Baccanalia 2021

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Contents

2. Contents 3. Editorial Mikko Rytö 4. Words from the Chair Salli Salolahti 5. Pilttivuosi Inkeri Poikolainen 6. Interview with Attila Otava Korkka 8. The Board of Anglica Mikko Rytö 14. Surviving Exchange During a Pandemic Katri Sohlman 16. Worse Things Happen At Sea Ensemble 19. Teacher Training: Zoom Edition Manu Pajuniemi 23. A Winner’s Guide to Villampics Rasmus Nordman 25. Lockdown Made Me do It Ensemble 28. A Big Pile of Text Ensemble 29. The Great Finnish Sauce Off Heikki Lyytinen 31. A Day in the Life of Tenho Veera Purhonen 33. Informed Opinions on Matters of Great Consequence Mikko Rytö 35. The Great Mayday Crossword Puzzle Katri Sohlman & Otto Tarkka 37. Coffee Mugs Ensemble 39. Choose Your Fighter Emmi Kaitarinne & Maija Ahtiala 40. Anglican Hororscope Emmi Kaitarinne & Maija Ahtiala 42. Your Wabu Name Generator Emmi Kaitarinne & Maija Ahtiala 43. Mikon Villapaitapeli Inkeri Poikolainen 44. Crossword Correct Answers Katri Sohlman & Otto Tarkka

bacchanalia 1. (often capital) orgiastic rites associated with Bacchus 2. Any drunken revelry Baccanalia Anglica ry 2021 Editor: Mikko Rytö Layout: Emma Lehtinen Cover: Emma Lehtinen, Mikko Rytö & Veera Purhonen Centerfold: Kiia-Rosalia Uutela Back: Emma Lehtinen, Mikko Rytö & Heikki Lyytinen Photos: Provided by amazing Anglicans Thanks to everyone associated with the project, either by contributing or otherwise helping. And special thanks to you reading this! You make this project worthwhile.

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Editorial A happy International Workers’ Day to you and yours!

The year really flew by, eh?

You know what they say: neither snow nor rain nor heat nor pandemic stops a clever bunch of English students from putting together a magazine by the beginning of May. Though this normal year we’ve had has put a slight hindrance on our activities, we’ve nonetheless managed to gather some of the top minds of Anglica to produce this Comfy edition of Baccanalia.

Inside these virtual pages you’ll find tall tales of those august days of yore when Anglicans filled cruise ships with revelry and competed for glory in the woods of Ruissalo.

These expressions of justified nostalgia are teeming with expectation for the time when we can return to our old ways. In the meantime, they’ll refresh the memory of old timers, and hopefully, give the newbies an idea of what the near future has in store for them.

While we patiently await our vaccines and the dawn of the New New Normal, Anglicans have shared some tips on spending your exorbitant amounts of me-time.

These include instructions for yoga and getting lost in the woods, as well as impressive demonstrations of misusing one’s academic talents in the form of extensive dipping sauce research.

The old favorites are here as well! Interviewers seek to better acquaint you with Anglica’s board, as well as one of the teachers at our Department. Autobiographical accounts of a Freshman, as well as an Anglican going abroad for a semester can also be found once again. Personally, I’m particularly looking forward to the May Day crossword, which I’ve greatly enjoyed the last few years.

I know it hasn’t been great for any of us, this past year. I myself have gone through every stage of Stockholm syndrome with a beard I started growing as a bit and now can’t in good conscience get rid of. This whole thing has gone on for a tad longer than I thought or was prepared for, in all honesty. But I believe things are taking a turn for the better.

I do hope you enjoy this edition of Baccanalia. After you’re finished with this, I wish you all a great summer, and I’ll see all of you come September.

I promise. I’ll shave and everything.

Yours as ever Mikko Rytö Editor-In-Chief 3

Words from the Chair Happy May Day everyone! Another academic year has come to an end, and with everything that’s going on it feels rather strange. As the whole year has been mostly online, the ending does not really spark the same feelings it usually does. Walking home from the campus for the last time this spring is not the same as we have not really even been on the campus this year at all. There is no last time at Kaffila or the library as they have been out of use for the whole year. Luckily we can still all attend our last Zoom lecture of the year and leave them to be for the summer!

This has been a tough year for us all. With the constant changes and uncertainties, spending almost all your time at home and not even being able to see your friends or attend student events, studying has felt much more exhausting than before. I know I’ve struggled with my studies a lot! But, when the times are tough it won’t help to beat yourself too hard about it. I think everyone should feel proud of themselves for surviving this year and I hope the summer will do everyone good!

This year many things that make student life so great were taken away. It’s not about just partying, but seeing people around the campus, eating together at Assari with your friends, studying at the library and drinking coffee at Kaffila with other Anglicans. Not having any of these little joys has felt unfair and tiring.

The year has brought with it a new normal that hopefully can with time become abnormal as it is not all too enjoyable.

Even when the times are rough there’s always some light at the end of the tunnel. The situation seems to be getting better and maybe after the summer we can even have events where we get to meet other Anglicans again. The year has brought attention to a lot of issues too and made many more aware of the struggles too many people face daily. So, despite all the unpleasantness we have faced, maybe we have learned a thing or two in the meantime.

Lastly I would like to thank all of you for being a part of Anglica! Anglica is such a strong student organization, so I am confident that even after a year like this we will bounce back stronger than ever! The people are what make Anglica so great and even through a laptop or a phone screen I can see that people here have found a place to call their own at the university. Anglica is a great community and feeling like you belong to a community is a great feeling, which I hope we can all cherish more than ever after this pandemic is beaten!

Hopefully everyone’s summer will be magnificent and when the autumn comes it’ll bring with good times and news!

Salli Salolahti The Chair 4

Baby Food Year Let’s start with a nice cliche, okay? As I'm starting to write this, it’s 03:47 on Friday. It’s somewhat comforting to notice that even in university, it’s not uncommon to start writing with mere days, or hours at best, before the looming deadline. Especially this year, the various deadlines are some of the best motivators; when the lectures are on a screen, studying is independent and group study session plans fall through due to a devastating pandemic.

Let’s roll back seven months to August when our starry eyed freshmen first started the climb up the University Hill. The first weeks were filled with socialization and getting to know our tutors, fellow freshers and university life in general. We had our Kastajaiset and even a nice BBQ. Somewhere along the line things took a turn for the worse and our careful live meetings turned to online meetings and truly independent uni life. A brand-spanking new beautiful dark blue Anglica branded boilersuit sits folded up in my closet, worn only once outside of my flat.

Everything. Is. Distance. Learning. Except for the Spoken English course, which was done on campus.

Neverending Zoom lectures, the real struggle to stay focused on the task at hand, and for me personally, waking up on time - or at all - for the morning lectures.

I am thankful for distance learning because I do enjoy the distance aspect of it. I’m glad I don’t have to be motivated to go out in order to learn and attend lectures. Alongside ease of access, Zoom has provided a platform for more "dumb questions" and free discussion than before. I guess people feel more comfortable asking in a random chat window rather than in person? It's a welcome conversation starter anyways, making monologues break up and help clarify things otherwise just assumed as understood.

On a personal level, the unbelievable fact that I actually passed my autumn courses was, well, unbelievable.

I was afraid everything was too hard, I didn’t listen enough, my notes weren’t good enough, but all the sweethearts in Anglica just said that it’s enough to just to pass. Anglica truly made this year for me. University life would’ve sure had a way rougher and lonelier start if not for all the folks in this wonderful community.

The inviting spirit, the personable people and the loveliest peeps in all of Turku!

Btw, a lil PSA for y’all: Online-Sitz alone was not the best of experiences, so buddy up! Dare to join and be yourself! Hopefully the next one will be IRL.

xoxo, Inkeri Poikolainen 5

Interview with Attila Who are you and how did you end up here at the Department of English?

Hi, I’m Attila. One could say that I started out at the Department of English just as much as I ended up here, as my ‘Finnish life’ began at the Department of English when I came to Turku as an exchange student in 2002. After the exchange period I lived at various parts of Finland before I completed my circle and settled in Turku in 2011 as a Finnish Hungarian with a strong North Karelian identity :). And the main reason for returning to Turku was a job opening at the English Department…

What is your field of specialty?

