Issuu

Written by 傑森龍 GS Jackson Taken from soulparking.com/blogs/2010/02/3

Reverse (Hong Kong) “I want you to go to MTR with me tonight,” Daisy said. “Is that the party I see the posters everywhere?” I asked. “Yes.” And Daisy pursed her lips together as she was thinking about something. “I hooked up with the DJ once.” She said matter-of-factly. I listened but didn’t respond. “It should be fun,” she said. “So you mean you fucked him?” I asked. She laughed. “You jealous?” “I guess not.” “Don’t worry. He was too tired to be any good.” I nodded. “That’s good.” But deep down in my gut I felt wrong. She looked at me. “I have to go. I promised him I would go.” I nodded enthusiastically. “Of course.” Daisy smiled and then took my chin and pulled my face to hers and kissed me. I felt like I was kissing a thousand men on the mouth. -When we were going up the elevator to Ashtray, Daisy quickly turned to me and said, “Look. Maybe you shouldn’t be so touchy, feely when we get into the club. He might be watching.” I shot her a glance. “Who?” “The DJ.” “Who are you dating – him or me?” “I don’t know. We never said officially that we were dating.” Daisy said with a sly grin. I bit my lip and she was right. “Yeah you are right. We never declared that we were.”

“So are we?” Daisy asked. Just then the elevator doors opened and the booming of the electronica music came blaring out. We walked out quickly and went out to the dance floor. Almost instantly, Daisy saw someone she knew – a Chinese woman who was trying to dance to the erratic beat. And Daisy and the Chinese woman started talking very enthusiastically. I took this as my cue and moved away and went to the bar to order a Red Bull and Vodka. I would be a gentleman and order two. While waiting at the bar, I felt my Blackberry vibrate. I pulled it out and the message was from Isra. “Are you dating Daisy? You don’t really care about anybody’s feelings.” “What do you mean?” I typed back. I stood there reeling in the drama. I looked around and saw the drunken men around me. One of the guys saw me watching them – a tall, blonde, blue eye – and he came up to me and said in a European accent, “Hey man, you want something?” I shook my head. “I don’t want anything.” Thinking he wanted to start a fight. He registered my reaction and smiled. “No.” And he winked. “I mean do you want something? I got some stuff to sell.” I went cold. “No man, I don’t do drugs.” Then just as fast as he engaged me – he had turned around and joined another conversation. My Blackberry vibrated. “You know how I feel about you.” Isra said. I was quick with my response. “No, you want a rich man who can give you babies.” And hit send. The Red Bull and Vodkas finally arrived. I paid and pushed to the dance floor. There I saw Daisy dancing with a tall black guy. She was smiling. I got inbetween them and handed her – her drink. She seemed perturbed that I showed up and gave a half smile – taking the drink. She then returned to moving to the music. I backed up against the wall. I stood there and tried to find something in the music that I could dance to – but I was drawing a blank. So I drank my drink fast. Daisy continued to dance with the black guy without looking in my direction.

With a glass empty too soon, I went up to her and tried to yell in her ear, “Hey, I am heading to another place. This music sucks.” Her eyes treated me like a stranger. She then cupped her free hand to her ear and said loudly, “What?” I repeated my statement. She leaned into my ear. “I can’t hear you.” I nodded, smiled, and then I walked off the dance floor. And I remembered my last time being in Ashtray – and suddenly I was filled with the sudden fear of that Sunday night. But I thought to myself, I would love to reverse to that fear instead of the feeling I had now. The feeling I had now was that I let something go that I would never get back and sadly replaced it with something that was empty. Like that distant Sunday night, I hit the down button on the elevator and it seemed to take forever. That’s when I forgot that I had Daisy’s mobile phone in my pocket. I let out a disgusted breath and went back inside Ashtray. Daisy was still dancing – but this time with a new guy. I pushed out her mobile phone and held it out for her to take. She looked at me strange. “I am going somewhere else to dance. Call me if you need me.” She cupped her hand around her ear. “What?” I didn’t repeat and I just left. I found myself in front of the elevator and pushed the down button. My Blackberry vibrated again. It was Isra. “I cannot stand you.” “That makes two of us,” I said aloud as the doors opened and two drunk guys staggered out of the elevator. I went inside, turned, and saw my empty, alone reflection in the mirror of the elevator doors as they closed. Instead of finding a place to dance, I ended up walking for an hour around Central – watching the couples – drunk and sober – holding hands, laughing, and kissing. I envied them. --

