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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe
8 CONCERT BEAT
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
THIS WEEK
VOL.1 ISSUE 6ISSUE • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 143. JUNE 12 - 18, 2013
Concert listings from many places
10 CLUB & PUBS
We are working on it but need your help please send info
BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.
12 HOT SHOTS
Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!
TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review 16 Done ALBUM REVIEW by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant
18 BIG BROTHER
Tyler Drake looks at how our privacy and freedom are in question
26 ZODIAC
Your astrology for the week
36 JOKES & COMICS
12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 39
A few chuckles to get you through the week
MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
by Chuck Shepherd LEAD STORY
In April, a research ship will begin surveying the Atlantic Ocean floor off of Nova Scotia as the first step to building, by 2013, a $300 million private fiber-optic line connecting New York and London financial markets so as to speed up current transmission times -- by about five milliseconds. Those five milliseconds, though (according to an April report in Bloomberg Business Week), will enable the small group of firms that are underwriting the project (and who will have exclusive use of it) to earn millions of dollars per transaction by having their trade sales arrive five milliseconds before their competitors’ sales would have arrived.
CULTURAL DIVERSITY -- Brazil’s Safety Net for the Poor: Dr. Ivo Pitanguy, the most celebrated plastic surgeon in the country, apparently earned enough money from well-off clients that he can now “give back,” by funding and inspiring more than 200 clinics to provide low-income women with enhancement procedures (face lifts, tummy tucks, butt lifts) at a reduced, and sometimes no, charge. A local anthropology professor told ABC News, for a March dispatch, that “(i)n Brazil, plastic surgery is now seen as something of the norm” (or, as the reporter put it, “(B)eauty is (considered) a right, and the poor deserve to be ravishing, too”). \ -- In a March interview on Bolivian television, Judge Gualberto Cusi, who was recently elected to Bolivia’s Constitutional Tribunal from the indigenous Aymara community, acknowledged that occasionally, when deciding tough cases, he relied on the Aymaran tradition of “reading” coca leaves. “In moments when decisions must be taken, we turn to coca to guide us and show us the way.” -- In February, the Life-End Clinic in the Netherlands announced that six mobile euthanasia teams were placed in service countrywide to make assisted-suicide house calls -- provided the client qualified under the nation’s strict laws. (Euthanasia, legal in the Netherlands since 2002, is available to people who suffer “unbearable, interminable” pain and for which at least two doctors certify there is “no cure.” Panels of doctors, lawyers and ethicists rule on the
LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES
-- Two lawsuits filed in Los Angeles recently against the founding family of the religious Trinity Broadcasting Network allege that televangelists Paul and Jan Crouch have spent well over $50 million of worshippers’ donations on “personal” expenses, including 13 “mansions,” his-and-hers private jets, and a $100,000 mobile home for Mrs. Crouch’s dogs. The jets are necessary, the Crouches’ lawyer told the Los Angeles Times, because the Crouches receive more death threats than even the president of the United States. Allegedly, the Crouches keep millions of dollars in cash on hand, but according to their lawyer, that is merely out of obedience to the biblical principle of “ow(ing) no man anything.” -- High-ranking Vatican administrator Cardinal Domenico Calcagno, 68, fired back at critics in April after an Italian website reported his extensive collection of guns and love of shooting. He told reporters that he owns only 13 weapons and that, “above all,” he enjoys “repairing” them rather than shooting them (although, he admitted, “I used to go to shooting ranges”).
FINE POINTS OF FLORDIA LAW --(1) In April, the Tampa Police Department issued preliminary security guidelines to control areas around August’s Republican National Convention in the city. Although the Secret Service will control the actual convention arena, Tampa Police are establishing a zone around the arena in which weapons will be confiscated (including sticks, rocks, bottles and slingshots). Police would like to have banned firearms, too, but state law prevents cities from restricting the rights of licensed gun-carriers. (2) South Florida station WPLG-TV reported in March that vendors were openly selling, for about $30, verbatim driver’s license test questions and answers, on the street in front of DMV offices. However, when told about it, a DMV official shrugged, pointing out that test-takers still had to memorize them to pass the closed-book exam.
QUESTIONABLE JUDGEMENTS -- At a March town meeting in Embden, Maine, residents turned down proposals to rename its most notorious street “Katie Road.” Thus, the name will remain, as it has for decades, “Katie Crotch Road.” Some residents, in addition to being embarrassed by the name, also noted the cost of constantly replacing the street signs stolen by giggling visitors. (A Kennebec Journal report noted uncertainty about the name’s origin. It might refer to how the road splits in two, forming a “Y” shape. On the low side, the name might refer to an early settler who would sit on her front porch without underwear.) -- Lumpkin County, Ga., judge David Barrett, apparently frustrated by an alleged rape victim’s reluctant testimony at a trial in February, blurted out in court that she was “killing her case (against the accused rapist),” and to dramatize the point, pulled out his own handgun and offered it to her, explaining that she might as well shoot her lawyer because the chances for conviction were dropping rapidly. (Five days later, following news reports, Barrett resigned.) --Perp’s Remorse: (1) Jason Adkins was charged in March in Cynthiana, Ky., with stealing electronic equipment from the home of a friend. According to police, Adkins admitted the break-in but said he felt guilty the next day and returned the items. However, he then admitted breaking back into the home two days after that and re-stealing them.
