Ywcn december 2015/January 2016

Your Voice. Your Community. Your News.

Yes We Can

Volume 5 Issue 10

December 2015

Serving the Inland Empire Communities

The gift we ask for may not always be the gift we receive.

Being Thankful.

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Where is all the free stuff? When your birthday comes around, follow this list to cash in.

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Here are some good questions to ask about your marriage.

Silent Night. Holy Night.

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The many dangers of Social Media every parent should know.

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By Jackie Baber

What a wonderful time of the year to reflect on the one who was born, no one really knowing the date, but can all join in and put different opinions aside and reflect. It would be nice if we were all in one place and able to sing together, but that is not possible. Here you see in front of your eyes an old familiar Christmas song, “Silent Night”. No! We can’t all be together when singing this song, but if you like we can imagine that we are all together. Let’s all take a little time out of our busy schedule and sing “Silent Night” like right now just start singing.

Remember those school days when our teachers had us practicing Christmas songs and how excited we were to dress up and to sing for our parents, family and friends. Thank you Lord for the memories and the many blessings.

Second, what a wonderful time of the year to show our family and friends, and even strangers, a little love and encouragement.

This is the time of year that we can give to someone because they are special and/or someone whom we noticed as we go to work, the super market or just around the corner. It would really be nice, if we would wrap up a little cheer, could be cookies, cards, thing we made let’s just look around and be created and take them around with us in hopes to give Christmas Cheer to someone. We all know that there are many individuals very sad and feeling alone through the holidays each year.

I think we can put some smiles on many faces if we just reach out. Helping and giving to others will also make us feel pretty cool.

I sometime wonder why three of our largest holidays fall at the end and beginning of each year, November, December and January. Nevertheless, let’s hold on to those holidays and reach out for the happiness they can bring to us and to others. Maybe it’s possible that we’re supposed to hold on to those thoughts, feeling and actions that they bring us throughout the entire year. People become more friendly, considerate and thoughtful.

Make sure to be mindful and not put yourself by feeling down if you cannot purchase gifts for someone. Society has placed that weight thing that shouldn’t happen is for anyone to put themselves in a position to feel too much pressure in what they can or cannot give someone for Christmas.

Third, let’s not forget about self.

We’re approaching the New Year 2016. Many of us make all kinds of promises, goals and beat ourselves up when we drop the ball.

Let’s not beat ourselves up this time, let’s just start over and keep trying because in making such promises and setting goals we can’t control what life might bring us in the course of our journey, so just keep trying. 2016 will be different it will be the year to keep trying and not giving up on ourselves.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Managing the Ever-Changing World our Chuldren Live in

By Jo Anna Payne-Jones Ph.D.

Adults who live with children must learn and teach new techniques, ideas and use new activities which will help children cope with a new and different world. There are many questions that have to be asked and researched. “What knowledge should children have in order to survive in this technological century: How does TV, computers, I pods, game boys, Wii, calculators and all other electronic devices fit into the classroom? Perhaps, such devices are not conducive to education. How can early childhood education afford such innovations?

Our children are our greatest resources, however without the world’s natural resources water, clean air, fertile ground for growing food, materials for shelter and means to clothe themselves they cannot survive.

What kind of world will

today’s children inherit? How can they lead a successful, productive happy life? What should be taught and what kind of experiences should we provide? Who should make the decisions as to what is to be taught? How can we use and integrate the technological revolution into the classroom?

Meri Morgan-Smith wrote a Parenting book, parenting through Rhyme. Dr. Morgan-Smith maintains that there are three fundamental responsibilities for parents: 1. to teach, 2. to provide and 3. to protect. Morgan-Smith uses her own poems to emphasize the parenting process. She provides new insight into the job of parenting. If civilization is to survive in the new century, teachers and parents must develop the skills necessary to live in a changing society.

Educators must change in order to teach and help our children to learn, provide them with skills and protect them from harm. Everyone will need to learn new techniques which will help children assimilate, accommodate, and adapt to a new and different world. Part of this change is to rediscover values that are everlasting which will help us deal with ethnological advances that are rapidly developing.

