Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon
Website: www.xzaviervsimon.org
VOL. XVIII
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Facebook: T'Deil Ball Harder
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In the late hours on May 21st, 2020, I got a random DM from somebody asking to be a part of "the queer post," because he thought, "that's dope." That is how 23-year-old Tradeil Pureifoy and I met.
It was unusual. I've had people in my DMs asking me about the magazine and wanting to be a part of it before, but never quite like this. I wondered who he was, and two long paragraphs later, I was stuck, drinking a beer, pondering whether or not to grant his request. But doing background research on him lead me to a photo of him and two close friends of mines: Dr. P and Dr. Currie. Originally, Season 03 planned to host six new features. Tradeil became the seventh member later that night.
There were two reasons why I ultimately decided to feature him. 1: Spirit told me to. They said there was more to him, and after interviewing him, I agree, which leads to my second point. Looks can be deceiving. Plastered across Tradeil's social media accounts are photos of him posing mildly provocative, videos of him twerking to Nicki Minaj songs, and an overall offputting image.
Although, when I interviewed him, I felt something. Behind the social facade, the drama of his past, and battles with depression, weight, and family, when he smiled, I could see his Spirit. I saw what Spirit saw. I saw the bigness of who he is. I don't think he recognizes it yet. Nor do I believe the people who take issue with him do either. There is a man of great significance here, and given the right alignment of situations, can become a powerful voice in the community he originates from, and the world.
Our interview is the shortest of the bunch, but our conversation isn't the point. Can you see him? Can you feel the depths of his spirit? If you can do that, then perhaps you'll see why we have to start with him when we talk about evolution.
Welcome to Season 03, Vol. 18, of the Modern Queer Magazine.
Xzavier V. Simon"THIS
First, let me briefly introduce myself and the magazine. I haven't properly done that. I am Xzavier and I’m from Beecher. Obviously, I'm the creator of the Modern Queer Magazine. I started this magazine because I wanted to give queer people of colour an opportunity to speak their truth and tell a little bit of their stories. I recognized that there weren’t a lot of platforms for us to do that, so I created one. That's a little bit about that and we'll all get to know who you are very soon. My first question is: how did you even find me? My privacy settings on Facebook are very particular. [laughs]
Well I’m a stalker [laughs]
All right. [laughs]
Naw [laughs] Actually, it was shared by one of the people I know through UofM-Flint and I went to school there I was like, ‘oh that’s cool,’ so I checked into it and I reached out. That's kind of how that went.
You reached out in a very strong manner at that. What gave you brownie points was the photo of you with Dr. P and Dr. Currie. I’m good friends with them both. Although, I'm trying to figure out where this confidence came from. [laughs]
It’s not confidence. It’s more like this is me. I feel like I wanted to be part of something good or that can help put me towards the light that I’m going for I would also say being newly out and going through certain shit I’ve faced I realized that there's no problem telling my story Something like this will help me be confident in it Whether people like it or not they have to respect it
You mention being newly out. When did you, and I don't want to use the term, come out? [laughs]
Yeah because I don’t really like that term
Then when did you admit your bisexuality to yourself.
It was a personal experience with somebody that kinda just happened. At the same time, it was something I always thought of and never acted on. What made me kind of own it? I guess I can say looking for stuff for all the wrong reasons like we all do. You know, you looking outside the box a little bit trying to look for love or trying to find that comfort somewhere in the wrong places sometimes.
You’re right about that. We all, least in the beginning, search for love in people and places that aren’t good for us. But nothing is ever bad for you because you learn and grow from it.
This is a journey
Tell me a little bit about this journey. You're from Detroit, and at least in my opinion, Detroit is rough. Or, it can be rough depending on what side of the street you live. How was growing up as a kid, as a Black boy, in Detroit?
Honestly, for me growing up, I was not aware of [the term] gay or the community. I was not. I was a late bloomer. It started when I was in middle school getting bullied, you know People were like, 'Oh, you act like this You talk like that Your voice ain't deep like that You don't have this ' It kinda all started with that It made me question myself It made me question a lot of things
That’s understandable.
