Divorce Magazine Canada - Summer 2024

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If you are considering or going through divorce or separation or other major life changes, please attend — we can help!

If you are a service provider interested in building connections with those navigating these difficult transitions, or with other providers, we welcome you!

It is our mission to create a trusted, safe, and supportive environment where you can gain information from our featured experts to help you manage these changes in your life easier, efficiently, and with more satisfactory outcomes.

Experts, you will not only meet people seeking services like yours, but you will also get to know others working in these areas to build strong networks that will support your clients through education and encouragement.

Where & When?

Our groups meet online via zoom once every 2 weeks.

Check the events page on our website or find us on Eventbrite.

Everyone is welcome. Limited spots. Claim your free ticket before they’re gone.

ONLINE DIVORCE SUPPORT GROUPS

Tuesdays @ 12:00 noon (MST) x 1 hour max., every four weeks

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Zoom meeting with a keynote speaker (~ 20 min presentation)

Live Q & A

We look forward to connecting with you!

Welcome

There is an epidemic happening right now. So why aren’t we hearing more about it?

I suspect it’s because there isso muchstigmaattached to it.

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience domestic abuse every single day across our country. And in my hometown of Red Deer, Alberta, the highest per capita rate of abuse in Canada is happening right here, close to home. It has officially been declared an epidemic in many parts of our country. But now what? Is there anything you and I can do aboutthis?YES!!

I’m no stranger to domestic abuse. It’s been more than close to home, it was part of my life for over 30 years. I felt unsafe - not always physically (although there was an under-lying threat of it) but with narcissistic behavior. This pattern of criticism, demeaning, incidents kept me on eggshells, hypervigilant abuser. It eroded my self-confidence, self-

Ididn’trealizetheextentof it untilI was safelyout ofit.

other people in these situations, I was not abuse. It wasn’t talked about. And even though I something wrong, I blamed myself, spending so trying to figure out what I did to cause it and howI could make it better.

of so many people. And when they seek help, there is even more doubtlaidonthem. Whatcanyou &Ido? Learn more aboutabuse - physical and non-physical. understand how this destroys people and lays a foundation for future generations of abusers and victims. Look for ways to support those trying to find safetyand healing.

Curiousto learn more?Checkthese out: “Is This Abuse?” confidential online quiz “Hope in Hell” resources

There IS hope.You are partof the change that happens with hope.

QUIZ HOPE

What’s

100+ EPISODES ABOUT DIVORCE & MORE!

Life comes with many changes - some expected, some unexpected, some positive, some challenging, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. There are people who care & want to help. I'm here to connect you with them!

What is YOUR next life change?

Hi! I’m Deena Kordt, creator & host of the Life Changes Channel podcast. Join me here to meet people who can help you, as well as hear other people’s stories that will give you hope

You will hear from our team of experts & professionals how to navigate life's changes with more ease and less drama

Do you have questions or a suggestion for a topic you want to know more about? Let me know!

You can watch these interviews on our YouTube channel & on our Life Changes Channel on Public Place Network (PPN)

Follow this podcast and find us on social

Our PODCAST is available on all your favorite players.

with Deena Kordt

KEEPOR SPLIT? HOME BUYOUT TIPS

Navigating a separation or divorce with a matrimonial home involved might leave you wondering if you can retain ownership of the home solely in your name The answer? Potentially! This process, known as a spousal buyout, involves one partner buying out the other partner and keeping the home Whether this is an option or not depends on details such as the amount of equity in the home, the specifics of the separation/divorce, and the details in your personal mortgage application if a mortgageisrequired.

Here are some key considerations if you wouldliketokeepthematrimonialhome:

First, the individual retaining the home must qualify either to assume the existing mortgage or, if increasing the mortgage amount, they must qualify for the larger mortgageinjusttheirname.

Second, if the mortgage amount is increasing, there needs to be enough equity in the home to do so, meaning the amount being borrowed cannot exceed a certain percentage of the homes value This percentage depends on the equity anddetailsoftheseparation/divorce

Third, a signed separation or divorce agreement is essential If you don’t have this yet, the good news is we can still look to see if you qualify to keep the matrimonial home once an agreement is inplace.

Asyoucansee,thereareafewthingsthat need to be in place for someone to qualify tokeepamatrimonialhome Thisiswhyit is so important to speak to a p early in the process of sep understandwhatoptionsyouh

If you are wanting to lear recommend consulting a kno Mortgage Broker who can everything with you, simplify t andhaveyoupreparedforyour Havinggonethroughadivorce understand it can be a difficult lives, this is why I specialize people with their mortgages afterdivorce.Iamheretousem and professional experience t with your mortgage, whether i the matrimonial home or purch one

Pleasereachoutifyouhavean orwouldliketosetupatimeto

THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING A PARENTING PLAN

When You Separate or Divorce

Separating or divorcing can be a very challenging time for most parents They often feel overwhelmed and emotional. One of the most important questions weighing heavily on their minds is what is going to happen with the children. This is a new situation for the family and there needs to be a plan in place.

A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how parents will take care of their children after a separation or divorce This agreement covers topics such as living arrangements, the parenting schedule and making decisions for their children

When creating a parenting plan, it is crucial to stay focused on what is best for your children This can be difficult for parents when they have different perspectives

But if they work together soon after the separation to reach an agreement, parents will have a plan to follow even if there are times when they are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye. It can also set a positive tone for their future coparenting relationship.

