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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

HARDWARE Small Engine Repair Parts & Service

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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 14 Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 2005 FORD F350 SUPER DUTY, 6.0 TURBO diesel, 34’ Keystone Cougar 5th wheel with 2 slides $34,400, call for separate details on truck or trailer (775)265-6018 RENNER’S TRUE VALUE HARDWARE; plumbing, electrical, post and fence, pre-mix cement bags, toys, pet food, household cleaners, we have everything you need! Smith Valley, Wellington, TRE (775)465-2217 TIRE CHAINS NEVER USED, SELF ADJUSTING, self tightening, various sizes $50 each; utility wagon, 58”Lx34”Wx24”D, tilts $100; two tubeless truck tires, 31x10.50R15LT, studded with wheels $25 each (530)3186345 I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN AND STILL WANT AND need to work! I have 25 years experience cleaning houses, excellent references, call for estimate (775)291-9188 CUSTOM FORD COVER FOR F150, LIKE NEW $950; beautiful hand painted ice saw $250 (775)266-1987

BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629 FOUR MICHELIN 25570R18 TIRES $100 (775)720-1627 ONE HOUR SIGNATURE FACE LIFT FACIAL, 1 hour aroma balance treatment, March special only $60 per service, gift certificates available. Located behind Bank of America, Minden, Massage/Jennifer (775)291-1286, Facial/Karla(775)315-0673 HEAVY DUTY FOUR DRAWER OAK SEWING table $125 OBO, you pick-up (775)465-9074 or (775)790-1176 REFURBISHED MOBILE HOMES LOOKING FOR Good Tenants! 1 and 2 Bedroom for rent, payment starting from $505 plus all utilities, available now in Dayton, Silver Springs and Yerington (775)316-0634 HYDRAULIC AND PNEUMATIC AIR CYLINDERS repair and rebuild, log splitters, tractors, farm equipment, dump trucks and trailers, etc. all makes and models. Machining, welding, fabrication, design, reasonable rates! 18 years experience, Ramco Fabrication, Shawn (775)2677358

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Children’s Manners and Etiquette in the Old Days!?

When any adult, except your parents, entered the room, you would stand up. You would always vacate a bus or train seat for a woman or someone in senior years. At the dinner table, don’t eat anything until the host has begun to eat, and that would be after grace. No elbows on the table, keep your bites small and dab, don’t wipe your mouth with your napkin. Don’t speak with food in your mouth. Don’t twirl your spaghetti around your fork, cut it. And clean your plate, children are starving in China. You would never leave the table without seeking permission first. In fact, you would usually not even bother asking, in the ‘old days’ most would eat as a family and leave the table together. “Please” and “Thank you” were compulsory and unlike nowadays, if you didn’t say it, it wasn’t a case of the adult saying what an impolite young child you were after you’d left, they would tell you face to face. At school, every teacher was referred to as ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam’ and upon entry into the classroom, everyone would stand and unanimously say “Good morning Sir” If you wore a hat, you would never wear it indoors, home, or shop. You would take it off if you met or you were talking to a lady.

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“I want” were two ‘no no’ words, it was always “I would like” or “may I have” (followed by the mandatory please and thank you of course). You would always open a door for someone, a woman or adult and allow them entry or exit before you. ‘Speak when you’re spoken to’, another expression us oldens often say. You would not normally make the first comment other than to ask how a person was, you would sit politely when you had guests and wait for the question - and that was usually based around your schooling! Going back to buses and trains and even walking down the street, if you saw a lady struggling with her shopping, you would offer to help, even if that meant going out of your way to take them to their home. 1959 PLYMOUTH FURY, TWO DOOR HARD TOP, V8, complete, body restored (775)782-2422 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 35 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 ALASKA FOR SALE - 2017 ESTATE LIQUIDATION, 8 parcels, ½ acre to 80 acres, 2 remote, 6 with road access; homes, cabins, outbuildings, waterfront, riverfront $1.65 million, all or part, no tire kickers please (775)220-7332


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Dinner Blessing

Ed, was strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes’ man. Over the years, he’s learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won’t eat. His family likes to tease him about it. One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: Now we sit to eat what’s here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No brussel sprouts or any such and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that’s white or red and potatoes, corn, and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn’t hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert. SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)291-3095 RUPERT’S GEMCUTTING AND JEWELRY- UNIQUE gifts, custom designing, repairs, specializing in natural stones and precious gemstone jewelry, Carson City (775)882-5988 1993 22’ PROWLER 5TH WHEEL TRAVEL trailer, like new appliances, new tires, includes hitch $3,500 or trade for smaller pull behind trailer (775)315-4106

A Broom Wedding...

WNC Community Education Classes

R.I.P.P.E.D. exercise class Monday/Wednesday’s 5:40pm6:40pm - Women’s Self Defense - 5 weeks $96. New: C.L.E.P. - Learn the process of obtaining a University Degree in 24 months and save money and time - 1 day workshop $60. Check class descriptions, dates, cost and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4268. VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)7201918 or (775)267-2582 HARDWOOD FLOORING WAREHOUSE CLEARANCE! Also Laminate, Vinyl Plank and Carpet at 20% - 50% off, Specials starting from .50 per square foot, Rogers Carpet One (775)267-2555 RENEE’S UPHOLSTERY, FORMERLY OF SARAH’S, specializing in motorcycle seats, furniture, marine, automotive, 20 years experience, rquell@sbcglobal.net or (775)530-3941 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, snow removal, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808

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Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after they got to know each other a bit, decided to get married. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely and attended by all the push brooms and dust mops. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and whispered to the groom broom, “We’re soon going to have a little whisk broom!” “Impossible!” said the groom broom, indignantly. “We haven’t even swept together yet!!!” PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 EXPERIENCED HOT TUB REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE, monthly/bi-monthly, new custom covers available! Serving Carson Valley area, Carson Spa Care (775)230-5328 GREG’S SMALL ENGINE SERVICE AND REPAIR! Lawn Mowers, Snow Blowers, Portable Generators, Tillers, Shredders, Pressure Washers; On Site Pick-Up And Delivery, Serving Carson City, Carson Valley, Dayton gregtenbroeck@yahoo.com or visit us at gregsmallengine. com (775)790-0435 or (530)307-1132


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Remain Independent – Remain at Home

The “little things” may become increasingly difficult as we age, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender. We provide affordable, non-medical assistance for seniors at home. Light housekeeping, meal prep, bathing/grooming, companionship, family relief, and incidental transportation to appointments. A few hours to 24/7 care. Eden Home Care, eden-health.com (775)392-2000 TANGLES HAIR STUDIO AND NAILS, specializing in creative color and cuts; Men, Women and Children, Walk-ins Welcome! Follow us on Facebook, 1255 US Hwy. 395N, Gardnerville, (775)782-2742 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912 ALUMINUM MONGOOSE MOUNTAIN BIKE, excellent condition, rack and lights, great around town bike, must see $300 OBO, Minden (831)535-2777

