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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUE 6 •177. OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 ISSUE FEBRUARY 5 - 11, 2014

10 CLUB & PUBS

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

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TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant VALLEY BEER WEEK 21 LEHIGH Camille Capriglione reports on the upcoming festival

24 REBELUTION Nicholas Gaskins gives us an interview with the rockers coming to the Sherman 32 ZODIAC Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY - QUEEN OF THE NIGHT

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

--The conflicted double life of Israeli Orthodox Jew Shadar Hadar, 34, might be as formidable to manage as that of an international spy. Though deeply and defiantly religious, he typically around midnight “trades his knitted white yarmulke” for a “wavy blond wig and pink velvet dress” and takes the stage as a nascent drag queen, according to an August Associated Press dispatch from Jerusalem. His gayness has alienated his ex-wife (who bars him from seeing their daughter, now 11) and is only grudgingly accepted by his parents. As a bridge of sorts in his life, he has rejected the usual raunchy drag queen personas and adopted instead that of a female rabbinic adviser, musing from the stage on optimistic teachings of Breslov Hasidic ultra-Orthodox Judaism.

--A computer virus called “Ransomware” has been freezing computers since 2012, the

--Philadelphia’s Veterans Stadium, whose construction was financed in 1964 by borrowing $25 million (and untold more as part of a subway expansion to service the stadium), was demolished in 2004 and is but a memory to the city’s sports fans. However, nine years later, the city is still paying for it (though next year will retire the $25 million bond and nine years from now, the city hopes, will retire the stadium/subway bond). The city’s deputy controller told PhillyMag.com in June, profoundly, “When issuing a bond to build a facility, the debt payment on that bond should not outlast the facility.” --The Oklahoma Department of Public Safety’s solution to its legendary long lines at driver’s license stations was to create “In Line Online” registration, which it introduced recently. Online registrants were beside themselves, however, when they arrived on time across the state, only to learn that In Line Online merely entitled them to a reserved place in the line for making future appointments to take their driver’s test. A spokesman acknowledged that In Line Online might have some kinks and thus would be closed temporarily. --Toronto is facing such a crippling backlog of challenges to parking tickets, reported the Toronto Star in August, that more than 73,000 citations from last year were still unresolved and that many cases were proceeding even less hurriedly. Mahmood-Reza Arab, a computer programmer who was ticketed for parking too close to a hydrant in 2005 and who has dutifully met all deadlines for making a proper challenge, was recently scheduled (again) for trial before a judge -- this month (September 2013). A spokesman said the “normal” wait time for a court date is “only” 18 months. --Adhering to “federal regulations,” the Denver Housing Authority ordered the immediate ejection of the family of Sandra Roskilly (her mother and autistic son) -- because Roskilly had been shot dead in a random homicide in August. once the head of household is no longer present (no matter the reason), the apartment must be forfeited.

--Finding an aberrant sexual behavior not previously mentioned in News of the Weird is an

GOVERMENT IN ACTION

victim to be arrested until Jay Matthew Riley, 21, of Woodbridge, Va., came along. The virus tricks people into thinking the FBI has discovered that they had inadvertently viewed child pornography and locks their computer, but since the viewing was probably accidental, “allows” them to avoid arrest by paying a $300 fine to unfreeze the computer. Riley apparently did have child porn (inadvertently gathered or not) on his computer and, frightened by the virus, gratuitously inquired at a local police station whether there were warrants for his arrest. No, they said, but in the course of conversation, he consented to a search and was arrested.

FETISHES ON PARADE

exhausting task, but British psychologist Mark Griffiths, of Nottingham Trent University, has succeeded: the eproctophile (a person sexually aroused by the passing of gas). Griffiths told LiveScience.com in July that he plans to study other rare “paraphilic disorders,” including “fire fetish, a blindness fetish and dacryphilia, or arousal by tears, weeping or sobbing.”

PERSPECTIVE --America’s military veterans, whom the country supposedly champions wholeheartedly and insists should be properly compensated for their service and the disruption to their lives, must navigate as many as 613 government forms from 18 different agencies to receive what they are due by law, according to a July study released by the American Action Forum. The principal agency, the Department of Veterans Affairs, purports to have been making great progress over the last few years, but earlier this year acknowledged that, still, about 70 percent of claims (covering 600,000 veterans) have been waiting longer than 125 days for yes-or-no decisions.

POLICE REPORT

--Notwithstanding the city of Detroit’s various problems, residents still expect its police force to behave sensibly, but in July, a police commander’s office blundered, releasing to all officers a document concerning an order of form-fitting bulletproof vests. Each individual officer’s height and weight were on the email, but so were female officers’ bra cup sizes (which were initially necessary to assure body-armor fit so as not to restrict mobility -- but obviously were no one else’s business). --In August, prosecutors in Broward County, Fla., accused two Lauderhill police officers of an improper 2012 traffic stop, charging both patrolmen in the squad car with demanding favors from two female motorists. Officer Franklin Hartley allegedly demanded oral sex from the passenger, and his partner, Thomas Merenda, according to the charge, “asked the victim to punch him in the ‘nuts,’ meaning genital area.” Said Merenda’s lawyer, of the charge: “outrageous, outlandish and absurd.”

GREAT ART! Artist John Knuth creates “broad swaths of color that appear to be meticulous impressionistic abstractions,” reported a Gizmodo.com writer in July, but in a video made for the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles, Knuth revealed that he makes colors with paint harvested from the vomit of about 200,000 houseflies. Knuth raises the flies from maggots, then feeds them sugar mixed with watercolor pigments, then coaxes the flies to regurgitate -- and then captures and uses the result. Gizmodo wrote, “Once you decide to make paintings from fly barf, you pretty much forfeit any other subtext you’d like your audience to appreciate.”