NO SPECTATORS ALLOWED -- For the first time in years, there was no Easter bunny at Central City Park in Macon, Ga., this year because the county commissioner who runs the sponsoring organization said he was tired of violent parents hogging the Easter egg hunt by “helping” their kids. (Two years ago, Olney High School in Philadelphia barred players’ parents from its boys’ junior varsity basketball games unless they registered and vowed to obey a code of conduct. In February 2012, the president of the Egyptian Football Association similarly announced that the season would continue but without spectators, because of the probability of violence. Of course, Egypt, unlike Macon, Ga., and Olney High School, has just been through a bloody civil war.)
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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS --Relentless: (1) In the early hours of Jan. 31, police in Gaston, N.C., were alerted to five burglaries in a two-block area that left shattered glass, broken doors and other damage, but no missing property. There was also a blood trail leading from one store, likely from a break-in boo-boo. (2) In March, England’s Canterbury Crown Court heard the evidence against a gang of five who in August and September 2010 attempted to break into seven ATMs, using fancy power tools, but came away empty-handed each time. Brick walls were smashed around three machines, and twice explosives were used, resulting in fires. In each case, alarms were triggered, sending the men away prematurely, including once from an ATM that contained the equivalent of $223,000.
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
CONCERT BEAT
CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Queensryche, Jun 12 Reverend Peyton, Jun 15 Why, Jun 21 Hiding Scarlet, Jun 29
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY TICKETS 212-307-7171
TICKETS 610-434-4600 Coolio, Jul 19 Ministry of Love Great White, Aug 13 Bullet Boys, Aug 15
MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249
Craig Thatchers Saulte to Filmore II, Jun 15 The Felice Brothers, Jun 22 Cabinet, Jun 28
MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600
Toby Keith & Kip Moore, Jun 22 Jimmy Buffet, Jun 25 Dave Matthews Band, Jun 28-29 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 12
IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY
HERSHEY PARK ARENA, Hershey Park, PA
SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366
TICKETS 212-777-6800
MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Blues Traveler, Jun 21 Brandi Glanville, Jun 22
TICKETS 717-534-3911
Hanson 21st B-Day Show, Jun 17 Say Anything, Jun 21 Caravan Place, Jun 27 Fitz & the Tantruns, Jun 30
One Direction, Jul 5, 2013 • Dave Matthews Band, Jul 13
SOVEREIGN CENTER, Reading, PA
Kid Rock, Jul 6 Rock Star Energy Drink Mayhem Fest, Jul 13 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 16 Lil’ Wayne, Jul 21 Uproar Tour: Alice In Chains / Janes Addicition, Aug 9
TICKETS 610-898-7200 Alice Cooper/ Marilyn Manson, Jun 18
THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA
WWE Live, Jul 7
TICKETS 800-745-3000
Seth Meyers, Jul 31 Family Feud Live, Aug 2 - 4 Godsmack, Aug 7 Jay Leno, Aug 11 The Wanted, Aug 24 Gabriel Iglesias, Aug 29 Hanson, Sep 2 Russell Brand, Sep 14 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Steely Dan, Sep 27 Jeff Foxworthy, Sep 28 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 Diana Krall, Oct 10 Franky Valli, Nov 9
Willie Nelson, Jun 16 Menopause the Musical, Jun 21 Cheech & Chong, Jun 28 America, Jun 29 Dwight Yoakam, Jul 3 Michael McDonald, Jul 7 Los Lobos, Jul 10 Slash, Jul 16 Tony Bennett, Jul 26 Anti-Social Comedy Tour, Jul 20 Bad Company, Jul 29
Rod Stewart, Dec 9
CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA
SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA
TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Time Impala, Jun 19 Summerland Tour, Jun 20 Rancid, Jun 22 RX Bandits, Jul 19 This is Hard Core, Aug 8-11
TOYOTA PAVILLION Montage Mountain - Scranton, PA TICKETS (570) 961-9000
TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 922-5483 The Psychadelic Furs, Jun 14 Robert Drakes 50th Birthday Blow Out, Jun 15 Juanes, Jun 21 Dylan Moran, Jun 22 Zombie Beach Party, Jun 29 A Flock of Seagulls, Jul 14
REVERB - Reading, PA 1409 N. 9th St
WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600 The Rolling Stones, Jun 18 Bruno Mars, Jun 24
MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 610-332-1300 Carly Rae Jepsen, Aug 2 One Republic, Aug 3 Skillet, Aug 4
Frampton’s Guitar Circus, Aug 5 George Thorogood Styx & Foreigner, Aug 7 KC & The Sunshine Band, Aug 8 Darius Rucker, Aug 9 Ke$ha, Aug 10 Avenged Sevenfold, Aug 11
SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA Page 8
TICKETS 570-420-280 Aaron Lewis, Jun 12 SlapJaw, Jun 14 Blues Traveler, Jun 21 Mac Miller, Jul 16
Dave Mason, Jul 18 Electric Hot Tuna, Jul 25 Kansas, Aug 11 We The Kings, Aug 14
(610) 743-3069 Fathers Day Invasion, Jun 15 Mayhem Fest, Jun 20-22 Alesana, Jun 25 Revocation, Jul 14 Kix, Aug 17
KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650 The Go-Go’s, Jun 12 Hot Tuna Acoustic, Jun 14 The Zombies, Jun 21 David Sanborn & Bob James, Jun 28
PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371
Rockapella, Jun 7 Ana Popovic w/ special guest Dana Fuchs, Jun 8 Summerland Tour, Jun 16 The Zombies, Jun 20
QUEENSRYCHE IS SET TO TEAR UP THE STAGE AT THE CHAMELLION CLUB IN LANCASTER THIS WED
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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STURDY-BUILT ROCK
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
by: Mitch
The 4 Walls from left: Myke Reiss, John Sears, Chaz Pozzi
The remnants of Tropical Storm Andrea washed out another free concert at the Levitt Pavilion SteelStacks Summer Concert Series last Friday evening with the cancellation of the Los Straitjackets show “due to inclimate weather” according to Levitt Pavilion’s website. I will grant clemency to them for their use of “inclimate” instead of inclement. While Andrea pissed down several inches of rain on Friday, ArtsQuest saw fit to move the Levitt concert after-show performance indoors on the first floor of the center. Good call. Against the back wall, The 4 Walls, played a raucous two set show for about a dozen in attendance. The 4 Walls are actually a three piece band with John Sears on guitar/vocals, Myke “Mambo” Reiss on bass/vocals and Chaz Pozzi on drums. Had Los Straitjackets been on hand with The 4 Walls, we could’ve constructed a padded cell but there was sufficient craziness just the same. This Bethlehem-based trio already has two records under their belt with a third in the works. Musically, they’ve got a rebel-metal mentality where anything goes. You’re apt to hear any one of a number of hybrid genres; from surfer metal to surfer punk to speed metal to reggae to blues rock, there’s an interesting potpourri of styles in play with these guys. Primarily, they play original music but sprinkle in a cover tune here or there where they take some risks with unorthodox interpretations of rock-n-roll standards.
John Sears plays a searing guitar but also makes good use of his amplifier to create the appropriate feedback and distortion for the mood he’s creating. Vocally, he tests the limits of his range and occasionally hits a Rob Halford-like falsetto that metal heads will surely enjoy. Myke Reiss plays a Fender jazz bass with reckless abandon while Chaz Pozzi gives his drum kit a good workout as he employs a double drum pedal. All this rockin’ and rollin’ put ArtsQuest officials in a tizzy due to the sound bouncing off the concrete floor and bleeding into the Frank Banko Cinemas where moviegoers had to be wondering what all the racket was about. On several occasions, they instructed the sound tech to lower the volume. As all good bands do when presented with venue challenges, they soldiered on but never really seemed bothered by the sound restrictions. When the movies let out, a few of the patrons decided to join The 4 Walls since, sonically speaking, they couldn’t beat them. I spoke to the guys in the band and they each have varied musical influences that they bring to The 4 Walls. Sears says he’s into
70s hard rock like UFO while Reiss listens to Incubus, Nomeansmo, The Offspring and Bloodhound Gang. Pozzi likes everything from metal to indie roots rock. Sears says, “We have this machine we created and we hope to play for thousands. I like to play my music for the world. We’re working on a new album that will be called “The Faith and the Fire” which kind of sums up what we do and why we do it. There’s two songs we recorded that are on our ReverbNation page.” One of the songs is “Glorified City” which was played Friday night with many other hard rock originals and it’s a good taste of what’s to come with the new record. The 4 Walls have some prime gigs coming up. They’ll be rocking The Funhouse on Tuesday, June 18 and they’ll be returning to Musikfest on the final Sunday of the festival on August 11 on Main Street. It’s doubtful that ArtsQuest will enforce any volume limits at that gig and that’s just how The 4 Walls would want it. Sears says, “We’re playing in the afternoon so we’ll see what happens. We’re always looking forward to a good show whether we’re playing for 10 or 10,000.” You can Bandcamp,
find The 4 Walls online on Facebook and ReverbNation.
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Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last ten years! Tune in weeknights for The Six O’Clock Class Reunion and great classic hits from the 60s through the 90s and on Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com
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I enjoyed their punked-up rendition of The Rolling Stones’ “It’s All Over Now” and a cool version of Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain” where Sears’ guitar was bluesy-good
and Reiss added two to three times as many notes for the John McVie-inspired bass solo toward the end of the song. They played The Black Keys “Lonely Boy” but at twice the speed of the actual song which ratcheted up the energy level. Sears and Reiss nicely harmonized lead and bass guitar on “Money (That’s What I Want).”
