The
UKIAHILITE
Ukiah High School Home of the Wildcats
Volume XXXVII Issue 9 May 30, 2014
When you’re miles and miles from your nice warm bed, you’ve got a friend in me!” - Riders in the Sky May 30, 2014
Contents 3 Student Body Elections
The Ukiahilite
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4 Faculty Member of the Year
6 Flix Pix: The Other Woman 6 Student Poetry: Guitar winners
4 Retiring Teachers
7 Spotlight: ukiaHaiku Winners
5 Faculty Member of the Month 5 Senior Class Trip 5 Summer Program for Freshmen
c s
8 The American Debate 8 Farewll to Class of 2014
10-11Graduating Class of 2014
Time for Female President? 9 Yes! 9 No!
18 Senior Wills: Harris, Ben & Abe 15 Sassy, Classy & a little Trashy 15 Seniors Prank for the Whim
19 Sportslite - Mariah Larwood 19 Sportslite - Ben Cayler
SENIOR WILLS 16 ADS 12-14 Senior Wills
17 PAGES 20
SUBMIT YOUR WILL! FOR
Letters to the Editor The Ukiahilite accepts letters to the editors. The Ukiahilite reserves the right to edit letters for length. Letters must be signed in order to be printed.
$2 = 200 WORDS $5 = 600 WORDS
Hey there Ukiah High Seniors! It’s that time of year again: SENIOR WILLS! The last issue of the Ukiahilite publishes Senior Wills as a tradition in the last issue of the school paper. If you would like to write one and have it published, pick up a form in Student Activities or from Ms. Warda in room E-11.!
UKIAHILITE@UUSD.NET
The Ukiahilite may be contacted at ukiahilite@uusd.net or by mail to 1000 Low Gap Road, Ukiah, CA, 95482. EDITORS IN CHIEF Tyler Biscocho and Ben Cayler
UKIAHILITE STAFF
HUMOR Taylor Cameron NEWS Sydney Summers-Knight OPINIONS Tyler Biscocho
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Lorena Saucedo Sarah Niderost CENTERSPREAD Jenna Hester SPORTS Benjamin Cayler ADVERTISEMENT Tess Clausen
PHOTO Elijah Williams ADVISOR Valerie Warda STAFF Ashlyn Bazzani, Harris Bedford, Rafael Ceja, Melissa Duenas, Alex Epstein, Milo Hooper, Samantha Ingerman, Zoltan Jakab, Delaney Kindopp,
Mariah Larwood, Lizzy McKeon, Sarah Niderost, T. Abraham Rawles, Jose Recendiz, Luke Robinson, Gabi Rodriguez, Hattie Sher, Nick Vargas, Elijah Williams COVER PAGE PHOTO CREDIT
Tyler Biscocho Taylor Cameron
“You’re miserable, edgy, and tired. You’re in the perfect mood for journalism.” -Warren Ellis
News
May 30, 2014
The Ukiahilite
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Also in this section... Summer Academy & Link’d Crew Retiring Teachers Senior Trip Faculty Member of the Year Faculty Member of the Month
Photo Credit: Google images
Ukiahi Finalizes Student Body Elections Lizzy McKeon
Staff Writer
Class and ASB elections were held on Thursday, May 8th at break and lunch in front of Student Activities. Elections are held every year for Associated Student Body, as well as the incoming senior, junior, and sophomore classes at the end of every school year. Incoming freshmen from middle schools can anticipate having their class elections within the first few weeks of the new school year. All candidates must be enrolled or have applied for a Ukiah High Leadership Class. The Associated Student Body is in charge of putting together the School’s tradition of Mr. Wildcat, an often hilarious spin on female beauty pageants. This year, Oscar Montelongo took a sincere and serious approach though, and won by a landslide. ASB also deals with Clubs Days, Orientation, all things Homecoming, Dances, Adopta-Family, and basically is the driving force behind the scenes that runs the fun parts of school! Candidates for ASB were unopposed this year, with only one person running for each position. Julia Persky, an incoming senior, ran for, and was elected as the ASB President. Anna Wiese, also an eleventh grad-
er this year, ran for, and was elected to, the ASB Vice President position. Specific to ASB and not a class office, Representative to the Board, is now held by Junior Jeffrey Chen. ASB Treasury is now in the hands of McKenzie Schutz, and Breann Dunken is the new ASB Secretary. For the class of 2015, Julia Persky was Class President Freshman year, and is one of three students going to the prestigious World Affairs Seminar this June; Breann Dunken was President Sophomore and Junior years, planning both Prom this year and the Talent Show last year. McKenzie Schutz is very dedicated to the Ukiah Wildcat Water Polo and Swimming families in the fall and spring, as well as year-round training. Anna Wiese and Jeffrey Chen are well known for their dedication to multiple AP classes, as well as their achievements in athletics; both are likely in the running for valedictorian. Senior class officers are expected to plan and fund the Senior trip, Senior
Sunrise and Sun Set, Senior Parking Spots, Senior “ditch day”, they spearhead the graduation, and handle the finances. This year, the seniors are taking a 3-day weekend trip to Disneyland in Anaheim, and the Senior class of 2014’s president, Zoe Lazaro, has had to face challenges like the location of Graduation. Because our football field and track are completely overrun by machinery and construction of the brand new rubber track, graduation will be held at the nearby Mendocino College. For the incoming senior class, the class of 2015, the new president is Lindsay Baughn, who plans for the upcoming fall girls’ volleyball season as a senior player. She was up against Katrina Helm for the position, and won the title. The new Vice President Sid Maurer, is one of four camp RYLA rep-
resentatives from our district going this year. The last 2015 class Secretary and Treasurer is Mikki Taylor. Junior class officials are in command of planning, putting together, and financing prom, the largest and typically most formal dance at the school. Photo Credit: Google Images
Prom is only for upperclassmen, unless an underclassman is invited by someone in 11th or 12th grade. This year, Prom was themed as “Barefoot Blue-Jean Night”. Junior class president next year is Maggie Selzer, also a water polo and swimming wildcat. With her, Caden Johnson is the class’ Vice President; he is looking forward to varsity football with the Ukiah High Wildcats, a possible team captain, in fact, despite his class rank. Finally, the secretary and Treasurer for the class of 2016 next year is Bailey Kaser. Sophomores organize and fund the talent show; this year had a fantastic cast and awesome turnout. Aspiring magician, a junior, Darian Palmerin wowed the audience with his impossible card tricks, Gracie Denbo, also a junior, and Tyler Biscocho on the piano, a senior, took first with their incredible rendition of “Love Me Again”, by John Newman. The sophomore president next year, Cameron Ramos, beat his opponent, Knimya Shaw who was also in the running. Another opposed contender, Mattie Morgan, won the Vice president’s seat against Lanie Brooks. There was nobody in the running for Secretary/Treasurer for the incoming sophomore class, so that election will take place along with the incoming freshmen elections next year in September. Freshmen, if you or someone you know is in a leadership class, encourage them to run for next year’s secretary/treasurer for class of 2017.
“Journalism is literature in a hurry.”
News
May 30, 2014
- Matthew Arnold The Ukiahilite 4
Ukiahi Congratulates Faculty Member of the Year
Melissa Duenas Staff Writer
Ezra Post is the Ukiah High Teacher of the Year. Post teaches Spanish at Ukiah High and is currently teaching two periods of Spanish II and three periods of Spanish III. Post grew up in Hopland and went to Ukiah High as a teenager. He continued his education and earned a Bachelors in Literature and a Masters in Education at UC Santa Cruz. He has been teaching Spanish at Ukiah High for the last 11 years. Bobby Taylor has taught Spanish with Post at Ukiah High for many years. “Post is a hard worker and he has a passion for teaching and has the students best interests at heart,” said Taylor. “He is a deserving candidate for this award and I’m happy for him.” Post is married to Blythe Post, and has two children: Nayamae, his four year old daughter, and Abner, his 15 month old son. In his free time Post enjoys playing basketball with his friends, hiking, fishing, going
to the coast and spending time with his family. Students enjoy Post’s teaching and learn a lot while in his class. “Mr. Post is the best Spanish teacher I’ve ever had. He has helped me build my confidence and improve my Spanish. His teaching style is unique but extremely effective. He definitely deserves this award,” said Hannah Brown, a sophomore at Ukiah High. Sezgin Ramirez has known Post since high school and teaches math and MESA here at Ukiah High. “Post instills a love for education and a belief that continuing education is a reward in itself,” said Ramirez.“Post also gives students an appreciation to travel and see the world.” Next school year during Spring Break, Post has plans to take a group of fifty students to Spain. There the students will have a chance to use their Spanish they have learned in the real
Photo Credit: Taylor Cameron
world. “Mr. Post is a wonderful teacher. He was my teacher for the past two years and again at the end of this year when he graciously stepped up to teach the AP Spanish Language course, making it possible for our class to be a success. I’m thrilled to see such an outstanding teacher receive this award, and cannot think of anyone more deserving,” said Sophia Hamilton, a senior at Ukiah High. Post is a dedicated teacher at Ukiah High and will be appreciated by students for many years to come.
