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NEWS CHILD CARE CHAOS. OUTDOORS NO-RESERVATION CAMPING. FOOD RETROENGINEERING TACO BELL. P. 7

P. 16

P. 23

WILLAMETTE WEEK

“AND IT’S NOT BETTER—IT’S CORNHOLE.” P. 21 WWEEK.COM

VOL 41/30 05.27.2015

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

KENNETH HUEY

FINDINGS

PAGE 21

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 41, ISSUE 30.

Buskers must take a one-hour break every hour if they want to work the same corner. 4 Back in 2014, School Board member Steve Buel ate lunch downtown and made you pay for it . 6 For a true Oregon hero, the only reward is free tokens at a beer festival. 11 If you nail a hooker in the cornhole, you get 3 points. 21

ON THE COVER:

Just in time for summer, Oregon rosé comes in a can. 22 Snoop Dogg’s uncle’s rib joint is

closed, but his birthday parties remain awesome. 33 A local scientist says the best way to keep everyone safe in a major earthquake is to put them in their own helicopter. 40 If you need an unbreakable silicone bong for camping, it now exists. 44

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Michael Rodgers photo

by Adam Wickham, illustration by WW staff.

A man and his wife, who both work, can afford to live in a nice 592-square-foot studio apartment.

The Internet resents them.

STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, James Yu Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Web & Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Books Penelope Bass Dance Enid Spitz

Visual Arts Megan Harned Editorial Interns Ted Jamison, Anthony Macuk, Amy Wolfe CONTRIBUTORS Dave Cantor, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Shannon Gormley, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Mark Stock, Anna Walters PRODUCTION Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Julie Showers Special Sections Art Director Kristina Morris Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Xel Moore

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3

INBOX A VOTE FOR STEVE NOVICK

How disappointing that Willamette Week has taken the predictable path of trying to tear down an elected leader—in this case, Steve Novick [“The Portland Thorn,” WW, May 20, 2015].

But unlike the usual charges of passivity or political meekness, Novick is being criticized for his willingness to be bold and take risks for the good of the community.

Isn’t that what we hope for in our elected leaders, and seldom get?

The condition of our streets is a real problem for the safety of our citizens, the front-end alignment of our vehicles and our economy. I commend Novick for taking on this difficult problem that was created by decades of neglect by previous City Councils.

It is sad that you chose to blame Novick for the challenges in fixing this problem, rather than the political interests that have stymied a solution for years. If this stuff were easy, someone would have done it a long time ago.

I want a City Council that will take risks and push for better solutions, even when they aren’t a done deal. While I wouldn’t want a council with five Steve Novicks, I will be supporting his re-election.

Mike Roach Southwest Portland NEWS SACKING AN IRVINGTON HEADOUT BEEZUS WALKS. TEARDOWN. MOVIES A GREAT NEW GREY GARDENS .

WWEEK.COM

VOL 41/29 05.20.2015

BY BETH SLOVIC

PAGE 13

RENOVATING THE STATE CAPITOL

Unfortunately, your recent article regarding the state Capitol renovation was misleading and demands a response [“Thunder Dome,” WW, May 13, 2015].

The project has been the topic of legislative action since 2005, with numerous public meetings since then. Since early 2014, the design team has held regular meetings with stakeholders, including legislators. It’s never been a secret.

The price tag of $337 million is the actual bud-

Portland’s street musicians are usually just annoying, but with the addition of amplification they become intolerable.

Doesn’t Portland have an ordinance forbidding people from broadcasting noise with speakers in public?

—Stop the Noise Frankly, Stop, I’m surprised by your letter. People with your there-oughta-be-a-law attitude and low tolerance for shenanigans usually hate this column as much as they hate being addressed as “brah.”

That said, there is indeed a law: Portland’s Noise Ordinance makes it illegal to operate a noiseproducing device in such a fashion as to be “plainly audible” more than 100 feet away.

However, this doesn’t mean that anybody who goes over this limit will be arrested; it just means that they can’t say, “Fuck you; it’s a free country,” when you ask them politely to turn it down.

As Americans, of course, we’d much rather peep through the curtains making anonymous calls to the 4

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

get figure, finalized and made public on April 20.

All previous estimates were in the $250-to-$300 million range. The project is not out of line with similar projects and will not become less expensive with time.

Sen. Peter Courtney (D-Salem) did not “disclose the project’s new, higher cost” during his testimony before the Ways and Means Committee on May 8 because only minutes before his testimony, the project’s director had thoroughly reviewed the numbers in detail.

As for using “a big chunk of the state’s debt capacity,” the 2013 Legislature authorized $34.5 million for the project—$161.8 million of the remainder is requested for 2015-17, out of nearly a $1 billion general-obligation debt capacity.

The Capitol cannot withstand a significant seismic event. Along with the seismic upgrades, the project includes major upgrades to mechanical, electrical and plumbing facilities, safety improvements, Americans With Disabilities Act access improvements, preservation of historic elements and additional hearing rooms.

The existing lobby center and press room have to be moved in the seismic retrofit, to reduced square footage. The existing cafe must also be relocated and will gain 300 square feet for a more modern and safe kitchen. All three pay rent.

Where there are now two separate legislative lounges (3,700 square feet), the new combined lounge will have a total of 2,900 square feet, a reduction of 800 square feet. Where’s the largesse?

The Oregon State Capitol Foundation strongly supports the renovation project. It is a big decision, and it is the Legislature’s to make. We want them to make it based on the facts.

Jane Cease, Kim Duncan, Fred Neal, Fred VanNatta, Gary Wilhelms Oregon State Capitol Foundation LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

cops than actually talk to our fellow human beings to find solutions. Lucky for you, most of that talking has already been done.

While it does not carry the full force of the law, Portland’s Street Musician Agreement, hammered out in 1994, provides a set of guidelines designed to make downtown buskers and the people who hate them as inoffensive to each other as possible.

Under the SMA, performers agree to space themselves at least a block apart. They also promise to play for no more than 60 minutes at a time in any one spot. (After a break of an hour or longer, they can play one more 60-minute set in that spot, then they have to move on for the day.)

In return, you agree to wait for the song to finish before complaining (seriously, that’s in there). The city even has a PDF of the agreement you can print out and passive-aggressively hand to your favorite busker. And isn’t that the Portland way?

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

5

PARENTING: A trendy day care center comes under scrutiny.

ENVIRONMENT: Prying out government secrets about wolves.

COVER STORY: The man who leaked Kitzhaber’s emails explains why.

7 8 11

ALL THE NEWS THAT GIVES A HOOT. State lawmakers are considering ways to let people expunge past marijuana convictions from their criminal records. WW first reported in February that Rep. Lew Frederick (D-Portland) had introduced a bill to do so, but that measure is dead for this session. Now, the idea is being revived by the House-Senate committee reviewing the potential effects of Measure 91, the voter-approved initiative that will make pot legal in Oregon later this year. Co-chairwoman Rep. Ann Lininger (D-Lake Oswego) wants to add the provision to an omnibus pot bill.

She says people could erase convictions for growing, selling or possessing weed, as long as the crimes occurred at least three years ago and didn’t involve a violent crime. “We need to figure out a way,” Lininger says, “to deal with this piece of collateral damage from the war on drugs.”

KRISTEN SOLECKI

A story in last week’s paper (“Making the Law Pay,” WW, May 20, 2015) underreported how much the Markowitz Herbold law firm will collect in billings from the state of Oregon this year. The story said the state “will likely pay” the Portland firm more than $4 million. In fact, the state has already paid the firm $4.7 million in fiscal 2015, which ends June 30. Oregon Department of Justice spokeswoman Kristina Edmunson says the firm has done exemplary work, including protecting Oregon’s national tobacco settlement money, worth $75 million a year. “Other states have lost their annual settlement money,” Edmunson says. “But Oregon has not.”

The seven members of the Portland Public Schools board are volunteers, but PPS rules allow them to get some expenses covered by taxpayers. Records released to WW show the school district in 2013 and 2014 paid $2,693 to cover cellphone bills and home Internet service for Matt Morton, $358 in cellphone bills for Greg Belisle, and a flat $1,000 stipend to Ruth Adkins. All three chose not to seek re-election this year. Bobbie Regan, who lost her re-election bid May 19 to Amy Kohnstamm, also collected a $1,000 stipend. Not all board members take advantage. Steve Buel expensed just one item, a $23 meal at the City Club of Portland in 2014. And Tom Koehler? Zilch.

Barred owls have been on the attack recently, dive-bombing joggers in Salem and a man near the Vista Bridge in Southwest Portland.

The latest Strix varia victim might be State Treasurer and potential Portland mayoral candidate Ted Wheeler. Wheeler tells WW he was on a halfmarathon training run near his West Hills home recently when a large bird “whacked me in the head.” Ever cautious, Wheeler declined to speculate on the species.

“It was dark,” he says. “No harm, no foul.”

COURTESY OF THE OREGON ZOO

There’s more news at wweek.com.

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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w w s ta f f

KIDDIE TROUBLE A PEARL DISTRICT CHILD CARE CENTER COMES UNDER SCRUTINY FOR A LACK OF STAFFING.

By B E T H S L OV I C

bslovic@w week .com

To Megan Bergstrom, it was chaos.

She had a howling 4-month-old girl strapped to her in an Eddie Bauer carrier while the eight other children she was responsible for watching—all under the age of 3—scrambled underfoot.

Her co-worker at WeVillage day care in the Pearl District on May 4 couldn’t help her. She was too busy corralling 12 preschool children—ages 3, 4 and 5—around an art project.

“It was constant crisis mode,” Bergstrom says.

It might also have been illegal. Oregon law requires child care facilities to obey strict staffing ratios to ensure children’s safety. Under the rules, there should have been at least four teachers onsite, not two, based on Bergstrom’s description.

But Bergstrom—who quit along with three co-workers two weeks ago—says the frantic scene at WeVillage that day was often the rule, not the exception. She said the center faces chronic understaffing.

“Children were neglected,” says Bergstrom, 27, herself the mother of two boys, 2 and 3, “and weren’t getting their needs met.”

WeVillage’s owner and founder, Karen Beninati, denies Bergstrom’s allegations, calling them fabrications by a disgruntled ex-employee. “They’re unfounded,” she says. “We’re a growing company, always trying to do the right thing.”

But the problems underscore the challenges faced by WeVillage and other “drop-in” child care centers aimed at parents who have unusual work schedules, need only occasional child care services or just want to squeeze in a quick workout without a toddler in tow.

The business model can be a tricky one for a day care center to manage. While her customers’ schedules are flexible, her employees’ schedules are less so. That can make it difficult to predict how many workers a day care center might need at any given time.

State records show Bergstrom’s allegations are not isolated. The Pearl location of WeVillage, which targets high-end customers, has a track record of compliance problems since it opened in 2009, according to Oregon’s Office of Child Care.

Beninati tells WW that the state should grant her day care center “grace periods” when kids are coming and going and the center is temporarily out of compliance.

“Because the model is flexible,” she says, “we’re not a normal center.”

Bobbie Weber, a faculty research associate at the Family Policy Program at Oregon State University’s College of Public Health and Human Science, says there’s a reason the state enforces low staffing ratios in day care centers.

“The most important thing in a child’s development

DROP-IN DOUBTS: WeVillage has faced state investigations or reviews for staffing problems, a nipping dog and inappropriate photos children took of themselves on an iPad.

is how responsive adults are to the child,” Weber says, adding that day care workers who are stretched too thin are apt to ignore a child who is crying or needing a new diaper. “A parent should be very worried if centers are out of compliance on staffing.”

As a company, WeVillage has been expanding. In addition to the Pearl, it has locations at Hillsboro’s Orenco Station and in Happy Valley, with a fourth planned for Northeast Portland in July.

The company has also been the subject of largely flattering profiles, including a January story in the Portland Business Journal and another two weeks later in The Oregonian. “We are doing a different model,” Beninati told The Oregonian, “and it’s about educating [state regulators] to work with us, versus against us.”

Both stories reported the state had received six complaints about WeVillage’s Pearl District location. But that’s far from the whole story.

State records show that WeVillage has eight cases in which inspectors either substantiated complaints or found the center in the Pearl out of compliance.

On Sept. 14, 2013, WeVillage self-reported an incident of poor supervision after four unsupervised children (the state wouldn’t disclose their ages) were found taking inappropriate photos of themselves with the center’s

“Because the model is flexiBle, we’re not a normal center.”

—WeVillage Founder Karen Beninati.

cont. on page 8 Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

7

parenting

wIll corwIn

NEWS

iPad. Although the incident was self-reported, Beninati tells WW she can’t recall the incident.

On two occasions in 2014, an inspector found Beninati’s dog at the Pearl location in contact with children—in one case, the shih tzu, Chewy, was nipping at a child. “He was used as a therapy animal,” she says. “He hasn’t been onsite in a very long time.”

An inspector in August 2014 found 22 children onsite with only two teachers. One was busy at the front desk while the other had not been enrolled in the state’s central background registry.

“I observed the dIrector use profanIty fIve separate tImes durIng my vIsIt,” a state inspector wrote.

CHAOS THEORY: Megan Bergstrom, with her two sons, quit WeVillage with three co-workers after she said understaffing caused some children to be neglected.

The inspector also heard Beninati use foul language in front of children. “I observed the director use profanity five separate times during my visit,” the inspector wrote. “She was holding children on her lap or in her arms each time she swore.”

Beninati says she was talking to the inspector.

“We were having a conversation,” she says. “I’m not saying that was the best choice.”

In December 2014, a state inspector on an unannounced visit to the Pearl location found three staff members, including one who didn’t meet state

qualifications to teach, supervising 25 children, six of whom were under the age of 3. Under state rules, WeVillage should have had at least one more qualified teacher onsite. Beninati showed up 15 minutes after the inspector arrived, bringing the center back into compliance, but the state fined the center $500.

Beninati says she has upgraded her reservations software since then. “We’ve improved business practices,” she says.

In all, since May 2014, the state has cited the center for 15 violations. (Since 2009, the state has issued an average of 500 violations per year statewide. As of this year, there are 1,144 child care centers in Oregon.)

Beninati says WeVillage’s record is not a fair picture of the service the centers provide to children and parents.

“We’re doing the best we can,” Beninati says.

“We have so many wonderful things going on.”

Last week, WW spoke with three former WeVillage employees who shared stories similar to Bergstrom’s but declined to speak on the record. Only Bergstrom agreed to allow her name to be used in this story. She said she filed a new complaint against WeVillage the day after she quit.

Aimee Craig, a spokeswoman for the Oregon Department of Education, which oversees the Office of Child Care, says the state cannot disclose or discuss complaints until an investigation is complete.

Bergstrom says she would never allow her own boys to stay at WeVillage without her. That’s why she wanted to speak out.

“Children don’t have a voice,” she says, “so we have to be the voice for them.”

AN ENVIRONMENTAL GROUP GOES TO COURT TO SEE THE FOREST SERVICE’S PLANS TO PROTECT OREGON WOLVES. By a a r O n M e S H

amesh@wweek .com

Nick Cady is thrilled to see the return of gray wolves to Oregon’s Cascade Range.

He celebrated when the wolf dubbed OR-7 was spotted south of Crater Lake in 2011, more than 60 years after hunters wiped out the species from the state.

But even as wolves return to Oregon’s southwestern mountains, Cady fears the U.S. Forest Service will authorize logging and road building that could cut off the wolves’ range.

“Federal agencies are supposed to lay out how projects will impact species,” Cady says. “What we’ve seen with wolves is they say, ‘Oh, it won’t impact them at all.’

I don’t think that is true.”

This spring, Cady’s environmental nonprofit, Cascadia Wildlands, filed a Freedom of Information Act request seeking all Forest Service plans for protecting wolves while selling off timber and building roads in Oregon and Washington’s national forests.

Two months later, the agency hasn’t given 8

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

him a single document.

So Cady ’s group has gone to court, suing the Forest Service in U.S. District Court on May 20 for its failure to respond to Cascadia Wildlands’ records request.

Lawsuits accusing government agencies of violating the FOIA have become a reliable tool for environmental groups trying to watchdog public officials.

Cascadia Wildlands’ suit is the 10th lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court for Oregon in the past decade by an environmental group seeking to force the release of public records. It’s the second in less than a month. On April 29, the Northwest Environmental Defense Center in Portland sued to see water-quality records from the Columbia Generating Station in Hanford, Wash.

Cascadia Wildlands says it filed the records request March 12, seeking communications between the Forest Service and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The suit says Cascadia Wildlands then wrote letters in April and May offering to let the Forest Service release the documents gradually.

The Forest Service responded in May by saying it needed more time to review the request, because it had 20 other records requests ahead of Wildlands’.

Glen Sachet, a spokesman for the Forest Service’s Portland office, declined

o r e g o n d e pa r t m e n t o f f I s h a n d w I l d l I f e

WOLF TRACKS TIMBER WOLVES: These gray wolf pups, photographed in 2012, are part of the Oregon-based Wenaha Pack in Wallowa County.

comment to WW on pending litigation.

Oregon officials estimate 77 wolves live in the state, but just seven of them are in the western half of the state. The largest Cascade Range wolf pack, called the Rogue Pack, includes OR-7, his mate and three pups.

Cady fears that commercial logging could disrupt the wolves’ range, expose them to cars and change the behavior of deer and elk, making it harder for wolves to find food.

The group also says building new timber roads makes it easier for hunters to get deep into the

wilderness and set wolf traps.

He says his group wants assurances from the Forest Service that the agency’s plans take into account protections for the Rogue Pack and the next generation of Oregon wolves.

“We just hope they’re taking a hard look at the science before proceeding with irretrievable resource damage and road construction,” Cady says. “They might have taken a good, hard look at this. But I don’t think that’s the case. We’ll find out.”

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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PHOTOS BY ADAM WICKHAM

MICHAEL RODGERS HAS A SECRET: HE’S THE ONE WHO LEAKED GOV. JOHN KITZHABER’S EMAILS.

BY N I G E L JAQ UI SS

O

njaquiss@wweek.com

n Friday, Feb. 20, Michael Rodgers looked up from his iPad to the parking lot outside his Salem office window. Three people strode toward the entrance of his building. He knew who they were, and he feared they were coming for him.

Rodgers had worked for Oregon state government for 15 years. More than 200 people reported to him. In an office of quiet, often introverted techies, he stood out, not just because he was their boss, but because of his gregarious nature. He was the guy who planned Hawaiian shirt days and had his team occasionally don tinfoil hats.

Rodgers’ group supported the computer and email systems for thousands of state government employees, from the lowliest assistant in the most obscure agency, right on up to the governor.

CONT. on page 12

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

11

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

BETTER DAYS: Former Gov. John Kitzhaber and his fiancee, Cylvia Hayes, are now under federal criminal investigation.

IN RECENT WEEKS, more than 6,000 of Kitzhaber’s Rodgers had been thinking a lot emails to WW. about the governor. John KitRodg ers has been under zhaber had resigned in disgrace separate investigations by the two days earlier, quitting in Oregon State Police and the the wake of influence-peddling Oregon Department of Justice. allegations involving him and On May 6, a Marion County first lady Cylvia Hayes. prosecutor told Rodgers’ attorKitzhaber for weeks had ney that if Rodgers didn’t give been under pressure to resign. up his $143,000-a-year state But Rodgers believed the final job, he could be charged with a shove came when WW reported crime. Rodgers refused to quit. that Kitzhaber’s office had tried Some people think Rodgers to delete emails that could be violated Kitzhaber’s privacy and used as evidence in a growing shirked his own responsibility investigation. to protect state data.

Rodgers, 56, was the state Rodgers says he was simply official who had stopped the trying to stop public records efforts to delete those emails. from being destroyed. And he But someone in state governwanted Oregonians to know ment, still unidentified, had that the emails the governor’s told WW about the attempt— assistant sought to delete were and then leaked thousands relevant to the ongoing investiof Kitzhaber’s emails stored gation of Kitzhaber and Hayes. on state servers. Rodgers was He accomplished that goal. responsible for the security of But in the process, he’s gone those emails. from being a high-ranking state Rodgers put down his iPad. official to an exiled whistleHe recognized the three people blower. now striding across the office Rodgers may be the latest toward him as state human casualty of the Kitzhaber scanresources officials. “When HR dal, an unprecedented chapter shows up en masse,” Rodgers in Oregon political history that —MICHAEL says, “something is up.” has altered much more than the The HR officials got to his lives of a four-term governor RODGERS door. and his fiancee.

“Collect your personal For no gain and at great peritems,” one told him. sonal risk, Rodgers committed Rodgers always hung his coat on the back of a courageous act that has brought him nothing his office door when he arrived in the morning, in return except mounting legal bills, potential and often forgot to take it home at night. He had indictment and probably the loss of his career. six coats there now, and he grabbed them all. He He’s breaking his silence now because the isowasn’t going to be back for a long time. lation and investigations have worn him down.

Heads popped up over cubicle walls as the offi“Life has not been good for me,” Rodgers says. cials escorted Rodgers out of the building. “It was “I can’t do this any longer.” a perp walk,” he says. “It was devastating.”

More than three months later, Rodgers is still MICHAEL RODGERS had a routine: He on paid leave. He must stay home during work would wake every morning at 6:15, feed his four hours. “It feels like I’m in jail,” he says. “I’m just Louisiana Catahoula Leopard dogs, and sit at the dining-room table of his west Salem home to missing the ankle bracelet.”

This week, Rodgers decided to go public with check his state-issued iPad. He wanted to make a secret he can keep no longer: He was the per- sure the state’s computer systems had operated son who told WW about the attempt to delete properly overnight.

His routine was forever altered at 6:45 am on Kitzhaber’s emails. And he’s the one who leaked

“I WAS FILLED WITH ANXIETY THAT I’M GOING TO BE ASKED TO DELETE THE EMAILS. IF I’M ASKED TO DELETE THEM, WHAT DO I DO?”

cont.

Feb. 6, when he read an email from a subordinate. Its subject line said, “Governor’s email account.”

Rodgers, a Democrat who twice voted for Kitzhaber, usually didn’t pay much attention to politics. Yet like most Oregonians, Rodgers knew Kitzhaber was in serious political trouble, in large part because Hayes, the first lady, had accepted more than $220,000 in consulting fees from groups seeking to influence state policies.

He also knew The Oregonian had filed a public records request seeking all emails from Kitzhaber’s personal accounts, which had been archived on state servers for the past three years. Rodgers’ office handled these requests, and he believed that any emails stored on state servers were public records.

Rodgers opened the message, which included a string of emails that had been passed up through the chain of command in his office. The original message had been sent the day before by Tracy Osburn, a state computer tech. Osburn reported a call he’d received from Jan Murdock, the assistant to Kitzhaber.

“Governor’s office wants anything that is in the email account from hundrethmeridian@att.com (or something close to that) removed from the archive,” Osburn wrote.

“My first reaction was, ‘Oh, fuck,’” Rodgers recalls.

