VOLUME 40, #9 NOVEMBER 2023
FREE!
INSIDE: Gifts Galore - A Holiday Guide
Season
CELEBRATE the
In The Historic Village of Williamsville
Williamsville Business & Prof. Assoc. WBA Joint Ad 1 100 Full Page Run of Issue PMKline $0.00 Open for Thanksgiving
SERVING Hand-Carved Roast Beef & Turkey All Day
5507 Main Street ~ Williamsville
www.glenparktavern.com
(716) 626-9333
d d
d
d
f
f
SMALL BUSINESS
S AT U R D AY N OV E M B E R 2 5 T H
Pumpkins Experts in Fine Children’s Clothing
Find us on Facebook - Clayton’s Toys 2 WNY Family November 2023
Perfect Gifts for the
Holiday Season! Gift Cards Available
H
Best Children’s Shopping Is Found on Main St. in Williamsville
5225 Main St. Williamsville, NY 716-633-1966
4C
5520 Main Street (at Cayuga)
Williamsville, NY 716-632-2246
Pumpkinschildrensclothing.com
www.willvill.com
5329 Main Street • Williamsville, NY 14221
716-632-6504 www.dicamillobakery.com
November 2023 • Volume 40 • Issue 9
OWNER/PUBLISHER Paul M. Kline ADVERTISING SALES Paul M. Kline EDITOR & CONSULTANT Michele Miller ADVERTISING DESIGN Karen Wawszczyk MAGAZINE LAYOUT/DESIGN Michelle Richter CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Shannon Carpenter • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Mike Daugherty Meagan Ruffing
/WNYFamily
/WNYFamily
/WNYFamily
Where It’s At! Gifts Galore Guide
Features: 6n 8n 10 n 11 n
12 n
Visit Our Web Site www.wnyfamilymagazine.com To Reach Us: Advertising Department advertising@wnyfamilymagazine.com Calendar Submissions calendar@wnyfamilymagazine.com Subscriptions subscriptions@wnyfamilymagazine.com Editorial Submissions michele@wnyfamilymagazine.com MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 1573 Buffalo, NY 14225 Phone: (716) 836-3486 PRINTED BY: Commercial Printing Division The Post-Journal, Jamestown WE ARE AN AUDITED PUBLICATION CIRCULATION (copies printed): 20,000 © 2023 Western New York Family, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any form without permission is strictly prohibited. Inclusion of an advertisement does not constitute an endorsement by the publisher. PRINT SUBSCRIPTIONS: MAILED FIRST CLASS, IN AN ENVELOPE SAME DAY ISSUE IS DELIVERED FROM THE PRINTER: $28 one year, $52 two years, $75 three years. Phone & online orders accepted with credit cards. Gift subscriptions available. Single copies & back issues by mail, $2.50. IF YOU MOVE: Missed issues will not be replaced if we do not receive an address change before issue mailing date.
Survival Guide For A Stress-Free Holiday Season by Kimberly Blaker 10 Gratitude Activities for Kids by Rebecca Hastings Snacking with the Pilgrims: A Thanksgiving Humor Story by Cheryl Maguire November is National Adoption Month: Kids Waiting to be Adopted Don’t Need Superheroes by Rebecca Hastings Issues Families Face: 10 Ways to Help Your Kids When the World Seems Scary by Rebecca Hastings
Directories:
14 n Gifts Galore 35 n Wellness Choices
Regulars: 5
n Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz
20 n Pick of the Literature by Dr. Donna Phillips
22 n Family Travel: Puerto Rico by Deborah Williams
26 n Raising Digital Kids - The Digital Seesaw: Balancing the Benefits and Risks of Technology for Children by Mike Daugherty
28 n The Daddy Track Let’s Live, Laugh, Love Our Way into Thanksgiving by Shannon Carpenter
29 n Parent Previews by Kirsten Hawkes
30 n Dear Teacher by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts
32 n Tweens and Teens Navigating the Generation Gap by Laura Lyles Reagan
34 n Special Needs Success Story: The Arc’s Services Bring Exceptional Changes
36 n Single Parenting Having Gratitude Can Help You Heal by Meagan Ruffing
38 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Pumpkin Pie and Pie Crust by Kathy Lundquist
39 n The Kiddie Gourmet Lock 34 Bar & Grill by Barbara Blackburn
You’ll find FREE courtesy copies of WNY Family at all Buffalo area Wegmans and 300 locations including Public Libraries, Doctors’ Offices, Child Care Centers and many of our advertisers. (Look for us INSIDE Wegmans on the racks where newspapers are sold, even though we are still FREE, or in some stores, on the FREE rack in the store foyer.)
Find this entire issue online at www.wnyfamilymagazine.com November 2023 WNY Family 3
150 Stahl Road, Getzville | 716.629.3463
Our caring staff provides a warm, nurturing environment where your child can discover a world of learning.
Competitive, reasonable pricing!
IMMEDIATE OPENINGS FOR: Infants (6 weeks - 18 mos.) Toddlers (18 mos. - 3 years) Preschoolers (3 - 4 years) • High quality care since 2005 • Convenient location near N. Forest and Millersport Hwy., Amherst, NY Inquire about before/after school care for ages 5 - 12!
Visit DiscoveryKidsLearningCenter.com.
4 WNY Family November 2023
web.finds The holiday season begins around Thanksgiving tables this month. Here are some ideas for place cards you can make with the kids to add a special touch to your table!
BUTTON-FACE TURKEY PLACE CARDS Folded card stock in a color of your choice (brown is shown here) is decorated with a turkey made with a small natural or artificial maple leaf for a tail; a oneinch diameter wooden button for a face; 6 millimeter wiggle eyes, and a chevron bead (or substitute a triangular piece of construction paper for the bead). Hot glue or craft glue holds everything together and a fine point Sharpie marker is used to draw the turkey’s legs and the guest’s name. A free download project sheet is available at https://www.creativehomecrafts.com/ thanksgiving-place-cards/#FREEthanksgivingpla cecardsprojectsheet.
CRAYOLA MODEL MAGIC PLACE CARD HOLDERS Kids love to work with bright colors and these plump turkeys’ bodies and feathers are shaped from Crayola Model Magic. Press on wiggle eyes and insert a chenille stem to hold a place card. Let dry overnight. You’ll find a complete tutorial and a video at https://www. crayola.com/crafts/thanksgiving-place-cardholders-craft/.
CLOTHESPIN TURKEY A video tutorial plus a free printable for the turkey parts are available for this adorable place card made from fabric autumn leaves, construction paper, googly eyes, a clothespin, hot glue, and a Sharpie. You’ll find all the details at https:// onelittleproject.com/thanksgiving-place-cards/
COLOR YOUR OWN PLACE CARDS If you want to take the minimalist route and have the kids color simple designs, check out these messages which you can download and print for free. Little artists with colorful markers and some imagination can turn these simple place cards into Thanksgiving masterpieces! https://www.sixcleversisters.com/ free-printable-thanksgiving-cards-for-kids-to-color/
What’s New... IN THE KIDBIZ HIDDEN HAZARD IN HOMES TODAY
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), unsafe custom window coverings continue to present an ongoing, serious risk to children and are one of the top hazards in homes today, according to their operating plan for 2024. About nine children 8 years old and younger die every year from window coverings with long, hazardous cords. From January 2009 through December 2021, the CPSC reported that there were more than 200 incidents involving children, many on custom products with failed safety devices. For over two decades, parent and consumer organizations persistently worked to eradicate strangulation hazards posed by window coverings because the solution is clear. Responsible designs would eliminate the strangulation hazard. In 2018, the window covering industry attempted, for the seventh time, to adopt a voluntary standard for cords on stock window coverings, but the standard did not address all hazardous cords and failed safety devices on custom window coverings. “The deadly designs of custom products are identical to the corded stock products industry eliminated in 2018. The percentage of the custom online market is growing larger every year making it more affordable. Every blind that is produced today will remain in American homes for many years to come, perpetuating the hazard,” says Linda Kaiser, founder of Parents for Window Blind Safety. Parent advocates and consumer groups will continue to push for safer, fairer regulations that protect the most vulnerable in our homes. Parent and consumer advocates call on the CPSC to navigate a path forward in the coming year that will ensure no other family suffers unimaginable tragedy because of failed safety devices on window covering cords. To learn more, about Parents for Window Blind Safety visit https://pfwbs.org/. November 2023 WNY Family 5
Holiday Time &
Energy Savers shopping wrapping baking holiday cards parties — by Kimberly Blaker
Survival Guide for a
Stress-Free Holiday Season
D
o you dread the hustle and bustle of another holiday season? Between shopping, wrapping, baking, holiday cards, parties, and many other obligations and tasks, surviving the season can be a feat, let alone finding the time to enjoy it with your family. This year, why not make a pact to eliminate stress by following these tips?
review the list, and calculate how much time and expense you’ve shaved off. If you haven’t reached your predetermined reduction, go through your list again.
First, close your eyes and think back to the last couple of years and how hectic and stressful they felt. What percentage of holiday activiEarly ties and tasks would you need to eliminate to make the season truly enjoyable and relatively stress-free? During this process, don’t think about what you can’t remove. Just determine the percentage of reduction you need to make.
Enlist your family to help prepare for the holidays, and divvy up the tasks. Don’t expect perfection Share in the from yourself or your family. Rem e m b e r, you probably don’t notice or mind the imperfections in others’ holiday gatherings. They’re just as unlikely to see any in yours.
Next, make a list of everything you need to do during the holiday season, to which parties you’ll be invited, and how much money you’ll spend. Now cross off the least important, least necessary, and least popular events and tasks. Then
Also, keep in mind the holiday season isn’t the time to be head cook. Plan potluck gatherings. Then, either suggest what each person should bring or, to avoid duplicates, ask guests to let you know what they’ll bring.
Planning
6 WNY Family November 2023
Once you’ve decided which parties you’ll attend and the commitments you’ll make, plan how you’ll say “No” to all the others, so you’re not caught off guard.
Preparation
Save time in gift-wrapping by setting up a station in a spare room or the basement. Or stock a large box or basket with wrapping paper, ribbon, bows, tags, tape, scissors, and pens, so everything is stored in one place. Have extras of everything on hand. Keep cleaning to a minimum during the holidays. Dismiss unused areas guests won’t see or use, and clean only the obvious in rooms that will be seen. The barely-visible layer of dust on your baseboards is unlikely to be noticed with all the holiday decorations and festivities. Make everyday meals quick and easy throughout the season. Soups, sandwiches, fresh fruit and vegetables, cottage cheese, pre-cut veggies and dip, and other prepared or semiprepared healthy foods will suffice for one month of the year. Do your holiday shopping early in the day on weekdays while your energy is high and crowds are small. Shop online or by catalog. If an item lacks details, search for a manufacturer’s website to get the information you need. Give gift cards. Hard-to-shopfor recipients will appreciate something practical. Gift cards to restaurants, department stores, sporting good outlets, specialty shops, or a massage, pedicure, or round of golf make great gifts. Don’t overdo the baking. Your guests will likely have had their fill of holiday treats long before your gathering arrives. Also, the caring gesture of visiting or calling friends and neighbors, rather than delivering a plate of baked goodies, will be more enjoyable and meaningful for everyone.
Money
Saver
Does your gift list grow each year? Decide with whom it’s essential to exchange gifts. Then talk to extended family, friends, coworkers, and others about forgoing gift exchanges, putting a cap on the price, or drawing instead. You’ll likely learn many feel the same as you do.
