Issue 15 - CAREGIVER Magazine - Providing Options And Support - June/July 2021

CAREGIVER PROVIDING OPTIONS AND SUPPORT

Free Copy Issue 15

CAREGIVING

KNOWS NO AGE

Fostering Change Through LOVE

OUT OF THE SHADOWS Shining LIGHT on the Darkest of Times

YOU’RE INVITED Better with Age FUN DAY June 10th • 9 AM - 1 PM

JUNE/JULY 2021

CONTENT

Caregiving Knows No Age

ASK Lisa Travel Safely

06 20 Out of the Shadows

Shining Light on the Darkest of Times

10 22 Help, Hope & Healing Community Services to Help

The Sandpit

12 24 On The Lighter Side

Bring on the FUN!

With Purpose 16 26 Living We Lament!

Caregivers Corner

Heartbeat 18 28 Community Life is Calling

Our Childhood Utopia Get Ready To Smile!

Asking the Correct Questions

12

FInding Humor in Turbulent Times

30 Remember When

20

Summer FUN!

30 Learn more about: What a pleasure to share with you the story of the Evers family. Their amazing family bond allows them to give unconditional support and care to Oklahoma children who have found themselves in need of a loving foster home. This family exemplifies the best of American values and character.

Meet the Evers on page 6.

2 CAREGIVER Magazine

Issue 15

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DearReaders, Readers, Dear

I hope issue finds you provide well andthe enjoying May this this Holiday Season peace our and tranquility reentry back to a more normal existence.

With P.O. Box 721673 P.O. Box 721673 all families deserve at this time. What a tumultuous and Summer fast approaching for some bizarre reason it Oklahoma City, OK 7317 City, OK 73172 complicated year we’ve been through together. Many of Oklahoma feels like we just turned the calendar to a new year, us will see family for the first time this year at Thanksgiving not June 2021. People are venturing out, traveling and Christmas. Asthat we sit together andreal break bread,ismay and rediscovering real life among people a we remember what is truly important in life and be grateful for totally new, wonderful and real experience.

EDITORIAL EDITORIAL all we have.

Editor-In-Chief Editor-In-Chief I am excited to see everyone at the Shoppes at LASHANYA The American family has changed so much over the years.

LASHANYA NASH NASH NorthPark for the 2021 BETTER WITH AGE Health But the one thing that never changes is the love of family. & Safety Fun Day on June 10th from 9 am-1 pm as Managing Editor genuinelife, love that their children. weThe celebrate see oldparents friendshave and for make new ones, The Art Director MICHAEL mingle with the vendors all while enjoying love of friends we have connected with somusic, closely we have ANGELA BLAKE E. BROWNING entertainment, prizes, kin, foodthe and having bond some we share now accepteddoor as adopted universal good old fashioned FUN. is love.

It is our family heritage, and traditions, that make WritersArt Director each bond unique and precious. How blessed we are to live DENISEANGELA HEATH BLAKE I hope you have found a renewed spirit of gratitude in America where we can gather and celebrate the most ROBBIE LAMBERSON and the littleaspect thingsof in America, life we took grantedfamily. in 2019 Writers important thefor American LASHANYA NASHE. BROWNING are all the sweeter now. I have been in many senior communities over the past few weeks prior to MICHAEL this I had not been inside a community in over 15 months.

To see everyone eating meals together, Many of us will feel the sting of those we wish we could spend one more holiday with. Their void will be JOHN SPIVEY DENISE HEATH playing cards and games again and laughing. I missed your smiles and laughter. felt so strong. We will share stories and memories of those we miss and make recipes, that in their special LISA SYDNOR ABIGAIL Q. HILL way, reminding us even more of them.

The smells, sounds, and sight of those dishes will transport us back KATHY COCKS,LAMBERSON RN ROBBIE In this issue we are looking at how all we went through over the past year and a half has made to a time that was sweet, innocent, and nostalgic.

It is the truest meaning of bittersweet.

Generations LASHANYA NASH our lives very different, we are discussing mental health issues associated with not being able of families gathered together making memories, dusting off old recipes and traditions.

Creating new Cover Photographer JOHN SPIVEY to socialize and how being isolated took its toll. We are going to honor those who lost loved traditions andthis memories the young that will carry them forward for future generations.

EMBERLEE LISA NASH SYDNOR ones during time andformake sure everyone has resources for grief counseling.

We are also Assistant discovering how being a foster parent has changed over the years and how now even Seniors are As the adults the family, may children we remember roleofas guardians of our family May weand accept ETHANPhotographers opening theirofhomes to foster in theirour time need.

One generation haslegacy. so much love NASH our roles as the keepers of the memories, the protectors experience to give and the other is desperate to receiveofit.our traditions - and even in our pain of the loss Photographer JESSE NEWELL of loved ones encapsulated in those bittersweet memories - continue to remember, and hold dear to, and Jessie Newell WYNELLE RECORD As always going to laugh, cry,your travel down memory lane and learn a few things as we read pass downwe theare traditions that make family unique. through the content within these pages. I ask you to pay special attention to the advertisers not Community Outreach Community Outreach because need their services at this time but because without them this magazine youloss have For us thatyou look at the holiday finding sometimes more pain than pleasure because of the of our LISA SYDNOR LISA SYDNOR grownones, to love enjoy would possible.

I am eternally grateful eachtraditions of these businesses’ loved weand could justify thatnot it is be easier emotionally to run away fromfor those and intense 405-314-7840 loyalty and feelings.

Wesupport. must realize if we do that, we are only stealing and destroying the memories of everyone Social Media Coordinator l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com else in the family that need and cherish the holiday.

WYNELLE RECORD As we go forward we are constantly looking for new ideas for stories about inspiring people and Social Media Coordinator families.

Our to bring options tobut youasand your family content to help Layout No, it won’t bemission easy forissome of us to leanand intosupport the pain, generations ofwith the family have done before WYNELLE RECORD you achieve your best life, no matter your age, that highlights the value of health and whole-body WISE MARKETING us, we heal and move forward with living, holding tight to our most cherished family memories, bringing wellness through staying active and having a positive attitude. If you have story ideas call and let the our loved ones passed to the new fresh faces around the table (introducing them through our Layout mebest hearof them.

ADVERTISING WISE MARKETING stories and memories to the family members they never got to meet). Help everyone gathered at the Publisher table feel special andthat appreciated, lettingthis them know about why youyour celebrate you do, kindness what makes it To the entire team works to bring publication to life.

With talent,like character, ADVERTISING unique, and why we community, gather together to create memories.

LASHANYA NASH and devotion to the we serve, I amnew humbled by you. You are the most amazing people I Publisher 405.532.6057 have ever had the privilege to work alongside. I thank each of you. l.nash@caregiveroklahoma.com NASH With all the turmoil, hardship, and strife this year has heaped on us, why not set aside any disagreements LASHANYA 405.532.6057 and callyourselves, a truce for get the out day.and Trulysee tryfireworks to enjoy one s company, let usand notfamily, be petty, selfish, Enjoy thisanother’ 4th of July with friends go to our and Business Development l.nash@betterwithageok.com strong-willed.

Enjoy your family before youdown can’t.Route Create66 happy cherished memories.

Strengthen amazing Zoo and museums, take a cruise visiting Oklahoma towns and small your MICHAEL E. BROWNING businesses along the way.generation Get out ofthat theeven housethough and kick your summer getting ain life, we Account bond and show the next weoff may notamazing always agree on by everything Executive 405.906.5405 little fresh air and sunshine. are family. m.browning@caregiveroklahoma.c ANGELA BLAKE

985.662.6581 May Godour bless each you and May all be athan littleanything. more understanding with each Account Executive As family, love andofrespect foryour onefamily. another arewe stronger Honor your family legacy by a.blake@caregiveroklahoma.com other because we never really know what someone is going through.

Laughter truly is the best ANGELA BLAKE being the best you personally can be, even if it is only for one day. But who knows? If each adult can put medicine and kindness andand a smile nothing but their can’t be measured.

