Y o u ' r e c o r d i a l l y i n v i t e d t o t h e s t o r y o f .
B l a c k L o v e , C r e a t i v e G e n i u s , a n d M a r r i a g e . E R I C C A S I M S
editor's note
Back in 2015 - when the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage - I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was at my friend's apartment, drinking red wine, mad as hell because of some idiot's post on FaceBook. I don't think I celebrated the news that day.
Gay marriage has been on the minds of those in the LGBTQ community for quite some time. Marriage - the symbol of love - in American terms is a power move that grants same-sex couples new rights, wealth transference, and a slew of traditionally known heterosexual privileges. But is marriage attainable or even in the Black LGBTQ+ psyche considering Black people as a battle against American systemic racism?
The Modern Queer Vol. 4 features the only LGBTQ+ married couple across all eight issues. They are the only LGBTQ+ married couple I know personally. It radiates a sense of happiness that the community has a shot at marriage and the idea of everlasting love.
For those out there who want marriage, love, and family, or perhaps you are simply curious...this is the issue for you.
Xzavier V. Simon Editor in Chief
I've known Ericca Muhammad for over a decade. We met through her younger sister in high school. By senior year Ericca and I became close. We, her two sisters, and my best friend, spent hours in their mother's basement, engaged in laughter, games, relationship talk, and a gamete of other things.
We've drifted apart over the years because life happens. But in 2015, Ericca and I reunited due to the release of my first novel. It was then that I learned my friend had come out as a Black lesbian.
Now in 2019, she has achieved what many in the LGBTQ+ community only see as a dream - marriage. She's written two books - #she and #shame - with a third - #savage - on the way, and even started a business.
We take a trip down memory lane and talk about love, personal growth, and living in Flint Of course, our passion for writing takes center stage, but Black lesbian divinity is ever-present.
You're officially invited to The Modern Queer's fourth feature: Ericca Muhammad.
First off holy shit! Congratulations on getting married, love and creative success! We’ve known each for other for over a decade. Kinda share who you were back then and who you are today.
Thank you so much. It's been a wild and crazy ride I can say that ten years ago I was an entirely different person. I was just finding out what career path I wanted to follow. For awhile I was just going to school to please certain people in my life, and around that time I discovered that I held a passion for print and interactive design [At that point] I was no longer going to school to make people in my life happy.
Ironically enough, that's also around the time I started my first relationship with another woman but I was hiding it from the world. Today, I'm openly lesbian. I work at a Web Development/Expo company where I do graphic design, online marketing and web design. And of course, I'm freelancing and writing books as well
Right because both you and your sisters had boyfriends. What was the moment you realized that aspect of your life wasn’t your truth?
I had actually known for quite a while that men might not have been my cup of tea That started back when I was about 13 years old.
It always starts so young... I had always been a tomboy, very rough around the edges. Boys were always very intimidated by me and girls loved being around me. I didn't understand the dynamic then but when I entered my early twenties, it all started making sense. Like, I dated men who were far more sensitive than I was and had some prominent feminine personality traits
I remember a couple. [laughs]
Again, I've always been kind of a rough neck and I'd chase them off because I wasn't as feminine as they wanted me to be. Which was fine by me because around that time, I started to embrace my attraction to other women. More than anything, I wanted to start openly dating and being intimate with women.
Well damn. So now as a lesbian, who’s married, how do you feel about life?
Life is good! [laughs] I'm living an openly gay life. I no longer have to hide in the shadows.
I lucked up and married my best friend so I feel blessed
You were born and raised in Flint. What was life like growing up in a city that's changed so much?
I grew up in Flint during the 90s which was a very conflicting time On one hand my childhood was dope From the time I was born up until I was about 5 both my parents worked in the shop. I have three full blooded sisters that grew up in the same household with me and we had everything we ever wanted at one point in time Then, all of sudden, both my parents lost their jobs. I think everybody my age with parents in the shop remembers when [General Motors] left.
Right! That changed Flint forever.
