TRINITY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TRANSFER WINDOW

In a press conference earlier this week, Trinity Admissions Officer Sylvia Schuyler has confirmed that Trinity is looking to make several “big signings” as the transfer window nears its close. This news follows reports of increasing pressure on students, arising from CamCORS reports and January mocks.

Sylvia Schuyler, who has been managing Trinity’s Admissions process since the early 19th century, has announced her intentions to use the mid-season window to her advantage.

“Yes, it’s true that we’ve been top of the Tompkins Table since 2011, but we can’t allow for another embarrassing slip up like 2010: that was a dark year.

“Emmanuel may have fallen off the radar a little recently, but they’re in the quarter finals of University Challenge now. While I have no doubt we’ll be able to deal with anything they can throw at us, we need to remain prepared.

“The best way of doing this is to make those big signings. We can’t be afraid to splash out—it’s what Manchester City have done and it’s clearly worked for them.

“We have the money; it’s time we invest it in our students, not tax-evading fossil fuel corporations.”

Trinity are expected to place their bid for former University Challenge finalist Eric Monkman by the end of Week 1.

ron & toby henley SmIth