E E C A L D W E L L
Tee Caldwell, or "Tee" as friends and family refer to her, or "The Phoenix," and I, like Ricardo and Ta'Mia, met at Georgetown University. I'm not even sure how we got close. But I know that both summers she and I worked together were some of the craziest, funniest, legendary moments we've had We were close to our first summer, but by the second summer, our friendship solidified itself
Tee is dynamic and, at times, a handful But her love, commitment, intellect, and strength are incredible I've witnessed her go through and triumph over many obstacles. Unfortunately, sometimes those obstacles were back to back. Still, she remains focused on achieving her goals and wanting better for herself and her life.
I love this interview because it's silly, downto-earth, and not even about her queerness - which she is, by the way. It's just two friends having a conversation about a bunch of shit, and well after seven volumes, I think we deserve it.
Sit back, laugh, learn but most importantly love Oh, and before I forget: don't fuck with The Phoenix That's some smoke y'all don't want
I present to you The Modern Queer's season finale volume, Vol 08: Tee Caldwell
T H E A R I E S S U N S P E A K S H E R T R U T H
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I N T E R V I E W : X Z A V I E R V . S I M O N P H O T O G R A P H Y : T E E C A L D W E L L
class in college called "The Black Woman."
BEING A BLACK QUEER WOMEN
"It would be great to be in a world where people don't have negative things to say about you just because of how you choose to identify, but that world doesn't exist."
Can you believe it’s been three years since we first met!? Who is Tee and your alter ego “The Phoenix?”
I cannot believe it’s been only a few years It feels like we've known each other way longer
[laughs] Right! You and I have been through a lot.
Tee is who I’ve been since day one. My family has called me that for as long as I can remember. She's severely independent, dominant, passionate, and empathetic to a fault.
That makes sense…especially that empathetic part. And "The Phoenix"?
Phoenix is who I become when these bitches can’t act right or don’t know I’m a wild Aries at the end of the day
I’m fucking dead!! [laughs]
Phoenix lets ALL the emotions out until points are made!
On that note! What was your childhood like growing up in New Jersey?
I was raised back and forth in Newark and East Orange, NJ , and they’re not the safest places I was extremely sheltered for my own safety before I moved down to the Atlantic City area AC was less dangerous and I finally got to play outside
SPECTRUM
"I can’t say I’m one thing if I haven’t experienced other things."
Never knew that one…
Growing up near Atlantic City was interesting I was exposed to a lot of different lifestyles I was friends with all races despite the subtle racism you receive as a little Black girl in predominantly white schools.
I believe for a lot of us 90s kids multiculturalism was the wave. But ugh at that last part.
So*ahem* YESSSSSSSSS!!! Congratulations on graduating from Rutgers University You’re finally a college graduate! How do you feel about that?
Insane and relieved You and me both. Them FaceTime’s were a mess!! [laughs]
Before I got to college I thought I was going to dominate classes and exams.
I, for the first time, felt powerful as a Black woman after taking a class in college called "The Black Woman"
Oooooooo…
It showed me the effects that privilege, misogyny, and patriarchy have had on my life because of slavery. It taught me that everything is a construct. Which means it can all be changed with the right mindset.
Facts.
"WE NEED TO BE AWARE OF EVERY TYPE OF PERSON..."
My family is Christian and I went to catholic school for middle school so that was also a strange dynamic. Having such a Black household but assimilating so much at school that you don’t even consider yourself "Black ”
Yeah that dynamic is weird. I struggled with that A LOT, and just got over that literally a year ago. It was wild for me.
I had a really hard time staying motivated and I wasn't in the best mindset. To be able to say I got through it with the help of my loved ones and didn't give up is such a relief for me
Amen! Black womanhood is a unique yet beautiful experience. I’ve been privy to certain aspects of your life, but what have your experiences been as a Black woman, and how does it empower and uplift you?
The class really shaped the way I think and made me more open in all aspects of my life. My experience as a Black woman have been a long road. I used to deny even being Black because people in my childhood told me I wasn’t since I had lighter skin when I was young
For me it was because I liked anime, and talked proper. There was this weird sense of self like, “am I Black or not.”
That followed me into middle and high school when I was surrounded by white people telling me I fit in with them because I’m not like "real Black people."
I can see that being a thing.
I accepted that as my truth because I was trying so hard and was proud to not be a stereotype, not understanding that Blackness isn’t some switch I can flick off forever
It reminds me of Jacobee from Vol. 05, where he says that his melanin isn’t something he can just take off and discard.
It's been a long road and I’ve grown so much in my 20s while studying Africana as a minor. Being a Black woman is such an incredible blessing.
We are strong and resilient and so beautiful and light despite all the bullshit. We are love.
So, [laughs] I CAN’T interview you without mentioning your love for Disney! What is about Disney that gives you so much life?
I don’t even know how to explain this!! [laughs]
But you have too!! [laughs]
I’ve thought about this answer 5 times now. That serious??
So, my father took me to see Disney movies and bought me the VHS's of those movies.
"Phoenix is who I become when these bitches can’t act right or don’t know I’m a wild Aries at the end of the day."
I watched them on repeat throughout my sheltered childhood I had no choice but to stan! [laughs] I've always loved musicals and they’re so nostalgic for me that now they’re a part of me. I don’t know how else to explain it.
You’ve been to Disney World like a bajillion times. More than anyone I know. Why do you keep going back?