My specialty lies in the relationship of language and society. In a way, I am a linguist with a mind of a social scientist, or, perhaps it may be more appropriate to say that I am a linguist with a social agenda. I got ‘infected’ with this approach during my studies of feminist linguistics as an undergraduate student back in Hungary. There, I had one of those eye-opening experiences when hearing about the enormous influence language has on our societies, not just by representing our world and our thoughts, but also by creating ‘social realities’, such as gender categories 2020 March: the beginning of the remote work period that one may be able to identify with.

Looking at it through a social lens, language influences our lives through the ways we conceptualize things, legitimize particular types of attitudes, behavior, knowledge or ways of being (e.g. being a student, being a woman or being a refugee) via the texts we produce e.g. as our laws, news, TV shows, advertisements, materials for education, or just everyday interaction. This is not inherently a ‘bad thing’, since we live in societies with their ever-changing norms and rules and we all have to understand and interact with the social world that we are part of. But the social critical approach that I follow looks at the relationship of language and society with a focus on the role of our texts in terms of their impact on our rights and obligations, distribution of resources, access to being heard or being visible, etc. and tries to be explicit about the ways these texts influence our lives.

Was English always your number 1 interest, or did you consider studying other things as well?

My number one interest used to be literature, which I did study and ‘produce’ as well. English came to the picture partly due to spending many summers of my youth with my grandfather’s family in Las Vegas. I also went to a bilingual high school where several subjects were taught by teachers from the States. Some of these teachers had a completely different approach to their students than what I experienced before; they were understanding, their courses were exciting and they had a strong influence on me. All of this experience made me interested in US culture, history and society, so I applied for American Studies at the University of Szeged, Hungary. It was there, at the Institute of English and American Studies where I got involved in critical linguistics and it changed my interests.

What is something you are currently looking forward to, other than the end of the pandemic?

Well, I’m always looking forward to those moments when my old Hungarian coffee maker starts to say: krrrrrhhhhhhhh-khhhhhhhhh-khhhhh-khhhh-khhh-khhh-kh-kh-kh-kkkkkkkkk.

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Growing up, did you have a dream job? If so, what was it?

Well, I’m not sure when/whether I reached the point of growing up, but as a child I dreamt of becoming an astronaut and at a later point of becoming a writer. Maybe ending up as a sci-fi writer could have combined these two areas the best. In a way, my job as a lecturer especially the research component in it - is not that far from these early dreams; I just hope that it gravitates more towards the science side than fiction ;).

If you could teach any kind of course, what ... and a year later would it be about?

I am quite lucky in this respect, as I have a chance to talk about the stuff that I am interested in during my courses. But if we were better resourced, and there was a possibility for new courses, then I would definitely like to teach one on functional linguistics (i.e. a grammar system based on meanings), critical discourse analysis (i.e. a ‘social activist’ approach to linguistics that is geared towards influencing social change) or ecolinguistics (i.e. linguistics that looks beyond anthropocentric models of thinking and address key ecological issues related to e.g. climate change or environmental justice). And in terms of the types of courses, in an ideal world it would be great to have smaller groups and more interactive methods of teaching, such as workshops or small joint projects with the students.

Is there an academic or university tradition you particularly enjoy?

Most of the academic traditions that I enjoy are related to the ‘local’ traditions in our community at the English Department, such as our Christmas parties in the past or the mock covers made for dissertations. In addition to these, there are also those secret traditions in academia that I obviously cannot talk about. Unfortunately though, David Lodge had a different approach to keeping these secrets than the rest of us :).

What is the best thing about Turku?

First of all, I really like that Turku is ‘just the right size’ of a town: it’s big enough to offer a variety of cultural programs but it’s small enough for not having to spend much time commuting even if one lives outside the downtown area. I’m also impressed by the architecture. I like that there is such an exciting variation of old and new, and, also that city-like areas can turn to village-like ones and back even in areas close to downtown.

In terms of places, I really like for example Pikisaari, Katariinanlaakso, Koroinen, Ruissalo, Martti, Portsa, the area around the Art Museum, the riverside in downtown, and I also enjoy the atmosphere of some places in the Varissuo area. In addition, I love that the archipelago is so close to Turku as I spend quite much of my time there.

What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

In my free time, I spend a lot of time outdoors, most of the time being engaged in sports that have something to do with human powered transportation and/or exploring nature. In addition to these, I like to read (especially novels and poetry), watch science fiction movies, listen to a rather small variety of music (but do that quite often) and do things with my hands, such as gardening, building bicycles or modding watches as these need full concentration from my part and help me switch off.

If you could only choose one sport to do for the rest of your life, what would it be?

It would definitely be cycling. But the question would be much harder to answer if I had to choose only one bike for life. Yet I have a very strong feeling that if this were the case then my choice would be my single speed mountain bike.

Otava Korkka 7

The Board of Anglica Salli, The Chair State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Salli, I’m 23 and it’s impossible to rank rice... all rice is great What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Villa! Nothing better than a whole weekend with Anglican friends What habit would you like to develop or get rid of?

I have a bad habit of hoarding waterglasses in my room so I’d like to get rid of that.

What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

I’ve been loving Kali Uchis and Maude Latour lately.

Also I really liked Litku Klemetti’s new album!

Otava, The Vice Chair State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Otava, 24, fried rice What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Villa! And to be honest, any non-remote Anglican event is a thing to look forward to.

What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

Been more into podcasts than music lately, I recommend Tiedetrippi!

What habit would you like to develop or get rid of?

Napping for two hours when I meant to nap for 20 minutes...

What country would you most like to visit?

Japan

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Tommi, The Treasury State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Tommi Virtanen, 26, jasmine (preferably yellow) Would you rather have 100€ or a tricycle?

100€ that I could then use to buy multiple tricycles.

What country would you most like to visit?

Ireland or Iceland. The rhyming is just a coincidence.

What habit would you like to develop or get rid of?

It sure would be fun to get better at grabbing myself from the back of my neck. And I don't mean physically, that one I already know - it's my party trick.

Aliisa, The Secretary State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Aliisa Rantanen, 22 years old and not a big fan of rice.

Would you rather have 100€ or a tricycle?

100€ in cold hard cash thank you! My old knees cannot take the pressure anymore.

What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

I’m really looking forward to attending any Sitz party!

Although the online Sitzs have been successful, I really miss the old ones.

What instrument would you like to learn to play?

Saxophone! Remember the Sax-Guy from the Eurovision? You get me, right?

Cats or Dogs?

What kind of question is this? Cats of course!

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Emmi, The Info State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

I'm Emmi Kaitarinne, I'll be 21 by May and basmati rice is my favorite!

What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

The sitz parties! I always feel like one of the dwarfs in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey as they're singing and emptying the cupboards at Bilbo's place.

Would you rather have 100€ or a tricycle?

I’ll take the tricycle because I can sell it for more than 100€. Or become a Wolt courier with the coolest vehicle.

What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

I have recently been introduced to ska and folk punk. I recommend Oh Me, Oh My by Streetlight Manifesto!

What's the least scary thing you're scared by?

Not sure if this is the least scary but eyes at night. Whether it's a human, a pet or sOmeThiNg paRanORmaL, if I'm not prepared to see eyes I will jump.

Veera, Social & Educational Affairs State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Veera, 22, the one you get from Indian restaurants Cats or Dogs?

Dogs duh?

What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

I use spotify for murder podcasts only, sorry!

What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Sitz party of any kind of course!!!

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Lea-Lotta, Projects State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Lea-Lotta, 23, Basmati rice What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

I can't wait to experience a real Vappu!

Would you rather have 100€ or a tricycle?

Gimmi money What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

I've been poisoning everyone around me with Latin pop lately, and the phase doesn't seem to be ending any time soon. "Ella Es Mi Fiesta" is a song that always gets me in a good mood :~) What's the best cheese?

There's no cheese that will ever be able to beat Aurajuusto.

