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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe
8 CONCERT BEAT 10 TOP SPINS & MOVIE REVIEW
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
THIS WEEK
VOL.1 ISSUE ISSUE 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 129. MARCH 6 - 12, 2013
Concert listings from many places
Gina Crash from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review
BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.
12 HOT SHOTS
Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!
13 CD REVIEW
14 CLUB & PUBS
We are working on it but need your help please send info
15 DINNER & BEER 21 ZODIAC
Tyler Drake checks the Mint in Bethlehem
Your astrology for the week
24 JOKES & COMICS
12 HOT SHOTS 31 MODEL BEAT 31
A few chuckles to get you through the week
MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper! Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper.
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY: GUILT THAT LINGERS
SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED
--An Arizona appeals court ruled in February that someone can be guilty
--(1) A 53-year-old Rosenheim, Germany, postal worker was relieved of criminal charges in January when a judge ruled him innocent of discarding mail (as jealous “whistle-blowers” had charged) after concluding that the carrier finished routes early simply because he worked faster. Although the charge was dropped, he was reprimanded for taking unauthorized (i.e., simpler) routes. (2) After a 400-pound woman broke both arms accidentally falling through a sidewalk in New York City in January, doctors told her that a thinner woman might have died from the same fall. “Thank God, they said that my size was the only thing that saved me.” --Faith healer Ariel Ben Sherman, 78, died in November in a South Carolina hospital after suffering respiratory arrest while being treated for small-cell cancer. He had been found guilty in May 2012 of neglect in the cancer death of a 15-year-old girl (of whom he had accepted the title of “spiritual father”) for his insistence that the girl’s mother reject medical care and treat the girl only with prayer.
of driving under the influence of marijuana even though its psychoactive ingredient has long left his system. Since tests of marijuana measure both active and inactive ingredients, and since the active substance vanishes quickly but the inactive one remains in the body for weeks, a marijuana consumer may test “positive” even though not the least bit impaired. (In fact, since neighboring Colorado recently legalized some marijuana possession, a Colorado driver motoring through Arizona weeks later could be guilty of DUI for a completely legal, harmless act, as could the 35,000 Arizona medical-marijuana users.) The appeals court majority reasoned that since the legislature did not distinguish the inactive ingredient from the active, neither would the court.
COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS --Richard Blake took the witness stand in Ottawa, Ontario, in January to
IRONIES
deny that it was he who had invaded a home and stabbed two people numer-
--A longtime high school teacher of French and Spanish is suing the Mariemont, Ohio, school district for having pressured her to resign in the face of what she calls her phobia, a “fear of kids” disorder, which she says should be protected by disability-discrimination law. Maria Waltherr-Willard, 61, had been reassigned to teach some junior high students, but doctors said she suffered hypertension, nightmares, chest pains and vomiting when around the younger-age children. --Lisa Biron’s recent biography shows her to be a licensed lawyer in two states, practicing in Manchester, N.H., and also affiliated with a group of volunteer lawyers that advocates “religious liberty, the sanctity of life, and marriage and family,” and issues warnings about the “homosexual agenda.” (She recently represented a church in Concord, N.H., and served on the board of directors of a Christian school in Manchester.) In January, Biron was convicted in federal court in Concord on nine counts involving taking her teenage daughter to Canada and creating child pornography.
ous times. With a straight face, he had an answer for all of the incriminating evidence. He had the perp’s car because “a stranger” had just handed him the keys; he didn’t recall what the stranger looked like (but guessed that he probably resembled Blake, because for some reason Blake got picked out of the lineup); he donned the stranger’s bloody knit cap (abandoning his own cap); he handled the stranger’s knife and bloody glove, and that’s why his DNA was on them; he fled at the first sight of police, ramming a cruiser to escape (even though he had “done nothing wrong”); he fled on foot after the collision and hid in a tree (but only to get away from a swarm of black flies). After deliberating politely for a day, the jury found him guilty. --A 61-year-old man in southern Sweden beat a DUI charge in February even though his blood-alcohol was five times over the legal limit. The man told the judge he is a hearty drinker and normally starts in even before work every day, with “no effect” on his performance. According to the Skanskan newspaper, that must have impressed the judge, who was so awed that he tossed out the charge.
PEOPLE WITH ISSUES --Australian researchers recently uncovered a minor prison phenomenon in that country that might shed light on isolated cases reported in southwest U.S. prisons (mentioned in News of the Weird in 2012): inmates inserting objects underneath the skin of their penises, somehow under the impression that (a) it doesn’t hurt and (b) it provides sexual pleasure and virility. Among the items discovered in Australia: buttons, dice, deodorant roller balls. The apparent favorite among the several Hispanic men discovered in the U.S. Southwest: shaved dominoes. In many cases, infections resulted and sometimes required major surgery.
