2024 Winter Newsletter
Stories Of
Keeping the Faith When Keifer walked through the doors of Step Denver, he had no idea the challenges he would face. “I came in, and at thirty days my dad died from alcoholism and drug addiction. I decided to stay at Step because I didn’t think I was ready to go home. I was here to not only get sobriety, but also get my daughter back. So I figured he’d understand. Five days later, my brother was shot and killed. Then I had to go home. Someone told me I should pack my things, because most guys don’t come back from stuff like that. I didn’t take it as them not believing in me, but it motivated me more than anything. I like to say it was the first time that my ego served me. We’re Native Americans, so we do a wake for about four days. We sit with the body. Until the body is buried, somebody stays with it, so I got to do that. It was different going back home cause I was able to show up for my family, be sober, and they could trust me. I was able to help my brother’s son in the ceremony, and stand there with him. It was a spiritual experience because that was the first time ever I didn’t have a desire to drink or drug. So that was a big thing for me. I had never experienced that. Usually that’d be my first thing that I’d wanna go do. Then I came back to Step and just kept pushing. With those deaths, and not being able to see my daughter, it was a lot. The program, and what we learn, I just kept trying to do the next right thing and not let it burden me too much. It’s weird to explain - I always had this feeling that I’d get my daughter back, but I didn’t want to be over cocky about it. In the book that we have here, where we write our goals down, every page had my goal of getting my daughter back. So I’m a big believer in writing things down now, because it manifested it. My friends and I moved into one of the sober living houses, and one of them relapsed. He left and we didn’t hear from him again. About a month later, they found him in his car overdosed. I had moments where I wanted to leave and all that, but I always asked myself, ‘Where am I gonna go? What do I have to do? What am I moving so quickly for?’ And so I always trusted that the universe would push me, let me know that now is a good time to leave. Around that same time is when one of my friends who I worked with died suddenly. That night was tough. I was working an overnight shift, and he was supposed to come to relieve me. He never showed up. I still have trauma from it.” Keifer lost four people in his life during his time as a resident at Step Denver. Through his work in the program and newfound sobriety, he was able to get through those tragedies without falling back into his old patterns. When we asked him what made him stay, this is what he said: “Service work. Just having those people. The staff here. The residents here. Just keeping my goal in mind. I hated doing that Resident Handbook, just like anybody else. But writing that stuff down, having real goals, and keeping that faith that I would get my daughter back if I kept doing the next right thing. And I did get her back. She just got accepted into the ‘School of Art.’” Keifer has now been sober for nearly a year and a half. He recently came back to Step as an alumni to share his story with the newcomers in the program, and continues to be a living example of what resilience looks like.
Growing in Grief When Jason became a Recovery Support Manager here at Step, his father’s health was rapidly declining. He flew out to Philadelphia to see him one last time. Sadly, his father passed away while he was on his way to the hospital. Before he was even able to begin processing his grief, he spent the next two weeks helping his family with all of the funeral arrangements. “At my first meeting back in Denver, I saved my share for the very end when they say, ’If there is anybody in danger of relapsing or they need to share something or get something off their chest,’ I said, ‘I am in trouble...’ I think that moment right there was where I realized I had family. This program taught me it’s okay to be vulnerable. Even with grief, it was less painful to deal with that in the moment and then grow from it, as opposed to getting stuck in the trap of becoming an active addict again and burying it. I have created a really good life for myself. I know that my parents are part of my higher power now. They’re looking down. They’re my guardian angels.”
Speaking Up Frank started his journey at Step Denver back in 2017, and is now back for his third and final time. The last time he went back out, it was a rapid decline. “Everything I didn’t think would happen to me was happening to me.” “I fell back into old habits and started making excuses. I kept saying, ‘I can do it on my own,’ and I’d keep trying to pull myself up, unable to. Losing jobs, losing friendships, just going back down the same path that I had gone down before. It was the insanity of it over and over and over. The first time I came to Step, I wasn’t ready—my head wasn’t in it. The second time, there were a lot of reservations still. This time, I am here purely for myself. Nothing is going to get me to back out of my program, keep me from the meetings that I need to go to, and talking to people. That’s a big one. Talking. Instead of just holding it in and isolating, which I do very quickly and very defensively. I can’t say 100% that I won’t relapse. That something won’t happen. But I’m just confident in my daily right now and this is where I’m at and I’m happy to be here.”
Progress Not Perfection When Kelsey started using meth, he thought he had finally found a way to be happy after struggling with depression for most of his life. What started as simply filling a void, quickly spiraled out of control and thankfully, led him here. He has been at Step for three months now. A of couple weeks in, Kelsey was thrown a heavy curveball. “After not hearing from my husband for three and a half years, I got a call saying ‘I want a divorce.’ Inevitably, I knew it was coming. Just getting that call and hearing his voice. I still had it in my mind that if he came back, the marriage could be repaired. It’s still really difficult. And having that hit right after I got to Step. I thought I had found the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life. I don’t know if it’s fully sunk in yet.” Kelsey is currently in the process of finalizing his divorce and has leaned on the community and brotherhood here at Step Denver. He realized that what he thought he had been missing all along was right in front of him. “I thought that I had lost love. And I found something to fill that gap, but it wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t real. It was a delusion. Having been at Step, actually going to meetings, finding a fellowship, I realized that I’m not alone. There is connection and I am loved.”
WHY WE GIVE The Tynan family has been supporting Step Denver for many years. For them - having lost a family member to the disease of addiction in 2019 - our mission really hits home. “The dark, lonely, and destructive tunnel of addiction seems to infect almost every family at some point. Finding meaningful and authentic recovery support is a crushing journey for families and individuals desperate to get healthy. Addiction recovery in the US is a massive for profit industry delivering dubious success. As a not for profit organization, Step Denver is uniquely different. Throughout their program with a foundation of respect and personal accountability, along with peer support, men find a path to reclaim their life and family connections. We believe in and support Step Denver because it is real and it works.” -The Tynan Family
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When asked what advice they would give to those still struggling, the men whose stories we’ve shared here had this to say: Take the chance. There’s no reason not to that I can think of, unless you are holding on to reservations because you don’t want to stop. But if you truly do want a new life and a new way to live, then just show up. That’s all it takes.
Stay the course. Stick to the program and to working with a sponsor. Things are much easier to deal with from a position of sobriety than having them come up in a decade, or two decades, or however long it may be. They’re still gonna be there. They’re not going away. We all know how hard early recovery is. One thing at a time. Baby steps.
As hard as it is, just stay close to others. Allow people to get you through things. Don’t be so “I got this,” or “I can do this by myself.” It’s ok to not be ok, and allow others to pull you. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You can let others help you.
Life throws you curveballs. This disease gets the better of us sometimes. Even the strongest of us. All I know is that it’s just for today.