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
THE HANGMAN’S BODY COUNT VOLBEAT OUTLAW GENTLEMEN & SHADY LADIES
I’LL FOLLOW YOU
SHINEDOWN AMARYLIS
STONE
ALICE IN CHAINS
THE DEVIL PUT DINOSAURS HERE
PLOT: A family must fend off a gang of psychopaths in a future where the U.S. government has sanctioned one night a year to be completely lawless - anyone can commit any crime they please. REVIEW: The biggest problem with THE PURGE has been apparent since the trailers first arrived: the filmmakers have taken a truly fascinating premise and done little more with it than make a predictable and derivative genre movie. Writer-director James DeMonaco reels us in with a tantalizing pitch: one night a year, all crime is legal. Murder, rape, breaking and entering, whatever. All of our pent up rage is unleashed and, presumably, we’re the better for it later on; cleansed of our collective anger on that night, the rest of the year is almost free of crime.
DO ME A FAVOR
STONE SOUR
HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 2
TRENCHES
POP EVIL ONYX
VILIFY
DEVICE
DEVICE
LIFT ME UP W/ ROB HALFORD FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN &
THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 1
ANASTASIA
SLASH / MYLES KENNEDY APOCALYPTIC LOVE
GOD IS DEAD
BLACK SABBATH 13
IN THE END
BLACK VEIL BRIDES WRETCHED AND DEVINE
It’s the year 2022. A new regime in the American government called the “New Founding Fathers” have created The Purge which, as explained above, acts as the equivalent of a massive, violent primal scream on the part of the citizens. Some say it’s a tactic to wipe out the poor and infirm, since the easiest targets are the homeless, the sick, the weak. Whatever its true intentions, the Purge evidently works, as unemployment is at an alltime low and society is functioning more or less benignly . Who are these “New Founding Fathers” and how did they arrive at this improbable idea? We’ll have to wait for another PURGE to find out; the movie isn’t so much interested in exploring the hows or whys - it’s content to use this ambitious concept simply as a jumping off point for predictable home invasion thrills.. The people who have it good, like the Sandin family at the center of the story, are able to install elaborate security systems in their homes, effectively barricading themselves inside for Purge night, which lasts about 12 hours. Ethan Hawke’s James Sandin is actually a home security salesman, so he finds the Purge quite beneficial: it has paid for his family’s gigantic house and lavish lifestyle. It’s difficult to tell if Hawke’s constant vocal support of the Purge is because he believes it’s achieving the desired effect, or if it’s because it puts money in his pockets, but his family appears to be uneasy with the event, especially his inquisitive son, Charlie (Max Burkholder). It’s Charlie who springs the story’s action into being when he saves a wounded vagrant (Edwin Hodge) from a pack of crazed killers intent on murdering the man. Once the vagrant, who may or may not be dangerous himself, is trapped in the Sandin’s home, the “freaks” outside threaten to “Purge” the entire family unless they give him up. But once it’s all over, the only thing that really sticks is the disappointment of the wasted potential. Recently it was announced that the producers (including Michael Bay and genre specialist Jason Blum) are preparing a sequel. I shudder to think that it’ll be more of the same; these guys should really be thinking outside the “home invasion” box and seek out the true possibilities the central idea of THE PURGE provides them with.
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10
By Chris Bumbray
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
Movie Review
GINA CRASH’S TOP 10
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
ALBUM REVIEW
I really should be holding a grudge against Pop Evil. As a Penn State alum, I have come to despise all things Michigan. After all, it was this quintet from Grand Rapids that wrote “In the Big House,” referring to the name of the Michigan Wolverines Football stadium and quite notably the largest in the United States. The song has been played in the Big House as a pump-up song for the team and fans during home football games. Instead, I’ll put our differences aside and give an unbiased opinion of their new album, Onyx, which dropped last month.
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Even though Pop Evil may be a new name to a few, they certainly aren’t novices in the rock world. They formed back in 2001 from pieces of other Michigan based bands and were originally known as TenFive. Since the 2008 release of their debut studio album, Lipstick on the Mirror, there have been a few member changes, as well as changes in their musical style; those style changes can be found in their new album. They decided to put down their acoustic guitars and opt for a more aggressive sound. Pop Evil has often been compared to Sevendust, and if you listen to Onyx you’ll see that it’s pretty apparent why the comparison is made. The album kicks off with “Goodbye My Friend.” The song begins with an awesome in-yourface style bass riff, into vocalist Leigh Kakaty doing his best Lajon Witherspoon impression. This was one of my favorite songs from the album. Next up is “Deal with the Devil,” which not only sounds like the name of a Rob Zombie tune but could also be easily mistaken for a song right out of Zombie’s catalog of work. “Trenches” was the first single release, and for good reason. It encompasses everything that makes up a killer rock radio hit, from an aggressive guitar riff to a catchy chorus. And that is why it is one of the top requests on 107 The Bone. “Torn to Pieces” and “Silence & Scars” are the album’s two ballads. Even though they resemble the likes of one of their previous ballads, “Monster You Made,” they still have enough balls to fit right in on this record. “Divide” was one of the more inspirational songs,
By: Scotty Brilliant
with the chorus screaming “Sometimes in life we gotta fight / looking for the truth in wrong / and the black in white / always know we’re the ones you can stand beside / we’re the ones you can’t divide.” That same inspiring sentiment continues in the next track, “Beautiful,” where you can almost picture Kakaty telling someone close to him that they are beautiful no matter what others may think. The album caps off with three heavy, raw, rock songs and masterfully crafted guitar slide guitar work on “Welcome to Reality,” by their dual axe handlers; Dave Grahs and Nick Fueling. Let’s get to my Crank It and Skip It picks from these Wolverine-loving rock stars: Crank It Divide Welcome to Reality
Behind Closed Doors Flawed Skip It Deal With The Devil Sick Sense Onyx was a fun listen. From hard hitting guitar riffs and fist pounding choruses, to heartfelt, inspirational ballads, this album will leave you satisfied, yet eagerly awaiting their next release. So for now, I will accept Pop Evil into my life, however, come September, this will have to change. As a true Penn State fan I can’t possibly like anyone that wrote a song about our bitter rival’s beloved football stadium. And, hey, Pop Evil, remember this: WE ARE…..!
Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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BY: Tyler Drake
Many men have tried to predict the future. Leonardo that an anonymous government agency knows that da Vinci thought men would glide through the air like 763-555-0182 communicated with 563-555-9060 flying squirrels. Biblical prophets wrote that Jesus for 14 minutes on May 5, 2013? Turns out many of would be back for a Second Coming. Skip Bayless them do. While some people do not mind the whole thinks unsigned free-agent quarterback Tim Tebow of the internet knowing that they are enjoying a might reveal himself as the son of God. Ray Kurzweil spicy tuna hand roll or hiking through the Delaware imagines that humanity will design computers that River Valley or attending a show at the ArtsQuest will replace it. Al Gore believes that, unless we center, those same people can be deeply troubled do something, the future will involve a lot of rafts by the idea that their government would know they and sunscreen. Artist, researcher, and presumed called their mom on Mother’s Day or that they Hentai-porno enthusiast Nikolay Lamm, based on are dropping a deuce in a barroom bathroom and conversations with computational geneticist Dr. Alan reading this column after looking at the Model of Kwan, believes that evolution by natural selection will the Week. They prefer a selective lack of privacy. cause us to come to resemble anime characters. The writers of ‘Back to the Future’ thought we So July 4th, we may see protesting along with our would have hovering skateboards. George Orwell fireworks. Organizers plan to rally around Restoring worried that government surveillance would allow an the Fourth, a reference both to the Fourth Amendment oppressive regime to dominate the lives of citizens. (which protects citizens from unreasonable Squirrel suits and hoverboards are rare in 2013, searches and seizures) and to the Fourth of July but recent revelations appear to validate Orwellian (which I hopefully do not need to tell you is our worries. Recently, l contractor independence day). Expect to ican technica er m A y, tl en of a see signs and hear chanting American technical “Rec ed the details ak le n de w no S contractor Edward Edward (NSA) spy around city hall in Bethlehem, urity Agency ec S l na possibly from both the Occupy Snowden leaked the io at N massive amed PRISM.” -n crowd and the Teapartiers, de details of a massive co m ra prog National Security Agency (NSA) spy program code- although don’t expect those two sides named PRISM. Through this program, the NSA to be drinking from the same wine jugs allegedly gathers data indiscriminately about all forms of live communication by American citizens Many men have tried to predict the future, and I at home and abroad. The program is, according to will try here to predict the future of privacy: there the Washington Post, “the number one source of will be very little. Once everyone is wearing Google raw intelligence used for NSA analytic reports.” The Glass, we will be able to identify anyone just by disturbing reports, which suggest that the NSA is seeing their face. For a while, the fake-moustache gathering the phone records of basically everyone, industry will flourish, but moustache-removal apps will doom the hair-lipping business. Satellites and have cause much hubbub and furor and uproar. The age of twitter is an odd time for Americans to car-identification apps will enable you to find anyone complain about a lack of privacy. Through Facebook, you want (and want them you will, because they will Instagram, Twitter, Vine, YouTube, and the blogs, it look like anime characters). Privacy will be dead, but is possible to find out almost anything about many you won’t care, because you will have a hoverboard. internet users. People post their meals, their pets, what they are reading or watching or buying, and what they are thinking. Surely they cannot mind
PHOTOS BY: SHOWGUN PHOTOGRAPHY
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013 Page 18
BIG BROTHER
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
4 E. 4th St • BETHLEHEM, PA • 610-868-1313
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Trivia Thursdays 8 - 10pm $50 - 1st Place $25 - 2nd Place
The latest Hollywood fitness craze is called Piloxing. It is a combination of dance, boxing moves and Pilates that sculpts, tones and strengthens the entire body. The unique program, which was developed just a few years ago, is immensely popular and is attracting attention worldwide. It’s been embraced by celebrities and is making its way across the U.S. and abroad. Piloxing was created by Viveca Jensen. The Swedish former bodybuilding champion is a dancer, Pilates instructor, boxer, and personal trainer to the stars. After attending the Stockholm Ballet Academy, and performing in a theater community for three years, she came to Los Angeles and toured worldwide, dancing in music videos and films. Jensen saw a need for a “sleek, sexy and powerful” workout that utilized several disciplines. Her goal was to create a fun, effective and inspiring program. She refers to Piloxing as “an interdisciplinary interval training program.” It blends the power and agility of boxing, with the toning and flexibility of Pilates, as well as simple dance moves. All of these are combined to create a cardiovascular, musclesculpting, core-centric workout. Weighted gloves can be worn to maximize results, and working out with bare feet is encouraged.
