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aji-ronin
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In a moment I did not anticipate, Vol. 24 is the last of Season 03. As with all things in my life, things happen for reasons I don't understand until later. Still, I am glad that we've come this far in less than a year.
Twenty-four volumes later, and I wonder, have I done enough to give visibility to queer people of colour? At this moment, I am satisfied. Together with 25 amazing people, we have created a narrative around what it means to be Black, Latinx, Asian, and queer. We have collectively shared our stories around gender, sex, spirituality, Blackness, manhood, womanhood, transgender identity, and more We did that shit!
Season 03 began with the theme: evolution. Everybody featured models that theme in some way. Together, in my opinion, they represent a change to how I see and view this magazine, queer people, and myself. I still get choked up seeing everybody's covers lined up It's powerful I have no idea what the future holds for the Modern Queer I hope it manifests something bright.
Kaji Ronin and I met back in 2015. I believe we met when I was a sort of unofficial advisor to the Black Student Union. We did not share a lot of conversation, but I did tap on her to intern for my nonprofit.
Soon after, she vanished I'm not sure how we found ourselves in each other lives through Instagram. Honestly, I didn't know she was queer. [laughs] When I did find out, and when all this happened, I knew her voice and rebellious spirit was a great match.
Funny enough, in this conversation, we never talked about her queerness [laughs] Seriously, it never came up But here's the thing, this is a queer magazine Everybody I interview is queer, so in that sense, maybe it never needed to. What is on display here is conversations about self.
Without further ado, welcome to the finale of the Modern Queer's Season 03 featuring Kaji Ronin
Xzavier V Simon
"The variation of Gemini that I am, I only like useful information. Gossip is boring to me. How is this going to make me money? How is this gonna empower my people?"
It’s been a whole five years.
Wow. It has been that long.
How are you doing?
I’m doing alright I have some complicated health issues, but it’s improving and is a work in progress I’m grateful for that
[claps] Well, thank you for agreeing to this and sharing your story. I’m grateful.
I appreciate the invitation.
So, I might’ve stalked your Instagram last night [laughs], but to me, you symbolize freedom and rebellion, all wrapped up in one beautiful package.
Thank you. Renegade’s the word. [laughs]
[laughs] That’s the word! When I designed your cover, I wanted to convey that very word. So, you are initially from Flint?
Originally, I was born in Indiana, but I don’t even remember that far back My earliest memories are from Flint We only lived in Indiana a few months My parents were already separated when I was conceived [laughs]
Ah, gotcha! [laughs] How was growing up in Flint?
It started with three of us: me, my older sister, and my mom. We lived off Foss. I got so many memories of that house, even though I was two. [We played] hide and go seek. My sister chased me with this roller-skating dog because those were the rage at the time. I was always scared of dogs, especially after I saw Child's Play. She fed me Playdo. [laughs]
Oh my god! [laughs]
After a few years, we moved to Tennessee, and
that was interesting. We get down there, and I’m minding my business real thick. Whatever anybody else got going on, if you don’t tell me, I don’t know, cause I’m not going to find out.
That’s what we call staying peaceful.
The variation of Gemini that I am, I only like useful information Gossip is boring to me [laughs] How is this going to make me money? How is this gonna empower my people?
Real shit.
We moved to some projects out there, and two of my nicknames were Sunshine and Water off the Ducks Back. I prefer Sunshine because the other is a mouthful. The reason they called me that is because nothing got to me. The neighborhood bully automatically wants to pick on the new kid, but that didn’t go too well for him. Flint nigga shit. [laughs]
I’m a strange blend of nerd. In a nutshell, a tree hugging, gun totin’ hippie nerd kind of thing. [laughs]
That was one of the things I immediately picked up on. There’s a lot of anime. There’s a lot of video game references. There’s a lot of memes. It’s a lot going on with you but I'm digging it.
I’m a smorgasbord of things Somebody was describing my music to me and he was referencing one of my official releases on Spotify is called Taxi (K OH!!). I was inspired by Super Smash Bros.
One of the greatest game series of all time! Let’s talk about your interest. There’s music, art, anime, video games, and then gun toting. [laughs] How did all these things come about?
