LINK PLUS Vol 11

A Weekly Link Supplement

Vol. 1 Issue 11 / Nov. 27, 2019

tiEs of support Stepping into the shoes of...

mela malkvE fare a

your local shoe store

Dreams

The Benefits of Life on a Shoestring Budget

Nov. 27, 2019

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table of contents Publisher The Weekly Sob, Sob!Link

Stepping into the shoes of...

6

recipes

12

plus@weeklylink.com Common sense tips and tricks 8 Website www.weeklylink.com Looking

A Shmooze on shoes

16

Professional resume 1303 53rd St. writer shares some Suite #125 guidelines 11219 12 Brooklyn NY

TRAINING GROUND

18

Off the bus basics

dreams

22

Step up or step in?

24

New drama serial: Link Plus is published by The Weekly Link.

Surrounded

by Support

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of articles or advertisements in whole or part in any form without prior written permission

from the publisher is prohibited.

our wonderful world

28

Teach your Phone children to laugh 347.787.1838 at their terrible predicaments

Fax

4

347.787.4018

Back In School Email

for a job?

Mailing Address

Easy supper to greet your kids with 19

bedtime battle tips 24 Š 2019. All Rights Reserved.

TRAINING Link Plus assumes no GROUND

26 responsibility for the content Creative Creations 31 2|

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Stepping into the shoes of… B. Schwartz 6|

Just mention ‘shopping for children’s shoes during the Erev Yom Tov and Back to School Season’ to a mother and watch what happens. Her face turns pale, her hands turn clammy and her blood pressure goes up. How do I know? Because I’m a Mommy. And I’ve been there, trying to carve out a place in the congested, teeming (hot!) store for my kvetchy brood, between shoes, cardboard boxes and lids, tissue paper, drinks and snacks, stools and measuring devices and crying, jostling, unruly, bored kids. And as I try to keep my cool after waiting for an hour and a half (our ticket number is 87, and they’ve been busy with family number 56 for the past hour!) I turn my attention to the overworked, hassled workers. I marvel at the way they keep calm, how they keep getting on and off those little stools and waddle through the mess to the back of the store for the umpteenth time, to find that perfect Shabbos shoe for the little flat-footed in-toeing two-year old girl. (And she has seven brothers waiting to be fit, as well.)

I wonder, what’s it like to spend all day in such chaos? What does it feel like, to wait on frazzled parents and their bedoozled (yes, I just made that word up) kids? I was very curious and tried getting the attention of the ones in the field, but I had to wait it out. It is only now, early winter, when the shoe stores celebrate their quiet season, that I had the opportunity to hear their say. Listen in as they share….

Mr. Miller, a beloved worker in a local children’s shoe store claims that he wears many hats. “I need to be a doctor, I need to make sure that those shoes fit my customers’ feet. I need to be a judge, I have to placate the people that claim they’ve been skipped or mediate between two customers who argue that they are really the next one on line. I need to be a therapist, to listen and then arbitrate between mothers and children whose tastes clash (think the boy from the conservative Chassidish Yeshiva who wants

Nov. 27, 2019

those trendy shoes,) and husbands (who want the best deals) and wives (who want the up to date, unpractical, overpriced shoes).”

As for how he fares during the busy seasons? “We officially close the store at 7:00, yet we don’t get home until about 9:00-9:30”. And when we get home, every bone in my body hurts, I have no strength left and I can hardly breathe.”

Suri, Mr. Miller’s wife chimes in, “We get a double dose of the insanity, since I work in the shoe store too, during peak seasons.

When we finally stumble into our home, after a day of mental, emotional and physical gymnastics, my children know they can get away with anything.”

“A woman, who sat in our store long enough during the busy Backto-School season and had plenty opportunity to observe the goingson, approached the register in the back of the store.

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“Tell me,” she asked with amazement, ”Do you learn the Igerres HaRamban every day?”

“No,” we answered. “We don’t learn it every day, we practice it every day!”

Mr. Cohen, from The Shoe Depot in Boro Park (a men’s and boys’ shoe store located at 4520 18th Ave. / 4801 13th Ave.) hires additional staff to accommodate the influx of customers during the busy seasons.

