Boost your teen's confidence with killer communication skills. (816 x 1056 px)

Boost your teenager’s confidence with killer communication skills.

Welcome to this digital handbook for parents, centered on mastering effective communication with teenagers and preteens to support and enhance their self-esteem development.

Communication provides a chance to have open discussions about emotions and address issues effectively.

It strengthens bonds among family and friends.

It encourages personal development through shared learning and connection.

Navigating Effective Communication with My Teenager: What's the Most Effective Approach?

Empathy is: genuinely caring about a person being nonjudgmental understanding a person‘s thoughts, expressions, and feelings. not sympathy, which involves feeling sorrow or pity for another person.

Teen in emotional distress.

To practice and maintain empathy, parents must empty their minds of all biases and ‘listen actively’ or be fully present while interacting with their teenagers.

Empty your mind before engaging in conversation or interacting with your teenager.

Let go of any preconceived notions and biases you may have about teenagers.

Such as Teen being...

Irresponsible/Oopsiedaisies.

A rollercoaster of feelings A rebel with a cause.

A peer pressure magnet.

A pro at chillin'.

Me, myself, and I expert.

“School? What's that?” person.

Dangerously daring.

When you sense defensiveness during a conversation: Pause for a moment.

Inhale deeply.

Share your feelings of distress openly.

Reflect on your inner thoughts to grasp your emotions.

Retreat and give yourself a break.

Practising Empathy

‘Listen’ to your teen’s emotions and requirements rather than focusing solely on what the teenager is saying.

Listen to, or ‘Hear’ what your teenager is observing, feeling, needing, and requesting to fully engage with their experience and be present with them.

Listen to: Observation: Teen articulates the actions or words of others regarding them, indicating their approval or disapproval.

Feelings: Teen expresses their emotions and vulnerabilities related to the observations. Did it lead to hurt, joy, or irritation?

Needs: Teen identifies their values and desires linked to the emotions they have expressed.

Request: Teen puts forward a clear request, outlining what they require from their parents to enhance the situation.

Teen’s Observation

“I will never lose all this weight”

“Brad told me I suck at basketb all

“Sara did not invite me to her ’cool girls’ movie night.”

“I don’t deserve anything.

I am not good enough.”

Teen’s Feelings ‘I feel downhearted.

I am not good enough”

“I feel disgusted by my body weight ”

“I feel annoyed

by Sara’s diva-like attitude.”

“I feel ashamed for failing to get on the basketball team.”

Teen’s Needs

“ I am frustrated because I am not losing the weight I need to.”

“I am resentful because I was not invited to Sara’s cool girls’ movie night “

Teen’s Needs continued....

“I am sorry for making Marcus mad at me because I want him to like me.”

“I am embarrassed for not making the basketball team because all my friends made it and I failed”.

“I am discouraged because I am not good enough and don’t deserve anything.”

Teen’s Request

“ I would like you to show me one thing in my weight loss journey, that you appreciate.”

“I would like you to attend my basketball practice on Tuesday and tell me how I did.”

Teen’s Request continued...

“ I would like Sara to include me in her social circle.”

“I would like to talk more openly with Marcus so that we can be friends.”

“I would like to be happy and confident.”

Reflective Listening.

Reflect on your teen’s message

Reflection of message Parents look back or reflect on what they have heard.

Parents ask questions or repeat the teen’s statements to clarify the message.

Parents confirm their understanding of their teen’s issue.

Parents observe signs of relief in their teen and a compassionate connection is established.

Communication barriers, defensiveness, and resistance are eliminated.

Parents can enhance communication by practicing reflective listening, which involves paraphrasing or rephrasing to confirm their understanding of the teenager's message.

Encourage asking questions.

Repeat the teenager's statements.

Paraphrasing what the teenager said helps them address any misunderstandings the parent might have. Additionally, posing questions encourages the teenager to contemplate their words and explore their thoughts further.

Practising Reflection.

Asking the right questions as a parent involves understanding your teenager's thoughts and feelings while being open to corrections if you misinterpret them.

When posing questions: Keep a composed and nonjudgmental tone to avoid triggering sensitivity to criticism or sarcasm.

Parents should first articulate their own needs and emotions before asking questions.

Adolescents often feel more supported when parents begin by sharing the emotions and needs that underlie their inquiries.

Tip: By concentrating on grasping the emotions and needs conveyed in a teenager's communication, any criticism, insults, attacks, and judgments will fade away.

understanding Teen’s Observation

“You seem upset about being excluded from your group of friends.”

“You sound like you are discouraged with how your weight loss efforts are going.”

“You appear unhappy about Brad’s opinion of your basketball skills.”

“You are saying that you are undeserving and not good enough as a person?”

Understanding Teen’s feelings “You and Sara have been friends for a long time. Are you saying that her annoying attitude is affecting your friendship?”

“You sound disappointed about the pace of your weight loss journey. Am I right in sensing that?”

Understanding Teen’s Feelings continued..

“ You are saying that you believe you are not worthy, and this makes you feel down?”

“Not making the basketball team is making you ashamed of yourself?” Am I getting that right?”

Understanding Teen’s Needs

"Are you saying that not making the basketball team embarrasses you at school because you are in the ‘Jock club’?”

"I understand. Are you upset with Sara because you wish she valued and recognized your friendship more?"

Understanding Teen’s Needs continued..

“Am I right in thinking that you are feeling frustrated because you believe you will not meet your weight loss goal despite all your hard work?”

"So, you are disheartened and see yourself as unworthy, because you have not been able to achieve certain requirements?"

Understanding Teen’s Request

“Are you asking for my input into your weight loss journey?”

“You wish to remain in Sara’s ‘cool girls’ social circle?”

Understanding Teen’s Request continued.

"You will be happy to see me at your basketball practice, and provide feedback on your technique?"

“Are you expressing a wish to be confident and happy?’

Reflecting on your teen's message through paraphrasing with questions or repeating what was said can improve communication and provide continuous support to your teen during times of emotional distress.

Tip: Always inquire, "Is there anything else you would like to share?"

Wrap up During the communication process, parents establish connections with their teenagers through empathy and by acknowledging their emotional experiences. This method fosters a supportive environment where adolescents feel comfortable expressing themselves and delving into their deepest feelings, ultimately bringing a sense of relief. By refraining from criticism or judgment, this strategy can mitigate resistance and defiance from teenagers. It acts as a vital first stage in effective communication, enhancing teenagers' self-esteem, before addressing and resolving any conflicts that may arise.

Have your interactions with your teenager been successful? How can you tell?

The teenager shows engagement and keeps communication open for ongoing dialogue.

The teenager is open to suggestions, solutions, and different approaches.

The teenager communicates requests using the options provided.

The teenager asks additional questions to explore the conversation further.

Both the teenager and parent feel a sense of relief and tension easing.

Criticism, insults, and sarcasm from the teenager fade away.

The Power of Effective Communication.

Additional Resources for your teenager.

My Self-Discovery Journal: An affirming working journal for youth. https://www.simahealthconsultancy.com /shop

Cannabis and Other Substance Use: An Information Guide for Adolescents.

Available at www.amazon.com

Author: Anne Kwamie. RN. MN-ANP. Consultant. Facilitator Sima Health Consultancy.

Youth Mental Health Literacy. www.simahealthconsultancy.com simahealthconsultancy@gmail.com info@simahealthconsultancy.com Facebook & Instagram: @simahealthcon YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/ @SimaYouthMentalHealth-gh2um LinkedIn: /simahealth