Maija, Party & Culture State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Maija Ahtiala, 22 (23 when this is published). Brown rice.

What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Definitely a sitz party!

Cats or Dogs?

Depends, but I'd choose an Italian Greyhound over a cat anytime.

What instrument would you like to learn to play?

The guitar. My fingers aren't made for playing it though.

Any thoughts on being on the board during your freshman year?

It's a great way to make more friends and keep yourself busy, if that's what you like! I've enjoyed it a lot even during these trying times. I've even unlocked my creative side as a juku (Party and culture).

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Malla, Party & Culture State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Malla Hemminki, 22, fried What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

All the May Day happenings What country would you most like to visit?

Indonesia or the Netherlands What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

I've been listening to a lot of tech house since i miss parties and dancing a lot (and it's also the best exercise music). I've also been vibing to all the new (and old) Eurovision songs.

Any thoughts on being on the board during your freshman year?

Regardless of the circumstances, it's been a very good experience so far. It's a great way to get to know people and learn about the operation of the student organization.

I've really enjoyed taking part in organizing events for Anglicans and hopefully we’ve managed to bring some joy in the midst of everything that's going on in the world.

Juha, Member State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Juha, 26, steamy basmati What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Sitz parties Cats or Dogs?

Cats that meow What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

City Pop! Go jam to it right now.

What country would you most like to visit?

Weebs go to Japan Any thoughts on being on the board during your freshman year?

Mommy, I'm scared

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Aapo, Member State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Aapo Häärä, 19, fried rice.

What music have you been listening to lately? Any recommendations?

Oh, there's so much music I've been listening to... I've been enjoying Kraftwerk a great amount, definitely listen to "Trans-Europe Express".

What country would you most like to visit?

Ireland.

Any thoughts on being on the board during your freshman year?

Pretty wild, never thought this would be the case. I really am happy to be here.

Noora, The Vice Member State your name, age, and favorite type of rice.

Noora Kyckling, 20 years of age, arborio risotto rice.

What Anglican event are you most looking forward to attending once things clear up?

Having no weekend getaway with my fellow Anglicans in the form of Villa this year left a hole in my heart.

When it's safe to have an event like that again, best believe I'll be first in the metaphorical line refreshing my email for the Doodle link.

Would you rather have 100€ or a tricycle?

100€ can buy many tricycles. I'd assume. I'm not exactly familiar with the exchange rates of niche forms of transportation.

Cats or Dogs?

Why pit two bad bitches against each other like this? #coexist Any thoughts on continuing as Vice Member for a second year?

Initially I wasn't going to apply to be a part of the board, even though I really wanted to, given that I'm often swamped with studies and work. However, with my experience from last year I was confident that as vice member I would be able to help whenever necessary, and it still wouldn't overwhelm my schedule. Overall, a very positive experience.

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Surviving Exchange During a Pandemic Having your exchange semester start at the same time as the world is declared to be in the middle of a pandemic is quite an experience. You may have some idea what the Erasmus exchange should look like and what kind of experiences you expect to have, but all of my expectations were thrown out the window the day I left Turku. On the 13th of March 2020, the world stopped, and I got an email from the University of Turku, that my exchange would be canceled. I was leaving for Germany in two days and had only one thought in my mind: I must go. My options were either to stay in Finland and live with my parents as I had sublet my apartment for the next five months.

Additionally, I would not be able to complete any courses during that semester and on top of that, I had agreed to pay 500 euros per month for a room in an apartment in the center of Münster. The other option was to hope that my flight or trains would not be canceled, travel for 10 hours, and arrive in Münster, Germany at 9 PM on Sunday, 15th of March.

So, I had a rough beginning for my exchange. Upon my arrival, my roommate told me that she would leave to stay with her parents for at least a month because the start of the semester had been postponed. She was away for 7 weeks. The following two-ish months went by in a blurry haze and quicker than I ever would have imagined. In hindsight, I was lucky that the whole world went in lockdown at the same time, because all of my friends from home would also be stuck at their homes and available to spend time with me online. That made me feel so much less alone than I in reality was. Another blessing was the spring weather in Germany.

Daily walks around Aasee, the small lake next to the city, or the promenade, the pedestrian path around the city center, was one of the highlights of my days, and I was able to enjoy nature coming alive. I know that that sounds so fake and tacky, but you gotta give it to me, I have to romanticize my first months in Germany to disguise the fact how miserable they probably actually were.

In the latter part of May, my life in Germany finally started. We were able to meet up with the people I had talked to in an online setting during Erasmus meetings and that group of around 10 people became my support group during the latter part of the exchange. I was finally able to do some of the things that I had planned to do, but I had to adjust them to a smaller scale. Traveling easy in central Europe turned out to be traveling within Germany and basically within one state and having huge exchange student parties turned out to be smaller gatherings and having take-out and beers am Aasee. We would spend the hot summer days by the canal, got ice cream from the numerous spots around the city and play yard games or meet up at Jüdefelderstrasse, ‘the bar street’, to have some kind of a feeling of what the nightlife in Münster could offer us in normal times.

Nevertheless, I was able to do something. So those small things became a huge part of my experience.

Münster Schloss - the main building of the university of Münster and only 300 meters from my doorstep 14

One of the best parts of my exchange was to reconnect with some of the German students that had spent a semester or two in Finland, Simon and Charlotte.

Simon, born and raised in Münster, gave me a tour around the city and was able to offer me some authentic Münsterian experiences that I was not able to have with the group of exchange students who were all a little lost in the new city. And with Charlotte, I had one of the best weekends of my exchange. I traveled six hours to spend the weekend with her in Germersheim and I don’t remember a time from Germany that I was so relaxed and laughed so much. Even if I was not creating strong, lifelong friendships with the people in Münster, I still kinda have that experience with the people who have come to Finland.

Franzbrötchen - traditional pastry from northern Germany I will not bore you with the details of the difficult moments I had during my exchange like the issues with course registrations, the feeling of absolute loneliness, and stressing about the documents needed to get the credits in Finland, but those were very much part of the experience and maybe the part that I learned the most from. Especially at the beginning of my exchange I was thinking that if nothing else, I’m able to say “I had my student exchange during a worldwide pandemic, how about you?” and the Finnish saying “Paska reissu, mutta tulipahan tehtyä” would perfectly describe my time in Germany, but I’m happy to say that it’s not just that.

The pandemic did affect my exchange a lot and I missed a huge deal from the traditional exchange experiences, but I still don’t regret my choice to go no matter the situation. Part of the exchange is that you get to test yourself in new unknown situations and I definitely did that.

Promenade - a boulevard underneath lime trees

Katri Sohlman 15

Worse Things Happen at Sea: Memories of NOT-GOOM A Holistic Overview For me personally, there isn’t a one specific Not-Goom experience that rises above the rest. Instead, the best Not-Goom experiences are a collection of smaller moments and happenings, that solidify Not-Goom as one of the most memorable events that you can hardly remember. These moments include but aren’t limited to: getting shooed by the security, marching to the tax-free shop ASAP after departing, discovering your own look-a-like amidst the crowd, getting to stay in a cabin in a row of cabins filled with Anglicans, which you can freely pop in and out of, playing an assortment of card games and drinking games with your friends and of course tearing it up on the dancefloor and staying up until breakfast. The next day is of course a tired, often a hungover experience which is best shared with friends, until arriving back to Turku. Not-Goom is a cruise that is one of a kind, so much so that I feel like I don’t need other cruise trips per year. Considering I’ve missed out on the last two Not-Gooms, needless to say my heart yearns for another nautical adventure with my Anglican partners in crime.

Saku Hellbom A Hazy Overview It’s been approximately 84 years since the last Not-GOOM, so naturally my memories are faded, and those that remain are probably being viewed here through Gambina-tinted glasses, but I don’t necessarily see that as a negative. Disclaimer: I can not confirm the veracity of any of the following, as I was likely very, very, inebriated. Your mileage may vary.

