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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT 10 TOP SPINS & MOVIE REVIEW

THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUE ISSUE 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 136. APRIL 24 - 30, 2013

Concert listings from many places

Gina Crash from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

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15 CLUB & PUBS

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16 Done ALBUM REVIEW by The Bone’s - Gina Crash

20 TROEGS BREWING COMPANY 26 ZODIAC Tyler Drake hops on a bus, and witnesses pure brewing perfection

Your astrology for the week

36 JOKES & COMICS

12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 39

A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY: ELECTRIC CHASTITY BELT

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW

--To counter the now-well-publicized culture of rape in India, three engineers in Chennai said in March that they are about to send to the market women’s anti-rape lingerie, which will provide both a stun-gun-sized blast of electricity against an aggressor and a messaging system sending GPS location to family members and the police about an attack in progress. After the wearer engages a switch, anyone touching the fitted garment will, said one developer, get “the shock of his life” (even though the garment’s skin side would be insulated). The only marketing holdup, according to a March report in The Indian Express, is finding a washable fabric.

--U.S. companies large and small legally deduct the expenses of doing business from their gross profits before paying income tax, but purveyors of marijuana (in states where possession is legal and where prescription marijuana is dispensed) cannot deduct those expenses and thus wind up paying a much higher federal income tax than other businesses. As NPR reported in April, “Section 280E” of the tax code (enacted in 1982 to trap illegal drug traffickers into tax violations) has not been changed to reflect state legalizations. The effect, experts told NPR, is that legal dispensaries in essence wind up paying tax on their gross receipts while all other legal businesses are taxed only on their net receipts. (The federal government, of course, continues to regard marijuana as illegal.)

COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS

LATEST HUMAN RIGHTS

--In March, Washington state Rep. Ed Orcutt, apparently upset that bicyclists use the state’s roads without paying the state gasoline tax for highway maintenance, proposed a 5 percent tax on bicycles that cost more than $500, pointing out that bicyclists impose environmental costs as well. Since carbon dioxide is a major greenhouse gas, he wrote one constituent (and reported in the Huffington Post in March), bike riders’ “increased heart rate and respiration” over car drivers creates additional pollution. (Days later, he apologized for the suggestion that bicyclists actually were worse for the environment than cars.)

IRONIES --So, For a While There, It Actually Worked: The maker of the “all-natural herbal extract” Super Power (which promises “powerful erections”) issued a voluntary recall in January after “independent” lab tests revealed that the supplement mistakenly contained a small amount of sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra. Such unregulated dietary supplements cannot legally contain drugs without Food and Drug Administration approval. (Also, in March, the Federal Trade Commission ordered three retailers, including Neiman Marcus, to re-label some fake-fur garments because they, mistakenly or intentionally, contained real fur.) --A Boston Herald reporter said in March that he had been kicked out of a State Ethics Commission training session (which might not be unreasonable, as the meeting was for Massachusetts House members only). However, at least two people in attendance refused to give their real names to the reporter as they left. Rep. Tim Toomey insisted he was not a member (though he is) but was “just passing through,” and Commission chairman Charles Swartwood III (a former federal judge magistrate) refused to give his name at all, telling the reporter, “I’m not saying because that’s a private matter.”

--Police in Knoxville, Tenn., confiscated five venomous snakes during a February traffic stop, and Pastor Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name (of Middlesboro, Ky.) is demanding them back. Coots said he possesses them openly during his services in Kentucky, but Knoxville police said they are illegal to own in Tennessee. Said Coots, “If I don’t have them, then I’m not obeying the word of God.” --In Bristol, England, Anthony Gerrard, 59, had been arrested for possessing child pornography, but after an inventory, police found only 11 images of his massive 890GB porn stash were of children (which Gerrard said he unknowingly downloaded in his quest for legal, adult pornography), and he went to court in January to demand his collection back (minus the child porn). So far, police have said that it is “impractical” to cull the child porn images.

BRIGHT IDEAS --Like many cities, Taipei, Taiwan, has a dog-litter problem that has proved unsolvable, as citizens continue to ignore pleas to pick up after their dogs and keep sidewalks clean. Finally, city officials designed a successful program (announced in December): a dog-poop lottery. Anyone handing in a bag of dog litter would get a ticket (one ticket per bag) to a drawing with prizes ranging up to pieces of gold worth the equivalent of about $2,000. (Citizens would be on the honor system as to whether the “litter” in the bag came from a dog or from another source.)

LITIGIOUS SOCIETY

--Aspiring rap music bigshot Bernard Bey, 32, filed a $200,000 lawsuit in February in New York City against his parents, alleging that they owe him because they have been unloving and “indifferent” to his homelessness and refuse even to take him back in to get a shower. Bey, who raps as “Brooklyn Streets,” said everything would be forgiven if they would just buy him two Domino’s Pizza franchises so that he could eventually earn enough to become “a force to be reckoned with in the hip-hop industry.” (His mother’s solution, as told to a New York Daily News reporter: “[G]o get a job. He’s never had job a day in his life.”)

READERS CHOICE --In March, the makers of Lululemon black Luon yoga pants issued a recall, expressing concern that they had been made with an unacceptable level of sheerness. However, a company official initially told customers that “the only way you can actually test” for the too-sheer pants would be for a customer to bend over before a store associate. (The company changed the policy a few days later, and the product manager resigned.)

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

WING NIGHT MONDAY : Starters Pub Wings 50¢ Wings • ½ Price Boneless

s Clubhouse WEDNESDAY : Starter s Wings ½ Price Wings & Boneles 5pm-10pm

se

Monday : Starters Clubhou $2.00 Dozen Clams

TUESDAY : Starters Pub $2.00 Dozen Clams 5pm-11pm

½ Price Burgers too!

