Issuu

Escape of Captain Jackson from Chaos Island (Hong Kong) There were going to be no surprises when I went into my performance review with my boss. I knew that 2009 had not been my stellar, break out year for my professional career. As I sent him an email one evening as I was trying to figure out if I was even needed at my company, “I feel lost.” And that was it. He replied quickly back, “Let’s talk during your performance review.” And here it was. He stopped in front of my office door and knocked. “You ready?” And he smiled. “Let’s get this over with,” I said and let out a breath. He laughed outloud. I followed him around the office. All the conference and board rooms were occupied, so we went into the empty Executive Director’s corner office that held fantastic vistas of the Hong Kong Victoria Harbor. He sat behind the oak desk and swiveled in his chair and he and I spent a couple of seconds taking in the gorgeous view – with the slightly smoggy blue skies hugging the harbor. Then he turned back to me and pointed to the stack of papers on the top of the desk. “I could go through this,” he pushed his finger down on the paper. “But its just business bullshit.” He looked at me. “You know me. I am just going to be straight.” I tried to calm myself and hide my anxiety. “Sure,” I said. He looked at me before he spoke. “You are not making any friends at a management level. Actually some countries do not want even want to invite you back. You are creating rebellion wherever you go.” “But isn’t that good? I am getting people to question why some things are the way they are?” “No its good to get people to question. But you got to do it on both levels. At the ground level and at the management level. You are acting like Captain Jackson with the people on the ground. Rallying them, causing chaos, and then you are on a plane out of the country. You don’t spend anytime with the management to find out why things are the way they are. There is a reason why they do things the way they are.” “Is there? Because “Hey I know how you think. I have been working with you since South Africa. I know why you do things the way you do. But what I am saying – you got to do things the correct way. You have to engage management first – find out what’s going on – and then get those on the ground to respect the decisions that the management is giving. And if you don’t agree with the management decisions, tell management that. Stop causing mutiny in the lower ranks.”

“But management doesn’t care.” “Sometimes they do.” My boss was quick to say. “I understand.” “You are going to get yourself in a situation where regional management is going to do everything they can to prevent you from coming into the region – even though you have the technical skills they need to fix their problems. And then you are going to end up hurting the people on the ground – you are working to protect, help, and get them home.” “Yeah, I don’t want that.” I said softly. “And remember the local, ground people are not the ones you want following you. To elevate your career, you need to focus on the management to sing your praises.” “But I love the people in the trenches. Because that’s where I am. That’s what I do.” “But you have to start getting out of the trenches. You said one time you want to be a manager. You can never be in management if you don’t hang out with management. You understand?” I nodded. “No more Captain Jackson.” And my boss looked at me with a glint in his eye and he laughed. We both knew I was just giving lip service. He knew and I knew that I loved the trenches. More than that – I loved the people in the trenches. It was my chess strategy. The pawns are the greatest chess pieces and with the pawns I will take your queen.

Isra was hard at work when I entered into restaurant. Her face lit up when she saw me. I grabbed the nearest table. She finished what she was doing quickly and came to me. “Move to this table,” and she pointed. “This is my table.” I took my computer bag and moved. When I was settled she was standing there smiling. “How are you?” I asked. “I am fine. Busy.” She looked down at my computer bag. “How was work?” “It was work. You know – it’s there. I had my performance review today.’ She raised her eyebrows. “Really?” “Yeah, my boss said I am always causing rebellion.” “You a rebel?” “I guess so.” “Well you live in the right place.” And she took the menus that she had been fidgeting in her hands and dropped them in front of me.

“What you mean?” I asked. “Hong Kong is an island of chaos.” She grinned. “Maybe you are its captain.” I shook my head. “Captain Jackson? I don’t want that title. I would run away if I could.” “Well you are always welcome to run away to my island.” “Where do you live?” “I live on Lantau – Mui Wo. Its beautiful and peaceful. Away from this craziness.” I looked at her and then looked behind her watching the happy hour drunks passing. “You serious? I would love to come.” “Sure. When do you want to?” I shrugged. “When do you have time off?” She lit up. “How about Saturday? We can go hiking.” “Okay.” We were beaming and went silent glancing back and forth at one another. Then she laughed, “Hey are you going to order something?” “Oh yeah,” I chuckled and opened the menu.