As children grow they learn what events they can control. Control does not mean manipulation in this case control mean choices. Let’s take an example of a two year old.

It is See Parents - Page 3

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Life

DANGERS OF SOCIAL MEDIA

By Elizabeth

For teens and young adults the internet can be a dangerous place. Teens and young adults should always remember that whatever they put on the internet, even if they delete it, it will always still be there. Prospective employers will look at your social media sites to see your real personality and to see how well you would fit into the position that they interviewed you for.

Sadly, they can hire you or not based on what they find. Now don’t get me wrong social media is also a great way to stay in touch with friends who may have moved away and also family members as well.

There are several downsides to it as well. For instance meeting strangers that you met on social media can either lead to good or horrible situation. Most of the time it turns into a horrible situation. Internet predators openly tell their age and their intentions to young adults and teens. Now, some teens will start openly telling the predators what their sexual desire is thinking they will be “cool” and “popular” since an older adult likes them and has taken a liken to them.

Sadly each year there are over 16,000 addictions happening from meeting people online.

According to what I researched students who use social networking sites to study scored 20% lower on a test and students who used social media had an average GPA of 3.06 versus non-users who have an average GPA of 3.82.

Ask Hope

By Dwane

Yes We Can Newspaper has been publishing different articles from an inmate serving time in one of the California State prisons. Dwane reached out to us and asked if he could write and share his articles with others.

Here is the question, why do so many people not like their jobs? I think it has a lot to do with the fact that most people allow others to define life for them be it society as a whole (parents, schooling, religious leaders, peers, etc.). They end up taking jobs they don’t like

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Now that is based roughly on statistics but that’s not a guarantee that all students are affected by social media the same way. Some actually really study as much as possible and not get side tracked by different things. Now before I started even writing this article I did very thorough research on the good and bad when it comes to social media. Sadly the bad outweighs the good. Now don’t get me wrong young adults and teens who use social media do tend to find things out first since that’s the quickest way to let other people know things so I guess in a way that is one good thing about using social media. Sadly doing all of this research and seeing so many statistics of what happens when a young adult or youth meet a stranger they met online makes me think about my daughter and how years from now she will probably be on many social media sites.

Even though we as parents can’t keep an eye on our kids every single second of the day we can do our best to monitor them and talk to them about the dangers of the internet.

Another thing that in my opinion would help is having your teens and young adult’s password for social media and also being there friends on there.

Personally if you see your young adult or youth on social media and have a gut feeling something is going on then go with your gut feeling, due to the fact that a parent’s intuition is hardly ever wrong.

to buy things they can’t afford to impress people who don’t like them. No wonder there are so many people who can’t stand their jobs and to make matters worse they believe that by getting more money they can become happy. They confuse “Happening “with “Being: Let’s look at some examples of what money can buy; A bed, but not sleep; Books, but not brains; Food, but not an appetite; Finery, buy not beauty; A house, but not a home; Amusement, but not happiness; Sex, but not love.

It’s this type of worldly thinking that causes people so much pain and unnecessary suffering and when you add in depression, the many types of addictions, emotional traumas, anger issues, health issues and the challenges of just living that distracts people from looking within to develop their God given potential to live a fulfilling purposeful life.

Here is another question, Why do so many people don’t like their jobs? I think because the first step is to start right where you are at. In order to make a difference you must first become the difference. Ask yourself, what type of employee am I? (It really is about who you are as a person). Do you get to work on time? Or, are you late: Do you do all of the work? Or, do you leave the rest for the next day? Do you steal from your employer?

Literally in taking items or in time when you should be working. It’s unfortunate that a lot of employers pay employees just enough not to quit and even worse that a lot of employees do just enough work not to get fired. Part of being the difference in my opinion is understanding that: You can beat 10% of the people by just being willing to work (not just going to work only because you have bills to pay); You can beat 40% of the people by having a good attitude about your work and life in general; you can beat 50% of the people by doing more than what’s required (not the bare minimum that most people do) Once you can do these things right where you are at, then ask yourself; have I been simply existing when I could be living? What talents, skills and abilities do I possess: What type of work do I enjoy? Do I need to re-educate myself or seek additional education: Am I willing to start today focused on making a life instead of just making a living or will I continue doing the same things that I have always done and expecting a different result?

