RICARDO RIVERA
real, raw, unfiltered, and full of life
Written by XZAVIER V SIMON
Photos by RICARDO RIVERA
Ricardo and I have known each other for almost four years. Like Ta'Mia and I, we met at Georgetown University in the summer of 2017. I, at the time, had left my home state of Michigan on a grand spiritual journey that led me to D.C. There, I met Ricardo, his now exboyfriend, and a slew of other people
My first impression of Ricardo was that he was outrageously tall and thick He came off playful yet commanded attention We knew each other played for the same team. It gave us camaraderie and me a friend in an unfamiliar place.
I have seen him work hard and push himself to be better. We've had many conversations where he wanted to give up. But when I think about it, I laugh at how I must've come off. I was very blunt about everythingespecially about his relationship He must have respected me because I said some things I knew had to hurt
Still, Ricardo's perseverance and take-no-shit attitude has seen him through highs and lows. As a Black gay man, he's received a Bachelor's and a Master's. He's pledged Phi Beta Sigma, Incorporated, and traveled all around the
country and aboard I have to say I am incredibly proud of him and prouder to call him a friend. I present to you The Modern Queer's seventh feature: Ricardo Rivera
My guy!! It's been awhile. For our readers, tell us, who is Ricardo Rivera?
Ricardo is an amazing person with great personality, outgoing spirit, and a pretty good friend
I’d definitely agree with all of that. [laughs] You identify how on the LGBTQ+ spectrum?
I identify as the "G" in LGBTQ.
Honestly, as much as I know about you, is as much as I don’t. What was growing up like for you?
I grew up in Irvington, NJ It’s located in North Jersey I lived in a two parent home with my younger brother, older sister, and two nieces I was very active as far as playing with my neighborhood friends, playing football, dancing, and running track. I had the experience of traveling via road trips for competitions. Some parts were rough because of being bullied by my peers and some family.
Really? I guess because I see who you are now, I never got the impression that you were bullied.
As far as school it was constant name calling and fighting. I ended up getting kicked out of my high school sophomore year and being forced to go to an alternative school for a year. With my family there was isolation from certain things like parties, sleepovers, etc.
Yooo that’s wild
My father and I were constantly arguing with each other We didn’t get along then but we are great now There was just
a lack of acceptance for something my family wasn’t familiar with. Beyond those tough times, I was able to always remain positive and reaching for something better
This was because of your sexuality I’m assuming?
My official coming out story is pretty interesting. I was a Senior in High School and I was one of those students who was involved, athletic, and well-liked by my peers. I had a boyfriend at the time and we were a pretty good couple. He was also well known Yearbooks came out and we won “best couple” that year
I’m not surprised. [laughs]
It shocked me, but it was well deserved [laughs]
The confidence! I went home and my mom asked to see my yearbook, because she paid for it, and I gave it to her. She loved it but saw that I won best couple with a male. Awww shit…
She keep saying things like “I can’t imagine you having sex with another man” “You don’t believe in God” “I’m going to die if I figure out that you are having sex with men.”
She was that mad?
My mother was shocked! You could feel the anger coming off of her head I thought my mom would take it easier because she always told me to be open and honest with her She was so frustrated
But I had to understand, not accept, that this was something she hadn’t had to deal with any of her kids until me. I’m #7 out of 8. Hours later, after the crying, arguing and talking we were okay. I think my mom told my dad. Now, my dad and mom love me for me
What was the moment that you knew then?
I have always had the feeling that I was gay since I was little I knew I was gay when I watched Legally Blonde and learned the “Bend and Snap” technique.
The what!? [laughs] [laughs] [It’s] a woman’s way to get a males attention.
You learn something new every day. So you used this to do what now? [laughs]
"I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THE FEELING THAT I WAS GAY SINCE I WAS LITTLE. I KNEW I WAS GAY WHEN I WATCHED LEGALLY BLONDE..."
I tried to get the attention of a male in my 4th grade class. I tried the “Bend and Snap” technique. I failed miserably! [laughs]
So after that…
I knew I was gay. [laughs]
[laughs] Well congratulations on completing your Bachelors at Morgan State and your Masters of Social Work at Howard University. Now that you're finished, how are things going?
Honestly, 2019 was a hard year Making that adjustment from being a full time student for years to just working to pay bills was not cute
It never is
I think 2019 was one of my lowest and most depressing years. I failed my social work exam three times, had a terrible job, was late on rent here and there. I just didn’t feel like myself.
But you’d never know it looking at Instagram. It looked like you was living the life.
Don’t let my Instagram fool you. Oop..
"Don’t let my Instagram fool you. People post what they want you to see."
People post what they want you to see; not necessarily the hard times. Mentally I was dealing with depression, a break up, figuring out what was next for me, and battling time.
I remember being younger and wanting to be an adult! I didn’t think about the bills, long hours at work and my daily living I decided to include more self-care and doing things that I like to do My break up was tough
Yes because ya’ll were together for a long time. Whew shit I had to lay into ya’ll for two summers in a row! [laughs]
[laughs] But it taught me so many lessons and I am thankful for him. Time is forever on going, so I’m trying to take everything a day at a time
So when did things start to change?