To the New Grandma…

If the journey of raising your newborn into a successful adult has been a magical ride, watching your own grandchild grow up in your lap is going to be a miraculous adventure. Congratulations, I am so excited for you! Hugs, Megan GOT ART? COME SEE OUR NEW SELECTION of contemporary, rustic frames, Lone Tree Frame Company, 1497 Hwy. 395 N., Gardnerville (775)782-2522 ROOM FULL OF EXERCISE ITEMS; ALL must go $500 for all; Strider, Crosswalk, Cruncher, Weights, Twister, Exercise Ball, Shaker and more (775)461-3117 GET READY FOR YOUR CPA – SAVE THE LAST minute scramble and paying high fees to your CPA to pull your 2016 books together, call Pro-Balanced Bookkeeping at (775)246-3363

A Real Gut-Buster

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha¬¬! That’s not going to help,” she said. “Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.” FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)7828776 GOLF CART, TWO SEATER WITH CARGO bed and battery charger, excellent shape, asking $2,500 (530)9570073

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” $69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; washers, dryers, refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725 ORIGINAL 1969 CHEVY 350 ENGINE WITH machine work done, has updated racing pistons, rods, roller rockets, pan and more, $8,000 invested, asking $2,500, needs assembled (775)461-3117 HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30 years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick –up and delivery; parts in one day! californiafritz.com or (530)6942521

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STOP THE COLD AIR FROM COMING UNDER your house! Change your foundation vents to Raz Air Vents. Easy to open and close, 100% guaranteed, available at your local Meeks Lumber and Hardware Stores and Dave’s Supply in Carson City, call (775)392-4455 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Joanne, please leave clear message (775)465-9422


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Toilet-Squatting Exercise Class

My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she’d bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she’d carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she’d instruct, “Never, never sit on a public toilet seat.” And she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I’d have wet down my leg. And we’d go home. That was a long time ago. Even now in my more mature years, The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one’s bladder is especially full. When I have to “go” in a public toilet, I find a line of women that makes me think there’s a half-price sale on Brad Pitt’s underwear in there. So, I wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And I finally get closer. I check for feet under the stall doors. Everyone is occupied. Finally, a stall door opens and I dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. I get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter. I hang my purse on the door hook, yank down my pants and assume “The Stance.” Relief. More relief. Then my thighs begin to shake. I’d love to sit down but I certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so I hold The Stance as my thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale.

To take my mind off it, I reach for the toilet paper. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. My thighs shake more. I remember the tiny tissue that I blew my nose on that’s in my purse. It would have to do. I crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than my thumbnail. Someone pushes open my cubicle door because the latch doesn’t work and my purse whacks me in the head. “Occupied!” I scream as I reach out for the door, dropping my tissue in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. I get up quickly, but it’s too late. My bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because I never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if I had enough time to. And my mother would be utterly ashamed of me if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, “You don’t know what kind of diseases you could get.” And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that I grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. At that point, I give up. I’m soaked by the splashing water. I’m exhausted. I try to wipe with a lolly wrapper I found in my pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. I can’t figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so I wipe my hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Charity Case

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call. “Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?” The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?” “Um, no,” mumbled the director. “Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?” “I … I … I had no idea.” “So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?” SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (775)267-1800 CHEVY 235CI 6 CYLINDER ENGINE $300; Ford T-10 transmission, 4 speed $250; Chevy 4 speed truck transmission; Black Powder 36 caliber pistol $200 with powder and accessories (775)354-8254 ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174

legged and unable to smile politely at this point. One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that I’m trailing a piece of toilet paper on my shoe as long as the Murray River! I yank the paper from my shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and say warmly, “Here. You might need this.” At this time, I see my spouse, who has entered, used and exited his toilet and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for me. “What took you so long?” he asks, annoyed. This is when I kick him sharply in the shin and go home. This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long. ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 NON-TOXIC PEST CONTROL – ADOPT A BARN Cat, Keep property rodent free, Nevada Humane Society seeking outdoor homes for healthy, neutered, vaccinated feral cats, Adopt and save a life (775)856-2000, ext. 200 HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/ exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235

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USPS Trash Pick Up!!??

Every now and then when I know our local post office is a little short handed, I take it upon myself to take my broom, etc and go over and sweep the post office lobby floors, dust a little and tidy up a bit. It is unfortunate how some people disrespect the post office lobby by letting pieces of their mail/paper drop to the floor and then just walk away without picking it up and disposing of it. Some people leave empty bottles, candy bar wrappers, tissue, unwanted mail, etc. on the counters which are located right next to paper bins. Some people even bring their personal trash and dispose of it in the bins. Yuck! Like many other people, I appreciate the USPS and their MAIL pick-up and delivery services. However, I don’t believe their services are to include customer TRASH pick-up from the lobby floors nor disposing of home garbage from the USPS bins, which, by the way, are for paper only! Please help keep our lobby’s clean! If it falls to the floor, pick it up and dispose of it in one of the many lobby bins provided by the post offices. And please, leave your personal trash at home. This is one time the saying, “one persons trash IS NOT another person’s treasure” DOES NOT apply. 1/28 DIE CAST NHRA CARS, MARINE CORP dress sword, brass receiver, lever action, hexagon barrel (775)980-7756

GUTTER AND GARAGE DOOR INSTALLATION, 10% Senior Discount, Serving Carson Valley and surrounding communities, 20+ years, Absolute Rain Gutters and Garage Doors, NV#0071909 (775)267-4422 DALILA HOUSE CLEANING! 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE in Gardnerville, Carson City and Tahoe area! Weekly or by-weekly with great references! Free Estimates (775)430-2531

Willpower

A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman on the street. He says, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looks at him and says, “I wish I had your willpower.” MOUNTAIN LAND, 40 ACRES, ELKO County Nevada, 11 miles from Deeth, NV, stream crosses property, remote $12,700 cash or terms great investment, Tony kolpt@ earthlink.net (414)704-8810 ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS? MAKE THEM GO away! No job too small! New construction, remodels, service and repair, Pigman Electric, NV#73243, CA#610417 (775)721-9491 WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” What Do We Really Know About St. Paddy’s Day? By Anita Kornoff, Gardnerville, NV