Daisy didn’t call me that night. She didn’t even try to come back to my apartment. I began to worry a little and started to SMS her. But she didn’t reply. It was Sunday again and it was beginning to get cold and rained all day. Around 5 pm I got a message from her asking, “Why did you leave last night?” “Looked like you were having fun.” I texted her back. “I am coming to your apartment. I am in Central. Be there in 20 minutes.” She said. And sure enough in twenty minutes, there was a ring of my door bell. Daisy was standing there wearing the same clothes she was wearing last night. She faked a smile. “Come in,” I said. “Where did you go?” she asked. “I left. You told me not to be touchy and feely.” Daisy said something under her breath in German. “What?” I said. “I don’t understand you,” she said. “You told me you wanted an open relationship. You wanted to live out your fantasies. And you said – you wanted to date someone who wanted the same.” I looked at her disgusted. Then I averted her eyes. “I changed my mind.” “You can’t just change your mind.” “Well I did.” Daisy walked to my bed and sat down. “What happened to you last night?” I showed a little vulnerability. “I was worried about you.” “I met this Irish guy who was visiting Hong Kong. I stayed at his hotel last night.” “You met a stranger and slept with him last night?” I asked.

“Just on the same bed. I didn’t do anything.” “Really,” I said sarcastically. “Why didn’t you call me?” I asked infuriated. “You left me! Why would I call you?” Daisy said raising her voice. “Look. Be happy. Do whatever you want. I am not your boss.” “That’s right,” she began. “But you weren’t supposed to leave me there!” “You didn’t want me there.” We went quiet. Then I stoked the fire again, “So you find some new guy and spend the night at his hotel. That’s smart.” “He was a gentleman. And he offered.” “Wow. So if he would have offered you a shag on the dance floor – would you have done it?” I said mad. Daisy laughed. “You are American!” I was confused. “Yeah? So?” “Americans don’t say shag!” “Well, I did.” Daisy smiled and looked at me. “Just say it. Say fuck.” I shook my head furiously. “Okay, then. If he would have offered to fuck you on the dance floor – would you have?” Daisy stood up – smiling. “Why are you smiling?” I said angry. She outstretched her arms. “Come here.” “No.” I said. “Come here and hug me.”

I shook my head again. “No.” She pushed ahead and hugged me. Her body was warm. “Hug me back.” She said softly. And I reluctantly put my arms around her and squeezed. -I got home late from work and Daisy wasn’t in the apartment. It looked like she had been out most of the day and by the looks of the dirty dishes and the state of the bathroom – she left in a hurry. I dropped my computer bag on the couch and took my shoes off. And I went straight to my bedroom and emptied my pockets. I was tossing the contents out pretty quickly so I could hurry up and login to Facebook via my MacBook. And as I did, my wallet opened up and its contents spilled out. I started gathering the change and the business cards back together and pushing them back within the leather folds. Then sadly I saw the folded piece of paper with a SIM card poking out. I held it and looked at it as if it was a relic from a million years ago. And as I did on my birthday, I kissed it and gently slide it back inside. Then my Blackberry started vibrating in my other pocket. I reached in and pulled it out and it was Daisy. “Guten abend,” I answered. Daisy laughed. “Hey! Where are you?” I answered, “Home. I should ask the same for you – where are you?” I heard a man’s voice behind her, she laughed, covered her phone with her hand, and I heard I hear say, “Shhh!” “Who is that?” I heard her smiling. “I had an interview for a job today. And the guy who interviewed me was awesome and asked me out to dinner.” She explained. “You are out to dinner now?” I asked. “No I finished.”

“And he is there with you?” “Yes.” I didn’t respond. “I want you to meet him! You’ll like him a lot. He works as a manager of the Mandarin Oriental. He is German too.” I stayed quiet. The guy behind her said something and I recognized he was speaking German to her. She laughed again. And said something back in German. “Is he going to hire you and help you get a work visa so you can stay in Hong Kong?” I asked. She was quick to answer. “I think so. He said he would. He is the hiring manager.” Then finally I recognized the emptiness I had been ignoring since I met Daisy. “Look, I think we need to talk when you get back,” I said. She responded right away, “Yeah, I think we definitely need to talk.” And almost at the same time we said, “I don’t think this is working out between us.” She laughed. I was quiet. “Wow,” she said. “I guess we are really alike!” “No, we aren’t,” I said. The German guy behind her said something. She laughed again and then she continued, “Can you bring all my stuff I left at your apartment to Isra’s bar and leave it there? I will pick it up later. Bernd is taking me there for drinks.” She said. “Sure.” And I didn’t say goodbye and instead I just hung up. I sat there stunned. And all I wanted to do was go in reverse. Go back one week to sit at the table in Cicada.