I came down from Ashtray and the Manhattan Reunion party – temporarily leaving Jami and Harry to their own vices – as I went to get more people. I got lost taking the wrong elevator that didn’t empty out onto the ground floor and ended up walking out through Bulldogs Bar into Lan Kwai Fong. As I came out and started to hurry down the hill, I heard someone yell out my name. “Jackson!” I turned and saw this attractive woman running out to meet me. “Jackson!” She stopped right in front of me. She smiled and her dimples came out. “Do you remember me?” I smiled and usually I don’t when someone asks me that question. But it was Lena. I met Lena years ago when I had first moved to Hong Kong. We never met in person but we had spent hours talking over chat. I only knew her from her Facebook and MySpace profile pictures. We spent hours talking about the most obscure international films, music, and books. She was the first and the only person that got my symbolic references in my stories, blogs, and poetry. Yes she had been beautiful and funny in her chat sessions, but it was her intelligence that turned me on. And oh yeah, and her dimples. We almost met for drinks once back in 2006 but she had been dating another gweilo who was also American. He had been toying with her heart – he dated her and secretly four other women. So she didn’t

trust gweilos anymore. Especially a gweilo who over chat seemed to good to be true. And looking back, I was probably being too good to be true – in order to hook up with her. And yes, maybe at that time, I would have done the same thing he had done. Met her, got drunk with her, and took her home to sleep with her. Then we would have ended up being one of the dozens of rotted out carcasses of relationships I had left during my time in Hong Kong. But it never happened. We never met face to face. Time moved on. But I still often checked her Facebook profile to see what music, books, films she listed as her favorites because she updated it frequently – when I needed a quick injection of creative inspiration. Now here she was. And she was more beautiful than her profile pictures that she infrequently updated. “Of course, Lena!” I paused. “You know I have been wanting to meet you for three years.” I said smiling like a Cheshire cat. “Do you still like the movie ‘Vanilla Sky’?” I asked. “Wow.” She seemed impressed. “Of course!” And we stood there reeling from the feeling of finally meeting. She pushed forward and we hugged and I felt her body soft against my own. I smelled her perfume and it was like we had been old lovers – and we were reuniting. “What are you doing?” I asked. And before she answered, I was working in my head on the next question to ask her to join me. “I am here with my boyfriend watching people pass and drinking wine.” “Your boyfriend?” I asked sadly but with a big grin. “Yes,” she said and pointed to him. He waved. He was a mix – a CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) or ABC (American Born Chinese). “Introduce me.” And we walked over. “Ralph, this is Jackson. He and I are old friends.” Lena said. Ralph genuinely smiled and reached out his hand and we shook on it. “Great meeting you man.” “Yeah, I have heard a lot about you,” I said. Lena looked at me. “What? We haven’t talked in three years!” I laughed. “Sorry you caught me bullshitting.” Then we all laughed and then we all stood silent for a moment. I looked at Lena and saw her dimples come out in her cheeks and right in front of her boyfriend – I wanted to kiss her. Fuck him. But I held back. “Okay, well I got to go meet some friends,” I said finally. “It was great finally getting to meet you, Lena.” She smiled – and the dimples stared me down. “We are going to Yum La later. You want to join us?” I burned the bar’s name into my brain, Yum La – I was definitely going to be there – nothing would stop me. “Maybe I will come.” “Okay, hope so.”

“Okay.” And I reached out and our fingers accidentally touched and my body tingled – and then I hurried away as fast as possible before I took her in my arms and made out with her all night as her boyfriend took a brick to my head. As I turned in front of the 7-11, I thought about what Isra had said days earlier, “Hong Kong is an island of chaos.” And I was locked into its vortex.