Conflict between parents has a very negative impact on children. When parents argue about child-related issues, the children may think the separation is their fault or they need to choose between their parents Having a parenting plan to follow will provide clear guidelines and expectations reducing the chance for misunderstandings and conflict This can lead to better communication and cooperation between you and the other parent

Parents who communicate and work well together can have a parenting plan that allows for flexibility

Perhaps one parent needs to go out of town for work during their parenting time. The parents can discuss this and adjust the parenting schedule so the other parent will care for the children while that parent is away and there can be make-up parenting time when they return. If parents are arguing and not communicating well, they will need to have a more detailed parenting plan that allows for little to no flexibility in order to prevent conflict. Sometimes this happens at the beginning of a separation and improves over time

Parenting plans are customizable and unique for each family They provide consistency and stability for children Factors that may be taken into consideration when putting together a parenting plan include the children’s ages and needs, their activities, where they go to school and the parents’ work schedules Most children will want to know what their lives are going to look like after the separation One way to help them feel more secure is to have a family calendar that shows the parenting schedule and the children’s activities so they know what to expect Keep in mind that parenting plans can be reviewed as circumstances change or as children grow older.

You can reach an agreement about a parenting plan without going to court or even if you have already started a court case. One option would be to use an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) process such as Mediation.

During this process, a mediator helps you to communicate with one another, work through conflict, and guides and supports both of you. The mediator does not take sides or make decisions for you. The parents are the decision makers as they know their children the best. Reaching an agreement in mediation is quicker, more affordable and can be made legally binding.

It is understandable that going through a separation or divorce can be very tense and emotions may run high Putting together a parenting plan when you separate will reduce conflict and help you build your co-parenting relationship This benefits the parents by minimizing misunderstandings and disagreements, and the children by creating consistency and security Mediators are professionals who can assist you with making a parenting plan with clear guidelines and expectations about where your children are going to live, how you will spend holidays with them, and who will make decisions about their health, education and other important matters

If you would like to talk to us about how you can resolve your separation and divorce matters through mediation, we offer a 20-minute free phone consultation that remains confidential. A professionally trained and certified Family Mediator can answer your questions and provide you with support.

HARMFUL FALSE BELIEFS About Family Court

Family court is unpredictable. There are a few common misconceptions about family court that lead people marching into the court room then into trial anticipating a positive outcome. For starters, many people believe that their case is strong enough that will win by a landslide People also assume that if they have a favorable outcome in court, they will receive costs from the opposing side Lastly, people tend to believe it would be easy to appeal a decision

False belief #1 The Case is a SlamDunk.

Many people falsely believe that their family law matter is a slam dunk People tend to think that the Honourable Court will believe every word they say and disbelieve the opposingside.

People tend to overestimate the value of their own evidence and their owncredibilitycomparedtotheother side. People also tend to believe that the Honourable Court will “get it right” and grant everything that they want

This is a huge mistake There are only a handful of cases that actually play out exactly as a party hoped More often than not, people are disappointed with the outcome becausetheresultsweremixed.

False belief #2 The opposing side willhavetopaycosts.

Rule 1029 of the Alberta Rules of Court sets out the general rule that the successful partyis presumptively entitledtocosts.

Because of this, many people falsely believe that if they are successful in court,theywillreceivecostsfromthe opposingparty.Whileitispossibleto ask for costs, the Honourable Court has a lot of discretion when it comes tograntingcosts

More often than not, people are disappointed with the outcome because the costs are insufficient compared to the actual costs paid to gettothatpointinthelitigation

False belief #3 If I don’t like the outcome,youcanalwaysappealit.

It is possible to try and appeal a decision within 30 days after Judgment is given. However, there are steps that must be taken to fill out paperwork, obtain and file the transcripts from court and to serve the opposing party with the necessarycourtdocuments

An appeal will only be successful if there is a valid reason to ask for one The Court of Appeal will not revisit a decision simply because one party wasnothappywiththedecision.

People that want to appeal a decision should speak with a lawyer immediatelyafterthejudgementwas granted.

How should you approach your case?

First and foremost, knowledge is power. It’s a good idea to speak with a lawyer to learn about any rights or responsibilities that exist in a family law situation. People that have questions regarding the strengths or weaknesses of their case must receive that opinion from a lawyer because it falls into the realm of legal advice.

Only lawyers are allowed to give legal advice based on the facts of a case and the applicable laws

Career Planning

for a Better Future

Summer. Days at the beach, that coconutty smell of suntan lotion, the sounds of power boats and children laughing, eating popsicles, and slurping slushies. What’s not to love? Unless you’re going through a divorce and your days feel more like a cold blustery day in January than a hot and sunny day in July

Summer reminds me of childhood, carefree days of eating fresh watermelon and running through sprinklers Nothing puts a damper on summer fun like relationship issues It’s chilling frost on good times

Summer days and divorce may seem like they have nothing in common, but if the joy has been sucked out of your life and your divorce has only exacerbated those feelings, its time to find joy again, and summer fun can help with that. An exercise I use with clients help them learn new skills to move towards a better future.

When people look for employment, they often look for work they can do rather than work they want to do. With my clients, we do a lot of analyzing and evaluation to understand what kind of work they enjoy doing.

I have clients think about an activity that they did before they met their ex, maybe something they liked doing in the summer If you loved listening to country music or hiking and you stopped doing it because it was something your spouse didn’t like, then it’s time to add it back into your life

This might seem like a very fluffy type of exercise, but it carries power It’s about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we give up in a relationship

Now, what does all of this have to do with careers? By analyzing the work we like and don’t like, and figuring out how to do more of what we love, we’re more likely to find that work that energizes us and recharges us.