PERSPECTIVE --From a tag on an item of clothing offered recently at a new-item price by the retailer Urban Outfitters: “This unique found item was hand-selected for you from a yard sale or flea market. Any tears, holes, paint stains or other ‘defects’ we consider a virtue and not a flaw. Wear it well.” Consequently, an item that might have been donated overseas or to a Goodwill or Salvation Army store is sold to “urban” clotheshounds at “new” prices. Urban Outfitters defended the practice, calling any such items “curated” by their expert store buyers, “handpicked” for their “uniqueness,” and sometimes “truly one-of-a-kind, which means that once they’re gone, they’re gone.”
READERS CHOICE
--In December, a 38-year-old male worker at the Social Security office in Baltimore was issued a formal reprimand after coworkers complained that he prodigiously passed gas at his desk. He had been counseled informally in the summer of 2012, and to satisfy “due process,” a log was made later listing 60 specific emissions on 17 separate dates, with, for example, nine blasts on Sept. 19. Seven days after the letter of reprimand was issued, “senior management” at the agency learned of it and withdrew it, without comment, according to a Washington Post report.
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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
CONCERT BEAT
CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Slackwater News, Mar 22 Senses Fail, Apr 3 Kings Foil, Apr 6 Reverend Horton Heat, Apr 13
CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600 Tommy Ramone & Glen Matlock, Mar 20 Reverend Horton Heat, Apr 10 Ganstagrass, Apr 26 Millionaires, Apr 28
MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA
TICKETS 212-307-7171 Jason Aldean, Mar 2 Pink, Mar 22 Armin Van Buuren “A State of Trance”, Mar 30 Fleetwood Mac, Apr 8
SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366 Alice In Chains, May 18 The Killers, May 19 Jimmy Buffet, Jun 25 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 12
TICKETS 570-325-0249
IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY
Glimmer Twins, Mar 2 Wishbone Ash, Mar 9 Mountain Spring Wellness Festival, Mar 22
TICKETS 212-777-6800
MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA
Scott Weiland, Mar 9 Finch, Mar 12 The Saw Doctors, Mar 15 Anberlin, Vital Tour, Mar 20
TICKETS 570-920-7600
SOVEREIGN CENTER, Reading, PA
Gabriel Iglesias, Apr 12 Ringling Bros & Barnum Bailey, Apr 24-28
TICKETS 610-898-7200
Lisa Lampanelli Mar 15 • Chris Young, Apr 20
MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono
THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA
TICKETS 877-682-4791 Tommy Davidson, Mar 23 War, Apr 20 Best of NY Burlesque, Apr 27
WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600 Rhianna, Mar 14 Pink, Mar 17
MUSIKFEST CAFE Bethlehem, PA
TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Dropkick Murphys, Mar 8 Dropkick Murphys, Mar 9 Coheed and Cambria, Mar 11 Finch, Mar 15 The Black Crowes, Apr 12 Mindless Self Indulgence, Apr 14
SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 800-745-3000 Hinder, Mar 10 Scott Weiland, Mar 14 Jewel, Mar 15 Dennis Miller, Mar 16 Women of Wrestling, Mar 24 YES, Apr 7 Anjelah Johnson, Apr 13
Wayne Newton, Apr 20 Alice in Chains, May 7 Brian Regan, May 12 Motley Crue, May 20 -21 Chicago, May 22 Weird Al Yankovic, Jun 4 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22
HERSHEY PARK ARENA, Hershey Park, PA TICKETS 717-534-3911
One Direction, Jul 5, 2013 • Dave Matthews Band, Jul 13
TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 922-5483 Nile, Mar 7 Devotchka, Mar 8 The Shakedown 11th Anniversary, Mar 9 Johnny Popcorn, Mar 14 Anomaly / Beyond Black Skies, Mar 16 KMFDM, Mar 19 Booka Shade, Mar 20 Anberlin, Mar 22 The Fighting Jamesons, Mar 23 Senses Fail, Apr 4 Volbeat, Apr 11 Sammy Adams & T. Mills, Apr 23 Juanez, Jun 21 The Mission UK, Sep 4
MAINGATE NIGHT CLUB 448 N 17th St
(610) 776-7711 As I Lay Dying, Mar 19 • R5 Loud Tour, Apr 7
KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA
The Irish Comedy Tour, Mar 15 TICKETS 610-332-1300 Spank (Musical), Mar 19-23 Finnegan’s Farewell, Mar 7-10 Rick Braun, Mar 30 The Irish Rovers, Mar 12 The Fixx, Apr 4 Dr. John & The Lower 911, Mar 13 Ophira Eisenberg, Apr 11
George Thorogood & The Destroyers, Mar 14 Liel Kolet, Mar 17 The Fab Faux, Mar 23 Living Color, Apr 4
SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA
PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA
