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It’s a beastly time at the state’s most popular tourist attraction. These political animals will determine its future. BY AARO N ME S H

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VOL 40/30 05.28.2014


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


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SPOILED ROTTEN: Imagining Jason Schwartzman as Henry VIII. Page 50.
















EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Kate Willson Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editor Matt Buckingham Stage & Screen Editor Rebecca Jacobson Music Editor Matthew Singer Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Books Penelope Bass Dance Aaron Spencer Theater Rebecca Jacobson Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Laura Hanson, Cambria Roth

Speedlights are an inexpensive and effective alternative to using big studio strobes. In this hands-on workshop, Jayesunn Krump will teach you to use your flash to its fullest potential. Through his control of shadow and light, Jayesunn will teach you the techniques he uses to create powerful images.

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STORE HOURS CONTRIBUTORS Emilee Booher, Ruth Brown, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, Nina Lary, Mitch Lillie, John Locanthi, Enid Spitz, Grace Stainback, Mark Stock, Michael C. Zusman PRODUCTION Production Manager Ben Kubany Art Director Kathleen Marie Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Amy Martin, Xel Moore, Dylan Serkin Production Interns Will Corwin ADVERTISING Director of Advertising Scott Wagner Display Account Executives Maria Boyer, Ginger Craft, Michael Donhowe, Kevin Friedman, Janet Norman, Kyle Owens, Sharri Miller Regan, Andrew Shenker Classifieds Account Executive Matt Plambeck Advertising Assistant Ashley Grether Marketing & Events Manager Steph Barnhart Give!Guide Director Nick Johnson

Our mission: Provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference. Though Willamette Week is free, please take just one copy. Anyone removing papers in bulk from our distribution points will be prosecuted, as they say, to the full extent of the law. Willamette Week is published weekly by City of Roses Newspaper Company 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Main line phone: (503) 243-2122 fax: (503) 243-1115 Classifieds phone: (503) 223-1500 fax: (503) 223-0388

n Shadows & Light: A Speedlight Workshop Cost: $49 ......Sat, Jul 12 @ 10:30am-1:30pm

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DISTRIBUTION Circulation Director Mark Kirchmeier WWEEK.COM Web Production Brian Panganiban Web Editor Matthew Korfhage MUSICFESTNW Executive Director Trevor Solomon Associate Director Matt Manza Marketing Coordinator Madeleine Zusman TECHFESTNW Program Director Lizzy Caston OPERATIONS Accounting Manager Chris Petryszak Credit & Collections Shawn Wolf Office Manager/Receptionist Sam Cusumano A/P Clerk Andrea Iannone Manager of Information Systems Brian Panganiban Associate Publisher Jane Smith Publisher Richard H. Meeker

Willamette Week welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to either News Editor or Arts Editor. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. To be considered for calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon Wednesday, two weeks before publication. Send to Calendar Editor. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Questions concerning circulation or subscription inquiries should be directed to Mark Kirchmeier at Willamette Week. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Subscription rates: One year $100, six months $50. Back issues $5 for walk-ins, $8 for mailed requests when available. Willamette Week is mailed at third-class rates. Association of Alternative Newsmedia This newspaper is published on recycled newsprint using soy-based ink.

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


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RESPONDING TO AN “ATTACK” It’s common for some to consider themselves in the vanguard of history, and equally common for them to end up in history’s dustbin. Locally, it is not as common to see such vainglorious self-regard coupled with nasty assaults directed at respected public servants. Yet such was the essence of Shannon Wight’s letter regarding your story on the juvenile justice system [“Spare the Jail, Spoil the Child?,” WW, May 7, 2014] and Chuck French and John Foote, who were mentioned in it. Her ad hominen attack on French and Foote was perhaps an effort not to address the substance of the juvenile justice issue. To give just one example of the facts Wight would probably like to avoid, 10 years ago juvenile drug-crime rates in Oregon were below the national average. Since then, armed with the philosophy of Wight and her organization of not involving “minor” offenders in the system, county juvenile departments have been closing huge numbers of drug cases at intake with mere warnings or less, and without supervision or treatment. Now Oregon juvenile drug-arrest rates are 88 percent above the national average, and we have the second-highest juvenile drug-crime rate in the nation. We also have one of the highest juvenile drug-addiction rates in the country. How’s that working out for kids? However, maybe there is an upside to Wight using personal attacks instead of dealing with the facts, because when addressing the substance of an issue, she seems to have an equal inability to get it right. Earlier this month, she told The Oregonian that a long-standing policy of the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office regarding juveniles was “contrary to state law.”

In fact, during the two decades the policy was in existence, no attorney, let alone the respected Metropolitan public defenders for which Wight once worked as a trial assistant, ever managed to get a judge to say so. Of course, that’s because the policy was not “contrary to state law.” Equally wrong is her claim that prosecutors have no oversight. In addition to being subject to vigorous ethical supervision from the Oregon State Bar and special ethical rules, the head prosecutor in each county is subject to the supervision of the electorate. Maybe next time, instead of reaching back to the dinosaurs or simply saying things that aren’t true, Wight can borrow from the relatively more recent past and say to those who adopt her misbegotten policies, “Après moi, le dèluge.” Norm Frink Northwest Portland (Frink is the former longtime chief deputy district attorney in Multnomah County.)


Some folks succeed on their own merits, others try to succeed on the backs of others [“Wipeout!,” WW, May 21, 2014]. When the pattern is revealed, the truth comes out. Thanks for this revealing story. —“Diane Charmley” It’s inexcusable that Portland State has no policies to protect students’ [ideas] and to make clear its ethical expectations of faculty. —“Seems2Me” LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email:

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My car was stolen. Thankfully, it was recovered. But since the cops had it towed, it cost me $200. The tow company says it sends most of this money back to the city. Why should I have to pay to get my own car back, and where is this money going? —Towtally Frustrated

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An old lady and her grandson were at the beach. Suddenly, a huge wave washed the boy out to sea. The grandmother prayed frantically: “Please, God, please! Return this innocent child!” Just then, another wave swept in and deposited the unharmed child gently at the old lady’s feet. She looked at the boy, then turned to the sky and cried, “He had a hat!” In other words, I think I speak for the entire Portland Police Bureau when I say: You’re fucking welcome. Still, you have a point—why add insult to injury by towing a car that’s already had a rough day?

They tow almost all the stolen cars they find, too, not just the ones that are illegally parked. If you can get there in less than 30 minutes, they may release the car to you directly, but mostly they haul ’em off and stick you with the towing bill. Despite what the towing guy told you, his company pockets that fee; the city gets no kickback. (I know, dishonest tow-truck drivers. What’s the world coming to?) Why not just notify the driver and let him pick up the car himself? Apparently, it’s so the car doesn’t get stolen again in the meantime. “There are people out there who would say ‘leave it,’ only to sue the city when they went to pick it up later and found it gone,” says police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson. To me, towing a car because it might be stolen is like burning down your house because there might be a tornado, but what do I know? QUESTIONS? Send them to

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JUNE 5TH @6PM On Thursday June 5th at 6 PM, Singer/Songwriter Judith Owen will give an in-store performance here at Music Millennium promoting her newest album “Ebb & Flow”. This is an event not to be missed! Judith Owen’s new album Ebb & Flow evokes the spirit of the halcyon days of the great 1970s troubadours. Released on May 6th 2014 from Twanky Records, Ebb & Flow features the great Russ Kunkel (drummer), Leland Sklar (bassist) and Waddy Wachtel (guitarist). Judith remains an unflinching singer-songwriter, bearing her soul as the core of her creativity.

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Joseph Arthur will be performing at the Bunk Bar on June 5th and a special in-store performance at Music Millennium on June 7th at 2:00pm. These area shows are in support of his latest release “LOU” – a tribute to his friend Lou Reed which was just released on May 13th. Arthur’s lastest album marks his debut on Vanguard Records. The album, which is Arthur’s interpretations of his favorite Lou Reed songs, was performed, recorded, and produced by Joseph Arthur in his home studio. Lou has already earned Arthur a memorable performance on Letterman and early praise from USA Today, AV Club, No Depression and many others.

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POLITICS: What May 20 taught us about Oregon’s future. NEIGHBORHOODS: The Pearl is big-bang weary. COVER STORY: A dead ape revives the Oregon Zoo’s woes.

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BOIL THIS NEWS BEFORE READING. Not just any proposal can alarm both churches and the purveyors of lottery tickets and cigarettes. But places of worship and convenience stores are the groups expressing the loudest opposition to the street fee proposed by Portland Mayor Charlie Hales and City Commissioner Steve Novick. The two officials have deployed their long-discussed strategy to raise up to $50 million a year for transportation projects by charging most households $138 a year, with higher charges for businesses, churches and schools. Hales and Novick hope the City Council will pass the fee June 4 without referring it to voters. “None of us want to be doing this,” Novick said at the May 22 announcement. “If the voters are really mad at us, we’re both up for re-election in 2016, and they can throw us out.” Resistance is coming first from restaurants and convenience stores—their lobbyists meet this week to discuss how to fight the fee. Also worried: Ecumenical Ministries of Oregon, which fears the fee would hit both poor people and the nonprofits that serve them. The City Council will hold a public hearing on the fee May 29.


A federal judge’s ruling to overturn Oregon’s ban on samesex marriage hasn’t created a rush to the altar in Multnomah County—at least not compared to 2004, when same-sex marriages were briefly declared legal in the county. The county has issued 325 marriage licenses in the week following U.S. District Judge Michael McShane’s landmark May 19 decision. That’s triple the number of marriages in a typical week, but it doesn’t compare to 2004, when 1,758 couples sought licenses. The numbers may be smaller because other states, including Washington and California, gained marriage equality before Oregon, so couples traveled to tie the knot. But county spokesman David Austin says couples may be taking their time because they’re less concerned their rights will prove only temporary. “I heard people talking about how good it felt to mosey up to the counter,” Austin says, “rather than sprint.”

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The Franklin High program that has significantly increased the number of that school’s students headed to college has brought new accolades for the woman who runs it. OnPoint Community Credit Union has named Susan Anglada Bartley its high-school educator of the year. Bartley helped create Franklin’s Advanced Scholar Program, which has particularly helped low-income, Latino and African-American students (“Starting a College Stampede,” WW, Jan. 29, 2014). This year, 100 percent of the Advanced Scholar graduating class has been accepted to college—many of the students will be the first in their families to go. OnPoint will pay Bartley’s mortgage for a year and donate $1,000 to Franklin. “It shines a brighter light on what these kids are capable of,” Bartley says. “Amazing.” Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.


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rolling into november The May 2014 primary results provide clues about the fall election—and this state. By NIG E L JAQ UI SS

If the May 20 primary election reinforced one lesson, it’s that voters are paying attention. They saw through the specious claims put forth by Portlanders for Water Reform, the group seeking to take over the city’s water and sewer bureaus, sending them to the showers by a decisive margin of 73 percent to 27 percent. In a sign of an improving economy, voters also passed numerous tax measures across the state—none bigger than Beaverton’s mammoth $680 million school bond— and halted the rightward drift of the Clackamas County Commission, choosing two incumbents over more conservative challengers. In Portland, voters recognized good performance, overwhelmingly re-electing incumbent City Commissioners Dan Saltzman and Nick Fish. Voters also vetoed former City Commissioner Jim Francesconi’s quest for redemption, electing Deborah Kafoury as Multnomah County chairwoman by a margin of 66 percent to 18 percent. They even appeared to send a subtle message to Gov. John Kitzhaber. We’re not sure, but the 27,000 Democratic voters backing a challenger—who didn’t campaign and has the unforgettable name of Ifeanyichukwu C.

Diru—might have been telling Kitzhaber something about Cover Oregon. We did learn some things for certain: Oregonians really care about what goes in their bodies. Traditional values still matter in the GOP. And as powerful as they are, public employee unions are not infallible. “There are some pretty complex issues out there,” says Pacific University political science professor Jim Moore. “We are seeing an informed electorate. Voters seem to be able to see through the clutter and throw out the trash.” Here are four lessons from May 20: Get ready for GMO mania. Perhaps one of the least noticed—at least in Portland—results May 20 was the extraordinary victory of a Jackson County group seeking to ban crops grown from genetically modified seeds. The result was not close—ban proponents won by a margin of 66 percent to 34 percent. And they did so by overcoming major hurdles. Jackson County remains both agricultural and conservative, with Republicans outnumbering Democrats by five percentage points. Its one liberal bastion, Ashland, doesn’t swing the county to the left like, say, Portland and Eugene do in Multnomah and Lane counties, respectively. Secondly, Big Ag in the form of Monsanto, DuPont and Syngenta spent $930,000 to defeat the measure, almost 10 times as much as the proponents of the ban (“Put a

Label on It,” WW, April 16, 2014). Finally, the ban went further than other GMO-related measures that have cropped up recently in other places, such as California and Washington, where the industry narrowly defeated proposals to simply label GMO food. Moore says he sees a common thread between last year’s rejection of fluoridation in Portland, the GMO ban and even Portlanders’ rejection of a Water Bureau takeover. “When you look at the results, both Republicans and Democrats voted for the ban,” Moore says. “It was the anti-corporate sentiment that carried the day.” Oregonians statewide will probably have a GMO labeling measure on the November ballot. Look for a battle royale—and probably the most expensive ballot-measure campaign in Oregon history. “We expect that the labeling measure’s going to get a lot of attention,” says Paige Richardson, a spokeswoman for GMO Free Oregon. “The chemical companies that make GMOs are going to do everything they can to stop us.” Public employee unions aren’t i nv i ncible. Oregon’s public employee unions have long been astute political players. They have used their members’ money, phone-banking and canvassing to win huge victories in recent years, helping House Democrats retake a large majority in 2012 and pushing Gov. John Kitzhaber to a narrow victory in 2010. Last week, they powered Rob Nosse to victory in House District 42 (Southeast Portland) and played a big role in defeating the takeover of the water and sewer bureaus. But on May 20, the unions also suffered rare defeats in cont. on page 9 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014






Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

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two high-profile races. Service Employees International Union and the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees threw strong endorsements and big money ($28,000 from SEIU and $20,000 from AFSCME) behind Multnomah County chair candidate Jim Francesconi. The money allowed Francesconi to air campaigns ads, which had minimal impact: He lost to former Multnomah County Commissioner Deborah Kafoury by a whopping margin of about 4-to-1. Francesconi built his campaign around job creation, and pledged to help unions build membership as part of that strategy. He won strong union backing—and nearly $80,000 in contributions—from labor groups. “Jim was clearly somebody they were more comfortable with,” says veteran lobbyist Len Bergstein. “But I just don’t know what the strategy was, except that he was all in on messaging about income inequality that never resonated with voters.” Joe Baessler, AFSCME’s political director, says his union, the biggest representing public employees in the county, supported Francesconi because they want change. “It was a vote against the status quo,” Baessler says. Kafoury’s margin of victory, he says, was surprising. “There were a massive number of undecideds,” Baessler says. “She ran good ads and a good campaign, and what voters knew about Jim wasn’t necessarily good.” The Oregon Education Association, the state’s biggest teachers union, bet even bigger on Deborah Barnes, a teacher and union official seeking an open seat in House District 41 (Milwaukie and parts of Southeast Portland). The OEA gave Barnes $115,000, and other public employee unions gave her a nother $42,000. Yet Barnes, a former two-term Milwaukie city councilor, lost to Kathleen Taylor, a political newcomer, 61 percent to 33 percent. Barnes say she’s still scratching her head about the result. She says she put 12 pieces of mail in front of voters and had OEA members phone-banking for her until the polls closed. “There’s a part of me that feels I disappointed a whole bunch of union folks,” Barnes says. “I feel like the really low turnout hurt me.” R ight to Life lives. This May, the anti-abortion group Oregon Right to Life and its ideological partner, the Oregon Family Council, shook up a sleepy pr ima r y season. The t wo g roups spent heavily in four GOP House primaries and certainly violated what Ronald Reagan called the 11th commandment: “Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican.” The two groups helped fund an avalanche of ads, some of which did “speak ill,” and they also won four of four races. And in two of them, radio host Bill Post in House District 25 (Salem-Keizer) and Mike Nearman in House District 23 (Dallas) drew most of their financial support from Oregon Right to Life and the Oregon Family Council. Collectively, those two groups have already spent $645,000 this year. That’s more than the three major public employee unions have spent combined. “Nothing has changed,” says Tim Nashif, executive director of the Oregon Family Coun-


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Environmentalists use their resources efficiently. One of the major stor ies of the 2 01 2 c a mpa ig n w a s the Oregon League of Conser vation Voters’ audacious and successful attack on five-term state Rep. Mike Schauf ler (D-Happy Valley). Under new executive director Doug Moore, a Beltway refugee, OLCV hand-picked a challenger for Schaufler and beat an incumbent state representative in a primary for the first time in nearly 20 years. OLCV was less bold this time but just as successful. The group recruited land-use lawyer Ken Helm to run for an open seat in House District 34 (Washington County) and spent nearly $20,000, half the money OLCV donated this year, supporting him. The race between Helm and Brian Tosky, an educational consultant, attracted unusually broad interest: Associated Oregon Industries, the Oregon Business Association and large corporations piled in on Tosky’s side, while the Oregon Trial Lawyers Association and public employee unions followed OLCV into Helm’s campaign. Both candidates spent about $160,000, but Helm came out on top in the vote, 49 percent to 39 percent. “OLCV had significant success again this year,” Bergstein says. “And the business groups just got this one wrong.”


The Small Ax

Killing Me Softly a hunter’s kid seeks the true meaning of farm-to-table.

There is already blood on the ground when I arrive at Camas Davis’ Southwest Portland backyard. It pools into the pores of a decorative rock and dribbles onto the soil. The blood is too bright and too red to seem real. It looks like pulped strawberry, or a painter’s tantrum. I am holding a rabbit in my hands, which I have just received out of a box labeled for leafy greens. I am trying not to bond with the animal or pet its fur, though its coat is soft as spring dandelions. This is a survival mechanism of sorts. In about 10 minutes, I am going to break this rabbit’s neck. On this fine and sunny Saturday afternoon, Davis’ Portland Meat Collective is hosting a class in rabbit slaughter and butchery. The blood on the rock is chickens’ blood let this morning. Ten of us are in line, ranging in personality from Estacada cowboy to prim food obsessive, all cradling our rabbits with what probably looks like tenderness. But closer inspection would reveal that each of us is tightly gripping our rabbit’s paws together with our fists, so it can’t scratch us or jerk away. The class is taught by an intensive-care nurse, Levi, who trained with the late chef Robert Reynolds in France. “I don’t love rabbits,” he says at the beginning of the class. “I don’t think of them as cuddly.” He thinks of them as food. He says that feed rabbits, like farm turkeys, are remarkably stupid animals, doomed to death within hours in the wild. But he doesn’t want to cause

avoiding sunburnt eyeballs on the slopes of mount st. helens.

them any suffering, and so he teaches us how to kill them as humanely as possible. This turns out to involve a broomstick, which goes over the back of the rabbit’s head for leverage. A simple tug to the back feet, and the rabbit’s spine is neatly severed, too fast for the brain even to register the shock. It is a variation on a classic Navy SEAL technique. Here is the thing, though: I don’t even kill spiders. I scoot them out the door between a cup and a newspaper. Though I come from Anglo-Germanic hunting and farming stock—my grandfather used to trap squirrels for stew until my grandmother made him stop—I never went on the family trips in search of elk and deer. Still, like every eater of meat, I have left behind me a massacre as surely as if I had slaughtered the animals myself. I have eaten elk tongue and deer heart and bull penis, the livers of ducks and geese, the feet of chickens and pigs. I have boiled stomach in soup and fried skin into cracklings. I have eaten tartare and called the watery myoglobin that leaks onto the plate “blood.” There’s no inherent hypocrisy in this. Whatever Ted Nugent’s faux-spiritual hunter’s malarkey, I don’t think you should have to kill your own meat, any more than people who drive cars need to drill their own oil. Specialization of labor has been a remarkable success, all things considered. Most of my classmates intend to farm domestically or cook seriously, and though we’re served wine the course has the feeling of a trade school. People take notes. For my own part, I’m here because I feel I should understand what it means, at the most visceral level, to eat an animal. But of course no epiphanies are forthcoming. It’s not as if I suddenly understand the nature of

I have no business with an ice ax. This realization pops into my stocking-hatted head only after I’m well above the treeline on Mount St. Helens, climbing a steep pile of mushy white snow. Every backpack I’ve had since a leatherbottomed JanSport has had a little nylon ice-ax loop on it, but I’ve never actually used one of these loops for its intended purpose. At the trailhead, I just slid the ax through the loop and started walking. Two hours later, the long, snowy stairway gets steeper, and the dangling handle starts banging my legs. I notice other climbers have carefully tied their axes to the side of their bags. This makes sense: If they slip and fall, the pointy end probably won’t stab them in the leg. I take a break, sucking thin air and tying the ax to my bag. I look back down at the treecanopied approach trail and up at the footsteps above me. I’m happy to see distant people in both directions. I wonder again if this was a good idea. St. Helens isn’t much of a mountain, really. I’ve climbed longer, steeper trails from trailheads higher than its peak. It is, however, glaciated. The glaciers are small—in July, you can make it to the top without touching snow. But they’re big enough to earn anyone who stands at the 8,365foot ridge above the crater—left smoking where it’s top used to be—membership in Portland’s Mazamas mountaineering club. The Mazamas formed in 1894 and have a clubhouse on the side

Summer Guide cont. ER YFAR WA


Summer Guide

dering Gym who agreed to give me a lesson. My first trip on the line nearly makes me seasick. As I grip Mandell’s hand, the rest of my body shakes with untamed abandon. I feel like a cartoon squirrel being electrocuted. But after that initial earthquake, I begin to find my balance. Mandell’s tips: Don’t look down. Find the line before you transfer your weight. Bend your knees. Keep your hands above your head for balance. Breathe. By the end of my first lesson, I take a few steps on my own. I go back again a few weeks later, and get better yet. I’m not exactly in the zone on this sunny afternoon in Laurelhurst Park, but I do feel a sense of relief as the rangers walk away from us. Clambering back on, I take a few steps before tumbling to one side. In a different corner of the park, Peppers and Rob Wright, a 45-year-old math and science teacher, have strung up a massive line, nearly 7 feet off the ground and 115 feet long. A little girl watches as Wright crosses it, very carefully. “Whoa, Mom, look what they’re doing!” she squeals. “Let’s watch!” A dog-walker stops to snap a photo on his iPhone. My relief is short-lived. The park rangers return. The man tells us to take down the lines. His tone is apologetic, almost rueful. He watches as Travis Danner, a 31-year-old engineer, walks the line. “If I wasn’t on the clock, I’d try it myself,” he says. “I’ve got pretty good balance.” The slackliners ask if they can have another go before disassembling. The ranger’s eyes flit back and forth between their pleading faces. He gestures to his partner. “We’re gonna take a walk around the park,” he finally says.


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of Mount Hood. I probably won’t pay $85 to join, but I want to know I can. Summer climbing permits are tough to get for St. Helens—only 100 are issued per day and both July and August are already sold out. I learn this in early May when there are only two weeks left before the limits begin. So I decide to buy a permit Thursday, rent an ice ax Friday and climb Saturday. Unfortunately, my mountaineering knowledge is limited to what I learned on the hilly part of the Trillium Lake snowshoe trail and what I gleaned from a few YouTube videos. A class would have been a good idea. But basic mountaineering classes run several weeks, cost at least $100, and end in the early spring. So I buy some Clif bars and set my alarm for 4:30 am. Two hours later, I arrive at the Lone Fir Cafe, the dingy little souvenir shop/pizzeria where climbers pick up their permits. The crowd there is indistinguishable from a Northwest Portland yoga class. On a wall hangs the most poetic headline The Oregonian has ever printed, “Eruption decapitates St. Helens; at least 9 die; Spirit Lake gone.” Below, random Route 66 paraphernalia, a pamphlet on huckleberry picking, and sunglasses for sale. The sunglasses are key, says the woman handing out permits: “We had one guy who came down with bright red eyes. He’d used suntan lotion all over his face, but his eyes were uncovered and the sun had burnt his eyeballs.” That sounds awful, but less so than the dangers of Mount Hood and Mount Adams, two other mountains I’d considered for my first snowy summit. “We’ve had two recent missions involving indi-


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Get Off The Ground Solid ground is so predictable. If slacklining doesn’t satiate your appetite for gravity-defying pursuits, try one of these activities:

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an anti-outdoorsman goes fishing for salvation. It’s a drizzly Memorial Day morning, and I’m standing in calf-deep water in a Yamhill River tributary, searching for redemption. More literally, I am learning tenkara, the Japanese method of fly-fishing. This is odd, as I never learned the more familiar Western style, and also because, at a young age, I swore off the idea of fishing altogether. It is one of my most distinct childhood memories: I was around 8 years old, on my family’s annual summer vacation at a California park. (It could’ve been Sequoia or Yosemite or Lake Arrowhead—honestly, they all sort of meld into one big blur of playing Bubble Bobble in a cabin with my cousins.) My dad took my siblings and me fishing at a nearby creek. As I stood there, my line limply steeped in the shallow water, attracting nary a nibble, I watched as my then-4-yearold sister morphed into the guy on the Gorton’s box, emptying the river of seemingly every last trout. (In reality, she probably only caught two, but as I remember it, she was pulling in enough to stock a Long John Silver’s.) My ensuing jealousy soured me on not just fishing, but outdoor activity in general. Years later, in high school, I wrote an essay decrying fishing as a sport for morons working really hard to outsmart the only creature dumber than they were. As I’ve grown older, I have come to regret those comments. Now, at age 30, I am wading into the muck of Willamina Creek, rod in hand, as a gesture of atonement. In a way, this experi-

ence is about me letting go of the past, and moving toward a damper, muddier future. Jeff Gottfried wants to help me get there. He is, along with being the father of a friend of mine, the founder of Educational Recreational Adventures, a Portland nonprofit designed to foster in children positive experiences with nature, to keep them from maturing into cynical urbanites like me. Short and bespectacled, with a saltand-pepper beard and professorial demeanor, Gottfried is a walking natural-history encyclopedia and one of the only authorized teachers of tenkara in the state. It differs from the Western style of fly-fishing in its use of a light, retractable rod, which has no reel and a fixed line. As Gottfried explains it, he’s got a pretty good record with first-timers. That just convinces me that I am destined to spoil his batting average. When we arrive at around 10 am, the creek is roaring, and the overnight downpour has turned the usually clear water a murky brown. As we trudge down from the road in our waterproof boots and beige coveralls, accompanied by Athena, his steely-eyed Australian shepherd, Gottfried indicates that, given the conditions, perhaps I should be satisfied with merely learning how to cast. “It’s called fishing, not catching,” he reminds me. He instructs me to place the line in the water with two sharp flicks of the wrist, aiming for “zones of tranquility,” then yank the line in imitation of the delicate movements of an insect. As I’m listening to him, my line gets stuck in a tree. Delicacy ain’t exactly my thing. After a few minutes of practice, though, I get into a rhythm. I catch a few snags, get a bit tangled (“A bit tangled? That’s a fucking mess!” Gottfried laughs) and nearly lose the rod in the

Circus style

Test out trapeze, hoops, ropes, straps or aerial silks. Several places offer classes in upside-down acrobatics, including for novices. Try Do Jump (231-1232, for trapeze classes that also incorporate solo and partner acrobatics, physical theater and tumbling. A-WOL Dance Collective (351-5182, has aerial yoga, and Night Flight (206-708-9500, is a one-stop shop for trapeze, ropes, silks, hoops and straps, in addition to classes on contortion and handstands.


Jump around, jump around, jump up, jump up, etc., at Tigard’s Sky High Sports, where there are trampolines on the floors and on the walls. Aggro types can play dodgeball, fitness buffs can take 50-minute AIRobics classes (the gym claims an hour on the trampoline burns over 1,000 calories), and minimalists can bounce around freeform. 11131 SW Greenburg Road, Tigard, 9245867,

Slack asana

Sure, they use the same webbing as regular slackliners, but practitioners of slackline yoga (adorably dubbed “slackasana”) achieve even crazier feats of balance, flexibility and, perhaps, Zen. YogaSlackers Northwest hosts periodic workshops around town.

Tree climbing

For those looking to summit greater heights, the Pacific Northwest chapter of the International Society of Arboriculture holds tree-climbing competitions, courses and workshops. See Headout on page 45 for more information. 874-8263,

Zip line

Test your stability on the balance beams and bridges of a high-ropes course. Head an hour west to Tree to Tree Aerial Adventure Park, near Hagg Lake, where the Extreme Adventure Course includes 19 zip lines and dozens of treetop obstacles, keeping you in the sky for a whopping three hours. There’s also a 1,200-foot “super zip,” if you really want to fly. 2975 SW Nelson Road, Gaston, 357-0109,

Summer Guide

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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



Patrice Hanson once had a quiet morning ritual: breathing exercises, reading inspirational books, meditation and then some tai chi. But today if Hanson breathes in BANG! or tries to study a BANG! meaningful passage or practices her BANG! movements, she is certain to BANG! be jarred by the noise BANG! outside her window. Across the street from her Sitka Apartments unit in the Pearl District, a pile driver drops 50,000 pounds of pressure to the steel it’s jamming into the earth. The driver is building the foundation for a new, 16-story apartment complex rising across Northwest Overton Street. With every hammer blow, Hanson’s kitchen shakes, and in between crashes she tenses, her heart racing and hands shaking. Her doctor has put her on Lorazepam, an anti-anxiety drug. “I’m feeling really out of sorts,” Hanson says. “I feel like I have to flee from my home.” Construction noises are part of city life, but the torture Hanson and her neighbors say they have endured from the pile driving is not just unbearable, it should be illegal. City tests have put the noise from the pile driver working on the project, referred to as the Block 17 Apartments, at well above what Portland code allows—but pile drivers are exempt from compliance with the code. “It’s a logical fallacy,” says Maura Jess, a fifth-floor resident of the Sitka. “Pile drivers are too noisy to regulate? It’s so loud that you can’t regulate it?” Some Sitka residents say they have been forced to flee their apartments during the day, but many work at home.




“There are two freelance writers and a musician just on my floor,” says Sitka resident Jen Elliott, a second-floor resident who is writing a book on numerology. “We aren’t the same people we were six weeks ago. I’m usually very laid back, and I’m on edge.” Jess is a graphic artist who says the noise sometimes brings her to tears; she often can’t work in her home studio for more than 15 minutes during the pounding. “You are looking at people who have been under extreme adrenal depletion,” she says. “I’m not sleeping, I’m irritable, my temper is shorter, I can’t focus.” A spokesman for DeWitt Construction, the contractor responsible for the pile driving, says the company is sympathetic to the neighbors, but the work requires old technology with no cost-effective way to mitigate the noise. “It’s not possible to comply with noise codes, and that is why, in most every city I know of, pile driving is exempt,” says Joel Burt, risk manager for DeWitt.