To single out any Not-GOOM experience as the best or most memorable is, to me at least, impossible. NotGOOM is a disoriented collection of drunken memories, moments outside of time, maybe even space. NotGOOM is singing Christmas songs in a karaoke filled with pensioners, Not-GOOM is the unfathomable drinking endurance of a freshman, it’s the cup of coffee you drink alone on the deck in a vain attempt to treat the ensuing hangover and sleep deprivation caused by the aforementioned drinking. Not-GOOM might also be awful and sad and horrible, but that’s just life reminding of its existence back ashore. You’re used to that.

You’ll get over it. Find yourself some painkillers, have a nap under a bed somewhere, wake up, hydrate, and get back to it.

As I literally have no recollection of which memory is from which Not-GOOM, I guess I could do the cheap journalist trick of saying the best thing about Not-GOOM is the concept of it. It’s not often you can momentarily disregard any and all responsibilities you might have in exchange for a night on a boat with access to alcohol and all the great folks of our beloved Anglica. Here’s hoping we’ll get to have one sooner rather than later.

Viljo Linjama An Otto Overview Oh yeah, Not-GOOM, let’s go! Where’s my ticket? Oh, there it is. Are we allowed to drink here, I guess so, everyone else is drinking. Let’s board the ship. Now where’s my cabin? 2083, 2082, 2081… This damn key doesn’t even work, yes it does. My bed, your bed, their bed. Are we moving yet? Let’s explore the ship. Where are we going? I’m going on the deck. I think we’re moving now. Where’s that conference room. Hell yeah, champagne! Look at all these people, I don’t even know half of them. Yada, yada, let’s head to the tax free.

Now we’re talking, but where’s our cabin again? Turn the bin into a fridge, did you know you can turn the bin into a fridge, yes I know. King’s cup, let’s go! Waterfall! Shiieet. I’ll go visit some neighbours. Hi, do I know you, who’s sleeping here? Wanna go to the bar, yes of course. Well that sucked. But damn, that carpet looks trippy. Which floor are we on? Hey dude, good to see you! Who puked up where? Please, not in my beers.

Where the hell am I? Hey, are you even listening. I think you should go to bed. I’m fine. Where’s my beers, who drank all my beers? Just give me the vodka. I’m fine. What the hell happened? Breakfast? Fuck off.

Otto Tarkka

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A Crunchy Overview This trip began and proceeded the same way most Not-Gooms I went on; we had a lot of fun, hanging out in each other’s cabins, enjoying some liquid refreshments which had been chilled inside the trash can of the bathroom after it had been filled with cold water from the shower (free pro tip). Now after a few visits to the bars and clubs of the boat, my cabin and a few other friends were fully ready to do the classic strategy of staying up until breakfast. We managed, with quite a lot of extra help from the aforementioned liquid refreshments. Just to give a glimpse of how absolutely “fine” we all were, my friend Tuomas had a revelation while waiting in line at the breakfast buffet: while eating iceberg lettuce straight from his plate like a drunken baby panda, he sincerely stated: “Have you guys ever realized that lettuce is like crispy water?” After laughing for about 7 straight minutes, we all agreed with this revelatory fact and finally got something to eat.

During the breakfast, we devised a plan to combat the upcoming hangover next “morning”. We decided that the first thing we do after waking up, is to go to the upstairs club and buy each of us some strawberry margaritas. It seemed like the perfect option; it has sugar, it has alcohol and it doesn’t taste like beer (which we felt would not be the first thing we want to taste in the morning). However, when we arrived at the bar, we were greeted by tragedy. The margarita machine was broken. Defeated, we forgot our plan and most of us ordered the only thing we know, a beer. It was not good. At all.

As the saying goes however, not all heroes wear capes. Captain Crispy Water aka Tuomas, was the last in line at the bar. He looked around and noticed an advertisement for some sort of drink. It was called a “buck”.

He decided to test it. When he arrived at our table, heads turned. What was this strange grayish liquid? Is that a lime wedge? Ice? Tuomas had a sip…his face lit up. “Holy crap guys, this is incredible!” We all had a taste. Now I am sure that the earlier night’s debauchery and the state we were in at the moment had a strong influence on this but good lord, this magical mixture of lime juice, ginger ale and vodka tasted better than anything we could even imagine. It was settled. We chugged what was left of our beers (waste not, want not) and quickly bought everyone their own “buck”. We got a little bit “bucked up”. During the next few hours we all had approximately ten more of those bad boys and created a very simple special “toast” that we did every time we got more bucks. This was not helped by the fact that once we got back to our cabin, we found discount coupons for the drink in our (and everyone else’s) cabin. Still, at no point did we get tired of indulging in this panacea. After the trip, we learned that this mystery drink was actually called the “Moscow Mule”, and that any booze mixed with muddled lime and ginger ale is called a Mule.

The trip left its mark. Even now, years later, I still call iceberg lettuce crispy water. I know how to make an excellent homemade buck. Also, whenever I am at a night club with my friends, a couple of us will always go and order a Moscow Mule and toast it slowly while chanting “öööÖÖÖÖ BUCKIIBUCKIIBUCKIIBUCKIII!” Hopefully I can do that again sooner rather than later.

Kalle Moilanen A Sleepless Overview Honestly, my first miNiMES (the predecessor of not-GOOM) was such an experience that it ought to be recalled in this instance. The evening was quite a lot of the standard stuff on a booze cruise: visiting the taxfree, mingling, excursions to various cabins, drinking beer or something more exotic, and of course eating those little cheese cubes as the perfect snack. The night was likely a lot of the same until it was time for breakfast (as customary - no sleep before breakfast!). Breakfast seemed to go on for hours but that likely reflects both my hazy memory and how much fun I had. I happened to eventually be sitting with a few senior students.

We decided that sleeping truly is unnecessary. Thus, after breakfast we all visited our cabins and agreed to convene again shortly. I used the allotted time to promptly exit everything I had just ate out of my system and then brushed my teeth. I was ready for a new day! The rest of the day involved a lot of silly banter and trips to the tax free, a very fidgety feeling towards the end of the cruise, and simply a desperate attempt to avoid the cousin of death. Some of the crew gave in to the allure of the seas during the day but I was determined. I decided to reward this nonsense endeavour by purchasing exactly one kilogram of sliced cheese which I held like a baby. Eventually, the cruise ended and it was time to go home. Before succumbing to the sweet embrace of my bed, I recouped the losses from breakfast time with a hearty frozen pizza and went lights out before 9 pm. They call it a 23 hour cruise and I certainly got my money’s worth.

Teemu Helenius 17

A Proge Overview My second Not-Goom in 2019 was the craziest one for me. Teemu Helenius and I had a plan of playing progressive rock for the entire cruise in our cabin. The cabin was appropriately dubbed the “progehytti”.

After the usual Not-Goom hijinks of embarrasing yourself at the karaoke lounge and reenacting Titanic at the upper deck, we bought four litres of red wine and vodka at the tax free and finally got the party started.

I remember lying on my bed listening to King Crimson with some of my best mates and thinking it couldn't get much better than this.

Unsurprisingly my memories of what happened the rest of the evening are pretty hazy. What I can remember is having one of the worst hangovers of my life the next day. The cabin was a wasteland.

In true Not-Goom I didn't just sleep it off but started drinking some baileys in my bed to get back in the game.

What I didn't remember was that I actually was supposed to be working right after the ship arrived in Turku.

After trying to get rid of my shift for a couple of hours I came to the conclusion that it was hopeless. Remember to make sure you're not working the day after the cruise!

All in all I have zero regrets. I'm looking forward to reviving the progehytti project when we can finally go on a cruise again.

Heikki Lyytinen

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Teacher Training: Zoom Edition Teacher training. For some, it’s a necessary evil towards the goal of graduation. Others consider it literally the worst thing they’ll do during their studies. And then, there’s a rather large group of us, aspiring to get our first, proper experience of being a teacher. Personally, I wasn’t a complete rookie, but having mainly taught university students during internships before, what was waiting ahead was not crystal clear to me. What I did know, though, was that I had waited a long time for this. And despite the universe enabling hard mode for us well in advance, I wasn’t going to let it ruin the experience.