985.662.6581 Accounting aside disagreements pain,cost thisusholiday could be thevalue keystone moment needed to heal and a.blake@caregiveroklahoma.com O’HAIR come together, as a family and as a nation, a precious time to strengthen our love and humanity ANDREA Sincerely, for one another and to get back on track for the coming new year.

Accounting LaShanya L. Nash

PublisherMay God bless your family at this unprecedented time and may you truly cherish all you do have, one another. May we find comfort in the constant love of a merciful, always-forgiving God.

Sincerely, LaShanya L. Nash

4 CAREGIVER Magazine

Publisher

Issue 15

ANDREA O’HAIR

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Digital Copy: CaregiverOklahoma.com CaregiverOklahoma.com

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Caregiving Knows

Sunbeam Family Services is a traditional foster care agency providing temporary care and supportive services in a home environment for children in Canadian, Cleveland, Grady, Kingfisher, Lincoln, Logan, McClain, and Oklahoma counties.

Oklahoma no longer has overnight sheltering; therefore, the need for more foster homes is at a critical level. As one of the 15 private foster care agencies in Oklahoma, Sunbeam works to improve the safety, well-being, and permanency of children from birth to 18 years of age by recruiting and training new foster parents.

NO AGE

By Lisa Sydnor

Fostering Change Through Love

“There is constantly a critical need for foster families in Oklahoma,” said Midge Woodard, director of the Foster Care at Sunbeam. “We want to make the best placement possible for each child needing out-of-home care. That is why it’s so important to recruit families who are willing to open their homes and their hearts to children in OKDHS custody. The pandemic has put immense stress upon our foster families. However, we are able to provide additional support and wraparound services to our families during this time. Our goal is foster parents and the children in their care never feel like they are in this alone.”

It takes three months to complete the training requirements to become a foster parent. Sunbeam welcomes single applicants. The minimum age to qualify as a foster parent is 21; there is no maximum age.

Woodard stated, “The seniors who have become foster parents have brought a wealth of knowledge and experiences to parenting older youth. Their patience and life experiences allow foster youth to experience adults who are supportive, respectful, and understanding of each youth’s unique situation.”

Being a senior foster parent offers great opportunities for “second” chances. A senior may be alone due to the loss of their spouse, children, and extended family. What better way to establish a second family, second chances, than by guiding youth through those very difficult teen years.

I had the pleasure of meeting Lindel and Shannon Evers and their boys, Justin and Charlie in their home. This family is fostering the most adorable toddler with Shirley Temple curls and the sweetest smile. This “Little Miss” (my nickname for her as anonymity is crucial for foster children) is not their first foster child. Little Miss came to them when she was 5 months old – January 2020. It took two

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months to encourage and teach her to eat food. She had never had anything but a bottle.

Lindel is a stay-at-home dad while Shannon, as CEO, leads the Girl Scouts of Western Oklahoma. Justin, age 14, is great at entertaining Little Miss and is a self-proclaimed expert in babysitting. (No she isn’t spoiled! Not too much.)

Charlie, 10 years old, much prefers video games and other pursuits. As any 10 year old guy will tell you, they don’t have a lot of time for “little kids.”

When asked if the boys recognize the huge impact made on the family dynamic as you all open your hearts to include and accept foster children into your family, Shannon said, “They might not articulate it that way, but yes. They have an equal vote in decisions to take a placement or not. Justin begged us for several years to accept a baby girl when Lindel and I thought we were done with babies. He promised to help with more chores around the house and even change diapers. I’m not so sure we believed him. But when the opportunity presented itself, he was the most excited I’ve seen him in years. And while he complains about taking out the trash and walking the dogs, he never complains about helping with her!”

Both Justin and Charlie participate in Odyssey of the Mind; a problem-solving competition. Shannon and Lindel are volunteer coaches. Charlie plays the drums and is a Cub Scout. Justin plays guitar and is a Senior Patrol Leader with his Boy Scout Troop. Both are interested in drama and have participated in various school plays and were extras in a movie filmed here in Oklahoma. A busy, involved family – much like yours.

Shannon and Lindel have fostered 5 children and have provided respite to many others since 2013. I asked Lindel

why he was such an advocate for the foster program. As the stay-at-home parent, that put more responsibility on him for daily care. “It gives me peace of mind knowing the children are safe and cared for when with us. I love it when I see the kids in a better place and know they have a better chance at life. I try to balance the needs of my biological children with the needs of the foster children.

It has been a blessing and learning experience for me and our kids.” During their time as foster parents, the Evers have encountered children with many different needs.

From toddlers who have been labeled as ‘failure to thrive’ to preteens with significant trauma, their focus has always been rooted in creating a safe, loving and nurturing family for the time children are in their care.

Shannon shared, “We’ve made mistakes along the way, sometimes biting off more than we can chew, but have always been thankful for the “team” we create to help these kids. It takes more than just us as foster parents.

Caseworkers, mental health professionals, doctors, even donors that have delivered cribs in the middle of the night!”

In fact, the Evers family firmly believes they have received more than they have given. Shannon and Lindel have honest conversations with Justin and Charlie about the realities that face many children and families in our state.

Both Justin and Charlie have learned more about the cycle of poverty, abuse and domestic violence than many children their age and they are using their knowledge to create change. In fact, Justin had the opportunity to use his experiences to advocate for children as the first Oklahoma Kid Governor in 2016. In his role, he met with many elected officials and advocated for children that cannot speak for themselves.

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When asked if they believe the foster care and their conversations relating to the circumstances of the foster children have enhanced the relationship between Shannon and Lindel as parents and the boys. They stated, “Absolutely.

It has forced us to have more honest communication about our own strengths and weaknesses as well as what is really happening in our world. Our boys know they are lucky to grow up in the United States and that many kids in our country struggle with food insecurity, abuse and neglect.

There is no topic in our household that is taboo.”

Do you feel Justin and Charlie relate better with you than most children their age? Shannon laughed and said, “Not Shannon stated, “I don’t know that we would-be foster really. They are regular kids!” parents without the Sunbeam staff. They are incredible In thinking back, is there one child whose progress and truly supportive in the whole process. It takes a truly stands out? Evers responded, “Probably the most village. Building a bridge to enable natural parents rewarding is our youngest placement. She was really behind to regain their family through a great support system developmentally, and we taught her to eat, walk, and even is Sunbeam’s goal and is important to us. We have talk. More importantly, she was able to make appropriate established long-lasting relationships with some of the attachments, which is critical at certain points during parents of our foster children. Our current situation is not development. She was back on track for all of her milestones conducive to building a relationship with the biological by the time she went home to her mom.” parents, and that is heartbreaking for us and Little Miss.

But we are very focused on maintaining relationships with Seeing the interaction of the individual family members and her siblings and extended family.” how each has a different role, just as in the biological family dynamic, assured me this is the place for healing, growing When asked about continuing relationships with and nurturing. Watching Little Miss play and interact with former foster children and how it has worked out for all the family members was proof that she is loved and thriving concerned, Shannon stated, “I’d love to say yes to your in her foster home. question. But the reality is that in all of our placement cases that hasn’t been possible. The reality is that in one “Every child deserves to have a loving family; to live in a case, where it did make sense, it was better for her to home that provides stability and opportunities for growth,” forget we ever existed. Her mom overcame a great deal said Woodard. “Foster parents are everyday people from all in about a years’ time and was 100% focused on making a walks of life who provide a safe, nurturing home. With your better life for herself and her daughter. And she did. We love and encouragement, you can change the course of a are still friends on Facebook and are able to see pictures child’s life. By opening your home and heart, you may be a and stories from a distance. But for the child, she was child’s first experience with an adult who lovingly cares for so young when she came to us it got to a point where their needs.” she didn’t really understand who we were anymore.