The same answer! It's just my happy place It takes me back to simpler times I can enjoy classic stories in different ways through the performances and rides and all the themes of the parks
I gotta fucking go to Disney World!
I feel like you have to be there and have an appreciation of Disney things to understand.
This love for Disney must extend to the Disney Channel. I didn’t grow up with Disney like that, but my favorite show has to be That’s So Raven. What Disney Channel shows did you grow up on?
Literally everything between 2000-2007
My most watched are probably Hannah Montana (duh), That's So Raven, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
Listen [laughs] your love for Disney is so tough you even worked at Disney World. How was that experience and what did you learn?
Working there was extreme! [laughs] I have as many negatives as positives, but I always go back so in the end it was totally worth it. Working retail in the Disney College Program was intense. I made friends that I still speak to 5 years later even though I haven’t seen most of them since. That crazy program creates a real sense of community but again, you’d have to be there to really understand it
Kinda like Georgetown huh?
Much like Georgetown! [laughs] I’m also very grateful to have learned a lot of the ins and outs of the parks to maximize my time there when I visit
What seems like forever ago, we first met at Georgetown in summer 2017. We met Ricardo that same year and Ta’Mia the next. What even lead you to there in the first place?
I was working this weird university job in May 2017 at an inn on campus that only paid a stipend of like $200 every two weeks
That’s like literally no fucking money.
The only incentive was that when school started in the Fall they covered room and board which saves you literally thousands. It didn’t matter because I wasn’t making any money at the moment. I went on Indeed and saw the post and the rest is history.
Here we go [laughs]…so Beyoncé is your idol! What is it about her that you love and inspires you?
"It's just my happy place. It takes me back to simpler times and I can enjoy classic stories in different ways through the performances and rides and all the themes of the parks "
N D I S N E Y
O
I mean much like Disney, Beyoncé was just a part of my childhood. My mom and my aunts played her music and watched her videos I remember forcing my cousins to learn her choreography with me when we were young
She brings everyone together in a way that only powerful Black women can She dominated in a culture and a industry that started anti-black and was doing so at only like 20 years old. 20 years later she’s still dominating. C’mon no one’s current fave has ever!
I just remember you and Ta’Mia screaming at the video of the Beychella concert in the theater room I understand it now, but what so magical about that performance for you?
It’s just so Black! [laughs]
Extremely Black!
And it’s a mix of old and new Beyoncé. And it was a free live concert for us at home who couldn’t get to Coachella.
She’s been very vocal about Black people, Black womanhood and many other social issues. What issues are important to you and you want to give greater voice to?
Obviously Black voices just across the board Every kind of Black person needs to be heard The stories so necessarily need to be heard and seen by everyone!
Especially those in higher education who are working towards future leaders. We need to be aware of every type of person and their experiences We need to be open to hearing and listening to those underrepresented and marginalized: POC’s, LGBTQ+, the disabled, albino's, literally all of them
We talked a lot that summer about your dreams and what you wanted to do. One of those dreams was working on Broadway. Do you still see yourself there?
I think I'll always find my way back home when it comes to musical theatre I can't say that I'm really working towards that goal, but I don't doubt I'll find my way back into doing shows in some aspect
What other dreams and aspirations do you have?
I think at this "recent grad" stage of my life, I'm focused on figuring that out. Finishing school was the main focus for so long and now that I've crossed that finish line I'm assessing what I want to do. In this moment, what I really want is just to establish a sense of stability and independence. That's the goal for now
What do you do for fun?
A lot of YouTube and reading I'm slowly becoming social again after being cooped up in school trying to pass classes I have plans to do more fun things.
Me and an old friend actually started talking about creating a bucket list to do together Things like day trips, events, and staycations I'm looking forward to that
Everyone I’ve interviewed thus far seems confident about their sexual identity, even if they’re not out about it. You’re under the Questioning or Queer aspect of the spectrum. Can you share why?
Well, with there being a spectrum, there’s always space for an in-between, I feel. I can’t say I’m one thing if I haven’t experienced other things.
*snaps fingers* What do you say to those people who would dismiss you because of being a Black queer woman?
I don't really care It would be great to be in a world where people don't have negative things to say about you just because of how you choose to identify, but that world doesn't exist In order to thrive in it, I stay as confident as possible and validate myself through stories and experiences
What would you say if you could go back and give advice to your younger self?
I've been thinking about younger Tee a lot recently. She was extremely fragile and impressionable. She had to grow thick skin and mask herself for people.
I still struggle with that even now I guess I'd tell her to stay strong, be as honest as you can, and try to love more openly
We’re almost to the end of our interview. You’re our first “questioning” person and a woman at that. How important do you feel it is to be comfortable and confident in being a black woman and owning ones sexuality?
We can't all always be the most confident in the room when it comes to identity. We all second guess ourselves because of others We're all human so self-doubt is natural I think it's important to be aware of your emotions when you feel less than and try to combat it with everything within you
You have to be your own friend first No one’s opinion about you is as important as your own. I feel as though you have to accept yourself as a work in progress and be comfortable with being uncomfortable while you're figuring yourself out.
So for our readers out there, any last words?
Don't let the bastards grind you down
Girl bye!!! I can’t stand you!!! [laughs]
TEE CALDWELL
V O L . V I I I | J A N ' 2 0 P U B L I S H E D I N F L I N T , M I C H I G A N
THE MODERN QUEER
