A Special Audience With King Deuce
BY XZAVIER V. SIMON | PHOTOGRAPHS BY KEITH DARROUGH II
Keith "King Deuce" Darrough II and I have a long history. We met because I had to pick up a friend from band practice in 2007 at Northern High School. I believe he asked for my number or something. I'm not entirely sure but don't worry, he knows the story better than I do.
That moment has precipitated a long history of turbulence. When we first met, I don't think either one of us had the amount of mental and emotional maturity that we do now. I would hope that to be case as I'm 29 and he's 31. Needless to say, we have evolved and so has the nature of our friendship.
Keith, in my opinion, is an oddball. He's introduced me to the dark side of YouTube, some very interesting people, and placed me in some questionable situations We've done as friends do and argued, stop talking to each other, and become friends again We've seen each other go through hard times, successes, relationships, and a bunch of other things
What I will say about Keith is this: he is an amazing person. He's committed to celibacy now for almost 12 years. I don't know anyone who's made a vow like that and has kept it.
He graduated from Wayne State University with a degree in Mortuary Science and became a licensed Mortician in the State of Michigan.
Keith has modeled for several local fashion designers and businesses and has created his own business called Kingz Dezigns. Most of this we did not have time to cover in this interview but it had to be mentioned.
Honestly, I'm amazed. [laughs] You never know what being friends with someone for over 10 years can bring. You don't know whether you will even remain friends for that long. While many have come and gone, we have managed to stay in contact and reconnect when the moment arises
Without further ado, welcome to Season 02 | Vol 10 | of the Modern Queer featuring Keith Darrough II
"FIRST AND FOREMOST, TO LIVE YOUR TRUTH… WHATEVER THAT IS."
Introduce yourself for our audience and how you identify along the LGBTQ+ continuum.
My name is Keith Darrough II and I identify as a Black American who happens to be Bisexual
And we're off to a grand start! [laughs] How was life growing up in Flint?
Life growing up in Flint was, I guess, pretty basic I grew up in a two parent household My parents were married I was an only child and I hated it [laughs] A nice way to put it, but I absolutely hated being an only child. I'm 31 now and I still hate it.
What sort of things interested you?
In school I loved science. Out of school I loved fireworks, pyrotechnics, and all that wonderful stuff.
Lord don't I know it. [laughs]
Are you still a pyromaniac?
My job doesn't allow me to be a pyromaniac [laughs]
So that’s a yes? [laughs]
Underlining I am but not really [laughs]
What even inspired that?
I was exposed to fireworks at a really young age and I kind of got hooked It's just something about the way a flame flickers that catch my eyes I love it
Now that we got that out the way. When was the moment you realized you were outside of the realm of normality?
If normal was a normal word. I was in elementary school, and I used to get bullied and picked on because I wasn't like the average boy I did not like sports
Why is that a thing?
I don't know Think of masculinity in the Black community
We'll get to that later.
I used to get bullied and talked about because all of my friends were girls All of my closest friends were girls, and this is still kind of like that now I have a couple male best friends, but I connect more with the female crowd than I do anyone else.
Why do you think that is?
Most girls don't like sports
Most girls are in the arts I love the arts You got me with anything dealing with the arts. But that's basically how that was.
And so because of that, that's how you knew?
From my experiences
What kinda experiences?
Knowing that I wasn't just attracted to girls. I knew that at a very young age, and you kind of go through that whole phase of denying yourself
That can last a long time too.
I went through that stage of denying myself and then it finally got to the point where I might as well accept this I didn't accept it until I got to high school
What was the process like coming into awareness and that acceptance?
I accept it and now I'm [gonna be] the only person that's gon’ know.
On that note! [laughs]
I didn't do anything when I was in high school I did well I had one experience when I was in high school.
Basically you just went through high school in the closet?
I mean there were people who knew, like people who got real close to me and that I told That would be a conversation that literally should have only been 30 minutes. It turned into hours before I could actually say it [laughs]
You were waiting for the other person to ask pretty much?
