Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon Website: www.xzaviervsimon.org
Instagram: @kaykaybefearless
Facebook: Ken Benet Stratus
"It’s always great to be authentic, grounded and humble. Never forget your upbringing. Never forget the people who was there for you when you were down and out."
From 2007 to mid-2010, the world knew me then as Vanthony. It is what the V. in Xzavier V. Simon stands for. It also is my biological middle name. Brownie points if you can say it correctly on your first try. [laughs]
When I graduated high school in June 2007, I wanted to leave behind the past and start fresh. I wanted to embrace my queerness and be free to live the way I wanted to. The name symbolized that transition And so, I found a different Flint one nestled underneath my nose and ripe for exploration
Kyle and I were introduced by our mutual friend Joshua, Vol 21's guest The three of us immediately clicked, and a bond was formed.
Kyle is a take-no-shit kind of guy and yet is genuine and sensitive. He’s always been one to spread the positive vibes. This is because he's a proud Pisces, and I'm sure he'd agree.
He graduated from Flint Northern. He holds a black belt from King's Karate. But what sets him apart is his alter ego, Ms. Kayla Stratus.
In a time where homophobia was rampant, along with the phrases, ‘that’s gay’ and ‘no homo,’ Kyle, at 18, in full makeup, a wig, dress, and heels, strutted proudly through Flint as Kayla He and several other local drag queens broke boundaries and necks with jawdropping performances and killer visuals
To me, it was iconic. I could never do what Kyle has done. He has inspired many men and given them permission to be free and express themselves in drag.
But I wondered how Kyle fit the bill of evolution. Although we've known each other for over ten years, to be honest, I hardly know him. For Black queer people, bonds can be forged solely by collective identity. Because we are queer, because we are Black, because we are men trying to navigate the world, we band together
That’s not to say I’m oblivious But, I don’t know his struggles There are areas of him that I don’t have access to see Areas, I’m sure he’s not ready to talk about.
This conversation begins the process of opening up, at least between us, a dialogue. Not everything about his life is on display, but perhaps when we think of evolution, this is the start of it for our friendship.
Welcome to Season 03 | Vol. 20 of the Modern Queer.
Xzavier V. Simon
""We’vegrown. Theoevolutionisalways ngoing.Itnever ends."
So, what's up? How are you?
I'm just living the dream. Just staying grounded, working out, staying home, staying happy, positive, all that good stuff. How are you?
I got something to eat, so we all know what that means! [laughs] I'm excited, though. I got the legendary Kyle Houston, Ms. Kayla Stratus herself, and one of my good friends.
Yes It's supposed to happen like that
Well, I don’t know. You apparently got people texting you at 3:00 AM, asking if you awake. [laughs] We know what that means.
Oh my god, it’s ridiculous [laughs] But, I was terrified, and so honored that you asked me to be a part of your third season. I thank you for thinking of me and letting us have this moment.
Indeed. Plus, you're a part of this season with our other amazing friend, Mr. Joshua Parker.
Yeah. I just talking to him.
Let me be nosey. [laughs] About what?
Debriefing about how his interview went and how awesome of a person you are I feel like a whole new person whenever I talk to him I've known him, well both of y’all, since I was 15, 16
A little over 10 years now. We’ve gone from boys to teenagers to men. All while being Black. All while being queer.
Yes! [laughs] That’s powerful. We’ve grown. The evolution is always ongoing. It never ends.
Speaking of evolution, that is the theme this season. When I looked at everyone’s cover side-by-side, it was quite the moment.
[laughs] Spirit couldn’t have picked a better group to describe evolution. All of you come from incredibly different but strangely similar backgrounds. Every one of you have evolved in some way. And guess what? We're going to talk about yours today!
[laughs] I had a brief conversation with my friend’s husband. I told him I'm doing this magazine and had a little bit of nerves going into it. He was like, ‘gone head and shake that off because you never know if that opportunity will present itself again ’ I was drunk, so I took heed of that and here we are now [laughs] Thank you Melvin
I knew you were nervous, but I chose you for a reason. There are certain qualities that I and spirit are looking for when we do this. You express those qualities. Your story is very colorful, and what you represent is so powerful, especially when you add the aspect of Kayla Stratus.
