EDITOR-IN-CHIEF VOL. XXIX
Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon
Website: www xzaviervsimon org
Instagram/Twitter: @iamjadaali
Facebook: Jada Ali
Website: https://www officialrta com/
EDITORIAL PHOTOGRAPHY
Facebook/Instagram @xandr_brown Website: www.xandrprime.com
At 10 A.M. in the middle of April, I received an Instagram message from the one and only Jada Ali. To my absolute shock, she revealed that she was a lesbian, and if I ever wanted to talk to her about that, she'd be down. Suffice to say, I was freaking the fuck out, and there was no way I would pass up on it But, it seemed Universe and I was in total agreement because everything lined up for Jada to be this month's featured guest And thus, it was a done deal
That's not to say all of this didn't come with a few challenges. It took quite a bit of time and a lot of rescheduling to sit down with her finally. My interview with Jada for Flintside Magazine taught me that she was a busy woman She juggles multiple hats, but her role as a mother to her 10-year-old little brother Jaden explained it all You could say I only know this because he arrived with her to the interview and photoshoot A surprise, but a welcome and needed one.
This conversation and photoshoot were intimate. Jada and Jaden both gave us a glimpse into their world of music, video games, vulnerability, and being there for one another There were moments where I wanted to cry, where the release of Jada's word captivated Xandr (in purple), and Jaden's presence (in red) made the family discussion hit hard.
Each volume represents something different, and it's not every day you get to sit down with a Black lesbian rap and hip-hop artist However, I am proud of the impact and reach the Modern Queer is having It makes conversations like these worthwhile and needed So without further ado, I welcome you to Vol 29 with the incomparable Jada Ali
Once again, I am sitting down with the incredibly talented Jada Ali. Thank you so much for wanting to be a part of this. When you hit me up and was like, ‘hey, I’m a lesbian.’ I sat there in disbelief! [laughs]
[laughing]
You did an interview last month and decided to reveal that you’re lesbian. Then you made a huge PRIDE Instagram post. Congratulations to both! Yet, what popped into my head when I think about you and your life was the many new layers. That’s what I want to get into today. You’re a Black queer woman in music, and there’s much stigma in that industry, particularly with women Walk us through what made you decide that now is the time to share this part of yourself?
It’s who I am, and it’s been this way for a very long time A lot of people, when they do find out, are surprised I be thinking people already know I’m living my life, and I don’t hide it at all When they asked in that last interview three fun facts about you, it just came to me. It’s a fun fact. [laughs]
Do you feel like, within music, there is space for queer people?
Yes I think there's space More and more people are becoming comfortable with it I don't have too many bad experiences either. I've never had too many problems or reasons why I shouldn't even express it publicly But, even if I did, now, I'm not afraid This past year was a super crazy growth year for me spiritually I just got out of a very long relationship I was in a relationship with a woman for ten years
DAMN!
To me, I was proud of that It's hard
for one, to be with the same sex The fact that we made it that far was huge to me. We went our separate ways during the pandemic, and I got to learn myself all over again I have grown tremendously I became more confident
I've thought about how Lil Nas X has busted out and is flagrant with the fact that he's a gay male creator. Do you feel like there have been footprints you're following, or do you feel like you're on a whole new path?
I feel like I’m on a whole new path As far as the industry goes, there are not too many lesbians that I know of There’s a lot of bisexuals It can be complicated, irritating, and annoying because of people.
That was the thing about Young M.A. as well. I see how maybe you're going against the grain because how you're presenting as a lesbian is not how some people would code. I think the idea is if you go into rap as a woman, you have to be masculine
That’s why a lot of people don’t believe it. Even people that are close to me They say, "you too girly" I’m a beautiful woman I’m comfortable with being a woman, and I like beautiful women as well It can be annoying because men especially don’t take it seriously at all I’ve had people say a lot of disrespectful stuff.
This is what I mean by the fetishization of queerness. We hear rap lyrics about this all the time. For example, my girl got a girlfriend. It plays off that masculine trope.