Overnight we went from living mad comfortably to being on welfare. My mom ended up going back to college and earned a couple of degrees. She landed a good job and advanced within the company over time By the time I was a teenager we were okay Overall, my childhood and teenage life were full of experiences that have made me the humble adult I am today.
How has the city changed in your eyes, and how do you feel it embraces its LGBTQ+ community?
It's sad to say that things have gotten a lot worse over time. It's funny because I hear the higher ups preach a lot about what they're doing to change Flint and create more opportunities, but it seems to me that a lot of them are just blowing smoke for votes and it's disgusting.
As far as the LGBTQ+ community, I feel like there are some organizations here like Wellness Services for example, who strive to provide safe spaces for us. It's awesome that we actually have a Pride festival to attend every summer.
That Pride festival always has an incredible turnout. It's crazy.
At the same time, I feel like the city could do a better job of embracing our community. I mean, a festival once a year is cool, but what about love and respect year round? It's like they show us love in the month of June and the rest of the year we're forgotten.
I feel you on that one. What's empowering identifying as a Black lesbian woman, and what's challenging?
Being a Black lesbian woman strengthened me From the very beginning I've had to deal with hatred from a lot of heterosexual men and women. The women didn't understand it. They were afraid I'd try to “turn them out.” The men were mad because they felt like I was gonna turn the girl they wanted out Like I was trying to be them or something. [laughs]
GIRL!! [laughs] Say it louder for the folk in the back! That's the most annoying misconception about LGBTQ people. The challenges were presented as I struggled to find and maintain friendships once I discovered my sexuality. I had to learn to surround myself with people who understood me and helped me to feel good about being who I truly was, which in turn, empowered me.
I've searched for my own answer to this question but, how do you or have you found a balance between race, gender, and sexuality?
For me, there is no balance. There doesn't have to be. I've always prided myself on being a renaissance woman when it comes to my creative abilities
and I apply that to the different aspects of my life I can be whoever I wanna be at any given moment. Sometimes I spin out of control [laughs] but it makes life very interesting.
Speaking of! You are a very creative woman. You’re a graphic designer, an author, an entrepreneur. When did you discover you were gifted in all this and what inspires you to create?
I've been writing all my life. I was in the Young Authors Club at my elementary school when I was 8 years old writing short stories and creating illustrations to go with them. I knew way back then that I wanted to do both of those things when I got older. I just stayed with it and won some awards along the way My inspiration to create initially came from loneliness.
Oh yes. I credit writing for saving my life in high school because of that loneliness.
I never did have a lot of friends growing up so I found comfort in writing and music, designing, and drawing. My characters were my friends. Nowadays, I'll have a dream and instantly want to turn that into something. It's not so much loneliness anymore; I just have a true passion to create
" I ' M L I V I N G A N O P E N L Y
G A Y L I F E . I N O L O N G E R
H A V E T O H I D E I N T H E
S H A D O W S . I L U C K E D U P
A N D M A R R I E D M Y B E S T
F R I E N D S O I F E E L
B L E S S E D . "
You have two books out: #She and #Shame. What pushed you to create them?
I w a n t e d t o t e l l a l o v e s t o r y .
S o m e o f m y f a v o r i t e m o v i e s
a r e u r b a n l o v e s t o r i e s . I
g r e w u p o n J a s o n L y r i c ,
P o e t i c J u s t i c e , L o v e a n d
B a s k e t b a l l , L o v e J o n e s , e t c .
I w a n t e d t o w r i t e s o m e t h i n g
s i m i l a r w i t h a l e s b i a n t w i s t , w h i c h i s w h e r e t h e s t o r y o f
M a y a a n d T a y l o r c a m e f r o m .
I i n c o r p o r a t e d s o m e o f m y e x p e r i e n c e s b u t a t t h e s a m e t i m e I u s e d m y i m a g i n a t i o n
a n d m y s e n s e o f h u m o r t o
c r e a t e a l o v e s t o r y t h a t w a s
n o t o n l y r e l a t a b l e , b u t
m e m o r a b l e .
As an author I love writing and telling stories but I hate editing. [laughs] What are some things about writing that you love and hate?