Thank you. That’s one thing I seek to do. People, especially this day and age, need that. They need some role models, some guidance on how to become their fearless selves.
Let's start at the beginning. We’ve known each other for a while, but we haven’t talked about how we grew up.
It was great I was adopted at a young age My parents were my superman and superwoman I was blessed to have them when I did have them
Oh wow. I didn’t know that.
My biological mother, God bless her soul, lives in Kentucky Growing up, I had some resentment towards her.
Like what?
Like, why am I not under your roof? Why aren’t I under your care and nurture?
I think we hear a lot, least these days, about adopted children feeling a sense of abandonment.
As I grew up, I understood that she had issues with alcoholism and drugs and was unfit to take care of me and my brother That's when her mom, my mom, my grandma stepped in I miss her so much I grew up on Wisner Street I remember being in that neighborhood for so long It was me, my brothers, and a bunch of neighborhood kids It was a good time to grow up in Flint
The nineties were a good time.
That's what I love about being a 90s baby. I frequently think about my childhood. It's just so much nostalgia being back [in Flint.]
What kind of kid were you?
I was always that child that wanted to get out in the sun, get black, dirty, wet, and mess with bugs [laughs] I used to be a thrillseeker I think that's why I'm so young today I was always willing to go outside and have fun. Unless it was raining or it was a big storm, we were always outside.
I think us nineties children had the same mom. [laughs] The ‘don't keep running in and out of this house,’ mom. When did your queerness come into focus?
I came out, well, I was literally with one girl my whole entire life. It was interesting.
It is quite the experience if I do say so myself. [laughs]
She was white, and it was my first, and ONLY, little dibble and dabble into women
She scared me
[laughs] What did she do?
She came to me about a baby
A baby!?
I look up, and she coming to me about baby names. I said, oh no bitch. [laughs] I didn’t feel comfortable. You're talking about a baby, and I don't even have my high school diploma or all the other goals I intend to do. I got so scared to the point where I broke up with her, and that's when I got to explore. I had my first encounter sexually with a man right after.
That was when you knew this is what I'm attracted to?
Absolutely
How old were you?
I feel like I was at least 15, 16, 17, around those three ages I feel like it wasn't too early Coming out was a breeze because of my mom She was like, ‘I already knew.’ I told her I was bisexual.
I told a girl who liked me in college that very same thing. It obviously, at the time, wasn’t true, but why do we do that? [laughs]
I don’t know! I don’t know, I don’t know. [laughs]
Like saying that is going to be better.
I think for me, at that moment, I felt it was softer. She was like, ‘you’re my son. I love you, regardless.’ It was that type of situation. From that point, I said fuck what everybody else got to say
Now you sound like Isaiah. [laughs]
My brother, we fell out We did not talk I feel we had to go through that He didn't understand, and I was still trying to understand I understood where he was coming from, but you're not going to disrespect me because you don't agree with my lifestyle. We bumped heads a lot. We didn’t physically fight, but there were a lot of verbal arguments. [laughs]
Was your high school experience similar?
B E I N G G A Y , B E I N G
B L A C K , B E I N G F R O M F L I N T A N D
G R A D U A T I N G O N T I M E
W A S B I G . I W I L L
N E V E R F O R G E T I T
High school was fun I didn't take any shit If you were homophobic, you needed to stay the fuck away from me I was out and proud and loud with mine And at that time, I was in karate, so I was waiting for a mother to try it.
[laughs] You was ready?
I stayed ready. Cause you know, at that point in time, homophobia was so out in the open. Like damn, you might as well try to beat me up because I'm Black. I was walking down the hall one day and somebody decided they wanted to come for me. I looked at him, said what I said, and kept walking.