Back in the day living in Flint, I was at my granny’s house, and I flipped on the TV, and there was Sailor Moon. [laughs]
[laughs] What the fuck is up with us and Sailor Moon this season? [laughs] Was Sailor Moon the gateway drug to anime?
[laughs] As I got older it was Dragon Ball Z, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Ultimate Muscle It was everything coming on TOONAMI You know Cowboy Bebop, Rurouni Kenshin, Samurai Champloo later when they transitioned into Adult Swim.
You speaking to my entire inner child right now. That little nigga is raging in excitement!
It was one of those inevitabilities that I would get into it.
I completely understand. It was a lot happening for us back then. Where does your love and passion for music coming from?
My mother used to sing in Chicago From what I’ve heard, that’s how my parents met He’s from Indiana She was fresh out of Flint but traveling [They are] singers They both have good natural talent and put a lot of effort, time, and money into developing their skills We got some other relatives very musically inclined, and they rubbed off on me naturally. That what it was an inevitability.
I’m assuming you grew up in a household that had music, vinyl records, cassette tapes, and probably an eight track.
Yes, 24/7. Growing up with my mom, music was the fuel for our survival. We turned on music to get us pumped in the morning. My mom had this antique TV that had a record player and an eight-track player in it.
My mother used to sing in Chicago. From what I’ve heard, that’s how my parents met. He’s from Indiana She was fresh out of Flint but traveling [They are] singers.
Sometimes, I would go to her performances. She wrote a play and acted in it. She was a little female Tyler Perry.
Sounds like the apple, as far as creatively, didn’t fall far from the tree. You were born in Indiana, moved to Flint, and then Tennessee. That’s a lot of transition. I assume music became a way to heal, cope, manage, and keep pushing forward.
I go back to that previous statement of music being the fuel for our survival It drove our energy levels, our emotions When we’re going through it, you listen to songs like I Told the Storm When I’m happy, I’m listening to something like Perfect Day [laughs] When I feel like I got the butterflies over a new crush, I’m listening to Musiq Soulchild or Jill Scott. If I’m just like observing the world around me, I got Erykah Badu. Music helps
me process the world around me in a way that isn’t ridiculously overwhelming.
I understand. That’s how writing is for me. When I write, it’s a way for me to channel, look at, see how I’m feeling, and reflect. It’s dealing with shit I didn’t even know was present.
Every Saturday morning, it’s time to get all the cleaning done I’m waking up to gospel blaring through the speakers
We really did all have the same childhood. Unbelievable. [laughs] I think this is a universally Black thing waking up to music playing. My mother did the same, and you know it’s time to get up cause we’re deep cleaning. [laughs]
[laughs] Yup.
And don’t ask me can I come outside because I’m not coming out for a couple of hours.
Until everything is spick and span and completely spotless [laughs] But that’s exactly what it is If not for art, how would we deal with anything?
I agree.
That’s another thing about art. The best of it comes through trial and adversity. It comes through the pain. Ya stuff comes out real dry and shallow if you ain’t never been through nothing. You ain’t got nothing nobody can relate to. [laughs] This is artistry. As you pointed out, sometimes it’ll bring out something in you that you didn’t even know.
I’ve learned that you can only run for so long.
When it catches up to you, that’s the funny part When it rains, it pours is a good metaphor for it You could be inside your boat
and be gone. But, as you said, you can only run for so long.
How has your artistry manifested itself in the context of evolution?
I was fortunate enough to have a mother who encouraged me to explore myself She made so many mistakes in life One thing that sets her apart is that she was open about it She told me straight up, ‘this some dumb shit I did Please don’t repeat my mistakes and pay these consequences that I paid ’ [laughs]
[laughs]
She was an artist. I came across art that she put down, and I wanted to draw like that. If I have to attribute any of that to myself, it’s my attitude. I set out to get good, and it transitioned into, I would like to be the best version of myself. I hung out with other artists and people of similar pursuits.
I notice with Black creative folk that we hype each other up to the moon and back. When we hang around each other, we naturally elevate one another.
Because it’s our natural state Our natural state is flexing and praising each other for the flex. Each person is at their best, and you get to participate and partake in it. You get to reap the benefits of that person's skills, craft, gifts, explorations, you know? The harder that person flexes, the greater the benefits of you.
Exactly. It’s the, I see the God in you and you in me.