The extra help ensures that the customers do not have to wait too long to be fit. The turnover is efficient and smooth.”

Mr. Cohen tries to ensure that his customers get the best possible fit and service. “We specialize in comfort shoes. We carry the brand, Joya, and their shoes are known to relieve back pain, knee pain and heel-spurs. I always tell my workers ‘Don’t be pressured to make a sale. Our focus is on pleasing the customer. Offer them all the choices so that they feel like they were able to choose the shoe that’s best for them, from a varied and wide selection.”

To ensure that his customers’ shoes fit well, he encourages them to take the shoes home, wear it a bit and if they are still not pleased, to come back to his store where he services them with his warm smile and patient demeanor.

What is the system like in the shoe business? I ask them. When do shoes have to be ordered so that they are ready for the next season?

“Six months in advance” is the unequivocal answer. While The Shoe Depot is a men’s store, they also sell little boys’ shoes starting

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from size 24 and up. Although many of the shoes they carry are classics, and are reordered yearly, Mr. Cohen is quick to point out that, The Shoe Depot carries every new style and up-to-date design, for men and boys.

Suri is the buyer for the children’s shoe store where she works. “I attend the shows and explore the new styles and options available.

The shows have about 500 booths (!) with each company designing their own line. During the winter, we look at sandals and sneakers and in the summer, we’re all into velvets and suedes. The actual ordering, though, is through private appointments that we set up with the shoe companies. The company representatives show us a variety of colors, fabrics, styles and ornaments and I get to choose and design my own combinations.

“The companies try their best to please. Interestingly, although the brand, Geox is not a Jewish company, they try to cater to our tastes and needs. I remember when they excitedly sent me photos of a new shoe that they designed specifically for the Orthodox Jewish Community.

“I feel that as the buyer, it’s important for me to work in the store and to mingle amongst the customers because then I get a better understanding of what the customers like.

“Women appreciate getting feedback from a woman,” explains Suri. “When I’m in the store, I give honest and helpful advice to the undecided Mommies there. I point out which shoes are practical, and

which shoes will not hold up past Simchas Torah. I remember when I helped a woman with a bunch of little girls and directed her to a beautiful patent leather shoe that worked for both Shabbos and weekday. She was so grateful for my advice and for the money that she saved.”

Is there anything that they’d like their customers to know? I ask.

“Yes”, says Mr. Miller. “Often, I see children coming in dressed in expensive clothes, yet wearing cheap $25-$35 shoes. Their feet have blisters, and they don’t walk well. What they need, are wellmade shoes that fit. If I can tell those parents something it would be ‘spend your money on a goodquality pair of shoes, instead of on fancy clothes’.”

“That reminds me of the shoes I bought my oldest child,” Suri interjects. “I wanted the cutest, most up-to-date pair of shoes. My husband begged me not to buy it. He claimed that they were impractical and offered no support. Well, I bought it anyway. A week later, my son started toeing in. I went back to the store and bought him a sensible pair of shoes.”

What does Suri recommend for a first pair of shoes? “A soft, high top shoe with laces,” she replies.

Why, I ask, are shoes so expensive?

“I know,” Suri sighs. “I don’t know how people do it. They come in with large families ke”h and buy everyone weekday and Shabbos shoes. The total is often a thousand dollars or more. When my boss wanted to start carrying

Nov. 27, 2019

a company whose price falls into the $180-$200 range, I dissuaded him ‘What are you doing this for?’

I asked him. ‘Why are you raising the already impossibly-high bar?’ and he agreed with me. We don’t carry that company. But do realize, that many shoes are handmade, and are produced from genuine leather. Recently, factories in Spain and Italy have been closing down, so the remaining plants have to hire more workers to increase their output. The fluctuating value of the Euro also affects pricing, as well as shipping and handling costs.”

And now for the biggie. What makes a customer ‘difficult’, and what makes a customer a pleasure to deal with?

Mr. Cohen claims that every customer is a good customer. “My focus is not on making a sale. My focus is on making the customer happy. Although we are not located in the prime shopping area, many people (even big Rebbes) come and shop here, since they know that we will do everything in our ability to accommodate them.