Allow kids to spend the day they open their gifts at home. It’s hardly fair and often stressful for kids to leave their gifts behind that they’ve waited so patiently to open. In turn, this causes stress for parents. So, plan family get-togethers either on Christmas Eve or on the weekHolidays with ends before or after the holiday. If there’s no way around it, have an early celebration with your kids the day or weekend before the holiday.
Children
Care for
Yourself Enjoy holiday treats in moderation. High fat and sugary foods and the lack of healthy meals can lead to tiredness and stress. Keep goodies stored in the freezer where they’ll be less of a temptation. Have plenty of convenient, healthy snacks such as raw vegetables and nuts on hand. Prepare low-fat meals that won’t bog you down. Pace yourself, and don’t try to do everything in one day. Finally, give yourself a break. Get plenty of exercise such as a brisk walk in the fresh air, and set aside time for relaxation, like a long bubble bath.
Traveling and holiday visiting are also stressful for young children caused by changes in their routines and unfamiliar faces. Have your kids help with packing, even if it’s only for the day, to make sure their favorite toys aren’t left behind. A security blanket or stuffed animal can also reduce stress for your young child in strange surroundings. Don’t forget to leave yourself plenty of time for rest stops as well.
Start your shopping early. Create a new tradition with a friend or family member and set a monthly shopping date Things to for the upcoming year. do for By making a scheduled commitment, you’ll be more likely to follow through. Keep the early holiday shopping fun and choose a different town or shopping center for each trip, focusing on unique malls or trendy cities.
Avoid taking children shopping during the holidays. Ask your partner or an older child to babysit, trade babysitting with a neighbor or friend, or hire a babysitter. This will not only reduce stress, but it’ll also likely cut your shopping time in half.
Also, get a label printing software program or app early in the year and enter all of the addresses on your holiday card list. When the holidays roll around, you can print the labels and eliminate the most time-consuming aspect of sending out holiday greetings.
Next Year
Finally, remember the holiday season should be a joyful time for everyone, including yourself, to join in the good cheer with family and friends. Maximize ways to ease your stress to keep the “happy” in your holidays! Kimberly Blaker is a mother of two and grandmother. She is also a published author, award-winning research writer, professional freelance writer, and former columnist. Her articles, editorials, and content have appeared in more than 300 magazines, newspapers, and websites.
Support Your Community
p o h S Local Support Our Advertisers... They make this publication possible. Tell them you saw their ad in WNY Family Magazine.
November 2023 WNY Family 7
Play the Thankful Game: You don’t need to wait
for Thanksgiving dinner to show your gratitude. At a regular dinner or during family time, take turns sharing something each person is thankful for. Make it a regular part of your routine.
Activities for Kids
E
— by Rebecca Hastings
ncouraging gratitude in kids can have long-lasting positive effects on their overall well-being. But it can feel tricky to know exactly how to do that. The good news is you don’t need to do anything complex. In fact, simple is better! Here are ten gratitude activities perfect for kids:
Start a Gratitude Journal: Get a
special notebook or a drawing pad in which your child can write or draw things for which they are thankful. Encourage them to do this regularly, even if it’s just a few times a week. This works great for all ages. You can even have a family gratitude journal time for everyone to practice.
Send Thank You Cards: Kids don’t
often get to mail things, but you can change that. Set up a crafting station with supplies like colored paper, markers, stickers, and stamps. Help your child create thank you cards for family members, friends, teachers, or anyone they appreciate. It doesn’t need to be a thank you for a gift. You can simply 8 WNY Family November 2023
send a thank you for being special! (It’s extra fun if you can find a few people to send thank you’s to your child. Kids love getting things in the mail!)
Design a Gratitude Collage: Provide magazines, scis-
sors, glue, and a poster board. Have your child cut out pictures and words that represent things they are thankful for and create a collage. This is the perfect craft for a rainy day.
Create a Gratitude Jar: Have a jar where your child can
drop short notes expressing gratitude. They can write things that make them happy or unexpected blessings in their day. Encourage your child to read a few notes from the jar when they’re feeling down or need a pickme-up.
Make a Gratitude Tree: Create a
tree on a poster board or use a real tree branch in a pot. Have your child write or draw things they are grateful for on paper leaves and attach them to the tree. This makes a great seasonal display.
Follow an Acts of Kindness Calendar: Cre-
ate a calendar with daily or weekly kindness challenges. These can include tasks like complimenting someone, helping with a chore, or giving a hug. This works great for older kids.
Decorate Gratitude Stones: Collect smooth,
flat stones (or buy some at a craft store) and have your child decorate them with words or pictures representing things they’re grateful for. They can keep these in a special place as a visual reminder or they can leave them in places for others to discover.
Take a Gratitude
Walk: Take a walk together and en-
courage your child to notice things in nature or the environment that they’re thankful for. These could be things like the colors of the leaves, the sound of birds, or a beautiful flower.
Try Story Time with Gratitude Themes:
Read books with gratitude as a central theme. After reading, discuss with your child what the characters were thankful for and why. All of these activities can be adjusted for different ages and interests. The important part is to make gratitude a fun and integrated part of your child’s daily life. And be sure to get in on the fun yourself. We could all use a bit more gratitude in our lives! Rebecca Hastings is a former elementary teacher who traded the classroom for writing when she stayed home with her three children. Passionate about authenticity, faith, and family, you can find her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Amazon. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places, or wherever there is chocolate.
Great Books for Kids About
GRATITUDE
Llama Llama Gives Thanks by Anna Dewdney: Perfect for ages 0-3, our familiar llama friend learns that thankfulness happens all year long. Thanks from the Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle: Ages 2-5 will appreciate this book about kindness and caring for people and nature. Thanksgiving Is for Giving Thanks! by Margaret Sutherland, illustrated by Sonja Lamut: A story for ages 3-5 all about the real meaning of Thanksgiving. The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings by Jan Berenstain and Stan Berenstain: Our favorite bear family reminds us how to count our blessings (even when it’s hard!) Great for ages 3-7. Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? by Dr. Seuss: Fun, upbeat, and perfectly rhymed, this story for ages 5-9 reminds kids how blessed they are.
White Bird: A Wonder Story by R . J. Palacio: A graphic novel for ages Can we remove “Contemporary” from th 8-12, this book is an inspired way to look at friendship, even in the hardest styles? experiences.
Encouragement and Positive Reinforcement through Dance to reach one’s personal best
Celebratin g our 42nd Season!!! CLASSES OFFERED
CENTER STAG E DA NCE STUDIO
IN FALL
Jazz, Tap, Ballet, Hip Hop, Acro, Kinder Klass and Mommy/Daddy & Me.
There’s still time to register for Fall! Call us or register online!
- Certified member of Dance Educators of America -
4837 Union Rd., Cheektowaga (Near Cleveland Dr.)
716-634-3395 ★ www.csds.dance
Saint Benedict School
Kindergarten Open House Wednesday, November 15 5:45-6:45 RSVP StBenSchool.org 3980 Main Street, Amherst, NY 14226 www.StBenSchool.org @stbenedictamherst November 2023 WNY Family 9
W
hen I think about Thanksgiving, my mind conjures up images of pies, parades, and Pilgrims. I realize that most people think of turkeys, but I live in Massachusetts where Pilgrims are kind of a big deal. There’s even a dedicated museum for the Pilgrims called Plimoth (yes, that’s how they spell it) Patuxet. Since I didn’t grow up in Massachusetts, I never went. I’m not sure why my Boston born husband failed to go, but once we had three kids, we decided it was a “must-see destination.” I probably should have done some research about the place before our first visit but when you’re the mom of twins and a daughter, all under the age of five, you don’t have time to do things like research or read. Instead, you’re like a doomsday prepper — always in survival mode. Any research you conduct is related to identifying all the nearest bathrooms in a 25-mile radius or packing enough snacks to satisfy the hunger of a pride of lions. Because, let’s face it, if your kids experience even a pang of hunger, it becomes a five-alarm fire situation with all hands on deck. Just like you have a fire extinguisher under your sink to put out a fire, you need a bag of food to prevent an embarrassing, hunger-induced meltdown. We arrived at Plimoth Plantation with a double stroller and our army-size backpack of food rations only to realize that the pathways were all dirt, which were not easy to maneuver. But we forged ahead as any good Pilgrim would do, although I doubt they did so with a Peg Perego double stroller and 50 pounds of supplies. Like Disney World, there are different sections of Plimoth Patuxet — one for the Pilgrims and the other for the Native Americans. After meandering down the gravel path, we found ourselves in the 17thCentury English Village — land of the Pilgrims. We first noticed a row of small wood houses with thatched roofs and people dressed in 10 WNY Family November 2023
— by Cheryl Maguire
Snacking
with the Pilgrims
outfits like the ones worn by my favorite characters in Little House on the Prairie. A man with a brown felt hat, and socks up to his knees, greeted us by saying, “Good morrow.” At first, I thought maybe this man had an unusually thick Boston accent, but after glancing over at my Bostonian husband who had a dumbfounded look on his face, I knew it wasn’t. “Hello,” we replied in unison. “Pray pardon me,” the Pilgrim said. “Oh, I get it. You are supposed to be a Pilgrim. This should be fun,” said my husband. And then, for the next hour or so, he tried to “trip up” the Pilgrim actors by asking them a trillion or so questions, sometimes related to present day. Those actors were good because they never strayed from the year 1622. After visiting the village, we
continued along the path that led to the Native American Wampanoag Homesite. The first man we encountered was dressed in deerskin attire. My husband was eager to play 20 questions. Now here is where it would have been helpful to do some research before visiting. Besides having to push a stroller with tiny wheels down a bumpy path or as the Pilgrims would say a “jumblegut lane,” it would have been helpful to know a little information about the place, as you will soon see. “So how do you feel about your Pilgrim neighbors down the way?,” my husband asked the Wampanoag man. “This homesite is in present day. We are not actors and I’m in the Wampanoag tribe.” Dead silence. And then my husband awkwardly apologized for his faux pas. Next, we ventured over to Plymouth Rock, where it all began for the Pilgrims. “That can’t be it,” my husband said. “Uh, that’s what the sign says,” I replied. I must admit, I was envisioning a huge boulder — not a rock smaller than continued on page 19
Kids Waiting to Be Adopted Don’t Need Superheroes — by Rebecca Hastings
what makes them amazing. They will be the first to tell you they are not anything special. They are ordinary just like you and me. They just love big. They treat each of my brothers and sisters like me and my other brother who were born of my mother’s womb. They are not superheroes, they are just parents, walking through life, loving big and full on the easy days and the hard days. It sounds so simple, but we all know parenthood is anything but simple.
T
he first time my parents decided to adopt was on a beach. Sitting on a blanket in the sun, a friend who works as an occupational therapist was telling us about a little boy she works with that no one wanted. Without missing a beat my mom said, “We’ll take him.” And they did. Sure, there were things to do, classes to take, visits, and paperwork (so much paperwork). But the first step was what mattered most. They were willing. My parents were willing to open their hearts wide and do more of what they do best — love.
The 5 kids they adopted all have special needs. I could give you the list of diagnoses but it really doesn’t matter. Their needs mean more
You show
In my state alone 4,000 kids are waiting to be adopted. Nationally there are over 400,000 kids in foster care with over 100,000 of those kids ready to be adopted. Every one of these kids needs someone who will say “yes.” November is National Adoption
up. You do the work.
You parent.