Once I started finding myself, it took till college to indulge in anything or act. For me growing up in Detroit,
I had a lot of straight friends, and after high school, a lot of them that I thought were straight were not It was just like wow this is real This is something that I see within the Black community that we don't get to talk about for real. Going to college made me able to hang with people, be able to play football, and not be singled out. Then, I could go to an LGBT meeting or something like that. [I could] mix and mingle you know what I'm saying.
College became a way to be free in a sense. I can relate to that. When I started undergrad, I lived in Riverfront when they first opened. It was like a whole new world. [laughs] Were you raised by mom, dad or both?
I grew up with my mom Both parents were active but really mom
How is your relationship with her? Y’all on good terms?
No. She asked about my sexual orientation two years ago. I was coming home from school, and she asked out the blue. She was cool that day, but as I got a little more comfortable [with it], I assumed she’d still love me for who I am but no. It was church this and church that. My dad was cooler with me.
Really?
It was kind of crazy, yeah. Me and my mom we have nothing right now
Ya’ll relationship fizzled out because you told her about your sexuality?
It was like the cherry on top
Wow. And the relationship with your dad?
"She was cool that day, but as I got a little more comfortable [with it], I assumed she’d still love me for who I am but no."
I don’t really talk to him like that, but I did let him know It's a respect thing, you know When I do see and talk to him it’s, ‘hey son,’ you know what I'm saying Like when my car broke down, I was homeless because my momma didn’t want to be there or a support system when I needed her I needed to get back to college My dad worked on cars and he got me back to school. It was stuff that he didn't have to do.
I mean he is your dad, so I don’t see it like that. With everything going on, have y’all spoke recently?
I haven't really talked to him, you know. It's not an everyday thing. When I do talk to him it's not about who am I seeing or my sexuality.
It's really surface level.
Yeah
Do you have any close friends or other family members that got your back and support you?
Not really I stand on my ten toes regarding who I am and am onfident in that. In my mind, I'm just trying to because I been down that road already two years ago when I was trying to get myself mentally right. I was stressed and losing weight and all that stuff. Now I promised myself that I won't lose faith in God this time around and have my peace.
That’s a good place to start. Spirit will always have your back if you’re willing to trust and believe.
I haven't had a support system I mean my family do know and my bond with some of my girl cousins became a little better after I came out It’s stuff like that But there’s never any real support where they know what situations I’m going through The stigmas are still there
Then let's talk about some of the stigmas. What have been, in your experience, some of the stigmas that you have dealt with being bisexual? I know when my sexuality changed from gay to bisexual, it caused quite a bit of stir.
Well, after I told my mom, she called my little brother who had a new baby. She told him to watch me watch him. Like I’m gonna do something.
It’s that kinda shit. She knows how she raised us. She protected us from shit like that. That's really like the most absurd one. They always think I’m out doing stuff when really, I’m just living and living free. You make a twerk video and they think you making porn. [laughs] I don’t really do that
But you do post a lot of videos of you twerking and what not. [laughs]
I move different Like, I could be submissive when I'm around somebody I'm dating When I’m on the street I’m a regular guy.
I was looking at some of your photos and I could kind of see that. Something jumped out at me that said there was more to you then, I guess, this sort of thuggish image. There was light behind all of this.
Some of that be stylish. It’s not really for the thugs or the web. It’s more so for the style. [laughs]
What you saying is your fashion reflects the kind of style you’re going for?
And where I come from and who I’m around I have a few cousins are [in gangs] but I'm not I'm from the hood, but I’m educated I’d rather wear a suit and tie everyday But you know it’s a lifestyle and you gotta adjust. [laughs]
So, you’d like to be dressed in suits, ties, and more formal attire?
If I had a lot of professional stuff and things going on hell yeah! But you know, when you back in the slums, and it’s the summertime [laughs]
You out here having fun?
I’m supposed to be. [laughs] That's what I tried to do on my birthday that just passed in May.
Happy belated. You just turned 23, right?
[pause] Yeah.
Okay. I don't know why you had to think about that, but, okay. [laughs]
I forgot I was doing an interview. [laughs]
I know you not out here telling tales about your age. [laughs] You out here fooling people?
No, no, no, no! I was just going to say age ain’t nothing but a number But this is a professional interview. [laughs]
I mean you should. [laughs] I'm not out here trying to slander whatever image you got going on.
I don’t have an image. I’m just me. This is exactly me.
