On the Cover
Our January artwork on the cover and calendar pages are brought to you by TRMI, Robb Boggs and crew at Mean Machine, and photog Laci Navin. Nicole perched upon this 2009 Harley Davidson Road King performance bagger makes both the bike and Nicole look even sexier. This asphalt eating machine was painted by Mapleton Custom Paint and built by Mean Machine in Elkhart. Happy New Year from all of us!
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We officially took over this publication for the June 2010 issue. I added it up and that was 164 issues ago. It happened by accident that we ended up with this thing, and sometimes I just think that if we had started in a January, I could more easily count issues, but I can usually figure it out. We are pushing on 14 years of printing Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa and I can say that I have loved every year of doing this. I am fortunate enough to have forged relationships with many people in and around the motorcycle industry and lifestyle that I truly respect and admire. We have gotten a few awards for what we do, and a pat on the back is always nice. We have been able to make it to a number of national level events and rub elbows with many big names in the industry, and even made some lifelong friends with people we would have never met without motorcycles. To start off the year, we would like to say thanks for supporting us, thanks for reading, thanks for being a part of our world. As the bike show and swap meet season is rapidly approaching, we hope to see you at the shows and look forward to chatting with a ton of people! Hope to see you soon!
changes that it is hardly believable. Who would have thought that we would have a motorcycle with air bags? Bikes with maps and directions right on the dash? Bikes with traction control and body control modules? It is almost mind boggling the amount of technological advances that have been made in the motorcycle world, but in some instances they are still very bbasic machines. Compare tthe th h motorcycle world to the aautomotive industry. Cars aand the new technology iin n those are exponentially ggreater than in the motorcycle world. The m aagricultural industry is the ssame. We have tractors that bbasically drive themselves, gguided by GPS coordinates aamong other means. Why are motorcycles W maintaining the slow pace m oof advancement? I think it is because we WANT it it that way. Some may eenjoy a few of the modern dday perks, but many feel the th h desire to just be one with their machine and w live a more simple life. Is li tthe th h motorcycle industry hholding us back? Are we hholding the motorcycle iindustry back? Or, are we keeping things on an even keel and enjoying the freedom that we so dearly want and deserve as Americans and holding on to a part of a simpler past and just enjoying the freedom of the road. We may just have to see what the As I am sitting here typing this, the reality of time suddenly industry, the market, the buyers and the sellers come up with hit me, holy shit it is January. Not just any January, but in the future. I am excited and fearful to see what comes January Two Thousand and Twenty Four. That still seems of the motorcycle world, but I sure as hell am going to be a like such a made up year. A futuristic year that I thought part of it and try to drag others into it with me. decades ago I would never see because it was just too far in the future and I didn’t think I would ever be this old. That is Welcome to the New Year! pretty much all of us though. We live for today, some of us plan for tomorrow, some plan for next year, but many of us Vernon Schwarte don’t plan for something forty years away. Where will you Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa be in 20 years? Hell, with the current state of the country, it Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West is hard to say where we will be or what we will be doing in IMDA Board Member two years, no matter what we have planned. MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep COC Liaison From the past four decades that I have been playing with NCOIR State of Iowa Representative two wheeled freedom devices, there have been so many vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com 4 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
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As the holidays wind down, the food settles and all the family go home, it’s time to take a deep breath and to focus on the upcoming year ahead. Of course, for most like myself, the past, present and future are intertwined like a bowl of spaghetti that the dog has knocked off the table and is having his way with when your back is turned. Introspection of past deeds, present needs and hope for tomorrow assails the grey matter, at least the part that still has a few neurons firing. After 67 years, that introspection thing can get uncomfortable if you are trying to do it honestly. I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I still have a fairly large “wanter” and a selfish streak running through me. A person can purpose to do better, try to work it out, but when business, illness, tiredness or the normal everyday things-going-belly-up happens, it becomes more obvious that it’s not all sweetness and light; a lot of dark stuff remains. It doesn’t help when you see the paper or the news when the majority of the world has seemingly lost the struggle and has given up even trying. I think that is why It’s so good to celebrate, reconnect, and refocus during the holidays. We all need that reminder that God is not taken by surprise; he is ultimately in control and it’s not all on our shoulders to make it all work. We need to take time to appreciate the good under all the layers of bad.
can be extremely stressful and sad but can also remind us of the good. The gratefulness of Thanksgiving, the celebration of our Savior’s birth at Christmas, the hope and new beginnings of the New Year or the awe and joy of the resurrection, which is Easter, all reminds us that God’s got this figured out even if we are mostly clueless.