Vienna Boys Choir, Mar 8 3 Days Grace, Apr 19 Deftones, Mar 12 Steel Panther, Apr 26 Circa Survive & Minus The Bear, Mar 20 Volbeat, May 6 Awolnation, Mar 22 Bullet for my Valentine, May 19
Queensryche, Mar 9 Marshall Tucker Band, Mar 16 Jefferson Starship, Mar 22 Satisfaction, Apr 5
TICKETS 570-420-280 Page 8
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY
TICKETS 215-572-7650
TICKETS 570-325-0371
Queensryche will perform at Penns Peak this Saturday
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013 Page 10
GINA CRASH’S TOP 10 BROUGHT TO YOU BY
1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10
HOLLOW
Movie Review
By Chris Bumbray
ALICE IN CHAINS THE DEVIL PUT DINOSAURS HERE
BONES
YOUNG GUNS BONES
TEMPEST DEFTONES
KOI NO YOKAN
PLOT: After surviving the tragic events that took place in the first film, Nell Sweetzer finds herself starting over. Soon however she realizes that the demon that once possessed her has more in store for the innocent young woman. REVIEW: In THE LAST EXORCISM, we meet a naïve and troubled young woman named Nell (Ashley Bell). Sheltered all her life by her father Louis (Louis Herthum), she became victim to a seemingly demonic force. Her performance as Nell was compelling as an innocent possessed by a monstrous evil. She survived! However so did the darkness that followed her in the first film. In the sequel, she is taken into a home for troubled girls in order to put her past behind her – at least what she can remember.
STAND UP
ALL THAT REMAINS A WAR YOU CANNOT WIN
HEAVEN NOR HELL VOLBEAT
BEYOND HELL / ABOVE HEAVEN
FREAK LIKE ME
HALESTORM
THE STRANGE CASE OF…
WHERE DID THE ANGELS GO? PAPA ROACH
THE CONNECTION
ALIVE
ADELITA’S WAY
HOME SCHOOL VALEDICTORIAN
THE HIGH ROAD 3 DAYS GRACE
TRANSIT OF VENUS
ABSOLUTE ZERO STONE SOUR
HOUSE OF GOLD & BONES PART 1
Ashley Bell once again breathes life in Nell. You would be hard pressed to find another actress who could convey the vulnerable state that she is required to do here. Her kind of sort of romance with a young man she works with named Chris (Spencer Treat Clark) works better than it should have thanks to her engaging performance (as well as Clark’s for his limited role). Yet much like all the supporting characters in this sequel, he oftentimes seems superfluous to what is going on. This is a battle between Nell and her demon past, all others be damned. THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2 attempts to rise above the first film and it certainly does on a budgetary level. Sadly, the story meanders along as we witness Nell wandering around Louisiana surrounded by people we don’t care about. As good as her performance is, everybody else falls by the wayside. They’re fodder and it seems as though you could have taken out several of the players and not felt a thing. In the finale, those that attempt to help Nell just conveniently show up and have no real substance. However the final few frames of this film are a tad better than I would have thought, especially after the poor ending to the first film. Exorcism movies are clearly very difficult films to pull off. Aside from a very small handful, they tend to disappoint rather than really build tension. THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2 has a few creepy moments and once again features a very strong and interesting actress leading us through. It is a better film than it could have been thanks to Gass-Donnelly taking a different path than the original. There are a few jump scares yet it lacks any real momentum. It seems that they were on the verge of creating a sequel that is scarier than the first, but with too many minor characters muddling it all up with a meager payoff, it only amounts to an average and dull thriller that’ll be a better bet for home viewing.
They’re baaaack!
on
The Aardvarks backstage at Musikfest Cafe (L-R): Jon Novak, Ted Donatelli, Jay Morgan, Michael Rauscher, Rod Walls
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
aardvarks at artsquest
by: Mitch
2013 Caren Kennedy Photography
Friday, February 22, approximately 750 ardent Aardvarks fans showed up at Musikfest Café at ArtsQuest in Bethlehem to see the band they had been sorely missing for the past six months. The sellout crowd was indicative of just how beloved this band has become to Lehigh Valley music lovers over the past few years. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then this crowd had to be in sheer ecstasy as they reveled in the jubilation of seeing their favorite band perform once again after a lengthy layoff.