HANDYMAN, EXPERIENCED IN MOST HOME Improvements or Repairs, Quality Workmanship, Insured, NV#20101037419 (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179 1990 27’ COACHMAN CATALINA MOTOR HOME, everything works but roof leaks, some water damage inside, six new tires (2,000 miles on them), new cover $500, good burner vehicle $7,000, Barb (775)782-5645 REGISTERED FULLBLOOD (100%) BOER GOATS for sale, California Quality at Nevada Prices! Home of Show champion Producing Sire “Sudden Impact.” We have some of the Best Boer Bloodlines in Nevada! Registered Fullblood kids available year around. northernnvboergoats.com or email ichwawa395@aol.com or Sharon (775)781-0243 READY FOR SEASONAL CLEANUP AND MAINTENANCE? For a free estimate call James at Gardnerville Green, gardnervillegreen@gmail.com or (775)450-0082 LANCASTER CONSTRUCTION, WE SPECIALIZE in Re-leveling Mobile Homes, also replacing old metal exterior doors with new residential doors. Give Phil Lancaster a call to schedule an appointment (775)720-4319 or (775)782-8785

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The first thing that comes to mind when I think of March is St. Patrick’s Day. There’s always that drab period after New Year’s Day as we come down from the frenzy of getting through the holidays. Weeks and weeks go by when days are gray; weather is cold, skies are gloomy, and spring seems so far away. This year a lot of rain and some heavy snowfall even were added to the mix. Then along comes March bringing hope for a welcome bright spot with colorful shamrock’s, funny hats, corned beef and cabbage dinners, lots of merriment at bars and restaurants and plenty of green beer. At last—a cheerful event after a cold winter. Days are getting longer, we’ve gone back on daylight saving time (March 12), and there is hope! For me, this always marks the turn of the seasons. So, I set out to find out all I could about this popular holiday when “Everybody’s Irish.” I learned that a lot of what I thought I knew isn’t necessarily true! To start with, St. Patrick’s real name was probably Maewyn Succat, or in Latin, Magonus Succetus, which he later changed to Patrick when he became a priest. Many details of his life are shrouded in mystery and legend, yet every March 17, we toast to “Saint Patrick’s Health” on what is thought to be the date of his death! There is even more to the story of Ireland’s active missionary during the second half of the fifth century than his purportedly just having driven out Ireland’s snake population. According to the “St. Patrick’s Confessio,” he was captured when he was about 16 by Irish pirates—and taken from his home in Great Britain to be a slave in Ireland. He lived there for six years before escaping to return to his family. It surprised me to read that some years afterward when he’d become a cleric, he went back to northern and western Ireland as a missionary. In later life, he served as a bishop there and by the seventh century, became revered as the patron saint of Ireland. According to folklore, he stood on a hilltop, dressed in his formal “green attire” where he waved his staff to herd thousands of the slithering creatures into the sea. This tale prevails although earliest depictions of St. Patrick show him clothed in “blue garments”—and there’s a whole other story about the blue/green thing. Thus, he is credited with expelling the serpents from the Emerald Isle forever. Claims are there hasn’t been a snake seen there since 461 AD (except for the odd household pet and zoo creature). Although this feat is attributed to St. Patrick’s strategy and stealth, there is another school of thought regarding the legend. The controversy stems from whether or not this is a real story or allegory. Some believe the snake was a symbol of paganism and it was that the missionary St. Patrick rid Ireland of by bringing Christianity to the green isle. Now to further burst our mythical bubble--it turns out that because of the island’s geography, there never were any snakes there in the first place! No matter which of the stories we choose to believe, people will indeed be partying on March 17 and our Carson Valley offers many locations at which to celebrate. Most of


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the local restaurants and Casinos will be serving traditional “corned beef and cabbage” dinners that night as well as several non-profit groups, as fundraisers. Interesting to note--that particular dish is traditionally Jewish, not Irish. The probable unpopularity of corned (or any beef) in Ireland comes from the country’s relationship with cattle in general. From early on, cows in Ireland were not used for their meat but rather their strength in the fields, their milk, and the dairy products produced. So, beef was not even a part of the diet for the majority of the population. At first, I thought a more authentic Irish dish might be “Mulligan Stew” until I learned that was a name some American hobos coined in the early 1900s. So,

let’s just call it “Irish Stew,” which was often made with mutton. Not surprisingly, someone substituted corned beef and cabbage with a slightly more appealing aroma than mutton. This dish undoubtedly draws more diners to our St. Paddy’s fundraising dinners. So, if you will be one of those toasting to St. Patrick’s health on the anniversary of his death, take care not to toast too much, or you might just see all those snakes reappear. Remember, should you partake of an overabundance of whiskey, green beer or Irish coffee, be sure you have a designated driver or a taxi cab to get you home safely. Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Marriage Humor

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married! There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere! GORGEOUS AKC STANDARD POODLES, HOME raised, new puppies available, beautiful Parti/solid puppies, males and females, for pictures/pricing and color pupsncolts4u@aol.com or (775)881-8905

Making Amends with the IRS

After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.” VENDORS, CHESHIRE ANTIQUES HAS SPACE Available! 12,000 square foot store, furniture, jewelry, repurposed and more. Contact Karen, 1423 Hwy 395, Gardnerville (775)782-9117 KENMORE ELITE THREE FUNCTION MICROWAVE, with grill, convection and microwave, 1200 watts, almost new, paid $300, asking $100 (775)392-4242

Codependents Anonymous

CoDA “Developing Healthy Relationships” Carson City, Sparks and Kings Beach, Visit www.coda.org or call for details, Al at (775)882-0884 or Bob C. (775)720-1040 SCI GRADING EXCAVATING ROAD WORK, house pads, drainage and erosion control, septic systems and pumping, wet and dry utilities, demolition, water and dump truck service, Erik Viksna NV#076958, CA#954210, (530)306-2647 or (775)629-9000

March 12th- Daylight Savings 14

FIREWOOD! WELL SEASONED DRY SPLIT PINE $240/cord, unlimited supply, easy access, pick-up and delivery, location Woodfords, Paul (530)721-5011 WANTED: NEW AND USED KNIVES WANTED and tobacco pipes; folding, hunting, military knives, Jeff (775)720-2577

Join EyeZone of Carson City for an Open House

Due to the weather our January Open House had to be cancelled. Stop by our Open House from 4:30pm ­- 6:30pm on Thursday, March 19th. EyeZone is a locally owned optometry office and we¹d like to invite you to meet our doctors, tour the office, and enjoy some food and drink. Our office is located at 911 Topsy Lane, Suite 236, near Best Buy in Carson City. Give us a call at (775)267-9160 for more information. PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065 JR’S POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE, ALL quads, dirt, street bikes, chainsaws, snowmobiles, generators, any gas powered machines, 30 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)241-2530


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Life After Death

Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: Yes, I do. Why? Boss: After you left early yesterday to go to your Aunt’s funeral, she stopped in to see you. KENMORE WASHER AND DRYER $225/PAIR; Hotsy Steam Cleaner $750; 3’ diameter commercial barbecue $850 (775)782-2422 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700

WNC Motorcycle Rider Course

The motorcycle riding season is almost here. Registration begins March 1, 2017 for the Basic Rider Course - $160, the NEW Basic Rider Course II - $85 and the Advanced Rider Course - $85. The BRC II is for rider who have been riding or need to update their skills. This New course is the intermediate course of the three offered at WNC. The BRC II will include an online classroom portion and MUST be completed prior to the in person class. Check class descriptions, dates, and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4268.

