Issue 158 september 25, 2013 by The Valley Beat

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JADE STARLING INTERVIEW ON PAGE 23 MEET JADE STARLING OF PRETTY POISON THIS WEDNESDAY SEPT 25 AT SANDS MOLTEN LOUNGE LIKE THE BEAT

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUE 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2,1,2010 ISSUE 158. SEPTEMBER 25 - OCTOBER 2013

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 17 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review STARLING INTERVIEW 23 JADE By Nicholas Gaskins 32 ZODIAC Your astrology for the week

FESTIVAL 34 HARVEST Camille Capriglione informs us on how the ancients did it!

12 HOT SHOTS 47 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper! Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper. Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania. Any Material submitted becomes the property of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. The Valley Beat reserves the right to refuse advertising or content. The Valley Beat is not liable for any errors discovered, or any changes after an ad has been printed.

Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: Please See Page 47 Contributor: Mitch | Kenny Luck Columinists: Elle Spaulding | Camille Capriglione | Nick Gaskins | A.J. Fritz

Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Weekly Top 10: Gina Crash Hot Shots: Showgun Photography

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Where Deutsch Meets Dutch

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THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT THE BEAT SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER 11, 25, 2013 2013

ROCK by: Mitch

THE THRILL ISN’T GONE Midnight Shift Looks Forward To Ten Years

Midnight Shift from left: Paul Pluta, Mike Mettalia, Tim Smith, Mike McMillan Photography by Chuck Hamilton

He was the first white rock and roll band to play there seven months before Buddy Holly. He’s a great sax player, he’s 86 and he’s still going strong. For this next CD, we’ll feature him and also Steve Guyger.” Mettalia and Midnight Shift recently scored a recurring gig at The Rodeo Bar in New York City so if they can make it there, they can make it anywhere. They harken back to an era when rock and roll was just getting its legs and was largely frowned upon by the musical establishment. Without the likes of Elvis, Buddy

Holly, Chuck Berry and Johnny Cash, there never would’ve been any Bands That Rock. By keeping the 50s rock, blues and Rockabilly music alive, Midnight Shift has given us some insights into our American musical heritage and rock and roll’s origins. You’ll love the pure, unadulterated sound of this group and you’ll gain a new perspective and appreciation of the music that has inspired them for a good portion of their adult lives and for the past ten years as a band. Mike Mettalia and Midnight Shift are online at www.mnightshift.com .

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years! Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more! Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

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This column would be more aptly named “Bands That Rockabilly.” Midnight Shift, Rockabilly extraordinaires, played Grumpy’s Roadhouse last Friday night and once again, I was granted a command performance from one of the best in the area that pays tribute to the origins of rock and roll. Mike Mettalia and Midnight Shift transported me back to rock and roll’s infancy as I heard rock, blues and Rockabilly as they might’ve been performed in 1955. This band spurred my imagination and conjured thoughts of Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, and Johnny Cash as they might have rocked audiences in the 50s and 60s before I was even old enough to appreciate the music. Midnight Shift is Mike Mettalia on harmonica and lead vocals, Mike McMillan on guitar and vocals, Paul Pluta on upright bass, bass guitar and vocals and Tim Smith on drums. I’m glad I stopped in at Grumpy’s on Friday because not only did I enjoy hearing the music, I got an education, too. Mettalia, a Perkasie resident, is an engaging fellow, proud of the fact that his band stands on the precipice of the milestone of having played together for ten years and he couldn’t be happier. “It was a good summer for us. Last week, we played at Godfrey Daniels. We opened up for harmonica legend, Steve Guyger. It was a great crowd. I got to do a couple numbers with Steve. It was so much fun.” I asked Mettalia what keeps it fresh after almost ten years. “You just keep shooting higher each year and we seem to get higher each year and get better gigs. We’re going on the road – this’ll be our second time for this year going to Florida. We’re actually starting in Charleston, SC doing the Downhome Blues Festival. It’s cool. We’re going to be on the bill with Savoy Brown .” Mettalia explains how the band came to be known as Mike Mettalia and Midnight Shift. “Midnight Shift was taken from a Buddy Holly song. I wanted to straddle the fence between blues and Rockabilly and 50s rock and I just remember the Buddy Holly song. I only changed the name to Mike Mettalia and Midnight Shift because it was getting too confusing on the internet. When we first started, there weren’t that many but the number of Midnight Shifts has grown over the years.” Mettalia coolly sings the blues, Rockabilly and 50s rock and plays a mean harp but has only the highest praise for his fellow band mates. Of guitarist, Mike McMillan, Mettalia says, “Mike is immersed in the rockabilly and the blues. He’s just got a great background with that. He’s been playing it all his life. It’s great having him in the band.” McMillan of Bethlehem, at about 6’5’, literally stands heads above the rest, and plays the smoothest rockabilly licks you’d ever want to hear on his hollow body Epiphone guitar. McMillan even throws in some 60s surf stylings adeptly using the whammy bar, particularly on The Ventures’ “Rumble”, as heard on the soundtrack to “Pulp Fiction.” It’s just a fabulous experience watching and hearing him play. At Grumpy’s, Paul Pluta plays his vintage 1937 upright bass with reckless abandon. He’s a cool cat on bass fiddle as well as bass guitar and sings on a few songs as well. Pluta hails from Phoenixville, PA but works in Reading so when there is a gig scheduled in the Valley on Friday nights, he’s logging serious miles to make it. His rhythm section counterpart on drums, Tim Smith, resides in Wind Gap. Smith needs only a small set-up to play with this quartet. And therein, lies the beauty of Midnight Shift – less is more. There isn’t a need for a large drum kit to play this kind of music. Smith plays drums to authentically recreate the beats and rhythms of the great blues and Rockabilly bands from decades ago. Mettalia is proud of the fact that Midnight Shift continues on into its tenth year of existence. “We’re working on our CD for 2014 – our 10th Anniversary. We’re going to have Jimmy Cavallo with us again. He’s a great sax player from The Fifties. He did a couple Alan Freed movies back in The Fifties. He was in one with Chuck Berry and his claim to fame was that he played The Apollo Theater.

