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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

10 CLUB & PUBS

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2,3,2010 ISSUE 167.ISSUE NOVEMBER 27 - DECEMBER 2013

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 17 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review TROT 21 TURKEY Camille Capriglione gives us the low down on this freaky tradition 24 MEET GLEN JOSEPH Elle Spaulding gives us a look at this strange tale

32 ZODIAC

Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 47 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper! Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper. Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania. Any Material submitted becomes the property of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. The Valley Beat reserves the right to refuse advertising or content. The Valley Beat is not liable for any errors discovered, or any changes after an ad has been printed.

Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: See Page 47 Contributor: Mitch | Kenny Luck Columinists: Elle Spaulding | Camille Capriglione | Nick Gaskins | A.J. Fritz

Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Weekly Top 10: Gina Crash Hot Shots: Just Ordinary Photography

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SATURDAY 12.7

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013


by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY - EVERYBODY NEEDS A HUG

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

After its launch was delayed for a month by the Madison, Wis., city attorney, the Snuggle House was cleared and scheduled to open on Nov. 15 to provide in-bed, pajama-clad “intimate, non-sexual touch(ing)” for $60 an hour. “So many people,” said assistant manager Emily Noon, “don’t have a significant other in their lives” and “just need to be held” (including, she said, the elderly and hospice patients, who are part of the target clientele). The city’s delay was, a spokesman said, to assure that Snuggle House had protocols for dealing with “risky” situations in which a customer refuses to take “no sex” for an answer. (Snuggle House has prominent surveillance cameras and panic buttons for the staff.)

Recurring Themes: (1) Steven Campbell, 51, entering a courthouse in Kelso, Wash.,

OH, DEAR!

(1) Hells Angels, which in the old days reputedly handled thieves in a different way, filed a lawsuit this time, in October, against Dillard’s department stores -- alleging a violation of its Hells Angels Motorcycle Club trademark by a similar design on one of the store’s T-shirts. (2) A 43-year-old Canadian man is not guilty, argued his lawyer in court in November, of violating a local Dubai law on public insults, even though he used the “f-word,” because he had merely uttered “(f-word) off” and not “(f-word) you.” Explained the lawyer, “(f-word) off” is simply a demand (in Canada, anyway) that someone leave you alone.

-- Among the underreported catastrophes caused by Hurricane Sandy in the New York-New Jersey area in October 2012 was the tragedy that befell the 27,000-case WineCare storage cellar in Manhattan. Though it claimed to have lost only about 5 percent of its inventory when waters from the Hudson River flooded its supposedly secure warehouse, that number apparently did not count the many preserved bottles whose labels washed off, dramatically reducing the value of customers’ toweringly priced grape and forcing WineCare into bankruptcy court, according to a New York Times report in July. -- In July, just days after the one-year anniversary of the spree killing of 12 people at the Century 16 Theaters in Aurora, Colo., Cassidy Delavergne was arrested after he entered the NCG Trillium theaters in Grand Blanc Township, Mich., wearing full body armor and carrying a loaded gun and a fake CIA badge (and alarming some but not all bystanders). Delavergne explained that he wore the equipment only because he did not want to leave it in his car while he watched the movie -- and thought the badge might alleviate other patrons’ fears. -- Weird SportsCenter: (1) A Brazilian minor-league soccer match in September ended in a 2-2 tie only because, with minutes left, the trainer for one team stepped to the goal and cleared two quick tie-breaking shots that his players could not have reached in time. “It was our only chance,” he said later. (The referee allowed play to continue.) (2) She Got Game: Bringing her basketball skills to an October five-on-five contest in Thimphu, the queen of Bhutan, 23, scored 34 points with 3 rebounds and 4 assists, and talked up basketball’s imminent rise in the Asian kingdom to a New York Times reporter. The queen said she, and the king, play almost every day.

CLICHES COME TO LIFE (1) The Azerbaijani government’s official vote totals for the Oct. 8 elections (showing President Aliyev winning, as expected, with 72.76 percent of the votes), was mistakenly released to the public on Oct. 7. (Officials blamed a computer app “bug.”) (2) Terry Jenkins, 25, was arrested for domestic battery in Myrtle Beach, S.C., in September after, according to the police report, he had asked his girlfriend and her female cousin for a bedroom menage a trois. He then allegedly became enraged when the women paid more attention to each other than to him.

apparently failed to consider that he would be searched and was forced to hand over to courthouse screeners a 3-inch methamphetamine pipe with suspected meth residue on it. (2) Andrew Laviguer, 57, was captured and accused of robbing several banks in Oregon and Washington in September, including the Wells Fargo branch in Portland, Ore., that ended the spree (and on whose counter he had mistakenly left his car keys when he fled).

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW

PERSPECTIVE American Psychiatric Association members have been engaged in well-publicized academic brawls over the last 10 years about the contents of APA’s signature publication, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, whose fifth edition (DSM-V) was released in May. However, despite the thorough airing of contentious viewpoints as to what is and is not a mental illness, its final “consensus” nevertheless labeled “pedophilia” as a sexual “orientation” rather than a “disorder.” Falling under outside criticism almost immediately, APA in October reopened the debate, calling the labeling a “mistake.” (A “sexual orientation” in many state and local jurisdictions affords anti-discrimination rights.)

OOPS!

Awkward: (1) A teenage girl somehow managed to get stuck in a child’s swing on a playground in London in September, and soon three trucks carrying 12 firefighters were on the scene and managed to remove the swing from its frame to free her. (2) New York University student Asher Vongtau, 19, somehow managed to fall into a 2-foot-wide shaft between a dorm and a garage in November and remain stuck for 36 hours until campus security officers spotted him and called firefighters. (He was hospitalized in serious condition.)