[Well], everything started to pick up for me around October after a student punched me and my face and I could not hit him back.
Say what!?
I would go into details about the situation but I can only summarize it
I was at work supporting a teacher with students with mental health and behavioral health issues. As I was explaining who I was to the class a student yelled out “you’re not a teacher. You’re a faggot!”
Yoooooo….oh my god!
Literally, the shit threw me off and I was ready to get out of the school ASAP The icing on the cake is when he decided to punch me in my face
What the fuck!? I’m sorry that happened. As an educator myself, that is one of the things that sits in the back of my mind. Then he hit you…I probably would’ve wore his ass out.
From that point, I knew I had to leave my job Thanks to a colleague that I met at Howard University, I currently work as Medical Social Worker that works with the elderly and their families
It’s a complete 180 from what I’ve normally done [which is] working with adolescents. I had to adapt. I bought a new car, and no issues with rent. Now I finally feel like I’m coming up!
What inspired your decision to go into the field of Social Work?
My life inspired my decision to go into social work. Social work is a calling and not everyone can pick up the phone. The thought of utilizing my appreciation for people of all cultures and nationalities, learning and breaking down people’s histories, and supporting the change people want to see in themselves pushes me to continue social work and stay inspired
Has your life influenced your decision to go into it?
Of course certain aspects of my life such as being adopted…
Dude you gotta stop dropping these bombs! I’ve learned more about you this interview than the entire two summers we worked at Georgetown. I’ll be back for a follow up interview like what the fuck!? [laughs] Continue…
[laughs] Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and having a lack of faith and support from certain people in the school system, and my environmental factors played huge parts to why I am a Social Worker
So in what ways has social work transformed your life and personal views?
Social work has taught me to surpass what you see on the outside of a person and take a deep dive into who and what that person is made of Many times social workers are handed a file with notes, diagnoses, and other relevant information
What do you hope to achieve for Black people and Black LGBTQ people through social work?
I hope that I become a major resource for all people. Specifically for Black and LGBTQ+ people, I hope to achieve a sense of awareness and acceptance for one another
Within the Black community, we are already divided: Gay vs Straight Light skin vs Dark skin Educated vs Non-Educated Etc I would like the Black community to become one! There is so much power as a whole and we as Black people need to stick together.
You sound like Mikoto from Vol. 01. Being Black and LGBTQ+ is a uniquely American experience. What challenges and triumphs have you had as a Black gay male?
A constant challenge that I have been able to break barriers with has been juggling my intersectionality.
"I had to stop thin like a child whe decided to fully be I am."
Having to balance being Black, being a man and being gay has been a difficult. Right…
However, throughout the years of being comfortable in my truth, I have finally become accepting of my identity
How have you done that?
By embracing the culture of being Black & LGBTQ+ and by becoming influential to impact the future ahead of us. Meeting other men who are African American such as myself and seeing how they carried themselves taught me to accept my intersectionality of Black and Queerness
My mentor is one of the men I inspire to be like. He has this way of living life to his full potential and not letting anything get in the way of that. When you can walk into a room, own that room while being yourself, and making a change in one person’s life you are genuinely being yourself and creating acceptance
Within that, especially given the context of the interaction between you and the student, how have you had to redefine manhood and masculinity for yourself?
Manhood ties in with maturity. I had to stop thinking like a child when I decided to fully be who I am. I couldn’t get angry and fight people for not understanding who I am What I could do is educate, promote positive energy, and continue to live my life for ME
I dig it…
As far as masculinity, for me, I can give you a mixture. I guess I know when I can be Ricardo the gay guy and then one of the girls. [laughs]
Yes because I have SEEN both! [laughs]
It’s a time a place for everything and that’s how it is for me
What are your thoughts of what's happening within the Black LGBTQ+ community?
I believe that the Black LGBTQ+ community has done an amazing things over the past decade to create the presence our community has today.
Who are those influences you feel are relevant today?
1 - My man Frank Ocean!! I have to start by giving him credit for being one of first openly gay artist that I love listening to.
No shade to the artists that came before him, but for me he was mesmerizing. 2 - Pose - The Ballroom Scene & RuPaul’s Drag Race Two of the top LGBTQ+ television shows on television
Yes and I remember watching Noah’s Arc and the movie heavily when it used to come on LOGO.
3 is Lil Nas X - becoming the first openly [Black] gay artist to have a song that stayed at #1 for over 13 weeks on Billboard.
Those are influences, but what wakes you up in the morning and gives you inspiration?
The motivation to move with purpose pushes me to wake up every day
Listen I see you stay lit. [laughs] What are some things you do for fun, and to relieve stress?
I love just chilling in the house watching tv and eating. [laughs]
Or binging anime! You ain’t never looked back since Death Note.
I also try to add either dance or the gym to my schedule I am huge advocate for marijuana A blunt a day keeps the stress away.
And trips to Jamaica! Talk to me about your travel experiences
I’ve been all over the country via 21 passenger van with a Track and Field Team beamed Jersey Heat Track Club in Irvington, New Jersey We traveled all over for state, regional, and national track and field championships
I took my first flight in 2018 with my colleagues from Howard University to San Diego, CA, for the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) Conference. My next flight was to Atlanta, GA, for Atlanta Greek Picnic.