For the band’s introduction, Rick Michaels from The Hawk joked to the audience that the guys in the band got some much needed rest over the past half year as well as some “intense therapy” but no amount of therapy could substitute for the adulation that The Aardvarks received from their adoring fans. It had to feel good for them to see a packed house with a full dance floor. The Aardvarks are Michael Rauscher on guitar and lead vocals, Jay Morgan on guitar and vocals, Rod Walls on keyboards and vocals, Jon Novak on bass and the latest addition to The Aardvarks, drummer and vocalist, Ted Donatelli. Donatelli, former drummer for The Jeff Bellfy Band, replaces Jason Sanita who left the band in September 2012. He is also the younger brother of my buddy on the airwaves, 99.9 The Hawk’s Dan Donatelli. So now, through a stroke of fate, we’re all inextricably connected and I expect comp reserved seating at the next Aardvarks ArtsQuest gig! All kidding aside, it was great to be in attendance at Musikfest Café for this special show where I had the chance to renew some old acquaintances. The band was very tight and showed no signs of rust. For Donatelli, it was baptism by fire as he was thrust into the spotlight, singing the harmony with Rauscher right out of the gate on the opener, “Sunshine of Your Love.” An Aardvarks’ favorite, “Cinnamon Girl”, had the right amount of spice and a Zep medley, which featured the ending of “Stairway” coupled with “Good Times Bad Times”, got me rocking and gulping my Lord Chesterfield Ale faster than normal!
One thing that can sour a show at Musikfest Café is a substandard sound mix. But when I saw longtime Aardvarks’ sound man Nate Hunsicker on the board, those fears were instantly allayed. The mix was fantastic as was the light show. Kudos to the lighting tech who was working on the balcony level. For a band coming off of a six month break, everything was in synch. For the second set opener, the band once again called upon Donatelli to do the honors as he provided vocals for Pink Floyd’s “In the Flesh/Young Lust” while Morgan sparkled on the David Gilmour lead guitar parts and Novak on the bass guitar. For Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”, Teddy became Freddie as Donatelli was once again featured on vocals. They churned out more staple songs from their repertoire covering Blondie, Phish, Cheap Trick, Duran Duran and Tom Petty before wrapping with the encore, Stephen Stills’ “Love the One You’re With.” With The Aardvarks off for so long, absence made the heart grow fonder but now that they’re back on the scene, I’m happy to report that familiarity will never breed contempt. It’s good to have them back.
Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last ten years! Tune in weeknights for The Six O’Clock Class Reunion and great classic hits from the 60s through the 90s and on Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com
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A healthy dose of 80s rock was the next item on the Café menu with Gary Numan’s “Cars”, Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” and INXS’ “Don’t Change” sending the dancers out on the floor en masse. Rod Walls’ keys proved to be indispensible for these pop-synth tunes. The first set also included Mellencamp’s “Lonely Ol’ Night” and “Pink Houses” as Rauscher gleefully played guitar and sang.
They rolled out classics from The Stones, The Jackson 5 and Johnny Cash, too. Variety was never a problem for The Aardvarks and nothing has changed in that regard.
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
W.E.T: RISE UP
Jeff Scott Soto, Erik Martensson and Robert Sall, with the help of Eclipse’s Robban Bäck and Magnus Henriksson, produce what must be the most anticipated melodic rock album of 2013. And naturally enough, they do not disappoint, with some of the finest examples of powerful melodic music this genre can deliver. I think this release is a little different than your normal debut album sequel scenario. First, the band has to work up something that will challenge the brilliance of that first album. Secondly the first album was written entirely by Erik Martennson with his writing partner in Sweden and this time vocalist Jeff Scott Soto was always going to be more involved in the writing. Lastly, the fans got to know what exactly W.E.T. musically stood for on their debut, so and the guys have lost that surprise wow factor.
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
CD REVIEW
BY: Jeff Clutterbuck
rocking anthem of epic proportions, with Erik and Jeff trading vocals at the verse intros. Another song that defines what melodicrock.com is all about. 105/100! The left-off metal ballad Bigger Than Both Of Us would have been perfect here instead. What You Want is another WTH moment. No, more like “how the hell” – as in how the hell did anyone write a song so fricken fantastically awesome. Hardly my best example of journalistic writing there, but the song is so intensely brilliant, it’s all I could come up with to convey my love of this multi-layered, mid-tempo AOR anthem.