A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC

It was thought to be the backwoods version of an “urban legend,” but the Vermont Fish and Wildlife Department reported in March (2009) its first documented case of a deer hunter’s attempting to avoid detection after shooting a doe (instead of the permissible buck) by gluing antlers onto its head. Marcel Fournier, 19, used epoxy and lag bolts, said a game warden, but the finished product looked awkward because of the angle of placement and the size mismatch of the antlers. (Fournier was jailed for 10 days and fined, and had his license revoked.)

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

in November for a hearing on his previous arrest for possession of methamphetamine,

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD


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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

CONCERT BEAT CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713

The Luv Gods, Nov 29 Men of the Strip, Nov 30 Trivium - Devildriver, Dec 2 Music of the Doors, Dec 6

TICKETS 212-307-7171

Paramore, Nov 13 • Rod Stewart, Dec 9

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249 The Mighty Manatees, Nov 29 Donna The Buffalo, Nov 30 The Defibulators, Dec 5

MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600

Avril Lavigne and Jason Derulo, Dec 5

MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Scott Weiland & The Wildabouts, Nov 30 Rob Base, Dec 24 Burlesque Show, Dec 29

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 610-332-1300 Enter The Haggis, Nov 27 Hot Tuna Acoustic, Dec 3 Scythian, Dec 13

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Railroad Earth, Nov 29 Rusted Root, Dec 5 Beatlemania Now, Dec 7 Twelve-Twenty Four, Dec 12

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

TICKETS 212-777-6800

Emillie Autumn, The Birthday Massacre, Nov 27 IM SHMACKED, Nov 27 NOFX, Nov 30 Wall Street Rocks 2013, Dec 2 Reggie Watts, Dec 11

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA TICKETS 610-898-7200

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 800-745-3000

Trace Adkins Christmas, Nov 29 Megadeth, Nov 30 Celtic Woman, Dec 4 Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular, Dec 6 The Price is Right, Dec 7 Myth Busters, Dec 12 XFE Cage Wars, Dec 14 World Championship Boxing, Dec 18 Kenny G Holiday Show, Dec 19 Smokey Robinson, Dec 27 Larry The Cable Guy, Dec 28

The Jersey Shore’s DJ Pauly D, New Years Eve, Dec 31 (Vision Bar) Pink Floyd Dark Side, Jan 11 Lisa Lampanelli, Feb 15 Jim Gaffigan & The White Bread Tour, Mar 29

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-826-1100

YAMATO, Nov 20 • Elvis Costello, Nov 25 • Kenny Rogers, Nov 29

SANTANDER ARENA, Reading, PA TICKETS 610-898-7469 Toby Mac, Dec 5 Straight No Chaser, Dec 6 The Fresh Beat Band, Dec 8

Lucky 7 Band, Nov 30 • Black Sheep Live, Dec 7

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA

TICKETS (215) 922-5483

TICKETS (215) 627-1332

Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls, Nov 29 MGMT, Dec 3 Get the Led Out, Dec 14 Zedd, Dec 28 Dark Star Orchestra, Dec 29

Chasing Safety, Nov 29 DJ Xtina, Dec 4 Stero Coma, Dec 6 Jacob Kulick, Dec 8 Hot Water Music, Dec 13 The Devil Wears Prada, Dec 14 Protest the Hero, Dec 15 Mantis Music Showcase, Dec 28 David Koechner, Jan 11

1409 N. 9th St

Pink, Dec 6 Rod Stewart, Dec 11

Swearingen & Kelli, Dec 15 Rob Stoneback Big Band,Dec 19 Sarah Ayers & Friends, Dec 20 Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes, Dec 21

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA TICKETS 570-420-280

TICKETS 877-686-5366

REVERB - Reading, PA

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ Slayer & Gojira, Nov 29 The Fresh Beat Band, Dec 6

Veil of Maya, Dec 6 Norma Jean, Dec 7 Abk, Dec 18

Elton John, Nov 27 Jingle Ball, Dec 4

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

Men of the Strip, Dec 19 Christian Porter, Dec 20 Clutch, Dec 28 Galactic, Feb 9 Rebelution, Feb 12

(610) 743-3069 Fates Warning, Nov 27 Girls, Girls, Girls, Dec 6 Misfits + The Attack + More, Dec 7 Bam Margera, Dec 21 H2O, Dec 28

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650 The Machine, Nov 29 John Pinetter, Nov 30 Rock Rhythm & Soul, Dec 6 Michael McDonal, Dec 7

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371

Dark Star Orchestra, Nov 27 Travis Tritt, Dec 6 Phil Vassar, Jan 11 Kix, Jan 31

Legendary Rockers Megadeth Perform This Saturday At The Sands Event Center


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

136 north 6th street, reading, pa MAINGATE NIGHTCLUB (610) 776-7711 (610) 898-show / www.santander-arena.com 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK

Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

PORCUPINE PIERCING BLACK FRIDAY & SATURDAY ONLY ALL PIERCINGS $25.00 ALL YEAR INCLUDES JEWELRY

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PAGE 9

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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27,2013

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 11/29 Sister Blue Electric Trio Live 11/30 James Supra Blues Band Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Thurs: Open Mic Billy Patrick 11/29 Billy Patrick 11/30 T.B.A Wave Night Club 22 N. 6th St 610-821-9283 11/27 Thanksgiving Eve Bash feat DJ Xtina - Vip Bottle Service Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music

Strange Brew Tavern 1996 S. Fifth St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night 11/27 Keep Out Of Reach 11/29 A.D.D. 11/30 Scott Marshall

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Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Live Entertainment Tim Harakal / Billy Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More 11/27 UUU Band

Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman

BATH Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 11/28 Open @ 5pm 11/30 DJ Kevin

BETHLEHEM Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 11/27 Hall n Oats Trib 11/28 Modern Romantz 11/29 Vega Fuse 11/30 Spitune 12/1 Zack Martin Trio Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Monday: Trivia Friday DJ June Saturday DJ Cisco Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Bethlehem Brew Works 569 Main St 610-882-1300 Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 11/27 Liquid Feast 11/29 Harkland w/ DJ Tom Taylor Black Light Party Lou’s 50 Yard Line 2626 Easton Ave 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic Tuesday’s - Trivia Saturday’-Karoke w/ Jason

