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The riding season is here and running strong now. We have always tried to keep one of the most comprehensive motorcycle event lists anywhere, and 2023 is no exception. Usually in the winter time it is pretty bare, but once again the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Event list has exploded like normal. With events being emailed to us and fliers being posted all over the place, the list seems to be growing by the day. If people don’t know when and where the events are, they cannot plan ahead to make it and to actually be there. The Bike Night listing is now in the magazine too for the riding season. I know there were a few on the list from the past that didn’t answer any messages as far as Bike Nights for this year, so without confirmation, we did not want to list them. If you are hosting any motorcycle events or bike nights, or have confirmation of either one of them, please email it to me at Vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com. Some have been sending Facebook messages on the TRMI page, but we prefer to get them via email as that is checked all the time and the Facebook messages are not as frequently checked. We are asking for your help to keep our list as complete as possible. For the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Event List, get us the date, name of the event, and the starting location town for the event listing. For the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Bike Night/Supper Ride listing we need the Night of the week, and the hosting business or organization. Email them to me so we can get them included. Thanks in advance!
With the explosion of the riding season, it is also an indication of the love of FREEDOM that resonates within our riding community here in Iowa and across this great nation. Freedom is an amazing thing to have, but a difficult concept to keep active and not get lost in politics and bullshit. Freedom does not come without a cost, a cost that has been paid for by many soldiers that have lost their lives in service of our nation. May brings us the Memorial Day holiday weekend, this year on Monday the 29th day
On t h e C o v e r On the Cover
For May we bring you the cover and calendar girl Lyndsey with Choppy’s 1975 Harley-Davidson FLH. Many subtle changes have been made to this ride over the years and many fit in so well they just appear completely stock. There was a color change, the addition of a foot clutch and police style 70’s hand shift, as well as custom coolers added back in the day when you wanted to stop for a cold one and no place was open. Thanks to Lyndsey and Choppy for making a great afternoon behind the camera!
of May. This day of reverence for those that have paid the ultimate price for our freedom is more than just another day off of work, more than a day to fire up the grill, more than a day to overindulge in a variety of different things, but should also be a day of reflection. We should reflect and explore what has been lost on our behalf, and to dig down deep inside of ourselves and answer the question, “am I doing enough for freedom”. Those that have laid down their lives for us did so with the expectation that others would follow in their footsteps and become and maintain the title of freedom fighters. There is no better time than right now to look within you and realize that we are ALL in need of stepping up to keep our freedom that we so dearly deserve. Stand up and be a freedom fighter. Fight for your rights to continue to ride unencumbered on our state highways and byways. Fight for your right to assemble. Fight for your right to speak your mind. Fight for your right to worship as you please. Fight for your right to protect yourself. Fight for your right to be free Americans and free Iowans. Fight for the rights of your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren so they can live in a world as great as the one we grew up in. Freedom is a fragile concept, and we must stand up and fight for in, or we will lose it forever. Every time you fire the bike to go for a ride in May, think about your freedom, think about those that have lost their lives for our freedom, and think about what you can do to maintain the freedom that we have left.
To close out my letter this month, I would like to thank all of our advertisers in the magazine for keeping this thing going for all of these years. We could not do it without them! Please darken their doors, tell them Thunder Roads sent ya!
Ride Safe!
Vernon Schwarte
Owner/Editor Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Quote of the Month: “Heroism doesn’t always happen in a burst of glory. Sometimes small triumphs and large hearts change the course of history.” Mary Roach
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May - the month of new beginnings, of wonderful rides, of reconnection with friends, and loads of cool events. For those of us in the CMA world it’s also the month of Bike Blessings and our annual Run For The Son. I have to let you in on a little secret about the blessings though. Contrary to many comments we have heard over the years, no, your blessing doesn’t time out, weaken or expire because it has a date on it and the year on the sticker isn’t current. That being said, its always good to acknowledge God’s sovereignty, to ask his blessing for favor, safety for the season and to thank him for who he is. So, get that bike and yourselves prayed over again.