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013 Page 16

By: Scotty Brilliant

but he definitely used some choice words to put this rowdy concert goer in his place. Controversy aside, he is a talented and successful musician and that is the point of this article, to judge him on his music and not his behavior. The new album, …Like Clockwork, is chock full of special guest musicians ranging from Dave Grohl (who worked with QOTSA on one of their earlier albums) to Sir Elton John. The album kicks off with “Keep Your Eyes Peeled,” a very crooning song with Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters vocals overlapping Homme’s. The difference in pitch synced together gives this song a very unique sound, not to mention the awesome bassline to accompany them. “I Sat by the Ocean,” is the second single off the record and one that they performed live on Late Night with Jimmy Kimmel. The album doesn’t get much more raw than “If I Had a Tail,” with an ending sure to creep you out. Another track which showcases Homme’s crooning vocals is, “Kalopsia.” It starts out with an old-timey feel to it, like something from The Beatles late 60’s era, then transitions into a Kyuss-eque sludgy riff. “Fairweather Friends” is the track that features Sir Elton; make sure you listen for the ending, I found

it amusing. “Smooth Sailing” stood out to me with Homme’s vocals sounding slightly different than usual. I also really like his lyrics in this track with Homme singing in the second verse, “I’m burning bridges / I destroy the mirage / Oh, visions of collisions / Fuckin ‘bon voyage.” The album ends with the title track, which didn’t impress me much. Crank It Keep Your Eyes Peeled If I Had a Tail My God is the Sun Skip It The Vampyre of Time and Memory ….Like Clockwork I actually enjoyed listening to this record. Each song sounded very well thought out and put together. I also liked the fact that Homme collaborated with some well known artists, e.g. Sir Elton John. One might think that this would be a strange combination, but it actually fit perfectly. Not sure if this made a fan out of me, but I’ll say it has, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t want to be on Josh Homme’s bad side!