Rodgers tracked down Osburn, who

confirmed what was in the email. (Osburn tells WW the conversation took place as Rogers described.)

“Tracy was concerned that email deletion was not something we’d normally do,” Rodgers says. “People were aware there was a lot going on with Cylvia Hayes and the governor.

There were a lot of red flags.”

Rodgers knew he faced a politically sensitive situation, prompting him to go the top. That meant meeting with Michael Jordan, the state’s chief operating officer.

Jordan answered directly to Kitzhaber.

“Mike Jordan has a rule,” Rodgers says. “If there is something controversial, you don’t text or call him. You go see him in person.”

Rodgers arrived at Jordan’s office at 8:30 am on Feb. 6, and told him Kitzhaber’s office had asked to delete the emails. He told Jordan that deleting the emails might be illegal. Under Oregon law, it is a crime to knowingly destroy, conceal, remove or falsely alter a public record.

Rodgers expected that Jordan would back him up and support his conclusion.

Instead, Rodgers says Jordan grew irritated. He told Rodgers that he would walk over to the governor’s office to find out what was going on. Jordan did not respond to requests for comment.

Rodgers drove back to his office at the State Data Center on Airport Road. “I was filled with anxiety that I’m going to be asked to delete the emails,” Rodgers recalls.

“If I’m asked to delete them, what do I do?”

Later that morning, Jordan called Rodgers and told him that Kitzhaber’s top staff wanted to review the emails. He directed Rodgers to copy the emails to thumb drives and bring them to Jordan’s office.

In other words, Rodgers believed, Jordan was telling him that the governor’s office would decide which emails would be deleted.

Rodgers was now more worried than before. He had seen the state repeatedly fail to turn over public records in a timely or complete fashion, and he worried that Murdock’s request to delete emails might still be carried out.

“I wanted to make sure that data wasn’t destroyed,” Rodgers says.

So he copied the emails, as Jordan asked. And then he inserted two Kingston thumb drives into his computer and made a copy of the Kitzhaber emails for himself.

“It was a hard decision,” Rodgers says. “I would like to trust the people I work for to do the right thing.”

It turned out he was right to be concerned.

A few hours later, Matt Shelby, Jordan’s spokesman at the state Department of Administrative Services, confirmed to Rodgers that the staff in the governor’s office, including Liani Reeves, the general counsel, would review the emails.

THE WHISTLE-BLOWER

“life has not been good for me. i can’t do this any longer.”

—Michael rodgers

cont. on page 14

OUT OF ACTION: Michael Rodgers finds a quiet moment to relax in his Salem backyard with one of his dogs, Spartacus. “People think that being on leave is a vacation,” he says. “It’s so far from that.”

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

13

THE WHISTLE-BLOWER

cont.

“The governor’s office was going to give us their opinion as to what to delete,” Shelby tells WW. “I never had clear direction from Michael Jordan or anybody else that their request was to be the final say.” Reeves declined to comment.

At the time, Rodgers believed that despite his efforts to prevent the deletion of the emails, the governor’s office would try to get its way after all.

TRUTH TELLER: Rodgers faces losing his job and a threat of criminal charges, but he has no regrets over leaking Kitzhaber’s emails. “I’ve asked myself that a hundred times,” he says. “I’d do the same thing again.”

14

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

THE NEXT DAY, Feb. 7, a Saturday, Rodgers plugged the thumb drives into a laptop and opened Kitzhaber’s emails.

Some were clearly personal in nature. But thousands dealt directly with state and political issues. Rodgers found emails from 2014 between Kitzhaber and political consultant Patricia McCaig in which the two discussed Cover Oregon, the failed $300 million health insurance website.

Cover Oregon had backfired on Kitzhaber and put his 2014 re-election bid at risk.

Rodgers also found emails between Kitzhaber and Hayes that showed how influential the first lady was in the governor’s administration— and how she hoped to benefit from her access to Kitzhaber.

Rodgers understood right away why the governor’s office might seek to have emails removed from the state server: They could be damaging to Kitzhaber.

“It scared the shit out of me,” Rodgers says.

“I was afraid if they knew that I knew the truth, they could come after me.”

Many people might have stopped there, tossed the memory sticks in a river and kept quiet. Rodgers believed he had to act.

“I needed to do something,” he says, “but I didn’t know what.”

Rodgers didn’t trust the Oregon State Police— he knew its budget was controlled by Kitzhaber and Jordan. Rodgers went online looking for help. He saw that four of the seven justices on the Oregon Supreme Court were political appointees.

So were all of the members of the Oregon Government Ethics Commission.

“I felt I had nowhere to go,” Rodgers says.

At one point, Rodgers stopped by the Oregon Department of Justice to see lawyer Lisa Umscheid, with whom he’d worked. He broached the subject with her in general terms.

“If I’ve got concerns about the way an important issue is being handled, but I can’t go to my superiors because they are involved, what should I do?” Rodgers recalls asking.

“Mike, you need to understand that my job is to defend the state,” Umscheid told him. Says Rodgers: “I took that to mean it wasn’t a viable option for me to talk more with her.” Umscheid declined to comment, saying any meetings she might have had with state employees are covered by attorney-client privilege.

Rodgers felt the information he had gathered was increasingly important as Kitzhaber’s behavior turned erratic.

On Tuesday, Feb. 10, amid growing rumors that he might resign, Kitzhaber summoned then-Secretary of State Kate Brown home from a trip to Washington, D.C. Brown would take over as governor if Kitzhaber resigned—and that led to more speculation that he was about to quit.

But when Brown returned to Portland, Kitzhaber met her at the airport and inexplicably asked her why she had cut her trip short, a meeting that Brown was later to characterize as “bizarre.”

After his meeting at the Department of Justice, Rodgers turned to a state human resources official. He told her that he was aware that Kitzhaber’s office had tried to delete emails from the state servers.

cont.

THE WHISTLE-BLOWER

“I have nowhere to turn,” Rodgers told her.

“Maybe,” she said, “you should go to the media.”

Rodgers didn’t know any reporters, but a friend suggested he call Sheila Hamilton, a longtime television and radio journalist who hosted a morning show on 101.9 KINK-FM. On Wednesday, Feb. 11, at about 1 pm, Rodgers called Hamilton. He was nervous and described in general terms the information he had.

Hamilton suggested Rodgers contact WW.

THE DENNY’S RESTAURANT in Wilsonville

was nearly empty at 9:30 pm on Feb. 11, except for three baseball-capped young men noisily ending their evening at a nearby table.

Rodgers had called me an hour earlier and described his job and his concerns about high-level efforts to make Kitzhaber’s emails stored on state servers “go away.”

We’d agreed to meet that night at a spot between Portland and Salem. Rodgers walked in wearing a gray hoodie and jeans, slid into a booth and ordered coffee.

Rodgers wanted anonymity and WW’s assurances that, if he gave WW the actual emails, the newspaper would not publish those that were clearly about personal matters. Rodgers then put a stack of papers on the table.

He had compiled a detailed chronology of everything that had happened since Feb. 6, the day he learned of the effort to delete Kitzhaber’s emails. The stack of papers included the email in which Tracy Osburn had documented the request

by Kitzhaber’s assistant, Jan Murdock, to delete emails.

Rodgers said he felt conflicted. His job was to safeguard government records. He was a loyal employee, he loved his work, and yet people above him seemed willing to delete information that, in his words, “is a matter of public record—and concern.”

He then slid a transparent plastic file folder across the table that had held two thumb drives—one green and one black—inside.

“These are Kitzhaber’s emails,” he said.

Then Rodgers left. When he drives, he usually has his car stereo blaring. “I realized that I had driven home in silence,” he says. “I was thinking, ‘Oh, what have I done?’”

THE NEXT MORNING, Thursday, Feb. 12, WW

prepared a story about the Kitzhaber administration’s request to delete the governor’s emails from state servers.

The plan was to get that news out first and report what was in the emails later. At KINK’s studio in PacWest Center in downtown Portland, Hamilton stood by, ready to break the story on air as WW published online.

Hamilton texted Rodgers to alert him. “Keep your head down,” she wrote.

The reaction was swift. Within an hour, State Treasurer Ted Wheeler, a Democrat, called on Kitzhaber to resign.

“The current situation has become untenable,” Wheeler said, “and I cannot imagine any scenario by which things improve.” Before the afternoon was over, Senate President Peter Courtney and House Speaker Tina Kotek, both Democrats, had joined the call for Kitzhaber’s resignation.

The next day, Friday, Feb. 13, Kitzhaber announced he would resign. He had been the longest-serving governor

“their goal has been to isolate me.”

—michael RodgeRs

TWO KEY PLAYERS: Former Kitzhaber general counsel Liani Reeves (left) oversaw the review of public records in the governor’s office. Gov. Kate Brown pushed out chief operating officer Michael Jordan (right) in March after Jordan launched a criminal investigation into the emails leaks. He’s now the city of Portland’s Bureau of Environmental Services director.

in state history, and the first in the modern era to resign because of scandal. He had been sworn in for a fourth term barely a month earlier. “I took no joy in his resignation,” Rodgers says. “I didn’t feel any sense of vindication.”

Rodgers barely had time to think about the governor’s resignation. Only hours after Kitzhaber made his announcement, the FBI delivered a sweeping subpoena for hundreds of thousands of state records.

Based on what he’d seen with Kitzhaber’s emails and the state’s slow and incomplete responses to earlier records requests, Rodgers worried about document destruction.

Kitzhaber had set his departure for five days out, on Feb. 18. The delay made Rodgers suspicious. “I was concerned,” he says, “that it was giving him and his staff time to clean house.”

On Feb. 18, WW published stories that quoted directly from several of Kitzhaber’s emails. Only hours after the stories appeared, Jordan called the Oregon State Police and ordered a criminal investigation into the leak.

At noon, Kate Brown was sworn in as Oregon’s 38th governor.

The emails that Rodgers had copied for the governor’s office had since been transferred to the computers of other state officials, including DAS spokesman Matt Shelby, Kitzhaber general counsel Liani Reeves, and Kitzhaber’s assistant, Jan Murdock.

Despite the subpoena, Rodgers says, Shelby requested that the Kitzhbaer emails be erased from his computer and those of Reeves’ and Murdock’s.

Rodgers told his staff not to comply. A subordinate, Marshall Wells, contacted federal prosecutors in Portland about the new request for deletion and was told any such action would constitute tampering with evidence. Wells was then told by Jordan’s office not to have further contact with prosecutors.

Shelby tells WW he made the request at Jordan’s direction. He says the emails were backed up elsewhere, and state officials wanted to limit access to the copies after the leak to WW. The next day, Feb. 19, three Oregon State Police officers showed up at Rodgers’ office.

“Even the plainclothes officers had their guns in plain sight,” Rodgers says. “They wanted to know the whole story of what happened with the emails.”

Scheduled for 40 minutes, the interview stretched to nearly three hours. One officer asked about the leak to WW. “Do you know who released the emails?” he asked.

“I didn’t want to lie to them,” Rodgers says. “But I told them I had no idea.”

That was on Thursday. The next morning, Feb. 20, a state police computer expert, Steve Payne, sat with Rodgers and his staff examining the state’s email security.

“He said, ‘This is a political investigation, not a criminal

one,’” Rodgers recalls.

Later that day, human resources officials for the Department of Administrative Services escorted Rodgers from his office and put him on leave. Wells, who’d contacted federal prosecutors, was also placed on leave.

The reason the two were given for being sent home was vague, only that they would be out “pending an investigation” related to the federal subpoena.

In the three months since then, Rodgers’ life has turned into Dante’s nine circles of Hell.

One day he was fully engaged in his job, surrounded by people he respected. The next, he was stuck at home, isolated and under scrutiny. Rodgers remains under investigation by the Oregon State Police and the Department of Justice.

“In the beginning, people would text me to see how I was doing,” he says. “But as soon as the Oregon State Police contacted people and told them they knew they’d texted me, people went into self-preservation mode. Their goal has been to isolate me.”

On May 6, Rodgers says, Marion County Deputy District Attorney Paige Clarkson offered Rodgers’ criminal attorney a choice: Rodgers could resign from his job, or state prosecutors could charge him with “official misconduct”— one count for every one of the 6,000 emails state police suspected he had leaked.

Clarkson confirmed to WW the phone call took place but declined to comment.

Rodgers refused to resign.

MICHAEL RODGERS AND JOHN KITZHABER have a lot in common. They now have more time on their hands than they’d like, and they’re spending more money on lawyers than they can afford.

Kitzhaber and Hayes remain under a federal criminal investigation. Kitzhaber lost his job after he ducked questions, refused to turn over public records and his office sought to delete emails.

Rodgers also faces a criminal investigation and could lose his job—all because he released Kitzhaber’s emails.

A few weeks ago, Rodgers’ friends took him to Cinco de Micro, a Salem beer festival. Some of the revelers were state employees. Word soon got around that Rodgers was the one who had refused to delete Kitzhaber’s emails. People slapped him on the back and shook his hand. They also gave him their beer tokens. “I had too much to drink that night,” Rodgers says.

Those tokens might be all the reward he gets for risking his career—and his freedom—to make sure the governor of Oregon was held accountable.

“I’ve reflected a lot and wondered if I did the right thing,” Rodgers says. “I know I did.”

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

15

OUTDOORS

THOMAS TEAL

CULTURE

ers, but also says it’s unlikely that people will chase you down if you’re a bad citizen who likes to cheat the Forest Service. There are, however, some simple rules to dispersed camping in the forest, and you should expect a friendly visit from a ranger who tracks such things, including the license plate on your car. But it’s pretty simple not to screw it up: Don’t light a fire except in a fire pit, and not unless you have a two-gallon bucket, shovel and ax. (The ranger will probably ask to see them, so make sure you have them.) You may not pitch your tent nor drop your personal dookie closer than 100 feet from any trail or 200 feet from any river. And they ask that you pack out every damn thing you pack in, including toilet paper.

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

NF-57/OAK GROVE FORK SITE SEEN: Lost Lake has lots of room and pretty sites.

NO RESERVATIONS? WHERE TO CAMP IF YOU DIDN’T BOOK YOUR SPOT BACK IN FEBRUARY. Portlanders love the outdoors. If you need proof, just go onto ReserveAmerica.com right now and try to book a camping spot for July. Chances are you’ll be directed someplace like Lake Owyhee State Park, a short seven-and-a-half hour drive to the high desert of Eastern Oregon, where July temperatures top out at 112 degrees and bottom out just above freezing.

But like so many things in Portland—apartments, jobs, swimming holes—there are semi-secret spots that locals who know the angles use to enjoy our forests at their peak. Here are a few to get you started.

LOST LAKE Lost Lake isn’t exactly a secret, but it’s here just in case you’re unaware of this gem. For those who want a quick getaway to a postcard-worthy spot in the Hoodland, this little lake on the north face of the mountain is ideal in almost every way.

First, because it’s beautiful—in fact, every bit the equal of the south-side lakes that have been booked up since Valentine’s Day. Second, because it’s big—148 campsites, only a few of which can be reserved in advance. Third, because there’s a lodge with a well-stocked camp store that assures you won’t run out of beer and marshmallows by Saturday afternoon.

They’ll rent you boats to take out onto that lake, too. For Portlanders who aren’t planners, this is the spot.

MARTIN CIZMAR. Take Interstate 84 east to Exit 62. Turn right at Cascade Avenue, then right onto Country Club Road, then left onto Barrett Drive. After 1.2 miles, go right onto Tucker Road, then go two miles and right onto Dee Highway for 6.3 miles. Take a right onto Lost Lake Road and follow twists and turns until you see signs for the resort.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

GREEN CANYON

DISPERSED CAMPING ANYWHERE IN MOUNT HOOD NATIONAL FOREST Sure, the forest has all sorts of public campsites with useless luxuries like “running water” and “plumbing,” but smart locals have known for years that basically every plot of land in the national forest is pretty much fair game for a 14-day span. If you find free spots near a public-use area with restrooms, smart campers might just pay the day-use/ parking fee and make use of the facilities there. U.S. Forest Service spokesman Chris Bentley says you’re not allowed to wander into nearby campsites and use their show-

Most campgrounds on the west side of Mount Hood are reserved long in advance.

Of the exceptions, Green Canyon is your top pick. From U.S. 26 you’ll follow a tunnel of moss and pine along a rushing creek, past the 742A trailhead and a tall, black rock face that’s popular with climbers. The campground itself is nicely spaced, with 15 sites and two pit toilets. Can’t land in the campground or want an even more picturesque spot without water and toilets? Go farther down the road for some well-trod primitive spots. Before you get to the cement bridge there’s a pull-off by a handful of unofficial spots near a deep bend in the creek that has its own little sand beach. The ground is flat and soft, with a decomposing pine providing a natural sleeping mat that’s very plush.

Strike out there, too? Just over the bridge there are a few more spots on the left, by the creek. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Go east on U.S. 26 to Zigzag. Go south on NF-2618 (E Salmon River Road), which is about a mile past the town of Wemme. Follow the road south for approximately four miles. Campground is on your right.

WW’S 2015

Outdoor Guide Hood Life

WILLA METTE WEEK

16

Follow Oregon 224—the Clackamas Highway—along the river, and mostly what you’ll find is a pile of campsites that have already been staked out on the Internet. But it’s cool.

All you have to do is keep driving, until you hit the end of the road altogether. Take the NF-57 fork at the end of Oregon 224, and you’ll begin to discover, on your left toward the river, little untended campsites. These don’t have potable water. And they don’t have power. And they don’t have a restroom.

But if you get there early enough (go Thursday night), they are all yours, hugged right up against the Oak Grove Fork tributary of the Clackamas, with the sound of the water lulling you to sleep so you can wake up early and drink beer. MATTHEW KORFHAGE

's 2015 OUTDO OR GUIDE

$5

IS AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE OUTDOOR STORE AND CLOSE-IN BLUE BINS.

MCNEIL CAMPGROUND The best part of McNeil is the smell: that hot, brittle, high-desert pine scent, like it’s about to catch fire at any moment. In the summer, that may or may not appeal to you, but it’s what this 34-spot, reservation-free campground along the Sandy River has to offer. There’s a smattering of tall pines that don’t provide much shade and ground covered in low-set shrubs. There are also stunning views of Hood, and you’re near the trailhead for spectacular Ramona Falls, which is an excellent, seven-mile-roundtrip hike. MARTIN CIZMAR. Go east on U.S. 26 to Zigzag. Go north on Lolo Pass Road, Forest Route 18. Follow 18 northeast across to Forest Road 1825, which starts at the right fork onto a bridge. Follow 1825 east to the campground.

BEACON ROCK/REED ISLAND You can’t get around Western Oregon’s camping-spot shortage just by crossing the Columbia River. There are only seven state parks on the Washington side of the Columbia River Gorge and only two have campgrounds not on the reservation system. If you have a boat and don’t mind roughing it, consider Reed Island, which sits in the Columbia just east of Vancouver. The 512acre island has two primitive campsites and there is very little competition for them. A more realistic option is Beacon Rock, which sits in the shadow of the 848-foot basalt monolith that offers some of the region’s best traditional rock climbing. The park has 26 forested tent sites that are all first-come.

MARTIN CIZMAR.

Take I-84 east to Exit 44 for the Bridge of the Gods.

Cross the bridge and turn left to go west on Washington State Route 14, the Evergreen Highway.

CLACKAMAS COUNTY PARKS Those who don’t want to risk getting shut out of a first-come campsite should remember the three campgrounds in the Clackamas County Parks system (clackamas.us/parks).

They do take reservations, but fewer people think to use them. The spot is 116-acre Barton Park, which sits on the Clackamas River near Boring. The park has an impressive 102 campsites, some shaded by old-growth trees, with water and electric hookups, plus another seven primitive sites. There’s also Metzler, five miles south of Estacada, which has 60 sites with water and electric hookups and another 15 primitive sites with water nearby.

Then there’s the jewel of the Clackamas parks system, Feyrer Park, just south of Molalla on the Molalla River. It’s heavily wooded and the river has some of the better swimming holes you’ll find near a park with toilets. These campgrounds take reservations but the system won’t allow you to see available sites if your arrival date is within the next three days, so you should call to ask about a last-minute reservation. If you’re trying to find a site this weekend, call 742-4414. Good luck—you’ll need it. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

17

Join us for Blitz Brewery Days!!!

Extended Happy Hour Beginning At 1 p.m., All New Specials

Blitz Ladd - 2239 SE 11th Ave. 503.236.3592 — Blitz Pearl - 110 NW 10th Ave. 503.229.2222

Blitzsportspubs.com

18

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

STREET

STREET

LOOKS WE LIKE SNAPSHOTS OF THE FOURTH- AND FIFTH-GRADERS OF GIRLS INC. AT OLIVER P. LENT SCHOOL. PHOTOS BY STEPH B A R N HA RT wweek.com/street

Beyond the Print

@WillametteWeek @wweek @WillametteWeek

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

19

FOOD: Retro-engineering the Crunchwrap Supreme.

MUSIC: The Mountain Goats vs. the WWF. MOVIES: An earthquake expert on San Andreas.

WEED: The iPod of portable vapes.

23 27 40 44

SCOOP WASN’T TOMORROW WONDERFUL: Playful high-tech tapas restaurant Ración will close May 30, after a little more than two years in business in the West End. Chef-owner Anthony Cafiero, local master of modernist Spanish cooking technique, says he’s been searching for a new location since RACIÓN’S PORK TENDERLOIN January and hopes to reopen in a smaller, more intimate space on the eastside after spending a little time in New Mexico to regroup. “I’m pretty damn proud of it,” Cafiero says of Ración. “I made it longer than a lot of spots do, and I’m looking forward to seeing this entire summer food-wise; there’s interesting stuff this year.” Adds Cafiero: “For every Renata that opens, a Ración must close.”

GOOD LUCK, CHARLEY: Local author and musician Willy Vlautin’s novel Lean on Pete, which was written and set at Portland Meadows race track, is being made into a movie. It follows abandoned, 15-year-old Charley Thompson into the gritty world behind horse racing. The book won two Oregon Book Awards after it was published in 2010. Weekend director Andrew Haigh will write and direct the movie, which will start filming next year. Before publishing, Vlautin told WW reporter Aaron Mesh that the novel was meant to honor the struggling Portland Meadows, “one of the only friends I got left.” (Bet on Willy,” WW, April 7, 2010) This will be the second feature film of Vlautin’s work; in 2012, Emile Hirsch starred in an adaptation of The Motel Life.

Keeping Kids Healthy, Naturally

FOREST FOR THE TREES: Gus Van Sant’s The Sea of Trees did a 180 at the Cannes Film Festival, receiving a standing ovation at its official opening May 16 after being booed at the previous night’s press screening. Van Sant told WW in an exclusive Q&A that he didn’t read the reviews. “I had heard there was some complaints with the reactions, so I didn’t want to read them before our screening that night,” he says. “Then as the screening got a great, long standing ovation, I never really got back to the reviews.” Van Sant and The Sea of Trees star Matthew McConaughey will continue their collaboration, with Van Sant directing the next round of Lincoln car commercials. See wweek.com for the full Q&A.