GRASS-FED BEEF, ALL LOCALLY GROWN, $4.25 per pound hanging weight, works out to about $6 per pound cut and wrapped (775)721-1574

BUYING OR SELLING REAL ESTATE? LET AN experienced, professional realtor guide you to a successful outcome. Contact Jim Darrough of Realty Executives, he can and will help you, nvrebroker@charter.net or (775)7904848

REDUCE YOUR ENERGY COST! ATTIC blown in insulation, Residential and Commercial, licensed and bonded, 27 years experience, for your Free Estimate call BGS NV#58410, NV#58411 (775)782-9192

ASPHALT AND CONCRETE DRIVEWAYS, GRADING and Utility Work in the Carson Valley, 30 years in business, Free Estimates, BR Constructors, NV#28567/ NV#31076 (775)782-4477 or (775)690-8593

1975 CHEVY CHEYENNE 350 ENGINE WITH LOTS of chrome, Aluminum racing heads, All Alloy Pulley’s, Gear Drive, Stainless Steel Billets, New Cam Shaft , interior great etc., runs great $6,500 firm (360)581-3864

MIKES HORSESHOEING SERVICE, 30 + YEARS experience! Serving Carson Valley and surrounding areas! Mike Romine (775)350-0351

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Parenting with Purpose By Mary Jane Battitsa,Coleville, CA

WE BUY MOBILE HOMES, PARKS OR WITH land, NV# U2175 (775)815-1214 1979 FORD RANCHERO, ALL ORIGINAL, 85,000 miles, 351 cubic inch V8 engine, new tires, excellent condition, one owner $7,700 (408)607-5186 THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

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The family dinner table is much more than a place to eat. It is a place for prayer, instruction, listening to the hearts of those sitting around it and even a place to incorporate manners and chores. Dining out is great however it can’t take the place of gathering with your own in your own home. It’s where family ties are strengthened and trust between parents and kids and husbands and wives is solidified. What did Jesus do after he called Zacchaeus down from the sycamore tree? He went to his home and dined with him which changed the course of Zacchaeus’s life. Psalm 127:3-5 gives us a wonderful word picture in the way parents influence the lives of their children. It says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He will not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate.” The influence you have while speaking to your children at the dinner table may be like those arrows being directed to a certain career, a way of life, the knowing of truth and so much more. Before you eat praying to Thank God is not just a formality, but a reminder that what we have comes from God who gives to us generously. Do you remember the Lord’s prayer where Jesus told us to ask, “give us this day, our daily bread?” The very least we can do is to pray and thank Him each day. But what if you have a picky eater who is not very thankful for the bread you have placed in front of him or her? People have differing opinions as to how to handle that but since you the parent have taken time to shop and prepare the meal I personally never suggest you get up to make something different. Some options might be that they sit with you at the table until all are finished and have a sandwich or a bowl of cereal when all are done, or if they persist in whining about the meal, they should be excused to their room until everyone is finished and they can come and make themselves a snack and clean up later. That is presuming the child is old enough to do so and trust me if they are out of a high chair and old enough to whine they can do it. But how about the teaching part, teaching them the word of God. The dinner table is the perfect place to do so. Jesus even said, “man does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” A great thing to do is to pick a weekly bible verse and say it and discuss it while you eat. Or a family devotional book can spark questions and teaching that will be invaluable. Teaching them manners while at the table is the perfect place and listening to each other about the day’s events is priceless. Half the battle of an emotional struggle is the need to be listened to and sometimes receiving a loving answer. Parents please! Listen to your children! Psalm 103:13 says, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.” What about the practical teaching of setting and clearing the table, rinsing and loading the dishwasher? It’s all part of family/dinner time and helps prepare your children for everyday life. I know lots of kids also like to help cook which is great but they skedaddle from the table when they are finished. Being part of the fam-


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ily means participating in the work as well as the fun stuff. The best part of regular family dining when gathering in the name of the Lord is God’s promise to bless you and your children and grandchildren. Psalm 128 :2-6 says “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold thus the man be blessed who fears the Lord. May you see prosperity all the days of your life. May you see your children’s children.” I recently saw this verse as a true testament to God’s goodness in my dear friend Peggy’s life when she posted pictures of her birthday celebration on Face Book. Her 5 children and 3 grand-children and her husband were honoring her and sitting around the table, together giving thanks to God for His goodness in their lives. And my comment back to her was the above verse, “they are like olive branches around your table.” So if you are tempted to be sick of cooking and doing dishes and listening to negative comments about your cooking then take heart. Remember Psalm 128 and put it on your refrigerator if necessary. Your reward is coming! JANS TROPICS AND ELEGANT POOCH, 50 YEARS serving Carson! dog and cat grooming, pet supplies and tropical fish, 1000 Corbett St., Carson City (775)882-5659 or (775)882-4928 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 GUNSMITHING SERVICES, CLEANING, REPAIR, Customizing, Federal Nevada License, Thom’s Gun Shop, Wellington (775)266-3136

Compulsive Eaters Anonymous

Concerned about your eating or weight? Meetings every Monday and Thursday 5:15pm, Tuesday 10am, 314 N. Division St. Carson City; every Sunday 7pm, 1375 Centerville Lane, Gardnerville - All are welcome! ceahow.org or Sue at (775)400-0098 1966 GMC TRUCK 3/4 TON FLEETSIDE, ONE owner, runs great, camper shell, new tires and wheels, asking $7,500 (775)450-3305 PARENT/CHILD EARLY CHILDHOOD MUSIC classes now in several locations in Douglas County. For location and price call Maureen (602)820-1900 LARRY’S TRACTOR SERVICE, CLEANUP WORK, rototilling, backhoe, box scraper, dump trailer, rake, hole drilling, affordable rates (775)267-2245 or (775)690-4632 WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, tweedsupholstery@yahoo.com or (775)782-5812

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

So Am I!

