GREIF AND LOSS

By Dori Gomes

Grief is more than the loss of a loved one. It’s the loss of anything hoped for—a child, a relationship, or an opportunity. Grief is miserable; it disturbs our sleep, takes our appetite, steals our joy, and causes our hearts to ache, but is there more to grief? Can grief give as much as it takes? I tend to believe so.

At the moment, grief’s weight is too distressing to make sense of, but with time comes perspective, and with experience, wisdom. If you ask me, life has afforded me too many opportunities to learn grief’s lessons. This is my vain attempt to share them before you learn them the hard way.

1. It changes you. You will be you again, but you will never be who you used to be. You will have perspective and wisdom that changes the way you move, breathe, and think. 2. Joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. Your joy, in the face of loss, is not betrayal (though it can feel that way). The rainbow appears with rain and sunshine. 3. Live in the moment. We spend too much time planning and not enough time living. We are so busy making a living we forget to live. 4. Grief offers perspective. It turns out most of the things we worry and argue about do not matter in the end. 5. Be intentional. Treat every goodbye like it’s the last. Forgive quickly and love like there is no tomorrow. 6. Seize second chances. If you get a second change to do something different, more, or better, take it. Apologize. Forgive. Take the leap in faith. Try again. 7. Surfers ride one wave at a time and so should we. It is fruitless to live in the land of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. We must be willing to take life one wave at a time. Sometimes you will own the wave, and sometimes it will own you, and that is okay.

By Dori Gomes

It never fails… I find myself feverishly making tons of last-second decisions— what to make for dinner, what to wear on Monday, what team snack to grab for the game. It’s exhausting.

At my disease management appointment, I learned half of all adults suffer from a chronic condition, and decision-making fatigue only exacerbates the situation. As a part of disease management, I was taught the importance of one-time decision-making. This would allow me to channel my energy and strength in more key areas.

It is suspected that we spend seven and a half hours a week making decisions or approximately 35,000 choices a day (Sollisch. J, 2016). While most are unimportant (which route to take or where to park), their accumulative effect negatively impacts our behaviors and the quality of subsequent decisions. As a result, we end up feeling exhausted and unproductive.

The goal of one-time decisions is to side-step fatigue and promote health and productivity by simplifying the decision-making process to create habits that streamline tasks. Many successful people, like Barack Obama, do this. They eat and wear the same thing daily so they can focus their energy on superior pursuits.

I was concerned that one-time decisions would box me in and get old quickly, but I was wrong. It’s freeing. Here are ideas when you can make onetime decisions and eliminate overthinking:

What you wear Sunday to church, wear Monday to work. Choose one meal to make every time you sign up to bring a meal or have guests. Choose one wedding gift to give every time. Meal plan (meatless Mondays, taco Tuesdays) Take annual leave at the same time each year. Pick one time to work out and stick with it. Become a product and brand loyalist. What areas of life can you make one-time decisions so you can dedicate your time and energy to doing more of what matters?