It’s funny. Do you know you have a very infectious smile? Looking at you smile and laugh gives me a good feeling. It’s like there's light behind what's going on. Does that make sense?
[smiles] I don’t really get these kinda compliments [laughs]
Stop playing.
I really don’t.
"I stand on my ten toes regarding who I am and am confident in that. I promised myself that I won't lose faith in God this time around and have my peace."
Movingforwardthrough life...
"I DON'T REALLY GET THESE KINDA COMPLIMENTS."
What do you mean you don't get these kinds of compliments? Let's talk about this. Are you dating?
I want to so bad. But I won’t settle for a crackhead or someone who’s just out here deep deep. It's just certain things I’m still not comfortable all the way with
Then I'm going to do it like this. Look at this little moment of our interview as a rampage. What interest you in a person? What do you like? What do you enjoy?
A Smile Worth Diamonds... I like rap. I do poetry. I write. I'm very affectionate. At this point in my life…like I was isolated for a whole year, year and a half, because I had no one to talk to or an outlet. I had to change myself, you know what I'm saying That kind of made me want somebody around that I could talk and vent to
Because of those solitary moments you feel this desire to fill space with somebody.
I think that would kind of throw people off because it may sound clingy. I would say the deepest thing overall is I'm looking for a relationship. I'm a relationship guy. I've been like that with women too. People don't want to be around me because I'm not the freak, you know what I'm saying. I'm not the one getting the party started
Really? That's interesting. Again, going back to your photos and even looking at your Instagram, it seems like you would be the life of the party.
I would say the photos I’ve been taking now are happier. I was 300 pounds at one point.
Oh damn.
I didn’t like the way I looked. I wanted to show off a little bit more.
You were celebrating the lost weight and newfound confidence.
It's never to the point where it's like, ‘oh lemme slide in his DMs.’ I just know my strong suit I watched my mom and all of that You know money talk and all that conversation I play that role well But other than that, I just want somebody I can vibe with, chill with, and who love to travel You know I’ve been to Dubai
You’ve been to Dubai!? When was this!?
Yeah, and I’ve been to Paris.
Paris? When was this? How did you get there?
A few years ago. One was through a scholarship that I got a full ride for. An academic advisor [at UofM-Flint] had planned that trip and we went to museums and stuff. She wanted me to have an experience of a lifetime and it really was
It opened my eyes to see that Detroit is not really it. This is not it.
That's major stuff right there to be able to travel to different countries and experience that. That's an opportunity of a lifetime. Kudos to you for that one. I hope that experience can impact others as you go on your journey and you share that with them. But that adds to your ongoing elevation here. [laughs]
Okay! [laughs] I'm always used to having my own so to go through this has been a little rough I know once I pass through this, I'm going to be fort built I’m hanging with a few cousins now that I'm back [in Detroit]. But, you know, when I was at school, I had school friends up there.
Talk to me about your poetry. When you reached out to me you said you were into music and now, you're talking about poetry. What's the inspiration behind that and what kind of music do you do?
I started off with poetry first. The inspiration behind poetry was being bullied in middle school That was my way to vent because I couldn’t go home and talk to my momma and be like, ‘oh they called me gay ’ I got some crazy responses like, ‘next time they call you gay, pull out ya dick and tell them they can suck that motherfucker ’
I’m fucking dying! [laughs]
Just stuff I wasn’t comfortable doing or having an answer to. Then I was going to the principal office every day and being embarrassed telling them. It was just a lot. I started fighting. Once I started doing that, I realized that’s why I have an attitude now.
Basically, you learned how to survive.
Yeah.
What kind of things do you rap and write poetry about?
I haven’t really written a poem in so long. I just been focusing on rapping lately for the last couple years. Recently I did throw a poem in a rap like a Wale type thing
You have any goals to be on a label or stuff like that?
Yes! I would love to be signed under Young Money or motherfucking Nicki Minaj That's my go to That's the one
Why Nicki specifically?
I love Nicki. She’s everything. Around the time I was getting bullied she was hot. Some of her songs really touched and saved me. They helped me through a lot of shit. Suicide moments. I would say that’s one reason. The second is she’s just a dope artist.
With everything that's going on right now with the protest for Black Lives Matter, how do you feel about, in your experience, growing up as a Black man in America?