Ukiahi Teachers Retire This Year France. That got me hooked,” said Porter. In his years at Ukiah High, Porter has greatly valued the time he has spent with News Pages Editor his students. With the end of this school year, Ukiah “The greatest value in being a teacher High bids farewell to two of its teachers; is the opportunity to influence young peoMr. Kent Porter and Ms. ple in the directions they choose. Valerie Warda. It is an element that is unmeasurPorter has taught able,” said Porter. French, levels 1, 2, 3, Porter has especially enjoyed and 4/AP at Ukiah High the many trips, around 25, he has school for 38 years. taken with students to France. He has also been an “I love watching students’ evening instructor in enthusiasm for those adventures, French Conversation at because I can still remember how Mendocino College and excited I was when I first traveled was the JV and Varsity there on the EAP through Cal in Girls Basketball coach in 1973,” said Porter. the beginning three years When asked what he looks of his teaching career. forward to most in retirement and His high school and what he will miss most, Porter Mr. Porter college experiences drove Porter said, “I look forward to not being on to his decision to become a teacher. someone else’s schedule. I will miss the in“I had an inspirational teacher of teraction with my students and my peers.” French, Jerry Prosek, when I was in high As a veteran teacher, Porter gives adschool. I decided to major in French in col- vice to any new teachers. lege. While I was at Cal Berkeley, I par“Keep your head up! It is one of the ticipated in the Education Abroad Program hardest jobs in the world. Respect your stuand spent my junior year in Bordeaux, dents, and yourself. And remember to try
Sydney Summers-Knight
not to take the emotional component of the students have given so much to ME over job home with you,” said Porter. the years!” Warda has taught and is currently Like Porter, Warda is looking forward teaching English I, Senior English, and to a new and freer schedule in retirement. Journalism. She has also taught Creative “Mostly I am looking forward to setWriting and Native American Independent ting my own schedule—no more bells! Study at Ukiah High. Admittedly, I will miss the interesting inShe previously taught teractions with my students English for three and a half and colleagues,” said Warda. years in the Central San In remembrance of her Joaquin Valley of California. years of teaching, Warda reWarda began her teachcalls many bright moments ing career later in her 40s, alshared with her students. though she had planned it dif“Probably the brightest ferently. moments I recall were when “It was my desire to teach students genuinely received since I was a small child. As what I taught and were apthe oldest, I enjoyed ‘teaching’ preciative…all the wondermy younger siblings. But it ful little cards, posters and was after many of life’s twists pictures they’ve given me Ms. Warda and turns that I was able to folthrough the years,” Warda low that dream and start teaching 22 years said. ago,” said Warda. Adding to Porter’s veteran advice, Warda has valued all that she has been Warda said,”Obviously, be prepared and able to take away and learn from her own ready to work hard; but also be open, be students. ready to discover, and always be real for “I’ve learned more about people, life your students.” and good story-telling than I ever would Photo Credit: Elijah Willaims have in any other field. And, most of all,
“Better a good journalist than a poor assassin.” -Jean-Paul Sartre May 30, 2014 The Ukiahilite 5 News
Faculty Member of the Month: Mr. HulseStephens
Senior Class Freshman Program to Goes on Trip Happen this Summer Gabi Rodriguez & Zoli Jakab Staff Writer
After a six year gap, Ukiah High will finally plan a senior trip for the lucky senior class of 2014. Nick Vargas “We are very excited and can’t wait Staff Writer to go,” said senior Zoe Lazzaro. There were a lot of people signing Mr. Hulse-Stephens up and even after a few dropouts there are about 120 seniors going. The trip is to Disneyland, which was chosen by the senior class who had the opportunity to choose the destination. Among other destinations discussed they ruled out a trip to the bay, San Diego and Universal Studios. The first day of the trip the students will have a long drive on the bus, and it will take about 10 hours to get there. After arriving they will have dinner at a Photo Credit: Luke Robinson restaurant and a dance night with one Ukiah High School is honoring of the famous DJs of the Bay Area, Mr. Hulse-Stephens as the faculty Richard Headish. member of the month for the month of On the second day they will spend May. He is a counselor at Ukiah High the entire day at Disneyland and then School and helps students sort out travel back home that night. their class and life problems. What not everyone realizes is He was hired mid-year but all the work behind the scenes. Zoe students seem to like him already. Lazzaro, with the help of Mr. Oslund Most have commented they like him was working really hard since the bebecause he is fun, has energy, has a ginning of the year to make all this hapbig smile, and is welcoming. pen to the seniors. “Mr. Hulse-Stephens is a According to Lazzaro it took a lot really outgoing person, he is really of time and effort, especially organizing energetic, and is really fun to be the buses and the hotel, but it is worth around,” said Misha Zaied. it. The students are not the only “It will be a lot of fun and the whole people to say something nice about class will get together, which is really him. Other counselors at the high important,” said Lazzaro. school have nice things to say. “Mr. Hulse-Stephens is a passionate, approachable counselor here at the high school and he has experience from his last job and overall knows what he is doing,” said Mrs. Gutierrez one of his counseling colleagues. On top of all the work he does and the students he helps, Mr. HulseStephens still is full of energy and smiles. The Ukiahilite would like to congratulate Mr. Hulse-Stephens for Ukiahi’s May Faculty Member of the Month for all of his hard work during the time he has been here. Photo Credit: Disney
Melissa Duenas Staff Writer
Incoming 9th graders have the opportunity to familiarize themselves with the Ukiah High School campus, staff, and courses with the Ukiahi Summer Academy program. This program runs over the course of two weeks, from August 4 to 15 on weekdays, and invites new freshmen to tour the campus and learn about college-prep and A-G requirements. Mr. Oslund and Mr. H u l s e Stephens are in charge of this program, as well as counselors and teachers from UHS. T h e goal is to help students learn the importance of striving for a good education and to
encourage them to go to college. The Summer Academy will be helpful for preparing them for high school and college. They are hoping for about 30% of incoming ninth graders, which consists of approximately 150 students, to participate. These participants will be able to meet Ukiahi’s teachers and counselors. They will learn about the classes they can take that will help them make decisions once they are in college, in p u r s u ing the job they want, and ultim a t e l y, in helping them be successful in the future. Having a good experience in high school is a big step into moving in the right direction. The Ukiahi Summer Academy provides various types of help such as career-awareness activities to focus a student’s interests, counseling information sessions to both students and parents, and an understanding of all aspects of the UHS community such as the arts, athletics, vocational programs, academics, and student activities. There will be field trips to tour two- and four-year colleges, including UC Davis. Parents are also allowed to join. This program was made possible through a partnership with contributions from UC Davis and Mendocino County Office of Education.
“You’re only human. You live once and life is wonderful, so eat the damned red velvet cupcake.” – Emma Stone May 30, 2014
A&E
Flix Pix
The comedy The Other Woman is a hilarious depiction of what can happen to a dirty, cheating husband during modern times. The story begins with Carly (Cameron Diaz), and shows her growing relationship with Mark (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), a man who seems to be the perfect guy. She is really starting to like him, when she discovers that he has a wife and cuts him off from her life completely, not wanting to be a The Other Woman “home wrecker.” The wife Kate (Leslie Mann), is not done with Carly yet. She wants Delaney Kindopp Staff Writer to know all about the relationship
The Ukiahilite
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Also in this section...
Spotlight: Guitar Poetry and ukiaHaiku Winners
that Carly had with her husband Mark and also wants Carly’s advice on what she should do. Carly, however, wants nothing to do with Kate and just wants to go back to her regular life. But Kate is very persistent with her efforts and convinces Carly, through many unexpected measures, that she should help her get revenge on her husband This offer becomes something that Carly wants to follow through with also because of the emotional setback Mark put her through. Kate and Carly become the most unlikely friends, while trying to ruin a
man’s life who has ruined their lives. They also become friends with Amber, (Kate Upton), who is another one of Mark’s mistresses. They all join together in one last attempt to ruin him for good and make him understand that he will not get away with what he did to them.This movie is hilarious and is recommended for teenagers and young adults. It is a must see and will keep you laughing the entire time you are watching. It is not in theaters any more, but one can catch it on DVD when it comes out. It is definitely worth it and will be a movie to watch again and again.