I had my recent reminder the other day when our ABATE District 18 and Heartland Harley- Davidson were able to present the Toys for Tots organization with a large check and then watch two truckloads of bicycles come rolling in to be distributed to the kids. A lot of people donated a lot of hours at a lot of events for a good cause. It got me thinking about the bikers as a whole and all the good accomplished by the legion of groups, clubs, and riding organizations, from children’s hospitals to hospice and every kind of benefit or I saw a Phillip Yancy quote the other day that summed it memorial in up nicely. “The Bible tells of flawed people, people just between, on like you and me, who make shockingly bad choices and and on; you yet still find themselves pursued by a loving God.” Thank get the picture. you, Jesus! The book of Hebrews speaks of Jesus when it I ended says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to up greatly sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every encouraged respect has been tempted as we are yet was without sin. Let and it all us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, helped me to that we may receive mercy and grace to help in the time of refocus on need.” He’s been there and understands completely. So, as being more we begin the New Year, remember to do as Romans 12:12 hopeful and reminds us: be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and pray positive. continually. Maybe we aren’t all Here’s wishing you all blessings and hoping our paths cross as bad as many times in good circumstances this coming year. the news or our nagging Blessings, Mark consciences makes us Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian out to be. Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and Yes, holidays God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org 6 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
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The Biker Friendly Business Directory Indian Motorcycle of Mason City is a list of establishments throughout Mason City Powersports Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You 12499 265th Street Mason City can pick up your copy here every 641-423-3181 month. Let them know that you saw Masoncitypowersportsinc.com them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Metro Harley-Davidson Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing 2415 Westdale Drive SW and become a part of the network, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 please email 319-362-9496 vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com www.metro-motorsports.com
Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook Dirty Biker Design 122 S. John Wayne Drive Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com
Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com
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Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net
Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321
Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165
Closed Mon-Tues, 4-Midnite Wed-Thur-Fri,
10-Midnight Sat, 11-Midnight Sunday Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com Jake’s Station 107 West HWY 59 Hancock, Iowa 51536 712-741-BEER Like Our Page Jakes Station on Facebook J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Tuesday - Sunday 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper
Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook! Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com Shootout Saloon 3571 310th St Dexter 1 Mile West of Bonnie & Clyde Shootout
Johnie’s Tap 112 NE 2nd Street Stuart, Iowa 50250 515-523-1146 Find Us on Facebook
Food and Drink
(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015
McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close
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712-249-0041 Secluded Bar in the Woods Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports
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The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 2-Close
Insurance & Financial Shops & Fabricators O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
BS & Bikes 300 E 17th St S Suite 700 Newton, IA 50208 641-521-8448 Find us on Facebook
State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
Legal
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com
Guns and Ammo
TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Thunder Guns 201 4th Ave Portsmouth, Iowa 51565 712-249-5630 Find us on Facebook
Photo and Art
Thunder Guns West 1101 Chatburn Ave STE 103 Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2632 Find us on Facebook
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Hobbies & Collectibles
Quilting
Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com www.treasureislanddiecast.com
Bam-Bam Quilting 724 E Benton Winterset kerneskimmie@gmail.com 515-468-0264 Find us on Facebook
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Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Trailers
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com Mean Machine Cycles Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Custom & Full-Service HD Repair Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336 Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Fri 9-6, Sat 8-12 Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220
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The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
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The Motorcycle Book
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The Motorcycle Book
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not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
of the men and women that volunteer their lives in the defense of this great nation? I have the utmost respect for our first responder personnel; There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret being EMT’s, firefighters, and almost all the law enforcement the stubborn, self-centered, officers (let’s face it, there are some trash cops out there). These people all put their lives on the line regularly without shit head I was in my youth that made me walk away much regard for their own safety. from signing up because my eyesight kept me out of an I watched as a historic building in our downtown quickly airplane. I could have served became engulfed in flames, but firefighters were there in another branch, but I making sure everyone was out and safe. The EMT’s couldn’t get what I wanted, were there to tend to any injuries there might be and law so I walked away like a enforcement kept the lookie loos out of the way. petulant child. It takes a special kind of human being to do these jobs. I’ve I will regret that decision until my dying day. And maybe been lucky enough to know several of these fine people. that is a large part of why I feel so strongly about our My EMT friends are some of the kindest, most thoughtful people I have ever met. These people genuinely care about service men and women today… my regret. Couple that other people, all people, and just want the best for everyone. with my love for this country; for what our founding fathers created, for what our ancestors fought hard to protect and My firefighter friends have the same characteristics, but maintain. I just couldn’t see myself living anywhere else on also have a touch of crazy in them. They all have a spark this big blue marble (the Earth isn’t flat! Shut up, you sound of insanity in their eyes. What else could possibly make them run into a burning building? And my law enforcement stupid!). friends seem to possess the same characteristics as the EMT and firefighters, but I see a stronger sense of right and So now that we’ve established that I believe it takes a special breed to serve our communities and our country, wrong in these people. They despise the injustice in their I have to seriously question the decision makers; those communities, in the world, and they are compelled to do elected and unelected people that tell us how we must live something about it. our lives. There is a commonality between all of them in that they Before I continue, I must preface this by making an official all grew up in the communities they served. Sure, some statement. I just know that one of you that reads this is of them have moved on to other parts of the country for going to have a complete meltdown and want to claim that various reasons, but they all have a commitment to their I’m a racist or a xenophobe or a phobaphobicistaphobe or communities. They’ve all felt they needed to give back by something because this is going to hurt your little feelers. serving the citizens of the community. I do not and will not hate anyone based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, country of origin, etc. If I dislike Then we have those of you that serve, or have served, in our nation’s armed services. You lot are the top tier. Where someone it is based solely on the content of their character, or lack thereof. When stupid becomes a race, I will wear the would this country be without the faithful, selfless service
Public Service 101
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racist label with pride. Until then, calling me a racist adds you to the stupid category.