“I’M FEELING REALLY OUT OF SORTS. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO FLEE FROM MY HOME.” —PATRICE HANSON It turns out Seattle has noise ordinances that variously limit pile-driving noise to 90 to 99 decibels when measured from 50 feet away. When asked about the Seattle ordinance, Burt replied, “We do a lot of work in Seattle, and we don’t do anything different.” Paul van Orden, Portland’s noise control officer, found that pile driving at Block 17 has reached 110 decibels. (Noise above 85 decibels can cause permanent hearing loss in children, and the construction site is right next to a public park, the Fields.) Jess, Hanson and other Sitka residents

NOISES OFF: “We aren’t victims,” Sitka Apartments resident Maura Jess (left), with fellow resident Patrice Hanson, says of the pile driving in her Pearl District neighborhood. “We aren’t just sitting here doing nothing. We are taking action.”

have led a battle for more stringent noise codes. Jess and Hanson have researched and found quieter alternatives to pile driving. They say even a simple noise barrier, noise curtain or silencer could make a difference, even if it is a slight 10 decibels. They have gathered the names of about 60 neighbors on an email list, set up meetings, conducted research and written to city officials. On May 14, they took their complaint to the city Noise Review Board. They say they’ve been pointed this way and that by city officials unable or unwilling to address the problem. Hanson and Jess say they complained directly to Mayor Charlie Hales this month after a local event. They say he referred them to Ed McNamara, a policy director for the mayor, who would help the neighbors set up a meeting with Hales. McNamara, it turns out, owns Turtle Island Development, the Sitka’s developer. Hanson and Jess say McNamara never called them back. Hales spokesman Dana Haynes says Hanson and Jess are probably mistaken that the mayor suggested McNamara would set up a meeting. “Usually they

don’t call a policy director to get into the mayor’s calendar,” Haynes says. Jess says she knows what she heard. “How else would I know Ed’s name?” she asks. Hanson wrote City Commissioner Amanda Fritz, who oversees the Bureau of Development Services. Fritz suggested they call their state legislator. Hanson emailed the state Construction Contractors Board. State officials told them the city regulates noise. They went back to Fritz, who referred them to the mayor’s office. (Noise regulation is handled by the Office of Neighborhood Involvement, which Hales oversees.) The pounding is nearly done at Block 17. Construction managers have told businesses in the area to expect more noise when work on a new, 28-story project one block from the Sitka begins in July. Neighbors fear two more nearby projects will stretch out the pounding for months. “I’m so unhappy with how my brain is functioning,” Jess says. “I try to be rational and polite, but I get so frustrated. I don’t remember what life was even like six weeks ago.”

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ENDANGERED: Sumatran orangutan Kutai died Jan. 4 following a series of medical mistakes at the Oregon Zoo. A Metro investigation says chief veterinarian Mitch Finnegan told a zookeeper after the ape’s death that “they had killed Kutai.” 12

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

It’s a beastly time at the state’s most popular tourist attraction. These political animals will determine its future.


ame sh@wwe e k .co m


o lose an orangutan was a setback. But to lose the orangutan, a zoo director, the chief veterinarian and the support of keepers—that’s a sign of serious trouble at the Oregon Zoo.

Kutai, a 20-year-old Sumatran orangutan, died in January after minor surgery. An investigation into his death led regional government Metro on May 5 to fire the zoo’s director and its chief veterinarian. The firings have placed the zoo’s flaws on unflattering display. On the one hand, the Oregon Zoo is the most popular ticketed tourist attraction in the state. Last year, nearly 1.7 million people—a record high—passed through its gates deep in Portland’s West Hills to view 1,713 animals of 230 species, from tiny dogwinkle snails to lolling Malayan sun bears. Yet in a city that prides itself on being at the forefront of all things green—from bike lanes to cruelty-free farming— the Oregon Zoo is a relic. It doesn’t appear on anyone’s list of the nation’s top zoos. Its chief claim to fame is its elephant-breeding program—a project many of its peers have abandoned as outdated and barbaric. The zoo’s central buildings so evoke the 1960s, you half expect to see Don Draper buying Sally ice cream. Many of the animals still live in tanks and cages built 50 years ago. “The zoo industry has evolved a lot since that place was built,” says David Bragdon, the former Metro Council president who pressed for reform at the zoo five years ago. “That old model of zoos with cages and two of every

type of animal in them is very much a 20th-century model.” Five years ago, in an effort to change this, the zoo asked voters for $125 million to move its animals into larger, more natural habitats. Even in the depths of the recession, voters said yes. The bond measure was intended to be the key to the zoo breaking free of its past. Instead, it has drawn scorn from animal-rights activists, and a blistering audit. Both have charged Oregon Zoo leaders with failing to control costs, waffl ing on promises and camouflaging unpleasant facts. Now comes Kutai’s death, which could have been prevented, and the firing of the zoo director and chief veterinarian, for keeping their bosses in the dark about what happened. That’s why WW decided to take a closer look at the 12 mammals who, in one form or another, represent the promise and challenges facing the Oregon Zoo. Some of them are captive creatures with no control of their fate. Others are bipeds who have a lot to say about the zoo’s future. All are caught in the circle of zoo life. We start with the animal who didn’t live to see the controversy he caused.

CONT. on page 15

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



KUTAI Born in 1993 at the Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita, Kan., and transferred to the Oregon Zoo in 2001, Kutai—a 230pound ape with a forked beard as orange as the hair on the Heat Miser—spent much of his life indoors. Phil Prewett was working the night shift as a keeper at the Oregon Zoo in 2008 when he saw Kutai reaching through the mesh of his cage. “They’ve got huge hands and really long fi ngernails,” Prewett recalls. “He was using that fingernail, working that into the keyhole, trying to pick the lock.” By the time Kutai died in January, he was the beneficiary of a new habitat and medical center designed for his welfare. Kutai underwent minor surgery Jan. 2 to treat an infection in the air sacs along his neck. The procedure was performed at the zoo’s $8.8 million veterinary center, built with money from the 2008 bond. Kutai’s lungs began hemorrhaging after the surgery— records show the bleeding was probably the result of a technician not properly monitoring his anesthesia. Kutai underwent a second surgery, but his heart stopped as he was being carried back to Red Ape Reserve, a $3.45 million habitat the zoo built in 2010 to allow him to wander outside. His death would have been a footnote in the zoo’s history—except that it led to a regime change.

MITCH FINNEGAN Finnegan worked as a veterinarian at the Oregon Zoo for 20 years, leading a team of four doctors. T h a t t e a m p er f or m e d t h e orangutan’s final surgeries. Four months later, Finnegan and zoo director Kim Smith were fired. Metro officials have been reluctant to talk, and for weeks refused to release the report of the internal investigation that led to the firings. (Finnegan has declined to comment to WW; Smith could not be reached.) Metro this week issued a summary of its investigation. It says medical staff didn’t have cardiac drugs or a “crash cart” available when Kutai’s heart failed, the battery on the ultrasound machine was dead when veterinarians tried to revive him, and one of Finnegan’s assistants was sending text messages during the ape’s final surgery. The report implies that Smith and Finnegan attempted to cover up the errors that occurred in Kutai’s final days, and failed to discipline staff for mistakes. While some critics of the zoo praised Metro for taking firm and decisive action, others have rallied behind Finnegan. (They haven’t done the same for Smith, whose management style was often unpopular.) “I find it just inconceivable that you destroy a man’s career over that,” Prewett says. “There’s something that really stinks about this whole mess, and it’s not animal byproduct. It’s some political bullshit.”

COLUMBIA BASIN PYGMY RABBIT Those who listen only to critics of the Oregon Zoo might conclude that it does little right. But that’s hardly the case. Take the Columbia Basin pygmy rabbit. It’s the smallest rabbit in North America—a full-grown adult is the size of a kitten. It’s supposed to live in the high desert of eastern Washington state. But the pygmy rabbit lost much of its habitat to farmland and invasive grasses planted for livestock grazing. In 2002, only 16 were left in Washington.

BEAR CARE: Oregon Zoo veterinarians pull a tooth from Vivian, a Malayan sun bear, in the zoo’s new veterinary medical center. The facility includes retractable sunroofs and larger quarantine areas for sick animals.

The Oregon Zoo started breeding pygmy rabbits. This was as successful a project as you might imagine breeding rabbits to be. By 2011, it released 50 of them back into the desert—inside a wire enclosure to protect them from coyotes. The rabbit project won a top 2012 Association of Zoos and Aquariums North American Conservation Award. One sign of how well it went? There are no more pygmy rabbits at the zoo. They’ve all been returned to the wild. The zoo’s efforts to preserve native species—including turtles, butterflies and the huge, bald California condor— are among its most successful. “I know there’s been a lot of criticism of the zoo,” says Scott Hoffman Black, executive director of the Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation, which protects endangered butterfl ies. “But on these local conservation projects, they do really great work.”

JANI IVERSON, OREGON ZOO FOUNDATION DIRECTOR With 15 years of experience ranging from the Peace Corps to Planned Pa rent hood , Iver son is deeply ingrained in the nonprofit world— which made her a perfect match for

a zoo that relies on private donations to fill its revenue holes. The Oregon Zoo brings in almost enough money to fund most of its operations. Last year, it generated $20.9 million from ticket sales, special events, and snack-bar and gift-shop purchases. That’s nearly two-thirds of its annual operating budget of $32.2 million. It manages this despite being one of the most inexpensive zoos in America to visit. At $11.50 per ticket, it’s a far cheaper day out than more iconic places like the San Diego Zoo, where admission is $46. About $12 million comes on an annual basis from Metro, the regional government body that also runs landuse planning and trash collection for three counties. Another half-million dollars come each year from the Oregon Zoo Foundation, which in 2012 raised $7.4 million in private contributions. “We are always telling the story of the zoo,” says Iverson, who in 2012 earned $124,839 directing the nonprofit. The foundation helped gather political support for the $125 million bond measure. And it’s chipped in money on top of that bond—collecting $460,000 from more than 500 donors to buy new medical equipment for the veterinary clinic. CONT. on page 17 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


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quite as planned, and there’d be a sense of ‘Let’s just not admit there was a problem.’” Kim Smith was hired to fix that culture. And she made progress: When Flynn released a follow-up audit in 2011, she said almost all of the zoo’s spending mistakes had been addressed, and the veterinary clinic was back on budget. But its schedule has left some animals waiting.


THEY NEVER FORGET: The zoo’s new pachyderm habitat, Elephant Lands, includes Columbia River sand 4 feet deep—along with outdoor shelters that provide heating or mist, depending on the weather.

SUZANNE FLYNN, METRO AUDITOR For the past seven years, Flynn has been Metro’s elected auditor—the only person paid to be a watchdog of how the zoo spends its money. “This experiment in regional government is an odd duck,” says Tom Cox, a Republican business consultant who unsuccessfully ran for a seat on the Metro Council, “and doesn’t have good checks and balances other than the auditor.” One year after voters approved the $125 million bond, Flynn released a damning evaluation of zoo construction projects. She reported that the three projects she audited, including the new veterinary clinic, started construction with designs that cost more than the zoo had budgeted.

“There was no consistent, basic approach,” Flynn wrote. “Animal keepers were given inaccurate information about when exhibits would be ready, and animal move-in dates slipped several times. Status reports indicated the project was within budget and ahead of schedule. In reality, the project was over budget and behind schedule.” Flynn found the zoo had fostered a “results at any cost” culture that led to denial of what was actually happening. “While we found no evidence of fraud,” she wrote, “we found information was misrepresented and that incorrect information was presented to Metro Council.” Two top zoo personnel abruptly resigned days before the audit’s release in 2009. Director Tony Vecchio had left months before the report. Bragdon, after reading Flynn’s report, says he saw a zoo riddled with wishful thinking. “There was a reluctance for bad news to travel up the chain of command,” he recalls. “Something would not go

In 2008, when the zoo asked voters to approve a bond measure, its message was that it didn’t have enough money to keep its animals healthy and safe. Its advertising campaign was headlined by a polar bear named Conrad, who, zoo officials said, would get a spacious new home. “Metro gave us ‘Conrad’s new condo’ as part of their pitch,” Cox says. “Anybody who wants to pose as an environmental group is going to find the cuddliest animal even tangentially related to their cause and put them up front. The bears might have gotten their own ice floe or something.” That’s hyperbole, but Metro did pledge that the bond measure would, among other things, enable 19-year-old Conrad and his twin sister, Tasul, to get out of the concrete pit they were living in. “They’re too hot,” warned zoo general curator Chris Pfefferkorn in the Voters’ Pamphlet. “The current polar bear exhibit is a concrete bowl which reaches over 100 degrees in summer. Measure 26-96 will give the polar bears more space; chilled water; a safer, more natural habitat; and better, cooler conditions.” The measure passed easily, getting 59 percent of the vote at the height of the recession. Five years later, the zoo has completed two of the projects that the bond was intended to fund: the medical clinic and a condor exhibit. But many others haven’t been started—including Conrad’s new home. The polar bear still lives in his overheated concrete tank. Visitors can watch Tasul engage in ritualistic behavior that experts say is a symptom of stress and boredom—including walking backward, in a circle, while shaking her head. “We’re moving as quickly as reasonably possible,” says Metro’s general manager of visitor venues, Teri Dresler, who has taken over zoo operations after firing Smith. “I don’t think anybody’s happy we couldn’t do everything first.” “This is corrosive to their credibility,” Cox says. “They’ve put Conrad on a waiting list for polar bear subsidized housing.” Construction is slated to begin in 2017.

LILY THE ELEPHANT CALF On Nov. 30, 2012, the zoo welcomed a 300-pound piece of publicity that money can’t buy. Asian elephant Rose-Tu gave birth to a female calf, which the zoo named Lily. The news delighted the public. The zoo braced for record attendance, which it got: Baby elephants always draw huge crowds, as visitors line up to catch a glimpse of what the zoo calls in internal documents “charismatic mega-vertebrates.” The Oregon Zoo has a storied history of breeding elephants, dating to the birth of Packy in 1962—the first elephant ever born in an American zoo. Since then, the zoo has bred another 27 elephants. This time, the good vibes lasted only five days. On Dec. 4, 2012, The Seattle Times revealed that a California-based CONT. on page 19 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


OR zip codes turn up free silver coins for residents


Bags loaded with U.S. Gov’t issued coins are up for grabs as thousands of U.S. residents stand to miss the deadline to claim the money; now any resident of Oregon who finds their zip code listed below gets to claim the bags full of money and keep any valuable coins found inside by covering the Vault Bag fee within the next 2 days NATIONWIDE Public Release begins 8:30am today

The phone lines are ringing off the hook. That’s because Vault Bags containing valuable U.S. Gov’t issued coins are actually being handed over to Portland area residents who find their zip code listed in today’s publication. “Now that the bags of money are up for grabs Oregon residents are claiming as many as they can get before they’re all gone. That’s because after the Vault Bags were loaded with over 100 U.S. Gov’t issued coins the bags were sealed for good. But, we do know that some of the coins date clear back to the early 1900s, including: Silver, scarce, highly collectible, and currently circulating U.S. Gov’t issued nickels, dimes and quarter dollars, so there’s no telling what you’ll find until you sort through all the coins,” said Timothy J. Shissler, Director of Vault Operations for the private World Reserve. The only thing residents need to do is find their zip code on the Distribution List printed in today’s publication. If their zip code is on the list, they need to immediately call the National Claim Hotline before the 2-day order deadline ends. Everyone who does is being given the valuable 90% pure Silver Walking Liberty coin for free just by covering the fee for each Vault Bag loaded with over 100 U.S. Gov’t issued coins for only $99, which is a real steal since the free Silver Walking Liberty coin alone could be worth hundreds of dollars in collector value. Since this advertising announcement can’t stop dealers and collectors from hoarding any of the valuable coins they can get their hands on, the World Reserve had to set a strict limit of ten Vault Bags per resident. “Coin values always fluctuate and there are never any 18

guarantees, but those who get in on this now will be the really smart ones. Just think what some of these coins could be worth someday,” said Shissler. Each Vault Bag is loaded in part with highly sought after collector coins dating clear back to the 1900s including a 90% pure Silver Walking Liberty Half Dollar, an Eisenhower Dollar, some of the last ever minted U.S. Dollars, Kennedy Half Dollars, Silver Mercury Dimes, rarely seen Liberty ‘V’ Nickels, nearly 100 year old Buffalo Nickels and a big scoop of unsearched currentFREE: WALKING LIBERTY RED BOOK COLLECTOR VALUE $15 to $325

ly circulating U.S. Gov’t issued nickels, dimes and quarter dollars. “We’re bracing for all the calls because there are just hours left for residents to get the Silver Walking Liberty coin for free,” he said. So, Portland area residents lucky enough to find their zip code listed in today’s publication need to immediately call the National Claim Hotlines before the 2-day deadline ends to get the Silver Walking Liberty coin free. If lines are busy keep trying, all calls will be answered. ■ VALUABLE: 90% PURE SILVER

PORTLAND AREA RESIDENTS CASH IN: Pictured above and protected by armed guards are the Vault Bags full of money that everyone is trying to get. That’s because each Vault Bag is known to contain over 100 U.S. Gov’t issued coins some dating back to the early 1900s.

How to claim the bags of U.S. Gov’t issued coins: Read the

important information listed below about claiming the Vault Bags. Then call the National Claim Hotline before the 2-day deadline ends at: 1-888-485-8209

How much are the Vault Bags worth: Coin values always fluctuate and there are never any guarantees, but here’s why Oregon residents are claiming as many Vault Bags as they can get before they’re all gone. After the Vault Bags were loaded with over 100 U.S. Gov’t issued coins including: Silver, scarce, highly collectible, and a big scoop of unsearched currently circulating U.S. Gov’t issued coins the bags were sealed for good. But we do know that some of the coins date back to the 1900s. That means there’s no telling what you’ll find until you sort through all the coins. So you better believe at just $ 99 and shipping and handling the Vault Bag fee is a real steal since the free Silver Walking Liberty coin alone could be worth from $15 to $325 in collector value.

Why is the Vault Bag fee so low: Because thousands of U.S. residents have missed the deadline to claim the money the World Reserve has re-allocated Vault Bags that will be scheduled to be sent out in the next 2 days. That means the money is up for grabs and now any resident who finds the first two digits of their zip code on the Distribution List below gets to claim the bags of money for themselves and keep all the U.S. Gov’t issued coins found inside. Each Vault Bag fee is set at $ 149 for residents who miss the 2-day deadline, but for those who beat the 2-day deadline the Vault Bag fee is just $ 99 as long as they call the National Claim Hotline before the deadline ends at: CALL THIS NUMBER: 1-888-485-8209 USE THIS CLAIM CODE: MSB199 AL 35, 36

GA 30, 31, 39

LA 70, 71

NV 88, 89

OR 97

AK 99

HI 96

ME 03, 04

NH 03

RI 02

AZ 85, 86

ID 83

MD 20, 21

NJ 07, 08

SC 29

AR 71, 72

IL 60, 61, 62

MI 48, 49

NM 87, 88

SD 57

MS 38, 39

NC 27, 28

TN 37, 38

IA 50, 51, 52

MO 63, 64, 65

ND 58

KS 66, 67

MT 59

OH 41, 43, 44, 45

WI 53, 54 TX 75, 76, WY 82, 83 77, 78, 79, 88 DC 20

KY 40, 41, 42

NE 68, 69

OK 73, 74

UT 84


DE 19 FL 32, 33, 34

IN 46, 47

VA 20, 22, 23, 24 WA 98, 99 WV 24, 25, 26


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




FREE THE ELEPHANTS, LOSE THE HIPPOS: Barbara Spears and Jon Gramstad (above) say the zoo should phase out its under-construction $34 million elephant habitat. The zoo already plans to get rid of its hippos (right) to make more room for rhinos.

traveling elephant show called Have Trunk Will Travel had purchased the rights to Lily. Have Trunk, which had drawn repeated accusations of abusing its animals, was to take ownership of Lily after she was 6 months old, in exchange for the breeding services of Tusko, a bull elephant that had been loaned to the Oregon Zoo in 2005. The publicity turned from dream to nightmare. “I can assure you,” Kim Smith told The Seattle Times, “there is no need for any petitions to keep Rose-Tu’s baby with her family.” The following February, the zoo purchased the rights to Lily and Tusko for $400,000, using money from the Oregon Zoo Foundation. But the bad taste in the mouths of many Portlanders, that the zoo was in league with circuses, lingered. Lily still lives at the zoo, surrounded by construction for a new exhibit scheduled to open next year.

JON GRAMSTAD AND BARBARA SPEARS The Lily incident was a small part of a larger dilemma the zoo faces with its elephants. Elephant breeding has long been the most controversial practice at the zoo. For decades, animal-rights activists have decried the practice as inhumane, especially as Oregon Zoo calves have died from past inbreeding of related elephants. It’s not just breeding that is the problem. Zoos across the country—from Dallas to Los Angeles to Madison, Wisc.—have rid themselves of elephants because of a growing belief that elephants are uniquely unsuited to the confi ned space of zoos. Since 1991, 22 U.S. zoos have shut down their elephant exhibits or promised to retire them. The Oregon Zoo has been under pressure for years to get rid of its herd (“Free the Elephants!,” WW, Aug. 29, 2001). That’s why, when campaigning for the 2008 bond, zoo officials said that some of the money would be spent buying a 100-acre, off-site reserve for elephants. Few have been advocating getting out of the elephant business as loudly as Spears and Gramstad. The couple, owners of a series of Portland furniture stores, have been involved in animal-rights efforts for decades—including a successful campaign to reduce euthanasia at the Multnomah County animal shelter. This year, they’ve funded a campaign (including full-page

advertisements in WW) trying to pressure Metro officials to cease elephant breeding. They weren’t happy when they learned the zoo had changed its plans for the off-site elephant reserve (“Tusk, But Verify,” WW, Dec. 12, 2012). Instead of sending its elephant herd to the off-site reserve, the zoo planned to more than double its elephant population in the next decade—from eight elephants to as many as 19—and keep a second herd at the off-site reserve. “The Oregon Zoo, as it is today, represents the mentality it had in 1910,” Spears says. “They need to move it into the 21st century. And I am confident that the new model looks nothing like this elephant exhibit.” The activist couple has also begun scrutinizing how bond money is spent—because the price tag on a new elephant habitat keeps growing. “I know why Metro is trying to reassure people that they are on time and on budget,” Gramstad says. “It’s because they aren’t, unless you consider that they will always be on time and on budget as long as they can continually reinvent those timelines and budgets.” Metro officials dispute that, saying cost increases on the habitat are typical for large construction projects. Spears and Gramstad now say they plan to pour money into the 2016 Metro Council race, targeting seats where they can start reform. “We don’t feel elected officials respond to moral and ethical arguments,” Gramstad says. “How do you get leverage? Money.”

MUKENKO THE HIPPOPOTAMUS AND ZURI THE RHINOCEROS The zoo can be coldly calculating of public opinion when it wants to be. For example, take its survey on hippos vs. rhinos. When pitching the bond to voters, zoo officials said the money would pay for a new hippopotamus tank that would make the water easier to clean. (Hippos are perpetually defecating in the water.) But when the zoo released its master plan three years later, the hippo project had been canceled. Instead, the zoo now plans to spend the money on expanding its black rhinoceros exhibit, so it can integrate the endangered rhinos with giraffes and other animals. It also plans to breed more rhinos. The zoo said the decision came after gauging public

opinion. The survey, conducted by Davis, Hibbitts & Midghall in June 2011, showed that six in 10 of those polled preferred rhinos to hippos. The two female hippos, Mukenko and Kiboko, will be shipped to other zoos. The zoo has only one rhino now: Zuri, a female. Its previous attempt to get another ended poorly. In 2008, the zoo agreed to take a female rhino, Kipenzi, from the Kansas City Zoo. An Oregon Zoo employee drove the sedated rhino cross-country, with Kipenzi in a crate in the back of a truck. But “about half an hour outside Phoenix,” according to documents filed with the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, Kipenzi keeled over and died. The zoo said it would reconsider how it shipped animals, to keep the trips as short as possible.

TOM HUGHES, METRO PRESIDENT Hughes, who was re-elected to a second four-year term May 20, has been taking heat from all sides on the Oregon Zoo. Keepers want top veterinarian Finnegan to get his job back. Activists are doubling down on protests of elephant breeding and construction. And the media keeps asking why Metro fired the director who was supposed to reform the zoo. But Hughes has taken a hands-off approach—even though the zoo takes up 26 percent of Metro’s budget. In fact, when Metro officials decided to fire Smith and Finnegan, Hughes wasn’t consulted. He says he wanted it that way. “I don’t hire and fire,” he says. “I hired somebody to hire and fire.” Dresler, who until this month was handling negotiations for Hughes’ favored project, a Hyatt hotel at the Oregon Convention Center, is now running the zoo. Hughes says critics are targeting a successful institution as part of a national campaign to discredit zoos. “Zoos are lightning rods,” he tells WW. “If you can find chinks in this process, then it becomes easier to go after other zoos that don’t have the reputation and public support ours does.” Hughes’ calm belies the tumult at the zoo. But maybe that’s survival instinct. If we’ve learned one thing from the Oregon Zoo, it’s that getting too close to wild animals can end your career. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014






YOU ARE ON A BIKE. SOMEONE HAS PLACED A RED OCTAGON WITH UNFAMILIAR LETTERS ON THE SIDE OF THE STREET YOU ARE BIKING DOWN. WHAT DO YOU DO? A HYPOTHETICAL DECISION TREE.* Is there any, even the slightest, chance someone (including you) will be injured if you don’t stop? NO

Always stop.


Is the area completely clear of all people and cars? No Priuses? YES


Is this Ladd’s Addition?


All red signs in Ladd’s Addition should be considered misshapen and misspelled yield signs—unless you smell bacon.

Are you climbing a steep hill?

Are you going downhill in the rain with bad brakes? Stop if you can, pray if you can’t.





Slow down, don’t stop.



Maintain whatever momentum you safely can.

Is the cross-traffic concern a pedestrian, bike or car?



Is the pedestrian a police officer?

Can you both just sorta swerve and nod?




Does the pedestrian seem young and ablebodied?



Swerve, don’t stop.


Do you have the right of way but are coasting downhill while the other cyclist is some poor sucker huffing uphill on a cargo bike with two kids?

Go ahead and stop.

Is the car already entering the intersection?



Swerve, don’t stop.





Does any potential cross traffic also have stop signs?

Do you have reason to believe the other rider won’t stop? YES


Is the other vehicle a large truck with Washington plates?

Stop for selfpreservation.


Can you dodge them without scaring the bejesus out of them?



Slow down, don’t stop.




Don’t stop.


Stop and yell, “Asshole! Bikers have to follow the law!”

Toss off a halfhearted “sorry, man” at the guy who just called you an asshole.


Again, will you be in danger if you don’t stop, or is there no one around at a four-way stop, and you’re going uphill in the rain and running late to work?

OK, stop if you’re confused. *Oh, is that a stop sign? Then, by all means, please do stop! Willamette Week suggests you do what we do, which is always follow traffic laws like good citizens.


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




Books, lectures, and more!

Page 44

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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


DISH: The great cevapi taste-off. MUSIC: Dolorean is out of gas. VISUAL ARTS: The Nest near the Burnside Bridge. MOVIES: The many Sleeping Beauties.

27 29 43 46


Healthy Aging, Naturally NCNM Clinic Open House Saturday, June 7, 2014 1:30 – 5:00 p.m. FOCUS TABLES:


Aging is inevitable. What can you do to keep your health? Learn valuable tips and receive useful health and nutrition handouts.

1:30 p.m.

Focus Tables

2:00 p.m.

Muscles and Joints: Aging vs. Arthritis Jaclyn Bain, ND, provides insight on healthy aging from a naturopathic perspective.

3:00 p.m.

Focus Tables

3:30 p.m.

Classical Chinese Medicine: Ancient Medicine for All Ages Presented by: Charles Rothschild Lev, LAc

4:15 p.m.

Healthy Aging Panel (“Ask the Doctor”). Aging in a healthy fashion – your questions answered by natural medicine professionals.

• Ageless skin • Cognition and aging • Antioxidants and nutrition • Blood pressure, blood glucose tests and more...

Your health is the foundation for an active, happier life. Learn about natural medicine for healthy living. The NCNM Clinic is located at the west end of the Ross Island Bridge. For directions, visit and click on “Quick Links.” 3025 SW Corbett Avenue, Portland, OR 97201 • 503.552.1551 22

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

END OF AN ERA: This appears to be the last summer for Cartopia, the iconic late-night pod at Southeast 12th Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard. The lot where beloved carts like Potato Champion, Whiffies Fried Pies and Pyro Pizza have sat since 2008 has been sold to a developer who intends to erect an apartment building with ground-level retail CARTOPIA and no parking. The cart owners received no warning until last week, though they became suspicious last month after someone took soil samples. “Our success is now our downfall,” says Gregg Abbott of Whiffies. “A lot of what made that neighborhood so cool is having an awesome late-night place to eat at. It made it super-appealing. But with that appeal came the increase in property values. Now we can’t afford to stay—I lived in that neighborhood since 1999. I can’t afford to live in that neighborhood.” Other food-cart pods that have been swallowed in the construction wave include North Station, Green Castle and D-Street Noshery. One of Cartopia’s cart owners is more sanguine about the news. “Actually, I’m excited,” writes Dustin Knox of Perierra Creperie. “I’ve been living in this neighborhood for 13 years, right next door to Cartopia…and I’m excited to see the neighborhood change. As for Perierra Creperie, I feel like we were at the forefront of a movement, but now the lot is sort of defunct, and personally I’d love to see a more professional environment come out of this change.” BEST NEW FORMER BAND: In the introduction to this year’s Best New Band issue, we mentioned how quickly Portland’s music scene turns over, with bands breaking up almost as soon as the city discovers them. Well, it happened again: Grammies, the instrumental breakbeat jazz duo that placed No. 6 in this year’s poll, played its final show (for a while, at least) May 21. Don’t try blaming any “curse” for this one, though. According to saxophonist Noah Bernstein, his bandmate, drummer Dan Sutherland, had been on the wait list for a physician assistant program at Pacific University, and was recently accepted. Sutherland, who is also a former member of 2013’s Best New Band, Shy Girls, is only moving to Hillsboro, but will be “battening down the hatches” to focus on his education, which means no more funky drumming for the time being. The band isn’t disappearing completely, though, as it’s releasing both a completed studio album and a live Banana Stand session soon. “So we’ve got some content to drop gearing up for a summer 2015 reunion tour,” Bernstein says. VOODOO NOT SOLD: Because a joke will make its way around the world before truth can get its underwear on, we now have the solemn duty of correcting a book by Portland economist Joel Magnuson. In The Approaching Great Transformation, Magnuson bemoans the fact that Ben & Jerry’s ice cream was sold to Unilever and that Portland’s Voodoo Doughnut was sold to Yum! Brands, which owns KFC and Taco Bell. Except it wasn’t. We’re a little ashamed to admit that piece of misinformation comes from a Scoop column on Dec. 28, 2011, which made satirical predictions about the biggest cultural stories of 2012, including a new boutique laserdisc label and more serious corn-dog coverage from The Oregonian. Voodoo Doughnut is still owned by that dude in a purple pimp hat and the other guy.






