Urbansocialtes No Ordinary Love

T W I T T E R . CO M / U S O CI A LI T E S F A CE B O O K . CO M / U R B A N S O CI A LI T E S

CONTRIBUTORS

EDITOR INSIGHT

EDITOR IN CHIEF: Rameses Frederick GRAPHIC DESIGNER: Rig Rush

We all have experience some form of relationships family, friends, and the romantic. The Ordinary love issue celebrates the beginning of the forever commitment of true love. As we go thru life we experience the up and down and even the disappoints of what’s no longer your true love. Many of us find it difficult to find trust and commitment and give up on perusing lifelong companionship. Well I say it exist, and the pursuit of happiness continue to show its face every day with the words “I DO” and your time is coming not when you want it but when your mentally and emotionally ready.

Andrew Nowell our style ambassador continues his passion of menswear and the importance of a well groomed man. “A lot of black men still feel uncomfortable wearing items that are true to their size and lean towards double and triple X’s.

Juan and Gee OUT, open and transparent about the decision to get married, while it wasn’t the norm they were proud to share their experience.

Power Couple Lynn and Todd rekindle their bond after separating, but came to the understanding that commitment, understanding and being flexible means more. Advocated Sonny and Jazzie shares the love for each other while navigating the right to marry and

CONTRIBUTORS: P H OTOGRAP H ERS : Rameses Frederick MT Imagery: Carlos Tapia W RI TERS : Andrew Nowell Gee Smalls Randevyn Pierre Matthew Byer Ralph Barber Jr. Davis Watson Rigness PUBLISHER: MediaOptixs Phone: 404.532.9678 Email us: info@mediaoptixs.com T WI T T E R . CO M / U S O CI A LI T E S F A C E B O O K . CO M / U R B A N S O CI A LI T E S

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equality for other following there imprint.

As social beings, we define who we are in part, by, and through the relationships we have. Most of us interact with an assortment of people on a daily basis, from our most intimate relationships to strangers on the street. Obviously, how involved we are with certain individuals will color the level and intensity of our interactions with them.

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TABLEOFCONTENTS

AMBASSADOR 11 STYLE ANDREW NOWELL DID I GET MARRIED? 14 WHY

BY JUAN & GEE SESSION POWER COUPLE PART 1 18 LYNN & TODD POWER COUPLE PART 2 26 SONNY & JAZZIE

BY CESAR 32 CASQUETE FASHION SPREAD PHOTO SERIES 40 WORDS

BY RIGNESS IN’S & OUT’S 46 THE OF GAY LIFE

BY DAVIS WATSON

DAD 50 DEAR

BY RANDEVYN PIERRE THINGS YOU SHOULD 56 10 KNOW...SUMMER BODY

BY RALPH BARBER JR.

MALE PERSPECTIVE: 62 THE THE LOST ART

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OF COURTSHIP

BY MATTHEW BYER

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LOVE SWEET LOVE.

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andrew nowell: style ambassador

By Rameses Frederick

HOW WOULD YOU STYLE A MAN FOR WORK AND PLAY WITH SIMPLE TRANSITION

F

?

or work, I would style a guy in a well cut Navy Blue or Charcoal Gray Blazer with a white dress shirt, silk tie and black cap toe oxford shoes.

This look could easily transition to play by replacing the shoes with a pair of white or black leather sneakers with a white sole and by removing the tie. It’s effortlessly casual and chic at the same time.

It’s look that works well for a dressy casual evening event or a night of lounge hopping with the fellas.

HOW DO YOU INCORPORATE YOUR DESIGN STYLE WITH TODAY’S FASHION TRENDS?

My design syle has always been about well tailored sportswear with an Urban influence. While I’m influenced by the trends, I try not to let it dominate my menswear collections. A major on- going trend for the past seasons is the sportswear

effect in the menswear collections.

Designers are now incorporating cashmere sweatshirts and pants with knitted hems in their recent collections. Men want to look smartly dressed and feel comfortable without looking like a Frat boy. The challenge for me is keeping a suit smart, clean and tailored while allowing my customer some degree of comfort.

So now I utilize non-traditional fabrics with stretch in my designs and have learned to design around a sneaker and dress up a sweatshirt. I think that’s where Menswear is headed, smart, tailored and comfortable clothing that can work with a dress shoe or sneaker.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU TO BE A BLACK AMERICAN DESIGNER?

It means I have to work twice as hard to be heard and have a voice in this industry. For many black designers, especially men, many in the industry would like to put us in two categories, Hip-Hop

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Urban-wear or Ethic wear. I work hard to break these stereotypes by putting out collections that are relevant and go against the “expectations” of what a black male designer is capable of producing and designing. I remember when I was asked to be part of a major show; based on what the stylist seen on my website. When I showed up at the venue with my designs, the stylist had a puzzled look on his face and asked if i was Andrew Nowell. I said yes, and he told me “I’m surprised, by looking at the clothing on your website I expected to see “someone else”. I knew what he meant, because my aesthetic doesn’t fit the “Urban Hood” stereotype. It’s one of the reasons I’m grateful for organizations like Harlem’s Fashion Row. The mission of Harlem’s Fashion Row is to increase the visibility of designers of color in the Fashion industry.