Wednesdays, 7:30pm at Starters Pub

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Fri APR 26 – Small Change Sat Apr 27 – Jonas

Kitchen open 11am til Midnight

Open 7 days a week 11am - 2am

(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)

TRIVIA NIGHT

400 Illicks Mill Rd • Bethlehem (610) 625-0060 www.starters-clubhouse.com

Entertainment This Week:

1996 S. Fifth St Allentown

5pm-10pm

STARTERS CLUBHOUSE GRILLE

610-841-3610

Sunday – Open Mic Night

CLAM NIGHT

&

www.strangebrewtavern.co

Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews

5pm-11pm

$7 Sandwiches

24 Taps

Cheesesteaks

STARTERS PUB

3731 Route 378 • Bethlehem (610) 997-5454 www.starterspub.com

strangebrew610

WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

CONCERT BEAT

CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Trapt, May 2 Insane Clown Posse, May 7 Captured by Robots, May 12 The Darkness, May 12

TICKETS 212-307-7171 Alex Sensation, May 10 The Killers, May 14 Rod Stewart, Dec 9

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600 Ganstagrass, Apr 26 Millionaires, Apr 28 Great White, Aug 13 Bullet Boys, Aug 15

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249

Kalob Griffin & MiZ, Apr 26 Aimee Mann, Apr 27 Cast of Beatlemania, May 3 & 4

Toby Keith & Kip Moore, Jun 22 Jimmy Buffet, Jun 25 Dave Matthews Band, Jun 28-29 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 12

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY TICKETS 212-777-6800

Yngwie Malmstein, Apr 30 Johnny Marr, May 2 Him Tears On Tour, May 10-11 Huey Lewis & The News 30th Anniversary, May 13

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

Weird Al Yankovic, Jun 4 Billy Idol, Jun 9 TICKETS 800-745-3000 Willie Nelson, Jun 16 Steve Earl, Apr 26 Rock of Ages, Jun 10 The Machine Pink Floyd Trib, Apr 27 Menopause the Musical, Jun 21 Alabama, May 2 Cheech & Chong, Jun 28 Alice in Chains, May 7 Dwight Yoakam, Jul 3 Boz Scaggs, May 10 Michael McDonald, Jul 7 Brian Regan, May 12 Los Lobos, Jul 10 Paul Anka, May 18 Tony Bennett, Jul 26 Motley Crue, May 20 -21 Gabriel Iglesias, Aug 29 Chicago, May 22 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Korn, May 23 Steely Dan, Sep 27 BuckCherry, May 24 Jeff Foxworthy, Sept 28

HERSHEY PARK ARENA, Hershey Park, PA TICKETS 717-534-3911

One Direction, Jul 5, 2013 • Dave Matthews Band, Jul 13

TOYOTA PAVILLION Montage Mountain - Scranton, PA TICKETS (570) 961-9000

SOVEREIGN CENTER, Reading, PA

Dave Matthews Band, May 29 Steamtown Beer Festival, Jun 15 Kid Rock, Jul 6 Rock Star Energy Drink Mayhem Fest, Jul 13 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 16

Ringling Bros & Barnum Bailey, Apr 24-28 Shinedown, w/ Special Guests Bush, Apr 30

TICKETS 610-898-7200

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA

MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600

TICKETS 877-682-4791 War, Apr 20 Best of NY Burlesque, Apr 27 Thunder from down under, Fri & Sat Jul 5 - Aug 31

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600

Alice Cooper/ Marilyn Manson, Jun 18

TICKETS (215) 627-1332 The Hooters, Apr 27 Bassnectar, May 1-2 Insane Clown Possee, May 3 Bullet for My Valentine, May 5 Clutch, May 17 Summerland Tour, Jun 20

REVERB - Reading, PA KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA

Carly Rae Jepsen, Aug 2 TICKETS 610-332-1300 Frampton’s Guitar Circus, Aug 5 Carbon Leaf, Apr 25 Styx & Foreigner, Aug 7 The Red Elvises, May 11 Darius Rucker, Aug 9 The Fabulolus Thunderbirds, May 17 Ke$ha, Aug 10

B.B. King, Apr 17 Billy Bragg, Apr 20 Boney James The Beat Tour, Apr 24 Tower of Power & Average White Band, Apr 26

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA

Steel Panther, Apr 26 Opeth, Apr 27 Rebelution, May 4 Volbeat, May 6

Sparks, Apr 24 The Polish Ambassador, Apr 26 Johnny Marr, Apr 30 Todd Rundgren, May 11 The Darkness, May 21 Killswitch Engage, Jun 9

(610) 743-3069 Kotton Mouth Kings, Apr 19 | Aaron Carter, May 31

MUSIKFEST CAFE Bethlehem, PA

TICKETS 570-420-280

TICKETS (215) 922-5483

1409 N. 9th St

The Rolling Stones, Jun 18 Bruno Mars, Jun 24

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MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

Volbeat, May 6 Asking Alexandra, May 8 Bullet for my Valentine w/ Halestorm, May 19 Dropkick Murphy’s, Jun 11

TICKETS 215-572-7650

TICKETS 570-325-0371 Jamey Johnson, Apr 26 Rick Springfield, Apr 28 Tanya Tucker, May 4 Skid Row, May 31

Check Out The Hooters this Saturday at The Electric Factory in Philadelphia


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

DESTINATION WEST / CURSE OF SORROW

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013 Page 10

Movie Review

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10 BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

10

By Chris Bumbray

THE HIGH ROAD 3 DAYS GRACE

TRANSIT OF VENUS

BY CROOKED STEPS SOUNDGARDEN

KING ANIMAL

FREAK LIKE ME

HALESTORM

THE STRANGE CASE OF…

WHERE DID THE ANGELS GO?