WEDNESDAY MAY 28 ELIZABETH WARREN [BOOKS ] Elizabeth Warren is like an electable Ralph Nadar, championing consumers and the middle class in her new book, A Fighting Chance. The senior senator from Massachusetts is arguably the most important progressive politician of our era and she’s coming to…wait, Beaverton? Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 2284651. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY MAY 29 TWEAK BIRD [MUSIC] If the Presidents of the United States of America started a sludge-metal side project, it might sound like this brotherly duo, which blends muddy low end and catchy, poppy, alt-rock vocals with hooks that’ll stay in your head days after your ears stop ringing. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 328-2865. 10 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.



Welkom! Bienvenu! Willkommen! Allow us to greet you in several of the many tongues of Belgium on the eve of Portland’s annual Cheers to Belgian Beers Festival. Portland has many beer festivals, but this one is special, featuring 50 local breweries each making a Belgian ale using a yeast strain determined by dart toss. It’s always a great event—dubbel-y so if you pregame appropriately. MARTIN CIZMAR. For a pre-festival meal, you can’t do better than Steak Frites PDX (Southeast 28th Avenue and Ankeny Street, steakfritesportland). The Franco-Belgo cart serves only hot piles of starch and protein to be dipped in five aiolis ($8.50). Go for the teres major, a poor man’s filet mignon taken from the long, thin shoulder muscle. Four slices come medium-well and thick as a novella, tucked into a pile of pub fries. Oh, you’d prefer something lighter? Too bad! In Belgium, the leanest meal available is smoked horse meat. You can’t get away with that here, so it’s over to Bazi Bierbrasserie (1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888, for frites, stoemp (mashed potatoes) and either a St. Bernardus dubbel on draft or one of the bar’s many local beers made in the Belgian style. Don’t want to drink until you arrive at the festival? Head up

Hawthorne to the Waffle Window (3610 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-255-0501,; there’s also a location on Northeast Alberta Street) for an authentic Liege waffle made with leavened dough and pearl sugar. They have toppings, but you don’t need them—just get the plain and chewy “walking waffle” to go. What’s that, you’re on the west side? Well, you’re in luck, because a very serious Belgian beer bar just opened in the Alphabet District. The Abbey Bar (716 NW 21st Ave., 222-1593, theabbeybar. com) has three refrigerated cases storing hundreds of bottles at different temperatures, plus six taps served in a bewildering variety of stemware. Most drafts are imported and priced up to $5 per half-pint, but the frugal will spot a local saison or grab a bargain Old Rasputin in the coolers. The Abbey’s interior is spartan, but the patio is a pleasant place to melt into a deceptively alcoholic Pfriem, a sunny Houblon Chouffe or a goofball transAtlantic brewing collaboration. You’re on the west side and you don’t want to drink before the festival? Swing by downtown’s Leonidas Chocolates (607 SW Washington St., 224-9247). The high-end, Brussels-based chocolatier is basically the See’s of Belgium, which means it sells excellent chocolate much cheaper than cocoa boutiques. Stuff a box in your bag—you’re going to want them at the end of the night.

GO: The Cheers to Belgian Beers Festival is at Metalcraft Fabrication, 723 N Tillamook St., on Friday (5-9pm) and Saturday (noon-8 pm), May 30-31. Free admission; $15 for a stemmed glass and five taste tickets, which are required to drink. Additional tastes $1. 21+. Visit for more information.

EVIAN CHRIST [MUSIC] The U.K. producer’s harsh, minimalist aesthetic helped make Yeezus last year’s most polarizing masterpiece, and Kanye’s already tapped him to assist with the followup. On his own booming productions, the former Josh Leary deploys massive slabs of earth-shattering industrial bass that fight with distant gunshots and icy synth squiggles. Hopefully Rotture has reinforced its sound system. Rotture, 315 SE 3rd Ave., 234-5683. 9 pm. $10. 21+. CAMERON ESPOSITO [COMEDY] The phenomenal comic— recognizable by her side mullet and omnipresent jean jacket and, oh yeah, her super-smart but conversational style of standup—is recording her second comedy album tonight, and the price of admission is likely to be less than the record will cost upon its release. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7:30 and 10:30 pm. $5. 21+. TIME-CAPSULE OPENING [HISTORY] Back in 1984—the time of Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana, when there was U2 and Blondie and music still on MTV—the then-fledgling Oregon Historical Society buried a time capsule in Pioneer Courthouse Square. Now, they open it. Dibs on the mint edition of Paperboy. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave. 10:30 am.

TUESDAY JUNE 3 NEAL MORGAN [MUSIC] In between sessions supporting the likes of Bill Callahan and Joanna Newsom, the Portland drummer records impressionistic albums combining spoken word with solo percussion. His new self-titled release begins with Morgan’s unaccompanied voice and ends with him talking only through his trap kit. It’s a challenging record that, much like an elaborate painting, demands you pay attention to the details. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $6. 21+. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



TOYOKUNI Professional Japanese Cooking Knives






Available only at:

243- 21 22



3208 SE Hawthorne Blvd. • 503-234-8898, $7

Supplies are limited.

Created by two Portland moms who wanted to take reusable cotton lunch bags to the next level, Luau Wraps are a simple, cheap and effective way to haul a sammie to work. Each wrap is lined with nylon and PEVA to keep foods fresh and dry. With the variety of sizes and cute fabrics, you can match your wrap to a fanciful vintage lunchbox.

FINEX CAST-IRON SKILLET, $195 Everyone loves Lodge products, but you get a lot of benefits with this full-featured modern cooking pan. Portland-based Finex makes a 12-inch, cast-iron skillet that weighs in at a hefty 8 pounds and is clearly built for the long haul. The pan has a spring handle for a cool touch and is octagon-shaped for easy pouring from every direction.

THE PORTLAND PRESS, $120 Bucket was founded by Bryan Kappa and Rob Story, with the intention of creating consumer goods for which they could document every step in the manufacturing process. For example: The Portland Press is a French press-style coffeemaker comprising lids made of Eastern hard rock maple by B&L Wood Creations in Hillsboro, wool from Puddleduck Farm woven by Creekside Fiber Mill in Lebanon, and metal bits by Custom Stamping & Manufacturing in Southeast Portland, all put together by Tualatin Valley Workshop. It often sells out as fast as it comes in stock, so snag one while you can.

PIGEON TOE ARROWS BERRY COLANDER, $90 While $90 may initially seem steep for a berry colander, what you’re buying from Pigeon Toe is a handmade ceramic that will look more like a piece of art than a tool in your kitchen. Pigeon Toe seeks to provide customers with functional heirlooms, meaning this colander is something you can leave to your grandkids. 24

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




Happy Hour

Fo an

Monday–Saturday 4–6pm & 8pm–close



Ba, $10 Oh, Little Rabbit is an Etsy shop run by Jason and Cara Hibbs featuring dozens of organic cloth products—lunch bags, onesies, tea towels, totes and napkins—screenprinted with the couple’s original illustrations. The ink is nontoxic and water-based. Our favorites are the tea towels screen-printed with the oh-so-Portland bikes and Mason jar vases.

PENDLETON GRAND LODGE DINNERWARE, prices vary Pendleton is about as Oregon as it gets and an icon of the Pacific Northwest. The Grand Lodge dinnerware set harks back to the company’s long tradition. It’s produced by a century-old china-maker that once supplied dinnerware to railroad dining cars and lodges.

Walk-Up Window 11am - 2pm

La Calaca Comelona 2304 SE Belmont | 503-239-9675 4-10pm Mon–Sat

2106 SE Division 2106 SE Division 503 • 231• 5175 Look! 503 •10-6 231• 5175 Mon-Sat We’re new! WECK Mon–Sat 10–6 , Sun 11–5 jars Sun 11-5 No plastic!

Cookware www.miradorkitchena Kitchen tools • Small appliances • Water filters • Canning equipment • Ball and Weck jars • Fermenting crocks • Food dryers • Juicers and Vitamix • Grain mills • Glass food storage and bottles • Organic cotton bedding and towels • Nontoxic shower curtains • Paraffin-free candles • Locally-made goods • Great gifts and registry • •

We have a parking lot!

OUT OF THE WOODS OF OREGON OREGON STATE BOARD AND SLICER, $12.95-$18.95 This Oregon-shaped alder board doubles as a cutting surface and serving board, though we recommend you use one side for cutting to keep the serving side free from chop marks. One can’t help but surge with pride for our state when you consider how lucky we are: Floridians have an awfully useless serving shape. Out of the Woods of Oregon also makes a unique bread-and-bagel slicer from Oregon alder that’s guaranteed never to need sharpening.

SWEET PEA LINENS DRIFTWOOD PLACEMAT, $6.95 Sweet Pea Linens, an Oregon City company that has expanded nationally since its 1996 startup, sells wedge placemats designed to fit on round tables. While there are myriad fabric choices available, the “driftwood” variety is our favorite because it’s made of plastic and easily maintained with just a wet cloth. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28 Feast for Beasts

This three-course meal, with drink pairings, is in support of the Animal Shelter Alliance of Portland’s Spay and Save program—which essentially means we would like there to be both more and fewer cats roaming the streets, i.e., we would like those cats that are alive to stay alive, and those that are not yet alive to remain so, too. Status quo! Anyway, there’s also a raffl e. And Skee-Ball and Ms. Pac-Man, if that’s who you are. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 2362876. 6:30 pm. $50. 21+.

THURSDAY, MAY 29 Ancient Heritage Pasture-toPlate Dinner

As a wise man of my acquaintance once said, “The world is a large place, and there is a lot of cheese.” Emily Morgan of central Oregon’s Old World-style Ancient Heritage Dairy will be at Elephants Delicatessen as a part of a fi ne-dining event showcasing her Old World sheep- and cowmilk cheeses, with fi ve courses from chef Scott Weaver. This means Adelle cheese pizza, panzanella salad with pearl cheese vinaigrette, kale-and-pine nut-stuff ed pork loin paired with Opal Springs cheese, or Valentine cheese and honey ice cream. Wine, of course, will also be served. Elephants Delicatessen, 115 NW 22nd Ave., 299-6304. 6:30 pm. $49.00.

FRIDAY, MAY 30 Cheers to Belgian Beers

One of Portland’s wildest, weirdest, most popular and occasionally most controversial beer fests returns for its eighth year. And this time, the yeast is back! Cheers to Belgian Beers is back to basics, if you can call it that: 50 Belgian beer-happy breweries will have 56 beers, all made from the same single strain of Wy’east yeast (Leuven Pale Ale 4Q12 has “distinct spicy character along with mild esters”), with color and strength for each beer that’s been chosen by a simple throw of the dart. Stay tuned for behind-the-scenes name-calling of brewers who opt out of the yeast and yet still win prizes. Or not! The unpredictability is part of the fun. There’s food on hand from Philadelphia’s Steaks and Hoagies (i.e., Thirteen Virtues Brewing), Urban German and Bunk. Metalcraft Fabrication, 723 N Tillamook St., ctbb. Friday (5-9 pm) and Saturday (noon-8 pm), May 30-31. $15 for a glass and fi ve tastes, $1 each additional taste. 21+.

BeerQuest Historic Bar & Brewery Tour With all the buses and booze bikes roaming around, BeerQuest takes it back to the basics with a walking tour of Portland bars and breweries of the 1800s. Not literally, of course, but they’ll give you a narrative tour around the spots where the breweries once were, stopping at modern-day breweries along the way. You’ll get 12 sample beers from Pints, Rock Bottom and Old Town Pizza included in the price of the tour, along with a trip to Portland’s oldest bar, Kelly’s Olympian, which now hangs motorcycles from the ceiling . Friday and Saturday, May 30-31. 2-5 pm. $49. 21+. Visit to sign up.


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

NO HOEK’S: But Atlas is an awesome new pizza parlor.

ATLAS PIZZA Metalheads who drive Chev y Cavaliers have long been the unsung heroes of the American pizza industry. Some guys in Austin figured that out 20 years ago, opening a place called Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza, where those long-haired dudes could blare thrash metal as part of their shtick. That formula—late nights, loud metal, New York-sized slices—eventually made its way out to Tulsa’s Heavy Metal Pizza and Detroit’s Pizzallica. Portland got its own rock-’n’-roll pizza parlors, with pinball and general weirdness on top, when Sizzle Pie and Lonesome’s opened in 2010. Now, Southeast Division Street gets Atlas Pizza, which keeps earlier hours and favors esoteric bluesman Abner Jay, but which channels the same vibe through three pinball cabinets and old gig posters for Dead Moon and High On Fire. And the pizza? Well, it’s pretty good, too. Nothing fancy— medium-thick crust with a piquant marinara and gobs of salty mozzarella—but satisfying, especially since it’s selling the only cheap slices on a six-block stretch of Division that will soon have four other pizza joints, all swankier than Atlas. Atlas’ owners also run Dot’s, the Clinton Street rocker bar, and hired Sean Croghan, probably best known from his grungeera punk band Crackerbash but with time spent at Escape From New York Pizza on Northwest 23rd Avenue. Slices are always available ($3.25 for cheese, 25 cents for each additional topping), and get tossed back in the oven for a minute before coming out with a crispy bottom that bends but won’t quite fold. You can build your own pie, but the house’s creations are interesting and mostly seem to work. My favorite was the Sluzrenko ($14 for 12 inches, $26 for 18), named roughly for one of Croghan’s bandmates, which has pepperoni, wee bits of pineapple and big pieces of jalapeño. I’m not usually a fan of Hawaiian pies, but slices of sweet and hot mesh very well here. Anything with the housemade sausage, which is a little spicy and served in generous crumbles, is also a good bet. Both salads—garden and Caesar, each $4—were crisp and topping-heavy, just the way they should be. To drink, you’ve got beer and pop, both offered on two tiers. The fountain pours the Royal Crown soda line, but Limonata, Sioux City sarsaparilla (yeah, that’s a good one) and Stewart’s Key lime are offered on the “Fancy Pops” menu. Same goes for beer: Three craft beers are on tap for $4.50, or you can grab a $2 tall boy of Tecate, Rainer, Oly or PBR, just like the delivery dude drinks. MARTIN CIZMAR. GO: Atlas Pizza, 3570 SE Division St., 232-3004, facebook. com/atlaspizzaportland. 11:30 am-10 pm Sunday-Thursday, 11:30 am-11 pm Friday-Saturday.




Bosnia’s national food is a negotiated peace. Cevapi (chehVOPP-ee) is a comfort food for a long day’s drinking and watching soccer, made with ingredients from all the cultures that colonized Sarajevo and the surrounds—Romans, Austro-Hungarians, Turks and Slavs. The ground beefand-lamb sausage dish is something between hamburger and kebab, a kofta without binder or a sausage without casing. It’s a spiced Jimmy Dean’s of the Balkans that’s good for breakfast, lunch, dinner or all of the above. The lepinja flatbread is somehow both MediterBest cevap meat: Two Brothers. ranean and Middle Eastern Best lepinja bread: Two Brothers. at once, with yeast that Best ajvar sauce: 4-4-2. rises three times during Best cream: Tasty N Sons. baking—a bit like a buttery naan that, when cooked hot enough, splits into airy pita. Cevapi is served with raw onions; a garlicky, bell pepper-and-eggplant Serbian relish called ajvar (Turkish for “caviar,” in a bit of a historical joke); and a fluffy cream called kajmak made from sheep’s or goat’s milk. We found four spots serving the dish in the Portland area—ranked below. 1. Two Brothers 829 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., 232-3424 Two Brothers’ exterior is oddly forbidding, on a busy intersection across from a gas station and a Walgreens. Despite its unpromising appearance, Two Brothers makes an almost obscenely thick, airy lepinja so puffed up it almost can’t be called flatbread anymore. And into this biscuity shell, whose interior must be carved out with fingers, one may stuff either five ($8) or 10 ($11) 2-inch, fresh sausages thick with the flavor of lamb and garlic, plus a sweet ajvar with earthy undertones. The meat is spiced with salt, pepper and vegeta, a spice mix from the old country. Two Brothers serves sour cream rather than clotted kajmak, but otherwise in its fundamentals this is the best cevapi in Portland: a hearty, sweet, spicy, creamy mess in nearly ethereal bread.

2. 4-4-2 Soccer Bar 1739 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 238-3693, Muhamed Mujcic-Mufko’s Taste of Europe grocery and deli served its Hawthorne Boulevard neighborhood with fresh-made lepinja and cevapi for years before being reborn as a soccer bar in 2009. And time was, I would have preferred that shop’s bread even to the version at Two Brothers. But the lepinja at 4-4-2 seems to have fallen to earth and is now a bit denser, less seared on the outside, less prone to splitting into satisfying layers. (They say they make it the same.) It comes sliced in the middle, like focaccia, served as ground for a cevapi sandwich. It’s still very tasty, however, as is the Sis-Cevap ($9 small, $15.75 large), a spicy version of cevapi featuring two to four golf-ballsized beef-and-lamb sausages with just a bit of hot pepper added to keep it interesting. 4-4-2’s kajmak is airy and delicate, and its ajvar is more richly flavorful than anyone’s in town. But, next to the much less-expensive version at Two Brothers, it’s not quite the winner it once seemed. 3. Tasty N Sons 3808 N Williams Ave., 621-1400, A strange little lamb, this one. It’s new to Tasty N Sons’ menu and still seemingly under experimentation—even in the spelling of its ingredients. The trio of sausages in Tasty’s cevapi ($17) are grilled less well-done than the ones at the Bosnian shops, and are significantly larger, with a steakier texture and more pop on the exterior. They’re excellent sausages, but don’t taste quite like cevapi. The ajvar, meanwhile, is stewy and sweet, while the kajmak is a little piece of technical brilliance, the


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best-executed foam of any of them. The dish is finished with the sharp kick of cayenne. There’s one problem with the dish, however. There seems to be no way to eat it. Its base is a broad, floppy slice of grill-seared flatbread; the onions are cut in unmanageable thin strands rather than chopped, and the sausages are thick as a lady’s wrist. It’s like a burger whose bun is too tepid to contain it—a dish at sloppy war with itself even as one cuts it with knife and fork. 4. Bosnia Restaurant 2902 NE Burton Road, Vancouver, 360-882-3440, Next door to the Fenceman fencing supply, across from a string of homes delivered by trailer, with a full parking lot and a big outdoor clock carved into the shape of Elvis’ guitar, Vancouver’s Bosnia Restaurant looks promising—like a rib joint by the side of the road in the South. The radio blares Serbo-Croatian talk and the TV is switched to a Euro channel I didn’t know existed. But within, the restaurant is eerily calm. Where are the owners of all those trucks? “New management,” proclaims the menu—rarely a good sign. The beef-only cevapi ($10 for a large) lacks the warm spicing and hearty meatiness of Two Brothers’, sour cream is used instead of kajmak, and the lepinja is airless. The ajvar is too sweetly mild to counteract the sauce’s sour notes. And yet, though it is the humblest of the local Bosnian restaurants, I leave the meal full and in reckless good spirits. Cevapi, like a hamburger, is almost always good—and this one was no exception. Because cevapi always feels like home, even if home is Portland. Dobrodošao!





3041 SE DIVISION ST | 503-234-0910 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

May 28–june 3 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.


Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

Black Flag, Cinema Cinema, the Loss

[HARDCORE] There’s a reason writer Michael Azerrad starts Our Band Could Be Your Life, his indispensable tome on the birth of the American indie-rock underground, with a chapter on Black Flag: If it wasn’t for them, the book wouldn’t exist. More than just expanding punk’s sonic extremities, in the late 1970s the group redefined what it meant to be a truly independent rock band, blazing a brand-new touring circuit and creating the network that allowed an entire national scene to burgeon and thrive completely off the mainstream radar. It’s disheartening that the band has recently gone the way of reformed ’80s casino acts, splitting into two touring variations vying for nostalgia dollars and bickering over rights to the brand. All things considered, though, it’s still Black fucking Flag. Plus, this one’s got guitarist and founding mastermind Greg Ginn, so in that way, at least, it’s legit— even if last year’s “reunion” album What The… was a painful embarrassment. MATTHEW SINGER. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 233-7100. 7 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

Whitehorse, Atriarch, Scard

[SLUDGE METAL] Australia’s Whitehorse is a quaking mess of noise dark enough to give Gremlins nightmares. Heavy distortion and volcanic vocals collide with electronic droning and heavy, atmospheric haze. It’s a graveyard-rattling storm of doom created by six band members each trying to outplay the next. Newest release Raised Into Darkness emphasizes the sludgy side of sludge metal, ever intense but moving rather sluggishly as a unit. It’s the musical equivalent of a wooly mammoth, colossal in size and weight but lumbering in terms of pace. MARK STOCK. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

THURSDAY, MAY 29 Tweak Bird, Gaytheist

[SLUDGE POP] Buzz Osborne of the Melvins has repeatedly called Tweak Bird his favorite band, which makes sense, considering how often the bands have toured together and even put out a split release. If that isn’t enough to get you out to see them, picture a duo of brothers who play sludgy, muddy low-end over catchy, poppy, alt-rock vocals with hooks that’ll stay stuck in your head for days after your ears stop ringing. It’s almost like Big Business meets Presidents of the United States of America. Fourth LP Any Ol’ Way was just released on Let’s Pretend Records. CAT JONES. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 8949708. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

The Decemberists

[BEDTIME FABLES] The Decemberists had quite a bit ahead of them when Colin Meloy penned the brooding opening lines of its now 12-year-old debut, Castaways and Cutouts: “My name is Leslie Anne Levine/My mother birthed me down a dry ravine/My mother birthed me far too soon/Born at nine and dead by noon.” Not much has shifted musically or lyrically since— twisted histories and literary allegories still pervade the band’s rolling folk and baroque instrumentation—yet the Portland-bred act remains as good, if not better, than it ever was. As a benefit for the Victory Academy, the band intends to play Castaways in its entirety, along with other fan favorites and, perhaps, something new.


BRANDON WIDDER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. Through May 30. All ages.

Bike Thief, Rook and the Ravens, Weather Machine

[INDIE ROCK] Bike Thief might often sing about ghosts, but the band sure does sound happy while doing it. Its 2013 debut EP, Ghosts of Providence, spends most of its 27 minutes shifting back and forth between upbeat, popinflected tunes and darker, moodier songs imbued with a floating eeriness. Therein lies the fun of the band: the balance between somber atmospherics —lead by sad violin or almost creepy background harmonies—and an expansive enthusiasm, topped with soaring vocals, bright strings and upbeat drumming. The six-piece successfully funded its first full-length album this past January on Kickstarter, so expect to hear a few new songs tonight as well. KAITIE TODD. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $8. 21+.

Paul Oakenfold, Eddie Pitzul, DJ Zoxy

[LORD OF THE TRANCE] The Paul Oakenfold? The Whiskey Bar? While the loved-up legions have famously short memories, the master of progressive house—who, as much as anyone, taught the world to rave and made “Superstar DJ” a recognizable career path—surely deserves better, but we suppose this sort of thing happens to tours sponsored by Jägermeister. (To be fair, Oakie’s website lists the local venue as “N/A,” which seems appropriate.) We’re about two weeks away from the release of his latest album, Trance Mission—classics of trance reconstructed by the genre’s grand architect—so prepare for an onslaught of sugared synths, slow rolls and addled suburbanites asking why the geezer behind the decks looks so serious. JAY HORTON. The Whiskey Bar, 31 NW 1st Ave., 227-0405. 10 pm. $35. 21+.

FRIDAY, MAY 30 Scott Pemberton Trio, Born Cosmic, Redray Frazier

[HIP&HOP&ROCK&ROLL] Well, this should be a fun one. Scott Pemberton, Portland’s feisty reigning king of funkrock shredding, celebrates his birthday with a hometown show. Just to spice things up, local musician Rudy Slizewski will join the trio on steel pans and percussion. As for supporting act Born Cosmic, a smooth hip-hop group, Friday’s show marks the release of its self-titled LP. And RedRay Frazier, well, he’s just there to contribute to the festivities with his smoky blues croon. Wear a party hat. GRACE STAINBACK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

By MaTTHe W SIn Ge R

Al James (center) and Dolorean.

All things must pass, though some things stick around longer than others. In an ephemeral music scene like Portland’s, Dolorean has been a symbol of longevity. Through 12 years and five albums, frontman Al James brought his drizzly, thoughtful folk rock out of the Pacific Northwest and around the world, making him a peer of some of the best songwriters in contemporary Americana. Alas, even the best bands—those that choose to go out with their dignity intact, at least—eventually reach the end of the trail. This week’s show at Mississippi Studios will be Dolorean’s last. To commemorate what’s certainly the passing of an era for Portland music, we asked James to pick four photos that, for him, sum up the band’s career. ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF AL JAMES.




1. “Throughout our career Dolorean was lucky enough to tour with many of my favorite songwriters: Damien Jurado [pictured], Richard Buckner, Eric Bachmann, Willy Vlautin and others. Damien took us out on the road lots of times in the U.S. and Europe. At some point in every tour, we would all just snap and turn into loons because we wanted to get home so badly. I wrote ‘Heather Remind Me How This Ends’ about it.” 2. “Dolorean has always had a cast of great musicians that would pinch hit for different tours. I loved playing with Jonathan Drews (Sunset Valley, Eyelids) and Barton Carroll and Dov Friedman from Crooked Fingers. In 2007, we had a 40-day U.S. tour opening for Kristin Hersh, and her fans absolutely despised us. We had a blast every night.” 3. “We’re in Paris here in 2011, before a sold-out gig with our pals, Deer Tick. Fargo is a little shop and label that released our last fulllength, The Unfazed, in Europe. Jesse Bates, aka ‘the Ozark,’ is an honorary Dolorean member who joined us on that tour playing bass.”

James Taylor

[THE SOFTEST OF ROCK] Blessed with a once-in-a-generation voice box—a honeyed, oaken timbre of manful reflection and agreeable poignancy—James Taylor won’t soon be forgotten, exactly. But apart from a handful of easy-listening standards, he may be best remembered for a daunting run of personal and professional dalliances (Carly Simon, Joni Mitchell, Carole King, Linda Ronstadt) during his ’70s heyday. He just about invented the “Sensitive Troubadour Heartthrob,” and considering his place among the eminently franchisable evolutionary progression of coffeehouse warblers, it makes all too much sense for Starbucks to serve as his current label. Still, Taylor’s only nonlive, non-

4. “This was a typical Spanish crowd for us: drunk, smiling, energetic, encouraging. We had great turnouts in Spain, played some awesome festivals and made a ton of friends. Spain, Holland, Belgium, the U.K. and Scandinavia were very good to Dolorean. We loved playing overseas. People just dug us over there for some reason.”

SEE IT: Dolorean plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Barton Carroll and Meridian, on Saturday, May 31. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

CONT. on page 31 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


[PROTO YEEZUS] Almost exactly a year since it dropped, Kanye West’s Yeezus is looking more like his true masterpiece than the set of difficult, unlistenable goth-hop it was originally billed as. Yeezus’ minimal, harsh production aesthetic is all over the pop landscape, and although U.K. producer Josh Leary, aka Evian Christ, will probably never sniff the Billboard charts, the sound he helped Kanye mold should soon help him take over the festival circuit. There is nothing small about Evian Christ’s steez: The booming productions on his debut EP, Waterfalls, sound positively huge. “Salt Carousel” and “Fuck Idol” are massive slabs of earth-shattering industrial bass fighting with distant gunshots and icy synth squiggles from the other side of the wall. They would sound even better with someone rapping on top, but even pared to the bare essentials these jams are going to rip the Rotture sound system to pieces. Bring earplugs and get turnt, dummies. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Rotture, 315 SE 3rd Ave., 234-5683. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

SATURDAY, MAY 31 Throwing Muses, Tanya Donelly

[PUBLISHER ROCK] If decade-inthe-making Purgatory/Paradise was meant to serve as Throwing Muses’ magnum opus, it certainly looks the part. A 64-page hardbound book— the band has evidently switched labels from 4AD to Harper Collins— accompanied last year’s sprawling, 32-track release from the alt legends. But while Kristin Hersh’s elliptical lyrics, delivered with a trademark venom that’s only deepened with age, may reward study, the snarling jangle of her guitar work won’t soon be piped through reading rooms. The long-awaited return to form is really all fans could have hoped for, save the notable absence of past harmonies. But perhaps tonight’s opener, Tanya Donelly (the band’s former cofrontwoman), might be implored to sing along. JAY HORTON. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $30. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Wolvserpent, Hell, Will O’ the Wisp, Hail

[INTO THE WILD] To my knowledge, Idaho and Scandinavia don’t possess many shared regional qualities, besides being two places with really shitty winters. But don’t tell that to Wolvserpent, the Boise duo whose epic, droning black metal lullabies would provide the perfect soundtrack to watch churches burn in the snowy Norwegian woods. Last year’s Perigea Antahkarana is a sprawling expanse, largely populated with groaning orchestral numbers and the whispering sounds of nature. It’s a record that compels you to march into the woods to die peacefully and alone. But hey, maybe that’s how you want to start your summer. SAM CUSUMANO. Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th Ave., 223-0099. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1 Edna Vazquez

[MEXICAN FOLK] The astoundingly powerful Latin folk singer— who was born in Mexico but grew up in Hillsboro, playing at restaurants and quinceañeras before being adopted into Portland’s indie-music scene—kicks off a weeklong residency that will see her joined, on different nights, by members of Pink Martini, Y La Bamba’s Luz Elena Mendoza, worldly rockers Mbrascatu and the group she initially cut her teeth with, Mariachi Los Palmeros. Al’s Den at the Crystal Hotel, 303 SW 12th Ave., 972-2670. 7 pm. Free. Nightly through June 7. 21+.