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’ The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’ The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’ The first one responds, ‘So am I!’ ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin?’ The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’ The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’ The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’ The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’ The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’ About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and

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orders a drink. Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’ Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’ ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’ PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)2657081 HANDYMAN FOR ALL YOUR OUTSIDE NEEDS, yard cleanup, power wash, fence repair, minor jobs, free estimates, NV#11376PC (775)246-9899

Flying Pig Flea Market

Be a vendor. Come to browse, March 25th and 26th, 2017 8am-3pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)315-0008 ROAD APPLES R US! WE WILL MANAGE YOUR manure, for more information and photos please see our website ManureMaintenance.com or call Mark (775)6003385 or Deborah (775)684-9819 ROYAL FLUSH CIRCA 1992 SLOT MACHINE with stand, $1,300 (775)266-3630


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An Old Man Was Sitting on His...

rural porch, watching a jackrabbit cross the road. Just then, a passing truck squashed the jackrabbit. The driver, pulled over, jumped out and ran back to see what he had hit. Seeing the flattened jackrabbit, he retrieved a spray can from the truck, and sprayed it on the mess. Waiting a few minutes, he shook the can and sprayed more on. The flattened mass quivered, and the driver sprayed yet more on. The mass quivered more, pulsing as well. The driver emptied the can, and the mass quivered, pulsed and reassembled itself into the jackrabbit. The old man watched, stunned. The driver tossed the empty can into a clump of roadside weeds and drove off. The jackrabbit shook itself, turned to the old man and waved, then hopped a few steps. It stopped, turned back to the old man and waved again.. hopped a few more steps, stopped, turned and waved. This repeated every few hops until the jackrabbit disappeared into the field across the road. Curious, the old man slowly arose, and hobbled toward where the driver had tossed the can, poking through the weeds with his cane until he found it. He picked up the can and read the label... “Hare Restorer With Permanent Wave.” HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453

POOL TABLE LINCOLN MAPLE HARDWOOD 4’X8’, 1.5 Italian slate, includes two inch thick folding insert pad, brown maple colored pad cover, several cues also included, excellent condition $2,000 OBO (775)841-3482

Volunteers Wanted for Kids and Horses

Kids and Horses, located in Minden, works with children and adults with disabilities. Equine-oriented activities can contribute to the physical, emotional, and social wellbeing of its participants. The center provides education, therapy, and recreation, to their students, with the help of volunteers who aid with horses and students. We offer adaptive riding and have both a physical and occupational therapist on site. No horse experience is necessary to volunteer though those with experience and interest are appreciated. Times and days are flexible, and training is available. If interested, please call Barb at (775)267-1775 WINTER-CAT SNOW GROOVE STUDDED tires, size 265-70-R16, like new, less than 500 miles, original cost $660, sacrifice for $400 (775)267-5266 or (775)552-5469 IN DYER NEED OF AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE? For a good, honest mechanic, call Brian Dyer, 12+ years serving Dayton area! Dayton Valley Service (775)246-7661

March 17th- St. Patrick’s Day

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Snowboarding Lessons

Irish DUI

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. ‘’Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later...’’ And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ‘’Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.’’ ‘’Why? Don’t ye believe me?’’ LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers, Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Snow Removal, Small Paint Jobs, Free Estimates, Senior Discounts, 10 Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585 2015 32’ SANDSTORM TOY HAULER’, 2 slides, 2 LED TV’s, 200W Solar, LED Lights, Arctic Package, Premium Commercial Tires and more, reduced $46,500, Steve (775)392-0526 or (760)861-6345

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When you’re 47 years old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside you that says: “Just because you’ve reached middle age, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take on new challenges and seek new adventures. You get only one ride on this crazy carousel we call life, and by golly you should make the most of it.” This is the voice of Satan. I know this because recently, on a mountain in Idaho, I listened to this voice, and as a result my body feels as though it has been used as a trampoline by the Budweiser Clydesdales. I am currently on an all-painkiller diet. “I’ll have a black coffee and 25 Advil tablets” is a typical breakfast order for me these days. This is because I went snowboarding. For those of you who, for whatever reason, such as a will to live, do not participate in downhill winter sports, I should explain that snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. These are of course young people, fearless people, people with 100 percent synthetic bodies who can hurtle down a mountainside at 50 miles per hour and knock down mature trees with their faces and then spring to their feet and go, “Cool.” People like my son. He wanted to try snowboarding, and I thought it would be good to learn with him, because we can no longer ski together. We have a fundamental difference in technique: He skis via the Downhill Method, in which you ski down the hill; whereas I ski via the Breath-Catching Method, in which you stand sideways on the hill, looking as athletic as possible without actually moving muscles (this could cause you to start sliding down the hill). If anybody asks if you’re OK, you say, “I’m just catching my breath!” in a tone of voice that suggests that at any moment you’re going to swoop rapidly down the slope; whereas in fact you’re planning to stay right where you are, rigid as a statue, until the spring thaw. At night, when the Downhillers have all gone home, we Breath-Catchers will still be up there, clinging to the mountainside, chewing on our parkas for sustenance. So, I thought I’d take a stab at snowboarding, which is quite different from skiing. In skiing, you wear a total of two skis, or approximately one per foot, so you can sort of maintain your balance by moving your feet, plus you have poles that you can stab people with if they make fun of you at close range. Whereas with snowboarding, all you get is one board, which is shaped like a giant tongue depressor and manufactured by the Institute of Extremely Slippery Things. Both of your feet are strapped firmly to this board, so that if you start to fall, you can’t stick a foot out and catch yourself. You crash to the ground like a tree and lie there while skiers swoop past and deliberately spray snow on you. Skiers hate snowboarders. It’s a generational thing. Skiers are (and here I am generalizing) middle-aged people wearing designer space suits; snowboarders are defiant young rebels wearing deliberately drab clothing that is baggy...Continued


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” sometimes bouncing as much as a foot. “Keep your knees bent!” Brad would yell, helpfully. Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? As if that would solve anything. I wanted to shout back, “Forget my Knees! Do Something About these Gravity Chunks!” Needless to say, my son had no trouble at all. None. In minutes he was cruising happily down the mountain; you could actually see his clothing getting baggier. I, on the other hand, spent most of my time lying on my back, groaning, while space-suited Republicans swooped past and sprayed snow on me. If I hadn’t gotten out of there, they’d have completely covered me; I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of 47-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding. So I think, when my body heals, I’ll go back to skiing. Maybe sometime you’ll see me out on the slopes, catching my breath. Please throw me some food. ACME HEATING AND AIR CONDITIONING Specializing in mobile homes; Emergency repairs, Sales, Service, Replacements, all makes and models, Free estimates on replacement furnaces and air conditioners, NV LIC#014612 (775)883-3220, Emergency (775)691-3185

enough to cover the snowboarder plus a major appliance. Skiers like to glide down the slopes in a series of graceful arcs; snowboarders like to attack the mountain, slashing, spinning, tumbling, going backward, blasting through snowdrifts, leaping off cliffs, getting their noses pierced in midair, etc. Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. I took my snowboarding lesson in a small group led by a friend of mine named Brad Pearson, who also once talked me into jumping from a tall tree while attached only to a thin rope. Brad took us up on a slope that offered ideal snow conditions for the novice who’s going to fall a lot: Approximately seven flakes of powder on top of an 18-foot-thick base of reinforced concrete. You could not dent this snow with a jackhammer. (I later learned, however, that you COULD dent it with the back of your head.) We learned snowboarding via a two step method: Step One: Watching Brad do something. Step Two: Trying to do it ourselves. I was pretty good at Step One. The problem with Step Two was that you had to stand up on your snowboard, which turns out to be a violation of at least five important laws of physics. I’d struggle to my feet, and I’d be wavering there and then the Physics Police would drop a huge chunk of gravity on me, and WHAM my body would hit the concrete snow,

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G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, summer clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 TNT UPHOLSTERY, CUSTOM AUTOS, BOATS, furniture and leather work, free estimates, 1482 Southgate Dr., #106, Gardnerville (775)267-5433

Happy Birthday Lisa!!!!