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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What was originally scheduled for my review for last week got overridden by my need to write about Blink 182 and their recent show at the Sands Event Center. Now that I got that out of my system, it’s back to focusing on what I’m supposed to do... and that’s write album reviews. I was a little hesitant about reviewing the new Queens of the Stone Age album because I was never a huge fan of the band, and I also think that frontman Josh Homme is an asshole. Still, I’ve read a lot about the new record …Like Clockwork and decided to give it a listen. I was pleasantly surprised with what I heard. I can honestly say that I liked Homme’s first project, the stoner rock band Kyuss. After that, I lost track of any of his other bands. Don’t get me wrong, Homme is a very talented musician- he just can’t seem to avoid controversy. You may have just recently heard that Queens of the Stone Age headlined the Made in America Festival in Philly, alongside Nine Inch Nails and various other performers. The two-day festival was curated by rapper/entrepreneur, Jay-Z. Evidently, the crowd drastically thinned out when QOTSA went on late Sunday evening; most of the hip-hop acts had wrapped earlier that day and people were worn out from the extreme heat. It came as no surprise that the outspoken frontman would express his disdain for the festival. He said in an interview on CBC Radio 2’s “Strombo Show” a few days later that Jay-Z was a “kook.” Homme went on to say, “He has his security frisking the bands on the way in. No one’s ever done that. You shouldn’t frisk my guys, you should f*ck off.” This is not the first time that Homme has lashed out in public. In 2004, he was arrested for assaulting Dwarves frontman Blag Dahlia and Karl Doyle at a club in LA. He was sentenced to 3 years probation with community service, and was forced to enter a rehab program for 60 days. Or you might remember the YouTube video berating an audience member for throwing a bottle at him while on stage at a festival in Norway. I could see how he would be angry about this,

EY BEAT SEPTEMBER 11, 2013

ALBUM REVIEW

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

HAIL TO THE KING

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

THERE’S NO GOING BACK SICK PUPPIES CONNECT

MIND YOUR MANNERS PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

PLOT: A rural New England community is shaken to the core by the abduction of two sixyear-old girls. When the key suspect in the abduction is let go by the police due to a lack of evidence, the father of one of the girls, Keller Dover (Hugh Jackman) takes the law into his own hands. REVIEW: If all you know about Denis Villeneuve’s PRISONERS is based on the trailers, you don’t know much about it at all. Don’t worry though, that’s just the way it should be. Having just played to rave reviews at Telluride, and all but sure to do the same thing at TIFF, you’ll be reading and hearing lots and lots about the film between now and it’s general release on September 20th. And when the public gets to see it opening day, wow, just you wait. This will be THE water-cooler movie of the fall, and the one everyone’s going to have an opinion about.

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What really threw me for a loop were the performances. Everyone loves Hugh Jackman. He’s personable, handsome, can sing, dance, act, do action, etc. But, Jackman has never had a role that’s pushed him to the brink like this one has. His Keller Dover is a fascinating character. On the surface, he seems like some kind of bible-thumping cliche, with the first scene showing him teaching his son to hunt, before showing us his survival gear-filled cellar, and listening to him pray. But, Jackman doesn’t play Dover like a fanatic. Yes, he’s religious, and probably more than a little paranoid. But, he’s also a doting dad, a loving husband, and a great friend to the sophisticated family next door (headed by Terrence Howard and Viola Davis- both of whom are at their best) who like him enough to invite him and his family to spend Thanksgiving with them. Once the girls are kidnapped, Jackman’s character eventually gets so primal and boiling with rage that he makes Wolverine look milquetoast by comparison. There’s a scene where Jackman offhandedly smashes a sink to bits with a hammer, just by bringing it down a little too hard that will make you gasp. Jackman’s like a caged animal, and his fury, while justified, is terrifying in it’s intensity. As the second lead, Jake Gyllenhaal makes an interesting contrast. A young cop with a chip on his shoulder, Gyllenhaal is everything Jackman’s not in this, from the tattoos on his neck and fingers, to his often cool, but compassionate demeanour. Between this and END OF WATCH, Gyllenhaal’s starting to excel at playing cops, and while he initially takes a back seat to Jackman (who’s clearly relishing the role of his life), he ends up giving a performance that’s just as gripping as Jackman’s. The same goes for Paul Dano, as the mentally challenged prime suspect, and Melissa Leo as his guardian. Both subvert the audience’s expectations at every turn, as neither plays the kind of stock character you’d expect from a film like this. I really can’t praise PRISONERS highly enough, as to me it feels like some kind of masterpiece. It’s without a doubt the best movie I’ve seen this year, and I’d be gobsmacked if anything else plays at TIFF (or heck, even comes out this year) that measures up to it. To me, the ultimate key to a movie’s success is how much of an effect it had on me emotionally. This one left me a wreck, and will likely do the same to even the most jaded viewer.