Kris Delmhorst

[SINGER-SONGWRITER] Songwriter Kris Delmhorst sings in a clear, level tone—a voice that looks you straight in the eye. New release Blood Test is her seventh album, and as her first batch of original material in six years (following a 2011 collection of covers of tunes by fellow Bostonians the Cars) is a welcome return for her songwriting voice as well. The understated album takes its sweet time setting up a spare musical space for Delmhorst’s contemplative songs. The melodies are unfussy and engaging, and there’s a generosity of spirit to her lyrics, a kind of nonjudgmental moral authority that’s a natural outgrowth of a dutifully-pursued artistic perspective on the human experience. The music biz might not be at its healthiest these days, but I’m thankful it’s strong enough to sustain a 16-year career for an independent artist of Delmhorst’s caliber. JEFF ROSENBERG. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm. $15 advance, $17 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

The Faint, Reptar, Fine Pets

[SYNTHPUNK] A decade ago, The Faint’s synth-heavy post-punk was something of an anomaly, and the aptly named Danse Macabre was a massive breakthrough for Saddle Creek, the Omaha label known best for the navel-gazing of Cursive and Bright Eyes. But with synthpop serving as a corner of modern indie rock, this year’s Doom Abuse find s Clark Fink and company as agitated

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[ROCK…WITH ACCORDION?! WHAAA?] It’s hard to rock out in this wacky, post-Mumford world. Not necessarily to perform rock music—that’s been pretty much the same since the ’60s—but to be the sort of swaggering, long-haired, model-dating guitar shredder dudes the four brothers in Kongos presumably grew up admiring in South Africa. Sometime after they arrived in Phoenix, they must have discovered that, while you can still have a busty blonde in your video, today’s sophisticated tastes demand you put on some pretense of peculiarity. And thus we have a little accordion to open and close many of their songs, particularly on the band’s big single, “Come With Me Now.” (Sample lyric: “Whoa, come with me now/ I’m gonna take you down/ Whoa, come with me now/ I’m gonna show you how...”) You see that accordion much more than you hear it (“It came about kinda by accident,” the bearded accordion player told VH1), but its conspicuous presence does the job, assuring you there’s something exciting and new happening here. It’s kind of a shame these guys have to put on such airs, as they’re not a bad little rock outfit. Not nearly as vital as tourmates Kings of Leon were at their age, but occasionally anthemic as they thump along and encourage you to come with them now (times 17). MARTIN CIZMAR. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm Tuesday, June 3. Sold out. All ages.


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[POP’S NEXT UP] Karen Marie Ørsted, who goes by MØ on stage, bubbled under the radar for some time as one of those singer-songwriters with incredible talent but not quite enough guile to rise up the pop ranks. After her first full-length, No Mythologies to Follow, received acclaim from seemingly every corner of the Internet and endless remixes, she’s finally hitting her stride. Ørsted’s brand of electropop is easily confused with many of her fellow Scandinavian vocalists, but she mixes a certain brand of oldschool soul with new-school guitars and is steadily building a brand as Denmark’s next big export. GEOFF

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Blood Red Shoes, Radkey

[TEENAGERS FROM MARS] It’s not hard to pinpoint what has sent crazy-young brotherly trio Radkey barreling into the hearts of critics a generation or three older than its members: Its scrappy, melodic punk just recently became a conduit for nostalgia. With indie rock and EDM now the dominant sounds of millennial youth culture, the band recalls a time, not long ago, when being a teenager meant diving into the pit and screaming along to whoa-ohoh choruses. Similarly fresh-faced English duo Blood Red Shoes also mines its sound from an earlier era forsaken by most of its peers, except instead of borrowing from the Misfits, the group references fuzzy-scuzzy grunge and post-hardcore. MATTHEW SINGER. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 10 pm. $10. 21+.

Dentistry In The Pearl That’s Something To Smile About!

Oregon Humanities Center

Evian Christ, Samo Soundboy, Magic Fades

caricatures of their former unlikely glory. They’ve ratcheted up their punk roots and kept the imploding keyboards omnipresent, sounding more like a pissed-off Devo cover band than the stylish, skinnytie wearing disco punks they once were. PETE COTTELL. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 9 pm. $20. All ages.


Christmas releases of the past decade—Covers and, um, Other Covers—highlighted how poorly the original singer-songwriter’s own compositions have aged. Everyone, Woody Boyd once noted, has seen fire and rain. JAY HORTON. Moda Center, 1401 N Wheeler Ave., 2358771. 8 pm. $59.50-$79.50. All ages.



Internet, Security, and Power

Bruce Schneier

security technologist; fellow at the Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University; author of Liars and Outliers: Enabling the Trust Society Needs to Thrive

Thursday, May 29, 2014 7:30 p.m. • UO in Portland White Stag Block, 70 NW Couch

View live-streaming video at

Free and open to the public. No tickets or reservations. Followed by a book sale and signing. Information: or (541) 346-3934

EO/AA/ADA institution committed to cultural diversity

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




TV Talk Show Doctor's Shocking Revelation


NUDELMAN. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

MONDAY, JUNE 2 Eagulls, Twin Peaks

[ANARCHY IN THE BLOGOSPHERE] Leeds post-punk outfit Eagulls likes to talk a lot of shit. Last year the band posted an open letter on its blog decrying all the “beach bands sucking each others’ dicks” that was pretty lewd and a bit sexist but also just as snide and anti-corporate as you’d want from a band that sounds straight out of 1982. Eagulls are both scathing and a little restrained on their self-titled debut, which lacks the all-out rush of early single “Council Flat Blues” but makes up for it with a bounty of hooks, excited yelps from singer George Mitchell and, on potential anthem “Possessed” and the ringing “Tough Luck,” a guitar tone that would make Wire blush. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

If you suffer bouts of acid reflux, heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, bloating, gas or IBS; Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Liza Leal says beware of digestion remedies like Prilosec®, Prevacid® and Nexium®... They Can Cripple You! By Damian Wexler, Freelance Health Reporter ecently, alternative medicine expert Bryce Wylde, a frequent guest on the Dr. Oz show, revealed a simple secret that amazed millions who suffer with digestion nightmares. And people haven’t stopped talking about it since.


“I’d give anything to make it stop!”

FDA Warns About Popular Antacids

A recent FDA warning explained that excessive use of antacids could lead to an increased risk of hip, wrist, and spine fractures. Especially in people over the age of 50. So when alternative medicine expert Bryce Wylde discussed an alternative on National TV, you can imagine how thrilled people were to find out they could finally get relief without having to rely on Prevecid®, Nexium®, Prilosec® and other dangerous proton pump inhibitors. But now, according to Wylde, your stomach problems could be over by simply drinking a small amount of a tasty Aloe Vera extract. It’s as simple as that!

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Holmes Brothers

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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

[R&B] New York-based, gospel-tinged R&B vocal trio the Holmes Brothers were helped into the spotlight by the fame of their onetime protegee, Joan Osborne, touring as her “One of Us”-era backing band. That TO D D WA L B E R G

That’s what most people will tell you when asked about their digestive problems. “It’s just horrible says Ralph Burns, a former digestion victim. I was tortured for years by my Acid-Reflux. Sometimes I’d almost pass out from the pain. My wife suffers with digestion problems too. If she eats one wrong thing, she spends hours stuck in the bathroom dealing with severe bouts of constipation or diarrhea.”

sunday–tuesday entree was enough to spawn an ongoing career as festival favorites and guests on records by artists as diverse and notable as Peter Gabriel, Willie Nelson and the Jungle Brothers. While their latest album, Brotherhood, retains their warm, rootsy sound, the tracklist curiously eschews the crossover-bait covers of recent releases (Beatles, Creedence, Costello, Marley, et al.) for a slate of mostly original material. JEFF ROSENBERG. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7:30 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

TUESDAY, JUNE 3 Red Bull Sound Select: Yacht, Wampire, Snowblind Traveler [ELECTRO LIGHTS] The highminded synthpop of Yacht returns to its ancestral homeland. Gaze upon Jona Bechtolt and Claire Evans’ L.A. tans and remember all those times you saw them playing down the street in some stranger’s basement. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $3 with Red Bull RSVP, $12 day of show. 21+.

The Fray

[POP] Although The Fray’s most recent album, this year’s Helios, begins with the same bright piano pop rock that gained the group attention back in 2005, the similarity to its debut ends there. The



Who: Steven Fusco (vocals, guitar), Stone Laurila (guitar), Anthony Brisson (drums, backing vocals), Scott Page (bass), Eddie Bond (keyboards). Sounds like: If Jason Segel’s character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall adapted his puppet rock opera into an actual psychrock band. For fans of: Foxygen, Os Mutantes, Gnar Tapes, the nonterrifying musical sequences in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Why you care: Psychomagic is for the children. All right, maybe a song about satisfying a bondage fetish isn’t appropriate for ages 12 and under, no matter how whimsical its lead flute riff. Still, if you put aside the band’s freakier impulses, there’s an endearing silliness to its brand of psychedelic mischief that would play well with the sandbox set. Prior to the group’s formation, that’s exactly the demographic Steve Fusco would road-test his material for. “Kids are super, brutally honest,” says the 29-year-old transplanted New Yorker, who performed regularly at a children’s museum in Tampa, Fla. “People in Portland will nod even if they don’t like the music. With kids, they’re like, ‘I don’t like this!’ ‘You suck!’ ‘This song makes me sleepy!’ It was amazing training.” Fusco and drummer Anthony Brisson put together Psychomagic after bonding at a show at Club 21 (or as Fusco remembers it: “He kept following me around like a creep”), and the only thing that changed for the singer-guitarist is the size of the kids in the audience: Two of the band’s songs are, in fact, adapted from an unfinished “puppet play” he was writing. As big a fan of Andy Kaufman as he is of Thee Oh Sees, Fusco changes character from tune to tune—affecting a dandyish British accent on “I’m a Freak,” sneering lustfully on “I Wanna Be That Man” and, on “Elvis on the Moon,” curling back his lip into a familiar blubbering twang—while the music plays his straight man, delivering surf-flecked garage rock that’s both rollicking and playful. With a proper album impending on L.A. psych label Lolipop Records, the band is working on songs with a fuller sound and more refined melodies. Fear not, though: “They’re not, like, more adult or anything,” Fusco says. SEE IT: Psychomagic plays the Bing Lounge, 1210 SW 6th Ave., on Friday, May 30. 8 pm. Free. All ages. Stream the show live at



quartet has shifted its sound to sweeping arena pop, complete with anthemic gang vocals, heavily distorted guitar and light spots of synth. “Give It Away” sounds like a groovy Michael Jackson homage, while single “Love Don’t Die” introduces guitar twang and raspy vocals to the group’s discography. It’s undeniably catchy, yes, and one can’t fault the band for growing into a new sound over the years. But where did the piano go? KAITIE TODD. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 8 pm. $47.50-$69. All ages.


CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Homomentum Album Release Concert

[QUEER MUSICAL] The futuristic science-fiction plot may be intentionally preposterous, and who knows how the ultimate staging will look, but for this music-and-danceonly CD release concert showcasing the 21 sly, smart, often funny songs Portland composer Max Voltage composed for the musical-in-progress Homomentum, all we need to know is: The man can seriously write a hook. Shunning modern Broadway schmaltz and mixing genres—from rock to folk to Celtic and beyond— as unself-consciously as its characters transcend genders, Voltage’s irresistibly melodic tunes sound like Ziggy Stardust meets Hair in South Park. BRETT CAMPBELL. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm Friday, May 30. $20 general admission, $30 preferred seating. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Albert “Tootie” Heath

[JAZZ ROYALTY] One of the last surviving bop drumming legends is a member of one of jazz’s noblest families. Growing up in the jazz cradle of Philadelphia, Albert “Tootie” Heath’s late brother Percy anchored the bass slot in the Modern Jazz Quartet for decades, and sibling Jimmy’s sax has graced classic albums from Miles Davis, Milt Jackson and many more. During his New York years, Tootie smacked the skins on John Coltrane’s debut album and innumerable other classics by Wes Montgomery, Herbie Hancock, Sonny Rollins and other legends— including, of course, the Heath Brothers band. On the eve of his 79th birthday, Albert Heath, now living in California, performs with onetime Bill Evans bassist Chuck Israels (who moved to Portland a few years ago, and who played with Heath in the 1950s and 1970s) and young L.A. pianist Richard Sears. BRETT CAMPBELL. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. 8 pm Friday, May 30. $18 general admission, $22 guaranteed seating. Under 21 permitted with guardian under 9 pm.

Astoria Music Festival Piano Quintet

[20TH-CENTURY CHAMBER MUSIC] To entice Portlanders to the coast for the annual Astoria Music Festival, pianist Cary Lewis leads some top Oregon classical string players in quintets. And not by the usual suspects like Brahms and Schumann, but instead the late Romantics Erno von Dohnanyi and Erich Korngold. There is also a lively recent gem by American composer Peter Schickele, whose rollicking second piano quintet, which touches on styles from boogie woogie to country, again demonstrates that his talent transcends his radio hosting and his unfortunate discovery of P.D.Q. Bach. BRETT CAMPBELL. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 2222031. 7:30 pm Friday, May 30. $15 advance, $20 day of show.

For more Music listings, visit

DRUNK DAD FRIDAY, MAY 30 The defi nitive sound of punk has been fiercely debated for decades, but one thing most critics can agree on about the music is its antagonistic nature. Right down to its name, Portland’s Drunk Dad is a middle fi nger in the face of musical conventions. Although the band eschewed the handle “Meth Lab Blues Explosion” in favor of a moniker with more uncomfortable associations, singer-guitarist Dane Herrin explains the genre he self-applied to the band’s Facebook page in a way that’s undeniably punk as fuck. “We were hanging out in my basement making a Facebook page,” Herrin says, “and one of the genres to choose from was ‘chillwave.’ I thought, how about ‘fuck you all wave’? So I wrote that in. When they add that one as an option to choose from, then we’re changing it.” In the tradition of the Melvins, the Wipers and modern contemporaries like Converge and High on Fire, Drunk Dad makes dense, bludgeoning metal that’s way too fast and pissed off to fall under the “doom” or “stoner” umbrella that’s attracted media attention to the Pacific Northwest since the ’80s. Post-Nevermind interviews found Kurt Cobain talking up how “challenging” and “unlistenable” he planned In Utero to sound, but we’ve heard “All Apologies” enough times to write that off as bullshit. On its forthcoming record, Ripper Killer, Drunk Dad makes good on that promise, deploying a sludgy blast of hardcore that may be just what the metal scene needs to stay awake while everyone else is ripping off Sleep and moving at a glacial pace. After catching the fi rst performance of Drunk Dad’s current lineup, local scuzz-core superstars Rabbits caught up with Herrin and asked if he was interested in recording what would turn out to be the first release on the band’s resurrected Eolian Empire label. Like Sub Pop in its pre-grunge salad days, Eolian is quickly gaining momentum as the regional go-to for sludge-mongers with ambitions reaching beyond the DIY house-show circuit. “They’re trying to showcase the kind of shit that doesn’t usually get the attention,” Herrin says. “Any band they put out—Hot Victory, Honduran, Dead—we would still all be doing the same things we’re doing [without their support], but it would be in basements with no press, no interviews, no love. What they’re doing is bringing the music industry to Portland and making sure these bands that would otherwise get overlooked are getting the attention they deserve.” Perhaps it goes without saying, but despite Nirvana’s entry into the classic-rock canon, this boozy, high-octane foursome of 30-something dudes is not as fatherly as its name jokingly implies. “Y’know, there’s dad rock,” says Drunk Dad guitarist Jose Delara, “which is like a bunch of 40-year-old midlife-crisis guys who probably used to be in cool bands when they were in their 20s and now they’re older and have kids. We, on the other hand, are dad punk: a bunch of dudes in their 30s that kind of want to ride on this wave of hardcore, but we’re just old scumbags.” PETE COTTELL. Not your father’s hardcore—unless your father is an old scumbag.

SEE IT: Drunk Dad plays the Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., with the Great Sabatini and Rabbits, on Friday, May 30. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



NEAL MORGAN NEAL MORGAN (PARTY DAMAGE) [TALKING DRUMS] Neal Morgan is best known for his percussion work with Bill Ca l la ha n a nd Joa n na Newsom . W it h Newsom, in particular, Morgan has contributed some of the most meticulous yet minimalistic drumming around, especially on the gorgeous triple-disc Have One on Me. Lesser known is Morgan’s solo work, built of spoken-word poetry and trap-kit musings. His third solo release, Neal Morgan, is a stark and sincere piece of impressionistic music with two distinct halves. The first five tracks ask big questions while basking in the even larger shadow of unknowing silence. It’s fascinating how Morgan’s few words can scratch so forcefully at the psyche, ultimately sounding like your own personal thoughts. “And I don’t care how this sounds to you/ There is a higher power,” he says on “Repairing a Wall,” a 3½-minute discovery of beauty and religion stemming from menial housework. Side two sees Morgan pick up his drumsticks, per the hasty “Woke Up on a Driveway” and the insectlike “German Artist at Night.” The tracks blend elegantly, despite Morgan’s abstract, free-verse drum work. By “The Mansions on the Hill of California,” Morgan is talking only through his drum set, finishing scattered, jazzy lines with poignant crash cymbals and snare rolls. He moves from vocalist to drummer like Kafka’s The Metamorphosis moves from person to creature. Morgan is enamored with Philip Guston, and it’s been said much of this record is a response to the artist’s later neo-impressionism. Undoubtedly, Neal Morgan hinges on a blatant and satisfying disregard for the conventional. It’s a challenging record that, much like an elaborate painting, deserves attention to details. MARK STOCK.

a l h a m b Theatre ra 4811 se hawthorne -

SEE IT: Neal Morgan plays Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., with Pulse Emitter, WL and John Bowers of Nurses, on Tuesday, June 3. 8:30 pm. $6. 21+.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28 9pm. 21 & Over


THURSDAY, MAY 29 9pm. 21 & Over


FRIDAY, MAY 30 8pm. All Ages


SATURDAY, MAY 31 9pm. 21 & Over


Coming soon:

Also: May28 - EFF Opening Night (L) 30 - DATAPORT (L) 31 - Walking Spanish (L) June15 - Moving Units (L) 16 - Em Emby Alexander (L) 19 - Device Grips (L) 20 - Poppet (L)


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



Falafel House: 3 to Late–Night All Ages Shows: Every Sunday 8–11pm Free Pinball Feeding Frenzy: Saturday @ 3pm


1033 NW 16TH AVE. (971) 229-1455 OPEN: 3–2:30AM EVERY DAY

Aug. 13th

HAPPY HOUR: MON–FRI NOON–7PM PoP-A-Shot • PinbAll • Skee-bAll Air hockey • Free Wi-Fi

JOSH MARTINEZ BLOTTO (CAMOBEAR) [SUBTLY ODD HIP-HOP] Collaborations with the bat-shit Awol One and Oldominion’s Sleep set transplanted Portlander Josh Martinez on firm experimental footing. But in his case, it’s more a mindset and perspective on hip-hop than a genuine break from the form. On Martinez’s work with Sleep as the Chicharones, oddball production seemed to push his performance, in speed, cadence and delivery. For new disc Blotto, Martinez takes advantage of a comfortable field of only subtly bizarre beats to ply his craft—there’s nothing a J. Cole fan wouldn’t nod their head to. The quick-step percussion programmed for “Life Without” clashes with sedate keys, as Martinez references Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mack” and Kriss Kross, cracking self-deprecating jokes the entire time. It’s a breakup song, a concept that overwhelms pretty much every genre out there, but the MC’s comedic take on the situation— “I got some dreams that you can shit on/ Maybe some best friends you would like to hit on”—is what makes this unsuitable for the masses. It’s an off-putting present wrapped in a pretty package. Sandpeople’s Sapient, who contributed a bit of production to Blotto, shows up on “Numb,” another broadly palatable batch of production. Again, the track contains a series of wry observations about life, centering on the idea that it’s best to wear a mask to face people each day, just to keep them from knowing what’s really there. Or maybe that’s reading too much into it. Maybe it’s just an extended Pink Floyd joke. Cocaine does get mentioned in there a lot, after all. DAVE CANTOR. SEE IT: Josh Martinez and the Chicharones play Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., with Pigeon John, Grayskul, Bad Tenants and the Rundown, on Wednesday, May 28. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



The Grand Cafe & andrea’s Cha Cha Club


The Lodge Bar & Grill

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

The Original Halibut’s II

Crush Bar

The Secret Society

Crystal Ballroom

Wild Hog in The Woods

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: For more listings, check out

430 N Killingworth St. Steve Kerin

6605 SE Powell Blvd. Ben Rice B3 Trio

Crystal Ballroom

2525 NE Alberta St. Terry Robb


doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Bike Thief, Rook & The Ravens, Weather Machine

duff’s Garage

2530 SE 82nd Ave Tough Love Pyle; Joe McMurrian

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Tyrants, Ghost Police


1800 E Burnside St. Eat Off Your Banjo!

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

303 SW 12th Ave. Ray Tarantino

ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Evening Shades, Not Druids

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The Fenix Project

Boon’s Treasury

888 Liberty St. NE Eric John Kaiser


350 W Burnside St. Wayne ‘The Train’ Hancock, KD & The Hurt

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Cas Haley, Mike Love

duff’s Garage

2530 SE 82nd Ave Suburban Slim’s Blues

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Gall, Non-Playing Character


2126 SW Halsey St. A Horse Named Glue is Joshua English

Gemini Bar & Grill

456 N State St. Jacob Merlin and Sarah Billings

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Black Flag, Hor, Cinema Cinema

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Songbird Showcase with Cynthia O’Brien

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Quartet; The Christopher Brown Quartet

Jo Rotisserie & Bar 715 NW 23rd Ave George Colligan Trio

112 SW 2nd Ave. Danny O’Hanlon

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Whiskey Wednesday, with Jake Ray & the Cowdogs

Lola’s Room

1332 W Burnside Americana Round-Up’

Mississippi Studios

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Ayars Times Two Vocal Showcase


4144 SE 60th Ave. Knowhere Music

Trail’s end Saloon 1320 Main Street Big Monti

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Papercuts, Incan Abraham/ Ritchie Young

Vie de Boheme

Plews Brews

White eagle Saloon

8409 N. Lombard St. Full Spectrum

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Billy D

1530 SE 7th Ave. Gypsy Jazz Jam

836 N Russell St. Highway Poets, Sky Bound Blue

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Ron Steen Band


1033 NW 16th Ave. P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S., Black Beast Revival, The Exacerbators

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Pigeon John, Graskul, The Chicharones, Bad Tenants & The Rundown

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Whitehorse, Atriarch, Scard

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd. Pete Ford Band

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Psychopomp Curated by Ogo Eion

The Red and Black Cafe

THuRS. May 29 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ray Tarantino

alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Tyler Ward

analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Muevete Jueves

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Grateful Buds

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Ben Jones and Friends

Boon’s Treasury

888 Liberty St. NE Ivie Meziere

Brasserie Montmartre

400 SE 12th Ave. Monnone Alone with Andrew Kaffer

626 SW Park Ave. Larry Calame

Tillicum Restaurant & Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Tweak Bird

8585 SW BeavertonHillsdale Hwy. High Boltage

Bunk Bar

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

5501 SE 72nd Ave. Thursday Night Blues Jam

Calapooia Brewing 140 Hill St. NE


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

The Tea Zone and Camellia Lounge

112 SW 2nd Ave. Danny O’Hanlon

Kennedy School

5736 NE 33rd Ave. The Twangshifters

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The California Honeydrops

Mothership Music

3611 NE MLK Pulse Emitter, Danny Paul Grody, Spectrum Control

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Fern Hill

Pairings Portland Wine Shop

455 NE 24th Ave. Jazz Night, Melissa Carroll & Friends

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Cowboy Troy

Ringlers Pub

1332 W Burnside The Windshield Vipers

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. John Bunzow

Shaker and Vine

2929 SE Powell Blvd. Lucas Biespiel

Splash Bar Hawaiian Grill

Trail’s end Saloon

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Chris Baron and Friends

White Owl Social Club 1305 SE 8th Ave. Celebration for the Pixie Proect

FRI. May 30 al’s den

aladdin Theater

alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Homomentum Album Release Concert

alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. Folk Orchestra Patchy Sanders and Br’er Rabbit

alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Rhinostrich, Bryface, Temple Maps

artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Friday Night Coffeehouse

Ballad Town Billiards 2036 Pacific Ave. Dr. Stahl

Beaterville Cafe

2201 N Killingsworth St. Jonathan Oak

Beech Street Parlor 412 NE Beech St. DJ L-Train

Beulahland Coffee & alehouse 118 NE 28th Ave. Rough Cut

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Feathers & Friends, The Hillwilliams

Bing Lounge

1210 SW 6th Ave Psychomagic

Starday Tavern

Boon’s Treasury

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Suburban Slim 888 Liberty St. NE Will West & The Friendly Strangers

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Dina y Los Rumberos


The GoodFoot Lounge

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

2845 SE Stark St. Dirty Revival

350 W Burnside St. Organik Time Machine, The Best Dancers, The Brothers Gow

doug Fir Lounge


315 SE 3rd Ave. Evan Christ, Samo Soundboy, Magic Fades

St. Honore

3333 SE Division Street The Djangophiles Trio, Le jazz hot

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Rock the Boat, Baby!, The Red Light Romeos

The Buffalo Gap

6835 SW Macadam Ave. Erotic City - Prince Tribute


The Whiskey Bar

Blue diamond

The Conga Club


Blue diamond

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Garcia Birthday Band

1937 SE 11th Ave. Warm Trash, Consumer

904 NW Couch Jordan Harris & Christie Bradley 6517 SE Foster Road JT Wise Band

1332 W Burnside Street V Is For Victory’ Concert withThe Decemberists

Rock Creek Tavern

duff’s Garage

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Genitorturers

Magnolia’s Corner

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Hungry, Hungry Hip Hop

1400 SE Morrison St. A People’s Choir

Biddy McGraw’s

10350 N Vancouver Way Country Wide

The Tonic Lounge

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Johnnyswim

Mississippi Pizza

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. Norman Sylvester

Ponderosa Lounge

835 N Lombard Country Cub

303 SW 12th Ave. Ray Tarantino

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Richie Rosencrans

140 Hill St. NE El Flowious

510 NW 11th Ave. Jonathan Rowden Group

Lincoln Performance Hall-Portland State

1620 SW Park Ave. Mack Wilberg’s Requiem

Calapooia Brewing

830 E Burnside St. The Scott Pemberton Trio, Born Cosmic, Redray Frazier

1320 Main Street American Roots Jam


al’s den

1218 N Killingsworth St. Slim Bacon, Wooden Sleepers

Jade Lounge

221 NW 10th Ave. Poncho Sanchez; Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club

The TaRdIS Room-Fish & Chip Shop

31 NW 1st Ave. Paul Oakenfold

Jimmy Mak’s


116 NE Russell St. Tiburones, Cars and Trains, Boys Beach, Runaway Symphony

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. We Are Brothers, Sungold 2342 SE Ankeny St. Sloan Morris

Wed. May 28

832 SE Grand Ave. Pilon D’Azucar Salsa Band

1665 SE Bybee Ave. John Gilmore with Dan Presley 1332 W Burnside Street V Is For Victory Concert with The Decemberists

THe eNd OF SaX: Noah Bernstein performs during Grammies’ last show (for now) at Habesha Lounge on May 21. See more photos at

[MAY 28-JUNE 3]

320 SE 2nd Ave. Gather 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Live Music

2530 SE 82nd Ave Lloyd Jones 2126 SW Halsey St. McDougall

Gemini Bar & Grill 456 N State St. Will Bradley Band

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Camper Van Beethoven, Casey Neill & The Norway Rats

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Wilkinson Blades; Honey Wars

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Boulevard Opera Theater Oregon presents Giasone and the Argonauts

Hotel Oregon

310 NE Evans St. Sonny Hess

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Dan Zimmerman

Jantzen Beach Bar & Grill

909 N. Hayden Island Dr. Nu Wave Machine

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Tootie Heath, Chuck Israels and Richard Sears

Katie O’Briens

2809 NE Sandy Blvd. Lexxi Vexx & The Modern Gentlemen, The Bone Snatchers, ManX


112 SW 2nd Ave. Flight of Earls

Kenton Club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Mike D, The Delines

Lan Su Chinese Garden 239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

M & M Restaurant & Lounge

137 N Main Ave. The Mike Branch Band

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Perola

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Cameron Esposito

Mock Crest Tavern 3435 N Lombart St. Bad Assets

Moda Center

#150, 1 N Center Court St. James Taylor

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Never Strangers

The eagle Portland

The Firkin Tavern

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Drunk Dad, The Greatest Sabatini, Rabbits

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Brooklyn Street

The Old Church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Astoria Music Festival Piano Quintet

The Red and Black Cafe

400 SE 12th Ave. Ivory Arrows with Aaron Willsie, Johanna Warren

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Wildwood Music Fest Preview, Otis Heat, The Resolectrics, Lone Madrone

The Tea Zone and Camellia Lounge

510 NW 11th Ave. John Knowles Quintet

The Waypost Coffeehouse & Tavern 3120 N Williams Ave. Miss Massive Snowflake, Larry Yes, Hank Porche

Tigardville Station

12370 SW Main Street Saturday Night Orphans

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club 3728 NE Sandy Blvd. The Bureau of Standards Big Band


232 SW Ankeny St. Deep Burn

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Reverb Brothers

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Tony Pacini Trio

SaT. May 31 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ray Tarantino

aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Throwing Muses, Tanya Donelly

alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Midnight North, Walking Spanish, Tiny Messengers

Ballad Town Billiards 2036 Pacific Ave. GoldFire Band

Beaterville Cafe

2201 N Killingsworth St. Chuck Cheeseman

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Shed Incorporated

6000 NE Glisan St. Gravel 2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Lloyd Allen Sr.

Boon’s Treasury

888 Liberty St. NE The Stomptowners


320 SE 2nd Ave. Man Overboard and Transit, Forever Came Calling and Knuckle Puck

Brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. Down Home Music

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Blood Red Shoes and Radkey

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Live Music

Calapooia Brewing 140 Hill St. NE The Road Home

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. Party Code

Columbia Center for the arts

215 Cascade Street, PO Box 1543 C’est Si Bon

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Come As You Are’ - 90s Dance Flashback

doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Metalachi

duff’s Garage

2530 SE 82nd Ave Radio Giants


2126 SW Halsey St. Kelly Brightwell

Fifth avenue Lounge 125 NW 5th Ave Suit & Tie Saturdays

Hallie Ford Museum of art-Willamette university 700 State St. Primal Op, Richard C Elliott

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Demure, Sawtell

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Boulevard Opera Theater Oregon presents Giasone and the Argonauts

Hotel Oregon

310 NE Evans St. Brooks Robertson

Insomnia Coffee Company

5389 W. Baseline Rd. The Soldiering

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Doug Stepina

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Trixy and The Nasties


112 SW 2nd Ave. Flight of Earls

Kenton Club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Violent Psalms, Bubble Cats, That Coyote

Lan Su Chinese Garden 239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

M & M Restaurant & Lounge

137 N Main Ave. The Mike Branch Band

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Tallulah’s Daddy, Music for Kids

may 28–june 3 Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Three for Silver, The Libertine Belles

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Dolorean, Baron Carroll/ Meridian

