Marvin
“I started off just drinking. Then that turned to cocaine and the cocaine turned to meth and the meth turned to anything. I couldn't even walk. I had frostbite on both my feet. I had neuropathy. I'm just that stinky guy on a walker in the park, and I finally just didn't wanna live no more. I prayed to God, ’You know, I'm never gonna kill myself. I think that's cowardice. But if you can't give me my kids back, can you kill me? I'm just ready to go.’
“I'm crying, and I'm leaned over and right then I saw this woman's feet in front of me. She goes, ‘Excuse me, sir, what's your name?’ And I said, ’I go by James.’ She goes, ‘No, your whole name.’ I said, ‘It's Marvin James Fisher. Why?’ She goes, ‘Dad, it's me.’ And I raised up and I just started bawling.
“I looked at the tears down her face, and I was tellin’ her I loved her. And she goes, ‘Oh my God. You need help. I'm carrying you home.’ It was like God answered my prayers right in front of me. It was overwhelming.
“She carried me down to the Denver Health where I got cortisone shots in my knees and therapy on my legs, to where I could move around a little bit. Then I just felt small. I was like, ‘Here I am living off my 23 year old daughter. And she works two jobs and put her own self through college, and I'm her dad. I can't do this.’
“I called my daughter. I said, ‘I'm gonna go in this program.’ She brought me up here and she dropped me off and she was crying. She said, ’You promise me, Dad, that you'll fix your life because I can't stand to see you like this.’
“I've got an engineering degree and a construction management degree from LSU. I've always made real good money. But once I got so low, it's like I couldn't help myself. That's what a lot of people don't understand - when you're in the streets, it's like getting in a mud rut in your car. It's easy to drive into and hard to drive out of.
“I wrote everything down that I was doing, how I felt when I came to Step, how I saw people grilling out and cooking and eating. I was envious, but I knew if I would be diligent and steadfast that my time would come. They earned that. My life experience is that nothing that comes easy is very good. The harder it is to get your hands on it, the more it's worth in the end. It's like working for your own money. I realized that the only thing holding me back is me.
“The Step program set me up for success. Anybody can achieve it. It's just a matter if they're willing to go do the work and put up with what comes their way.
“Follow the rules - this is what you gotta do. You gotta clean up after yourself. You gotta work. You gotta save your money. You gotta think about your future. You know, the main thing is being sober. Because if you're not sober, you're not gonna do none of that other stuff. It's all gonna go down the drain.
“Step's helped me with more than just my sobriety. It's helped me with my mental attitude, my compassion for my fellow humans and animals and everything.
“As I was reading everything I wrote down, every one of my prayers are answered, and I've achieved everything I've tried to achieve. I owe it first to God and then to Step. The thing that Step has given me is being able to use my mind again. They helped me get back to who I truly am.
FINDING PURPOSE AGAIN
“I hadn't been able to see my son in about about 6 or 7 years. I pretty much just gave up, stopped holding a job like I used to, and got into crystal meth. That took me for a ride that I never expected.
“8 years rolled around, I was in and out of incarceration on multiple charges, but nothing was sticking good enough for me to quit. I didn't have nothing to live for. I don't have my children, I don't have this, I don't have that. I am just this piece of sh*t. I’m like, ‘There's no point in me even being on this earth anymore. I'm gonna go to hell. I'm already in hell.’
“So, I came down off the drugs just enough - and my thoughts were suicide. I saw this bridge, and I'm like, ‘Well, that's the way I'm gonna do it.’ So I'm walking up to the bridge and I take one look down, picking which lane I'm gonna jump into. Then I just start bawling, thinking I'm nothing to nobody. Even if my family drove by, they probably wouldn't have stopped. I have no one.
“I'm standing there and I’m ready to jump. But that didn’t happen. What did happen for me was I had this spiritual moment. My phone buzzes. So I checked it one last time, and there’s a picture of my 9 year old son, Ian (actual picture below). I have not Googled my son or any of my children. Never reached out to none of them. And at that moment, I just knew that I still have a chance. If it wasn't for that moment, I wouldn't be here.