Your answers are the key to what you are, which will determine if finding meaningful and purposeful work will be a part of your future. Remember this is just my opinion….

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Parents - From Page 1

very difficult to force a child to eat, especially a two year old. If we try to threaten, cajole or force, meal time becomes difficult, a trying experience for both parents and child and a power battle will probably ensure.

The foundation becomes set for meal time stress and perhaps a life time of problems eating. If a two year old can make choices of when, what, and how much is eaten, self-control is being explored. If presented with a balanced diet over a period of one week, Davis posits that children will choose healthy, nourishing foods. Our bodies have an uncanny way of knowing what is good for us, if we but listen.

As the child develops self-control and is able to make choices, in order to control the events concerning food in his/her life the child gains control over the environment which leads to self-discipline. The opposite of selfdiscipline is self-indulgence.

The child thus is conditioned to pursue self-discipline or become indulgent. Individual conditioning does make a difference. Adults may condition children without adequately weighing the consequences.

Such conditioning becomes a habit; is internalized, and unless the habit critically examined and evaluate may last a life-time. The variables include how emotional the experience was and the parent’s choice of reinforce. When I was in graduate school I met a woman in her early forties. I noticed that in every class session, she would take off her coat and fold it in the same manner and then place it on a chair. In one class session we were discussing Montessori Education and she said that when she had attended a Montessori school at a very early age. One of the lessons that stuck by her was how she was taught to fold her coat. If she wore a coat and took it off unless she folded it the exact same way she learned at this early age she became anxious. So she just chooses to follow the instructions and fold her coat that way.

One basic assumption is that one way a child can learn how to love is to grow in a loving environment. The child needs at least one person who loves him/her unconditionally as best as possible. This means that the adult in the environment sets obtainable values and follow their precepts. These values must lead to a child’s feeling loving and being loved and that the child lives in a world that he/she can deal with, change when indicated and accept when necessary. There can be no love without rules that lead to an environment that nurtures everyone and brings peace.

Publishers Note Ethel Martin-Miller

Well it’s the wonderful month of December and I cannot believe this is the last month. I will say it now I am so thankful and graceful for everything. I will not use my space this month writing about the many things I am so thankful for. I will however use this space to reach out to all the parents within the Inland Empire concerning their children, pre-teens, teenagers and those entering into college, the Millennial Generation.

My husband, Daniel, and I have a non-profit outreach called “Loving On Our Youth.” Our purpose and mission is to let the children know that we have been selected and appointed by the Lord to love, support and encourage them no matter what the situation, that we are here for them regardless.

We started Loving On Our Youth last year by giving Special Events at different locations within the Inland Empire, we are mobile and we go wherever we’re invited to interact with the young people. Our approach is a little different, but the young people like it, they get it and they want to be a part of the outreach. We are looking forward to going into 2016 with the young people in mind.

We have a Facebook and Blog for Loving On Our Youth. Both are listed under Loving On Our Youth, please take a moment and look at what we are doing.

We have some exciting plans for the millennial generation. We are working on three projects for the year 2016. These projects will show our young people that we are here to love, encourage and support them no matter who they are, our purpose and goal is to bring them together and to let them know that they will be running this great country of ours, The United States of America and we want to have that experience.

Besides having Special Events for them throughout the years we have been advertising about a Television Youth Talk Show, The Youth 100 count Inland Empire Choir.

Please talk with your child/children and encourage them to become part of this movement for young people. We are looking for musicians, singers, dancers, rappers, and actors. This is not an easy task but if you as a parent will step in and help us, we all can make a difference in some of our young people’s lives. We need volunteers that have a passion to help our kids, were looking for parents, guardians, and mentors to come and help us. We are reaching out for the sake of all the young people.