This year I’ll be showing my Fall/ Winter 2014 collection during New York Fashion week with this organization. It’s a great honor and I’m extremely excited to be part of this event. You can follow my journey to New York Fashion week at www.harlemsfashionrow.com

What is so sexy about dressing a man head to toe?

The transformation is the sexiest part. I’ll have a number of guys come to me for assistance with their wardrobe. When i see them, they’re wearing clothing that is

way too big and fit horribly.

I believe our culture plays a big part in that. A lot of black men still feel uncomfortable wearing items that are true to their size and tend to lean towards double and triple X’s.

When I take them out of that and put them into something that fits well in a cut that compliments their body type...they tell me, “Man, I feel like a sexy dude, my lady...(or man), will love me in this.” There is nothing sexier than a man in a well cut suit!

Can style have swag without being offensive?

Absolutely, but the swag is for kids, grown men don’t need swag. I think a finely tuned sense of style, confidence and a appreciation of quality menswear items replaces that. Swag is not needed and shouldn’t overwhelm a man. A man who’s self aware with a cool quiet sense of style will get noticed every time. A nice watch, fine leather shoes, silver cufflinks and a well fitted suit of course, will take any man far. Also a pair of underwear from my underwear brand, www.dasoulinc.com, will get you a little further.

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“

WHY DID I GET MARRIED

BY JUAN & GEE SESSION

We should get matching ring tattoos on our ring-finger, Juan said out of the blue. . .

”

“Really? That’s permanent. That’s forever!”, Gee responded.

That brief exchange planted a seed of a lifelong partnership between us and after an extensive conversation following, it was done.

We were committed for life. An actual commitment ceremony or anything of the sort was never discussed, we were pretty content with the fact that we both simply chose to be with one another… and an actual LEGAL

Marriage? Never even crossed our minds! In fact, both of us had once vowed never to marry!

Gee vowed (in a heterosexual sense) because he had already been married once and knew he would never be marrying a woman again. See, at the time, “Gay Marriage” wasn’t plastered all over the media so the thought of two men getting married didn’t seem as realistic. And although Juan thought about it, he had always boasted (out of fear) to “never marry a man – EVER!” This is all kinds of funny in hindsight because even though we never did get the matching ring-finger

tattoos (we elected for matching bar code tattoos of our anniversary date instead), we did get married shortly thereafter.

Well, we always tell people that although the decision was ultimately ours, we feel that marriage chose us. It was our destiny. For the better part of 2009, Gee was going through very tough custody battle with his ex-wife and mother of his then 8 year old son, Lil Gee. Throughout the entire process: traveling from Atlanta to South Carolina for numerous court appearances, countless meetings with lawyers,

and the entire process of building a case, Juan was there by his side.

Although it was a very trying time for both of us, the struggled proved to be worth it when Gee was awarded full custody of his son at the temporary hearing. Our excitement was quickly silenced however, when the judge placed one stipulation on the verdict: Gee was not allowed to live with anyone that could be considered a paramour.

>

Paramour! The implication that, in the eyes of the court, our love was ‘illicit’, an ‘affair’, and ‘improper’, because we are gay (this was Gee’s ex’s defense), was disheartening to say the least. It actually pissed us off. The caveat was that if we were married, the term paramour would not apply and the verdict could not be overturned on this basis alone. That meant that even though we were committed life partners and a marriage between >Insert crushing us was not even recoghere! nized byblow the court, we << could not live together if Gee was to have his son live with him as well. Or if we were to cohabitate, we would need to do

so as roommates. Our coveted union was being diminished to a casual relationship right before our eyes. It was devastating. What we had, our partnership, was not good enough to those that made the decisions in the custody case, the court system. On the flip side, living as roommates was a lie that neither one of us was willing to support nor was separating an option.

At this point Gee’s son had known for two years that Gee was gay and that Juan was his significant other. What would we be teaching Lil Gee if we suddenly decided to live this way? Even though a same sex marriage was only recognized in 4 states (none of which we lived in), we decided that we were going to do all we could to protect our family unit. Shortly after the

custody hearing, we eloped to Connecticut to officially tie the knot.

We honestly didn’t think that marriage would change our dynamic since we were already ‘living like a married couple’ but we couldn’t have been more wrong. From the moment we said ‘I do’, something changed within us. The bond that we shared became instantly stronger and somehow we felt validated if even only in 4 states. It’s been over 4 years now since we made the decision to ‘Tie the Knot’ and we couldn’t imagine calling each other anything other than Husband. It is undoubtedly one of the best decisions that chose us - and that we chose in return.

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PO WER COUPLE

&

LYNN TODD

Interviewed by Ramses Frederick How has same gender loving defined your relationship?

“I knew at the age of 16 that I was gay” Todd states. “So I always knew that my life was meant to be shared with another man”. He shares that he struggled with an inner battle in his early 20’s –not wanting to be gay thinking he would be disappointing his family and wanting to fulfill his own inner desires. “In my late 20’s I was able to be honest enough with myself and my family creating the

needed balance. That balance allowed me the freedom to be! This sense of being true to me allows me to love authentically and has aided in propelling my career as well because I embrace myself fully”. Lynn, shares that he was kind of a late bloomer.