NCNM Clinic Open House • Saturday, May 30, 2015 FREE PRESENTATIONS

• Make your own granola • Medical equipment 101: use a real stethoscope • Weather permitting: herbal scavenger hunt, labyrinth walk, qigong

1:30 p.m. Focus Tables: Nutrition, Fitness, and More 2:00 p.m. What to Have on Hand for Common Childhood Complaints 3:00 p.m. Focus Tables: Dental Health and More 3:30 p.m. Children’s Health: Gentle Options in Chinese Medicine 4:15 p.m. Children’s Health Panel (“Ask the Doctor”)

SPECIAL KID’S WELLNESS EXAM VOUCHER! * Entitles children ages 0–12 to a free wellness exam/check-up (valued at $65). *For exams scheduled 6/1/15 – 8/31/15 The NCNM Clinic is located at the west end of the Ross Island Bridge.

For directions, visit ncnm-clinic.com and click on “Directions.”

3025 SW Corbett Avenue, Portland, OR 97201 • 503.552.1551 20

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

COURTESY NICK HAAS

• Free plush mini-microbes for the first 25 children

BOB WHITE BLACKED OUT: The 1924 Bob White Theatre is hosting one final event, on Friday, May 29. The Incredibly Short Film Festival shows GIFs from filmmakers around the world. The historic venue will close for good afterward, says festival coordinator Chris Barnhart. “The way things are going in Portland, it’s probably going to become mixed-use condos,” he says of the location at Southeast Foster Road and 64th Avenue. Owner Nick Storie is selling the notoriously raucous venue after the Portland Fire Marshal’s Office deemed it unfit for dancing or as a bar or restaurant. In April, WW reported that manager Nick Haas failed to reach an agreement with Storie to buy the theater, and it would cost more than $1.5 million in renovations to make the venue fit for shows.

N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

LUKE AND JESS ARE OUR HOMIES.

HEADOUT

GO: The Oregon State Championships of Cornhole is at Pacific University, 2043 College Way, Forest Grove, oregon-cornhole. com, on Saturday, May 30. 9 am-10 pm. Free to watch, $30 participant registration. Pre-tournament open cornholing is at McMenamins Grand Lodge, 3505 Pacific Ave., Forest Grove, 992-9533, on Friday, May 29. 4-9 pm. Free.

E H T N I N W DO CORNHOLE What is America’s pastime if not cornhole? Baseball. Baseball is totally America’s pastime. But what is cornhole if not America’s “that thing we did one time when the shuffleboard table broke”?

“What is cornhole at all?” you may be asking—if you, like most of America, actually fly over the flyover states. Well, have you ever found yourself in a rousing game of horseshoes thinking, “This would be better with beanbags and plywood boxes”? Of course you haven’t.

And it’s not better—it’s cornhole.

The Oregon State Championships of Cornhole is upon us, and while the competition Saturday is for true corntenders, everyone is invited to Friday’s pre-tournament cornholing at McMenamins Grand Lodge, skill levels be damned.

Consider this your guide to the “sport.” TED JAMISON.

The Technique You toss a bag.

WOODY: The bag you threw misses the hole but remains on the board. One point.

DIRTY BAG: Your bag lands half on the bottom of the board and half touching the ground.

No points.

EVERYTHING IS FESTIVAL! [WTFEST] The last thing Portland needed was another random assemblage of events packaging itself as a “festival.” But this insanely random assemblage of events—Lil Bub meetand-greet! Salute Your Shorts reunion!

Kid ’n Play! Andrew W.K.!—is the only festival we’ve ever truly needed.

Multiple venues. $80 festival pass.

See hollywoodtheatre.org for complete schedule. Through June 1.

HOP ALONG [ECSTATIC POP] The songs on the Philadelphia quartet’s third album, Painted Shut, are stellar examples of contemporary indie rock. But frontwoman Frances Quinlan’s haunted wonder of a voice lifts the band into a realm beyond categories, running through grief, sweetness, rage and triumph in a single breath. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663.

9 pm. $10. 21+.

SHY GIRLS [SLOW JAMS] Dan Vidmar’s sultry R&B act has just kept getting bigger since topping our Best New Band poll in 2013. His recent 4WZ mixtape drapes his smooth, bedside jams in a linen of modern soul, downtempo pop and ’90s Top 40. Ooooh, baby.

Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 9 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

Like the name itself, everything in cornhole sounds a little dirty and/or unpleasant. Just know that it’s 3 points if you toss the bag in the hole, 1 point if you get it on the wood.

HOOKER: Your bag hits the board and “hooks” or slides around a blocking bag and into the hole.

Three points.

THURSDAY MAY 28

FRIDAY MAY 29

Scoring and LingO

NOTHING BUT HOLE: Swish.

“That was easy,” you think.

“What else in my life has been easy? Am I anywhere near what I promised myself I would become?” You’re interrupted by a congratulatory hand slapping your back. Three points!

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y K E N N E T H H U E Y

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

Because you should at least know what other people are going to look like. Whether or not you participate is entirely up to you.

FESTIVAL OF FLOWERS [IN BLOOM] Local design studio Place is making 20,000 flowers look like coffee and doughnuts for this year’s “Doughnut Trip” design on the bricks. Buckman Marimba Ensemble will add another sense to the sightsmell mix with an afternoon kickoff concert. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., thesquarepdx.org.

Noon. Free. All ages.

SHORTS: Preferably plaid, cargo or Chubbies brand worn either above the knee or way too far below.

SATURDAY MAY 30

The Apparel

SHIRTS: Anything oversized—T-shirts, polos, tanks.

Get loose.

SHOES: Flip-flops or any overly sincere, dad-brand tennis shoe (see Fila, Skechers, Court Classic).

CORNSTAR: BEST. CORNHOLER. EVER.

STARLIGHT PARADE [MARCH OF THE STARS] “PeeDee,” the googly-eyed personification of the PDX carpet selected grand marshal of the Rose Festival’s annual nighttime parade, is either peak Portland or our jump-the-shark moment. At least Sir Mix-a-Lot is playing the after-party. Parade route through downtown, rosefestival.org.

8:30 pm start. After-party is at Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Southwest Naito Parkway and Yamhill Street, 7-11:45 pm. $10.

SUNDAY MAY 31 MIAMI HORROR [NU DISCO] The Australian electropop group’s mostly excellent new album, All Possible Futures, is a festival-ready dance record teeming with cotton-candy synths, max-velocity disco rhythms and, most importantly, a lucid sense of self-awareness.

Because why can’t the sober kids in the EDM tent have fun, too?

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8 pm. $13 advance, $16 day of show day of show. 21+.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

21

Sunday

FOOD & DRINK = WW Pick.

EAT MOBILE W W S TA F F

BRUNCH

Highly recommended.

11AM – 3PM

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@ wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27 Bazi Fourth Anniversary Walk up window 11:30am–3pm

I

La Calaca Comelona

2304 SE Belmont | 503-239-9675 4-10pm Mon–Sat

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

Bazi is turning fearsome 4, and it’s backing it up with an 8.5 percent, golden-hued tripel brewed by owner Hilda Stevens in collaboration with Jef Goetelen of unpronounceable Belgian brewery ’t Hofbrouwerijke.

You get a free taste anytime after 5 pm, along with a free slice of cake from nearby Jaciva’s at 6 pm. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 5 pm-close.

Lil’wares Fun Bits Dinner

This all-offal dinner at chef Johanna Wares’ new summer space Lil’wares will include sea urchin with cinnamon quinoa cereal, salad rolls with peanut and liver sauce, sweetbread tikka masala, smoked beef tongue and tripe menudo. Lil’wares opens www.shandongportland.com June 1, with things like avocado toast with shiso and General Tso’s sandwiches. Lil’wares, 4537 NE Fremont St., 971-229-0995. 6:15 and 8:30 pm seatings. $50, plus $25 drink pairings.

Shandong SATURDAY, MAY 30

Alchemist Burnside Reunion Dinner

Ronnie Vance, the original chef at Burnside Brewing, is reuniting with Burnside brewer Jason McAdams for a six-course beer-pairing prixfixe to kick off a new Alchemist collaboration dinner series at Lightning Will bar, in the former Blitz 21 space.

Call for tickets. Lightning Will, 305 NW 21st Ave., 327-8203. 6 pm. $50.

SUNDAY, MAY 31 Ecliptic Beer Mile

Traditional Exotic Fare All you-Can-Eat Buffets & Menu Orders Vegetarian, Vegan & Gluten-Free Options Locally Owned & Operated by the Chand Family from India

In a new annual tradition, Ecliptic is hosting a mile-long road run that begins and ends with a beer at Ecliptic. Sign-up includes T-shirt and two beers. Register at onemilebeerrun.com. Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 265-8002. 9 am. $32.25.

Where to eat this week.

1. The 9

520 SE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 415-335-8475 The chicken biryani ($8.50) is in short supply, but it is heaven in a cardboard box. $.

2. The Portland Mercado

7238 SE Foster Road, portlandmercado.com.

A tour of Latin America in eight food carts, from Argentina to Oaxaca. $.

Parkrose since 2009 8303 NE Sandy Blvd 503-257-5059

Lloyd District Open 1403 NE Weidler 503-442-3841

Vancouver since 2001 6300 NE 117th Ave 360-891-5857

NamasteIndianCuisine.com 22

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

3. Holdfast Dining

537 SE Ash St., Ste. 102, holdfastdining.com.

The $95 Holdfast pop-up contains a revelation on every plate—from marshmallowy halibut to jamón ibérico bone broth. $$$$.

4. Noraneko

1430 SE Water Ave., 238-6356, noranekoramen.com.

You really, really want the mushroom ramen with two-way chasyu and egg. $.

5. Wicked Wiches

Southeast 28th Place and Division Street (Tidbit pod), 706-6344, pyropizzacart.com.

Get the ABC bacon and avocado melt, with Nueske’s bacon thick as cardboard. $.

LENTILS APLENTY: The Samosa Bowl.

JUNIPER Juniper food cart is like the distilled essence of certain notions of Portland—a vegan, gluten-free, pan-cultural and eco-conscious cart owned by a quintet of young women who almost all worked together at a student worker collective. The bowl-heavy fare is a bit reminiscent of Canteen, Prasad and other herbivore-friendly restaurants, from five-spice soup made with mushroom stock, to mac and cheese recast with cashew sauce and “ricotta” tofu.

The Country Plate ($9) is a spinoff on chicken-fried steak, with breaded tofu in place of beef. Sadly, the texture didn’t quite translate—the fried tofu was overcooked and rubbery—but the portobello gravy was richly flavorful atop the generous portion of mashed potatoes and delectable seasonal greens.

Order this: Samosa bowl ($9) and root candy tonic ($3).

The Samosa Bowl ($9) was perfectly spiced and surprisingly filling, the sweet-onion jam and cucumber-cilantro-coconut raita gracefully covering brown rice and lentils. The samosa-style potatoes with peas, carrots and cauliflower deliciously topped off the trifecta. The Harvest Bowl ($5), meanwhile, served as low-octane, low-cost fuel—a freshly dressed side salad, mashed root vegetables and lentils that erred slightly on the side of underseasoned.

Avoid the iced chocolate malt, however. I ordered it with high hopes, but got a runny, nutty mixture that tasted less like a malt than dirty milk with cinnamon added. Opt for one of the three summery house tonics ($3), available hot or iced. The Spring Fever is like an iced floral tea, the Juniper like a gin mocktail with satisfying hints of citrus. My favorite, though, was the root candy; it’s like what would happen if you milked a root-beer gummy bear into 16 ounces of sweetness. In beverages as in entrees, Juniper’s successes come from dishes that are conceived with only plant-based ingredients in mind—not when it attempts to re-create meat or dairy dishes from things that are decidedly neither. AMY WOLFE. EAT: Juniper, Southwest 3rd Avenue and Washington Street, juniperpdx.com. 11 am-4 pm Monday-Thursday, 11 am-2:30 pm Friday.

DRANK

UNDERWOOD ROSÉ (UNION WINE CO.) Oregon pinot noir in a can? Eh. The first aluminum-sided label I tried from Portland’s Union Wine Co. didn’t do anything for me—something feels wrong about drinking dry red wine out of a can at room temperature. But a rosé? Now that feels right. At 375 milliliters, a full can is the equivalent of a half-bottle. You’ll want to sip lightly since it’s 12 percent ABV and costs $6 per can. It’s light-bodied and pink, with a lot of watermelon and a wafflelike breadiness. It’s not my favorite Oregon rosé, but it has the silky smoothness you want from a can of vino. Best of all? You can take it pretty much anywhere. In Philadelphia, Danny DeVito fills Diet Coke cans with boxed red wine. Thanks to Union, we’re a little more civilized in these parts. It’s almost picnic season, and these are perfect for an afternoon in a city park—provided you’re OK with sharing the can or putting down a half-bottle. MARTIN CIZMAR.

A L E X D E S PA I N

FOOD & DRINK they have perfect American accents,” Zukin says. “So many of them would say the thing they miss most is Taco Bell.”

And so do we, as we twitch and scratch, deep in the throes of Cheesy Gordita Crunch withdrawals. Now that we’re looking at a $20 Uber ride to get FourthMeal, we need other options.

THE QUESARITO

REBUILDING THE BELL IT’S GETTING TOUGH TO GET TACO BELL IN PORTLAND. WE ASKED A MEXICAN FOOD EXPERT TO REVERSE-ENGINEER OUR FAVORITE FOURTHMEALS.

BY JO H N LO C A N T H I

@huekahjohn

For FourthMeal fans, these are trying times.

Both Taco Bell locations in central Portland are currently closed, with the West Burnside Street Bell apparently being rebuilt and the Northeast Weidler Street location slowly rising from a massive hole in the ground. Presently, the Bells closest to the heart of the city are at Southeast 50th and Powell or North Interstate and Going. On the westside, you have to hop on the MAX to Beaverton Transit Center and walk over a half-mile to Cedar Hills Crossing to soothe those Crunchwrap cravings.

One man seemed a little too happy about this. That man was Nick Zukin, owner of the two muy autentico guisado shops, Mi Mero Mole, on Southeast Division Street and in Chinatown.

When we bemoaned the gordita shortage, he decided to taunt us.

“I’ll make your sick dreams come true: a taquito wrapped in a chimichanga wrapped

in a quesadilla,” he wrote in a comment posted on a Haute-N-Ready review of Taco Bell’s Quesarito.

Well, we took him up on it. Given the dire situation currently facing all those who bow to the boooong of the Bell, we asked Zukin—he’s the Zuke in Kenny & Zuke’s, though no longer involved in running those restaurants—to make us some Taco Bell.

After you’ve spent five years working to bring the authentic street foods of Mexico City to Portland, this is apparently not that tough.

“It’s all pretty straightforward,” he says. “Taco Bell is designed to be cheap and fast, something you’d order at a drivethru,” says Zukin, who has fond memories of Taco Bell’s then-49-cent bean burritos when he was in college.

“Did you hear on This American Life where they interviewed people who were sent [back to Mexico], even after living here since they were 2? They find good jobs in customer relations down there because

What it is: Originally a rip-off of a famed item from Chipotle’s secret menu, the Quesarito is a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla. A simple formula that’s hard to screw up, but Taco Bell found a way. The Quesarito and its inbred cousin, the Sriracha Quesarito, remain the only items I could not finish as part of my weekly interwebs column.

How Zukin made it: He replaced the molten cheeselike product in the quesadilla shell with a thick wall of jack cheese.

The housemade ground beef had its role increased beyond semisolid, brown protein matter. And the sour cream—to quote fellow FourthMealer and award-winning van guy Pete Cottell, “You never realize how shitty Taco Bell’s sour cream is until you taste sour cream that isn’t shot out of a caulking gun.” It’s a cheesy, creamy, beefy mess in the very best kind of way.

THE CRUNCHWRAP What it is: Perhaps Taco Bell’s most avant-garde creation, the Crunchwrap is a hexagonal oddity created to make nachos handheld, and thus into something one might order from a drive-thru. Or something you could grab when sprinting out of your girlfriend’s house because her parents got home. (Hey, those commercials were weird as shit.) From those humble origins, the Crunchwrap morphed into its own style alongside tacos and burritos.

How Zukin made it: After spending a minute or two to master the Crunchwrap’s six-sided fold, Zukin got to work. Mi Mero Mole’s take deviated from the traditional Crunchwrap Supreme, namely in that it was good. Also it was an inch or two taller. The crunchy tostada shell separating the beef from the cheese, sour cream and veggies held its crisp form. Instead of melding into a soggy, indeterminate, brown note of a flavor like its inspiration, the ingredients here remained distinct.

THE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH What it is: The Cheesy Gordita Crunch is the oldest item on the list, dating to before Taco Bell’s descent into Mexican Frito-Lay fusion. A soft, thick gordita shell wrapped around a hard taco shell with a layer of cheese-as-glue seems positively quaint compared to the chain’s current oeuvre.

How Zukin made it: This turned out to be less a re-creation of a popular menu item and more a reinvention. There was no layer of cheese-colored goop to make the taco shell soggy and neuter the item’s titular crunch. Instead, Zukin fried cheese until crisp, molding it to become a de facto extra layer of crunch. A heavy dollop of guacamole across the top put further distance between it and Taco Bell.

And herein lies a sticky wicket. These are all better than Taco Bell, both subjectively and objectively. But no one goes to Taco Bell for fine cuisine. We go to Taco Bell because it makes weird, edible shit, fast and cheap.

(And because our job makes us.) This foray into Bellian cuisine is just that.

“We once had a guy walk into the restaurant on Division and try to order a Mexican pizza,” Zukin admits. “And I said, ‘We don’t have Mexican pizza.’ He was aghast like I’d just exploded his world. I told him there was a Taco Bell a quartermile up the road.”

Not anymore. Nowadays, you’re shit out of luck. Ground beef is not on the Mi Mero Mole menu. (This was a “menuhack,” to use the parlance of our times.)

Zukin says none of these items are going to work their way onto the menu at either of the guisado joints.

“The only time I’d consider making a Mexican pizza is if it was a slow time and one of my regulars came in,” Zukin says.

“We’ve got nachos if you want those.”

Don’t despair, Portland: Zukin gave us the recipes, which are posted on wweek. com. Start with the simple Quesarito and Crunchwrap the next time you stumble home at 2 am with the drunchies.

COOK IT: See Nick Zukin’s Quesarito, Crunchwrap and Cheesy Gordita Crunch recipes at wweek.com/tacobellrecipes.

FARM TO DELI WE SELL DRINKS

OPEN TILL 2:30AM DAILY libertyglassbar.com

Catering - Take out - Dine in 3560 N. Miss Ave / PDX 97227 8:AM - 6:PM Tues - Sat & 10 - 4 Sunday www.oregondelico.com 503-282-DELI (3354) Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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Run Like Hell Hood to Coast Bridge to Brews Starlight Run Rock & Roll Marathon Best Running Store Portland Running Company Foot Traffic Fit Right Northwest Running & Walking Niketown Pace Setter Athletic Road Runner Sports Fleet Feet Sports PDX Athlete’s Lounge Best Running Trail Wildwood Trail Forest Park Springwater Corridor Leif Erickson Tryon Creek State Park Best Skatepark Burnside Skatepark Ed Benedict Pier Park Gabriel Park Glen Haden Commonwealth Best Swimming Spot Sauvie Island Sandy River Sellwood Docks Clackamas River Columbia River Kelly Point Sellwood Pool

Personalities/ Media Best Local Podcast Funemployment Radio Popaganda White Tiger Radio Kick Ass Oregon History Party Boyz Live Wire Radio

Best Local Radio Show Daria, Mitch & Ted The Future of What Morning Session with Derek Smith on KMHD White Tiger Radio Primetime with Isaac and Suke Best Local TV Newscast KGW KOIN KATU Fox 12 KPTV Best Professional Athlete Damian Lillard LaMarcus Aldridge Robin Lopez Wesley Matthews Diego Valeri Best Radio Personality Daria O’Neil John Sepulvado Gustav from 94.7 Contessa De La Luna Carl Wolfson Best Radio Station (music) 107.1 XRAY 94/7 KNRK KMHD Jazz 101.9 Kink FM 105.1 The Buzz Best Troll Jon Pape Jake Zimmerman Mark Bunch Best Meteorologist Matt Zaffino KGW Andy Carson KPTV Rhonda Shelby KATU Nick Allard KGW Mark Nelson FOX 12

Best Park Mt. Tabor Laurelhurst Park Washington Park Peninsula Park Best Running Event Shamrock Run

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MAY 27–JUNE 2 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27 Girlschool, Crucified Barbara, Old James, Velvet Black

[METALLIC PUNK] In the late ’70s, Motörhead helped inspire a newer, faster, heavier style of music. Iron Maiden perfected it, and the form became known as the “New Wave of British Heavy Metal.” This was primarily a boys club, but one band stood out from the rest. Girlschool was notable for a great deal more than gender, though it is worth stating that it is the longest-running all-female rock group in history. These four gals pushed anthemic, Ramones-style punk through a filter of gnarled bubblegum metal completely their own. There was even a flirtation with the mainstream during its mid-’80s, major-label days. In 2015, three of the hard-drinking, hard-rocking, founding members remain with the group, and “new girl” Jackie Chambers has been on lead guitar since 2000. NATHAN CARSON. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside St., 206-7630. 7 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of show, $30 VIP. All ages.

Philly’s Phunkestra, Farnell Newton’s Funktet

[FUNKYTOWN] Two of Portland’s finest funk outfits descend on the Goodfoot, with all the booming energy and swinging momentum that typically accompany a large aircraft just before the wheels hit the ground. Break out your least-itchy, polyester-collared shirt and as much patent leather as you can find, because between trumpeter Farnell Newton’s groovy new quintet and the all-star Phunkestra ensemble, you will have about as much of the 1970s as you can handle on a Wednesday. PARKER HALL. Goodfoot Lounge, 2845 SE Stark St., 239-9292.

10 pm. $6. 21+.