Guitar Poetry Winners 1st Place
2nd Place
3rd Place
by Kaley Keiser, 10th
Music Lover
by Gabriel Suddeth, 12th
Synchronization of Opus
Beauty throughout the night, As fairies come out to play, They dance and leap upon guitar strings singing of the day The stars all come to listen, the moon she listens too To all the stories that go untold and They sing to the beautiful tune. Sometimes I stop to listen, hoping I will be able to hear, the music of the fairy dance singing in my ear.
A slender neck And soft curves The sweetest voice And smoothest skin And I know just What to do to Make her sing; Pluck the strings And let them ring A guitar’s a beautiful thing
These easy, star-crossed lovers are dancing the night away, The lucid memory of glass strings held down by finger prints brushed aside These poets and simple sweet-stunned guitars are tracing the constellations into words and notes mulch hymns. Minted, twined lullabies are spilling onto uncut strings, of a beautiful, breathing heart, pounding the musical tandem. These guitar sighs are smoldering notes down onto white-sheered paper, and mineral wood is spinning the songs out into the composition melded sky Exhaled feather shapes are being monogrammed Into the curved, gleaming sheens of oak skin. These wire-sharp icy tunes are being whipped out to the solar winds, Sung out by the Poets lips and the Guitars humming
The Fairy Dance
by Rebecca Ortega, 12th
“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” - Clint Eastwood
A&E
May 30, 2014
The Ukiahilite
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ukiaHaiku Poetry Contest Winners
The 12th Annual ukiaHaiku festival was held on Sunday, April 27th at the SPACE Theater. The winning authors read their poems at the reception, and booklets with the winning poems were sold. All sales supported the ukiaHaiku Festival.
1st Place
2nd Place
brisk winter morning cuddled in my warm sweater sky filled with darkness
la luz de ti Pamela mis sedientos ojos a tus hombros mojados
an empty stroller haunts the cold mornings a Khol’s parking lot
penny on the street I flip it to face heads up someone could use the luck
Ashlyn Thurston, 10th
Rebecca Ortega, 12th
Rebecca Ortega, 12th
Gabriel Suddeth, 12th
Honorable Mentions a standing structure the fire roars ash
sunsets - blood orange haze scooter’s sound harsh on pavement stolen Oreos
baseball season the smell of grass and peanuts is upon us
James Jensen, 9th
Gianna Passalacqua, 10th
Nate England, 11th
wet sand glued to my hand ocean follows me home
Danielle Butzow, 12th
Sunday is sleeping no one’s downtown in the petal-rain Jazlyn Kraft, 12th
“Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting.” - FDR May 30, 2014 The Ukiahilite 8 OPINIONS
Also in this section...
Yes! It’s Time for a Female President Are You Insane? No Women in the White House!
Farewell to the One and Only: Class of 2014 THE AMERICAN DEBATE Tyler Biscocho Opinions Page Editor
Okay so here is the deal. The fact that I detest who I am is not because of society as a whole, it is not because I am constantly put down, it isn’t even because I have a close minded family. If anything, this school, this city, the whole of the United States has welcomed me with open arms. The reason I detest who I am is because of the people like me. Those people who happen to like the same sex and then feel the need to shove it into everyone’s face. I am embarrassed to be associated with these people and groups that claim to be fighting for MY equality with “regular people.” Please! I am sure that right about now I have already offended half of the GSA members in the whole of the United States (if they were actually reading this, that is) and with that said I advise you now to stop reading if you are already appalled by the words I have transcribed onto this page. It is only going to get worse. First and foremost, let us get one thing straight, I DO NOT have to support anything just because I like dudes. Okay? I tend to prefer to have male friends who don’t feel awkward around me so I tend to do “guy things.” I watch sports, I play sports, I have even gotten into a fight, granted it was with my cousin. That is not the point; my point is if I tell you, “NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPORT THAT”, or “NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR DAMN STICKER,” then do NOT come up to me after five min-
utes with a different sales pitch. If you wanted to make a difference you would OPEN your mouth, not CLOSE it! Those of you who know me should know anyway that I am incapable of being quiet for more than 30 seconds. Over the past few weeks I have been shunned by countless gay people because I do not do this or do not do that. Back up, mates because trust me when I say that I am not afraid to fight my way out of conflict, it is because of the crude behavior of “my fellows” that I can honestly say I have been embarrassed to have to associate myself. Now, of course, America is a free country, but as this is the last issue of the Ukiahilite, so I figured I might as well go out with one heck of a bang! And with that, I put out this statement, one that will, for ages to come, be seen as truly controversial: I now have my doubts that all hate for gays comes from the sole fact that these people like the same sex. Due to the recent behaviour and attitudes put forth by some groups, I have a small inclination that some of the hate stems from the annoying problem that some groups push too hard against its surrounding society and even against its own members. People would not care if you were not always running around shouting and screaming that you are a certain way. Look at me, I have risen through the ranks of my high school and I did not once need to use the platform that I was an underprivileged homosexual to get to where I am…. Calm your buns, guys, seriously…..
Dear Class of 2014, As this year’s Ukiahilite Staff, we are sad to see you go, but wish you the best as you venture off into the future years to come! We know you will go far and will do great things! It has been an honour to get to know you all as friends and to be able to work beside you at this school and to present you with this ninth and final issue of the Ukiahilite this year. As per the usual, this issue is completely and fully dedicated to you as the senior class. We hope the cover, a staple for our senior issue, brings back fond memories of your time this year. As an addition this year, the staff has included individual farewell messages to you outgoing seniors: “Good luck in college and don’t gain your freshman 15!” - Jenna Hester, Centerspread Editor “I’ll miss your unique and fabulous styles of dance!” - Sydney Summers-Knight, News Page Editor “A lot of you have been great to me and I am going to miss you so much!” - Taylor Cameron, Humour Page Editor “Shoot for the stars and if you fail, YOU’RE FAILURES! jk!” -Lorena Saucedo, A&E Page Editor “Hang in there, Joan!” -Lizzy McKeon, Staff Writer “If you ever feel down and you aren’t succeeding, remember that the heart goes on!” -Sarah Niderost, A&E Page Editor “Adios, muchachos! Bye Michela!” - Nick Vargas, Staff Writer
“It’s about time! I didn’t like getting trashcanned! Most of my friends were seniors! Just kidding! I didn’t have any friends! #yoloswagbruh And, that’s how I say farewell!” -Gabi Rodriguez, Staff Writer “Good luck and have fun!” -Sam Ingerman, Staff Writer “I am going to miss you guys! Thanks for the awesome times and for making high school not want to kill myself all the time!” - Tess Clausen, Ads Page Editor “Good luck to the seniors! I hope that your future holds everything you want it to and work hard for your hopes and dreams come true.” - Delaney Kindopp, Staff Writer “I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors!” - Milo Hooper, Staff Writer “Good luck in college! Eat lots of Ramen!” - Melissa Duenas, Staff Writer “Oh, shoot! Thanks for being such good role models! And have a great life in college!” -Luke Robinson, Staff Writer “I advise you to watch Blue Mountain State and do that in college!” -Alex Epstein, Staff Writer We hope you all have a great time where ever your post high school life takes you! Thank you for the memories, for being a part of this school and thank you for being a Ukiah High Wildcat! Sincerely, The Ukiahilite Staff
“More of the same will just produce more of the same: less competitiveness, less growth, fewer jobs.” - David Cameron May 30, 2014 The Ukiahilite 9 oPINIONS
Milo Hooper
Yes! It’s Time for a Female US President! Staff Writer
Since the birth of the United States as a sovereign nation, its government has, for all 238 years of its existence, been headed by males. Even though it is a representative democracy, women have not been represented in the Oval Office yet, even though they make up about 50% of the population. Of course, it would be hard to imagine the existence of a female president for much of this country’s early history, as it has been for less than a hundred years that women have even had suffrage! Where are the women? There are, and have been, female senators, cabinet secretaries, congresswomen, and more for many years; but not one of the 44 elected US presidents so far have been female. There is at least one instance, however, of a First Lady standing in place of the President if he is unable to do so. When Woodrow Wilson was ill in 1919, his wife and First Lady Edith Wilson unofficially became the acting President of the United States. And
there is hardly any mention in history books about this. Of course, the lack of female leaders might be because there were simply no females to vote for – the first female presidential candidate running in a major party was Republican Margaret C h a s e S m i t h in 1964. H o w e v e r, lately it seems that some women from both parties are getting closer to the White House than ever before. In recent years, there have been attempted presidential runs by Elizabeth Dole (R) in 2000 and Hillary Clinton (D) in 2008. Organizations like the American Women Presidents sup-
port possible candidates such as Mrs. Clinton as well as Condoleezza Rice (R), without care of party affiliation. If (or, more likely, when) there finally is a female president, a lot of “firsts” will be created, similar to President Obama’s being the first African American president. This will probably satisfy a large group of people, but that is not really why American voters should support it. However, there will be some notable differences in such an administration: if she has a husband he will likely be called the First Gentleman (in place of the usual First Lady), and she will most likely be addressed as Madam (or Mrs.) President.
