BRUNO VINCENT
A MOST CONFOUNDING PARODY
Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Forgotten Password
about the author
Bruno Vincent is the author of more than thirty books, which have been translated into fifteen languages. He is best known for the Enid Blyton for Grown Ups series (in which he introduced the Famous Five to the perils of modern life), ten of which were Sunday Times bestsellers. He has contributed to serious works about the history of poetry and literature, but has also written humorous books in the voices of Charles Dickens, Prince Harry and Danger Mouse, as well as his own collections of horror stories for children, Grisly Tales from Tumblewater and School for Villains.
Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Forgotten Password
bruno vincent
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First published 2024 001
Copyright © Bruno Vincent, 2024
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It was a fine day in August, the sky over London bright blue after a night of storms. At Baker Street I had the pleasure of receiving an honoured and respected guest.
‘You always did make a good cup of tea, Dr Watson,’ said Inspector Lestrade. Which is to say, Vicky Lestrade, daughter of our old Scotland Yard associate.
‘How is your dear father?’ I asked. ‘Retirement treats him well, I trust?’
‘He’s on great form,’ said Vicky. ‘Golf, birdwatching – and he’s forever going on holiday, visiting ancient ruins. Speaking of which, Dr Watson . . . how is our friend the consulting detective?’
‘Ah,’ I said, cradling my cup in my hands. ‘Difficult to answer – Holmes is such an unpredictable fellow. Recently, you see, it’s become impossible to deny that he’s . . .’ I lowered my voice. ‘. . . on the spectrum.’
Vicky nodded sagely, and at that same moment the living-room door crashed open. In strode Holmes in a state of wild excitement. In his hand was a piece of electronic equipment which I believe is termed a ‘joystick’.
‘Watson!’ he cried. ‘This Sinclair ZX Spectrum is a marvellous piece of equipment! What will those clever fellows at Silicon Valley think of next? I’ve been hard at work all morning and I’ve not allowed a single space invader to reach the surface of the earth!’
‘I know that Mrs Hudson uses something called “detergent” and another thing called “conditioner”. Beyond that, it is as baffling a mystery to me as any I’ve encountered.’
‘Oh, hello Victoria,’ said Holmes, seeing we had company. He stood up straight and put his hands behind his back – hiding the joystick. ‘What brings you to these parts?’
‘Sherlock,’ said Inspector Lestrade, with a cautious smile. Like many of the younger generation, she frequently found Holmes superior and patronizing, and more than a little out of touch – but could not help being fond of him, like a troublesome uncle.
‘I thought I’d pop in because I was in the neighbourhood,’ she said. ‘Another one of those anonymous pieces of street art appeared overnight – right here on Baker Street! They’re a nightmare for us: roads blocked while people take pictures, and others try to deface them, and so forth.’
‘Really,’ said Holmes. ‘Doesn’t this Banksy fellow get bored of doing the same thing over and over? All this skulking around under the cover of darkness – you’d think by his age he’d want to stay at home and take up an easel?’
‘Actually, it’s not him,’ said Lestrade, getting up. ‘In fact you can just see the artwork from here, if you look carefully.’
‘Ah yes,’ I said, following her pointing finger. ‘I did wonder what the commotion was about. This person only leaves mysterious blocky stencils, I understand. Rather
like a computer image. Not a million miles away from one of the games on your beloved Spectrum, Holmes . . .’
‘Never mind that, Watson,’ Holmes muttered. ‘Now, this pattern – I see it everywhere. What is it?’
‘It’s called a QR code,’ said Vicky Lestrade. ‘When you hold your phone’s camera in front of it, you are automatically taken to a web address. At first people thought these were just graffiti. But word has been spreading that for the first person to scan them, it’s a very different story indeed – they unlock a huge sum of money, in the hundreds of thousands of pounds!’
‘What!’ said Holmes. ‘You mean we had a fortune going begging under our noses, if only we’d realized? What are you playing at, Watson, missing such an opportunity?’
‘Certainly not the Sinclair Spectrum, Holmes,’ I said.
‘Well, quite!’ said Holmes. ‘With that money I could upgrade to an Amstrad. Or a Commodore 64!’
‘Before you get too excited, these moneys – if the story is true – are only payable in cryptocurrency,’ said Lestrade. ‘So you’d have to get your heads round that first.’
‘Then I’ve no interest,’ said Holmes, turning away. He hefted the teapot to see how full it was, and hunted for a cup. ‘I’ll be long in my grave before anyone manages to explain all that twaddle to me.’
‘Sounds to me like a financial matter, Inspector,’ I said. ‘Should you not get the Financial Crimes Division to look into it?’
‘A very good idea,’ said Vicky Lestrade. ‘In fact – you know there’s an epidemic of ransomware attacks in the country right now?’
I expected another baffled expostulation from Holmes, but to my surprise he responded eagerly: ‘Yes, I’ve heard of those. Someone breaks into a company and steals all their internal information, holding it to ransom for exorbitant sums of money?’
‘That’s right,’ said Vicky. ‘It’s happening so often, the Met set up a brand-new Ransomware Response Unit to deal with them.’
‘Good idea!’ I said. ‘The Metropolitan Police getting ahead of the game for once.’
‘Unfortunately, on the first day of operations, they were hit with a massive ransomware attack. And had to shut down.’
‘Ah,’ said Holmes. ‘Most unfortunate.’
‘Yeah, so all the money’s gone and it’s all hands to the pump again.’
‘Well,’ said Holmes. ‘Keep your eyes peeled for these artworks, and perhaps you can get some of the money back.’
‘Where have these – what do you call them? Graffiti? – appeared?’ I asked.
‘All over the world,’ said Lestrade. ‘Bangladesh, Washington DC , Jakarta . . . People are trying to work out if there’s a pattern to the locations, and also wondering about the motive of whoever it is who’s doing it.’
‘Sounds like a modern Robin Hood at work,’ said Holmes.
‘Hmmph,’ said Lestrade, unimpressed. ‘More likely to be a guerrilla marketing campaign for Richstream.’
‘Richstream?’ asked Holmes and myself in one voice.
‘Oh, really, you two might as well be living under a rock! Richstream – the cryptocurrency that’s quickly replacing Bitcoin. It’s promoted by that billionaire creep who’s everywhere these days – Igor Glebe. The berk who wants to put a computer chip in everyone’s brains, god help us. Anyway, that’s the currency being given away by our mysterious artist. Possibly they – like everyone else who invested in Richstream – have made a mint and want to give something back . . .’