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Bad Boy – the proposed opening track of the album – is one that I already see has drawn mixed comments from fans. I love the song itself and the heaviness of it. But I’m not a fan of the lyric and that’s after I have lived with it for more than 6 months, It was one of the 3 first demos I But, we are talking from the initial writing “Jeff Scott Soto, Erik Martensson and heard about W.E.T. here – the sessions and I wasn’t blown very best is expected Robert Sall, produce what must be the most away by it then either. from them and from anticipated melodic rock album of 2013.” the musicianship, production quality and overall On The Run is a super heavy, hard rocking melodic joy encountered within this album, track with guitars everywhere and a simple they are still head and shoulders above the ear shattering drum beat. A hard impact verse competition. and equally impressive chorus. Just a monster rocker featuring a huge vocal. Wonderful. Opening the album is scintillating fashion is the Journey-esque brilliance of Walk Away, a song Broken Wings is the track I thought might be so rich in melodic goodness that it pours from cool to close the album with. But here it is and the speakers. This song was to be buried back I’m just glad it’s on the album anywhere. I love further in the album, but I campaigned for it to the anthemic guitar riff that kicks it off and be the opener (over the band’s preferred option the moody verse that follows. And the closing Bad Boys). I’m so glad it made it here as it is just minute or so is trademark Erik Martensson guitar glorious. It just makes me happy by listening to soloing. this. Then without any break, the album segues straight into another amazing song Learn to Live Again, which is another multi-layered hard
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN
Platinum Plus Gentlemen’s Club 1231 Airport Rd South, Allentown, PA 18109 610-433-3311 Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 3/17 the JOB Band Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd, 610-769-4600 3/8 Rockin Blue 3/9 Common Bond Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Tuesday Nights: Karaoke w/DJ Troy TBA Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music
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Strange Brew Tavern 1996 S. Fifth St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night Sunday: Open mic 3/8 Bootleg Express 3/9 Smith Cmpound
BATH Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670
BETHLEHEM Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Baseball Thurday: DJ@10pm Sat: BOGO Burgers Sunday: Football
Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 3/6 Urban Achievers 3/7 N O M 3/8 App Gypsie Tribe 3/9 Civilian 3/10 Jazz Jam Night 3/11 Pete Scapgrace 3/12 The Four Walls Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Monday: Jukebox Thursday: Karaoke Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Sunday: Karaoke Bethlehem Brew Works 569 Main St 610-882-1300
Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St (610) 770-1444 March 9 St. Patty’s Day Pub Crawl
Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 3/8 DJ JJ Sands 3/9 DJ Madera
Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman
Tally Ho 205 W. Fourth St 610-865-2591 St. Patricks Weekend In the Valley March 15th - 17th $5 Green Pitchers $2 Green Pints $1 Jello Shots
Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 3/6 DJ Jonny B & Xtina 3/7 Weird Science 3/8 Craig Thatcher Band 3/9 Back 2 Life 3/10 Animal House 3/11 Steve Brown 3/12 Tower Suite
DJ JJ Sands 3/8 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA
Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950
Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 3/7 Michael Smith 3/8 Tommy Sands 3/9 Professor Louie & Crowmatix 3/10 Ellis Paul 3/12 Blue Grass Jam
St. Patricks Pub Crawl 3/9 Roosevelt’s 21st Allentown, PA
CATASAQUA Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550
COOPERSBURG Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010 3/15-17 St. Patty’s Party Weekend!
BARTONSVILLE The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 3/6 Waiting For Katie 3/9 Romeo Vegas
EASTON Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ 3/16 St. Patty’s Day Party, Free Buffett Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 Wed: Pong Night $100 First Place 3/8 DJ Zee 3/15 St. Patricks Party w/ DJ Zee Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 3/7 Ernie Stadler 3/8 Hoochie Coochie 3/9 Acoustic Gumbo
Peter Scapegrace 3/11 The Funhouse Bethlehem, PA
Romeo Vegas 3/9 The Pocono Pub Bartonsville, PA
MORE ON PAGE 21
Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke
The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours
BY: Tyler Drake
The beer dinner is the showcase event a gastropub is designed for. Food comes to the table in small portions, each served with a beer selected to complement that particular course. If, as I am, you are an unrepentant boozehound and glutton, a lover of beer and chow, and a person who can sit for a many-hour meal, it is the kind of thing you get excited about. And even if knitting pet sweaters or raiding orcish internet villages is more your bag, you should probably loosen up your drinking belt and check out a beer dinner at least once. The Mint Gastropub in Bethlehem hosts monthly beer dinners, each hosted by a representative from a sponsoring brewery. At the end of February, Miles Moser of the Brooklyn Brewery came out to the Mint and brought with him some special beers. The Brooklyn Brewery, the menu description succinctly says, “makes beer.” A pithy clarification: “good beer.” It was originally a contract brewery, and the beer was brewed by the Matt Brewing Company, which is responsible for Saranac. Halfway through the last decade, the outfit hired Brewmaster Garrett Oliver and took over a former matzo factory in Williamsburg, a neighborhood in Brooklyn populated by a diverse array of ethnic groups, a bunch of primarily white hipsters, and a bunch of suited spillover from Manhattan (and you can probably guess which group is driving the rent up for the other two). Oliver, now the brewmaster for almost two decades, wrote “The Brewmaster’s Table: Discovering the Pleasures of Real Beer with Real Food,” edited “The Oxford Companion to Beer,” and has sat in judgment at the Great American Beer Festival for eleven years.