“We aim to please. We recently introduced a new service: Shoeshine l’kovod

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Shabbos on Fridays. Anyone and everyone can pop into our store (4520 18th Ave. / 4801 13th Ave.) for a free shoe-shine, for as many shoes as they like. And no, the shoes did not have to be purchased by us.”

That sounds tempting. I ask Mr. Cohen until what time his store is open on Fridays.

“Now in the winter we are open until 2:00. We also provide a service of putting taps on shoes for only $2.99. We offer great Chassan packages and are open every day until 7:30 instead of 7:00, and on Wednesdays until 8:30 to accommodate the schedules of Yeshiva Bachurim and working men.

And of course, if our customers are unhappy with their purchases, they know that they can come right back, for a listening ear, and to exchange or return what they bought.”

Suri remembers the customer that had her go back to check on another pair of shoes for perhaps the seventh time. She wanted to match all her little girls and was very picky. When Suri came back with the requested shoe, she realized that the woman had disappeared. There was a small mountain of shoes waiting patiently on the floor, with no mommy and no little girls to be seen.

“When customers come in and they have no idea what they want, that makes our job that much harder. Then there are times when I look at a mother and tell her, ‘Wow, you raised your child well!’ That mother usually tells her daughter to pick out her three best choices from the showcase. We try them on and the one that fits best is the one she purchases. No back and forth, no indecision.

Of course, if the shoes don’t fit we’ll gladly go and try some more. We want our customers to leave happy and attempt to please them as much as possible.”

Mr. Cohen claims that every customer is a good customer. “My focus is not on making a sale. My focus is on making the customer happy.”

10 |

Suri ends our conversation on a positive, light note. “We live in a very special community, with lots of selfless, caring people. On those super-busy days we often have customers that pop into the bakery down the block and come back with a fresh pastry and a drink for us.

Those thoughtful gestures are so appreciated. Many of our shoppers acknowledge our hard work with a heartfelt thank you or by just being a mentch. Yes, our job is exhausting, yes, it’s hectic, but at the end of the (long) day, its customers like these that give us the strength to continue!”

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Nov. 27, 2019

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SPICY CAULIFLOWER TACOS

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NO BAKE COOKIE DOUGH BITES (gluten free)

Nov. 27, 2019

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HOMEMADE MARINARA PASTA

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SPICY CAULIFLOWER TACOS

These tacos are loaded with tender cauliflower florets, tossed in a spicy Asian style sauce and air fried till sticky and golden. They're so easy to make and even easier to EAT! Check it out Ingredients: 1 head cauliflower, cut into bite size florets Corn tortillas, lightly toasted For the sauce: 3 tbsp sriracha 1 tbsp mayonnaise 2 tbsp teriyaki sauce

1. Toss the cauliflower together with the sauce, cook in batches in an air fryer on 360° for 15 minutes.

If baking, place cauliflower on a parchment paper lined baking tray and cook on 400° for 20 minutes.

NO BAKE COOKIE DOUGH BITES (gluten free)

Attention all cookie dough lovers! Get your fix with these delicious no bake cookie dough bites! They're fun to make and takes just minutes to put together, perfect for a Motzei Shabbos activity.

Ingredients: 1 3/4 cups almond flour 1 tbsp tapioca starch Pinch of salt 1/3 cup agave/maple syrup 2 tbsp non dairy milk/water 1 tsp vanilla extract 1/3 cup mini chocolate chips 1 tbsp oil Melted chocolate for drizzling

1. In a mixing bowl, combine the almond flour, tapioca starch and salt.

2. In a separate bowl, mix the coconut oil, agave, milk and vanilla extract. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix until a batter forms, then fold in the chocolate chips.

3. Roll ping pong size balls and place on a parchment paper lined tray. Drizzle melted chocolate over the top and place in the freezer.

Defrost 5 minutes before serving.

HOMEMADE MARINARA PASTA Here's the easiest chunky marinara sauce recipe, made with fresh tomatoes and common pantry ingredients!

