, or are we subconsciously avoiding the stressors that weigh us down?

If you’ve ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling instead of engaging in family activities, or if you’ve felt irritable or anxious when your phone isn’t within reach, you’re not alone. Recognising that your phone has become a coping mechanism is the first step in addressing it.

If you’re a parent who’s ever thought, “I’ll just check my phone for a minute,” and suddenly realised half an hour has passed, you’re in good company.

Parenting is exhausting in ways that are hard to explain unless you’re living it. It’s not just the physical tasks; it’s the constant

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thinking, anticipating, worrying, regulating—not just yourself, but your children too. For parents raising children with trauma histories, big emotions, or neurodivergent needs, the intensity can feel nonstop.

When Scrolling Becomes a Survival Tool Many parents don’t realise their phone has quietly become a coping strategy. You might notice you reach for it:

So when we reach for our phones, it’s often not about distraction. It’s about relief.

After a hard moment with your child When you’re overstimulated or emotionally drained When everyone else needs something and you don’t know where you fit When stopping feels harder than continuing

Scrolling gives us something predictable when life feels anything but. It fills the quiet when silence feels heavy. It keeps us company when we feel lonely, overwhelmed, or touched out. And for a few moments, it asks nothing of us.

Middle-of-the-Night Scrolling For many parents, this shows up most clearly at night. You finally get into bed—exhausted but wired. Or you wake at 2 or 3 a.m., mind racing, body tense. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll just check one thing. Before you know it, you’re scrolling news headlines, parenting posts, stories that make your chest tighten. You feel more awake, more anxious, and more alone—but you keep scrolling anyway.

If that’s you, it doesn’t mean you lack discipline. It often means your nervous system isn’t yet safe enough to rest.

When the day has been full of managing other people’s needs, night can be the first time your body has space to notice how tired and overwhelmed it really is. The phone becomes a companion, a buffer, a way to avoid being alone with thoughts that feel too big at 2 a.m.

This isn’t failure. It’s adaptation.

Phones are fast, accessible, and familiar. They give us micro-breaks when real rest feels out of reach. And in seasons of survival, that makes sense.

Noticing Without Judging Instead of asking, “Why am I always on my phone?” try asking: What am I needing right now?

Am I looking for rest, connection, reassurance, or escape?

What feels too hard to sit with in this moment?

Awareness doesn’t have to come with guilt. You can notice your patterns with the same kindness you’d offer a friend who’s clearly doing their best.

The Quiet Impact on Connection Many of us feel a tug of discomfort when we realise we’re scrolling while our kids are nearby. We want to be present—but we’re tired. Really tired.

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Children, especially those who are sensitive or have experienced trauma, often crave our attention even when we have nothing left to give. That tension can make phones even more appealing: they give us distance without confrontation.

This isn’t about being a “bad” parent.

It’s about being a depleted one.

Small, Gentle Shifts (Not Big Rules) Change doesn’t have to mean cutting out your phone entirely. It can start with kindness and curiosity.

At night: If waking and scrolling is your pattern, try leaving your phone just out of reach. Keep something soothing nearby—a book, calming music, a grounding exercise. Not as a rule, but as an option.

During the day: Choose one or two moments where you intentionally put the phone down—maybe at dinner, or during a bedtime routine. Not perfectly. Just intentionally.

When you do scroll: Notice how it makes your body feel. More relaxed? Or more tense? Let that information guide you, rather than shame.

Finding Other Ways to Decompress Sometimes what we really need isn’t less screen time—it’s more support.

That might look like: Sitting outside for five quiet minutes Reading something gentle instead of stimulating Talking to another adult who gets it Doing something with your hands that doesn’t require words These moments don’t have to be long to matter.

You’re Not Doing This Wrong If your phone has become your refuge, it’s likely because you’ve been carrying a lot—often quietly.

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Image: ©COECT via Canva

Parenting asks so much of us, and very little of it is visible or validated.

You don’t need to be perfectly present. You don’t need to give up your phone. You don’t need to fix everything.

To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk

You just need compassion—for yourself first.

By noticing your habits with warmth, making small adjustments, and allowing yourself real rest and connection where you can, you’re already doing something powerful. You’re showing your children what it looks like to be human, overwhelmed, and still trying.

www.coect.co.uk

And that matters more than any screen ever could.

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Level 4 Diploma in Trauma-Informed Practice Become a certified Trauma-Informed Practitioner and deepen your ability to support healing and resilience.

✔️ Accredited Level 4 Qualification ✔️ Flexible Online Learning ✔️ Ideal for Social Workers, Family Support Workers, Therapists,

& Educators, working with children who have experienced trauma.