So, think about it and give me a call and give me some good news that your children would like to be a part and that you will be willing to come aboard and be a part of this movement. May God Bless you and have a Wonderful Christmas. Contact me at 909278-7046

Loving On Our Youth

TV Casting Call

Who can audition?

Junior-High up to entering first year college Looking for: Singers, Rappers, Actors and Dancers Call for more information and appointment date.

Ethel Miller, Director, 909-278-7046 Yes We Can Newspaper Staff Publisher: Ethel Martin-Miller Associate Copy Editor: Josephine Williams Distribution Manager: Daniel Miller Staff Photographer: Sharron Thompson To Advertise Contact (909) 278-7046 ethelmiller@yeswecannewspaper.com Letters, Articles, Personals replies and comments appearing in the Yes We Can Newspaper reflect the opinions of the writers, and do not constitute an endorsement by the Yes We Can Newspaper or staff. Yes We Can Newspaper assumes no responsibility for articles, letters or press releases and unsolicited material. Decisions as to the editing and publishing of materials are on a space availability basis. All rights are reserved on materials accepted for publication unless otherwise specified. Yes We Can Newspaper is a sister publication of Life in His Hands Christian Newspaper. www.Yeswecannewspaper.com

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THE WORD

The Gospel According To Paul

Pastor John Clark of New Testament Church in the city of Pomona endorsed this study written with permission by Cecil Spivey. If you have any question contact Pastor Clark at 909-622-2886

Paul makes it very plain, that he was an apostle, not ordained by man but by man but of God, neither was he taught by man but by the spirit of God in the Arabian Desert. This put him on the same level as those who were the original disciples. The next matter that needed to be clarified, was the authority for the Gospel that he preached.

The other Apostles, who had been with Jesus and had listened to His teaching, felt they had an advantage over those who had not been so involved. However, it is obvious their understanding of what Jesus said was still lacking, especially concerning the events of the cross. It was not until after Pentecost that many things became clear to them.

Paul of course was not among these men, being at that time a persecutor of all who followed Jesus. It is because of this that he needed to establish his authority for the Gospel he preached. He declares quite plainly, “The Gospel that was preached of me is not after man, for I neither received it of man, nor was I taught it but by revelation of Jesus Christ.” Paul testifies, that after God called him on the Damascus road he did not confer with flesh and Blood, but went to Arabia where he received Revelation direct from God with human instrumentality. Thus he proved his Apostolic authority flowed direct from God, according to His predetermined Good Pleasure. Gal 1:15. It is also interesting to note that Paul received his revelation outside the Holy Land, among the heathen or Gentiles.

The mutual independence of Peter, the Apostle to the Circumcision, and Paul, the Apostle to the Uncircumcision, had to be clearly established, this was done through three meetings they had together. The first was private in nature as they shared together their own dealings with the Lord, and was designed to establish a basis for mutual understanding.

Gal 1:18 the second meeting was somewhat official and is outlined in Gal 2:1-10. In this instance God had spoken to Paul and told him to communicate to the twelve the Gospel that was entrusted to him. As a result of this meeting, these “Pillars” of the Church at Jerusalem, Peter, James and John, issued a formal recognition of Paul’s Doctrine, and

Apostleship, on behalf of the Jewish Church.

Such recognition by men was but a human formality and did not in fact legitimize Paul’s message or his authority. This had already been done by the one who said, “He is a chosen vessel unto me to bear my Name.” All that the other apostles could do was to publicly recognize this Divinely Chosen Vessel. The third time they met there was open confrontation over the question of Gentiles having to conform to Jewish Law and Culture. Bear in mind, the Jerusalem conference had already recognized Paul’s message and authority, and allowed the Gentile converts freedom from the law by their decree. Acts 15:19-20.

Peter had previously been taught by the Lord in a most unusual way, that he should make no distinction between Jew and Gentile. Acts 10:9-21. Now Paul challenges Peter openly for his present behavior, because he was denying the very truth he claimed to believe. He was refusing to eat with Gentiles, being in Fear of Those of the Circumcision.