Lynn grew up in a large family; as the youngest of 12 children his selfawareness came when he met Todd. “I was always happy with myself but I was unclear about the roles and ways of gay love. I experienced some level of love but because I was closed off to

MADE OF GOOD STUFF

progressive supportive devoted committed understanding flexible compromising communicative loyal my family about that aspect of my life there was still a large division within myself and feeling what I know to be real love. I knew at some point I would reach a place of openness but I was not there yet” he shares. He opened that Todd helped to create an environment

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where he could be!

“I became openly gay in the work place like Todd and began those needed discussions with my family around my sexuality”.

They define their relationship based on the desire to be loved -not on any premise around being gay- but how they both feel they wanted to be treated in a relationship.

“You know it can be difficult if you feel you have to play a role –so to speakin a relationship. Meaning is one a top and another bottom. Sexual compatibility is important but more important than that is knowing who you are allowing the other person to be the best person they can both be in and out of the relationship. This defines our relationship and keeps it moving forward.” Todd shares.

They both say they have seen in many relationships that people start by being the person they think the other person wants but that doesn’t last for long. You should always be your authentic self. This way you will meet someone that loves you just for who you are.

How do you maintain a strong and continuous relationship after irreconcilable differences?

They both looked at each other and laugh at the question..”So where do we begin” Todd chimes.

Todd and Lynn have been in each other lives for 14 years now. But they did break-up after being together for more than 7 years back in 2008. The break-up was a shock to Lynn. He had no idea that they were growing apart.

“For two of the three years we were broken up I consistently verbalized that I wanted us to get back together. But I realized that it was going to happen because Todd kept saying no so I had to begin the process of letting go.

Although we both were dating other people we always maintain a good friendship. Throughout our break- up we still had some dinners, lunches and celebrated each other’s achievements” says Lynn.

Lynn thought after 2 years of wanting to get back together with Todd that he needed to let it go and begin to really heal and seek love away from their experience.

One of the factors that influenced them getting back together was the support group of family and friends they had established all those earlier years. One friend sat Todd down and shared that both he [Todd] and Lynn really had unfinished business.

Todd says “Deep down I really had great love from him but I needed him to make some changes if we were going to go forward. I define love basically on two criteria; it’s a combination of respect and admiration. I had lost the admiration for him which is what lead to our break-up. What I didn’t realize was that I also needed to make some changes. During the time when we weren’t together [meaning in a relationship] I started to see the man I fell I fell in love with especially in that 3rd year of us not being together. Also, I couldn’t stand that Lynn was starting to date someone so basic after being with me –Mr. SoFabulous”. Lynn sits up “so basic!” he says eye brows raised. Todd laughs and adds “yes Lynn so peanuts, cookies or pretzels-so basic” he snaps (the guy was a flight attendant.) Lynn laughs and says “bottom line we still had a strong

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love. We probably should not have broken up and started counseling back then to work our issues out. When we decided to get back together one request I asked Todd was that we immediately start relationship counseling.

Counseling has allowed us to discuss our issues about each other and deal with our own demons. We have been back together since late 2011 (3 years) and we still attend counseling sessions. We have learned how to appreciate each other again as well as deal with the issues that broke us up. We are in place now where we both know our relationship is solid.”

How has religion made your relationship a success even if it has it’s conflict?

Both Todd and Lynn grew up in the Baptist church. They both also experienced a lack of acceptance within the walls of worship. Todd excited says “We both understand that we can’t let a pastor, bishop or sister on the deaconess board define our personal relationship with

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GOD. We both have our own spiritual relationship but I look to Lynn often because that boy can pray. His spiritual connection has always been the backbone of our relationship.

Lynn is a relentless optimist and I know it’s because of the deep spiritual values he grew up with.” Todd pauses and continues with “There was a time in our life about 9 years ago where we were fighting for custodial custody for my son Langston. I was scared to death I was going to lose him. Lynn’s faith got me through.

His faith held us both up during that time and I will never forget that.”

Do you feel it’s important to make some aspect of your relationship and family public territory?

Lynn is a very private person and Todd’s more of an open book.

They both come from very close net families.

Todd an only child and Lynn the youngest of 12 approached aspects of their relationship very differently. Todd’s family completely embraced

Lynn and supported them from the very beginning.

Todd shares all aspects of their relationship both good and bad. He gets advice and says his family has been a real blessing for their relationship. Whereas, Lynn’s family dynamics are probably more typical for what many black gays experience -some accept you within the family and some don’t. Lynn makes the choice who he deals with openly about their relationship based on that. “You know, I meet my family where they are. It used to bother me that I couldn’t share just the very basics about my relationship with all my family letting them know I love a man who loves me. So I decided I had to let that go and deal with those who accept me for me and let the others alone”.

In your modern family how does the responsibility of being a father play a role in your relationship?

Lynn has a son that’s 25 years old and resides in North Carolina. Todd has been raising his son Langston since he was six months old. Langston

now 16, has been a center focal point of their relationship.

“I am a very protective father but let me keep it real I was no angel as a single dad.

As a very young dad prior to meeting Lynn I was in a relationship that ended when Langston was about 1years old. After that, I dated but never really allowed my dates to meet my son. The last thing I wanted my son to see was a revolving door in my bedroom (true or not). I had a 5am rule. If there was going to be a booty call, you came after he went to bed and you had to be out by 5am before he got up. When Lynn can along it was 3 months before he even knew I had a child and it took another 3 months before I allowed them to meet.