Just kind of dropping all of those little hints. Like can you figure this out so I don't have to tell you!
To be afforded such a luxury!
A few people knew when I was in high school Less than 10 My cousin knew and she took it upon herself to try to hook me up with one of her friends. That was the one experience I had It didn't go further than a kiss
How did you rationalize it? When I think about it now, I'm like, how did I know what being gay even meant.
I didn't meet them until I got in college, but I had cousins that were gay, open with it, out and proud I was like maybe one day I could get to be like that The majority of them were copies of other famous gay people just watered down.
I use the word “gay” for them because that's what they defined themselves as I could never define myself as that I'm 31 years old and I still could never picture that for myself I correct people when they say that.
That bad?
It’s that bad Don't put me into that category
How do you want people to identify you? Bisexual? Queer?
I want people to correctly identify me as Keith. My sexuality is a very small part of my life
Well you're a Black male [laughs], so let's talk about that experience.
Let's start from the beginning. I'm a Black male. I grew up in a two parent household which most Black males didn’t
"Iwantpeopletocorrectlyidentify measKeith.Mysexualityisavery smallpartofmylife"
As least as far as our experiences.
Most of my friends growing up came from single parent homes, or they were being raised by their grandparents I've been told I grew up with a silver spoon because I had more things than the average Black male.
I imagine they said this because, even in my own experience, it was rare to see a friend's father in the house. They might’ve been in their lives, but they didn’t live with them. You were likely to see an uncle or grandfather.
But I didn't see it that way I still won't see it that way [laughs] We all did the same stuff to have fun I just had two parents in the household, and that's literally the only thing that changed Growing up as a Black male, I didn't experience all the hardships that a lot of people did
As far as?
I guess the things you will go through with a single parent household I didn't have to experience, for example, my lights being cut off I didn't have the experience of watching my parents struggle. I didn't have to experience that. When I look back on it now, I don't really have many memories with stuff like that
On top of the fact that you are an only child which tremendously changes everything. Yeah, but all of the responsibilities of children fell on me One person had to do all of that wonderfulness like taking the trash out. I had to do all that stuff. You would think that would make you appreciate things NO! That makes me hate more things cause I had to do it all myself [laughs]
[laughs] When did the identity known as Black male start to resonate as far as the historical context?
Sitting down with my great grandmother I don't remember how old I was, but my great grandmother was in her nineties when she died. She lived in New Orleans and come up north to visit the family and stuff
I never would talk to her You could sit down and spend time with her and she'd start telling stories. Now if I was in my teens and she was 90 something, just think about what she lived through
That's something I had to learn about my grandmother as far as her hatred and disdain for white folk. I used to say grandma you racist. [laughs]
But I never took into consideration her life experiences until, I think, my early twenties. She was born and raised in the south, married my grandfather at 14, and there was this realization.
I've always been that person who I guess you could say was inquisitive. I was always the person that asked hella questions I still to this day ask a lot of questions to my current grandmother who is my only living grandparent I ask her any questions that I can because we don't know what day, what time. She's in her eighties.
I sometimes wish I sat and talk with my grandfathers and father before they passed away.
Needless to say, experiencing life will give you a reality check real quick I'm not talking about Black History I'm talking about, I went to a predominantly Black elementary school When I started off at Anderson, the only thing that was white, that I remember, were the teachers.
[laughs] That makes sense. As a Black man who went and got a degree in education, the majority of teachers were white women. White women going to work with Black children at that!
The principals were Black; the teachers were white. The custodial staff was Black [laughs] The kids were Black I think I had one Black teacher while I was there I wasn't there very long because I left and went to Pierce Elementary School. There was one Black kid, a mixed kid, and the rest of the people in the class were white
How was that?
When Black History Month rolled around [laughs], you get a lot of people saying, ‘oh my God ’ They actually had to teach Black History. They had to teach what we went through and everything It's completely different when you go from an all-Black environment to I'm literally a minority in this class.