Now, first impressions always tell a lot. In this instance, we were told to spend as little time as possible at Norssi, the very school at which the training takes place. Fun! Fortunately, we got to start the year in contact teaching, and one class after another, the memories from elementary school that had grown so distant started to come back. At first, the days mainly consisted of observing classes and attending lectures, but rather soon became the time to use the years of mastering the English language to teach a bunch of energetic kids *checks notes* … the names of fruits and vegetables. Gotta start from somewhere! Regardless of that, getting to see the joyous moments of learning in person really helped in getting through the first couple of weeks at Norssi.

And then, on October 30, we got the news: distance teaching awaits, comrades. And boy, is it different from contact teaching. Firstly, the lack of interaction of any capacity between you and your class can leave you guessing whether the class has understood your ramblings – or worse yet, whether the class is paying attention.

Secondly, remote teaching is sloooow. If you think you’re good at time management based on contact teaching, forget all of that in Zoom: there won’t be hands shooting up like in a classroom, and it takes approximately six business days to check the homework. On the other hand, though, implementing all kinds of technology to teaching is considerably easier in remote teaching and opens up a world of options for all parties involved.

Tending to inappropriate behaviour is not a problem either, even though some students might occasionally get creative with the tools they have.

Having now been on both sides of the process of teaching via Zoom, I reckon that many of us trainees see it all differently. In a remote setting, the teacher no longer has to carry the burden of ensuring that everyone gets to study in peace. Instead, the key factor is that without the in-person interaction, the teaching has to be intriguing and captivate the students – I’m confident that we all know this by now. Further, teaching to a wall of black screens is just miserable. It might escape your consciousness at first, but the reactions that you can see live in class tell you loads about the progress that they make or don’t make – and in Zoom, that information is often unavailable to you. Most of the time, you might not even know how all of your students are doing, and for that reason, I sincerely hope that we move away from remote teaching as soon as possible.

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A topic that often comes up when discussing teacher training is the unbearable workload that trainees have to deal with. Is that a myth? There’s no simple, all-encompassing answer to that: each of us have our own plans, and they greatly affect the outcome. One thing I’d say, though, is that for me, the days in training often were polar opposites: one day I would just casually attend a lecture and plan a class or two from home, and on the next, it looked as if I had swapped schedules with Hermione Granger. So, don’t bet on any kind of consistency.

And speaking of magic, the basics of teleportation might come in handy when you have two classes back-toback, with something like six kilometres and seven seconds in between them. Despite my distaste towards remote teaching and learning, Zoom did provide some flexibility with schedules, so it wasn’t all doom and gloom. My overall experience was not too bad, but I would be lying if I said that there weren’t any roadblocks on the path. To those who have their training still looming ahead, I’d say that carefully planning your training year well in advance will save you a headache or two. Or hundred.

On a more positive note, the training supplied me with fond memories and uplifting moments to last a lifetime.

I’ve always been of the opinion that learning is the most rewarding thing in existence, and sure enough, seeing my students make progress or diligently working on an exercise reinforced that feeling class after class. And if you hit the jackpot of having a student thank you for it, that’s your day made. And generally speaking, being a teacher, you get to laugh a lot at times: whether it was someone pulling off stunts in Zoom in an attempt to disrupt my class or someone in my class pointing out that “hey, you look a bit like Leonardo DiCaprio”, rare were the times when I left the classroom without a smile on my face. Those moments and feelings really go a long way in alleviating the stress from the long, arduous days in the training.

If I had to say the single most important thing that I have learned during the last seven months, it probably is that I know I was right in deciding the path I am on. Amid the turmoil that we have been in for the last fourteen months, getting to do something this meaningful offered a much-needed respite. Even with things looking down and times getting hard, the people of Norssi were something to fight for. And frankly, seeing this global dedication within the group of my peers made me want to face the challenge of helping the kids learn time and time again. That’s something I’d like to tell those who are planning to undergo the training one day: if your mindset is to go and help others on their journey through life, you’ll do just fine – and learn a metric ton yourself too. Zoom or classroom, it does not matter: that is what teaching is all about.

That’s why we do this.

Manu Pajuniemi

"Sometimes you just have to find a substitute to handle the morning lessons."

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A Winner’s Guide to Villampics Anglica Goes Villa – a classic event with countless proud traditions. Following the tragic sale of Kesähuvila Metsäranta which had hosted Villa for several years, it’s time for Anglica to find a new venue for its annual cabin weekend, at least after the current pandemic subsides. In the meantime, it’s of the utmost importance that we as Anglicans remember our Villa traditions in order to be able to carry at least some of them with us through this long night towards a new dawn for one of Anglica’s most popular events. As mentioned, there are countless traditions, but this article will focus on a hectic, yet lackadaisical, few hours of cutthroat, yet convivial, competition, which we call Villampics. Climb aboard as we embark upon an intriguing (?) voyage to dissect the preparation for and execution of Villampics. Be warned, this article is written from a ridiculously competitive point of view, and it’s important to recognise that the most important aspects of Villampics are having fun and friendship. Be that as it may, what is more fun than winning and what could possibly be better for friendship than taking a meaningless competition way too seriously and winning it together?

As most of you will know, Villampics consists of a series of contests, usually five or six, in which teams are awarded points based on their performance in relation to the other teams. In the end, the team with the most total points wins and receives one of the most coveted prizes in the academic world, a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine, whereas the team with the least total points faces the dreaded task of cleaning up after breakfast on Sunday. Simple, is it not? This should suffice as a background of the topic, and we can proceed to a more detailed description of how to prepare for Villampics.

You sense it the moment you wake up. The tension is in the stuffy air of wherever you happened to fall asleep just a few short hours ago. You probably don’t feel like a million bucks, but you know that the sleepdeprived and dehydrated condition you are in fact is exactly where you want to be in order to perform at your maximum level in the afternoon. The Villa Saturday as a whole should be thought of as a journey best started in substandard shape gradually built up during the day and peaking at the moment of your choosing when you need to be at your best. A morning swim followed by devouring the ever-nutritious Villa breakfast is a reliable method to prepare you for actually having to perform physical activities in a few hours. You start contemplating different scenarios and strategies in your mind. It’s paramount that you’re prepared for anything the organisers might throw at you contestwise, be it frisbees or wooden rings. Keep snacking throughout the morning and early afternoon as your body will require energy in order to have the strength to mostly stand around for a few hours. Around midday you can launch your campaign of psychological warfare against your potential opponents. It can be anything from a random show of strength to trick shotting your disposable lunch plate into one of the refuse sacks. The crucial factor is looking ice cold and unfazed while you do it, letting everyone know you’re there, calm and ready to do whatever it takes to raise that bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine. The organisers are calling for everyone to come outside. It’s about to begin.

An underrated segment of Villampics is the warm up dodgeball. This is your chance to limber up and, more importantly, study the weaknesses of your potential opponents and perhaps even slightly taunt them as well.

Keep in mind that some of the participants will be your teammates, so maintain a friendly atmosphere overall.

They don’t need to see your most ruthless self yet. The warm up has been the scene of several absolutely outstanding performances over the years, which can be an early sign of who will end up being honoured on the Villa stairs later. In fact, a recent study claims that 72 percent of top five dodgeball finishers are part of the championship winning team as well.

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You’re about to be divided into random teams. At this time, quietly go through all of your most empowering memories in your mind as it will help you be placed in a team with people of a similar mindset and with different qualities, which creates the best possible team composition. Some say being placed in a good team is down to luck and standing in the right place in the line, but it can’t be stressed enough how false that theory is. It’s all in your mind, just believe. Actually, try to avoid being a number three if you can, as the aforementioned study states that 97 percent of team number threes finish in the bottom two. Find your teammates and look them all in the eye, one by one. Let your gaze impale each individual with unwavering confidence and simultaneously let them do the same for you, as they’ll probably be at the very least as motivated as you are. These people are now your only friends, your entire family for the upcoming hours, you’re going to war together. Everything is set.