Mock Crest Tavern 3435 N Lombart St. Sweet Home

Muddy Rudder Public House

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Fault Lines, Mrs. Howl

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Soul Vaccination

The Original Halibut’s II 2525 NE Alberta St. Kinzell & Hyde

The Red And Black Cafe

8105 SE 7th Ave. Yiddish Republik

400 SE 12th Ave. Electrician, Binary Marketing Show, Whales Whailing, Actual Birds

Plum Hill Vineyards

The Secret Society

6505 SW Old Hwy 47 Bailey Parret

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Lace & Lead

Ringlers Pub

1332 W Burnside Floating Pointe

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Bar Pilots

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave. The Faint, Reptar


315 SE 3rd Ave. Koffin Kats


1033 NW 16th Ave Wolvserpent, Hell, Will O’ the Wisp, Hail

The Buffalo Gap 6835 SW Macadam Ave. Steve Hale Trio, Steve Hale & Amber Sweeney

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. Souvenir Driver, Soft Shadows, Holy Komodo

The GoodFoot Lounge 2845 SE Stark St. World’s Finest

116 NE Russell St. Davy Jay Sparrow & His Western Songbirds

Tree’s Restaurant and Catering 20510 SW Roy Rogers Road #160 The Big North Duo

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killiingsworth St The White Shark, Spectrum Control

Vie De Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Chris Baum

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Soul Saturdays-Happy Hour with DoveDriver

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. Little Hurricane

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. The Shanghai Woolies, Toque Libre

Sun. JunE 1 Al’s Den

The Tea Zone and Camellia Lounge

303 SW 12th Ave. Edna Vazquez

The Tonic Lounge

3000 NE Alberta St. Kris Delmhorst ‘Blood Test’ Album Release Show

510 NW 11th Ave. Devin Phillips Quintet 3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Kip Winger

The Waypost Coffeehouse & Tavern

3120 N Williams Ave. Girls in Trouble and Martin Zarzar, Roy Tinsel

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave. Lucky Date

Tigardville Station

12370 SW Main Street Deep Blue Soul Revue

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club 3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Tony Starlight’s Rat Pack Tribute


4144 SE 60th Ave. Rogue Bluegrass Band

Alberta Rose Theatre

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Verdi’s Requiem, Portland Symphonic Choir

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Bluegrass Slow Jam

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes Jam Session

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Portland Casual Jam

Calapooia Brewing 140 Hill St. NE Blues Jam

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ron Steen Jazz Jam


2126 SW Halsey St. Mary Flower

Elsinore Theatre

170 High St. SE Punjabi Virsa 2014

Hallie Ford Museum of Art-Willamette university 700 State St. Primal Op, Richard C Elliott

The TARDIS Room-Fish & Chip Shop 1218 N Killingsworth St. Red Reiter, The Vandies

The Waypost Coffeehouse & Tavern 3120 N Williams Ave. Classical Revolution

Trail’s End Saloon

1320 Main Street Sundays at the Trails

Tualatin Presbyterian Church


9230 SW Siletz Starlight Symphony Orchestra Concert

Lan Su Chinese Garden

Vie De Boheme

112 SW 2nd Ave. Traditional Irish Music 239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

Lincoln Performance Hall-Portland State 1620 SW Park Ave. Portland Youth Rock Orchestra

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Anthemtown Open Mic

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. M0


600 E. Burnside St. Sunday Sessions


1033 NW 16th Ave. Grand Style Orchestra

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Irish Music

The Red And Black Cafe 400 SE 12th Ave. Nik Lone

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. The Wild Reeds, The Blackberry Bushes, The Littlest Birds

1530 SE 7th Ave. ARC Jazz Trio

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Banding Together: Benefit for Local Victims of Sex Trafficking

MOn. JunE 2 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Edna Vazquez

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Hot Tea Cold


350 W Burnside St. Karaoke from Hell

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Eagulls, Twin Peaks


2126 SW Halsey St. Skip vonKuske’s Cellotronik

Hallie Ford Museum of Art-Willamette university 700 State St. Primal Op, Richard C Elliott

Hawthorne Theatre


The Mont Chris Hubbard Bonus Show

1507 SE 39th Ave. Local H, Bad Veins

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Singer Songwriter Showcase, Eric John Kaiser

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Ryan Traster, Amy Blaschke

TuES. JunE 3

Jade Lounge


1001 SE Morrison St. Neal Morgan, Pulse Emitter, WL, John Bowers

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Lincoln High School Jazz Band, Mel Brown Septet

Lan Su Chinese Garden 239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

2342 SE Ankeny St. Cover Songs Spectacular with Elie Charpentier

Al’s Den

Jimmy Mak’s

Alhambra Theatre

221 NW 10th Ave. The Union High School Jazz Band

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Bane, Turnstile, Take Offense, Young Turks

4847 SE Division St. Ready to Roll

Jimmy Mak’s

Analog Cafe & Theater

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Trio

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. People’s Ink Weekly

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Red Bull Sound Select: YACHT, Wampire, Snowblind Traveler

Kelly’s Olympian

Blue Diamond

Pub at the End of the universe

426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy VJs

Lan Su Chinese Garden 239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

303 SW 12th Ave. Edna Vazquez

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The Gretchen Mitchell Band

Bravo Lounge

8560 SE Division St. Blues Jam

Lola’s Room

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

1332 W Burnside Punk Rock Mondays

5501 SE 72nd Ave. Soul Provider, Naomi T

Mississippi Studios

Crystal Ballroom

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The Holmes Brothers

1332 W Burnside Street Kongos

Plews Brews

Director Park

8409 N. Lombard St. Med Monday

The GoodFoot Lounge 2845 SE Stark St. Sonic Forum Open Mic Night

815 SW Park Ave Classical Tuesdays Amedei Duet

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Ben Ottewell

The Muddy Rudder Public House


2126 SW Halsey St. Irish Tuesdays

8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

Hallie Ford Museum of Art-Willamette university

The Red & Black Cafe 400 SE 12th Ave. These Pilgrims

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club 3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

700 State St. Primal Op, Richard C Elliott

Landmark Saloon

Mississippi Studios

4107 SE 28th Ave. Open Jam

River City Saloon 207 Cascade Ave. Brothers Gow

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave. The Fray

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Honduran, Scaphe, Polst

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Both Sides Now, A Tribute to 1970s Female Singers & Songwriters

Venti’s Cafe And Tap House-Salem

2840 Commercial Street Lounge Night

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Three for Silver, Egg Plant, Fever

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Call today for an appointment 503.552.1551 • 3025 SW Corbett Avenue, Portland, OR 97201 We are located at the west end of the Ross Island Bridge. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

may 28–june 3


think i t’s ju st t rivia? think a gain.



RAMENS RAM N ONE BIG BARREL: The first thing you notice about Coopers Hall (404 SE 6th Ave., 719-7000, is its mammoth size. The new winepub in the industrial inner east side could double as a hangar for small blimps. Sure, at 9,600 square feet, the Hall is only one-fourth the size of Punch Bowl Social, the massive Drunkie Cheese in Pioneer Place Mall that includes a bowling alley. Still, it’s a winery bar on a scale we’ve not previously seen in Oregon. Walk through the roll-up door and you’ll find that Kurt Huffman’s ChefStable group has done an admirable job of breaking the Hall into sip-sized spaces. Over by the shiny fermenters, forklift and wood barrels filled with fruit from Oregon’s valleys and the central coast of California, you’ll find wood picnic tables and communal high-tops with stools. Below rows of dangling white bulbs sits a long banquette and more stools. Oh, and there’s another section perched upstairs, too. The wine program is young, but we were more impressed with the house label’s shapely 2011 pinot noir than a similar pinot from Division Winemaking, and we really loved a light and floral chardonnay. There are also a few novelties, including Alicante Bouschet, a rugged grape prized for its output during Prohibition. Much of the small and evolving menu is cooked by rotisserie. The hand-stretching pulled-pork sandwich ($10) on Texas toast needs a lot more chili vinegar sauce for my taste, while the open-faced “cow and egg” ($12) is slathered in darkbrown gravy made with that Alicante that nonetheless recalls a liquefied bouillon cube. As a place to sip, though, the Hall is already rounding into form—and there’s still a few thousand square feet of room to grow. MARTIN CIZMAR.



Hawthorne Hideaway — 8PM Rose & Thistle — 8PM Alberta St. Pub — 8PM

Thursdays @ 8pm ing Bar & Grill Tuesday Redw 4012 30th St • North Park

The Dugout (Hillsboro) — 7PM Biddy McGraw's — 7PM Shanahan's (Vancouver) — 7PM Garden Home Dugout — 7PM Ship Tavern — 8PM Laurelwood Public House (SE Portland) — 8PM The Ram —(Wilsonville) — 8PM

Mondays @ 9pm Bourbon Street Bar & Grill 4612 Park Blvd - University Heights

Punch Bowl Social — 8PM 8pm s@ ayHouse turdAle Sa Concordia — 8PM Tonic Lounge —’s Kelly 7PMPub Buffalo Gap — 7:30PM

2222 San Diego Ave • Old Town


21st Avenue Bar & Grill — 7PM Belmont Inn — 7PM M&M Lounge (Gresham)—8PM Bullseye Pub — 7:30PM

Tuesdays @ 8pm (starts August 14th)

South Park Abbey 1946 Fern Street • South Park @geekswhodrink

Gerding Theater at the Armory 128 NW Eleventh Avenue 503.445.3700

SaT. May 31 CC Slaughters Nightclub & Lounge 219 NW Davis St. Revolution, DJ Robb

wed. May 28 Berbati

19 SW 2nd Ave. DJ Seleckta YT, Riddim Up Wednesday

CC Slaughters Nightclub & Lounge 219 NW Davis St. DJ Robb, Trick


1001 SE Morrison St. Intuitive Navigation, Swahili, Phone Call, Dual Mode, Sex Life DJs

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. DJ Casual Charlie

THurS. May 29 analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Bubble Up


19 SW 2nd Ave. Study Hall With DJ Suga Shane

CC Slaughters Nightclub & Lounge 219 NW Davis St. Hip Hop Heaven, With DJ George

dig a Pony

736 Southeast Grand Ave. DJ Dickel

dig a Pony Harlem Portland

220 SW Ankeny St. DJ Tourmaline, DJ Valen

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. DJs Sunny 1550

fri. May 30 CC Slaughters Nightclub & Lounge 219 NW Davis St. DJ Jakob Jay, Sweat Fridays

Harlem Portland

220 SW Ankeny St. Lionsden


1001 SE Morrison St. Snap! 90s Dance Party, Dr. Adam, Colin Jones, Freaky Outty

Lola’s room

1332 W Burnside 80s Video Dance Attack

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Hans Fricking Lindauer Rhythm and Soul Review

The Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Soul Stew, DJ Aquaman

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. Selecta Morganixx

736 Southeast Grand Ave. J Prez


1001 SE Morrison St. Main Squeeze, DJs Kiffo & Rymes, DJ Lightyear, DJ Quincy, DJ Tek Fabrics

The Conga Club

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Tropical Saturday Salsa

SuN. JuNe 1 The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. NecroNancy

MoN. JuNe 2 The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures, DJ Waisted and Friends

TueS. JuNe 3 analog Cafe & Theater

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. S.Y.N.T. Weekly Dubstep Night

Mary Kate Morrissey in LIZZIE. Photography by Patrick Weishampel


19 SW 2nd Ave. Soundstation Tuesdays, DJ Instigatah and Snackmaster DJ

This project is supported in part by a grant from the Oregon Arts Commission and the National Endowment for the Arts.

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Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

may 28–june 3

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON ( Dance: AARON SPENCER ( TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to:


Fridays-Saturdays (and Thursday, June 5) through June 14. $12.


Robinson Crusoe

The Beauty Queen of Leenane

Third Rail launched Irish playwright Martin McDonagh’s Leenane trilogy in 2006, and it’s finally wrapping things up with this 1996 pitch-black comedy about a spinster (played by local treasure Maureen Porter) stuck living with her demanding, manipulative mother. What unfurls is a macabre spiral, which—if previous Third Rail productions are any indication—should be delicious. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through June 22. $20-$43.

Buried Child

Profile Theatre continues its Sam Shepard season with the 1978 work that launched the playwright to national fame and earned him the Pulitzer. The drama follows an Illinois family for two days, charting the crumbling of both the nuclear family and the American dream. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 2411278. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays (and Wednesday, June 11) and 2 pm Sundays through June 15 . $30.

Giasone and The Argonauts

In a brilliant pairing, Opera Theater Oregon yokes a live performance of Francesco Cavalli’s rarely staged 1649 opera Giasone with a screening of the late, great Ray Harryhausen’s Jason and the Argonauts, complete with stop-motion skeletons and harpies. The singers, clad in baroque costumes, will perform in Italian (with English subtitles, of course), joined by a chamber ensemble and onstage foley artists. If all goes well, it should be the perfect union of class and camp. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 7 pm Friday-Saturday, May 30-31 and 7 pm ThursdaySaturday, June 5-7. $12.


Portland Center Stage closes its season with a, a whack. Or 40. This rock musical recounts the tale of the infamous Lizzie Borden, with song lyrics that draw on actual dialogue from the trials, plenty of fake blood, and very saucy language. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays; 2 pm Saturday-Sundays; and noon Thursdays through June 29. $38-$72.

OUTwright Theatre Festival

Back in 2011, Fuse Theatre Ensemble launched a reading series devoted to LGBTQ plays, and two years later, it was relaunched as a full-blown theater festival. This year’s monthlong fest includes fully mounted productions happening around town (including Learn to be Latina and Golden Girls Live), numerous staged readings and a few panel discussions. Multiple venues. Multiple times and dates through June 29; visit for full schedule. Prices vary.

Pulp Gulp: Horror Night

Returning to the bowels of the Rialto, Pulp Stage tries to give you nightmares with this set of stripped-down readings of seven plays. Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th Ave., 228-7605. 7:30 pm Thursday, May 29. $5-$10. 21+.

Relatively Speaking

The North End Players, based in St. Johns, presents Alan Ayckbourn’s 1967 play, a comedy that gave the British playwright his first West End smash. It’s a story of mistaken identities and romantic strife, set against the backdrop of the swinging ‘60s. St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, 7600 N Hereford St., 705-2088. 7:30 pm

Action/Adventure is known for its serialized comedies, and now the plucky troupe is bringing that approach to the literary classics. First up is Daniel Defoe’s high-seas story, which Action/ Adventure promises to turn into Stephen Colbert-meets-Cast Away. There will be goat puppets, too. Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm Thursdays-Sundays through June 22. $10-$15; $35 for fourweek pass. Thursdays “pay what you will.”

ALSO PLAYING After the Revolution

The junction of the personal and the political grows knotty in Amy Herzog’s finely observed if not altogether satisfying family drama After the Revolution. It’s the cynical late ’90s in Boston, and Emma (Jennifer Rowe), the daughter of lifelong Marxists and a recent law-school grad, has just learned her grandfather wasn’t the incorruptible hero she’d thought. An activist who was blacklisted for refusing to name names during the Red-baiting era, Joe Joseph, it turns out, was feeding information to the Soviets. This revelation throws Emma, who’s just established a legal fund in Joe’s name to fight social injustice, into a tizzy. But considering that her grandfather was a Jewish intellectual in Greenwich Village, is his espionage really that alarming? Emma’s explosive reaction feels implausible, resulting in stakes that are never more than anemic. It also undercuts the play’s worthwhile questions: What do we do when our childhood understandings are fundamentally flipped? How do we balance idealism and pragmatism? The structure doesn’t help, either. The play has 17 short scenes, separated by overlong blackouts and music so twee you half expect a romper-clad Zooey Deschanel to spring out of the wings and into the tastefully appointed living room. Still, the performances in this Portland Playhouse production, directed by Tamara Fisch, are absorbing, even if they felt over-rehearsed on opening night. The undisputed standout is the great Vana O’Brien, who plays Joe’s widow, Vera—a character based on Herzog’s own grandmother— as both moral compass and fount of wry humor. REBECCA JACOBSON. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7:30 pm WednesdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through June 1. $25-$36.

Fancy Nancy

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents a musical, best for kids 4 and up, about a girl who dreams of playing a mermaid in the school recital—and is then cast as a boring old tree instead. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571. 2 and 5 pm Saturdays and 11 am and 2 pm Sundays through June 1. $15-$30.

The Jim Pepper Project

An original play by Triangle Productions’ Don Horn, The Jim Pepper Project aims to illuminate the life of Jim Pepper, the late Oregonian who used his Native American heritage to inform his jazz music. Pepper, who died from cancer in 1992 at the age of 50, brought together Native American chants and saxophone in his music— 1969’s “Witchi Tai To” is the only song in the history of the Billboard charts to feature a Native chant—and he lived a rich life beyond his music, the details of which could have made for a compelling play. Unfortunately, this well-intentioned effort actually plays like a spoken-word performance of a Wikipedia page about Native Americans, with very little story about

Pepper himself. The actors recite long lists of facts, many of which lack a clear connection to Pepper’s life or family history. An opening-weekend performance was also dogged by technical difficulties: dropped props, missed beats on musical numbers and frequently forgotten and misspoken lines. As Pepper, M. Cochise Anderson had to serve as something of an onstage prompter. With a more satisfying script and smoother performances, Horn might be able to achieve his stated goal of bringing The Jim Pepper Project to local schools and tribal groups, but there’s a ways to go. LAURA HANSON. Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through May 31. $15-$35.

the play’s consistent questions—who’s the arbiter of appropriate behavior?— on the audience, Urueta makes his play that much more diabolical, that much more delicious. REBECCA JACOBSON. Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 236-7253. 7:30 pm Thursdays, 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through May 31. $17-$26.

Private Lives

For those who missed out on spring vacation, Private Lives is a delightful escape. The comedy of manners, written in 1930 by the legendary Noël Coward, is an absurd tale told through the peephole of a bedroom door—

think two hours of dirty laundry being hung out to dry while on holiday in France. This Bag&Baggage production, directed by Scott Palmer, keeps things period-appropriate, with stiff dinner jackets for the gents and red lipstick for the ladies. Adam Syron plays fast-talker Elyot Chase, who’s on honeymoon with his new bride. We soon learn that Elyot’s ex-wife, Amanda (Chrissy Kelly-Pettit), is in the neighboring villa—and also on honeymoon. The new pairings crumble as Elyot and Amanda fall back in love, their crazy romance reignited with

CONT. on page 42



The Last Five Years

The Last Five Years begins at the end of a love story—but also at the beginning. That might sound like a sappy rom-com tag line, but don’t be mistaken: This two-character musical, presented by Portland Center Stage and directed by Nancy Keystone, features separate timelines, one going forward and the other backward, as our couple falls in and out of love (or out of and into love). Written by Jason Robert Brown in 2002, the musical travels forward with Jamie, a successful writer who has just fallen in love with Cathy, and in reverse with Cathy, a struggling actress shattered by the end of her marriage to Jamie. The music easily interlaces moody jazz, upbeat pop and wrenching ballads, leading the audience through snapshots of interactions and emotions. One moment, we ache at Cathy’s hope-tinged sadness as she sits with Jamie and tries to fix their problems. At another, we see a widearmed Jamie dancing on the table as he confesses he’s going to ask Cathy to move in with him. It’s an interesting parallel to witness such tonally varied scenes one after the other, and it allows the audience to understand both of the characters’ stories without choosing sides. Though it’s occasionally disappointing that the characters don’t really interact with each other—their timelines intersect only once—Merideth Kaye Clark and Drew Harper give wonderfully natural performances, and The Last Five Years allows for a simultaneously bright and heartbreaking look into the development and failure of a relationship between two everyday people. KAITIE TODD. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays, 2 pm SaturdaysSundays and noon Thursdays through June 22. $30-$60.

Learn to Be Latina

Learn to Be Latina has a little something for everyone. A Missy Elliott dance routine featuring a backflip that transitions into twerking. A muffeating puppet. AIDS jokes. A tender lesbian love story. A Twin Towers pantomime. Subtle this is not. But it’s precisely this balls-to-the-wall (including some literal balls, to the walls of a restroom stall) offensiveness that makes Enrique Urueta’s comedy work. Brassy and boisterous with plenty of bombass dance sequences, Learn to Be Latina follows an aspiring young pop star named Hanan (Nicole Accuardi) who’s told by the record label that she’s “the wrong kind of brown.” So the Lebanese-American Hanan enters identity boot camp to refashion herself as a booty-swiveling, “arriba!”-whooping Latina diva. Urueta is a brilliantly snappy writer of button-pushing dialogue and killer one-liners. Still, Urueta trades in a few worn stereotypes, and his stabs at poignancy miss the mark. That means Hanan’s budding lesbian relationship proves neither steamy nor stirring, and the play ends with an overly earnest redemption monologue. But these Milagro performers, under Antonio Sonera’s confident direction, are so fully committed that the play becomes a showcase for their myriad talents. This is especially true for the trio of record-company functionaries, played with alternately militaristic precision and loose-limbed abandon by Kelly Godell, Orion Bradshaw and Matthew Kerrigan. It’s perhaps most interesting to see this play as a litmus test for what sorts of jokes still have the capacity to shock—and nevertheless prompt laughter. By turning one of

a daring felloW: Chris Murray (left) and amy newman (front right).

THE PLAYBOY OF THE WESTERN WORLD (ARTISTS REP) “There’s a great gap between a gallous story and a dirty deed.” So says the sharptongued Pegeen Mike in J.M. Synge’s The Playboy of the Western World. There’s also a great gap between Synge’s dense, Shakespeare-meets-County Mayo dialogue and our modern ears, but somehow, in this rare revival at Artists Repertory Theatre, nothing gets lost in translation. Synge’s satirical masterpiece tells the story of Christy Mahon, a young man who earns the admiration not only of the aforementioned Pegeen but of the entire populace of a tiny Irish hamlet when he announces that he has just murdered his father. It’s a decidedly odd premise, and when Playboy debuted in Dublin in 1907, it gave rise to riots in the streets. Irish Catholics took umbrage at what they saw as Synge’s disrespectful depiction of their fellow countrymen, and it’s true that many of the denizens surrounding Pegeen—including her father, her fiance and a handful of drunks and slatterns—do not come off as the brightest kerosene in the lamp. But Synge’s point wasn’t to ridicule rural Micks; it was to skewer humankind’s ridiculous obsession with celebrity culture. Christy is initially revered for his “mighty spirit and gamey heart”: Pegeen is eager to dump her God-fearing sop of a betrothed for the more manly Mahon. But he discovers the pitfalls of sudden fame when his father unexpectedly shows up, sporting a bloody head bandage and spoiling for revenge. Realizing they’ve been duped by a tall tale, the town turns on Christy and satire gives way first to slapstick and, finally, to poignant tragedy. Playboy needs a deft touch. Thanks to a talented cast and Dámaso Rodriguez’s inspired direction, not to mention excellent design—the set, lighting, costumes and sound meld wonderfully to create the intimate and transporting feel of the Auld Sod—this production hits all the right notes. Amy Newman is perfect as Pegeen, whose rough edges are briefly softened by love. With her air of long-suffering, no-nonsense wit, Newman wins the audience to her side instantly. Chris Murray, meanwhile, is a revelation as the playboy, inhabiting that winning space between cunning and vulnerability. Other standouts include Isaac Lamb as Pegeen’s hapless fiance and Jill Van Velzer as the sometimes scheming, sometimes altruistic Widow Quin. Synge’s dialogue is lyrical, meandering and thick as a furzy ditch, but the performers handle it splendidly. Synge wrote Playboy partially as an antidote to shallow musical comedy, which he saw as the enemy to the true joy that live theater should provide. He was sure that, by sticking close to reality, he could create something “superb and wild.” This production is both of those things. DEBORAH KENNEDY.

Dense as a furzy ditch, but the craic is mighty.

see it: The Playboy of the Western World is at Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm WednesdaysSundays and 2 pm Sundays through June 22. $25-$55. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



may 28–june 3


world tour that included cities in the Pacific Northwest and India. Here, the company performs its latest work Vice and Virtue, in which dancers strut and slither around a shiny apple in a push and pull of emotions and impulsiveness. The dancers also perform 2009’s Interview With the American Dream, inspired by anonymous telephone interviews conducted during the Great Recession, and 2008’s Love Story, which incorporates video interviews about love. The performance is preceded by a two-hour workshop at 11:30 am. Conduit Dance, 918 SW Yamhill St., Suite 401, 221-5857. 8 pm Saturday, May 31. $15 workshop, $17 performance, $27 both.

The Legends Have It

the same passion and obstinacy that ended their union the first time. KellyPettit commands attention as the wild Amanda, who ends most conversations with a profession of love or by throwing a pillow across the room. With highly theatrical elocution, Syron’s performance pays homage to Coward himself, who played Elyot in the play’s original production. All grand flourishes of his dressing gown, limp wrists and perky stride, Elyot’s flamboyance makes the amour fou all the more entertaining. As we become wrapped up in Elyot and Amanda’s silly spats, it’s easy to reflect on our contemporary obsession with celebrity—particularly our conviction that “they’re just like us!” Cattier than drag queens and far wittier than the Kardashians, this spectacle is just as addictive and much more satisfying. LAUREN TERRY. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through May 30. $26-$30.

Show Boat

Considering it was first brought to the stage in 1927, Show Boat addresses some controversial questions, including interracial marriage, gambling addiction and race relations in the South. But like any good musical comedy, it manages to tie up the messy loose ends in a colorful bow, and with a highstepping musical number. The Jerome Kern-Oscar Hammerstein show also contributed some beloved songs to the musical theater catalog, including “Ol’ Man River” and “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man,” which this Lakewood Theatre Company cast performs capably enough. A few voices stand out, namely Jennifer Davies’ crystalline soprano as Magnolia Hawks and Geoffery Simmons’ soulful bass as Joe. Spanning four decades, the show’s ebullient choreography serves as a social timeline as the characters cakewalk, fox trot and chicken scratch their way through failed marriages and racial tensions. The production value is high, too, especially the elaborate costumes with top hats, ruffled bloomers and bustles aplenty. It all may seem a little ridiculous and antiquated in presentation, but the underlying, universal metaphor of being swept through life on a current we cannot control is what keeps Show Boat afloat after all these years—well, that and all those high kicks. PENELOPE BASS. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm some Sundays and 7 pm some Sundays through June 8. $36.

States of Emergency

Whether it’s because they’ve horrified or enthralled, some plays have a way of lingering long after the actors take their bows. Often that’s welcome—it’s one of the things that makes theater so vital. Other times, though, these unforgettable scenes stick around too long for comfort. Director Jon Kretzu spans this spectrum with Fewer Emergencies and Betty’s Summer Vacation, a pair of plays now running in repertory at Defunkt Theatre under the name “States of Emergency.” Both works tackle modern-day violence, exploring how it can be shrouded in fake optimism or sensationalized by entertainment junkies hungry for the next headline. Told in three loosely connected acts, Martin Crimp’s Fewer


Emergencies examines suffering, mental illness and domestic gloom among the affluent. The standout in the cast is Steve Vanderzee, who captures the calm menace and instability of a suburban father who becomes a school shooter. Still, the play also has some plot points cloaked in a cheerful sheen, which leaves audiences with an appealing, if unsettling, ambiguity. There is no subtlety, however, to Betty’s Summer Vacation. Christopher Durang has called his 1999 play a commentary on the “tabloidization” of U.S. culture and the media’s focus on violence and gossip, particularly the highly publicized celebrity trials of the late ’90s. The story includes rape, castration and a beheading. This is black comedy at its most pointed, which is effective in making an argument about sensationalism, but it overwhelms more than it enlightens: It’s just as likely to incite frozen terror among audience members as they hear a rape happening offstage as it is to prompt dark laughter, as when Betty finds a castrated penis on ice in the fridge. If Betty’s Summer Vacation is a swift blow to the belly—it’s all pain, no gain—Fewer Emergencies is like an emerging bruise that slowly expands and changes hues. KAITIE TODD. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Sundays through June 14 (no show June 6); see for complete schedule. $15-$25 sliding scale Fridays-Saturdays; “pay what you can” Thursdays and Sundays.

COMEDY & VARIETY Cameron Esposito

The phenomenal Cameron Esposito— easily recognizable by her side-mullet and omnipresent jean jacket and, oh yeah, her super-smart but conversational style of standup—records her second comedy album. Rhea Butler, who also happens to be Esposito’s girlfriend, will also do a set. And tickets are five dollars. Five dollars, folks. Visit for an interview with Esposito. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7:30 and 10:30 pm Friday, May 30. $5. 21+.


Family-friendly competitive improv comedy. ComedySportz, 1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888. 8 pm FridaysSaturdays. $15.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Gabe Dinger hosts a weekly open-mic night. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Damon Wayans

Man, there are a lot of Wayans children. This is the one from Bamboozled, My Wife and Kids and The Great White Hype. Not from all those horror parodies. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-6438669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday; and 7:30 pm Sunday, May 29-June 1. $40-$46.

Diabolical Experiments

Improv jam show featuring Brody performers and other local improvisers. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 2242227. 7 pm every Sunday. $5.

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

The Dirty Dozen

Twelve comics unleash their smuttiest standup. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Wednesday, May 28. $12. 21+.

Midnight Mass

The self-deprecating but compassionate Amy Miller returns to the redlit, clown-filled environs of Funhouse Lounge to host this monthly showcase, which this time features standup from Derek Sheen, Whitney Streed, Jordan Casner, Sean Connery, JoAnn Schinderle, Aaron Klopfer and probably some surprise guests. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. Midnight Saturday, May 31. Free.


Late-night comedy show with improv, sketch and standup. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 10 pm every Saturday. $5.

The Mont Chris Hubbard Bonus Show

Oregon Ballet Theatre

Part performance, part artist talk, this limited-seating show for Oregon’s premier ballet company is a glimpse into the creative process of the dancers and choreographers. It’s ballet without the lighting, costumes or sets. Among the performances, which include excerpts and new work, Xuan Cheng and Brian Simcoe dance choreography by apprentice Ethan Schweitzer-Gaslin, and Candace Bouchard and Brett Bauer perform retired dancer Alison Roper’s Passages. BodyVox Dance Center, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 229-0627. 7:30 pm Wednesday-


Peruvian performance artist and dancer Luciana Proaño puts on her semi-regular jam session with traditional singing, dancing and music. At this event, Mexican troubadour Edna Vasquez sings, and dancers representing dance styles from different regions of Mexico and Peru perform. Las Primas, 3971 N Williams Ave., No. 103, 206-5790. 8 pm Saturday, May 31. $7.

Polaris Dance Center

Students of Polaris Dance Center, the school arm of the young contemporary dance company Polaris Dance Theatre, put on matinee performances to show the work of the dancers ages 3 to 18. Dancing styles include contemporary, ballet, aerial and hip hop. Polaris Contemporary Dance Center, 1501 SW Taylor St., 380-5472. 12:30 pm Saturday, May 31; 2:30 pm SaturdaySunday, May 31-June 1. $10-$15.

