You’re sitting on a GOLD MINE! One of our biggest business lessons came through our life coaching. When we first started in the coaching field we were offering general coaching. We were struggling to get enough clients and ended up building a bunch of other side businesses to try to fill the gap. We started to doubt this whole coaching thing, like many coaches do. But, what we didn’t know was that we needed a more specific niche. And, we didn’t know we had been sitting on a hidden GOLD MINE all along and we had no idea because it seemed so natural and normal to US. One day we happened to mention that we have a habit of creating businesses in just 6 weeks while we were at a networking event and saying this unleashed a string of people waiting to talk to us. The experience inspired us to create a program called Quantum Leap Your Business in 6 Weeks and for the first time we had clients flocking to us. We had found our gold mine. And we’ve found this to be the case for thousands of coaches and entrepreneurs we’ve worked with… and it just takes a little digging to uncover the gold! The first article in this issue will help you start digging for your gold and uncover your gift! Then, dig a little deeper into “teaching what you love” on page 20.
INSPIRATION & GROWTH Looking for Love? Live a Love-Filled Life The Power of Passion A Different Kind of Valentine Time Flies The Bell Ringer: Quasimodo Has a Hunch about You The Sweetness of Self-Love COACHING & BUSINESS TOOLS IS COACHING DEAD? (The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make) Become an Infopreneur: Make Money TEACHING What You Love (Online) It’s Time! The Anatomy of Attachment
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FEED YOUR SPIRIT The Light of Joy
PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.
EDITOR Lisa Cedrone
CONTRIBUTORS Natalie Rivera, Rev. Marla Sanderson, Dr. Sheri Rosenthal, Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann, Alan Cohen, Mary Boutieller, Gregg Sanderson, Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed., Dreama Vance, Jo Mooy, Lotus Josiah Seng, Rena Greenberg
Mine on! Joeel & Natalie Rivera, Publishers © Copyright 2018 Transformation Services, Inc. All rights reserved. www.TransformationMag.com
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IS COACHING IS COACHING DEAD? (The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make)
(The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make)
By Natalie Rivera Is coaching dead? You’ve probably heard the stories that most coaches fail and that the only ones that are successful coach other coaches. And, while there may be some evidence to support both of those statements...
The truth is that coaching isn’t dead, it’s EVOLVING.
In fact, this is the best time to become a coach because it’s an industry that is growing. It’s a 2.5 billion dollar field—so it’s a legitimate industry and SOMEONE is making that money. No, coaching isn’t dead, but the old model of coaching doesn’t work. It’s too general.
So, what separates those who are successful? The top 10% of coaches, with six-figure annual incomes, market to one specific target market, aka they have a specific niche. On the other hand, the other 90% of coaches that are mostly “general coaches” are making significantly less, with the majority grossing only $20,000 to 50,000 a year. That is a major difference. What this means is that whether you specialize or not will determine whether you will develop a thriving coaching business or struggle like the majority of coaches. But, unfortunately a lot of what you still see in the market is based
The #1 mistake most life coaches make is that they try to coach everyone. We can hear you thinking, “but wait, EVERYONE can benefit from what I have to offer!” But, in reality, even if what you offer COULD help anyone, the truth is that not every one cares. Plus, at a practical level, you cannot reach everyone. Even more importantly, if you try to market to everyone you’ll reach no one. You see, when we started coaching a decade ago it was a brand new industry. Since that time us trailblazers have learned from our failures and identified what WORKS. With all of the thousands of coaches we’ve worked with and all of the training programs we’ve been part of ourselves, it’s become abundantly clear that the coaches who are successful are focusing on a new method of coaching… Niche coaching!
The ONLY way to successfully get coaching clients is to target a specific group of people who are uniquely interested in what you have to offer and willing to pay for it.
on the OLD model of coaching, which looks like this:
Coach a client to achieve a goal of their choosing through individual coaching sessions. The result is that they spend more time chasing clients than they do actually coaching—time they don’t get paid for. It just doesn’t work. What is a Niche? I’m sure you’ve heard of the word “niche” before. What’s interesting is that in today’s economy, many industries are changing toward more personalized goods and services and highly targeted markets! So here’s a good way to look at how general coaching is different than niche coaching. General coaching, or life coaching is kind of like someone who works as a general surgeon
General vs. Niche
They can help a broad range of people and yes they can save lives. But what happens when someone has a specific problem. Like a problem with their brain or their heart. Well they go to a brain surgeon or a cardiologist. This type of doctor is highly specialized, highly targeted, and they can make up to 2-4 times as much as a general surgeon. And because this person is so targeted, people come to them.
That’s the value of a niche skill set. So what is niche coaching? Niche coaching is focusing your coaching on a very specific type of goal. Your niche would be based on a specialized type of knowledge or experience that YOU are uniquely able to address with clients. The good news is that regardless of the field that you are in, your passion, or your life experience, there are people who have the same passion or purpose or who NEEDS the transformation you can offer. I hope you’re getting the picture here. • It’s the most profitable AND fulfilling type of coaching because… • You’re coaching based on WHO YOU ARE—your unique gift • Your ideal clients SPECIFICALLY want what you have to offer • Because your niche is highly targeted, it’s easier to find your clients So, there is one secret ingredient you need to make all this work: your gift.
So, What Is Your Gift? The questions is, what unique gift do YOU have to offer? You might be thinking you don’t know, but if you DID know, what would it be? Below are a few brainstorming questions to help you start to uncover your gift. • Do you have a painful challenge you overcame? Would you want to help others thrive through those same challenges? • What personal transformation or accomplishment have you experienced that you want to share with others? • Or, do you have a passion, skill or expertise that you want to share? • What result can you help them get? What do they need from you, specifically? • What do you know really well that others would LOVE to pick your brain about? If you aren’t yet seeing clearly what your gift is, or if you can’t yet see that someone would pay for it… Hear this, I mean really hear what I’m about to say...
Let me give you a great example: Our friend and colleague Michael had a severe stutter his entire life. He would try so hard to stop it that he’d bite his tongue until it blead. As a young adult he felt drawn to Seminary School (to become a minister), yet this job would require him to speak in public. HE dove into personal development & listened to his audiobooks over and over again. Not only did the lessons change the way he thought about himself, but he became so familiar with the material that he could present it nearly verbatim. He practiced and practiced until to his own amazement, he found he could speak for 30 to 60 minutes at a time without stuttering. He ended up becoming a professional speaker and instructor and tried to open several businesses. After many years he realized his calling to help other overcome stuttering and transform their lives like he had. Started by making videos on YouTube offering tips. He was inspired by the difference his unique strategies were making for people and he found that his viewers began asking him to coach them. Word began to spread and his coaching business grew. He could see that not only could the methods he developed transform people’s lives, but he could truly make a living while fulfilling his destiny. He now has a thriving business and loves what he does; his success came when he
EVERYONE has some piece of knowledge or experience that SOMEONE out there is willing to pay thousands of dollars for. THOUSANDS.
aligned with his true gift.
The key insight here is that your true gift is often what you overcame yourself. Not always, because sometimes your gift has more to do with your professional experience, however it is very common.
By uncovering the blessing hidden within the curses of your own life, you reveal the gift contained within your experience—one you can package into a life coaching niche and offer to others to transform their lives. This article is an excerpt from the online course “Find Your Profitable Purpose-Driven Coaching Niche”. If you want to expand your business by honing in on your ideal target market and offering services based on YOUR unique gifts, find out more at www.Transformation-Academy.com. Plus, in honor of empowering you to continue to move forward into the new year, we’re offering this course for only $47 this month! Enter newyear47 when you check out.