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 11/27 DJ Johnny B 11/28 Total Whiteout 11/29 Mashwork Orange 11/30 Breeze Trio 12/1 Back 2 Life Band 12/2 She Said Sunday 12/3 Joey Casella

Mashwork Orange 11/29 Molten Lounge Bethlehem, PA

Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 11/29 Kim & Reggis Harris 11/30 Roy Book Binder The Broadway Social 217 Broadway 610-868-2555 11/27 Thanksgiving Eve 11/29 Black Dress Party 12/1 Champagne Brunch 12/7 Neon Party

CATASAQUA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

Black Light Friday 11/29 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

Thanksgiving Eve 11/27 Broadway Social Bethlehem, PA

COOPERSBURG

Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010 Thursdays: Pool Tournament 8pm 11/27 Beauties & the Feast

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke Fri - DJ Baby B 11/27 Steelin’ Time 11/30 Bad Influence

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 11/27 Thanksgiving Eve Bash 11/29 Sexy Black Dress Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 11/27 Irish Jam 11/29 The Depas 11/30 Our Griffins

Sexy Black Dress Party 11/29 Drinky’s Easton, PA

MORE ON PAGE 32

Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours


B A N D S T H AT R O C K

T h e Ye a r i n R e v i e w

again. Looking forward to 2014’s Cruise to the Edge! British prog rockers, Renaissance, still grieving over the sudden death of guitarist and songwriter Michael Dunford, played at Yestival in Camden on a beautiful June afternoon with the lovely Annie Haslam singing sweetly. Classic Genesis tributes are on my radar and The Musical Box from Montreal played The Keswick in Glenside and at Yestival. There’s a band out of Philly called Trespass that I will continue to see over and over simply because they put on such a fabulous show. Coincidentally, on December 6, Trespass will play at Building 24 in Wyomissing, PA and the following night, The Musical Box plays Santander Performing Arts Center in Reading. The Security Project rocked Sellersville with original members of Peter Gabriel’s band and featured Genesis tribute, The Waiting Room’s, Josh Gleason, on vocals. District 97, from Chicago featured American Idol contestant from season 7, Leslie Hunt, touring with John Wetton of King Crimson, Asia and UK and, made a stop in Sellersville as well. Blue Öyster Cult, 3 Doors Down, Boz Scaggs, Foreigner, Styx, Peter Gabriel, Pearl Jam, Roger Hodgson of Supertramp and Leslie West of Mountain made the list as well. 2012-2013 was a great year! Let’s do it again! Happy Thanksgiving to all and remember to give thanks for all the great live music that’s around you! Enjoy!

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years! Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more! Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE PAGE1111

Last Thanksgiving Eve, I began my stint as a contributor to The Valley Beat writing the Local Beat - Bands That Rock column each week. The last twelve months blew right by but 2012-2013 was a memorable year for me in many ways. So while some may prefer to do their annual retrospectives at year’s end, I prefer to do mine right at the twelve month mark. Let me begin by flashing back to exactly one year ago today. It was Thanksgiving Eve and I was pretty fired up to see The Lou Franco Project at Stahley’s for a Clam-N-Jam Thanksgiving Eve bash. Maestro Franco brought the house down and the sounds coming from his electric guitar were as smooth and tasty as the brown butter that came with my orders of steamed clams. The Lou Franco Project was once again scheduled to play Stahley’s tonight but unfortunately, Lou is laid up with a bad back and in some serious pain. I hope he makes a speedy recovery and can get back to doing what he does best. I’m going to miss his cover of Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s “Christmas Eve in Sarajevo.” Get well, Louie! The weekend after Thanksgiving 2012, I took a trip to Northumberland, PA to see The Badlees annual Homecoming show at the beautiful Front Street Station. Last year, the band was in the studio working on an ambitious double album. I’m happy to report that The Badlees released their new record on October 8. It’s called “Epiphones and Empty Rooms” and is available through their website at www.badlees.com, Amazon, iTunes and other major online stores. I get to make the annual pilgrimage to Northumberland again this weekend. Road trip! This Homecoming ranks right up there with The Waltons! “G’night, John Boy!” Locally, how could I forget stumbling onto Trifus, a hard rock power trio, annihilating at The Peppercorn Pub? Sadly, Trifus is no longer together and The Peppercorn Pub, long a haven for live music, has closed its doors for good. Classic rockers Social Call, came out to play in a snow storm at Strange Brew in February with bassist Joe Cenchitz chiding the local weatherman. Work Release, out of Collegeville, PA made their Valley debut and keep coming back because they love it up here. Decoy Clones were formed, The Cherry Bombs broke up but reformed, and so did The Aardvarks. Great blues rock performances comprised a hefty chunk of my 2012-2013 tour. In January, blues rock guitarist extraordinaire, Scott Weis, threw off his neck brace after breaking two cervical vertebrae in an auto accident to open for Dickey Betts at Penn’s Peak. I’m happy to report that Scott continues to heal and play with his band that just recently opened for Burton Cummings of The Guess Who in Newton, NJ. Honorable mentions to Friar’s Point, Eddie Bluestone Trio, and James Supra Blues Band as they all gave command performances. At Musikfest, it was Craig Thatcher and Eric Steckel. But the best blues show I saw over the past year was the great guitar master, Joe Bonamassa, live at The Beacon Theater in NYC. If you never saw Joe, you must go! Mike Mettalia and Midnight Shift taught me how to Rock-A-Billy at Grumpy’s while Matt