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2014 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

FBI acknowledged, making much work for tech support, but likely never causing the

THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

NEWS OF THE WEIRD


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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

CONCERT BEAT CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713

Jbre x Dougie Kent, Jan 31 RJD2, Feb 8 The Pretty Reckless, Feb 15 The Silverhawks, Feb. 21

TICKETS 212-307-7171 Billy Joel, Jan 27- Sep 17 •Robin Thicke, Mar 7

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600

TICKETS 570-325-0249 Kashmir-Led Zeppelin Tribute, Feb 7 Joe Louis Walker & Popa Chubby, Feb 8 Charlie CHaplin’s City Lights, Feb 13

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WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 610-332-1300 Strawberry Fields, Feb 6 Wanamaker Lewis, Feb 7 Mike Mettalia Feb 8

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA Page 8

TICKETS 570-420-2808 Galactic, Feb 9 Rebelution, Feb 12 Black Amish Comedy Feb 21

TICKETS 877-686-5366

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA

Kings of Leon, Feb 19 Justin Timberlake, Feb 25

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Make Me Famous, Feb 12 For Today, Feb 15 Battle For AllStars, Feb 16 Hollywood Ending, Mar 9

TICKETS 215-336-3600

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TICKETS 212-777-6800

The Pretty Reckless, Feb 12 The BlackBerry Smoke, Feb 15 Black Joe Lewis, Feb 19 Asaf Avidan, Feb 21 Hopsin, Feb 22

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

Lewis Black, Apr 4 Yes, Apr 5 3 Doors Down (Acoustic), Feb 12 Dannic & Dyro, Apr 18 Lisa Lampanelli, Feb 15 Tesla, Apr 25 NBC’s Sing Off, Feb 27 Volbeat, May 1 Demi Lovato, Mar 4 Rob Thomas, May 2 Billy Gardell, Mar 8 Lisa Williams Medium, May 6 Huey Lewis & The News Mar 21 Franki Avalon, Fabian, & Mike Tyson, Mar 22 Bobby Rydell, May 15 Billy Currington, Mar 27 Reba McEntire, May 18 Robert Cray & Mavis Staples, Mar 28 Michael Bolton, May 30 Jim Gaffigan & The White Bread Rydell, May 15 Tour, Mar 29 Reba McEntire, May 18

TICKETS 800-745-3000

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-826-1100

Jim Belushi, Mar 13 • Kathy Griffin, Apr 17

SANTANDER ARENA, Reading, PA TICKETS 610-898-7469

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA

Stomp, Feb 24 Jerry Seinfeld, Feb 28 Skillet & Third Day, Mar 22

The Pretty Reckless, Feb 13*Noche Latina, Feb 14

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

TICKETS 610-898-7200

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Panic at the Disco, Feb 5 Galactic, Feb 8 The Disco Biscuits, Feb 20 - 22 Flogging Molly, Feb 24 The Pink Floyd Experience, Feb 28

TICKETS (215) 922-5483

BuckCherry, Feb 21 Dumpstaphunk & Kermit Ruffins & The BBQ Swingers, Feb 27 Animals as Leaders, Feb 28 Dark Tranquillity, Mar 2 Memphis May Fire, Mar 4 Broken Bells, Mar 8 The Sounds of Animals Fighting, Mar 20 Gary Numan, Mar 23

REVERB - Reading, PA 1409 N. 9th St

Lady Gaga, May 12 Katy Perry, Aug 4

(610) 743-3069 Reflections, Feb 6 Moonspell, Feb 16 Comback Kid, Feb 28 Tonic, Vertical Horizon, Dishwalla, Mar 4 Genitorturers, Mar 6

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA The Amish Outlaws, Feb 2 Sarah Miles, Feb 14 Keith Franklin Jazz Trio, Feb 15 Angelique Kidjo, Feb 19

TICKETS 215-572-7650 Transatlantic, Feb 8 Jim Jefferies, Feb 21 Josh Ritter, Feb 27 Dar Williams, Feb 28

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371

Vince Gill, Feb 21 Bruse in teh U.S.A. , Feb 22 Dopapod, Feb 22 Dickey Betts, Mar 9 Badfish, Feb 27 Barstool Blackout Tour, Mar 1 Don WIlliams, Mar 21

CHECK OUT BIG BAD VOODOO DADDY FRIDAY AT THE SANDS BETHLEHEM EVENT CENTER


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

MAY 13 SHERMAN THEATER

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524 MAIN STREET STROUDSBURG, PA Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster retail Locations & at the sherman theater box office--(570) 420-2808 VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET / WWW.SHERMANTHEATER.COM / DOORS AT 7 PM / ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5 ,2014

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100

BATH

Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 2/7 Jake Kaligis 2/8 Connie Edinger

Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 2/8 DJ Glo Stix

Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Thurs Open Mic w/ Billy Patrick 2/1 Billy Patrick

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

Wave Night Club 22 N. 6th St 610-821-9283 Resident DJ Xtina 2/22 Ride The Wave For Adam Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music

BETHLEHEM

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 2/5 Urban Achievers 2/6 Butterjive 2/7 Dear Anna 2/8 Appalachian Gypsy 2/9 Zack Martin Trio 2/10 Open Mic Nite 2/11 Richie Ray

Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Strange Brew Monday: Trivia Tavern Thurs: Beer Pong 1996 S. Fifth St Friday Karaoke 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night Saturday DJ June Sunday: Karaoke Sports 2/7 Flyin’ Blind 2/8 Decoy Clones Bethlehem Brew Works Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St 569 Main St 610-882-1300 (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Vision Bar @ Sands Live Entertainment Event Center Tim Harakal / Billy 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More 2/7 DJ Cova 2/18 Saucony Creek 2/8 DJ Reese 4 Course Beer Lou’s 50 Yard Line Dinner 2626 Easton Ave 610-882-9190 Jetport Lounge Thursdays: Open Mic 3400 Airport Rd. Tuesday’s - Trivia Allentown, Pa Saturday’-Karoke w/ 610-266-1000 Jason Wednesdays: 6-12am 2/6 Karaoke w/ Jason DJ Jimmy K 2/11 Triva w/ Tony Fridays: Mike Mitman

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 2/5 Johnny B 2/6 Lima Bean Riot 2/7 The Nerds 2/8 JJ Rupp Band 2/9 The Fabulous Greaseband 2/10 Nowhere Slow 2/11 Michael Dutra/ Strictly Sinatra Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 2/19 Susquehanna 4 Course Beer Dinner

