TRINITY’S NEW INTERVIEW PROCESS ANNOUNCED

The Undergraduate Admissions Office has announced that, as an emergency cost-cutting measure, it will be testing out a radical new system this year which is hoped will one day replace interviews. Candidates who make it through the preliminary selection process will be asked to rate their academic ability on a scale of one to ten; the highest scorers will be allocated places to begin study in October.

“I’m really not sure why we haven’t thought of this before. It’s so simple, it has to work,” said a Fellow who wished to remain nameless. “About fucking time, not talking to any more of these fucking kids unless I have to,” slurred a Fellow in the bar whose name he had difficulty recalling.

If successful, the system will subsequently be trialed on the auditions for next year’s May Ball entertainment, the plan being to refer acts with the lowest self-regard to John’s instead.