We didn’t have to exchange currency. We exchanged services, talents. Everybody was encouraged to explore themselves and that’s what you contributed.
"OUR NATURAL STATE IS FLEXING AND PRAISING EACH OTHER FOR THE FLEX."
It’s an intrinsic, intuitive thing. Even if you don’t recognize that it’s there, it’s there.
It’s encoded in the DNA. [laughs]
Everything that you just said is rich in Blackness. How did that define who you are, and what did you learn about Black culture, African ancestry, and spirituality?
My mom wasn’t around that often, so my older sister raised me in her absence At the same time, she wasn’t around either My lessons came from life itself
I take my lessons wherever they come because I don’t like buying my lessons.
"Music helps me process the world around me in a way that isn’t ridiculously overwhelming." musical love
That’s expensive. [laughs] I was involved in the Black church, in volunteer activities. I went natural in 2005, and people started calling me Angela Davis. I looked up who Angela Davis was, and met Angela Davis at U of M-Flint when she came to campus a couple of years ago
That was an amazing experience!
Of course, I grew up on Public Enemy and Lauryn Hill Between music and service, I would be passionate about empowering my people.
I can see in my mind’s eye, surrounding you is this inculcation of creativeness. I can see it kind of swirling around like little orbs of light. How do you continue this trend of giving back and impacting Black people about who they are through your creative endeavors?
I acknowledge the universal nature of religion because the source code is still the same, even if the iteration varies.
You have my attention. [laughs]
When you decide that the purpose is more important than anything, you set out to make your patterns of behavior revolve around that purpose When I started writing poetry, it was for the purpose of education What are things that I have learned? What can I share with other people? This is what I learned from these experiences, and I hope that you can benefit from my hardships.
It sounds very reminiscent of what your mother did for you. It’s a continuation of that train of thought. Here’s my life. I’m open, and let’s talk about it. Let’s discuss it so you can be informed and make better decisions.
With the goal being to teach me something too. Let’s have an exchange. That’s our natural
state. I water you; you water me. When it comes down to my music, every ounce of money I make goes toward empowering my people. I can slack on a job. I cannot slack on purpose.
Which means that you cannot slack very much because it might be inextricably linked to your purpose.
You never know what opportunities are before you I feel like there’s no point in me doing anything if I’m not going to do well
Listening to you speak, I want to use the term self-made as a counter to the traditional idea of how we live and engage life. Or maybe I should say you became self-made because of those things a continuation of that renegade, rebellious nature of yours.
I think about where I could be, if not for those experiences. Would I have gained the knowledge necessary to even start a business if not for this hardship? This series of unfortunate events led to a breakthrough in my life that I would not have otherwise had. I ended up looking at life that way If I think about it from the lens of, ‘man this Flint nigga shit is overrated! The fuck is wrong with the world? A hundred million dollars later and we still don’t have I clean water,’ I get in a dark space
It doesn’t take anything to fall from a happy space. One dark thought can create a stream of low vibrations.
Look at how much it takes to hold all of it together daily. You’re holding on by a thread just from waking up Black in the world, you know? Let’s use Flint as an example. We went from murder capital to we ain’t got no water.
Let me put this thought over here, and I’m gonna come back to this. [laughs]
[How about we] get a bag and fix the water our damn self. Buy the city back from the motherfuckers who keep pocketing that money instead of fixing our pipes. Instead of Black Wall Street, we gon’ have a whole city.
I don’t have any tea or no water today! I ain’t got nothing. Quarantine got me off my game. [laughs]
[laughs] Instead of thinking from the perspective of the problem, I think about the solution I like to fantasize about what I can do for my city.
That’s where our power resides. That imaginative yet unimagined space is crucial. Being a teacher, being in the education field, and seeing how they drain the creativity, the imaginative essence of us is crazy. You literally walk into a building, they slap a machine on top of your head, and you can see the light drain. The fact that they realize that, and we don’t is very troubling and detrimental to who we are.
I agree. The school system is one of the things that knocked me off my craft for a little while
I can imagine.