I a b s o l u t e l y l o v e w r i t i n g
o v e r a l l I t g i v e s m e a c h a n c e
t o e x p l o r e d i f f e r e n t
t e r r i t o r i e s a n d r e a l l y p u s h
m y l i m i t s T h e o n l y t h i n g I
c a n r e a l l y s a y I h a t e a b o u t
w r i t i n g i s w h e n I h a v e
w r i t e r ' s b l o c k . [ l a u g h s ]
Join the club!
I ' d l o v e t o b e a b l e t o j u s t w r i t e e v e r y d a y w i t h o u t t h e m e n t a l b l o c k s p r e v e n t i n g m e f r o m d o i n g s o
One of the things I’ve experienced is the relative niche audience for LGBTQ+ books here in Flint, but a greater appreciation in other states. What have your experiences being a Black, female, lesbian author been?
O h , t h e s a m e a s y o u . A l o t o f m y r e a d e r s h e r e i n F l i n t a r e p e o p l e t h a t I k n o w w h o w a n t e d t o s h o w m e s u p p o r t a n d l u c k i l y t h e y e n d e d u p l o v i n g t h e b o o k s . M o s t o f m y r e a d e r s a r e d o w n s o u t h a n d o v e r s e a s w h i c h I ' m n o t
c o m p l a i n i n g a b o u t a t a l l . I ' m a c t u a l l y h o n o r e d t h a t p e o p l e f r o m d i f f e r e n t p l a c e s a n d w a l k s o f l i f e e n j o y m y b o o k s .
The cover designs for your books are amazing along with the marketing pics. As a graphic designer, how important are visuals and details to you?
F i r s t o f f , t h a n k y o u f o r
c o m p l i m e n t V i s u a l s a r e
e x t r e m e l y i m p o r t a n t . I f e e l
l i k e m y c o v e r s s h o u l d g i v e
r e a d e r s a g l i m p s e i n t o w h a t
E
t h e s t o r y w i l l b e a b o u t . "
S
E
I also feel as if abstract visual concepts like the ones I use for my books add a certain flare to the package. My stories are complex yet relatable so it's only right that I incorporate some abstract realism in the cover art and the marketing visuals
You know lately, one of things I have been vocal about is representation in my creative endeavors for Black Queer people. What does representation mean and look to you, and how do you incorporate it into your works?
I truly believe representation should be honest. Meaning, you give folks the real about people in the Black Queer community. There's plenty of stereotypes out there that exist and when I'm writing I feel like it's my job to paint a picture of how we communicate with one another; how we feel about things. It's weird as a Black gay writer because in some way you have to be write about these things and demystify the bullshit.
I don't hesitate to tackle real issues that we as Black people or [LGBTQ] people face on a daily basis.
Ultimately, I like to debunk the myths and show people from all walks of life and people of all sexualities that we're not that different from each other. We all go through some of the same shit and react similarly to the things that happen to us.
Well do you have any role models you look up to on that front?
I do! There's plenty: Lena Waithe, Issa Rae, Zane, John Singleton, Mara Brock Akil, Milon V. Parker, my mother and my older sister
What drives you to continually get up and face a society that undervalues and disregards Black womanhood?
I'm a fucking rebel! Despite the fact that the world would rather I lie down and take all the beatings they wanna give me, I get up every day and contest all the bullshit. [laughs] There's nothing wrong with me being a lesbian. There's nothing wrong with me being Black or being a woman. They can kiss my ass!
[laughs]
I encourage every queer person, every person of color who may be reading this to live their lives like that.
You don't have to value me, I value myself enough All I need anybody to do is respect me and if you can't do that, stay out of my way. Don't let the world dictate how you live or how you feel about yourself. I had to learn that a long time ago
I have to talk about you and your wife. You’re the first and only queer person I know who’s married! How did ya'll meet?
We met online and it's funny because we literally grew up around the corner from each other and never met each other.
What!!
Before we met each other in person, we talked on the phone, texted all day, sent photos, video chats The rest is history. We met in person, we clicked, we fell in love and last year [2018] we got married.
What made you two decide to get married?
