Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Death Penalty By Firing Squad:
Feel like a woman
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: “Iron this.”
NEED HELP? NANNY/ELDER CARE, PET/HOUSE sitter, errands. rides, horse exercising, CPR and First Aid Trained, Great References, Call Annette at (530)844-6071
March 31st - Cesar Chavez Day
How is it carried
out?
Death by firing squad, an archaic way of carrying out the death penalty that is now banned in the United States (for most prisoners, that is), was the form of execution chosen by convicted Utah criminal Ronnie Lee Gardner.
A method of carrying out the death penalty that began in Utah’s pioneer days, death by firing squad was finally banned in 2004, and the state switched to lethal injection. But because the ban is not retroactive, prisoners who chose this form of death prior to the ruling are still entitled to it.
Gardner requested that he be killed by a firing squad at his sentencing hearing in 1985, simply telling the judge, “I would like the firing squad, please.” His execution was carried out on the morning of June 18.
Using .30-caliber Winchester rifles, the five men simultaneously took aim and fired at a white target on Gardner’s chest, directly over his heart. Gardner, who wore a hood over his head and was strapped to a chair, was instantly shot through the heart.
Sandbags were stacked behind and around Gardner’s chair in order to prevent bullets from ricocheting around the cinderblock room.
The five executioners, certified police officers who remain anonymous, stood about 25 feet (7.6 meters) away and shot from behind a black curtain and through a brick wall cut with a gun port, or a special opening for the firearms. Of the five guns, one was loaded with a blank so that no one would be able to determine who fired the fatal shot. The controversial manner of capital punishment has rarely been carried out in the United States since the reinstatement of the death penalty in 1976, after which there have only been three instances of death by firing squad – all of which took place in Utah, the only state that continued to offer death by firing squad as an option to some prisoners on death row.
FOR SALE; KIMBER CUSTOM II IN 45 ACP WITH NRA grips, new in box, asking $950; Kimber MIcro 9mm new in box asking $700, serious calls only (775)233-3580
PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997
Douglas County Republican Women
Douglas County Republican Women invites women and men interested in spending time in a dynamic group to their monthly luncheons on March 5th (RSVP by March 1st) April 2nd (RSVP by March 29th) and May 7th (RSVP by April 26th). Meetings are held at Valley Christian Fellowship, 1681 Lucerne St., Minden. Every meeting the group serves a delicious lunch and hosts a speaker who offers insights and information about what’s going on in the world of politics or in our local community. Doors open at 11:15 am for socializing, and lunch is served at noon. Lunch costs $20.00. RSVP to Elinor Lacy at DCRWrsvp@gmail.com or call 415-985-5432 for more info.
BARBIE DOLLS AND 1970 MATEL BARBIE COUNTRY Camper, still in box and others, call for more details (775)901-3024
HANDYMAN - SMALL CONCRETE WORK, REPAIRS and some overlays, Call Chuck (775)552-5151
DID YOU KNOW? At over 29,000 feet tall, Mt. Everest is the highest point on Earth, but it doesn’t compare to the deepest point on Earth, the Mariana Trench, which is over 36,000 feet deep—nearly seven miles—in the Pacific Ocean.
Passenger flights per year
Every day, FAA’s Air Traffic Organization (ATO) provides service to more than 45,000 flights and 2.9 million airline passengers across more than 29 million square miles of airspace.
More than ten million scheduled passenger flights take place in the United States every year.
While carriers such as American Airlines, Delta Air Lines, Southwest Airlines, etc., are the domestic airlines in the US with the highest number of passengers, a few Mexican carriers fall in the list of foreign airlines with the maximum number of flights to the US.
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
$200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461
He must pay!
A husband and wife had a tiff. The wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”
Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
NEW GENTLE RISE DOG COUCH RAMP 53”x17”x17” (130 Ib Capacity ) $125; Greenworks model #21212 13” Electric Yard Trimmer $30; 4 pack of 20 X 20 X 1 filters by Merc 8 A/C Filter’s $20; New Drive Medical Tub Transfer Bench Model RTL-12075 (300 lb) Open Box $75; Rely Ultimate preventive disposable underwear large $15 pack; Rely Maximum Preventive Disposable Underwear large $15 pack;; Located in Yerington, Cash ONLY-- Firm (775)315-2668
WANTED:
LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930
How much TP do we use?
Each person in the U.S. uses an estimated 141 rolls of toilet paper per year. Despite accounting for about 4% of the global population, Americans use 20% of the world’s toilet paper. Disturbingly, if you measured the toilet paper an average American uses in their lifetime, it would equal about 634 miles.