immigrants that have been in the country for a long time. He claimed giving citizenship in exchange for military service to the migrant mobs breaking federal laws to sneak Since January 2021 there have been an estimated 8 million into the United States would enhance national security. “Do to 12 million people that have crossed our borders (mostly you know what the recruiting numbers are at the Army, the southern border), the vast majority of them have done Navy, and the Air Force? They can’t reach their quotas each so illegally. They have completely overwhelmed the border month. They can’t find enough people to join our military patrol so much that officers from several other agencies forces. And there are those who are undocumented who have had to abandon their regular duties just to help process want the chance to serve and risk their lives for this country. and care for the tens of thousands of people coming into the Should we give them a chance? I think we should.” the United States each month. Senate Judiciary Committee chairman said. I fully support immigration. Legal immigration. Properly Senator Dick Durbin, a known gun control advocate who’s vetted immigration. However, what has been happening spent much of his career attempting to disarm the American these last 24 months is NOT that. It is a completely citizen, thinks it’s a great idea to arm illegal immigrants unfettered, unchecked, and largely undocumented invasion and give them access to strategy and intel inside of our U.S. of the United States. The number of people that have armed forces. What could possibly go wrong? crossed our borders is larger than the population of 44 of the 50 states. It is 3 ½ times the population of Iowa. That is just If you agree with the thoughts of J.B. Pritzker and Dick insane! Durbin, I’d like to invite you over to my house for a snack. I have a big bowl of M&M’s that I’d like to share with I would like to believe that people are coming to the United you. Just one catch… 10 of them are poisoned. None of States for a better life, to escape hostile conditions in the poisoned look any different than the others, they’re just their home countries, but there are far too many pieces of tainted and will kill you. evidence that lead me to believe otherwise. There are too many documented cases of known terrorists being caught Choose wisely. at our borders. Thankfully they were caught, but how many more that were radicalized by the known terrorists have gotten through that we don’t know about? How many David McCoy people with bad intentions come across under the guise of “I - david@thunderroadsiowa.com just want a better life” and are just waiting for the right time - facebook.com/TRMIDave to show their true intentions? - facebook.com/TRMINSUR Protests organized by immigrants have been happening across our nation where their thought leaders are chanting “Death to America” and claiming that they want their religion in every home in the west. They make threats of violence, even death, to those that will not comply. They want you to submit or perish. Do these people speak for all immigrants? Of course, they don’t, but thanks to the failing public education system and the forced indoctrination of our younger generation in these institutions, these immigrants are radicalizing more and more natural born American citizens to hate the country that has provided them with the very freedom they are afforded to stand with those that are chanting death to America. J.B. Pritzker, the governor of Illinois, has passed a new law that goes into effect January 1st, 2024 that will allow immigrants to become police officers in the state. In Minnesota, like Illinois, citizens and non-citizens eligible to work in the U.S. can be police officers. Some jurisdictions do have a citizenship requirement, however. For example, the city of St. Paul requires potential officers to be 21 or older, a U.S. citizen, have a valid driver’s license, have no conviction history, receive proper education and training, and pass a background check. If these background checks are conducted by the same corrupted, inefficient, ineffective government that currently runs Minnesota, Illinois, and our entire country, do you honestly believe that this is a good idea? I recently watched a video of Senator Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) where he is calling for blanket legalized citizenship for large swaths of “undocumented” (illegal) Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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Highway 63 Diner 3030 Marnie Road Waterloo, IA 50701 (319) 232-0635 Hours: Mon-Thurs: 11am-9pm Fri-Sat: 11am-10pm Sun: 11am-7pm
the entire plate, so much so that Vernon’s broasted potatoes had to have their own plate. The sandwich had warm meats and melted cheese paired with fresh cold toppings piled high on chewy toasted French sub rolls. The broasted potatoes were seasoned potatoes, crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. A wonderful companion to the flavorful submarine. I ordered the cheese Frenchy with a side of French fries. My fries were a generous serving of golden delicious perfection next to my crunchy cheese sandwich. The Frenchy was soft white bread, coated and fried to perfection, holding the center of melted American cheese inside. There were four delectable squares of crunchy, cheese goodness to enjoy. Our waitress returned to see about dessert, but there was no way we could fit anything else in our already over extended bellies. Although we did see some delicious looking chocolate cake and hot apple dumplings pass by our table. Maybe next time we will have room for sweets. The menu truly has something for everyone. Appetizers ranging from Buffalo chicken bites to deep fried calamari, soups and salads, wraps, burgers, submarines, sandwiches, steaks and prime rib, seafood, pizza, and even vegetarian meals. If you can’t find something to eat at the Highway 63 Diner, you obviously aren’t hungry. Friendly waitstaff, fast service, and delicious food make this a place to return to time and again. When you stop by, make sure to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!