Very few people have the chance to have such a dedicated and trustworthy friend like you. I am happy that I found you, so I just want to wish you today a sincere and loving “Happy Birthday”! Love and Hugs, Megan GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPPIES, BLACK and red, imported parents from Germany, call for prices (775)7901231 or (775)465-9074 HOUSE CLEANING, SERVING DAYTON, Carson City areas, established in area over 20 years, honest, reliable, references on request, Linda (775)246-4383 USED 2009 TROY-BUILT, TWO STAGE SNOW THROWER, model 2620, 26” clearing width, excellent condition $360; Used Ryobi 10” drill press, model DP102L $45 (775)783-8329 HIGH DESERT BARNS, CUSTOM STEEL BUILDINGS, Horse Shelters, Quality Barns built with 25 years of experience, highdesertbarns.com or (775)246-3004


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Housewife’s Dream

By Barbara from Bishop Oh how I’d love to just sit here and dream of how it would be if my house was all clean! I wake every morning to face the same task, it just isn’t fair!! It’s too much to ask!! I wash and I iron and fold up the clothes, then I dust and I polish all things but my nose. The dishes I wash, let dry, put away, only to do them again the next day. I make up each bed, and vacuum each floor then check on my list for the next ghastly chore! The bathroom to clean, the diapers to fold, no wonder at 30 I feel pretty old! The meals must be cooked, the cupboards cleaned well, the baby needs changing…oh my, what a smell! Just when I think I can sit down to rest, the kids come from school. Oh no, what a mess! With coats on the floor, and books on the shelf; “Hey Mom, got a snack?” “You can get it yourself!” Then there’s homework to do, school projects at length; How will I ever regain all my strength?? Oh I sputter and fume and decide to protest when a little voice says, “Gee Mom, you’re the best.” So I’ve decided to sit here and refocus my dream for the love that surrounds me, beats a house that’s all clean. PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, powerspainting.org or (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179

LOCKHEED SKUNKWORKS - LOCKHEED Skunkworks; Buying Photos, Mementos, Autographs, Books. Especially Blackbird, Jamie, integrity@prodigy.net or (775)720-2829 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City, (775)315-0834 1923 ROOKWOOD SHAPE NUMBER 1781, 6½” tall vase, yellow vellum with green floral print top, L.A. initials, appraised at $650, $500 OBO, questions/offers via PO Box 202, Minden, NV 89423 HDS INSURANCE REPRESENTING NUMEROUS top companies, we do the shopping for you, right priced, right coverage, all lines of insurance (775)267-9947 COMPLETE LAWNCARE, PAVERS, RETAINING walls and more! 30 years in Carson Valley, Senior Discounts And Free Estimates, Nevada Lawns (775)450-2156

March 31st- Cesar Chavez Day 25


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Alternative Medical Terms

Benign... What you be after you be eight. Artery... The study of paintings. Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria. Barium... What doctors do when patients die. Cat scan... Searching for kitty. Cauterize... Made eye contact with her. Dilate... To live long. Fester... Quicker than someone else. Fibula... A small lie. G.I. Series... World Series of military baseball. Hangnail.... What you hang your coat on. Impotent... Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain... Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff... A Doctor’s cane. Morbid... A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates... Cheaper than day rates. Node... Was aware of. Outpatient.... A person who has fainted. Pelvis... Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative... A letter carrier. Recovery Room... Place to do upholstery. Rectum... Darn near killed him. Secretion... Hiding something. Seizure... Roman emperor. Terminal Illness... Getting sick at the Bus Station. Tumor... More than one. Urine... Opposite of you’re out. Varicose... Near by/close by. Vein... Conceited. IRS PROBLEMS? FEDERAL AND ALL STATES, Past years returns and audit representation, “Service you can trust, quality you can afford.”, Call James A. Farnham, enrolled agent, 20 years experience, Reasonable Rates, Income Tax Services (775)392-0321 1998 DODGE RAM 2500HD 4X4 EXTENDED CAB, quad doors, SLT, automatic, 4 wheel drive, tow package, one owner, clean, no accidents, much more $6,500 (775)265-3003

Submarine Veterans

Are you “Qualified” as a Navy Submarine Veteran? Want to meet others in the area? I’m Diesel Boat Qualified, but please try to overlook that. I am a member of both, United States Submarine Veterans, Incorporated and the Corvina Base. We need you to visit our base, our website and give us your input. Please call me, Ted Henson at (775)392-0354 and leave a message. $100 OFF CLUTCH OR TRANSMISSION REPLACEMENT! New, used and rebuilds, up to 3 year, 100,000 mile warranty, Double J Auto, 1475 Southgate Drive, Gardnerville (775)782-8592 FOR SALE! AT&T SMART PHONE, HEARING Aids with remote, TV Ears 19” TV, Accu-Chek Blood Glucose Meter, Walker, Porta Potty, Cane, Bathtub Stool, Toro Leaf Blower, Power Washer, Loren (775)782-6080 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, clipper repair, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 MAINTENANCE FREE DECKS AND PATIO COVERS, knowledgeable, honest, professional service! Serving Northern Nevada for 18+ years! Free Quotes! K & C Construction, NV#0079034 (775)691-6462

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I Think I’m Shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.” INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX preparation, Federal and all States, prior years, audit representation, 30 years experience, reasonable rates (775)392-0418 CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! REPAIR, RE-STITCH, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Spa Sun Covers and Patio Shade; Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706 GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! www.PersonalPedigree. com or Lisa (775)450-3175 LET US UNLOAD ON YOU! TOP SOIL, ROCK, DG, etc. Tight time line? We’re really fast! 30+ years experience, serving Carson and surrounding communities, Nevada Organics (775)882-9500


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The 28th Annual Kids’ Fishing Derby