Lynn was looking forward to sharing in fatherhood.

Interestingly enough, our roles as fathers to Langston quickly defined itself. I was the inside dad- board games, card games, wii champion.

Lynn was the outside dad –assistant football coach, basketball player and sporting events”.

Again, this goes back to their philosophy of being exactly who you are and appreciating the other person for what they bring

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to the relationship.

Todd continued “I never felt awkward or inadequate about not being the first man to throw a ball in the yard with my son; that was not my gift that was Lynn’s gift. I was the dad that taught him how to add, play chess and attended all piano and violin recitals.”

Now with a teenager in the house, they both struggle with their roles because it continues to redefine. Langston’s needs are much different than they were when he was smaller. Additionally, supporting him with understanding about having two dads (and a loving mother that lives in Chicago) was not always easy.

“We give Langston the latitude to ask questions about our relationship and we keep an open door for discussions to occur whenever he feels uncomfortable presenting us both to world at the same time. Even during our 3 year break-up, we maintained a level of stability for Langston.”

It has always been there desire that Langston didn’t just see them as a gay family but as

a different family with similar values, desires and dreams for their child that any parent would have for their children. Todd says “We don’t lead a gay life in front of him we live a life.

We have gay friends that adore him we have heterosexual families we engage for family outings and we have women friends that love being auntie to Langston. It takes a village to raise a child and we are very lucky to have all the role models in his life”.

What is the most important attribute your partner brings to the relationship?

Lynn is an emotional being. I can be so structured and control at times?

As an only child, I have trouble allowing myself to let other to do for me in relationships. I like to be in control. Lynn makes me feel safe so I am able to let go. I know he has my back at all times and I love that. Lynn shares “Todd has vision and he uses a process about most things.

This works for me because I have dreams and he pulls them out of me in a way we can make them happen. He has always been inspirational for me in

moving my career forward and getting more out of life.

I need that in a mate and I love him for it.”

What were some of the biggest initial challenges you faced in bringing your financial lives together?

They knew 8 months into dating that they wanted to begin the real process toward a relationship. So they sat down discussed many things one most important was their financial situations. Todd owned a home, had less than 8K in credit card debt, double digits in the bank and a six figure salary.

Lynn had recently sold a home, about 15K in credit card debt, was rebuilding his savings and beginning the process to build his career within his company.

One of the struggles they faced was Todd’s extra spending. Lynn laughs, “Todd lived in Neimans and Saks when we met and he needed to get that under control”. They also had to determine how to bring together two very different incomes where they both felt they were making valuable financial contributions without inequities. So they decided

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it wasn’t individual debit but combined debt.

Looking at Lynn, Todd shares “we thought the best way to pay off our 20K debit was to focus on the accounts with highest interest payments and began to pay things off.

Our salaries were much different but when you commit to someone you commit to all of them.

Through the years, we have had highs and lows financially- meaning there have been times when we had money in the bank and conversely, there have also been times when we had no money in the bank. We look at the debit overall as a barrier to our financial independence.

So we established a joint account where we direct deposited our paychecks and separate accounts where we saved our own money. We’ve maintain this approach and it’s

worked for us.”

Through the years Todd and Lynn have owned 3 homes together and have recently built their 4th and last home in Smyrna where they currently reside.

How do you incoroprate your individual goals with a working relationship?

It’s critical that you maintain an individual life that you both can respect and embrace. “We both have our own set of friends, we have mutual friends and we have other couples we go out with.” It’s funny because most of our goals are shared goals- vacation destinations, large purchases, family visits and holidays. Even our career decisions we have to take each other into account. Lynn works for an international transportation company as an Operational

Manager with flexibility for relocations.

They agreed that Lynn would remain with his employer and work on internal promotions while Todd worked both outward and upward across the diagnostics arena. Todd is a Scientific Sales Director in Molecular and Genetic testing for a national laboratory. “We’ve discussed our individual goals to determine if they’re realistic and how we can support them. Sometimes they are easy to support, for example I want to write a cookbook one day. Lynn encourages me to write down my recipes.

Lynn wants to be the next Donald Trump one day but [chile that ain’t gonna happen] that just doesn’t fit our financial goals right now.

So one of the many names I call him bed -during times of intimacy- is my real estate mogul and the world is all right again.” Lynn chuckles

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and shakes his head…

Do you believe that relationship counseling is essential prior and after to a partnership commitment?

Yes and yes enough said.

Do it for each other and do it for you. Todd believes “it’s a cultural thing that most black folk don’t believe in counseling.

We think it’s for crazy people- crazy white people on top of that.

We don’t realize that we exist both conscious and unconscious and we engage in the world consciously and unconsciously. The better we understand how we engage in the world the better we engage…get it?! Many people are led by their ego. We let are ego tell us how people better treat us and how they better show up, what we ain’t gonna do, etc. Once we understand that people teach us more about ourselves than what we learn about them the better we can be in relationships and the less judgmental we can become accepting ourselves ultimately

allowing us to accept one another. We have many single friends who just don’t get it. Many of them can so easily point out the flaws of another guy without even thinking what is it about me that don’t allow me to accept him just the way he is?

What in my life (childhood or adulthood experiences) that’s screwed me up so much that I need a perfect guy so I can feel good about being with him which in turn makes me finally feel good about me? Counseling helps you uncover those things that block you from getting closer to you.