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 2/7 Chelsea Reed 2/8 Eighteenth Hour

Eighteenth Hour 2/8 Godfrey Daniels Bethlehem, PA

DJ Cova 2/7 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

The Broadway Social 217 Broadway 610-868-2555 2/27 Fashion Show

CATASAQUA Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

Triage 2/8 Pocono Pub Bartonsvile, PA

EMMAUS

Volpe’s Sports Bar 501 Main St 610-965-0311 2/7 Amos 2/8 DJ Antbody

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke Fri - DJ Baby B 2/5 Off The Road Duo 2/8 Triage

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 2/14 Cupids Revenge Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 2/5 Open Mic 2/6 Jazz Sililoquy 2/7 Jeff Bellfy & Co. 2/8 Mike Frank & Elliot Ray

Dear Anna 2/7 The Funhouse Bethlehem, PA

MORE ON PAGE 32

Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

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The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours


THE 2014 THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT FEBRUARY OCTOBER 9,5, 2013

by: Mitch

Rocks a Sellersville Sellout! Bassist Rev Jones revved up the crowd by thumping his chest before the band played “Armed and Ready”, a super high energy rocker from 1980 that holds up incredibly well even today. After this one, Doogie White proclaimed to the Sellersville crowd that “this isn’t a fucking James Taylor concert” and to get on their feet. White’s admonishment of those who were still seated prompted them to rise up from their cushy seats and get with the program. “It’s a rock and roll show - 13 gigs in 14 days”, shouted Doogie White, adding “snow, wind and hail will not stop Michael Schenker Group!” A.J. and I both relished the fact that everyone would now have to stand along with us even though they had reserved seating. That was poetic justice! Now that everyone was properly enjoying “a proper rock and roll show”, as White put it, the attacks and assaults kept coming. “Assault Attack” was as symphonic and progressive as it was full bore heavy metal with powerful vocals from White and rip-roaring guitar from Schenker. “Attack of the Mad Axeman” was a fun rocker with a great opening hook and some amazing, jaw-dropping riffs from Schenker while Rev Jones employed his overhand technique on bass. The upbeat and up-tempo “Rock My Nights Away” was pure rock and roll satisfaction harkening back over 30 years to MSG’s “Built to Destroy” album and at that point, the entire place was worshiping at the Temple

of Rock. Of course, Schenker paid homage to his early and late ‘70s stints with The Scorpions with the title track to “Lovedrive” followed by “Another Piece of Meat.” Doogie White introduced the next song which he co-wrote with Schenker in memoriam to Ronnie James Dio entitled “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.” Many in the audience paid homage to the late heavy metal vocalist by flashing the sign of the horns. A proper rock and roll show, indeed! Schenker then fast-forwarded to “Horizons” off of “Bride the Gap”, which again featured the two guitars of Schenker and Findlay before the last third of the show which was to feature all UFO material. Although Schenker’s tenure with UFO was as stormy as it was storied due to his well-documented alcohol abuse, he justifiably devoted a good portion of his show to the UFO period. The band ripped through “Shoot Shoot”, “Only You Can Rock me”, “Let It Roll, “Too Hot to Handle” and “Lights Out” to finish the main set before a two song UFO encore of “Rock Bottom” and “Doctor Doctor.” Michael Schenker seems to have exorcised all the demons from his checkered past and by all accounts and appearances, is playing extremely well while having a great time with his Temple of Rock which certainly qualifies as one of the stauncher Bands That Rock!

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years! Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more! Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please email him at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE PAGE1111

When someone says MSG, what comes to mind? Madison Square Garden? Monosodium glutamate? Has Michael Schenker Group ever crossed your mind? If you happened to be in Sellersville last week Monday night, it must have crossed your mind because you were probably one of the 350 or so people who turned out for the sold out Sellersville Theater debut of the former Scorpions and UFO guitar legend Michael Schenker along with his band as they turned 24 West Temple Avenue into a Temple of Rock with Hollywood, California metal rockers Gundriver as the opening act. The appearance of Michael Schenker’s Temple of Rock at Sellersville was somewhat out of character for the tiny Bucks County live music venue but a nice change of pace from lighter musical fare. I attended the show under the auspices of WLVR’s A.J. Fritz and directly benefited from his connections to Schenker and Schenker’s road manager and we both appreciated being afforded the opportunity to witness a player of Schenker’s stature and receive press credentials good for Standing Room Only. The sleepy borough of Sellersville awoke from its slumber as Schenker rocked out, delving into his expansive catalogue of hard rock goodies from stints with The Scorpions and UFO but beginning with several selections from his new album, “Bridge the Gap”, released just three weeks prior to the Sellersville show. Fritz had this one cued up for the ride from Center Valley to Sellersville and Schenker fans are, no doubt, delighted with the results. How refreshing it was to hear some real music the day after witnessing some of the horrid dreck passed off as music that was presented at The Grammys last week on Sunday night – only Beyoncé and a few others excluded. I was stoked for some real rock and roll and this latest disc delivered and so did Schenker’s Temple of Rock! Schenker enlisted former Scorpions drummer Herman Rarebell and bassist Francis Buchholz to record “Bridge.” It marked the first time since The Scorpions’ 1979 album, “Lovedrive”, that all three collaborated on the same record. Scottish vocalist Doogie White, formerly of Rainbow and Yngwie Malmsteen, joined Schenker for 2011’s “Temple of Rock” release and is back for “Bridge the Gap” and the current tour. White, eerily sounding at times like the late Ronnie James Dio, served as the inspirational front man for the Sellersville show. Wayne Findlay, who also appears on “Bridge the Gap”, doubled on guitars and keyboards and sang backing vocals. The energetic and irrepressible Rev Jones on bass and Pete Holmes on drums completed Schenker’s touring lineup. “Neptune Rising”, the first track on the new record, features an intense power chord intro followed by Schenker’s dazzling tones crisply played on his black and white Flying V Dean guitar and appropriately, that’s what the band opened with at Sellersville. Track 2 on “Bridge”, “Where the Wild Winds Blow”, followed “Neptune.” It was a rocking screamer where Doogie White’s vocals met the powerful guitar tandem of Schenker and Findlay.