I knew I wanted to marry her from the very beginning. I was smitten. She was beautiful, smart, funny, hood. She complimented me. She's younger than I am so I told her from jump: "I wanna marry you one day and I'll let you take the reigns
I'm here when you're ready, live your life, I ain't going nowhere " Luckily for me it only took about two years for her to get on the same page. We decided to finally get married three months before our wedding date. We both knew it was time.
Has your wife challenged you to evolve and change your definitions of love?
She pushes me to be better. Like, if I never met her, I'd probably still be working the same job I had before, not really striving for anything better I highly doubt I would've got any of my books done because I was distracted by a bunch of bullshit. She makes me wanna make her proud.
She has become your muse.
What we have is a very mature and understanding love We both get that the other is gonna have their days and we know how to give each other that space we need when we need it. Back in the day, if my mate were to tell me they needed space, they got space forever [laughs] I guess what I'm trying to say is she's made me a more patient lover.
[laughs] Well what have you learned from marriage itself?
I've learned that you don't always have the right answers and you don't always know what's best for yourself. I was complacent before I met my wife and afterwards I wanted to strive for more I wanted to do better because she made me want to do better. You also learn who your real friends are when you get married, some people just love to see you miserable and I've learned that those people aren't worth keeping around
How has your family dealt with all of this? Has there been any push back, deep conversations and healing, or has it been kinda smooth sailing?
It's been smooth sailing Surprisingly, the reaction I got was, "we knew that already." [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah I can imagine from your sisters especially!
They were just waiting for me to come on out of the closet I was just too afraid but they've embraced my life style and my wife so it's all good.
You think Flint has allowed ya’ll the environment and opportunity to be and feel free?
We allow us the space to be free! People in Flint still have something to say if two women or two men walk down the street holding hands or show any type of affection. We are very selective about who we choose to show our affection in front of.
Has this influenced a change in your views social issues that you feel strongly about?
It's made me kind of angry, I'll be honest. Politicians aren't for us and they don't have our best interests at heart. Most of the time I try to avoid talking about it with other people because I feel like at any moment, that conversation could go all the way left. I'm all for equal rights at the end of the day, we should be treated equally.
Now happily married, do you get the feeling that marriage for Black LGBTQ+ is something we should look at as obtainable or should we just throw the whole idea away?
Marriage is a possibility for anybody whether they're LGBTQ+ or heterosexual. I believe as long as both parties are mentally and emotionally prepared then it's totally possible.
You have to be ready for the ups and downs and understand that you can't just run when things get difficult. Sit your ass down and work through it.
I would say for me, and probably many LGBTQ+ people in general, you and your wife are a model of possibility. What sort of message, if any, do you feel your marriage conveys to Black LGBTQ+ people, and what message, do you want it to convey?
I would say the message is to be patient. Hmmm...
I was searching for love in all the wrong places before I met my wife Even when I proposed, I placed the ball in her court.
Basically, you wanted to marry her but gave her the space to figure out if she wanted to marry you on her own.
Yeah. There was never any pressure applied I let her come to me when she was ready to get married I just continued to love her everyday and eventually she came to me and said 'let's get married.'
Wow. When I think back to all those years ago when we were all hanging out in your parent's basement, what would you say to that Ericca?
I would tell her to go for her dreams right then and there. I'd tell her to live her life openly and not to be afraid of expressing herself I'd push her harder so that everything I've accomplished would've been accomplished earlier on
For those out there who may look at you and/or read this piece, what’s something you want to leave them with?
Never let anybody tell you that you can't accomplish whatever it may be that you want to accomplish Don't let someone's 'no' be the end all, be all for you. Do it anyway. Be rebellious, be fearless.
Ya'll are courageous women. I'm all done. [laughs] Are there any final words you wish to leave us with?
Thank you so much for the opportunity I'm honored to be a part of your project Be on the lookout for #Savage, the last book of the #She series. I have another standalone novel coming soon called 'The Boulevard,' so if you enjoy good, raw reads, then make sure you keep up with me and my future releases.
"Don't let someone's 'no' be the end all, be all for you. Do it anyway. Be rebellious, be fearless."
THE MODERN QUEER
