FAMILY MATTERS
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5 Ways to Avoid Yelling at Young Children BY JANET HOWARD 311DIVORCE.COM
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ave you ever felt like a screaming psychopath when dealing with your young children? A study at Harvard University a few years ago concluded that at least 89 percent admitted to yelling at their kids at times in their lives. If you're one of these people, does this mean that you have a short temper? Not necessarily. It can, however, mean that when you become frustrated, yelling is a knee-jerk reaction. Perhaps you're being pulled in different directions at once (literally and figuratively), or maybe you see your children doing something that you've specifically told them not to do. Shouting for them to stop can often be the result. So, what can you do instead? Here are some options: 1. Establish warnings for your children Children should be warned that if they are fighting in the car or stalling at bedtime, you might get loud. Warning such as "I've asked you X number of times to do that; do it now before you get timeout." Sometimes, that simple warning can be enough to persuade kids to calm down.
2. Give them the lesson later Shouting isn't an effective method to communicate. It can also provoke children to act out aggressively or ignore your yelling over time. Sometimes you can be more effective in the moment by practicing a bit of self-control. Did your young child make a mess in the kitchen? Did your son or a daughter ignore you when you told them to prepare for bed? Try to take a beat or two to before correcting your child's actions. For example, consider asking them about their day and then explain to them why what they did was wrong. 3. Know when you're easily triggered Yelling is not something that happens out of the blue. It's often a response to an action, particular trigger. You can avoid blowing a gasket if you can identify the trigger. Find out what triggers you have and make a mental note of them. Perhaps you're tired and irritable in the evening when you get off work. Or maybe you have less patience in the morning before you've had a chance to eat or prepare for the day. Being more aware of your choices will allow you to be more mindful and exercise patience when you know that you may be easily agitated.
4. Be realistic about your expectations Keep in mind that children are constantly developing, which means that their brains are still growing. So, at times they may not be able to understand the concept that you are teaching them. Patience is key. It helps to be realistic about what you expect them to understand and remember. Often, your expectations can be the source of your frustration. Try not to get angry when you have to repeat something to your child that you told them earlier in the day. Instead, find ways to help them remember it, such as writing it down for them or having them repeat it back to you. 5. Be proactive Almost every parent can agree that getting children out of bed in the morning can be a bit of a headache. In some cases, it can escalate into a full-on shouting
match. One of the best responses to this is to be proactive. For example, if you know that your child doesn't like getting up in the morning, try waking them up about 15 to 20 minutes earlier than needed. If you know that they need to wind down before bedtime, consider using various methods to calm them down, including bedtime stories or a small snack before it's time to hit the sack. Yelling at children can be an unexpected response to them behaving in a way that undermines your authority or ignores the rules that you've set for them. Try to keep your cool in these situations by remaining focused on communicating effectively to them. This doesn't mean that you can't speak to your children in a sharp and stern tone; it just means that you don't have to lose your voice in the process.l
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