I can’t lie, though In my music, I always have left people wondering I don’t have a problem with men, and I’m real flirty. I see why they could think that, but I’m not into
men I haven’t been in a relationship with one in a long time I do play around with it in my music because that’s just what I like I like people to like me I don’t like the disrespect, of course
Well, I think it's nuanced with many things there are different layers to it, especially when we think about respect If this is who you are, and this is what you say it is, then respect that. Don't think you can or try to convert me.
It's like a game for people
There is that “well, you ain’t had the right dick, pussy, woman, or man,” as if you haven’t tried or don’t know who you are and what you like. It reminds me of Myla. [laughs]
People ask me all the time, "is there any possibility?" I don't know I can't say, especially now that I'm single You never know But that's not the way When you pull that kind of stuff and force yourself on me, you lost me completely I can't say that I am opposed to being with a man, but I know what I like, and I love women.
I think that’s a great way to put it. Everything is fluid and has always been that way, but we locked ourselves into these boxes You may run into a particular person, whether male, female, or otherwise, who moves your heart and spirit. Their energy makes you want to get to know them. I say fuck it. Do what you do but maintain a sense of openness and vulnerability, especially in a spiritual capacity. It’s a space and energy where you say I’m allowing a new type of experience and things to come If it’s beneficial to you and it’s making you evolve, then that’s all that matters.
"I feel like I’m on a whole new path As far as the industry goes, there are not too many lesbians "
That sums up how I feel about everything perfectly Sometimes I ask myself, "what do you want?" I’ve concluded that I’m open to everything This past year, I did not force anything I go with the flow If the opposite sex flows for me, then it’s whatever
Let’s take a step back. When was that moment of awakening where you understood this is who I am?
I did not know this was who I was until after I graduated high school In high school, I wasn't as confident I saw a couple of gay girls in high school, and some tried to talk to me I wasn't interested because I had a boyfriend I did not mess with any females until after high school. What it was for me was getting exposed to the
community. After high school back then, they had a club called the Triangle
What!? I’m here for this!! You went to the Triangle?!
[laughs] Yes, that was my first time, and that was it for me Me and my straight friends went. For us, this was a whole new world. It was wild to me. Everybody was free and happy because it was a place that they could be themselves I admired that The first time that I went, it was overwhelming
It was that way for me too [laughs]
You see it all. I didn’t think I wanted to go anymore. After a couple of days, we went again, and I got more
comfortable with it. Then there was a girl that asked me out, and we ended up getting into a relationship I didn’t know that this was who I was all my life I would think about my past, and little things would come back to mind from when I was younger And then I realized, “oh shit”
[laughs]
This whole time this is what I was interested in, but I did not know It was a natural thing for me Since I was a kid, I was a tomboy growing up, but that was as far it went I played sports I did backflips I had a lot of boy cousins I looked at girls this whole time, but I did not know this was who I was until it was who I was. [laughs]
When did you awaken within yourself as a rapper? Why rap as a medium?
I have been writing music since I was 7 to 10 years old That was another thing I naturally got attracted to I got serious in middle and high school Once I graduated and started doing shows, I knew that’s what I wanted to do for real It’s just something I always loved to play around with and do writing and music.
I got a question
What’s up?
Being a female rapper, do you rap sometimes about the men rappers cuss they taking over the industry right now?
Yeah. The music industry is male dominated Men can make you feel like you ’ re nothing [laughs] When it comes to music, I’ve always had crazy confidence I didn’t unleash until the last couple of years
What does that mean?
I wasn’t showing what I was fully capable of up until the last couple of years In the studio surrounded by men makes you feel more pressure I never really had women around, and I was afraid to say things and in certain ways I would question myself a lot It took these last past years of artist development, industry etiquette, and releasing music to find myself and get to the point of, fuck everybody else It took me a while to get there I was always a female artist that wanted men to like and be comfortable [listening to] my music That’s still kinda a struggle today I’ve watched other interviews or podcasts, or conversations on this subject Can you see yourself riding down the street bumping a female artist and a lot of [men] say no At the very
beginning stages, that was always a goal I want to make music, and I want to be a female rapper that men and women can listen to confidently
It’s a lot to think about.