Since that day on the beach, my parents have adopted 5 kids. It sounds simple in black and white, but you should know, that not all the adoptions have been easy. There were social work visits and court dates. There were months spent waiting for parental right termination and ensuring everything was ready. There were surprises and medical issues, delays and newly discovered special needs. It took work and time. And more than anything, it took adaptability. Just like parenting.
My mom and dad are parents. That’s what they do. They parent. Instead of the two kids they had, they now parent seven kids.
It’s easy to keep the idea of adoption on a pedestal, to think it is reserved for people with exceptional patience, full bank accounts, and special skills. Adoption is special but it is not unreachable. It takes real, everyday people.
appointments, more accommodations, and more sleepless nights. But those things are no different than if you give birth to a baby that has special needs. You show up. You do the work. You parent. When people see what my parents do daily, they look at my parents like a living museum exhibit claiming they are amazing. In many ways they are. Adoption is not what made them amazing; good parenting and loving completely is
Awareness Month, with the Sunday before Thanksgiving providing a special day to highlight the importance of adoption. With approximately 1 in 50 kids in the United States being adopted and 6 in 10 people having a personal experience with adoption in their family or social circle, it is clear that adoption is not just for a small group of people with a superhuman skillset. We need more than that. Adoption is special. It is beautiful and hard and will require more of you than you know, but that’s parenting. We continued on page 19 November 2023 WNY Family 11
I
t was a normal evening, full of dinner making and homework and activity. My youngest sat at the table doing a math worksheet, my oldest was practicing her flute, and my son was shooting hoops. I stood at the stove, chopping an onion for sauce. Normal. “Mom, what happened in Texas? And what’s Sandy Hook?” my youngest asked. I stopped chopping, grateful my back was to her and also that I had been chopping an onion. One name brings fresh tears to my eyes. Even ten years later, the other name of that small town in my small state brings tears to my eyes. I inhaled, and exhaled, perhaps taking a moment too long to answer. She was probably wondering if I heard her. How could I explain this to my little girl? How could I tell her what happened on an ordinary day in May? How could I tell her that I still remember exactly where I was sitting and where she was playing as I watched the tragedy ten years ago unfold on the news? Kids, just like my own, at school, murdered. I turned to face her, my girl blissfully unaware of the deep heartache those two words held. Sandy Hook was no longer just a small town an hour away; it was forever engrained as a tragedy. And now my little girl wanted to know about it. I’ve always believed in telling my kids the age-appropriate truth. But the truth was I didn’t want my girl to know this. I didn’t want her to have this understanding that terrible things happen to children and sometimes we can’t under-
stand. I wanted to protect her. But ignorance is not protection. So, I forged ahead. I gently told her about a very sick person who made some very bad choices and murdered people in a school. Yes, 12 WNY Family November 2023
Issues Families Face: 10 Ways to Help Your Kids When the World
Seems Scary
— by Rebecca Hastings
many of them were kids. No, it doesn’t make sense. I explained that safety is very important and we talked about all the ways her school keeps her safe, partially because of lessons learned on that tragic day. I didn’t rush. Homework and dinner could wait. I gave her a chance to ask questions and let her keep doodling as we talked. I even grabbed a pencil and doodled a little myself. Sometimes hard things are easier to talk about when we can do something with our hands and don’t have to make eye contact. The whole thing took five minutes. And then she moved on. It took me a little longer as I went back to my onion. Another day passes and another tragic story is on the news. Today it’s Texas. Recently, there was Nashville. And, sadly, the list goes on. Shootings, attacks, and brutality is all part of the landscape. We are aware of it, and so are our children. Knowing how to help them can feel hard. Here are 10 practical tips to help your kids when the world seems scary.
1) Turn off the news. Watch-
ing the news cycle repeat over and over doesn’t help anyone. The images, repeated stories, personal accounts, and police reports are hard for kids to make sense of. The news is hard for kids. You can get all the news you need in one
well-reported or well-written story. Then turn it off. Don’t have it running in the background. Also, be aware of switching the radio station as needed. Kids need news from you, not broadcasters.
2) Ask but don’t push. Ask your child if he’s heard about the most recent tragedy. Find out what they already know. Open the door and leave it open, but don’t force him to walk through it. Sometimes recognizing that it can be talked about is enough for one day. Let him talk when he’s ready.
3) Talk about your feelings, but don’t dwell on them. Kids should see that their parents feel things because it gives them permission to feel, too. Especially since they don’t understand all of the feelings inside themselves. Express your feelings gently without dwelling on them. Admit what you don’t understand. Model healthy ways to express your feelings.
4) State your ideas concisely. It’s good for kids to
hear their parents’ ideas about hard subjects. For better or worse, they help kids develop their own ideas. Having excessive, lengthy rants about gun control or military action is not helpful for kids. These are scary subjects for kids. You can express your idea simply and ask kids what they think if it seems appropriate.
For example, with a tween or teen, you could say, “I think this is why I have a hard time understanding why people need guns. Maybe I don’t know everything about it, but I don’t think the average person needs an automatic weapon. What do you think?” With a younger child something simpler like, “Who do you think should have guns? I’m glad that the police learn how to use their weapons safely to keep us safe,” is a better choice. Make sure what you say is age-appropriate and offers an opportunity for your child to think and express ideas, even if they are different from your own.
5) Don’t worry. I know
that sounds impossible; worry is an automatic response for parents. But worrying all the time in every situation will only breed worry and fear in your child. As parents, we need to think about safety, but also decide what is appropriate to share with our children and when. An example with young kids is just to get them thinking: “Hey, I noticed that there is an emergency exit over there. Do you see any more? It’s always good to know where they are.” With older kids it may be something different: “I see a police officer over there. If I got pulled over, what do you think I should do? I always try to keep my hands on top of the steering wheel where the officer can see them so there is no confusion about what I’m doing.” These are hard conversations, and should not be the only thing we talk about. But weaving thoughts like this into our everyday lives will help our children think proactively about being safe without making them afraid of every possible situation.
gious, go beyond the idea of praying for people and actually pray together. Make cards or cookies for first responders. The tragedy may not have happened in your area, but encouraging the police, fire, and EMS workers that keep us safe helps them and you. Give them something to do that makes them feel like part of the solution.
Remember, you are the safety your child craves in a world that can feel scary.
8) Answer questions honestly. Kids crave
information, and they often feel like they don’t get the whole story. It’s okay and healthy to give them information in an age-appropriate manner. If they know they can trust you for the truth, they are more likely to come to you with their questions.
9) Be grateful. The bad things that happen have a way of bombarding us. The news and public conversation all focus on the terrifying things that happen. Make sure you purpose time to look for good. It doesn’t need to be fake or cliché. Being grateful in-
creases empathy, reduces aggression, and helps with stress.
10) Comfort and reassure. All of us can use some
of this, especially the little ones in our lives. Make time for hugs and snuggles. Be there and be close. Your presence will help them remember that they are safe. It just may help you get through it, too. Remember, you are the safety your child craves in a world that can feel scary. Show them that you are willing to talk about the hard things and it will help you both.
6) Use your hands.
Sometimes it’s hard for kids, and even adults, to express their feelings when something scary happens in the world. Providing opportunities to work out some of their feelings helps the intensity fade a little. Working in the yard, going for a run, coloring, or even using Play-Doh allows us to express feelings without the pressure to say everything.
7) Be the good. Give kids a tangible way to help. If you are reli-
November 2023 WNY Family 13
e r s o l ft a i G G A Holiday Gift Guide Designing Dish
Gymnastics Unlimited
138 Grey Street, East Aurora • 716-655-4456 www.designingdish.com Everyone is an artist at Designing Dish – a paint your own pottery store featuring Glass Fusing. Create make and take gifts from christmas trees to ornaments. We have those special projects that everyone will always remember. Open for walk-ins, birthday parties, ladies nights, and accepting reservations for private parties. Celebrate the Holiday Season by visiting us in the historic village of East Aurora. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
70 Weiss Ave., W. Seneca/Orchard Park • 716-677-0338 www.gymnastics-unlimited.net GYMNASTICS will keep your child moving all winter! No need to be a member for these programs to burn off that winter energy: Open Workouts Fri. & Sat. from 7:15-9pm just $13 (6 yrs & up), Toddler time on Wednesday & Thursday from 12:15-1pm for 5 yrs & under, $7 per walking child and Open Tumbling on Monday & Wednesday from 8:509:45pm, $10. HOLIDAY GIFTS!!! For those gymnasts that like to practice at home, you may order Mats, handspring spotters, beams, bars, leotards and other gymnastics inspired gifts along with gift certificates for our programs.
Federal Meats
Hyatt’s All Things Creative
With 9 WNY Locations to serve you. Call 716-633-1390 for the nearest location. www.federalmeats.com Give The Gift of Good Taste! Enjoy this real old-time butcher shop, where meat professionals assist customers one-on-one in selecting their meats, poultry, deli and seafood. Here is where you can have your favorite items cut and wrapped to your specification. Their large deli section includes a full signature line of freshly prepared dinner entrées and appetizers to choose from. Federal Meats specializes in friendly knowledgeable service where phone orders are always welcome. Federal Meats accepts Cash, Master Card, Visa, Discover and EBT. Holiday Gift Certificates, Steak & Meat Packages are also available for year-round gift giving. Follow us on Facebook & Instagram - @federal_meats.
Fisher-Price® Toystore
636 Girard Avenue, East Aurora • 716-687-3300 www.fisherpricetoystore.com The Fisher-Price® Toy Store is your headquarters for all things FUN! Come check out our large selection of toys and baby products for every occasion. We offer a baby shower registry for all your new baby needs. Our expert staff will be happy to assist you with any questions you have to find the right product or gift item. Still not sure what to get? We also have gift cards available in any denomination. Call our information line at 716-687-3300 to hear our store hours or get directions to our store. 14 WNY Family November 2023
1941 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo • 716-884-8900 www.hyatts.com Discover special gifts for everyone on your list and shop local this year with Hyatt’s All Things Creative. As a family owned business in Western New York for over 60 years, Hyatt’s knows how to inspire creativity in people of all ages with their more than 55,000 products. Beyond art supplies, visit their newly expanded kids creative play area with more toys, building blocks, and STEAM sets! You’ll also find experienced and knowledgeable staff that are happy to take the time to help you find the perfect gift. Gift cards also available in any amount.
Kid to Kid
1060 Niagara Falls Blvd., Tonawanda • 716-831-8300 www.kidtokid.com/tonawanda 980 Union Rd., Southgate Plaza, West Seneca • 716-675-0483 www.kidtokid.com/westseneca Holiday gift shopping at up to 70% off mall prices! We’re a family-owned, upscale resale store with two great locations in Tonawanda and West Seneca. We buy and sell the best of what kids outgrow: kids’ clothing sizes 0-14, shoes, toys, books, games, baby equipment, and more. We buy all seasons all the time, no appointment necessary. It’s a win-win for parents...by trading in outgrown items and buying what’s needed now, and by giving another child an opportunity to love those items. Kid to Kid supports and donates to local charities. Open Mon-Sat 9am-8pm, Sun 12-5pm. Follow us on Facebook!
Pottery Painting and Glass Fusing. Follow us on Facebook & Instagram
Open for walk-ins 7 Days a week, Birthday Parties, and Ladies Nights. 138 Grey Street, East Aurora, NY
716-655-4456 • www.designingdish.com ~ Since 1973 ~
Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre Celebrating 50 Years
H H Open to the Public H H
H
SUNDAYS
Birthday Parties Call to Schedule new !!!