Well damn…
I’ve always heard about it, but it was Greek fellowship and to spend with my LBs (line brothers), meeting other Greeks, and having a good weekend. I traveled to Montego Bay, Jamaica, to celebrate a friend’s birthday.
I saw the photos!
ΦB∑
It was amazing! I really enjoyed our excursions, from riding horses on the beach to seeing the sunset and seeing my friends jump off cliffs at Rick’s Cafe in Negril, Jamaica. Each trip has pushed me to travel more Y’all would have to wait to see and hear about my upcoming trips
"My 1st challenge was trying to be Greek and an openly homosexual man in undergrad."
So speaking of Greek life, you pledged Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Incorporated. How has being in a Black fraternityespecially as a Black gay man - challenged you personally and professionally?
My 1st challenge was trying to be Greek and an openly homosexual man in undergrad
Right because we rarely hear about those stories, even though we’re visible in these spaces.
The chapter did not want to accept me because of my sexuality. I tried twice and still was not wanted.
Damn…
What I did take away from the experience is that I couldn’t blame the fraternity, only the chapter The fraternity did not deny me; members of a chapter in the fraternity denied me That's a good way of looking at it. Many of us would've been through with it and spoke ill of them.
I found another chapter where brothers accepted me for who I am and utilized my skills as a brother.
I appreciate my line brothers, my dean, and my prophytes for showing me all the amazing things Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Incorporated has in store and I am forever grateful for the fraternity
Our interview with you focuses on Black Gay Excellence. When I looked at your life, I felt you best represented what we traditionally think of as excellence. When you hear those words being expressed towards you, what comes to mind?
I think of African American members of the LGBTQ+ community who are being themselves and proactively living their lives to the fullest. Excellence looks different for everyone and I believe everyone has a story that displays their excellence.
Do you feel any pressure to live up to that excellence?
I believe that the pressure that I put on myself to be greater than I was yesterday drives me to achieve greatness Sometimes we as people forget to live in the now and get stuck on what happened yesterday.
How do you separate your personal life from your professional one?
Honestly, I don’t! [laughs] I solely believe in being myself at all times in order for me to creatively and purposefully create the impact I want to see in the world. Plus, it’s fun being myself at work
I know you were in a relationship, but are you still single?
I am currently single At the moment, I can’t even look at the idea of a potential because I need to work on knowing and finding myself.
Real shit...
Don’t get me wrong, I am a relationship type of guy and my past relationships have taught so many things That’s why I need to get Ricardo together
With Ericca in Vol. 04, we talked about marriage for Black LGBTQ+ people. Do you ever seen yourself getting married?
Yes, I definitely see myself getting married in the future. I actually would like a destination wedding: mid Fall/late Summer. You never know what the future will hold
TALK, THAT, TALK
If anyone hasn’t told you yet, I love you for being who you are and I can see the potential that you have My advice for those coming behind me is to always have multiple plans, networking is key, weed out your needs versus your wants, and to remember you are not the only one going through things.
Yeah that Taurus nature of yours defintely gonna get you married. [laughs] Who do you look up to?
My parents are the main role models in my life. They have taught me to be unapologetically myself and embrace the meaning of family. I also consider my 2nd Mother and Coach, Michelle Jones-Loring She taught me the meaning of perseverance and believing in myself There are others, and I would like to thank all of them for continuing to support me as I grow and learn.
What would you say to the 15-16 year old you?
I would say “you don’t always have to be mad.“
Honestly, I would say the same thing to me A ball of rage and emotion.
At that time in my life, I was a frustrated individual who was battling with family drama, sexuality, and having a social life
Speak it!
Ricardo at that age should of avoided a lot of the bullshit and focused on important things in life. I would also tell him, “he will continue to be an amazing person ”
What are you looking forward to in the future?
I am looking forward to owning my own house. Also, having my own practice called “Cannabis & Conversations” utilizing marijuana in the therapeutic setting.
Right! I remember us having that conversation
I recently learned a new Master’s Program at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore in Medical Marijuana in the therapeutic setting.
Yoooo that's amazing dude!
I am currently looking into that for possibly later this year and a couple of PhD programs as well.
What do you love and hate about yourself that others may or may not know?
I honestly love my ability to connect with people of all different backgrounds and cultures.
I agree from watching you work with the students at Georgetown.
I hate that I self-doubt myself a lot. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am that GUY!!
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
I believe that I have already left my legacy. The fact that I have made serval impacts in people’s lives is all the legacy that I need.
Well this all the time we have left. My last question is...being in the position that you're in, what words of love can you share for both the Black and Black LGBTQ+ community?
If anyone hasn’t told you yet, I love you for being who you are and I can see the potential that you have. My advice for those coming behind me is to always have multiple plans, networking is key, weed out your needs versus your wants, and to remember you are not the only one going through things
Thanks man. I really appreciate it.
RICARDO RIVERA
THE MODERN QUEER
V O L . V I I | J A N ' 2 0 P U B L I S H E D I N F L I N T , M I C H I G A N