Very few people that we run across, when asked, have declined to have their bike blessed or have their family prayed for. Of course, at the same time they may also be checking to see if their gremlin bell and lucky rabbit’s foot is still attached to their ride. At one blessing I did have an opportunity to talk with a fellow who declined the blessing while informing me he didn’t have any use for religion. He said his wife was big in it but not him and that he thought he was probably an atheist. I think I surprised him when I told him I wasn’t too keen on religion either. After spending some time with him, turns out that it really wasn’t God he had a problem with but religion. He was like so many that have had a bad experience or been burnt by someone connected to the church and then backed away. He is far from being alone in confusing religion with being a Christian. We have had this problem since the fall in the garden: left to our own devices, man will turn anything into a religion with its own accompanying idols. Look at what society deems important today and how easily we are lead astray. Vivek Ramaswamy wrote about the “woke Left that preys on the vacuum of identity.” Secular cults of gender ideology, COVID-ism, climate-ism and abortion-ism are but a few of many ideologies that are attacking this vacuum of purpose and meaning while substituting their ESG agenda. Today we are so polarized by politics but it is, and has always been, a spiritual battle for our souls. When the one true God is forced out, people replace him with many little gods (paganism) which then becomes their religion, and they in turn become slaves to the little gods. In the 1600’s, Blaise Pascal said “There is a hole in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus”.
Unfortunately, man has repeatedly demonstrated that he will go beyond God’s word and make up more rules and regulations until the result is that everything is totally screwed up - same thing Satan did when he decided he knew better and would be equal to God. Anytime we think more highly of ourselves than of God, we are in grave danger because that leads to being religious. Religion without God, without Christ and his grace, can be destructive to you as well as those around you. It becomes a hard task-master that can never be satisfied. It grows like a tick stuck under your dog’s collar. The devil knows our weaknesses and proclivities and would like nothing better than to see everyone obsessing over things gone wrong or religion not lived up to. He knows that if he can keep us focused on past hurts and failures, he can wreck our present as well as our future. He also knows that if he can push us too far the other way, getting us to think we are OK, we will never see the need for God. Only in Christ can we achieve some sort of balance in this life. The truth is that we all are,
to varying degrees, bent over from carrying our life’s baggage and the Lord is the only one that can lighten the load and heal our hearts. The book of Matthew tells us, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” God’s true grace is freely given, not demanding, can heal the brokenness of the hard things in life and gives hope for the future. It will draw us to God, not make us want to run from him. It is truly Amazing Grace.
Enjoy the season and the good things he has blessed us with.
Blessings, Mark
Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
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MOTOR MADNESS THURSDAY, MAY 11TH 2 4 1 5 W E S T D A L E D R . S W | C E D A R R I A 5 2 4 0 4 2415 WESTDALE DR. SW CEDAR RAPIDS, IA 52404 LIVE MUSSIC BY: MUSIC E CE TO 0 HD9 ENTER FOR YOUR CHANCE WIN A CUSTOM 2022 HARLEY-DAVIDSON ROAD GLIDE AND A CUSTOM 2023 CAN-AM DEFENDER MAX BIKENIGHT 6-9PM SPONSORED D BY: www.thunderroadsiowa.com TRMI MAY 2023 - 9 Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Find Us On Facebook
Dirty Biker Design 122 S. John Wayne Drive Winterset, Iowa 50273
www.DirtyBikerDesign.com
515-444-9050
Dealers
Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552
712-781-2351
www.baxtercycle.com
Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313
515-265-4444
www.bigbarnhd.net
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400
fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com
Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610
www.carrollcycle.com
Harley-Davidson of Mason City 706 South Federal Avenue
Mason City, IA 50401 641-423-6007
Harleyofmasoncity.com
Heartland Harley-Davidson
117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100
www.heartlandhd.com
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City
Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181
Masoncitypowersportsinc.com
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496
www.metro-motorsports.com
Route 65 Harley-Davidson
1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125
515.962.2160
www.route65hd.net
Storm Lake Honda
3040 Expansion Blvd
Storm Lake, Iowa 50588
StormLakeHonda.com
712-732-2460
Zylstra Harley-Davidson
1930 E 13th Street
Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223
zylstrahd.com
Entertainment
Book Em Dano’s
33 S Main Street
Denison, Iowa 51442
712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2
Dancers Nightly 5-1:30
East of Omaha 524 Main Street
Griswold, IA 51535
Follow Us on Facebook
May-Sep Bike Nights!