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By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

Movie Review

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

by Nicholas Gaskins

Photography by Gretchen Johnson Q. It’s definitely important to stay in touch with your fanbase. Are there any other ways the fans can reach you aside from meet-and-greets? A. You can follow me on twitter and Instagram @JadeStarling and I’m very active on my social media such as my facebook fan pages. I try to answer each and every personal message that I get, I’m very in touch with my fans. Unlike a lot of people who don’t answer their own messages online I actually do, I think it’s important. It’s funny because people seem surprised when they find that out, that’s it’s really me writing back. It’s amazing that we have the technology now to connect to our fans like that. You can catch Jade and the gang at the Sands on Wednesday the 25th, and get a copy of their new album ‘Captive’ later on this October.

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MT. POCONO, PA—We caught up with Jade Starling, singer/songwriter of Pretty Poison, who will be doing a promotional show at the Sands casino for the new single “Insomniak” off of her forthcoming ‘Captive’ ep on September 25th. It’s her first solo album, and the single features Lee Dagger from the UK remix team Bimbo Jones. Starling and Jones ended up writing the 22 new songs that eventually became the ‘Captive’ album. “Even though it is a solo album it features my partner in rhyme and crime Whey Cooler from Pretty Poison.” Said Starling. “The three of us actually co-wrote and produced this album. Whey decided I should my EDM (Electronic Dance Music) album as a solo act. But I’m still out performing with Pretty Poison.” Q. Why did you decide to do a solo album? A. Because this music is so new and current, we didn’t want people to think because it’s a Pretty Poison album it would have an old-school sound you know? This is the 25th anniversary of “Catch Me I’m Falling”; it’s a blessing to be able to still do what we do. Q. Do you find it difficult to keep it fresh and exciting as time passes? It still feels fresh and exciting because we’re still writing new material, like Insomniak for example. You have to make it new and fresh, and it’s always exciting for me. We get the audience very involved with a lot of shout-outs and crowd-participation. Our sets are pretty high-energy. Q. Do you have any new Pretty Poison material in the works? A.Yes there will be another Pretty Poison album, we’re working on that. We also just finished a successful Kickstarter campaign. This past August we started it to promote our new single Insomniak and to make a music video with a budget, and we met our goal. We’re very pumped up for the release, it will be available on iTunes and other download sites. The release date is going to be somewhere around mid-October. There will be some early releases so the DJs can start spinning it in the clubs. The response has been great, there have already been several remixes made of Insomniak.

Q. The nice thing about Kickstarter is that it is crowd-funded, how did it feel to know you had the support of so many fans out there? A. The campaign was quite a rollercoaster, it was a 31 day endeavor that started off very strong then lulled in the middle and then picked back up towards the end. The momentum picked up about halfway through out campaign and then we actually ended up exceeding our goal. We are very fortunate to have such amazing fans out there that were willing to give up their hard earned money to make sure that this project got off the ground. It’s very rewarding to see the love and support of our friends and fans, they want it just as bad as we do. We also tried to give out some nice incentives for each level of pledge like autographed posters, limited edition t-shirts, free downloads, etc. I’m so grateful to everyone who participated. Q. How do you feel the genre has changed as far as EDM and just electronic pop over all? A. Well I just think now it has a label. We’ve always done electronic dance music, but now it’s actually a real genre and you have EDM artists out there at the top of the charts. It’s really exploding right now as a viable commercial genre. We’ve been Pretty Poison for a long time, it’s interesting to be able to step from under any preconceived notions people have about our music and do something new. We even have some dubstep remixes on our album. I feel like this is some of the best work we’ve ever done. Q. In what ways do you personally give back to the fans? A. One thing I try to do is meet and greet with my fans and take pictures. I think it’s important to connect with your audience and remind them that they are a part of everything. I do a lot of charity work too, I’m actually doing some things for breast cancer awareness in October. I feel like music is a way to heal, and if I can bring any kind of joy into people’s lives with my music then I’m all about that. Music saves lives, it’s my passion and I feel like it’s what I was put here to do. It’s just amazing when a fan runs up completely overwhelmed and so excited for a hug or to shake your hand. It sounds corny but sometimes it actually means more to me how happy it makes them than it does to the fans themselves.