While it would be a “first” for the USA, other countries have had female leaders over the centuries. Examples include Germany’s current chancellor, Angela Merkel, previous British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, and the many Queens of England over many years. Of course, one good argument for the possibility of having a female president is… why not? There is no good or even decent reason why the United States presidency should be limited to men. All men and women are human, and if a candidate fits the requirements to run, who is to say they cannot? However, when choosing the next leader of this United States, one should never base their vote solely on the gender of the candidate; just because a woman is running for president does not mean that she should automatically receive votes for that quality alone; each candidate’s track record, beliefs, messages, and policies past and proposed should be held as most important, regardless of the gender of the candidate. Photo Credit: thehuffingtonpost.com
Are You Insane? No Women in the W hite House! Sam Ingerman
Staff Writer
The President of the United States is a very important and influential person in not only America, but the world. A lot of work is put into running for and being elected president. Our current president, Barack Obama, is America’s first African American president. This is a huge milestone for our country, and everyone is wondering what will come next; could it be the United States of America’s first female president? This is a controversial subject, just as the election of Barack Obama in 2009. Many believe that a female president would be a good thing for our country, but many believe otherwise. One reason that some Americans are against the idea of a female president is the belief that citizens and leaders of other countries would not respect a woman in power as much as they would a man. Women have al-
most always been viewed as the weaker, more sensitive, and more vulnerable sex. Women have had fewer rights than men in America in the past, and even fewer in other countries; countries that respect women less than America may have s e r i o u s problems with a female president. International relationships could be strained, and foreign leaders may not want to do business with or ally themselves with a country led by a woman. Another issue is that as president, one must be assertive and take charge; in men, these are seen as positive traits, and put his strength and determi-
nation on display. In women, however, being assertive and making executive decisions is normally seen as being overpowering, bossy, or even bitchy; people may not respect her decisions as much as they would a man’s. A female president’s authority could be easily undermined by those in the American government as well as those in other governments. On top of that, there is more of a chance of disobedience with a female president, as sexist people could attempt to protest or remove her from her position. Yet another reason why a female president may not be as easily accept-
ed as a man is PMS. It is widely known that when that time of the month comes around, women can get a bit moody. Some think that this could cause problems due to the amount of control the president has. Some take it to the extreme and say that America would be in wars all the time due to PMS if there were a female president. Women are considered more emotional than men regardless, and with PMS on top of that, some people believe that she would do crazy things when she was upset. No matter how great of a president or a person she was, the focus of all Americans and other nations would be on the fact that she is a woman. People may not take her seriously, due to stereotypes about females, such as being considered extremely emotional and weaker than men. This could cause problems with foreign affairs and also internally in the US. Photo Credit: memegenerator.net
“You’re not a failure if you don’t make it. You’re a success because you tried.”
cENTersPREAD
Colleges Arizona
Northern Arizona University Montana Edgar
California
Butte College
Shane Baarts Jack Barrett Michael Dursteier Thomas Ferrick Luis Flores Maleah Ikerd
-Susan Jeffers
Good luck to the May 30, 2014
Cat Kinney David Mason Brian Sherwood Megan Smith Tanner VanHousen
CSU Long Beach
Vanessa Garcia
Michele Segura
CAN School
Cal Poly Pomona Marina Sholin
Cal Poly San Louis Obispo Alison Pipkin
Cal-Fire
Colten Dennett
Columbia College Ariella Gitlin
Alyssa Langevin
CSU Monterey Bay Julie Munez Artemisia Spencer
CSU San Marcos Everest College Christina Madrid
FIDM LA
Tayler Sawyers
Mendocino College Daniel Aguilar Allan Aguilar Kevin Amundson Ana Ayala
The Ukiahilite
Erin Bacik Clarisa Barajas Zachary Barajas Emily Berg Alycia Billy Dalton Boen Danielle Butow Irasema Cabada Victor Cano Fabian Carlon Erwin Carlsson Jordan Carroll Charles Castaneda Sandra Ceja Felipe Chavez Wyatt Coffman
10
“Time is not measured by the passing of years but by what one does, what one feels, and what one achieves.” -Winston Churchill
Graduating Class of 2014
May 30, 2014
cENTerSPREAD
Lily Damian Charley Davrill Candice Deveau Shelby Dorris Blake Evans Jasmine Falgut Nadine Goebel Ana Gonzalez Andy Gonzalez Elizabeth Gonzalez Miguel Gonzalez Cesar Guerrera Eddie Haehl Connor Hatch Cristina Herrera Zachary Hicks Tristen Hunter Thomas Kenney Dylan Lancaster Lili Lopez Yasmin Lugo Chelsea Macri Donny Martinez Jesus Martinez Areli Mendez Brittnie Milani Justin Mixon Selena Montoya Joerette Morales Yanira Muniz Yasmin Muniz Ian Niderost Alejandra Nieves Caira Nunez Javier Nunez Marisol Ortiz Arianna Palmerin Rosa Peredia Jake Pickens Dre Ramos Chandler Richel Shania Robertson Juan Salazar Manuel Salguero Katie Schmidt Koa Sibley Manuel Silva Gabriel Suddeth Tate Taylor Xilonen Tecpoyotl Fidel Tepale Marco Toledo Vanessa Vega Jacodie Young-Thompson
The Ukiahilite
Mendocino County Office of Education: Medical Assistance
Alejandro Rodriguez Daniel Spence Alyssa Tilley
Massachusetts
Occidental College
Bree Kaeser
Ali Loyha
Yarely Ortega Hugh Pegan
Sacramento State Alexiss Castaneda Rafael Ceja Belen Cisneros Justin Jason Alejandra Sandaval Yvonne Sandaval
Saint Mary’s College Adrian Mata
San Diego MESA JC Hanna Bartolomie
Santa Monica
Roxanne Johnson
Shasta College Wesley Fox Dray Payne Jolaney West
Sonoma State University
Wendy Del Campo Rosa Hernandez Alexiss Maki
SRJC
Karina Alvarez D.J. Anderson Tyler Biscocho Jonathan Caldera Ben Cayler Andy Clayton Nick Copley Rachael Cowen Caren Hernandez Hector Herrera Jordan King Adan Manzanares Ally Milone Jess Neale Katrina Ohleyer Esther Razo Rachel Ruddick Angie Steen Ema Wann
UC Berkeley
Chelsea Clouser Cesareo Ruiz Monica Ruiz
UC Davis
Edgar Fuentes
Contributors: Jenna Hester & UHS English Dept.
UC Irvine
UC San Diego
Leon Li Aravind Mahaderan Clare McNerlin
UC Santa Barbara Molly McNerlin Miguel Sanchez Katie Wong
UC Santa Cruz Maya Boutts Cameron Cavalin Yadira Chavez Olivia Pratt Reed Sccriven Taylor Stophlet
UCLA
Melissa Ortega
University of San Diego Jayden Barrington
Boston College Mariah Larwood
Hampshire College
Missouri
Central Methodist University Marcus Scott
Ney York
Kingsborough Community College Oscar Montelongo
Vassar College David Deng
Oregon
Blue Mountain State Chance Girard
Lewis and Clark College Becca Petersen
University of San Francisco
Pennsylvania
University of Southern California
Zoe Lazaro
Gretchen Roderick
University of Pennsylvania
Julian McClanahan
Texas
Gusmaro Ramos
Bria Castanon
UTI
Ventura County Community College Michela Wester
William Jessup University T. Abe Rawles
Colorado
CU Boulder
Harris Bedford
Idaho
Frank Phillips College Round Rock Junior College Stefani Oseguera
Washington
Seattle Central Community College Gabriel Rauch
Western Washington University Ali Anderson
Brigham Young University
Other
Northwestern Lineman College
Air Force
Victoria Johnston Clay Chapman Kevin Pardini
11
Coast Guard Noel Bjerk
Jason Cox
Marine Corp
Miguel Castillago
Mormon Misson Beau Brown
Photo Credit: www.rurdev.usda.gov
“There is a good reason they call these ceremonies ‘commencement exercises.’ Graduation is not the end; it’s the beginning.” - Orinn Hatch May 30, 2014 The Ukiahilite 12 Senior Wills
I, Ali Anderson, being of bewildered mind and restless body do hereby bequeath the following: To My Baby Manny G, I leave the Waldorf Wizard, the Doobie of Wisdom, the Piña Colada song, and fun days of banana fluxing with harris. To Serenidad Voborilidad, I leave my gigantic SAT books that you are welcome to kill me with later, and all of my grand physics genius skills. To Madeline Cline, I leave my morning boob hugs, and a little bit of my positivity… To Julia Idiot-Butt Persky, I leave my slacking skills, unnecessary awkward moments, and horrifying trunk rides in the beamer. To Milo Cripito, I leave my priapisms and blissful days of peace and happiness. To Teak Larwood, I leave the daily winter urges to sneak away from all responsibilities and run off to the mountains… and one day we did! The freak out seshes; Did it snow??!! How many inches?? CAN WE GO?! O.M.G ALI CAN WE JUST GO SNOWBOARDING RIGHT NOW? To Kaya Lane, I leave the communal ditching car responsibilities. And also… my avocado. To Christina Nickerson, I leave the uncomfortable psychology videos, all of my dumpy sweatshirts, because juniors don’t have time to wear clothes. Also, do you wanna fight? Cuz if you do, Bob and I will be down at the railroad tracks dukin it out. To Tyboy Hernandez, I leave awkwardly raking leaves, chillin in the snow, and many more majestic hug leaps of love. To Kimee B**ch, I leave… well first of all my heart, and also, crazy adventures to the coast; chillin in grave yards, climbing into giant holes, and listening to the ocean (antes de que estuviera chido). To Sarah Teran, HEY I just met you and this is crazy, but you can have my red high heels to wear in Montgomery Woods, and all my beautiful college basketball player boy friends. To Maggie Seltzer, I leave trouble and trippy car rides. To Kailee Orsi, I leave muchas galletas and lots of love for the puppy! Ohh y cómo se dice “I would win” en
Senior Wills
español, Kailee? To Various Water Polo Players and Other Cool People, We leave you THE TABLE. Please assure that it remains the coolest location on the Ukiah High campus. Thank you.