Gal 2:12. So Paul brings a public rebuke to the apostle Peter, accusing Him of Living as do the Gentiles, and yet demanding the Gentiles live as do the Jews. (Verse 14) This results in the charge that Peter had built again what he once pulled down. This makes him a transgressor and Christ a minister of sin. V 17-18. Paul begins to outline the Gospel of Grace that was entrusted to him, even though he knows it will put him at variance with those of the Circumcision. We will continue our next issue with PAUL’S REVELATION until next time.

The Bible and the Sportscar

by Pastor Tyler.

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.

Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man’s name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Bible, and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family, but realized his father was very old and thought perhaps he should go to him.

He had not seen him since that graduation

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day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things. When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father’s important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago.

With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11. “And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?” As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.

On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words....PAID IN FULL. How many times do we miss God’s blessings because they are not packaged as we expect. I hope each of you have a blessed day and be thankful for what you have.

Yes We Can Newspaper

Marriage Matters, and it Matters to God

By Kathy Flowers

In the beginning God said in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” When did we begin thinking that we knew what marriage is and redefine the sanctity of that union? Why is it that we as a nation are allowing self-serving groups to define what it means to be married? We must return to the standard that God set from the beginning. If not, we will surely pay the price for being an arrogant and disobedient nation.

So why is it that marriages are failing and children are suffering and our nation confused about marriage relationships? The reason is because we’re trying to do things our way, and not God’s way. We live in a culture that allows us to serve ourselves a lifestyle, ala Burger King ~ “You can have it your way.” We are now paying the expensive price of having it done our way and not God’s way.

Look around you and make the following observations: How many people do you know who are in healthy relationships and are looking forward to the longevity of marriage? How many people do you personally know who have been married for more than 30+ years? How many children do you come in to contact with that are from broken homes? How many social ills is a direct result of fractured families? America is silently paying the high price of not heeding the Word of God.

Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” It also repeats itself in just two chapters later in Proverbs 16:25. Why do you think Solomon felt the need to repeat that statement?

We as a nation are committing spiritual suicide because we think we know better than God. The United States of America was founded on biblical principles and the nation needs to return to what we know in our hearts is right. Pray for our nation. Pray for marriages to succeed. And pray for our families and the children who will reap the spiritual devastation of our decisions if we do not turn back to God. Because marriage matters and it matters to God!

Center of Christ Ministries, Inland Empire Family Life Institute, Contact information: www.familylifeinstituteie.org/909.999.LIFE

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Veteran Affairs & Information Yes We Can Newspaper is proud to announce the Veterans Affairs and Information to our Veterans, their families and the community at large. We want to thank our Veterans and hope that the stories, articles and information will be a help to them and their families.

3 Reasons to file for your VA Benefits

By: Michael C. Burnell Jr.

As a disabled veteran myself, I understand that many veterans have their reasons for not taking the time to research the possibility of filing for benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). After all, haven’t you heard all the horror stories of backlogs and denials?

After all, why apply for a handout when so many others have it so much worse? After all, why ask the government for anything, when we all know that they are good for nothing...?

The negative arguments are plenty, and I will not attempt to list them all in this short article. Suffice it to say that I am hoping to change the minds of a few veterans who may be letting an earned benefit sit idle – to the benefit of no one at all!

Reason #3 to file for your earned VA benefits. This is an earned benefit, not a handout. VA disability benefits are attained through Honorable service in the US Armed Forces. They are “part of the deal” that you made when you stepped up to the plate to serve your country. You need not be a combat veteran to have earned benefits. If you have an honorable period of service, and you have symptoms that were incurred in (or exacerbated by) military service, you may be eligible for benefits.

Reason #2 to file for your earned VA benefits Demographics make a difference. VA Disability filings can potentially help more than your pocketbook. Federal and local resources are sometimes allocated by numbers.