Roman hosted a crazy open jam session there with a bus load of Big Band players passing through town on their way to the big city. I hit jams at The Raven’s Nest, Rivals, and Godfrey Daniels. In fact, I saw my first show at Godfrey Daniels and took a ribbing because I waited so long. Thank you Sarah Ayers Band for allowing me to emcee that show! I’m still in the process of touring local open jams so beware! You never know when I’ll show up. The Indie rock scene in the Lehigh Valley is as vibrant as ever. I saw the 15 year reunion of Waiting For Rain and the 33 year reunion of The Trendsetters. These gents have a passion for performing their original music and have kept in touch with each other over the years. I took a trip to Philly to see local Indie rockers, Roi and the Secret People at World Café Live. And what about Dave Goddess Group who gave us so many great original rock and roll tunes going back to the late ‘70s and early ‘80s with Daddy Licks? Goddess continues to write and perform original music and I saw him play recently at The Funhouse. On the Progressive Rock front, the Cruise to the Edge featured Yes, on a bill that included Steve Hackett of Genesis, Carl Palmer of ELP, UK, Nektar, Ambrosia, Glass Hammer, Zebra, and others on a five day cruise aboard a luxury liner departing Ft. Lauderdale with stops in Cayman Islands and Jamaica. Many of those bands played up here after the cruise so I saw them again and

THE 2013 THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT NOVEMBER OCTOBER 9,27, 2013

by: Mitch


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013 Page 12

HOTSHOTS! HOTSHOTS!

If you are a bar or club that would like to featured in Hot Shots send us an email: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

LAFAYETTE VS LEHIGH WEEKEND AT FAVORITE LOCAL BARS & CLUBS IN BETHLEHEM’S SOUTHSIDE


11/30 11/3010-12AM 10-12AMTHE THEGIN GINMILL MILL 12/17 12/1710:30-12:30AM 10:30-12:30AMROOSEVELTS ROOSEVELTS 12/510-12AM 10-12AMRIVALS RIVALS ALLENTOWN ALLENTOWN 12/5 12/610-12AM 10-12AMHAMMERHEAD HAMMERHEAD 12/18 12/1810-12AM 10-12AMDRINKYS DRINKYS 12/6 12/7 11-1AM SOTTO SANTI 12/19 6-8PM KEYSTONE PUB WHITEHALL 12/7 11-1AM SOTTO SANTI 12/19 6-8PM KEYSTONE PUB WHITEHALL 12/12 11-1AM ROOSEVELTS BETHLEHEM 12/20 10-12AM KEYSTONE PUB 12/12 11-1AM ROOSEVELTS 10-12AM KEYSTONE PUB 12/13 10-12AM BETHLEHEM KROCKS PUB 12/20 BETHLEHEM 12/13 10-12AM KROCKS PUB BETHLEHEM 12/14 10-12AM THE BLUE MONKEY 12/21 10-12AM MACGRADYS 12/14 10-12AM THE BLUE MONKEY 12/21 10-12AM MACGRADYS

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

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Roosevelts 21st Allentown $1.50 Coors Light Drafts 1-3PM STARTERS $100 1-3PM STARTERS PUB PUB $100 GIFTCARD GIFTCARD Linx Friday and Saturday $2 Pints ENTER TO WIN A $100 GIFTCARD Fogelsville Hotel Friday $2.00 Drafts ENTER WIN A $100 GIFTCARD Hops 1-3PM RIVALS 1-3PMTO RIVALS Tilted Kilt $2 Drafts ENTER TO WIN A TAILGATE KIT. ENTERKEYSTONE TO WIN A PUB TAILGATE KIT. Sunset Grille 1-3PM $2 Drafts All Day Everyday 1-3PM KEYSTONE PUB BETHELEHEM BETHELEHEM ENTER ENTER TO TO WIN WIN AA Rivals $3 Drafts All Day Everyday Follow us @LVCoorsGirls The Valley Coors Girls $100 $100 GIFTCARD GIFTCARD Linx Friday and Saturday $2 Pints 1-3PM 1-3PM RIVALS RIVALS Tilted Kilt $2 Drafts


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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013 Page 16

By: Scotty Scotty Brilliant Brilliant By:

the same name as the Miley Cyrus titled hit, “Wrecking Ball.” Even though there is a viral video out there of some hardcore band doing a pretty badass cover of the molly-loving, twerking, embarrassment to society, this is not it. In fact, this song sounds very similar to their 2011 single, “The Pride,” with Moody going back to his rap rock roots. “Battle Born” is the album’s first single and currently in heavy rotation on The Bone. According to Moody, this song is about the band’s rigorous touring schedule which caused him to be both physically and psychologically drained. In an interview with bravewords.com, Moody said, “Everything worth fighting for you will actually have to fight for. Every wish, every dream, every idea comes to existence only through blood, sweat, and sacrifice... we are all Battle Born.” The band slows things up a bit on the emotional track “Cold.” The piano also adds to the ambiance and gives it a nice touch. This calm doesn’t last