by Camille Capriglione
Piloxing apart from traditional exercise regimens is that the moves are primarily standing positions. The small movements are a non-stop infusion of activity. You burn fat and get into shape without the ho-hum boredom of a single machine or treadmill. Music (from Samba-style to techno) and exercising in a group enhances the workout. Amazingly the time flies by. You’ll sweat, but it simply doesn’t feel like exercise! SHAPE Magazine and Reader’s Digest report that a person can burn up to 800-900 calories in a single one-hour session. Piloxing is invigorating and high energy, yet low impact and easy on the knees. The boxing segments focus on toning the arms, with air punches, jabs and upper-cuts. (No punching bags required.) The dance segments include elegant ballet moves. Victoria’s Secret models, as well as celebrities like as Hilary Duff and Kirsten Dunst attend Jensen’s Toluca Lake, California Piloxing studio. There are DVDs available for athome Piloxing and many area gyms are now offering classes by certified instructors, as well as Boot Camps. Jensen strives to mentally and physically empower people through fitness. Try it yourself with Piloxing!
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This fitness hybrid is fun and challenging. (But not TOO challenging! Beginners will love it.) What sets
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
PILOXING!
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
THIS WEEKEND THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8 TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN (610) 391-0772
FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111
BECKY’S DRIVE IN Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE http://www.beckysdi.com/
MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/
CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/
MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204
CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878
Courtesy of Warner Bros THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St 610-863-3094
TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES
6. Star Trek into the Darkness 7. After Earth 8. The Hangover Part III 9. Iron Man 3 10. The Great Gatsby
THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699 http://roxytheaternorthampton.com/ SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD (OFF Rt 309) OREFIELD 610-683-8775 http://www.shankweilers.com/
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REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY (ROUTES 33 & 248) LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800 READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828
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NEW DVD RELEASES
1. Oz the great and powerful 2. Hansel and Gretel 3. Snitch 4. Wrong 5. Burn Notice: Season 6
6. Dead Man’s Burden 7. Fairly Legal: Season 2 8.Ghost Hunters: Season 8: Part 2 9. House of Cards: Season 1 10. Knife Fight
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1. The Purge 2. Fast and Furious 6 3. Now You See Me 4. The Internship 5. Epic
REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500 http://www.fandango.com/
REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING QUAKERTOWN 215-536-7700 http://www.fandango.com
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
ZODIAC
ARIES It’s your world as the week begins -- and knowing you, you’ll waste no time and take it by storm. They’ll never know what hit ‘em (in a good way), whether it’s your coworkers, your stunned but happy friends or your significant other. But if you’re tempted to keep this pace up from Wednesday through Friday, you’re asking for frustration, a slip-up or even health issues. Rein yourself in, and do some planning instead of acting. This weekend, the key to successful interactions is to put yourself in someone else’s place. What in your repertoire will be music to their ears?
TAURUS Things aren’t easy on Monday or Tuesday, though it’s just a passing phase that doesn’t mean much. Don’t let it get you down -- it could be that you and your date or partner get into a weird argument that seems to pop up from nowhere. By midweek, your good energy is flowing just as it should be, and it’s much easier for you to find the best way to say what you need to say. Things should stay great through the weekend, though you should make sure you take a little break to keep from tiring yourself out! GEMINI Take your latest, greatest idea firmly in hand at the beginning of the week. Show it to some pertinent people, and get some great input. Then go for it! You’re getting assistance from the stars. But beware: From sometime Wednesday through Friday, your usually fantastic communication skills can’t cut through some serious noise and static. Say it twice, in two different media, and keep a record if it’s really important. With the weekend, though, comes the return of your silver-tongued ways, and some other superpowers to boot (the kind that are especially helpful in the realm of romance!). CANCER Your outlook is expanding amazingly at the beginning of the week. Re-examine a relationship, an emotion and a usual way of thinking -- major enlargement and improvement is possible now. Then, from sometime Wednesday through Friday, your accomplishments may be minor by comparison, but they’ll still feel great. Cross stuff off a few different to-do lists -- work, home, personal. This weekend might find you in conflict with someone who plays an important role in your life. You may be entirely in the right, but use some tact -- how would you want this stuff pointed out to you?
