Receiving Feedback

How to Lead as a Woman Physician Series

Receiving Feedback

So why is it so difficult for us when we

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I thought we’d talk about receiving feedback today – as this is one of the toughest and most challenging experiences for so many of us. If you are human, feedback – especially negative feedback – can be hard. And if you are a woman, and a woman physician, even harder.

Why are we filled with so many challenging emotions? (i.e. dread, anxiety, and fear) It goes back to the very beginning, to how we were raised, socialized, and expected to act and behave as young girls. What was the role of feedback and approval, in your own childhood experience?

If you’re anything like me, then you may have been a total pleaser, a

Tammie Chang, MD, LLC

How to Lead as a Woman Physician Series “goody goody,” always seeking and

Medicine to me is interesting to reflect

trying to receive the approval of

on. Think back on your years of

teachers, parents, and adults around

medical training. How often did you

you. I was the perfect little girl and

receive positive feedback? Negative

teenager – obedient, didn’t talk back,

feedback?

always followed directions, did my homework and chores without a word,

Our culture of Medicine is rigorous and

practiced my instruments on my own

biased toward making us the best

for hours, and always the “teacher’s

doctors we can be – absolutely a good

pet.” My Taiwanese upbringing further

thing as we are caring for people and

compounded this – Asian girls are

their lives. But feedback in our

expected to always be “a good girl.”

medical culture is rarely done in a way

And of course, a straight A student (A

that is positive or constructive. The

plus, obviously!). Extra credit? Always!

delivery of the feedback is critical, and if the person sharing the feedback is

How about you?

not skilled – and if there is power distance between you and the person

It’s no wonder that the role of

sharing the feedback which is usually

feedback and approval is so

the case – then feedback can come

emotionally charged for us as adults.

across as punitive.

We’ve spent decades of our lives seeking the approval of others. And

Morbidity and Mortality (M&M)

when we don’t get this approval, it’s

conferences historically are the

more than deeply personal, it

strongest, most public display of

threatens our internal sense of our

feedback we experience in Medicine.

own worth. Our safety and value are

M&Ms are supposed to be a learning

threatened.

opportunity for all of us when cases go wrong, instead they are a cautionary

Then we go through our medical

tale of “don’t you dare mess up or you

training. The role of feedback in

will be next,” and publicly humiliated

Tammie Chang, MD, LLC

How to Lead as a Woman Physician Series and shamed for your mistakes in front

1) Feedback only tells you about the

of everyone to see.

perspective of the person giving the feedback.

So, no wonder, feedback is so scary for

“Feedback doesn’t tell you any facts

us!!

about you; it tells you something about the perspective of the person

What can we do to begin to change

giving the feedback.” – Tara Mohr

this?

Tara Mohr writes an excellent chapter The reality is that feedback – positive

in Playing Big – my favorite chapter –

or negative – is invaluable information

titled “Unhooking for Praise and

for us. It tells us the preferences and

Criticism.” I highly recommend this

perspectives of others and can help us

chapter (and book) to all of you!

to identify blind spots and become better versions of ourselves. Receiving

Remember that feedback is merely

feedback is critically essential to our

someone’s perspective and

development as leaders.

preference. Positive or negative.

Ultimately, no one has the power to

Unconscious bias may absolutely be

determine our worth – other than

part of this feedback, as we all have

ourselves. And this is the key to

biases and blind spots that we are

receiving feedback and emotionally

unaware of as human beings.

unhooking from both praise and

Feedback may feel personal – but

criticism.

remember that it is merely someone else’s opinion.

Here is a process I would like to share with you to consider:

2) What is the Learning for Me? What in this feedback is relevant to you? What is the learning here for you?

Even when we may completely Tammie Chang, MD, LLC

How to Lead as a Woman Physician Series disagree with feedback we receive,

I want to leave you with one final

there is usually a shred of truth, or a

quote. It was one of my favorites long

small nugget we can takeaway that is

before it became popular on the

important learning for us.

Netflix show Ted Lasso (also one of my all-time favorite TV shows)!

I challenge you to find the small (or larger) piece of truth in the feedback

“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt

you receive. What can you do to

Whitman

improve?

As you prepare for a review or meeting 3) Retake Your Pen.

where you are likely to receive

Remember that the preferences and

feedback, remember this quote. How

opinions of others have nothing to do

can you approach this meeting with

with your worth. You are an adult now.

curiosity?

You are not a five-year-old girl anymore. You, get to hold onto your

We will continue with how to give

pen – your power to write your own

feedback (with curiosity, empathy,

story and worth – not someone else.

and compassion – and not judgment)

This goes for both positive and

next time!

negative feedback. When you find yourself feeling triggered emotionally

You can earn up to 1.0 AMA PRA

in the setting of feedback, take 3 deep

Category 1 CMEs credits for reflecting

breaths, pause, and retake your pen.

on this article here:

It’s ok for you to share your story, and

https://earnc.me/uxEpxE

your own perspective, here too. And, in a way that is not defensive.

Remember, only you hold the power to determine your own worth. No one else.

Tammie Chang, MD, LLC