H
2 Packages to Choose From:
1. 1 hour in gym, 30 minutes for pizza & cupcakes you provide and gifts.
H
2. 1 hour in gym, 15 mintures for gifts & happy birthday. Cupcakes (you provide) handed out at door.
Open Tumbling: Mon & Wed 8:50-9:45pm Toddler Time: up to age 5 - Wed & Th 12:15-1pm
70 Weiss Avenue • West Seneca, NY 14224
(716) 677-0338 H www.gymnastics-unlimited.net
~ Violins ~ Violas Annual Sale Nov. 24th - Dec. 23rd, 2023 ~ Cellos ~ Basses 716-688-8600 ~ Rentals www.MonacosViolinShop.com ~ Repairs 55 CrossPoint Parkway, Suite 106 Getzville, NY ~ Sales (off N. French between I-990 & Millersport)
November 2023 WNY Family 15
e r s o l ft a i G G A Holiday Gift Guide Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre, Inc.
55 CrossPoint Pkwy., Suite 106, Getzville • 716-688-8600 www.monacosviolinshop.com Celebrating 50 years! Monaco’s Violin Shop is a family owned and operated business serving this area since 1973. Monaco’s is the only store in WNY that specializes in the retail, rental, & repair of violins, violas, cellos, and basses. Monaco’s carries instruments made in Romania, the Czech Republic, Germany and others. Monaco’s is the exclusive dealer of the Samuel Shen line of instruments in WNY. We have years of experience repairing many different stringed instruments including guitars, banjos, ouds, mandolins, and more. Our annual sale on instruments, accessories, and musically inspired gifts, runs from November 24th thru December 23rd.
16 WNY Family November 2023
Past & Present Science & Nature Store
3767 South Park Avenue, Blasdell • 716-825-2361 www.pastpres.com Past & Present is a unique science & nature store offering unusual treasures from around the world. Fossils, rocks, minerals & crystals are some of the geologic wonders you might find for that one of a kind gift. Beautiful amethyst cathedrals, geodes & other natural pieces of art, along with handcrafted jewelry, are always available. Browsing our shop is a great experience for kids of all ages. Books, posters, science discovery kits & geology tools are just some of the great gift ideas available. Be sure to visit our free Fossil Gallery featuring dinosaurs, sharks, local & internationally found fossils.
Ages 3 YrsAdult
Follow us
ADMISSION $3; 12 AND UNDER FREE 140 HANDMADE CRAFTERS, 2 BUILDINGS
VIEW MAGICAL CHRISTMAS DISPLAYS, FEATURING NEW AND ORIGINAL AM&A’S CHRISTMAS ANIMATED DISPLAYS
• FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 24
10:00 AM - 4:00PM
• SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 25
10:00 AM - 3:00 PM
ST. GREGORY THE GREAT MINISTRY CENTER & SCHOOL 100 AND 250 ST. GREGORY COURT WILLIAMSVILLE, NY 14221 QUESTIONS? CONTACT: CRAFTSHOW@ STGREGS.ORG
November 2023 WNY Family 17
e r s o l ft a i G G A Holiday Gift Guide PAW Patrol Live!
Shea’s Performing Arts Center www.pawpatrollive.com PAW Patrol Live! sets sail with a pirate adventure! It’s Pirate Day in Adventure Bay and Ryder will need all paws on deck as he and the PAW Patrol discover a secret treasure map while on a mission to rescue Cap’n Turbot from a mysterious cavern. It’s up to Chase, Marshall, Skye and all their heroic pirate pup friends to save the day and find the pirate treasure before Mayor Humdinger finds it first! Playing Shea’s Buffalo Theatre April 6 & 7, 2024.
Raff and Friends
Eastern Hills Mall, 4545 Transit Rd., Williamsville 716-632-4202 www.raffandfriends.com Shop local this Holiday Season! Raff and Friends is a locally owned toy store located in the Eastern Hills Mall. The store is packed full of an incredible variety of quality products including Melissa and Doug, Playmobil, Breyer, Bruder, Squishables, Calico Critters, Kruselings Dolls, arts & crafts, fidget toys, science, books, puzzles and board games for all ages, and much, much more. Shop in store, Mon-Sat 10-6, Sun 12-5. Or Checkout the online store at www.raffandfriends.com where you will find that perfect gift for that special someone on your holiday list. Raff and Friends also offers Curbside Pickup for your online orders.
Skate Great, Inc.
Programs at area rinks - Canalside, Cheektowaga, East Aurora, Hamburg & Orchard Park 716-580-3458 www.sk8gr8.com Support small business this holiday season by giving the gift of ice-skating, an experience that will last a lifetime! Skate Great has been teaching children & adults of all ages to skate for the past 25 years. They offer a wide range of programs including Learn-to-Skate, Beginner Hockey & Adult Only sessions. Private and semiprivate lessons are also available to further develop hockey & figure skating skills. Skate Great is sanctioned by both Learn to Skate USA and USA Hockey. 18 WNY Family November 2023
St. Gregory the Great Craft Show
250 St. Gregory Ct., Williamsville (next to Millard Suburban Hospital) www.stgregs.org St. Gregory’s annual Craft Show will be held Friday, Nov. 24, 10am-4pm; and Saturday, Nov. 25, 10am-3pm. More than 140 artisans and crafters will sell their handcrafted, unique, quality items. Avoid the Black Friday frenzy, the crowds, and the chaos at the malls. Come support the local economy by choosing gifts from one of the many artisans and crafters from around WNY. You’ll find purses, gourmet dips and mustards, candles, photographs, soap and spa products, painted glass, garden statues, jewelry, doll clothes, decorative pottery, floral decor and so much more. Admission is $3.00, no charge for children 12 and under.
Urban Air Adventure Park
Walden Galleria, 1 Walden Galleria Drive, Buffalo 716-568-7083 www.UrbanAirBuffalo.com Urban Air Adventure Park Buffalo is much more than a trampoline park. We’ve got trampolines for sure, lots of them in fact. But, when it comes to indoor fun for all ages, we’ve taken the indoor trampoline park concept to a whole new level with a huge variety of indoor adventures and attractions for kids of all ages. At Urban Air we push adventure to the limits. We provide a safe place where your whole family can jump, soar, race, climb, and play.
Williamsville PTSA Holiday Craft Show
175 Heim Road, Williamsville www.facebook.com/HolidayCraftShowPTSA/ Support local artisans and students at our 47th annual event on Saturday and Sunday, December 2nd & 3rd, 10 am – 4 pm daily. Find hand-crafted gifts at 170+ different booths- something for every age group, interest and budget: knits, linens, jewelry, home décor, photographs, foods, toys, pet items, etc. Admission is $3 ages 18+, $1 ages 11-17, and ages 10 and under are free. Proceeds benefit the Williamsville PTSA Council Student Scholarship Fund for 3 high schools.
e r o l a G Gifts
SNACKING WITH THE PILGRIMS continued... my snack stash. It was a bit disappointing. Speaking of snacks, I noticed my supplies were running dangerously low which meant it was time to return home — stat!
A Holiday Gift Guide
So, now you can understand why Thanksgiving makes me think of the Pilgrims. All that Thanksgiving food almost rivals my snack stash backpack we brought to Plimoth Patuxet. Oh, and of course, there is the fact that they had the first Thanksgiving, but if I’m being honest, I can’t help but think of the food-snack parallel.
Williamsville PTSA
47th HOLIDAY CRAFT SHOW
FREE PA R K IN G
DECEMBER 2 & 3 10AM - 4PM
On that note, I gotta go start prepping for our next adventure.
175 HEIM ROAD, WILLIAMSVILLE, NY
“Fare thee well.” That’s Pilgrim speak for “Goodbye.”
$3.00 18+ $1.00 11-17 Ki s anFREE forUNDER dK S 10opAND
I wonder what the Pilgrim word is for snacks.
ADMISSION
op One St
H One Stop
d
ids at Hea r
t
oliday Shop for Kids and Kids at Hear
t
h
~ Call for Holiday Hours ~ Eastern Hills Mall | Williamsville, NY 14221 | (716) 632-4202
Breyer Horses • Bruder Trucks • Science Plush • Puzzles • Games •
Past & Present
and So Much More! Shop online at www.raffandfriends.com
Past & Present
Science & Nature Store and Fossil Gallery Fossils, Rocks & Minerals Amethyst Geodes Crystals & Tumbled Stone Science Discovery Kits Educational Toys • Books & Posters Jewelry • Agate Slices Unique Gifts From Around The World
VISIT OUR FREE FOSSIL GALLERY! Hours: Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat 10-6 Wed & Thur 10-8 Sun 12-5 (for the holidays) Please call for additional hours
Gift Certificates Available
3767 South Park Ave. Blasdell NY • 716-825-2361 • www.pastpres.com
Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Healthline, Your Teen Magazine and many other publications.
KIDS WAITING TO BE ADOPTED continued... can recognize the beauty of adoption without making it seem unattainable for everyday people. Maybe you don’t feel like adopting is part of your parenting journey. But it is part of our world. Sometimes we don’t know how to handle things that seem different from what we know, and admiring them from afar seems easier. Instead, we can learn how to help families connected to adoption, we can take away the stigmas of adoption in the way we interact and talk about it, and we can stop distancing ourselves from what seems different. We can remember that adoption is simply parenting. Kids waiting to be adopted don’t need superheroes. They need people willing to say “yes.” People who are willing to open their hearts and their homes to love and parent well. This month may we all think about how to directly help the children waiting for someone to say “yes.” November 2023 WNY Family 19
PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips
N
ovember and nature have such a way with us! Just before we go into the bleak silence and cold of winter, we get a burst of color, energy, smells, and tastes in Fall! There is nothing subtle about the fall. This season of change seems more vivid and more vibrant than the others. Colors are brighter, scents are crisper, breezes are activating, smells are richer, sounds seem clearer. It is the time to celebrate all the hard work and bounty of the summer with family and friends. Books are a good way to invite our children to be more aware of this and participate in activities and festivities. Wonderful Seasons (Random House, New York, 2023, $8.99), written and illustrated by Emily Winfield Martin, is a board book celebrating the seasons. The beautiful pastel illustrations that highlight the activities and the objects of the season make it perfect to introduce young children to the language and events of the season. You can read it from beginning to end, or just focus on the season at hand, making it a book for all seasons! It is the perfect size for little hands with easy to turn pages. Older children will enjoy the season through 20 WNY Family November 2023
First & Lasts: The Changing Seasons (Candlewick Press, Somerville, 2023, $18.99), written by Leda Schubert and illustrated by Clover Robin. What are the first things you do or look for as the seasons change? What are some of the last things when the season ends? This is such a unique way of thinking about how we move through the year. The simple illustrations activate the imagination, and the details make us think more deeply about the seasons and how we experience them. Using our senses and imagination are an important way to help us connect to nature and appreciate all the things the season has to offer. This is just the book to help us do this! You’re My Little Cutie Pie (Silver Dolphin Books, San Diego, 2023, $9.99), written by Nicola Edwards and illustrated by Natalie Marshall, will activate your taste buds and your imagination. With each turn of the sturdy board book pages, we meet another Thanksgiving treat. The use of delightful rhyme describes how dear these little treat characters are
and why they are so special. Parents and children will delight in this little story of thankfulness and love. The Berenstain Bears can be counted on to show us a great way to celebrate all things Thanksgiving. Thankful for Family (Random House, New York, 2023, $7.99), by Stan and Jan Berenstain, is a colorful exploration of ways to be thankful. As in many families, the Berenstain family sits down to Thanksgiving dinner and begin to share what they are thankful for. Brother and Sister are thankful for the many friends and things they do at school. They are also thankful for their grandparents and the time their grandparents spend with them teaching them things. Papa is thankful for their home and Mama loves the memories they
have created there. Reading this book together will certainly set the stage for your Thanksgiving meal and get everyone thinking about what they are thankful for. Older children and adults will be informed and fascinated by the chapter book We Gather Together: Stories of Thanksgiving Then to Now (Philomel, New York, 2023, $19.99), researched and written by Denise Kiernan. In this book, we explore the facts and the fiction surrounding our American holiday. Who started Thanksgiving? When did it start? Who decided when it would be? How
was it promoted? How has this holiday impacted lives and history? Kiernan’s research into the events and the people make this as much a story of people and personalities as it is about Thanksgiving. Learn about the famous and not so famous people and the events that have surrounded this day of gratitude and appreciation. From food to football, this book has something for everyone! As the brilliance of the fall season takes us slowly to the quiet contemplation of Thanksgiving, we reflect on the magic of November. This month is often viewed as a time to realign, refocus, and regain our inner strength. Sharing stories with our children is a way to bring us all together to do just that. Enjoy the season with your family, friends, and these fabulous books!