Ignite Life with Natalie Rivera
Natalie Rivera is a firestarter, speaker and entrepreneur. She is passionate about empowering others to GET REAL and live authentically. After a decade of living a life that wasn’t hers and developing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Natalie let go of everything and completely transformed. Through her journey to healing she rediscovered her true self and greater purpose—to inspire others to transform their lives. Natalie “retired” from the rat race at 24, put herself through school as a freelance designer, created a non-profit teen center, and later created Transformation Services, Inc., which offers motivational speaking, curriculum development, life coaching, event management, and publishing. She is also the Publisher of Transformation Magazine. Visit www.ignitelife.me.
Looking for Looking for Love?
Love isn’t a commodity to be traded; it’s the nature of the Divine within you. By Marla Sanderson Are you looking for love in all the right places? You can find it in the dictionary somewhere between loser and lucky. Oh, you want more? We usually seek love “out there”—a person who will be our life mate—or maybe we want love from our parents or children, friends or associates. When you’re looking for someone to love you, you’re not dealing with love at all. You’re focused on the object and what that will do for you. That approach doesn’t work very well.
When we’re young, we value appearance. Are they cute enough? Do they have all the right parts in the right places? I once had a friend who said she didn’t like a guy because he had a “funny back of the head.” As we mature, we find personality and charm more appealing—how someone handles him or herself in a situation. Or, maybe it’s about money and power. For the perfectionists, it might be whether he folds his socks right or even at all, how she deals with wait people or store clerks, if he leaves the seat up or down...The list goes on and on. Obviously, you find some people more lovable than others, and you certainly have the right to pick and choose. However, even if you find that person who meets your standards, a relationship built on externals will not bring love. Being in a romantic relationship has its challenges, and living with another person has even more. If you value the
relationship, you needThe to stop Pow-doing the How Happy Again things that get in the wayTo of Feel the expression of love. Can you love without judgment? Can you love without expectation? Can you love first and ask questions later? What stops you from expressing love more freely? For starters, there’s fear of rejection, impossible expectations, perfectionist standards, fear of getting hurt, needing approval, acceptance and appreciation, needing to be right…hmmm. I could go on, but at some point, you just have to be willing to let go of all that stuff and start loving. I know it can be hard to do when you feel vulnerable, but when you’re critical of yourself what do you project? Yep, criticism. When you judge yourself, what do you put out? Yep, judgment. When your self-concept is a mess, what do you attract? Yep, another mess. But when you love yourself in spite of your “faults,” it’s easier to extend your love to others. In fact, when you feel good about yourself, you can feel confident even if you don’t live up to someone else’s expectations. You don’t have to react with fear, anger, hurt, embarrassment, and all those other feelings that wreck the moment. When you don’t need anyone’s validation, there’s no need to attack or retreat. All the love you could ever want is there inside you. You only need to let it out. This may not be news, but it’s still true. Love isn’t a commodity to be traded. It’s the nature of the Divine within you, so it’s your basic nature too. In order to experience it, you express it. The more you do, the better you feel. People are attracted to that.
Practical Spirituality with Rev. Marla Sanderson Rev. Marla Sanderson is a skilled spiritual counselor, speaker, teacher, and workshop leader. She has studied and practiced the Science of Happiness and Science of Mind for over 40 years. Her website, The New Thought Global Network, showcases ideas from many New Thought disciplines. She is ordained in the Centers for Spiritual Living. (Religious Science). Contact her at 727-475-8991, or revmarla@newthoughtglobal. org or visit www.newthoughtglobal.org.
Live a Love-Filled Life
THERE IS A DEEPER PURPOSE THAT IS COMMON TO ALL OF USâ€”TO LOVE OPENLY AND BOLDLY. By Sheri Rosenthal
A number of years ago, several people in my life passed away quite quickly—weeks after being initially diagnosed with their conditions. The rapidness of their decline was a bit shocking and certainly eye-opening. For me, when people’s lives are cut short so suddenly and without warning it makes me take a step back and reevaluate where I am in my life.
Honestly, I still don’t know what my ultimate job purpose is. That keeps changing and evolving, surprising me at every turn. Instead of seeing that as frustrating, I now see it as the way life works, a constant opportunity for expansion and a deeper understanding of myself. Even if I lived 100 years and accomplished everything I wanted to, I still would not have
It’s easy to get caught up in our everyday activities and lose perspective about what is most important in life. For me, I feel blessed to have wonderful people in my life, whom I love and they are top on my list. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what you do (that may be long forgotten). What is important is whom you have loved and if you have added grace to their lives. Of course it is possible to do many good works in the world, but if you do those good deeds without touching hearts, I feel that is falling short of one’s purpose. By purpose I don’t mean a “piein-the-sky” idea of what your ultimate mission is on Earth. I know so many folks abusing themselves with that notion, not knowing what it is they “should” be doing in life. No—I am talking about the deeper purpose that is common to all of us—to love openly and boldly.
crossed off everything on my bucket list. So instead, my satisfaction in life is now centered on how I love and the grace I can add to the lives of others. Another way of saying this is, being in service to life. That changed everything for me, removing all the anxiety I felt about not being able to do all the things I wanted to do before I died. So when people pass away suddenly in my life I simply check in and ask myself did I do my best today to love all the people with whom I came into contact? Did I bring a smile to the table? Did my conversation uplift them? Was I fully present
during my interaction? If I can answer yes to these questions, then I am living my purpose. An additional benefit of thinking this way is that it takes my focus away from doing and places it on being—a great exercise for me since I am normally “Miss Action Girl.” So here’s an exercise you can do this week: • Put your focus on how you show up for others, how present you are, and how big your love is. • At the end of each day give yourself a score from 1-10 on how much love you put out that day and how much grace you added to the lives of others. • At the end of seven days add up your score. You might be surprised at what you come up with.
So, don’t wait until the Angel of Death comes knocking on your door to know the true purpose of life. Here’s your chance to live that purpose in every moment, love boldly and with all your integrity!
Wanderlust Entrepreneurs with Dr. Sheri Rosenthal Sheri Rosenthal is a business coach, international retreat leader and author.… Today, she is known as one of the most sought after retreat strategists for coaches, facilitators, and authors — and is the owner of Journeys of the Spirit travel agency. She is famous for helping clients plan, fill, and profit from transformational retreats that both change lives and add serious income to their bottom line!
The Power of Passion
The Power of Passion is the fire that ignites all desires! By Terez Hartmann
PASSION IS THE ESSENCE OF SUCCESS Do you become energized
at the very thought of lacing up hiking boots, riding a bicycle, running or paddling, or simply revel in feasting your eyes on a place of majestic beauty? Do you delight in cuddling or playing with your favorite furry or feathered companion? Do you relish the process of planning a trip, organizing your home, or putting together a stock portfolio? Do you swoon and flush at the idea of your loverâ€™s kiss? Do you savor the act of combining the perfect ingredients to create a culinary masterpiece? Do you thrill in the notion of cruising along a scenic highway 10
on your Harley or favorite landbased vehicle or the idea of being cradled by the gentle movement of a sailboat? Do you celebrate every time you witness your child discover her or his own power, confidence and abilities? Does your spirit soar every time you contemplate or breathe life into a piece of music, film project, book, dance, computer program, sculpture, design or new business? We certainly can survive in the most basic sense without passion, but the color, texture, flavor and LIFE that passion lends to our time on earth is what makes our trip around the sun worth taking! Passion is the spark that ignites our dreams and visions and the fire that warms our day-to-day lives. When we keep passion alive,
it can even feed and nourish our spirits when we stumble into the darknessâ€”and call us back to the light. It is, in fact, the very essence of success, for to live a life you love and feel excited about being alive is truly the ultimate success.