Looking at that another way, it takes one tree to make roughly 1,500 rolls of toilet paper. That comes out to over 31 million trees to make just one year’s supply of TP for everyone in the U.S.
The average per-person use of TP in Portugal, Germany, and the U.K. is 137, 134, and 127 rolls, respectively.
Not everyone uses this much TP, though. A recent study looked at the average use of this paper product throughout the world and found that Italy, France, and Finland use less than one-half of the amount we use in the U.S. Many countries use even less.
While pooping is universal, using toilet paper isn’t. Less than 30% of the world’s population uses toilet paper. That leaves a whopping 4 billion people who don’t. In some places, it’s because of access. People either don’t have money to spend on TP, or there’s none to be had. In other places it’s cultural.
What do people use instead? Mostly water. In countries across Asia, Europe, and South America, people use bidets instead of toilet paper. Bidets come in many forms. All of them involve spraying water on your bottom to keep it clean. Bidets are catching on slowly in the U.S., due to their lower environmental impact.
DID YOU KNOW? The Barbie dolls full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts, from Willows, Wisconsin. Her birthday is March 9, 1959, when she was first displayed at the New York Toy Fair.
STUCCO AND DRYWALL, PAINT SERVICES, Interior, Exterior wall repairs, cracks, peels, dents, tape texturing, wall paper, popcorn ceiling, removal and refinish, “paint”, 25 years experience, Free Estimates, Licensed and Bonded, Call Fred (775)507-6315
Belly Buttons explained
Q: How do babies get their belly buttons?
A: When God finishes making little babies, He line’s them all up in a row. Then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, “You’re done, You’re done, You’re done.”
2009 KIA SEDONA LX, POWER WINDOWS/LOCKS, NEW TIRES, front wheel drive, seats 6, tinted windows, always serviced, very clean inside and out, 180,000 miles, asking $3,705 OBO (775)720-7667
SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955
“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.”
12th Annual Holy Smoker Car Show
Trinity Lutheran Church CAR SHOW AND BBQ LUNCH, May 3rd at 9:00am, 1480 Douglas Avenue, Gardnerville, NV, For registration forms and questions call:, email John Hamer at Hamer1086@gmail.com or call (775)721-1440
HANDYMAN SERVICES RENOVENTURES, LLC, Serving Carson Valley and beyond - No job too small, Emergency and Weekend work, Licensed & Insured (410)365-8268
HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 195060’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827
ARE YOU A VACATIONER, FREQUENT TRAVELER or an absentee owner? Northern Nevada Home Watch is a licensed and bonded home watch service providing regular visual inspections of homes and properties that are unoccupied for both a short or long term. Contact us at (775)2921272
ZENI’S CLEANING SERVICES! COMMERCIAL and Residential, licensed, affordable and friendly, family owned, 20 years experience, free estimates, Serving Douglas County and surrounding communities, zeniscleaning2022@ gmail.com or (775)901-6689
Today’s short reading from the Bible...
From Genesis: “And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.” Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
CANNON PLUMBING REPAIR - NEW FIXTURES installed, Hot water heaters, insured, licensed, bonded, local resident servicing - Minden - Airport Road, Johnson Lane, Stephanie area, Call Paul (916)717-2646
April 1st - April Fool’s Day
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052
I am your Master
I can make you rise or fall. I can work for you or against you. I can make you a success or failure. I control the way you feel and the way you act. I can make you laugh…work…love. I can make your heart sing with joy…excitement…elation… Or I can make you wretched…dejected…morbid… I can make you sick…listless… I can be as a shackle…heavy…attached…burdensome… Or I can be as the prism’s hue…dancing…bright… fleeting…lost forever unless captured by pen and purpose.
I can be nurtured and grown to be great and beautiful… seen by the eyes of others through action in you. I can never be removed… only replaced. I am a thought.
COLT TROOPER 357 MAG $850; AUTO ORDINANCE 1911A1 US Army 45 caliber $750; Marlin Model 322 Sako Riihimaki .222 with Leopold scope 309x40 $850, CCW required (775)461-6687
PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373
Calling home!
A man called his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The man said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352
SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003
YERINGTON, NEVADA FURNISHED ROOMS available, Utilities & WiFi included, Free on site Laundry, Fully stocked Kitchens, Bathrooms with soaking large tubs, Living rooms, Gym, Pool table and darts, Lounge (385)2541127
1997-1999 CLINTON AND GORE UNOPENED CHRISTMAS cards (775)901-3024
Does wind make its own sound?