This is the attitude Kyle y’all. [laughs] But, all this is very true. Homophobia, especially in Black communities, was huge and still is. Then there was the whole “no homo” saga of life.
I feel like, during that time, it was some instances where you had to put your foot down and be a hard ass In others, you gotta let it flow let it go
Where did that confidence, that sense of owning who you were come from?
Wow, that's a good question.
When I was in high school and dealing with my own challenges, I didn't have that. I felt powerless to stop what was happening or stand up for myself. Sometimes I have moments where I wanna take the time machine back. Now, like Tradeil said, those moments made me stronger and I am who I am today because of it.
I honestly think it came from the approval of my mom She made it seem like this was okay [She’d say], ‘you can do you and I still love you ’ That's where it really came from
When we first met in ‘08, we hit it off. But back then, we had the Triangle, and it felt like the queer scene was vibrant. Because Beecher was this sort of closed community, I got introduced into what I dubbed, 'the gay life,' by hanging around y’all. What was that time in your life like?
First thing that pops into my brain is [high school] graduation. Being gay, being Black, being from Flint, and graduating on time was big. I will never forget it. I was getting dressed and I just started crying. I’m bout to cry now. [laughs] I didn't get to experience the club life until after I graduated. In karate, you build and learn about selfdiscipline. That's one thing that people don't know about me. I am a first-degree black belt.
I keep forgetting that. [laughs] That discipline is critical to life. I learned that by meditating.
One of the best accomplishments I have is going through that six and a half, seven years at King's Karate Shout out to Grandmaster King.
Rest his soul. I'll never forget what he told me. He said, 'one day, you're going to be one people come to for grants.' Wait! You got a lot of Beecher ties that I didn’t know about. [laughs]
Yeah. I work at Beecher as well.
You all up in my stomping grounds.
It's been a year since I've came back to Flint. My whole world has been full circle. Being at Beecher is great I was in their place not too long ago I ran through the mood swings as a teenager and exploring myself
When I work with high schoolers, I have great empathy for them. When we were in high school it wasn't called bullying. You were being picked on. We didn't have social media either. You weren’t dragged on Twitter with the receipts to back it up.
There's definitely a difference [laughs]
So, you left Flint and moved to Ohio. How long were you there?
Seven years It was that long because I was so busy. I left Flint in 2012. I was looking for a job, and you know, looking for jobs in Flint, you might as well be trying to look for a needle in a motherfucking haystack.
Nigga! Let the record state the truth of that statement.
Okay! Setting the record straight bitch! [laughs] It was so hard after high school. My friend at the time had a plug for Cedar Point. I got that job offer, but I was in college, and I thought I had stuff going on for myself. I applied again later, and I ended up getting the job My friend sold me his Sunfire and boom That's when I felt like everything was going to change for the good and the bad I was leaving home, and I was scared to death
I can imagine.
I remember crying so hard But I [told myself] I have to do this. I wanted a better life for myself. That's how I got my start living in Ohio. I feel like it molded me into a stronger individual. You leave your hometown and think it molded you into that strong person. I mean it did, but when you leave an environment, it does wonders.
I know that feeling. When I left, it was a scary moment because I’d never done it before. Your world is inside this Flint bubble, along with your family, your neighborhood, school and the occasional trip to Detroit or Saginaw or Lansing.
Right. Right. Absolutely.
America is a whole world in itself, and I haven’t gotten to the actual world yet. You learn that there are different kinds of Black people. There are different kinds of white people. There are various lifestyles of beings that you’ve never seen in your life. They look like they stepped out of a scene from one of your favorite hood movies!
New Jack City! [laughs]
Seriously. It's such an eye-opening moment. You realize how small your world really was.
That's legit what it was for me. When you are out on your own, and in charge, you don't have to worry about your parents. You have to branch off and learn about the things that make you stronger. When I got to Ohio, that's when I grew into that independent person. There was a phase in Ohio where I felt abandoned for a bit because of my own doing. I’d push people away There's nothing wrong with asking for help
What were and are some of the struggles?