Tana the Tattooed Lady’s Burgeoning Burlesque Beauties Showcase

Portland’s most outspoken burlesque personality Tana the Tattooed Lady presents her burlesque children at Portland’s newest gay bar in a new, twice a month show. This time, most of the performers are fresh graduates of All That Glitters Burlesque Academy (and most are also strippers at Mary’s Club and the Kit Kat Club). Acts include classic fan dancing, singing, comedy and a tribute to Rosie the Riveter. The Royale, 317 NW Broadway. 8:30 pm Wednesday, May 28. $5. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit


khambatta dance company

Capping off a day of fundraising for the Burlesque Hall of Fame in Las Vegas (there’s a “burlesquercise” workout at 3 pm and a glitter sale at 4:30 pm), some of Portland’s best burlesque performers put on a benefit show. Among them are Angelique DeVil, who can spin tassels pasted on her ass, and Surlie Temple, who once wore tiny birthday cakes on her nipples. The Analog, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 432-8079. 7:30 pm Saturday, May 31. $5-$10 donation. 21+.

Saturday, May 28-31; 2 pm SaturdaySunday, May 31-June 1. $24.60.

Pianist/singer Mont Chris Hubbard produces another installment of his variety show, this month featuring polymath Mitch Iimori, who speaks lots of languages and plays lots of instruments. Tony Starlight’s, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd., 517-8584. 7:30 pm Monday, June 2. $10.

Pipes: An Improvised Musical

Comedic improv, set to song. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 8 pm FridaysSaturdays through June 7. $12-$15.

Seven on 7

Brody presents a show that mashes standup and improv, with comics each doing seven minutes and then improvisers riffing on that material. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 10 pm Friday, May 30. $8.

Two Houses

An improvised romance culminating in a wedding. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 8 pm Saturdays through June 14. $9-$12.

DANCE Deliberate Movement Theatre and Wobbly Dance

In Slumming Angel, Deliberate Movement Theatre director Ed Alletto says he takes a “cubist” approach to time, in which events aren’t linear but happen as a blur of thoughts. Those thoughts are seen through the nameless protagonist as she adopts roles in American culture: a child, a teen, an adult. Clothing comes on and off. A man hits golf balls. People dance with furniture. The nine performers have a mix of dance, theater and performance art backgrounds, and they’ll pull audience members into the show, too. The program is also split with Wobbly Dance, a duo of wheelchair users performing a love-hate piece that incorporates medical tubing. The Headwaters, 55 NE Farragut St., No. 9. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays, May 16-17, 30-31; 2 pm Sundays, May 18 and June 1. $12-$15.

Khambatta Dance Company

Seattle’s Khambatta Dance Company, a group of dramatic ballet and modern dancers that moved there from New York in 2001, are close to the end of a

jaSon manIccIa

TOIL AND TROUBLE: Shakespeare’s darkest trip of butchery and regret gets haphazard treatment in this Northwest Classical Theatre Company production, which successfully plays up the spookiness of Macbeth but falls down in its tangled, seemingly tossed-together details. Credit director Butch Flowers for his attempts to add some flair to an oft-produced tragedy, but that doesn’t mean the mess of costumes—cargo vests and combat boots one minute, newsboy caps or zip-up hoodies the next—or the inexplicable appearance of a Star Wars comic adds any depth. Still, the supernatural scenes prompt occasional goose bumps, thanks to sinister makeup and lighting, and the close quarters of the tiny Shoebox Theater make for some exhilarating fight scenes. As Macbeth, Jason Maniccia wears his insecurity on his sleeve as his ambitious wife urges him to kill the king and take the crown, fearfully wringing his hands as he descends into paranoia. Melissa Whitney is an intense Lady Macbeth, and she gives the audience chills when she calls on the gods to fill her with hate. “Make thick my blood,” she says, kneeling under a red spotlight and clenching her fists until they turn white. But even Maniccia’s and Whitney’s sincere performances can’t make up for the production’s lack of focus—including jazzy music that plays between scenes—and other actors’ slipshod delivery of Shakespeare’s language. What should be a delicious horror story becomes a confusing parade of slaughters and screams. LAUREN TERRY. See It: Macbeth is at the Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through June 22. $20.


= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By RICHARD SPEER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email:

Albert J. Winn: My Life Until Now

A sad postscript to photographer Albert J. Winn’s exhibition at Blue Sky: Winn died May 20, less than three weeks after attending his show’s opening reception on First Thursday. Blue Sky’s executive director, Todd J. Tubutis, confi rmed Winn’s death in an email to WW ’s visual arts critic, Richard Speer. Since 1990, when he was diagnosed with AIDS, Winn lived with the disease, turning his diagnosis into an ongoing series of self-portraits. As he wrote in his artist statement, he always had a simple goal: tough it out and live long enough to die of something other than AIDS. Nearly 25 years later, he was successful in that goal, having died of cancer. Notably, the self-portraits are remarkable not so much for their chronicling of the ups and downs and medical indignities of AIDS, but for the way they show the simple passage of time itself. We see Winn travel from middle age, wearing bad, leftover-from-the-1980s eyeglasses and a bad, leftover-from-the’80s comb-over, to a bald, gauntly beautiful man in early old age. This is a fearless, haunting body of work. Through June 1. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

Andy Vogt: Fossilized

San Francisco-based artist Andy Vogt turns plywood and other salvaged wood into the stuff of sculptural perfection. But this is no polished, gleaming perfection—rather, a weathered, beaten-down beauty. He arranges strips of wood into dynamic, delightful compositions, as if he were deconstructing Sol LeWitt’s cubes and reconfi guring them to decorate some New England barn. The show’s most striking work, Sustained Decay, seems a direct translation of the nimbus beams radiating down on Bernini’s masterpiece Saint Teresa in Ecstasy. To see such divine light rendered as old wood is a revelation. Another thought-provoking piece, Interior End, is a beveled frame, as might fi t a mirror, with nothing but blank wood where the glass would be. It’s hard not to view it as a metaphor for the quest for meaning in life: We peer, we seek, but there is no refl ection, only implacable, decayed wood. Through May 31. Hap Gallery, 916 NW Flanders St., 444-7101.

Anna Von Mertens: Above, Between and In

Anna Von Mertens’ works look like paintings, but they’re actually made of hand-dyed cotton. She takes her inspiration for these gorgeous, saturated compositions from three different sources: juices (as in the piece Kale, Carrot, Apple), psychic “aura readings” (Me and Chris), and the aurora borealis. With their loose,

intuitive shapes and patterns, the works recall the prints and paintings of the late Helen Frankenthaler. The aura-reading pieces are presented in a split-screen format, with amorphous blobs sitting side by side. It’s a striking presentation, made even more seductive by the bold color palette. This artwork looks good enough to eat. Through May 31. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Jordan Rathus: Fernweh (Farsickness)

Brooklyn, N.Y., artist Jordan Rathus is a multimedia dynamo. Her invigorating show consists of two short fi lms, each displayed in its own installation, plus photographs and a souvenir calendar. All the works have themes of travel and the tourism industries, and while the artist’s perspective is satirical, it’s never snide. Rathus is laughing with clueless tourists, not at them, and some of her humor is selfdirected. In the aforementioned calendar, she poses provocatively on a fur-blanketed bed in Finland, alternately seducing the camera with come-hither glances and mocking herself with dorky expressions. Even though we realize the shots are selfconsciously cheesy, we can’t help but fi nd them alluring. In a triumph of post-ironic self-deprecation, the artist shows that the joke is not only on her, but on the rest of us as well. Through May 31. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 227-5111.

Julia Mangold: Works on Paper

Melinda Stickney-Gibson: New Paintings From the Woods

In the serenity of her studio in rural upstate New York, Melinda StickneyGibson creates complex and varied abstract paintings. By alternating between wet-looking, heavily varnished paint and matte, chalky surfaces, she can create a push-pull tension between foreground and background. Her painting on paper, Thinking It, demonstrates how effectively she integrates thick brushwork with light splatters. This sonata of contrasts continues in her counterposition of rich green and maroon tones against rusty reds the hue of dried blood. The end effect is a striking sense of equipoise. Through May 31. Butters Gallery, 520 NW Davis St., second floor, 248-9378.

Renée Zangara: Behemoth

Renée Zangara’s last show at Nine was all about backyard chickens. This time around, she’s turned over the floor to Romeo, her pet Rottweiler. He’s a big dog, ergo the show’s title, and Zangara renders him in various settings as he romps and lazes about. As in her chicken-themed paintings, Zangara’s technique tends to be more aristocratic than her subject matter. The best part of Swimming Lessons is not the dog, but the grass, trees and other vegetation, which she renders with an exhilarating melding of staccato lines; arching, lyrical passages; and luxuriant surfaces. If she had lived in the era of Rococo, Zangara might have given Fragonard a run for his money, painting portraits of noblemen in silk breeches and their pompadoured paramours; today, her brand of virtuosity is out of style, and she’s left painting the roosters and the dog out back. But my, my, what flair in those feathers and all that fur! Through June 1. Nine Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 227-7114.

Sarah Knobel: Icescapes

Viewers familiar with Julia Mangold ’s rectilinear sculptures will see echoes of those pristine geometries in this exhibition, which concentrates on her works on paper. Implacable rectangles, sometimes overlapping slightly, fl oat amid pools of negative space. Mangold renders the shapes in slate blues and gunmetal tones. Refreshingly simple in their compositions, the works exude quiet serenity. Through May 31. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Montana artist Sarah Knobel cobbles together wigs, feathers and other disparate objects, submerges them in colored water, then sticks the whole shebang in the freezer. Once they’re frozen solid, she takes the bizarre contraptions out and photographs them as they melt. The resulting prints are whimsical, perversely fascinating and sorta gross. Through June 1. Newspace Center for Photography, 1632 SE 10th Ave., 963-1935.

Margot Voorhies Thompson: The Theater of Language: Conversations & Metaphors

PDX’s Window Project is all about clay this month. You really want to hate Saya Moriyasu’s diminutive ceramic dogs, with their bugged-out eyes and exaggerated contours, but they’re just too damned cute not to love. Meanwhile, Anthony Sonnenberg’s ceramic candelabrum, encrusted with a metallic finish, has an odd blend of polish and crudity, recalling Nicholas Nyland’s similarly bizarre candelabra at last year’s Contemporary Northwest Art Awards. Through May 31. PDX Window Project, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

Letters and words play a big part in Margot Voorhies Thompson’s mixedmedia works on paper. In the past, she overlapped words and calligraphy to create dense screens of linguistically incomprehensible but compositionally evocative text. In her new show, she ties words in with architecture, alluding to the similarities between the structure of sentences and the structure of buildings. Through May 31. Laura Russo Gallery, 805 NW 21st Ave., 226-2754.



Works in Clay

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

BIRD HOUSE: But for people.

HANNES WINGATE, THE BURNSIDE NEST Hannes Wingate’s The Burnside Nest, Portland’s newest public artwork, looks like a bird’s nest on steroids. The spherical sculpture is built to resemble an oversized bird’s nest. Way oversized. So oversized, guests at the piece’s May 10 preview climbed the 30-foot-tall tree it’s in to lounge and take in the view. It seats five. (Sorry, the public isn’t allowed to climb into the nest, which is on private property.) A stone’s throw from the Burnside Skatepark, it’s just north of the east side of the Burnside Bridge at Northeast 3rd Avenue, on the future site of the Burnside Bridgehead business/residential development. Wingate, a Swedish artist who lives in Portland nine months of the year, built the nest out of branches gathered from the site and from elsewhere in town. He also incorporated human-made materials, just as birds do when making nests. “Only humans consider nature as separate from themselves,” the artist tells WW. “The bird does not. Therefore, it forages for materials that are usable for the nest and doesn’t care if they’re ‘natural’ or not, as long as they work.” Ergo, woven into the nest are a box spring, a street sign, part of a chair, some rebar and two-by-fours. The piece recalls sculptures by noted British artist Andy Goldsworthy, who uses natural materials in his site-specific “Land Art” installations. The day Wingate started constructing the nest, he was stopped four times by the Portland police, even though he’d secured a land-use permit from the Portland Development Commission. The skaters nearby were skeptical, too, although Wingate says he’s since won them over. It’s easy to see why—The Burnside Nest is damned cute. It’s a nest, for crying out loud, primal symbol of home and nurturing. And although nobody is likely to mistake it for a High Modernist masterpiece by Constantin Brâncusi or Henry Moore, the sculpture has a crunchy, eco-friendly coziness that could bring out the kid in even the most jaded curmudgeon. It’s a shame it will have to be taken down at the end of July to make way for Burnside Bridgehead, but Wingate has talked with developer Jeff Pickhardt and Jeff Kovel of Skylab Architecture about possibly returning the nest to the site once the building is completed. RICHARD SPEER. A bird about to be flipped.

SEE IT: Find more information and photos of The Burnside Nest at




PG. 29

MUSIC Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



may 28–june 3

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.



OMSI After Dark

Live Wire!

We all have a weakness that might not be so good for us, from junk food and reality TV to greased-up gator wrestling. OMSI After Dark: Guilty Pleasures will explore the science behind our sneaky addictions by dishing on the thrill of gossip, studying social drinking through prairie voles and lighting gummy bears on fire, because why not? OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4000. 6-10 pm. $7-13. 21+.

Elizabeth Warren

Hailed as a political hero by some and decried a socialist by others, Elizabeth Warren, the senior senator from Massachusetts (and first woman to hold the office), has long championed the advancement of the middle class, particularly consumer protections and increasing the minimum wage. Her new book, A Fighting Chance, chronicles her twodecade battle through Washington and details how she is pretty much a bad ass. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, MAY 29 Windfall reading

Highlighting the particular influence that the Pacific Northwest as a location has on artistic creation, the local anthology Windfall: A Journal of Poetry of Place will release its spring 2014 issue. Editors Bill Siverly and Michael McDowell will read excerpts, along with contributors Barbara Drake, Wendy Willis and John Morrison. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726. 7 pm. Free.

Karen Russell

After being nominated for the Pulitzer Prize in 2011 for her quirkyyet-disturbing novel Swamplandia!, Karen Russell has continued to earn accolades for her work, including her new collection of stories, Vampires in the Lemon Grove. Russell will read from her work as part of the long-running Columbia Writers Series. Clark College-Foster Auditorium, 1933 Fort Vancouver Way, 360-699-6398. 1-2 pm. Free.

FRIDAY, MAY 30 Time-Capsule Opening

Supposedly packed with items that defined life in Portland in 1984, including clothing, artwork and even beverages, the Oregon Historical Society will open a time capsule that has been sealed in Pioneer Courthouse Square since April 6, 1984. The roughly 50 items will be displayed in the square (along with ’80s music and festivities, naturally) before being moved into a curated exhibit by the OHS. Think it will include a copy of the ’84 NBA draft, when the Blazers passed on Michael Jordan? Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave. 10:30 am. Free.

David Kinney

Venturing deep into the hazy, eccentric lair of Bob Dylan’s most devoted fans, journalist David Kinney explores what the singersongwriter’s devotees demonstrate about his place in the pantheon of American culture. His resulting book is The Dylanologists: Adventures in the Land of Bob. But first let’s just all agree to forget that Dylan’s Christmas album ever happened. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

Variety show Live Wire! operates on a simple premise: Put a bunch of interesting and talented people on a stage together and interesting things are bound to happen. Testing the theory this week will be author and all-around robotics genius Daniel H. Wilson (whose best-selling novel Robopocalypse will soon be a movie under the helm of Steven Spielberg), Los Angelesbased comedian and Chelsea Lately regular Cameron Esposito, journalist

David Kinney, and Seattle pop group Lemolo. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 7:30 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of. 21+.

MONDAY, JUNE 2 Literary History Night

The Pacific Northwest is rich with writers who blazed their own literary Oregon Trail of sorts. Continuing to celebrate these pioneers, the new Oregon Encyclopedia Literary History Night will this month explore the work of former poet laureate and lit legend William Stafford. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 223-4527. 7 pm. Free.

For more Music listings, visit


DAN BARBER, THE THIRD PLATE Every time someone tells me what I shouldn’t eat, I reach for the revolving lazy Susan. Far too often the food police are joyless scolds or dieters in disg uise—people of the upper quartile who fashion moral superiority out of consumption made conspicuous on their Facebook feeds. W h a t a w o n d e r, t h e n , The Barber of Blue Hill. to read Da n Ba rber ’s T he Third Plate: Field Notes on the Future of Food (Penguin Press, 496 pages, $29.95). Barber, executive chef at Manhattan’s swanky Blue Hill restaurant, wants nothing less than to reimagine “sustainable food.” Your local, organic tomato is, he says, the “Hummer of the vegetable world.” (It’s also a fruit, but never mind that now.) Tomato plants use a ridiculous amount of water and nutrients to form a single Roma. And as each bycatch fish at Bamboo Sushi is rehabilitated for trendy consumption, it’s like it landed the role of understudy for the endangered list. But Barber isn’t advocating that we give up on tasty, tasty foods. Much the opposite. His argument is that flavorful foods are the extension of smart growing habits that keep the soil healthy, the sea fecund and the Iberian pig fat and happy. A fish farm produces stocks that surpass wild by supporting a broad ecosystem that makes the fish more flavorful even if it means letting herons eat the stocks, and crop farmers support their soil by—as the Native Americans always knew—meticulously rotating and co-growing crops that are good for the soil, rather than whatever’s fashionable on seasonal-organic menus. Barber is a passionate, lovely writer, and with two glasses of wine you could weep while reading him describe the economy of the Spanish dehesa, where itinerant pigs plug themselves full of acorns and nurture the soil with fertile poo. Even your staunchest Republican would have to admire the ingenuity with which organic farmer Klaas Martens rotates and coplants crops to maximize flavor and yield. But these farmers are outliers, and Barber allows his book to include the most damning criticism of the notion that such practices will save food. “Sooner or later,” agriculture expert Wes Jackson tells him, “someone is going to do something stupid to degrade the land.” A nd Jackson is probably right. But the histor y of this country is governed as much by reverent aesthetic ideals as short-term stupidity. We have proven we will chase idylls with shekels. And it is rare to read a book about food that inspires such reverence as this one. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. GO: Dan Barber reads at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., on Monday, June 2. 7:30 pm. Free.






Congresswoman Suzanne Bonamici invites you to









June 3, 2014 5:30-6:30 p.m. Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital 1015 N.W. 22nd Ave.



June 4, 2014 5:30-6:30 p.m. Hillsboro Main Library 2850 Brookwood Pkwy.


June 5, 2014 5:30-6:30 p.m. Beaverton City Library 12375 S.W. 5th St.



June 7, 2014 10:00-11:00 a.m. Gearhart Elementary School 1002 Pacific Way


June 7, 2014 2:30-3:30 p.m. Vernonia High School 1000 Missouri Ave.


June 8, 2014 12:00-1:00 p.m. Chemeketa Community College 288 N.E. Norton Ln.


June 8, 2014 2:00-3:00 p.m. PCC Newberg Center 135 Werth Blvd. CongresswomanBonamici @RepBonamici

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014


may 28–june 3 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

B- When Spider-Man first swung into

cinemas in 2002, his was a simpler world. But in a post-Avengers landscape, gee-whiz goofball Peter Parker has been deemed outdated, which means that in The Amazing SpiderMan 2, he’s not just sidled with great power and responsibility. He’s burdened by a cinematic universe teeming with spinoffs. Coupled with sequel-itis, that means everything must be bigger, louder and capable of feeding an endless franchise. Actionwise, that’s great. Andrew Garfield, all spindly limbs and corny one-liners, brings joy to the eye-popping action. Matching him is Emma Stone, whose Gwen Stacy is less a damsel in distress than a Watson to Garfield’s web-slinging Holmes. Alas, the flaws are also bigger, among them Peter’s emo angst and wedged-in plot elements that reek of franchise-building. The great Dane DeHaan, as the infamous Harry Osborn, gets about 20 minutes for an arc that took Sam Raimi and James Franco three movies to develop. Paul Giamatti and Felicity Jones pop in for extended cameos that serve simply to tease future roles. The ghost of Gwen’s dad shows up. A shadowy conspiracy unfolds. And none of it jells. Yet even with all the spinoff egg-laying and a tone that jackknifes between Joel Schumacher camp and Christopher Nolan grit, there’s a great bag of popcorn here. Were the fat trimmed and the villains allowed to hold their own, the effects and imaginative action would carry the film. But as it is, this is a placeholder that frustrates as much as it entertains. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Clackamas, Forest.


A nature documentary about an Alaskan family of the titular large fuzzy creatures. G. Empiracal Theatre at OMSI.


A Fans of Downton Abbey and 12

Years a Slave alike will swoon over this period drama, one hand clutching a Kleenex and the other clenched in a fist of solidarity. Belle (a luminous Gugu Mbatha-Raw), the illegitimate daughter of a slave and a Royal Navy captain, is sent to live with her father’s aristocratic uncle in rural England. Raised in relative isolation as one of their own, we meet up with Belle as she embarks upon the drama of Victorian-era matchmaking—a process made complicated by tensions over her skin color. Eventually Belle finds herself with two suitors: a handsome if pompous aristocrat whose family is more attracted to Belle’s generous inheritance than to the girl herself, and humble lawyer John Davinier, who’s engaged in a passionate legal crusade to abolish slavery. Belle’s cousin Elizabeth (Sarah Gadon) is trying to find a match of her own, and with her boy-craziness, she serves as an excellent foil for Belle’s shrewd maturity. Based on a true story, Amma Asante’s film is a serious exploration of race, gender and civil rights, but the Jane Austen clothing means there’s enough fan-fluttering drama to please the period-romance crowd. PG. GRACE STAINBACK. Clackamas.


C- Adam Sandler might be the smart-

est person in Hollywood. Adopting the Ernest P. Worrell prototype, the “Adam Sandler goes to” model has taken the comedian and his buddies camping, to the tropics and beyond. The dude’s on permanent vacation, popping out crappy movies between naps. In Blended, Sandler hits Africa— well, a high-end resort/spa in Africa, but that’s Africa enough to allow him to pet a baby elephant and dress up a monkey as a Hooters waitress. The film re-teams Sandler and Drew Barrymore—who vacationed together in Hawaii in 50 First Dates and belted ’80s hits in The Wedding Singer—as


single parents. After a disastrous first date, they end up at the same isolated resort, where a vaguely racist parody of Ladysmith Black Mambazo and humping rhinos stoke the flames of love. The two bond as Sandler teaches Barrymore’s sons to man up with the help of sports, and Barrymore shows Sandler’s tomboy girls how to shimmy like ladies. All the familiar Sandler beats are here, from overwrought sentimentality (his daughter talks to her dead mom) to a cast of weirdo, scene-stealing supporting characters (good to see you again, Kevin Nealon). The rom-com suits Sandler’s sensibilities better than recent flops like That’s My Boy and Bedtime Stories. Perhaps that’s because Sandler’s a bit more relaxed here. Of course he is: He’s on vacation. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove.




Hell hath no fury like a woman denied an invite. That, arguably, is the moral of the Sleeping Beauty story. As the tale goes, the sprite that didn’t make the guest list still appears at the eponymous princess’s christening, but with a rather quirky gift for the royal baby: death. Disney downgraded the curse to a century-long coma, but the scorned fairy hardly gets gentle treatment—she’s a literal dragon lady. That one-dimensional portrayal has held for


the 55 years since the Technirama masterpiece was released, but now it appears Maleficent will have her day in court. Starring the angular majesty that is Angelina Jolie, Maleficent keeps the gothic aesthetic intact, but it remains unclear whether it will add dimension to anything other than the zygomatic bones. Because the film didn’t screen by WW press deadlines (find a review at later this week), we’ve decided to look back at portrayals of Maleficent over the years—in the 17th-century fairy tale “Sun, Moon, and Talia,” Disney’s 1959 Sleeping Beauty and 1987’s straight-to-video offering featuring Morgan Fairchild and Tahnee Welch (yes, sprung from Raquel)—to examine how the evil fairy transformed from an abstract concept of doom into a leather-horned succubus.


Bringing It Home

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] As part of Hemp History Week (yes, this exists, and it’s in its fifth year), the EcoFilm Festival screens a new documentary about the potential benefits of industrial hemp production. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Thursday, May 29.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

C+ Of all the four-color icons, Captain America should be the least open to interpretation. Ol’ Winghead seemed a charming anachronism from the time Stan Lee assembled the uncanny freaks and amazing geeks of the Marvel Universe 50-some years ago, and the sheer strangeness of past generations’ uncomplicated ideals fueled the unexpected delights of Captain America: The First Avenger. Alas, where the 2011 film found a dreamily compelling momentum somewhere between magical realism and newsreel propaganda, Captain America: The Winter Soldier wades through thankless cameos (Robert Redford? Emily VanCamp? Garry Shandling?) and interminable exposition (imagine Iron Man interrupted with discursive tangents about electrical engineering). The fractured plot pits the superspies of S.H.I.E.L.D. against Hydra’s shadowy cabal and Cap against a steel-armed, greasy-maned assassin. The first film’s foot chase through 1940s Brooklyn thrilled to Cap’s newfound grace and athleticism, and once again, star Chris Evans’ unaffected certitude and boyish self-regard suggest why a mortal might one day command the Marvel gods and monsters. But now his appealing mix of officer and gentleman has been reduced to frathouse moralizing. There’s more setup for the surrounding saga: Sam “The Falcon” Wilson is deftly introduced, ScarJo’s Black Widow finally has some backstory, and Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury is no longer just a framing device. For all the failings on display, the mighty Marvel machine rolls along. The Winter Soldier might not be much of a movie in and of itself, but maybe there are no second acts in Captain America’s life. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Clackamas.

evil fairy

There is no evil fairy, but there is a rapist—who also happens to pass for a romantic hero. A king stumbles across comatose Talia and, boy howdy, does author Giambattista Basile try to write his way around what is a screaming lack of consent. The king loves her and leaves her... pregnant.

Origin of the curse

Talia is born with a bummer prediction already hanging over her head, with local astrologers predicting she’ll be undone by twine. Her father enacts what is perhaps history’s first across-the-board hemp prohibition, but Talia still gets a deadly splinter and passes out.

Cheekbone rating


Special flavor

Stockholm syndrome.


evil fairy


C- Imagine a movie written entirely by focus groups in Portland, Brooklyn and Silver Lake. In Chef, Jon Favreau plays an all-star cuisinier who’s stymied by his corporately conservative, Dustin Hoffman-owned restaurant and has a meltdown that gets posted on TMZ—but not before he gets to sleep with Scarlett Johansson! He then discovers his love for authentic cooking and his love for his own cute son by running a Cuban food cart and traveling across the country with said son and John Leguizamo, whom you didn’t even know you missed until you saw him. And everything feels so good all the time it’s like eating a cronut forever, except the cronut is a beignet because beignets are totally authentic. You know what’s also authentic? A weird product placement proclaiming Ketel One the classiest liquor ever, tweets that chirp and fly onscreen, a

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

Origin of the curse

Sylvia Miles peacocks as a campy, plate-smashing outcast. In fact, she opts to play it like a HOA rep in a Tampa subdivision, out for blood. To add insult to injury, she’s redlined from the guest list because the palace is one gold plate short. The plates are later revealed to be goldleafed ceramic. Pure pettiness? Or a cocktail of Schedule III painkillers and pinot gris? Whatever her motivation, the Red Fairy lets fly an uninspired, freeassociation riff that’s meant as a hex. She does, though, pull off a decent mic drop, complete with pyrotechnics.

Cheekbone rating

Negligible, and heavily reliant on stage makeup.

Special flavor

Queen Morgan Fairchild.

evil fairy

The bad seed of a limited fairy culture made terrible by ostracism. Even had she arrived at the party through more legit avenues, it’s doubtful she would have bestowed an adorable onesie or fanciful mobile on baby Aurora—more likely unbridled sarcasm.

Origin of the curse

A catty afterthought, plus zero impulse control. We’ve all been inspired to deliver a perfectly timed zinger, but we stop when we sense that the fallout—in this case, a teenage fatality—isn’t worth the fleeting pleasure. Not so for Maleficent.

Cheekbone rating

Dangerously high.

Special flavor

The Queen of All Evil is also the Queen of Passive Aggression, and she makes it delicious.


evil fairy

Angelina Jolie, with retro sartorial sense and unprecedented access to Sleeping Beauty. She apparently stalks and then mentors Elle Fanning, eventually pulling the rug out from under her after espousing theories on the nature of evil.

Origin of the curse

Revenge, but with substance. If the trailers are to be believed, the titular character has a legit chip on her shoulder because the king vanquished her father’s Viking tribe, or perhaps hunted her troops of humanoid goons to near-extinction.

Cheekbone rating

Off the charts. Jolie’s facial structure could cut a diamond.

Special flavor

Lana Del Rey’s woozy, boozy cover of the Sleeping Beauty theme; humanity?

SEE IT: Maleficent is rated PG. It opens Friday at most major Portland-area theaters.







MASTER They have a delivery guy.

Brewing Fresh Beer in Portland since 1994 CHINESE PUZZLE food blogger who sells his blog to AOL (ha!) for $10 million (double ha!), and prominent food critics announcing their visits a week in advance and then writing only about the weight gain of the chef. Also, sleeping with Sofia Vergara is obviously way more authentic than sleeping with Scarlett Johansson. Chef is likable the way your half-witted, earnest, eager-to-please cousin is likable. But over time, it’s just as tedious. If you like Cubanos, don’t watch this movie. Eat a Cubano. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Clackamas.

Chinese Puzzle

B Chinese Puzzle is neither a puzzle nor particularly Chinese—but apparently American Quilt was already taken. The third in Cédric Klapisch’s ebullient trilogy of beautiful French people in beautiful places, falling in and out of love—the first two were L’Auberge Espagnole (2002) and Russian Dolls (2005)—Chinese Puzzle is a somewhat more grizzled and interesting affair, if still ridiculously sunny. The character ensemble is now approaching 40 and still acting like lovesick puppies, but they are lovesick puppies with tween children and artificial inseminations and immigration problems (solved, of course, by sham marriages to beautiful Chinese-American women). Audrey Tautou’s character has shed her elfin naivete for the weary romance of the familiar, while the trilogy’s oh-so-emo writer hero (Romain Duris) now sees his life show up on his face in crinkles, a wan grimace, and a crisp set of divorce papers. For once, you almost believe his troubles. Oh, and everyone’s in New York. And New York is amazing, a place where money doesn’t really matter. Everyone is from somewhere else—Africa, France, China, U.K., who cares?— everyone’s nice deep down, and love is in the air, just one brush of the cheek away. It is a brazenly unrepentant fable of multiculti dreaminess, a bawdy sitcom whose credits will roll only when everyone’s laughing on the same side of the table. When you’re happy, says Duris’ character, that’s when the story ends. And so it does. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Living Room Theaters.