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

Jade Starling

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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6. Redemption 7. V/H/S/2 8. 2 Broke Girls: Season 2 9. I Spit on Your Grave 2 10. Hannibal: Season 1

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1. Prisoners 2. Insidious 2 3. The Family 4. Instructions Not Included 5. Battle of the Year

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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Trivia Thursdays 8 - 10pm $50 - 1st Place $25 - 2nd Place

THE VALLEY BEAT 31, 2013 25, 2013 THE VALLEY BEATJULY SEPTEMBER

the SteelStackS StunnerS Ball By Elle Spaulding Pennsylvania does not on first glance appear to be a gay-friendly place. Legally, there is a state ban on gaymarriage but gay-friendly advancements have been made by way of a July Lawsuit and the issue of several gay marriage licenses by a clerk in Montgomery County. Institutionally, within merely 2 miles of where I live, I can easily think of seven bars (and even two Thai restaurants, I’ll return to this point at the end) and none are specifically gay-oriented, at least there’s Candida’s in Allentown. Pride-fully, last Thursday night, Bethlehem’s ArtsQuest Center held the Lehigh Valley’s inaugural drag show, the Stunner’s Ball. Set in the second-floor Blast Furnace Room the Stunner’s Ball was two-hours of absolutely revelry. There were seven performers in total, six drag queens, including the reigning Miss Gay Pennsylvania America, Georgia Versace Couture, and one musical performer.

“It’s an illusion art and like any art, you need to have a medium”. Knowing this however, did not detract me from thinking that he looked really fine. The other performers that night were equally stunning. One after another, it was like looking through a kaleidoscope. The colors shapes and textures of their outfits and makeup obviously were things of breathtaking beauty. Impossible pink platforms pumps were suddenly sensible footwear. Yellow satin circle skirts flipped and twirled. There was mermaid bright red hair, black crushed velvet, and leather that would make Kate Moss turn green. And a blue like the sky at night resplendent with tiny bejeweled stars flashed and sparkled onstage and through the crowd, as performers would often descend to interact with the audience. And the girls… I never knew what I was coming next. Some girls were so dexterous and soft that I could not believe that they were men. (How were they doing splits? I don’t even have extra body parts down there and I can’t do splits.) Some girls were so funny I thought that I would die laughing, some were so hot and sultry that I was pretty sure that I had died overheating, and never before in my entire life had I coveted large powerful Hispanic thighs.

And a note here about the audience, who surrounded to me the whole night? Aside from a lovely friend who accompanied me, I saw women and men of all ages and demographics. There were elderly white women, the kind named Dorothy, whom you expect to smell faintly of rosewater and baked cookies, men in baggy pants, men in bowties, twenty-something girls surrounded by their 5 best-friends, and a stern Asian man who barely cracked a smile all night until the aforementioned sultry vixen sauntered past. And for the most part, all of us seemed to be having a really fabulous time. So to conclude, the Stunner’s Ball was probably the most fun that I’ve had at an event in the Lehigh Valley since Musikfest and I am so proud to have been able to participate, but I think that the Stunner’s Ball was just one step down a path that we need to go. Why? Because down the street where I live there is a Malaysian restaurant, and a Indian Restaurant, a Greek Restaurant, an Irish pub and a Portuguese Catholic church. Those institutions although not mainstream have been welcomed into the Lehigh Valley and enriched our environment, making this place just a tiny bit better. So here’s to you Lehigh Valley’s drag queens. Work it! And may you spread glitter and rainbows wherever your heels take you.

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Our hostess for the night, Miss Koko Adore Couture, guided the audience through the night’s performances and appeared onstage promptly at eight, wearing a tight sequined number. It was the kind of dress that makes heads turn. Curve hugging and shiny it also is the kind that takes mysterious possession of people hands as they aspire to reach out and touch. Unfortunately however, Miss Koko informed us later that evening that several people before had already been there, done that, only to

be disappointed because his “boobs” were actually just rolled up socks.

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) Doors swing wide open for you around Wednesday and Thursday. Opportunity’s knocking -- so greet it with a smile (and more, if it’s of the romantic variety!). Friday or Saturday could involve issues surrounding who’s in charge. Are you ready to negotiate when it comes to a certain situation or relationship? Then, on Sunday, you’re much more likely to see eye-to-eye with this person -and it looks nice. The golden rule is in full effect as the week gets under way: Respond to others with the thought and care you’d like them to use with you. The good karma you accrue is priceless.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

The stars call on you to check your priorities now. What’s most important? Be conscious about such choices -- you’ll have a stellar opportunity to explore them more around Wednesday and Thursday. And if you’ve got a chance to explore vis-a-vis a certain someone, it looks like now’s the time. (Get them in on it!) Then, on Friday or Saturday, an old issue or a person from your past may resurface. By Sunday, though, it’s all about fresh stuff -- especially in your love life!