Learn more and register for enrolment by following the link www.coect.co.uk/level-4-qualification or scanning the QR code:

Find Yourself Beneath the Burnout If you’re a parent of a neurodiverse child or a child who’s experienced trauma, you already know what it means to give everything you have— your time, your energy, your heart.

You’re the advocate, the anchor, the safe place.

But in the process of caring for your child, it’s easy to forget someone else who needs care just as much: you.

January is often framed as a time to set goals and push harder. But what if, this year, your resolution was to stop pushing—and start replenishing?

The Habit That Changes Everything: Prioritising Your Wellbeing Parental Compassion fatigue is genuine and often overlooked. It can arise when the emotional demands of parenting become overwhelming, leading to a gradual depletion of empathy and emotional resilience.

Those experiencing compassion fatigue may find themselves feeling: Emotionally drained: The constant emotional investment in others' needs can leave you feeling empty and fatigued, making it difficult to recharge and find joy in activities that once brought you fulfilment.

Easily overwhelmed or irritable: Small stresses that you might typically handle with ease can suddenly feel magnified, leading to increased irritability or frustration over minor inconveniences.

Disconnected from your own needs: You may find it challenging to recognise or prioritise your own physical and emotional needs, often placing the demands of others above your own well-being.

Image: ©COECT via Canva

Guilty for considering a break: The notion of stepping away or taking time for self-care can bring about feelings of guilt or selfishness, as if taking a break from caregiving responsibilities is a failure in your commitment to those you care for.

more to your to-do list, what if you added you to the top of it?

Recognising these signs is important for addressing compassion fatigue and fostering your own resilience and well-being amid the demands of caring for others.

Perhaps this year could be the year where you start exploring what self-care really looks like in your daily routine—not just as an idea but as a genuine practice.

But here’s the truth: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

When you’re well, your child benefits. When you’re grounded, they feel safer. When you’re supported, you can support them better.

This January, instead of adding

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This Year, Focus on Yourself Have you ever paused to consider what it would be like to take a step back, just for a moment?

When carrying so much for so long, you need a moment to put some of it down. .

Let this be the year you build a habit of caring for yourself—not just in theory, but in practice.

Because you deserve rest. You deserve support.

And you deserve to feel like you again.

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A Gentle First Step: The Compassion Fatigue Day Retreat Our one-day retreat designed specifically for parents and carers like you. It’s a space to breathe, to rest, and to remember who you are beneath the burnout.

What You’ll Experience: A warm, trauma-informed environment where you can truly relax Mindful practices to soothe your nervous system A nourishing spa afternoon to restore your body and mind Connection with others who get it Practical tools to help you build sustainable self-care habits at home This isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline. And it’s the perfect way to begin a new year with intention, clarity, and compassion—for yourself.

To find out more go to www.coect.co.uk/live or scan the QR code provided

One Hub. Supporting Social Care and Foster Parents Where Children Come First.

To learn more about The Social Care Sector Hub, please visit our website. Currently, The Social Care Sector Hub is available to Local Authorities, Social Care and Fostering Teams, as well as Charities.

https://tinyurl.com/wh5cbhh5

Scan the QR code provided

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ASK THE EXPERTS Let our team of experts with first-hand experience, guide you through some of those tricky TIP moments!

This issue we are joined by Sue Williams to answer your questions.

Sue is a HCPC registered dietitian for children and a mum. As an approved adopter she focused on therapeutic parenting and coaching training and has now set up in business to support parents with issues around mealtimes and eating and parenting challenges within families.

AM from Shropshire asks...

I'm really struggling with my children's screen time. They push back hard whenever I try to set limits, leading to battles over their devices. I’ve tried using timers and clear boundaries, but they just don’t listen and I often give in to keep the peace. Their reliance on screens seems to be causing more meltdowns when it’s time to switch off.

How can I manage their screen time effectively without constant arguments?

Sue replies: It is likely every parent will experience challenges with screens and screen time. The extent may be very individual to each child and within families there may be different views of screens and their impact. In this modern age, they are increasingly used, over a variety of platforms and devices. More than multiple TV channels, we now have video games, homework apps, educational resources/games and social media apps. These are designed to be enticing, addictive, distracting and activate the dopamine reward centre of the brain.

In the UK NICE recommends no more than 2 hours of screen time/day for children over the age of 2. In reality that can be a challenge, when they are already needed for day to day activities, learning or homework etc. and have a place for family down time which may be essential for a reduced stress home. The challenge is often how much is enough, when to say no and how to switch them off.

It can become a real habit to ‘turn on’ as soon as getting home or waking up.