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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

UPCOMING PROMOTIONS FEATURES Hops at The Paddock Macgradys

Friday $2 Pints $7 Pitchers All Day Everyday

Stooges

Saturday $1.75 Pints

Roosevelts 21st Bethlehem

$1.99 Drafts All Day Everyday

Drinkys

$1.50 Drafts All Day Everyday

The Gin Mill & Grille 1760 Pub & Grille

Saturday $6 pitchers $3 20oz Drafts

Krocks Pub

$2 Drafts All Day Everyday

Pj Whelihans Bethlehem

Saturday $2.50 Drafts & Bottles

Keystone Pub Whitehall

$1.50 Drafts All Day Everyday

Sotto Santi

The Valley Coors Girls

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www.999thehawk.com

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 7

DJ COVA

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8

DJ REESE

WHERE THE PARTY’S ALWAYS IN SIGHT MILLER LITE FRIDAY NIGHTS

MILLER LITE, YUENGLING,

JOIN US BEFORE AND AFTER EVERY SHOW AT THE SANDS BETHLEHEM EVENT CENTER! PAGE 15

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By:Scotty ScottyBrilliant Brilliant By:

mine had died as a result of complications from having the flu and viral pneumonia. The sadness does not prevail; the summer sounding “In My Home” is there to shed some light on the darkness and put you in the warm weather mood (if you aren’t already in it). If Tears for Fears jammed out with Kings of Leon the result would sound something like the tenth track on the album, “Eros.” If indie rock is the genre the band is looking to stay in, then they better start producing more songs like “Teachers,” because that’s about as indie as the band gets on Mind over Matter. Crank It It’s About Time In My Home Teachers

Skip It Anagram Mind over Matter Camera Paralysis There is definitely some potential in Young the Giant. I found myself enjoying the second half of the record a little more than the first; maybe cause it just took me a little while to warm up to them. With their second album, they didn’t hit their sophomore slump, but they haven’t exactly reinvented the wheel either. They are kind of in alt rock limbo, which might not be such a bad place to be, especially for the genre haters…like myself.

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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In this new age of Alternative rock, every once in a while there’s a band that comes along that actually sparks my interest. Though few and far between these days, there are a few bands that I actually don’t mind listening to. After hearing Young the Giant’s first single, “My Body,” from their self-titled debut album, I thought that “maybe I could get into this.” But I still needed a little more convincing. Their second single, “Cough Syrup,” didn’t really convince me at all. Though catchy, I really didn’t understand what zombies had to do with cough syrup. Nevertheless, I dismissed Young the Giant as just another trendy “indie rock” band. Now the California quintet is back with their sophomore effort entitled Mind over Matter. While researching the band, I discovered that Young the Giant used to be called The Jakes (before changing their name in 2009), and they were signed to Roadrunner Records. Could that be the same Roadrunner Records that house some of my favorite metal bands??!! This was a revelation to me because if you have heard Young the Giant, you would know they are furthest thing from metal. I found a song by The Jakes on YouTube and quickly found out that they were definitely not a metal band, not even close. I guess others felt the same confusion because their new album has been released on a more suitable record label: Fueled by Ramen. Mind over Matter begins with a short instrumental intro track then flows into “Anagram,” a song with corny lyrics but a pretty sweet jam session at the end. “It’s About Time,” is the album’s first release and currently in rotation on The Bone. If you’ve heard it than you can’t argue that it isn’t a catchy little tune, and it’s also one of the record’s stand-out tracks. The happy and refreshing “Crystallized” introduces an electronic organ which gives the listener the feeling that they are a contestant on a game show. Just take a listen and you’ll know what I’m talking about. In “Daydreamer” vocalist Sameer Gadhia’s voice changes from his normal higher pitched vocal range to more of a croon; it doesn’t sound bad, just unusual. The acoustic “Firelight” mellows out the album with its sad lyrics and ethereal musical accompaniment. In it, Gadhia sings, “Tell my friends I’m gone / it’s true / I’ve past on now / to the eyes of a dark / lost blue.” This was especially moving because right at the time I was listening to this track I found out that a former co-worker of

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 6, 2013

ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW


BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

SHEPHERD OF FIRE

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

TIRED

STONE SOUR HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 1

WHAT IF I WAS NOTHING ALL THAT REMAINS A WAR YOU CANNOT WIN

PLOT: An emotionally fragile single mother and her son are taken hostage by a wounded escaped convict. A decent man at heart, the convict gradually inserts himself into their lives and changes them both for the better. REVIEW: If you like your soap operas sincere and sentimental, then LABOR DAY is for you. Resembling a slightly more adult version of one of those Nicholas Sparks affairs, Jason Reitman’s adaptation of Joyce Maynard’s popular novel keeps a somber straight face throughout even the most groan-worthy material. It could be said sometimes that I’m a cynical bastard, and a movie like this certainly wasn’t made for me, but I’m not immune to the power of a good melodrama. LABOR DAY is not quite bad - it doesn’t reach the hilarious levels of idiocy as most of Sparks’ movies do - though it does have quite a few unintentional chuckles and “oh c’mon!” moments.

ADRENALINE

SHINEDOWN AMARYLLIS

BATTLE BORN

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN & THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 2