It is
Xandr, to add a bit of extra context from my interview with her for Flintside, Jada, in my opinion, is one of the chosen ones because of her relation to Jon Connor. A group of them went out to L.A. and got all the industry etiquette and received a frontrow seat to what goes on in the industry. That’s why, to me, when I look at all of you who went through that, y’all move differently.
That was part of my growing process I was still working, recording music, but I felt like I was graduating That was another level If I got this far, I can get further with music, spiritually and personally It’s way more female artists compared to when I was starting. When I’m around different females, I can still see the old me in them. It doesn’t even have to deal with their sexual preference
You simply recognize yourself within them and their experiences.
It’s about being a woman in the industry, period. I held myself back from opportunities because of being so shy or scared to say certain things, piss people off, or be afraid of their opinions Now it’s like it doesn’t matter Whatever it was, I’m so glad I got out of that I want to show other girls how important it is to be yourself don’t hold nothing back There’s another artist that I work with named HoodNoRat. She has this huge personality, and she’s not shy. She’s not holding back at all. Women like
her are dope to me She reminds me of Cardi B that strong personality who don’t care. It took me a while to get there.
Would you say your relationship to HoodNoRat ties into your “iron sharpens iron” tattoo?
Yes It’s helped bring that confidence out in me
What made you want to get these tattoos and what do they represent?
The iron sharpens iron, me and a friend of mine got these together Whatever you are, I am We want to keep encouraging each other My sister and me we ’ re business partners, and we have three businesses together Wherever I’m lacking, she’ll pick it up and vice versa. I have the diamond because I feel like I’m a diamond in the rough I have smiley faces on both of my little fingers that are winking Me and my cousin got those, and it’s just funny to me I also have be strong and courageous
You got the rose
On my face. Me and Ace Gabbana went and got face tattoos together I have the Ankh, which means eternal life
I want to switch it up because we are joined by another special guest your little brother Jaden and I want to formally introduce him.
I go by Cool Boy Jaden
Who told us earlier that he has a YouTube and Twitch account. [laughs]
And I’m a rapper I'm a football player too
[laughs] Jada you mentioned that you take care of him. How is
"I want to show other girls how important it is to be yourself—don’t hold nothing back."
family life that you are now in custody of your little brother?
I am his legal guardian My mom was sick, and we all stayed in Flint I moved out, and he came to visit me one day he was about five years old He said I wanna stay with you. I didn't think he was for real, so I asked him in as many different ways as possible to see if he was sure I asked my mom, and she was cool with it
I see my mom once a week or two
You are an artist, a business owner, model, and fashion…
And a full-time parent [laughs]
Having hung out with y’all and playing with him while you and Xandr were shooting was fun, but it is a full-time job Granted, he’s old enough to entertain and handle himself So how do you manage and process that?
It’s like God or the Universe knew if this is something that I was going to do, it had to be him
"GOD OR THE UNIVERSE KNEW IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I WAS GOING TO DO, IT HAD TO BE HIM."
No other kid. I don’t know if I could do it with any other kid but him. It just works out. It is complicated, but it’s not as hard as it could be He’s just a good kid
I’m a good kid I’m a vibing kid
It does make it easier for me If Jaden was a little girl [laughs], I don’t know It would’ve been hard for me. I’m single now, and it wasn’t as hard when I was in a relationship because they could help. But I’m always one of those people where it’s like fuck it if this what I have to do, imma do it, and I try not to think about anything else
Is he always with you?
Yup I let him take his phone because I go to the studio and he has to come with me But he understands it He comes to the studio, and he knows to chill, or he’ll fall asleep. That’s probably another reason why I can make this all happen. I take time to myself, especially since I’m single and don’t have to cater to a relationship I can’t say that I don’t have my mental battles when I’m away from everybody else The last past year has gotten so much better because prior, I would say I was probably stressed out and depressed a little bit I would rarely show it I’m not one of those people that’s always out, always hanging out I do what I have to do, and I go home. I have to recharge all the time. I’m a Pisces!
This explains a lot! [laughs]
I get out and have my fun I'm social, but then I have to get back and get away from people I was in Flint last week from Thursday to Sunday, and I was itching to get home
Me too.