PLOT: After a new ice age wreaks havoc on the earth, small pockets of survivors take shelter underground. One such group, led by the compassionate Briggs (Lawrence Fishburne) is faced by factions within, led by the sadistic Mason (Bill Paxton) that want to take control of the colony. However, the biggest threat comes from outside, as they’re far from alone in this desolate landscape. REVIEW: THE COLONY is a film that doesn’t belong in theaters. If not for the fact that it was partially funded by Telefim Canada (meaning that, in a way, my taxes helped pay for thisshudder), I doubt this would be getting much of a theatrical bow, with it seemingly getting a relatively wide release in Canada. At best, THE COLONY belongs on Sy Fy, alongside their “originals” like AMERICAN BATTLESHIP or the upcoming INDEPENDENCE DAYSASTER (an actual title).

PAPA ROACH

THE CONNECTION

FROM CAN TO CAN’T

COREY TAYLOR / DAVE GROHL

SOUND CITY SOUNDTRACK

VILIFY

DEVICE

DEVICE

BONES

YOUNG GUNS BONES

THE HANGMAN’S BODY COUNT VOLBEAT OUTLAW GENTLEMEN & SHADY LADIES

I’LL FOLLOW YOU

SHINEDOWN AMARYLIS

DO ME A FAVOR

STONE SOUR

HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 1

Everything’s recycled, and I suspect Renfroe was heavily influenced by 28 DAYS LATER. There’s even zombies of a sort, although rather than being undead, they’re roaming cannibals. This could have worked, but the they’re used in such a way that it feels like the screenwriter wrote it as a zombie movie, and just crossed out “zombie”, and replaced it with “cannibal” without changing anything else, meaning they get no dialogue, and only exist to give the film a gruesome third act. Even the score feels like a knock off, with the bassheavy score more than a little reminiscent of Ennio Morricone’s music for JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING The only thing that keeps THE COLONY from being an absolute ordeal is Fishburne, who’s not one to phone things in, and injects some much needed humanity into the film as the paternal Briggs. Leading man Kevin Zegers is also very decent as the default hero, although his love interest, played by Charlotte Sullivan is unbelievably well-preserved for the apocalypse, complete with a seemingly unlimited supply of eyeliner and mascara. She’s gorgeous, although she should have been a lot earthier for someone who’s been holed up underground for most of her life. She’s just another part of the film that feels contrived and false. Bill Paxton doesn’t fare much better. Despite being the biggest name in the cast other than Fishburne, his part is as two-dimensional at it comes. There’s absolutely no shades of grey to Paxton’s Mason, who’s depicted as such such an all-out maniac from the first scene it makes absolutely no sense that Fishburne would make him his second-in-command. Paxton’s usually worth watching, but even he can’t do anything with this, and actually comes off as irritating rather than menacing. Still, I hesitate to blame Paxton, as he’s got nothing to work work with here. Suffice to say, THE COLONY really doesn’t deserve the big theatrical push it seems to be getting, as there are many, far better films out there that get sent the VOD route. This is definitely DTV quality, and a sad waste of money and talent.


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

by: Mitch

BANDS THAT ROCKED FOR AUTISM AWARENESS April is Autism Awareness Month and on Saturday, April 13, 2013, it was my privilege to host the We Rock For Autism fundraiser which was held in Northampton at The Main Street Music Hall at The Gin Mill & Grille under the auspices of We Rock founder, Matt Metal and event promoter, Sam Younes. This is a well-organized 21 and over event that has been held for the past few years. The event boasts a long list of local business sponsors who donate thousands in myriad goods and services in support of the cause. That is a testament to the hard work that goes into creating a successful charity event and Metal, Younes and the numerous volunteers who make it happen each year deserve a pat on the back for a job well done.. For me, it was a labor of love to have had the chance to emcee a rocking showcase of some of the great local bands who are more than happy to support worthy causes in our community. A capacity crowd was treated to an enjoyable variety of great sets from James Supra Blues Band, Scott Marshall & The Hillbilly Souls, Trouble City All-Stars and Jake Kaligis and The New Constitution with guest vocalist, Sarah Ayers, who also made an early surprise appearance with her band. James Supra Blues Band, recently featured in Bands That Rock, kicked off the festivities with a set of satisfying blues rock starting with the title track from their award-winning album, Tip My Hat to the Maker. Supra is an entertainer first and foremost as he sings the blues passionately and forcefully but is more renowned for his brilliance on the harmonica.

Sarah Ayers Band, also previously spotlighted in this column, was a most welcome surprise as they were not originally on the slate of bands due to perform but when Lou Franco, Dan Evans, Jim Ruffi and JJ Bellew showed up at The Gin Mill, it became apparent that they were there to throw down some serious jams and that’s exactly what they did. Sam Younes somehow found a way to squeeze them into the four band line-up for a very entertaining 30 minute set that was punctuated by the dueling electric guitars of Lou Franco and JJ Bellew. It was Bellew’s blue solid body Fender guitar versus Franco’s red hollow body Gretsch guitar in a showdown of two axe-wielding titans going “mano a mano” and judging from the crowd’s reaction, they could’ve played the rest of the night and nobody would’ve minded a bit. Sarah Ayers’ reaction was priceless as she was content to take a step back and let the confrontation escalate between the two all the while smiling and gyrating to the strains.

recommend you catch their act. You will not be disappointed. Last upon the stage but certainly not least was Jake Kaligis & The New Constitution. Jake and his Dynamic Duo sidekick, Mike Rauscher, have honed their craft over the years and developed a loyal following of rock and rollers looking for a good partying time. They finished the evening off with a rousing set of rock favorites. As for me, I will be back to support this event every year whether it be as host or as spectator. Helping raise awareness of autism is a noble endeavor and everyone who participated in We Rock For Autism can be proud of its success and look forward to doing it again next year. For more information, log on to www.autismspeaks.org.