Her not remembering was sad for us, but the reality is As of April 30, 2021, 7,564 children were in OKDHS that she needed to be with her biological mother. Not custody and in need of safe, loving homes. Currently, remembering us means she may never know she was in Sunbeam has 33 foster homes certified to provide foster foster care. That label can be devastating and since she’s care; 36 foster children are in 28 foster homes experiencing safe and loved and cared for, we’re happy for her. the family dynamic in a much different way. Last year, 109 foster children were placed in loving homes through It’s hard to explain our feelings; people often misinterpret Sunbeams’ program. what we say, but the reality is that she was loved in our home and she’s loved in her current home. We had the Contact Sunbeam Family Services to learn how you skill set to get her healthy so her mom could focus on and your family might serve as a foster family. Call getting better. We see that as true love. Aren’t all good Jana Hagermann or Sydney Concha at 405-528-7721 parents focused on giving their kids the skills they need or email jhagermann@sunbeamfamilyservices.org to succeed on their own? That’s what we did; it just or sconcha@sunbeamfamilyservices.org or online at happened a lot faster!” sunbeamfamilyservices.org.

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ASK Lisa

By Lisa Sydnor

The staff of CAREGIVER Magazine is committed to connecting those in need with services and programs.

If you have a question, call 405-314-7840 or email l.sydnor@caregiveroklahoma.com Include your name and phone number in the message.

TRAVEL SAFELY I learned a lot about travel safety and preparedness as an Army Brat and then as a military wife. It doesn’t matter if you are going 5 or 500 miles you must be prepared.

I learned: never leave home without blankets; small throws; a sweatshirt; long-sleeved t-shirt; tennis shoes; 2 pair socks; pair of jeans; canned food; snack crackers; candy; manual can opener; paper plates & cups; paper towels; hand cleanser; all-purpose cleanser; 6 pack of water; toilet paper; tissues; first aid kit; windshield washer fluid; flashlight; pocket knife; antifreeze; can of oil; a baseball cap and my toolbox. When not traveling alone, I add a couple of blankets; more food; water; a change of clothes for each person; sturdy shoes and jackets.

New items in my supply stash are anti-bacterial wipes and cleanser; hand sanitizer; and face masks.

Now I know many will say that is overkill. However, I can tell you of several times when all that “stuff” saved me and my passengers from a more miserable event. One very hot summer day, I was on I-35 headed to Oklahoma City, when a massive five vehicle pile-up (with injury) in a one-lane construction zone delayed us three hours. I was traveling with my mother, step-father, both in their late 70s and in wheelchairs and four grandchildren, three being age 6 and one age 8. As you can imagine, we used most of the items in the trunk and, all of my patience, before we made it to a truck stop.

I can tell you about being stranded on a State Highway in southern Oklahoma (20 miles to nearest town) in the 60s with a 6-month-old and a 2 and 3 year-old. Way before all our great Interstates, truck stops, or cell phones

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This project was supported, in part by grant number 90SAPG0086-01-01, from the U.S. Administration for Community Living, Department of Health and Human Services, Washington, D.C. 20201.

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we have now. Or, how about the time I was stranded in a blizzard in Montana with no cell service? My years of traveling have given me too many stories to tell!

SAFETY AND PREPAREDNESS TIPS Is your car ready?

Some of the most important summer driving safety tips highlight car care that can help prevent problems. Dead batteries, lockouts, cooling systems, and flat tires are only a few of the most common reasons for breakdowns.

Have your vehicle’s air conditioning system checked before the start of the season.

Never remove the cap from a hot radiator.

Drivers should also check their vehicles’ transmission, power steering and windshield wiper fluids, and make sure all brake lights, headlights, turn signals, emergency flashers and interior lights are working properly.

Are you ready?

Whether traveling 5 or 500 miles, every driver should carry important items like a mobile phone charger, a flashlight with extra batteries, a first aid kit, drinking water, extra snacks and food, booster cables, emergency flares or reflectors, windshield wiper fluid and a basic toolkit with a tire pressure gauge and an adjustable wrench. Despite the importance of these items, more than 40 percent of motorists don’t carry such an emergency kit, one of the most valuable summer driving safety tips is having an emergency car kit in your vehicle.

Sun glare can be a serious hazard. A sweet pair of sunglasses will help.

Avoid distractions. For parents, that can be children in the backseat who are arguing with each other or using mobile devices. For any driver, it can be the temptation to use a cell phone behind the wheel. If you have to make

a call or send a text, find a safe place to pull over.

Turn on your headlights during twilight hours. That’ll make it easier for other drivers to see you.

Never leave children or pets in the car unattended. Temperatures inside a vehicle can spike dangerously high in just a few minutes.

Avoid eating behind the wheel. Enjoy snacks at rest areas, or stop at restaurants for meals.

Don’t leave food or drinks inside your car on a hot day, especially canned beverages, which can explode under high temperatures.

The same goes for hairspray or canned deodorant or anything that is under pressure.

One of the best ways to avoid drowsy driving is to get enough sleep. More than half of drivers involved in fatigue-related crashes experienced no symptoms before falling asleep.

On longer drives, stop every couple of hours for a break.

Don’t underestimate the impact of driving at night, when your body is accustomed to resting.

Avoid eating heavy foods.

Travel with alert passengers and take turns driving. When it’s not your turn, sit in the backseat because many frontseat passengers become passive drivers, inhibiting their ability to get valuable rest.

What I want you to take away is how critical it is to be prepared. Yes, I was a Girl Scout but I learned most of my lessons the hard way. Experience is a great teacher!

Travel blessings. Have a great time. Live your life NOW – just be safe and prepared.

Find the services you need in Oklahoma at CaregiverNearYou.com You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9am-1pm Shoppes at NorthPark

11

11

The

Sandpit

By John Spivey

It’s been said that in order to move on, don’t look back. The past is past; it’s not where you’re going now. But think about it, when we do look in that rearview mirror, we can see not only how far we’ve come, but who helped us get here. Let me tell you a story.

It was Spring, 1997. I was leaning against the bleachers at Dolese Park, watching my son, Cliff, at bat when I suddenly realized I was up to my knees in water. Not really of course but thirty-five years before that, if standing there, my bare feet would be resting on the sandy bottom of a marsh and I would have been surrounded by cattails and pristine water teeming with catfish, snakes, lizards, and ducks. And somewhere nearby, my sister, Patty, would be smooching a turtle.

Dolese Park has existed for more than fifty years but not always as a park.

Long before the developers invaded the area with apartment complexes, the Dolese family carved away at this wilderness, seeking sand and gravel for their cement. It evolved, quite by accident, into a 250-acre paradise for our neighborhood, especially for me, Frank, Joe, and Val - the “Altered Boys” - who attended the Catholic school at St. Charles just two blocks away.

We called this utopia – The Sandpit.

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In the early Sixties, Warr Acres - a suburb of Oklahoma City - was just a small American town.

The flavor of Huckleberry Finn permeated each day as we played army, football, or rode bikes all over creation. Summer – our endless quest for instant gratification. You know the joke with Baby Boomers and instant gratification? It takes too long. Perhaps that’s why we were so often bored, except for our adventures in The Sandpit.

At the end of the block, and a hop, skip, and a jump to the other side of the street, we were there!

Twenty-five feet below, forbidden primal adventure beckoned. Sandy beaches ringed a sprawling, translucent lake. Beyond a shadowy bend might be a secluded inlet. On one lonely point jutting out into the lake stood an abandoned foundry - the Haunted Mill. On Halloween night, like scared little ducklings in his wake, we would follow Dad to the edge of the cliff and after a tall tale spun in hushed tones, we believed that we could, indeed, see misty spirits conspiring inside.

However, The Sandpit was strictly off-limits, unless our parents accompanied us. Over the years, a handful of people had drowned there. And yet what kid, especially one with too much time on his hands, could resist the lure of the perfect hideaway for smoking cigarettes stolen from mother’s purse.