ADDICTED TO PAIN

ALTER BRIDGE FORTRESS

BY AND DOWN

A PERFECT CIRCLE

360

SIRENS

PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

HEAVEN KNOWS

THE PRETTY RECKLESS GOING TO HELL

WEAK

SEETHER

SEETHER 2002 - 2013

So in a scene that might be dubbed “Baking Your Pains Away,” Frank, Adele and Hank start mushing up peaches in a bowl together and making crust for the pie so lovingly it’s tantamount to Food Erotica. (Maybe a late night spinoff channel for the Food Network?) Their hands coming together, kneeding the peaches in exquisite tenderness, the scene very unsubtly implies this pie is healing their gaping emotional wounds and forging their destinies. The capper is when Adele, her hands shaking while holding the crust, unsure if she can get it just right over the ready-and-waiting pie, finds her courage after Frank says “Help me put a roof on this house.” LABOR DAY paints its characters in patently ridiculous ways that directly challenge our ability to suspend disbelief; Frank is a wanted man, but he has no problem standing on a ladder outside of the house or changing a tire in the driveway for all the world to see. He often says he’s been falsely convicted of his crime, yet neither Adele nor Hank ever even seem interested in what it is he’s done. Is Adele such a tragic, emotionally unstable wilting flower her desperation for a man - any man - blows away all logic? In Maynard’s view (and subsequently Reitman’s), the answer is yes. You have to be sympathetic to Adele’s situation (flashbacks reveal that her fragile statue is fairly well earned), but the story does her absolutely no favors by failing to give her a backbone. She’s little more than a protagonist in a tawdry romance novel, waiting for big hunky man to make her feel like a woman again. This is an interesting choice for Reitman. Clearly he wanted to move outside of his comfort zone; dark comedies like JUNO, UP IN THE AIR and YOUNG ADULT smartly combined their drama with wit and cynicism. LABOR DAY is aiming for bleak seriousness, almost akin to the Rock Hudson dramas of the 1940s, and Reitman can’t tackle the admittedly tricky challenge of giving this sentimental mush the air of respectability he thinks it deserves. In fact, it could have used a bit of that edge he’s capable of infusing his movies with; if nothing else, LABOR DAY needs to crack a smile once in a while.

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By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

Movie Review

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10


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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


BARTENDER: TRACY YATSKO

THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

How long have you been tending bar? A little less than 2 years. What’s your favorite drink to make? One of our specialty prohibition cocktails because I love the 1920’s-1930’s era! What’s your drink of choice? I’m not a big drinker but since I’m irish I’ll go with a shot of whiskey, preferably American honey. What’s the craziest thing you have seen happen while behind the bar? Young college kids going hard with their making out and dry humping, get a dorm room!! What’s the most requested shot? Fireball. What’s the Best thing about your job? And where you work? Love the people I work with and I love that we’re a restaurant by day, nightclub at night with great music -Roosevelt’s 21st Bethlehem. And most importantly, what is your signature hangover cure? I’m responsible so I don’t have hangovers :) but for all the drunks out there, drink another!

PHOTOS BY SHOWGUN PHOTOGRAPHY Tracy’s Favorite Drink To Make: BOURBON STREET ICED TEA SERVED IN- Pint Glass 1 CT- JIM BEAM 1CT- JACK DANIELS 1 CT- WILD TURKEY 1 CT- SOUTHERN COMFORT 1 CT-YUKON JACK 1 CT- TRIPLE SEC 1 oz- SOUR MIX TOP OF WITH SPLASH OF COKE, GARNISH WITH LEMON

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! *Every Friday Night Join Us FEATURING OUR NEW LINE FEBRUARY ENTERTAINMENT For Prime Rib Night

4pm - 10pm BATH FAT CAT SANDWICH MENU 12 ounce $7.95 (Served$11.95 on a roll) #1 Bath Milf : Cheesesteak, chicken fingers, mozz 16 ounce $13.95 sticks, bacon, mayo & ketchup #2 Bath Joint: Chicken fingers, mozz sticks, Vegetable & Potato Included french fries & ranch

SATURDAY FEB 8: GLO STIX R9-12 14

E B EM

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#3 Bath Motherclucker: Grilled chicken, amer-

ican cheese, jalapeno poppers, mayo & Ketchup #4 Bath Cowboy: Chicken cheesesteak, french fries, blue cheese & hotsauce #5 Bath Stud: Buffalo chicken fingers, mozz sticks, jalapeno poppers, ranch #6 Bath Cow: Double cheeseburger, french fries, bacon, mayo & ketchup #7 Bath Lush: Cheesesteak, grilled chicken, (2) mozz sticks, & bbq sauce #8 Bath Meathead: Cheesesteak, burger, bacon, mayo & ketchup #9 Bath Idiot: Chicken cheesesteak, bacon, jalaFRIpeno 6/28 -poppers, 9PM - 12AM mayo & ketchup #10Bath Rothenburger: Cheesesteak, jalapeno poppers, bacon, hot sauce & ranch #11Bath Caesar: Grilled chicken, bacon, french fries, romaine lettuce, caesar dressing & parmesan

DJ STATIK

www.cornerstonepubinc.com *Prime Rib To Go Add $1.25 BE SURE TO STOP IN FOR OUR THURSDAY 20¢ WINGS 12 - 10PM THURSDAY WINGFROM SPECIAL 20¢ WINGS FRI 6/28 - 9PM - 12AM FROM 12 - 10PM

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TRY ONE TODAY! THEY’RE DELICIOUS Football Specials Are Here!

Thurs: During Game - 20¢ wings & $2.25 Domestic Drafts Mon/ Sat /Sun: Bath Fat Cat Sandwiches $7.95 & 1lb. of Wings $3.50

COMING SOON! AT THE CORNERSTONE

WITH DJ GLO-STX 64oz 9PM - 1AM FREE COMPLIMENTARY CHAMPAGNE TOAST AT MIDNIGHT HATS, NOISEMAKERS, PARTY GOODS www.cornerstonepubinc.com