After the dust had settled, Trouble City All-Stars took the stage. I never heard them play before but they easily won me over with their unique style of reggae that incorporates psychedelic and jam band elements. I like this band a lot. While their performance was somewhat understated, the quality of the music is superb. This is a Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen band that you can years and has been with The Hawk for the last ten years! Tune in have a great time weeknights for The Six O’Clock Class Reunion and great classic hits just chilling and from the 60s through the 90s and on Saturdays for great giveaways including listening to. I highly free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE 11

On this day, he was joined by JSBB band mates, Dana Gaynor on lead guitar/vocals and Al Wanamaker on drums. Bassist extraordinaire Rob Fraser, from Mike Dugan and the Blues Mission, filled in admirably for Suavek Zaniesienko who could not attend.

Scott Marshall and The Hillbilly Souls played their countrified brand of roots and bluegrass and they almost started an impromptu hoe-down in the music hall. If you’re not toe-tappin’ when The Hillbilly Souls are strummin’ and pickin’ on their guitars, upright bass and banjo, you had better check your pulse because this is what Americana is all about.


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013 Page 12

HOTSHOTS!

If you are a bar or club that would like to featured in Hot Shots send us an email: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

THE LUAU OUTFIT CONTEST / PARTY TOOK PLACE FRIDAY AT TALLY HO IN BETHLEHEM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NELSON!


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


ALLENTOWN

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours

Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd, 610-769-4600 4/26 Lou Franco Pjct 4/27 The Buzzards

Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 5/11 Blessing of the Bikes: noon - 4pm

Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Tuesday Nights: Karaoke w/DJ Troy

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment 4/27 Mcs for MS Benefit

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Baseball Thurday: DJ@10pm Sat: BOGO Burgers Sunday: Football

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music

BETHLEHEM

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 4/24 Serene Greene 4/25 Dear Anna 4/26 Back to the Action 4/27 Kill the Broadcast 4/28 DJ Todd 4/29 Open Jam Nite 4/30 Born Crosseyed

Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Strange Brew Monday: Jukebox Tavern Thursday: Karaoke 1996 S. Fifth St Fri & Sat: Dance club/ 610-841-3610 Karaoke Monday: Pong night Sunday: Karaoke Sunday: Open mic 4/26 Small Change Bethlehem Brew 4/27 Jonas Works 569 Main St Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St 610-882-1300

(610) 770-1444 4/25 Highlighter Pty

Tally Ho 205 W. Fourth St 610-865-2591

Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 5/4 Cuarto De Mayo

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 4/24 Daves Night Out 4/25 Frank DiBussolo 4/26 Fred Eaglesmith 4/27 Dave Fry 4/28 Scott Alarik

CATASAQUA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

Kill the Broadcast 4/27 Funhouse Pub Bethlehem, PA

10th Anniversary Party 4/27 Drinky’s Easton, PA

COOPERSBURG

Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 4/24 The SC Duo 4/27 Bad Influence

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 Wed: Pong Night $100 Fri: DJ Zee 4/27 10th Anniversary Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 4/24 Irish Jam 4/25 Yan Carlos Sanchez 4/26 The John Kimmock Project 4/27 The John Kimmock Project

Bad Influence 4/27 Pocono Pub Bartonsville, PA

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Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman

Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 4/26 Beat City 4/27 Cova

Beat City 4/26 Vision Bar at the Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

MORE ON PAGE 26

Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke 6/1 Rupall Drag Race Roxxxy Andrews

BATH

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 4/24 DJ Aaron B / DJ Kid Av. w/ ML Dancers 4/25 Go Go Gadjet 4/26 Emily’s Toybox 4/27 The Wildones 4/28 Jimmy & the Parrots 4/29 Nowhere Slow 4/30 Ac & Romantics

THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

CLUBS AND PUBS


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

ALBUM REVIEW

By: Gina Crash

DEVICE: Self Titled I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t David Draiman just make another Disturbed album instead of one with his side project, Device? Well, for one, Device went on hiatus in late 2011, although David will be the first to remind you he is still very much in the band. For another, Device features ex-Filter guitarist Geno Lenardo, which allows David Draiman to explore his more industrial, electronic side. Lenardo is not touring with Device due to previous commitments, but the touring band does include Dope guitarist Virus & Evanescence drummer Will Hunt. See them in action when they play the Sherman Theater in Stroudsburg May 7th with Nonpoint & Gemini Syndrome. Tickets are still available & 107.1 The Bone has been giving them away on air and online. The debut album from the Disturbed front man’s side project, Device, features almost as many special guest stars as Dave Grohl’s Sound City documentary! But happily, they all live up to the expectations that come with collaborations of this pedigree.

Hear the music Gina Crash reviews on 107.1 The Bone, The Valley’s Real Rock Station, where she’s the Midday Goddess. Hit her up during the Noon Request Riot weekdays. Like 107 The Bone on Facebook, follow them on Twitter @ 107thebone & listen live at 107thebone.fm

PAGE 15

The opening track “You Think You Know,” you may have heard online before the April 9th release. It’s one of the best on the album. I want to hear it now! “Penance,” that was also released early, sounds most like a Disturbed song with David’s signature, “Muhamuhaha” howl, (think “Down with the Sickness”). The album’s first single, “Vilify” was getting requests even before we started playing it on 107.1 The Bone, and it remains a top requested song. David duets with Halestorm’s Lzzy Hale on the Ozzy & Lita Ford classic “Close My Eyes Forever.” David really sounds like Ozzy. If you like the original, you will also like this. “Out Of Line” features the loveably manic Serj Tankian from System of a Down who makes an even better vocal pairing than Lzzy, and it also includes Terry “Geezer” Butler from Black Sabbath on bass! It’s a “win- win!” “Hunted” is a little forgettable.