long as the next track, “Let This Go,” makes you want to take on the world. The album concludes with a very lackluster cover of the traditional folk song (and later recorded by The Animals) “House of the Rising Sun.” Crank It Much like its predecessor, the entire album is crank-worthy. Though I could have done without the cover song, Volume 2 certainly does bring the same aggression and brutality that we heard in the first volume. I really hope Ivan Moody gets screwed over a lot more in life, because it provides him with some great material for some very intense songs. It seems that others would agree, because as of this past Sunday, Five Finger Death Punch is on course for its second top five album this year on Billboard’s Top 200. Not bad for a couple of wayward metal musicians from California. Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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It seems like it was just last week I was reviewing The Wrong Side of Heaven and the Righteous Side of Hell, Volume 1, the first of two albums from Five Finger Death Punch. But in reality, it wasn’t a week ago. This album came out at the end of July, when the weather was warm and summer was in full swing. Now four months later, Five Finger Death Punch are back to top the charts again with a follow-up to July’s release, The Wrong Side of Heaven and the Righteous Side of Hell, Volume 2. If my memory serves me correctly, I really enjoyed Volume 1. I thought it was an intense and well executed metal album. To quote myself from Volume 1’s review, I said: “They will continue to write what works and ultimately what sells. So if you’ve never liked Five Finger Death Punch, then you probably never will, and I’m sure Ivan Moody doesn’t really give a f*ck!” My opinion hasn’t changed since I made that statement a few months ago, and neither has FFDP’s capacity for writing catchy radio-friendly (and not so radio-friendly) metal tunes. In the press release announcing the band’s decision to release two albums guitarist Zoltan Bathory said, “We came off the road after a couple of great years of touring and were really amped up to write the 4th record. Everybody was in the right headspace and the band tighter than ever, so it was a perfect storm. We jumped in head first and found ourselves 12-13 songs deep fairly quick but were still coming up with better and better material so we looked at each other and said... okay why stop there?... let’s keep going. Once we passed the 24th song we knew we’re going to have to do a double album.” Volume 2 begins with pure aggression on the uber-heavy lead-off track, “Here to Die.” Immediately you realize that the group of songs on this album are almost identical in theme to those on the last album- Ivan Moody is pissed off and he wants you to know it! The tone is set with Moody screaming the lyrics, “I’ve been hated by better / I’ve been beaten by the best / it’s not a gift, it’s a mother fuckin’ test!” When I first saw the track titled “Weight Beneath My Skin,” I thought that it might be a nod to Bette Midler’s classic chick hit, “Wind Beneath My Wings.” After hearing the song I realized that there is absolutely no correlation between the two, nor is FFDP comical enough to pull off something like that. This is also evident in the next track, which shares

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 6, 2013

ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW


BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

By Chris Bumbray

VOLBEAT OUTLAW GENTLEMEN AND SHADY LADIES NEVER NEVER KORN

THE PARADIGM SHIFT

BATTLE BORN

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN & THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 2

TIRED

PLOT: Fresh from their win at the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) are now darlings of the capital. But, the tyrannical President Snow (Donald Sutherland) is not pleased with Katniss’ fame or the burgeoning resistance movement which has adopted her Mockingjay trademark as their emblem. To destroy her, Snow hatches a plan with new game maker Plutarch Heavensbee (Philip Seymour Hoffman) to have a new Hunger Games that will pit Katniss and Peeta against tributes reaped from a pool of former winners. REVIEW: If the first HUNGER GAMES was a blockbuster, the follow-up- CATCHING FIREseems poised to be a phenomenon. In two years since the first film, Jennifer Lawrence has not only won an Oscar (for SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK) but also become one of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood. The charisma that helped make the first movie such a smash is back on display here, with Lawrence being even better than she was in the last outing, buoyed no doubt by the confidence that comes with an Oscar.

STONE SOUR HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 1

VOICES

ALICE IN CHAINS THE DEVIL PUT DINOSAURS HERE

DEAL WITH THE DEVIL POP EVIL ONYX

HAIL TO THE KING

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

SIRENS

PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

BORN TO RISE

REDLIGHT KING IRONS IN THE FIRE

ADRENALINE

SHINEDOWN AMARYLLIS

THE HUNGER GAMES series if often compared to the TWILIGHT movies, but the appeal of this series is much broader. This is partly due to the material, but mostly due to Lawrence. The books by Suzanne Collins are adhered to closely (maybe too closely as the result is a 146 minute run-time that drags a bit). The other actors are also quite good, with Hutcherson making for a likable Peeta. I’ve been rough on Liam Hemsworth in reviews of this other movies, but he suits the part of Gale Hawthorne, although whether he’s ultimately up to the part will be decided by the bigger role he’ll play in MOCKINGJAY. Stanley Tucci is back to camp it up as Hunger Games host Caesar Flickerman (although his cohort from the first film, Toby Jones only gets a quick cameo), while Elizabeth Banks somehow manages to imbue the cartoonish Effie Trinket-with her outlandish outfits and hair- with some humanity. Woody Harrelson also returns as Haymitch, the former victor turned mentor for Katniss and Peeta, while Sutherland is appropriately cruel as President Snow. The series is given a boost of gravitas by Philip Seymour Hoffman as the new game maker Plutarch, and unlike the other Capitol players, doesn’t have to contend with outlandish hair and makeup. Hoffman admirably underplays the part, making him a tough character to pin down, which suits the part and should continue on through the next two films. Sam Claflin, as former winner Finnick Odair, is ideally cast in a surprisingly meaty part, and is no doubt another heartthrob in the making for the series’ core young female fan base. In the end, whether or not you’ll like CATCHING FIRE depends on what you thought of the first film. If you enjoyed it, you’ll obviously like this one too as its maybe even a bit better. While it’s not the most original series ever, it’s a very entertaining one, and it can’t be denied that the series is tailor-made for Lawrence, whose career as a superstar will likely continue on long after the series has ended.

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10

LOLA MONTEZ

Movie Review

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

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NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! • HAPPY HOLIDAYS! BATH FAT CAT SANDWICH MENU $7.95 (Served on a roll)

#1 Bath Milf: Cheesesteak, chicken fingers, mozz sticks, bacon, mayo & ketchup

#2 Bath Joint: Chicken fingers, mozz sticks, french fries & ranch

#3 Bath Motherclucker: Grilled chicken, amer-

ican cheese, jalapeno poppers, mayo & Ketchup #4 Bath Cowboy: Chicken cheesesteak, french fries, blue cheese & hotsauce #5 Bath Stud: Buffalo chicken fingers, mozz sticks, jalapeno poppers, ranch #6 Bath Cow: Double cheeseburger, french fries, bacon, mayo & ketchup #7 Bath Lush: Cheesesteak, grilled chicken, (2) mozz sticks, & bbq sauce #8 Bath Meathead: Cheesesteak, burger, bacon, mayo & ketchup #9 Bath Idiot: Chicken cheesesteak, bacon, jalapeno poppers, mayo & ketchup #10Bath Rothenburger: Cheesesteak, jalapeno poppers, bacon, hot sauce & ranch #11Bath Caesar: Grilled chicken, bacon, french fries, romaine lettuce, caesar dressing & parmesan

FRI 6/28 - 9PM - 12AM

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THE VALLEY THE VALLEY BEATBEAT JULYNOVEMBER 31, 2013 27, 2013

Thanksgiving Turkey By Camille Capriglione

TroT!

go through the Old Delmar neighborhoods. There will be awards for 1st place, male and female, as well as Best Costume Awards! You can register by mail until race day. Visit www. ourtownebethlehem.com for more info. A turkey trot may be the very thing to battle the effects of tryptophan!