Vernon and I were in Waterloo for some magazine business when it came time for supper, and Highway 63 Diner was just down the road. We pulled in and found a spot in the Melanie Schwarte crowded parking lot. When we stepped inside the hostess took our name and let us know we were looking at about a 20-minute wait for our table. While waiting to be seated, we If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me discovered that they do take reservations, and that they are know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com probably a good idea, because the diner is a very popular place. Our waitress led us to our table and quickly took our drink orders and gave us a few minutes to look at the menu. Being new to the diner, Vernon and I both eyeballed every plate that passed our table while trying to make our decisions. We noticed many salads being delivered to tables in large family style bowls with homemade dressings on the side. When our waitress returned, we placed our orders and waited patiently for her return. Shortly she was back with our meals…it was surprisingly fast considering the number of people who had decided to darken the diner doors at the same time we did. Vernon ordered the classic submarine. Which was a blend of meats and cheeses, baked on a French loaf and topped with fresh lettuce, tomato and house made dressing. When the waitress offered a half sandwich option, we probably should have anticipated the size of the submarine, but alas, we did not. This sub took up 22 - TRMI JANUARY ANUARY 2024
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While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of fast as possible. Unfortunately, one flour. A Scout ran to pick it up. “Don’t bother, young man,” day he was a little too reckless and said the customer. “It’s self-rising.” caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and needless to say, he went to court says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.” The over this incident. He was found librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?” guilty, and was sentenced to death “Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, by electrocution. When the day of the please.” execution came, he requested a singlee banana as his last meal. After eating the he The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. banana, he was strapped into the electric ctri ct ricc ri “Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.” “Good. What comes chair. The switch was flown, sparks fl flew ew,, ew after three?” “Four,” answered the boy. “What comes after and smoke filled the air – but nothing ngg six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did happened. The man was perfectly a good job. And what comes after 10?” “Jack.” fine. Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a Two golfers and a priest went out to play a few rounds. The failed execution was a sign of divine first golfer missed a key swing. “Damn, I missed!” he said. intervention, so the man was allowed d tto o The priest scolded him, saying that God would punish him go free. Somehow, he managed to gett hi hiss for taking the Lord’s name in vain. However, it happened old job back driving the train. Having not again. “Damn, I missed!” The priest tutted and reminded learned his lesson at all, he went right back him to keep the Lord’s name holy. Finally, the golfer to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he flubbed again. “Damn, I missed!” The heavens opened up caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The and a massive finger pointed through the clouds, igniting trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence a lightning bolt that crackled and blasted… the priest. As of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two the golfers looked at the dead priest and then looked up at bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the the sky in confusion, a profound voice echoed from above: electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke DAMN, I MISSED! filled the room – and the man was once again unharmed. Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” yet another train and killed three people. And so he once he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “He’s not again found himself being sentenced to death. On the so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three out of five.” bananas. “You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat; we’re refrigerator to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking strapping you in and doing this now.” Well, it was against a nap. “What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks. protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, Westinghouse?” “Um, yes,” the man replies. “It is.” “Well smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. then,” the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, “I am The executioner was speechless. The man looked at the twying to west.” executioner and said, “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.” John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John’s NASA was preparing for the Apollo project. When NASA grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One these plates clean?” His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only meal.” For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. “What are John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to these guys in the big suits doing?” A member of the crew have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old are clean?” he asked. Without looking up, Grandpa said, man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional can get them!” Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa’s opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass. John said, the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!” Grandpa yelled translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!” and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message. How long does it take Putin’s mom to take a shit? 9 Months. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man’s message was: So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream land.” ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as 24 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