I gotta get home so that I can go back to my space, my world and recharge That's how I'm able to keep doing this I don’t force myself to do anything either If it’s something I do not have to
do and I don’t want to do it, I don’t do it
I think that’s a good mentality to have.
Sometimes we can wear ourselves out feeling like we have to do everything or have to be everywhere That's how I was before This pandemic helped me when it comes to that It gave us an excuse or a reason not to show up It helped me find myself, and I read a lot of books, especially as far as spiritually.
"SHE IS A VERY STRONG WOMAN. SHE MAKES SURE I GET UP ON TIME. WE STAY UP ALL NIGHT A LOT."
I got ten facts about her. She is a very strong woman. She makes sure I get up on time. I’m a very respectful child, and I changed a lot because I was mad, and then I went to Lansing, and I started to get better at school We stay up all night a lot
That’s not that great [laughs]
Sometimes she takes my phone because I be on TikTok way too much. [laughs]
I watch TV or go out and play with my dog
So basically, what you saying is, I helped you be a better person?
I mean you’re a mother to him essentially.
He's heard me say this to people, but he was in his terrible twos until he was five
I pulled down my pants in a store one time
Self-aware. Very! [laughs]
I want to go more into that, though. I noticed Jaden called you strong, and that underscores, I think, a lot of the Black identity.
We saw that play out with Megan the Stallion and that people lacked compassion and didn't see her as a multidimensional person. Throughout this story, you say you have to take time for yourself because you have much love. You have so much love through your relationship with yourself and pushing yourself.
The relationship with your brother. The love that you have for your craft. I wanted to know your reflections on the kind of the stereotype of, if you're going to be a woman rapper, you better be strong, detached, cold, isolated, and then how that dichotomizes with the facts of you having to be a mother to your brother, and those kinds of things.
All of this shapes who I am because I feel the same way I always used to feel I had to be tough I had to look a certain way Not smile as much For example, when I was with Jon Connor, we did a photo shoot, and he said smile more There's a woman that I am talking to now that's bringing out this softer side of me. And that's something people wanted to see from me, and I didn't know that When they first met me, a lot of people thought I was going to be a bitch or be super mean because of how I look I didn't know I was wearing a mug all the time
There’s also a lot of colorism with that too.
Yeah A lot of people would tell me stuff like that I would always think about my music career, and now I'm like, how can I fix this or balance this out I want people to know that I'm serious and don't think you can play me, but at the same time, I want to show this softer side
Two things pop up for me.
Like you, I am spiritual I dreamed about you before this interview [laughs] I dreamed I called you and like, ‘Hey, are we still doing the interview?” You said yeah. But what stuck out to me was how you came across as very feminine or like a little girl. Your voice was soft, and you were drawing or coloring. Listening to you and now looking at you, I can see the emotion in your eyes I can tell you hold on to a lot. My question would be, when is the release?
I’m very emotional I always felt like I just had to be so strong I’m just now getting to a point where it’s okay to have these emotions It’s okay to have these feelings It’s okay to cry sometimes and let things out So, yes, you are absolutely right. But I’m still growing. I just now got to a point where I’m starting to be more feminine It’s great because before I started releasing to music again last year, coming out, doing videos, and everything, people didn’t see this side I was still that tomboy It was always something that was holding me back from balancing that feminine and masculine energies.
Is it the kind of femininity that you’re feminine, but you’re like, but I fight and have to overcompensate?
Yeah I like people to like me, especially as an artist But, of course, I knew it was something that I had to get out of. Now I’m able to say that I love being a woman I didn’t always feel that way I wasn’t unhappy being a woman, but I thought it was easier being a man
Why did you think that? What were you seeing around you in your world to confirm that?
Just the fact that the industry was male dominated It just
seemed like I would have it easier Now that I’m growing, I don’t necessarily want the easy way. I feel I have a super big and crazy purpose on so many different levels I had to get to a point where I am comfortable with everything and balancing everything out I’m telling y ’all this woman [I’m talking to] she is so comfortable and confident with herself I love it I’ve never had a relationship with a woman like this. It helps bring this other side of me that I know is inside that I want to let out
I understand what you’re going through. When I was growing up, I saw myself as feminine. I didn’t think I was very masculine because nothing in my surroundings confirmed that or allowed that aspect of me to blossom. I looked at the men and other boys around me, and I felt like I never fit in with that.