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LEO Dive in head-first as the week begins. You’re completely in the swim of things, whether you’re doing some splashy flips or just going with the flow. Bask in your own glory in your downtime. But from sometime Wednesday through Friday, it’s time to get your feet planted firmly on the ground -- and to reconsider your short-term and longterm paths. Make conscious choices, and take careful steps. Who’s alongside you? This weekend, you love company on your journey, whether you’re being practical or recreational. And your company is loving you, too. VIRGO Everybody’s got something to say at the beginning of the week. Leave yourself time to sort the fact from the fiction -- and time to recover from the input overload, too. Starting Wednesday and lasting through Friday, you’re more than up for anything and anyone that’s coming your way -- and you’re likely getting some pretty sweet stuff started under your own steam, too. Work? Romance? Personal projects? No problem. When the weekend comes, though, you need to put on the brakes a bit. Carefully consider how what’s happening fits in with your core values.
LIBRA At the beginning of the week, delegate the little things to someone who cares -- you’re thinking big picture, big-time. (If you have an important appointment or date, set up a reminder -- or three!) But from Wednesday through Friday, your careful attention to everything and everyone is what gets you further faster. You might even hear or glimpse something that seems minor in the moment, but just wait. Everything’s coming up roses (or whatever your favorite flower is) this weekend. If you’ve got romance on your mind, now’s the time to jump in. SCORPIO Something seems to be more difficult than it should be early this week, but you can handle it with your usual calm energy. Approach it easily with a slow hand, and you’ll figure it out. In fact, your solution might impress the right person in exactly the right way! A bit of information that only you know about becomes pretty important on Wednesday or Thursday, possibly leading to a confession of some sort. It should make for an incredibly sweet and carefree weekend, as you find that barriers to communication fall down right away. SAGITTARIUS Dynamic only begins to describe you at the beginning of this week. That sense of humor of yours is sparkling, your optimism is contagious and when it comes to fun, you’ve got it going on. Take a little gamble -- why not? But if you’re thinking about increasing the stakes from sometime Wednesday through Friday, think again. It’s best to let the situation -- whether work, romance or otherwise -- develop a bit. When the weekend comes, you may be so busy laughing, making new friends and expanding your horizons that things fall right into place around you. CAPRICORN The world’s asking a lot of you at the beginning of the week, and your instinct may be to do everything you can to get it all done. Knowing when to set some limits (and what to ask for in return) is key. This kind of giveand-take is in better balance from Wednesday through Friday, and you’ll even have time to do a little extra investigation, perhaps in the personal sphere. Finding out more about a loved one or yourself is richly rewarding. This weekend, cutting loose is as important as anything. Let off some steam! AQUARIUS You’re in the mood to do your own thing on Monday and Tuesday; you don’t want to deal with clinginess or serious discussions. Try to make it clear that you’re not drifting away. (And you aren’t, are you?) The middle of the week is a good time to check back in with your sweetie, date or crush and see if you’re addressing the needs they want to be addressed. Also see if they’re addressing your own needs. You may be surprised. The weekend fills you with good, brainy energy and you ought to be able to share ideas with the right person.
PISCES You’re in the mood to do your own thing on Monday and Tuesday; you don’t want to deal with clinginess or serious discussions. Try to make it clear that you’re not drifting away. (And you aren’t, are you?) The middle of the week is a good time to check back in with your sweetie, date or crush and see if you’re addressing the needs they want to be addressed. Also see if they’re addressing your own needs. You may be surprised. The weekend fills you with good, brainy energy and you ought to be able to share ideas with the right person.
CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN
Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em
PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd
CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)
WESCOSVILLE
Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx
NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Tuesdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Thursdays: DJ B-Rad Fridays: DJ Statik 6/22 Scars of Bourbon
QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade
WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 6/15 Social Ballroom/Latin Swing Dance
READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200
KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke
MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 6/15 Blackout Driver 6/22 PR$PH$T, Drug Free Mondays, Balista
OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 6/14 Rehab-X 6/15 Bryant Brothers
CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn
DOYLESTOWN
Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 6/14 Sean Kennedy Band 6/15 Johnny’s Dance Band 6/16 Jakestock Band Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 6/14 Hank Brown / DJ Pete 6/15 The Overtones / Scriggs The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 6/7 Dan Ward 6/8 Keith Garner
PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke
GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 7/3 Amateur Night
STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 6/13 Dave Brown & Friends 6/14 The Pocono Duo 6/15 The Boiled Owls 6/16 The Pocono Duo 6/18 Downtown Jimmy Brown
For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com
Check out the Bryant Brothers Band at The Leather Corner Post in Orefield
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
DJ COBRA / KARAOKE
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FRI 6/28 - 9PM - 12AM
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
MUSIC
Drummer Wanted We are looking for drums to complete a 4 piece rock act. We have a variety of influences . Mike: 610-984-3791 GUITAR LESSONS from touring pro, performing and teaching for over 30 years and has shared the stage with BB King, Les Paul and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462
Trumpet / Bugler Needed To perform 140 Military funerals per year. Primarily between Reading and Allentown. 609-504-9450 Keyboard Player Wanted: play “Classic Hits” from the 60’s 70’s 80’s 90’s. Call Mike: 610-216-5501
EMPLOYMENT GET PAID TO WALK Are you friendly? Do you enjoy talking to people? Get paid to walk around your neighborhood and talk to voters. Get paid same day. Call Kelly @ 610-217-3751 9am-5pm, Mon-Fri.