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
BEER DINNER AT THE MINT
and summer put into a glass, and is usually only served within a 10-mile radius (hence the name) of the brewery. He has put their Irish Dry Stout into a cask, something you are unlikely to find anywhere. He brought Concoction, a beer inspired by the cocktail called ‘Penicillin’ (try it at the Bookstore Speakeasy), that is smoky with a background of ginger and a honey profile. Reviews at our table were mixed (I liked it, but maybe it could have used less smoke), but if you like everything you try then you are not being adventurous enough. There were double and imperial IPAs, and a stout that took its name from my favorite movie. Oh, and there was food, seven courses of it. Domenic Lombardo, owner and executive chef of the gastropub, built a pangastronomic menu designed to reflect the different neighborhoods of Brooklyn. The meal began with Japanese, a taste of octopus with seaweed salad, and proceeded through Italian, American (a burger in miniature, accompanied by house-made ketchup and mustard and mayonnaise), Korean and Chinese, Indian, and Jewish, and finished with a helping of monkey bread for the entire table. Lombardo has a deft touch with food, often includes special flourishes like a chip made from pancetta cured in the cellar, and paces the meal just right — even with a sold-out restaurant, nobody at our table ever felt rushed or made to wait too long between courses.
“As a community leader, a passionate wrestling fan, and a supportive parent of a student athlete, I should have handled this incident better.”
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One of the really cool things about these brewery-sponsored beer dinners is that they try to bring special, unique, and exclusive beers. Moser has brought Radius, a bone-dry saisonstyle farmhouse beer that is citrus and flowers
The Mint puts on a spectacular beer dinner, but it isn’t the only place in the Lehigh Valley doing the format: BrewWorks, Shula’s Steakhouse, St. James Gate in the casino, Roosevelt’s 21st, and a slew of other places are doing beer dinners. And, as a spin on the idea, the Bookstore Speakeasy is running cocktail dinners and Molly’s Irish Grille, in perhaps the most appropriate combination of liquor and girl scouts I’ve ever heard of, is pairing beer with girl scout cookies for a fixed price. Enjoy.
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
Pay your respects... An Interactive, Musical Comedy, Dinner Show
March 7-10
Musikfest Café™ at SteelStacks™ sponsored by WLEV
$65 | $55
Shepherd’s Pie dinner included in ticket price.
...and drown your sorrows Coming Soon to the Musikfest Café™ presented by Yuengling
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The Irish Comedy Tour March 15 | 7:30 pm $29 | $24
The Fixx April 13 | 7:30 pm $32 | $27 | $22
Tickets: artsquest.org | 610-332-3378
The Mavericks April 18 | 7:30 pm $44 | $32
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
Porcupine
Gone Wild! WIN FREE PIERC
INGS & BODY M
Rules:
ODIFICATIONS
24 Taps
www.strangebrewtavern.co 610-841-3610
Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews Entertainment This Week: Fri Mar 8 – Bootleg Express Sat Mar 9 – Smith Compound Band Sunday – Open Mic Night
WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E
FOR LIFE
• Take the porcupine with you on your Spring Break Vacation. • Post daily videos and pics featuring the porcupine to Facebook and Youtube. • Bring the porcupine back to us safely. HURRY! only 15 porcupines available. Winners will be chosen on March 29, 2013. Offer not valid in conjunction with any other offer.
Kitchen open 11am til Midnight
Open 7 days a week 11am - 2am
strangebrew610
1996 S. Fifth St Allentown
(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)
Miller Lite Aluminum Can $2.50 except for Stahley’s
STOP BY AND PICK UP YOUR PORCUPINE AT: Porcupine Piercing
224 Nazareth Pike Bethlehem, PA (Trolley Station)
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(610) 365-2030
BIG WOODY’S 4th St. MARCH 13, 4PM-7PM
STOOGES MARCH 14, 4PM-7PM
VOLPE’S (ALLENTOWN) MARCH 18, 4PM-7PM
MILLER LITE 16oz Aluminum $2.50
ARIES Doors swing wide open for you around Wednesday and Thursday. Opportunity’s knocking -- so greet it with a smile (and more, if it’s of the romantic variety!). Friday or Saturday could involve issues surrounding who’s in charge. Are you ready to negotiate when it comes to a certain situation or relationship? Then, on Sunday, you’re much more likely to see eye-to-eye with this person -and it looks nice. The golden rule is in full effect as the week gets under way: Respond to others with the thought and care you’d like them to use with you. The good karma you accrue is priceless.