Game time. You and your team have bonded to become an impenetrable unit with no chinks in your armour whatsoever. At this point it doesn’t really matter what kind of contests lie ahead, as you’re sufficiently prepared, in the right mindset and basically destined to succeed. Any concrete tips for passing an egg with a spoon, running with your legs taped together or dipping a pen into a bottle? No, just do it well, it’s not that hard. Bear in mind that Villampics is essentially a psychological competition and keeping a cool head will generally yield results. In fact, you might simply want to visualise yourself on the stairs raising that sweet bottle of champions in the air to the disinterested cheers of your fellow Anglicans down below. That should provide you with a powerful rush of adrenaline to push you all the way.

In the interest of providing a different point of view, it’s also possible to participate in Villampics with a somewhat contrasting attitude and strategy. You can enjoy your time with your peers and appreciate a little friendly banter while taking pleasure in the general atmosphere of the genuinely unique experience that is Anglica Goes Villa without worrying about winning. As we’ve learned during the past year or so, spending time together isn’t something to be taken for granted. So consider this approach when you prepare for the next Villampics, whenever that might be. Or, you know, just follow the instructions above and become a champion.

To each their own.

Rasmus Nordman

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Lockdown Made Me Do It Fermenting for fun and profit Most of us work either in customer service, or at a paperwork factory of some description.

We’re not only alienated from our labor in the Marxist sense, but alienated from our alienation as our work doesn’t result in anything fungible, and at the end of our shifts many of us are left wondering what the point of the last eight hours was.

This being the case, If one wishes to stay sane it’s extremely helpful to create things. Woodworking would probably be great but I live in an apartment the size of a very small apartment and lack both the talent or motivation. For these reasons I’ve pivoted towards more kitchen-oriented projects, as I’m less likely to be hospitalized in a nail gun incident, and being able to consume the end-product helps with the problem of motivation.

So far I’ve made pickled eggs which sucked, pickles which weren’t great, and I’m just getting started on kombucha which will probably kill me, but in the immortal words of A.I, “We’re talking about practice”.

Mikko Rytö Knitting, Knotting and Cooking I ended up knitting and getting experimental in the kitchen.

I tried taking care of plants, too, but it didn’t go as planned (rest in peace Schefflera Arborigola whom I named Gimli).

First, I made myself a pair of mittens, but because I’m just a beginner, they turned out too big and I decided to unravel them. Then I wanted to make myself a pair of leg warmers.

They turned out quite well, although they are a bit too small for me. After that, my yarn was wearing thin, and I decided to make myself a pair of ankle socks. They turned out just right! So I guess practice really does make perfect.

In the kitchen, I tried a lot of new recipes. My first palak paneer went south, and my vegetable curry was way too hot for me, but I didn’t let that stop me. And I’m glad I didn’t: the second round with palak paneer went perfectly! I also made for example Moroccan chickpea stew, which I thought would be way too spicy (my nose was running from the fumes rising from the frying pan), but in the end it was nothing but delicious.

I also made my very first (and second) macramé wall hanging! I’m very pleased about the way they turned out, especially the first one. The technique is not knitting but knotting. It was easier than I thought, and I recommend trying it if you’re interested!

Emmi Kaitarinne 25

Forests: Scientists have scienced and psychologists have psychologized that spending time in a forest does wonders to your mental wellbeing! It’s said to reduce cortisol levels and improve your mood, and those are exactly the things I was seeking during the lockdown in Spring 2020. Luckily for me, my family lives less than 5 minutes away from a beautiful lake and forest-y scenery in Tampere, so going into the woods was more than easy. Not only that, but my sister also enjoys a good daily stroll!

There’s nothing better than witnessing Spring coming day by day – the sun was shining brighter every day, butterflies were fluttering around, and we also saw many different birds that we haven’t seen before. We also saw a deer! For someone that has lived in a bigger city their whole life, that was amazing. Nature is beautiful and spending time in the great outdoors can truly help our well-being, so why not challenge yourself to find your favorite forest in Turku?

Maija Ahtiala

Yogata Try Yoga!

A thing I’ve started to do more regularly during the pandemic is yoga. It’s the sort of exercise that when you’re doing it, it doesn’t actually feel like you’re exercising - the perfect kind of exercise for me. It’s very good for your health: your strength, balance and flexibility improve right before your eyes and your cardiac health benefits from it. It can help you sleep better and reduce both stress and back pains. Some even feel more energized after a good session of yoga.

What’s best: you don’t necessarily need a 50€-a-month gym membership in order to do yoga - in addition to great yoga instructions on the internet, there are hundreds and hundreds of yoga videos on Youtube, most of them made by real yoga instructors. All you need is a gym mat - and if you don’t have one, being barefoot works just as well! (My tip: try grip socks [jarrusukat]. No, they’re not just for children and yes, they are amazing!)

Lea-Lotta Huurtela You can do yoga absolutely everywhere and in every situation...even with your pets!

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All Aboard the Hype Train: Board Games Though board games have always been quite popular, their sales have significantly increased in the last year.

It’s no wonder why. In addition to being a wonderful free time activity, they increase your brain function, reduce stress, enhance creativity and self-confidence and create laughter and happiness around you. You can also easily take them with you anywhere you go. Just grab Catan or SkipBo to a get-together with friends, have a Yahtzee or Chess tournament on a train, and play Alias or Port Royal on a sunny afternoon picnic by the Aura River. During the pandemic, gathering with friends and having board game nights hasn’t been the most recommended thing to do but luckily most of my favorite board games can be played with a group of 3 quite well.

What’s great about board games is that there’s something for everybody. If you are a quick-witted genius with a vast vocabulary and don’t mind a little adrenaline rush, choose Alias, Codenames or Trivial Pursuit - something for your brain to feed on.If instead of guessing words or sharing your incredible knowledge, you want to get to use your excellent strategies and gaming skills with a (big) pinch of luck, Eclipse, Terraforming Mars, Catan or Ticket to Ride would be your go-to games. Or if you just want a simple game to enjoy while hanging out with your friends, SkipBo, Port Royal or Saboteur would be perfect for you.

I recommend all of these games, but there are many more great ones left unmentioned as well. The next time when you’re feeling bored and are about to click on the next episode of your current Netflix show, dial up a friend and arrange a board game night instead - the world of board games goes deep, is enormous and what’s best: there’s room for everyone!

Lea-Lotta Huurtela Wine Enthusiast-Wannabe At the beginning of the lockdown, I wanted to learn how to drink wine and enjoy it like many do. Though I started of by drinking red wines and founding some of my favourite red wines through trial and error, I must say I prefer white wine. My favourite white wine is Kung Fu Girl, it is such a nice wine and goes with anything. Everytime I go to the liqour store I am tempted to buy Kung Fu Girl but I wanna keep trying other wines even if it is scary. I also have been drinking a lot of Austrian wine and some random stuff my boyfriend orders from our Polish coworker. Rosé is also nice to drink with friends as it can be very sweet, though I prefer more dry rosés.

Emma Lehtinen 27

A Big Pile of Text that Has a Fancy Name but I don’t Know How to Spell it After 22 beers raymond borque ihan ok mut ootko kattonu simpsonit sarjasta jakson himo läski homer :D siinä esiintyy koko simpsonit perhe eli myös bart simpsos homer poika fanit saavat nauraa ja naurattaahan se tietty vaikka homerin läski kuteet ja muut :D kannattaa kattoo nopee SIN thia, Jesus died for our CYNTHIAS my pussy taste like pepsi cola Jari…. jared fogle did 7/11 Lady Googoo Gaga Haista vittu, menen kotiin, napalmia teen Oispa kaljaa, jopa hattu Emäntä: Tääl ois sitä kahvetta Meikämarxisti: viljo mennääks siegee?

Meikämandoliini: nonnniiiiiiiiiiih Meikämasuaasukki: googoo gaga Meikämafiooso: Gabagool BABAGOOYE Meikäbaristarunkkari: onkse eettisesti tuotettuu?

What the fuck is going on If u have to ask u weren’t there...

Sorry mate oispa makkaraa I’m telling you right now: I am gonna fuck this up Fuck my entire fucking life ootko sää se jätkä joka teki ne poliisimurhat?

Jeremy Roonickki Ever Given is not stuck anymore!