Dating [laughs] I don't fall for anything I've been single for so long when I do try and date, if it's one red flag, I’m like nope That’s me protecting me. That's me perserving my peace. I’ll be damn if I’ll be in a relationship like I was about two years ago. I don't lose sleep over guys. I have family. I have friends like you, like Joshua. I don't necessarily have to sleep with somebody to feel fulfilled. Bitch I’m fulfilled as is.
[laughs] And we’ll give you your 3 snaps in Z-formation! I wanna talk about Ms. Kayla Stratus. She is such an iconic and important part of your life. If you have not seen Kayla's Stratus’s Flint Pride 2019 performance, pause this, YouTube it, and come back!
"[My mom] made it seem like this was okay. [She’d say], ‘You can do you and I still love you.’ That's where it really came from."
"YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED WHEN IT COMES TO PERFORMING AND BE AN ENTERTAINER AND BE THAT LIGHT FOR PEOPLE."
Over 1000 views on Facebook.
You literally did the entire choreography to Beyoncé’s Coachella performance!
Oh my God I couldn't tell you how many times I did my makeup I CAN tell you how hot it was I really thought I was going to pass out
Where did the courage, the idea, the balls come from to decide to put on heels, a tight dress, some makeup and be about that life?
This was after I graduated high school. I was always curious cause I always seen it. I had, at that time, my drag mother. Shout out to Sasha Revlon Star! That was my first ever drag mother. She’s sickening. I love her. I love him. But I was always curious about it. One night it was open stage at the Triangle. I did Monica’s For You I Will. That was my first ever song in drag. That’s my all-time favorite Monica song. I had a black gown. It belonged to my mom by the way. [laughs]
What in the fuck!! Wow!
Yes! I wore some silver pumps and they hurt my feet Sasha did my makeup and I felt like I was sitting in that chair for hours
How did your mom take this?
She was my biggest support system. I’d show her videos, and she always got on me about my eyebrows. [laughs] It was always a medium between us, though. I did things my way, and I took some of her advice. I remember I sent her a picture when I was living in Ohio. I just got done doing my makeup because we were going out that night. She was like, ‘beautiful. A little bit of me. A little bit of you.’
Lord we gone need some tissue. That’s beautiful.
It was beautiful. So, from my first performance, it was like, all right, I'm in it. I loved it. I still love it, but I feel like my heart isn’t in it anymore.
Walk me through this. For context, this all started back in the late 2000s. This was before Noah’s Arc on Logo and Ru Paul's Drag Race. This was before POSE. This was before queer media, especially queer Black media, started to become accessible. That's not to say queer people weren't doing drag and drag didn't exist. The ballroom and house scene existed and was thriving.
Shout out to the ballroom scene!
It was present there, but I want to stress the guts you and those that preceded you posessed. You were in Flint, as a Black man, doing drag! And let me throw in this. Kyle is a man! [laughs]
Yes! [laughs] I love my hood music. I’m a whole n-word.
If you ever see this man in a fur coat, dressed to the nines, you will be like, damn, this is a hood nigga. [laughs] So, you’re on stage at the Triangle, a gay club, in drag dancing. I can only imagine how liberating and freeing it was for so many people and yourself. How did you mentally come to terms with that?
Whew, baby! The negativity we'll talk about, but as far as mentally preparing myself for it, I just went with it That's, I think, the fearlessness that's instilled inside of me I just went for it At the end of the day, people love it, or they hate it But guess what, there's a reaction Those reactions kept me going Love me or hate me, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it, well, join the others. [laughs]
Join the long list. [laughs] I know you’ve performed in Flint and around Ohio, but what other places would you like to perform?
I've always wanted to hit Detroit. Detroit is like Hollywood when it comes to drag queens. So many beautiful queens.
Seriously?
Yes. They have so many bars that queens can go to and express themselves creatively and perform I did Hotter Than July in Detroit a couple of years back That was one my best performances The girls loved it I did Beyoncé’s Run The World I fucked my heel up jumping off the stage and doing the spits [laughs] But nobody knew that [laughs] The life of a performer.