Stop going through life on autopilot. Consider adopting a summer attitude mentality Think about an activity or hobby that brings you joy and add it back into your life Now start doing this same activity with your career Soon, it will feel like summer all year long

Hope in H

Embarking on my journey through the emotional waves of domestic abuse, divorce, and the battle with alcoholism, I penned "Hell in High Heels" to not only narrate my story but to extend a hand to those wandering in the shadows of despair This memoir is more than a recount of my trials; it's a testament to the resilience dwelling within us all, a beacon for those striving to find their footing in the aftermath of abuse.

My experiences, taught me invaluable lessons about the power of self-reliance, the healing grace of solitude, and the profound strength that comes from embracing one's own company "Hell in High Heels" isn't just my journey from darkness to light; it's a mirror reflecting the universal struggle and triumph over life's adversities

To anyone feeling trapped in the grip of abuse, or entangled in the difficult process of rebuilding after such a storm, know this: You are not alone Your feelings are valid, and your experiences are a testament to your strength There is hope, even in the most hellish circumstances, and it is possible to emerge on the other side, not just to survive but to thrive

Through my writing, and facilitating my Women Only meeting with Smart Recovery, I aim to inspire, to empower, and to offer solace. I offer no advice other than sharing my own experiences. May my words serve as a reminder that the journey to self-discovery and happiness, though fraught with challenges, is also filled with limitless possibilities for growth and renewal.

With warmth and solidarity, Jan

Making the Most of Mediation

Families engaging family law courts in Alberta are required to participate in at least one Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) process before going to court Mediation is a recognized form of ADR Courts across Canada have made similar rules because mediation is recognized as an effective form of resolution for families It provides a great opportunity to save time, money, and resolve issues

Mediation is not a one-size-fits-all model. Styles can vary from mediator to mediator, so it is important to ask questions

What experience does the mediator have? I gained my knowledge and experience mediating family law disputes through my work as a family lawyer over the past ten years I also have training in trauma informed practice, biological impacts of separation and stress, and communication methods for high conflict individuals

Will the mediator share recommendations to assist the parties in generating options for settlement? My mediation style is to prioritize the participants generating their own options whenever possible, but sometimes parties can get stuck.

InthosecircumstancesIcanprovidemyopinionorsuggest additional options With other styles mediators might never becomfortableprovidingtheiropinion.

Willthemediatormeetwiththeparticipantsaheadoftimeto explain the mediation process? The length of preparatory time with the mediator can vary widely. I find process meetings very helpful to ensure that all participants understandhowmediationworksandhandleprocessrelated issues before issues are discussed I typically go over information on the difference between interests and positions,whatan“I”statementis,howtouse“I”statements, andhowtobringupissuesinanon-antagonisticway,among othertopics

Are the fees for mediation calculated on a flat-fee or an hourly basis? I offer mediation services on a flat-fee basis because I believe it allows parties to effectively budget for mediation. My flat-fee mediation services include a preparatory meeting, the mediation session, and a written reportingfollowingthemeeting Mediationmayalsobebilled based on the actual time spent by the mediator Knowing how parties will be billed is very important to adequately budget for the mediation process and avoid surprises when invoicesforservicesarereceived

Make the most of your mediation by contacting me to resolveyourfamilylawissueswithpracticalsolutions!

Megan Tupper, BA, JD

Mediator, Family Law Lawyer, Oviatt Law

TOGETHERWERISE

Why didn’t she leave if it was so bad? It couldn’t have been that bad if she stayed that long. She looked like she was in a happy relationship. She never said anything to indicate that she was being abused. What does domestic violence mean to you? How do you define it?

Domestic violence is looked at as just physical, but in reality there are many forms of domestic violence; physical, emotional, mental and financial

You never enter a relationship with someone thinking that one day this is where you would end up Being mentally and emotionally beaten down, controlled financially to the point where when you realize how toxic the relationship is, you cannot leave because you do not have the financial means to do so

My name is Maj Osman, I am the President and Founder of Women on Wings Society We are a non profit organization that has been in operations since 2019 I started this non profit in memory of my mother Salwa Osman

As someone who left a 16-year marriage, I did not even know or realize how abusive the relationship was until I finally found the courage and strength to leave, not just for the sake of my mental and physical health but for my four children who were also suffering from this abuse. I could no longer watch them, watch me be beaten down on all levels.

I did not know at the time what resources were out there for women experiencing domestic violence.

Women on Wings Society was created to help women connect them with the right resources to help get them out of these situations, and to break these cycles and generational traumas.

Leaving is just the first step, healing the trauma is the next

We have collaborated with a trauma release therapist as well as a divorce coach who assists our clients on how to deal with a narcissistic ex We provide financial assistance, food hampers, and other supports pending the circumstances that they are in

All funds that we raise goes back to the community, as our board is a volunteer board of 6 powerful women who have a passion for this cause

We hold 2 fundraisers a year to help us raise funds to provide these services to our clients and assist them through what they are going through

Together we Rise!

Maj Osman President

Women on Wings Society

Rural Youth in Crisis

At Anam Rural Youth Association, we’re dedicated to providing innovative support services tailored to marginalized and at-risk youth and young adults aged 13-25in theruralcommunities of CentralAlberta.

Our mobile, trauma-integrated, crisis intervention, psychological first aid approach service is designed to empower individuals tonavigate life's challenges.