TAURUS Your subconscious mind is active, and a little mischievous, in the middle half of the week, and you may find that some things you believe for sure turn out to be only half true. Your sweetie or crush turns out to know a lot more than you thought about something big over the weekend. You are thinking about long-term commitments on Monday -- even if you just started dating, or are very single! There’s nothing wrong with thinking about it, and if the circumstances are right, you may want to open negotiations. GEMINI Wednesday and Thursday, an extra set of hands and eyeballs (and the extra perspective that comes with them) makes projects (or even play) much better. Say howdy, partner! Be sure to be explicit about plans, ideas and feelings from Friday through the weekend -- and get those around you to do the same. Draw them out with your winning, persuasive ways. Sunday can bring a bigtime breakthrough! It looks like you’re sticking to your guns as the week gets going, and you’ve got the smarts to make an insightful argument for your point of view, too. A logical approach works wonders. CANCER Wednesday and Thursday, take a one-for-you, one-forme approach; your attention to helping others and also helping yourself makes everybody feel good, whether at work or in your personal life. Then heads up! Something you see or hear from Friday through the weekend helps you take a step in a slightly different, much better direction -- perhaps in an important relationship (or one that’s becoming important!).Take a deep breath and another look as the week begins -- if you don’t, you risk taking something personally when you shouldn’t. (Also, be sure to pause before you make any agreements final.) LEO Your heart’s definitely got something to say around Wednesday and Thursday, and before you know it, you might just be blurting it out. Good for you! You’re hot, so make some stuff happen. Then, from Friday through the weekend, it looks like something (or someone) is really sparking your enthusiasm. Just be sure to allow some space for natural growth and evolution. You might be getting lots of input as the week gets going, and, sure, you’ll want to consider it all. Just remember that the most important feedback will likely come from within. Don’t neglect your best instincts!
SCORPIO Slow down midweek, though, because you may be a bit gaffe-prone and too easily tripped up by words. It’s a good time to play it safe, whether you’re involved or looking for love. No matter what, you need to make the first move this weekend -- you’re pretty much as smooth as silk and should be able to lay down some unbelievable sweetness! Your personal energy is incredible on Monday, and you should be able to attract a new sweetie or convince your current flame to do almost anything within reason. Live large! SAGITTARIUS You’re ready to let some good times roll around Wednesday and Thursday, when friends and maybe a sweet surprise or two are in the stars. Your personal style shines, and it keeps on shining through the weekend. That imagination of yours is working overtime on some hot stuff! Somebody loves your way with (warm, witty) words now, too. Introduce a new idea into the mix on Sunday for some interesting results. Give yourself time to puzzle through something at the start of the week. Whether it’s a work issue or something more personal, you can come up with an unusual (and unusually good) solution. CAPRICORN Speaking of dreams, those who think you’re all about the nitty-gritty may be surprised by your philosophical (or romantic!) side around Wednesday and Thursday. Your personal vibe gets even better on Friday and Saturday -- you’re all charged up, and it’s the magnetic kind, with you attracting all kinds of positive attention. Enjoy! On Sunday, stick with what’s working. A little prep time is a big help as the week starts moving. Get your work agenda and your social calendar all lined up, and choose a goal, hope or dream to keep at the forefront of your mind. AQUARIUS New people are important midweek, either as potential sweeties or as folks who can help you infuse some new social energy into your relationship. In either case, you’re excited by the new possibilities! Life starts to get really confusing this weekend, and that goes doubly for your romantic side. You feel totally exposed on Monday, and ought to embrace the feeling, even if it is uncomfortable. That should only lead to greater intimacy, whether or not you think you’re ready for it! PISCES An open mind and a little caution don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and you’ll want both working for you around Wednesday and Thursday. Keep those cues you’re picking up on in your back pocket for later -- like Friday or Saturday, when you’re down to Earth and ready for action. Consider taking the lead now (you’ll look great up there!). Then, on Sunday, exploring’s as much (or more) fun than simple forward motion. Look around you!
CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN
Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em
PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd
CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)
QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 3/8 Mike Stanley & Friends 3/9 Lupe Garu - The Late Ancients McCooles Red Lion Inn 4 South Main Street 215-538-1776
The Eagle Hotel 201 East Broad Street 215-536-3316
READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200 Brass Lantern 1350 N 12th St 610-372-9311
KUHNSVILLE
WESCOSVILLE
Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx
NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Tuesdays: Karaoke/Billiards Thursday: DJ B-Rad Fridays: DJ Statik 3/9 Block Head 3/16 Toga Party Band
MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night
DOYLESTOWN
Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 3/8 The Rips 3/9 Live at the Filmore Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373
PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke
OREFIELD
GOULDSBORO
Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 3/8 Rehab X 3/9 Droppin’ Trou
The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night Amateur Night March 6th
CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn
STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 3/8 Baby Cave Plus 3/9 Baby Cave Plus 3/10 Pocono Duo at 10pm 3/12 Regina Sayles
Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke
For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com
Check out Droppin’ Trou Saturday at the Leather Corner Post in Orefield
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VIRGO You might want to loosen those plans up -- or set them aside altogether -- around Wednesday and Thursday. A looser approach, as well as an open heart and mind, allow room in your world for the expansion the stars favor now. Let it grow. From Friday through the weekend, it just might be your love life that’s flourishing gorgeously. Make it happen, hot stuff! Getting stuff done -- and lots of it! -- is likely priority-one for you as the week begins. Just make sure pertinent people are on board with your plans, or else conflicts are in the cards.