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) Your subconscious mind is active, and a little mischievous, in the middle half of the week, and you may find that some things you believe for sure turn out to be only half true. Your sweetie or crush turns out to know a lot more than you thought about something big over the weekend. You are thinking about long-term commitments on Monday -- even if you just started dating, or are very single! There’s nothing wrong with thinking about it, and if the circumstances are right, you may want to open negotiations.

Slow down midweek, though, because you may be a bit gaffe-prone and too easily tripped up by words. It’s a good time to play it safe, whether you’re involved or looking for love. No matter what, you need to make the first move this weekend -- you’re pretty much as smooth as silk and should be able to lay down some unbelievable sweetness! Your personal energy is incredible on Monday, and you should be able to attract a new sweetie or convince your current flame to do almost anything within reason. Live large!

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) Wednesday and Thursday, an extra set of hands and eyeballs (and the extra perspective that comes with them) makes projects (or even play) much better. Say howdy, partner! Be sure to be explicit about plans, ideas and feelings from Friday through the weekend -- and get those around you to do the same. Draw them out with your winning, persuasive ways. Sunday can bring a bigtime breakthrough! It looks like you’re sticking to your guns as the week gets going, and you’ve got the smarts to make an insightful argument for your point of view, too. A logical approach works wonders.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)

CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) Wednesday and Thursday, take a one-for-you, one-forme approach; your attention to helping others and also helping yourself makes everybody feel good, whether at work or in your personal life. Then heads up! Something you see or hear from Friday through the weekend helps you take a step in a slightly different, much better direction -- perhaps in an important relationship (or one that’s becoming important!).Take a deep breath and another look as the week begins -- if you don’t, you risk taking something personally when you shouldn’t. (Also, be sure to pause before you make any agreements final.)

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LEO (7/23 - 8/22) Your heart’s definitely got something to say around Wednesday and Thursday, and before you know it, you might just be blurting it out. Good for you! You’re hot, so make some stuff happen. Then, from Friday through the weekend, it looks like something (or someone) is really sparking your enthusiasm. Just be sure to allow some space for natural growth and evolution. You might be getting lots of input as the week gets going, and, sure, you’ll want to consider it all. Just remember that the most important feedback will likely come from within. Don’t neglect your best instincts! VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) You might want to loosen those plans up -- or set them aside altogether -- around Wednesday and Thursday. A looser approach, as well as an open heart and mind, allow room in your world for the expansion the stars favor now. Let it grow. From Friday through the weekend, it just might be your love life that’s flourishing gorgeously. Make it happen, hot stuff! Getting stuff done -- and lots of it! -- is likely priority-one for you as the week begins. Just make sure pertinent people are on board with your plans, or else conflicts are in the cards.

You’re ready to let some good times roll around Wednesday and Thursday, when friends and maybe a sweet surprise or two are in the stars. Your personal style shines, and it keeps on shining through the weekend. That imagination of yours is working overtime on some hot stuff! Somebody loves your way with (warm, witty) words now, too. Introduce a new idea into the mix on Sunday for some interesting results. Give yourself time to puzzle through something at the start of the week. Whether it’s a work issue or something more personal, you can come up with an unusual (and unusually good) solution.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)

Speaking of dreams, those who think you’re all about the nitty-gritty may be surprised by your philosophical (or romantic!) side around Wednesday and Thursday. Your personal vibe gets even better on Friday and Saturday -- you’re all charged up, and it’s the magnetic kind, with you attracting all kinds of positive attention. Enjoy! On Sunday, stick with what’s working. A little prep time is a big help as the week starts moving. Get your work agenda and your social calendar all lined up, and choose a goal, hope or dream to keep at the forefront of your mind.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) New people are important midweek, either as potential sweeties or as folks who can help you infuse some new social energy into your relationship. In either case, you’re excited by the new possibilities! Life starts to get really confusing this weekend, and that goes doubly for your romantic side. You feel totally exposed on Monday, and ought to embrace the feeling, even if it is uncomfortable. That should only lead to greater intimacy, whether or not you think you’re ready for it!