How many disabled veterans, for instance, reside in your

county? Resources follow the numbers. If more veterans file for deserved claims, the nation will have more accurate numbers with which to shape policy and allocate needed resources. This reason should speak directly to those with the outlook that they “don’t have it that bad.” NOT filing for earned benefits holds up the numbers, and that can slow things down for needed resources to large numbers of veterans. Successful claims also equate to federal dollars entering into and stimulating your local economy.

Reason #1 to file for your earned VA benefits Reconnect to your veteran status. This is my catch all, the big pitch!

I am hoping that looking into the possibility of filing for veterans benefits will help to reconnect you to the veteran community. Veterans are represented in every part of society, and can be a real source for good. You can help and get help from literally thousands of groups, networks, organizations, affiliations, etc.

If you are not in bad circumstances, and don’t feel you are in great need of help, then who knows what good you can do for others? Maybe it is not about the benefits – the number and scope of veterans groups is huge!

For fun, for business, for non-profits, for camaraderie, for mutual assistance, for the connection to others who have served, I urge you to take a moment to research the possibility of applying for your earned VA benefits, and discover the true personal benefit of reconnecting to your veteran status. Michael C. Burnell Jr., www.veterans4communities.org, and he can be reached at mcburnelljr@msn.com

Party Like It’s Your Birthday!

Local Birthday Freebies Happy birthday to you! In honor of your big day, here is a list of the best free birthday meals and birthday offers that LA and Orange County has to offer.

Starbucks - Start out your birthday right with a latte, Frappuccino or refresher thanks to Starbucks. Enjoy a FREE beverage or treat.

How To Redeem: Visit www.starbucks.com.

IHOP - Order pancakes with whip cream and chocolate chips without looking silly? Let’s just say the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity says it all! Stop by IHOP on your birthday for a free birthday meal!

Denny’s - You don’t have to be a celebrity to be treated like one. Just head on over to most Denny’s for a free Grand Slam Breakfast on your birthday consisting of 2 eggs, 2 pancakes, 2 sausages and 2 slices of bacon. A FREE Grand Slam Breakfast. How to Redeem: Bring your ID with you on the day of your birthday.

Red Robin - With 24 burgers to choose from, you can’t go wrong with Red Robin for a great birthday lunch. Best burger? The Teriyaki Chicken Burger & bottomless fries! A FREE gourmet burger. How To Redeem: Create A Red Robin Royalty Account.

Baskin Robbins - Head down to any Baskin Robbins to enjoy a free scoop of ice cream.

Simply join the Birthday Club! How tt Redeem: Join Baskin Robbins’ Birthday Club.

Jersey Mike’s Subs - You have not celebrated a proper birthday until you have treated yourself to a Taylor Ham (pork roll). Egg and cheese on a bagel with catsup is the perfect breakfast for your birthday. A FREE sub sandwich and drink.

How To Redeem: Join Jersey Mike’s Subs Email Club.

Medieval Times - A four-course meal with your hands and celebrate this birthday in 11th century-style. The live tournament and atmosphere will leave you forgetting for a brief moment that you are still in Orange County. FREE Admission.

How To Redeem: Join The Online Club.

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Black Angus - Did someone say, “Free steak dinner?” Yep! Black Angus wants to give those celebrating a birthday a complimentary steak dinner on them just for joining the Prime Club. FREE Steak Dinner. How To Redeem: Join The Prime Club.

Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour - Tradition among many, enjoy a FREE ice cream sundae for your birthday. FREE Ice Cream Sundae. How To Redeem: Subscribe To The Farrell’s Fan Club.

Cold Stone Creamery - What’s better than ice cream on your birthday? For your birthday, customers can bring a friend and get a free Cold Stone Creamery creation for their birthday. Buy One, Get One Free. How To Redeem: Join My Cold Stone Club.

Brunswick Lanes - Set up those pins and score a strike this birthday because America’s favorite bowling alley, Brunswick Lanes, wants to let you play two free games. Two FREE games. How To Redeem: Join The Brunswick Bonus Zone.