Cycling With Moliere

B- Nous parlons de pratique. That’s French for “We’re talking about practice,” a phrase coined by noted American philosopher Allen Iverson. There’s a lot of chatting about rehearsal in Cycling With Molière— more than there is cycling, in fact. A popular soap opera actor (Lambert Wilson) travels to the Ile de Re off the coast of France to coax a prematurely retired colleague (Fabrice Luchini) to appear in a production of Molière’s The Misanthrope. It’s the role he was born to play, baby! Because he is a misanthrope, see. The two commence endlessly reading from the play (occasionally while cycling around the island), arguing over the performances, passive-aggressively flirting with an Italian divorcee and mentoring an aspiring porn actress. Mostly, it’s two middle-aged French guys hanging out and being French, which makes

up for the relative shortage of bicycles. MATTHEW SINGER. Living Room Theaters.


B At first glance, Divergent would seem to be riding on the coattails of The Hunger Games. Here’s another dystopian YA novel-turnedwannabe blockbuster, with another rising star—Shailene Woodley, in for Jennifer Lawrence—at the center. But with Divergent, director Neil Burger proves there’s more than one way to ride this wave. Veronica Roth wrote Divergent while still in college—and probably right after reading Ender’s Game— and she brings together the overthrow of an oppressive government and a freshman-year identity crisis. Conceptually, Divergent employs elements from Harry Potter, G.I. Jane and Gattaca, and visually, it offers a memorable take on the post-apocalyptic landscape without overdosing on CGI. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Edgefield, Empirical Theatre at OMSI, Laurelhurst, St. Johns.

206 SW Morrison St. · Portland · 503.796.2739 ·

28-June 1. For full schedule, see

A Film About Coffee

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] A new documentary about a beverage dear to many Portlanders’ hearts, Brandon Loper’s film about specialty joe traces coffee from fields in Honduras and Rwanda to cafes around the world. Laurelhurst Theater. 7 pm Thursday, May 29. $15. 21+.

Fading Gigolo

D Here’s the punch line: Woody Allen sells old men to young women. Now where’s the joke? Fading Gigolo casts Allen as a retired bookseller and unlikely pimp, enlisted by his dermatologist (Sharon Stone) to find a man so she can have a threesome with her beautiful mistress (Sofía Vergara). He’s got the perfect guy, of course: John Turturro, who plays a part-time florist named Fioravante. Turturro is, not coincidentally, also the film’s writer and director. Fioravante is reluctant and sweet, either silent or stammering and possibly a little addled in the head—a somewhat physically comB It’s only right that a film about pelling 57-year-old scarecrow in a doppelgängers should feel eerily suit. Just the stuff to drive beautifamiliar. While loosely adapted from ful women wild. They pay money, of Dostoevsky’s novella of the same course, to sleep with the type of guy name, The Double’s attitude and they’d marry only for money. But aesthetics are strongly indebted to luckily for a comedy without a recAki Kaurismäki and Terry Gilliam, ognizable sense of humor, it drifts lifting the former’s deadpan absurd- into cheese-clothed, jazz-scored ism and the latter’s withering view character study—where it fares, of pencil-pushers trapped in bureau- sadly, worse. Allen sends a lonely, cratic hamster wheels. Granted, if unknowing Hasidic widow (Vanessa ever confronted by a pencil, lowly Paradis) to Turturro, which leads clerk Simon James (Jesse Eisenberg) her promptly to cry. It’s handled so would probably just apologize for gently, with such lunkheaded charm getting in its way. He’s a nonenby Turturro, you hardly notice how tity at his dystopian office and an offensive it is. Think of the movie as object of condescending pity for co- a rambling walk with a decrepit old worker Hannah (Mia Wasikowska, man whose politics are suspect. It who wears darkness well)—until his leaves you right where you started daily routine of indignations and when you’re done, unhurt but bewilfaint hopes is interrupted by the dered, and struck by sudden and arrival of James Simon (Eisenberg piercing sadness for the human conagain). Despite being physically dition. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. identical to our meek protagoFox Tower. nist, this charismatic interloper is also everything he’s not, effortlessly working a cruel system that spat out A- In our era of unparalleled selfSimon like an unwanted chew toy. aggrandizement, it’s difficult for Director Richard Ayoade’s characus to comprehend why anyone, let ters are thinly sketched, with their alone a talented artist, might choose few defining traits closer to affecto keep her achievements to herself. tations. But Eisenberg wisely takes But Vivian Maier, street photograthis opportunity to forgo naturalism pher and Chicago nanny, did just for exaggerated physicality. Simon that. When she died in 2009, penniclumsily navigates the world as if less and alone, she left behind hunit were a hostile obstacle course, dreds of thousands of negatives, as while the opportunistic James conwell as thousands of rolls of undeducts himself in the manner of a veloped film. The interviews with her cartoon villain with a gargantuan former employers and child charges, appetite. Given that it investigates while fascinating and at times disthe slipperiness of identity, it’s fitting turbing, can’t hold a candle to her that The Double never quite carves work, which is the real star of this out one of its own. Even so, much documentary. The photos, particulike the blade that Simon wields in larly the self-portraits, appear on the an unsettling and surreal climax, screen like mini-revelations, flashes it makes a lasting impression. R. of genius from the best photograCURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Living Room pher you’ve probably never heard of. Theaters. DEBORAH KENNEDY. Cinema 21.

The Double

Finding Vivian Maier

Experimental Film Festival

[FIVE DAYS ONLY] This showcase of avant-garde, genre-defying media returns for its third year, with lots of installations, film showcases, workshops, lectures and parties. Multiple venues. Wednesday-Sunday, May

From Place to Place

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] Various organizations team up to celebrate Foster Care Month with a screening of

CONT. on page 48 Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



From Place to Place, a documentary following the triumphs and tribulations of three children in the fostercare system. Clinton Street Theater. 6:30 pm Thursday, May 29.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

B+ The old, snide rejoinder to an

over-decorated show is that “you leave humming the sets,” but Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel may be the first movie where you come out tasting them. The titular Alpine resort is the most edible-looking lodge in cinema: a multitiered, pink-frosted castle designed to endure as an ambrosial memory. Our hero, M. Gustave, is the dapper concierge running the Grand Budapest front desk and back halls. He’s played by Ralph Fiennes with such flowery cosmopolitanism that you can almost see the cloud of cologne drifting behind him as he scurries to his next boudoir appointment with a rich dowager. I’d love to recite an ode to The Grand Budapest Hotel, because it’s the most politically aware story Anderson has told. It’s set in an imaginary Middle European country in the 1930s, at the edge of war. Its story, a silly caper, brushes against the deepest horrors of the 20th century, and ends by acknowledging irrevocable damage. Yet I can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing. Who are these beautiful visitors in The Grand Budapest Hotel? They’re meant to be ghosts, but they shouldn’t be strangers. We stick out our tongues to catch the shimmering snowflakes, and taste only air. R. AARON MESH. Cinema 21, Hollywood Theatre.


B Godzilla has risen from a 16-year

X-Men: Days Of Future Past XD-3D (PG-13) 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:30PM Million Ways To Die In The West, A (R) 10:55AM 12:10PM 1:55PM 3:15PM 4:50PM 6:15PM 7:45PM 9:15PM 10:40PM Mom’s Night Out (PG) 10:55AM 4:45PM 10:30PM Million Dollar Arm (PG) 10:45AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:35PM Neighbors (R) 11:50AM 2:30PM 5:15PM 7:55PM 10:25PM X-Men: Days Of Future Past 3D (PG-13) 11:30AM 1:55PM 2:40PM 5:05PM 5:50PM 9:00PM X-Men: Days Of Future Past (PG-13) 10:45AM 12:15PM 3:25PM 6:35PM 8:15PM 9:45PM Other Woman, The (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM

Rio 2 (G) 11:05AM 1:45PM 4:25PM 7:05PM 9:50PM Maleficent 3D (PG) 11:40AM 2:15PM 3:00PM 4:50PM 7:25PM 8:05PM 10:00PM Amazing Spider-Man 2 (PG-13) 12:20PM 3:40PM 10:20PM Belle (PG) 11:10AM 5:00PM 7:50PM Maleficent (PG) 11:00AM 12:20PM 1:35PM 4:10PM 5:30PM 6:45PM 9:20PM 10:40PM Amazing Spider-Man 2 3D (PG-13) 7:00PM Blended (PG-13) 10:50AM 12:25PM 1:50PM 3:20PM 4:40PM 6:10PM 7:35PM 9:05PM 10:25PM Godzilla (2014) 3D (PG-13) 1:50PM 10:35PM Godzilla (2014) (PG-13) 12:55PM 4:00PM 7:00PM 10:05PM Captain America: The Winter Soldier (PG-13) 1:30PM 7:15PM Chef (R) 10:50AM 1:40PM 4:30PM 7:20PM 10:10PM

Call Theater for Showtimes (800) 326-3264 ext. 984

Maleficent 3D

Million Dollar Arm Blended Godzilla Godzilla 3D Million Ways to Die in the West Belle Maleficent

Amazing Spiderman 2 3D

Million Ways To Die In The West, A (R) 10:40AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Million Dollar Arm (PG) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:50PM 7:45PM 10:40PM X-Men: Days Of Future Past (PG-13) 12:45PM 2:00PM 4:00PM 7:15PM 8:30PM 10:30PM Neighbors (R) 11:00AM 1:30PM 4:25PM 7:10PM 10:00PM X-Men: Days Of Future Past 3D (PG-13) 10:55AM 11:45AM 3:00PM 5:15PM 6:15PM 9:30PM Rio 2 (G) 11:05AM 1:40PM 4:35PM 7:25PM Railway Man, The (R) 10:05PM Maleficent 3D (PG) 10:45AM 12:15PM 3:00PM 5:45PM 8:30PM 9:30PM

Amazing Spiderman 2 X-Men Days of Future Past X-Men Days of Future Past 3D Manam Kochadaiiyaan 3D Neighbors Blended (PG-13) 10:45AM 1:35PM 4:30PM 7:30PM 10:35PM Amazing Spider-Man 2 (PG-13) 12:20PM 3:40PM 6:55PM 10:20PM Maleficent (PG) 11:15AM 1:15PM 2:00PM 4:00PM 4:45PM 6:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM Captain America: The Winter Soldier (PG-13) 12:40PM 3:55PM 7:05PM 10:25PM Grand Budapest Hotel, The (R) 11:55AM 2:35PM 5:05PM 7:40PM 10:15PM Godzilla (2014) (PG-13) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:45PM 7:45PM 10:45PM Godzilla (2014) 3D (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:30PM 5:30PM 8:30PM


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014

slumber, and the big green badass is pissed. You would be too, if your more recent Hollywood incarnation had robbed you of your atomic breath or made you listen to Puff Daddy. Happily, Gareth Edwards’ new take contains no Diddy ditties or Matthew Brodericks. In fact, it pretty much ignores the existence of Roland Emmerich’s disaster, serving instead as a sequel of sorts to the original 1954 classic. Those seeking a nonstop slugfest akin to Pacific Rim should temper their expectations. The film builds steadily, with Godzilla spending much of the first 90 minutes racing to fight a pair of city-destroying insectoids while humans scramble and scream. This surprising focus on the human element is perhaps the film’s only misstep. Otherwise, Edwards nails the most important aspect of any Godzilla movie: the giant lizard’s scale. For the film’s first half, we see the massive battles from the limited viewpoints of those running through the streets. Only when Godzilla’s road trip finally ends in San Francisco do we get a full-on view of the monsters trading blows—for 40 straight minutes of city-leveling bliss. Godzilla is an expertly made blockbuster designed to make us realize how small we really are compared to the forces of nature, with the added bonus of a gigantic atomic lizard who barfs fire without being soundtracked by Diddy. It’s good to have the monster back where he belongs: in our good graces. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Clackamas, Bagdad, Cornelius, Lake, Oak Grove.

Heaven Is for Real

A based-on-truth drama, starring Greg Kinnear as a father whose son attests that he visited heaven after a near-death experience. PG. Oak Grove.


B+ And so there’s this computer.

It’s an artificially hyperintelligent operating system that’s half personal secretary, half therapist. It speaks in a naturalistic feminine rasp. It seems to be thinking. It seems to know you. You fall in love with her. She falls in love with you. Then she develops the capacity for jealousy. Eventually, you’re arguing about sex. She starts saying things

like, “I’m becoming much more than they programmed.” Twenty years ago, this scenario would’ve played as a dystopian nightmare. But in the era of Catfish, where “dating” is an increasingly abstract concept, the premise of Spike Jonze’s Her can serve as the basis for an honest-to-goodness relationship drama. Her, the first film Jonze has written himself, isn’t another Charlie Kaufman mind puzzle, but its emotions are no easier to untangle, nor to categorize. Is it sci-fi? Horror? Satire? Or is a story about falling in love with binary code the only honest way to talk about modern romance? Credit Jonze for never mocking Joaquin Phoenix’s lonely former L.A. Weekly staffer-turnedemotional copywriter, even though he puts him in a ’stache-and-glasses combo out of a pedophile Halloween costume and gives him the exceptionally dweeby name Theodore Twombley. Her is, perhaps, a movie that is easier to think about than to watch: It’s overlong, and prone to greeting-card proverbs. But its central thought is one that will only grow more significant as the world becomes a bigger, more alienating place: Is any feeling real, or are we just programmed that way? R. MATTHEW SINGER. Laurelhurst.

Jodorowsky’s Dune

A David Lynch’s 1984 adaptation

of revered sci-fi novel Dune was not his finest hour. But those B-movie explosions could have been replaced by something both surreal and visceral had midnight-movie maestro Alejandro Jodorowsky directed the story a decade earlier. Jodorowsky’s Dune tells the story of the failed production, which gained serious traction in the mid-’70s on the heels of Jodorowsky’s seminal Holy Mountain. Jodorowsky’s vision was stunning but bloated, which comes out in interviews with the spiritual director and his cast. Excitement gives way to fiasco as H.R. Giger,

Pink Floyd, Orson Welles and Salvador Dalí are all recruited to the project, while the demands and the budget climb. Welles requests a personal chef from a popular Parisian restaurant; Dalí asks to be the highest-paid actor in Hollywood. The film is as much about the man as it is the film, portraying Jodorowsky as a relentless, Leary-esque visionary. “I did not want LSD to be taken,” he says of his overall plan, in a thick Chilean accent. “I wanted to fabricate the drug’s effects, even in the little details.” For those uninitiated to Jodorowsky’s brand of surrealism, Jodorowsky’s Dune will wonder and amuse. For his fans, this a chance to delight in the psychedelic mastermind and what could have been his masterpiece. PG-13. MITCH LILLIE. Laurelhurst.

Klik! Animation Festival

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] Klik, an animation festival in Amsterdam, is making its first-ever U.S. tour, with a final stop in Portland. The 7 pm program is all Dutch films, while the 9 pm showcase has films from around the world (including some not recommended for kids). Hollywood Theatre. 7 and 9 pm Sunday, June 1.

The Lego Movie

B+ In the Toy Story series, some

of the best scenes take place in a child’s imagination. They’re tremendous action sequences, revealed to exist only in the mind of a child playing with toys. The Lego Movie stretches that idea to feature length, and the results are pretty incredible. 21 Jump Street and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller have imagined a world of chaotic bliss. Using a combination of computer and stop-motion animation that keeps the herky-jerky laws of Lego physics in mind, The Lego Movie follows milquetoast construction worker Emmet (Chris Pratt) on a hero’s journey. Emmet is seen as



LONE STAR STATE OF MIND: The actor Michael C. Hall knows death. He had his breakout role in Six Feet Under as the closeted son David and then went on to play the titular serial killer in Dexter. In his newest role, in Jim Mickle’s pulpy, twisty neo-noir thriller Cold in July, Hall plays a timid, mullet-sporting man so rudely introduced to death that he becomes a menacing gunslinger out for blood. Set in a sweltering East Texas town in 1989, Cold in July establishes its moody tone right from the beginning: Richard Dane (Hall) has shot and killed an intruder, which sets into action an increasingly violent chain of events. The story, based on a book by Joe R. Lansdale, packs in corrupt cops, confused identities, a so-called “Dixie mafia” that makes gory snuff movies with teenage girls, and, this being the Wild West, plenty of thunder and lightning and shotgun blasts. Sam Shepard shows up as the dead man’s lean, lowering father, and Don Johnson has a gleeful turn as an unhinged pig farmer. None of it’s particularly plausible, but Mickle still makes it unpredictable, and it’s a treat to see Hall transform from a bumbling wet blanket in dad jeans— he’d be at the height of normcore fashion today—to a rifle-toting vigilante in a leather vest. REBECCA JACOBSON. B+

SEE IT: Cold in July opens Friday at Cinema 21.


Level Ground Film Festival

[THREE DAYS ONLY] This faithbased LGBTQ film festival makes Portland one of its first four North American tour stops. There will be screenings (opening night is the 1991 film Fried Green Tomatoes, while the new documentary Kidnapped for Christ concludes the fest), speakers, music and visual art. Visit for schedule. The Cleaners at Ace Hotel. FridaySunday, May 30-June 31.


B+ The average cinemagoer will

know Tom Hardy as the handsome Brit from Inception, or as Batman’s ultra-ripped, marble-mouthed nemesis in The Dark Knight Rises. That Tom Hardy does not appear in Locke. Arthouse buffs will best remember Hardy as the gargantuan titular sociopath in Nicolas Winding Refn’s Bronson or as the slack-jawed redneck bootlegger in the underseen Prohibition drama Lawless. That Tom Hardy is also absent in Locke. For Locke’s entire 85-minute runtime, the camera is trained exclusively on Hardy as he makes a latenight drive from Birmingham to London for the birth of his illegitimate child. So he drives, fielding call after life-changing call on his Bluetooth. He tries to calm his wife. He comforts the stranger carrying the living symbol of his infidelity. A respected construction foreman, he walks a nerve-rattled underling through preparations for the project. That’s it. Just one car, one phone, one man. Yet this is a perfect vehicle for Hardy’s staggering talents, and writer-director Steven Knight manages a strange level of tension. R. AP KRYZA. Living Room Theaters.


A Million Ways to Die in the

Seth McFarlane is the new John Wayne. Screened after WW press deadlines, but look for Jay Horton’s review at R. Clackamas, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

The Monuments Men

C+ The story of The Monuments Men is inspiring. During World War II, a squadron of older art scholars was dispatched to Europe in an effort to protect art and other precious cultural artifacts from being destroyed by bombs, stolen by the Nazis or swiped by private collectors. It sounds like incredible fodder for a film, especially with George Clooney in front of and behind the camera, and a dream cast that includes Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Bill Murray and Jean Dujardin. Alas, what could have been a weird cross between Inglourious Basterds and Ocean’s Eleven turns out to be a bit of a slog. A beautiful slog, sure, with its glorious images of European architecture, painting and sculpture, but a slog nonetheless. Much of the dullness comes from an episodic story line that requires these great performers to spend most of the film apart, contemplating in voice-over whether art is worth the ultimate sacrifice and pontificating about the righteousness of their cause. The performances are great and the views are stunning, but The Monuments Men still comes off more as a sermon than an entertaining piece of art unto itself. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Laurelhurst.

Mountains That Take Wing

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] In Other Words returns to the Clinton for a Reel

Feminism screening of this 2009 documentary focused on conversations between activists Angela Davis and Yuri Kochiyama. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Wednesday, May 28.

Muppets Most Wanted

B While technically the eighth Muppet movie—or, as the first song smartly explains, the seventh sequel—new release Muppets Most Wanted probably won’t be judged against the grosses of Muppet Treasure Island. For better or worse, the overwhelming success of 2011’s The Muppets provided Disney a reboot blueprint: Stay with what works and remember who we’re here to see. So, of course, Kermit is replaced by a Russian doppelgänger, we visit the grand concert halls of Europe, and Tina Fey and Ricky Gervais are given extended solo dance routines. While awful choices abound, the Muppets reflexively generate so much unsinkable goodwill that even the laziest of plots still charms—and might even be welcome, given the ’70s-meetsart deco visual aesthetic and escalating cameo bombs. Whatever the failings of the human leads, every gulag needs Ray Liotta, Danny Trejo and Josh Groban. Every wedding needs “the” Usher. Every Miss PiggyCeline Dion duet needs an Academy Award. Fey and Gervais are not, however, singers, and neither are they actors in any traditional sense. Rather than embodying a role, they organize their most relevant tics, telegraph their amateur efforts to the audience and presumably depend upon natural presence and timing to carry a scene, which tends to fail disastrously when the co-star cannot wink. It actually is easy being green-screened. Comedy with puppets is hard. PG. JAY HORTON. Edgefield, Laurelhurst, St. Johns.

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the unwitting prophet who could end the reign of President Business (Will Farrell), a tyrant who believes all creations should be made exactly according to instructions. We follow Emmet as he teams with Lego allstars ranging from Batman to Shaq, who together attempt to keep imagination alive. The Lego Movie comes dangerously close to the pop culture-saturated Shrek model of comedy, but just when the film starts becoming too cute, the plot shifts into another nutso action sequence filled with clever sight gags. Naysayers will whine that it’s just an extended toy commercial. But for those of us who remember the limitlessness of our imaginations as we played with little plastic blocks, this is a joy to behold. PG. AP KRYZA. Empiraical Theatre at OMSI, Lake, Laurelhurst.


Million Dollar Arm

C This supposedly inspirational sports flick functions better as a sobering portrait of the grim fate that awaits filmmakers shut out from the endangered world of midbudget indies. Respected for Lars and the Real Girl and The Visitor, director Craig Gillespie and writer Tom McCarthy’s greatest accomplishment here is keeping things relatively inoffensive despite a reliance on the shamelessly broad humor that results when culture clashes on screen. (Oh, the high jinks that nearly ensue when two impoverished Indian kids visit a Hollywood mansion!) Staring down financial ruin, sports agent J.B. (Mad Men’s Jon Hamm, getting off lightly with only Disney-caliber issues to deal with here) travels to India, where— with a battery of montages—he identifies two cricketers with the potential to transition to baseball… and recruit a billion new fans in the process. Returning to L.A. with his prize guinea pigs, J.B. quickly realizes he’s facing a wicked learning curve of his own. Could it be that, as a father figure, he makes Don Draper look like Dad of the Year? That his tenant (Lake Bell) isn’t that badlooking if he lowers his standards? That “having fun” is all that matters? We might be more inclined to buy what this insipid film is selling if anyone on screen could manage anything more than a forced smile. PG. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Clackamas.

CALIFORNIA LOVE: Given James Franco’s obnoxious ubiquity, it’s tough not to see Palo Alto—a big-screen adaptation of the multihyphenate’s short-story collection—as art imitating life. But this is also the impressive directorial debut of Gia Coppola, child of the equally everywhere Coppola family. Upping the legacy ante are actors Emma Roberts (niece of Julia, daughter of Eric) and Jack Kilmer (the spitting image of his folks, Val Kilmer and Joanne Whalley), both remarkably natural in a barely there narrative that’s more an assemblage of teenage wasteland vignettes—the film takes its name from Franco’s hometown—than a coming-ofage story. That’s not an altogether bad thing. Roberts, Kilmer and Nat Wolff, as a budding sociopath with shades of Franco, meander through a booze- and weed-induced haze of parties, reckless pranks and awkward encounters with their parents. As good girl Roberts juggles her feelings for sensitive artist Kilmer and creeper soccer coach Mr. B (yep, Franco), Coppola shows a deft command of detail and mood. For all the suburban white privilege and ennui here, Coppola’s compassion for her teens is striking, and her almost aggressively laid-back approach bucks any sense of judgment. Forget Franco: By the end credits, Palo Alto is Coppola’s. AMANDA SCHURR. B

SEE IT: Palo Alto is rated R. It opens Friday at Cinema 21. Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




C+ For Mac (Seth Rogen), this is 30.

Burdened with the crushing debt and responsibility that accompanies homeownership, he’s nevertheless perfectly content raising his infant daughter and occasionally milking—yes, milking—his wife, Kelly (Rose Byrne), in a puerile sequence that confirms screenwriters Andrew J. Cohen and Brendan O’Brien as Apatow acolytes without the bother of IMDb searches. However, when a frat, ruled by hedonistic brohams Zac Efron and David Franco, moves in next door, Mac’s suburban idyll is shattered and he’s thrust into an escalating turf war. Director Nicholas Stoller manages to instill a propulsive pace to the brinksmanship, but he sacrifices some narrative rhythm in the process. (One lapse in concentration and you’ll miss Mac and Kelly’s whirlwind separation.) And while Neighbors occasionally resorts to measures every bit as desperate as Mac’s (see the aforementioned milking), the cast rises to the lowbrow occasion. Given the recurring onscreen debates about who’s the best Batman, it’s rather fitting that Mac, a former baller, should ultimately have to wrestle with The Dark Knight’s assertion that, “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” Though a number of the flick’s jokes land, the sincere endorsement of embracing adulthood provides its telling blow. R. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove.


Maybe you’ve heard this story about a giant flood and some animals on a boat. Russell Crowe apparently got the pope’s blessing for the movie, but the studio doesn’t seem to have the same level of faith—Noah didn’t screen for Portland critics. PG-13. Laurelhurst.

Only Lovers Left Alive

A Given that languid cool is the life-

blood of Jim Jarmusch’s oeuvre, it makes sense that he’s finally gravitated to the vampire genre. In Only Lovers Left Alive, the iconoclastic director brings both absurdity and sensuality to the undead, using Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston’s otherworldliness to tap into a rich vein of sardonic humor. For these two immortal creatures, unending life causes complacency— after centuries of existence, it seems there’s nothing new on earth. As the film opens, Hiddleston’s despondent Adam is holed up in the husk of Detroit, amassing vintage guitars and recording hypnotic tracks. When Swinton’s magisterial yet matronly Eve jets in from Morocco, Adam shows her the tragic sights of the Motor City’s ruins, including the Michigan Building’s once-glorious theater that’s now a parking garage. He has no appetite, though, for the anarchy her troublemaking sister (Mia Wasikowska) visits on their dingy Eden, drawing attention by treating unwitting humans like delectable pieces of meat. While the film is laced with mordant wit—the blood popsicles have already become legendary—there’s also an affecting subtext: Jarmusch seems to be using genre tropes to explore his own concerns about maintaining his creative drive as he enters his 60s. Just as Adam learns that the world contains undiscovered wonders, one of cinema’s most idiosyncratic voices confirms, with droll eloquence, that he still has much to say. R. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Hollywood Theatre.

The Other Woman

C To pass the Bechdel test a film must present a scene featuring two women talking about something other than a man. The Other Woman would almost certainly flunk that exam. The majority of screen time is given over to a rambling conversation between our jilted protagonists (Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton, helpfully self-identified as “the lawyer, the wife and the boobs”) about how best to revenge themselves on the investment-banker snake (Nikolaj CosterWaldau) who’s done them wrong. This is the comedic debut of director Nick Cassavetes, heretofore known for maybe-too-precious emotive celebrations like She’s So Lovely and The Notebook. Whether simply tone-deaf


to the usual beats of the genre or possessed of a truly deadpan wit, he neatly undersells the farcical brutality. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Living Room Theaters, Clackamas.



Under the Skin

B Jonathan Glazer’s sci-fi/horror

hybrid stars Scarlett Johansson as a gorgeous, man-eating alien who lures dudes home with the unspoken promise of sex—only to deliver an exceptionally elegant drowning. Why ScarJo, decked out in skintight, acidwashed jeans and a Karen Carpenter wig, is compelled to take men home to one her many mirror-floored apartments is never explained beyond a creepy, 2001: A Space Odyssey-esque montage of images that includes a bloody meat conveyor belt and an exploding star. The lack of clarity is part of the film’s appeal. But it’s also frustratingly shallow at times, and would be nothing without its soundtrack. Part otherworldly bee-buzzing, part feedback and all straight-up spook, Mica Levi’s score sets a terrifying tone. Prepare to be scared shitless, even as you shake your head over the story’s many twists, particularly its turn toward tenderness at the end. Is this black widow becoming human? Has she grown a heart under that skin… er, polymer? And, if so, what is a heart worth in this landscape of lust and loneliness? R. DEBORAH KENNEDY. Laurelhurst.

The Wind Rises

B- Early in Hayao Miyazaki’s latest— and probably final—film, an earthquake strikes Tokyo. The earth buckles and writhes, rippling like a belly dancer’s abdomen. It’s a remarkably moving scene, both for its raw kinetic energy and for the clear sense of physical and human destruction. Alas, the rest of The Wind Rises, even as it showcases Miyazaki’s painterly hand-drawn animation, isn’t nearly so dynamic. And that’s in spite of a story that revolves around flight, the based-on-truth tale of an ace aeronautical engineer named Jiro. Born in 1903, Jiro’s devotion to airplanes gets him unwillingly swept up in the war machine: He travels to Germany to meet Nazi engineers and helps build machines that, no matter how beautiful, are designed to kill. There’s an interesting tension here between technology and totalitarianism, but Jiro is so thinly developed— he’s a genius at work and a sweet husband to his consumptive wife at home—that the question quickly evaporates. The film has a lovely melancholy, but that feels largely due to Miyazaki’s impending departure from cinema. He’ll be missed, even if The Wind Rises is a bumpy ride. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Laurelhurst.

X-Men: Days of Future Past

A- X-Men: Days of Future Past is kind

of like a Muppet movie, only instead of putting on a show and celebrating weirdness, its characters spend their time beating the shit out of each other and making things explode. Still, at the core are a bunch of weirdos—a couple blue people, a metal dude, a toad-man, a gigantic metal guy, a soldier with hedgehog spikes and two grumpy old men among them—traveling the globe and getting into adventures. In the 14 years and 7 movies since the X-Men first hit the screen, the adventures of the students and faculty of Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters have been a mixed bag, and even the best films had a difficult time balancing the over-seriousness of the subject matter with, you know, the fun that is inherent in comic books. Days of Future Past finally strikes that balance, and that’s what makes it the best of the bunch. Make no mistake, this is an adult comic-book movie: It’s violent, heady and full of historical references, creating an alternate history interwoven with real-life events. But it’s also goofy as all hell, and the first hour lets loose a barrage of playful set pieces and winking in-jokes that makes it pretty damn delightful. Director Bryan Singer litters the film with geeky shout-outs to fans, but even outsiders should have little trouble getting swept up in the brisk, sprawling tale. PG-13. Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove.

Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014




Sofia Coppola is her generation’s primary chronicler of the spoils of being spoiled. From The Virgin Suicides to Lost in Translation to The Bling Ring, her films center on rich and entitled people whining about the loneliness they experience as a result of getting pretty much whatever they want. But it was the ultimate tale of extravagance and ignorance, 2006’s Marie Antoinette (5th Avenue Cinema, May 30-June 1), that most divided critics and audiences. Some deemed it a masterful examination of the 1 percent through the lens of historical drama. Others (me!) called it a pastel-hued explosion of masturbatory indulgences that celebrated the excesses it sought to condemn. But Coppola has proven she has a way with brats. With her particular skill set in mind, we’ve whipped up treatments for more historical tales of brats that could use the Coppola touch. I, Henry Jason Schwartzman portrays the tyrant Henry VIII in a film that consists of one 90-minute shot of the king eating and talking unintelligibly about his wives with his mouth full. The wives are never seen. This is the entire film. Bush League Mae Whitman and Portia Doubleday star as Jenna and Barbara in this rollicking tale of the hard-partying college days of Jenna and Barbara Bush and their nights at Kappa Alpha Theta, intercutting between their lives at the University of Texas and Yale, where they drive boys—and the Secret Service—crazy. Bill Murray has a small role as George W. Bush, who scolds Jenna for her fake ID, then gets her a new one. Grady Days In this whimsical prequel to The Shining, the Grady twins (Chloë Grace Moretz and Elle Fanning) are reimagined as teenage girls who spend the entire winter wandering the rooms of the Overlook Hotel to a sizzling modern pop soundtrack, decorating the empty hotel rooms to look like their dream homes, gorging on cans of pudding and dodging their increasingly angry dad, Delbert (Coppola cousin Nicolas Cage), who really hates the Katy Perry music

playing (or is it?!) on the hotel’s intercom system. Lucky Lindy The Lindbergh baby kidnapping turns out to be a hoax, and a now-adult Charlie (Shia LaBeouf ) wanders his father’s mansion, where he’s given anything he wants—except permission to reveal himself to the world. His life changes during a chance encounter with a maid (Kirsten Dunst), who wanders into his isolated room and shows him the ways of love... and the music of Bow Wow Wow. Sofia: A Film by Sofia Coppola In this semiautobiographical official selection of Cannes 2016, Yeah Yeah Yeahs singer Karen O (ex of Spike Jonze) plays Sofia Coppola (also an ex of Spike Jonze). The filmic opus begins with Sofia’s revisionist chronicle of being cast in the critically acclaimed role of Mary Corleone before taking the character on a whirlwind of high-profile romances (including Spike Jonze). The world soon becomes enraptured with her sprawling tales of rich people being spoiled, and the films are heralded for their complete absence of poor or ugly people. Sofia ends with a 15-minute montage of the lead character eating colorful cookies. Classic Coppola! ALSO SHOWING: The NW Film Center’s “Mad Romance: The Films of Leos Carax” closes with films of increasingly mad brilliance. 1991’s The Lovers on the Bridge concerns the romance between a fire-eating street junkie and a vagrant painter; 1999’s Pola X is an erotic, labyrinthine adaptation of a Herman Melville novel; and 2012’s Holy Motors is…well, it must be seen to be believed. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. May 30-June 1. See for full schedule. Insane even by the standards of director Werner Herzog and actor Klaus Kinski—who, mind you, went on to make Fitzcarraldo, in which they dragged a gigantic boat over a mountain without any special effects—1972’s Aguirre, the Wrath of God is about a mad Spanish explorer (Kinski) on a quest to find El Dorado in the 16th century. Herzog’s relentlessly disturbing and jawdropping film is a towering achievement, a deeply disturbing examination of madness, evil and the lust for power. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7:30 pm Friday, May 30. Free. Aliens just keeps coming back to our repertory theaters…and that’s a good thing. One day, it should get a permanent place on a theater’s roster. Like Rocky Horror. But with way more Paxton. Academy Theater. May 30-June 1. The Laurelhurst continues a great run of Westerns with George Stevens’ classic Shane, in which a gunfighter attempts to settle down. Retirement plans for violent cowboys were apparently pretty shitty. Laurelhurst Theater. May 30-June 1. In this month’s Hecklevision, we’re treated to Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, a TV movie in which an amnesiac David Hasselhoff heads to Hawaii, where Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth blah, blah, and whatever. Boobs. (Editor’s note: This was written by 12-year-old Andy Kryza, from his parents’ bathroom…where he might also be trying to stream the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape on his mom’s dial-up.) Hollywood Theatre. 9:30 pm Saturday, May 31.




NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

1219 SW Park Ave., 503-221-1156 POLA X Fri 07:00 HOLY MOTORS Sat 07:00 THE LOVERS ON THE BRIDGE Sun 04:30 KORENGAL Wed 07:00







Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St. MALEFICENT 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:45, 07:00 MALEFICENT Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:30, 09:45

St. Johns Theater

YOU SPEAKING TO ME?: Shane plays May 30-June 5 at the Laurelhurst Theater. Fri-Sat-Sun 10:40, 01:40, 04:40, 07:40, 10:40

Edgefield Powerstation Theater Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St. MALEFICENT: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE Fri-Sat-Sun 11:40, 02:15, 04:50, 07:25, 10:00 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST FriSat-Sun 12:50, 03:55, 07:10, 10:05 MALEFICENT SatSun 12:10, 02:45, 05:20, 07:55, 10:30

Regal Hilltop 9 Cinema

325 Beavercreek Road MALEFICENT 3D FriSat-Sun 02:35, 07:30 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun 12:15, 05:05, 10:00 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-Sat-Sun 12:30, 03:05, 07:00, 09:55

Cornelius 9 Cinemas

200 N 26th Ave., 503-844-8732 MALEFICENT Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:50, 05:20, 07:30, 09:45 MALEFICENT 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:50, 04:20, 06:30, 08:45 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:05, 03:00, 04:40, 07:10, 08:20, 09:35 X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:15, 04:15, 05:15, 07:00, 09:40 X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:15, 08:00 GODZILLA Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:00, 04:30, 05:30, 07:20, 09:50 NEIGHBORS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 02:55, 05:25, 07:40, 09:55 BLENDED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:10, 04:35, 07:05, 09:30

Regal Division Street Stadium 13 16603 SE Division St. MALEFICENT 3D Fri 11:45, 02:15, 04:45, 07:15, 09:45 MALEFICENT Fri 12:15, 02:45, 05:15, 07:45, 10:15 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri 11:30, 02:15, 05:00, 07:45, 10:30

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 GODZILLA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 03:45, 07:00, 10:15

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 EFF PORTLAND 2014 FriSat-Sun 01:00 THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 12:00 NERD NITE Tue 07:00

Lake Theater & Cafe 106 N State St., 503-635-5956 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun-

Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 02:30, 05:00, 07:30 GODZILLA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 05:30, 08:15 THE LEGO MOVIE Sat-Sun 10:00

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 SHANE Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:30 THE WIND RISES Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 09:00 THE MONUMENTS MEN Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:00 UNDER THE SKIN Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:40 JODOROWSKY’S DUNE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:15 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:15 HER Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 09:30 NOAH Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:45 MUPPETS MOST WANTED Fri-Sat-Sun 04:15 DIVERGENT Fri-SatSun 01:00, 04:00 FROZEN SING-ALONG Sat-Sun 01:30

Oak Grove 8 Cinemas

16100 SE McLoughlin Blvd., 503-653-9999 X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 05:00, 08:00 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:40, 04:15, 06:50, 09:25 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 02:50, 05:10, 07:30, 09:50 RIO 2 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:20, 02:40 HEAVEN IS FOR REAL Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 01:45, 04:15, 06:40, 09:10 NEIGHBORS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:25, 02:45, 05:05, 07:25, 09:45 GODZILLA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:20, 04:10, 07:00, 09:50 BLENDED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:10, 04:45, 07:20, 09:55

Roseway Theatre

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898 MALEFICENT 3D Fri-SatTue-Wed 02:00, 04:45, 07:30 MALEFICENT SunMon 02:00, 04:45, 07:30

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 REDWOOD HIGHWAY FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 04:30, 06:30 VALLEY GIRL FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 08:30 HUGO Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon 04:30

Century 16 Eastport Plaza

4040 SE 82nd Ave., 800-326-3264-952 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun 11:00, 01:50, 04:40, 07:30, 10:20 MALEFICENT 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 12:30, 03:15, 06:10, 09:00 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

2126 SW Halsey St., 503-249-7474-2 MUPPETS MOST WANTED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:00 DIVERGENT Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00

Empirical Theatre at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 MYSTERIES OF THE UNSEEN WORLD FriSat-Sun 11:00 GREAT WHITE SHARK Fri-Sat-Sun 03:30 BEARS Fri-SatSun 01:00, 05:30 FLYING MONSTERS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 02:30 LEWIS & CLARK: GREAT JOURNEY WEST Fri 10:00, 12:00 DINOSAURS ALIVE! 3D Fri-Sat-Sun 04:30 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES 3D Fri 05:30 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri 06:30 DIVERGENT Fri-Sat-Sun 07:00 SEA MONSTERS 3D: A PREHISTORIC ADVENTURE Sat-Sun 12:00 GRAVITY 3D Sat 07:00

5th Avenue Cinema

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 MARIE ANTOINETTE FriSat-Sun 03:00 AGUIRRE: THE WRATH OF GOD Fri 07:30

Forest Theatre

1911 Pacific Ave., 503-844-8732 THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 Fri-Sat-Sun 03:35, 06:30, 09:25

Hollywood Theatre


Regal Sherwood Stadium 10

15995 Tualatin-Sherwood Road MALEFICENT 3D FriSat-Sun 02:30, 07:30 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun 12:00, 05:00, 10:00 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-Sat-Sun 11:15, 02:00, 04:50, 07:35, 10:20

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK Sun-Wed 02:00, 07:00

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 MUPPETS MOST WANTED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:30 DIVERGENT Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 09:00

Century 16 Cedar Hills

3200 SW Hocken Ave., 800-326-3264-984 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 11:00, 01:30, 04:00, 06:30, 09:00 MALEFICENT 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 11:50, 02:20, 04:50, 07:20, 09:50 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST FriSat-Sun 11:00, 01:50, 04:40, 07:30, 10:20 DRIVING MISS DAISY: BROADWAY Wed 02:00, 07:00

Regal Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 & IMAX




7329 SW Bridgeport Road MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:10, 04:50, 07:30, 10:10 MALEFICENT: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE FriSat 11:00, 01:40, 04:20, 07:00, 09:40 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-Sat 11:15, 02:25, 05:10, 08:00, 10:20

Century Clackamas Town Center and XD

12000 SE 82nd Ave., 800-326-3264-996 CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER Fri-Sat 01:30, 07:15 RIO 2 Fri-Sat 11:05, 01:45, 04:25, 07:05, 09:50 THE OTHER WOMAN Fri-Sat 11:15, 02:00, 04:45, 07:30, 10:15 THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 Fri-Sat 12:20, 03:40, 10:20 THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 3D Fri-Sat 07:00 CHEF Fri-Sat 10:50, 01:40, 04:30, 07:20, 10:10 GODZILLA Fri-Sat 12:55, 04:00, 07:00, 10:05 GODZILLA 3D FriSat 01:50, 10:35 X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Fri-Sat 10:45, 12:15, 03:25, 06:35, 08:15, 09:45 X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST 3D Fri-Sat 11:30, 01:55, 02:40, 05:05, 05:50, 09:00 MILLION DOLLAR ARM FriSat 10:45, 01:40, 04:40, 07:40, 10:35 BLENDED Fri-Sat 10:50, 12:25, 01:50, 03:20, 04:40, 06:10, 07:35, 09:05, 10:25 MALEFICENT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 01:35, 04:10, 06:45, 09:20 MALEFICENT 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:40, 02:15, 04:50, 07:25, 10:00 MOMS’ NIGHT OUT Fri-Sat 10:55, 04:45, 10:30 NEIGHBORS Fri-Sat 11:50, 02:30, 05:15, 07:55, 10:25 A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 10:55, 01:55, 04:50, 07:45, 10:40 BELLE Fri-Sat 11:10, 05:00, 07:50 RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK Sun-Wed 02:00, 07:00 DRIVING MISS DAISY: BROADWAY Wed 02:00, 07:00


Willamette Week MAY 28, 2014



























A Creative Financially Secure Family Beach House, Music, LOVE,Laughter awaits 1st baby. Expenses paid ***Trish 1-800-563-7964 ***


2510 NE Sandy Blvd Portland, Or 97232 503-969-3134

Weight Mastery Stress Relief Spiritual Insight Smoking Cessation Procrastination Self Esteem Past Life




OMMP Resourcee Center Providing Safe Access Acce to Medicine




FULL $ 89 (503)






7353 SE 92nd Ave Mon-Fri 9-5, Sat 10-2

Custom Sizes » Made To Order Financing Available



Week Classifieds MAY 28, 2014

LAWN SERVICES BERNHARD’S Residential, Commercial and Rentals. Complete yard care, 20 years. 503-515-9803. Licensed and Insured.

TREE SERVICES STEVE GREENBERG TREE SERVICE Pruning and removals, stump grinding. 24-hour emergency service. Licensed/Insured. CCB#67024. Free estimates.


We are now accepting applications for our 2014 Building Girls Summer Camps! During camp, girls learn how to build, safely use power tools, weld, go on field trips, and have fun!

TOTALLY RELAXING MASSAGE Featuring Swedish, deep tissue and sports techniques by a male therapist. Conveniently located, affordable and preferring male clientele at this time. #5968 By appointment Tim 503.575.0256







Valid MMJ Card No Membership Holders Only Dues or Door Fees “Simply the Best Meds” 3821 NE MLK Jr. Blvd. • (503) 384-2251 •








invites registered Greens and interested unaffiliated progressives to the PGP Nominating Convention Saturday June 7, 2014 in Salem at 299 Cottage Street, NE. The convention runs from 10am-5pm and will include nominations of candidates for office in Oregon’s 2014 Fall general election and endorsements of initiative efforts up for a vote then. Details at: www.




The Pacific Green Party





VIAGRA 100MG, CIALIS 20MG 40 Pills + 4 FREE for only $99. #1 Male Enhancement! Discreet Shipping. Save $500. Buy the Blue Pill Now! 1-800-404-1271


WELLNESS MANSCAPING Bodyhair grooming M4M. Discrete quality service. 503-841-0385 by appointment.


PREGNANT? THINKING OF ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families Nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866-413-6293.

TREE SERVICE NE Steve Greenberg Tree Service



QUALITY CRAFT SHOW YACHATS ON THE COAST Inside Yachats Commons 5/31 - 6/1. 10AM 70 Booths Food, Demos, Chair Massage,Fun FREE ADMISSION 541-547-4664 Expect the Exceptional!




503-445-2757 •


1925 NE 61st Ave. Portland, Oregon 97213 503-774-4103


MAY 28, 2014

Register online or contact Ashley Bos for info: 503.335.8200 x 27

KARA AT THE NATIONAL BEAUTY For facial threading , brow and lash tinting, facials , lash extensions 815 SW Alder, above Johnny Soles 503.875.3666


High School Girls Camp

Monday, June 23 - Friday, June 27

Middle School Girls Camp

Monday, June 30 - Thursday, July 3 On the University of Portland Campus 5000 N. Willamette Blvd. Breakfast and lunch provided at both camps

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: (AAN CAN)

MOTOR AUTOS WANTED CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-4203808



503-445-2757 • ©2014 Rob Brezsny

Week of May 29



EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES ARIES (March 21-April 19): “When I was young,” wrote French author Albert Camus, “I expected people to give me more than they could -- continuous friendship, permanent emotion.” That didn’t work out so well for him. Over and over, he was awash in disappointment. “Now I have learned to expect less of them than they can give,” he concluded. “Their emotions, their friendship, and noble gestures keep their full miraculous value in my eyes; wholly the fruit of grace.” I’d love to see you make an adjustment like this in the coming months, Aries. If you do, the astrological omens suggest you will experience a blessing like Camus’. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Some earthquakes happen in slow-motion. These rare events occur 22 to 34 miles down, where tectonic plates are hotter and gooier. Unlike the sudden, shocking jolts of typical temblors, this gradual variety can take many days to uncoil and never send dishes flying off shelves up here on the earth’s surface. I suspect your destiny will have a resemblance to this phenomenon in the coming months, Taurus. Your foundations will be rustling and rumbling, but they will do so slowly and gently. The release of energy will ultimately be quite massive. The realignment of deep structures will be epic. But there will be no big disturbances or damages. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I suspect that some night soon you will have a dream of being naked as you stand on stage in front of a big audience. Or maybe not completely naked. There’s a strong possibility you will be wearing pink and green striped socks and a gold crown. And it gets worse. In your dream, I bet you will forget what you were going to say to the expectant crowd. Your mouth will be moving but no words will come out. So that’s the bad news, Gemini. The good news is that since I have forewarned you, you can now do whatever is necessary to prevent anything resembling this dream from actually occurring in your waking life. So when you are called on to show what you’ve got and make a splashy impression, you will be well-prepared. CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I slip into a meditative state and seek insight about your future, I have a reverie about a hearty sapling growing out of a fallen tree that’s rotting on the forest floor. I see exuberant mushrooms sprouting from a cowpie in a pasture. I imagine compost nourishing a watermelon patch. So what do my visions mean? I’m guessing you’re going through a phase of metaphorical death and decay. You are shedding and purging and flushing. In the process, you are preparing some top-notch fertilizer. It won’t be ready for a while, but when it is, a growth spurt will begin. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Diary: Almost everything that was possible to change has changed these past 12 months. I am not kidding and I am not exaggerating. Getting just one of my certainties destroyed would have been acceptable; I long ago became accustomed to the gradual chip-chip-chipping away of my secure foundations. But this most recent phase, when even my pretty illusions of stability got smashed, truly set a record. So then why am I still standing strong and proud? Why is it I’m not cowering in the corner muttering to the spiders? Have I somehow found some new source of power that was never available to me until my defenses were totally stripped away? I think I’ll go with that theory.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): About 32,000 years ago, squirrels in northeast Siberia buried the fruits of a flowering plant deep in their burrows, below the level of the permafrost. Then a flood swept through the area. The water froze and permanently sealed the fruits in a layer of ice. They remained preserved there until 2007, when they were excavated. A team of scientists got a hold of them and coaxed them to grow into viable plants. Their success has a metaphorical resemblance to a project you will be capable of pulling off during the next 12 months, Virgo. I’m not sure what exact form it will take. A resuscitation? A resurrection? A recovery? The revival of a dormant dream? The thawing of a frozen asset or the return of a lost resource?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): For German physicist Arnold Sommerfeld, the good news was that he was nominated for the Nobel Prize 81 times. The bad news is that he never actually won. Actor Richard Burton had a similar fate. He was nominated for an Academy Award seven times, but never took home an Oscar. If there is anything that even vaguely resembles that pattern in your own life, Libra, the next 12 months will be the most favorable time ever to break the spell. In the next few weeks, you may get a glimpse of how it will unfold. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I should have kissed you longer.” I hope you won’t be replaying that thought over and over again in your imagination three weeks from now. I hope you won’t be obsessing on similar mantras, either, like “I should have treated you better” or “I wish I would have listened to you deeper” or “I should have tried harder to be my best self with you.” Please don’t let any of that happen, Scorpio. I am begging you to act now to make any necessary changes in yourself so that you will be fully ready to give the important people in your life the care they deserve. If you do so, you will be free of regrets later. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Longing, what is that? Desire, what is that?” Those are questions Louise Gluck asks in her poem “Prism.” Does she really not know? Has she somehow become innocent again, free from all her memories of what longing and desire have meant to her in the past? That’s what I wish for you right now, Sagittarius. Can you do it? Can you enter into beginner’s mind and feel your longing and desire as if they were brand new, just born, as fresh and primal as they were at the moment you fell in love for the first time? If you can manage it, you will bestow upon yourself a big blessing. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You could really benefit from engaging with a compassionate critic -- someone who would gently and lovingly invite you to curb your excesses, heal your ignorance, and correct your mistakes. Would you consider going out in search of a kick-ass guide like that? ideally, this person would also motivate you to build up your strengths and inspire you to take better care of your body. One way or another, Capricorn, curative feedback will be coming your way. The question is, will you have a hand in choosing it, or will you wait around passively for fate to deliver it? I highly recommend the former. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Now would be an excellent time for you to dream up five new ways to have fun. I’m not suggesting there’s anything wrong with your existing methods. It’s just that in the next few weeks, life will conspire to help you drop some of your inhibitions and play around more than usual and experience greater pleasure. The best way to cooperate with that conspiracy is to be an explorer on the frontiers of amusement and enchantment. What’s the most exciting thing you have always wondered about but never done? What interesting experiment have you denied yourself for no good reason? What excursion or adventure would light up your spontaneity? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Now is an excellent time to transform your relationship with your past. Are you up for a concentrated burst of psychospiritual work? To get the party started, meditate your ass off as you ponder this question: “What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams, and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?” Next, move on to this inquiry: “What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance will rule my encounters with the old ways forever after?” Here’s a third query: “What will I do with all the energy I free up by releasing the deadweight I had been clinging to?” 503.227.1098 AIRLINE CAREERS BEGIN HERE Get trained as FAA certified Aviation Technician. Financial aid for qualified students. Housing and job placement assistance. Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance 800-725-1563

EMPLOYMENT SERVICES JOB NEEDED This is a new job. Then you continue to add what you need. Then you can see that here.

Looking for an exciting, fun work environment?

McMenamins is now hiring at most locations, multiple positions available and range from entry level to management. We have both seasonal and long term opportunities. Qualified apps must have an open and flex sched including days, eves, wknds and holidays. We are looking for applicants who enjoy working in a busy customer service-oriented enviro. We offer opps for advancement and excellent benefits for eligible employees, including vision, med, chiro, dental and so much more! Please apply online 24/7 at www. or pick up a paper app at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N.Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individ locs! E.O.E.

Ruby Spa at the Grand Lodge in Forest Grove

is now hiring LMTs & Hair Stylists! Qualified apps must have an open & flex sched including, days, eves, wknds and holidays. We are looking for applicants who enjoy working in a busy customer service-oriented enviro. We offer opps for advancement and excellent benefits for eligible employees, including vision, med, chiro, dental and so much more! Please apply online 24/7 at www. or pick up a paper app at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individ locs! E.O.E.

MUSICIANS MARKET FOR FREE ADS in 'Musicians Wanted,' 'Musicians Available' & 'Instruments for Sale' go to and submit ads online. Ads taken over the phone in these categories cost $5.

INSTRUMENTS FOR SALE TRADEUPMUSIC.COM Buying, selling, instruments of every shape and size. Open 11am-7pm every day. 4701 SE Division & 1834 NE Alberta.

MUSIC LESSONS LEARN PIANO ALL STYLES, LEVELS With 2 time Grammy winner Peter Boe. 503-274-8727.

MEN SEEKING WOMEN ROMANTIC MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE - FREE! I’m looking for a special travel partner to join me on a FREE romantic cruise (Princess Cruises) this summer. I’ll be lecturing aboard a beautiful ship which will tour the Mediterranean for 3 weeksI’m an adventurous, fun, passionate and exciting man who has worked as a documentary filmmaker for 35 years. I’m kind, generous, sincere, loyal and clean. I’m looking for an attractive, slim to average, woman 30 to 50 with a sense of optimism, curiosity and a great sense of humor for friendship and hopefully more. Please contact me at For info about me, google Marlin Darrah. Thanks for reading this!

PETS Changing the image of rescue, one animal at a time...

Interested in adopting from the Pixie Project CALL 503.542.3433






Green Dog Pet Supply



Homework I dare you to give a compliment to someone you’ve never praised before. Tell me about it at

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700




Support your neighborhood vendor!

If you or your business would like to sponsor a pet in one of our upcoming Pet Showcases, contact: Matt Plambeck 503-445-2757 Willamette Week Classifieds MAY 28, 2014




503-445-2757 •



by Matt Jones

The End Is Near–x, y or z, it’s all the same to me. director Kershner 66 New Age giant 67 Some cookie crumbs 68 Hotel booking 69 Get happy 70 Angry hand 71 Ashton Kutcher’s role on “That ‘70s Show”


Across 1 Name before Dogg or Lion 6 Land of the lost? 10 Addis ___ (Ethiopia’s capital) 15 They may get locked 16 Cheese in a red rind 17 Bogs down 18 “Farewell, Francois!” 19 “All right then, leave!” 20 Controversial performers 21 Blue ribbon-

41 Backspace over 45 Valli’s voiced vote on a track event? 48 Bobcat cousin 49 “Resume speed,” musically 50 Billy of “Titanic” 51 Fast runner 52 Keebler employee, in ads 54 The brainiest explorer in history? 62 Longtime MTV newsman Kurt 63 “March Madness” org. 64 “The Empire Strikes Back”

worthy 22 Create raised lettering 24 He’ll be replaced by Stephen 25 “Charles in Charge” star Scott 26 Attaches using rope 27 Frigga’s spouse 28 Charlie Parker’s instrument 30 Laugh riot 32 More, in Managua 33 Marceau persona 34 Bee-related 37 Outdoor coat in harsh weather?

Down 1 Ranks on the reggae charts 2 “Forget it!” 3 End of an incredible statement 4 Boxing cat who can’t spell well? 5 Sch. in the Big Ten 6 CD full of electric guitarist Paul? 7 Acrobat software company 8 Africa’s largest city 9 Novelist who was uncredited on “The Joys of Yiddish”? 10 “I love,” in Latin 11 Cockatoo in the White House? 12 Donkey Kong’s establishment 13 “Fire! Fire!” speaker 14 Acquiesce 22 Flight board data, briefly 23 Brush-off 29 Hit the bottom 31 German actor Udo ___ 34 Merged sports gp. 35 Be inquisitive 36 Woosnam of golf

37 Start of some movie-sequel titles 38 Terms of ___ 39 Walton or Waterston 40 Roled up in one? 42 Pie-mode filling 43 First word of two MLB teams 44 Center of a hurricane 46 Poetic measure 47 On one’s own 51 Hitchcockian 53 Check for concealed weapons 54 Fuel that’s shoveled 55 Ms. Krabappel 56 Monopoly payment 57 Antioxidant-rich berry 58 Back muscles, briefly 59 “___ dat!” 60 More than mischievous 61 Raised bumps that don’t spell anything 62 Alkaline soap ingredient 65 Paleo- opposite

last week’s answers

©2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords ( For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ677.

Find your Flame on






Portland 503-222-CHAT (2428) Vancouver 360-314-CHAT

Seattle 206-753-CHAT • Tacoma 253-359-CHAT • Everett 425-405-CHAT



Free group chatrooms 24/7! 503-222-CHAT 54

Week Classifieds MAY 28, 2014


503.416.7098 Try for FREE

Ahora en Español

For More Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000


Chatlines Cont.



503-445-2757 â&#x20AC;¢

Willamette Week Classifieds MAY 28, 2014




Do you want to be debt free? Call Now: 503-808-9032 FREE Consultation. Payment Plans. Scott Hutchinson, Attorney

Friday May 23rd 5-8pm • Saturday May 24th • Noon – 6pm All wine inventory and all fixtures will be sold. Fabulous savings, terrific finds.


1315 NE Fremont, Portland

Paying up to $30/box. Help those who can’t afford insurance. Free pickup in SW WA and Portland Metro. Call 360-693-0185

$Cash for Junk Vehicles$

Ask for Steve. 503-936-5923 Licensed/Bonded/Insured




SHEBOPTHESHOP.COM 909 N BEECH STREET, HISTORIC MISSISSIPPI DISTRICT 503-473-8018 SU-TH 11–7, FR–SA 11–8 503.236.8800 503.335.8800

North West Hydroponic R&R

Earn $14 per hour

We Buy, Sell, & Trade New & Used Hydroponic Equipment. 503-747-3624


Program, Off Max near Clackamas Town Center 503-902-1105 Dr. Ray Tangredi Psychiatry/Addiction Initial 30 Minute Consultation Free



7219 NE Hwy. 99, Suite 109 Vancouver, WA 98665

(360) 735-5913 212 N.E. 164th #19 Vancouver, WA 98684

(360) 514-8494

Tax - Tenants - Small Business - More Sliding-Scale NONPROFIT Attorneys (503) 208-4079

Comedy Classes

Improv, Standup, Sketch writing. Now enrolling The Brody Theater, 503-224-2227

Hippie Goddess

Females 18+. Natural, Fit Bodies. Creative outdoor shoots for $400-$600. 503-449-5341 Emma

1425 NW 23rd Portland, OR 97210 (503) 841-5751

6913 E. Fourth Plain Vancouver, WA 98661

Vancouver, WA 98664

(360) 213-1011

1156 Commerce Ave Longview Wa 98632

1825 E Street

Washougal, WA 98671

(360) 844-5779

Guitar Lessons

Ground defense under black belt instruction. or 503-740-2666

Mary Jane’s House of Glass

Glass Pipes, Vaporizers, Incense, Candles. 10% discount for new OMA Card holders! 1425 NW 23rd, Ptld. 503-841-5751 7219 NE Hwy 99, Vanc. 360-735-5913

WHERE SINGLES MEET Browse & Reply FREE! 503-299-9911 Use FREE Code 2557, 18+ card Services clinic

8312 E. Mill Plain Blvd

(360) 695-7773 (360) 577-4204 Not valid with any other offer


Medical Marijuana

(503) 303-8546


Glass Pipes, Vaporizers, Incense & Candles

9966 SW Arctic Drive, Beaverton 9220 SE Stark Street, Portland American Agriculture ï PDX 503-256-2400 BVT 503-641-3500

Bankruptcy Payment Plans

For more information, please call

20% Off Any Smoking Apparatus With This Ad!

Personalized instruction for over 15 yrs. 503-546-3137

Oregon Medical Marijuana Patient Resource Center *971-255-1456* 1310 SE 7TH AVE Open 7 Days

Eskrima Classes

Personal weapon & street defense or 503-740-2666

Ukulele Players

Win a hand-build ukulele in our raffle! Oakridge Ukulele Festival 8/1-3 541.782.4000


Quick fix synthetic urine now available. Your hookah headquarters. Vapes. E-cigs, glass pipes, discount tobacco, detox products, salvia and kratom Still Smokin’ Tobacco For Less 12302 SE Powell 503-762-4219


Opiate Treatment Program

Evening outpatient treatment program with suboxone. CRCHealth/Dr. Jim Thayer, Addiction Medicine 1-800-797-6237

ROSE CITY WELLNESS see our ad on page 44

Dekum Street Doorway A Linnton Feed & Seed Garden Store

503-384-Weed (9333) 4911 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland • open 7 days

503 235 1035

• Gardening tools • Chicken feed • Soil & Mulch • Plant starts • and more!

Historic Woodlawn Triangle at NE 8th & Deekum


New Downtown Location! 1501 SW Broadway

4119 SE Hawthorne, Portland ph: 503-235-PIPE (7473)

Pizza Delivery

Until 4AM!

40 30 willamette week, may 28, 2014  
40 30 willamette week, may 28, 2014