How can your relationship influence other that commited relationship works?

“Let me say for both of us that it was an honor being selected as the couple for this issue. We struggled with the term Power Couple because it sounds like we possess something unique that’s unattainable by others and that’s not the case.

We simply made a decision to be together despite what differences we may have.

By no means do we want others to think we have the perfect relationship. It’s

work!!” Lynn says. “It’s fun, it’s frustrating, sometimes I cry other times I’m laughing hysterically, it’s all I want most days and sometimes it’s overwhelming dealing with such a big personality like Todd’s but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s our world and we love it.”

There is no doubt that relationships require effort but if you allow yourself to be open to putting in the effort, being honest (no matter how it might hurt because sometimes it does) real and realistic you can create what works for you and your mate.

Don’t always look at other relationships and think oh that’s the ideal; without taking into account that these two people have decided to commit to the work. Don’t seek the happiness someone can bring to your life seek the joy. “We may not be happy with each other every day of our lives but we share a created joy that will never be undone”.

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POWER COUPLE & ~part deux~

SONNY JAZZIE

How has same gender loving defined your relationship?

Jazzie: I think that the term same gender ( Loving ) is perfect for us because it is more about the love that we have for each other that people remark on all the time more than anything else. We are love, we give love to each together and we draw love back.

SONNY: I feel we are love in its truest form, we happen to be two female born bodies, but our spirits come from one universal source that has no association with gender. We are connected..that is how I define our relationship.

How do you maintain a strong and continuous relationship after irreconcilable differences?

JAZZIE: We seldom have irreconcilable differences-but we do agree to disagree on things. Mainly we go into our quiet places even if we are in the same room or car.. lol... then we say how we felt about it and how we would like to be treated, heard and respected.

SONNY: We don’t ignore each others feelings, we work consciously to remain present when we have a space were we are not in agreement, we both talk about what was said or done that didn’t feel good...and then we say to one another...that didn’t feel good...or I didn’t like the way that was handled.. sometimes we move right out of the moment...and other times we have to give each other a moment of space..and normally after a brief period of time..we have moved passed it.

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Black Coffee because it is our truth.

SONNY: I was taught religion growing up....I’ve evolved into a conscious living spiritual being....

I work to maintain the understanding of “truth” so that I will not have experiences of “religious conflict”.

Do you feel it’s important to make some aspect of your relationship and family public territory?

How has religion made your relationship a success even if it has it’s conflict?

JAZZIE: We knew each other from going to the same church so we had a connection from the beginning. We are both spiritual thinkers and believers. We know that our success comes from being connected to the Spirit of God and to all things/people created. We often play and sing “We are One” by DJ

JAZZIE: Yes in more ways than I like sometimes... lol... We both are public figures even though that was not the intention. Because we have a joint passion for letting our voices and vices like the radio network, public seminars/ expos that we do be used as empowerment for others, it puts as a Bulls-eye for Public Attention.

SONNY: Yes! Because Jazzie and I “just fit”...we met each other initially sharing a stage and Emceeing a event together...not knowing that many months later we

would come to get to know one another personally and become a couple. We both came to know each others backgrounds in promotion & entertainment & marketing and it just began to show itself... so yes I am coming to embrace the importance of our family/relationship having some public access and still maintaining the core importance of being a family.

In your modern family how does the responsibility of being a father play a role in your relationship?

JAZZIE: Since we are both women and identify as such we do not have father roles with our children/grandchildren.

I am Mom/Mimi and Sonny Step Mama/ G-mama to 3 grown adults and 5 grands.

Sonny: For me, I am becoming the new “parent” coming from the fact I have not given birth to any of my own children...the role I am given is the supporter/spouse of my wife Jazzie and the coparent of 3 grown children and co-grandparent to 5 grandchildren.

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What is the most important attribute your partner brings to the relationship?

JAZZIE: Sonny brings her Everything Game! She Loves big !so therefore you get her big laughter and joy mixed with a big bowl of Safe space.

SONNY: Her pure heart- she would give the world to you and wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t look for anything back..I see God when I look into her..

What were some of the biggest initial challenges you faced in bringing your financial lives together?

JAZZIE: We faced being broke together right up front! lol We were both coming from failed relationships and failed businesses. We encouraged each other back to a healthy mental space, we constantly spoke our desires over our finances and formulated business initiatives so that we had finances at all. We are

growing stronger in the areas of business we both thrive in, learning more in managing the little and the lot we make being self employed..

SONNY: I agree with her...LOL... upon us coming together....I was working through shutting down my comedy club in McDonough, removing some people out of my spaces that was not healthy for my own growth and financially strained to a point I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know many a day..how I was going to eat. Being transparent, neither one of us are pretentious people.. so it was really easy to see who we were...exactly where we were....being affected by the housing market as a home-owner during a trouble economy for many other small businesses made many days difficult...we just would never allow the other to give up...Jazzie & Sonny: From day one, we never not shared what the other had....

How do you incorporate your individual goals with a working relationship?

JAZZIE: We have to be honest with each other first and foremost. We tell each other what our individual goals are for our selves and for our independent businesses. Sometimes they collide, One of us will overlap the other. It is like one of us will say, this is how it is or going to be and the other will come back and say, hey that is not the vision I had for me or my company. We both have strong personalities, so we plead our case about our ideas. But we respect the final NO or Yes concerning individual space and choices.