By Camille Capriglione

PAGE PAGE21 21

Lehigh Valley Beer Week is an enormous celebration of craft beer, highlighting local businesses, and hosting unique events, to showcase beer selections and fine establishments. This will be the second annual LVBW, consisting of eight days and 40 participating venues and breweries, which feature events such as dinners, tastings and tours. Brought together by a love of, and passion for, craft beer, pubs, restaurants and breweries in and around Allentown, Bethlehem and Easton have joined in. It will run from February 16th to February 23rd. Lehigh Valley Beer Week came about after Jesse Albertson, a local beer enthusiast and general manager of Fegley’s Brew Works (locations in Allentown and Bethlehem) noticed the huge success of Philadelphia’s Beer Week. He realized that it could be done in the Lehigh Valley. Albertson met with fellow beer enthusiasts and organized the first Lehigh Valley Beer Week. The community responded with terrific enthusiasm! There were over 30 breweries, pubs, and restaurants for the inaugural 2013 Lehigh Valley Beer Week. Exciting events included pub takeovers, brew tours, tastings, dinners, rare beer releases and contests. This year promises more fun, more participants and more exciting events! The Ribbon Cutting Ceremony and Official Tapping of LVBW2 will take place at the Allentown Brew Works on Feb 16th starting at 5PM. Over the course of the next week, there will be beer brunches (aptly named Kegs and Eggs,) pub takeovers, tastings, samplings, contests and dinners. There will be an Intro to Brewing Class at Keystone Homebrew Supply, as well as Pour it Forward, to support local charities, at Black & Blue in Easton. A chalkboard auction will be held at The Bethlehem Brew Works. For people who enjoy crafts, the ladies of Pints-n-Purls will knit beer cozies which will be sold for charity. Do you have beer smarts? A Trivia Night will take place at Two Rivers Brewing, and an Are You Smarter Than a Beer Rep? contest at The Bethlehem Brew Works. For history buffs, Pints from the Past Featuring Chris Bowen will take place at the Bethlehem Brew Works. Love neon colors and big hair? Then attend A Tribute to the 80’s: Beer and Music of HMFO at the Allentown Brew Works. Want a little romantic comedy? I Hop’solutely Love You, a beer-themed dating show and performance will take place at the Allentown Brew Works. For music-lovers, gather around for Blues, Brew and Brunch at the Bethlehem Brew Works, featuring live music from ‘The Blues Professors.’ The festivities will culminate at the Beermuda Triangle Parade and Mardi Crawl on Feb. 22nd. Join in the parade, with elaborate floats from local breweries and full marching bands! It will be an event to remember (or, maybe not remember!) For a full schedule of events, visit their website at www. lehighvalleybeerweek.com.

THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT FEBRUARY JULY 31, 2013 THE 5, 2014

See What’s Brewing During Lehigh Valley Beer Week!


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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

1401 S. FRONT ST ALLENTOWN, PA 18103 PHONE 610-841-3777 FORMERLY GREEN PINE INN & CASEY’S

This Friday JOIN 8pm US JANUARY 24th FEB 14th

FOR AN EVENING WITH WICKED BEAVER

HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS MONDAY - FRIDAY 5 -7PM

DAILY FOOD SPECIALS KITCHEN OPEN TIL MIDNIGHT

UPCOMING ENTERTAINMENT Feb 14th Wicked Beaver Feb 21st Nite Flyte Mar 7th Trick Stacy

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WE ALSO CATER PARTIES, BANQUETS, ETC. CALL FOR DETAILS!


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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014


• SCALPING • LARGEST SELECTION OF BODY JEWELRY IN THE VALLEY

ALL PIERCINGS $25.00 ALL YEAR INCLUDES JEWELRY

• IMPLANTS • SURFACE PIERCING • CAUTERY BRANDING

ALL DERMALS $25.00 ALL YEAR INCLUDES JEWELRY

THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

“WE ARE THE LEHIGH VALLEY’S ONLY PIERCING AND BODY MODIFICATION STUDIO”

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE

HERE’S THE DEAL: EVERY 5th PIERCING IS FREE 24 Taps

www.strangebrewtavern.co 610-841-3610

Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews Entertainment This Week: Fri Feb 7 – Flyin’ Blind Sat Feb 8 - Decoy Clones

WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E

Kitchen open 11am til Midnight

Open 7 days a week 11am - 2am

strangebrew610

(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)

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1996 S. Fifth St Allentown


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

! E E R F E K O M S NOW

43 CRAFT - DRAFTS ON TAP 25 CRAFT - WINGS 70 CRAFT - BURGERS EVERY SATURDAY - BUY ONE BURGER GET ONE FREE!

ICE - COLD PITCHERS - ALL DAY EVERYDAY

$7 $8

COORS LIGHT SAM ADAMS, ANGRY ORCHARD, LABATT, BLUE MOON

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NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

THIS WEEKEND THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8 TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN (610) 391-0772

FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111

BECKY’S DRIVE IN Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE http://www.beckysdi.com/

MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/

CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/

MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204

CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN

February 14, 2014

NEW DVD RELEASES

1. Free Birds 2. Escape Plan 3. Baggage Claim 4. Dallas Buyers Club 5. About Time

6. Romeo & Juliet 7. The Defeat of Mister Pete 8. Cutie & The Boxer 9. A Case Of You 10. The White Queen: Season 1

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6. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit 7. Labor Day 8. American Hustle 9. The Wolf Of Wall Street 10. I Frankenstein

SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD (OFF Rt 309) OREFIELD 610-683-8775 http://www.shankweilers.com/

READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828

THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St 610-863-3094 1. Ride Along 2. Frozen 3. The Awkward Moment 4. The Nut Job 5. Lone Survivor

THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699 http://roxytheaternorthampton.com/

REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY (ROUTES 33 & 248) LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800

EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878

TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES

REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500 http://www.fandango.com/

REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING QUAKERTOWN 215-536-7700 http://www.fandango.com


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 13, 2013

ArtsQuest Improv ComedyFest Americans are familiar with the sound of people laughing on television. Laugh tracks have been used for classic sitcoms ranging from Friends to Seinfeld, but comedy is like jazz. Having a disembodied sound laugh for you isn’t the same as experiencing a show live. In my experience, only the best of the best transcend that void between television and audience. Luckily for members of the Lehigh Valley, there is a growing live comedy culture at BrewWorks Restaurants (Bethlehem and Allentown) and ArtsQuest. Once a week the BrewWorks does open mic standup allowing young comics a chance to cut their teeth with a live audience and ArtsQuest hosts a few comedy shows per week at the Steel Stacks. This weekend, ArtsQuest stepped it up another notch with an entire Improv Comedy Festival: 12 straight hours, 2 pm til 2 am, of improv comedy from troops from around the East Coast. The headline act, Upright Citizens Brigade Touring Co hailed from New York (although one member of the troop attended college at Lehigh and made it very obvious that he was very familiar with the rivalry with nearby Lafayette). There were also groups from the DC area and Boston. The vast majority of groups however originated from Pennsylvania with more than a few straight from the Lehigh Valley. ManDudeBro, for example, which had the coveted spot directly before the headline act are from the Lehigh Valley. Additionally The Associated Mess, one of the Valley’s foremost improv troops did two shows that night including one immediately following the headline. The shows that I personally went to see were ManDudeBro and the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Touring Co. ManDudeBro is a troop of 4 guys whose style of improv drew from the Family Guy format: some overarching narrative with interruptions in between to act out the situations referenced, relying very heavily on the ridiculous for laughs. At the festival, the ManDudeBro’s narrative involved a psychopathic man who ransacked a Game Stop before later getting a job at the same Game Stop to provide for his

