travISty InveStIgateS

trInIty’S underground holdIngS

Joe Court goes deep in the name of journalism

Wine cellars

I was under the impression that these extended over to Sidney, but, as the College informed me, the actual endpoint is Sydney. Cutting through the Earth’s inner core keeps the port at room temperature.

Dungeons

A handy tear-operated trapdoor in the Dean’s office ensures that slackers, intermitters, and alcohol consumers alike can be detained and monitored at all times. For their own safety, of course. For the safety of us all.

Tomb

A little-known crypt beneath the chapel houses some of Trinity’s best-known departed alumni, including Isaac Newton, Ludwig Wittgenstein, and Eddie Redmayne (Yep. Sorry you had to hear this way).

Shuttle train

Accessible only to Fellows and Scholars, Trinity actually owns a highly efficient underground train line linking central Cambridge to the isolated West Country commuter town of Burrell’s Fields.

Restricted area

I wasn’t brave enough to go past the cordon here, but the Porter I bribed said his money was on a toxic waste dump or an ancient pagan burial ground.

Storage basement

Don’t be absurd.

Fossil fuel industry

Until recently, these were some of Trinity’s most secretive holdings.