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Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is yes!!!” “Ok make sure they are all switched to ‘on’” “Ok, invisible. After attracting the bartender’s ok!!” Passengers are sweating with panic…“You see the attention, the bartender says “Ok, I’ll dial above the copilots head?” “Yes, yes!!” “Make sure it bite. Why are you invisible?” Obama is rotated 90 degrees clockwise” The passengers follow says “Well, I found a bottle on the beach the order …. “Ok it’s done!!!!” More instructions from and…then I rubbed it.” “And then… ATC…“Now the blue button on the left hand panel… importantly…A genie came out.” “The make sure that is engaged” “Ok, ok I think it’s done” genie said I could have…3 wishes.” For my sweats the passenger “Good. Now slide the red lever 50% first wish, I said “Let me say this, and this is northwards” The passengers are in a state of flux but profoundly important…I want Michelle to marry coping….After 5 or 6 minutes of intense conversation me…I love her, and I think America will love her and instructions, air traffic control declare…“Ok, I think too.” That wish was granted. For my second wish, we’re going to be ok…………you’re all clear to take off ”. I said “Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic…and I want to be President…of the George Washington and his men are looking for a place United States…so I can serve my country.” That to stay one night after a long fight against the British… wish was granted too. And then, for my third After marching through the woods for some hours, they wish, I started by saying “Let me be clear…” find a farm. Washington knocks on the door and the farmer answers. Washington says “excuse me sir, I’m A few minutes before the services started, Satan sorry to bother you. My men and I have been fighting the appeared at the front of the church. Everyone British all day, and are very tired. Can you put us up for started screaming and running for the front entrance, the night?” The farmer looks around and says “well I only trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from have room for one of you.” Washington looks around at his evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for 100 men, and points to a young soldier. “Peters, you were one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without wounded badly in that last battle and kept fighting. You moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s deserve it. Step inside.” Peters steps up, and stays with the ultimate enemy was in his presence. So, Satan walked up farmer for the night. Now without their buddy Peters, the to the man and said, “Do you know who I am?” The man men feel as depressed as ever, and have no place to stay. replied, “Yep, sure do.” “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan Washington and his battered soldiers continue marching. asked. “Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man. “Don’t you realize Eventually they find a brothel. Washington knocks on the I can kill you with one word?” asked Satan. “Don’t doubt door excitedly and the head mistress answers. “Excuse me it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone. ma’am, my men and I have been fighting the British all “Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying day, and are very tired. Can you put us up for the night? AGONY for all eternity?” persisted Satan. “Yep,” was the We can pay.” The mistress closes the door for a moment. calm reply. “And you are still not afraid?” asked Satan. She excitedly turns around to all the prostitutes. “It’s been “Nope,” said the old man. More than a little perturbed, months of no business girls, no men and no action, but Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” The man we have a whole caravan of handsome young soldiers to calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.” service here! Get ready!” The girls giggle excitedly and begin to primp for all the soldiers, having gone months Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, with no business. The mistress opens the door and says sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land to George “we’d be happy to put you up! How many of in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the you are there?” Washington turns around and looks at his postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. men, and says “well, 99 without Peters.” The mistress says, Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months “You’ve gotta be shitting me.” or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing MEN’S HELP LINE – Letter of the Month: Hi John, I really there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night, thought for some time now that my wife has been cheating on you might like to come. About 5:00.” “Great”, says Tom, me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to folks. Thank you.” As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but warn you … be some drinkin.” “Not a problem” says Tom. I usually fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight “After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, ‘em.” Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. “More she got out of someone’s car buttoning her blouse, then ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” “Well, I get along she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them with people, I’ll be all right. I’ll be there, thanks again.” on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I “More’n likely be some wild sex, too.” “Now that’s really noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting not a problem,” says Tom, warming to the idea. “I’ve been bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the replace the whole bracket? way, what should I wear?” “Don’t much matter … just gonna be the two of us.” A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, Two pilots are dead and brave passengers break down “I wish I were rich!” The genie replies, “It is done! What is the door to take control of the plane. They get on to air your second wish, Rich?” traffic control who guide them….“Ok stay calm…now do you see those 3 switches located on main panel?” “Yes, Hope you all have a great January and Happy New Year! Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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Spade, likely more than one, I really don’t want to know, but I know my pearl onions are packed away comfortably in one of her purses. some lofty business goals in play from last No, I will not fall for it again! year andI ashadbusiness tends to go, some of them just don’t