On a windy day, a multitude of sounds can be heard outside. One of the most prominent sounds you’ll hear is like whistling, some will sound like small objects falling / rolling and some sound is like objects rubbing into each other. There are three main contributions to the sound. Each of these is discussed below:
1. Friction- occurs when objects rub over each other. When the air speed increases, the friction over objects increases also. The process of friction can release sound especially as wind speed becomes very high. The friction between air and objects can produce whistling sounds and swooshing sounds.
2. Falling / rolling objects- At higher wind speeds objects are more inclined to fall off of trees and buildings. These objects falling to the ground and rolling along the ground will create sound.
3. Object rubbing- When the wind increases, objects hit up against each other more. This is especially true for vegetation. Higher wind blows trees stems and leaves around more causing them to bump into each other and to create sound.
WANTED, OLD CARS, COLLECTOR
CARS, MUSCLE cars, non running or no title okay, private collector, give me a call (775)315-8265
“Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters.”
Happy Birthday to you!
May your birthday and every day be filled with the warmth of sunshine, the happiness of smiles, the sounds of laughter, the feeling of love and the sharing of good cheer! The Scoop
ALL GARAGE DOORS! $250 OFF - GARAGE door service with 50 years experience, offering Doors by CHI, Liftmaster garage door openers, spring or rollers replacement, senior, military and cash discounts. Jim Dyer Overhead Door (775)883-7740, para espanol (775)445-9448
DID YOU KNOW? Cows don’t actually have four stomachs; they have one stomach with four compartments
Watch out for that tree!
A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and sees a tree so she quickly swerves to the left. The tree is still in front of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the police officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
FOR SALE - 20 OR SO OLD TOY TRUCKS, TRACTORS and a few cars best offer for all (775)720-7667
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Childhood Immunization Schedule
The
Douglas County Kids’ Fishing Derby
This year’s derby will be held June 7th and 8th, 2025 at Lampe Park in Gardnerville; hosting all children ages 3-12. Tickets to attend this volunteer run event are FREE; however, you must pre-register to receive a free session ticket. Derby hats, t-shirts and other resale items will be available for purchase. Raffle tickets are available for $2 each, or 6 for $10!
Registration will begin April 1st and continue until 4:00PM June 6th. For Kid Registration and Volunteer SignUps, you can visit AJ’s Stoves in Gardnerville (1267 Highway 395, Suite A) throughout the week during their regular business hours, as well as on Saturdays from 10AM-1PM. Forms can also be downloaded from the Kids’ Fishing Derby website and mailed in to PO Box 626, Gardnerville, NV 89410 to receive your session ticket.
Volunteers are needed to help set up, tear down, register, river help, fish cleaning and more. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, please contact Danny Lozano at dckfdvolunteers@ gmail.com, or visit our website: DCNVKidsFishingDerby.org
HERCULES TRAILER TIRE ST20575R15 ON STEEL wheel, pattern 5 on 4.5 new old stock, never used $36, Gardnerville (775)901-1920
PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700
Below is a list of childhood vaccines by age. (Cleveland Clinic) Experts recommend most children follow this schedule. Your pediatrician will tell you if your child needs any additional vaccines or doses based on their health status or other risk factors.
Newborn vaccines - Hepatitis B (HepB) within 24 hours of birth. This is the first dose in a three-dose series. RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) antibody within one week of birth. This only happens if your baby is born during RSV season (typically October to March) AND you didn’t receive the RSV vaccine while pregnant. If it’s not yet RSV season, your baby can wait until just before the season starts for this immunization.
2-month vaccines HepB dose two. Rotavirus dose one. Diphtheria, tetanus and acellular pertussis (DTaP) dose one. Haemophilus influenza type B (Hib) dose one. Pneumococcal conjugate (PCV) dose one. Inactivated poliovirus (IPV) dose one.
4-month vaccines Rotavirus, dose two. DTaP, dose two. Hib dose two. PCV dose two. IPV dose two.
6-month vaccines HepB dose three. Rotavirus, dose three — only if doing the three-dose series. DTaP dose three. Hib dose three — only if doing the four-dose series. PCV dose three. IPV dose three. Flu vaccine. COVID-19 vaccine.
12-month vaccines Measles, mumps and rubella (MMR), dose one. Hepatitis A (HepA) dose one. PCV, dose four.
15-month vaccines Varicella (VAR) dose one. DTaP dose four. Hib, final dose — this will be dose three or four depending on the series. 18-month vaccines HepA dose two.