WhatSetsUsApart:

- Support for those who don’t fit traditional models: Our services are specifically designed for individuals who may not find traditional therapy settings suitable or effective. We understand that generational trauma and negative previous experiences with traditional servicescancreate barriers toseeking help.

That’s why we offer an informal, casual environment, free from constraints of traditional therapy, catering to those whom conventional approaches are not the rightfit.

- Personalized, Non-Clinical Approach: We prioritize providing personalized support in a non-clinical setting. Our unique blend of introspective education and motivational interviewing empowers individuals to explore their challenges and strengths in a supportive environment.

How We Can Help:

- Tailored support for unique needs: We offer personalized support tailored to the unique needs and experiences of each client, whether they’re facing challenges related to trauma, mental health or personal development

- Community Outreach and Education: In addition to our direct support services, we’re dedicated to raising awareness about mental health issues and providing education and resources to communities, schools and organizations.

- Mobile Support: As a mobile service, we travel to our clients, ensuring that support is accessible and convenient for those in rural communities

For further information and to reach out, please visit our website at www anamruralyouth com

If you would like to partner, support in granting opportunities, or donate, contact Louise

Email: louise@anamruralyouth com

or visit: anamruralyouth.com

You are NOT alone. We believe you. This is why.

There IS hope in hell.

Whether you are concerned about your own safety, security, and sanity or are concerned for someone you care about, you are not alone we BELIEVE YOU we CARE we CAN HELP

Domestic Abuse & Intimate Partner Abuse is very real It happens in numerous ways, including mental, physical, financial, and more

Many females are afraid to confide in anyone; afraid to ask for help; afraid to get out Most feel ashamed that they are in a situation like this They are trying to keep the peace, keep it together, cope - survive

One of the bravest things you can do is use your voice. When you share your experiences, your story - you make a difference.

You will find support to make changes that can literally save your life & your sanity. You will bring awareness & compassion to the world so others will be more readily helped when they reach out for it

You will create connections with many others for a village of understanding, support, and courage

There is Hope in Hell

My mission is to bring awareness to the abuse that exists in so many domestic and intimate partner situations

When there is awareness, there is opportunity Opportunity to free females from the guilt, shame, and fear that traps them in unsafe & unhealthy situations and impacts their safety, their choices, their healing, and their future

When they hear your story, they will know you are part of a community that believes them, accepts them, and will support them in getting the help they need to heal & thrive

Please consider adding your story to this collection. You don’t have to be a professional writer. You can remain anonymous. There are no fees to take part. And all proceeds will be donated to organizations who help & support women. Let's connect.

IHAVEA CONFESSION..

I have a confession. There are a lot of things that people don’t know about me Some have seen me change drastically since 2015, but very few know what happened back then Some people may only know me as how I am now, and it’s not something that everyone that I know now gets to learn about me I am opening up here to share that there is Hope in Hell, even when I didn’t see it at that time My hope is that I will tell my story of how I overcame what I went through and it will become someone’s guide

You may wonder what happened in 2015 to change my life so drastically In 2015, I was wrongfully arrested and charged after having a verbal dispute with my partner at that time I can see how I was the target of the charges, after all, my partner was in a wheelchair at that time and looked oh so vulnerable. The landlord had been outside mowing the grass and “saw” through curtains that were closed, me assaulting my partner at the time, when what in reality happened was we were having a verbal disagreement over beer and weed.

I was going to skip the details about the encounter with the cops, but perhaps this should be shared as well At the time of my arrest I was staring “out” the window (again, curtains were closed) on the phone to a friend of mine, explaining that I had just got in an argument with my partner at the time and that the cops were on their way I was fine with that, after all, I didn’t do anything wrong What I was unaware of, is what was said during that call to the cops While I was on the phone, I was caught off guard, spun around, phone thrown and had my body thrown to the ground, with at least one cop kneeling on me It was scary, I didn’t know at the time what was going on, I was caught off guard, I was scared, I was confused, of course I wiggled a bit trying to catch up to what was going on [During my trial the cop testified they almost took out the baton to hit me. At this time, I was 5’5”, maybe 110 lbs? There was no need for any of this, they made it sound like I was much stronger and bigger than I was.]

I remember laying there, looking at my partner begging him to tell them what really happened But he didn’t say a word Ended up sitting in a cop car for hours, a female cop mocking me as I cried I tried to tell them I had proof on my phone that he had been violent in the past, but they didn’t care I was the bad guy here [Turns out they ended up reaching out to my parents to come and pick up my son, at that time he was about 6 years old and was in the office during most of the commotion ]

The holding cell was not fun, a couple benches, a toilet and clear plastic wall along the back A ton of people screaming and banging around It was terrifying, and it didn’t matter what I told the cops when they interviewed me, they didn’t care. I ended up leaving after maybe 12 hours with 5 charges, and no way home. I recall trying to phone a friend, and it being about 3am-5am, and he would not answer. I was in the middle of downtown, with my shirt ripped and looking like something went terribly wrong, which it did. I didn’t have any money, and hoped for the best as I went and took the train to the bus station. I told the bus driver I was trying to get home and didn’t have any money. They could see I was in rough shape and thankfully let me ride the bus for free I eventually got back to my parents house, it was a relief for sure

They didn’t care. I was the bad guy here.

My partner at the time depended on me a lot as he was paralyzed from a previous car accident, and we texted back and forth a bit about trying to get me back home. I was ordered to stay away at that point, and after some convincing, I ended up going back to help him out. Little did I know, a friend of his called the cops on me again for breaching my order and off I went to jail, AGAIN, and charged with the breach At least this time I knew what to expect, and was able to calm a girl down in the holding cell But what the fuck was going on!?! How did I end up here?