Because of that, I felt very feminine, especially in understanding my sexuality and figuring out who I am It took many women to constantly tell and show me that who I thought I was wasn’t who I was. It made me scratch my head because I didn’t see it. It took me looking in the mirror and Universe saying, look at yourself for me to see it. Listening to you talk about how there was this other you inside that you couldn’t express, I get it
That’s that shy side of me. Being a woman in the music industry, people always want to see that sex appeal when you look like I do It’s like, I wanted to show more of it, but I don’t know why I was so scared of it Once I started releasing music, it all came out I’m happy because I didn’t want to be looked at in one way I wanted it to be what it is now, where people say they would never know I was a
"I’m very emotional I always felt like I just had to be so strong I just now got to a point where I’m starting to be more feminine."
lesbian To this day, I be like, how, why? They don’t even know what they are trying to say themselves. It’s just because they are starting to see this feminine side of me, and I love it
It was the same for me. Folk would say, “I didn't know you were gay,” or, “you can’t be gay because you’re so manly ”
Another thing, though, is seeing my mom. Growing up with my mom, she was a single parent with two girls My dad left when I was two My sister’s dad went to prison a couple of years after she was born, and it was just us three My mama isn’t the most feminine She is a strong woman, very independent, and did everything on her own I think seeing that, that’s why I felt like this is how I’m supposed to be. I felt like I couldn’t show that vulnerability That’s what I’m thinking now that I’m thinking about it
I would agree with that because as a kid, your parents are your God Not just your parents but your family. They are who you see and are around. So, you are absorbing what you see especially living in that type of environment.
There are no men around, and the women are taking care of everything and doing everything I’m so used to jumping out to pump the gas. I’m the handyman around the house like that’s how I lived. But now, I will let men do things. I always felt like I had to do everything for myself Now I’m like carrying my bags, pump my gas, do all of that [laughs]
But now you talking to this woman How’s that working out?
One day we were going somewhere, and I was grabbing our bags and stuff to go up into the
hotel room, and she was like, "I don’t like that" I was like, what? She’s like, "you look like you shouldn’t have to do or carry anything" I understand what she was saying Her baby’s father has been around a lot, helping us and helping me with my brother We go to the grocery store, and he gets all the bags, and I wasn’t used to it Now, it’s like, it’s okay to let men do things for me
As you say this, I feel like any minute you go cry and I'm like, lawd, we gone need some tissues because I can feel the release of it all.
Yeah, this conversation definitely feels good
It’s a yes, this is what I want, this is what I need. I'm recognizing this now let me just get this off my chest.
How do you fuel that release through music? I feel rap as a medium is very performative. How detached you can be, how cold you can be with your bars, money, and all that. How do you funnel this transition for yourself through music? Do you think there's a space for that?
It’s funny that you asked that because I had a cousin who passed away a couple of years ago Music was all he cared about it was his dream He knew that he was dying, and in one of our last conversations, he told me "you gotta make it, but talk more about your life" This conversation, you could tell, you see it in my eyes It’s a lot that I have never expressed I always wanted to get to this place where I talk about certain things I just got my studio equipment this year
Because of that, the first three songs that I recorded by myself, the stuff that I’m saying, I’m like, I
finally got to get this shit off my chest It’s been a long time coming But I think that’s just what it took for me. It took me to get my equipment, be away from other people, be by myself, hear myself think, and express myself without worrying or even thinking twice about what anybody expects
Thinking about men and what they expect
Jada Ali is a boss bitch so you gonna get that from me But this solo project that I'm working on, already within the first couple of the songs, I've been able to release and talk about things I haven't been able to talk about ever The music that I started recording myself, it's a different sound I've created a whole other sound for myself, and you can hear more of the emotion. I love being a beautiful, sexy woman Being able to show that now, being comfortable in my skin, and telling myself that everything about me is okay I shocked myself
I know you can't give it all away, but if there's one verse that you've written that you feel like hit for this transition that you're talking about? Does anything come to mind?