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd 9/28 King Henry & the Showmen

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik 9/28 East Coast Beer Pong Tournament 10/5 Crazy Hearts

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 9/28 Epicure, Blaze Like Meteors, King Bison

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 9/27 Off the Road 9/28 The Glue Factory

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 9/26 Lawn Boys Comedy 9/27 Ten Foot Tall 9/28 John Train Band Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 9/27 Fran & Jim 9/28 Scanlin & O’Leary

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 10/3 Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 9/20 The Pocono Duo 9/28 The Pranksters 9/29 Suze & Moe After Party

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)

An open mind and a little caution don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and you’ll want both working for you around Wednesday and Thursday. Keep those cues you’re picking up on in your back pocket for later -- like Friday or Saturday, when you’re down to Earth and ready for action. Consider taking the lead now (you’ll look great up there!). Then, on Sunday, exploring’s as much (or more) fun than simple forward motion. Look around you!

Check Out Off The Road Friday at The Leather Corner Post in Orefield, PA

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

PAGE 33

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

HArvest festivAls

A celebrAtion of nAture’s bounty!

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by Camille Capriglione As summer’s heat finally subsides, the air cools and becomes crisp, nights grow longer and leaves transform to their brilliant colors. An exciting time of year emerges. Harvest festivals, which are frequently held around the full moon of the autumnal equinox, symbolize this celebratory season. In ancient times, the final harvest meant the end of crop gathering and it gave families a chance to spend a few days enjoying the fruits of their labor. In our region of the world, the harvesting of crops takes place in September and October. A successful bounty is cause for festivities! This includes much eating, drinking, merriment and music. The word harvest means ‘autumn’ in Old English. Autumn was a wonderful time of year to celebrate abundance. Farmers did all of their canning and storing at this time. Delicious baked goods were prepared, many of which were shared with neighbors and friends. In the Poconos and the Lehigh Valley, there are two such events. For old world charm, and a bit of agricultural history, visit Quiet Valley’s annual Harvest Festival on October 12th and 13th. Quiet Valley is a living historical farm; a 19th century Pennsylvania German farm whose employees are dedicated to the preservation and education of rural life. Tour guides portray the original descendents, through seasonal workshops and demonstrations. This year’s theme is “For Everything a Season” to signify the cyclical rhythm of a farmer’s life and how each phase of the moon influenced their lifestyle. There will be demonstrations of early American crafts, such as broom making, basketry, spinning, weaving, yarn dyeing, outdoor baking, butter making and rope building. There will be hot and cold country foods, folk entertainment and activities for children including pumpkin decorating, one-room schoolhouse tours, pony rides, wagon rides and storytelling. The Civil War Encampment is popular at the Harvest Festival. The 142nd Pennsylvania Volunteer Infantry Company G re-enactors will portray the drills and every day life of soldiers in the 19th century to give visitors a glimpse of local heritage. For a more contemporary celebration, attend the 8th annual Harvest Festival in downtown Bethlehem’s historic district. Main Street, Broad Street and the Sun Inn Courtyard will be home to all the festivities. Celebrate autumn with a glass of ale at the Biergarten, or dine on delicious food from local restaurants while listening to talented musicians. There will be a pie-eating contest, brew demonstrations, grape stomping, fresh produce, baked goods, vendors and entertainment for all ages! The date is Saturday, October 12th from 11am-6pm. Plan an autumn activity that’s rich in history! For more info visit http://www.quietvalley. org and http://www.downtownbethlehemassociation.com