So I was trying to soak up the hang over with a foot long, wheat, tuna Subway Sandwich – no onions. I sat uneasily on the bar stool watching the people ride down the SoHo escalator only to walk in front of me and take another escalator up to Staunton Street. I loved sitting here and watching. It was like a human zoo on parade. All different races, peoples, fashion statements – good and bad – from the Chinese cowgirl look complete with the leather boots and hat, to the Chinese hip hop, truck driver with baggy pants and a 10 gallon trucker hat perched on the crown of their head, to the European tight leather pants, to the Americans with their shorts and flip flops, and finally to the Germans with their sandals with socks. And I kept my iPod shuffle headphones in to put a soundtrack to the pageant going on in front of me. I was tired. My emotions were all over the place. I kept thinking about Lena last night. How I walked into Yum La alone and stood by the DJ booth. Then like she been there the whole time she slipped through the crowd and stood beside me. But I already felt her. Without having kissed her yet, I could already taste her tongue. But we stood there stupidly looking out on the dancing throng at Yum La to the dance tracks but we were talking to each other through the sides of our mouths. “Are you feeling this?” I said. “Yes,” she said back. And our fingers went out and found each other. “Where is your boyfriend?” I asked. “He is outside. He can’t see us.” “Why didn’t we go out years ago?” I asked. She didn’t answer but instead just looked at me. She had a seductive grin. I loved her dimples. I shook the thoughts and memory out of my head and took a bite out of my sandwich. I took a big one. Hoping the more food I stuffed in my mouth would push out the sensory overload. Just then a couple sat down in the two stools beside me, and I did a little shuffling to give them more room. I leaned down and shoved my bag against the wall. While I was down there, I pulled out my Blackberry and saw the message light blinking. It was Isra. “You should have come. I am on top of the mountain and looking out over the ocean. Its so beautiful. You would love it.” And I could imagine Isra alone with the wind in her hair on top of one of the mountains surrounding Mui Wo – looking out on a beautiful, clear blue sky and tumultuous ocean.

“You can hear your thoughts,” she had said. “You can even hear the crickets at night.” I hadn’t heard crickets at night since I was in Alabama at the beginning of the year. And it was so silent at night in Alabama that it hurt my ears. And I missed that. Why wasn’t I already there? Why hadn’t I already taken the ferry to Isra’s place? Maybe because I hadn’t kissed her yet. I hadn’t touched her. And I was afraid that if I went to her house – climbed the mountains with her – and later that night being alone with her – over a bottle of wine – I would lean over and kiss her. And kissing her would lead to more. And fast forward to three months later or six months, we would be in shambles because I would end up screwing it up as I normally do. Right now – Isra and I were close friends. She was untouched and that made her the truest thing. I wanted to keep it that way. Not defile it. So no, I was going to stay although my heart wanted to be on that mountain too. I wanted to escape from this chaos island. And instantly I was back at Yum La with Lena. “I am going to the bathroom,” she said. “You want to come?” she asked. “What about your boyfriend?” She didn’t answer. She just left. I watched her. And I saw her go into a stall and our eyes were locked on each other until she pulled the door shut. I looked around the club and looked for her boyfriend. I didn’t see him. So I went to the bathroom and went to the sink. I washed my hands three times. I wasted lots of paper towels. I walked past her stall a couple of times but I couldn’t force myself to knock on it. Maybe she was waiting for me because she took a long time. Finally, the door unlocked and it cracked open and she saw me. Then I just went to her. I pushed inside. And there she was – she on one wall – and me pushed against the other. Then I took my hand to her face and we kissed. I tasted her tongue. I tasted her lips and bit her bottom lip softly. Then suddenly, she realized what we were doing. “We can’t,” and she threw me back. She unlatched the door and checked outside to make sure no one was watching. Then she was gone and left me. I closed the door and locked it and ran my hands over my face. What was I doing? I can’t disrespect their relationship like this. I had my chance years ago but it didn’t happen. Now it was Ralph’s time. Not mine. “Stop being a gweilo,” I said aloud. I sucked in a breath and went out. She was not inside. I found her standing outside with her boyfriend and his friends. She was holding his hand. I stood there in front of them – feeling incredibly guilty. Then Lena looked at me deeply and without thinking she kissed me. I squirmed but then I let it happen. Then she pulled away, “I can’t believe you are homosexual! You don’t kiss like a gay man!”