Ingredients: 25 cherry tomatoes, halved 3 cloves garlic, minced 1/4 cup olive oil 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes 1/4 tsp dry oregano 2 tbsp tomato paste 3 tbsp water 1 lb. fusilli pasta Fresh parsley for garnish Nov. 27, 2019

1. Sautée the garlic and tomatoes in olive oil over medium-high heat for 10 minutes.

2. Once the tomatoes have burst and softened slightly, season with salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

3. Add the tomato paste and water and continue to cook for 5 more minutes until a chunky sauce forms.

4. Toss with your drained pasta, serve immediately! | 15

A

Shmooze on Shoes

By R. Lowy

We’re all quite familiar with the musical chairs game, Brings us back to childhood, really “old news”.

There’s a similar one, whose name is quite the same, Known to all of us as “Musical Shoes”.

How hilarious to watch, an endless human circle, Running in unison, ears trained to the beat.

With one goal in mind, that victorious miracle, To find a perfect pair of shoes for their shoeless feet!

And when the scramble’s over at the music’s break, The shoes don’t fit, what a funny combination.

It’s only a game and a harmless planned mistake, Yet it leads us to a deep and lifetime realization.

Life has rules, with lots of “don’ts and do’s”, Every “move” counts, it’s really not a game.

Yet somehow the rules of these “musical shoes”, Are so similar, and startlingly the same!

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Aren’t we all in an endless dizzy circle, Panting in unison, ears trained to the beat?

With one goal in mind, that victorious miracle, To find a perfect pair of shoes for our already shodden feet!?

Groaning and sweating, as we attempt to find, That elusive ‘perfect’ pair that will bring that ‘perfect’ smile.

The one we’ve seen on others, that glorious kind, That would fit so well to our ‘perfect’ dream lifestyle….

As we plod on the paths of our chosen destination, Let us make it so much simpler, with a timeless technique. ‫ אמונה‬and ‫ – בטחון‬a soothing realization, So much more productive than when we stubbornly seek, Someone else’s shoes, someone else’s money, Her home, mazal or beauty – "‫"אלעס גייט איהר גוט‬ To your “crippled” vision, her life so warm and sunny, Don’t ever try to switch, for her shoes won’t fit!

Adjust your own “laces”, travel the road that meant for you, Remember, it’s our attitude that we get to choose!

And the more you travel, the more you’ll prove it’s true, Don’t ever judge others for you’ll never wear their shoes!

Nov. 27, 2019

The author can be contacted at: 914-299-5744

Sisters let’s stop running, it’s all just a ruse, Let’s all catch our breath and stop this race, this endless chase We’re all premeasured and fitted with customized shoes By ‫הקב"ה‬, to fit our unique pace!

| 17

11

TRAINING GROUND

by Chava Leah Beer

Recap: Shoshana feels rejuvenated after spending a wonderful few days in Niagara with Miri, her longtime single friend who needed a boost.

Chapter Eleven When she returns to work, Ayala seems to be happy to have her back.

She offers to show Ayala pictures of her trip.

With an impish grin, Shoshana showed her the unflattering picture from the train. Ayala’s eyes nearly popped out and her lips quivered, but she held herself back from saying anything. They looked at the falls in the glistening sunlight and in the dark, colored in a spectrum of stunning lights. As Ayala stared

18 |

intently at the camera, Shoshana couldn’t help but notice a tiny sparkle in the previously dull eyes.

She could almost hear the thoughts going through the girl’s head: Someone trusts me and likes me for who I am. Someone cares about me, respects my opinion, even though I offer nothing in return.

She was glad that she’d made a dent in Ayala’s armor. I’m happy to play the part of a friend; if she’s snubbing all attempts at friendship from her former friends, let her at least feel close to me, since, by default, we spend most of the day together.

Ding-dong! A patient had arrived.

Shoshana quickly turned her attention to the preschooler and

her worried-looking mother, but not before she noticed the look of disappointment flit across Ayala’s face as she returned to her desk.

“You can keep looking at the pictures if you want, Ayala.”

Ayala smiled and said, “No, thanks.”

She wanted the attention, the company, the feeling of being an equal; never mind the pictures themselves. *** “You have reached the Mermelsteins.

Please leave a message after the tone and we will try to return your call as soon as we can. Thank you!”