SONNY: What she said is utterly the truth.... so there... I have nothing left for that ? LOL Do you believe that relationship counseling is essential prior and after to a partnership commitment?

JAZZIE: I do tremendously. I have counseling sessions just to keep me balanced living with Bipolar Disorder. So it was crucial that Sonny knew that about me upfront.

She has learned about it

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and me through therapy sessions. But we have a few spiritual leaders that has counseled us, advised us as well as professional counselors that help keep us leveled and in Love. We go to Women’s Conferences that support Openness, Healthy sexual relationships as well as spiritual connection.

SONNY: I do believe that relationship counseling is needed constantly...not just in the traditional idea of what most people think of ....going and sitting on a couch..etc...but more interaction with spiritual minded leaders and peers, healthy spaces that allow each other to share our thoughts, conflicts.

Encouragement and inspiring actions need to take place as much as possible within the relationship and it is always good to have someone else that is in the “right healthy and safe space...to help keep you tuned up!” You really have to create your own village....

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33 MODELS: DUSTIN JORELL

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THE

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WORDS

an introspective photo series by Miguel Tapia

Article by Rigness What is it we see when we look in the mirror? It was believed that the eyes are the windows to the soul --and if so, do we accept what we see? Are we afraid of the truths buried beneath professionalism, polished smiles & composed demeanors.

What happens when you juxtapose inner insecurity and physcial vulnerability?

The result is a compelling, resonating, artistic expression about the power of acceptance and transparency.

MT Imagery’s WORDS tested the limits of each of it’s models.

Being in this project myself, took me on an introspective journey that was emotionally

charged and motivational simultaneously.

I struggled with chosing a word and with assistance of some honest loved ones, I chose “acceptance”.

That was it. One word summed up my fears, frustrations and doubts and I had to first face it in order to embrace it. Each model’s word emerged from a deep place within; sometimes painful, sometimes poignant.

Tapia, using masterful compositional skills and intuition, captured each of his models in riveting and beautiful ways, while maintaining the depth and sophistication. Each piece draws you in to discover the story...or make your own.

For more work by MT Imagery visit: migueltapiaimages.com

-uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.

C. MIGUEL TAPIA

We wear the mask that grins and lies.

It shades our cheeks and hides our eyes.

MAYA ANGELOU

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45 BRIANNE VARRANEAULT, RIG RUSH, TIRZAY WHITE

MODELS MONICA MILLER, MURRAY FORBES,

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BY DAVIS WATSON With very few role models present, and certainly no socialization on how to date the same sex, many guys new to the gay dating scene have no idea what to do or how to start.So if you happen to be in that boat yourself, here are a few pointers to steer you in the right direction so your next steps are made a little easier!

1: Get comfortable with your gayness.

This means getting educated on what it means to be gay. You can read reputable books on the subject or do some online research (just make sure the sites are credible).

Join online discussion forums or chat rooms to get in the habit of talking with other gay people to start breaking the ice for yourself.

2: Go on a field trip to your local gay-borhood.

Now you’re going to move away from the comfort of your computer screen and take a tour of your local gay neighborhood and community to see what’s out there and to feel a part of things.

“Allow yourself to evolve into the type of gay man you want to be.”

3: Begin building a gay social support network.

Perhaps the most important prerequisite for your dating efforts is to go out there and establish connections with other LGBT folks.

This will help reduce your sense of isolation, give you a sense of affiliation and enable your ability to network, build new friendships, meet potential dating prospects or make new connections who could introduce you to possible prospects. You can go about meeting people through getting more involved in the gay community by volunteering,

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attending events or even joining a coming out support group.

4: Define your personal requirements for a potential partner.

By identifying your negotiable and deal-breaker needs, you’ll be able to use this information as your compass or guidepost in making decisions about compatibility with the guys you’ll be meeting along the way.

5: Pace your sexuality.

After years of suppressing your sexual desires, you’re now giving yourself permission to explore the world of gay dating, and you’ll have

to work hard to keep the floodgates on their hinges.

It’s normal to go through a period of sexual exploration during this period.

Just be sure to set boundaries with your behavior, educate yourself on what safer sex practices are with man-to-man sexuality to protect yourself and recognize that your emotions are likely to be vulnerable at this time and the power of sex can sometimes confuse things.

The key is to be knowledgeable, conscious and deliberate within the limits you’ve set for yourself.

6: Explore safely and define who you are.

As time goes on, you’ll learn the ins and outs of gay life, the various gay subcultures that exist, where you fit in, what values you subscribe to and those you don’t, etc. Allow yourself to evolve into the type of gay man you want to be and to ensure it’s in alignment with your values. Coming out can be an exhilarating and exasperating time.

When you feel emotionally equipped and ready to begin dating, it’s best to approach it with a game plan armed with self-knowledge, education and solid boundaries so you come out on top. Enjoy this new life that you’ve been waiting for!

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SIMMONSDROPS

POWERFULCHRONICLES OFFATHER/SONRECONCILIATION

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BY RANDEVYN PIERRE

I

t’s easy to see the significant role that fathers have been assigned in the lives of their sons.

Regardless to sexual orientation they often look to them for guidance, affirmation and a sense of self-identity.