My behind met with a switch more than once for breaking Mom’s Law. One day, Mom and Dad packed a sack full of hot dogs, chips, and icy Coca-Cola’s and we were off for an afternoon of panning for gold and swimming.

We waded along the shoreline until we reached the Lagoon, our private nook, hidden by a canopy of trees. For once, my sisters, Cindy, Mary, and Patty, agreed upon what to do first. We would hike about one hundred yards around the Marsh, through the Forest, and over a hill, to a region, we called The Rock Place.

Here, we unearthed diamonds, rubies, and emeralds whose worth, Dad assured us, could not be calculated. The glittering crystals weighed heavy in our hands and certainly looked priceless.

We returned to the Lagoon to wash our treasure

and show Mom. She swam delicately. Mom had invented a style of swimming designed to keep her hair from getting wet. She could swim – in place.

Head and shoulders poised above water, her arms reached forward gracefully, never causing a splash, barely even a ripple. Time-lapse photography might detect forward progress, we could not. Except for this time.

“Where’s Patty?” she asked.

For a moment, my dad just looked at her. Then he jerked his head around. He said nothing, he just turned and ran. Heedless of her hair, Mom splashed quickly to shore.

“I’ll go with you, Dad,” I said.

“She’s just around the corner,” Cindy and Mary shouted.

“Make sure, Johnny,” called Mom. For fifty yards, we ran without stopping. We searched back and forth along the path from the Rock Place. Patty was nowhere to be seen and there was no response to our calls. My dad looked at me.

He swallowed hard. I saw something then that I had never seen before, never so much as even imagined.

My dad was afraid.

“Let’s look by the Swamp.”

We kicked up sand as we ran. And then faintly, I heard a small voice. I stopped, cocking my head to one side.

“Dad, wait!” I called after him. He sprinted back.

“Listen.”

He stepped forward and peered through the bushes.

He looked back, waving me forward, gulping for air like a drowning man. Composing himself, he put a finger to his lips and pointed.

Patty sat in a small clearing, fair-haired, adorable, and preoccupied. Her eyes level with that of the box turtle in her hand, she studied it minutely.

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Every now and then, she sang to it. Then, she smiled and brought the turtle close. And just as she pursed her mouth, the turtle bit her, right on her lower lip.

“Oww!” she screamed.

They say, you know, that a turtle will let go of you only when lightning strikes. My dad, a bolt of incandescent energy, lunged through the thicket, heedless of the thorns stabbing and pulling at him. He grasped the turtle and pried its jaws apart. The turtle scampered away, as fast as its stiff, scaly legs would carry it. Dad lifted Patty and examined her.

“Daddy!” she cried, “toitle has no lips!”

“I know, sweetheart,” he said. His shoulders heaved up and down and it wasn’t until he turned to me that I saw he was laughing, though his eyes glistened with tears.

Tag-Along Patty received all the attention a baby of the family demands when we returned. After Mom tended to her lip, Cindy cut her hot dog into little slices, feeding her while Mary combed her hair. Later, she giggled and clung to

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my back as we swam around the Lagoon.

The afternoon ended and we headed home. As we walked, Patty snoozed peacefully in Dad’s arms, a crusty scab of blood on her lower lip. Every so often, he glanced at her and then at me. He didn’t say anything, he just smiled. I didn’t realize it at the time but his actions that day taught me pretty much everything I needed to know about being a father.

The Sandpit is still there today, but it isn’t. Of this once magical realm, only the shoreline remains. No Haunted Mill, no Rock Place, no Forest, no hidden Lagoons. But down there even now, somewhere, in the cool water that remains clear to this day are ducks, catfish, and perhaps a few turtles. All without lips, I’m sure.

Not long ago, Patty and I reminisced about the old neighborhood. We would burst into laughter over a memory, while another would trigger melancholy. But as we look ahead and move forward exploring, discovering, and contemplating this new state of normal, we agreed on this the most important thing in our life has always been family.

And if we understand that the purpose of reflection is not to dwell on missed opportunities or guilt, we can appreciate who we are, and how we got here.

Issue 15

CaregiverOklahoma.com

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15

Bring on the FUN!

2nd Annual BETTER WITH AGE Health & Safety FUN DAY

By LaShanya Nash It is finally time! The 2nd Annual 2021 BETTER WITH AGE Health & Safety FUN DAY at the Shoppes at NorthPark, Thursday, June 10th, from 9am-1pm! Save the date and get ready for fun!

We are excited to see everyone at the Fun Day as we celebrate life. We’ll see old friends and make new ones; mingle with the vendors, enjoy music, entertainment, door prizes, food and have some good old-fashioned FUN. There is plenty of easy access parking. Scattered seating areas, allow you to take a break from all the excitement! It’s a party for you, your friends and family. The more the merrier.

In 2019, the BETTER WITH AGE Health & Safety Fair was exceptional with over 40 vendors, 300 plus guests, live music, entertainment, singing and dancing performances by the Oklahoma Senior Follies. There were amazing door prizes! It was a party with food, fun and great information!

The event on June 10th, promises to be even bigger and better than the first! We have more vendors with 90% of those from 2019 participating again, more great performers and entertainers, more amazing door prizes and give-aways and invaluable tips to keep us healthy and safe as we age and care for our loved ones. We have bus and van parking for clubs, organizations and senior communities. We extended the event one hour and are expecting even greater attendance this year.

We’ve received many comments from vendors and previous guests ranging from: “We are excited to be able to resume normal activities.”

“It felt like a cruise ship welcome aboard party.”

“Best Health Fair EVER.” “The event was so organized and such attention was given to meeting the needs of vendors and attendees. It’s top-notch and so much fun. I just want to thank you for such a wonderful day, you made me feel special. “ “I’ve never as a vendor been waited on and catered to at any event the way I was treated here today and I really appreciate it.”

“I was nervous to start planning for the inevitable but when 16

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I got to the event the music calmed my nerves immediately.

Then I felt like I could eat for the first time that day.”

“It was a party but I learned so much and got such good information, I drove home belly full, feeling like I’d just left a music festival”.

“Incredibly relaxed way to get information about estate and funeral planning, who knew planning my own funeral would be so much fun!”

Obviously, safety measures have been put in place. The vendor booths are spaced farther apart, with strategically placed sanitation stations. All food items are individually wrapped.

The goal is for everyone to safely enjoy the event. This will be a great day of information sharing and camaraderie. Come join in the fun!

Thank you to the Gold Sponsor: United HealthCare Silver Sponsors: Compass Senior Living Solutions; Oklahoma Assisted Living Association, Enlivant Senior Living, Well Preserved Advisory Group and ComForCare Home Care.

A special thank you to our State and Federal agencies and community non-profit partners: Oklahoma Department of Veterans Affairs, Oklahoma Healthy Aging Initiative, Oklahoma Department of Rehabilitation Services, VA Caregivers Program, Oklahoma Insurance Department, RSVP of Central Oklahoma, National Indian Council on Aging, Sunbeam Family Services, NewView Oklahoma, CaptionCall, Area Wide Aging Services, Alzheimer’s Association, Pet Food Pantry of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office, Oklahoma City Police Department and EMBARK There are many large and small businesses represented at the event to help provide information on Estate Planning, Health Care options, Home Health and Private Duty Care, Funeral Planning, Senior Living Communities, Insurance, Financial Planning, Real Estate, Physical Therapy, Diagnostic and Imaging, Mobile Physician Services, Pet Care.

If you have any questions or to check vendor space availability, contact Lisa Sydnor at 405-314-7840 or email her at l.sydnor@betterwithageok.com.