I have Never Given a shit about the damn boat!

Panama > Suez fight me Arrruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya Aura>Panama tykkääks kukaan ryynäreistä mä tykkään ok ryynärit on vitun hyvii ykkösolut ei älä viitti ykkösolut on laifstaili Ainoastaan minä ymmärrän että fonetiikan päämäärä on totaalinen vitun sota oo-de-lally oo-de-lally hey I’m missing a piece

Dayman Rayman Fighter of the knightman No antonio Baccisartikkeli but it’s Giant Steps Coltrane runs on whole grain Excuse me, do you have time to talk about the D.E.N.N.I.S system?

I do not Honk if Epstein’s dead Epstein is the key to all of this I think you mean Einstein rakastan armeijaa siellä tehdään pojista miehiä Painaapa joku taas pitkää päivää nationalismitehtaalla missä olisimme ilman armeijaa ei armeijaa voi ottaa pois onhan armeija armeija *puallustusvoimat* armeijassa tehdään pojista ituhippejä ja naisista poiki ja lapsista miehiä t_venäjäbotti Bad bot I’m a baaaad bot… Duh I wonder when would ship like Evergreen clog MY Suez Canal?

XOXO Go Piss Girl bonque oispa wendys chili ja banquet meal liquid richard 4 life shoutout sean ranklin What phone do you have?

Etupylly-takapylly Villan sauna Polttomerkki kiukaasta pakarassa

Ensemble 28

The Great Finnish Sauce Off Fast food restaurants. Every university student's best friend (and greatest enemy). Whether you're leaving the bar after a great night out with your friends or feeling depressed in your 15 square apartment, a serving of chicken nuggets always hits the spot. But there's always a problem. The task of choosing your sauce is simply too much. How am I expected to make decisions like this when I can barely stand up and stay conscious?

I'm here to settle this sauce dilemma... After alI, I'm known throughout the university for my culinary prowess.

I've sampled every single sauce from the most popular fast food joints in Turku and ranked them through a taste test. McDonald's, Hesburger and Burger king are the restaurants I've chosen for this test.

So let me give you a small description of some of the best and the worst sauces I came across. After that I'm going to do the impossible task of ranking the sauces. Let's get to work.

The Best 1. Hesburger Cucumber Mayonnaise The foie gras of fast food sauces. The cucumber bits give the sauce a really delightful texture. I have no idea how they managed to capture the aroma of a cucumber so well into this little bag of sauce. One of my all time favourites. I’m giving this one a gold star.

2. Mcdonald's Chilli Mayo Dip A heavy sauce with an appetizing orange colour. The consistency is quite similar to the McFeast but the similarities end there. The taste of the chilli is just great. Inside the sauce there are these little chunks of spice that give your mouth a lovely kick when you bite into them. Amazing taste.

3. Mcdonald's McFeast Now here's a classic. The McFeast mayonnaise is the go-to sauce for a lot of McDonald's customers. It's a safe option and you'll never be disappointed by it. It's really not one of my personal favourites but I just can't deny that the taste is pretty amazing. You'll never be unsatisfied by this sauce.

4. Burger King Curry Mango Sauce What a weird combination of flavours. But it just works! The taste of mango is actually pretty noticeable among the curry spice. Never tasted this one before but I think I've found one of my favourites. A great choice if you want to taste something new.

5. Hesburger Paprika Mayonnaise A real Hesburger treat. The taste of paprika is a bit bland but the overall flavor is still spot on. The consistency is delicious. Little chunks of paprika really go along great with chicken nuggets. It's not amazing but it's pretty darn delicious.

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The Worst 1. Burger King Hot Cheese & McDonald's Cheese

The Ranking

Both of them just taste off. These cheese sauces might actually be one of the worst things I've ever tasted. The foul chunks of cheese floating around the sauces taste absolutely awful. Just disgusting. Do they even use real cheese making these? Everything just tastes artificial. Do not buy these.

1. Hesburger Cucumber Mayonnaise 2. Mcdonald's Chili Mayo Dip 3. Mcdonald's McFeast 4. Burger King Curry Mango Sauce 5. Hesburger Paprika Mayonnaise 6. Burger King Sweet & Sour 7. Hesburger Garlic Mayonnaise 8. Burger King BBQ Sauce 9. Mcdonald's Curry Sauce 10. Hesburger “VEKE” Mayonnaise Naturel 11. Mcdonald's Garlic Sauce 12. Mcdonald's BBQ Sauce 13. Burger King Garlic 14. Hesburger BBQ Sauce 15. Burger King Frites Sauce 16. Hesburger Sweet & Sour 17. Hesburger “VEKE” Chili Mayonnaise 18. Hesburger Curry Mayonnaise 19. Burger King Sour Cream Onion 20. Mcdonald's Cheese 21. Burger King Hot Cheese

2. Burger King Sour Cream Onion I usually love sour cream onion flavoured products.

But the taste of this one is just really weird. It's confusingly hard to point out what's even wrong with it. It just tastes wrong. Don't let the name con you, it tastes nothing like sour cream onion.

3. Hesburger Curry Mayonnaise It should be a match made in heaven. Who doesn't love mayonnaise and curry? In reality the flavour is really disappointing. The aroma of the curry is way too subtle. It's pretty much just bland mayonnaise.

Never buying this one again.

Heikki Lyytinen

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Tenho (typed out by Veera Purhonen) 32

Informed Opinions on Matters of Great Consequence What I really like to do is have an opinion. The stronger the better. In particular I enjoy sharing my insipid commentary on popular media. However I usually can't be assed to sit through anything that some economics student that vaguely resembles the villain from The Great Mouse Detective tries to explain to me is a "tight 90 minutes on the human condition".

Being the tenacious nimrod my mother raised, I never let my lack of any knowledge of a subject restrain me from my calling. Here are some of the homespun hot takes I've developed in my eternal quest to irritate all those around me.

Titanic If I drove boats for a living I feel like avoiding icebergs would be one of the main things I would do, so these people really should try to figure it out.

This film is the product of James Cameron getting really into exploring the ocean and finding a way to scam his bosses into giving him millions to fund his new hobby. We should all be doing something similar to this and I salute him for it. The central question of Titanic is how do you make a four hour movie about a ship that every viewer already knows is going to sink by the end interesting. The answer is you don’t. But by golly you can try.

The main character is a rich girl by the name of Rose, who meets young Leo DiCaprio and learns that being poor is cool as shit because you form actual human connections and dance with Italians.

DiCaprio becomes the king of the world and then drowns. After this an old lady drops a priceless jewel into the ocean, but an astronaut retrieves it in order to present it to Britney Spears in the Oop I Did It Again music video. Britney, though seemingly impressed with the gesture, takes the gift and walks away, leaving the astronaut to sadly moonwalk through Mars.

Titanic, while otherwise a perfectly fine piece of corporate embezzlement, suffers from being outshined by the rest of the Britney Spears cinematic universe, such as the time Craig Ferguson lip synced Oops I Did It Again with those puppets in that cold open. Remember that? They really need to bring Ferguson back. He was the best late night guy. Excellent stuff, just really fucking A plus.

Birdbox Birdbox is a horror film where the monster is a big bird. Importantly this bird is so horrifying that the mere sight of it will drive you insane, which is why everyone covers their eyes. The film makers are smart enough to not show the bird to the audience at any point, realizing that it could only be a disappointment. The viewers are left to imagine what kind of being could so consume the mind that it leaves its witnesses mere husks of humanity. This is reminiscent of Lovecraftian cosmic horror literature which I have not read.

There Will Be Blood There Will Be Blood is a film about two friends with milkshakes.

They move to the wild west in hopes of enjoying the milkshakes, but in a moment of sudden but inevitable betrayal one of them drinks the other guy’s milkshake. He drinks it up.

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Gran Torino Gran Torino tells the story of Walt, a grumpy old man who really likes his eponymous car. You see, some decades ago he participated in an imperial-proxy-war-turned-plain-imperial-war, and now his wife has died and he’s pissed at minorities. Kind of reminds me of old John McCain - rest his soul - if McCain was a better person.