“I knew in my mind that something's gotta change and I knew that I was gonna go through detox - I needed to find help. I've been on my own since I was 13, and I've been an addict and a full blown drunk since 15. I have never had the opportunity to just to be able to break that freaking cycle and breathe. Here at Step, I can breathe.
“I cannot explain the gratitude I have for Step Denver. It took me a couple weeks to really grasp what this place does - I started seeing people with sobriety believing in themselves. I thought, ‘There's no way that this is not working for people. So how can I not believe that it will work for me?’ I know that if I take everything I learn and put it into the life I’m leading now, I cannot fail.
“I see some people here believe in me... and I think maybe I'm not that bad of a person. Maybe I can make a difference. And, you know, it just starts there.
“I'm getting back to the old me. I still don't feel like I have a purpose sometimes - I don't feel like I'm supposed to be happy. It's a hard thing to learn, but I have a higher power now. Not saying I don't get frustrated, not saying that I'm not upset about past decisions that I made, but I'm doing it sober. I'm learning sober things that I've never known. I've just been searching for love and acceptance through life the wrong way. Now I have a community. I have brothers.
“My goal is to work here. I truly care about this program. I want to give it back to other people that come in these doors and show them that there is a way. They don't have to live life like that no more - to just have their backs and love them when they can't love themselves. That's what it's about, and that's what I've come to believe.”
ONE LAST CHANCE Deryon
“I ended up overdosing in the hospital. I was pronounced dead for about 30 seconds or so. My life was over at that point. I had a little bit of drugs leftover in my wallet - I would go into the bathroom and I would snort some more of what I thought was cocaine, and it turned out to be fentanyl powder. I had overdosed again.
“During that time it had gotten so bad that my girlfriend knew there was something definitely off about me. I stopped eating. I was very socially awkward. It got to a point where I thought everybody was watching me.
“We were supposed to go to a concert, but instead she drove me to Saint Anthony's hospital. She told me, ‘I can't force you to help yourself anymore. Deryon, if you've ever cared about me, about yourself, about your dog, or about your mom, you'll walk through those doors right now and you'll go get some help.’
“I closed my eyes while I was sitting on that curb and I was battling myself for so long. All of a sudden it just clicked and I was like, ‘You know what? I'm gonna go in there. I gotta go in there. I gotta at least try.’
“I've never been a firm believer until I found this program - until that night before I came to Step. Something reached out to me and was like, ‘If you don't do this, you're gonna die.’ My grandmother was a huge alcoholic and I watched her drink her whole life away. And I think she somehow guided me, took my hand or got into my thoughts and told me, ‘You know what, you better walk your ass through that door.’
“When I finally got here, I took that shower and I felt like I could just wash away the last couple days. I realized right then and there I was gonna do it. I was like, ‘My life can't be over yet. I'm 28 years old and there's so much more that I want to do that I haven't done yet, and I'll be damned if this is what breaks me.’
“I've finally learned to believe in God. I realize that the things that were happening, like the miracles that I actually experienced weren't me or people that were gone, they were something so much bigger.”
Thank you to the 309 donors who gave Step Denver a vehicle in 2024! You didn't just keep our doors open and lights on; you provided our men with a safe, structured place to call home as they worked to recover.
Proceeds from the sale of vehicles donated to Step Denver fund the operational costs of Step's residential facilities.
Have a car, truck, or SUV you no longer need? We will accept it - any condition, free tow, tax deductible. Another way to transform lives...
WHYIGIVE
“My son Chris went through the Step Denver program 6 years ago. Chris battled to overcome his addiction with drugs for several years and there wasn't a day that I wasn't fearful of losing him. If God wouldn't have shown him the way to Step Denver, I don't think that he would be alive today.
He is now a talented carpenter working hard to make other people’s places more beautiful and doing it with integrity! Most of all, he has grown in his faith and love in God, and he now helps others who are down in their luck and need a helping hand. I am so very proud of him, and most of all, I'm so very grateful to God that Chris found the wonderful organization of Step Denver.”
-Susi Guidotti, Monthly Donor (pictured with son, Chris)
2029LarimerStreet
Denver,CO80205
StepDenver.org
