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Peoria Times
OPINION
January 6, 2022
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AROUND THE BLUHMIN’ TOWN
Possibilities are endless in the new year BY JUDY BLUHM Peoria Times Columnist
Another year. And another year older. It is my granddaughter Bella’s birthday today. She is thrilled to be 6 years old. My husband Doug’s birthday is Friday. He has little enthusiasm for being a year older, but Bella has enough excitement for all of us. At Christmas, I gave her a furry little purse. She thanked me, then asked if I knew she was having a birthday. I laughed, “Of course.” Bella went on to explain that her birthday is going to be one of the “most fantastic days of my life” and that turning 6 “will be the best year ever.” I inquired about what would make her year “the best ever.” She replied, “I will learn a lot of new things;
there will be sleepovers, vacations, parties, swimming, fun and cookies.” When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she squealed, “A unicorn!” Then she did a cartwheel. Aww, the exuberance of youth. Kids love birthdays! Doug won’t be doing cartwheels (but I asked him to try one). Aging can be rough. Years start adding up faster than we like and then we are shocked at how time flew by. My grandmother used to say that growing old is like a roll of toilet paper — when you start getting to the end it goes real fast. True, but I will try to look at future birthdays through the eyes of Bella. Another year holds the promise of “learning lots of new things” and might include a cookie or two. Buying birthday presents for kids is pretty easy. And relatively inexpensive. Simple toys, dolls, trucks or
a furry little purse can make a child smile. For adults, especially parents and grandparents, giving and receiving meaningful gifts is a lot harder. One man in his 60s claimed his kids have given him so many bottles of Old Spice over the years that the boxed (and unopened bottles) line his closet like dead soldiers. He said that if he ever took them all to the dump and poured out the cologne, it would cause the entire county to wreak of Old Spice. The only thing he likes is the cheeky claim on every box that says, “If your grandfather hadn’t worn Old Spice, you wouldn’t exist.” Haha, might be true, but the point is that we need to get a bit more creative when it comes to gift giving for “older folks.” One of my colleagues claims he bought his 70-year-old mother the perfect gift for her birthday last week. What might a “perfect” gift be for a
lady of a certain age? A bottle of Jack Daniels and 50 bucks in quarters so she could play the slots at her favorite casino. Guess this gives new meaning to “live your best life.” I have a friend who is in her mid-70s and receives items like slippers as gifts, and while she is appreciative, she says she doesn’t want to be defined by “old lady items.” Gift giving can be complicated! Birthdays. A new year. A year older. Not necessarily wiser. But with the right cologne, a cartwheel and a unicorn, the possibilities are endless. PT
Fitzgerald off the golf course to play in the NFC championship game. Despite Fitz catching two touchdowns from reactivated quarterback Kurt Warner, age 50, the Cardinals fall to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and senior citizen QB Tom Brady. Feb. 1. Republican gubernatorial frontrunner Kari Lake makes news when she chooses the first day of Black History Month to advocate for “White History Months.” In a press conference held at Hobby Lobby, Lake proposes that the months of January, March, May, July, August, October and December — “which all have 31 days, so they’re better” — be dedicated to
teaching white history. She also suggests that “we give the Asians a week in June, because they’re great, but not, like, a whole month’s worth.” April 21. Three weeks into baseball season, Arizona Diamondbacks owner Ken Kendrick tweets that his team “is still undefeated and still in first place.” While the statement is technically true, Kendrick is roasted by the Arizona sports media, which note that the baseball lockout means no team has played a game yet. Kendrick lashes out at what he calls “media negativity.” He goes on to accurately note: “The truth is, this is still
better than last year.” May 17. President Joe Biden addresses the American people on a new pandemic development — we have officially run out of Greek letters to create variant names. In an ingenious move to raise revenue, Biden announces the federal government will now sell “variant sponsorships” to the highest bidder. First up? The “Amazon variant,” which will come to your house and infect you several days after its scheduled arrival. June 19. The Phoenix Suns win
Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local Realtor. Have a story or a comment? Email Judy at judy@judybluhm.com.
The news in preview: My kingdom for an abacus BY DAVID LEIBOWITZ Peoria Times Columnist
Let’s be honest: 2022 may be a real downer. Every time you turn on the news, there’s a new variant, new booster shots, a new court fight over masks. The only smart choice? Quit consuming news. To aid in your decision not to pay attention, I’ve peered ahead 365 days. Herewith, a 2022 year in review. Jan. 30. The Arizona Cardinals, left shorthanded by COVID-19, lure Larry
SEE ABACUS PAGE 10