I had to experience a bit of that when I got into the education program. I'd never been the only Black person in a room full of before. It was a culture shock!
Middle school was all Black I went from a cultural arts school to an all-Black school. I felt like I was up here with my education I got to middle school and felt down here with my education I got talked about because everyone considered me not Black because I was cultured.
Let's unpack these experiences of being Black, but not necessarily feeling Black for a second. Like what is that? We’re called white based upon how we dress, our interests, how we talk, and our intelligence potentially o ur whole lives.
You ever been called an oreo? I was called an oops oreo. The traditional oreo is the black cookie with the white cream I was considered the white cookie with the brown cream They was like, ‘oh, well you're only Black deep down, but you blend in with us.’ How? [laughs]
That's a hilariously interesting dynamic that we as Black people have to go through. Not even with white people, but with our own people.
Yeah I was the teacher's pet I had to blend back in I had to dumb myself down and not seem educated in order to fit in which the Black crowd. Fast forward to high school Keith didn't care no more Keith did not care at all I didn't give a flying fuck, a red fuck, a blue fuck or green It did not matter.
That makes sense because when we met in college you didn't give a fuck. [laughs]
That's how I stayed so guarded.
Oooooooo. Touche.
The ‘I don't give a fuck about this, I don't give a fuck about that,’ was just a coverup to keep people from finding out everything I didn't want them to know I'm like that today when people are like, ‘well, how do you feel about such and such?’ I don't care. It does not personally affect me I thoroughly do not care
Well why agree to something like this? Because this is a sort of revealing of who you are considering, as you said, your sexuality is a small make-up of you.
Because I've always believed in the whole thing of live your truth. The way I live, my truth is not the way of the typical LGBTQ+ community In media all you see is the overly shown individuals
Like for example, if you could compare me to somebody, I would be like the Black Ellen Degeneres I see myself as a part of that community, but I'm not going to let the community define who I am
I think we've both seen what the community can do to people.
"Igottalkedaboutbecause everyoneconsideredmenotBlack becauseIwascultured"
"It's already
hard enough being a Black male in America, right? Then to add a comma, semi colon, or colon anywhere after Black male in America, it gets even harder."
It can lift you up and simultaneously tear you down and transform you into something totally foreign. We saw to much of this back in the day. All the drama, partying, sex, drugs and what it did to friends. This was back in the late 00's. It's a different ballgame now.
It's already hard enough being a Black male in America, right? Then to add a comma, semi colon, or colon anywhere after Black male in America, it gets even harder I refuse to wear it, and I've told people this multiple times I refuse to wear my sexuality on my sleeve
Knowing that, and what our experiences here in Flint have been, how have you navigated through all this toxicity? The external and internal racism, toxic masculinity, toxic femininity and etc?
I stay true to who I am
What does that mean?
I mean I'm going to be me today, tomorrow, forevermore
I came up with this quote when I was a kid that, ‘I was born an original I refuse to die a copy ’ We work so hard to be accepted when I just don't give a fuck That’s all I know how to do is be me I can't be someone else I don't want to try to be somebody else It's too much work It's hard enough being myself and you want me to act like so-and-so?
Right. There’s a broad range of things that make up just one individual.
With me in that aspect, my sexuality is a part of me It's not me It's a part of me because anyone who actually knows me, know I never mention this stuff When issues come up, my friends don't bring it up to me because they don't want to get, as you say, preached to [laughs]
Says Pastor Darrough. [laughs]
I rebuke that statement. [laughs] I'm just an individual living his life.
Speaking of Reverend Darrough [laughs], you have been a part of Ebenezer Ministries for as long we known each other. Which...is now over 10 years! I’ve know you a long ass time nigga. [laughs]
No. The way that I choose to live my life, they never see it The ones that do see it or have seen it, ain't gonna come up to you and say, ‘yo, I heard this, that and the third ’ And I can come back and say, ‘yo, I heard you cheating on your wife '
This is a Black church now come on everybody knows everybody's business Do you have the guts to come up and say it? I'm sure some people don't.