You might think that introduction was full of “excitement”, but it does get “better” When you hit that rock bottom, you lose everything, my son (who stayed with my parents), my house, everything, it makes you

wonder Trust me, at the moment I was so pissed off! I didn’t want to go to court mandated women's groups, I WAS NOT THE ABUSER. But in times like this, you gotta do what the court says, when the court says. Spoiler alert, this trial took forever to go on, and we were about to ask for it to be dismissed. However, the last day my ex-partner shows up and the trial goes ahead. I went to my trial and all court dates alone, no one offered to come with me, well one person did for my trial but bailed on me that morning. While waiting for the outcome, I sat in the court parking lot for 3 hours, waiting to see if I would go home that night What would my parents say to my son if I didn’t return home that day? What would happen next? The judge found me guilty, I had to “play nice” and say good things about cops and all of it, and in the end I had 1 year of probation

I missed the “best” part, only a few years prior I had been working as a legal assistant, in the past volunteered for the cops, and also did security work So again, how did I get to this place?!

If we start back to when I was out of high school we can see a dangerous pattern emerge.

Out of high school I worked for a security company that did concerts and events. I ended up going out of town to work with my co-workers, along with people from the same company but from another city. It was a huge event and we were there for the weekend Everything was going well until the last night I can’t recall what happened exactly that night, but I knew I had been sexually assaulted I ended up waking up in a tent trailer, naked, alone, and had no idea what happened

This

was a major distrust for me in the legal system, how could nothing be done?

When I exited this tent trailer, a larger male who had worked in my city started talking to me, which was odd, because I never talked to him before, he was a bit too friendly I then put the limited pieces together that I had and realized I had been sexually assaulted On the way back to town, I had messaged a friend telling them what happened, and they said they would meet me at my house

I was exhausted from the trip home, and all I really wanted was to take a shower and I did this turned out to be a BIG mistake I ended up going to the hospital that night and reporting the assault The tests were taken, my clothes were taken by the cops, and what followed was police protocol, but no charges being laid, because he was close with everyone in the company, and had them on his side.

I was interviewed multiple times by the police. I wasn’t driving at this time and only told my mom the bare minimum to get a ride to the police station. After the first interview at the station I was called in to be re-interviewed because the sound and/or video was not recording the first time The second time I went in they said that my facts were not adding up, like how many people attended this big event This second interview was some time after the actual incident, how was this small detail going to stay in my mind?

This ended again like I said, with no charges to the suspect This was a major distrust for me in the legal system, how could nothing be done? Plus, my company wasn’t going to fire him either, so I had to go I lost my job after I was sexually assaulted

You may be wondering what this incident has to do with me ending up in jail approximately 10 years later? I think this was the catalyst that sent me down a dark path

After this incident, I figured, it would just be easier and better to just have a family of my own I believed that I wouldn’t have to go through this again, I would be safe, and boy I was wrong

I met a guy on the good old site Nexopia, M L , and he ended up proposing to me online. This was not too long after the sexual assault. Of course I said yes at that time, I would be safe, and this became the beginning of the end for me.

We ended up living together between my parents place and his parents place in another city He wasn’t good at keeping a job, and everything he previously told me about was a lie At that time, I didn’t see that as a red flag, it was just more annoying than anything else

We decided to have a baby I ended up becoming pregnant, and we ended up back at his parents place because our current city just wasn’t working for us Turns out things in the other city were much worse, he didn’t have luck with a job there, and his parents were going to kick us out I tried to get work, but was unsuccessful at that time We had no choice but to go back to my city I had to call my parents to see if we could come back, they said yes, but I then told them I was pregnant, I mean they had to know somehow, and that’s how they found out. We moved back to town. We bounced around from place to place so many times because he would not be able to hold down a job. I was working at this time as a receptionist and my pay cheque would only go so far.

We decided to get married and not be traditional, in fact after talking to people I worked with, we decided to have our wedding in my bosses basement about a month or two before my son was born It was a cheap wedding, had coworkers who helped plan everything, we found a regular summer dress because I was pregnant and they were able to add little decorations to it, it turned out pretty nice But of course I didn’t tell my family about the wedding, and we ended up getting married in the basement with my coworkers, a friend of his and a friend of mine as witnesses

Afterwards we went back to my parents like nothing happened, although my sister was suspicious because I had some intense makeup on, and a dress. But I never said anything. My family found out that I was legally married when my registration renewal papers came and the renewal month was not the same as everyone else’s. Oops, that confusion on how I would have a different renewal month was how everyone found out I now had a different last name, and we had gotten married I then told them I was pregnant, I mean they had to know somehow.

You may wonder, why didn’t I want my family to know? I just didn’t care to tell them at that time. I had a pretty bad history with my family from what I could remember. My childhood was not great at all, growing up I dealt with one of my parents being an alcoholic and the other one being physically violent to myself. I wanted to change my last name, because of my childhood I did not want to keep their last name, I wanted to not be part of that anymore Today I still hold my ex-husband's last name, same as my sons, and only because I will NEVER go back to my maiden name

One would think that this sounds like my happily ever after And that's far from what took place I recall a time I went on my laptop and had found out that he had been on MSN Messenger with another girl and seeing her naked on camera I was furious!