Okoboji Classic Cars
Museum and Restoration Shop
810 Jeppeson Road
West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353
Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org
Barrel Smoke BBQ & Catering
109 N Main Street
Templeton, Iowa 51463
Tues – Sat Open at 4 PM
Barrel Smoke BBQ on Facebook
Bud’s Bar & Grill 114 Oak St Morehead, IA 712-886-5359
GOOD FOOD
7 Days a Week 11-Close
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849
Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
Catfish Charlie’s
On the Mississippi River
1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600
www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Chili Dawg’s Foods of Fire
1940 Blair Ridge Road Blair, NE 68008
www.chilidawgs.com
Retail/Online Spice and Seasoning Store
Desperados
105 E 5th Street Atlantic
712-243-7087
Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020
Open Daily at 12:00
Flaming Office
201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255
Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7
Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259
Goozman’s Westside on Facebook
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street
Haverhill, Iowa 50120
641-475-3321
Closed Mon-Tues, 4-Midnite Wed-Thur-Fri, 10-Midnight Sat, 11-Midnight Sunday
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com
Jake’s Station 107 West HWY 59 Hancock, Iowa 51536 712-741-BEER
Like Our Page Jakes Station on Facebook
J.R. Willie’s
Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095
Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM
Home of the Willie Whopper
Just 1 More 515-570-4206
641-757-0159
309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
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Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street
Harlan, Iowa 51537
712-755-2258
Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa
712-884-2230
www.midwaytavernsoldier.com
Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165
Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015
Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332
319-436-7100
Find Us On Facebook!
Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557
515-359-9998
Email:riversidetap@gmail.com
Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street
Mondamin, Iowa 51557
712-646-2300
Facebook Sandbar Mondamin
Sidetracked 206 West Union Street
Creston, Iowa 50801
641-782-8534
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street
Duncombe, Iowa 50532
515-543-4222
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook
The Dog House 402 Main Street
Colo, Iowa 50056-7720
Open 1st and 3rd Saturdays
641-485-8425
The Exchange 171 S Elm Street
Avoca, Iowa 51521
712-343-2609
Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports
The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street
Halbur, Iowa 51444
712-658-2425
The Full Nelson on Facebook
The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St
Ankeny, Ia 50023
515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com
VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill
1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines
515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook
Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway
Audubon, Iowa 50025
712-563-2122
Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 2-Close
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation
1008 Story Street
Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Guns and Ammo
Thunder Guns West
1101 Chatburn Ave STE 103
Harlan, Iowa 51537
712-235-2632
Find us on Facebook
Hobbies & Collectibles
Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook
Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada
Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade
641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com
www.treasureislanddiecast.com
Insurance & Financial
O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400
Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
State Farm
Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724
Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Legal
Hupy and Abraham sc, pc
Lawyers for Bikers
800.800.5678
Hupy.com
Inserra | Kelley | Sewell Injury Attorneys 6790 Grover St, Ste 200 Omaha, NE 68106 www.inserra.com (402) 391-4000
TheBikerLawyers.com
The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Photo and Art
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715
www.natanic.com
Shops & Fabricators
BS & Bikes 300 E 17th St S Suite 700 Newton, IA 50208
641-521-8448
Find us on Facebook
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134
402-391-3768
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair
S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic
2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314
cycleclinicdm.com
515-288-6954
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave
Marshalltown, Iowa 50158
641-752-8651
www.fandjracing.com
Mean Machine Cycles
Elkhart, Iowa 50072
Custom & Full-Service HD Repair
Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only
515-367-7336
Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30
Woodbine, Iowa 51579
712-647-2818
Open Tues-Fri 9-6, Sat 8-12
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Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552
712-781-2220
Shops & Fabricators CONT
Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111
Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook
Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493
steffenscycle@gmail.com
Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172
Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Tires
Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223
Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook
Trailers
Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674
www.lacaeysetrailers.com
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National COIR is not an MRO. Motorcycle Rights Organizations have monthly meetings and their members pay annual dues to belong to an MRO. There are no meetings or paid memberships in National COIR. Independent riders are invited to register their email address at no charge, so they can receive pertinent information regarding the motorcycle community. However, we strongly encourage you to join your local MRO and the national Motorcycle Riders Foundation. A list of MRO’s can be found here- https://nationalcoir.org/mrocontacers
National COIR is not intended to replace the few remaining “Coalition” Of Independent Riders that still exist after the US Defenders/COIR program disbanded in 2015. However, they are welcome to transition into the National COIR. They are also welcome to keep their existing COIR’s functioning at the same time. National COIR has no intention of governing anyone. We simply want an educated and informed community of riders, so our voting block can have more influence in the legislative process.