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CaregiverOklahoma.com

You're Invited 2021 BETTER WITH AGE

Fun Days

Health And Safety

Thursday, June 10th & October 14th Shoppes at Northpark 122nd & N. May AVE

9:00 AM - 1:00 PM Hosted By Door Prizes Entertainment Food Live Music

A

Gold Sponsor

S p e c i a l

Dancing Health Screenings Expert Advice Give-Aways

T h a n k

Y o u

T o

O u r

S p o n s o r s

Silver Sponsors

Triple Door Prize Tickets for Pre-registered Communities, Clubs or Organizations and anyone in line between 9-9:30am For additional information or to check vendor space availability Contact:

Lisa Sydnor at 405-314-7840 L.Sydnor@betterwithageok.com

CAREGIVERS O R N E R By Kathy Cocks, RN

Asking the Correct Question about Home Care Many aging individuals when they start needing some assistance with showers, meal preparation, transportation, or light housekeeping will begin to interview home care agencies. An online search will provide a group of generic questions to ask each home care agency. Is your agency licensed, bonded, and insured?

Those are great questions. All agencies operating in Oklahoma are required to be licensed, bonded, insured, and fingerprint their employees 18

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Having worked in homecare as a registered nurse for over seven years, I have developed a new list of questions?

1. How does the agency choose the caregivers that will care for me or my loved ones? Some agencies will staff a shift, some agencies will try to match you with a caregiver or caregivers that match your needs and personalities. Agencies that staff a shift might be able to staff a shift quicker, but agencies that try to match you might take a little bit longer.

2. How does your agency communicate my or my loved one’s needs to the caregivers? All agencies write up a basic care plan, sometimes developed by a nurse. Some agencies will try to send someone from the office to meet the caregiver at the home to go over the routine with the caregiver. These agencies will make sure the caregivers as much as possible are trained about the specific needs of each of their clients.

3. What happens if a caregiver is not a good match? Having a caregiver come into a person’s place of residence is a very personal experience.

The caregiver and client could spend at least half a day together and they need to be able to mesh.

Most agencies will try to work things out with the caregiver and the client if the relationship is not meshing. If the caregiver is not a good match.

4. What actual services do you provide? Imagine my surprise when I found out that the company, I hired in another state for my aging in-laws did not provide meal preparation. I assumed that because the agency I work for promotes meal preparation to encourage proper nutrition, that all agencies would do this. Agencies are beginning to not clean bathrooms and other services that used to be provided.

5. What other fees exist besides the hourly rate?

Is there an hourly minimum per visit? Is there a weekly minimum of hours? Do you charge for the nursing assessment? Are there hidden mileage Issue 15

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fees? Will any other fees be on the invoice? If the client becomes sicker will the charge go up? Am I charged a fee to send paperwork into the long-term care insurance company?

6. Are the caregivers employees of the company or contractors? If the caregivers are contractors, the company might offer a cheaper rate because they are not providing workmen’s compensation benefits, social security taxes, or unemployment benefits. Contractors if they are injured at an individual’s home are unable to receive medical care through workmen’s compensation insurance and this opens up the individual’s homeowner’s insurance for possibly being sued to cover medical bills. If the caregivers are employees, then any injury to the caregiver is covered by the workmen’s compensation insurance of that agency.

All agencies should be willing to answer these questions thoroughly or honestly.

Kathy Cocks, RN www.kathysconsulting.com

405-202-0708 info@kathysconsulting.com

You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9am-1pm Shoppes at NorthPark

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OUT OF THE SHADOWS

to black what I was left with was a complete breakdown in all areas of my life. My routine and normal daily living were gone in just a few short weeks.

I love to smile and receiving a smile back is just one of the simple pleasures of life, an unspoken sign of hospitality, kindness, and respect. But the masks that were supposed to protect us from the unseen micro dangers looming in the air created a macro crisis in my soul.

No one made small talk anymore. I would try but everyone was so afraid of getting my possible germs the eyes said it all, “I’m scared of you, leave me alone”. We were instructed to stay at least 6 feet apart so there went hugging and handshakes. Churches, restaurants, and everywhere you might go to see friends or family, have fun and socialize, were closed.

Shining Light On The Darkest Of Times

By LaShanya Nash 2020 and 2021 have set a historical precedent on what anyone will ever again define as daunting and formidable.

A fifteen-month stretch of time that will forever be remembered. How do we even process all we’ve been through and in reality what some are still going through. It was the toughest of times for so many of us.

It was a devastating time for family and friends of all ages but especially for Seniors and those with pre-existing conditions. It was a very divisive and polarizing time in our Country. A highly charged period filled with chaos, fear, and uncertainty. Civility and social graces were traded for anger and hostility. Rational thinking had completely been eradicated and silence seemed the safest alternative.

What an incredibly challenging time for small businesses and mine was no exception. An extremely dark time for me personally and professionally, I wasn’t myself. By nature, I am a genuinely content and very happy person. I love people and have never met a stranger. My friends are lifelong and I care about their struggles and triumphs. I feel the greatest joy and peace in life when helping others. I have always been able to find the silver lining in the darkest of life’s storms.

But 2020 almost proved too much for me to bear.

Writing about something so dark and consuming as depression and suicidal thoughts is difficult enough when you are writing about someone else but my choice to put my own battle out there is a decision not made lightly.

I am not unique. I am just an average person dealing with the day-to-day of life like everyone else. My strong desire to honor the memory of my parents, give back to people of all walks of life and encourage others is the entire reason I started CAREGIVER Magazine. I’ve always been the person others turn to for help and comfort. But, when almost everything that filled my soul with joy was gradually dimmed 20

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It consumed my thoughts how seniors in communities could not see their families. How people were dying alone and families could not attend their funerals. This consuming emotional anguish and wave of empathy came over me like a ton of black tar and the grief I felt for complete strangers was overwhelming and made me travel back to my parent’s and grandmother’s deaths. I thought about how we were there for them and loved them through death. The sheer madness all around us created such a mournful place inside of me.

Daily living was hindered and my body felt like a shell where my personality used to live.

In 2019 when I first started the magazine I wanted to find ways for seniors to socialize and not be Isolated in their homes. We started a game day and readers would come together, play card and board games, have snacks, laugh, and share stories. I remember coming down the hall of our office building and hearing this wonderful sound of cackling laughter. The comradery I stumbled upon just took my breath away to hear how much fun they were having. It was a bucket list moment for me.

We went to a Thunder game. I was so happy for the group to have an outlet to make new friends and have fun. Overhead my CAREGIVER Magazine logo scrolled around the scoreboard. I almost had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn’t a dream. We made the painful but necessary decision to halt game days for everyone’s safety. The group started a phone tree and would call each other and stay in touch. They were a lifeline for each other throughout the pandemic.

I was hurting emotionally and most of my business friends and advertisers were feeling the same way.

Knowing the unprecedented situations in our senior living communities, how they were battling trying to manage the chaos one day at a time. Friends whose roles were dissolved were left without careers. MarCaregiverOklahoma.com

keters, Directors, and office personnel were performing the vital duties of cooks and CNA’s because the staff was getting sick. The teamwork and level of love and care that was so selflessly given to the residents and patients within their care was nothing short of heroic. Executive directors were living in their buildings. I would call and check on them they would share their challenges and worries. By the end of the day, their burdens were my burdens and the toll and gravity of their situations were so difficult. On the most tear-filled and gut-wrenching day of phone calls for self-preservation, I had to limit my communications.

The emotional toll became too much.

Having always been someone that friends and business associates looked to for encouragement or business connections. I received many distraught phone calls looking for a new position and wanting to know if I knew who was hiring. But our world was barely turning and what was only supposed to be two weeks spiraled into months and agonizing months.

Times were so difficult for the entire world but with my focus on Oklahoma, the senior industry was hurting and struggling and my once-thriving magazine started to carry a load small businesses like mine were never designed to carry. As the staff and I were getting the Holiday issue ready to send to the press. I began to not feel so well.

My mild cold was starting to feel like the flu. The next day when I could not taste or smell anything I knew I had COVID-19. What I had been so concerned about trapped me in bed for weeks. The worry and fear from being sick combined with not being able to carry out basic tasks was overwhelming. For me, my work is not a job, it is my chosen mission field. To not be able to meaningfully connect with people in person only made my depression worse.