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A turkey trot is a fun foot race that is held on or around Thanksgiving. These races carry the symbolic spirit of the holiday, like cranberry sauce and football! For some people, the turkey trot is as important as the meal itself; runners and walkers look forward to burning off calories after their gluttonous indulgences. The first recorded race of this kind in Pennsylvania was the Berwick Run for the Diamonds, a nine-mile race held every Thanksgiving since 1908, which starts and ends on Market Street in downtown Berwick. Turkey trots range in size from a few dozen runners to thousands, and are held in many parts of the U.S. (The United Kingdom holds similar races around Christmas Day.) The races are frequently 5k or 10k. Organizations often use race proceeds to help feed the homeless and to provide gifts for low-income families in the community. In cooler northern climates, late November requires bundling up in warm attire. Participants are encouraged to wear funny costumes. Hot chocolate is handed out at the end of the race and the prizes are often turkeys. In Cuero, Texas, there is a unique twist on the race in that all of the participants are actual turkeys! It is a hundred-year old tradition. The Lehigh Valley is no exception. The Our Towne Bethlehem Turkey Trot 2013 is a 5k race designed to be enjoyable for everyone in the family. Family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors can gather together to be a part of this run/walk. This turkey trot helps to support the Bethlehem Food Pantry and several other charities. Senior citizens, toddlers in strollers, children and even pets are encouraged to join the fun! The race will be held on Thanksgiving Day, November 28th at 9:00AM. Participants are to meet at the Bethlehem Middle School. The course begins and ends on Kenwood Avenue and will


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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 13, 2013

The Strange Tale of Glen Joseph You know that saying, if you can’t tell who the craziest person in the room is, it’s probably you? I wonder if Glen Joseph ever took a second to ponder that for himself. Admittedly this week’s cast of characters includes: Mr. Joseph of Allentown, a Pennsylvania state trooper, the FBI, the US government, and the governments of both Russia and Pakistan. So answering that question may not be so easy. It all started sometime at least six years ago. Joseph and the state trooper had been family friends for several decades. The friendship soured however after the Joseph started sending “negative text messages” alleged the trooper in Lehigh County District court last week during Joseph’s criminal trial for terrorist threats. Joseph for his part does not deny these claims, but makes several of his own stating that for years he had been hearing voices in his head. According to Joseph, the voices told him that the FBI had been spying on him and using microwave technology to brainwash citizens. The fact that Joseph believed these messages led him to act on them. Joseph began to record the messages in handwritten notes and posts on social media sites like the Bethlehem Police Department’s own Facebook page. Joseph’s obsession with the FBI spiraled around one particular murder trial in the Lehigh Valley as well as events overseas including the embassy attack in Benghazi, Libya. Joseph also felt personally vulnerable to the FBI, when at one point Joseph became convinced that his apartment had been wiretapped by the FBI and that he was being watched. Joseph responded by skulking around his apartment with a gun looking for clandestine agents. The existence of other erratic behavior is not yet publically known, but it is known that Joseph’s obsession with the FBI is still visible online. While in the whirlpool of his obsessions, Joseph’s deep distrust of the US government led him to contact several international officials, including the governments of Russia and Pakistan, warning them about what he knew about US spying. Joseph’s behavior continued like this for years until the pivotal event in this saga occurred almost exactly a year ago on November 28th 2012 when Mr. Joseph telephoned the Bethlehem police station. While speaking with the dispatcher, Joseph expressed his intention to leave a message for the aforementioned state trooper. The message, “Tell him I’m going to (expletive) kill him” as well as a detailed message of where he was at the time of the phone call resulted in his arrest not long afterwards and imprisonment ever since. So that is the story of what happened almost a year ago today. And where are we now? News stories seemingly come out every few weeks if not every few days detailing the extent of government spying with the US and abroad. It’s gotten so bad that even our most staunch allies abroad have been hard-pressed to justify the level of spying that has been occurring. Meanwhile in some insane twist of fate whistleblower Edward Snowden found sanctuary in first China then ultimately Russia where he felt safer than in the United States. As for Glen Joseph, he was found guilty by a county judge for threatening the state trooper. At the time of this writing, Joseph will be sentenced at a later date. Despite everything, the strange thing is that Joseph does not think that he is crazy. Instead he claims that everything that has happened, including his own incarceration and trial, has been via his own construction. According to Joseph, he planned his arrest, detainment and imprisonment because he knew that it would spark media attention and hopefully lead to an investigation on what the FBI is really doing. Joseph stated in court, “I know you guys are laughing at me, but this is what you have to do in the year 2013 to get anything done about it.” Only time will tell if Glen Joseph was right or wrong, but for now we do know that although he’s no Edward Snowden, at least one person somewhere in the world found some value, if only comedic, in what Glen Joseph had to say. After receiving a message from Joseph, officials in Pakistan responded to Glen Joseph by sending him a smiley face.