Dr. Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.
Looking to strike up a conversation with your child? Here are some FUN QUESTIONS to get things going! What is your favorite book? What is the hardest part about going to school? Who is the best superhero and why? If you could make up a new holiday, what would it be? If you could design a house, what would it look like? *Source – familyeducation.com November 2023 WNY Family 21
FAMILY TRAVEL — by Deborah Williams
You’re Invited to Discover
P
Puerto Rico!
uerto Rico has been called the heart and soul of the Caribbean. It has everything that a traveling family could want — history, perfect palm fringed beaches, Latin flavor, water sports of every variety, unique attractions including a rain forest, caves, bioluminescent bays, and American familiarity. Puerto Rico has been welcoming visitors for five centuries. There is a vitality and diversity of culture, climate, and geography to the island that is unmatched in the Caribbean. Airlines have increased flights, and the island is considered the cruise capital of the Caribbean, offering a perfect combination of attractions and accommodations for pre (or post) cruise stays. Its location allows visits to five or six ports during a week-long cruise from San Juan. The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory and offers well-known American restaurants and accommodations, top roads, and friendly, welcoming residents happy to help make your vacation memorable. No passports are needed, and phones work just like at 22 WNY Family November 2023
home. Locals are American citizens, and the currency is the U.S. dollar. The island has almost 300 miles of coastline and nearly the same number of beaches.
Christopher Columbus was sailing by on a voyage of discovery when he spotted the island and named it San Juan Bautista (St. John the Baptist). It bore that name from 1493 until 1511 when the island’s first governor, Juan Ponce de Leon changed it to Puerto Rico (rich port). Best known as the searcher for the Fountain of Youth, de Leon moved the island’s capital to a narrow peninsula that today forms Old San Juan. The remains of Ponce de Leon lie in the San Juan Cathedral, a majestic church begun in 1540. Castillo San Felipe del Morro, better known as El Morro, is one of Spain’s major military engineering marvels. This fort now greets cruise ships as they sail in and out of the bay. During most of its nearly 500-year history it was an important military outpost for Spain and later the United States. Construction began in 1539 and finished in 1790. Thanks to this fort and a smaller fort across the bay, the Spaniards were able to defend
Puerto Rico from invasions by the British, Dutch, and pirates. After the Spanish-American War in 1898 the island changed hands from Spain to the United States. The fort was actively used as a military installation during the First and Second World Wars. In 1961, the U.S. Army retired El Morro, transferring it to the National Park Service. In 1983, El Morro and the walled city of Old San Juan were declared Fort El Morro
Ron del Barrilito UNESCO World Heritage Sites. Old San Juan is one of the most iconic and treasured places in all of Puerto Rico. Wander through the cobblestone streets to enjoy the unique architecture and colorful buildings. There are fun local shops, restaurants, and bars scattered throughout the old city. This is the birthplace of piña colada, and it can be ordered without the rum for children and non-alcohol drinkers. The drinking age here is 18 years. Puerto Rico is well known for its rum distilleries. We visited the oldest on the island — Ron del Barrilito — that has been producing rum since 1880. The Heritage Tour is free to children under 18 and includes a rum drink for ages 18 and over. The rum has always been made in small batches and aged in vintage, Spanish white oak sherry barrels. I spotted the word Buffalo on the label of our rum bottle and quickly discovered the Buffalo connection. At Buffalo’s 1901 Pan American Exposition, this rum from Puerto Rico won a top award. Puerto Rico boasts a wide array of unique attractions. The island is trying to produce more of its own food and Efren Robles and his company Frutos Del Guacabo is one of the leaders of the movement. But for visitors, the fun part is the chance to greet and even milk the goats who seemed quite eager to climb up on their milking stand.
Bioluminescent Phenomenon Then, before our eyes, we witnessed the milk turned into cheese. We sampled the cheese and enjoyed our lunch made with ingredients grown on the property. Robles sells his products to restaurants, hotels, and supermarkets on the island and sells honey and other products for visitors to take home. Time Magazine named the island’s El Yunque Rainforest, part of the U.S. National Forest Service, as one of the world’s great places for 2023. It is the only tropical rainforest in the U. S. and is about 45 minutes from San Juan. El Yunque recently unveiled a renovated $18 million visitors center with installations by local artists, a new video, and ranger demonstrations to help visitors learn about the more than 240 plant species and 18 bird species that make their home on this island. Children are invited to become Junior Rangers and can return home with a special souvenir: an official Junior Ranger El Yunque certificate. Guided ranger tours are also available here. There are hiking trails, scenic views, waterfalls, and petroglyphs made by Tainos (the island’s indigenous people) carved in stone. As a lover of everything to do with water, one of my bucket list dreams has long been experiencing the very special bioluminescent phenomenon that exists in only three places on earth — Jamaica, Vietnam, and Puerto Rico. But Puerto Rico is even more special with three bays offering this other
worldly experience. One of the bays allows swimmers — the other two can only be experienced from a kayak or other boat. Our Paradise Scuba & Snorkeling boat had about 25 passengers — a mix of locals and visitors and included children — one a three-year-old dressed in his shark life jacket. His nine-year-old sister was a regular fish, leaping into the inky black waters with her mask and snorkel. We stopped for a swim before dark so everyone could get comfortable in the water before darkness took over. Be sure to pick a night that is as dark as possible with no full moon. We were in La Parguera in the southwestern town of Lajas, about two hours from San Juan. It is quiet, nontouristy area and this bay and the other natural wonders are largely undisturbed. When darkness descended, we moored at another site. Masks and snorkels were available for everyone. The water was warm and inviting despite blackness all around. After jumping in I moved my arms quickly in the water and magic happened with hundreds and then thousands of twinkling silver stars. It was truly quite fairylike. It was as if the jet-black waters were alive. This is what it is like to be part of a rare ecosystem that occurs when microscopic organisms called dinoflagellates are awakened. The agitation by moving hands, arms, or legs causes them to glow in the dark. Immediately, our dip into the continued on page 24 November 2023 WNY Family 23
sea on a tropical night turned into something out of science fiction. The dinoflagellate count is quite fragile, and it dipped dramatically after Hurricane Maria in 2017 but La Parguera has fully recovered. It is even brighter than before the hurricane, according to locals. In a world where everyone is a photographer all the time, this is a time to relax because the experience is very
much unphotographable. Enjoy and take lots of mental photos. It will always be one of my most memorable water adventures. Another day was spent aboard the Barefoot IV, a catamaran sailboat. We were all barefoot as staff directed us to the cubbies for our shoes before climbing onboard. It was a perfect sailing day but what made it memorable was our stop for
ENTER TO WIN One lucky family will win a Family 4-pack of tickets to see
“ANNIE” – On stage at
Shea’s Performing Arts Center from December 18th – 23rd. ENTRY DEADLINE: Monday, November 27th YES! Enter Us In “ANNIE” Drawing!
(ONE entry per family/address. No photocopies accepted. No purchase necessary.) NAME __________________________________________________________________
swimming and snorkeling off a deserted island. There were many fish and a lovely sand beach. Then a trio of dolphins joined us. They seemed to enjoy the human interaction since they stayed near our boat long enough for many to swim out to them and join the fun. Returning to the boat, we spotted a pair of green turtles checking out the scene. Travel Tip of the Month: For information on Puerto Rico visit discoverpuertorico.com. There is a wide variety of accommodations throughout the island. Courtyard Isla Verde Beach Resort has it all for families with its pool with a swim up bar, a kiddie pool, and whirlpool and a perfect sandy beach as well as six restaurants. There are 260 rooms and 22 suites, all with private balconies and ocean views. For information visit sjcourtyard.com or call 787-253-2304. It is close to the airport and Old San Juan. A good choice for visitors to the area near the bioluminescent bay in the southwestern corner of the island is the 47-room Combate Beach Resort with children’s and adult pools, kayak and paddleboard rentals, and a long stretch of beach. Visit combatebeachresort.com or call 787-565-2945.
STREET ________________________________________________________________ CITY _______________________________ STATE ________ ZIP _________________ PHONE __________________________ Kids ages: _____________________________
If you would like to receive our FREE Digital Issue, please provide your email (optional). Email: __________________________________________________________________ MAIL ENTRY to: WNY Family, PO Box 1573, Buffalo, NY 14225
To enter online, visit www.wnyfamilymagazine.com 24 WNY Family November 2023
Deborah Williams lives in Holland, NY and is a veteran travel writer whose work has appeared in national and international publications. She is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers’ Lowell Thomas Gold Travel Writing Award.
El Yunque Rainforest November 2023 WNY Family 25
RAISING DIGITAL KIDS — by Mike Daugherty sleep
sleep
memory
memory
learning
learning
attention span
attention span
The Digital Seesaw: Balancing the Benefits & Risks of Technology for Children
I
n today’s digital age, our little ones are growing up with technology at their fingertips, navigating a world that is vastly different from the one we experienced at their age. It’s a double-edged sword, with endless possibilities on the one hand and potential pitfalls on the other. As parents, it’s our job to guide our children through this digital maze, helping them to reap the benefits of technology while minimizing the risks. One of the most important things to consider is the impact of prolonged screen time on cognitive and behavioral development. Research has shown that excessive screen time can have a negative impact on attention span, learning, memory, and sleep.
Attention span: Children who spend a lot of time on screens may have difficulty focusing and paying attention in school and other settings. This is because screens provide constant stimulation, which can train the brain to expect instant rewards and make it difficult to focus on sustained attention tasks. Learning: Prolonged screen exposure can interfere with learning in a number of ways. First, it can displace other activities that are important for learning, such as reading, playing, and interacting with others. Second, the content and activities that children engage in on screens may not be as beneficial for learning as other activities, such as 26 WNY Family November 2023
reading books or playing educational games. Third, the rapid-fire stimulation of screens can make it difficult for children to pay attention and learn new information.