two children. As the troop went through, their skit referenced geriatric Sean Connery needing help in the bathroom and heroine use. They performed for half an hour before the headline act took the stage. The Upright Citizens Brigade Touring Co is also a troop of four (3 men, 1 woman) and they employed basically the same ridiculousness and Family Guy style improv. As the headliners, they had an hour and a half and worked in two main narratives. One drawn from an interview with a randomly chosen audience member and the second about an intervention for a delusional friend who buys a speedboat after his girlfriend left him. In the first skit, the chosen audience member was a self-confessed Jew who worked with people who were mentally disabled and was not on speaking terms with his family. Not a promising start, since jokes about the Jews, or the mentally ill are at the very least obvious, (it’s boring to watch comedians make jokes that you could have thought of yourself), but the troop skillfully worked around it. They poked fun at their own ignorance about the Old

Testament, humorously decided that of the two, Bert had a more evil face than Ernie on juvenile stationary for angry letters to family members, and seamlessly incorporated a desperately lonely oracle of Delphi, showing their genuine creativity and cleverness. There were however moments that were more awkward than funny. The troop tangentially got onto the subject of a male prostitute “turning tricks” by the side of a creek. It was obvious that while the comedians were comfortable saying the word “fuck” than they were making any real jokes about sex or sexuality, making the entire skit more awkward than observational. Despite it’s awkward bits the show was definitely funny. When it was good, the people in front of me and next to me, and the entire room, threw our heads back laughing, really laughing and that was transcendent. thevalleybeat

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By Elle Spaulding


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5,,2014

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19)

You’re way out in front of the crowd at the beginning of the week -- ready, willing and eager for whatever life (and love!) has to offer. The possible pitfall: Impatience where you may need to allow a little time. Around Wednesday or Thursday, you can have your cake and eat it, too, if you use a little charm. Put your ideas across diplomatically enough, and see others jump right on board. Aren’t you a flirt on Friday and Saturday! You’re 10 kinds of fun now -- just be gentle with those who are liable to fall hard for you. Home’s likely where your heart is on Sunday, so nest away.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20)

If you’re thinking about something (or is it someone?) new, don’t rush into it at the beginning of the week. Check out all of your options -- and know that some fresh ones may open up on Wednesday or Thursday. Gorgeous, grounded energy is on tap for you these days, with matters of the heart highlighted, too. On Friday and Saturday, you may not be incredibly efficient, but you have enviable emotional intelligence. Others are shocked by how well you get them. On Sunday, having people over may be more fun than heading out and about.

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21)

Whatever you’re aspiring to -- a different job, a living-situation change, renewal in the old love life -- you can get it going at the beginning of the week. A key now: Get input from those around you, and lots of it. Then, on Wednesday and Thursday, ruminating on what you’ve learned is favored. It may be a challenge to concentrate, but you can do it! Romance or some other sweet stuff may come knocking on Friday and Saturday -- there’s definitely movement and improvement in the air. On Sunday, plan to soothe your soul and rest those busy feet.

CANCER (6/22 – 7/22)

Keeping your emotions in control may be tough at the beginning of the week. Slow down, breathe deeply and schedule in some destressing activity. On Wednesday and Thursday, don’t forget -- following up is key now, whether it’s a professional deal, something with a friend or maybe even a romantic prospect. You’ll more than likely get terrifically positive responses. You might just be a party animal on Friday and Saturday, and even if you’re not acting wild, all eyes are on you. Get out of your shell, at least a little bit! Sunday’s energy is super, too -- what do you want to do?

LEO (7/23 - 8/22)

As the week begins, you are on point -- ready, willing and able to take on whatever love and life may bring. Just don’t be too impatient for things to start! In the middle of the week, rock that charming demeanor and you’ll be sure to get what you want. Put your ideas across diplomatically enough, and see others jump right on board. Friday and Saturday sees you at your flirtatious best! You’re 10 kinds of fun now -- just be gentle with those who are liable to fall hard for you. Home’s likely where your heart is on Sunday, so nest away.

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VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22)

What you think is a spirited discussion at the beginning of the week could be interpreted by somebody else as an argument. Take a little extra care with your delivery, especially at work. In a bit of a switcheroo, you may be inspired to bare your soul on Wednesday or Thursday. Sharing your innermost thoughts might be scary, but it’s worth it. On Friday and Saturday, you’re likely thinking faster than those around you. Pushing them can either be fun or a pain; it depends on your attitude. Sunday’s a great time for a little gathering.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

Are you willing to compromise with a friend, your boss, a coworker or a partner at the beginning of the week? If it turns into something of a tussle, Wednesday and Thursday are excellent days to sort it out amicably. You’re forgiving and compassionate now, making others’ shoes easy to step into (and yours hard to fill). On Friday and Saturday, a conversation could get intense, whether intellectually, emotionally or both. It may be uncomfortable; on the other hand, it may be kind of hot. Sunday’s not meant for big accomplishments, but simple things can be very pleasurable.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)

If you’ve fallen off your fitness regime, renew your commitment to your health at the beginning of the week. Starting small is fine -- even taking a walk is a step in the right direction (and calming, too). A certain situation could get tense on Wednesday or Thursday, and you’re not one to back down. But if you initiate a dialogue that breaks the impasse, you’ll demonstrate both strength and flexibility -- much better than plain old force of will. Play it safe on Friday and Saturday; observation’s more fruitful than action now. And on Sunday, your instinct has a major role to play.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)