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By Elle Spaulding


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THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

1 2 Nights

in the

Valley By Nicky Lynn

Having trouble on deciding what to do or where to going during these holiday season? Well you never have to go very far if you live in the greater area of the Lehigh Valley. Even if from going on a date, hanging with friends or doing something with the family there is always something new to do and see. So skip the winter blues this year and get out and have some fun. So I have put together some of the top 12 things I believe that everyone should try or see at least once this season. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

Trip to NYC Light in the Parkway (Allentown) See a show (Sands Event Center, Playhouse, Easton theater) Christkindlmarkt (South Side of Bethlehem) Christmas at Hershey Down town shopping at the local shops First Friday of the Month (south side Bethlehem) A tree lighting Photo with Santa (Your never too old for this one) Go on one of the many historic tour (Bethlehem) Horse-drawn Carriage Ride Edgeboro Moravian Church – The story of Bethlehem PAGE 27

So no matter if you go by the list that I have provide for you or you do your own thing, just remember to get out and support you’re local business. But most important thing is to have fun this season and avoid the winter blues!!!


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

Y A D I R F K Y C L A N L B O S T I A H T &S

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$100.00 ALL YOU CAN SIT TATTOOS

a t e n l o l i D

610-921-0777 TV, Major Motion 156 Madison Ave, Picture Films, Print www.donatellimodels.com Reading Pa and Promotional


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

THIS WEEKEND THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8 TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN (610) 391-0772

FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111

BECKY’S DRIVE IN Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE http://www.beckysdi.com/

MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/

CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/

MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204

CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878 THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St 610-863-3094

TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES 6. Last Vegas 7. Bad Grandpa 8. Gravity 9. 12 Years A Slave 10. Dallas Buyers Club

THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699 http://roxytheaternorthampton.com/ SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD (OFF Rt 309) OREFIELD 610-683-8775 http://www.shankweilers.com/

December 5th, 2013

REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY (ROUTES 33 & 248) LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800 READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828

NEW DVD RELEASES

6. Breaking Bad: Final Season 7. Ghost Hunters Int: Final Season 8. The Wolverine : Dec 3rd 9. Smurfs 2 : Dec 3rd 10. Mortal Instruments: Dec 3rd

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1. Hunger Games Catching Fire 2. Thor: The Dark World 3. Best Man Holiday 4. Delivery Man 5. Free Birds

1. Red 2 2. Jobs 3. Getaway 4. The Grandmaster 5. The Canyons

REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500 http://www.fandango.com/

REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING QUAKERTOWN 215-536-7700 http://www.fandango.com


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facebook.com/thevalleybeat


THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19)

Take the first few days of the week for yourself and relax as much as possible. It’s a great time for light socializing or puttering around the house, but not for big emotional business. Wednesday through Friday are much more intense, and you should find yourself letting go of some old baggage that you’re only now realizing has been holding you back for quite some time. Once that’s out of the way, the weekend will be clear for great, energetic fun.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20)

Monday and Tuesday are perfect for any detail-oriented task, as your willingness to take extra time and look at things closely is peaking. This is happening just as your life is starting to feel more cluttered! The second half of the week is much more focused on family and romance, and your intuitions should mostly be spot-on. You may want to sit back a bit and see if you can learn a thing or two about the people who are most important to you. Watch out for gratuitous displays of ego this weekend -yours as well as others’!

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) Don’t worry about responsibilities on Monday or Tuesday, because your easy energy should make life roll along without any serious effort. Have fun with it, and share the wealth with family or friends. In contrast, you’re much more focused during the latter half of the week, especially when you’re dealing with work or school-related projects. You may find that you achieve quite a bit more than you had expected. Fun banter and conversation fill your weekend, though you may want to watch out for others who could take your opinions more seriously than you do.

CANCER (6/22 – 7/22)

Drink an extra cup of coffee on Monday and Tuesday, or do whatever else it takes to keep your brain buzzing, because it’s vital that you pay attention at all times -- there are just too many signals you could miss otherwise. Sometime on Wednesday morning, your natural energy picks up enough to float you through the rest of the week pretty easily. You may want to take time out to help a friend or your sweetheart with an emotional issue.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

Your brainpower is revved up and ready to go as the week begins, so tackle tough work problems, school papers or just some crazy Sudoku puzzles at the first opportunity. You should surprise everyone, even yourself. Spend extra time with friends and family on Wednesday and Thursday, as they need you more than they’re letting on. You may want to try to bring them out a little, but don’t push it. The weekend should be way more fun and lighthearted -- a party of some kind would suit you perfectly.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)

Look closely at every document you come across on Monday and Tuesday. It’s not that people are trying to cheat you; rather, the details intrigue you and get you thinking differently. Your confidence and emotional energy are quite strong later in the week, and it’s a great time to improve your romantic situation in some way. Dating and long-term relationships should each bring new satisfaction. Ego issues could arise this weekend, so take a little extra care with those who seem more sensitive than usual.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) Other people are a bit more trouble than usual early this week, but not in any scary or crazy way. Just expect more complaining and backbiting than usual -- and yes, that’s certainly possible! Your display of flexibility breaks the ice midweek and makes Thursday and Friday much more bearable for everyone involved. Make sure you’re ready to lead the way. Your good energy over the weekend manifests as devotion between you and your friends, family or sweetheart, so make the most of it. It’s a great time to improve a personal situation.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)

The people you meet or hang out with on Monday and Tuesday may drive you a little crazy with their inability to focus -- it’s as if you’re surrounded by hummingbirds! Just roll your eyes and get on with your own business. Wednesday through Friday are much more direct for you, your friends and your coworkers, and you LEO (7/23 - 8/22) should make sure you address big issues while you’ve You’re at your best in the middle of a group -- almost any got everyone’s attention. group -- early this week. Try not to go solo if you can help AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) it, and look around for teams to join or lead. Your efforts You’re full of creative energy early this week, and should be rewarded handsomely. Wednesday through should definitely make use of it in some positive way. Friday are great for romance or family, as your natural Maybe you’re exploring art or finding new ways to warmth is as obvious as it is comforting. Reach out to the please your sweetie -- do whatever works for you. right person. The weekend is full of positive, fiery energy, Emotions start to well up from deep within you on and you suddenly realize that you’ve regained your confi- Wednesday morning, and the next few days may be dence in an important area of your life. filled with some long-buried issues you need to deal

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VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22)

Focus on work or school issues early this week, as your mindset should be perfectly in line with whatever task you find in front of you. Take as long as you need and try not to let anyone dissuade you from your work. You and your friends finally reconnect on Wednesday, and you should find that your social energy keeps you moving through the next couple of days at high speeds. The weekend is a good time to kick back and let others take the limelight -- but remember that your time is coming up for the spotlight, too. Get ready!