It was like being forced to learn all this useless information that I was never going to need except to pass this test It made me want to get things over with That’s not the mindset conducive to a business owner, entrepreneur, or someone going to make changes in the world. If you’re focused on getting it over with, it makes it damn near impossible to appreciate the process, the journey, and enjoy the adventure. It’s like watching [Season 01] One Punch Man, and the show is lit, but you like, how the ending is gonna turn out?
Right! Skipped the whole season.
You skip episodes two through to twelve to see the finale. You don’t know how much meat you missed. You don’t want to create. You don’t want to investigate. You don’t want to go out and learn because the school system can murder your curiosity
I credit Japanese role-playing games and anime. Those games gave me a tremendous amount of tactical, strategy, vocabulary, and coordination skills. I think of Cyborg 009, Evangelion, those thought-provoking, very philosophical, religious undertones anime’s that have you asking, ‘does God exist?’ Is there a spirit world? Are we living inside robots? Are there beings floating around us? I think of Durarara!, xxxHolicxxx, and others. I realized there is something greater out there that I can tap into than going to this institution five days a week for eight hours a day, especially for kids of color.
They teach you what to think, not how to think. It translates very well to the masses because it trains them from listening to people who are older than you to authorities who are smarter and more specialized than you You should depend on the news for your information because you’re not smart enough and cannot do these investigations independently
Even now, with COVID, the message says depend on us to inform you. Depend on us to make you feel safe in the comfort of your home. I don’t think people understand that they took you from one rat cage and stuck you in another to continue draining your thoughts. If we believe that our thoughts create our reality, then these thoughts we invest in TV, into these news reports, into these political battles, et cetera, are filtering reality. Not just for me, but for everybody, because we are collectively, together, creating all of this. This is the wake up.
They say you are what you eat. To make that more general, you are what you consume via habituation, via conditioning. When you are conditioned to be a certain way and don’t know how to think for yourself, you’re going to stick with it You’ve never learned how to think for yourself You’ve always had to appeal to authority in order to function If you remove that authority, you leave these people have hamstrung
I think that goes into the conditioning around defunding the police. If you defund the police who’s going to protect us? How will we maintain law and order? All those things are what remind me of that conditioning.
Personally, I would prefer to teach people how to think for themselves. To be their best selves and contribute that to society. That way, we can have an exchange. Like you said, what if not for anime and video games keeping that curiosity alive. What if not for the arts and other forms of expression and avenues of creativity. If not for those things and being able to consume those things, I wouldn’t even be an independent thinker
Absolutely. Those things were critical to foster my independent way of thinking.
You have examples of these dystopian futures like Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, and all these other things The first thing they remove is the independence of thought. The first thing they remove is your resistance to authority. You can be sitting here with doctors, statisticians, and nurses telling you one thing and the news telling you different.
Not only that, but you will also believe something external to you. You will ignore what spirit, the God essence inside you, is saying, which is your truth.
That intuition never lies.
It does not.
And look at the consequences we pay when we ignore it [laughs]
I’ll be the first person to say that there were times where I have not listened to my intuition and paid a heavy price.
If common sense tells you that someone is benefiting from oppressing you, why would you ask that oppressor to be free?
I really wish I had some tea right now!
I feel like a lot of people are trying to give the best blow job ever for the government to do us right.
Since the Europeans have claimed “dominion” over this continent, this planet, nothing in their history has given us any indication that our liberation, success, love, independence, creative freedom, or our vast spirit is going to come from them. If you look at their history, everywhere they go, they leave destruction. They do not bring anything good. They tear it down and burn it up.
And that’s what y’all tryna deepthroat [laughs] I’m fucking done!
Is it good enough for you massa?
It must be.
It saddens me because that’s a miserable existence. Here’s another thing, the only way for “the man” to even prosper is for us to be down. Even under this oppression we lead global culture, on a global scale. And racism isn’t exclusive to our country.
"PERSONALLY, I WOULD PREFER TO TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES. TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES AND CONTRIBUTE THAT TO SOCIETY."
Unfortunately, that was one veil that had to come off being a connoisseur of Asian culture. You love watching anime, playing video games, the culture, slurping ramen, and gloss over the fact that whiteness is prevalent in Asian countries. Whiteness has affected everybody’s psyche on this planet. There are disparities from lighter to darkskinned Asians to modern and indigenous.
