Built NOT to Break by- Sheleta Renee
Ring around the Rosey, a life filled with poison, ashes to ashes, we all fall down. They say love is never supposed to hurt no matter who is giving the love out but putting your trust in a man whose only desire is to use you and get out of you what he desires, is a recipe for a perfect toxic relationship. We have all heard of a toxic relationship but when there is a scientific name for that toxic love, it makes it all real.
For eight years, I poured into a man who I thought was going to be my forever. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him, and I made that known. Slowly I began making excuses for the snappy remarks or being accused of something that I knew I had not done, but remember it was all in the name of love. He told me so many times he loved me, he would never hurt me, and the big one, I reminded him of his grandmother which I later found to be a huge honor, but you must know that everything comes with a price and my price was my peace of mind and almost my life. You heard me, I had given him so much that I was empty and convinced myself that dying would be easier than the pain that he was taking me through. Loving a narcissist comes with the ability to have some thick skin and if you don’t, you are in for a long ride and neverending pain. Needless to say, my skin was not very thick, but I was not going to give up, I was determined to move heaven and earth to make this man my last and love me the way that I loved him.
Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. In layman’s terms, it is someone who will use you until they have used you up.
I loved me. I loved everything about life and would never have imagined that I would find myself in a relationship with a man who would take the time to break me down little by little. Not ME! I was on top of my game, I was big on protecting my peace and I didn’t take anything off anyone, but baby let me tell you, when the heart wants what the heart wants, you will see yourself doing things that you would never think you would do.
Fast forward to eight years later, five breakups, and even a marriage, I still was not able to break the narcissist from being the evil that he had brought into my life. The pain grew more and more unbearable, but I still held out hope that love would conquer all. What I did not understand is that LOVE did in fact conquer all, just not the way that I thought it should have. You see that’s the part that people really don’t understand about the whole love conquering all scenario. Love conquers all the foolishness that you go through, it gives you warning after warning and red flag after red flag, but we as women are so busy looking at the floating hearts, sweet kisses and most times great sex that’s being thrown our way, that we actually miss the hurtful words, slick remarks and cold looks that are given even during the time that you thought he was truly enjoying the love that ya’ll were making.
RE-ESTABLISH H.E.R. | 4