I, Tyler Biscocho, being of sound mind and body do hereby bequeath the following: To Daniel Spence, I leave you with my brotherly love and all the memories we have been able to share since seventh grade. You have been so instrumental in getting me through school. To Harris Bedford, I leave you Mrs Eddy’s classroom! I don’t know what I would have done without you in English one freshman year! You and Daniel kept me sane through that entire year of shenanigans! To Mariah Larwood, I leave you with the announcement closet. Monday morning announcements would not be the same without your pledge of allegiance! Also many thanks to you for being such an awesome ASB President and someone who has been paramount to my initiation into leadership! To Shayla, I leave you the “whale and queen” videos! You have been such an awesome little sister. I’m still going to kill Sarah for that little incident that one night! To Sydney Summers-Knight and Jenna Hester, I leave you at the helm of the journalism class for next year. Keep those kids in line Sid, (no large sticks, beatings or maiming please) and Jenna keep inspiring with your elaborate centre-spread. To Nena Saucedo, I leave you a lifetime supply of green hair dye! You were one of my more influential page editors this year and I’ll never get over all your sass! Thank you for all that you do! To Ben Cayler and Abe Rawles, I leave you two with the sports pages of the Ukiahilite ;) Thank you both for keeping me on my toes ALL YEAR LONG! Sixth period would just not have been the same without the both of you in it. To Hattie Sher, FRICTION!!!! I leave you the APES class and all of our BS in that class (sorry Raugewitz).
Have fun with the other citizen of yours! Don’t kill those kids at space! Breathe just breathe! To Nick Vargas, I leave you with all the preppy, pizza delivery guys on the planet. Keep your sass going bro! It’ll get you places in high school I guarantee it! I also leave you Sydney Summers-Knight and Jenna Hester so you can cause more fights about who is your favourite editor (me)! To Taylor Cameron, I leave you many many laughs, girl! Keep that humour column sassy and classy and keep Sydney and Jenna in line. I am trusting you! To Misha Zaied, I leave you with Sam Ingerman and your endless attempts to sneak into sixth period journalism! To Adrian Mata, you have become like a brother to me and as such I leave you all the laughs and fun at our homecomings, all the great games I got to see you play in and all of our memories in the many classes we shared together!
I, Shelby Dorris, being of anxious mind and body, so hereby bequeath the following: To Bailey Kaser, I leave late nights, rude people, prom 2k14, my OCD, hot tubs, loud music, funny laughs, lots of luck your junior year, and all my love. To Kami Swinney, I leave all my “cuts”, lots of homework, just dance, chocolate cake, lollipops and ribbon, all the hot guys you’re gonna date, and all my senior fun.
I, Hailey McKenzie Drake, being of the most sarcas-
tic mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: To Asia Gordon, I leave you to make the right choice and not leave your girls. However, I know whatever path you choose you will succeed and make everyone so proud. You are such a sweet girl and I hate to see you go but can’t wait to see you making billions someday. #toofamous To AT, I leave you to make the golf practices worth going to. Never stop making Snapchat stories, they are the highlight of my day. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. You are seriously so funny. Shine bright girlie. I la you baby. To Ben Carter, I leave you to be my second boyfriend forever. You are one of the most gorgeous boys I have ever layed eyes on. Never forget your favorite girlfriend, me. Never stop being perfect. Marry me. I love you boyfriend. To Cassidy Schutz, I leave my number one spot on the golf team for you (tear it up next year). You will always be my mini me. You are truly one of the most amazing girls I have ever met. I love you Tonc. Remember golf over everything. To Colton Crabtree, I leave our long talks about life and also being your #1 best friend forever. Even though you’re not as amazing as Tim Lincecum, you are a pretty good baseball player. Good luck next year! You owe me for being so mean in drawing and never making me pancakes. Go Giants! To Conner Acevedo, I leave my colored pencils that you broke and lost for you. You are one of the sweetest boys I know and I will miss seeing your face every morning. I leave you with all of your mean jokes about me but mostly I leave you with my love of your baby face. To Grace Eversole, I leave our golf team and of course I leave you to boss all of them around for me. Take care of your sister for me. Be yourself, and never give up. I love you so much and will always think of your family as my second. To Gregorious Evangelos Siderakis, I leave our talks in your room and fighting with you like a lit-
“The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.”
Senior Wills tle brother. Don’t get yourself into too much trouble and always listen to the parents. Get buff and be real cool in your 350z. You’re my favorite. I love you brother. To Kara Larkin, I leave your sister to fight with and to boss around. I leave you also with dancing on my bed to Hanna Montana and long talks in the hot tub. Good luck on your last year, I will always be here for you. I love you Sis. To KK, I leave Schats, sharing soda with you, eating all the food in your house, your awesome mom, singing with you, annoying Carsen, and the craziest friendship I have ever had. Don’t ever forget your favorite girlies Garzen and Ailey. To Megan Larkin, I leave you all of our survivor nights, playing dress up and all of our innocent days. You will always be a little sister to me. I love you. Ps be nicer to your mom and sister, they are only trying to help, I promise. To Regan Wyatt, I leave all of our girls nights and being little with you. You are so sweet and I will miss seeing your pretty face. Be yourself and you will make it through high school without a problem. I love you Ray.
I, Sophia Hamilton,
of sound mind and clumsy body hereby bequeath the following: To Madeline Cline, I leave vegetarianism, the permission to beat up anyone who offends her friends and my failed attempts at shooting clay pigeons. To Julia Persky, I leave Eduardo Snowden and one quarter of intense Spanish class. To Ashlynn Rose, I leave bottle shop lunch dates, late night horseback rides and long days on the river in super sexy waders. To Kailee Orsi, I leave the title “Dog Girl”, the expression “that’s exciting” and late night ping pong battles and fish crackers. To Emma Barash, I leave intense gymnastics competitions, way too many photo shoots, and BONES BONES BONES BONES BONES!!!! To Shannon Whetzel, I leave #diving #splash #wildcats #splash #chanpions #splash #wethink-
May 30, 2014
Senior Wills
wearecool #splash #rio2016 #splash #wannabedivers #splash. To Maggie Flaherty, my twin, I leave #sanfrancisconightlife, polar bear plunges and the ability to save the life of anyone in her company who many pass out after watching a movie. To Mckenzie Shutz, I leave 5:05 am alarms, insanity work outs, JESSICA!! My toenail, a million giggles, spit whispering, and MaaaKenzie!!!!!