I don’t recall much except an argument that happened. My son was born July, 2008. Things seemed fine, I didn’t know how to take care of a baby, this was new to me and my new husband. Of course, he was still not working. Since he never worked, we always jumped from house to house, getting evicted every time the landlord found out we couldn’t pay rent. It is now easier to see the red flags pile up.

I recall another incident, I can’t remember the context, but it was after my son was born, my husband ended up ramming one of those brick cell phones down on my skull Another time at that same location he got mad at me and kicked me in the stomach and I fell backwards through a door onto the bed This time I grabbed my son, without his shoes or anything and took him to my parents house I remember texting a good friend of mine at the time, ‘if anything happens to me, Mike did it ’ The details after this are a bit fuzzy because it did happen back in 2008, but we stayed together a bit longer

It would have been 2009 when the other incidents occurred. I had another job as a security guard, and my husband was to take care of our son while I was at work, and work when I was at home. Of course he didn’t work, but I did. One night I got home late, apparently awoke him from his sleep and he threatened to slit my throat and ensure my son didn’t have a mother anymore But for some reason I stayed Sometime around this situation, he was kicked out of my parents house and living in the backyard in a tent

One day I go to work, can’t find my husband, keep trying to text him, and nothing. It was very strange, and even my electronics were gone. Turns out the pawnshop had them and because we were married there was nothing I could do to get them back I eventually “found” my husband, and he claimed that he ended up in ANOTHER city, buying me jewelry I couldn’t believe that for a minute, nothing about this story made sense, especially since he didn’t drive

I then took that opportunity to go to the police and report what had happened I was able to easily obtain an EPO, emergency protection order, and get the parenting and everything started Of course someone like my ex-husband would not take my choice lightly and he decided to ignore the orders and constantly call me ALL the time, as it was a breach of the order, I was able to call the cops and report him Even when the officer was at my house talking to me, he STILL kept calling. Let me get one thing straight, even with all these charges against him, nothing was ever done.

In the end he was arrested once, but released on his own with a promise to appear, did he show up? Of course not. I remember getting a call from victim services (I believe), and they let me know that my ex-husband did not show up for his court date They were unable to give me any specifics as to where he was arrested or anything I went to the police office near my house and desperately tried to find out where he was arrested I was terrified of him coming back Luckily I found out there was no record of him being arrested in Calgary I believe I was only told this because we had the same last name, and he was using my parents address

What took place next was a lot of court dates, and trying to figure out how my ex-husband could be served these documents I knew where his parents lived, and luckily was able to get a substitutional service order where I was allowed to serve him via registered mail. He never attended a single court date. We had court dates for the parenting order, the divorce, child support order, and he never showed up, time after time. Still to this date he has never paid a cent in child support. Our son is 15 now, and has never talked to his biological father, or his grandparents on his fathers side. His sisters reached out a few years ago, they thought they would be mad at me if they reached out sooner When this all happened they were around 10 years old maybe? I didn’t blame them for anything their brother did We don’t really talk much, but do have each other on Facebook One of his sisters is still trying t help me get information so the government can enforce my child support order

After my ex-husband was gone, eventually I decided to date again. I dated a guy named A.P. I always thought this was my one relationship that didn’t go sideways. But looking back, there were a ton of red flags. I would always buy him cigarettes, I even ended up going around to different pharmacies trying to get T1’s (Tylenol Ones),because he was addicted to taking them, there was a handful of times he tried to convince me to start smoking, wanted me to start taking T1’s for NO REASON, and other times he wanted me to start smoking weed Aside from these behaviors I listed, everything else was good, which was why I think I misled myself into believing this was a healthy relationship which it was not

After this relationship was a guy named M B Now I thought with this relationship I had figured out what went wrong in the last ones, and tried to fix those issues before they could arise. I had laid down some boundaries and figured that was all I had to do. Now it turns out that what I witnessed in the relationship and what he witnessed in the relationship were two different things. Years later I found out that he was addicted to harder drugs and was using them at the time we were seeing each other. Perhaps this explains some of the behaviors, but it doesn’t excuse them Somehow throughout this relationship, I ended up splitting open my head off of my nightstand, he destroyed my TV by punching it, I had a fractured rib, and a fractured foot I can not recall the exact details of this relationship and how the events took place as it was really short lived Eventually he took off and never responded to me again I ended up going to court alone, because the landlord was trying to evict us It was all so much for me to deal with alone Of course though, I didn’t want this to be the end, and when I did end up hearing from him by text, I said I could try and put our stuff in storage Luckily for me, that idea didn’t go through, and I had to just give away the majority of our items

The following guy I ended up seeing, his name was B, for the life of me I cannot remember his last name, though this relationship was quite a memorable one, but for all the wrong reasons. Luckily for my son and I, we had not moved in with this ex by the time we separated. We were having plans on moving out of the city to move into an apartment with him, but for some reason it just didn’t work as planned Aside from our usual arguments and deciding we were separating or staying together, we did have one large incident which ended everything as it were