I did not have the ability to perform my duties to the standards I set for myself. It was a hard and challenging time.

As I laid in bed between fever and fearful thoughts my own mortality came over me. I had never felt so exhausted in my entire life. I did not know if I would ever feel like myself again. Between my fear and the anxiety it created, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Soon after the state of Oklahoma began discussing publicly how they were to begin fully re-opening the Senior industry and allowing families to visit and congregate again. Knowing our lives would be returning to a version of normal gave me such hope, answered so many prayers and encouraged me to start making plans for my business.

Reading my Bible, spending meaningful time with my children, then reaching out to my sister and one trusted friend to talk about: how I was feeling; what I was thinking about; how the depression and suicidal thoughts I had

been having made me feel like an entirely different person. Hearing my words leave my mouth helped to bring my center of gravity back in alignment. Those two trusted friends mainly listened and occasionally commented. The unwelcomed voice of my depression began to fade to silence.

Talking honestly and openly to them made all the difference. I sought grief counseling after my parent’s death, counseling after my divorce and I have reached out to my counselor again, implementing the tools counseling provides once again in my life.

My lifelong dream of owning my own magazine had almost vanished. My desire to work hard and succeed is even greater than before. It has given me a different and more balanced perspective on life. This has shown me that everyone struggles with mental and physical illness differently. I have a greater understanding and compassion for others because I don’t truly know what they’re going through.

We have to stop being a culture that places shame and guilt upon mental health issues. Right now all around us people are suffering in silence, fearful to talk about their anxiety, depression, anger, grief, addictions, PTSD and mental health in general because of an archaic stigma that never served an elevated purpose. Everyone has experienced hurts, trauma and pain. We are all on a sliding scale of brokenness. We have always encouraged in the pages of this magazine that self-help is not selfish. It is essential for living a purpose-driven life of loving and serving others.

I almost pulled this story from this issue. I spent a lot of time in prayer before deciding to share my own personal journey of coming out of the shadows of depression.

Maybe it’s my foolish pride. My angst over the thought of being pitied. Internalizing the reality of sharing something so private and painful with so many in such a public way.

Or maybe for someone like me that wants to always make a good impression, be professional and poised to just allow myself to be so real and vulnerable is the ultimate in self-exposure.

It’s not easy to share what is in the darkest corner of your heart. Sharing your internal battle with someone is crucial.

Chose wisely who you talk to. If you don’t have a friend or family member that you can completely trust what you’re going to say will land on non-judgmental, discreet and loving ears bypass them and find a professional counselor.

Even if you decide to confide in someone you know and trust, a professional has the training to guide you in making meaningful changes in your life by providing you tools and techniques to help you not only survive but thrive.

You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9am-1pm Shoppes at NorthPark

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Help, Hope and Healing

By Lisa Sydnor

It is with trepidation, we rejoice in beginning the long journey from COVID-19 quarantine back to “normal.” Many lost loved ones or friends during the quarantine, not all from COVID, and that loss and grief make our journey even more difficult.

Naomi Schuh-McCarty is a name known by many across Oklahoma. The Not Just Country Line Dancers, led by Naomi, brought bright smiles, joy and entertainment to thousands. Naomi’s love of dancing was the catalyst for the group.

In 2002, she recruited 12 volunteer line dancers ranging in age from 65 to 85 and began scheduling performances throughout Oklahoma. They performed at the OKC Spring Arts Festival, Oklahoma State Fair in Oklahoma City, senior living centers, community events, and the list goes on. Every soul who met her was left with a smile and the sound of music in their heart “Her love for dancing and the music left an imprint on everyone.

She passed away November 28th 2020, from lung cancer and we are striving to do our best to keep her legacy and dream alive,” stated Sheryl Bacon, a member of the group. Naomi’s husband, Joe, the dance troop and many friends mourn and grieve her loss. Naomi left a legacy of inspiration, joy and hope; the challenge to live life to the fullest regardless of physical limitations; and many lively dance performances.

Katherine (Kat) Baber was 12 months and 2 weeks younger than her brother Samuel Baber and clearly remembers following Sam around like a puppy and him yelling for her to “go away and stop following me!”

sister “following” him everywhere! For the past 18 months, Kat and Sam spent time together; making healthy meals, taking evening walks and spending time with friends.

Sam became ill on December 3rd and passed away on January 25th, 2021. As Kat was sharing some memories her tears turned to smiles and laughter as she told me how she followed him everywhere and he would be so frustrated. And, the ultimate “follow” was when he drove to California to bring her to his home in Del City. Old habits are hard to break.If you are struggling with grief, that painful, deep sense of loss and loneliness, reach out. Don’t suffer in silence. Many of us have shared experiences. Support and counseling are often needed to get us through difficult times. Many funeral homes offer grief counseling.

There is help you are not alone even though it may feel that way if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, anxiety and stress, dementia, illness or infirmities, if you’re not feeling emotionally yourself, if you realize you need mental health support, if you’re a veteran having difficulty readjusting to post-service life, a veteran dealing with post-traumatic stress, or a grandparent raising children, there is help. Reach out! There are many options; this is a small sample of help available.

211 – Information & referral If you remember nothing else – remember 211 Oklahoma. This service is an easyaccess system for information and referral to community services for those who need help and those who provide help.

NAMI Oklahoma – 24-hour hotline – 1-800-522-9054 NAMI Oklahoma City - 1-800-583-1264; 9am-4pm National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 24-hour access - 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention also provides Crisis Text Line 741-741 Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 press 1 or text 838255 Griefshare is a program offered at many locations. Go to www.griefshare.org for a list of locations.

Oklahoma Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association – www. alz.org Sunbeam Family Services - 405-528-7721 OKCares Oklahoma - www.okcares.org

Sam grumbled (with a grin) that she was still his little

Crisis, Grief and Healing The website Webhealing.com is one of the first interactive grief websites on the internet which offers discussion boards, articles, book suggestions, and advice for men and women working through every aspect of grief. The site’s founder, Tom Golden LCSW, has provided book excerpts and contact information to help those healing from loss. webhealing.com

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Sam moved to Oklahoma City and Kat remained in California. They stayed connected by phone, catching up on each others’ lives. When Kat decided to move to Oklahoma City; Sam drove to California, helped Kat pack, loaded a truck, hooked up her beloved Toyota Celica GTS and they headed to Oklahoma.

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Samuel Baber The website Willowgreen offers support and information for those dealing with life transition & aging, illness & caregiving, loss & grief, and hope & spirituality. The site offers advice, products, and inspirational materials. shop.willowgreen.com Grief and Loss The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) website contains a Grief & Loss section with griefrelated articles and information. www.https://www. aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/grief-and-loss National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

Naomi Schuh-McCarty The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization’s website provides a host of information and resources for people facing a life-limiting illness or injury and their caregivers.www.nhpco.org Jaxon Kade Foundation The Jaxon Kade Foundation, Inc provides grief support for families who have lost an infant. Based out of Oklahoma, they provide grief resources to families and raise money to donate Caring Cradles for every hospital in Oklahoma. www.jaxonkadefoundation.org

Reach out! There is help.

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As a member of the growing number of senior citizens, I am privileged to attend an aerobics class three times a week (well, the class is three times a week, not that I make every class). In age, we range from barely classified as a senior, to our mentor who is ninety-nine. All the males in the class have faded away, so we are a group of females who have lively conversations that cover a large range of topics (which, come to think of it, may have influenced the male fade).

“On the Lighter Side”

By Humorist and Novelist Robbie Lamberson

Finding Humor in Turbulent Times I know that finding any humor during our current situation is not always easy, and some are finding it impossible, but hopefully while reading this article you will find yourself smiling, if not actually chuckling right out loud.

Humor is imperative to our health and wellbeing.

Laughing deep and long is the best curative antidote for what ails us - both physically and mentally. Without any effort on my part, I always seem able to provide people with that healthy supplement. Fortunately, I am not too sensitive when the people around me laugh at my expense.