ADVICE TO AN ARTIST
Regardless of our medium, ALL of us are indeed artists. We choose the colors and textures that we place upon the canvas of our lives, and at any moment we have the ability to create a splendid masterpiece! Yes, the mundane aspects of life such as paying bills, considering
action plans, taking care of children, etc., can make Do it for love and do it for YOU. Never, ever suffer it easy to forgo feeding our passions for the sake of for your art, as that is THE very thing that slows it all checking off another item on our to-do list, but... down and dilutes the love you feel in creating. All of the great artists, writers, etc., who felt they needed to suffer or sacrifice who they really were to ‘succeed’ lost the love in their work, died young and/or lived tormented lives. This is the opposite of why we create, write, share and perform—so keep the love and passion alive! “It is only when I once-and-for-all decided a few years ago that being fully who I am and spending my days doing what I love mattered more than ANYTHING else that more amazing things than I can recount started happening for me. “When you no longer “need” anything to happen to feel successful, only then CAN success come. A couple of months ago, one of my Facebook Holding love, maintaining an attitude of passion, confriends sent me a message asking for advice for a fidence and trust, and using my power of focus now recording-performing artist/writer friend of hers. come first for me; action is second. This has been and Though I did share some industry-oriented ideas, I continues to be one of my greatest keys to success.” felt compelled to express something far deeper. After rereading the words that had flowed through me, I discovered that there was also a wealth of material for MY spirit and for the artist in ALL of us. The following is an excerpt taken from the actual e-mail: No matter who you are or what you do, you “Overall, my advice to anyone who has a pas- are a creative, powerful, magnificent artist who is sion or dream is to focus upon what he wants and here to paint with ALL the colors of life. The more why he wants it FIRST. The ‘why’ is especially impor- passion you evoke, pursue and discover, the more life tant, as this is the heart of what truly matters to him feels like the great adventure and work of art it was and is where his passion and focus will come from. meant to be! An added bonus: You inspire your fellow “I have discovered that the ideal action always artists FAR more through your passion and joy than comes from first being in a place of alignment, focus through your willingness to endure and sustain pain, and passion. Every ‘strategy’ I ever formulated and guardedness or keep the status quo. the hours/days/months invested in hard work to try to ‘make’ something happen doesn’t even come close to the speed and ease that things have come to me via So, light that fire, let it burn, using my power of focus, being in alignment with my- baby burn, and watch the self and having the courage to follow inspired action. “I would say, ‘Keep writing, composing, cre- fireworks begin! ating and doing what you love NO MATTER WHAT.’
EVERY TIME WE REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN AND ALLOW OURSELVES TO GET BACK TO ENJOYING THE JOURNEY, EVERYTHING WORKS BETTER AND LIFE CAN BECOME A BEAUTIFUL WORK OF ART!
THE BOTTOM LINE ON THE POWER OF PASSION
ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann
Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann,“Your catalyst for all things Fab-YOU-lous,” is the author of Allowing Your Success!, a proud contributing author of Transform Your Life! book one and two, a professional Keynote Speaker/ Workshop Facilitator, Singer-Songwriter/Recording Artist, “Allowing Adventures!” & “Savor Vacation” Facilitator, and true Renaissance Woman, and Visionary. She keeps her fire lit by embracing and promoting a lifestyle of “Allowing,” and by using creative expression to elevate and ignite the human spirit, a passion that she shares with her husband, soul-mate and creative partner of over 15 years, John Victor Hartmann. Together they share “Allowing TRUE LOVE” workshops and experiences designed to help others attract, allow, and maintain extraordinary relationships, and create custom jingles and voice-overs in their studio, THE Creativity Express. Visit: www.TerezFirewoman.com
A Different Kind of Valentine
A different Kind of
Valentine There are three ways you can reframe your family experience to open you to more appreciation.
By Alan Cohen February is the month of Valentines, when our thoughts turn to love. Usually we give Valentines gifts and affection to romantic partners. This month I would like to shift our focus to expressions of love to our family, in particular our parents. While reading Soul Friends by Stephen Cole, I came upon a quote by Buddha that caused me to put the book aside and think for a long time: “. . .the debt of gratitude we owe to our parents is so great that we could carry them on 12
our backs for our entire lives and yet still never fully repay it.” Wow. When I was growing up, I did not appreciate my parents. I was busy living out my own desires, figuring out who I was, and exploring the world. I took mom and dad for granted. I had judgments about them and wished they were otherwise. At times I was disrespectful. I was a selfinvolved teenager. My father passed away
when I was 18 years old, before I reached a stage of life when I became more conscious about my relationships, so I never got to express my appreciation to him. As I have matured, I have reconsidered the many kindnesses my folks showed me. They didn’t have much money. My father drove a bus at odd hours and my mother worked in a hat store during the day and at a factory at night. They did everything they could to keep me safe, comfortable,
and happy. For most of my childhood we lived in an awful section of the city, where crime and depravity were rampant. Realizing the dangers of this environment, they worked harder to earn more money to move to a nicer part of town where the rent was quite high. They performed many other extraordinary generous acts. Despite their human frailties and habits I judged, their parenting was born of pure love. Looking back now, my heart is bursting with gratitude I wish I had shared with them when they walked the Earth. My regret in not expressing this when I could have is offset by the comfort that wherever they are now in God’s great kingdom, they receive my appreciation. Perhaps your parents were not so loving and you were subject to mistreatment or abuse. Perhaps one or both of your parents were alcoholic or had some other dysfunctional habit. Perhaps they fought bitterly, or one was absent, or they divorced when you were young. Perhaps you harbor resentment, hatred or guilt about your relationship with them. Perhaps you still have a hard time being with one or both of them. Perhaps you blame them for imprinting you with negative programming that has created pain in your own relationships, and you feel thwarted from the reward you desire. If so, there are three ways you can reframe your family experience to open you to more appreciation.
1) The first is to reach for elements of their parenting that you genuinely value. Even if they were bad parents in many ways, they were probably good parents in some ways. What kindnesses did they show you? How did they encourage you? Who were they when they were at their best? They loved you somehow. Feel around for the gifts they did deliver to you. They are there. When you notice those blessings, they will expand. 2) Next, gain compassion for your parents by recognizing that their acts that caused you pain issued from their own pain. “Hurt
A Course in Miracles tells us that every act is either a skillful expression of love or a call for love. When we reframe our parents’ negative behaviors as calls for love, we ease our own pain and clear the way for us to help them. 3) Finally, consider how you grew as a result of the challenges your parents posed to you. Did you learn to be more independent, or set boundaries, or dig in to find worth within yourself that they were denying you? Some teachers say that sometimes we choose our parents because they help us develop soul strength we would not have gained if our situation was easier. Thus they were our
CONSIDER HOW YOU GREW AS A RESULT OF THE CHALLENGES YOUR PARENTS POSED TO YOU. people hurt people.” I have coached many clients who are seeking to make sense of their relationship with a dysfunctional parent. I ask them, “What was your parent’s own pain? Who trained him or her to be fearful and mean?” In every instance my client traces their parent’s dysfunction back to some abuse that parent received from their own parent or another authority figure. The client’s parent did not have the skills or tools to achieve healing, so they passed their pain on to their children.
friends who helped us grow and step into our own power as adults. Most Asian families have altars in their homes honoring their ancestors—a practice we could well gain from doing ourselves. If you don’t wish to build an altar to your parents in your living room, you can create a sacred space for them in your heart. This year don’t reserve Valentine’s gifts for your honey only. Honor those who love you more than you know.