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd 12/13 Breakfast w/Santa

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade 12/13 TimeWhy?s

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik 11/27 Social Call

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Tuesdays: Billy Patrick Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 11/30 Born Cross-Eyed 12/7 Pr$ph$t

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 11/27 Dropin’ Trou 11/28 Blues Jam 11/29 A.G.T.

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 11/22 Everything is Everywhere w/Heat Thunder & Upperfields Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 11/29 Rich Cox 11/30 Keith Garner

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 1st Wed of Month - Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 11/27 George Wesley Band 11/29 Mike Miz 11/30 Bovine Social Club Cabinet

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

with. Don’t let them dominate your life, but don’t ignore them, either.

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) Things are surprisingly mutable on Monday and Tuesday, so if you’ve been meaning to make some changes in your life, go for it! People might be a little shocked, but don’t let that hold you back. Waves of creative energy wash over you midweek, and you may find that you’re much better able to handle emotional issues that have been on the back burner for just a little too long.

Check Out The George Wesley Band Thanksgiving Eve At The Sarah Street Grill in Stroudsburg, PA


www.strangebrewtavern.co 610-841-3610

Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews

WAT CH A LL T Wednesday Nov 27 – Keep Out of Reach H E G AME S Friday Nov 29 – A.D.D. HER E Entertainment This Week:

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

24 Taps

Saturday Nov 30 – Scott Marshall & Marshall’s Highway

Kitchen open 11am til Midnight

Open 7 days a week 11am - 2am

strangebrew610

1996 S. Fifth St Allentown

(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)

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WITH

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 27, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT INDUSTRY MONDAYS

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single in the CiTY BIG BODIES That sexual attractiveness and health are related is an idea that is widespread among many Americans. If a man or a woman is attractive, Kenny Luck they must be healthier, so the reasoning goes. Moreover, a person often sees the idea of “attractiveness” as a result, in part, from “good genes”— inheritable genes that jive well with overall health and attractiveness. But, according to research published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association, this assumption is not true, at least in the case of men. To understand why is to understand the different aesthetic expectations that are placed on both men and women. Women, generally speaking, who are considered the most attractive, have a low Body Mass Index (BMI) within a normal range (18- 24), proportionate faces, and low height-to-weight ratios. In other words, they are, simply put, thin. An attractive man, on the other hand, has a classic “V-shape,” with muscle and body fat deposited on the upper half of his body. By most health standards, this irregular body mass distribution in men is not considered healthy. Because this specific trait is not expected of women, and “thinness” is, attractive women are considered healthier, whereas attractive men, who possess the abovementioned physical attributes, are not. The only physical cue that predicts both health and beauty, according to this social science research, is waist-to-hip ratios and weight in women. So, if a bulky, muscular man-body is—in the long run—not healthy, than what sort of body is? “If the healthiest male bodies were most attractive,” the authors of the study write, “men who are thin (low in fat and muscle) would be considered the most attractive.” In other words, thin women and thin men, ideally, would be considered most attractive because both would possess the sex-specific hormonal markers, proper proportions, healthy BMIs, and other objective measures that constitute good health. Media content in the form of fashion magazines, broadcast news and entertainment, movies and television all reinforce aesthetic stereotypes for both men and women, and, although the expectations set on women are particularly disturbing, they are no less virtuous for men, either—a problem with less attention and awareness given to it. In fact, similar research has revealed that steroid use among adolescent boys occurs at the same proportion as bulimia and anorexia in adolescent girls (although bulimia and anorexia do affect men, too). Translation: body image stereotypes, whether it be for overly thin women or big bulky men, are absorbed by the population and can cause harm. In the case of men, the image of a big muscular body may bode well for shirtless days on the beach, but, over time, carrying around lots of weight isn’t good. Finally the solution, I propose, for being both sexy and healthy, is for men to stick to a clean diet with lots of cardio and some resistance training. The process will produce lean, mean bodies, male bodies that are both desirable to a potential partner and healthy, too.

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3 Requirements There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn’t run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn’t have any arms or legs. “I’m here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can’t beat you, and I have no legs so I can’t run away from you.” “Yes, but are you good in bed?” “How do you think I rang the doorbell?” Labor Pills Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it. The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, “I don’t feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this.” So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, “Take another pill. This isn’t hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away.” So she does. Now they are both feeling great. A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

Firm It Up! One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said “You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.”

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This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, “You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother.”

Revenge A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet, rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. “Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no,” the man replied. “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?” “Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say. “Tell him,” she whispers “there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the women’s bathroom....”

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MODEL BEAT

Age: 34 Union, NJ

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

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What do you do to make $$? Print, Promotional & Bodypaint Model Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Dating. How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Facebook, Instagram@ modelmicheleterry or Contact My Agent: Donatelli Modeling Agency 610-921-0777. Where was your best vacation destination? Jumby Bay, Antigua. What do you do to relax? Bubble Baths. What sports do you watch the most? Hockey… Go Devils!. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Vodka Tonic. What happens to be your worst vice? I have a SERIOUS Sugar Addiction. What is your best feature? Big Blue Eyes. What TV show do you never miss each week? True Blood. What movie would you recommend to our readers? Dirty Love. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Puroland in Japan. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Furthering my career as a model/Actress with Donatelli Modeling/Casting Agency. What do you sleep in? Nothing at all. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? Did have you Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious... What do you want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Listen to your girlfriend… she is ALWAYS right :)


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