National COIR is not in competition with any MRO’s. Our intent is to encourage independents to join their own State MRO, as well as the national MRO - The Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF). The more independents that join MRO’s, the more powerful the MRO’s will become.
Our mission statement is to unite independent motorcyclists across America. The largest demographic group of motorcyclists are 9,000,000 independent riders. National COIR was established to inform, network, and unite these independents nationwide, so they are better prepared to protect their rights and freedoms as motorcyclists. The goal is to disseminate information that is typically shared within the MRO’s and the Motorcycle Clubs. These two groups do a great job of researching, studying, and disseminating the information amongst themselves. The next step is to get that information disseminated to the rest of the 9,000,000 independent motorcyclists. The independent motorcycle community can make a huge difference when it comes time to influence legislation.
The US Defenders program was a strong organization that supported motorcyclist’s rights within the Motorcycle Club community. They also established the Coalition of Independent Riders (COIR) in order to do the same thing for independent riders. When the tragedy occurred at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, Texas, on May 17, 2015, where 177 bikers
were arrested without probable cause, it sent a crippling blow to both organizations.
As the Commander of the New York Coalition Of Independent Riders at the time, Jim Barr saw the value of the US Defenders program, as well as the independent rider division (COIR). He decided it needed to be revitalized, or something else that was similar to it. He approached Paul Landers of Texas, who was the LT. Commander of the US Defenders program before Waco, as well as David “Double D” Devereaux, the founder of the Motorcycle Profiling Project (MPP), and asked them if they would be willing to help recreate a national organization for independent riders. They both liked the idea and agreed immediately that such a program would work well. After discussing several possibilities, it was decided to open the National Council of Independent Riders. The best way for the National COIR to succeed with its goals, was to team with and expand the MPP, in order to have an independent program, exclusively for the independent riders. It was agreed to use the original COIR as a template, but make some changes to it. The first was to change the Coalition to Council. Another was to make one national organization, rather than separate state organizations. But the main difference would be the National COIR would not be governed by the Motorcycle Club community. There are many issues that the MC community and the independent community will have in common, however, the two groups need to be separate and distinct, for their own self-interests. Jim Barr agreed to be the Director of the program, and the MPP will be a conduit between the National COIR and the National Council of Clubs (NCOC). This way, the NCOC will work independently for patch holders, and focus on their priority interests, while the National COIR works independently for independents, and focus on their own interests. When an issue becomes important to both groups, the MPP will be the conduit to share the information between each group. This way the patch holders and independents are both autonomous, but able to team up on any issues of mutual concern.
Anyone can learn more about the National COIR by visiting the website at www.nationalcoir.org or liking and following the Facebook page National Council Of Independent Riders | Facebook You can also send an email to Director@nationalcoir.org.
To take the Motorcycle Profiling Survey, please visit https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/ridefree2023
Information in this article was shared from the National Coalition of Independent Riders website at nationalcoir.org
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What is the National Coalition of Independent Riders?