Suddenly, her words registered. She was talking about me! But I wasn’t gay… “Well a good kisser is a good kisser,” I began. “But I would prefer you to have a penis baby,” I said in my pretend effeminate voice. She dropped her boyfriend’s hand and grabbed mine and kissed me again. “I am going to turn you straight,” she said finally. I shoved back watching the eyes of her boyfriend completely lost and confused – anger starting to bubble up. I turned to him. “I am gay. So nothing to worry about.” He laughed. “Okay, whew. I thought I was going to have to kick your ass.” “Oooh, I would love that!” I said in my homosexual voice. Lena looked at me and laughed loud. Her eyes were twinkling with delight. Ralph put his arm around my shoulder. “Hey I got a guy I want to introduce you too!” And then he walked me down the stairs in front of Yum La and I was face to face with a very perfect guy who was very gay – where I was just faking it so Ralph and his buddies wouldn’t beat the shit out of me. “Chance, I want to introduce you to Jackson. He is gay too!” Oh shit, I thought. How am I going to get out of this? Lena was standing behind Chance now – with a naughty grin. Her dimples turned me on again. But this was going too far. I went to my back pocket and pulled out my Blackberry. “Hold on,” I said. “Let me get this.” And I pretended to get a phone call and faked a conversation disappearing down the stairs. I kept going – I actually broke into a run and never looked back. I remembered what I had told Isra, “Captain Jackson? I don’t want that title. I would run away if I could.” I did run away. But sadly, I had earned the title. Suddenly I was back at Subway and I took another huge bite of my tuna sandwich. What the hell am I doing? I need to get out of this place. This island is going to destroy me. But in the same thought, I wanted to secretly liaison with Lena again. Then without turning, I felt someone coming down the escalators. I turned and saw one of the most beautiful women. And she just looked right at me and smiled. I smiled back. At the bottom of the escalator, she turned and came towards Subway. Then she came inside. I tried to turn to see her – but she didn’t enter all the way. And before I knew it, she had backed out and was standing at the escalator again. She looked at me one more time – smiled – and very quickly went back up from where she came. I had to talk to her! My heart was beating a million times a minute. I wolfed down the remainder of my sandwich. I crushed together my trash and hurried out. Now the escalator was packed with people – mostly old – who were stopping me from gaining distance. Once on the straight way – I walked as fast as I could without looking too desperate. I scanned all the people in front of me. I didn’t see her. I tried to remember what she was wearing – something that made her stand

out – so I could spot her from far away. I remembered her white purse with big pink and yellow flowers on it. I searched the crowd – those on the escalator going up and me hurrying down the stairs. But she was no where to be seen. Finally when I got above Queens Road – there was no sign of her. I let out a breath and asked God, “I am not sure why I am chasing this woman but if it’s destiny show her to me again.” And just then – I saw her walking along Queens Road and making a turn down Jubilee Street. I hurried down. I lost her again when I made the turn onto Jubilee Street. I just kept going forward – looking for her – everywhere – trying to spot her purse. Then suddenly, I saw her on the escalator going back up to the SoHo escalator. I rushed forward – but the crowds and slow moving people – held me back. Finally when I got up, I saw her push through the glass doors of the IFC. I hurried forward and when I entered the IFC – I lost her again. I kept searching and the IFC Mall was packed and bustling. I didn’t stop it was like I was using my heart GPS to search her out. I had nearly given up again – when I was standing beside the City Super grocery store. Then outside – I saw her walking. I pushed past families and strollers and people with luggage – finally I was outside – and she was gone. Then I saw her on the escalator going down again. I pursued. Then disaster struck after I got to the bottom of the escalator, somehow, I lost her completely. I spun around looking for her – in all directions – saw the IFC glittering behind me – saw the crowd control metal fences being erected before the East Asian Games fireworks that night – and suddenly I realized where I was. I was beside Pier 6 – the ferry that lead to Mui Wo. This beautiful woman had led me here. Then I wondered if she had been an angel – saving me from myself. I brought out my Blackberry and SMS’d Isra. “I am coming.” I went up to the turnstile that read “Fast Ferry” and used my Octopus card to pay for the escape of Captain Jackson from Chaos Island.