Twin Peaks, Chastity Belt, Modern Vices

[GARAGE PUNK] The cover of Wild Onion, the second LP from Chicago’s Twin Peaks, looks very much like the U.S. version of the Rolling Stones’ classic Aftermath, so you can’t really blame anyone for hearing the similarities too. Sure, it’s an easy comparison to make, some might even say “lazy,” since they’re young, handsome and slightly dirty dudes playing rock music. But guys, they really are an American Stones. Basically. Between the first and second album, you can hear the band’s horizons broadening, and I’d put money on there being a Big Star album on at least half the band members’ iPods. Now, I just can’t wait until they get into Syd Barrett. CRIS LANKENAU. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Tame Impala, Kuroma

[PSYCHEDELIC POP] There is something right with the world when Australia’s Tame Impala is headlining big international tours. Self-produced rock bands influenced by obscure psychedelic records from across the decades once felt like the sole province of shut-in music nerds—the kind with tube amps and $500 studio headphones. Now the weirdos seem to be getting their due respect. And while the forthcoming Currents is more dance-floor-ready than the band’s first two records—T. Rex guitar riffs and John Lennon whines are nowhere to be found here—it’s still fascinating and totally fucking listenable, and the world is a better place for having this band. CASEY JARMAN. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

THURSDAY, MAY 28 Future Twin, LiquidLight

[JANGLE GOTH] Portland janglers LiquidLight fuse together the best elements of the mid-’80s psych revival from both sides of the Atlantic, culling equally from the downer haze of the American Paisley Underground and the gentle chime of British C86ers.

The band’s second EP, Reactionary, released this past January, finds the group adding new clarity to its sound, with tightly wound coils of guitar shimmer and razor-sharp vocal hooks. LiquidLight shares the bill with San Francisco shoegazey goth-rockers Future Twins, making this show a match made in ’80s alt-rock heaven.

CASEY HARDMEYER. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 9:30 pm. $8. 21+.

SPIN THE SQUARED CIRCLE THE MOUNTAIN GOATS VS. THE WRESTLING ALBUM !

BY MATTHEW SIN GER

msinger@wweek.com

Professional wrestling isn’t the first thing that springs to mind when thinking of songwriter John Darnielle (even though “the Mountain Goats” is a totally viable tag-team name). But with the band’s newest album, Beat the Champ, the poet laureate of indie rock offers a compelling reappraisal of America’s most misunderstood art form, using the mythology and reality of life in and out of the ring to examine broader themes of death and...well, mostly death.

It’s not the first wrestling-themed album to come

along, though. In 1985, at a time when the lights were dimming on the gritty regional era Beat the Champ draws from, the World Wrestling Federation released The Wrestling Album, positing pro wrestlers as the new rock stars by literally making them sing.

No one contemplates their mortality, but it does have Junkyard Dog singing about grabbing butts, Captain Lou Albano covering NRBQ and the announcing team of Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura and “Mean” Gene Okerlund screaming at each other between tracks.

Clearly, the title of “Best Wrestling Album Ever” is still up for grabs. Let’s see how these two stack up.

Hop Along, Field Mouse, Lithuania

[ECSTATIC RELEASE] The sinuous and flitting compositions on Hop Along’s Painted Shut are stellar examples of contemporary indie rock, but frontwoman Frances Quinlan lifts the Philadelphia quartet into a realm of magic beyond categories. Quinlan’s voice is a haunted wonder that comes screaming out of speakers with quickening messages for the heart, a force summoned from the same enchanted sphere Karen Dalton and Jeff Mangum were bleeding when they were at their respective peaks. Quinlan can run through grief and sweetness and rage and triumph in a single breath, and hearing her do it in song after song is simply stunning. CHRIS STAMM. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Nots, First!

[SWAMP ROCK] Quintron and his wife, musical accomplice Miss Pussycat, keep their music weird. The dynamic duo hails from New Orleans, and the sound of the swamp infuses its organdriven jams. Percussion is provided by Quintron’s hand-built, robotic Drum Buddy, and Miss Pussycat keeps the tambourine in motion, chiming in with backing vocals and go-go madness.

It’s difficult to track the band’s output of cassettes and limited-edition items, but 2014 album Spellcaster II: Death in Space is at least the 12th Quintron album in the past 20 years. If you like robots, puppets, early B-52’s, the Cramps and bad midnight movies, this is something you’ll want to witness.

NATHAN CARSON. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

FRIDAY, MAY 29 Refused, White Lung, Don’t

[REFUSED ARE F-ING ALIVE] When Refused vocalist Dennis Lyxzén shouts, “Nothing has changed!” on “Elektra,” the lead single from Freedom, the group’s first album since 1998’s epochal The Shape of Punk to Come, the fervor with which he barks the revived Swedish post-hardcore legend’s adopted mantra makes one thing immediately clear: This is not a victory lap to be taken lightly. Hardcore punk has folded on itself several times over in its absence, but we’re certainly all the better for the 17-year buildup that’s now being uncorked on the legions of Warped Tour also-rans who never even came close. The shape of punk Refused prophesied has arrived.

PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. Sold out. 21+.

CONT. on page 28

L I S S A G OT WA L S

MUSIC

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS’ BEAT THE CHAMP

WWF’S THE WRESTLING ALBUM BEST SONG

“The Legend of Chavo Guerrero,” in which Darnielle filters his strained relationship with his stepfather through memories of growing up watching the famous Guerrero wrestling dynasty.

There’s a reason “Real American” is the most iconic entrance music of all time. You can’t hear it without wanting to tear your shirt off, cup your ear and dive into a vat of bronzer.

MOST VIOLENT SONG On the jaunty “Foreign Object,” horns blurt, blood spurts, someone gets a chunk of their forehead bitten off and Darnielle promises to personally stab you in the eye with some sort of “sharp thing.”

A rogues gallery of ’80s villains recast “Land of a Thousand Dances” as “a few dozen ways to maim,” which include pounding, beating, stretching, slicing, spine-strutting, bludgeoning-with-cane and anvil-dropping.

BEST DIS In “Werewolf Gimmick,” a grappler who’s gone a bit too deep into character scoffs at “some sniveling local babyface with an angle he can’t sell,” then goes “full werewolf” on his sorry ass.

Manager Jimmy Hart—pest par excellence and legit pretty-good rock singer—spends the entirety of one song slagging off Rick Springfield, for reasons not immediately clear.

SADDEST MOMENT “The Ballad of Bull Ramos” chronicles the last days of a forgotten hero as he sits on his porch, blind and amputated, recalling “the good times” when he wielded a bullwhip and thought he’d never die.

Poor Jesse Ventura just wants to sing a duet with his announcing partners, but Gene Okerlund and Vince McMahon ditch him in the studio.

What assholes.

WORST SONG A marauding menace as fearsome as Ed “the Sheik” Farhat deserves better than the loungejazz treatment he gets on “Fire Editorial.”

“Captain Lou’s History of Music” presages exploited-schizophrenic-cum-“outsider artist” Wesley Willis in the realm of being accidentally avant-garde and objectively unlistenable.

BIGGEST “WTF?” MOMENT “Stabbed to Death Outside San Juan” crams a reference to “the Hertzsprung-Russell diagram” into a song recounting the true-life murder of the brilliant brawler Bruiser Brody.

Take your pick: Roddy Piper’s belligerent “For Everybody”? Gene Okerlund performing “Tutti Frutti”? Nikolai Volkoff’s Euro-disco rendition of “Cara Mia”? Honestly, the whole thing is one giant what-the-fuck, and it’s glorious.

SEE IT: The Mountain Goats play Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., with Blank Range, on Saturday, May 30. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

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MUSIC

FRIDAY–SATURDAY

Luniz, Th3rd

[WEED RAP] In 1995, Oakland rappers Yukmouth and Numskull asked the country to go half on a sack. Twenty years later, America has mostly obliged. The irony is that, with every state that decriminalizes marijuana, “I Got 5 on It,” Luniz’s iconic single, seems more antiquated. Good thing, then, that the duo’s finally sparked up a new batch of stoner anthems. High Timez, the group’s first album in more than a decade, isn’t exactly reflective of our changing pot culture, but the beats are mostly solid and the rapping enthusiastic—and there is a sketch paying homage to the innovation of weed dispensaries, at least. MATTHEW SINGER. Hawthorne Theatre Lounge, 1503 SE César E. Chávez Blvd., 233-7100. 9 pm. $14 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Shy Girls, P. Morris, Blossom

TOR CLAUSEN

[SLOW JAMS] The snowballing force of nature known as Shy Girls is growing bigger still. Dan Vidmar’s sultry R&B act just toured with Haim and is fresh off the killer 4WZ mixtape, featuring the likes of Antwon and Tei Shi. Fans of soul, downtempo pop and ’90s Top 40 will frolic in Shy Girls’ smooth, bedside jams. This is a chance to see WW’s Best New Band 2013 winner before it takes to the festival circuit. MARK STOCK. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 2848686. 9 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

SATURDAY, MAY 30 The Mother Hips, PWRHAUS

[SAN FRANCISCO STALWARTS] The Mother Hips have never been the kind of band to break big, even if they were once on Rick Rubin’s American Recordings. The outfit has issued album after album of classic boogie rock, occasionally splicing its countrified leanings with big, Zeppelin-esque riffs and ebbing waves of ’60s psychedelia. Sadly, the Hips’ latest LP, Chronicle Man, is a collection of unreleased tracks culled from a ’90s recording session, rendering it a set that, while raucous, is fit only for the faithful. There are gems— see “Desert Song” and “Rich Little Girl”—but for the uninitiated, this is hardly an appropriate introduction. BRANDON WIDDER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $16. 21+.

Nuggets Night

[GARAGE-ROCK SPELUNKING] Some of Portland’s best retrominded, psychedelic garage-rock acts—including the Verner Pantons, the Pynnacles, the Satin Chaps, the Cool Whips and more—go really retro for this annual tribute to Lenny Kaye’s classic collection of ’60s one-hit wonders. Proceeds will benefit the Rock ’n’ Roll Camp for Girls. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

INTRODUCING MOOREA MASA Sounds like: The point where hopeful whimsy meets potential heartbreak.

For fans of: Phox, Emily King, Feist, Jill Scott.

At 22, Moorea Masa’s music career has already taken quite a few turns. She trained with a gospel pastor. She lived in a cave for six months with flamenco guitarists. She appeared on American Idol. Most recently, she sang backup in the feel-good soul orchestra Ural Thomas and the Pain and for indie-folk brainiacs the Decemberists.

“Sometimes, I feel like I have split personalities,” says the Portland native, laughing.

On her debut solo EP, Masa attempts to unite all of her disparate experiences and influences. Oh Mother is a luscious fusion of soul and folk, weaving gentle acoustic guitar, strings and piano under Masa’s powerful alto, with lyrics focusing on change and finding beauty in nature. Most songs on the album were written while Masa was in the Ruby Pines, a duo she formed with singerguitarist Michael Backus in 2007. After the group broke up last summer, Masa opted to try out the songs on her own, learning to play guitar and teaming with a group of local musicians— including Black Prairie’s Jon Neufeld—to bring them to life.

“I just really wanted to finish them,” Masa says. “Put them out and give them a life and then be able to move on from them.”

During the recording process, however, Masa found the material transformed. “A lot of these songs have taken another meaning,” she says. “I had a woman who was like a mom to me pass away in the middle of recording these, so a lot of them kind of shifted their meaning and became about honoring her.”

It’s a legacy she pays tribute to throughout the album, from the cover art—an illustration modeled after that mother figure— to recurring references to birds, a nod to the paper birds the woman used to hang on string around her art studio.

“That’s what we do as artists, right?” Masa says. “We take whatever is going on in our lives and transform it into cohesive art that is a way of processing. Hopefully, others can take from it.” KAITIE TODD. SEE IT: Moorea Masa plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Luz Elena Mendoza and Catherine Feeny, on Sunday, May 31. 8 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

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SATURDAY–MONDAY

[THROWBACK HIP-HOP] Like most kids my age—including Alicia Keys, who recently booked the duo for her own Pajama Jammy Jamthemed birthday party—I grew up idolizing Kid ’n Play. They had the coolest clothes, the sickest dance moves and, most importantly, the best hair of anyone in pop culture.

They rapped all right, too, and for all the flak they took for bringing hip-hop’s soft ’n’ cuddly side to mainstream America, breakdancing and turntablism were both central to their stick. They seemed perfect role models to me until I grew up a bit and realized that the House Party movies and just about every song on 2 Hype were about trying to get laid. Which is, incidentally, what tonight’s Pajama Jammy Jam is all about, too. CASEY JARMAN. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

MONDAY, JUNE 1 Everything Is Festival: Mind Warriors, featuring Andrew W.K. and Greg Barris

[ENLIGHTENMENT GOES TO 11] Between his wellspring of posi-party platitudes and his sincerely beloved Village Voice self-help column, it’s safe to say that Andrew W.K. is for real and has been the whole time he was penning lowbrow arenaanthems such as “Party Till You Puke” and “I Get Wet.” Teaming with Brooklyn comedian Greg Barris—who blends hunky hesher chic with absurdist, pseudo-spiritual standup—is a can’t-miss spectacle for anyone who fancies themselves to be too punk for Deepak Chopra.

PETE COTTELL. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 8 pm. $18. 21+.

Diners, Alien Boy, Ps-Ax

[DESERT-POP] I don’t want to listen to “easy rock.” Despite the Facebook profile that identifies them as such, there’s nothing easy about Diners. Though perhaps more relaxed than the usual band you’ll find at the Know, the Phoenix band offers a complex and compelling blend of DIY edge and 1960s-style eclecticism. Primarily the brainchild of frontman Tyler Broderick, who cites both Beach Boys and Karl Blau as influences, Diners has a cohesive, guitar-driven sound amounting to a bashful, upbeat bromance of Dr. Dog and Christopher Owens.

CRIS LANKENAU. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

CONT. on page 31

PROFILE COURTESY OF THE MADERO GROUP

Everything Is Festival: Pajama Jammy Jam, featuring Kid ’n Play, Mix Master Mike

MUSIC

SUNDAY, MAY 31 T-Pain, Natasha Kmeto

[AUTO-TUNESMITH] Don’t hate the player, hate the game. In this case, the game is Auto-Tune, and the player is T-Pain. In the midaughts, the Florida-born “rappa ternt sanga” seized on the technology previously used to trick listeners into believing Britney Spears could actually hold a note and devised an entire persona out of it. Becoming a robotic, postmillennial Nate Dogg, the dude starred or assisted on roughly 80 bajillion hit singles toward the end of the decade. The downside, of course, was that every other commercial rapper and R&B singer in the world glommed onto what he was doing, despite not having onetenth of his goofy charisma. But the best thing about being T-Pain is never having to apologize: Even after Jay Z declared Auto-Tune dead in 2009, he just kept on keeping on, up to and including his latest single, “Coming Home.” MATTHEW SINGER. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside St., 206-7630. 8 pm. $55 advance, $60 day of show. 21+.

Miami Horror, De Lux, Dirty Radio, Gold Casio

[NU DISCO] Australian electro-pop group Miami Horror’s mostly excellent new album, All Possible Futures, is a festival-ready dance record the more cynical among us will actively try to dislike. But by the time its cotton-candy synths and pulsing disco rhythms reach maximum velocity, it becomes nearly impossible to resist. Containing both a degree of lucidity and a sense of self-awareness that have become rare in modern dance music, Miami Horror is unafraid to ask the question: Why can’t the sober kids at the EDM festival have fun, too? CASEY HARDMEYER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8 pm. $13 advance, $16 day of show. 21+.

King Chip (aka Chip tha Ripper), Tre Redeau, Myke Bogan, Harris Rudman, Nyce Lutchiano

[EAST CLEVELAND] Skittering around the outer reaches of Cleveland’s hip-hop scene since before Kid Cudi was a commodity, King Chip started issuing work as Chip tha Ripper about seven years ago. After a pair of wellwrought mixtapes, the MC went and assumed an unabashedly choppedup production style. Occasionally, his 44108 veers back toward something based in ’90s classicism, but a move to the West Coast seems to have snuck a bit of big-timer into Chip’s work. Regardless of what he’s going in over, the MC still writes about spending all night on St. Clair Avenue and some chick on the stroll up in Cleveland Heights. DAVE CANTOR. Peter’s Room, 8 NW 6th Ave., 219-9929. 8 pm. $18. All ages.

ANA SIA FRIDAY, MAY 29 Is there any dish as cosmopolitan as curry?

Spices and ingredients from hundreds of miles away, refined, blended and condensed on your plate. It’s no surprise that L.A. DJ Ana Sia turns to cooking Malaysian rendang curry when she’s not making music: Her sets cross huge swaths of music, from techno to bass to dubstep, and the flavors don’t compete—they complement.

“I’m given, what, 90 minutes of people’s lives to play music?” she says. “I don’t want to play one tempo or style because it brings only one type of music.”

In contrast to the dumbed-down, multigenre ghostwriting currently choking commercialized EDM, Sia embraces the term “omni” for her varied styles. Her productions follow the same formula, from the moombahton-inspired “Clever Boy” to Detroit techno headnodder “The Glass Delusion.” It’s not for novelty’s sake or just to be different. Sia is trying to convey the experience she had when she first discovered the wild, mid-’90s New York dance underground.

“When I went to my first rave, I had no idea about dance music, it was all new,” she says. “So when I play, I’m never going to play the top 20 tracks. I try to keep it a little bit funky.”

One way she’s been successful in that goal is with 2014’s collaborative EP Penpal Ballad, written and recorded via Dropbox with French producer Dehousy, amping up accessible house and techno stylings with booming club constructions. “He doesn’t speak much English and I don’t know any French,” Sia says, “so we had to communicate through writing.”

Francophones aren’t the only ones Sia speaks a secret language with. Flavors of dance music are everywhere—as she says, “You see EDM in Pantene commercials!”—and Sia makes sure her crates, along with the bill, always reflect the particular scene where she’s DJing. In Portland, for example, she’s playing with locals BennyRox, Tyler Tastemaker, Ben Tactic and SPF666, all of whom she considers “hometown heroes.”

“Educate yourself!” she says. “If you’re going to Detroit or Chicago or New York, it doesn’t matter. Do your research and do a three-track take of the classics, and respect the scene in that way.” MITCH LILLIE. Nom nom nom, untz untz untz.

SEE IT: Ana Sia plays Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd., with BennyRox, Tyler Tastemaker, Ben Tactic and SPF666, on Friday, May 29. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

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MUSIC J A M E S VA N C E

FEATURE

2

4 5 3

1

OMEGA SUPREME RECORDS SATURDAY, MAY 30 Before he started his own record label, James Vance had already tried his hand at just about everything you would expect of someone who grew up submerged in hip-hop culture: graffiti, breakdancing, DJing. He even rapped—badly. But when the first shipment of records stamped with his Omega Supreme imprint arrived at his house, Vance was unprepared.

“I’m like, ‘Oh shit. I’ve got 500 records,’” he says. “I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do with these.’”

He eventually figured it out. Three years and 23 releases in, Omega Supreme has become a prime source of “modern funk,” a sound typified by thwacking drums, rubbery basslines and plumes of dry-ice synths. Willamette Week asked Vance, a native Southern Californian who came to Portland over a decade ago, about some of the favorite records he’s put out so far. MATTHEW SINGER. Gotta have that funk? This is the label to get it from.

Turquoise Summers, “Never Can Get Enuff ” b/w “Break You Down.” “The single that got it all started. The essence of this single is what moved the conversation from ‘future funk’ to ‘modern funk,’ separating the sound from experimental synth arrangements to serious chord progressions in line with the elders of the sound of the early ’80s.”

1

2 Sasac, Sasac. “Our first cassette release captures Sasac’s flawless songwriting abilities with a deep range of multilayered melodic synth and hypnotic guitar arrangements. I didn’t see anyone reaching out to build an official release around him. I couldn’t take it any longer.”

3 Raw Silk, Vol. 1. “Our first compilation, released a year after our first record. Most of these artists had released key songs prior to this release that helped establish the integrity of the sound. The scene was still a little shaky, and I wanted artists and fans alike to know we were dedicated to keeping the dialogue of modern funk in the conversation by bringing its key players together on one LP.”

Sven Atterton, The Cove. “Sven was not on the radar until a funkster out of Amsterdam, L33, turned in a collaboration with him and blew our minds. A year later he flew to Portland and handed me The Cove, which answered a lot of questions about the identity of modern funk and its current state, proving that the songwriting can continue to break boundaries.”

4

Is This the Future? Vol. 1. “We started this cassette series to provide tour support for modern funksters. Moniquea and XL Middleton of MoFunk Records had been moving crowds in L.A., and for a year I was trying to get Portland promoters to bring them up here, with no luck. So I asked if they had any unreleased demos we can put on a cassette and sell to finance a Portland show. The cassette sold out in three weeks, and we were able to fly them here to play for a sold-out crowd. Now we do the party every quarter.”

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SEE IT: Omega Supreme Records presents Is This the Future?

2 at the Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St., with K-Maxx, Brian Ellis, Turquoise Summers, DJ Mama Bear and DJ Laroj, on Saturday, May 30. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

TUESDAY/CLASSICAL, ETC.

TUESDAY, JUNE 2 Palma Violets, Public Access T.V.

[DRUNK PUNK] Palma Violets’ recently released sophomore album is the sound of a drunk wandering the streets at dawn. On Danger in the Club, the band giddily slurs through 13 songs with seemingly no direction. Danger in the Club is somehow rougher than the group’s debut, in the sense of how loose the songwriting feels. But they still put on a good show, because, like any stumbling drunk, it’s clear they know how to have a good time. SHANNON GORMLEY. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15.

21+.

Red Bull Sound Select: Zola Jesus, Magic Fades, Ghost Feet

[GOTH POP] I first stumbled upon Zola Jesus by accident at Wire’s Adventures in Modern Music festival at the Empty Bottle in Chicago in 2009. The performance was spooky and unforgettable. Since those nascent times, Zola Jesus has relocated to Los Angeles and become a worldwide phenomenon, propelled

by Nika Danilova’s gothic, operatic voice and her increasingly accessible musical vision. Latest album Taiga—her fifth full-length in six years—forges another chapter in her collection of direct, emotional, atheistic, beat-driven, pop-song cycles.

NATHAN CARSON. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $3 with RSVP at redbullsoundselect.com. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Sangam

[HINDUSTANI] Indian percussionist Subhen Chatterjee swings easily between traditional Hindustani music and, with his band, Karma, fusion styles. This band, Sangam, features Surmani Bhimanna Jadhav playing the rarely heard sundari, a little double reed that sounds something like an oboe. Brought by the local Kalakendra presenting organization, the rather unusual ensemble also includes mandolin master Snehasish Mozumder and violinist Indradeep Ghosh along with Chatterjee’s tabla.

BRETT CAMPBELL. First Baptist Church, 909 SW 11th Ave. 8 pm Friday, May 29. $10-$25. 21+.

The Nicole Glover Quartet

[A BAND SUPREME] It’s surprising that saxophonist Nicole Glover, who plays tenor with a breathy bop virtuosity, ever has time to sleep.

The busy William Patterson grad, who has recorded with Esperanza Spalding and plays regularly with seemingly dozens of other local allstars, plays tonight with her own band. This show, which features Glover and a three-member rhythm section comprising Portland’s finest contemporary musicians— bassist Jonathan Lakey, drummer Alan Jones and pianist George Colligan—is a buildup for an album release in early July. PARKER HALL. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., 2956542. 8 pm Friday, May 29. $15. 21+.