This year’s derby will be held June 3th and 4th, 2017 at Lampe Park in Gardnerville; hosting all children ages 3-12. Tickets to attend this volunteer run event are free; however, you must pre-register to receive a free session ticket. Derby hats, t-shirts and other resale items will be available for purchase. Raffle tickets are available for $1 each or 6 for $5. Registration forms, for mail-in only, are available at the Douglas County Parks and Recreation Department; located on Waterloo Lane in Gardnerville. Registration and volunteer sign-ups will begin on April 1st and will continue every Saturday through the month of May from 10am-1pm at the Gardnerville Walgreens. Volunteers are needed to help set up, tear down, register,

river help, fish cleaning and more. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, please pick up a volunteer form at the Parks/Recreation Department and mail it in or stop by Walgreens starting April 1st. For further information, please contact Laura Ramirez (775)430-0592, Heather Gertsch (775)684-9018, Tiffany Ellis (775)790-3038 or (KFDVolunteers@aol.com) SHOWER/BATHTUB ENCLOSURES STARTING at $4,995, done with Sentrel Bath Systems, granite stone or marble look material. Figueroa’s Construction for your bathroom and kitchen/home improvements, Free Estimates, NV#58909, CA#678260 (775)782-3225

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Carson Valley Community Theatre Presents

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum Production Dates: Weekends March 10th – March 26th, 2017 Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30pm, Sundays at 2pm. Director Lucille Rao returns to the director’s chair for this fabulously funny production. This musical is truly a farce in every sense of the word, with quick quips and high jinx. The show takes place approximately 200 years before the birth of Christ, in Rome on a balmy day in spring. Ticket information (775)382-CVCT or carsonvalleycommunitytheatre.org MKD CONSTRUCTION, GENERAL ENGINEERING, concrete structures, concrete flat work, grading, roadway improvements, drainage, storm drains, underground utilities (water and sewer), paving, fencing, barrier rail, environmental improvements, commercial and residential snow removal, excellent reputation and references available, NV#50061 and CA#818376, Mike (775)246-1900 or (775)315-2416 ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766 DAYCARE/OVERNIGHT PET SITTER, AVAILABLE, Nail Trimming Available, Bonded, Insured, 20 years experience, Susanne (775)265-7900 or (775)309-3707

Just Chill

COLEVILLE, CA 1991 MANUFACTURED home, 1,532 square feet, furnished 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage, includes lot, $122,000 by owner (530)495-2394

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

“A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter@sbcglobal.net or (775)530-8932 or (775)884-3906

CHIZEK CONCRETE PUMPING, GROUT AND 3/4 line pump; Residential and commercial, prompt, dependable service, Brad (775)721-0055 DON’T HUMP IT, PUMP IT!

HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747

ELLA K. LADEN, CPA, PROFESSIONAL, PERSONALIZED service for all of your Tax and Bookkeeping needs, reasonable rates, 25 Years Experience (775)3920074 1986 SILVERCREST MANUFACTURED HOME on 2.58 acres in TRE, 14’x66’, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, carport, deck and 12’x15’ storage shed $160,000 OBO (775)7900451 FIREWOOD, ALMOND, CHERRY AND WALNUT, mixed, seasoned, split, $380 a cord, Almond only $420 a cord, delivery available, Jon (775)246-7186 MASTER HOROLOGIST, CLOCK REPAIR, MUSEUM Quality Furniture, Chair Caning and Antique Everything Restoration, Grandfather Clock House Calls! A-1 Restorations since 1967, Larry (775)782-2422

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One and Only

During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, “You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don’t think I could ever marry again.” Her friend nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Once is enough.” HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958 HIGH ROLLERS PAINTING FOR ALL YOUR PAINTING needs and drywall repairs! Competitive rates and quality workmanship, bonded and insured, NV#44048, highrollerspainting.net or (775)267-2534 SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 38 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501

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Apple Pie....

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for little Johnny, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.” COMMERCIAL HIGHWAY FRONTAGE 4.69 acres, a house, hot water, well, septic, can be subdivided, $225,000, Smith Valley (775)790-0451 ALL AMERICAN OVERHEAD DOOR, NEW INSTALLATION, repairs and service, commercial/residential, 10% discount for spring repair, Free Estimates and Senior Discount (775)450-2156 WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL PACIFIC Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” License Renewal

HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/ INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $35 per hour (775)691-5119 REDLINE CONSTRUCTION, INC., SPECIALIZING in garages, additions, remodels, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, (775)781-3955 GOT DIRTY WINDOWS? ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, mirrors, gutter cleaning, re-screening, pressure washing, 30 years experience, NV#20161064184, CA#310507, Gardnerville resident (530)544-0590

A woman named Emily renewing her driver’s license at the transportation office was asked to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. “What I mean is,” explained the clerk, “do you have a job, or are you just a “?”. “Of course, I have a job,” snapped Emily. “I’m a Mom.” “We don’t list ‘Mom’ as an occupation… ‘housewife’ covers it,” said the clerk emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our local police station. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, “Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar.” “What is your occupation?” she probed. What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. “I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.” The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire! “Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest, “just what you do in your field?” Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, “I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn’t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I’m working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.” There was an increasing note of respect in the girl’s voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. When I got home, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than “just another Mom.” Motherhood....What a glorious career! Especially when there’s a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers “Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations” and great grandmothers “Executive Senior Research Associates”? I think so! I also think it makes Aunts “Associate Research Assistants”. $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461

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MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 SET OF FOUR 22” BRIDGESTONE TIRES, almost brand new, used only three weeks, paid $1,600, asking $800 (775)782-6002

Chair Man of the Board

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.” BUY DIRECT! DECORATIVE ROCK, SAND, GRAVEL, D.G., Topsoil, Bark and Boulders, yard pick-up or delivery, Cinderlite, Serving all of Northern Nevada, Cinderlite.com or (775)882-4483 ELECTROLYSIS AND LASER FOR HAIR REMOVAL; Complimentary, confidential consultation. 30 years experience. Weekday, evening, Saturday appointments available, Sally Battista (775)782-6190

LARGE PROJECTION 50” MITSUBISHI TV, excellent condition, you pick up $250 OBO (775)465-9074 or (775)790-1176

Caregivers Needed

Join our team of Caregivers and make a difference in the lives of seniors. Provide companionship and bring assisted living into their home. Full-time, part-time, days, nights, 12 hour, and 24 hour shifts available. Retired and mature adults encourage to apply. EOE Apply online eden-homecare.com (775)392-2000 HOT TUB SERVICE AND REPAIR, WEEKLY and bi weekly service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free.