Well, honestly, I have a different kind of opinion
I'm listening.
I'm from the inner city. I volunteered at the soup kitchen and stuff like that in high school and I came across a lot of white people. Sure, I didn’t like certain things they did or thought they were miseducated or whatever. To say personally, all whites don’t like us, I can’t totally agree with that. For me, it was white people cutting me scholarships and giving me money for school. I understand what we're going through, but for me, our people should have more dialogue.
"Around the time I was getting bullied she was hot. Some of her songs really touched and saved me. They helped me through a lot of shit."
I saw recently some white people joined the protest and were standing in front to protect us. There's some that really do rock with us. The ones who are racist, it’s going to stand out.
I understand why we tired, why we fed up. At the same time, I feel traumatized by the shit my own people have done to me
You're saying that, at least in your immediate life situations, that Black folk have done more traumatic stuff to you than white people have?
Honestly, that’s just me being real. I mean we can break bread with each other, but at the end of the day, I’m gonna have to look over my shoulder to see if you trying to harm me because you may really need it.
In our initial conversation, you mentioned that you felt like you wanted to be an inspiration to Black boys. You wanted boys in the hood to know that they can be successful and overcome their struggles. Do you feel like you’re a good representation of that?
No. Not right now, but yeah. [laughs]
But you're on your way?
Yeah, for sure Those trips [overseas] was like the icing on the cake, the cherry on top for me to see there's way more, you know what I'm saying I feel like I can be if I use my platform in the right way.
We talked a little bit about Nicki, but who else inspires you?
That’s my biggest one right now. I can say Tyler Perry too. I know he was dealing with people saying he was gay. To go through all that, take that negative, and be Madea to become a Black successful man, that's a lot to deal with. He stayed true to himself.
And to his credit, he is now the first Black person to ever own a major film studio. Looking at him and Nicki, what are some goals for yourself? What do you see or what do you want out of life?
By me just graduating college, I see myself starting police training to be SWAT and work my way up from there.
Talk about a plot twist! Congratulations on finishing school. What you major in?
Criminal Justice, Sociology and a minor in Communication. I wish I could’ve had my graduation though. [laughs] I have a passion for wanting to be a judge. Maybe later down the line, when I’m bored, I’ll start my own little law firm [laughs] [I’ll be] somewhere in a suit with a lot of paperwork I also wanna move to Dallas [laughs] Consider this to be your graduation and a piece of yourself revealed to the world.
You talked a lot about not having a support system, not getting along with family members, and stuff like that. It is my intention, at least, with this magazine and what I'm doing to create community and create family. When you see the Modern Queer and every cover, know that you are a part of this family.
You are a part of a collective of people who are doing great and amazing things in the world. Any one of those magazines you can read, click on their Instagram, Facebook and send them a message. Before I end this, if you could go back and talk to your younger self, who was being bullied back in the day, what would you tell him?
That's really a good one. I don't know. I just feel like that made me tough. For real, I wouldn't take it back There was a lot of crying nights I don't know what I would tell him, but I would for sure say you made it [laughs]
[laughs] Sometime between today and before this go live, I need you to send me a photo of you smiling. I need that. There's a good feeling behind your smile. There's light, there's happiness, there's joy. There's all this good shit. [laughs] I really want to show that. I want them to be see you, smiling, your dimples, your pearly white teeth.
It's a great way to capture the strength that you have because you went through so much stuff and yet here you are showing a smile like that. That speaks volumes. You have strength and you should be proud of everything that you've been through. So, send me that photo of that smile or I'm coming to fight you.
Okay [laughs]
My last question is: what do you wany to say to the hundreds of
people who will read this article? What do you want to leave them with?
There was a saying that used to come on the intercom in high school It said, 'live life for goals and never settle for less '
I got one last question and I swear it's the last one. [laughs] Are you ready for this?
Oh yeah. Tag away! [laughs]
Alright. Well, thank you very much, man. I really appreciate it.
Wait! I got a question for you.
Oh! Well this is new. What’s up?
What’s yo status? Are you single?
Lord help us all! [laughs] Yes, I am single.
Okay [laughs] On that note!
"Idon't knowwhatI wouldtell him,butI wouldfor suresayyou madeit."