“I’m a good friend of Mrs. Roth, and we speak regularly. I hear how concerned she is about Ayala, and I wanted to see what we could do to help her.

All the children have suffered to some extent, but perhaps because Ayala was at such a sensitive stage when the accident happened, she was hit hardest.”

"She wanted the attention, the company, the feeling of being an equal; never mind the pictures themselves."

Shoshana was confused. Wasn’t this lady supposed to be British? Her English had an American accent; she sounded like she could be Shoshana’s nextdoor neighbor.

Shoshana felt uncomfortable leaving a message, but she was happy to have avoided potential communication barriers that could have arisen.

Nov. 27, 2019

Mermelstein proved herself to be a most compassionate and intelligent woman.

Shoshana introduced herself as Ayala’s workmate, and Mrs. Mermelstein, or Reva, as she preferred to be called, clearly had a keen understanding of the family’s situation.

“I don’t know the family,” Shoshana said, “but I agree that Ayala needs help.

And the earlier she gets that help, the better off she’ll be. She’s losing critical years of her life at this point.”

“You’re right, Shoshana. So, what do you recommend we do?”

A few minutes later, she tried again.

Thinking about those lighthearted high school girls, the same age as Ayala, who acted decades younger, had only strengthened her resolve to do all she could to pull the girl out of the rut she was in.

Shoshana shared what she had learned about EMDR and why she thought it might help her workmate.

Although a month had gone by since she’d last discussed the issue with Rebbetzin Thaler, she still felt as strongly about the topic as she had then.

This time she got through. Mrs.

Reva Mermelstein, it turned out,

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Was that supposed to be a hint? Shoshana wondered. Am I getting myself into something way more than I bargained for? had a passionate interest in EMDR herself.

“EMDR is amazing; I used it myself for help with a short-term issue I was dealing with. Though many mental health professionals are trained in it, there’s a highly acclaimed therapist, Donna Gartner, who works in a clinic here in England. Her success rate is astounding, and she’s helped scores of people.”

Shoshana was glad Mrs. Roth’s friend agreed with her “diagnosis.”

“This won’t solve the issue longterm, but if I understand correctly, it can jumpstart the healing process.

I’m sure Ayala will also need longterm therapy to learn proper coping techniques for the future.”

“Wow, you really sound like a professional! According to my research, this therapist is unsurpassed in her proficiency at treating trauma with EMDR. We’ll have to get a diagnosis first...”

Shoshana was surprised. Did Reva intend to have Ayala treated in England?

20 |

“Aren’t there qualified therapists in New York? Or somewhere closer to home?”

“I’m sure there are, but I think the girl needs to get away from the familiar surroundings of her life in New York also. At home, she’s constantly reminded of her loss. A change of scenery will do her good.”

Reva spoke firmly, and Shoshana couldn’t help but be impressed by her concern for her friend’s daughter.

The next thing Mrs. Mermelstein said came as a surprise, though.

“The only thing we must iron out here is that the girl needs to have a supportive friend available to her while she’s undergoing this treatment. She doesn’t know me well enough to come on her own; I would feel more comfortable if someone else came with her.”

Was that supposed to be a hint?

Shoshana wondered. Or is there someone else who could possibly accompany Ayala? Am I getting myself into something way more than I bargained for?

As she said goodbye to Mrs. Mermelstein and hung up the phone, Shoshana’s mind was racing.

She felt a headache coming on.

Grabbing her trusty diary, Shoshana began to scribble. At first, the words were stiff and halting, but gradually, she felt herself relax.

Me? Go to England? How will I manage? Don’t even know Ayala that well. Maybe it will be interesting, though. It’s always good to have a change of scenery, a change of pace. Then again, it won’t exactly be a vacation. I’ll have to be there 100% for Ayala. Can I deal with it?

What’s with you, Shosh? You know you’re a dream friend. You’re understanding, empathetic, and sensitive. You can do it. You thrive on giving. You’ll enjoy it. Who knows?

Maybe, like Esther HaMalka, Hashem put you in your single position all these years just so you could be available to help this poor, suffering teenager.

There were lots of logistics to see to before she left. According to Reva Mermelstein, Ayala would need at least three weeks for the EMDR process. Shoshana didn’t know if she’d be needed for the entire time; maybe she could leave after just two weeks, and keep in touch by phone?