We had been out of town for the weekend and were having a decent time, but something still seemed off. He wasn’t too open to explaining what was going on with him, and I really didn’t just want to leave it at that. It was our last day being out of town and we had gotten into a verbal argument, but instead of it just staying verbal, it turned into a life changing event I ended up having the left side of my body slammed into a door numerous times After the incident, he took off and decided to walk back to his town As I was further from my city, I decided to leave right then as the pain was getting bad and I still had a while to travel I remember stopping at a rest stop because I couldn’t keep driving and my knee was so bad I got home and then met up with a friend to discuss what had happened We thought that was about the extent of it and I would be better in no time Except, that didn’t happen I ended up going to a hospital to get them to check out my knee, they had said I had fluid in my knee, and would need a needle to drain the liquid if it didn’t get better It was when I went to physio that I was told that the muscle was ripped off my knee cap, and that is why I couldn’t walk on that leg. I would say this was almost 10 years ago? Still to this day I can’t drive long distances without my knee swelling up, my knee is in pain during the winter and colder months, and overall bothers me a lot more often than I would like. I have done the CT scans, another one where I needed to take some kind of radiation drink, x-rays, ultrasounds, you name it, and there is nothing they can do to provide me any relief I can exercise all I want and try to strengthen my knee, but my last physiotherapist said my knee cap is more like a train that fell off the tracks

I did end up reporting this to the RCMP, and well I have never heard back The last time I heard, they were still trying to locate my ex as he might have fled the province There was only a police report, no formal charges Since it took so long, and an incident with my next partner took place around this time, I forgot to keep following up and they never let me know what happened

One would think I may have clued into what was going on and the pattern that I was in the middle of. But I wasn’t. There was one last lesson to learn before everything would change in my world. My last ex was C.H, and this is the one I mentioned in the beginning. It was this relationship that took everything away from me. I already mentioned about the arrest in 2015, but there was more to the relationship than just that I remember one night when we were in our first place we had together, he tried to suffocate me while we were in bed

I ended up calling the police on this, and they talked to him, they talked to me, and nothing was ever done. We did end up getting kicked out of the condo because they didn’t like the fact that the cops were called to the building.

I recall a time when we were driving, I believe we were coming back into town, and for some reason he got really angry and started hitting me and scratching me while I drove I stopped the car immediately in a safe area and was wondering where the nearest RCMP station was, because I was not going to accept this behavior We were pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but I remember going to the nearest town gas station I could find and see if they knew where the nearest RCMP office was I looked like a disaster, had been crying, in rough shape on my arms, and they never asked me if I was okay or needed anything Which can be slightly strange as I was buying first aid items and asking for the nearest RCMP station. Anyways, I never ended up finding an RCMP station that day, I did however take photos. Photos that never meant anything to the police when they would later come back to my door. There was one last minor incident before my arrest, but it had to do with him. He seemed to be suicidal and claimed he took all these pills, so I was scared, called 911 to get the police and paramedics to come over, again nothing happened except them showing up and assessing the situation It was on me to call back if the situation got worse

It was shortly after this when I was arrested I lost everything, and that’s when I had no choice but to start over I was angry and hated the fact I was wrongfully arrested and charged, I hated the fact I was now court mandated to take courses I lost my son due to me being upset when family services came over to talk I had what seemed to be the worst case worker there She would tell me I was lying to her, and then find out I was right all along I had numerous tasks I had to complete before I could stay with my son again. At this time I was homeless, living out of hotels, when the money ran out I could stay at my parents lake place, but had to leave and go to their home when my son and them wanted to go visit the lake. Eventually I had a basement suite that my parents rented for me, and finally ended up back with my parents and my son, with family services closing the file.

But in the end, I really enjoyed the court mandated women's group, and I stayed an additional month. I learnt more about boundaries, gaslighting, and met with other women who had been in similar situations. For once, I didn’t feel alone, there were others out there, there were others like me

It took awhile, but I had realized that one of the biggest problems I had was I was moving in too soon with guys The main cause of this at the time was I was trying to get out of my parents house because I did not like staying where one parent was always drinking I have now decided that I would not move in with someone unless it was my own place, so I would not be stranded again with my son It sounds like a good plan, right? But not when I was left with C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), the trauma, being terrified of males, being terrified of cops, everything eventually crashed down on me I had to go through a lot of therapy, and I mean years of therapy and trying to find the right person to work with. It was much harder since the last time I had worked was 2012, so it was a much longer process than if I was paying myself.

After the therapy, counseling, ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) and learning about spirituality, I started to feel much better I wasn’t confident yet to have a relationship with anyone, but I felt like myself again For a long time I didn’t know who I was without being in a relationship What did I enjoy doing?

What did I want to do? Who was I? How old was I? Slowly I began to find things I enjoyed doing, and things were looking up for me

Another major player in this recovery of mine was joining a CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) group, this was because looking back, a lot of my behaviors in the past were codependent. My behaviors went from pleasing people, to being afraid to get people angry, to focusing more on others than what I enjoyed, not wanting to cause problems and more. I have been part of this group for almost two years, and I think if anything, this is what might save my life.

I now have gone through a step study, admitted what I had done in my past, made amends where necessary and now feel confident in being able to be in a relationship without falling back into these old patterns

It was a friend of mine who said, "If you don’t love yourself, how could anyone else?” The statement was a shock, but only once I started healing this part of myself did I understand what she meant. People tend to treat you, how you treat yourself Now people will know I don’t take any shit from anyone, I am not afraid to lose anyone who does not support my highest good, and I am blunt and mean what I say Now I feel like I come from a place of authenticity I will not lose everything for anyone ever again

Recently I was diagnosed with ADHD, and getting this diagnosis has been eye opening for me I can see how things in my past may have been influenced by my disorder and me not knowing about it As much as I wish I had been diagnosed sooner, I am grateful to know now I can now work with my brain and not against it For me, it’s been a relief knowing that some things I have struggled with all my life were not because I was lazy, but because I literally had an “illness” I didn’t know about. The more I learn about ADHD and the more I recognize those patterns in me, the stronger I become.