We’ve heard this subject matter before & better on The Disturbed song, “The Animal.” “Opinion” features guitar god Tom Morello, (Rage Against The Machine, Audioslave, The Nightwatchman, Street Sweeper Social Club), but not enough of him in my humble opinion. The guitar solo should have been longer. “War of Lies” is where you start to hear the distinction between Disturbed and Device. You can clearly hear the Filter influence with its more industrial vibe and it is one of my favorite songs on the album. The same is true of the electronic sounding “Haze” featuring Avenged Sevenfold vocalist M Shadows perfectly matched with David’s heavy breathing. It is exceptional. It will remind you a little of the Disturbed song, “Liberate.” The album’s final track & longest at 5:04 “Through It All” is another collaboration, this time with ex- Deep Purple bassist Glenn Hughes joining David on a mellower, but still powerful song. Device’s debut was released on a very competitive week that also saw new releases from heavy hitters like Volbeat, Stone Sour, Drowning Pool, and Paramore all in the same week. The album held its own and debuted just outside the Top 10 at #11 on sales of more than 35,000. David Draiman thanked the fans for their support. Not only is David one of the most recognizable voices in hard rock, he is also generous & compassionate to his fellow musicians as witnessed by a Tweet he sent out in response to the recent passing of Deftones bassist Chi Cheng. It said, “RIP Chi Cheng of Deftones. You harbored a sweet brilliance, and will be remembered and loved.”


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

HARD COVER

In her latest novel Mary Higgins Clark, the beloved, bestselling “Queen of Suspense,” exposes a dark secret from a family’s past that threatens the lives of two sisters, Kate and Hannah Connelly, when the family-owned furniture firm in Long Island City, founded by their grandfather and famous for its fine reproductions of antiques, explodes into flames in the middle of the night, leveling the buildings to the ground, including the museum where priceless antiques have been on permanent display for years. The ashes reveal a startling and grisly discovery, and provoke a host of suspicions and questions. Was the explosion deliberately set? What was Kate—tall, gorgeous, blond, a CPA for one of the biggest accounting firms in the country, and sister of a rising fashion designer—doing in the museum when it burst into flames? Why was Gus, a retired and disgruntled craftsman, with her at that time of night? What if someone isn’t who he claims to be? Now Gus is dead, and Kate lies in the hospital badly injured and in a coma, so neither can tell what drew them there, or what the tragedy may have to do with the hunt for a young woman missing for many years, nor can they warn that somebody may be covering his tracks, willing to kill to save himself . . . Step by step, in a novel of dazzling suspense and excitement, Mary Higgins Clark once again demonstrates the mastery of her craft that has made her books international bestsellers for years. She presents the reader with a perplexing mystery, a puzzling question of identity, and a fascinating cast of characters—one of whom may just be a ruthless killer . . .

Six years have passed since Jake Fisher watched Natalie, the love of his life, marry another man. Six years of hiding a broken heart by throwing himself into his career as a college professor. Six years of keeping his promise to leave Natalie alone, and six years of tortured dreams of her life with her new husband, Todd. But six years haven’t come close to extinguishing his feelings, and when Jake comes across Todd’s obituary, he can’t keep himself away from the funeral. There he gets the glimpse of Todd’s wife he’s hoping for but she is not Natalie. Whoever the mourning widow is, she’s been married to Todd for almost two decades, and with that fact everything Jake thought he knew about the best time of his life—a time he has never gotten over—is turned completely inside out.

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As Jake searches for the truth, his picture-perfect memories of Natalie begin to unravel. Mutual friends of the couple either can’t be found, or don’t remember Jake. No one has seen Natalie in years. Jake’s search for the woman who broke his heart, who lied to him, soon puts his very life at risk as it dawns on him that the man he has become may be based on a carefully constructed fiction. Harlan Coben once again delivers a shocking page-turner that deftly explores the power of past love, and the secrets and lies that such love can hide.


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8

TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN

(610) 391-0772 BECKY’S DRIVE IN

Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE WWW.BECKYSDI.COM

CARMIKE 16

1700 CATASAUQUA RD

ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/ CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX

2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635

EMMAUS THEATER

CIVIC’S THEATER 514

514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN

MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204

THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St

MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON

REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING

REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500

610-377-8626 MVCINEMA.COM/

READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828

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TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES

6. The Place Beyond the Pines 7. Olympus Has Fallen 8. Evil Dead 9. Jurrassic Park 3D 10. Oz The Great & Powerful

19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878

QUAKERTOWN

215-536-7700

SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD OREFIELD 610-683-8775

SHANKWEILERS.COM

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THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699

roxytheaternorthampton.com

TOP 10 DVD RELEASES

1. Life Of Pi 2. Red Dawn 3. Lincoln 4. Scary Movie 5 5. Zero Dark Thirty

6. Argo 7. Wreck It Ralph 8. Rise of the Guardians 9. Skyfall 10. The Collection

PAGE 15

1. Oblivion 2.42 3. Croods 4. Scary Movie 5 5. G.I. Joe Retaliation

FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111

REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800


By: Tyler Drake


“Barley comes in,” Chris Trogner says, “and beer comes out.” Anyone who cares about good beer in the Lehigh Valley should know about the Tröegs Brewing Company. Founded in 1996 by Chris and his brother John, they now brew in Hershey, PA, just about an hour outside of the Valley, and the Beat got invited on a behind-thescenes tour. While your correspondent regularly accepts almost any journalistic boondoggle that comes his way, this was a particularly good one: a chance to sample Nugget Nectar, Tröegs’s iconic and world-class [Don’t believe me? It scored a perfect 100 on ratebeer. com and a 97/100 (world-class) on beeradvocate.com.] imperial amber straight from the teat.

the tasting room, of the half-dozen shiny, conical vessels of the zymurgical skyline comprising the production and scratch brewing lines, a brewscape best seen from a bar stool and best appreciated with a pint of hyper-fresh beer. In the mash kettle, enzymes turn starch into sugars, and the result is called the mash. Because this process depends on temperature, and because the desired temperatures depend on the specific brew the mash is intended for, temperature is strictly controlled by (I think) a computer next to the mash kettle. The lauter tun comes next. Here the malty liquid is separated from the spent grains, which will not be further used in the brewing process. Typically this is three-step process: mashing out, recirculating, sparging. The end result is a fermentable product known as sweet wort.