But they’ve been doing it before white people existed Racism predates white people; look at the Indian caste system And guess who sold us? White people can be a nuisance, but they can only maintain their power if we allow them to. They can only maintain their relevance and the present hierarchy of systems as long as we allow it. When we are on our shit together, as a people, looking after our own, we’re doing better than everybody else. Look at every other group. That’s what they do. Imagine living through the water crisis, if not for the tenacity of our people’s humanity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We can talk all day about Black on Black violence, but white-on-white violence is equally prevalent Mexican on Mexican violence Asian on Asian Whomever you have the most competition with, that’s going to be that Let’s pat ourselves on the back because look at how we handled the water crisis When it first popped off, we were out here doing poetry and stuff out there. We survived this thing because of each other. We survived not because white people helped us, and they finally decided that racism was wrong.
It was off the backs of the community, strangers, friends, family. Going back to the idea of purpose, the water crisis gave people incredible purpose.
The private sector of Black entrepreneurial pursuits is what makes us prosper. Us looking after our own and supporting Black business as a lifestyle rather than a slogan. These are the things that make us stronger. These are the things that allow us to prosper I would love to buy up a whole bunch of them machines and get the whole city straight
One on every corner of the city.
Yeah Clean water should be a right There should be no water companies
Flint should never have to pay for water ever again. Never.
But I digress. What continues to inspire you to wake up in a world that can be depending on perspective, devalue Blackness, womanhood, and queerness? Number two, what inspires you to continue to spread love, light and continue your creative pursuits and endeavors?
I’m gonna go back to that Gemini thing At any given point in time, there’s at least two of me
One of my sides is extremely confident to the point where she doesn’t care what anybody thinks She gone to do what needs to be done
The way I grew up, there’s not always going to be somebody to feed me It’s not always going to be food on the table or a roof over my head. I’m not always going to have a place or a way to get from point A to point B. Am I going to wallow in self-pity or am I going to get up and get done what needs to be done? This world has been discriminating against me ever since these light skin races were created. I do not care. My people predate them. They would not be relevant, if not for my people. They will die off like Tinkerbell, if not for my people. Mind yours, and I’ll mind mines. [laughs]
"I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GIVE THE BEST BLOW JOB EVER FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO DO US RIGHT."
I saw one of them Geminis come out. [laughs]
You are speaking to the original man! I don’t care. You know, it’s like nigger! Okay. Faggot! Oh, okay What are you mad about? I must be doing something better than you to be trying to give me all this attention For you to be actively trying to put me down means, I’m above you If you’re trying to pull me down, that’s this kind of motion, not this You’re not pushing me down Cause I’m already above you You’re trying to pull me down because you’re beneath me. People who have natural superiority have no reason to hate on people.
I like that. Yup. I like that.
You’re not go see the person in first place looking behind them. That’s how you lose. That’s how they catch up. Don’t look behind you. Eyes on the prize nigga. [laughs] I truly do believe that my people are the greatest.
I originally wanted to ask you more about your queerness, but our conversation, I’m full.
[laughs]
That’s a good thing. The fact that we did not even talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I think it adds to the rebellious nature of you, the Renegade. I asked you, how do you identify? You said I identify as self.
[laughs]
I had to sit there for a second. [laughs] But that’s just who you are. Identifying as self, what we have talked about is a representation of self, and I love it.
[laughs] How do you evolve? Focus on yourself.
[laughs] How do you evolve? Focus on yourself.
Because that’s all that’s there is you.
What can I do to change things? What’s one thing today that I can do to make myself a better person Me being a better person is me contributing something to the world It’s a nice place to start
Probably the best place to start.
That’s that man in the mirror.
Asking him to change his ways!
That’s how you evolve That song tells you exactly what you need to do in order to evolve How do you evolve yourself? How do you elevate your people? You start with the man in the mirror. You fix your damn self. You heal from your generational curses. You heal from traumas. You heal from abuse, pain, selfdeprecation. You heal from putting yourself and anybody else down. Don’t hate on yourself. Elevate yourself, and you elevate your people. Then you have the purpose for everything and leave a legacy. One tangible for people to work with.
Thanks so much. This was good. This was an uplifting up to that place of focusing on my purpose. Thank you, Kaji. Arigatou Gozaimasu. Hontouni arigatou!!