GET REAL with Alan Cohen Alan Cohen is the author of the bestselling A Course in Miracles Made Easy. For more information about Alan’s books and videos, free daily inspirational quotes, online courses, and weekly radio show, visit www.alancohen.com.
Time Flies Time Flies
One exquisitely unceremonious day at a time, we get to choose the life we want to live.
By Mary Boutieller Welcome to the second month of 2018! It’s hard to believe January is already over. New Year’s resolutions are either well underway or already forgotten, and life itself moves forward. It’s amazing how time flies when you are living life one day at a time. I read a quote recently that stayed with me for several weeks. It went something like this:
true. We can actually embrace our humanity instead of deny it. Does it mean that we shouldn’t strive to be the best human beings we can be? Of course not. But it does mean that we take ourselves out of the box of “perfection or bust” and let ourselves live our messy, lovely lives. On some days, I will laugh at how easy it is for me to go from blissed out yoga girl (imagine that as a super hero!) to fired up and irritated, back to blissed out yoga girl…sometimes in
When I read it, it made me think about the importance of how I live each day. Often it is the small, intimate details of our daily interactions and actions that end up being our whole lives. I forget that sometimes. The sum total of our lives is not defined by the infrequent but big events we experience (although that’s part of it); whole swaths of living happen in between those momentous occasions. And, depending on the lens through which we view it, we can see our day-to-day lives as boring and uneventful, or we can see them as the miracles they are, so rich with opportunity to do the one little thing that can make a difference in someone else’s life. One exquisitely unceremonious day at a time, we get to choose the life we want to live. Kevyn Aucoin said this: “Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain...To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices—today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” I love this quote because it’s so
the span of 5 minutes! What’s so cool about this, though, is that now I laugh at my behavior instead of berate and judge myself for not “getting it right.” We don’t have to get it right every single time to get it right most of the time. Why are we so hard on ourselves just for being human? Why do we choose to focus on the negative in ourselves, others and the world around us, and not notice how far we have come? In an article by Ray Williams in Psychology Today, he says: “In our brains, there are two different systems for negative and positive stimuli. The amygdala uses approximately two-thirds of its neurons to detect negative experiences, and once the brain starts looking for bad news, it is stored into long-term memory quickly. Positive experiences have to be held in our awareness for more than 12 seconds in order for the transfer from short-term to long-term memory.” Again, depending on how you look at it, you can believe that we are hardwired to look at negative experi-
“How you live every day is how you live your life.”
ences as part of our survival mechanism (which, at some level we are), OR you can realize that if you just focus on a positive experience for 12 SECONDS, that will be stored in long-term memory. I don’t know about you, but I’m going for the 12-second deal! And, I am going to look for and acknowledge the positive as much as possible. I am going to see the glass as half full, the yoga pose that is pretty darn good, the weather that is a whole lot better here than there, and the pimple on my nose not as a blemish but as a good sign of youthful skin! We can spin it anyway we want, so why not choose the good? Even if you have spent a lifetime looking at and for what needs fixing, notice the habit that it has become and take a few seconds (maybe 12) to look around you for what is already right. Charles Kuralt said, “The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.” Don’t let the 99 percent that is good in your life right now be obscured by the 1 percent that isn’t what you would hope it to be. Speak with your family, friends and strangers with love and compassion, even when you disagree. Purposely look for examples of cooperation and generosity in your daily life and incorporate more loving-kindness toward yourself. Celebrate the little successes. We get to choose how we view these precious, amazing lives, one uneventful and powerful day at a time.
Small changes done with conviction can change the world.
The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.
The Bell Ringer: Quasimodo Has a Hunch about You
THE BELL RINGER Quasimodo Has a Hunch about You By Gregg Sanderson Tintinnabulation: (tin’ti-nab’ya-lay’shan) n. The ringing or sounding of bells. Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, is an ugly son-of-a-gun who rings the bell. He’s gentle at heart and means well, but every chance he gets he’ll ring that doggoned bell. The tintinnabulation is maddening! He’s like some of the people in your life who “ring your bell.” They mean well but have a way about them that sets you off every time they pull on the rope. Who is this Quasimodo character, anyhow? It could be anybody and everybody in your life or out of it, living or dead. In this analogy he shows you how your emotions work. Usually those closest to you make the bell ring loudest because they know just where to grab the rope. Spouses and ex-spouses are especially astute. Nobody
knows how to do it quite like those significant others.
That’s why we call ‘em “significant.”
Family members are good at it too, even parents who have passed on. Many people spend lifetimes in anxiety over their ability to please a dead parent. Children play the bellringer role as well. The ropes on the bells are your vulnerability and those kids know where every one is hanging. It seems they pull on them at the most inopportune times. Then there are the others at work or school who do things in a way that annoys
the daylights out of you. One has a whiney voice resembling the union of blackboard and fingernails. Another has curious personal habits. Some are so protective of their work they sabotage yours. People who deal with the public can tell you horror stories about the Quasimodos they meet. You don’t have to know Quasimodo to get your bell rung. Think of the driver doing 25 mph down the two-lane highway five minutes before the store closes. Quasimodo doesn’t have to be a person. He could be a traffic jam, a corporation, Congress or the president of the United States. Whatever turns you off. Get the idea? Quasimodo is whoever and whatever gets you upset—produces tintinnabulation. Clang - Fear; Clang - Anger; Clang - Resentment; Clang - Hurt;
Clang, Clang, Clang - Guilt, worry, sadness, humiliation, despair, disappointment, rage, frustration, anxiety, stress. Ah, stress. That word seems to sum them all up. Some authorities who should know better tell you stress is good for you. They ignore the harmful effects on the body, the premature aging and the lousy feelings.
As long as Quasimodo pulls on the rope, the bell rings and you can’t feel love or joy or peace of mind. This tintinnabulation does much more than make you unhappy. It also has its effect on people around you.
How can you stop the ringing?
YES! Do you care what Quasimodo does, or do you just want to stop the ringing? Aha! If you can stop the (emotional) noise, ole Quasie can turn somersaults on the rope for all you care. It won’t bother you, and you can enjoy his antics or applaud his dance.