As Billy Porter would say: Lord the church shade of it all! [laughs] Switching gears...you had locks and then you cut them off. Why?
You grow your hair for seven years and see how you can deal with it [laughs] I originally started my hair because as a kid I would twist my hair You know picture day? How your parents make you look the best that you possibly look, not knowing that by the time your class get called for school photos, it's been like six hours and you ain't looking nowhere near as fresh?
I’m fucking dead! [laughs] I swear! You done had lunch, went outside, painted in art class.
How important is your faith to you?
Well me and religion had a fight a long time ago so I don't associate myself with religion in general I will to make people comfortable, but me, no I am a Christian by default, but I believe more in the spiritual aspects of it than I do what's written, what’s told, and what’s preached about.
If it connects with my life, I agree with it. If I don't understand it, I simply don't understand it because it's not meant for you to understand everything. To me that's just life But church, I mean, it's 2020 so you get people to use that as an excuse Oh, it's 2019 It's 20 blah, blah, blah It's 1988 December, 1988
Picture it, Sicily 1922!! [laughs]
It ain't changed So to me, that comes down to a spiritual aspect of religion because religion is so cookie cutter. It has to be this way. Spirituality to me goes over and beyond. I believe what I believe because of the things that I have experienced.
Has your sexuality been brought up at church or have people came and questioned you?
I always had to do picture retakes because my mom would chew me out. I waited until I was out of my parent's house, and I could support that myself I don't remember what year but I was at Wayne State when I did it
Something about leaving the home causes niggas to transform. [laughs]
You can go back to the African ancestor hood, but I didn’t care about that stuff in beginning I did it because back then it wasn't a fashion statement. I wanted to be a rebel to everything that I grew up with. You had to be clean cut: fades or waves.
Or cornrows.
People would ask me, 'how long do you want me to let your hair get?' I met people that had grown their hair for 30 years, but they would cut it after it got so long They would say when it gets long, you'll understand I was actually refused a job because of my hair
Sighs.
I wasn't cutting it until it [was my seventh year] At the time that I was hired at my current job, I had a year and some months to go before I was at seven years.
"I have to complete my journey before I can compel to yours. I cut my hair because I wanted to cut my hair."
I suppose being refused jobs had to do with the particular generation those individuals came from.
You have to think about the old school crowd Like how you were talking about racism, stuff is disliked within the Black community A Black male professional has a clean cut haircut.
Or no facial hair.
Everything is clean cut. Why? Because we have to compete with the white community. The white community can get away with those random hairstyles We can't because it's frowned upon from them to us And then its’ frowned upon by the older Black community that did the work to get the freedom that they and we have now
It's one of many conversations I have with older people all the time.
I understood where they were coming from, but I was on my own journey. I have to complete my journey before I can compel to yours. I cut my hair because I wanted to cut my hair Biblically the number seven means completion January of 2019 was seven years of me having my hair, but the exact date was seven years in August
I didn't know it would work out like this, but I became a Licensed Funeral Director and Mortician on July 31st but it wasn't effective until August 1st The weekend of August 1st, I cut my hair off and no one believed me
I know when I saw the photo on Instagram, it was like your whole energy shifted. I was like, I see Keith now.
You saw the growth. To me, when I had my hair, I was in chains because I fell into the Black male dreadlocs stereotype
Speaking of chains, how has love and relationships played out for you?
[laughs] Love and relationships Let's see I'm 31 years old My last relationship I waited eight years for it to happen and it wasn't what I expected it to be because we were two different people by the time we finally had a relationship.
With that being said, I've had girlfriends in the past. I remember one in particular. The reason why the relationship didn't work out is because her aunt, when she met me, felt as if I wasn't straight They had a family meeting about me and they told her that she had to break
up with me because we were not equally yoked This was before I accepted myself for who I was
Jesus.