Gran Torino tells the story of Walt, a grumpy old man who really likes his eponymous car. You see, some decades ago he participated in an imperial-proxy-war-turned-plain-imperial-war, and now his wife has died and he’s pissed at minorities. Kind of reminds me of old John McCain - rest his soul - if McCain was a better person. In any case, this widow who no one likes now lives alone, as his sons can’t stand him, and his formerly white neighborhood is becoming majority minority, which he’s none too chuffed about. Thao, a kid from the local Hmong community unsuccessfully tries to steal his car, so his family decides that as punishment he needs to follow this sourpuss around for a week. During this week Walt teaches Thao what it means to be a man. Our suspicions are confirmed, as it is revealed manhood mostly consists of berating Italians. The second act mostly consists of what might best be defined as a “whole lotta of gang sh*t”. People are murdered in a drive-by but the community won’t talk to the police. Walt is so angry he fights his house, and decides he’s going to white saviour the hell out of suburban Detroit, and gets the gang to kill him in public which helps. The community will apparently abide the aforementioned murder of their children, but a Polish pensioner they met a week ago dying of what might be reasonably described as natural causes, well that’s just bridge too far. The Hmong community forgets their fear of the gang, which has once again displayed their willingness to take lives, and any previous antagonism they might have had with the Detroit Police Department, and the gang is sent to jail.

Thao gets the car, racism is cancelled and it’s morning in America once more.

For the most part it seems to be a film made for middle aged to old white men who find solace in the idea that the reason their family doesn’t talk to them anymore and they’re becoming increasingly isolated from not just their community but society as a whole is because they’re too cool.

Terminator Terminator is largely inspired by Trunks’s arc from Dragonball Z. So, in the future the Earth is ruled by an army of killer robots that all look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but there’s one man whose name is Connor who can stop them because he knows Javascript. The robots can’t kill Connor in the future because his science is too tight, so they send one of the Arnold Schwarzeneggers into the past which was the present in the 80’s but is now the past again in order to kill Connor before some Republican tells him to learn to code.

This Arnold arrives in some back alley butt-ass-naked and some guy gives him a sweet leather jacket and a motorcycle. The guy is worried about never seeing his stuff again but Arnold tells him he’ll be back. He never is. He sallies out to find Connor and his mother, whose name is Sarah.

Sarah flees Arnold into a police station because it’s the 80s and she doesn’t know about cops yet. Undeterred, she continues her escape, Connor in tow, to a half-abandoned metalworks place, which might be called a forge.

Arnold follows them but is tripped and falls into huge bucket of molten steel. He’s dying and doesn’t know Terminator 2 is going to happen so he points at little Connor and yells “Hasta la vista baby!”.

This is all about cyberbullying.

Mikko Rytö 34

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HORIZONTAL 1. _____ & Poetry 2. Don’t end 3. Informal speech 4. Nerdy party 5. The meme man of 2021 6. Lots of 7. Old Slovenian currency 8. Old folk 9. Whether 10. The student fam 11. Sheep’s comment 12. The favorite course duo of Anglicans 13. The city of angels 14. Not humanities 15. Comrades 16. Easy as 1 2 3 17. Dirty water 18. After hours 19. Turkey internationally 20. Baby-eating liberals 21. Water closet 22. Grass puppy 23. Sweet-tasting, soluble carbohydrate 24. To bring to an ultimately end 25. The Queen’s English 26. Sudden fear 27. Canadian interjection 28. The Rolls-Royce of vaccines 29. Marginalization and oppression of people 30. A big vein 31. No professionals needed 32. Swiss-born German expressionist artist 33. British interjection 34. Abbreviation of the leading system 35. Preposition 36. Cozy hotel 37. A subculture and a style of rock music 38. To move down 39. Knowledge machine 40. The British university teacher

VERTICAL 1. Queer Eye’s 5 professionals 8. A May Day must 14. Early 2010’s slang word 21. Mass quarantine 24. Two-wheeled vehicle 26. Full stop 34. Sticky substance 35. Either a series of action-adventure or community simulation games 37. George Clooney’s breakthrough 38. Brand of tobacco 41. Beer or disease, you decide 42. 1920s Chicago gangster 43. Vietnamese-Chinese-American comedian 44. Our first academic degree 45. An intergovernmental organization 46. The multiplayer game of 2020, without the object case form 47. Short for a mathematical object 48. Emma’s first word 49. Abbreviation of expected arrival 50. A software process that produces natural language output 51. A language for communication between people who do not share a native language 52. One of the five Great Lakes 53. A long-term homeless person 54. Today 55. Question-and-answer subreddit 56. British Prime Minister of the 80s 57. House on wheels 58. Unfriendly, distant 59. “Ugh! __ if!” - Cher 60. Sibling 61. Set of tools 62. Dash that is only a half of M 63. To socially reject 64. A collision of vehicles 65. An American electronics company 66. Dead royal 67. Lecture hall of 2020/2021 68. Bonelli’s eagle in Assasin’s Creed 69. Contraction of possession 70. Preposition, particle, or adverb

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Mugs of Our Lives Muumimuki ‘Evening swim’ This mug is the Limited-edition Summer Mug of 2019, which already caught my eye because of its beautiful colors. Moomin mugs in general are great, although in my opinion they could be bigger. This mug in particular has grown so dear to me because it travelled to Italy with me and I’d drink my morning espresso from it in my cozy attic apartment in Turin, Italy. I got so many compliments regarding my mugs and it brought me great joy when people recognized Moomins! The mug also has a (quite noticeable) mark on it to remind me to pack my things safer next time… Of course, that’s what makes it all the more special.

Maija Ahtiala The Big Red Over the years I’ve “donated” several cups and mugs to Kaffila, but only one of them has enough of a place in my heart that I brought it back home for the duration of the lockdown. It’s sold as merchandise for an outspoken British pro wrestler called Zack Sabre Jr. who continually elated me with his comments after the last general election in the UK. That Christmas a dear friend of mine surprised me with this mug, and I’m forever grateful. Every sip from this very special vessel reminds me of the thoughtfulness of my friends, all the wonderful times I’ve spent (and will spend again) in Kaffila, and to never trust a Tory.

Mikko Rytö

Tiny blue jug This is my favourite lil mug. I don't drink directly from it, but it's my favourite coffee/drinking related thing.

Maybe a cup for espresso rather than normal coffee, tea or other beverages, this adorable little clay jug is mostly used as a measuring cup for the perfect amount of cocoa powder into a standard mug. It's handmade in Finland, though I could not find the maker's mark on the jug or the other plates and bowls I got from her years ago. Very cute, very beloved.

Inkeri Poikolainen

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Taika Cappucino Mug ” When we move in together, like officially, we will not have all-white tableware” was the one condition my boyfriend gave me when we were discussing about what are we keeping when we move together.

Luckily, we both like the Taika set by Iittala and it is on sale at K-Citymarket till July! So far, we have six coffee mugs but hey, there is still some time to prepare. The Taika coffee mugs pattern is inspired by old folklore to create a magical atmosphere. I certainly enjoy drinking my morning cappuccino from these small cups as they are very convenient and do not take too much space.

Kahvinne sir.. - Your coffee sir..

This tailor-made, meme originated God of all gods is my most beloved coffee cup. Once upon a time, on a hilarious meme page on Instagram, I spotted a picture: Tweety, with a wide smile on her little face, holds a coffee pot with the heading “Kahvinne sir..” (Your coffee sir..) I immediately fell in love with that tiny yellow face, and that meme became an obsession of mine. As a joke I decided to have it made into a coffee mug, and ta-da - a few weeks later my precious cup arrived and my endless coffee moments with Tweety began. Though the price wasn’t too high, the value of this cup is beyond words. Fun fact: Since I’m greedy and loved the meme so much, 1 cup would never have been enough. I had 2 similar cups made, and while the other one lives with me, it’s duplicate serves the mighty people of Kaffila. So whenever you are in Kaffila and in need of a loyal, trustworthy cup, just look deep into Tweety’s tiny, blue eyes and let her serve you Your coffee sir..

Lea-Lotta Huurtela

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