I have taken back my power, I feel stronger than I ever have before I am not dating right now, and that is because dating has changed dramatically since all this took place I don’t even know where to turn these days That can wait for now I have taken courses, earned certificates, and I now am working as an independent contractor and now have a business of my own It took a long time, but in the end it was worth it I really hate it when people say, ‘things always happen for a reason’, perhaps they are right here I went through that to find out how strong I am, and for me to now be able to support others in similar situations

I have recently become a Certified PAIL Coach, and want my main focus to be on supporting domestic violence survivors and those going through divorce. As an intuitive empath, this is the perfect place for me to be. As I stated in the beginning, I want my story to be one that inspires others. If I could do all this alone, anyone can.

Never did I ever think I would get to where I am now. I share my story to show that there is ‘hope in hell’ It is hard to see when you are in the middle of a situation that is destroying you, but you can overcome it

You can become more than you thought you can when you put your mind to it and make that decision to change for the better “Growth comes from chaos, not order ”When things remain the same, you get the same outcome

If there is one thing you get from my story, please know that you are not alone Do not be afraid to reach out There are people that want to help you, even if they don’t know you personally. I wish I knew all this when I went through my trauma… or let’s call it my journey.

“No I won’t stay silent so you can stay comfortable.”

- Sabrina L

MOVINGtoward SAFETY

Alberta has the highest rate of police-reported intimate partner violence in the nation, according to Statistics Canada, with 535 incidents per 100,000 population in urban areas. This is a stark reminder that many survivors of abuse need greater hands-on help to escape gender-based violence situations Shelter Movers has recently arrived in Calgary and Edmonton to help meet this need

Since its establishment in 2016, Shelter Movers has opened 9 Canadian chapters and has completed over 6500 moves The two Alberta chapters, which opened in September of 2023,havecompletedover20movesinjustfourmonths.

When asked about the impact of Shelter Movers’ arrival in Alberta, the Honourable Marci Ien, Minister for Women and Gender Equality and Youth said, “Shelter Movers’ expansion to Edmonton and Calgary is such an essential service because we know that one of the most dangerous times in the life of someone experiencing domestic violence is when they are trying to leave home. I’m truly inspired by how their incredible team, who are mostly volunteers, work day in and day out to make sure that survivors of gender-based violence can move safely and quickly. I’d like to ask Canadians to consider volunteering for Shelter Movers to strengthenyourowncommunitiesandimprovethequality

Shelter Movers provides free moving and storage services for referred clients, something no other Canadian charity offers. The step-by-step process is done with dignity, high levels of security, and in strict confidence. Planning and financing a move can be a daunting task during the best of times, but Shelter Movers believes fleeing an abuser should be safe and easy

Fleeing domestic violence takes courage and resources. Shelter Movers works with local women’s shelters, security services, vehicle rental companies, and storage companies torelocatesurvivorsandtheirbelongings.Intheabsenceof Shelter Movers, survivors risk losing everything they own, or worse,stayinginanabusivesituationduetolackofsupport.

To continue to provide this service to survivors at no cost, ShelterMoversislookingformoreAlbertanswhohavetime toassistwithmoves,aswellasbusinessestopartnerwith.

Harnessing the power of community through a variety of volunteer roles both in person and remote, Shelter Movers has opportunities to suit any preference and ability. Everyonehasaroletoplayinendinggender-basedviolence. Ifvolunteeringisn’tpossible,considerdonating.

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You had have dreams (that STILL MATTER BTW) Let's dig them up. Dust them off. Shine them up & MAKE THEM HAPPEN!

Don't you dare give up GF. There's a reason you’re reading this magazine! You don't have to do this alone - I'm here to show you easy steps to powerful manifesting! Inside these books you'll find:

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Life changes - sometimes suddenly and sometimes as expected, yet it can still throw you off balance. You feel lost, disoriented & adrift, thinking that by now you should have all your life stuff figured out and be well on your way to success and contentment.

How do you handle those curves, speed bumps and walls that inevitably show up? Are anger, shame, guilt, and resentment overwhelming you? Ya, I've been there too.

Hi, my name is Deena Kordt, and as an author, blogger & women's empowerment coach, I'd love to help you explore what is possible for you when life is changing & you don't want to give up on a brighter future. Let's connect!

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DON'T GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU WANT MOST. I CAN HELP YOU MAKE SH*T HAPPEN!

How? I'll help you reconnect with parts of your heart & mind that HAVEN'T forgotten there is MORE abundance available for you - all the stuff that dreams are made of. Find the inspiration & support to create more in your life.

You can find my books on Amazon, in Chapters & local stores. And hey - I believe in you!

Do you suffer from anxiety, stress, body aches? Does your body seem to be failing you? Well with the combination of setting up your energy for the day through Energy Alignment Method Plus flipping on your body so that it makes its own antioxidants and reduces oxidative stress by 40% in 30 days (free radical damage), flipping on your mitochondria (energy center) and help maintain overall cellular health and vitality by turning on the switch to your NAD a co-enzyme of energy and function Together synergistically this combination supports your daily whole body health.

Divorce mediation allows couples to proceed through their separation and divorce efficiently while reducing conflict, stress, time, and costs Mediation allows separating couples to work together to achieve an outcome that genuinely suits their family’s needs

Divorce coaching allows individuals to feel empowered and in control Resolved coaching provides clients with a clear understanding of the key aspects of their separation and the confidence to self-advocate, while preparing them for meetings with lawyers

Resolved aims to help clients determine what they truly need to bring their relationship to an amicable close and move towards their new future

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