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Junkyard Café
& Chitty Chitty Bean Bean
108 East State Street
Jefferson, Iowa 50129
(515)386-4979
Sun-Thurs 6:30am – 2 pm
Fri 6:30 am – 7 pm
Sat 6:30am – 2 pm
On our way to Marshalltown to watch a class presented by our dear friend Dick “Slider” Gilmore, we decided to make a stop in Jefferson for breakfast at a place that proved to be not only article worthy, but had a great back story to boot. I am including the story below.
“When I was a child, my dad would buy antique and classic cars and make my sister and I drive them. At the time, we thought they were “junk”. When I got older, my dad had his own business called Classical Gas. He bought and sold his antique and classic cars throughout the United States as well as overseas, and even to a movie company. He had a show room that would make anyone who appreciates cars salivate. The car that represents Junkyard Café is a 1947 Cadillac that my dad bought in 2006 when he was 58. Sadly, my dad passed away from cancer before he ever drove the car. The colors are also his business colors and his name is even in the license plate on our logo. This is how our name, Junkyard Café came about! Some may find it weird and some may love it. But we love it and it has a lot of sentimental meaning behind it. I bet anyone in the late 90’s even early 2000’s who skimmed through an Auto
Trader magazine has seen some of my dad’s ads and cars. The menu items that have vehicle names are just some of the cars we drove when we were children. I have turned my Fathers love for cars into something I love but in my own way. By running a family restaurant. We hand cut our fries and chips, we batter our own onion rings, my son runs the kitchen, my daughter runs the floor and my mom does all our baking all the way down to the biscuits and noodles!”
As soon as we entered, we chose a table up front and our waitress, Alex was taking our drink orders. Just your standard coffee and OJ, but perusing the menu was a daunting task, as they serve breakfast all day, but will also cook up anything else on the 2 page menu at your request. Burgers, sandwiches, chicken…you name it, they can make it. It was just after 9:30 am, so we both ordered breakfast. Vernon ordered the chicken fried steak breakfast. It was a deliciously golden brown hand breaded steak covered in fresh homemade sausage gravy, with a large serving of crispy hash browns and two eggs cooked over medium to Vernon’s liking. On the side was wheat toast. I ordered the Mustang Scrambler, a spicy original piled high with sautéed onions, mushrooms, green and red peppers, jalapenos, seasoned hamburger, and cheddar cheese. As if that wasn’t enough, that whole delicious scramble is placed on top of a bed of crispy hash browns with a side of salsa and sour cream. A piece of sourdough toast also made its way onto my plate. There was nothing negative about our visit to the Junk Yard Café. The staff was friendly and helpful, the food was delicious, and the prices could not be beat. We decided to get a couple of coffees to go from the other half of the property, Chitty Chitty Bean Bean. Also delicious…almost like dessert for breakfast. Not that we needed it, as our breakfast portions were more than generous.
The next time you are by Jefferson, make sure to make some time for the Junk Yard Café and Chitty Chitty Bean Bean, you won’t be disappointed. And be sure to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you.
See you on the road!
Melanie Schwarte
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com
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There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this joke.)
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
“I want you inside me.”
What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!
I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one’s on the house.
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just wait!”
How come teddy bears never want to eat anything? Because they’re always stuffed.
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Why were they called the “dark ages?” Because there were a lot of knights.
How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’ The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
What’s the main thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…Wait, where are we again?
Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold? The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You probably think it’s “R” but it is the “C”.
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles
Why are toilets always so good at poker? They always get a flush
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Where does a waitress with only one leg work? IHOP.
What does a house wear? Address!
Why is Peter Pan always fl Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
Why aren’t koalas considered bears? They don’t have the right koala-fi cations.
How do you measure a snake? In inches—they don’t have feet.
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.No pun in ten did.
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke? When it becomes apparent.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants
Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
I started a new job as a tailor last week. It’s been sew-sew.
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d at r? ? flying? ? ove thihis s d.) t
Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
My wife accused me the other day of being too immature. I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.
What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.
Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they’re all shellfish.
What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
I tried to win a suntanning competition. But all I got was bronze.
What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, the signs were all there.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste, mostly.
I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, its in my jeans.
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
Do you know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs.
Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas!
What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!
I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”? About three inches.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong ...