Email // classifieds@thevalleybeat.com
Call // 9am - 5pm 7 Days a Week(484) 635-2253
EMPLOYMENT
EMPLOYMENT
REAL ESTATE
AUTOMOTIVE
Driver/Warehouse, seeking dependable delivery drivers for Allentown warehouse. Must have a valid drivers license and clean driving record. Other responsibilities include stocking inventory and preparing orders for shipment. Apply in person. Jacobs Auto Supplies 1532 Sumner Avenue Allentown, PA 18102
Delivery Drivers Wanted The Valley Beat is seeking Drivers for many areas in the Lehigh Valley. Must have own car / ins. Reply to: distribution@thevalleybeat.com
Spacious apartment, just renovated Six rooms, apartment, new kitchen, New decor, all utilities paid, near transportation. $700/month 610-266-7300
2000 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO 3.8L 6CYL, AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION, 133,000 MILES ,TWO TONED LEATHER, RUNS GREAT ! MOONROOF, AC/CD POWER WINDOWS, POWER LOCKS,$5,600.00 / 267-251-4997 (Montgomery County)
Coopersburg- Rooms For Rent Weekly or Monthly. Cable Utilities and wifi included. Single & Double Occupancy. $80/week and up. Clean Private. 610-282-8010
1995 white Acura Integra, 119,000 miles, runs great, automatic, all power, sunroof, heat, and dc sports exhaust sway bars. $2,300 obo also looking for a trade bigger car / 484-6950775
2br - House for Rent! (Salisbury)One, 2-bedroom house for lease! (Rental rate is $900 per month) Private, off-street parking for tenants. Property is located in a scenic wood area, but close to lot of amenitites! Close to I-78, just off of Emmaus Ave. $900/month For more info call: 610-972-7121
2001 Chevy Blazer 130k miles, automatic - runs and drives great, 4 new tires, new CD player, great motor and trans. $1995 / 484-788-9945
Environmental Field Tech The job will entail light demolition and soil remediation. The project will be kicking off within the first week of May and looking for more Hotel Housekeeping qualified personnel moving (Comfort Inn Quakertown) now accepting applications for forward in that same area. Please the position of Room Attendant. call our offices to inquire within is. Weekends are mandatory. No (201) 414-5702. calls please. Reply with resume or employment applications are available and being accepted at RESTAURANT hotel front desk 24 hours a day. Massage Therapist Seeking Massage Therapists Experience Preferred Call 610-262-9580
BARTENDER/SERVER Upscale Allentown restaurant seeking an experienced bartender/server. Must be able to work full time, weekends,days ,nights, & weekends. Qualified candidates should call 610-737-2183
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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20 Questions with Little Johnny
One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says “OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red” Little Suzy pipes up “I know, it’s a tomato”. “No but you’re thinking, it’s an apple” replies the teacher. So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says “I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it” “Go to the principals office” says the teacher. “No but you’re thinking”, says Johnny, “It’s a quarter” Sex Therapy Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. “You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems”, Linda told her friend. “That’s amazing!” Mary replied, “So have Tom and I. We’re thinking of going to a sex therapist”, said Linda. “Oh, we could never do that! We’d be too embarrassed!”, responded Mary. “But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?” Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. “So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?”, Mary asked. “Things couldn’t be better!” Linda exclaimed. “We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it’s better than it’s ever been!”
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With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. “I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you,” he said. “But doctor,” Mary complained, “you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can’t you give us some help? Any help at all?” “Well, OK,” the doctor answered. “On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios.” Buying Tampons Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?” The nine-year-old replies “Nope, not for my mom.” Without thinking, the cashier responded “Well, they must be for your sister then?” The nine year old quipped, “Nope, not for my sister either.” The cashier had now become curious “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?” The nine year old says, “They’re for my four year old little brother.” The cashier is surprised “Your four year old little brother?” The nine year old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!”
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
JOKES
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013 Page 38
AVAILABLE WHERE YOU BUY BEER
Please Drink ResponsiAllentownBeverage.com
CAITLIN FLAHERTY
Photos by: Donatelli Photography
SEE MORE PHOTOS ONLINE WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
MODEL BEAT
Age: 25 Havertown, PA What do you do to make $$? Hair stylist, make-
Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com
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up artist, Print & Promotional Model Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Single How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FACEBOOK. OR Contact My Agent Mickey@donatellimodels.com or Randy@ donatellimodels.com Where was your best vacation destination? Italy What do you do to relax? Spend time with friends What sports do you watch the most? Baseball & Hockey What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Lager What happens to be your worst vice? Smoking What is your best feature? My legs What TV show do you never miss each week? Shameless What movie would you recommend to our readers? Beauty & the Beast What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Travel the World Name 3 People important in your life? Mom, Dad and Sister What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Furthering my modeling career with Donatelli Modeling/ Casting Agency What do you sleep in? Tank tops and shorts What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? What do you want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Don’t try to rush things. And listen to what your partner has to say.