I, Adrian Mata, being of sounds mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: those who are anticipating who I will pass the basketball throne down to, the wait is now over and the winner of that throne and check of one million dollars goes to…… Just kidding that throne was long gone after Cesar Mendoza was here. In other news here’s my actual will, to several day one homies, the great Drake once said “so you can thank me now”; To Nate Hale, I leave you the PG stop, keeping working on your game and you shoe game is evolving, OH and ALWAYS defend the best player. To Ben “Fancy Pants” Carter, I leave you the following three point celebrations (“The Cereal Chunk”, “The Honey Jar”, and most importantly “The Head Band”. To Gabe “You’re Never Right” Knight, Keep your head on every day of the week, ball out in all those native tournaments, and please lose the sarcasm, please I beg you! To Tanner Cash, I leave you a pack of duct tape, from all the girls’ hearts you will breaking in the next year. #KeepPimpinThemGirls, weird guy! To Criss and Erick Pants, I will always be “El Rey del…” but I leave you the “Los Princes del….” To G-Racer and Asia Rose Gordon, I leave you both a coffin, so when you find your dream guy they can kill themselves and use the coffins I gave you. Lastly, to the Alpha-Q OG’s (David Mason, Brian Sherwood, Shane Baarts, Jordan King and myself), I leave the Alpha-Q name to anyone who is willing to take the challenge. Applications are due June 6th, and all finalists will interview on June
7th, 2014. As my Senior Year along with this Will is coming to an end, all I have left to say (In a Chris Brown Voice) “Look at us now, look at us now, WE GRADU-ATE-IN!
I, Jess Neale, being of MESOHAPPYIGETTOLEAVEHIGHSCHOOL mind and body do hereby bequeath the following: To Katie Reingold, I leave you all of my awesome and slightly painful memories of my life. I also leave you the “Why did she wear that to school” outfits, the “OMG why is he so hot” moments and finally, the laughing fits that usually happen after most of the above. I love you Bootbutt. To all the soon to be seniors, I leave you the late nights wondering if its humanly possible to finish this insane amount of work before you pass out from fatigue. I also leave you the unbelievable joy that comes once all of your homework is done and you can finally binge watch all of the seasons of Psych on Netflix. Finally, to all of those still in high school, I leave you the enlightening fact that high school is only four short years of a long life ahead of you. Getting good grades benefits you for a lifetime. The skirt you spent two hundred dollars on you will not remember in ten years. Keep that in mind on this crazy, fantastic, and stressing ride. Stay classy Ukiah. I, Stefani Oseguera,
being of generous mind and body do hereby bequeath the following: To my sister Desiree, I leave all my high fun and interesting school memories in hopes that yours will be the same if not greater. To my brother Clayton, I leave all my homecoming paraphernalia. To my world history buddies Bailey, Maggie, Sabrina, and Brandon, I leave many more laughs and hay-bail pictures. To Andrew, I leave my wonderful prom memories. To Todd, I leave my memes, inside jokes, touching car rides and eternal friendship. To Kolton and John, I leave all the crazy and sometimes dangerous
- Edward Koch The Ukiahilite 13
car rides. To Julia, I leave my tears over graduation, my laughs behind the Miss Mendo stage and my friendship which will last forever. To Jake, I leave subtle modesty, please use it. To Kayla, I leave our long talks and all the advice you need. To Michael, I leave all our frozen-tastic songs and texting. To Shellie, I leave an incredible senior year. To my sixth period freshman, I leave the necessities to high school. To my teachers and Mr. Garrity, I leave thanks. And to Mr. Silva-Brown’s future students, I leave thick skin and lots of luck.
I, Becca Petersen,
being of sound mind and bodacious body, do hereby bequeath the following: To Kaya Lane, I leave you mine and Ali’s cars to ditch with. May all your days be good boob days. Don’t ever let a boy tell you sh*t about your life you beautiful angel. To Katy Thompson, I leave your grandpa’s bike. You can use it for midnight donut runs, just don’t get it stolen. To Manny Gonzales, I leave my moisturizer. Stay soft. Teak Larwood, I leave you Kaya’s butt. That’s pretty much it. Treat it well. Milo Moré, you will always be my little brother. To you I leave SPACE camp and every bad decision you’ve ever judged me for. Do the right thing, I love you. To Ty Hernandez, I leave contra dance and those sketchy hobos at Walmart. I wish you good luck at Mendo next year, and I leave you 25¢ to buy yourself some class. Maggie Selzer, to you I leave every awkward water polo moment and your constant compliments. YOU’RE the prettiest. Sorry you and Manny didn’t work out. Julia Persky, I leave you all the nights spent driving aimlessly around, all the midnight trips to Jensen’s, all of your shoes and all of my tumblr follow-
“It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.” - Isabel Waxman May 30, 2014 The Ukiahilite 14 Senior Wills ers. I leave you smart pills and overcaffeination, stressing out about everything, and overdosing on meth the first day we hung out. I leave you Starbucks and Black Oak and Mexican food, and I leave you a bacon, avocado, sprouts, tomato and cucumber sandwich with mayo. The phone number for Schat’s is (707)462-1670. I leave you all my records, especially the Taylor Swift ones. I leave you la biblioteca (if we can ever find it), and I’ll meet you at la araña discoteca for that Community marathon we never had. I leave you Effy, Cosima, Ellen Page, Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza, and every other probably lesbian actress. Good luck next year being an honorary super senior. Senioritis is a real bummer. I love you baby girl and I’ll be kidnapping you this summer so you don’t spend it all in your batcave getting tanner than me. To everyone mentioned above, and Alema, Jeffrey, Beau, and Shane, I leave the Water Polo Table. Keep it classy, keep it cool, keep it the hippest table on campus. I love you all.
I, Alison Pipkin, being of senior mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: To the home girl GPetes, I leave the events prior to your “curfew”, cuddling with Mercy, our hot Halloween drive, our conjoined lack of memories, and most importantly a surplus of sarcasm. To the sweetest, Asia Gordon and Grace Eversole, I leave the spirit of Sixth man. To Julia Persky, I leave the memories of math with Cavi, the chaos of Costa Rica, nuestros conversaciones sexuales, and the not so pleasant
Senior Wills
visit to my house prior to an eventful night. To my one and only T-Man, Tanner Cash, I leave the leadership lounge couch, Calpella family nights (as in, now that I’m gone it is your duty to help out Momma P) and the hope that you will remain as sincere and genuine as you are today. To Lukey Loppiccolo, I leave you to be the senior stud, as long as you don’t develop one of their egos, but you will forever be a child to all the cougars. To Casey Kinney, I leave the condolence of our paucity of height, however you still are the most adorable boy to ever walk the halls of Ukiah High. To the hottie with a booty, KK Lynch, I leave you the moments that you weren’t aware of me gazing at your fine behind. To the bae, Nate Hale, I leave you your times of discomfort when I was hitting on you and the luck that you will ever find a more flirtatious prom date than myself. To Wyan, I leave you and your creepy alter ego and the night that a “puking” scare led to capture the sign. To Brigham Eaquinto, I leave Bobby D and the reminder to never roll your eyes at the man.
Keep it strong and biting. Please don’t make mammy crazy like I did. . She needs your kindness. You can have Piper cuz she sucks. Silva – Brown is gonna miss me a lot so please mess with him as much as you possibly can, ie. Cat calls, long interrupted eye contact, hand holding, and lunch dates. He’ll love the attention. Guarantee. Don’t get lazy, look cute every day and keep your ‘mom boobs’ up girl. It’ll get better. You’ll do great all on your own I promise. I love you chicky boo. To Sierra, my favorite sophomore. . I leave you the rock. And the killer chaise longue that nature bestowed upon me. Foco damn boo. . Foco damn. I’m gonna miss you so much. Stay freaky. Keep the dread I love you so much. And remember we’ll always have Paris. To The Lesbian, you give me pride, gay pride. I leave you the ladiez. Too bad they’re all beeeeitchez. But whatevs, you’ll find someone awesome and super lezzy and I’m so excited to see you hit 1000 followers this summer. I love your confidence and openness. I’m gonna miss the weekly income provided by your procrastination. I hope you can find someone else
to help you. Stay gay bae.
I, Michele Segura,
I, Roderick,
Gretchen
being of immature mind and mediocre body do hereby bequeath the following: To Elka, I leave you the Honda with all its beauty and grace. Whip hard, whip true. Try not to hit the garage. . I leave you the Roderick legacy.
being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: To Grace, I’m going to miss you the most and to you I leave you all my stories to learn from. Remember to always bring an extra pair of shoes. And don’t worry you’ll go pro in the mini games. To Julia, to you I leave noth-
ing. What can I leave someone who already has everything? I leave you with our Spanish memories of Felipe, elephants, and hypothetical situations about how to get out of Spanish homework. Good luck next year. I know you’ll take over. To Gianna, my Gina, take care of my babies next year and my 38 year old man. Keep on eye on Gab. She’ll need it. But wait aren’t you a senior? To Knimya+Randi, my mini me’s. Good luck next year with it all. I have passed more than enough doe to you two. Have fun being me next year. Don’t forget Margaret. And don’t worry, you guys can keep my mirrors. To Tanner, read the letter. To the remaining students of Ukiah High, lots of gum. Tic Tacs will help. It’s not like it matters anyways. Best of luck, you’ll need it here.
