BALTIMORE BEACON — DECEMBER 2013
Say you saw it in the Beacon | Fitness & Health
15
Tamp down family feuds at Thanksgiving Dear Solutions: get along, will have some influence on I am in charge of Thanksgiving their husbands. every year, and I always To help your sons-in-law rehave the whole family here. frain from spoiling the day for My two daughters have everyone, I would also sugalways gotten along. My gest that you call each of older daughter remarried them separately and, without this past year, and, unfortaking sides in their argutunately, my two sons-inment, tell them you are countlaw who are in competing ing on them, as you are on businesses are in what I everyone who is invited, to would call a feud about help make the day a success. something that happened. Then put a big sign on your SOLUTIONS When they’re together, By Helen Oxenberg, outside door that they will see they argue constantly over MSW, ACSW as they enter. It should say everything, even the foot“Food, friends, football welball teams they support — and it seems come inside: Feuds must be left on the there’s always a football game to watch doorstep and may, if necessary, be picked during the holiday. My daughters stay up on the way out. No exceptions!!” out of the arguing because they really Dear Solutions: love each other and love to get together. Every time one of my kids or close What can I do about these guys so relatives has a problem and tells me they won’t spoil the day? — Upset about it, I start worrying and can’t stop. Dear Upset: I console them the best I can, and then Uh oh, here comes Thanksgiving, and when I don’t hear from them for a while, here, in your case, come the three Fs — I just keep worrying over and over food, football and feud. about what will happen. The same thing Hopefully your daughters, since they happens when it’s my own problems.
How do I stop being a worrier? — Hilda Dear Hilda: OK, so you’re a worrier. First, stop worrying about it. It keeps you from moving on, so accept that about yourself and then focus on what you can do about it. After you’ve consoled your kids and then don’t hear from them, I’ll bet they’ve solved their problem and have moved on, while you leave yourself stuck in the same place. So, until you hear from them again, assume they’ve solved their problem. When you’re stuck worrying about a problem of your own, try removing yourself. Step back and visualize a friend asking your advice about that problem. What would you tell her/him?
Also, when you’re feeling very nervous, try deep breathing. Take a deep breath, hold it for a count of four, release it slowly through your mouth and repeat. And each time the worrying starts and you haven’t found a solution, take a time out. Actually say the words out loud — “time out” — and watch a movie, read a book, anything that will engage your mind, After you’ve done all this, please tell me how it has worked. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll worry. © Helen Oxenberg, 2013. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at helox72@comcast.net. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.
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