How to survive exam term

Eoin, who has done real Cambridge exams (admittedly only 2 of them, the most recent finishing last week, hence this Easter Edition of Travisty appearing well after you scoffed the last of your supply of Easter eggs), is here to tell you exactly what to do to achieve total victory

Exam term is extremely stressful. You’re angry that you didn’t study enough leading up to it, you can’t seem to remembering covering half your course, you probably have hay fever and to add insult to injury, you can’t even trample the grass in Great Court that’s making you sneeze. However, I do have number of tips that should help:

1. Establish a regular, sustainable sleeping pattern — make sure you get enough sleep!

2. Take regular breaks and go for walks to clear your mind and think about something other than the exams, such as the people who might do better than you in exams.

3. Drink lots of water, and contemplate how easy it would be to poison the water supply of those people. A few drops of prussic acid should do the trick. Hypothetically of course.

4. If you still have them, make sure to go to lectures so you can ask questions to your examiners. While you’re there, learn their movements and follow them home. Put yourself in the mind of the examiner to think about what questions they may ask. Get a knife and put it in the mind of the examiner.

5. Leave slow burning incendiary devices in parts of college accommodation where your enemies live the night before an exam so that a ~4am fire alarm goes off. Make sure they don’t sleep properly. Bonus points if you make sure they never sleep again.

6. On the day of the exam, make sure the printers are working and print off copies of photos of your examiners’ family members and their locations. Leave them in your exam script (and don’t forget to write in either blue or black ink and follow all the instructions on the exam sheet!). Hope that helps!

Raymond has collated all the info on exactly what Trinity students get up to each week