seem that important now looking back and other problems I am the victim of my own bullshit this past year and I and options arose that changed some of those goals along really don’t have anyone to blame but myself, but for all the the way, that is just how life and business works. new year crap I was going to get after, sometimes life just kicks you square in the tenders Same with and the next thing you know, you my personal are taking a different path, it may life. And be the path of least resistance what I mean which is the easiest path of course, is my goals a person can only take so much for burning pain before they say, “shit, enough up the of that malarky, let’s do things a highway this different way”. It’s like Pavlov’s year on my Dog. Most are familiar with the bike. Now, story of Pavlov’s Dog, but in a they were nutshell, you can train a dog by not super enforcing a certain behavior with aggressive, either a pain or reward. Hell, we more realistic can train ourselves that same because way, working through pain to find I knew I something enjoyable or something had some like that. challenges in the upcoming I start or rather end, every year year that with a pretty good set of goals for might limit the next year, as I have mentioned my “non in these hallowed pages of the riding to greatest motorcycle magazine ever work miles.” published, I have annoyed my kids Now, those for years by drilling this message riding to home, a dream and a goal are two different things. You can work miles are some of my favorite, I mean, I have a couple dream you want something, want to achieve something, of cool ways to get to the office and they are great roads, whatever that may be. You dream of getting a promotion, running along the hills of the Missouri River and in 2024 you dream of getting a new bike, you dream of losing that last few miles (or first few I guess coming home) are weight, I don’t care what it is, but a dream will always be a going to be as enjoyable all the way around as another dream unless you write it down, then it becomes a goal, and neighboring state adapts more freedoms meaning I can now goals can be achieved because the first step to achieving it is chose if I want to wear a lid or not, always a pain in the ass writing it down and I don’t care what the plan or goal might either putting it on or taking it off on the highway as I cross be. Write. It. Down. Then you can start a course or plan of the river. Either way, I just don’t think of those as riding action. miles, maybe I should but when I talk about riding miles and goals I set, I mean taking a trip, getting the Flock out I hammer this home all the time for my kids and my of Dodge, even a day trip to go get some wings or a pork associates I work with. I don’t care what you do, what tenderloin. Sometimes I just want to get out and blow all my your future holds, or the size of your business, you must year-end bonus money I make writing for this publication, goal plan and it doesn’t take much to do it. But getting it after a while it burns a hole in my pocket. Well, working for on paper is the start. No successful business (not even one, this guy does give me a burning feeling, but let’s just not go anywhere) moves forward with plans for success without there because again, this is the best publication dedicated to planning and planning is setting goals. It’s basic life 101 the lifestyle of riding in the state of Iowa and surrounding when it comes to that. states and it’s my honor to be involved for the better part of a decade. But, that said, sometimes you have a set of goals and you get kicked in the nerts and you are forced to move in a I knew going into this year that I had some big things general direction that might not line up with your previously happening in my personal life, in my family’s life, and a planned goals. Fun fact, I have been married for like a couple of the business interests that I, well, have interests in. hundred years or something so I don’t worry about getting Same as about everyone else. Same but different. kicked in the balls, because they are safely tucked in my wife’s purse! Lucky for me, she has expensive tastes and Youngest kid graduating from High School, middle kiddo always carries a really nice handbag so for the sake of second year in College, Son doing Air Force things and discussion, if you tried to kick me in the jingle jangles, mom and dad doing the best we can to hold on to the idea they are likely in her Kate Spade. I know she has a Kate Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook www.thunderroadsiowa.com 28 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
that we still have kids when in point of fact, we now have young adults released upon the world and we are moving into a different world, that of being empty nesters, which you would think would be the opening to a new world of freedom where we don’t have to feed and water the younglings and can go about living a freedom filled life! You would think that but alas. No. Mid spring my graduating child informed me that the party would not be at our place, with a back yard currently in full remodel mode, thinking I had all summer to finish this massive project. So, there when April and May riding time. Worth it of course, we do what we can for our off spring but it was a lot of late nights and packed weekends. A couple of June schedule changes and the next thing you knew it’s July and summer is half over.