Aaron David Miller

[ORGAN MINDER] To commemorate the 15th anniversary of the installation of First Presbyterian Church’s mighty Jaeckel pipe organ, its Celebration Works series brings one of America’s finest organists to perform music by Bach, Mendelssohn and Gigout, along with some of Miller’s own compositions (which have been performed by major orchestras) and arrangements (including Latin dances). There will also be a specially improvised organ symphony based on themes suggested by the audience. BRETT CAMPBELL. First Presbyterian Church, 1200 SW Alder St., 228-7331.

2 pm Sunday, May 31. $10 seniors and students, $15 general admission.

All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

VURSATYL CROOKED STRAIGHTS (BBE) [HIP-HOP] It has been a staggering eight years since we’ve heard from Vursatyl, in the form of his group Lifesavas’ sprawling blaxploitation hip-hopera, Gutterfly. If Vurs were to put out a mediocre comeback record, we’d owe him a respectful slow clap and a trip to the archives for a perusal of Lifesavas’ Quannum heyday.

We could all acknowledge the MC’s sizable contribution to Portland music history—both musically and as a hip-hop teacher and youth mentor—then quietly move on.

We should know better. Vursatyl doesn’t do mediocre. “While you’re on the highway in a hybrid hydroplaning/ I tidal wave,” he raps over carnivalesque beat on Crooked Straights’ titular, chorusless opener. “Though they tend to overlook my opuses/ These lakes, rivers and creeks know who the ocean is.” Vursatyl is so dead set on supporting this thesis that he delivers all of the album’s 10 songs without bringing a single guest star onboard. He remains evocative and boastful throughout—most impressively on the breathless “It’s Nothing,” a lyrical tour de force that reminds of playful earlyaughts cuts like Blackalicious’ “Alphabet Aerobics”—meshing abstract imagery with shows of brute strength. With the exception of “Fascinating” (about the wifey) and semi-awkward closer “High Horse” (about clothes), all of these songs are centered around good-natured braggadocio.

That may seem out of step with the times, but the Lifesavas crew has always been preternaturally mainlined to hip-hop’s founders, and Crooked Straights is a sorely needed reminder that this music can be cruel and fun and poetic all at the same time. That’s a lesson Vurs drops on “Go for Yours,” the one time he descends from on high to address the locals: “Big city stories in the small-town radius/ Barely got a hood but a club full of hoodrats/ Swearing that they’re gonna put our city on the map/ But Portland’s on every map of the States that I look at.” Yup, it’s right where Vursatyl and Lifesavas left it. CASEY JARMAN.

W BEST LNAEND PORT SIC MU

SEE IT: Vursatyl plays Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., with DJ Rev Shines, Maze Koroma and Zoo?, on Friday, May 29. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

SATAN’S PILGRIMS FRANKENSTOMP (SELF-RELEASED) [SURFIN’ NW ] Working primarily with Northwest imprints for more than 20 years has still allowed for Satan’s Pilgrims’ grab bag of surf and garage instrumentals to attain a sort of cultish worldwide renown reserved for only a select few outfits. Despite the Portland quintet’s hefty break near the turn of the millennium, recording for such a significant amount of time helped the band amass a backlog of missing or unreleased material swollen enough to fill out an album. The stubbornness of the genre, though, might make Frankenstomp a difficult listen for folks not utterly dedicated to these narrow confines.

Contrasting with the band’s first foray into the studio after its hiatus, 2009’s Psychsploitation, which ramped up the Pilgrims’ debt to psychedelia, Frankenstomp only occasionally slips into Technicolor vibes. On “Nowheresville,” the band just gingerly dips into the exploitation genre, quickly emerging as a pretty traditional surf troupe on the following track. A menacing rendition of “Haunted House of Rock,” originally from 1995’s Soul Pilgrim, does hint at largely unrealized potential. But any enduring fan hasn’t stuck around for six full-lengths’ worth of Satan’s Pilgrims to be easily worn out by a steely rhythm section and three guitars wending their way around each other.

So, while Frankenstomp might serve to excavate a handful of once-rare moments from the Pilgrims’ past, the compilation seems like a pronouncement from the band about its legacy—and maybe a comment on surf only being as vital as the contemporary players pursuing its perfection. DAVE CANTOR. SEE IT: Satan’s Pilgrims play the Eagles Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne Blvd., with the Wanna Be-52’s and Lagoon Squad, on Friday, May 29. 9 pm. $10 day of show, $8 with food donation. 21+.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC CALENDAR = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Alberta Rose Theatre

Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

WED. MAY 27 303 SW 12th Ave. Sam Fowles (of the Parson Red Heads)

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Shakey Graves, The Barr Brothers

Analog Cafe

720 se Hawthorne Blvd Microwave, The Doom Generation, The Pavelows, & Guests

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. Die Like Gentlemen, Levity, Spatia

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Goth Tropic, Life Size Maps

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W. Burnside Shakey Graves, The Barr Brothers

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St The Hooker, Black Wizard

Doug Fir Lounge 830 East Burnside Street Mother Mother

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party

Habesha Lounge

801 NE Broadway St. Regosphere, chefkirk, Terror Apart,, Grease Envelope, Telluris (SDMPDX Monthly)

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Doubleplusgood, Dana Buoy, Waves

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Christopher Brown Quartet, Mel Brown Quartet, Beaumont Middle School Jazz Night

Laurel Thirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St. Jack Dwyer & Co. (9 pm); Redwood Son, Gavin Wahl-Stevens (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Twin Peaks, Chastity Belt

Old Church & Pub

30340 SW Boones Ferry Rd. Life During Wartime

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

The Desolate & Regulo Junior, Nuclear Nation, Erik Anarchy

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Austin Webb, Jessie Leigh

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Tame Impala

Rotture

315 SE 3rd Ave. Burials, Connoisseur, Honduran, Drunk Dad

The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Philly’s Phunkestra, Farnell Newton’s Funktet

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Heavy Gone Acoustic, Monica Nelson and The Highgates, Reverb Brothers

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Streetlight Manifesto, Dan Potthast, Sycamore Smith

THURS. MAY 28 Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Zoso

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. High Five Danger, The Late Great

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Future Twin, Liquid Light

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St Marquis of Vaudeville, Jody Ellen, Three for Silver

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Hop Along, Field Mouse, Lithuania

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Tough Love Pyle

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th Ave. 36 Crazyfists, Sleepwave, Toothgrinder, Where Giants Once Stood

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Orquestra Pacifico Tropical, Minden, Double Platinum Latinum

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. The Family Almanac, The Coffis Brothers, Those Willows

Laurel Thirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Side O’ Slaw, the Colin Trio (9:30 pm); Lewi Longmire and the Left Coast Roasters (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Nots

Moda Center

1 N Center Court St. Barry Manilow

Alberta Street Public House

SAT. MAY 30

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

E D WA R D G R E E N E

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, Hit The Lights, Forever Came Calling

Analog Cafe & Theater

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

US Air Guitar Qualifer

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Bishops Green, The Run Rebellion, & Whiskey Dickers

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Refused, White Lung

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Bridgetown Sextet

Gerding Theater at the Armory

128 NW 11th Avenue Merideth Kaye Clark Performs Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue’

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

Luniz

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Nicole Glover Quartet

Laurel Thirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Max’s Midnight Kitchen, Emily Yates (9:30 pm); Richard Cranium and the Phoreheads (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Bob Schneider

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Saddle Boyz

Revolution Hall

1300 SE Stark St, #110 JJ Grey and Mofro, Ethan Tucker Band

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Awolnation, Family Of The Year, Sickabod Sane

Star Theater

Music Millennium

13 NW 6th Ave. Device Grips, Medium Troy, Lynx

The GoodFoot Lounge

The Firkin Tavern

The Know

The Know

3158 E. Burnside St. JeConte

2845 SE Stark St. Rippin Chicken, JeConte 2026 NE Alberta St. Shovels, Sleeping Beauties

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. The Earnest Lovers, Doug & Dee’s Hot Lovin’ Jazz Babies

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killiingsworth St M. Akers, Kyle Landstra, Ant’lrd

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. The Bigfellas

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. Laibach

FRI. MAY 29 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Cast of Clowns, Melvin Seals, Greg Anton, Mark Karan, Scott Gillan

32

128 NE Russell St. Shy Girls, P. Morris

Alhambra Theatre

PAPA DON’T PREACH: Josh Tillman is in love. I Love You, Honeybear, his second album as Father John Misty, doubles as scrapbook and exposé, chronicling the idiosyncrasies and questionable bed stains of his relationship with his wife. On May 22, he got yet another chance to dredge up the filth and the feels to a soldout crowd at Crystal Ballroom. But Tillman exhausted his entire lineup of pouty poses, audience hand-grabbing and dad-dancing during the first few songs, leaving the rest of the Honeybear material feeling cold and phoned in. I arrived at the show under the impression that Father John, “the chaotic prophet,” was long gone. Instead, it was the tripped-out material from 2012’s Fear Fun that was most believable, particularly “Funtimes in Babylon” and “Nancy From Now On.” And damn it if his tenor wasn’t flawless. When it comes to musicianship, Tillman and company are at a point where it’s just so effortless that it becomes another of the night’s assumptions. Tillman will effortlessly scale the loftiest of melodies. The guitarists will adeptly navigate jagged solos (“The Ideal Husband”) and soul riffs (“When You’re Smiling and Astride Me”), and we can always just Uber back home. TED JAMISON. See the full review at wweek.com/lastweeklive.

Wonder Ballroom

3000 NE Alberta St. The Nowhere Band plays The Who’s Tommy

1036 NE Alberta St. Frizz

LAST WEEK LIVE

Al’s Den

[MAY 27-JUNE 2]

1937 SE 11th Ave. Woodge, Teleporter 4, RRAG 2026 NE Alberta St. Sweet Tooth, Ronnie Haines, Melt

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Thrillride & The Mike Branch Band

The Muddy Rudder Public House

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. The Nowhere Band plays The Who’s Tommy

Alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. Jonah Luke CD Release, My Oh Mys

Artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Grant Ruiz & Terry Longshore’s Duo Flamenco, Elena Villa

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Space Shark, The Hoons, Atlas and the Astronaut, Fire Nuns

Club 21

2035 NE Glisan St. The Lovesores, High Horse

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St Appetite For Deception, Guns ‘N’ Roses Tribute with PLUSH - Stone Temple Pilots Tribute & One From Many

Doug Fir Lounge 830 East Burnside Street The Mother Hips

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Return Flight

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th Ave. J Boog, Hot Rain, Westafa

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

Pree

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Kaiya Shanti Pelletier

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Bureau of Standards Big Band

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. The Purrs, Buzzyshyface, Rick Bain

Kenton Club

2958 NE Glisan St. Helena Cinema, SamDensmoreDamSensmore, Tamed West (9:30 pm); The Yellers (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

836 N Russell St. Emulator, 8-Bit Zero

8635 N Lombard St Coloring Electric Like, Vibrissae and Never Odd or Even

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. House Party Pajama Jammy Jam with Kid N’ Play and Mix Master Mike

The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Eldridge Gravy and The Court Supreme

MON. JUNE 1 Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Underground Resistance

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St The Dead Woods

Doug Fir Lounge

The Spare Room

830 East Burnside Street Josh Rouse, Walter Martin

Vie De Boheme

Hawthorne Theatre

4830 NE 42nd Ave Larry & Teri 1530 SE 7th Ave. Ty Curtis

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. The Neil Darling Band, Twitch Silverback and Wingnut Commander

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. The Mountain Goats, Blank Range

SUN. MAY 31 Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

ZuhG, Addverse Effects, Elton Cray & The Pariahs

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Delta Bombers, Doug C and the Blacklisted, The Double Deuce, Crosby Tyler

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St Neutralboy

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street The Knocks, Dustin Kensrue

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th Ave. Ape Cape, Mursa, Here From Apathy, Hyperia

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Miami Horror

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Nick Pimentel

Laurel Thirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Open Mic (9 pm); Freak Mountain Ramblers (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Moorea Masa, Luz Elena Mendoza, Catherine Feeny

8 NW 6th Ave King Chip

Slim’s

White Eagle Saloon

116 NE Russell St. The Show Ponies, The Resolectrics, Audios Amigos, The Sportin’ Lifers

Laurel Thirst Public House

The Old Church

116 NE Russell St. Renegade String Band, Tim Snider, The Moonshine, The Barn Door Slammers

The Secret Society

Panic Room

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Nuggets Night, The Verner Pantons, The Pynnacles

The Secret Society

2026 NE Alberta St. Lumpy and The Dumpers, Mongoloid

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Party Killer Babies, RLLRBLL, Banimal & TOIM

8105 SE 7th Ave. Terry Robb

1422 SW 11th Ave PDX Music for Nepal

The Know

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Vampirates & CBK

Peter’s Room

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Mope Grooves, DeGreaser, Howardian

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St. Chubanai Records Art and Music Showcase w/ BRT and Madam Officer

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killiingsworth St Hearts Gone South (Asheville), Jenny Don’t & The Spurs, Flash Flood and the Dikes

Vie De Boheme

1530 SE 7th Ave. Laura Wayte Sings Denise Levertov

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Rob Johnston

1507 SE 39th Ave. Kobra & The Lotus, Romantic Rebel, Kaleido, Tyranny Of Hours, Elora

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Trio, Hockinson High School Jazz Band

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave. Of Mice & Men

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Greg Barris’ Mind Warriors featuring Andrew WK

The Know

2026 NE Alberta Street Diners, Alien Boy, Ps-Ax

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Blvd.

Serial Killer Sunday School, People Corrupting People, Bootjack and Bonz, and Fire Nuns

TUES. JUNE 2 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Robben Ford

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. Little Fixtures

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

A.C. Porter and Special Guests

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Palma Violets, Public Access T.V.

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Meg Myers, Wild Party

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

Jeremy Loops

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Septet, Mt. Hood Community College Jazz Band

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Zola Jesus, Magic Fades, Ghost Feet

The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Boys II Gentlemen

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. And And And, Couches, Mascaras

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. July Talk, My Goodness

MAY 27–JUNE 2

MUSIC CALENDAR CHRISTINE DONG

BAR REVIEW

Where to drink this week.

1. No Fun

1711 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 236-8067, devilsdill.com.

You can now get your favorite tasty-ass, fivespice pulled pork Devil’s Dill sandwich in an amiable, sunny bar, with one of five craft taps, a reasonably priced $8 Negroni, a Pickleopolis pickle plate with beets, or especially the $8.50 house martini—gin and vermouth dirtied up not with olives but with pickle juice.

2. Killingsworth Dynasty

832 N Killingsworth St., 234-5683, killingsworthdynasty.com.

Like a North Portland Holocene from the guy who made Rotture and the Tube, the deeply queerfriendly Dynasty is a much-needed dance-party venue for the art kids who’d rather not bike over the Alameda Ridge to get home.

3. McMenamins Tavern & Pool

1716 NW 23rd Ave., 2270929, mcmenamins.com.

Quietly, the restaurantside bar of this leastacknowledged intracity McMenamins has become the most voluminously stocked cider bar in Northwest Portland with six taps of the stuff, and a hilariously jumbled but terrifically well-stocked whiskey bar behind the taps.

4. Portland Cider House 3638 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-6283, portlandcider.com.

Finally, a cider bar in the central city, with 24 rotating taps of almost all-local cider (with a little English thrown in), and six-cider flights for a mere $7. The best recently? A hopped Apple Outlaw, just released to the world.

5. Goble Tavern

70255 U.S. 30, Goble, OR, 235-7972, gobletavern.com.

Where the hell is Goble?

Exactly. As beach-trip season starts, take some R & R at Oregon’s greatest country home to rock ‘n’ roll, where Willie Nelson’s mom once tended bar.

OLD SOLAE: The band was singing “Happy Birthday” to Snoop Dogg’s uncle, but they didn’t play it straight. It was a minor-key version extended with jags of solo guitar or keyboard, drums fi lling a packed house of oldsters in Sunday clothes, 22-year-olds in leather jackets, and everybody in between spilling out onto the spacious patio. Then Reo Varnado grabbed the mic and sang “Happy Birthday” again—this time to himself. If you want the job done right, I guess. Solae’s Lounge (1801 NE Alberta St., 206-8338, solaeslounge.com)—in the spot where punk dive the Nest burned down in 2012—may have a few tablecloths, jazzbo portraits, a classed-up backroom lounge and plates of ribs and rosemary beef coming out of its kitchen, but it’s no staid jazz lounge. It’s a standing party on Alberta Street, a jazz-blues free-for-all where a lot of the musicians aren’t even listed on the playbill.

Instead, old-timers such as legendary septuagenarian bluesman Lloyd Allen Sr. (every Saturday), next-generation talent like Mel Brown’s son Christopher (Fridays), and others are sometimes joined not only by their own ensembles but by a rotating cast of musicians who happened by with their instruments. If you could pour human joy out of a couple beer taps and a whole lot of liquor, Solae’s is maybe what it would feel like; open only two months, the place feels like a community that’s been coming here for years. And in many ways, it has. Long before it was even the Nest, it was Joe’s Place, one of the last predominantly African-American bastions on a street that’s historically a center of black cultural life in Portland. And, of course, one of the first regulars to take root at Solae’s Lounge—opened

by Jayson and Yosief Embaye—was old Joe himself. But even if you’re walking in for the first time, it’ll still kind of feel like a homecoming.

MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. SNAP! ‘90S Dance Party, Dr. Adam, Colin Jones, Freaky Outty

Lola’s Room

WED. MAY 27 Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade 511 NW Couch St. TRONix

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Wiggle Room

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Tape-cassette DJ Night

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Event Horizon, Industrial Dance Night

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave KOAN Sound

THURS. MAY 28 The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Shadowplay

The Spare Room

4830 NE 42nd Ave DJ Cowboy

FRI. MAY 29

1332 W Burnside 80s Video Dance Attack

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Ana Sia, Benny Rox, Tyler Tastemaker, Ben Tactic, SPF666

1001 SE Morrison St. Main Squeeze: DJs Kiffo & Rymes

MON. JUNE 1 The Liquor Store

The GoodFoot Lounge

3341 SE Belmont St. Force Publique, Fringe Class, Small Skies

The Spare Room

The Lovecraft

2845 SE Stark St. Soul Stew with DJ Aquaman 4830 NE 42nd Ave The Get Down

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave Apashe

Dig a Pony

736 Southeast Grand Ave. Cooky Parker

Holocene

SAT. MAY 30 Analog Cafe

720 se Hawthorne Blvd ANDAZ: DJ Anjali and The Incredible Kid

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures: DJ Waisted and Friends

TUES. JUNE 2 Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. KPSU DJ’s

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

DJ Easy Finger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Bones with DJ Aurora

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

33

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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may 27–june 2

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Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com).

Dance: ENID SPITZ (dance@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

THEATER

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS Comedy of Errors

Shakespeare gets a plaid button-up, fixie and a man-bun for this update to his classic, mistaken-identity comedy from Post5’s founding artistic director Ty Boice. The long-lost Antipholus of Elizabetha (originally Syracuse in Shakespeare’s day) and his manservant stumble upon the new realm of Portland’a, which is ironically the hometown of Antipholus’ twin. And of course Antopholus’ manservant also has a twin, who also happens to be the manservant to Antipholus’ twin. Fill in the blanks with star-crossed lover jokes, wrongful accusations and gags.

As usual, Post5 is sure to give things a shake; in Twelfth Night Chip Sherman was the female lead in drag. Now he’s a ginger’s twin. Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971-258-8584. 7:30 pm Friday-Sunday, through June 27, and 7:30 pm Thursday, June 25. $20.

Edward IV

For her second night at Artists Rep, visiting Londoner Dame Janet Suzman reprises her role as Joan of Arc, which was her breakout performance 50 years ago with the Royal Shakespeare Company. Since then, she earned an Academy Award nomination for playing Empress Alexandra, starred opposite Marlon Brando in the 1989 film A Dry White Season, and has made a name in classical theater playing roles in works by Ibsen, Marlowe and Brecht. Edward IV follows the historical reign of...you guessed it, another powerful and whiny Shakespearian king. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Tuesday, June 2. $20.

George Washington Slept Here

A good, old-fashioned Green Acres fable by prolific ’30s and ’40s playwrights Kaufman and Hart will end the North End Players’ 45th season.

Newton Fuller, his wife Annabelle and daughter Madge move into a dilapidated Pennsylvania homestead replete with a cow in the kitchen, an asshole neighbor and well-water issues. Ah, the colonial American dream. Bankrupt weekend guests and his daughter’s elopement with a traveling thespian can only make us pity poor Newton even more than his name already does. This podunk story from a little theater company that could might be just the thing. Twilight Theater, 7508 N Brandon Ave., 847-9838. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday, 3 pm Sundays, through June 14. $15.

Henry IV

Dame Janet Suzman, an Academy Award-nominated Shakespearian actress from London, is reading the Bard’s War of the Roses trilogy during a special appearance in Portland. In 1597, Shakespeare had a blockbuster with this historical action-adventure, where the hottie Hotspur battles an antagonistic Archibald in brawls across Northumberland and Shrewsbury.

Terrifying, indeed. Artists Rep stages two nights of histories (Tuesday is Edward IV) read by the Dame. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Monday, June 1. $20.

The Liar

Artists Repertory Theater is bringing yet another David Ives rewrite of yet another 17th-century social satire to Portland’s theater scene. Pierre Cornielle’s original 1644 farce follows the bumbling yet villainous Dorante as he mistakenly courts one Parisian beauty, confusing her with her own best friend. Throw in a butler and sexy lady’s maid for extra, stereotypical gags, and there are all the ingredients

for a perfectly harmless and probably mindless end-of-the-season show. It stars a playbill full of Artists Rep resident actors, and Ives (All in the Timing, Venus in Fur) is known for quippy verse, so that should keep you perked, even if you have already seen this season’s many stagings of parlor scandals and Ives plays. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278.

7:30 pm Wednesday-Saturday, 2 pm and 7:30 pm Sunday, through June 21. $25.

She is King

Billie Jean King, the tennis star known for smashing the sports glass ceiling in the 1970’s and the 2001 battleof-the-sexes docudrama When Billie Beat Bobby, put her seal of approval on this multimedia show from Boom Arts. The production recreates King’s TV interviews from the ’70s with live acting, retro video replays and some potted plants that Boom is perplexingly excited about. Post-show talks throughout the run will host local Title IX educators, Portland State professors, Lindsay Schnell from Sports Illustrated and Sarah Mirk of Bitch Media. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 220-2646. 7:30 pm ThursdaySaturday, 2 pm and 7:30 pm Sundays, through June 7. $25-$35.

alypse. Ponchos provided. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 4885822. 8:30 pm Wednesday-Saturday, 2 pm Sunday through June 7. $20-$36.