Memory: Prolonged screen exposure can also have a negative impact on memory. This is because screens can interfere with the process of consolidation, which is how memories are stored in the long term. Additionally, the rapidfire stimulation of screens can make it difficult for children to encode new information into memory in the first place. Sleep: Research has shown that children who use technology closer to bedtime are more likely to have sleep problems, such as shorter sleep duration, later bedtimes, and difficulty falling asleep. On the flip side, technology can be a great tool for learning. There are many interactive learning platforms that can make learning more fun and engaging. Kids can also use technology to access a vast amount of information online, which can help them to learn new things and explore their interests. Technology can also be a creative outlet for kids. They can use it to create digital art, music, videos, and blogs. This can help them to express themselves and develop their technical skills. Technology can also help kids to connect with people from all over the
world. They can use it to talk to friends and family members who live far away, and they can also use it to collaborate with other kids on projects. This can help them to learn about different cultures and to develop a sense of global community. Technology can also be helpful for kids’ health and well-being. There are many telemedicine services that can provide easy access to healthcare, including mental health support. There are also fitness and wellness apps that can encourage kids to be more active and healthier. Additionally, technology can be used to help kids with speech and language development, and to support kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders in enhancing their social and communication skills. Of course, it is important to make sure that kids use technology in a balanced and responsible way. Parents can help by setting screen time limits, monitoring their children’s online activity, and talking to them about the potential risks and benefits of technology. By doing this, parents can help their children to get the most out of technology without being harmed by it. Here are some specific tips for parents:
1) Set screen time limits and stick to them.
I know this one is HARD, especially when giving THEM more screen time gives YOU a longer mental break. Try to avoid this. Kids thrive on routines because they provide a sense of security,
predictability, and control. Changing that, especially without good reason, can be more disruptive than you realize. Talk to your child about how much screen time they are allowed each day and what types of activities they are allowed to do on screens. Make sure that your rules are realistic and enforceable.
2) Encourage your children to take breaks from screens every 20-30 minutes.
3) Monitor your children’s online activity and
talk to them about what they are seeing and doing. Ask them questions about the videos they are watching, why they like those videos, and what makes the video interesting. You can also consider setting up something like Bark for an additional layer of visibility and control.
4) Limit your own screen time and avoid using
screens during meals and family time. Children learn by watching the adults in their lives. Be a role model.
5) Encourage other activities! Make sure that your child is spending time engaged in other activities that are important for their development, such as reading, playing outdoors, and interacting with others. If you are concerned about the impact of screen time on your child’s cognitive and behavioral development, talk to their pediatrician. They can offer additional advice and support. Another resource is Healthy Screen Habits (https:// www.healthyscreenhabits.org/). The website includes lots of helpful tips and resources for parents. They also have a podcast, currently in its 6th season, where they discuss healthy tech use.
Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning. November 2023 WNY Family 27
I love to write, and it’s often in these pages that my chaotic life finds a sense of order and meaning. It’s a place where I can talk to myself, and when those words touch someone else, I am extremely thankful for that.
The
y d d Da Track
– by Shannon Carpenter
Let’s Live, Laugh, Love Our Way into Thanksgiving.
T
here’s a lot in my life to be thankful for this year. Mainly, they are mostly different versions of nachos. There are beef nachos, straight cheese nachos, or the more refined French nachos made with some sort of pastry. I don’t know if that is true, but I would like to be thankful for it just in case. The point is that this is the time of year when we need to show some gratitude for the people and things in our lives. It’s a time when we forget that a dozen eggs have gone up 50% in the last several years, the dollar menu at McDonald’s no longer exists, and doomscrolling can now be classified as a verb. That’s not living. That’s not laughing. And there is no love in any of that. But a gentle reminder, your nachos love you as much as you love them. So, for starters, let’s start with the lives that I’m a part of. I’m thankful that I am my kids’ primary caregiver, despite the years of random bodily fluids that have been thrown at me. Babies are not sanitary. Not thankful for that. But I am thankful that my kids are now old enough to give me a heads-up when they are nauseous so that I have time to dodge. I am thankful that I have been with my wife for 27 years, no small feat in this world. I am also thankful that I will not be making a clichéd wife joke here because it’s crass, and if my wife found out then she would yell at me. I am thankful that I have an equal partner 28 WNY Family November 2023
who carries the mental load and warns me not to make clichéd wife jokes. I am thankful for friends who check on me when I’m down, extended family who keep their drama a few states away, and a dog who loves to snuggle before we get out of bed.
I also love hot cocoa on a cold morning where I’ve been lucky enough to sleep in for just a little bit. Is the house destroyed because of my lack of attention? Probably, but the cocoa makes me not really care. I love those moments where I don’t have to care. It seems so much of our lives revolves around both the physical and mental care of the world. Some days I just need cocoa nachos, if that was a thing. Finally, I love that when I go to bed tonight, knowing that tomorrow will test me yet again, that I have a community that will be there to help me through it. I realize that not everyone has that, and it saddens me. For dads, I know that isolation is a thing. For moms, I know that they are often held to unattainable standards. But I love knowing that at the end of the day, we are all just doing our best, and there really isn’t anything more anyone can ask of us.
There are so many laughs in my life that it’s hard to know exactly which ones I am thankful for. I’m a sucker for “Somedays I just need cocoa those stolen smaller nachos, if that was a thing.” moments with my kids when they tell an off-hand joke that would probably get them in trouble with anyone but me. And then there are times when I come up with small oneliners or a headline that immediately brings a smile to my And again, nachos. All kinds of naface. And I am extremely thankful for chos. those compilation videos of people accidentally falling down because it feels Shannon Carpenter is the father of so bad to laugh at those, and yet I can’t three and has been a stay-at-home dad help myself. since 2008. He’s the author of the book I’m also a sucker for toddler videos “Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential jumping on Dad when he doesn’t expect Manual for Being an Awesome Fullit. Those are hilarious. Time Father.” as well as the co-host of And finally, we have to talk about Dadhouse Pod. In addition to his writing the loves of our lives. Of course, the on parenting, he is also a humor writer people that keep the family drama away trained through the famous Second City. from our Thanksgiving tables, but also And we all know that having a sense of the other loves in our lives like the fahumor is essential to surviving parentbled French nachos. hood!
?
Family Movie Options: In Theaters and Streaming Online The Creator
Theaters
Rating PG-13
Overall B-
Violence C-
Sex A
Profanity C-
Alcohol/Drugs A-
The US is at war with artificial life forms and those countries that refuse to ban them. An American secret agent is tasked with finding “The Creator”, an unknown individual responsible for secretly developing new types of Artificial Intelligence. When the Creator turns out to be a child, big questions about technology, militarism, and ethics ensue. This is a thoughtful, immersive sci-fi flick with an intriguing story that tackles contemporary issues with some finesse. Violence is frequent but largely bloodless. Photo ©20th Century Studios
Spy Kids: Armageddon
Netflix
Rating PG
Overall B
Violence B
Sex A
Profanity A
Alcohol/Drugs A
Breaking the rules, Tony downloads a video game, thereby giving an evil game developer access to his parents’ systems, including a secret code called Armageddon that permits access to any device on the planet. Now Tony and his sister Patty must save the world’s technology. This movie is less well written than others in the franchise but kids will still enjoy the fun gadgets and non-stop action. Parents, on the other hand, can use this as a sleep aid. Photo ©Netflix
On Fire
Theaters
Rating PG-13
Overall B-
Violence B-
Sex A
Profanity C-
Alcohol/Drugs B-
When a wildfire unexpectedly jumps a nearby canyon, the Laughlins find their evacuation route blocked by flames. It’s going to take courage, ingenuity, loyalty, and determined first responders to save this family. Given the unpredictable path of the fire, it’s disappointing that there are so few surprises in the family’s emotional journey: the only real surprise is that a movie with a Christian vibe features profanity in the script. The cinematography is good, but overall this movie is just okay. Photo ©Cineverse
Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie
Theaters
Rating PG
Overall A-
Violence A-
Sex A
Profanity A
Alcohol/Drugs A
Long dedicated to protecting the people of Adventure City, the pups of PAW Patrol have new abilities – superpowers caused by a meteor’s crystals. Now they must prevent an evil scientist and corrupt mayor from using the crystals to become supervillains. This film is exactly what pint-sized fans of the TV series want. The jokes are pre-school friendly, the peril is minor, and the plot is easy to follow. The simple messages about self-worth, teamwork, and resilience are aimed directly at the target audience. Photo ©Paramount Pictures
The Blind
Theaters
Rating PG-13
Overall B
Violence B-
Sex A-
Profanity B-
Alcohol/Drugs D
After a hardscrabble childhood in rural Louisiana, Phil Robertson has married a lovely wife and graduated from college. Then he starts drinking and nearly loses everything he values. Only religious conversion and his lifelong tie to the woods and rivers are able to bring him back. This Christian film is better than most of the genre and offers universal messages about the dangers of addiction and the power of family, faith, love, and hope. Photo ©Fathom Events Detailed reviews available at www.parentpreviews.com November 2023 WNY Family 29
DEAR TEACHER – by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts
Helping all parents make their children’s educational experience as successful as possible
How to Help a Struggling Learner at Home
P
arents: Almost every child will run into a time when they are struggling academically in school. Unfortunately, the longer it goes on, the more students feel discouraged and don’t see how they can catch up. If your child is in this situation, it is a time for empathy — not anger. Your children may not talk with you about the fact that they are struggling in school. However, here are some signs that indicate school struggles: drop in grades, teacher’s input, change in attitude toward school, and lack of sleep or eating.
Why Children Struggle with Learning and May Be Falling Behind One of the main reasons children struggle in school whether it is briefly in one subject or in almost every subject is that there are holes in their learning. For example, in the early grades beginning readers may not have learned how to blend sounds, or in math they may not be able to easily recall basic facts. Here are some other reasons children may be struggling in school:
•
Too many outside activities may be limiting time for homework or sleep.
•
Poor study habits.
30 WNY Family November 2023
•
Boredom with a subject like math, science, or social studies.
•
Not doing their homework.
•
Not paying attention in class.
•
Weak organizational skills.
•
Learning disability.
What to Do When Your Children Struggle Academically Obviously, the very first step is to talk with your children’s teacher or teachers. These are the individuals who should have a good understanding of why a child is struggling. They see what the child is doing every day in the classroom. And hopefully, they know how things can be turned around for the child. On the serious side, teachers can also relate if they see the struggling child as one with a learning disability that will require testing and possibly an Individual Education Program (IEP) to handle the child’s learning struggles. Once you and the teacher or teachers have identified what a struggling child’s problem or problems are, it is time to work together on solutions. Will classroom modifications such as a new seat away from distractions help? Does the school have before or after school programs to improve academic skills? Is a tutor or learning center the answer?
Is extra practice the answer? Be sure to discuss what the role of the teacher(s), school, and parents will be in this turn around.
How Parents Can Help Parents can play a big role in helping their struggling children.
HOMEWORK Homework help may be all that’s needed. Begin by supervising their homework until you are confident that they are capable of handling it by themselves. Make sure they are doing all their homework. Check their homework each night. (Assignments could be online for you to see them.) Are the assignments complete? See that assignments are done carefully — not haphazardly. Have them do their homework in an area where you can watch them work. Make sure that there are limited distractions in this area. Give them brain breaks so they are refreshed and ready to move onto another assignment. Check that your children know how to organize their homework. If not, sit with them and teach them how to organize the order in which they do assignments. This includes putting it in folders to return to school as well as placing it in their backpacks which are in a spot so they can easily be grabbed each day. If necessary, help them with their homework. If you can’t work together smoothly or don’t have the time, consider having another family member provide this help or an older neighborhood child or relative.
QUIZZES & TESTS You need to know when quizzes and tests are scheduled so preparation can begin well before the night prior to an exam.