2024 and stuff I want to achieve, goals that I want to check off the box, it’s the circle of life that comes with wanting to always make things better. I do have two trips already booked I am super fired up about that I know will happen, work is always growing and needing my attention, but I really want to find out more of what it’s like to be an empty nester. I was told I might not need to wear pants any longer? I mean, it’s a dream now, but I will write that down and make it a goal. Todd “Crash” Davis
Thankfully we did get a trip to Anamosa and the final visit to the museum scheduled and executed, as I wrote about, but that was really the last big riding adventure I was able to pull off because before you knew it the kids were getting moved back to school, work jobs had important items that needed a hyper focus and suddenly the riding season comes to a chilly end like it does on the norm for every riding season in Iowa. I will take some time around the holidays to look ahead to
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Royal Enfield: The Indian Connection
motorcycle more consistently with less down time, thanks to the forethought in their designs and rugged construction. The tightening market worldwide and eventual Great Depression, rendered many motorcycle companies insolvent. While Royal Enfield’s losses were substantial during this time, they were able to stay in production due to their shrewd business acumen and built up capital. Indian, on the other hand, was absorbed by the DuPont Automobile company, who quickly abandoned the luxury auto market in favor of what it saw as a more practical transportation solution for the financially troubled times.
(Following up on the article I wrote for October’s issue, I would like to help clarify some points on the relationship between Royal Enfield and Indian Motorcycles. Below is a brief summary of the connections between the two historic brands that are both currently undergoing a renaissance.) Trying to unwind the numerous rumors and halftruths of a motorcycle company’s history can be tedious and, usually, a total snooze fest. There’s not much interesting to write about when the facts come out (board meetings, shareholders, copyright laws...). History has a way of embellishing the truth so that the people who really care about a brand or product can have something tangible to cling to. Not just a name, but a heritage. Few motorsports brands in existence today have a heritage as intertwined and interesting as both Royal Enfield and Indian Motorcycles. Both companies rolled out their first motorcycle in 1901, Royal Enfield in Redditch, England and Indian in Springfield, MA. Indian, realizing the value of “Win on Sunday, Sell on Monday,” became the first U.S. motorcycle manufacturer to compete internationally, entering the famed Isle of Man TT in 1909, and, ultimately, winning in 1911 (the same year Royal Enfield first entered the race). The Springfield company learned much from their time abroad and carried many of the ideas learned racing back to the factory to be put into production, making them far advanced of many of their domestic rivals. Royal Enfield, on the other hand, focused primarily on supplying motorcycles to the English and Russian militaries, as well as making solid, dependable, and high-quality motorcycles for the average rider, stressing neither speed or style, but more importantly, reliability and engineering. The Enfield factory was the first company to offer enclosed valve-trains on their motorcycles (no more oil-stained britches and coats... well, sort of...), patented a rubber cush-drive system to eliminate wheel shock when changing gears, innovated swinging arm rear suspension and hydraulic front suspension, and, eventually offered the first 5-speed gearbox in the UK. “Win on Sunday, Sell on Monday” may have been working for Indian, but “Ride on Sunday, Ride on Monday” was more of Royal Enfield’s approach, meaning that the average person could use their 30 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
After the Second World War, the fortunes of the two companies shifted apart. As the post-war boom took hold in the US, Harley-Davidson’s dominance on the domestic market really bagan, forcing Indian closer and closer to bankruptcy. Meanwhile, in the UK, the demand for cheap and dependable transportation, as well as a huge government-driven push for exports, helped Royal Enfield thrive. Ironically, the export boom also helped divide the two companies as imported English bikes could be sold cheaper (and oftentimes with better performance) than their domestic cousins. This would be the beginning of the end of Indian, as they struggled to compete with their longtime rivals, Harley-Davidson, but also with the deluge of imports from abroad.