Actually I think of it as an achievement, a somewhat curious gift I never have to work for.

For this particular article I broadly searched the Internet; and if it made me laugh, it was included herein. Some of the content is obviously so ridiculous that you smile at the sheer dumbness of it. But when you get to the end, feel free to email me at r.lamberson@caregiveroklahoma.com and thank me profusely. That’s the first joke (in case you missed it).

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CAREGIVER Magazine

The point is we are all interested in staying active for as long as possible. With that thought in mind, here is one of the current exercises recommended for us to do at home.

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room on each side.

With a five pound potato bag in each hand, extend arms straight out from your side and hold them for as long as you can. Try to reach for a minute. Then relax. Each day you will be able to hold this position a little longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10 lb. bags in each hand. Then up to 50 lb. bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight out for a full minute. I’m at this level now. After you feel comfortable at this level for several days, place a medium sized potato in each bag!

A couple from my church recently posted this on Facebook, surprising me, as I didn’t realize they were wealthy people: “Anybody interested in a helicopter ride for 4 people? I’m looking for 2 more adults to join me and Carolyn.

We’re leaving early Saturday morning from Oklahoma City and will fly to Destin, Florida, where we will have lunch on a yacht. Sunday we plan to fly over the Smoky Mountains to see the fall colors and return back home late Sunday evening. If interested, please message me! Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can’t go…”

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my

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sermon, I want you all to read Mark: 17.”

The following Sunday as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark: 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark only has sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

Imagine if you will: an atheist stuck at a green light behind a car with a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.

Just saw a donkey crossing the road. Cool thing was, he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart ass!

Someone asked me if Baptists have services where we bless animals. I asked if saying grace over fried chicken at a potluck dinner counted!

I was at lunch with an old friend and pointed at two elderly ladies across the room and said, “That will be us in ten years!

She said, “That’s a mirror!”

Now I’m going to share my favorite joke, it’s my favorite because it’s the only one I can consistently remember…

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were walking in the park when the brunette said, “Oh look, a dead bird!” The blonde looked up at the sky and said, “Where?” This is a true story. I was visiting with my cousin Linda, telling her about my sweet old pug, “We have conversations all the time. I talk and she answers me.”

Linda (without pause or a hint of irony) said, “My sister Beckye had a basset hound that cussed.”

If you still haven’t smiled, at least a little, then I haven’t done my job yet. Perhaps these little pearls of wisdom may give you something to consider:

How old would you be - if you didn’t know how old you were?

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark, and professionals built the Titanic.

A New Alternative in Assisted Living !

A sense of familiarity and belonging !

24-Hour Assistance with Activities of Daily Living for up to 5 Older Adults in a Traditional Single-Family Home

For more information, Please Call (405) 285-5983 You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9am-1pm Shoppes at NorthPark

25

Living With Purpose

Do you care?

Where are you, Lord?

I need you now, oh, how I need you.

—Denise Glavan Who hasn’t felt like this?

We have all felt like this at one time or another. There is a name for this feeling. Lloyd John Ogilvie, in his book titled Ask Him Anything, calls it “the night of suffering.” It is a time of anguish when we cry out for help, and it can occur when we least expect it, day or night—24/7.

When we cry out our pain we lament. The word lament means to express sorrow, regret, to grieve, to mourn, to weep, to complain, to sob, to express one’s feelings of hurt and pain and the asking of “Why”.

We Lament!

By Denise Heath Bad things happen in this life of ours. Sometimes life is harder than other times. Sometimes life puts us in a position of wanting to just sit down and cry. I find that faith can be a source of strength and comfort when life becomes overwhelming. It can give meaning and purpose to life and what happens—a person can draw upon their faith and when a person’s faith provides answers to life’s problems—then it is an asset in times of pain and great sorrow. But when a person’s faith does not provide adequate answers, it can then become part of our pain.

Pain—suffering—questioning and the “Why’s of life” occur in the midst of our suffering. During these times, when grief, when loss occurs we might cry out. In the 1990’s I wrote this poem at a very difficult time in my life:

I cry out for help, where are you God? I pull my hair, shake my fists and ask, Why? I get down on my hands and knees asking for strength, courage, and guidance.

Then I sit in the silence of the early dawn, all alone, all by myself.

Praying for help and understanding, praying and praying.

Can you hear me, Lord?

Can you hear me?

Are you there?

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CAREGIVER Magazine

Why me?

Why would anyone do this?

Why did this have to happen to my mother? My father?

My child? My brother? My sister? Why—Oh God why?

Why do bad things happen to good people, the fact remains that those “whys” can never truly be answered.

If someone asked you “why” bad things happen how would you answer? There really is not any good answer.

An intellectual response rarely helps raw emotions.

Usually, why means “I feel terrible” “I am hurting.”

All we can really do is be there for a person who is in emotional pain. To hold their hand as they cry out because all the person is really doing is sharing their pain, so listen, just listen, because out of the darkest hour hope emerges. In Lamentations 3:17-23, it reads, “…my soul is bereft of peace, I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, ‘Gone is my glory, and my expectation from the Lord.’ Remember my affliction and my bitterness, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.”

Our struggle in life, I believe, is learning to rely upon God—to put all our cares in God’s hands, to be patient, to let go, and let God—

Even in the midst of our “Why’s.”

Even when we question.

Even when it hurts.

Even when we lament!

Issue 15

CaregiverOklahoma.com

Longterm Care Options in Oklahoma

ASSISTED LIVING

— Brought to you by the Oklahoma Assisted Living Association —

ASSISTED LIVING A home or establishment that may provide assistance with personal care, medications, ambulation, nursing supervision and intermittent or unscheduled nursing care. They cannot provide 24-hour skilled nursing care. Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Mainly Private Pay, LTC Insurance may cover , VA Aid & Attendance, & Tribal Benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver)

NURSING HOME A nursing facility that provides 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for residents who require medical or nursing care.

Nursing Home Care Act - October 1, 1980. Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health. Nursing homes provide the highest level of care.

Options for Medicare/Medicaid

ADULT DAY CARE Provides health, recreational, social and supportive services to impaired adults for more than four hours per day. Participants do not stay in the center overnight. Adult Day Care Act - November 1, 1989 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health VA allows respite benefits Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver)

VETERANS CARE Created in 2013, this program is for residents who are veterans living in the state veteran’s centers. They are licensed as a nursing facility and can provide 24-hour skilled nursing care and related services for residents who require medical or nursing care . Falls under Nursing Home Care Act - May 29, 2013. Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health

CONTINUUM OF CARE Combines the services of a nursing facility with an assisted living center or an adult day care center. It is licensed under the Continuum of Care and Assisted Living Act and must also meet requirements applicable to nursing facilities, assisted living centers and adult day care centers. Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health Currently inOklahoma, all Continuum of Care’s only have assisted livings.

Medicaid Option through DHS (Advantage Waiver) for Assisted Living and Adult Day Care.

RESIDENTIAL CARE HOMES Provide residential accommodations, food service, and supportive assistance. May also provide assistance with meals, dressing, bathing, other personal needs, and medication administration. Cannot provide medical care such as skilled nursing. Residential Care Act - November 1, 1984 Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health A typical residential care resident is younger than other long term care options and only requires assistant with medication administration.

NO Options for Medicare/Medicaid

INDEPENDENT SENIOR LIVING/HOME CARE Apartments, cottages, and single-family homes for seniors 55 & over who do not require assistance with daily activities or 24/7 skilled nursing but may benefit from convenient services, senior-friendly surround-ings, and increased social opportunities. NOT Licensed by Oklahoma State Department of Health. No oversight since they are not licensed. May have “High Acuity” that is receiving Home Health and or Hospice services.