Catalina Express - Catalina Express is inviting those celebrating a birthday a free ride to the island by simply pre-registering beforehand. Make sure you print out the voucher and present it when purchasing the ticket. How To Redeem: Pre-Register Online.

Snow Summit - www.snowsummit.com Winter birthdays? Hit the slopes and enjoy a free lift ticket. Summer birthday? Take a ride on the Snow Summit Scenic Sky Chair.

Snow Summit is a great place to enjoy your big day. Ski or ride FREE on your birthday.

How To Redeem: Bring your ID to the Guest Services Office on your birthday.

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Lying and Stealing By: Jo Anna Payne-Jones Ph.D.

Close your eyes. Try to relax. Let your mind wonder back to your childhood. Do you remember ever lying or stealing anything when you were young? Try to recall the details what was said, why you say what you did and what were the adult’s reactions?

Never accuse any child of lying. That does not mean we ignore any situation.

We are teachers as well as parents and must help the child learn. As adults we have a very different way of dealing with someone we know or think is lying to us. Adults have various reasons for not telling the truth. Also someone else’s truth may not be our truth.

Be careful of accusing anyone of lying. View it as problem solving. Have you ever lied?

Well if, “Yes,” when did you lie? You thought there was a good reason in your own mind for not being honest. In fact ethically can we always be 100 percent honest? Your best friend asks what you think about her hat. You hate hats. Do you tell her or can you diplomatically ask her. “Do you like it? Hats are not my thing.

Your mother taught you not to lie so when you think a child is lying you want to correct the situation. How do you change a situation without accusing the child and reinforcing that the child has made a terrible mistake and that you will either punish him/ her or not. Remember children haven’t been on this earth for a long time and they do not know the adult truth. What they are reacting to is you and your body language and they do not fully understand the concept of lying and telling the truth. They will tell you what they think you want to hear. Also children misinterpret events, especially when very young. Think of this whole issue as a concept of being truthful and being untruthful. Help the child with your view of the truth because you are the adult and should have a better concept of the situation.

Children can be healthy emotionally but never the less will have acute problems from time to time depending upon how the parents think and have been raised. How the situation is handled will also make a difference on how the child views the world.

How the adult handles the situation and depending upon the child’s personality, lying can become a habit as an adult.

There are some mother’s (grandmothers) who unduly worry when the child takes objects that don’t belong to them. The household may have had previous trouble with an older child or grownup that lies and steals. Instead of being able to rust everyone, and feel comfortable about leaving things around these individuals worry about their possessions remaining private. Individuals who lie and steal as adults have a problem and are ill.

In this situation the mother (or someone else in the family) may not be able to deal with the young child’s natural tendency to touch and explore. Also, the parent might have a left over issue from their own childhood. How does someone define lying and stealing? I have a confession to make. I like sweets. As a child we rarely had cake.

On these special occasions what I would do is take a small piece from either side of the cake thinking that my mother would not know the difference. She always knew. I can’t remember how she handled this situation. However, I think I am fairly honest. I can’t say I have never lied or stolen anything but it is limited to pencils and pens at the bank. So my mother must have handled this area successfully.

Rules are made at home and at school which help the child understand the concept of lying and stealing. We help the child learn without judging or accusing. Why do children take things? Eventually according to Kolberg the young child alternately is horrified at the idea of stealing or lying and at the same time tempted to help themselves to objects that are not theirs or fantasize that the object is theirs.

A child in this state automatically starts not telling the truth if suddenly accused.

If a mother or father takes this child aside and asks about the theft or other problem the child may not know or be able to tell the truth from an adult standpoint. Adults can also bully the child into confessing. When the child is four to six parents will be talking to the super moralist, and they will be, in effect asking him to acknowledge that he is also a wicked thief or liar.

In addition to not having the same standards for truth as the adult the child must also deal with what is real and unreal. Fantasy play and an imaginary companion happen about the age of two to four. Adults want to encourage creativity and imagination while at the same time wanting the child to understand what the truth is. This is a challenge for both the adults who teach children and children.

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