“Under huge, white bags two stories tall, rollers crack grains of malted barley.” It will not surprise you that making beer is considerably more complicated than Chris’s quick description, which he made clear as our tour guide. The process begins with milling. Under huge, white bags two stories tall, rollers crack grains of malted barley. This will later allow liquid to get to the center of the barley grain. Because roasting changes the size of the barley grain, this can be a tricky task. Creating flour in the mill can lend an undesirable haze to the final product, but failing to crack the grains leads to inefficient extraction of sugars, and a place like Tröegs that puts out a diversity of beers from the same brewing setup needs to get both aspects right across a range of grain sizes. Milled barley gets tubed into the mash kettle. This is the leftmost, as seen from

Here hops enters the picture. In addition to standard techniques, Tröegs hops many of the beers using a hopback, an English-style technique where the


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

The last part of the tour showed the new bottling line they are currently installing. Of all the beer they make, 30% goes into kegs and the rest into six-packs and cases, and these are shipped to a few states in the Northeast. In the Lehigh Valley, you can find Tröegs at most beer stores and bars with a good selection (I’m not aware of a better beer bargain than Molly’s three-dollar draft Nugget Nectars on Monday nights). The bottling line hasn’t been completed yet, so instead of whirring machines, spinning bottles, capping, boxing, and forklifting, we saw welding and sawing, but the tour was anxious to get back to the tasting room anyways.

Allentown Beverage & Friends at Troegs Brewery in Hershey, PA Tröegs hops many of the beers using a hopback, an English-style technique where the wort runs through a vessel jam-packed with hop flowers. This provides the name for HopBack, their yearround amber ale of which Nugget Nectar is an amped-up version. The majority of the hops used by Tröegs are grown in the United States, and many of their beers have complicated hopping schedules. For example, Nugget Nectar uses floral, resiny Nugget hops; Warrior and Tomahawk bittering hops; piney, earthy, citrusy Simcoe hops; and grassy Palisade hops to achieve its distinctive hop profile. Their Perpetual IPA keeps the Nugget hops but adds five different ones. In craft-brew circles, an interesting hop profile can be almost everything: many brewniks self-identify as hopheads, and they show up by the horde to beer festivals, breweries, gastropubs, beer bars, and beerrating website. The hopheads are demonstrably and rightfully pleased with the work Chris and John are doing

employees do most of the work (they are also well-compensated: fermentable sugars are their favored currency). “Yeast,” Chris says, “is the backbone of beer.” Yeast turns sugars into alcohol, but also influences character and flavor.

Craft breweries have two personalities: one expressed by the design and sales team on label artwork and websites, and another that reveals itself through the lineup of beers the brewers choose to offer. Around the brewery, employees often wear repurposed work shirts still bearing the names and titles of mechanics, carpenters, and engine-room men. This, along with the hand-squeezing-hop-flower Nugget-Nectar logo that recalls the worker’s fist, suggests a centralPennsylvania blue-collar mentality. Both brothers grew up in central PA. But also there is stuff like the playful boozy grin of the Mad Elf and the loopy skull of teakettles and foamy pints on the label of JavaHead. The beer output reflects both attitudes. They have fun without being gimmicky, they brew solid beer that is still distinctive, they probe the boundaries of traditional styles while still maintaining a sense of balance, and the people there make and ship tens of thousands of barrels of consistent product in a demanding industry while still by all appearances having fun at work.

Page 22

“To experiment with recipes, they maintain a smaller brewing setup next to the production line called the scratch system. ”

After the hop and boil, they send the beer back to the fermenters, where the yeast gets added. Tröegs employs four kinds of yeast, and these

In addition to an expanding number of closed vessels for warm-fermenting ales and coolfermenting lagers, they also have an open vessel for DreamWeaver, their year-round wheat ale, in a sealed and air-filtered room. To experiment with recipes, they maintain a smaller brewing setup next to the production line called the scratch system. Often the results are offered as brewery exclusives, and sometimes, such as with the Perpetual IPA or their barleywine called Flying Mouflan, they become production beers. During our visit, they did not have a scratch beer on draft, but often the brewery has one available.

Sunshine Pils, their warm-weather seasonal, is fresh-as-it-gets on draft in their tasting room and should make it to the Valley soon. It is a crisp example of the style, and is coming off a gold medal in last year’s Great American Beer Festival. Look for it, because barley comes into a lot of breweries but rarely does beer come out tasting so good.