Our Country’s Good

A crew of Royal Marines and its convict charges wax theatrical after mooring in the jailhouse colony Great Britain made of Australia. Optimism and comfort are hard to come by, so one aspirational lieutenant hatches a plan to stage a comedy with the thieves and murderers as the cast. A little historical and unabashedly metafictional, this play is a more serious selection from Hillsboro’s slapstick Bag & Baggage crew. Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm Sundays through May 31. $26-$30.

Storefront Revue: The Babes are Back

Like Storefront Theater, the notorious 1970s-’90s Portland theater that inspired it, this play is a constant, rainbow-hued provocation.

It jumps between wildly different scenes: the ensemble cast protesting, one actress sharing a blowjob story backstage, three actors dressed as Technicolor dinosaurs. The historical sections spliced between original 1970s scripts are a necessary, grounding foil to the play’s outrageous musical numbers, but they feel tacked-on. The play is best as a bedazzled “greatest hits” production. Even through a black-lit strip tease and the ditty “Eat Your Fucking Cornflakes,” Storefront Revue never lets us forget its history. If you nitpick, you’ll see flaws, but who’s looking that closely at a patriotic phallus with tinsel for

pubic hair? Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday through May 30. $15.

The Misanthrope

Richard Wilbur’s English translation of Molière’s The Misanthrope is a skillfully-performed satire of 17th-century aristocratic society and all its snootiness. The cast members, dressed in big wigs, colorful clothes and over-the-top makeup, take on a script composed entirely in rhyme for this timeless society drama. Flirtatious Célimène (Hannah Patterson) two-times her lover, the sassy Alceste (Colin Kane), with none other than Alceste’s sworn enemy, Oronte (Devon Roberts). And the characters’ hoard of gossiping, fake friends only make matters worse.

AMY WOLFE. Lincoln Hall, Portland

CONT. on page 36

REVIEW PAT R I C K W E I S H A M P E L

PERFORMANCE

ALSO PLAYING Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet)

Northwest Classical Theatre Company is going out with an extravagant bang. The company will be dissolving after this last production, a comic re-imagination of its usual Shakespearian source material. Bard scholar Constance Ledbelly falls headfirst into her trash can, only to find it a rabbit hole into Shakespeare’s plays.

She encounters morbid Juliet, sexuallyconfused Romeo and a whole folio of comic edits in this directorial first from NWCTC actress Brenan Dwyer, who also created the online sketch-comedy show Potty Talk. Northwest Classical Theatre Company, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm ThursdaySaturday, 2 pm Sunday, June 21. $22.

How to Stop Dying

Sarah, who has a ghost-hunting reality show, is mourning the death of her father when she gets a call from a rural Oregon funeral home claiming to have a photo of his ghost. Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday through May 30. $18.

Mame

Depression-era eccentric Mame Dennis introduces her nephew to a free-wheeling lifestyle of parties with washed-up actresses and unfortunate Southern gents while this encouraging musical from the Lake Oswego theater pelts you with famous jingles like “We Need a Little Christmas” and “Bosom Buddies.”Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 6353901. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm and 7 pm Sunday, through June 14. $37.

Mr. Burns: A Post-Electric Play

When the apocalypse comes, only The Simpsons will remain. That’s completely possible in Portland, where Simpsons creator Matt Groening and playwright Anne Washburn both used to live. Catastrophe survivors in Portland Playhouse’s newest comedy reminisce about Homer and his Technicolor world while they wait for who-knows-what in their own ruined universe. Local actor Brian Adrian Koch (Portlandia, Grimm) stars with Isaac Lamb, who’s notorious for his elaborate YouTube proposal in 2012. But the big question is: Did the doughnuts make it? Thirty-five-minute Act I is staged outside, rain or shine, or apoc-

tHe future looks grim: lisa Datz and silas Weir mitchell.

THREE DAYS OF RAIN (PORTLAND CENTER STAGE) GRIMM STARS FIGHT FAMILY DRAMA WITH WIT.

by R ICHa R D SPeeR

243-2122

If you describe your mother as “sort of like Zelda Fitzgerald’s less stable sister,” chances are your childhood wasn’t rosy. Walker and Nan, the brother and sister at the center of Richard Greenberg’s engrossing play, Three Days of Rain, live in a chronic state of post-traumatic stress. In middle age, they’re still licking the psychological wounds inflicted by their parents, an emotionally withholding architect named Ned and an alcoholic Southern belle named Lina.

As the play begins, Walker and Nan are about hear their father’s will. They get a gut-punching surprise when it turns out the old man didn’t leave his award-winning home to them. Instead, it goes to a soap-opera actor named Pip, the son of Ned’s architectural collaborator, Theo. This sets in motion a complex plot as the children learn more about their parents’ lives. And the more they learn, the less they understand.

The play’s second act is set 35 years before its first, with the actors playing their characters’ parents. In the double role of Nan and Lina, Lisa Datz brought a winning confidence, infusing Nan with jittery suburban ennui and Lina with a convincing Southern drawl. But her foreshadowing of Lina’s alcoholism and impending mental illness fell short.

Portland Center Stage has hyped its casting of two stars from NBC’s Grimm as the male leads for months, but their performances only warrant half

credit. Silas Weir Mitchell (Monroe on Grimm) did bring manic energy and penetrating intelligence to Walker, but his portrayal of Ned was hindered by an unconvincing stutter. Sasha Roiz (Sean Renard on Grimm) gives an appealing blend of insouciance and empathy to Pip, but as Theo his characterization felt generic. In one of the show’s shining moments, Ned and Theo argue in the apartment that doubled as the pair’s architecture studio. As their words become more heated, the escalating tension verges on passion and the implied sexual tension between Ned and Theo that simmers throughout the play begins to boil. But whether the characters ever act on those feelings is one of the mysteries left unanswered. The only nugget we get is the playwright’s suggestion that the men’s closeness may have contributed to Lina’s eventual unraveling.

Three Days of Rain gleams with hyperarticulate wit and esoteric references. If you catch even half of them, you’re probably Mensa material. Although the second act doesn’t fully resolve the tantalizing questions posed in the first, it still gives the audience plenty to chew on.

The play’s final line is haunting. As Ned begins drafting the blueprint for the home that will become his masterpiece, he voices what could be any architect’s, or parent’s, credo: It may be the beginning of creation, but it’s also inevitably “the beginning of error.” see it: Three Days of Rain is at Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Fridays and 2 and 7:30 pm SaturdaysSundays through June 21. $25-$64.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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may 27–june 2

State University, 1620 SW Park Ave., 725-3307. 7:30 pm WednesdaySaturday, 2 pm Sunday, through May 30. $15.

The Undiscovered Country

This play is all explicit, drug-tripping episodes and provocative sex scenes on a minimalist stage at Back Door Theater. The flamboyant narrator and drug-dealer Terry (Matthew Kern) leads a four-person cast and provides for its characters’ plentiful narcotic needs. It’s an unglamorous portrait of drugged-out relationships, reminiscent of a bad thriller where the group dwindles down to one forsaken victim, The Undiscovered Country is a dark, opiate-filled, waiting game. It would be a dreary, tiresome tale if not for the tiny cast’s strong performances. After all, it’s just a matter of time until the next character overdoses. AMY WOLFE. Back Door Theatre, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd, 481-2960. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Sundays through June 20.

DANCE Cosmosis

BodyVox brings in Carnegie Hall alums, the Amphion String Quartet, to soundtrack a contemporary dance and film performance with acoustic versions of Elliott Smith and Samuel Barber. BodyVox Dance Center, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 2290627. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday; 2 pm Saturday, May 30 and June 6; through June 6. $25-$64.

Polerotica

Oregon dancers compete in the state’s largest competition that revolves around a pole for the coveted 22nd anniversary cover of Exotic magazine. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm Friday, May 29. $20. 21+.

Space Time Space

If you like your dance performances with a side of vocal improv, a dash of experimental theater and a heaping portion of WTF, this iteration of Shout House’s monthly interdisciplinary show is your jam.

Theatrical duo Electric Meat Parade and long-form improv troupe Portland Poetry Truck will headline the vaguely titled “The Last Hurrah Until the Next Hurrah.” The night ends with drinks and a dance party with local DJs Daniel Hill and Mark Savage. Shout House, 210 SE Madison St., Ste. 11. 9 pm Saturday, May 30. $8. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit

REVIEW PAT R I C K W E I S H A M P E L

PERFORMANCE

The Winter’s Tale

Director Caitlin Fisher-Draeger crafts a sparse world dominated

by Leontes (Glen McCumber), who alternates between attacking his wife for imagined infidelity and showing tender affection for his son. Leontes’ raw emotion hits hard thanks to the bleak setting and an eerily beautiful live soundtrack.

The second half flips, transforming the drama into a comedy bursting with song and vibrant colors. You can’t avoid cringing when Leontes screams at his wife during her trial in the first half, and it’s impossible not to laugh when Polixenes (Brian Demar Jones) and Camillo (Paul Susi) disguise themselves as old men and attend a riotous party.

IAN CLARK. Shaking the Tree, 823 SE Grant Ave., 686-0294. 7:30 pm Friday, May 15, Thursday-Sunday through June 13. $15.

COMEDY & VARIETY Arnez J

A host of long-running BET comedy series ComicView, J was a flight attendant who ditched his baseballplaying dreams to become a comedian. Arnez’s energetic standup comes with hilarious mannerisms and constant movement on stage to keep audiences enthused. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 pm and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, May 28-30. $25 general admission, $33 reserved. 21+.

Curious Comedy Spring Gala & Auction

Curious Comedy’s Spring Gala is a bit pricey but full of events throughout the night. The night starts out with a VIP cocktail hour and a live show from the Curious Comedy ensemble. A two-course dinner and two auctions (silent and live) are included. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 4779477. 6 pm Saturday, May 30 . $75 general admission, $100 VIP, $500 table. 21+.

For Your Pleasure

The Aces, Shelly McLendon and Michael Fetters, return to Portland after performing in the Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival. The Portland duo headline their hourlong, entirely new, weekly sketch comedy showcase. Their Arrested Development-like act is full of emotional experiences made funny.

Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 236-7253. 8 pm Friday-Saturday May 29-30 and June 5-6 and 12-13. $20.

The Kids in the Hall

The Kids in the Hall come to town, and they’re taking all the credit for a more-than-average weekend of ’90s Canadian comedy with just your favorite Cabbage Head, Chicken Lady and ax murderer. Join the sacred wet T-shirt contest—er, baptism. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 8 pm Saturday. $56.

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

poppy fields: Benjamin scheuer.

THE LION (PORTLAND CENTER STAGE) Benjamin Scheuer’s one-man show is billed as a play, but The Lion doesn’t feel like one. Trade the six guitars balanced on the Ellyn Bye Studio’s minimalist stage for a baby grand, costume our protagonist in a brocaded gown, offer the crowds cocktail service, and the tuneful tell-all would seamlessly become cabaret. Whether due to its serious tone or fetishized fretwork, we couldn’t help but get a Storytellers vibe—that old VH1 show on which fading stars look back over their long careers of songs you know by heart. Except, Scheuer doesn’t have that history. His songs fade from memory midchorus. and the autobiographical tales he sings about his deceased father and fight with cancer would crush the dullest dinner party.

Scheuer, whatever his failings as dramatist, is an engaging performer. The adept instrumentalist comes off as an effervescent Danny Kaye filtered through a gimlet-eyed Steve Zahn as he cranks out hook-challenged ballads with by-the-numbers rhyme schemes in place of proper lyrics. It’s a talent like boardwalk caricatures, and if this were dinner theater Scheuer could make money composing sing-along bios of folks in the crowd. He’s captivating enough to provoke thoughts of what The Lion could have been with professional tunesmiths and hummable pathos, though any worthwhile collaborator would’ve given the father and girlfriend characters bigger roles than the absent, misunderstood totems Scheuer glazes over. But the sinking fault is Scheuer’s blinkered self-regard. Even his songs about recovering from a rare form of cancer serve more to confirm his sense of self-importance than to elicit emotion.

There was once a time when folks understood that musical theater requires adorable egotists of good voice and infectious grin to ply their trade with outsized charm rather than just self-reflective solipsism. It’s some shame that, between Central Park picnics and East Village open mics, our little lion man never chanced upon a Broadway revival of On the Town or The Wizard of Oz. Scheuer has brains aplenty and a heart as big as all outdoors, But forging public entertainment from private pain with brutal objectivity, that takes…courage. JAY HORTON.

This one-man musical is more meow.

see it: The Lion is at Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, noon Thursdays, and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through June 14. $25-$50.

may 27–june 2 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

JORDAN GNARPONy

VISUAL ARTS

By MEGAN HARNED. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: mharned@wweek.com.

A group art show themed around, you guessed it, the Portland Trail Blazers.

Come for art, come for basketball, come for 30-plus artists from Portland and beyond celebrating Rip City.

Promising a diverse array of media and styles, Blazermania is here to remind us we don’t have to choose between physical and artistic creativity. Through May 30. Gallery 135, 135 NW Park Ave., 312-4856.

Dazed and Glazed

Greenberg might have called it kitsch, but back in the heyday of the ’50s and ’60s everyone had a boldly designed smoking dish on their coffee table. In light of marijuana’s upcoming legalization, Thurman Street Collective is bringing us decorative ashtrays by local artist Brett Stern, which combine his industrial-design training and ceramic skills. With a variety of glazes and shapes that are fun to stare at while stoned, Dazed and Glazed embraces the rituals inherent to the smoking-for-pleasure process. Through June 5. Thurman Street Collective, 2384 NW Thurman St., 971-803-7970.

Inventory

Albatross is a gallery consisting of a 3-inch-by-4-inch (or 4-by-3) plastic sleeve on a black lanyard around the neck of artist Michael Reinsch. The front side will hold an original piece of art and the back will contain information such as an artist bio, title and price. The inaugural show is a series of 31 plastic, Perler-bead mosaics by artist T. Nikolai. Each mosaic depicts a different object derived from the inventory screens of various video games. By retaining the pixelated quality of the digital objects, the Perler beads represent the objects abstractly and become a means to interpret the player’s needs, goals and ambitions.

Albatross, on a lanyard around the neck of the artist Michael Reinsch.

Mothmeister’s Wounderland: Surreal World of Imagination, Nightmares and Taxidermy

Ryan Woodring: Jaws Returns to the Water

A looped animation of the fictional shark (from the now-extinct, eponymous ride at Universal Orlando) is projected onto the surface of a painting on panel. Covered layer by layer in cast and painted acrylic, the painting was used to create the animation, drawing from amateur video footage taken by a rider. The loop continuously replays the part of the ride in which the animatronic shark fatally bites into , seeming to be killed and resurrected in succession by the same electrical current.

Woodring’s work is appearing as part of Apres-Upfor, an after-hours program of moving-image art playing from 6 pm to midnight in Upfor Gallery’s storefront. Ongoing. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 227-5111.

The World Is Not the Earth

A group show including James Castle, Austin Eddy, John O’Reilly, Blair SaxonHill, and Timmy Straw. The works all develop a highly personal, complex narrative using collage and appropriation. Blair Saxon-Hill was included in last year’s Portland Biennial at Disjecta, and also has a concurrent solo exhibition this month at Fourteen30 Contemporary. Through May 30.

Adams and Ollman, 209 SW 9th Ave, 724-0684.

Those Days are Over

Jeremy Okai Davis created his latest series from photographs of a group of friends on vacation in the ‘80s. Davis is interested in images of people that evoke warm nostalgia and the idea of recreating those feelings through painting. To achieve this he’s blown up the scale of many of the photographs so viewers can immerse themselves in the scene. The casual interactions among friends recall Renoir’s outdoor dance scenes, but Davis’ manner of capturing the subtle gradations of the ’80s color palette through pixelated brushstrokes creates the experience of viewing memories from a different time and place. Through May 29.

Duplex, 219 NW Couch St., 206-5089.

Mothmeister is an artistic, taxidermyloving duo based in Antwerp, Belgium.

They anthropomorphize their bestial preserves with outfits and masks as a reaction against the dominant exhibitionism of selfie culture and beauty standards marketed by mass media.

Is it a lot of contemporary affect to justify playing with dead animals, or is there real critique of our ever present narcissism and surveillance state? Both! Seeing so many of the Wounderland populace together creates a fuller image the way that putting pieces of a puzzle together do.

It’s not long before you imagine these faceless but unforgettable figures looking back at you, and you can’t help but wonder what you seem to them.

I went and bought the pack of seven postcards that I want to get laminated and use as coasters. Through June 9.

Paxton Gate, 4204 N Mississippi Ave., 719-4508.

Tight Rope: New Paintings

by Arvie Smith

PICA: Celebrating 20 Years, Reflecting on the First Decade

The first institutional solo exhibition in the United States by Dutch artist Willem Oorebeek is billed as an “idiosyncratic and deviant crossover between pop and conceptual art.”

Oorebeek is a printmaker interested in the representation of the human figure, media personalities and publicity. His artistic approach features the distortion of print media through lithography in order to re-present the images to us so that we look at familiar pictures in new ways. Through July 19. Yale Union (YU), 800 SE 10th Ave., 236-7996.

Opening reception 4-6 pm Saturday, May 30.

How long has PICA been an artistic mainstay? Twenty years, according to the curated retrospective of the first decade, from 1995 to 2005.

Those early years were lead by founder Kristy Edmunds, whose unique vision included emerging and established regional, national and international artists. Her legacy lives on in the annual Time-Based Art Festival that includes visual, sound, dance and performing arts. Through June 27.

Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Tight Rope is a collection of vivid, powerful works linking our troubled past to our equally troubled present.

About his work, local artist and educator Arvie Smith says “By critiquing atrocities and oppression, by creating images that foment dialogue, I hope my work makes the repeat of those atrocities and injustices less likely.” If reading about other experiences doesn’t always create empathy between people divided by race, class, religion, and sexuality, it’s my and many artists’ hope that art will reach across those divides more directly to help us experience our shared humanity. Through June 12. Mark Woolley Gallery @ Pioneer, 700 SW 5th Ave., 3rd floor, Pioneer Place Mall, 998-4152.

Ashley Montague painting at Chapter 24 Vineyards.

OFF THE STREETS PORTLAND GRAFFITI WAXES GENTEEL. by en ID SPITZ

espitz@wweek.com

You will never see the full mural on the west wall of Southeast Stark Street’s Bonfire Lounge. The graffitied wall is a story-high epitaph to Michael Brown, painted by local muralist Ashley Montague two days after a white police officer fatally shot the black youth in Ferguson, Mo. On the right half, a yardhigh, glowing portrait of Brown releases an ivory dove toward heaven and Bonfire’s sidewalk awnings.

The left side is a half-formed blob of black graffiti, swallowing up what used to be two policemen aiming guns at the ethereal Brown. Most days the entire mural is obstructed by dumpsters anyway.

Portland’s graffiti isn’t street art like it used to be.

Montague’s spray paint and sweat barely dried before Bonfire’s owner called, wary of criticism and violence, asking Montague to redo the mural or see it painted over.

His work now consists mostly of commissioned murals on authorized walls, like the side of Lowbrow Lounge or the wall Chapter 24 Vineyards asked him to live-paint during the winery’s Memorial Day tastings. He also gives PowerPoint presentations at elementary schools. Other artists are making their mark online, like the anonymous founder of the Invoice PDX blog, and the former graffiti artist called TLC switched to a tattooing career.

On May 11, developers started demolishing the

burnt-out concrete shell of Southeast Clay Street’s old Taylor Electric building, which once lured tourists and photographers after street artists made it their mecca. By summer, Killian Pacific plans to develop the site into a 60,000-square-foot industrial office building.

“That’s where I started making my art,” says the anonymous founder of local graffiti blog Invoice PDX. With a keen eye, you’ll find a story-high eagle in flight on Northwest Hoyt Street and alienlike green orbs that Jeremy Nichols sprayed on a Southeast Belmont Street garage. But the city’s adamant zerotolerance policy and graffiti abatement program mean most tags get covered quickly.

They’ll always find somewhere, Montague says: “If you have to hop a fence to get there, you’re painting for other street artists and cred, not as public art.

We go around and see the lettering, etc. It’s an art form appreciated like a well-played tennis game.”

“Grandfathered walls,” painted before the Regional Arts & Culture Council adopted a notolerance policy, get to stay painted. They can be passed on, if the right paperwork crosses the right desks, as in the case of Bonfire.

Maybe street art peaked too soon after a crew called Gorilla Wallflare spray-painted Portland’s first mural (so street art legend goes) along Southeast Division Street in 1982.

“Street art had its day in Portland already,” Montague says. “It was in the ’90s.”

Maybe the new streets are lined with retail, like the bottom level of 240 Clay, buzzing with day-trippers like the Highway 99W tasting room at Chapter 24 Vineyards, or cybertrafficked by shoppers buying Invoice PDX stickers via SquareSpace.

JORDAN GNARPONy

Blazermania

Willem Oorebeek

For more Visual Arts listings, visit The mural of Michael Brown on Southeast Stark Street.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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Tune In Turn On

BOOKS

MAY 27–JUNE 2 = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27 Aleksandar Hemon

Acclaimed Bosnian-American writer Aleksandar Hemon’s new novel, The Making of Zombie Wars, follows aspiring screenwriter Josh, his only promising script, Zombie Wars, and an entanglement with a student and her jealous husband.

Either way, sex and violence.

Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

MAY 27TH - 31ST Now on your dial at 99.1 fm, every day until 3 pm. Streaming 24/7 at prp.fm.

A local artist every 15 minutes. Features from local non-profits.

No commercials.

Radio like it oughta be.

NOT GOOD WITH ANY OTHER OFFERS OR ON SALE PRODUCTS

JECONTE

THURSDAY, MAY 28TH AT 6PM

SmarT

FrIendly

lOcal

Down by The Bayou showcases the bluesy soulful vocals and lightening harmonica chops of renowned livewire JeConte, backed by a ferocious blues rock band featuring New Orleans legend Anders Osborne, veteran LA rocker Wally Ingram, Bayou bassman Carl Dufrene, San Francisco slide virtuoso Chris Haugen & long time JeConte writing partner and lead guitar maestro Matty Cohen.

MARK STEN

BOOK READING & SIGNING SATURDAY, MAY 30TH AT 3PM

#TuneInTurnOn

The Broadcast

Sometimes you fail so spectacularly that you know there is a life lesson hidden in there, or at the very least a great story. Bringing together local female artists of all practices, Siren Nation will present storytelling showcase the Broadcast. Portland comedian Amy Miller will host fellow storytellers Sarah Mirk, Kirsten Kuppenbender, Kimberly Diane Wilson, Kimi Marin and Naomi Tatsuoka, all sharing tales of “My Best Failure.” Secret Society Lounge, 116 NE Russell St., 493-3600. 8 pm. $12 advance, $15 door.