The obvious solution, of course, is simple homicide, but society frowns on it. And the consequences could introduce you to Quasimodos you’ve never dreamed of. No, you have to do something a little less drastic. Besides, chances are you’re somebody else’s Quasimodo. Bribery might work. Give the kid a couple of bucks to go to the movies. Send Quasimodo on a trip around the world by canoe. That can get expensive, so you can also leave and it’ll be a lot cheaper. Sub-title. Sub-title. Sub-title. Sub-title. You could cut the rope. That would be perfect if you want to live in a cave Sub-title. Sub-title. and not have any more human contact. That doesn’t sound like fun. Revenge is a possibility. If he The bell can swing all it wants beats you to the last parking space, you’ll let the air out of his tires. Just don’t let and it won’t make a sound. You’ll hear the bluebird of happiness chirping its li’l heart him see you do it. If he tries to tell you how to live out. Love, joy and peace become the order your life, you live it another way (even if his of the day. Beats the hell out of a frontal suggestion might work better). If he bugs lobotomy. The Quasimodo story is an analyou with advice, you can ignore it. You could find another job or ogy. All you have to do is know that the spouse, but you can’t always find an- clapper represents your BS (your NEED). other parent (or child). Nothing we’ve It’s whatever you must have to be happy. thought about so far can work for all the It’s anything you want where you feel bad if you don’t get it. Quasimodos. You may want your football team to win, and that’s OK. If you go into a suiWait a minute! cidal funk when they lose, then it’s more than a want. Your happiness depends How about… upon the score, so it’s a NEED.
How can you stop the ringing? It’s your bell. Just remove the clapper!
You may want your child to be an “A” student, but if you get angry over a “C” you NEED an “A” student. You may want me to show up on time, and if all you remember is the once when I didn’t—you need for me to be on time.
To stop the ringing in Quasimodo’s bell, remove the clapper— the need. That’s what we’re all about and there are several methods for that. What are these needs and where did they come from? They’re your BS (belief system) and you started to get it before you were old enough to know what was happening. Next month, we’ll show you a new way to look at life to produce greater happiness and joy. Stay tuned for more BS you can use.
Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.
Become an Infopreneur: Make Money TEACHING What You Love (Online)
By Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.
THE WeINFORMATION AGE know you’ve heard the phrase that “we live in
the information age.” And why is this? Because all of the information we could ever want to know is at our fingertips—just a keyboard or smart phone away. Think about it. Today around 30% of the world population has smartphones with internet access. By 2020 it’s predicted to be as much as 70%. Your cell phone now contains a number of sources of information or utility that you once could only access by other means. The smartphone has replaced your GPS, your HD video camera, your CD music library, your MP3 player, and even the need to read an encyclopedia, buy a book or go to the library. So, who CREATES all of this information that’s so readily available through our electronic devices? You guessed it: infopreneurs.
WHAT IS AN INFOPRENEUR? The role of a content creator or educator has changed
and grown with access to technology. Technology allows more people to access information and for them to acquire it faster. Infopreneurs used to sell their information and products as audio tapes, print books, CD’s, DVD’s or through talk shows, seminars, and conferences. In today’s world, infopreneurs sell their products as eBooks, video, blogs, emails, and webinars, just to name a few. Today, an infopreneur is a person who has specific knowledge on a topic and packages that information into an information product and then sells it on the internet. There are generally two kinds of infopreneurs. First those that sell information from their own expertise they have acquired or research that they have amassed. The second is those earning commission selling and marketing other peoples information products. This course focuses on the first.
THE INFORMATION INDUSTRY Technology causes the perfect storm for an explod-
ing information industry: exponential growth in the ease of access to information, exponential increase in the amount of information accessible, and exponential ease of creation and distribution of this information.
According to the experts, the information products market will continue to increase exponentially in the coming years, as more people gain access to the internet all over the world. 21
Even knowing that, many people ask, “if information is so widely available, why would anyone pay for it?” There are several reasons: • Not all information that exists is currently available. • Information that is well presented and organized is more valuable than free content. • Information that is easy to access and offers a shortcut is more valuable than free content. • Your unique how-to process, talent, skill or collection of knowledge and experience is more valuable than free content. • Having a teacher to guide you through the process of learning is more valuable than free content. For these reasons, you can become an infopreneur and build a business around what you already know.
Have a talent or skill that you can teach others that would offer them a shortcut to a higher level of skill. Many people think they can only make money if they teach high value knowledge, like how to raise capital for businesses or how manage change in a fortune 500 company. However, there are infopreneurs making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year sharing their passion with everyday people who want to learn about baking bread, playing an instrument, making smoothies, knitting, or who want to learn technical skills. Have the solution to someone else’s problem. Whether you learned it the hard way or you learned it from someone else, people are always looking for a solution to their problems. In the high-speed
Literally ANYONE can be an infopreneur! Seriously.
WHO CAN BE AN INFOPRENEUR?
world of technology everyone wants to do everything faster, bigger and better too, so you don’t even have to solve life’s major challenges, you can provide a tool for a slight enhancement and still be sucIn order to be a good candidate cessful. The solution you offer could be for becoming an infopreneur you have to fit anything from how to use their smartinto at least one of the following categories: phone to effective parenting strategies or from how to put on makeup to how to Have expertise (knowledge, exdecorate a cake or organize your home. perience or wisdom) in a particHave a process that you ular industry, business, career have learned, improved, creor hobby. There is a HUGE misunderstand- ated or used and would help ing here… and that is that in order to be an others achieve a desired expert you have to BE THE BEST—you have outcome or goal. to have 20 years of experience and an adLike the how-to’s mentioned vanced degree. WRONG. No matter how above when talking about solving probmuch you know, you know more than SOME- lems, a process is simply a proven stepONE. To a 65-year-old business executive, a by-step process that you’ve found to be 10 year old YouTuber is an expert on using a effective that someone else could learn, smartphone, a video game, or even a com- use, and duplicate your results. Your puter. If you have something of valuable to process can be anything from how to inteach someone that they don’t already know, crease your productivity to how to start you’re an expert. Here’s your hat, put it on. a business or from how to lose weight to how to write a resume.
Truly ANYTHING you know that others do not can be made into an information product. The only other requirement is that you have to be WILLING TO LEARN and WILLING TO TEACH.
WHY BECOME AN INFOPRENEUR?
You add value to the world with your knowledge: There is tremendous amount of value in the information that you possess that can help other people in their life journey. You can make a difference in someone else’ life by helping them improve their skill, their life, their career, their business or their favorite pastime. You can create passive and residual income: One of the best things about creating information products is that you create them ONCE and you can continue get paid from them for years to come. Passive income is money you receive with no or little effort after the initial creation (usually marketing and upkeep). Residual income continues regularly or automatically without your intervention, such as a membership subscription, royalty payment or money made when affiliates sell your product. The two terms are often used interchangeably, although there are slight differences. Even if you only created one information product in your entire life, you could continue to receive income from it while you continue your career or exploring other things, all with minimum upkeep! Plus, you can also make money around the clock, even while you are sleeping or on vacation. Sure beats trading your time for money (like a paycheck or an hourly fee). You can work from home and have freedom and flexibility: As an infopreneur you can work at home in your pajamas, be your own boss. You can do it on the side while you work a full time job, do it as an at home parent, or build your information business until you can work full or part time on your own. At that point, the flexibility allows you to be able to make time for other things that are important in your life, make your own schedule and travel while working. It’s probably the lowest startup cost of any type of business: If you have ever operated a physical business you would
know that there can be a large investment during start up, not to mention the high monthly expenses. However, with selling information online through your website, a blog, or other websites the initial investment is very low. In fact, you can do it all for free if you’re a) willing to do all the work or b) resourceful enough to get others to help you (perhaps on trade) or use free services.