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

MONDAY - FRIDAY • NOON - 3pm • $4.25 LUNCH SPECIALS

MONDAY - FRIDAY 4 - 6pm • HAPPY HOUR $2.50 Well Drinks • $2.00 Domestic Drafts • 1/2 off Select Apps

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


224 Nazareth Pike Suite 8 (2nd Floor) • Bethlehem, PA 18020 • 484-292-1914

• Action Figures Store Hours: • Collectibles Monday - Wednesday • Comics By Appointment Thurs 11-7pm • SideShow Collectibles Dealer Fri & Sat 11-6pm www.justactionfigures.com

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT INDUSTRY MONDAYS WITH

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AT SOTTO SANTI 10 W. 4th St BETHLEHEM


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

ZODIAC ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) Starting something new or committing to anything uncertain just isn’t favored by the stars now. But you can definitely get back in the swing of things over the next couple of days. Go with what (or is that who?) sparks your enthusiasm now; you’ve got a winning way about you. But around Thursday and Friday, it’s all about things that’ll last. Don’t get too heated about what could be a flash in the pan, and if you say it, be sure you mean it. You can get back into the realm of the hypothetical (and the flirtatious!) on Saturday evening and Sunday. TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) A little heartache is eased by confiding in a friend, or perhaps you’re the listening ear. And while your sign definitely knows you can’t hurry love, you’re nonetheless inclined to rush into something in the realm of romance. Resist-and think about why it is you’re so tempted. Thursday and Friday are utterly lovely for you, and some hot passion is a distinct possibility -- or maybe more like a probability. A splurge of a date goes great now. This weekend, while excellent for talking things over, may not be the time to make long-term plans. GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) You might be looking at life through an ambient haze, and it’s not necessarily a rose-colored one. Don’t get blue about a difficulty or misunderstanding, though; the it will offer a new point of view and many opportunities for improvement. Use those awesome communication skills! Thursday and Friday are perfect for taking care of business -- get work and errands squared away so you can take advantage of some much more social energy this weekend. You’ll love a party, and the outdoors beckons -- why not combine the two? CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) An unknown entity is absolutely worth a chance. Don’t be afraid -- do a little investigating! Then over the next couple of days, your personal past is newly relevant. This doesn’t mean you should dwell on it, but if a certain situation reminds you of something, stop and think. What happened last time around? And starting Thursday, you’re ready to get outside, get out of your shell and have some fun! When the weekend rolls around, you might even be ready for a little walk on the wild side. Why not? Enjoy the heat!

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LEO (7/23 - 8/22) Feelings and finances may be linked in a way that’s not very comfortable. Don’t let money talk too loud. Then the more information you can gather, the more interesting life gets. Follow-through is key around Thursday and Friday, though, as is admitting when you don’t know. And you’re both smart and fun when the weekend comes, with friends old and new loving your company and conversation. There could be something super in the more-than-friends department, too! VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) Patience! Hard work and your signature attention to detail have much more effect over the next couple of days -- both at work, and in the realm of relationships. When it comes to the interpersonal stuff, be willing to meet ‘em halfway. Then a little change gives life a lot more oomph around Friday or Saturday. Try or taste or get a view of something new. And the stars are leaving the weekend up to you. Concentrate on making it good and it will be!

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) Be light of heart and don’t take life -- or work -- too seriously. But do (seriously) watch it when it comes to finances, especially if someone else is involved. What seems like a simple arrangement may require a lot more negotiation. But meetings of the minds of all kinds are a lot easier starting Thursday, and the stars are emphasizing the romantic now! In any type of relationship, your thoughtfulness, interest in listening and way with sharing make things sweet indeed, all through the weekend.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) Reveal a hidden talent to your sweetheart or someone you’ve been flirting with, and watch their interest rise. Taking a practical approach to love isn’t very romantic, but it works. Cast your net wide if you’re doing online dating, and take the next step if you’re already coupled up. Those in the latter category could butt heads with their partner at the end of the week, but kissing and making up is pretty sweet. Singletons, meanwhile, are bold -- and utterly beautiful to the right person. This weekend, rein it in and play the game of love conservatively.

Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) What someone’s saying should really resonate. Make time to talk more about it, and see where the conversation takes you. Wednesday, you should be going some fun places -- you’ll love a game, getting outside or taking a mini-adventure now. At the end of the workweek, though, give someone else a hand at work or in your free time (or -- bonus points -both). The weekend’s busy, but you’ll be happiest in the moments you can find quiet and get more in-depth, whether with a book, a certain someone or just staring at the stars.

Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 5/17 Neon Fusion

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) Some free-form thinking, doing something spontaneous and reaching out will get you results that planning, testing and hunkering down can’t. You can get back to your regularly scheduled programming, when practicality pays and concentration conquers. But plan to really enjoy your time off, and schedule some fun on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Whether it’s an elaborate event or simple good times, take a timely break from duty now. On Sunday, it’s up to you to figure out what someone’s really saying.

READING

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) The least romantic day this week offers an opportunity for you to end a cycle. Then a new one can begin with a spark of electricity on Wednesday. A discovery you make about your heart now is the key -- or at least one in the set of keys -- to your future romantic path. If your love life seems a little dull at the end of the workweek, well, you’re good at stirring things up. Romance can be found in the funniest places now. And this weekend? Yowza! You’re burning hot. Work it. PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) Everybody’s loving you, if the stars have their say! Share your thoughts and your appreciation, and make their day. Then there’s something hidden just for you, and you’re just the one to figure it out. Watch for something that doesn’t add up. One plus one is a very sweet equation around Thursday, Friday and Saturday, when summer lovin’ awaits. Make a move instead of waiting! You don’t have to get too specific about it. But on Sunday, keep your moves minimal. Relaxing’s better than racing around.

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am

Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200 Brass Lantern 1350 N 12th St 610-372-9311

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Tuesdays: Billiards Thursday: DJ B-Rad Fridays: DJ Statik 4/27 Rehab X 4/28 50 Shades of Chippendales

MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 4/27 The Dark Matters 5/4 Punkabilly’s

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 4/26 That Being Said 4/27 Neon Fusion

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 4/25 Lawn Boys Comedy 4/26 Andrea Carlso Quartet 4/27 Christine Ohlman 4/28 Local Live Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 5/1 Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 4/25 Erin McClelland 4/26 Suze 4/27 Nancy & Spencer Reed 4/28 The Pocono Duo 4/30 Steve McDaniels & Friends

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

Check out That Being Said This Friday at the Leather Corner Post in Orefield


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013 Page 28

THE GOO GOO DOLLS PLAYED SUNDAY AND SHOWED US HOW TO ROCK AT THE SANDS BETHLEHEM EVENT CENTER


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


MUSIC

Vocalist wanted for metal/ death metal band, solid vocals, if possible vocal training, and we 100% accept SINGING. Call: 908-619-5648.