For a list of OKALA Members Visit www.OKALA.org Become a member or for more information call 405-235-5000

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27

C MMUNITY HEARTBEAT

By Lisa Sydnor

LIFE IS CALLING Does it feel like you spend half of your time asking people to repeat themselves, specifically on the phone? I commiserate with you; sometimes it feels it isn’t worth it and I find myself withdrawing. You want to stop talking to people. But, those who know me know I love to meet new people, talk with friends, and be social! So, I won’t stop talking or trying to communicate any time soon!

Check out the CaptionCall phone to read and hear phone conversations. It works just like a regular landline phone with the advantage of real-time captions. Telephone captioning is an essential ADA service available at no cost. If you have trouble hearing on the phone, contact CaptionCall or your audiologist to find out if you qualify for this no-cost CaptionCall service.

your conversation into text. The other speaker’s words appear on your CaptionCall screen. You can even save a captioned conversation to review later!

CaptionCall really helps you connect! This telephone captioning service helps people with hearing loss understand phone calls better. It can and does make a difference. This service is federally funded so the phone and captioning services are no-cost to eligible users.

Step 1: Are You Eligible?

This no-cost service is for people with hearing loss who need captions to effectively use the phone. Request our service to see if you qualify or talk to your audiologist.

7 Ways You Can Help Someone with Hearing Loss

Step 2: Request Service If you have hearing loss and need captions, fill out our simple online form. They’ll contact you to arrange a time for installation.

Step 3: Installation and Training Their professional team will confirm your qualifications, install the phone and authorize the app, and teach you how to use CaptionCall. There is no cost to you.

Step 4: Connect with Life Enjoy captioned phone calls as you talk! By reading and hearing a conversation, you can feel more connected to your world.

You’ll use a CaptionCall phone just like any other phone.

But the captioning service makes all the difference! When you dial or answer a call, the CaptionCall telephone directs your conversation to a specially trained agent. Using cutting-edge technology, the captioning agent transcribes 28

CAREGIVER Magazine

1. Annual Hearing Tests are Recommended for Everyone: Most people schedule yearly checkups with their doctors, and a trip to a hearing healthcare professional should be part of that routine. Even if someone doesn’t have a noticeable degree of hearing loss, it will at least help establish a baseline for where their (and your) hearing is right now. If the hearing loss is minor, then it can be tracked and hopefully helped before it gets too bad. If the hearing loss is at an advanced stage, then the hearing healthcare professional will be there to provide options.

2. There are many Risks of Putting Off Getting Your Hearing Checked: There are many reasons why it can be detrimental to put off a checkup, including depression, isolation, early-onset dementia, brain atrophy, and a greater risk of falling. When people with hearing loss find that they are missing out on conversations, they tend to withdraw

Issue 15

CaregiverOklahoma.com

from social situations and the isolation could lead to depression and potentially other ailments as well.

Don’t let that happen to your loved ones.

3. Prepare for Objections: When you have that difficult conversation with someone about their hearing loss, you will hear objections like, “people just mumble; I’m fine”, “my hearing isn’t bad enough that I need help”, “I just like to have the TV loud”, and a myriad of other objections. Know that there is a perceived social stigma that comes with hearing loss and that is likely the root cause for any pushback.

4. Let Them Know They are Not Alone: According to the Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA), approximately 48 million Americans live with some degree of hearing loss. There are also many celebrities who have spoken out about their own hearing loss, so sharing their stories can help too.

5. Go with Them to Have Your Hearing Tested: Getting a hearing test is nothing to be scared about but doing it together can help ease their fears. Hearing tests are usually conducted in a sound-treated room and will consist of pure-tone audiometry, speech audiometry, speech in noise and words in noise test, tympanometry, and if need be, testing for hidden hearing loss.

6. Don’t Be the Only One Who Talks to Them: If you are talking to your parents, grandparents, or a friend, get others involved in the conversation. People are more likely to listen if they know many people care about them and their well-being.

7. Contact Your Local Hearing Healthcare Professional for Help: If your loved one is reluctant to get their hearing checked, you can contact a professional for further advice on things you can do to help them get treatment.

On average, it takes someone seven years to get their hearing loss taken care of, so don’t be discouraged if it takes you a couple of tries. Anything you can do to help your loved ones lower that average and is going to benefit them.

If someone you know has hearing loss that necessitates the use of a captioned telephone service, CaptionCall is here to help. This is a no-cost captioned telephone service.

Giving New Meaning To Life!

If maintaining independence is key - you can continue to thrive and socialize with an amazing group of senior adults.

If personal care assistance is needed - our staff can help you live a healthier lifestyle.

If you are caring for someone with Alzheimer's or another type of dementia, we specialize in caring for those who are walking the journey with a dementia causing disease.

Assisted Living and Memory Care

Arbor House is about personal freedom and choices. We pride ourselves in providing high quality service in a comfortable, secure environment.

For more information, go to the website at https:// captioncall.com; or, to set an appointment to sign up for the service, call Lezley Bell, the representative in Oklahoma at 580-819-1630.

You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9am-1pm Shoppes at NorthPark

Arbor House of Norman (405) 292-9200 4501 W Main St, Norman, OK 73072 Reminisce Center of Norman (405) 310-2499 151 48th Ave SW Norman, OK 73072 Arbor House Midwest City (405) 455-3900 9240 E. Reno Ave. Midwest City, OK 73130 Arbor House of Mustang (405) 376-2872 850 N. Clearsprings Rd. Mustang, OK 73064

29

Remember When

By Lisa Sydnor

Remember When we took time to stop at fresh produce stands? The highways and country roads always had fruit and vegetable stands and produce straight from the farm. The fruits and veggies from the store were never as good as the ones off the roadside stands. The stands dotted the landscape – not so much anymore - Joanna

Remember When there were about 20 kids in a two block radius of our house. We spent the summer outside playing touch football, tag, Red Rover, hopscotch, hide-n-go-seek, croquet, marbles, or fishing or riding bikes or playing at the neighborhood park. I remember going to my Grandmas’s and being paid a penny for every dill worm I picked off the dill plants; then going to the store with bin after bin of penny candies. I got to fill my small brown paper sack and have candy for days! - Nancy

Remember When summer meant going to our grandparents’ house. I remember going fishing with my Granddaddy. He packed a picnic lunch and snacks – lots of snacks we didn’t usually get and I ate them all!! I never really fished; didn’t bait my hook; didn’t catch any fish. Yet those are some of my favorite memories – just me and my Granddaddy hanging out. - Krista

Remember When I would go spend summers with my grandparents in Caney, Kansas it is one of my favorite memories. The smell of wild onions and hot dirt roads; shucking corn on the back porch 30

CAREGIVER Magazine

Issue 15

CaregiverOklahoma.com

Summer FUN! with my great grandmother; filling buckets with pecans from along the country roads; watching granddaddy shave in the kitchen sink (there was no bathroom sink!); riding bikes to, and playing in, the river; digging a cave in the river bank (luckily it did not cave in on us). In general, living outside, exploring the countryside, eating fresh fruits and vegetables straight from the garden, watermelon iced down in the galvanized tub and the burlap swing. - Janine

Remember When summer vacations meant playing games in the car; picnic lunches in roadside parks; being too hot (no air conditioning in our cars in 50s or early 60s); stopping at roadside lemonade stands; watermelon juice dripping off my chin; staying in a motel! Back then motels had playgrounds and we couldn’t wait to get the car unpacked and head to the swings! Swimming in the lakes, creeks or rivers – never swam in a “concrete pond” until I was in high school. – Clarissa

Remember When spending time with my Pops meant summer was here. One of my favorite summer memories is from the 70s and involves my father-inlaw (Pops) and fishing. Pops loved to fish. On most Friday evenings, we would hook up the boat; load the truck with ice chests and fishing gear, and head to the lake, usually returning late Saturday or Sunday morning. It was just us, a few beers, fishing rods and slippery fish. The companionship and the peaceful lake were a respite from a house full of teenagers and all their friends. - Willie You’re Invited! BETTER WITH AGE Fun Day June 10th, 9 am-1 pm Shoppes at NorthPark

31

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