ponders, webinar and teleseminar services, online course platforms, and others that simplify the process and give you the tools to produce an information product that you would have struggled to create before. You can automate most of it: With today’s technologies you can basically automate most aspects of your business. You will have to make the effort to do the
Statistically, over 95% of small businesses will fail in the first 3 years of them launching. Many times it is the high cost of maintaining the business while it develops that leads to that failure. However, as an infopreneur you have the advantage of not having to deal with those expenses. Powerful technologies are already in place: As technology has increased it has made it easier and easier for infopreneurs to share their knowledge and information. Consider the fact that if you wanted to publish a book 20 years ago you had to send the manuscript to the gatekeepers of the industry (the big publishing houses) and hope they publish you (which they usually don’t). Now, you can easily self-publish and have it distributed in many different sites, almost overnight. The same goes with creating a website. In the past, you had to have technological skills or be willing to pay someone a lot of money to build a website for you. Today, all you have to do is go to a website with drag-and-drop technology where you can easily build a site for free, or at a very low cost. Plus, there are a variety of other programs, such as email autores-
work upfront to create your information products, set everything up, and market them, but once it is done you can enjoy the benefits of what you have created without having to keep it up by doing a bunch of tedious things. The technology does it for you. It truly gives you freedom. It’s scalable: One of the best things about being an infopreneur is that once you figure out where your market is, how to reach them, and how to present your material in a way that they like it (and buy it) you can scale it. In other words, it is about knowing your numbers. If you know that out of every 100 people that see your product 10 of them buy then it just comes down to getting more people to see your product. And, once you know how to get 100 people to see your product, through various forms of marketing, you know doing
MORE of that marketing will consistently present your product to more people. In other words, the only limitation that you have is your imagination and your ability to do the initial creation and set-up work. This is because unlike a job, you do not have a limited amount that you can make that’s determined by someone else. And, unlike other business ventures, as an infopreneur you aren’t relying on your time to directly earn you money. So, when you want to make more money it doesn’t have to take more time Reach a world-wide audience: This is one of our favorite parts of being an entrepreneur! In fact, we have students from 170 countries. Yes, you read that right, 170 countries! Before we fully embraced being infopreneurs we used to travel giving workshops, trainings, and conferences. However, now that we primarily teach online we reach a MUCH larger audience of students and clients, many of whom we were unable to reach before because they live all over the world. At the same time, this means that no matter what part of the world you are in you can develop clients and students without geographical limitations. This article is an excerpt from the online course “Infopreneur: Create Information Products and Online Courses”. If you want to identify what YOU can get paid to teach others, find out more at www. Transformation-Academy.com. Plus, in honor of empowering you to continue to move forward into the new year, we’re offering this course for only $47 this month! Enter newyear47 when you check out.
Transformation Coaching with Joeel A. Rivera Joeel Rivera is a visionary creator, coach, speaker and serial entrepreneur. He is a former psychology professor with Master’s Degree in Counseling and Education and is currently completing his dissertation for his Ph.D. in Psychology, with an emphasis on happiness. Joeel infuses a deep understanding of the science of psychology and human potential into all of his programs. He has worked with thousands of organizations, INDIEpreneurs and life coaches who are committed to mastering the power of their mind and creating their destiny. He has almost 40,000 students from 170 countries around the world. Visit www.IgniteLife.me and www.Transformation-Academy.com.
The Light of The Light of Joy
by Dreama Vance
When I was given the information about indiWhen the information was given to me about how to discover our individual spiritual missions, I felt as vidual spiritual missions and how to discover them, I was very excited because I knew it would help so many people if I had been given the Philosopher’s Stone. move into action. You will discover your individual mission through what brings you incredible joy and what has probably been a thread of great interest from early years in your How many courses can you take to discover your life. You see, you are important on this planet. You are purpose in life? How about discovering your Soul purpose? here to evolve not only in the grand scheme of things, but That discovery sounds even more important and critical. to give and share your special reason for being here now. It is pretty easy to figure out the big purpose in The fact that your individual mission (and there life. After all, saints, sages and spiritual masters have may be more than one) comes from what brings you joy been teaching the information for eons. We are here for and lights you up inside of your being is so simple and easy our own spiritual evolution and to assist others on the to understand once you figure it out! Here is what happlanet. We are here to awaken from the deep sleep of pens and how it works. forgetfulness. This awakening is really a remembering of Joy is a state of being that blossoms like a flower who we are. We are to develop our skills at remaining within the structural foundation of existence. As we are conscious and focused on the Source within us. We are to this energy of existence, this joy is just waiting to be exlearn and move into higher states of consciousness. This pressed, to bloom within the nature of our being. When is part of all humanity’s evolution. you discover your own unique mission through what It brings glad tidings to the heart when we finally brings you joy, you can then begin to give this to the world. “get it” and begin to consciously work on our own spiriThis is God in Action! tual growth. Do you see how it works? By expressing this innate quality of joy, we allow the fundamental structures of existence to express itself. We open flow!
HOW MANY HAVE WORRIED IN ANGST OVER THEIR PURPOSE?
In doing our own work, we add to the light for the planet.
Your spiritual mission comes from what brings you joy and lights you up inside of your being.
By doing this action, we open the floodgates for the other qualities of existence to come more fully into conscious expression. It is a beautifully designed plan. Joy expresses through you and moves the energy of Source out into Action.
world receives light. Your love moves into action. Beauty is made manifest and the world receives. The world receives and awakens. Do you see now how it works? The time is NOW. Donâ€™t delay. Discover your unique jewel of joy today. Figure out a way to share with others and begin. Begin Now. You surely must feel the push/pull of higher frequencies and the need to move into ACTION NOW.
You are here with your own very special mission: to bring that hidden jewel of joy out to give to the world, to share with the world. When you do this, the world receives joy. Your light shines and the
You were born for this time NOW.
OF COURSE YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON.
SHARE YOUR GIFT.
New Reality Wellness with Dreama Vance Dreama Vance is a New Reality wellness expert and cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy. While her insights into spiritual truths are legendary, her specialty is research into effective methods of healing and attaining wellness of mind, body and spirit. After years of exploring healing modalities, she has become expert in three that are highly powerful and effective. Her current research involves tuning into Gaia, the Mother Earth, to discover more about the inner secrets of Gaiaâ€™s ancient wisdom teachings. Find out more at www.spiritualdynamics.net.