In a classroom at Emory University, Atlanta-based independent filmmaker Chase Simmons shared what was later described by community viewers as an “important, much needed” film project.

Dear Dad: Letters from SGL [Same Gender-Loving] Sons, set an ideal stage for the Atlanta community and the world, to begin a

conversation about black same gender loving men and the many dynamics of their relationships with their fathers.

The sleek, metro-sexual classroom’s dimmed lights must have delivered a much-needed sense of privacy for the audience who seemed to sit silently reflecting on the painfully familiar emotions of their own stories, told through the experiences of the eight, brave gentlemen in the film.

This film is clear in its revelation that some fathers weigh in more heavily on the side of fault and failure than others, but on each side, there are words and actions, both positive and negative, that inevitably shape

the lives of the sons they raised.

While nestled down into my own emotions from third row center, Dear Dad’s stories kept taking deep digs into what felt like the room’s open wound---the fact that there are some fathers who are totally apathetic to the unique honor and responsibility of parenthood, taking no care for the development or well-being of their sons.

The black and white reality of an absent father translating to the absence of a sense of self worth, confidence, validation and identity within his son was painted in living color.

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In the inverse, hints about fathers who are physically present

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CHASE SIMMONS

FILM

CHASE@EIGHTAPP.COM

in the household, but not emotionally engaged with their sons weren’t left out of the equation. This experience seemed to carve out a different kind of wound----one that highlighted the dull pain of being cordial but not connected.

It’s likely that the film’s most moving moments were captured during each man’s release of his past disappointments and pain, while reading the letter which was written to his father---whether living or deceased.

The letters owned moments of shame,

regret, rebuke, reflection, and resentment----but also flashes of enlightenment, resolution and empowerment. Thirty minutes into the film, I’d forgotten about the hue of the men on screen. The film became a riveting chronicle of personal discovery and evolution----same gender loving men and their family’s journey to cross the bridge of stigma toward the path to understanding, acceptance and/or healing.

us under the same roof during my entire childhood came rushing in.

Hard evidence that the film had done it’s job became apparent to me when I felt something cracking inside, and thoughts of my own father and the undeniable, nearly palpable disconnect that existed between

I reflected on the call he made to me 5 years ago just before his visit to the doctor’s office to find out if his cancer had returned.

I thought about the call I made to him at 26 years old on Father’s Day, expressing my concerns about our relationship needing serious work. I remembered him flying to Atlanta shortly afterward to spend a week with me---riding the train around town, going out to eat, talking about life and making equal strides to repair the damage that once seemed irreversible.

“Son, you’re a talented, wise, smart man. I love you---and I am very proud to be your

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father. I want you to remember that for the rest of your life...”

Then came more reminders of my own well-packed away pain; thoughts of the loud silence surrounding my sexuality that has managed to stick around between my father and I, despite his knowledge of my sexual orientation for more than eleven years. Next, I rediscovered my feeling of being robbed of my dad’s complete acceptance due to his subscription to biblical literalism and religious dogma and the truth about my helplessness to change that fact.

In an instant, my intruding thoughts were broken by a heart-felt applause that had overtaken

the entire room which seemed to release the energy of thankfulness, clarity, inspiration and awe, complete with nods and smiles.

And just like that, the take-away was clear and sudden: Making it through tough talks means learning how to turn awkward and uncomfortable moments into meaningful and transformative conversation; tipping the tide of family dysfunction and misunderstanding into clarity and acceptance.

I decided to write a letter and read it to dad--that same night.

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Thirty minutes into the film, I’d forgotten about the hue of the men on screen. The film became a riveting chronicle of personal discovery and evolution...

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0

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

TO ACHIEVE

THE SUMMER BODY OF YOUR DREAMS 1.Preplan your meals and make food accessible.

Preplan your meals and make food accessible with your new best friend, Tupperware. 1 good sized portion meal will all fit in a medium size bowl.

Get a lunch bag and cooler pack to take with you during the day so that you won’t have to stop and get fast food. Breakfast bars and fruit are good to have stored away as well. This will also save you money for that trip you plan after you get that banging body!

2. No Fried Foods.

Fried foods can really break your diet. Most of us want to lose fat, but are steadily putting fat back in our body. A medium potato contains 1g of fat. When you fry it, it now has approx.

35g of fat. If you lightly bread it, it will have approx. 55g of fat.

3. Incorporate active rest within your workout to maximize calories burned.

It takes 1500 calories to burn off 1lb of fat.

You aren’t going to reach that if you’re always sitting down on the machine in the gym after you do each set. Get off your butt and do a light exercise that doesn’t directly affect the muscle that you are working in-between your sets.

For example, after you do a set on the chest press, get up and do 20 jumping jacks. This will keep your heart

rate up, so you burn more calories within your strength training workouts.

4. No carbs after 2pm In order for your body to start burning off fat, it must first burn off the carbs you consumed. NOT ALL CARBOHYDRATES ARE BAD. Complex carbs give us energy, so that we can get through our day without feeling sluggish. I suggest eating some kind of whole grain for breakfast. This will help jump-start your metabolism!

57 It takes 1500 calories to burn off 1lb of fat.

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5.Schedule your workouts. We schedule in our jobs, hair appointments, sports games, dinner dates, etc…

Start scheduling your workouts. Our brain works smoother if we form habits. You have a high chance of being consistent with working out if your eyes are consistently looking at your schedule.