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Women’s Logic

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?” “Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”) “You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her. “I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.” “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.” “If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman. “But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden. “That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.” “Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left. CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)783-4753

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TOP CASH FOR PRE WWII SILVER INDIAN JEWELRY, postcards, bottles, mining, swords, advertising, books, guns, badges, toys, lamps, railroad, military, documents, Indian and gambling items, any condition, please call Ron (775)782-3893

Come Join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)2679590 LICENSED AND BONDED ELECTRICIAN, ADDITIONS, remodels, extra outlets, switches, light fixtures, ceiling fans, trouble shooting and power panel upgrades, etc., 18 years experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discount, Degenspark Electric NV#52647 (775)267-4229 1957 FORD F600 DUMP TRUCK, $2,000 OBO; Worx electric chainsaw with 10’ extension, still in box $130 OBO, Pat (775)265-2578 A BAD TILE JOB CAN BE LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT, but it doesn’t grow back, so don’t get hacked! Done right the first time, Sundance Tile and Marble, NV#58795 (775)691-9954


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Bad Thing to Tell Your Wife

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live pain-free in their golden years. “Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked. “Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.” ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)459-5179 I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN AND STILL WANT AND need to work! I have 25 years experience cleaning houses, excellent references, call for estimate (775)291-9188 PORSCHE 911 OR 912 WANTED, NEEDED! IF you have one that is taking up space and you would like to move it to a new home, have cash and a trailer (775)2916827 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, Phone/Fax (775)782-4520

Happy March Birthdays!

May this birthday be filled with lots of happy hours and also your life with many happy birthdays, that are yet to come. Happy Birthday! ROASTED GARLIC JAM, SOLD AT SCOLARI’S Market, Carrols Corner, South Yerington, call for more information (775)846-8972 or (775)463-1265 ONE HOUR MASSAGE $30 BY SPRING RANCH Spa, cupping massage available, extra fee for mobile service, Donna/Coleville, CA#63979, NVMT7284 (760)616-4091 1996 40’ SAFARI IVORY EDITION MAGNUM, turbo diesel 51,500 miles, local owners, pulls a Tahoe, top of the line, almost perfect $28,500 (619)818-2345 OUR BUSINESS IS GROWING! IRRIGATION, waterbased feeding, tree trimming, cleanup, hauling, leafing! Winter snow removal and maintenance, Pyramid Lawn Service Inc. Residential Lawn Care, Licensed and Bonded, Owned by Ruben Vargas (775)450-1197 or (775)2208578 WE HAVE A LARGE SELECTION OF NEW AND Used RV’s and a full parts and service department, Carson City RV, 4550 North Carson Street, North Highway 395 (775)882-8335

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Mail...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box, opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later they came out again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house they went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the neighbor came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by his neighbors actions the man asked, “Is something wrong?” To which the neighbor (who was not very computer savvy) replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!” COMPLETE LANDSCAPING AND SNOW REMOVAL, residential and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439 ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $399, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994

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WNC Driver Education

WNC offers a 30 Hour New Driver Education classes throughout the winter and spring of 2017. In person class fee is $100. Spring break classes will be Monday-Thursday. All in person class times are 8:30am-4:30pm with a 30-minute lunch break. Also included in our in person classes are guest speakers, when available, - law enforcement, insurance agents, DMV and sometimes a tire representative. Two things to remember all new drivers under the age of 18 MUST take a 30-Hour New Driver Education class to obtain a Nevada Driver’s License and most insurance companies will offer a discount upon successful completion of our nationally recognized Drive Right program. Carson City - Saturdays; March 20th-23rd Monday-Thursday; April 1st-29th and May 6th-June 3rd, 2017. Douglas - April 17th-21st - Monday- Thursday and March 4th-25th, 2017 - Saturdays. Fallon - April 17th-21st, Monday- Thursday and May 6thJune 3rd, 2017 - Saturday’s. Fernley - April 3rd-6th, 2017 - Monday- Thursday. Can you teach? Would you like to earn up to $1,000 and teach the driver education program? We have the curriculum. Call 775-445-4268 or 775-445-4463 for more details. WNC continues to offer an on-line 30-Hour New Driver Education course. Cost $90 and students have up to 60 days to complete the course. Register at www.campusce.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4463.


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” R-E-S-P-E-C-T

We hear all too often about kids these days being rude and struggling in school. Some people blame the teachers, some blame the education system and some blame society itself. But a letter that went viral on social media is pointing the finger back at parents, driving home the message that education starts at home. The following letter was supposedly written by a school in Portugal. It touches on manners, respect and honesty, among many things. Here’s what it said: “Dear Parents - We would like to remind you that magic words such as hello, please, you’re welcome, I’m sorry, and thank you, all begin to be learned at home It’s also at home that children learn to be honest, to be on time, diligent, show friends their sympathy, as well as show utmost respect for their elders and all teachers. Home is where they learn to be clean, not talk with their mouths full, and how/where to properly dispose of garbage. Home is also where they learn to be organized, to take good care of their belongings, and that it’s not ok to touch others. Here at school, on the other hand, we teach language, math, history, geography, physics, sciences, and physical education. We only reinforce the education that children receive at home from their parents.”

A BIG THANK YOU...

to our emergency responders, county workers, utility line workers, police, fire and all others that were called to action during the wind and rain storms the week of February 6th. Thank you for making our safety your number one priority! We are grateful for YOU! BEAR BULLETS HAS MOVED! WE ARE NOW at 1506 US HWY 395 N. Gardnerville, NV., Reloading components, equipment and training. Remember, “we are just gun food!” Open Wednesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm and Sunday Noon - 5pm (775)392-3213 TWO FICUS TREES (INDOOR ONLY), ONE 6’ tall, other nearly 6’, need repotting $20 each OBO 775-7810243 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. C.F.I. CERTIFIED CARPET, HARDWOOD, VINYL, no charge for furniture or tear-out. Three year labor warranty! Residential and Commercial Competitive pricing, JS Flooring (775)267-4123

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2013 CTS 3.6 CADILLAC, 2 DOOR, AWD, leather seats with bells and whistles, 56,000 miles, exceptionally good shape $22,450 (775)340-4693 COMPUTER PROBLEMS? ON SITE REPAIR and training, PC and network configuration, virus and spyware removal, serving Dayton and Carson, justin.nelson@goowy.com or call Justin (775)450-3735 CLEAR THE CLUTTER! HARRY’S HAULING; pianos, spas, safes or anything else, serving the Carson Valley communities (775)291-6648 T.R.E. SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HOME, GREAT views, 3 bedroom, 2 bath, on 3 acres, includes water, non smoking, no pets $750 per month (775)265-4653 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND recolored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (530)495-1641 or (775)233- 5297 PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441 JOHN DEERE AND NEW HOLLAND TRACTORS and mowers, visit us at rennerequipment.com or call for prices (775)465-2217


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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March 17 Sierra Scoop