When would they go? It was almost Purim. Should they leave now, or wait till after Pesach?

All these thoughts cluttered her mind, but she wouldn’t allow herself to make a final decision before sorting it out with a wise, objective mentor. She knew one thing; if she did decide to undertake the trip, she

Nov. 27, 2019

wouldn’t allow anything to stop her.

The technicalities would work out.

If she was confident about why she was doing this, the how would fall into place.

Then she was struck by a sudden thought. How could she be forming such grandiose plans without Ayala’s cooperation and input? Ayala wasn’t a young child anymore; she was a young woman in her own right, with a mind of her own. How did they know that she’d be willing to undertake this treatment?

Perhaps it would be prudent to discuss the trip with Ayala’s mother. For the first time, Shoshana wondered what Mrs. Roth was like.

Reva had said she’d mentioned therapy in the past and Mrs. Roth had dismissed it without so much as a major argument; it seemed more like a reaction to being too consumed with dealing with day-today survival.

Perhaps a phone call from Shoshana, offering a fresh perspective and accompanied by a thorough explanation of EMDR, would convince Ayala’s mother to allow the girl to fly to England, if, that is, the girl herself was agreeable to the idea.

Shoshana glanced at her watch. It was 9:30 p.m. Flipping through the phone book, she searched for Shifra Roth. In no time, she found the number.

I’d better block the call. Otherwise, Ayala will think it’s for her.

Shoshana cleared her throat, blocked her number, and dialed.

To be continued…

| 21

Dreams…

Malky Rosen

As a child growing up, Chana often dreamed of her future. She dreamed that she lived in a big, beautiful house where the floors and stairs were swathed in a thick layer of plush white carpet. Every night, her freshly bathed children would tiptoe down the stairs, while holding on to the polished wood banister.

They’d enter her immaculate, spacious kitchen and sip the warm drink that she’d prepared for them.

Then they’d kiss her good-night and quietly head back up and into bed.

Little Chana grew up, married and is raising a large family. And no, reality doesn’t quite match up to her childhood fantasies (does it ever?).

She doesn’t live in a spacious home, carpet does not cover her floors and her children do not tiptoe down the (non-existent) stairs. Chana lives in a very small apartment, on a standard way below that of her peers and struggles to make ends meet.

This is her story.

Chana,

22 |

a

practical,

organized

woman, who appreciates systems and functionality, lives a life of financial unpredictability that often seems not to ‘work.’ It’s hard, this shift from fantasy to reality, and Chana experiences her share of bumps and bruises along the road to acceptance, yet she picks herself up with tremendous inner-strength and makes the best out of her reality.

When her washing machine broke down yet again (for an indefinite amount of time) she swallowed, took a deep breath and smiled as she carried those bulging sacks to the laundromat and back. When her son was sent home from yeshiva because of their inability to pay his tuition, she cried so much, but never in the presence of her children. When she could not afford to buy her children new boots for the winter or to heat her home properly, she cried out to Hashem for his help, but to the children she put up a confident, happy front. Chana’s struggles are real. When her best friend moved

into a beautiful new home she sent over a platter of home-made cake, but she did not go over to visit. She was delighted for her friend’s good fortune, but it was too painful for her to notice the glaring disparity in their lifestyles.

She is a wise woman, Chana. She wants to provide her children with an innocent, carefree childhood.

She makes sure that her children get the ‘little things’ in life, since she can’t afford to buy them the ‘big things’. With the little cash she has, she buys them the latest stickers/ stationery sets, Rebbe cards, or the newest little toy craze. At the beginning of the school year, she sees to it that they get new shoes and special supplies, so that they start the year with excitement and anticipation. Her kids are always put-together, their faces scrubbed, and their hair neatly brushed. And while they don’t go on fancy trips or vacations, she often takes them out for ice cream or treats them with other little goodies.

The years pass by…….

Slowly, over time a beautiful picture begins to emerge for Chana.

She observes with striking clarity, that precisely because of their past, her children are growing up blessed with a wisdom beyond their years; that the absence of plenty in their childhood is benefitting them in astonishing ways.