This mentally prepares you every time you see that 5:30pm slot say, “Workout.”

6. Stay away from alcohol. Alcohol contains empty carbs that don’t help us in any way. It is also detrimental to you liver and kidneys.

If you do drink, try red wine or vodka water with a squeeze of lemon and lime.

After each drink, drink a glass or water. This will slow you down, so you don’t consume too many drinks.

7. Cardio is a must.

You have to get that heart pumping and pumping strong. It is essential for your body to have a strong heart when working out. Doing cardio gets that blood flowing which carries oxygen.

Having that heavy flow of oxygen in our body promotes muscle endurance, so you can workouts longer and burn more calories.

8. Stay away from quick weight loss diets. The body is very complex. There are many things going on inside of your body that you wouldn’t even think of. There is a chemical balance that needs to be regulated daily within ourselves.

Most quick weight loss diets don’t have you eating or drinking anything. You need the nutrients from food to keep your body regulated, so that your body can work to reach your fitness goals.

9. No such thing as a cheat day “You are what you eat.” Don’t believe that rewarding yourself for a 5lb weight loss is good.

Think about how hard it was to take it off. Don’t take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Stay on a linier path toward your fitness goals and reward yourself when you complete your goals. This way you develop a lifestyle of good eating habits.

Eventually your craving for all that junk will go away and things like an apple and peanut butter will become your new favorite desert!

10. You must strength/resistance train. It is a fact that muscle burns fat. You break down the muscle in the gym and repair the muscle at home.

This means after the gym you will be burning calories sitting down watching TV (Cardio does not do this). SEE IT, BELIVE IT, ACHIEVE IT!!!

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MALE ERSPECTIVE

:THE LOST ART OF COURTSHIP

Over the years as traditional gender roles’ influence in society have lessened one of the casualties has been the art of courtship. This is due to the confusion that men now have about what is acceptable behaviour when trying to romance a woman and what is not. There is no longer a hard and fast rule when it comes to courtship traditions about what behaviour a woman will like versus being offended by. A great example of this is the simple act of holding a door open for a woman to walk through. This

is one of the simplest exercises of courtship, but many men don’t do it anymore because they’ve come to believe that a woman’s reaction will be that it is a sexist act and become angry. This belief will have come from either a past personal experience or something that they were exposed to by society at large. While it is true that some women would regard such a gesture as sexist, it is just as true that other women would see it as a kind and respectful gesture.

However, men will typically err towards the behaviour that is

>> BY MATTHEW BYER

least likely to incur a negative reaction which is why many of them won’t hold a door open for a woman.

Perhaps the greatest example of courtship tradition that men are uncertain about is whether to buy flowers for the woman they are dating. It used to be very customary to buy a bouquet of flowers for a first date in order to show affection and make a memorable impression. However, nowadays you will find numerous women who have never at any point in their dating lives received flowers. Once again, if the idea of giving flowers to a

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woman has occurred to the man, it has likely been deterred by a past experience that ended badly. For many men, when they will have given flowers in the past to a woman the reaction will have been dismissive and unappreciative. So they stopped doing so believing that the act of giving flowers was considered undesirable.

Another element of courtship that has tended to be lost nowadays is the taking of time to get to know the other person. A lot of the following of courtship traditions resulted in the couple slowly getting to know each other, and their families, before becoming sexually intimate with each other. Yet, with their erosion, couples usually find themselves having sex very early in a relationship before theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve really gotten

to know the other person and how they each feel about the other. Consequently, after a couple has first had sex together, both are confused about what it means and whether they are now making a commitment to each other. One of those in the couple may even find themselves regretting the act because they realize that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had sex with someone who is almost a stranger to them. This is why there are so many stories about how after the first time that the couple had sex they never heard from each other again. If they had waited longer the relationship might have had a chance to become something long term, but because they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the coupling had no real chance.

So what can be learned from all of this?

Chiefly, that while it is not necessary to strictly follow all the courtship traditions; there are

certainly elements of them that would be beneficial to adopt to increase the odds of success with establishing a long term relationship with someone.

Taking more time getting to know each other, before being sexually intimate,will likely help to increase the odds for a more permanent coupling.

The key to making this work is communicating

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to the person you’re dating that the reason you want to hold off on having sex right away is because you want something long term and you think it’s important that you each figure out how you feel about each other first to ensure a greater success of that happening.

The other thing that can be said is that if you are dating

someone that doesn’t bring you flowers, or open the door for you, it is likely because he’s received negative reinforcement at some point that told him not to do so. Thus, if you want him to do so, you’re going to have to make a very direct indication to him that you like to have the person you’re dating do those sorts of things for you. You can indicate

this to him by something as simple as giving an example of how when you were young you dreamed of being wooed like a particular character from a movie, or point out to him when you see it being done by someone else how you feel it’s a lovely gesture. If he’s paying attention he’ll realize that it’s okay to hold a door open for you, or buy you flowers, and you’ll soon see that side of him.

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GOING THE DISTANCE TO TELL THE STORY...

FISH OUT OF WATER HAVE THE BEST STORIES TO TELL.

FILM. PHOTOGRAPHY. CREATIVE STORY TELLING. DANIELDEDWARDS11 @YAHOO.COM

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