During Covid lockdown, school closures and work pressure may ISSUE 19

have led to previous or ideal boundaries being impossible and those routines harder to break postlockdown. Screens can become the ‘go to’ for children to use as down time after nursery/school or play dates.

Children who are neuro-divergent or have past trauma can find social situations or education very tiring.

Many masking in fight/flight mode, producing high levels of cortisol all day. Whilst screens can help with the down time to deregulate, for some it exacerbates an issue and promotes rage, anger or meltdowns if asked to stop. This can impact other activities or cause parents additional stress and frustration.

So what practical options are there to help and feel positive about balancing screen use; First identify and set a boundary, the earliest you can do this the better, but most importantly stick to it. For some children there can be no flexibility, particularly in early stage of setting routine.

Offer a calm reply such as ‘we’ve had the time for today’ and offer alternative, after that you don’t have to say more and cries of

how unfair life is will stops sooner if there is no heightened response. If devices have a timer or auto shut down, this can help as it shuts down automatically rather than the adult removing the device.

A visual timetable showing when screen time can happen is helpful to reduce battles. If not shown on a timetable, it doesn’t happen. This can reduce any possibility of ongoing pleas and allows parents to feel in control. Children feel safer with routine and boundaries, knowing the adult is keeping them safe. Early pushback is likely to subside with calm responses and seeing the visual timetable. identify the most challenging times for children, and have a few ways to regulate them, (options may depend on their emotional age and past experiences) but for example, limit questions, choices after school/nursery or groups. Offer safe snacks to curb cortisol and prevent hunger exacerbating big emotions. Crunchy foods (such as crackers, vegetable sticks, biscuits, popcorn) take time to crunch and can help regulate T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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or ice pops work similarly.

If possible and safe, allow them to move before getting in the car or to get home. This will reduce cortisol and be helpful for sensory seeking children. Hop or jog back to a car, time in playground or push/pull games, a kitchen disco are just some examples.

Replace watching with listening to a story book or songs whilst playing with toys or colouring. Connecting with them at the start of an activity may mean they engage with independent play if you are still nearby. Starting an activity that looks fun may bring them over to be near you and see what they are missing.

Set a good example, children see

everything! Aim to have times without phones or screens during the day for everyone. Meal times without screens are important to focus on the food, feelings of satiety and to connect. If noise is needed listen to music/stories instead of screens. Or make up silly jokes to laugh which reduces cortisol.

There is an emerging push for children to be given ‘dumb’ phones which is helping keep them safe and reduce the addictive nature of apps and the internet. This is being led by smart phone free childhood who offer advice of alternatives to smart devices to further reduce screen time.

Making changes are hard at first and life, societies demands to use screens and stress of day to day life

can mean we all go to screens to tune out at times. Hopefully these ideas can help develop an awareness of screen use within your family, if they are causing issues in your home or the balance is off.

After a time of year when we all use screens and stay inside more, a new year can bring a renewed energy to look at changes to benefit your individual family.

Remember though the bonding family time of a movie night while snuggled on sofa is still special, if you can agree on which one!

If you would like advice and support and want to be put in touch with Sue please contact tips@coect.co.uk

Do you have a question about a certain behaviour your child displays or a situation which seems tricky? Write in to us via the email tips@coect.co.uk to get your question answered in the Ask the Experts section.

Supporting Care Leavers Through Subject Access Requests Our new Self-Paced, Trauma-Informed Online Course

on emotional regulation, Subject Access Requests (SARs) engagement, and record access. involving care records present It provides clear guidance on both ethical responsibility and legal and ethical frameworks, organisational risk. Care leavers helping staff balance accessing their files may transparency, confidentiality, and encounter distressing material duty of care. Practical modules that can trigger trauma focus on preparing and responses, while staff are structuring SAR review sessions, required to manage complex managing emotional triggers, emotional, legal, and relational interpreting professional demands. This self-paced online language and bias within records, CPD course equips professionals and supporting care leavers to with the knowledge and practical make sense of incomplete or skills needed to support care complex histories. leavers safely, consistently, and in line with trauma-informed best Designed for flexible delivery, this practice. self-paced format allows staff The course strengthens staff understanding of trauma within the care system and its impact ISSUE 19

aupports safer SAR processes, reduces the risk of re-traumatisation, and strengthens trauma-informed practice across services—making it a valuable investment in staff competence, wellbeing, and ethical care delivery.

For more information on this course go to https://www.coect.co.uk/coectcertificated qualifications or scan the QR below.

to complete learning around operational demands while supporting consistent practice across teams. The course also T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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Have you reached breaking point?

3 Steps to Connect™ Programme Supporting Parents Facing Compassion Fatigue, Child-to-Parent Violence, and Family Breakdowns www.coect.co.uk/help-and-support