Women have linked arms across race, ethnicity and lifestyle to affect change in every culture. By Jo Mooy
It’s impossible to ignore how stories about women have been taking over our daily conversations. The year 2017 began with the Women’s March on Washington. That was followed by determination and commitment when thousands of women not only registered to vote but began filling out paperwork to run for elective office. The momentum had begun! Then one day, one woman, fed up with men like film mogul Harvey Weinstein, who had been preying on women for years, said:
She went public. The reaction to her story was noticeably different than how women with similar stories had been treated in the past. She was soon followed by a tidal wave of women across every profession who bravely told their stories of sexual harassment in the workplace. It spawned a movement called #MeToo when women realized they were not alone. Though the media covered the military, Capitol Hill, entertainment, technology and medicine, the greatest numbers of sexual assaults were in the underreported industries of hotel and food services, retail and manufacturing. Those women, unheard by the press, came out in the millions to declare: #MeToo. Merriam-Webster (the dictionary people) announced the word “Feminism”
was 2017’s Word of the Year. This followed on the heels of Time Magazine naming “The Silence Breakers” as its Person of the Year. Those headlines and magazine covers were the RESULT of what had been simmering on the back burners of women’s collective consciousness. Women got over their fears of retribution and career stifling by bringing down an A-List of predators in every industry. It’s been a wake up call not only for women but also for decent men. There was a time when the word “Feminism” or “Feminist” came with hostility. Seeing it named Word of the Year was gratifying. But I had a touch of sadness and melancholy that all the work done by an endless stream of women who came before might be forgotten. I remembered the Anita Hill hearings in 1991 when a black University Professor was vilified by a panel of all white men. Women rose up in anger after Anita Hill’s treatment and ran for office. During the Presidential Debates that year vice presidential candidate George H. Bush (who today is on the list of accused sexual harassers) was asked about women in the Senate. He said, “Let’s see how they do. I hope a lot of them lose.” Voters ignored his comments because the following year, known as The Year of the Woman, five women were seated in the Senate. Today, 25 years later, there are 21 women in the 100-body
Senate and more waiting to break down the door. Cycles repeat themselves. Anita Hill’s story lives on in Time’s “The Silence Breakers.” These women recognize that gender equality is an empowering movement whose time has come. It’s found in the “50/50 by 2030” United Nations decree asking governments around the world to make a national commitment to address the challenges that are holding back women and girls from reaching their full potential. Will it succeed? Yes, when more women get elected. That will happen because Millennial women are no longer satisfied with the status quo. They’re in the workforce. They’re running companies. They know their worth and their value. They vote and they’ve had enough! The women’s anthem of the 80s was a song called Sisters are Doing It For Themselves. The sisters of today are indeed doing it for themselves. They’ve linked arms across race, ethnicity and lifestyle to affect change in every culture. They are already changing the geopolitical landscape. I’m sure one of them will make Time Magazine’s Person of the Year cover, a spot no woman has held by herself in 89 years. It’s time, TIME!
WOMEN ARE NOT JUST IN THE ROOM. THEY’RE AT THE TABLE. IT’S TIME!
Conscious Living with Jo Mooy
Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to www.starsoundings.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Anatomy The Anatomy of Attachment
of Attachment In the beginning…childhood attachment styles set the stage for the development of long-term relationship patterns. By Lotus Josiah Seng
The security of a commitment along with healthy attachment create positive inner work models of self and others based on both clients’ own internal functioning and the outside world—models without significant distortions. Unsafe attachment leads to dysfunctional coping strategies, limited ability to mentalize and problematic relational functioning.
NEUROBIOLOGICAL RESEARCH SHOWS THE IMPORTANCE OF EARLY ATTACHMENT EXPERIENCES FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE BRAIN STRUCTURE... ...and in the coaching relationship
these early relationship patterns are reactivated and influential. The extent to which the coach and the client create a relationship with attachment can 28
impact how positive the outcome of the coaching objectives will be. This is significant because the bonding in the relationship forms the basis for the transformation. For people with complex trauma or challenges, the process of attachment serves as actual therapy, and this process works the same way when coaching relationships are created. Therefore, the pressure in recent years for coaches to work short-term and problemoriented—which has increased sharply since 2010—is not a constructive development. For this three-part series, we will look at relationships and attachment styles of children and adults in parts one and two and then translate them to the coachclient relationship in part three. My goal is to explore the aspects of the client-coach relationship in connection with healthy boundaries, and also to look at how codependency issues form in a relationship and how to avoid having complaints filed against you as coach when a coach-client relationship is perceived as unsafe.
Part 1 Attachment is a biological driving force that is as important as the sucking reflex in newborns. Today, about 70 percent of the population is securely attached, and 30 percent is insecurly attached, and these percentages reflect transcultural studies. When we consider the compelling laws of nature, the bottom line is that parents are either loving or abusive. The first researcher to distinguish between safe and unsafe attachment was John Bowlby (1969), and his evolutionary theory of attachment, which is supported by a large body of neurobiological research, suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others to help them survive. Attachment experiences also are the basis for later psychic functioning. These experiences lead to the creation of “inner work models” that the child uses to anticipate and come into contact with the outside world. The inner work models or mental representations determine how the “self” is perceived in relation to others. Is it self-competent and abstaining? Are others available and safe—or not? The primary care environment is therefore crucial for the development of social-emotional functioning and the centrally important ability to
regulate emotions. Without the stimulation of a safely experienced other, the development of a child’s brain functions and structures stagnates in the area of affect regulation, as well as in observation and memory. Abused or neglected children are chronically emotionally disregarded, and they exhibit increased anxiety or apathy. Their social interactions are characterized by over or lower aggression and by distorted impulse regulation. Attention and concentration are problematic, and cognitive functions are affected. Thus, development takes place both at the level of the brain and on the level of emotional consciousness and the meaning given to experiences.
Emotions are the immune system of the mind. Safety is provided by “containment” of negative emotions that the child can not regulate independently and the stimulation of fun and positive emotions. Parents who are sensitive to the child’s condition validate his or her feelings. This is essential for trust in the accessibility and availability of the attachment figures and to develop confidence in themselves because their own behavior is experienced as effective. The child learns to rely on his
own perception and develops the ability to regulate his affections. Emotions are the immune system of the mind. Positive or negative emotions warn us if a situation is safe or unsafe: Can I get closer or should I guard myself? It is important that this immune system works well. Otherwise, it will impact a person’s ability to function as a healthy human being. 29
Emotion is a state of feeling. It takes place in our body; it’s an autonomous reaction we don’t control. Emotions are not registered on a conscious level, while our behavior is determined by our emotions. Emotions can be recognized by others through our facial expressions before we are even cognizant of them. The awareness of an emotion is only established it is translated into a feeling, recognized and correlated at a higher level of consciousness.For example, we can feel angry and convert it directly into action, but we also can perceive anger in ourselves and convert the feeling into words.
Attachment in Children
There are four different basic patterns of attachment in children, which first appeared in 1978 in the so-called “strange situation test” (Ainsworth and others). The reactions of toddlers were looked at during a brief separation and reunification with their mother or caretaker in a standardized situation. The anxiety-controlling behavior of the children was registered, with the main focus of reunification with the mother. Could the child reunite and then focus attention on the environment again? It was about the child’s search between distance and proximity in relation to the mother. The basic patterns observed are the secure attachment, the anxious avoiding attachment and the anxious ambivalent attachment. In a later study, a fourth basic pattern was added: the disorganized attachment.
1. Safely (secure) attached children seek consolation and support with their mother to then revert to selfexploration behavior. In this case, the mother reacts sensitively to the child’s stress signals and gives adequate care and attention. In other words, the children are able to elicit adequate responses from the mother, which makes their own behavior as effective as possible. 2. Anxiously avoiding children do not seek comfort and support with the mother and continue to focus on their environment. They behave as if they were not affected by separation and, thus, seemingly are undisturbed by their (uncontrolled) exploration behavior. The attachment behavior is deactivated. These children are often labeled as “easy-going.” However, it is remarkable that their physiological levels of stress, such as an accelerated heart rate and a high cortisol level, differ as much as in the case of toddlers who are openly deregulated or neglected. These children have learned early to suppress expressions of emotional dependence and deprivation to protect themselves from the pain from rejection by unavailable parents. 3. Anxiously ambivalent attached toddlers show a high level of disorder. They remain clinging to their mother after reunification, but they are angry and difficult to console. They remain untouched for a long time at the expense of their attention for
and exploration of the environment. The attachment system is actually out of control. These children are accustomed to the unresponsiveness of their parents, who are inconsistently available. Exaggeration of emotions gives these children the best response to get attention they are craving. Freud has described this interaction in her book Men and Mothers. The mother, on one hand, submits to the child’s need for consolation, but on the other hand remains angry with him. That anger causes the child so much fear that he has more need for comfort. This is a typical example of anxious ambivalent attachment. 4. Disorganized attached children exhibit stressful and chaotic behavior by varying different coping strategies. The bizarre and frightening behavior of the parental figures shows the child an insoluble conflict because they are at the same time the cause of fear and the source of consolation. These children are hyper-alert to the behavior of the mother and extremely sensitive to her mental state while their own inner world remains untimely and broken
Stay tuned: Next month we will look at the evolution of adult attachment styles and how the child and adult styles interact and impact each other.