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said “Are you going to help?” I said “No, six should be enough.”
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot”.
Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. Did you know that if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg you can actually hear them say “what the fuck are you doing?
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.
Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction. Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
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It’s early but I feel good.
Our riding season is really just kicking in, as May blossoms with constant reminder that we are alive and we’re putting winter behind us with a bit more of sunlight each and every day it’s our time to shake the cob webs and hit the damn roads. Damn it’s good to be out riding again and finding new roads and new pot holes that we are sure were not threr last time you were on this same road.
Of course, May is National Motorcycle Awareness Month and I will admit that I am torn on this particular acknowledgement every damn year it comes around. Look, look…I am a massive promoter of riding, been legit on two engine powered wheels since the Easter Bunny brought me a Red Fox mini bike and road warrior passion kicked into overdrive. Not that my Red Fox had overdrive, hell it didn’t even have brakes. But when you wear Converse tennis shoes from the 70’s and your legs are protected in a covering of Sears Tough Skin jeans you don’t need to worry about protection. I mean, my parents didn’t worry about protection, which is why I was born just months after mom graduated. Graduated in May, married in June and along comes her future road dog in October of the same year. Didn’t take long to figure out the math as a child, and considering my mini bike didn’t have brakes, or a helmet, I am proud that I can even math. Then again, as I always have been known to say any more math is an app, but so are chicken wings and those are more satisfying almost with every bike ride. Small town bar, cold beer, and good wings that feature blue cheese, we have a winner. Ranch, if you will recall, is for children and not chicken wings.
The reason I am not fully on board is the “Awareness part” of the month. I feel it should be a year around awareness that motorcycles are an important part of our world and we shouldn’t be risking our life and limb when we swing a leg over any more than we do in a cager. It’s bullshit. Drivers should be paying attention to all traffic including bikers. Same damn story every time a biker gets hit.
“I didn’t see him”
Horseshit, you didn’t look for him, that is your error. Damn near all bikes have bright ass LED headlights on them anymore. Oh, and if you don’t, change it dammit. It’s so much brighter, there is a dang bulb designed to fit almost every make and model you can think of and the reduction of stress on your older electrical system is amazing. Go LED amigo; my headlights are so bright I can reflect off a stop sign on a sunny day. But again, if you have an older bike, hell all my bikes are older, upgrade those bad boys and “see” the difference.
They should always be aware of us. If you have any time in the saddle, I am almost certain you know of someone that died in a bike accident. It blows massive ass. It does. If you are lucky enough to have never felt that pain, all the best to you and I hope you never do. I have ridden in, donated to, organized, and sponsored too many damn memorial runs over my decades of life behind bars. I really don’t know the actual number and while it’s great to come together for a wonderful memory, I feel bad celebrating on a bike the memory of someone killed on a bike. I know poker runs are great for raising cash, man the biker community is just the best at supporting a cause or a need. Every single weekend there are more runs around that you can shake a dirty politician at and each year there seem to be more and more.
Okay, this is going to sound crass and I really don’t mean it to, but can we possibly have a poker run to celebrate something good and fun? I know it’s great to support wonderful causes, Make-A-Wish, a cancer center, a kid with medical
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expenses, a memory of a great mom, friend and wife that passed from some shitty thing at way to young of an age. Pull on my heart strings and trust me, my ride or die wife and I will likely show up and donate some cash. I am a cold-hearted bastard but I still am a caring cold-hearted bastard. But, now, follow me here, a poker run where we raise money for something fun and good natured. A camp that needs a new fishing dock, raising money for a beer garden at a race track, a dancer needs a new set of titties, you know, stuff a bunch of bikers can get behind.
I am all about the cause, it inspires me to be a better person, a person that for a moment in time feels like I actually helped a cause and on top of it all, got to ride all day long. I love it. I love all day long rides actually and as I mentioned earlier it is great to be back in the saddle and chasing the next curve.