You’ll love a game at the beginning of the week, whether of the physical or brain-teasing variety. What’s key is participating instead of just spectating. Around Wednesday or Thursday, lend someone (your boss, a friend, a love interest) a hand when they least expect it. It needn’t be a big thing -- it’s the observant thoughtfulness that counts now. While you’re likely busy on Friday and Saturday, you may not get the mental stimulation you require. Make time for reading or watching a documentary. Keep Sunday free for whatever catches your fancy.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)

A relative, a wise friend or a mentor can help put something worrisome into perspective at the beginning of the week. Taking action -- even a small step -- makes matters better, too. Wednesday or Thursday should bring a big improvement, possibly with a work matter or in your love life -- or just in your mood. Work hard and play hard on these days; when the weekend comes, you’re likely to be preoccupied by intellectual or interpersonal matters. Think it through, and come Sunday, you may be ready to make a change.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18)

Your intellectual capacity is stunning at the beginning of the week -- formulate some amazing new ideas and make some interesting connections. Put your head together with another brainiac, and who knows what’ll happen? Around Wednesday or Thursday, life (or your own headspace) could seem dull by comparison, but just set about learning something to regain your spark. Speaking of sparks, they’re liable to fly on Friday and Saturday, maybe in the romance department. You’re a natural-born flirt now. By Sunday, you’ll be happy to simply dawdle around the house.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON

The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade 2/15 Kicking Wicked

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik 2/15 Crazy Hearts 2/22 Midget Wrestling

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Tuesdays: Billy Patrick Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 2/1 Paul Rice

OREFIELD

Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 2/7 Blues Jam 2/8 A.D.D

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 2/8 Bobby Lenti Band 2/9 21st Century Troubadours 2/14 Karen Gross Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 2/8 Tina Margot 2/15 Keith Garner 2/21 Mike Greer

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO

The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 1st Wed of Month - Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 2/6 SOUL 2/7 Fuggling Suns 2/8 George Wesley Band 2/14 Pocono Duo 2/15 Free Music Orchestra

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)

Is somebody hiding something at the beginning of the week? Could it even be you? Try shedding light and getting issues or secrets out in the open. By Wednesday or Thursday, you might just be shouting from the proverbial rooftops -- or maybe this is stuff that’s better conveyed in a whisper or a love note. Find your unique expression; it’s so much better than the usual. Watch your step, literally and figuratively, on Friday and Saturday; you may be accident- or mistake-prone now. The arts are in the stars on Sunday, whether you’re spectating or creating.

Check Out A.D.D Band This Saturday At The Leather Corner Post in Orefield, PA


THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT FEBRUARY 5, 2014 Page 38

single in the CiTY

The ATTrAcTive AdvAnTAge Since the 1960s, a mountain of research has been conducted on human attractiveness. Between the years 2000 and 2005, for example, more research has been conducted on physical attractiveness and evolution than the whole Kenny Luck of the 1990s, which encompasses more than 300 articles! The main question—“Do ‘pretty people’ have an advantage over us normal folk?”—remains compelling. And according to research, the answer is an unequivocal “yes.” Whether dealing with picking a mate, getting a job or having a higher income, attractive people are edging out the rest of society. “As might be expected, attractive people have greater choice in mating markets and hence are able to secure consensually more desired partners,” writes the authors of one study. “But attractive people are treated differently from others more generally, leading them to have better jobs, higher incomes, and more friends than others. . . .” And this applies cross most cultures, too. That is to say, it isn’t just us fickle Americans who prize attractiveness. According to researchers Steven W. Gangestad and Glenn J. Scheyd: “Physical attractiveness appears to have important implications in traditional cultures too.” The implications, for example, are that Ache women, a culture of hunter-gatherers who live in Eastern Paraguay, seem to be better off than the rest of the population and are more highly prized. What’s more, female preferences in the U.K. and Sri Lanka revealed that women in both countries “prefer lean, muscular male body types most, followed by average and then skinny body types.” It appears, then, than valuing attractiveness is a human universal. highlights of Attractiveness: • Highly attractive women’s faces are more feminine than average • Both men and women discriminate the desirability of potential mates, partly on the basis on physical qualities • On average, attractive people have higher incomes, better mate choice and more friends • Men universally prefer women with a low waist-to-hip ratio Evolution seems to hold the answer as to why this phenomenon exists. It works like this: in mammalian behavior, “[f]emales are typically a limiting reproductive resource and, hence, males compete through intrasexual competition and through signaling for females.” In other words, men compete for the attention of females. That remains well known. However, both men and women—once successful on the mating scene—pass on their genes, their preferences, to the next generation, reinforcing their idea of what counts as attractive and what does not. To conclude, attractive people have an edge when it comes to incomes, jobs, friends and mate choice. According to researchers, this seems to be a human universal. Source: “The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness,” Annual Review of Anthropology, Steven W. Gangestad and Glenn J. Scheyd, 2005

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Biff went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. “There seems to be a horrible, dark cloud surrounding me.” “I know,” said the psychic, “and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it.” Biff thought the fee was high, but, eager to be cured, he handed over the money to the psychic. After pocketing the fee, the psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one. Then Biff asked, “What do you call this dark and horrible curse?” The psychic waved the match down behind Biff and said, “Mexican food.”

By now, everyone has heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51.” Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane . . . only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!” A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber but wants some fun. The man called over to his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband didn’t find it funny but with a concerned look on his face says, “Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?” The woman gets up and enters the man’s bed. The two make passionate love and afterPage 44

wards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, “Clumsy idiot.”

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What do you do to make $$? Photographer & Model. Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Taken. How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FaceBook or Donatelli Modeling Agency 610-921-5582 Where was your best vacation destination? Panama. What do you do to relax? Photography. What sports do you watch the most? Football... Fly Eagles Fly What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? I’ll pass on the Alcohol, Hand me a bottle of water… Please :) What happens to be your worst vice? I can sometimes be too trusting. What is your best feature? Creativity. What TV show do you never miss each week? Boardwalk Empire. What movie would you recommend to our readers? The Beach. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” To catch & RELEASE a record breaking white Marlin. Are you a Spender or a Saver? Saver. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? I became a Mother. What do you sleep in? My Skin!!! What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? You Should Be With Me. What do want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Compliments should last as LONG as your relationship.


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