THURSDAY, MAY 28 Megan Kruse

Influenced by her own experience of growing up in rural areas of the Pacific Northwest, Megan Kruse’s debut novel Call Me Home entwines three distinct stories from one family—struggling mother Amy, her gay son Jackson and his

MONDAY, JUNE 1ST AT 7PM

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3RD AT 6PM

It was a last minute decision to join the thousands of people in line that February afternoon in Portland, Oregon in 2011 when American Idol auditions rolled into town. OSU grad Haley Johnsen would be cast into the national spotlight, captivating American Idol Season 11 viewers and making it all the way to the semifinals before conceding.

MOBILE STAY CONNECTED

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

War of the Encyclopaedists

Best friends Mickey Montauk and Halifax Corderoy get separated through life events, with one struggling in Boston academia and the other embroiled with his National Guard unit in Baghdad.

The two keep in touch by editing a Wikipedia page about themselves. Mirroring the dual narrative, the book itself was written

through literary collaboration between authors Christopher Robinson and Gavin Kovite, who will read from the novel War of the Encyclopaedists. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY, MAY 30 Kate Nash and Friends

WITH THE BURRMANS, BURRM RETRIC & JACK JA MCMAHON

HALEY JOHNSEN

FRIDAY, MAY 29

Though the 2010 live-action film adaptation was widely panned, the animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender (and its sequel The Legend of Korra) maintains a devoted fan base. Bryan Konietzko, who co-created the series with Michael Dante DiMartino, will sign copies of the ongoing print series published by Dark Horse Comics.

Things From Another World , 2916 NE Broadway St., 284-4693. 5-8 pm. Sold out.

SONGWRITER’S ONGWR R’S CIRCLE CIR

Beyond the Print

For the first 26 years of her life, Cole Cohen couldn’t learn how to drive a car, cross a street alone or even tell time. It wasn’t until the native Portlander underwent an MRI that the problem was finally diagnosed: a hole in her brain the size of a lemon. Told with passion and wit without being bogged down in self-pity, Cohen tells her story in the new memoir Head Case: My Brain and Other Wonders.

Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

Bryan Konietzko

Portland, Oregon author and musician Mark Sten has detailed the peak years of the once flourishing punk music scene in his brand new book, “ALL AGES: THE RISE AND FALL OF PORTLAND PUNK ROCK 1977-1981. The book is a very impressive catalog of photos, posters and information about the golden age of Portland’s punk scene which was a decent rival to the larger Los Angeles and Seattle punk scenes.

The Burrmans have been playing sweaty, swingin’, hopping country boogie overlaid with dynamic three-part harmonies since the early IC is the recording and performance name for Ryan Hetrick, 70s. RETRIC whose music is a melting pot of many different musical styles and genre, incorporating horns, organs, and strings into the mix alongside the usual suspects of guitar, bass, and drums. Jack McMahon, from his teenage days with New Jersey band “The Nightwatch,” and his early stints as a C’s Greenwich Village and Upper Eastside solo artist in and around NYC’s clubs, has always given the music priority over antics and image.

Cole Cohen

younger sister Lydia. Kruse will read from her book, already being hailed as beautifully compelling, about the choices we make as families and the changing idea of home. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726. 7 pm. Free.

David A. Horowitz

Not to be confused with David Joel Horowitz, the founder of conservative think tank the Freedom Center, Portland State historian David A. Horowitz has long been concerned with a populist approach to American politics (with books such as Beyond Left And Right: Insurgency and the Establishment).

He will offer a multimedia presentation of his new memoir Getting There: An American Cultural Odyssey. Portland State University, Smith Memorial Student Union, 1825 SW Broadway. 7 pm. Free.

What exactly does it mean to be a woman in music? As songstress Neko Case likes to point out, “I’m not a fucking ‘woman in music,’ I’m a fucking musician in music!” So why the distinction? She Shreds magazine will host a discussion panel on the trajectory and progression of feminism in the music industry as part of the Everything Is festival with musician Kate Nash, She Shreds founder and editor-inchief Fabi Reyna, Tacocat’s Bree McKenna and Bitch Media online editor Sarah Mirk. They will discuss “What Is a Woman: Feminism, Punk, and the In Between.”

Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 12:30 pm. $10.

SUNDAY, MAY 31 University of Hell Press Showcase

Three University of Hell Press authors will join up for a reading of their newest works. Michael N. Thompson will share his poetry collection A Murder of Crows, Stephen M. Park will read from his memoir High & Dry, and Brian S. Ellis will read from his latest poetry collection Often Go Awry. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 800-878-7323. 4 pm. Free.

For more Books listings, visit

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WATERFRONT PARK

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AUGUST 21-23 MUSICFESTNW.COM/TICKETS

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

FOSTER THE PEOPLE

BEIRUT

MODEST MOUSE

DAYS OF MUSIC

MISTERWIVES MILO GREENE LOST LANDER

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN TWIN SHADOW BATTLES TITLE FIGHT CAYUCAS TALK IN TONGUES SALES ALIALUJAH CHOIR

THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH DANNY BROWN THE HELIO SEQUENCE LADY LAMB STRAND OF OAKS PURE BATHING CULTURE DIVERS BEAT CONNECTION

ALL AGES! TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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MAY 27–JUNE 2 PREVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R O S .

MOVIES

Editor: ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK Aloha

Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone take on the militarization of space from their utopian Hawaiian haven. Extra firepower courtesy of the star-studded cast, including Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski. Screened after deadline.

See wweek.com for Casey Jarman’s review. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Cinemas.

Sunshine Superman

C+ This remarkably uncritical documentary follows Carl Boenish, pioneer of the insanely dangerous sport and YouTube sensation BASE jumping. It’s an evolution of skydiving named for the fi xed structures from which people jump: Buildings, Antennas, bridge Spans, and Earthy cliff s. It’s amazing to watch, and one in 60 people who try it are killed doing it. Archival footage of early jumps is dizzying on the big screen, and the jumping patriarch’s enthusiasm for these initial forays is contagious. But that excitement feels increasingly ominous as the movie progresses and everybody involved gets interviewed, except him. It’s a strange thing: a documentary about a guy who died doing the thing he invented, but which makes almost no mention of the dangers of his sport. Less than a week before the fi lm’s release, two people died BASE jumping in Yosemite, not far from where Boenish fi rst experimented.

While the movie feels designed to celebrate Boenish’s life, it comes off as oddly disconnected from the reality of his creation. NR. ALEX FALCONE. Fox Tower.

The True Cost

B+ In the last decade, mainstream America became almost obsessed with analyzing the food safety and sustainability. So why is the global clothing trade—which abuses and kills humans rather than animals— still so rarely discussed? It even comes with an equally dire environmental toll. Director Andrew Morgan found himself asking that same question after the disastrous Rana Plaza garment factory collapse in 2013. His journey to fi nd answers took him to countries like Uganda, Bangladesh, and China, and the resulting fi lm is a stunning mix of real-life distopian imagery and harsh innerogation of the “fast fashion” world. We meet inspiring people, mostly women, fi ghting for living wages and environmental reforms, but the only solution off ered is a bit reductive: eliminating global capitalism altogether. Still, a few bumper-sticker sentiments can’t detract from this compelling fi lm which is, above all else, a badly needed conversation-starter. PG. CASEY JARMAN . Clinton Street.

STILL SHOWING 5 Flights Up

C+ This AARP-oriented dramedy strikes all the familiar chords. Retired teacher Ruth (Diane Keaton) and painter Alex (Morgan Freeman), with a niece (Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City) as their broker, put their place on the market. PG-13. BRIAN MILLER. Living Room Theaters.

The Age of Adaline

B Though the wisp of a plot could never achieve the epic romance trailers promise, this is the nearest chick flicks have come to the superhero blueprint.

Adaline doesn’t fight her way out of trouble but dominates through unerring good taste and a particular set of skills (like conversational Portuguese).

Her foes, beyond the government agents following her, are all overea-

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ger suitors until Ellis Jones (Michiel Huisman) wins her over. Their love is pleasant, if pointless, until a weekend trip to meet Ellis’ parents brings Adaline face to face with an old beau (Harrison Ford) who happens to be her new beau’s father. This is typical 20th-century cinema, and the character of Adaline isn’t especially rewarding either. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Living Room Theaters, Bridgeport, City Center, Division.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

A- If you loved The Avengers: You’ll squee all over yourself because, man, everything looks so cool! You’ll love the portrayal of Ultron from the ramshackle first appearance to the smooth and witty version with even more personality than in the comics. But if you got dragged to the movie: Buckle up, it’s gonna be a long ride. Between giant, smashy fights, each of the 2,000 characters gets a dark past, a love story, a moment of self doubt, and a separate resolution. In between, there’s lots of fighting, too often just two indestructible characters bashing each other into stuff. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Cinemas.

Ex Machina

B- Frankenstein’s monster is easy on the eyes in Ex Machina, Alex Garland’s sexualized science-fiction tale of a coder named Caleb (Domhnall Gleeson), whisked away by his genius boss (Oscar Isaac) for a top-secret project, is familiar. But we’re enticed enough to follow along anyway. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center.

Far From the Madding Crowd

B+ Carey Mulligan’s unsmiteable Bathsheba Everdene has little patience for society’s expectations in this stunning adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s 19th-century romance. The question is whether the captivating cinematography and Mulligan’s standout performance are enough to refresh what doesn’t amount to much more than another Victorian love story. PG-13 . LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Hollywood, City Center, Fox Tower.

Furious 7

A- Furious 7’s action and ridiculous-

ness make it perhaps the best yet.

Its tribute to Paul Walker, who tragically died (in a high-speed car wreck) before the film wrapped, makes it one of the most affecting movies about things exploding ever made. PG-13.

AP KRYZA. Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, Division.

Good Kill

C Hollywood targets drones in this psychological war drama about remote pilots navigating the treacherous border between backyard barbecues and a job that resembles a lethal game of Wii. Grounded fighter pilots, like Ethan Hawke’s vodka-swilling Maj. Thomas Egan, fly drones from a shipping crate unceremoniously plopped down outside Las Vegas. Hawke punches mirrors and speeds around in a 1968 Pontiac Firebird. January Jones (Mad Men) is again the slighted housewife; Bruce Greenwood (Star Trek) as Col. Johns perpetually reminds the rank and file that they are fucking numbskulls and we are in a goddamn war, roger? Good Kill attempts innovation by adding drones, but the same old war movie tropes weigh it down. R. ENID SPITZ. Cinema 21.

Heaven Adores You

A- The title is wrong. It sounds like a soft-focus TV movie about an angel who dreams of being a runway model.

But this film is the most complete attempt to date to tell the story of late

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

EPIC FAULT

THE GEOPHYSICS OF SAN ANDREAS ’ DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON IN AN EARTHQUAKE. San Andreas didn’t screen by our press deadline, despite my repeated letters to the president of Hollywood insisting that an alternative Portland newsweekly is the true center of the cinematic universe, so I made a geophysicist watch the trailer and tell me what he thought. Robert F. Butler is a professor of geophysics at the University of Portland, and he definitely had better things to do. ALEX FALCONE. WW: What did you think?

Robert F. Butler: It’s the typical Hollywood fabrication with only a kernel of truth.

What’s the kernel of truth?

There is a San Andreas fault.

That’s it? Could it actually make a gigantic earthquake that separates Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson from the family he loves so much?

Yes, it can cause earthquakes. But to cause the damage I saw, it would have to be much bigger than what’s possible.

How about the tsunami wave that’s taller than the Golden Gate Bridge?

Not possible. The San Andreas fault is the wrong kind of fault to produce a tsunami. It’s what we call a [confusing science-y terms here] fault, and in order to have a tsunami you need [more science science science], and so it’s total bullshit.

Fine, but let’s pretend it was possible. There’s a scene in which the Rock races a yacht over the crest of a tsunami. From a geophysical standpoint, wouldn’t you agree that’s totally awesome?

Uh, well I’d agree that it’s not physically possible.

Now I want to find something you did agree with. How about the scientist who’s right about everything but totally ignored, played by Paul Giamatti? Do you empathize?

They always do that, the bald, middle-aged, nerdy-looking guy.

He speaks two sentences in the trailer, and I can already name 10 things that are bullshit.

Are you offended by scientists in movies looking like Paul Giamatti?

Hollywood goes one of two ways with scientists— either the nerd route, like this guy, or like in Dante’s Peak, he’s Pierce Brosnan.

Would you say you’re between Paul Giamatti and Pierce Brosnan?

If you got a room full of geologists, most of them would be between those two, yes.

It used to be said the safest place in an earthquake was a door frame. This movie suggests the safest place is in a helicopter with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. What would you advise?

If we could predict earthquakes, which we can’t, and if we had enough helicopters to put everybody on the earth on them, which we don’t, then I guess that would be plausible because they’re not physically touching the earth when it’s shaking.

Oh good! What about the Rock? Is he in more danger because he’s such a top-heavy human?

In an earthquake, you should purposefully fall over: drop, cover, and hold on. So I guess, with that body, he’d actually be safer because he’s top-heavy.

So, if you want to save your family, get buff or get a helicopter. Got it.

What you shouldn’t do is what the actress does, which is run out of the building. Stay in the building!

Modern buildings have very good building codes, but pieces of the building may fall off, so right outside the building is what we call the “kill zone.”

Man, knowing so much about science must make watching movies harder for you.

I think it makes it harder for my family because I’m always telling them what the bullshit factor is.

Are you going to see San Andreas?

I’ll wait until it’s on TV. And then you’ll ruin it for your family?

Exactly.

SEE IT: San Andreas is rated PG-13. It opens Friday at Pioneer Place, Lloyd Center, Bridgeport and other major Portland-area theaters.

may 27–june 2 VAN SANT SERIES

C+ The Barden Bellas are back,

LAST DAYS Why it’s Portlandy: The Seattle setting is to Portland as Michael Pitt’s downward spiraling rocker Blake is to Kurt Cobain. There’s an aura of the iconic Pacific Northwest, but we’d rather spend our time listening to the soundtrack than sniffing out why Seattle and Blake are a bit fishy.

NW Film Center professor Mario Falsetto’s notes: “There is no psychological portrait of the main character and not many facts about the principal subject. It’s a poetic meditation on a life in chaos, disintegrating.”

Van Sant said: “There are a lot of things about the music, when you drive through the backwoods of this area [Olympia], that give an aural representation of what’s going on around you. Chain saws that sound just like Kurt’s guitar or a booming from the bass drum and bass that sounds like trees crashing.”

Hot Pursuit

D Reese Witherspoon applies her blondness to a bumbling Barney Fifetype police officer who’s improbably bad at human interactions. She’s paired with Modern Family’s Sofia Vergara, and the pair goes on a wacky road trip, trying to avoid being shot by a murderous drug cartel. It’s like Chief Wiggum and Jessica Rabbit running from Hans Gruber. There’s also a delightful cameo from Jim Gaffigan, which just made me wonder why it wasn’t a Jim Gaffigan movie with a Reese Witherspoon cameo.

That would have been great. PG-13.

ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Pioneer Place.

Tangerines

I Am Big Bird

B This documentary about the man awkwardly hiding in the bodies of Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch exposes the largely unknown actor as a talented loner within the Sesame Street crew. Luckily, Spinney’s lack of charisma isn’t crippling to the documentary, which has plenty of interesting anecdotes from his 40-plus-year career. nR. ALEX FALCONE. Living Room Theaters.

Iris

A Famed documentarian Albert Maysles’ penultimate film disrobes the avant-garde world of a 93-yearold interior designer who’s notorious for her gargantuan eyeglasses, for the Metropolitan Museum of Art exhibit dedicated to her, and for designing White House interiors under nine presidents. She shuffles through

something truly terrifying like It Follows can burrow into your psyche.

R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

A

Mad Max: Fury Road

I left the theater feeling like I should take a shower. This is a batshit, dirt-punk world, where the lack of resources has somehow convinced roving bands of ne’er-dowells there is only one way to survive: make everything look awesome.

And they do. It’s as if a world war erupted at Burning Man. This is not to say Fury Road makes any sense.

In a world fighting over gasoline, the action is a nonstop fight scene between souped-up cars with flame throwers and a tanker truck full of breast milk. First, a group of people needs to drive one way and try not to die, then they need to drive another way and try not to die. That’s it.

Suddenly, Furious 7 seems densely plotted. What’s so amazing is that this nonsensical explodey fuckpile can get away with almost anything.

If you loved any part of the original Mad Max trilogy, you won’t be disappointed by it restarting with such vigor. If you don’t know anything about it, you’ll be thrilled to discover a new series. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Bridgeport, Division, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, St. Johns Cinema.

D+ Actor-musician Russell Crowe’s feature directorial debut is a dumb, overwrought mess that aims for the heart with a sledgehammer. For two long hours. Crowe stars (of course) as Joshua Connor, a widowed water diviner who treks to Turkey to retrieve the remains of his three dead sons. R. CHRIS STAMM. Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

What We Do in the Shadows

B+ The last thing pop culture needs

is another vampire flick. The secondto-last is more reality TV. Leave it to a pack of Kiwis—including Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame—to give us both and somehow make vampires and reality TV feel fresh. R. JOHN LOCANTHI. Cinema 21.

For more Movies listings, visit

REVIEW

Slow West

It Follows

A- When your guard is lowered,

The Water Diviner

B- Kristen Wiig proves her relatable allure and comedic timing once again, hypnotizing us as Alice Klieg, an Oprah fanatic with borderline personality disorder who wins the lottery, but the increasingly uncomplicated plot falls flat compared to the magnetic strangeness of Wiig’s character.

R. LAUREN TERRY. Cinema 21.

Yet another remake of Steven Spielberg’s 1982 haunted-house flick in which the Bowen family (parented by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) find their new suburban home occupied by evil forces. This time, Oscarnominated Gil Kenan (Monster House) and Sami Raimi (The Grudge) tell the supernatural kidnapping tale. PG13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place.

crowds with Karl Lagerfeld types, wearing enough magenta beads to hold her wrinkled neck up straight, as the film mindfully tours viewers through Apfel’s life. As with Maysles’ Grey Gardens and Salesman, it’s hard to look away. nR. ENID SPITZ. Kiggins, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

SEE it: Last Days plays at NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., on Thursday, May 28. 7 pm. $9.

the tired, teen horror genre, employing a daunting menu of lo-fi horror strategies to make fear incarnate in an unclosable browser window. A group of frenemies virtually hanging out gets an uninvited guest using the screen name of a deceased classmate, Laura, who committed suicide after an anonymously posted video exposed her drunken misadventures. R. JAY HORTON. Clackamas, Division, Pioneer Place.

Poltergeist

A- Slow West feels like propaganda made to discourage anyone from time-traveling back to the Old West. And that’s precisely what’s so refreshing about this movie: It doesn’t romanticize gunslinging. Instead, it focuses on the day-to-day indignities of living on a horse, constantly in danger of being robbed, murdered or caught in a flash flood and forced to ride the next day in your underwear while your only clothes dry out.

It makes a dusty genre feel distinctly modern. It’s not surprising that this version of the American legend is so unromanticized, since its creator is Scottish folktronica keyboardist John Maclean. Consider it the equivalent of a peaty Scotch instead of a fine bourbon—both will get you drunk, robbed and left out in your underpants. PG13. ALEX FALCONE. Cinema 21.

Best line from the film: “Well, we have some great opportunities here for you, in the Yellow Pages.”

singer-songwriter Elliott Smith. We get meditative, straightforward accounts of what it was like to be Smith’s friend, his contemporary, or his bandmate. nR. CASEY JARMAN. Living Room Theaters.

riding high on the fame and ego of being three-time national champions—until a wardrobe malfunction turns them into a national disgrace.

How’s a band of misfits to recapture their glory? Win the world championships (which no American team has ever won). The film immediately falls into the sequel trap, where every joke is an exaggerated version of the same joke from the first movie. The film as a whole becomes a series of questionable choices by Elizabeth Banks, who took the helm as director. The jokes that do land are the ones that don’t try too hard, nailed

by Anna Kendrick’s deadpan delivery and some choice cameos by David Cross and Reggie Watts. What ultimately makes Pitch Perfect 2 tolerable enough to sit through are the musical performances. Actual a cappella groups from all over the world make appearances, and they rock. If you’re not a fan of musicals, God help you. PG-13. PENELOPE BASS. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Center, Eastport, Cedar Hills, Clackamas, City Center, Division, Vancouver.

Welcome to Me

Unfriended

B Unfriended ingeniously reboots

COURTESY OF NICE FLX PICTURES

COURTESY OF HBO FILMS

Pitch Perfect 2

MOVIES

C+ This somber Estonian film (the country’s first Oscar contender) follows elderly Estonian farmers tending their tangerine orchards as war rages around them. Their existence is mundane until a small battle breaks out on farmer Ivo’s front lawn, leaving two men wounded. Will the two mortal enemies begin to see each other as human as they heal under the care of Ivo the wise and peaceful? Well, duh. nR. AP KRYZA. Living Room Theaters.

Tomorrowland

C Of course, a movie based on a section of a theme park isn’t going to be good. It can’t be. Everything is shiny and white, and there’s lots of product placement, so it’s just how Disney would imagine The Future. During the 1964 World’s Fair, a tiny British girl persuades a plucky young boy to wear a pin that magically transports him to a distant future, but then the future goes to shit and needs to be saved,

by George Clooney. The plot is exactly the same as Atlas Shrugged, but with more child actors and awkward sexual tension between a robot and Clooney.

Oh, and somewhere back there they fly a steampunk rocket ship out of the Eiffel Tower. Also Hugh Laurie’s in it, and we like him. PG. ALEX FALCONE. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Theater.

gonE fiShing: Robert gustafsson.

THE 100-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO CLIMBED OUT THE WINDOW AND DISAPPEARED Cinema is a peerless cultural ambassador.

It cracks entire worlds open and connects us intimately with places we’ll never visit and people we’ll never know. Sometimes, as with The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared, it reassures us that people worldwide love to turn their brains off and watch a dumb comedy, just like us Americans.

The 100-Year-Old-Man follows its titular character from his Swedish nursing home to the shores of Bali, as he’s pursued by a disgruntled biker gang. The film originated with Swedish author Jonas Jonasson’s novel, which The Guardian reported as proof that Swedes can write light novels and not just bleak serial-killer thrillers, though the movie does feature at least five onscreen deaths.

The affected comedy has been called a new Forrest Gump. But whereas Tom Hanks played Gump as touched, Robert Gustafsson’s centenarian lead has his wits intact (if somewhat dulled by a Lebowski-ish drinking problem), and the film’s most intriguing mystery is what’s going on in that 100-year-old brain. Is he slipping quietly into senility or hatching a Machiavellian plan? Gustafsson is understatedly mesmerizing, and co-star David Wiberg steals some scenes as Benny, a directionless 40-something college student Gustafsson picks up along the way.

Unfortunately, the film often feels as rudderless as poor Benny.