Many of the lower tiered states faired rather well this spring, the weather turned nice, we didn’t have much snow and the roads didn’t have that bike eating white grime that makes you cringe when it sticks to your machine. My first ride of the year turned out to be a rare burst of warmth on a Sunday that displayed copious amounts of sunshine, dismissing winds and a perfect day to roll. Rolling is what everyone seemed to have on their minds as I legit saw 100s of bikes hitting stop after stop and it was glorious. Maybe the best part is when my friends that were up north in South Dakota that same day were under yet another blizzard warning. I got that text while I peeled off my jacket, grabbed a chicken wing and didn’t even feel a bit sorry for them.
Dedicated to the cause. The cause of riding and promoting it. Again, it’s something that I have been a part of for nearly as many years as I have been permitted to ride on the roads, one of the reasons I make the big bucks writing for the glorious celebration of riding, Thunder Roads Iowa, I am honored to do it and to be associated with an amazing clutch of people is the best.
It’s good to promote Motorcycle Awareness all May long, it’s also a badge of honor to be a rider and promote how amazing our “hobby’ is. Hobby…it is in my soul. It is far beyond a hobby and just a simple part of who I am.
I hope we see each other at some biker function this summer and hug like biker brothers and sisters do and I hope it’s at a biker function that is being held for something FUN and happy. Remember, if it’s okay to bolt on chrome it’s okay to bolt on titties.
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Todd “Crash” Davis
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2023
Apr 29 Blessing of the Bikes Big Barn HD Des Moines
Apr 29 620 Foundation SxS Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Apr 30 Northwest Christian Church Bike Blessing Council Bluffs
Apr 30 SGT James C. Kearney III Memorial Run Emerson
May 6 12th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone
May 6 17th Annual Chrome Divas Awareness Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 6 CMA Annual Bike Blessing Burlington
May 6 Blessing of the Bikes American Legion Newton
May 6 Black Jack Run & Party Defiance HD Omaha, NE
May 6 International Female Ride Day Worldwide
May 6 Retirement Party Dave Rosenberger RT65 HD
Indianola
May 7 5th Annual 1st Baptist Bike Blessing Muscatine
May 13 Shelly Tuttle Memorial Run LeGrand
May 15-16 Bikers Inside the Beltway 2023 Washington DC
May 20 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola
May 20 Bulleit Memorial Ride Anamosa
May 20 Mean Machine Cycle Parts Open House Elkhart
May 20 Dice Run CVMA NE Chapter 16-1 Greta, NE
May 20 Bikes & Coffee Two Wheel Detail Pleasant Hill
May 20 Spring Hog Roast Zylstra HD Ames
May 21 Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride Multiple Locations
May 25-28 Redneck Revival Conesville
May 26-29 Midway Tavern’s 25th Annual Veterans Memorial BBQ, Poker Run, & Band Soldier
May 27-28 Thunder on the Missouri Sioux City
May 29 The Price of Freedom, Presentation by Chopper Gilmore Sioux Rapids
Jun 3 D18 Memorial Ride Keokuk
Jun 3 11th Annual Chasin’Tails Fun Run Cambridge
Jun 3 Terry Stubbs Memorial Ride American Legion
Newton
Jun 4 Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa
Jun 4 ALR Iowa Chapter Hampton Post 183 Poker Ride
Clarion
Jun 10 Rock N Ride HD of Carroll
Jun 10 Sarak Mok Memorial Ride Carlisle
Jun 10 Patti’s Riders 4 Thrivers Council Bluffs
Jun 11 Rollin for the Colon Benefit Poker Run Templeton
Jun 14-18 Romper Room Earlville
Jun 17 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola
Jun 17-18 Baxter Cycle Four States Ride Marne
Jun 23 The Final Salute-Unclaimed Veteran Escort
Waterloo
Jun 24 Teufelhund Veterans Group Veterans Support Ride
Jun 24
Jun 24
Rolling Summer of Freedom Kickoff Party
Zylstra HD Ames Anamosa
Running Over Lupus Ride Jewell
Jun 24 Chains Interrupted Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jun 24 Vets 22/ALR Blackjack Run Council Bluffs
Jun 29-Jul 1 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally
Jun 30-Jul 2 Iowa Hog Drags and Nostalgia Reunion Humboldt
Jul 4 Bikini Bike Wash Dirty Biker Design Winterset
Jul 7-8 Combat Vets Chapter 39-3 Benefit Ride Elkport
Jul 8 16th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca
Jul 8 Chrome For Kids Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jul 8 Rally Ready Rendezvous Zylstra HD Ames
Jul 14 2nd Annual ALR Golf Scramble Council Bluffs
Jul 15 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola
Jul 15 D18 Hospice Ride Burlington
Jul 15 10th Annual Ride 4 Time Annual Poker Run Baxter
Jul 15 Bikers for Backpacks Carroll
Jul 16 Rumble to Recovery Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jul 21-23 British Biker Cooperative 42nd Rally & Show Blue River, WI
Jul 22 6th Annual Cruizin for Cure Cystic Fibrosis Benefit Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jul 22 Solid Ones MC Annual Car Wash Des Moines
Jul 29 Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jul 29 Christmas in July Scavenger Hunt Walford
Aug 4-13 Black Hills Motorcycle Rally South Dakota
Aug 12 LT Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Aug 13 5th Annual Cancer Sucks Car, Truck, and Bike Show Council Bluffs
Aug 13 5th Annual Benefit the Vets Worthington
Aug 18-20 19th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg
Aug 19 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola
Aug 19-20 Baxter Cycle 4th Annual 40th Annual Open House Marne
Aug 20 D18 Quad Picnic Blakesburg
Aug 26 2nd Annual Support our Veterans Ride Livermore Legion
Aug 26 Kyle’s Mile 9 Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Aug 31-Sep 2 52nd Annual Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport
Aug 31-Sep 3 Redneck Revival Conesville
Sep 9 Fall Hog Roast Zylstra HD Ames Sep 10
Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa
Sep 16 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola
Sep 23 D18 Toys for Tots Ride Burlington
Sep 1-4 Midway Tavern’s 25th Annual Soldier Valley Poker Run, BBQ/Dance/Concert Soldier
Sep 16 Mean Machine “Smalltown Throwdown” Burnout Contest & Stereo Battle Elkhart
Sep 17 17th Annual World-Famous Butterfield’s M-C Parts
Hot Dog Daze Omaha, NE
Sep 23 22 Veteran Suicide Awareness Association Poker Run Pacific Junction
Oct 1 Toy Run HD of Carroll
Oct 28 Screamin Saturday Chili Cookoff and Halloween
Event Zylstra HD Ames
Nov 4 Pancakes for Patriots Zylstra HD Ames
Nov 4 Solid Ones MC Clubhouse Day of The Dead Party Carlisle
Dec 9
Brrrrunch Party and Santa Stop Zylstra HD Ames
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Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides
Wednesday
Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May-Sep)
Bea’s Place Baxter
Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep) Pete & Shorty’s Clarksville
Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (5-10, 6-14, 7-19,8-16,9-13)
Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames
Thursday
Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thursday)
Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays)
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe
Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep)
East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs MaySep)
VFW Post 9662 Des Moines (Every Thursday AprOct)
Screamin’ Eagle Waterloo (Jun-Aug)
Carlisle Bike Night (3rd Friday)
Chommy’s Bar/Grill Eldon (3rd Thursday)
Thunder N2 Atlantic Bike Night Atlantic (2nd Thurs Jun-Oct)
Tip Top Lounge Ames (start Jun 1)
Friday
Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Friday AprSep)
American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Friday MaySep)
Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jun-Aug) Off Point Pub Davenport (Every Friday)
Burt’s Dog House Boxholm (Every Other Friday) Mean Machine Grub Run Elkhart (1st Fri-May - Sep)
Saturday
Dirty Biker Design Winterset (May 13, Jun 10, Jul 15, Aug 12, Sep 9)
I-29 Dragway with LHHD Pacific Junction (Apr 29, Jun 10, Aug 26, Oct 14)
Kilroy’s Redfield (2nd Sat May-Sep)
Sunday
Just 1 More Jamaica (Starting in May)
This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com
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