WITH

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013 Page 38

sexucation Hookups and Booty Call

In Katy Parry’s 2011 song, “Last Friday Night,” the pop songstress sings about waking up with a stranger: she’s hung over from the night before, trying to make sense of what happened and how she arrived in her situation. She implies that she and her mystery man had sex, and that their interaction will end there. Among my generation, “Millennials,” (born between the early 1980s Kenny Luck and early 2000s), “hookups” are the norm, and Parry, who is herself a Millennial, embodies the hookup ethos better than anyone through her song lyrics. That sexual intercourse can take place in an array of contexts—including marriage, committed relationships, friends with benefits scenarios, and one-night stands—is well known. According to a study published last year by the American Psychological Association, Twenty percent of sexual intercourse cases involve people who know each other but were not in a relationship, and another fifteen percent involved people having sex who did not know each other previously. So, what are hookups, and how do they differ from other forms of intimacy? Defined as “a brief sexual encounter among individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other,” hookups defining qualities are brevity and non-commitment. Others call this form of interaction “booty-call relationships.” In this way, hookups and booty calls are both low-investment sexual activities, the ultimate free ride, allowing two people (or many, if you’re into that sort of thing) to have sex without sticking around. Tradition forms of relationships and courting have been changing for decades, with fewer people courting each other for longterm commitments like marriage. Widespread and dominate, hookups are, I submit, a way of testing a potential partner, seeing if they can be, indeed, relationship material. To the regret of some, the traditional date is in many ways on the path to extinction. To be clear, hookups and booty calls, though increasing in popularity, are still not practiced among the majority. Also, arguably, nothing good or bad can be said about this phenomenon. It’s simply a description of what is… an observation of how people behave. I don’t necessarily endorse hookups and booty calls, nor do I mean to suggest that I am some promiscuous jerk by bringing light to this subject. Though, in some ways, I do like the traditional date. With the right person, traditional dates are a lot of fun. They offer people an opportunity to relax, have fun, while getting to know each other in the process. But I do recognize, however, that the emotional and relational winds have been shifting for quite some time, and it’s better to get on the wagon than be left behind. Finally, to ask the question—“Are hookups and booty calls better than the traditional date?”—is to dive into a one of the major dilemmas of modern dating, a question that does not readily yield an answer. But, then again, you might be able to ask Katy Perry.

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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Mickey Mouse Mickey Mouse: Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, “You say here that your wife is crazy.” Mickey replied, “No I didn’t. I said she is fucking Goofy.” Ex-Girlfriend I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. “Wow!”, I said, “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now! I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!” She giggled and said she was sure I’d meet the challenge! “Yeah”, I said, “just so long as you don’t mind a man with a waistband that’s a few inches wider these days!” She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! “Anyway, I’ve put on a couple of pounds myself!” she giggled .....so I told her to fuck off. Kinky A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink and sees a beautiful blonde haired girl across the way making eyes at him. He goes over and says, “Excuse me, miss, may I buy you a drink?” “Sure,” she says, “have a seat.” The man sits down and they get to talking. “You know,” the man says, “This is kind of a funny subject, but my wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed.” “REALLY?!?!” the girl says, “My boyfriend just left me because I was too kinky. Do you want to go back to my placae and get a little kinky?” So they finish their drinks and leave. When they get to the girls house, she says, “Waithere I’m going to slip into something a little more kinky.” She comes out from her room wearing a leather teddy, with a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other, but the guy is grabbing his coat and heading for the door. She says, “Wait a minute, I thought we were going to get kinky!” He says, “Jesus, lady I already shit in your purse and fucked your dog. What more do you want me to do?”

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Coma A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ’ i think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.’ so the nurse closes the cutains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, ’I don’t know, I think that she started choking.’ Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck.

VIEW DIGITAL ISSUE ONLINE AT THE VALLEYBEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

JOKES

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013 Page 46

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 18 Easton, PA What do you do to make $$? Boscovs & Also Model, TV, Print, Promos & Film. Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Single. How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FaceBook or Contact My Agent: Randy@DonatelliModels.Com. 610-921-5582 Ask for Randy! Where was your best vacation destination? Aruba / California. What do you do to relax? Dance & Listen to Music. What sports do you watch the most? Boxing. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? H20. What happens to be your worst vice? Not as assertive as I should be, Sometimes TOOO Nice. What is your best feature? My Lips & Smile. What TV show do you never miss each week? Vampire Diaries. What movie would you recommend to our readers? Burlesque/ A walk to remember. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” To travel everywhere and become known throughout the world. Are you a Spender or a Saver? Spender. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? I Started college and Taking my Modeling and Acting More Seriously. What do you sleep in? Big T-Shirt. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? All of Them. What do you want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? I want to go on adventures, go laser tagging, hiking, and rock-climbing. I like a guy that’s

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

PAGE 47

out of the ordinary. He must be FUN, Make me Laugh & Be Adventurous.

GREAT ENTERTAINMENT... IT’S CLOSER THAN YOU THINK

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