You have to be committed when it comes to performing. [You have to] be an entertainer, and be that light for people. Some people may want to [do drag], but they don't have the resources to do it. In order for them to get that inspiration you gotta execute it for them.
What continues or inspired you to be a performer?
Something that inspires me to be a performer is the overall reaction Whether a good reaction or a bad reaction you have people talking I always want to keep people guessing, which is why I don't really perform as frequently I really love the whole behind the scenes thing
Right!? I love that shit. [laughs]
I always wanted to do a documentary where I have a show a month prior and I take you through the day to day. Like, today we getting the wigs washed and everything. We going to choreography. I'm always looking to do something different or do something outside of my comfort zone. It's always good to explore and expand your craft.
As we come to a close, I want to know who is Kyle Houston today in 2020?
Kyle today is first of a family man. I love my family. Everyone needs and deserve love. I want to be a peaceful medium to people. Secondly, I'm going to be a pro wrestler.
He really is on track to do that too y'all.
No joke I'm very, very passionate about it That's the one thing I been preparing myself for I've been working out Growing up, I was glued to the TV Mondays at nine o'clock to watch Monday Night Raw, and Smack Down at eight o'clock on UPN or whatever channel.
Whew shit UPN!!
That was always my escape. I remember having all the toys and the wrestling belts. I really want to go forth with that. I have this championship belt that's in the shape of a butterfly. It reminds me of my mother, and she loved butterflies.
You love to see it.
It reminds me of her and what my passions are Wrestling has become that Once everything opens back up, I’ll be in wrestling school
That’s where y’all gone find him when quarantine’s over. [laughs]
That's where I'll be Lastly, just being a good influential person. Nowadays you never know what people go through, and it's good to be a shining light. People tend to have this misconception about me as being a mean person. I don't know why, but probably because I'm feisty. I don't take no shit. But I don't give you any shit if you act accordingly.
I’m dying! [laughs]
You know, if you don't want to feel the bite of the feisty fish, don't fuck with the feisty fish.
Not the feisty fish! [laughs]
Oh yeah ya’ll I’m a Pisces! [laughs]
My last question is: for queer folk, what is it that you can leave them with as it relates to evolution?
If I could leave them with one tidbit of advice, it’s always be authentic in your approach when it comes to going forth whether it be your passions or dreams Always be ready because you never know You may fail, slip up, or may be successful, but it’s always great to be authentic, grounded and humble Never forget your upbringing. Never forget the people who was there for you when you were down and out.
Thank you so much for agreeing to do this. I learned so much about you and gain greater respect for you and your story. I'm humbled and so appreciative that you agreed to do talk to me.
What you are doing is amazing. This was your third season. I haven't seen a black magazine column like this. This is powerful and I'm very honored to be a part of it. Thank you for having me Thank you for thinking of me It’s so exciting to see you on your rise
Thank you, cause imma rise like the Phoenix. [laughs]
Yes!
Well, thank you again. I really appreciate this. Also, let the record state, you can have genuine friendships with other queer men without trying to fuck and be in relationship with each other. You can have good hearted, loving, an a supportive brotherhood with other queer men.
Exactly Absolutely It’s good to deal with that stigma, because we get mis-conceptualized about being gay and having same sex friends. I'm glad you brought that up.
I think it's easy to do that. Because we identify the same, that means we have to sleep with or conquest and conquer each other. We don't have to do that. We can stand in solidarity and in brotherhood and be queer, powerful, and confident. We can support one another, hold each other in love and hold each other accountable. We can do that, and we have the power to do that.
Thank you. But God know our hearts.
Amen! Well, I've been fed today ladies and gentlemen.
You've been Stratus-fied.
"I WAS ALWAYS THAT CHILD THAT WANTED TO GET OUT IN THE SUN, GET BLACK, DIRTY, WET, AND MESS WITH BUGS."