She notices that since her children could not lean on status-seeking symbols, they need to dig deeper.

They need to connect to the place

Nov. 27, 2019

of truth, where one’s personal value exists on a sacred, invincible plain; where it stands tall and unsupported and does not fall prey to society’s approval or disapproval. While her children happily fit into society, they don’t have the need to join the race for style and status.

Careful budgeting is another surprising benefit that has come about through their childhood experiences. Her children tend to spend money carefully with the foresight of one who knows its value.

They live practically and prudently.

Another benefit; her children are givers, not takers. They don’t carry around the entitlement attitude.

They appreciate their parent’s efforts towards them and rarely complain over what they do not have.

Chana wanted her children to have a safe, carefree childhood, surrounded by love and warmth (and plush white carpet). Yet, life’s stark realities taught them a lot more. And while she’s too modest to admit it, it is her love, selflessness and motherly intuition that has cushioned her children’s struggles.

It is her ability to climb into their hearts and to feed their childish desire and need to ‘belong’, that is allowing her children to experience the lessons of a life lived with little in material comforts, yet without the lingering effects of deprivation and want.

And Chana realizes that dreams do come true, albeit in different forms.

| 23

Steorp up step in?

Sheva Brachos passed by in a hazy dream, and now… what?

How much do you get involved, and how will it be perceived by the newly married daughter (in-law) and son (in-law)?

It’s true that all lies in Hashem’s hands, but there are many different forms of hishtadlus that one can do to form that ideal relationship with the young marrieds.

Chana Friedman 24 |

“They say to open your wallet and close your mouth. While I never made this my official policy, it is what evolved between my husband and I, and our married children. I try to be as supportive as I can financially without breaking the bank. I also don’t expect anything in return. It’s not like, “I paid for your car lease so you need to visit Zeidy,”.

I don’t make cheshbonos. I feel that this is largely the catalyst for my in-law children feeling so comfortable to come visit, pick up supper or drop in for whatever else they need. They know that we have zero expectations, and will always love them, whatever they do.”

-R. S.

“It’s interesting that you asked about this now, because I recently had a mind shift and I’m much calmer and happier. I always thought that adult children should have a certain amount of independence, before marriage - as a preparation, and certainly afterwards. I would monitor my children’s financial situation, and help them as I felt necessary. Later, I would feel resentful if they hadn’t spent the money as I thought they should or would. This made me reluctant to give in the future. Of late, I am more specific with how I intended the money to be used: “This is for you to buy [a specific child] a new coat,” or “I want to pay for [a specific expense], here’s a check.”

I still give random handouts to be spent at my children’s discretion, but I feel that being open and honest makes me feel a whole lot better about helping my children.

-S. M. Y.

“My children know that we try to be the most supportive, understanding parents out there.

We’re always there for them and help them with meals, child rearing, babysitting, and moving in/hosting. One thing that is not even on the radar for us is financial assistance. My children know that it’s not even a question. They’re not angry or resentful, and some are fortunate enough to have in-laws who can afford to help more. Boruch Hashem, they are all doing okay financially, so I don’t feel like I am neglecting a need. Besides, it’s important for independent young adults to be financially independent as well, or they never really take ownership. I am very content with what I do for my children, and on the most part, they are appreciative and reciprocate when they can. Honestly, even if I would be able to give more, I still don’t think I would pay their rent or pay for some of the things that are sadly, almost becoming a standard.

-G. G.

“I know many people that feel that once their kids are married, they are on their own. In today’s world, where our children get married young, and therefore remain dependent for a relatively longer time than the pre-20th century world, I feel that this is unfair.

Of course, I (hopefully) never stick my nose in where I’m not wanted, and give my children their space and independence. However, I do feel that they are still my children and I have a responsibility to make sure they can cope on their own and are set on their feet. My kids know that I’m always there if they need advice or help. They feel comfortable asking and sharing precisely because I try not to offer unsolicited advice.”

-F. M. Nov. 27, 2019

| 25

as told to Miri Isaacs

d e d n u o r r u S t r o p p u S by

A gust of wind hits me in the face as I exit Maimonides Hospital to get home in time for our Yom Tov seudah.