Use study guides and end of the chapter questions to hold a study session with your struggling learner until the child learns how to do this. Go over this material several days in a row, having the child state the answers out loud or write it, if that is the way the child learns best. Again, if you don’t have the time, seek outside help as you did for homework.
This Holiday Make Every Child’s Dream Come True...
Nutcracker
American Academy of Ballet’s Magical Production of
The
Saturday, december 2nd 1:00 pm & 6:00 pm
FILLING IN LEARNING GAPS Some struggling students need tutoring. Do consider yourself the first choice for this job. If this isn’t possible, the alternative could be hiring a tutor or using a learning center. Because tutoring can be expensive, look into other choices including family members and even high school students. In addition, there are some great websites online that will teach children almost every topic under the sun. For some students, the secret to mastering a particular skill is simply practice and more practice. There are an infinite number of sites online that help children accomplish this task. And the neat thing about them is that many do this by using games. Also, another way to get more practice is simply to do more problems or exercises in books and online than are assigned.
All Performances at UB Center for the Arts, Main Stage
STARRING: Emma Von Enck
Soloist, New York City Ballet
Daniel Ulbricht
Principal, New York City Ballet
American Academy of Ballet’s Nutcracker is Mesmerizing! “There is so much to love about The Nutcracker and this version in particular. This Nutcracker will leave you in awe from the opening scene until Clara awakens from her magical journey through dreamland.” Buffalo News Review * December 2015
For Information, Call: 716-645-ARTS Tickets available at:
Center Box Office (Tues. - Fri. Noon - 6pm) and through ticketmaster.com
PRICES:
$35.00, $30.00 or $25.00
www.aab-buffalo.com
The Time to Get More Help Helping struggling children is not just a few days exercise. It takes time and persistence. Most times when teachers and parents work together their help is effective. Nevertheless, if it appears that more problems are at play, and children continue to struggle, it is time to investigate the possibility of a learning disability. Parents should send questions and comments to dearteacher@dearteacher. com, and visit the dearteacher.com website to learn more about helping their children succeed in school. November 2023 WNY Family 31
TWEENS & TEENS — by Laura Lyles Reagan
Navigating the Generation Gap
R
olled eyes. Deep sighs. Glares and the silent treatment may be part of your glorious differentiating, individuating teen. It’s part of their movement away from you, into the world, but it’s uncomfortable, sometimes disheartening, and occasionally maddening. It is possible to support their growth, let go, and enjoy them again, even in this stage of development, if we understand the different positions parents and teens occupy in the social order.
Generation Gap
No! We have choices. We can cocreate the relationships we want and need.
Co-creation 101
Co-creating is a sociological and even a business term about relationships. Each party in a relationship shares the responsibility for the relationship and is empowered to influence the relationship. Co-creation happens all the time, unconsciously. Unconscious co-creation occurs when mom or dad decide it’s not worth the battle to remind their teen for the third time to take out the trash and they do it themselves. In the new sociology of childhood, children are seen as co-creators of culture and relationships. Their role is obviously different than that of adults but their influence as what sociologists call “social actors” is powerful.
Popular culture calls this breach between understandings the generation gap. Since cars were invented and teens asked for the keys on weekends and had a separate time away from parents, teens have been creating their own culture. Rock and roll was born as a Kim is sick of hearing about her result! Today teens creclothes from her stepmother. ate their own language, meanings, and, of course, music. Teen culture and various subcultures are dynamic and ever changing. It flys at the speed of the internet through social media. In other parts of the world, the generations are not so divided. While the amount of time spent with each other daily is greater in tribal cultures when compared to our own Western culture, are we doomed to be disengaged as parents and teens? 32 WNY Family November 2023
Co-creation is a conscious effort between teens and parents to be fully involved in jointly defining the relationship. To use the power of conscious cocreation, simply means building a positive relationship by the way you choose to communicate. Empowering communication clearly shares the value that both parents and teens are responsible for the relationship. Note the following co-creative conversations. The first is an unconscious conversation which many of us know all too well in one version or the other. The last conversation is a conscious conversation using co-creative communication skills. Kim is a punk rocker in a town with no punk rockers. She is tall, thin, beautiful and has soulful deep blue eyes. She has punk cut, blue hair and feels most at Parents and teens are responsible for the relationship.
home in a mosh pit. Even though her hair and look scream, “pay attention,” she is quite shy. Music helps her cope with her parents and stepparents. She is sick of hearing about her clothes from her stepmother and her loud music from her stepfather. What do they know anyway?
Unconscious Conversation: Kim’s Clothes Battle Stepmom: So, what were you thinking of wearing to Emily’s (older stepsister) wedding? Kim: I want to wear that simple black dress you bought me last fall. I can accessorize it. Stepmom: No! You don’t wear black to a daytime wedding. I know you! You will want to wear combat boots with it. Kim: Yes! And black nail polish and dark eye and lip make up (with a sarcastic tone). this.
Stepmom: No! I forbid it. Wait till your father hears about Kim: Fine. I just won’t go.
Conscious Conversation: Kim’s Style, An Invite and Open Mindedness Stepmom: So, what were you thinking of wearing to Emily’s wedding? Kim: I thought I would wear that black dress you bought me last fall and accessorize it. Stepmom: Most etiquette books say that black for a daytime wedding isn’t appropriate. How do you feel about a shopping trip to see what we can find? Kim: So, you want to take me shopping because you don’t want me to embarrass you? (Active Listening Skill to Confirm Meaning) Stepmom: No. I want to take you shopping because you need something new. You have grown since we went shopping last. (Clarification of Meaning) Kim: Okay. I’d like that. Thanks. But I don’t think we will agree about what’s appropriate. I feel disrespected when you “dis” my style. (I-Message) Stepmom: I don’t disrespect you, Kim. We just don’t agree sometimes about the appropriateness of your style. We will never know about a compromise dress if we don’t go shopping and take a look at what’s out there. Let’s try to keep an open mind and try to find something that works for both of us. Kim: Okay. Using communication skills consciously not only improves your relationship with your teen but also prepares your teen to communicate as a young adult. Learning and practicing with each other is a process. Expect progress, not perfection. Most importantly enjoy each other! Laura Lyles Reagan is a sociologist, speaker, and a teen/parent relationship coach. She is also the author of “How to Raise Respectful Parents.” Learn more at www.LauraLReagan.com.
November 2023 WNY Family 33
be boring and dull. However, within a few short weeks of attending the School Age Program, his mother Vicky Berroth noticed some exceptional changes in her son.
Success Story: The Arc’s Services Bring Exceptional Changes
W
hen Patrick Milette began attending The Arc Erie County New York’s School Age Program after transferring from a self-contained classroom in a district school, he had limited educational interest. Patrick, a highly intelligent 6-year-old, struggled to remain in the classroom and found most daily tasks to
“He could barely hold a pencil correctly to write his own name,” Vicky states of Patrick’s skill level when he first began attending The Arc Erie County program. “I could tell within a couple weeks that there was a huge difference with him receiving physical and occupational therapy services.” After just several weeks of therapy and focused services, Patrick improved his fine motor skills and quickly grew to be able to write his name with much less support. Other positive changes were also noticed in Patrick as time progressed, “His behavior overall improved by making it more enjoyable to be at school.” Vicky stated, “When a child can’t learn, it’s frustrating for them and that was huge for Patrick’s day-to-day.” As many educators do, Patrick’s teachers and staff went out of their way to create unique opportunities for him
DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE AUTISM?
We’re here to help.
Comprehensive services for children and adults with autism. Support for your family.
· Evaluations · Early Autism Program (Preschool) · Summit Academy (Ages 3-21) · Respite Programs · Recreation & Leisure Programs
· Vocational & Employment Services · Adult Programs · Behavioral Health Clinic · Parent Training
We are WNY’s largest provider of evidence-based programs and services for autism. Our programs use Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) methodology – identified by hundreds of scientific studies as the most effective method to teach individuals with autism. Our goal is to help your child lead the most independent and fulfilling life possible.
Call 716-629-3400 | Visit TheSummitCenter.org 34 WNY Family November 2023
Patrick is excited for his first day of the 2023-24 school year! and all students to engage in, as well as creating educational activities that are aligned with each students’ specific interests. “It was the teachers; they had really great patience with him.” Vicky states, “The program itself set him up to be able to move on.” The Arc Erie County New York offers two educational programs for students whose needs are best fulfilled outside of a typical district school classroom. The Preschool Program supports students ages 3 to 5 years while the School Age Program works with students ranging from 5 to 22 years. As opposed to a typical district school, the educational programs available through The Arc Erie County New York offer a variety of therapeutic services including physical therapy, occupational therapy with access to sensory rooms, vision therapy, speech therapy, and feeding therapy; many of which are not available in a district school. Both the Preschool and School Age programs follows students Individualized Education Program, providing appropriate classroom ratios, Preschool integration opportunities, and appropriate staffing so the students can achieve their academic, behavioral, and physical goals. Teachers in The Arc Erie County’s Education Programs are NYS Certified in Special Education. It is due to their expertise in working with students with varying abilities that sets students up for success. In Patrick’s case, he attended the School Age Program for just under three years before he then outgrew the continued on page 37
s s e n l l e W Choices HIGH ALERT FOR RESPIRATORY VIRUSES
A
s cold and flu season ramps up, health care experts are once again on high alert for the possibility of a tripledemic, or a surge brought on by the respiratory viruses that cause COVID-19, the flu and respiratory syncytial virus, or RSV. The good news is that this year, health officials have more tools at their disposal to combat them. Americans ages 6 months and older are eligible to receive the newest COVID-19 vaccine and the annual flu vaccine. In addition, this year the Food and Drug Administration approved the first vaccine against RSV for use in late pregnancy and adults 60 years of age and older. RSV, COVID-19, and the flu are all contagious respiratory illnesses that have similar symptoms, making it difficult to distinguish between the three viral infections without a lab test. Testing is the only way to know which virus is causing your symptoms. In fact, researchers are working to create one test that can detect COVID-19, RSV and the flu. With the new RSV vaccine and updated COVID-19 vaccine now available and flu season upon us, a natural question is whether there is an optimal schedule for the three shots. The answer to that question is, if you are eligible, to get these vaccines as soon as possible. It is important to consider that it takes approximately two weeks after vaccination for your body to develop antibodies from both the COVID-19 vaccines and the flu vaccine. The CDC recommends that anyone who is either unvaccinated or has previously received a COVID-19 vaccine before Sept. 12, 2023, to get the updated vaccine. This means now is the time to get the updated COVID-19 vaccine that targets a previously dominant variant of the omicron family. — Source: MedicalExpress.com Health & Wellness
is of utmost importance to today’s families. Promote your services to over 53,000 WNY families in our
ss e n l l e W Choices section.
Appearing monthly in print and online!
To Advertise In This Section, Call 716-836-3486 November 2023 WNY Family 35
SINGLE PARENTING — by Meagan Ruffing
Having Gratitude Can Help You Heal
I
’m four years post-divorce and I still have moments when I get triggered by something that reminds me of my marriage. Just the other day, I was driving with my tween in the car when I heard a song from the past that made me think of her dad. I turned up the volume and sang every word. I could feel my daughter staring me down as I tried to hit a high note. “Your dad used to play this song all the time,” I said. She just smiled and tried to learn the words so she could sit in a moment that felt more sweet than bitter. Moments like this catch me by surprise sometimes, and I don’t always know how to respond. Sometimes I cry and want to hide from the world, but sometimes I purposely shift my attitude to one of gratitude. When I do the latter, I feel myself healing. 7 Tips to Help You Heal from a Divorce
1) Write a list
of all the things you’re thankful for. This can be anything from the people in your life to material things that make you happy. Keep this list handy so you can pull it out and look at it whenever you need a boost.
