SEVEN LESSONS LEARNED FROM GRIEF By Dori Gomes
G
rief is more than the loss of a loved one. It’s the loss of anything hoped for—a child, a relationship, or an opportunity. Grief is miserable; it disturbs our sleep, takes our appetite, steals our joy, and causes our hearts to ache, but is there more to grief? Can grief give as much as it takes? I tend to believe so. At the moment, grief’s weight is too distressing to make sense of, but with time comes perspective, and with experience, wisdom. If you ask me, life has afforded me too many opportunities to learn grief’s lessons. This is my vain attempt to share them before you learn them the hard way. 1. It changes you. You will be you again, but you will never be who you used to be. You will have perspective and wisdom that changes the way you move, breathe, and think. 2. Joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. Your joy, in the face of loss, is not betrayal (though it can feel that way). The rainbow appears with rain and sunshine. 3. Live in the moment. We spend too much time planning and not enough time living. We are so busy making a living we forget to live. 4. Grief offers perspective. It turns out most of the things we worry and argue about do not matter in the end. 5. Be intentional. Treat every goodbye like it’s the last. Forgive quickly and love like there is no tomorrow. 6. Seize second chances. If you get a second change to do something different, more, or better, take it. Apologize. Forgive. Take the leap in faith. Try again. 7. Surfers ride one wave at a time and so should we. It is fruitless to live in the land of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. We must be willing to take life one wave at a time. Sometimes you will own the wave, and sometimes it will own you, and that is okay.
tallahassee woman | 48 | april • may 2022