A proper madcap comedy works because the stakes raise from start to finish; the plot balloons with absurdity until the players find themselves in such ludicrous circumstances that only a punch line of terrific proportions can save them. Here, the constant flashbacks deflate any escalating comic tension. They feel like toothless Saturday Night Live sketches that drag on a bit too long: Alfred Einstein’s idiot brother is kidnapped by mistake; Ronald Reagan demands that his groundskeeper not “tear down that wall,” and Gorbachev is listening in. All the while, Gustafsson is there at the edge of the frame, deadpan and a little buzzed.

When the inevitable Hollywood remake comes along, I expect to feel a little sentimental for this film. It’s hard to imagine Adam Sandler or Kevin Hart playing our elderly protagonist with any dignity. But while The 100-Year-Old-Man makes pit stops all over the world, it already feels a little too Hollywood. CASEY JARMAN.

a Swedish, centenarian Forrest Gump.

C-

SEE it: The 100-Year-Old Man is rated R. It opens Friday at Cinema 21.

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

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AP FILM STUDIES H Y U N YO U N G K I M

MOVIES

OPEN-AIR CINEMA YOUR GUIDE TO PORTLAND’S OUTDOOR MOVIE SEASON. Pitch Perfect 2 (PG-13) 10:50AM 12:30PM 1:40PM 3:20PM 4:35PM 6:20PM 7:35PM 9:20PM 10:30PM Poltergeist (2015) (3D) (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:35PM 4:00PM 6:30PM Tomorrowland (PG) 10:45AM 11:45AM 1:00PM 1:55PM 3:00PM 4:10PM 5:10PM 6:15PM 7:20PM 8:25PM 9:30PM 10:30PM Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (PG) 12:20PM 2:55PM 5:25PM 7:55PM 10:25PM Poltergeist (2015) (PG-13) 12:15PM 2:45PM 5:15PM 7:45PM 10:20PM San Andreas (PG-13) 10:40AM 1:30PM 4:20PM 7:10PM 10:00PM San Andreas (PG-13) 10:40AM ® 1:30PM ® 4:20PM ® 7:10PM ® 10:00PM ®

San Andreas (3D) (PG-13) 12:45PM 12:45PM ® 3:35PM 3:35PM ® 6:25PM 6:25PM ® 9:15PM 9:15PM ® Mad Max: Fury Road (3D) (R) 12:10PM 3:10PM 6:10PM 9:10PM Avengers: Age Of Ultron (3D) (PG-13) 9:00PM Avengers: Age Of Ultron (PG-13) 12:25PM 3:45PM 7:05PM 10:25PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 10:40AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Aloha (PG-13) 11:55AM 2:35PM 5:15PM 7:55PM 10:35PM Cinderella (2015) (PG) 10:45AM 1:25PM 4:15PM 7:15PM 10:05PM Home (PG) 11:15AM 1:45PM 4:25PM 7:00PM 9:35PM Hot Pursuit (PG-13) 12:00PM 2:30PM 5:05PM 7:30PM 9:55PM Far From The Madding Crowd (PG-13) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:35PM Furious 7 (PG-13) 12:20PM 3:40PM 7:00PM 10:15PM

Pitch Perfect 2 (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:25PM 1:50PM 3:15PM

Poltergeist (2015) (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:00PM 4:30PM

4:40PM 6:15PM 7:30PM 10:20PM

7:00PM 9:30PM

Pandaga Chesko (Great India Films) (NR) 9:00PM

Avengers: Age Of Ultron (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:45PM

San Andreas (XD-3D) (PG-13) 11:20AM 2:10PM 5:00PM 7:50PM 10:40PM

Tomorrowland (PG) 11:30AM 12:30PM 1:30PM 2:30PM 3:30PM 4:30PM 5:30PM 6:30PM 7:30PM 8:30PM 9:30PM 10:30PM Poltergeist (2015) (3D) (PG-13) 8:00PM 10:30PM San Andreas (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM

7:00PM 10:15PM Aloha (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:05PM 4:40PM 7:15PM 9:50PM Masss (Tamil) (NR) 12:10PM 3:05PM 6:00PM 9:00PM Far From The Madding Crowd (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 11:10AM 2:00PM 3:25PM

10:10PM

4:50PM 7:40PM 9:05PM 10:30PM

San Andreas (3D) (PG-13) 11:55AM 12:50PM 2:40PM

Mad Max: Fury Road (3D) (R) 12:35PM 6:15PM

3:35PM 5:25PM 6:30PM 8:10PM 9:15PM

Home (PG) 12:25PM 2:50PM 5:15PM

Pitch Perfect 2 (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:25PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 11:00AM 1:55PM 3:25PM 4:50PM 7:45PM 9:15PM 10:40PM Tomorrowland (PG) 11:00AM 12:50PM 2:15PM 4:00PM 5:30PM 7:10PM 8:40PM 10:10PM Poltergeist (2015) (3D) (PG-13) 11:45AM 2:30PM 5:00PM 7:25PM 9:50PM San Andreas (PG-13) 11:10AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:40PM San Andreas (3D) (PG-13) 12:35PM 3:25PM 6:15PM 9:05PM 10:30PM Poltergeist (2015) (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:30PM 4:00PM 6:40PM 9:10PM

Hot Pursuit (PG-13) 12:10PM 2:40PM 5:10PM 7:35PM 10:00PM Avengers: Age Of Ultron (PG-13) 12:15PM 3:30PM 6:50PM 10:10PM Aloha (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:45PM 10:20PM Mad Max: Fury Road (3D) (R) 12:30PM 6:20PM Ex Machina (R) 11:15AM 1:55PM 4:45PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Home (PG) 11:35AM 2:10PM 4:35PM 7:20PM 9:55PM Furious 7 (PG-13) 12:25PM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:15PM Far From The Madding Crowd (PG-13) 11:05AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:50PM 10:40PM

FRIDAY

BY A P KRYZA

apkryza@wweek.com

Summer offers a real conundrum for nerds. Sure, you want to get outside and enjoy all that fresh air your friends keep talking about, but then how will you watch The Goonies for the 3,000th time?

Fear not. You live in Portland. So you’ve got a buttload of options for watching movies outside, and pretty much every one of these venues will be showing The Goonies at least once. Here’s a handy guide to going outside while still feeling like a shut-in.

Night Movies Cartopia, Southeast 12th Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard. Sundays through Nov. 1 The scene: Extremely informal. The movies are basically background noise as you go into a poutine coma.

Best picture: Every movie is followed by a Twin Peaks episode, so we’re going with American Psycho (July 5), since director Mary Harron is a little David Lynchian.

Movies at Dusk Pix Patisserie/Bar Vivant, 2225 E Burnside St. Wednesdays through Sept. 30.

The scene: Each movie is paired with a themed specialty drink on Pix’s tucked-away patio.

Best picture: Drinking Coors while watching Smokey and the Bandit (July 22) in a French pastry shop is far too enticing to pass up.

99W Drive-In 3110 Portland Road, Newberg. Fridays-Sundays through late October.

The scene: Some cars are full of older folks looking to relive the magic of the drive-in days at a venue that’s on the National Register of Historic Places. Some are full of teenagers steaming up the windows. Some are full of old folks steaming up the windows.

Best picture: We’re still holding out hope that Jurassic World (June 12) will have a raptor-turd’s worth of the magic of the original. If it does, it’s hard to imagine a better place to experience that old-school fun than at the drive-in.

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Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

Movies in the Park Parks throughout Portland. Tuesdays-Sundays, July 8-Sept. 11.

The scene: Kids. Kids everywhere. While parents drink concealed wine. So like family movie night at home, but on the grass.

Best picture: Every child needs to experience E.T. (Wellington Park, Aug. 19) outdoors, wrapped in a blanket and fantasizing about flying in front of the moon.

NW Film Center’s Top Down: Rooftop Cinema Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave. Thursdays, July 16-Aug. 20.

The scene: The rooftop of the Hotel deLuxe makes a nice transformation to a starlit movie theater, with food carts playing concession stands and wine flowing. If there’s a movie experience where you’re looking to “be seen,” this is it.

Best picture: Eric Idle’s delightful “Galaxy Song” in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (Aug. 27) is best under a rooftop of stars.

Flicks on the Bricks Pioneer Courthouse Square.

Fridays, July 24-Aug 21.

The scene: Basically, movies in the park. But in the Square.

Best picture: The lineup is yet to be set, with an online voting system allowing folks to choose their movies from a selection of action flicks, cartoons, comedies and musicals. Alas, there’s no write-in to bring Point Break to the city center, so let’s just hope Wayne’s World wins in the comedy category.

NW Film Center’s Drive-In at Zidell Yards 3030 SW Moody St. Thursday-Sunday, Aug. 27-31.

The scene: The gravel yard under the Ross Island Bridge has become a go-to events space, and for a second year NW Film Center is turning it into a drive-/walk-/bike-in theater and temporary food-cart pod.

Best picture: An American Werewolf in London (Aug. 28) and Jurassic Park (Aug. 29) are drive-in classics, but seeing Clueless (Aug. 27) outside—a chorus of “whatevers” echoing off the Willamette—has our inner teenage girl wiggin’.

ALSO SHOWING:

This week, Pix pairs white Russians with The Big Lebowski (Wednesday) and Cartopia gets inducted into Fight Club (Sunday). For full listings, go to wweek.com.

MOVIES

CO U R T E SY O F PA R A M O U N T P I C T U R E S

MAY 29–JUNE 4

BLUE MOON: Braveheart plays May 29-June 2 at Kiggins Theatre.

Hollywood Theatre

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St. TOMORROWLAND: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE SAN ANDREAS: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE ALOHA FriSat-Sun 01:00, 03:55, 07:00, 09:45 SAN ANDREAS FriSat-Sun 02:15, 10:30 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 05:00, 07:45

Regal Evergreen Parkway Stadium 13 & RPX

2625 NW 188th Ave. SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:40, 08:00 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:20, 05:00, 10:40 ALOHA FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:20, 02:00, 04:40, 07:40, 10:20

Regal Hilltop 9 Cinema

325 Beavercreek Road SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun 10:30, 01:30, 04:30, 07:30 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-SatSun 10:00, 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 10:00, 10:30 ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 10:15, 01:15, 04:15, 07:15, 10:15

Regal Wilsonville Stadium 9

29300 SW Town Center Loop ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 01:10, 03:50, 07:00, 09:40 SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00, 10:00 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 04:00, 07:10

Regal Division Street Stadium 13 16603 SE Division St. ALOHA SAN ANDREAS Fri 11:15, 02:00, 04:40, 07:20 POLTERGEIST SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri 11:50, 02:30, 05:10, 07:50, 10:00, 10:30

Regal Movies on TV Stadium 16

2929 SW 234th Ave. ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 11:15, 01:50, 04:30, 07:15, 10:00 SAN ANDREAS Fri 11:30, 02:15, 05:00, 07:45 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat 04:30 POLTERGEIST

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 TOMORROWLAND Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:15, 03:30, 07:00, 10:15

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 THE REPUBLIC OF RICK THE TRUE COST Fri 07:00 THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE

SHOW Sat 12:00 STATES OF GRACE Sun 03:30 COINTELPRO 101 Mon 07:00 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Tue PLANTPURE NATION Wed 07:00

Oak Grove 8 Cinemas 16100 S.E. McLoughlin Blvd., 503-653-9999 TOMORROWLAND FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:15, 04:05, 06:50, 09:40 POLTERGEIST Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:05, 03:10, 05:20, 07:30, 09:45 MAD MAX: FURY ROAD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:50, 04:30, 07:10, 09:50 PITCH PERFECT 2 Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:35, 02:15, 04:10, 04:50, 06:45, 07:25, 09:20, 10:00 AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 10:05 THE AGE OF ADALINE EX MACHINA SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 02:10, 04:40, 07:20, 09:55 ALOHA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 02:15, 04:45, 07:05, 09:30

CineMagic Theatre

2021 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 MAD MAX: FURY ROAD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30, 08:00

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 BRAVEHEART Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 07:00 IRIS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 05:15

Regal Cinema 99 Stadium 11

9010 N.E. Highway 99, ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:05, 04:50, 07:30, 10:10 SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun 02:15, 10:30 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 05:00, 07:45

99 West Drive-In

Hwy 99W, 503-538-2738 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Mon-Tue-Wed THE GOONIES Fri-Sat-Sun 09:00 SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun 10:30

Kennedy School Theater

5736 N.E. 33rd Ave., 503249-7474 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS THE DIVERGENT SERIES: INSURGENT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:45 KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 02:30 ICE AGE: THE MELTDOWN Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:45, 09:15 EX MACHINA Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:15, 09:30 LEGENDS SALUTE YOUR SHORTS B MOVIE BINGO: OMEGA COP Fri 09:30 HOUSE PARTY Sat 07:00 ON PAPER WINGS Sat 02:30 ROAR Tue 07:30 INTERNATIONAL YOUTH SILENT FILM FESTIVAL Wed 07:30

Regal Sherwood Stadium 10

15995 Tualatin-Sherwood Road ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:10, 04:45, 07:20, 10:00 SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun 02:10, 10:30 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 04:50, 07:40

NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

1219 S.W. Park Ave., 503-221-1156 THE LAST DAYS JOHNNY GUITAR Fri-Sun 04:45 PARTY GIRL Sat 04:30 THE KING OF KINGS Sat 07:00 LIGHTNING OVER WATER Sun 07:00

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 S.W. Morrison St. SAN ANDREAS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:50, 10:00 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:30, 04:30, 07:15 POLTERGEIST POLTERGEIST 3D TOMORROWLAND PITCH PERFECT 2 HOT PURSUIT AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON 3D

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 TOMORROWLAND Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 10:00

Regal Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 & IMAX

7329 SW Bridgeport Road TOMORROWLAND: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE SAN ANDREAS: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE ALOHA Fri-Sat-Sun 10:50, 01:30, 04:10, 06:50, 09:30 SAN ANDREAS SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri 06:15 POLTERGEIST POLTERGEIST 3D TOMORROWLAND BOMBAY VELVET MAD MAX: FURY ROAD MAD MAX: FURY ROAD 3D PITCH PERFECT 2 WHERE HOPE GROWS FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD HOT PURSUIT AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON 3D PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2 EX MACHINA FURIOUS

7 WOMAN IN GOLD ENTOURAGE Tue-Wed 11:05, 01:45, 04:30, 07:25, 10:05

Valley Theater

9360 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, 503-296-6843 THE DIVERGENT SERIES: INSURGENT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:05, 09:30 AMERICAN SNIPER KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 08:40 MCFARLAND, USA FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:00 WILD CINDERELLA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:45 GET HARD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00 THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER Fri-Sat-Sun 02:35

Century Clackamas Town Center and XD

12000 SE 82nd Ave. CINDERELLA Fri-Sat 10:45, 01:25, 04:15, 07:15, 10:05 HOME Fri-Sat 11:15, 01:45, 04:25, 07:00, 09:35 FURIOUS 7 FriSat 12:20, 03:40, 07:00, 10:15 PITCH PERFECT 2 Fri-Sat 10:50, 12:30, 01:40, 03:20, 04:35, 06:20, 07:35, 09:20, 10:30 AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON FriSat 12:25, 03:45, 07:05, 10:25 AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON 3D Fri-Sat 09:00 PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2 Fri-Sat 12:20, 02:55, 05:25, 07:55, 10:25 THE AGE OF ADALINE HOT PURSUIT Fri-Sat 12:00, 02:30, 05:05, 07:30, 09:55 MAD MAX: FURY ROAD Fri-Sat 10:40, 01:40, 04:40, 07:40, 10:40 MAD MAX: FURY ROAD 3D Fri-Sat 12:10, 03:10, 06:10, 09:10 TOMORROWLAND Fri-Sat 10:45, 11:45, 01:00, 01:55, 03:00, 04:10, 05:10, 06:15, 07:20, 08:25, 09:30, 10:30 SAN ANDREAS FriSat 10:40, 01:30, 04:20, 07:10, 10:00 SAN ANDREAS 3D Fri-Sat 12:45, 03:35, 06:25, 09:15 ALOHA FriSat 11:55, 02:35, 05:15, 07:55, 10:35 EX MACHINA POLTERGEIST Fri-Sat 12:15, 02:45, 05:15, 07:45, 10:20 POLTERGEIST 3D Fri-Sat 11:00, 01:35, 04:00, 06:30 LITTLE BOY FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD Fri-Sat 10:55, 01:50, 04:50, 07:40, 10:35 WHERE HOPE GROWS

SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION FRIDAY-THURSDAY, MAY 29-JUNE 4, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

Willamette Week MAY 27, 2015 wweek.com

43

END ROLL

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Get a Roll-uh-Bowl. Made with medical-grade silicone, the collapsible water pipe folds up to the size of a hand. While folded, a simple wristband holds in the down stem and bowl, all included in the $35 price.

This is not some portable piece of crap designed to last a few uses. The Graffix composite down stem with GLID oneway stopper ball turns what could have been a sorry but rugged water pipe into a daily user that just happens not to be made of glass. The glow-in-the-dark stopper ball prevents splashing typically associated with cheaply made, portable options, while the down stem it’s connected to helps stabilize the Roll-uh-Bowl base.

Coupled with an alloy eject-a-bowl that pushes ash—no scraping or side hitting required—the Rolluh-Bowl makes cleaning on the go a little easier, while ensuring a smooth, repeatable carb removal at the end of each smoke. The eject-a-bowl can also be transformed into a dab rig, though you’ll need to bring your own nail.

Taking a hit from the 8-inch-tall, 1½-inch-around pipe works just like you’d expect, though a smooth draw is required unless you like seeing silicone collapse. Dishwashersafe, odorless and flavorless, the Roll-uh-Bowl would probably make it through airport security, too.

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Week of May 28

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JOBS

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The weta is a very large insect whose habitat is New Zealand. It looks like a robotic grasshopper, with giant black eyes on a long red face, enlarged hind legs bearing spikes, and floppy, oversized antennae. The native Maori people call it “the god of the ugly things.” Please note that this is a term of respect. The weta’s title is not “the most monstrous of the ugly things,” or “the worst” or “the scariest” or “the most worthless of the ugly things.” Rather, the Maori say it’s the god -- the highest, the best, the most glorious. I suspect that in the coming days, Taurus, you will have a close encounter with your own version of a “god of ugly things.” Doesn’t it deserve your love and welcome?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You have successfully made the transition from brooding caterpillar to social butterfly. Soon you will be in your full, fluttery glory, never lingering too long with one thought, one friend, or one identity. Some heavy-duty, level-headed stalwarts might wish you would be more earthy and anchored, but I don’t share their concern. At least for now, having a long attention span is overrated. You have entered the fidgety, inquisitive part of your cycle, when flitting and flirting and flickering make perfect sense.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Only one fear is worthy of you. Only one fear is real enough and important enough to awaken and activate the numb part of your intelligence. So for now, I suggest that you retire all lesser fears. Stuff them in a garbage bag and hide them in a closet. Then put on your brave champion face, gather the allies and resources you need, and go forth into glorious battle. Wrestle with your one fear.

Reason with it. If necessary, use guile and trickery to gain an advantage. Call on divine inspiration and be a wickedly good truth-teller. And this is crucial: Use your fear to awaken and activate the numb part of your intelligence.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming nights, try to see your shadow as it’s cast on the ground by the moon.

Not by the sun, mind you. Look for the shadow that’s made by the light of the moon. It might sound farfetched, but I suspect this experience will have a potent impact on your subconscious mind. It may jostle loose secrets that you have been hiding from yourself. I bet it will give you access to emotions and intuitions you have been repressing. It could also help you realize that some of the deep, dark stuff you wrestle with is not bad and scary, but rather fertile and fascinating.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The ancient Greek statesman Demosthenes was regarded as a supremely skilled orator. His speeches were so powerful that he was compared to a “blazing thunderbolt.” And yet as a youngster he spoke awkwardly. His voice was weak and his enunciation weird. To transform himself, he took drastic measures. He put pebbles in his mouth to force himself to formulate his words with great care. He recited poems as he ran up and down hills. At the beach, he learned to outshout the pounding surf. Take inspiration from him, Virgo. Now would be an excellent time for you to plan and launch strenuous efforts that will enable you to eventually accomplish one of your longrange goals.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Long-distance flirtations may soon be just around the corner or across the street.

Remote possibilities are taking short cuts as they head your way. I swear the far horizon and the lucky stars seem closer than usual. Is it all a mirage? Some of it may be, but at least a part of it is very real. If you want to be ready to seize the surprising opportunities that show up in your vicinity, I suggest you make yourself as innocent and expansive as possible. Drop any jaded attitudes you may be harboring. Let the future know that you are prepared to receive a flood of beauty, truth, and help.

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I suspect that marriages of convenience will begin to wither away unless they evolve into bonds of affection. Connections that have been fed primarily on fun and games must acquire more ballast. In fact, I recommend that you re-evaluate all your contracts and agreements. How are they working for you? Do they still serve the purpose you want them to? Is it time to acknowledge that they have transformed and need to be reconfigured? As you take inventory, be both tough-minded and compassionate.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Petrarch was an influential 14th-century Italian poet whose main work was Song Book. It’s a collection of 366 poems, most of which are dedicated to Laura, the woman he loved.

For 40 years he churned out testaments of longing and appreciation for her, despite the fact that he and she never spent time together. She was married to another man, and was wrapped up in raising her eleven children. Should we judge Petrarch harshly for choosing a muse who was so unavailable? I don’t. Muse-choosing is a mysterious and sacred process that transcends logic. I’m bringing the subject to your attention because you’re entering a new phase in your relationship with muses. It’s either time to choose a new one (or two?) or else adjust your bonds with your current muses.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “The soul moves in circles,” said the ancient Greek philosopher Plotinus.

Modern psychologist James Hillmans agreed, and added this thought: “Hence our lives are not moving straight ahead; instead, hovering, wavering, returning, renewing, repeating.” I bring this to your attention, Capricorn, because you’re now in an extra-intense phase of winding and rambling. This is a good thing!

You are spiraling back to get another look at interesting teachings you didn’t master the first time around. You are building on past efforts that weren’t strong enough.

Your words of power are crooked, gyrate, curvy, labyrinthine, and corkscrew.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s no coincidence that your libido and your mojo are booming at the same time. Your libido is in the midst of a deep, hearty awakening, which is generating a surplus of potent, super-fine mojo. And your surplus of potent, superfine mojo is in turn inciting your libido’s even deeper, heartier awakening. There may be times in the coming week when you feel like you are living with a wild animal. As long as you keep the creature well-fed and well-stroked, it should provide you with lots of vigorous, even boisterous fun.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early,” quipped 19th-century English author Charles Lamb. I invite you to adopt that breezy, lazy attitude in the coming weeks.

It’s high time for you to slip into a very comfortable, laidback mood . . . to give yourself a lot of slack, explore the mysteries of dreamy indolence, and quiet down the chirpy voices in your head. Even if you can’t literally call in sick to your job and spend a few days wandering free, do everything you can to claim as much low-pressure, unhurried spaciousness as possible.

Homework Your Future Self comes to you and says, “You must get rid of two beliefs that are holding you back.”

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