2) Write a letter
to someone you’ve been thinking about. When we do something nice for others, it 36 WNY Family November 2023
makes us feel good which in turn, makes us feel better. I always have a stash of random cards on hand so I can send one out in a moment’s notice. It’s fun to do and it makes the other person receiving the letter feel important. It’s a win-win.
drive and possibly even survival mode. Divorce is traumatic and your body will hold onto that. You can lessen the impact it has on you by remembering to take good care of yourself. Be thankful that your body has gotten you through so much already.
3) There will come a day (if it hasn’t already) when
5) I like to do a Crystal Ball activity
your ex will start dating again. Depending on why you divorced, this could be hard for you; especially if he’s moving on and you haven’t met anyone yet. Hold “Sometimes I cry and want your head up high and be thankful for the posito hide from the world, but tive things you have gosometimes I purposely shift ing on in your life. This could be a roof over my attitude to one of gratitude.” your head, food in the fridge, money in the bank, and healthy kids asleep in their beds. I with my clients in sessions when they’re know it doesn’t take away the pain of feeling a little discouraged. I find that it seeing someone you once loved with helps them think about the future and someone else, but it keeps things in perinstills hope when they need it most. spective. Grab a piece of paper, draw a crystal ball, and write down or draw pictures depicting where you want to be in five years or what you want your life to be like in 5 years. Hang it somewhere you — just like when you pass by often so you can use it as a visual had a baby and you would sneak in little reminder that things will be different a catnaps here and there. Your body and few years from now. When we’re in the mind are going to be in emotional over-
4) Take naps when you can
6) Host a friend appreciation night.
Sometimes when I’m feeling a little lonely and need a good boost, I’ll host a dinner or game night at my house and invite a bunch of my girlfriends. Doing these sorts of things helps remind me that I have so many people who love me and are encouraging me post-divorce. Doing things like this is such a huge part of my healing. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely love you will fill your heart beyond anything you could ever imagine.
7) Call your mom and dad. If you have a relation-
ship with them and they bring you some comfort, call them. I talk to my parents several times a week and expressing my gratitude for how much they have helped me since my divorce makes me feel appreciative and healthy. Divorce affects so many people, including parents. I know all they want for me is to be happy and so if I can share my days with them, I know it helps all of us.
If you too are going through a divorce or are a few years post-divorce like me, try to include more gratitude in your life. It will change your perspective and encourage you to move forward rather than getting stuck in the past. I am constantly looking for ways to grow into this new version of myself while recognizing the bittersweet moments that catch me by surprise. I want my daughters to grow up knowing that while yes, their mom had hard moments, she was always thankful for the life she made.
SPECIAL NEEDS continued... program both academically and socially and transitioned to an educational environment that allowed him to continue to grow his independence. Though he was nervous to transition away from The Arc’s services, Patrick had grown to be more understanding as to why school is important but also expressed much concern with missing the teachers that he had grown to love. Since transitioning to his new school, the amount of therapeutic services Patrick’s receives has decreased and some even exist on a consult basis, not to mention Patrick is doing incredibly well in other areas of his life. Patrick’s journey with The Arc does not end here. Two years after leaving the School Age Program, Patrick began attending The Arc Erie County After School Respite Program located within the same building as the School Age Program. “He loves it, and they love him. He has a great day every day,” Vicky says about Patrick returning to the building that he was tentative to leave behind.
As an educator, School Age Vice Principal Kathy Opera, explained that oftentimes she doesn’t know how students are fairing after they transition to other programs. With Patrick, it was great to see him waving through the window of the school bus as it dropped off other students each morning. Now, to have Patrick onsite again and to see how much he has changed, from 6 years old to now 11 years old, it’s all come full circle.
About The Arc Erie County New York: Established in 1951, The Arc Erie County New York provides programming addressing a broad range of needs within the developmental disability community: housing, education, family support, care management, advocacy, clinical support and vocational services. All services are geared to enable these members of our community to attain personal goals and acquire valuable skills to achieve their highest potential. To learn more, visit www.arceriecounty.org.
a
middle of a mess, it can feel like we’re never going to get out of it. This form of art therapy helps get your brain unstuck.
Meagan Ruffing is a parenting journalist, mental health therapist, and single mom who tries to do her best each day. She doesn’t always get things right but continually strives to do better. November 2023 WNY Family 37
A
s we prepare for sharing Thanksgiving with our family, pumpkin pie is one of our favorite treats. With my son’s allergies to both eggs and milk, this was always a tricky one to get the texture and taste right, and making the evaporated milk (yes, you can make vegan evaporated milk and sweetened condensed milk) was time consuming. Happily, there is now a VEGAN option for evaporated milk and VEGAN sweetened condensed milk, both made by Nature’s Charm. They are made from coconut or oat; the flavor is mild and doesn’t impact the taste. With this new option, we were able to adapt a much beloved pumpkin pie recipe our family has enjoyed for generations. We’ve also included a few ready-made suggestions available during the fall. A very happy, blessed Thanksgiving to your family from ours!
• A few tips: • For more information about Nature’s Charm vegan evaporated milk or sweetened
PIE CRUST
Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, WHEAT, GLUTEN, VEGAN Yield: 8 servings, 1 pie crust Prep Time: 10 minutes Refrigerate: 30 minutes
condensed milk, visit their website or Facebook page: http://www.naturescharmveganproducts.com.
Cook Time*: with filling
evaporated yet.)
2 teaspoons sugar
• Carnation and Let’s Do Organic both offer vegan sweetened condensed milk (not • If you prefer to make your own dairy free evaporated or sweetened condensed milk, visit the Go Dairy Free website: https://www.godairyfree.org/dairy-substitutes/substitute-condensed-milk-buttermilk-sweetened-powder.
• For pie crust, there are plenty of vegan lard alternatives. Many shortenings are soy based; if you are avoiding soy Spectrum shortening uses palm oil, and Earth Balance has a soy free shortening option. Some cooks use margarine, which works fine though the crust won’t be as flaky.
• Pumpkin pie can be made several days in advance of serving.
PUMPKIN PIE
Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, WHEAT, GLUTEN, VEGAN Yield: 8 servings (one 9” pie) Prep Time: 15 minutes Cooking Time: 75 minutes 1 can (15 oz.) 100% pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling) 1 can (12 oz.) Nature’s Charm or other evaporated ‘milk’ alternative 3/4 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup corn starch 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice (or 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger, & 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves) 1/2 teaspoon salt Preheat oven to 425°. Prepare pie crust and set aside (recipe at right). Place all ingredients into a medium sized saucepan. Over medium heat, stir continuously, heating until mixture starts to thicken; do not bring to a boil. Pour into 9” pie crust (recipe below). Bake in 425° oven for 15 minutes; reduce oven temperature to 350°, and bake for 50-60 minutes or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool for 2 hours. Refrigerate until ready to serve. 38 WNY Family November 2023
1 1/3 cups flour (can use wheat free or gluten free flour) 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup shortening (regular, soy free, or lard if not vegan) 3-5 Tablespoons ice cold water In a medium bowl, combine dry ingredients. Cut in shortening (use a pastry blender or two forks) until texture resembles coarse crumbs. Add 3 tablespoons ice water, stir gently with a fork. If needed, add a little more water GRADUALLY, just enough to make the dough hold together. Don’t over handle the dough or it won’t be flaky and tender. Roll the dough into a ball, flatten into a round disk, and wrap in plastic. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. This step makes the dough easier to work with. On a floured surface, roll out the dough into a circle that is about 2” wider than your pie plate. Transfer crust to ungreased pie plate. To keep the dough from puffing up when baking, use a fork and prick the bottom and sides of the dough. Fill with pumpkin pie mix and bake as directed. Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies. Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities, to increase community awareness about food allergies.
THE KIDDIE GOURMET
A
— by Barbara Blackburn
fter reading “The Best of 716” ratings, we headed for Lockport to dine, on a meal inspired by Chef Colton Balcerzak. We were served by award winning bartender Dan Hanley (and the award winning wait staff). To top all this, there is a separate kids’ menu for 12 and under on a fun page. Included is a drink: a soft drink, milk, or chocolate milk. The choices are Chicken and Cheese Quesadilla. ($6.99), Cheese and Pepperoni Flatbread Pizza ($7.99), Cheeseburger with fries ($7.99), and Grilled Cheese with chips ($6.99). Occupying one of the high chairs was a cute toddler.
Other contenders for stardom on the menu, in 80 Main Street my humble opinion, would Lockport, NY 14094 come from categories of 716-433-4222 Mains, Pizzas, and Hand Lock34bar.com Helds. They include Panko Parmesan Crusted Chick~ SPOONS ~ en ($18.99), with a white wine feta cream sauce; FOOD 5/5 Pulled Pork Brick Oven Pizza ($15.99) and The Tugboat, a.k.a. Beef On SERVICE 5/5 Weck ($13.99). The Lockport Chicken Finger Salad ($15.99) upgrades this faFAMILY vorite in one of the specialty FRIENDLY 5/5 sauce flavors, paired with tomatoes, onions, carrots, celery, and crumbled bleu cheese over a bed of mixed greens, and served with Bleu Cheese dressing. Friday’s Fish offers the Fish Fry ($15.99) with Crab Stuffed Cod ($21.99), broiled cod stuffed with a crab meat fillMy choice, from the regular menu, ing finished with a pesto cream sauce, the Salmon Burger, topped with lettuce, served with a side. tomato, and pesto aioli and served with housemade potato chips satisfied as both tasty and healthy. Preceding that I found The special dessert that wowed us culinary comfort in spoonfuls of the — Fig Pudding — blended milk and Shrimp and Corn Chowder (cup $5.99), molasses with figs and caramelized loaded with veggies but not many — if walnuts ($7.00). This was not the same any — shrimp. figgy pudding we flambé for Christmas but a likable new version. Lock 34 Bar & Grill
The culinary champion that night was a special, Dad’s New Zealand Venison Tenderloin, wearing a coffee rub and plated with honey bourbon pinto beans and citrus carrots ($23.00). When I was a kid, I disliked venison. My hunter Uncle Don and my Aunt Muriel prepared the deer meat in various disguises, but the taste of the wild I always detected. I became a fan of venison in Germany, and the entree here was the best version of venison. Also, the partnering side dishes and their condiments were real edible treasures and not just “tokens” to fill up the plate. We’re sure that when the specials change, the replacements will still do justice to Lock 34.
Celebrate these
F U N D A YS during the month of
November 2nd Cookie Monster Day
November 8th S.T.E.M./ S.T.E.A.M. Day
November 13th World Kindness Day
November 14th Pickle Day
November 18th
Not a hop, skip, and a jump for those of us who live in the heart of Erie County, but this restaurant is worth the journey. Lock 34 elevates the words bar and grill to a higher level. This is a Mecca for dining — not just eating. Barbara Blackburn has been happily writing The Kiddie Gourmet for over 35 years. She has two adult children and four grandchildren. She is a home instructor and community education cooking instructor for the Williamsville Central Schools and is the 2023 recipient of Buffalo State Alumni Association Senior Service Award.
Mickey Mouse Day
World
November 20th World Children’s Day
November 2023 WNY Family 39