LIBRA The stars call on you to check your priorities now. What’s most important? Be conscious about such choices -- you’ll have a stellar opportunity to explore them more around Wednesday and Thursday. And if you’ve got a chance to explore vis-a-vis a certain someone, it looks like now’s the time. (Get them in on it!) Then, on Friday or Saturday, an old issue or a person from your past may resurface. By Sunday, though, it’s all about fresh stuff -- especially in your love life!
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
ZODIAC
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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Almost Perfect Life An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter. The old man says, “I’m a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or not (sob).” The young jogger says, “Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for in my life. What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?” The old man says, “I can’t remember where I live.”
Top ten tips to know if you have PMS 10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 9. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 6. You’re using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, “How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT.” 5. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 4. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male. 3. You’re counting down the days until menopause. 2. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Tail Light On Bike On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, “Nice bike you’ve got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid said, “Yeah.” The cop said, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike.” The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
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Humoring the kid, the cop said, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid said, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
READ THE MOBILE VERSION OF THE VALLEY BEAT ON FACEBOOK
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
JOKES
• SCALPING • LARGEST SELECTION OF BODY JEWELRY IN THE VALLEY
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
“WE ARE THE LEHIGH VALLEY’S ONLY PIERCING AND BODY MODIFICATION STUDIO”
• IMPLANTS • SURFACE PIERCING • CAUTERY BRANDING
HERE’S THE DEAL: EVERY 5th PIERCING IS FREE WE ARE NOW OPEN!! THE LEHIGH VALLEY’S TATTOO PROFESSIONALS FOR OVER 20 YEARS
THE TATTOO FACTORY 1636 WASHINGTON ST • EASTON PA • 610-330-6996 • NEW MANAGEMENT • STATE OF THE ART FACILITY • 6 NEW TATTOO ARTISTS BRING THE BEST IN TATTOOING TO THE AREA
GRAND RE-OPENING! MARCH 9th
WILL BE GIVEN AWAY EVERY HOUR!
$200 ALL YOU CAN SIT TATTOO’S
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JOIN US MARCH 9th
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
Massage
New Staff!
HARDWOOD T.S. SNOW FLAKE
Aavalon
BRING THIS COUPON TO RECEIVE A FREE TABLESHOWER & SAUNA WITH THE PURCHASE OF ANY SESSION!
Aavalon is located on the corner of Graham & 724 E. Cedar St
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413 Union Blvd Allentown, PA 18109
610.841.7900
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
SILHOUETTES Show Bar Open 7 days a week 12pm-2am
Pool tables, fully nude, full bar & food menu, fully stocked bar plus draft specials daily! Couples always welcome
Never a Cover
St. Patty’s Party Weekend 9-11 FRI, SAT & SUN
Half Price Guinness Half Price Irish Car Bombs
PRIVATE ROOM SPECIALS With your favorite lucky girl March 15, 16 and 17
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Only 10 min from Allentown or Quakertown Right off Route 309 111 E. Station Ave. Coopersburg 610-282-8010 SMOKING PERMITTED
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
Racing Limos of the
Lehigh Valley & Pocono’s •Bachelor Parties • Airports • Functions • Weddings •Sporting Events • Concerts
484-358-5590
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SERVING THE LEHIGH VALLEY & THE POCONO’S
THE VALLEY BEAT March 6, 2013
This fashionable, new golden amber lager was brewed with toasted caramel malt, beechwood finished for a smooth and distinctive flavor. It was tasted, chosen, and hand picked by the loud, the savvy and the famous at bars and festivals across the nation. And then dressed in black.
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AVAILABLE WHERE YOU BUY BEER PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY ALLENTOWNBEVERAGE.COM
KRISTAN BOYER
photos by: Elicker Photography
SEE MORE PHOTOS ONLINE WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM
THE VALLEY BEAT MARCH 6, 2013
MODEL BEAT
Age: 29 Hometown: York, PA
Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com
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What do you do to make $$? Health Care Field, & Print, Film, TV & Promo. Model. Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Dating ( Do U have Money?) How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Contact My Agent www.DonatelliModels.Com 610-921-5582. Where was your best vacation destination? Haven’t been to Italy Yet. What do you do to relax? Drink red wine & Sit in a Candle Lit Bath. What sports do you watch the most? Football…The Ravens. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Wine or Rum. What happens to be your worst vice? Burp like a Sailor. What is your best feature? My Eyes. What TV show do you never miss each week? Family Guy. What movie would you recommend to our readers?. Under the Tuscan Sun. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Go to see the Taj Mahal Are you a Spender or a Saver? If shoes are on sale “Spender.” What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers. I had a featured spot in the soon to be released Martin Scorsese film The Wolf of Wall Street, and as you can see im now model of the week. What do you sleep in? A tank top. Or Camando, I hate my legs being covered. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? You look like Angelina Jolie. What do want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? You can’t control an independent woman….float with my boat.