GUITAR LESSONS from touring pro, performing and teaching for over 30 years and has shared the stage with BB King, Les Paul and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462

Email // classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

EMPLOYMENT

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REAL ESTATE

Driver/Warehouse, seeking dependable delivery drivers for Allentown warehouse. Must have a valid drivers license and clean driving record. Other responsibilities include stocking inventory and preparing orders for shipment. Apply in person. Jacobs Auto Supplies 1532 Sumner Avenue Allentown, PA 18102

Skilled Concrete workers RUSSO CONCRETE is now looking to fill positions with quality personnel. We are a full service Concrete Contractor looking for experienced men to fill various positions 484-2399564 ask for Scott

Spacious apartment, just renovated Six rooms, apartment, new kitchen, New decor, all utilities paid, near transportation. $700/month 610-266-7300

GUITAR SHOW (NEW HOPE), Saturday May 4, New Hope Winery Guitar Show 9-5. 215-794-2331

Hotel Housekeeping (Comfort Inn Quakertown) now accepting applications for the position of Room Attendant. is. Keyboard Player Wanted: play Weekends are mandatory. No “Classic Hits” from the 60’s 70’s calls please. Reply with resume 80’s 90’s. Call Mike: 610-216-5501 or employment applications are available and being accepted at hotel front desk 24 hours a day. EMPLOYMENT GET PAID TO WALK Are you friendly? Do you enjoy talking to people? Get paid to walk around your neighborhood and talk to voters. Get paid same day. Call Kelly @ 610-217-3751 9am-5pm, Mon-Fri.

Call // 9am - 5pm 7 Days a Week(484) 635-2253

Work with your brain not your back! $750/week. (Allentown and lehigh valley) Quit turning wrenches or working in a factory! call 717-718-4161

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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2000 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO 3.8L 6CYL, AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION, 133,000 MILES ,TWO TONED LEATHER, RUNS GREAT ! MOONROOF, AC/CD POWER WINDOWS, POWER LOCKS,$5,600.00 / 267-251-4997 3br - 2nd & 3rd Floor (Montgomery County) Apartment Available Downtown Bethlehem. Tenant is 1995 white Acura Integra, 119,000 miles, runs great, responsible for all utilities automatic, all power, sunroof, Security dep. required. Apartment will be available May heat, and dc sports exhaust sway 15th, possibly earlier. $750/ bars. $2,300 obo also looking for month. Please call 610-838-1546 a trade bigger car / 484-6950775 to schedule an appointment.

Environmental Field technician. The job will entail light demolition and soil remediation. The project will be kicking off within the first week of May and looking for more qualified personnel moving forward in that same area. Please call our offices to inquire within 2br - House for Rent! (Salisbury)One, 2-bedroom (201) 414-5702. house for lease! (Rental rate is $900 per month) Private, RESTAURANT off-street parking for tenants. Property is located in a scenic BARTENDER/SERVER Upscale Allentown restaurant wood area, but close to lot of seeking an experienced amenitites! Close to I-78, just off bartender/server. Must be able of Emmaus Ave. $900/month For to work full time, weekends,days more info call: 610-972-7121 ,nights, & weekends. Qualified candidates should call 610-737-2183

2001 Chevy Blazer 130k miles, automatic - runs and drives great, 4 new tires, new CD player, great motor and trans. $1995 / 484-788-9945 2001 Infinity Q-45 108K GREAT CONDITION, NO check engine light, like new tiger paw tires, Heated And Cooled leather ASKING $4800 / 484-951-0436

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013


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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

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Bedroom Noise A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” “The problem,” she complained, “is that it wakes me up.” Kiss My Ass! A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.” “My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.” Headache?? A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, “What’s that for?” “It’s for your headache.” “I don’t have a headache.” He replies, “Gotcha!” Just Married You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!” Out with the boys She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds. “Who was it?” he asked.

Page 36

“My husband,” she replied. “I better get going,” he said. “Where was he?” “Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you.”

VIEW DIGITAL ISSUE ONLINE AT THE VALLEYBEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

JOKES


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

PAGE 37


THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013 Page 38

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Photos by: Christopher Elicker - Photography

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THE VALLEY BEAT APRIL 24, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 19 Hometown: York, PA What do you do to make $$$ ? Retail Sales, Model, Print, TV & Film. Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Dating How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Facebook & Instagram or contact my Agent Randy@DonatelliModels.Com Ask For Randy!! Where was your best vacation destination? Daytona, Florida What do you do to relax? Cannabis & a relaxing bubble bath with candles. What sports do you watch the most? Men’s Lacrosse What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? H2O What happens to be your worst vice? Unhealthy eating habits What is your best feature? It takes me a while to get dressed>>> I have to slow down for my curves. What TV show do you never miss each week? Grimm What movie would you recommend to our readers? Lara Croft: Tomb Raider What is at the top of your “Bucket List”? To finish college and & pursue my TV & Film also fitness modeling. Are you a Spender or a Saver? Saver. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Deciding to pursue a Modeling and Acting career. Modeling and Acting has been a love of mine for many years, today is the day to share it with my fans and friends. What do you sleep in? Camado.. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? Science Major,” Do you have 11 protons? Cause you’re Sodium FINE!”

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

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What do want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Friendships make the best relationships.


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Issue 136 - April 24, 2013  

The Valley's Hottest Alternative Weekly Newspaper

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