One second
This is beautiful Probably gonna cry after this
Yeah, we’re probably gonna have to take a couple minutes.
I'd probably get to smackin’ bitches/I'll be on the verge/I was fucked up in the head/I ain’t even know it/
On this song I talk about all kinds of stuff I have another song where I was talking about how my mom just called from jail
"I'D PROBABLY GET TO SMACKIN’ BITCHES/I'LL BE ON THE VERGE"lyrics
With the pandemic, most of us realize that we need a lot of healing, and vulnerability is essential.
I've gotten to the point where I wouldn't really care if I started crying on camera [laughs]
One of the things that kept me away from rap, and I’ll disclose because you can probably tell, I’m a suburbanite One of the things that distanced me from rap is they have all these conversations about how rap is used to control the Black community, this devil music, and it’s an instrument of capitalism. The only thing that we’re good for is little white kids riding in the back of a suburban bus on the way to school rapping about shit they don’t even understand. So I think it’s revolutionary for Black people, any Black person, to talk about their humanity and not get stuck in this whole loop of just talking about fucking bitches and all that
Stuff that don’t even matter.
There’s a place. It’s not that it’s bad, but the power to be like I am a multi-dimensional human being, and I am changing, and this is how I’m able to talk about that, that’s powerful
I like the fact that you came dressed as you are. It gave off this very sensual, open, vulnerable, comfortable look. When I scroll your Instagram, I don’t see that a lot. I appreciate it, and that’s why I was caught off guard looking at you posing. I could see who you were. The softer side of you that you’re wanted to present, I could see it. In that one photo, I love it so much It’s very Disney princess
It was this other person trapped inside of me. It was taking so much energy to keep this person away It feels good
It makes me feel good. I appreciate you being in Jaden’s life to show him the different layers to people. As a Black man, he could grow up not wanting to show that emotion and not wanting to show that vulnerability because of the shit that men get told The fact that you are here, and he sees you doing this gives him the freedom.
Women are so much more, I think.
Early in life, we're so hyper aware of men and what that's supposed to mean. For Black women, it's reinforced with what we're supposed to take. The reason why I think a lot of Black men tend to be rough and dehumanize Black women is that that's a continued treatment. You adapt to the environment that you were given. As men continue to say, yeah, she could take that. She got shot Look how big she is She's fine That's how we adapt to society He's able to see that like there's more to strength than just being able to take hurt.
I’m appreciative that you are going through this transformation so that he can see it and that we can too. It’s going to be important because as he grows up and begins engaging with brothers his age who aren’t like him, he will have the strength to be who he is
It was this other person trapped inside of me. It was taking so much energy to keep this person away It feels good.
He’s already like that, and it’s just crazy to see how he is He don’t play that putting your hands on women He’s already stepped up like, "Hey, no!" So I definitely appreciate it too, because my mom, I don’t think she ever found herself
That's deep
He gets to see the difference between us to be able to balance his thought process. My mom is just really rough I don’t even think she understands that it’s okay to be softer
Also, he’s 10.
He's another part of the reason why I've gotten here This is new All of this is new If I had never gotten him, I probably wouldn't have started releasing this other side of me. It took for me
being a mom. I'm still working on even showing him more affection because I didn't have it. My mom and dad were affectionate to me when I was little, but once I got older, it was tough love
Especially when you become an adult.
For me, him being a part of my life really helps me be affectionate He doesn't have either one of his parents He's never met his dad And then my mom, he sees her sometimes, but she has to find herself.
Before we go, I need to say this. As you move through this journey, it will be vital for you to keep your heart open. That’s where the music is. That’s where your voice is gonna come from when you keep your heart open and clear Even during trials and tribulations, your heart will be there to continue to guide you It will be full of love to know that you can overcome this and who you will be on the other side will be a better version than what was before. That was on my heart spiritually to share that with you.
Queen!!
Thank you.
This came out way better than I expected.
It always does I just love to go with the flow
The delay was worth it.
Yes I don’t know what all y'all been through today, but just to get here was like whew [laughs]
Indeed! [laughs] Thank you Universe for this.
For me, him being a part of my life really helps me be affectionate.