It is Zman Simchaseinu, a time of true happiness. We had just celebrated my oldest daughter’s engagement on Erev Yom Tov, yet I feel no semblance of joy as I head home from the hospital utterly exhausted and depressed. My dear sister-in-law is a prisoner in there, fighting for her very life, and the doctors have given up hope. How can I rejoice and feel happy on this usually very joyful chag? How can I muster up the strength to properly celebrate my personal simchah with a tragedy of this proportion hovering over my head?

Weeks slip by. Weeks in which we jump each time the phone rings at an odd hour. We are ever fearful of receiving the call with devastating

26 |

news. One Thursday out of the blue, a very feeble glimmer of hope sneaks up behind us as my sister-in-law shows a somewhat slight (most likely insignificant) improvement. The family bands together and resolves to step up with hishtadlus by rallying for her cause. This is it. We will complete Sefer Tehillim 1000 times this very Shabbos in her zchus! The naysayers understandably laugh at our undertaking but we proceed nevertheless. A plea goes out to the 30,000 Jewish residences in the tristate area to join us on our mission of completing Tehillim 1000 times.

Callers are asked to recite one Yom in Tehillim on Shabbos L’zchus a very sick mother of a family of children.

In addition, the information is announced on the Chazak hotline and placed in the Hamodia daily that very same Friday. And the calls start

pouring in.

Call #29: “I’ll take one Yom and my teenager wants to say one too.

Call #164: “I am a Baalas Teshuvah and my Tehillim recital is actually quite laborious but I wish to join the campaign, so can I say just two chapters?”

Call #419: “My husband and I will both complete the entire Tehillim Shabbos afternoon.”

Call #618: “I have six siblings and we’ll split it up between us and complete Tehillim once.”

Call #852: “Oh! You finally picked up. All lines are busy for the last two hours. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to get through, ‘cause I’d really like to say a yom.”

Call #966: “Is it okay if I recite the Tehillim in English translation as I do not read Hebrew yet? I can say chapters one through thirty.”

Call #1324: “I called already once but I got my friends to join me now and together we’ll complete Tehillim.”

Call #1402: “I have thirteen children k”eh and we want to complete Tehillim thirteen times!”

The extended family sits and manages the telephone calls throughout that entire Erev Shabbos. At candle lighting time - less than twenty four hours since the start of the campaign - we have enough offers to complete Tehillim not 1000 but 1400 times!

Mi keamcha yisroel. Yidden the world over are praying for my sisterin-law without having ever met her.

They are reciting Tehillim for her complete refuah, so that she will live to be a wife and mother to her children once more. Their tefillos are shattering the gates of Heaven. It is

Nov. 27, 2019

with a feeling of serenity that I light the candles ushering in Shabbos in my home, believing with a full heart that Hashem will not forsake us.

Right after Havdalah the phone rang.

The last few weeks whenever the phone would ring Motzei Shabbos, I’d take the call with trepidation fearing dismal news. But this time a brotherin-law from Skver calls to notify us that he arranged for an additional 1000 Skvere chassidim to recite the entire sefer Tehillim on the choleh’s behalf Shabbos morning when they customarily recite Tehillim prior to shacharis! So our tally is at a whopping 2400 completions of sefer Tehillim. What an enormous Kiddush Hashem! I know that come what may the choleh is in His hands, and at this point nothing more can be done except for prayer. The Jewish world is unrelentingly rallying for her and the Ribbono shel Olam will do what is ultimately for the best.

Some more weeks go by and we now head out to my daughter’s wedding, my husband’s sister having just passed away. And if you’re wondering whether I can truly celebrate my daughter’s simcha despite the devastating blow that has torn at our hearts, the answer to that is a resounding yes.

For after that eventful Friday of answering literally thousands of calls, what greater joy can I have than to celebrate the fact that my daughter is embarking on her journey to build a home? Not just any home, but a Yiddishe home; a home where she will im yirtzeh Hashem bring more Yidden into this world. Yidden who look out for one another and support each other with utmost love like no other nation in this world. What an unadulterated joy!

| 27

An exploration of natural wonders and man-made marvels

28 |

Nov. 27, 2019

| 29

30 |

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