Map. Your. Future. with Lotus Josiah Seng, Ph.D. Lotus Josiah Seng, MA., Ph.D., is a Certified Change Management Professional; Certified and Associated IWCA Master Coach; Master Expert NLP; Certified Expert Lean Management Practitioner; CSSB. She is the owner of ETSbyLotus, LLC, a coaching, mediation and consulting firm with offices in Washington, D.C., Maryland, Virginia and New York. Currently, nine coaches are affiliated with the firm. Lotus has developed two 15-step methodologies 1) “The Mecca of Your Mind©”; and 2) “Mapping. Your. Future.©” for personal growth, career development and improving relationships. Both are infused with the concepts of utilizing the strengths of the left and right side of the brain. Lotus and her team work as a coaches and mediators with couples, siblings, families and executives to foster personal growth, improving relationships, and all aspects of communication. For more information email: lotus@ etsbylotus.com or follow Lotus on Twitter at EtsbyLotus or Instagram at Sheswalkingwithwings.
The Sweetness of Self-Love
The Sweetness of
Self-Love By Rena Greenberg We all crave love. Whether we have a special love in our life or not, many of us seek a deeper, more encompassing love. Often, we reach for chocolate out of that desire for love—but the chocolate, no matter how comforting, will never satisfy our deeper longings. To experience deeper, unconditional love, we need to be ready to receive such a love. Ask yourself, “How receptive are you to love?” If your answer is disappointing, realize that you have the power to change that, regardless of any past hurts or doubts concerning true love. To make this inner shift from feeling a lack of love to experiencing an abundance of beauty and bliss, begin by using your imagination.
begin to attract to yourself the same positive, delightful experiences you do when you are actually falling in love. You can create a loving state and feeling within yourself by changing both your physiology and your mental focus. You know how when you hold your body in a slumped position, with your shoulders forward, and breathe in a shallow way, thinking worrisome thoughts, you tend to feel slightly less powerful and optimistic? Well, the opposite is true as well. Watch what happens inside yourself as you breathe deeply and fully, filling your body with life-giving oxygen, stand tall with your chest out, and put a smile on your face. You can’t help but begin to feel positive when you hold this pose! You can enhance that pleasant state and encourage exhilaration within as you couple your erect posture and full belly breathing with images of love and beauty. If there was ever a time when you fell in love, imagine how you felt at that time now. Remember your wedding day or the birth of a baby, or the happiest time of your life. Use all your senses. Was there a particular song playing in the background? Were there any fragrances that you recall? How bright and vivid were the colors around you? As you stand tall, with your mouth in a full smile from ear to ear, breathing fully and deeply, imagining a time when you were experiencing total bliss, increase your connection to your inner power by visualizing that you are standing in a ball of white or golden, radiant, illuminating light. Create a simple phrase to make the image even more real for you. For example, “I am love,” or “The perfect
Create an image of the perfect love what it feels like, looks like, sounds like, tastes like. Make it real, in full color, enhancing your visual image with sound and feeling. Imagine how you’d breathe (deeply), how you’d look (what you’d be wearing), and how you’d sound if you were already experiencing the perfect love. The key is not imagining someone else out there to fulfill you, but creating the feeling (the vibration) within yourself of that in-love, blissful feeling. What we imagine, we bring toward ourselves. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined, so when you take the time to create an inner state of love, joy and fulfillment, your inner mind begins to act as if this were indeed true for you. When you radiate love, you 32
Stop grabbing for chocolate to satisfy your cravings, and reach within to experience the love you desire and deserve. 33
love dwells in me.” Remember to continue to bring your awareness to your posture and gently correct it so that it reflects that inner “in-love” state. Give yourself the following challenge. For 24 hours pretend to be this love. Make believe that you are already receiving and experiencing this deep level of love regardless of your five senses telling you otherwise. Act as if it were so and see what happens. It can be very empowering to realize that our outer experience in the world is often a reflection of our inner state.
there is evidence that there are health benefits to be had from eating chocolate—especially dark chocolate—there is also a great danger that indulging in too much chocolate could lead you down a slippery slope. One or two pieces melting in your mouth can be quite satisfying; however, beyond that you could easily find yourself in the throes of sugar addiction and compulsive eating. If you can have a little, then enjoy, but if you mindlessly find yourself overindulging, it’s important to realize that
whether they are induced by “outer reality” or the new, more positive “inner reality” that you are conjuring up. In either case, it is this current moment here and now and your reaction to it that will determine your future moments. Your thoughts and feelings precede and influence all your actions. Whether you are craving love or craving chocolate, you can affect which direction that desire will lead you toward by selecting your inner state. If you choose love— congratulations! This choice will make it much more likely that your future moments will be filled with that which you desire. If in this moment, you do not make that higher choice to change your state to one of beauty and bliss, know that the option is always there for you. It’s never too late to change the inner pictures that we hold. All you have to do is imagine that it is already so by nourishing yourself with the sights, sounds, feelings, and smells of being happy and in love. Stand tall, put your chest out, and put a smile on your face. Tell yourself the loving phrases you long to hear. Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself some appreciation and acknowledgement for all that you do and all that you are.
If we want to improve our outer circumstances and experience deeper levels of connection, love, and beauty, it’s necessary for us to take charge of what’s going on inside ourselves. With compassion for the stress and concerns we have accumulated in life, we can still very tenderly bring ourselves back to a more desirable state—perhaps similar to the state of love and openness we entered the world with. This can be accomplished with breath, movement, posture, facial expression, and imagery. What we imagine, we create.
the chocolate is triggering your blood sugar, causing you to spiral into a state of wanting more. This is a physical reaction to the sugar in your body. When you find yourself bingeing, it’s also very likely that there is a deeper need wanting to be filled. Return to your love image and phrase. Remember to act as if you actually are already living from the inner state invoked by that illuminating, inspiring image and phrase. If it feels false, remind yourself to fake You’ll no longer need to reach it until you make it. Your inner mind for chocolate to experience love and truly does not know the difference. It comfort once you make a habit of invok- is simply responding to your feelings ing a loving state within yourself. Though
Open to the possibility of your life filled with love and see how your desires manifest the life that you are longing for.
Love Life, Live Happy, Live Healthy with Rena Greenberg Rena Greenberg, a Hay House author, can be reached at EasyWillpower.com. Her weight loss and gastric bypass hypnosis success has been featured in 150-plus news stories including USA Today, Woman’s World, The Doctor’s, CNN, Good Morning America and Nightline. PBS stations nationally aired Rena’s show, “Easy Willpower,” in August 2015. Her wellness program is sponsored in 75 hospitals and 100-plus corporations. She conducts hypnotherapy sessions with people all over the world on Skype.
Live with PASSION and live a love-filled life! Make money teaching what you love, online, and find out if coaching is dead!
Published on Jan 19, 2018
Live with PASSION and live a love-filled life! Make money teaching what you love, online, and find out if coaching is dead!