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In a desperate attempt to stay the course, Indian motorcycles The brand masking ran from 1955 to 1959, by which time tried to introduce their own “Brit Bike” using singlethe range had grown from 5 to 9 models, including the and twin-cylinder motors developed by the Torque performance variants the Apache, the Hounds Arrow, and Manufacturing company of NJ. These machines were the Westerner, and the reintroduction of the Chief (complete lighter and much smaller than the Chiefs and Scouts the with 16” balloon tires and massive 5 gallon tank). This typical Indian rider was used to and, accompanied with new catalog helped position Indian above Harley in the rushed production and poor componentry, they proved “too technology game (overhead valves, dual drum brakes, little, too late.” high compression twins and singles), and compete directly with their contemporary Brit compatriots. All the while, In 1953, the Springfield factory officially ceased production Royal Enfield in England was learning more and more of their storied motorcycles. An industrial concern from about the lucrative North American market and what its the UK, Brockhouse Engineering, acquired the rights to riders wanted (hint: it was speed!). This would lead to the sell Indian motorcycles at this time. Knowing that the U.S. eventual development of the Royal Enfield Interceptor and was still full of Indian dealers hungry for new products, Continental GT, two models which exist to this very day. Brockhouse struck a deal to import many English brands, including Norton, Vincent, AJS, and Royal Enfield (among But, like the Lone Ranger, eventually the mask had to be others) to supply the bike-hungry 1950s U.S. population. removed. This would lead to the final closure of the Indian However, it wasn’t too long before dealers and Brockhouse Motorcycle company in 1960. Though many attempts to realized that Indian dealerships should be selling Indian resurrect the brand would occur over the years, none of motorcycles. Thus, the Royal Enfield Indians were born. them really stuck until the Polaris group bought the rights in 2011, and started remanufacturing Indian motorcycles right The Royal Enfield factory was tasked with re-imagining here in Iowa. It appears Indian is now around for good as their current offerings in more a permanent addition “Westernized” versions: the Super to the once-mighty Meteor became the Trailblazer, the American motorcycle Clipper became the Fire Arrow, and industry. the Bullet became the Woodsman. Cosmetic changes included Indian Likewise, Royal Enfield Vermillion Red paint schemes, bigger (who ceased operation fenders (mudguards to the Limeys), in England in 1970) higher handlebars, fender adornments, has weathered its and catalog accessories that included own financial storms. windshields, fringed luggage, and crash Now headquartered guards complete with spot lights. in Chennai, India, the Enfield concern has Initially these “new Indians” were subject factories and design to massive centers all over the corporate world. Slow and steady subterfuge. has always been their Brockhouse goal and it has paid off hugely. The company was reluctant now makes upwards of 1 million motorcycles for the public to a year, selling in over 2,300 dealerships across see through the the globe, and is now the world’s leader in ruse. It wasn’t premium middle-weight motorcycles. In a long, however, karmic twist that no one could have planned, we before the press now see Indian dealerships picking up the Royal broke the news. Enfield brand again as a lightweight counterpart It had little to the larger and more expensive cruisers that effect on sales, currently occupy their catalog, much as they however. Never did in the early ‘50s. This time, though, they’re made in large wearing their very own badges! History does, numbers, the indeed, repeat itself. Enfield Indians could never hope to compete All that’s old is new again, eh? directly with Harley anyway, so the few bikes that were made Article and Photos: sold regardless. And the owners Jeremy Pendergast became converts to these new light, fast bikes from abroad. Additional Photos: In fact, much of the success of Ben Simpson rival British brands was due to Enfields introduction (even in disguise) to long-standing Indian dealers such as Sammy Pierce and Cooper Motors. 32 - TRMI JANUARY 2024
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29th Annual Metro Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids Mar 23-24 35th Annual Donnie Smith Show and Swap Saint Paul, MN 2024 Apr 7 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island, IL Jan 13 10th Annual Motor Madness Winter Sucks Party Apr 27 BACA Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids Metro HD Cedar Rapids May 3-4 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque Feb 8 ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines May 4 13th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone Feb 10 33rd Annual Chili Cook-Off Metro HD May 23-26 Redneck Revival Conesville Cedar Rapids Jul 3-6 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona Feb 17 Baxter Cycle Open House Marne Iowa Hog Drags and Nostalgia Reunion Feb 24 Sleeping Angels Foundation 6th Annual Angel Gala Jul 4-6 Humboldt Boone Jul 6 17th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca Feb 25 620 Polar Roller Bowling Tournament Jul 20 7th Annual Cruizin for a Cure Charity Ride Metro Metro HD Cedar Rapids HD Cedar Rapids Feb 24-25 54th Annual O’Reilly Auto Parts Rod and Custom Aug 2-11 Black Hills Motorcycle Rally South Dakota Show Monticello Aug 16-18 19th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg Mar 3 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Aug 29-Sep 1 Redneck Revival Conesville Cedar Rapids Sep 21 Bike Night & BBQ Cook Off Stuart Mar 22-24 Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Sep 28 Apple Fest Car and Bike Show Woodbine Fremont NE Nov 1-3 Iowa Steam Council Bluffs GET US YOUR EVENTS FOR THIS YEAR! EMAIL vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com Thanks in Advance!
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