Friendship: The sweetest gift “D
iana? Is that you?” I was headed to the checkout at King Soopers when I saw her. I yanked my mask down to show her it was indeed me, her coworker of 24 years. She eased her cart to the side, and we gave each other the Cliff’s Notes of our lives in the floral aisle, parting 45 minutes later with the intention of getting back in touch, hopefully before another three years elapses! Why is it so hard to stay in touch? The pandemic hasn’t helped, but it’s just life in all its unpredictability. Our hearts are in the right place, but crisis management kicks in. What needs doing right now usurps all else, so we don’t write that email, pick up the phone or knock on their door. Friendship is one of life’s greatest blessings. It’s not a transactional relationship. It’s not forced. It’s a choice. When you find it and it’s reciprocal, it is a sweet gift. Friendship makes me do costly and illogical but oh-so-fun things like wake up at 3:30 a.m. for a flight to Texas to visit my college roommate. It’s my sister resurrecting a dormant group— from years ago, before a move halfway across the country—for a monthly Zoom call. It’s wildly sacrificial acts I’ve only read about, like donating a kidney. Who has one BFF? There’s the confidant from whom you seek advice. The bestie who makes you laugh. The childhood chum you’ve known forever. The always-game, spur-of-the-minute pal. The friend you lost touch with, but later connect as if no time has elapsed at all. Researchers say that making a casual friend takes an average of 50 hours, while close friendships take 200 hours. In college, friendship was effortless. We studied together, made food runs or stayed up late, just talking. Then I graduated. Real-life socializing required effort and scheduling. But that’s the secret to friendships outside
EDITOR’S COLUMN
LETTERS
from our readers Coloring for senior adults works better and is safer than Prozac or other drugs for anxiety. It’s very relaxing. - Dr. Cherry Ambrose, PSyD.
the playground or dorm, according to psychologist Marisa Franco. She’s an advocate of recurring group activities—the monthly game night or bike ride. For some mysterious reason, singing together is proven to be very conducive to friendships. I miss my own “choir therapy,” paused by COVID-19. Franco speaks of the “multiple touch points” in groups. “Someone…could reach out to all of us, and then we all keep in touch,” she explains. So even if group texts get unwieldy or the Zoom cage feels unnatural, they work when gathering may not be safe. (I’ve also met up with friends in the wintry outdoors, eating lunch by a fire!) Aging doesn’t seem as intimidating when you can commiserate with another. Senior centers are a hub of relationships forged over meals or shared interests, like exercise or crafts. Research shows that though we’re aging, friends enable us to stay resilient, open-minded and smarter. Loneliness can be as hard on you as smoking a pack per day. Friends are even more vital than relatives for extending one’s life. Seniors over 70 with a good number of friends tend to live 22 percent longer than those with fewer. When we close ourselves off, we miss out on community, and our world shrinks. In a lifetime we make an average of 396 friends, but only one out of 12 friendships lasts. Let’s thank our “forever people.” Here’s to making and being a friend! ■
Rhonda Wray, Managing Editor Rhonda@LaFifty.com
We enjoy Life After 50 every month. You have the best articles and the best jokes. I keep it in the car and read while my husband goes into stores. I wanted to let you know we appreciate it! - Marian, Gateway Presbyterian Church Rhonda, you are a terrific writer! I always enjoy your insights and memories; they always motivate me. I, also, am one of the magazine’s biggest fans. I am always clipping articles for reference, or just to re-read for inspiration. Thanks for all you do and thanks for letting me be a small part of such a fantastic publication! - Marti B., Ruff Life columnist I am long overdue in writing to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading your essays at the beginning of each recent issue of Life After 50. I especially resonated with the one about the Christmas road trips. Very personal and poignant with a heart-warming message for the season. - Robin I. Rhonda, I just read your column in the December issue of Life After 50. I’m very curious as to just where in Iowa you grew up. That is my home state also. My trip to Colorado was my first time to ever be west of Des Moines. I’ve been in Colorado all but three years since then. Retired from teaching in Jefferson County in 1990. - Shirley S. Your magazine is wonderful! - Carol T. I get Life After 50 sent to me personally. I greatly enjoy it, especially the front cover, “Becoming Claus.” I’m so excited about reading it! - Catherine D.
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WWW.LAFIFTY.COM | FEBRUARY 2022 | EDITOR'S COLUMN |
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