I, Megan Smith, being of less-than-ideal body, do hereby bequeath the following: To Andrew Scoggins, I leave all of my remaining brownie points for that one time you got me a ruler in Chemistry. You rock Andy. To Shane Oswald, I’m actually not leaving you anything. You’re fricken rad Shane, don’t let anyone tell you different. Thanks for making school a little more bearable. To Misha and Chase, I leave every last inch of duct tape I own in hopes you’ll cover your obnoxious mouths with it. Seriously, you two never stop talking. Stay classy, kids. To Gaby Jimenez, I leave all of the cool tattoo ideas I have because they’ll probably look better on you anyway. To Todd, I leave my severe and extremely disappointing lack of popularity. I hope that, with it, you’ll be able to realize that high school is about so much more than the people in it, because, honestly, no one else can understand that. To the people who mean the whole world to me- Kathryn, Bree, and Maya, I leave every amazing memory I have had the privilege of creating with you three wonderful women. You’ve made my life in this hell worthwhile. I love you, and may college have mercy on us all.
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” -Kurt Vonnegut May 30, 2014
humor
Sassy, Classy, and a Little Trashy
Taylor Cameron
Humor Page Editor
Hey there, Wildcats! We only have one week of school left, and only one of those days is a full length day. That is pretty exciting. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were preparing for ten months of excruciating hell. As always, we say goodbye to a group of people who may or may not have impacted our lives. It is an emotional occurrence, but it happens every year. Enough of the sentimental talk. Let us talk about something we all have been counting down the days for: the start of the 2014/2015 school year. Relax, I am totally kidding. I really meant summer . Ah, summer: a time where students can swim, tan, and relax, and teachers can do things that are not school related at all.
Yes, summer has its lovely perks and it is one of the nicest times of the year, due to the natural beauty it unfolds. However, just like every other season, it has its difficulties, mainly the high temperatures. The heat during summertime causes many problems: miserable people, sunburns, melted food of different sorts, seat-belts that feel like they came from hell, a rise in sales for various perfumes/deodorants, and so many other things. Manufacturers are probably pret-
ty happy due to the increase in sales. You are welcome. Along with these unfortunate things, the constant sun also creates great things, like ripe fruit and blooming flowers. Sunny days make nature so enjoyable. All of the colors just seem to be livelier when it is sunny. During the summer, most people go to a pool at least one time. Some even go every day. The exposure to all his chlorine can cause cancer and heart disease, however it is not too likely. That just probably killed everyone’s summer poolside vibe. Another problem summer causes is the loss of routine. Because summertime is free time, anyone can practically do what they choose. They do not HAVE to go to school, or go to bed early on time. They have freedom. However, this makes preparing for the new school year extremely hard. Y o u r b o d y g e t s used to waking up or going to sleep around t h e same time.
When you change it, your body feels like people on the day of the AP Euro AP exam: miserable (No offense, Mrs. McClure). Summer vacation is a necessity to everyone. It allows people to change their lives, explore new opportunities, be free, etc. It gives our minds and bodies a chance to relax. So, enjoy Summer of 2014, Wildcats. It will not last forever, but make every second of it count. You will not regret it. Photo Cred:hsmemes.com
The Ukiahilite
15
Seniors Trick For the Whim Sarah Niderost Staff Writer
It’s that time of the year again. As seniors plan on what college they are going to attend, and what hot babe they are going to be out with under the summer sun, they may also be planning something else: pranks. Ah yes, senior pranks. Other than the classic Senior Ditch Day, seniors look forward to rile themselves up and get started on a great mission to fool teachers and the whole rest of their school in their attempt to leave something behind before they leave. Ukiah High has had its history of senior pranks. For example, last year’s waste of mediocre-quality toilet paper was displayed throughout the campus. Classic, but not up to par with what other schools have faced with their senior shenanigans. For example, this year in Teaneck, New Jersey, students broke into their high school at two in the morning to spread jars of petroleum jelly on doorknobs, turn over chairs, and satisfy themselves by letting go of bodily fluids in the hallways. This tomfoolery left sixty-two students in the brig, charged for burglary and criminal mischief. All there is left to say is, “Urine trouble” Consequences may exist, but some senior pranks have ended triumphantly in the past few years. In Sonoma, students chose to take three pigs, number them, “1”,”2”, and “4” let them loose to graze around hallways. While campus supervisors found all three, they went on a lengthy lookout for a swine numbered “3.” It must have been a boar trying to find that damned Number Three. In Ukiahi’s past, students have attempted to defy conservation rules
by filling the Tri with water. How could that even happen? This trick was a complete waste, and honestly, the idea is a bit dry. Once, seniors also applied condoms throughout the school on doorknobs, leaving the campus disgustingly lubricated, yet fully protected. Speaking of doorknobs, prospective graduates have also tried to glue the locks of them shut. It was a sticky situation, to say the least. According to Mr.Iverson, most senior escapades in the past consisted of tearing up school property, which costs the school a massive amount of money to repair. F o r example, the school’s football field was previously burned. This might have been a bright idea in the heat of the moment, but after, every student was caught and turned in - to prison, that is. Speaking of students being caught, any student that would like to contribute to Ukiah High’s pranky history will probably, most likely, be punished. This includes losing the privilege of graduating with fellow or not-so-fellow peers. Pranks not only disrupt and damage the gum-paved, beloved school, but law enforcement is heightened due to the fact that any foolery on school grounds is a more major offense. Plus, security cameras have been functioning for the last decade to watch students during the day and night, recording every couple devouring each other’s face to our janitors in their night shift. At the end of the day, vandalism and all of the other “original” schemes seniors might have are not worth risking graduation and a good record. Seniors, beware, for Willy is watching.
May 30, 2014
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“As long as we persevere and endure, we can get anything we want.” May 30, 2014
SPORTS Harris Bedford
Staff Writer
Ben: These next few years are not the girl scouts ben, if you make a BIG MISTAKE they will tie a rope around your waist and throw you over the ship and they won’t even be fμ¢king sorry. Abe: Gods not dead he’s surely alive! Thanks for the past four years buddy, the Celtics are alright but I won’t love you until you say you like the warriors. Oh yeah you did good there bud. Cameron: Camy we will be seeing each other a lot now that I am dating your sisters so there is no need for a goodbye. I will never forget all of our times beating up on Abe, nothing brings us together like some violence. Mariah: Love you. Manny: Your snap chats are unrivaled as are the pictures that you draw on my arms. Teak: Godly ornate Teak come here ASAP. Got on the cool hair and getting on that chick harassing agenda. Good omnipresence that connection has a great orgies that catch hecklers alike. Maggie: We are the same person. God Bless America. Maggie: Nice glasses. Ty: I leave you one quarter so you can have some class, and the bottom of the pool so you can jump off of it
whenever you want. Monica: Thank you so much for helping me out with prom moni pony. You are my black friend. Becca: Hail Satan. Shave the day. I am Hungry for some Turkey. Cats. Edward 40 hands. Hey. Colletes legs. I mustache you a question. Do I know you? Cool story bro. Yurts. Maps to your house. Math. Alema: I love you babe, thanks for coming to Cali we needed you this year. You’re a boss. I’m gonna miss you. Gabe: I leave you the lockers, showers and all the shampoo you will ever want, only you Roberto and I know why. James: Stop staring at me James. Beau: You may not be my boi, but you are the only left handed person left. Continue the tradition. Mckenzie: You’ll have to find another person to fake freestyle kick with you in swimming. Ian: You must win the city league championship next year. Every time you make a three yell “Steph Curry” for me.
Ben Cayler Editor-in-chief
I, Ben Cayler, being of solid mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: To Harris, best friends since preschool, it has been a real good time playing World of Warcraft, shooting each other with airsoft guns, breaking that one car, the water tower, your killer left arm. Polo with you was the shizznet. To Mariah, you know that I hated you at first, but overtime you became one of my best friends. You can have Harris. You’re almost as pretty as Melissa! You may have saved my life by forcing me to play polo. To Cameron, the truth is you’re a little girl, but I still respect you. Come outside sometime, it’s a good deal. To Melissa, what haven’t I said to you already? You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I’m sure we will make many more memories. I’m sorry. To Teak, you are an exemplary
athlete and person. Sometimes when I’m alone lying in bed, I wonder for a brief moment, what is it like to be Teak Larwood? I bet it’s pretty nice. I’ll be back to see you destroy Newman. To Arielle, hey friendo! You showed me how to let loose and be my free spirit, not going to class with you and Ali was a whole bunch of fun. Well do plenty more this summer. To Abe, you are my man of god. You’ve always got my back and I got yours. To Alison Anderson, good luck traveling for a year. Punching each other in AI was a lot more fun than it should have been. To Manny, everyone knows you are the freshest guy in school. And are the best fire engine ever. To Kaya, we reunited in ceramics this year. Show me around Jamaica sometime please. Thank you for all the relationship advice and ultra-cute
date ideas. To Chase, I leave you my exceptional video game skillz because you need them. Learn to play. You’ll be able to play DotA2 with me some day. To Becca, you are the weird hipster sister I never had. Just do me a favor and make at least a few good decisions in college. Good luck hiking the PCT. You’re going to need it. To Alema, you made the right decision coming to California. You do need to put in some more effort in your athletics though. To James, you taught me so much with our talks about the military. I feel somewhat prepared now. You are my favorite freshman. Keep up the hard work, and you will go places.