I was trying to be the person that I thought I was supposed to be I was doubting myself, not loving myself, trying to be this straight person that I wasn’t.
I think we've all been there several times.
Last relationship I had was with a guy. Have I done things in between? Yes, but I am proud to say that I am a wonderfully celibate individual for I believe it will be 12 years in April
I know one of the things that I respected about you was your commitment to remaining celibate until you found somebody that you trusted. Do you think that's because you haven't found somebody compatible in the city?
Yes! [laughs] I’m compatible with a whole bunch of people that live in other states. I'm compatible with a whole bunch of people that live over 90 miles away I have not found anyone here
That's something that I'm seeing while interviewing gay men in Flint. Everybody is kind of saying the same thing: that there's a lack of quality men.
Men, women, humans [laughs]
But how is that possible? Literally everybody is saying the same thing about everybody else. When does that mean?
I don't know how that works for other people. For me, I'd rather be truthful out the gate. So, if I'm going to start to court an individual, I want them to know the truth and I want them to be okay with it I've met several people that have sex and ask questions later Right. That’s like society: have sex and ask questions later That's not me That's how diseases get spread And then bisexuality in general isn't accepted in the community and it's one of the main letters.
That is true. And it is the third letter! [laughs]
They turn on you. 'That's not even real. What do you mean you’re equally attracted to both?' I used to be 100% split down the middle
But now the older I get and the longer I stay celibate, I find people more attractive by intelligence then I do by looking at someone
Oh yeah I get that.
The older I get, your brain attracts me more than your body Working in the [Mortuary Science] field your body fades; beauty fades.
And you would know that better than anybody.
And I try to stay furthest away from stress.
How do you manage your mental, emotional, spiritual, physical health?
When it's time to cry cry
You said that real blunt and direct. [laughs]
If you need a mental health break, take it Stop trying to be strong for everybody else If you strong for everybody else who the hell is strong for you? You are crumbling piece trying to be strong for everybody else.
It's not worth the mental anguish. I used to be the kind of person that when stuff bothered me I would ignore it until I got to the point where I just exploded
Don’t I fucking know it! I ain’t just talking about you, but me too. [laughs]
This is not only dangerous for yourself, but dangerous for everybody near you No one wants to be standing outside of a building that has a bomb in it No one They’re dead When troubles come, you react, adjust, and move on
If you need to take a moment and take a break… take a moment and take a break. That's how I'm able to make it every day. I'm not about to be strong for you. I'm not bout to be strong for my mom. I'm not about to be strong for my dad Y'all got to live your lives and I've got to live mines
What sort of words of wisdom and advice can you share with the congregation?
First and foremost, to live your truth whatever that is Do not conform to what everyone thinks you should conform to. Just conform to whatever you think is natural.
If you want to live your life in the closet for the rest of your life, by all means, live your life in the closet. But, I'm going to tell you one thing, it's hard as hell to do that
It gets kind of cramped in there.
Because you hiding too many secrets I mean, you can keep a secret and not show that you're trying to keep a secret.
That definitely comes from growing up and having to have an explanation or you gonna get your ass beat.
Don't allow people to pry into your life or your sexuality. Sexual orientation to me, it's always been a private thing. You allow the people to know that you want to know Then for the younger generation, don't worry about trying to figure out who you are. It's going to come. If it's meant for you to know, it’s going to come Don't try to find yourself in other people.
Okay Bishop Darrough.
I'd rather be a philosopher
Whatever Speaker of the House. [laughs]
"I am proud to say that I am a wonderfully celibate individual for...I believe it will be 12 years in April."
K E I T H D A R R O U G H I I T H E M O D E R N Q U E E R V O L . 1 0 M A R C H 2 0 2 0 P U B L I S H E D I N F L I N T , M I C H I G A N