-Mike Tyson
The Ukiahilite
18
To Ty, you are the freshman that never was. How you look older than I do, and can grow better sideburns too, I will never know. I’m sure your first year at high school was great, hopefully the next three will be that great. To Maggie, even though I’m gone, just know that I’m wishing you a happy birthday every day. To Maggie, we were the patriots of the pool. And yes, we are friends. To Gabe, keep your hand safe and stay away from Rick. To Ian, come visit me in Rosa. We can continue our never ending discussion on the best and worst movies. Our geometry project was dope. Hoodyhoo.
T. Abe Rawles
Staff Writer
The end of my high school career has come. About time! I have been waiting for this day since my freshman year. High school is way overrated. Anyway my senior will is going to be my answering of the question of who I think would be the greatest NBA line up in all of history. Anyways my Point Guard……John Stockton! Stockton is the all-time leader of the NBA in assists. He averaged in his career 10.3 assists and 13.1 points. If you look at Stockton’s stats he is very consistent. Stockton is also one of the greatest decision makers of all time in the NBA. He knew when it was the right time to initiate or create whatever his team required in order to win. The Shooting Guard….Michael Jordan. He is the greatest basketball player ever. There are other greats who are worthy. The Small Forward…. LARRY BIRD! Bird is one of the greatest competitors to ever play in a professional sport. Bird did whatever he did in order to win. Bird was an incredible shooter and passer. Bird was a 3 time MVP and a Rookie of the Year. Bird averaged 10 rebounds, 6.3 assists and averaged 24.3. Those are some stats Hall of Fame worthy. If you don’t believe me, go check out his highlites. Power Forward… I would have to choose the Great and Awesome Kevin Garnett. KG was (not anymore I will admit) was one of the most versatile big men to ever. KG cares more about defense than offense which is
what I want out of a player. He is 3rd in all time defensive rebounding (muy bien). He lead the NBA’s 2004 season in rebounding and during that season he averaged 24.2. Garnett is all about defense but racks buckets at the same time. He can shoot, which is a huge advantage for an offense. And he has back to the basket post moves. Center… Hakeem Olajuwon! Olajuwon was athletic, quick and smart. He averaged 27.8 PPG in the 1995 season along with 10.8 RPG. In his career he averaged 21.8 PPGs and 11.1RPG. That’s what I call Hall of Fame worthy. He had some of the greatest post moves ever seen in the NBA. Defensive Player of the Year, 5X All Defensive team, he averaged 4.6 BLKs in one season and 3.1 in his career(DMAN!). I have decided to choose a 6th man. Why? It is a crucial role. And this would go to Charles Barkley. He was the MVP and a 5X ALL NBA TEAM member. Sir Charles in his career averaged 22.3 PPG and 11.7 RPG. WOW. Barkley played bigger than he actually was. He is listed at 6’ 6”. However he played like he was 6’ 9”. Barkley was a tremendous rebounder. He lead the NBA in rebounds in the 87 NBA season. Another reason why I choose Charles Barkley installed fear and respect for himself through his temper and raids. My final shout out goes to Tess Clausen and Delaney Kindopp. I love you with all my heart. I truly do see you as my sisters.
“Nothing will work until you do.” May 30, 2014
SPORTS
-John Wooden
The Ukiahilite
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UKIAH HIGH ATHLETES IN THE SPORTLITE
Athlete: Mariah Larwood Sport: Girls Swimming By: Ben Cayler
Athlete: Ben Cayler Sport: Boys Swimming By: Mariah Larwood Photo Credit: Delaney Kindopp
There is a certain radiance in the halls of Ukiah High School and senior Mariah Larwood is the source. We hear her voice often during the morning announcements, but few know the true beauty behind Mariah. Not only is she a gifted athlete and scholar, but also an incredibly generous soul that thinks about others before her own self. Mariah Larwood started her athletic career playing water polo her freshman year, and aspired to swim too. “All of my family swam, and it just seemed like the natural thing after my first season of polo,” said Larwood. Unfortunately, before the season could begin Larwood fell victim to a very serious shoulder injury and was out for the season and even required a surgery. Despite a start that would off put most, Mariah has a will of steel all Larwoods are known for, and she came back the next year stronger than ever. In her first year as a varsity swimmer Larwood became one of the fastest sprinters in the league and even netted a few
awards, including Most Inspirational, Blanket, and Scholar Athlete. In her junior year she took home the Captain’s award. “It took a lot of patience and commitment, but I was able to achieve all of my goals this season,” said Larwood. “I couldn’t have done it on my own though,” Larwood continued, “I had the love and support from the best teammates anyone could ask for.” Despite her success in the pool, Larwood never traded it for success in the classroom. She is a well known class leader and scholar. On top of taking Advanced Placement Comparative Government, AP Literature, AP Calculus BC, AP Environmental Science, Leadership, and Advanced Journalism, she is our Associated Student Body President, and is the club president of Bake More Give More, a charity she founded that donates all proceeds made from periodic bake sales to charity. All of this atop her latest accomplishment, being crowned prom queen
alongside her long time boyfriend, Harris Bedford. When asked how she balances her athletics, education, family, and social life, Larwood had only one thing to say, “I enjoy the challenge of life.” “But really, it’s my family and friends that push me to be the person I am,” said Larwood. “They’re the ones that make my life happy, worthwhile, and good. Not me.” With such a bright future on her hands choosing a college that fit her proved difficult. “It was a tough decision, and I’m sure I would have been happy at any school, but Boston College was just perfect.” Larwood will not be continuing her athletic career at the collegiate level, making this season all the more important as it is her last. “We placed third in the league. We did pretty well. We are a solid, consistent team.” said Larwood. Larwood has already chosen a major in business and is excited for the new opportunities ahead.
Ben “Lazer” Cayler, a senior at Ukiah High, is on his way to his last North Bay League Championships as a Varsity Swimmer. Cayler’s decision to swim stemmed from his love of water polo and the desire to be a well-rounded athlete in the water. “I originally just wanted to get in better shape for the next water polo season, but after I discovered that I excelled as a butterflyer, swimming became a passion of its own,” said Cayler. Cayler swam for the past two seasons and is one of Coach Panttaja’s go to 100 butterflyers. Cayler has hopes of breaking his current time of 1:01 in order to swim under one minute. “I love swimming fly because it is a physically demanding stroke that works your upper body and tests how hard you can push yourself,” said Cayler. Though busy with the editing the school newspaper, the Milk Club, AP classes and hanging out with friends and his girlfriend Melissa Ortega, Ben still finds time to work hard in the pool and have fun with his teammates.
“Ben is great teammate and an even better lover,” said Harris Bedford, a teammate who has experienced Cayler’s cuddly side. Cayler carries a confident and competitive spirit with him, both in and out of the pool. “The rush I get from winning a race feels great, along with the tan, chiseled and toned body I develop throughout the season,” said Cayler of his favorite parts about swimming. He recalls his most memorable moment being when he won his first medal of his life at North Bay League Championships last year. Being the fastest butterflyer on the team was a satisfying feeling after having worked so hard all season long. “Ben always has good advice, positive energy, and is a very goal oriented person,” said teammate Luke Robinson, a sophomore at Ukiah High. While not working his stuff in the pool, Cayler enjoys hiking and camping as an avid outdoorsman. In fact, this past summer he accom-
plished his dream of three years: hiking the entire John Muir Trail in only twentytwo days. Having spent so much time in the pool, Cayler learned some important lessons that helped him out on the trail. “I drew on dedication, patience, and respect for my only body that allowed to both push myself and know when to slow down on the trail,” said Cayler of how he made it through the three weeks. Cayler does not just leave this drive and determination in the pool and out in the wilderness. He plans to use it as he attends Santa Rosa Junior College next fall as he pursues his AA in either Biology or Anthropology. After this, Cayler’s plan is to enlist in the United States Marine Corps. Cayler looks up to Olympian Ryan Lochte, an smart athlete who beats the stereotype of athletes being dumb. Ben said he would someday like to participate in the Olympics himself. With the support of his angel of a mother Eleanor, Ben “Lazer” Cayler might just be on that Wheaties box soon enough.
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May 30, 2014
The Ukiahilite
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