Vaccines for 4-year-olds DTaP dose five. IPV dose four. MMR dose two. VAR, dose two. Your child can have these vaccines starting at age 4 but a little later is OK, too — up until their 6th birthday. Your pediatrician can advise you on appropriate timing and help make sure your child gets all the vaccines they need before turning 6.
Vaccines for 11- to 12-year-olds Tetanus, diphtheria and acellular pertussis (Tdap) dose one (one dose in childhood, but every 10 years for life). Human papillomavirus (HPV) dose one and dose two, separated by at least five months. Your child can begin this series prior to their 11th birthday — starting at age 9. Meningococcal (MenACWY), dose one.
Vaccines for 16-year-olds MenACWY, dose two.
PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law.
WANTED 10HP-40HP OUTBOARD 4 STROKE motors, running or not, 20” shaft. Call Bob (831)345-6725
PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441
Roar....
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
IVER JOHNSON, COACH DBL BBL SHOTGUN, 12Ga, 20”BBL,$560. ATI,Road Agent Coach, Dbl BBL shotgun, 12ga, 18”BBL, $550. Rossi, M92, Lever rifle, 38/357mag, $725. PSA, AR15, 7.5”BBL w/brace, 556/223, reflex sights, $600. ATI, AR/AK hybrid, 7.62x39, 7.5”BBL w/brace, $525. GForce, 12ga pump shotgun, Stainless, 18”BBL, $280. Browning, 1911-380, 380acp, pistol, new, 3.40”bbl, $590. BCA, AR10 gen2, .308 semi-auto rifle, 1-10mag, iron sights, DPMS, $750. Lee 775)720-6076
April 13th - Passover
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
April Fool’s Pranks
June 14th, Grandparent Alienation Awareness Day
“I’m over my estranged daughter,” says Cleo. “It’s my grandchildren I worry about now.”
Cleo is like many parents who are not allowed to see their grandchildren. A daughter or son’s estrangement, which can happen for a variety of reasons, usually means the grandchildren are also cut-off. It’s a breakdown in the family where innocent children are hurt.
Some grandparents have formed groups, organized rallies and awareness campaigns, and are fighting for changes to law that would support their efforts. And legislation is moving along the judicial pipelines with some success.
It’s a tough road when the grandchildren they have so bonded with are yanked away. “I always wonder what the kids are being told and what they’re thinking,” says Cleo. “Are they wondering if I don’t love them anymore?”
Grandparent alienation: What do grandparents do? Some grandparents consider their options, and decide it’s in the best interests of their grandchildren not to pursue a legal remedy. Others choose to fight with all their might as well as rally for more awareness.
HANDRAILS: STAND ALONE CUSTOM BUILT Sturdy
metal handrails for safety and assistance-most exterior doors and walkways also garage concrete steps corrections and improvements. Carson Valley and Carson City (775)790-6445
Freeze Breakfast - On March 31, pour bowls of cereal and milk and stick them in the freezer. In the morning, serve them to your kids and watch their faces as they can’t get anything on their spoons!
Swap Out the Toilet Paper - Switch out your regular toilet paper for a roll of white packing tape and watch everyone roll with laughter when they realize. You can leave real toilet paper out, too, so they’re not stuck.
Serve Veggies for Dessert - Did you know that if you dip Brussels sprouts in chocolate and let them dry, they look like chocolate truffles? Better yet, if you add a lollipop stick, they look like cake pops.
Urgent Request - So simple, but so effective. Write “I need to see you ASAP” on a Post-It note, and then add an illegible signature. Leave it on a co-worker’s desk and they’ll go into panic mode as they try to figure out who left the note and what the emergency might be. Are they in trouble?
Don’t let them get too freaked out before revealing that you’re the culprit behind the mystery note or they may never forgive you.
Cat and mouse - Not all good April Fools’ pranks relate to food. For this one, cut a tiny piece of paper to fit undetected under your target’s computer mouse. Write “Gotcha!” on it, and then stick it on the device with some tape. When they try to use the mouse, it won’t work. A peek at the bottom of their mouse will let them know they’ve been pranked.
Gross out - Pretend that you’re going to the bathroom, and call your kid asking for toilet paper. When they come into the bathroom to hand you the toilet paper, “accidentally” smear melted chocolate (which looks like poop) on their hands as they pass off the roll.
Use other door - This is a great option if you work in an office and want to prank unsuspecting co-workers. Tape signs on all the doors possible to get into the building that read: “Use other door” or “Broken door—use the next one.” Your co-workers will be really confused as they circle the building trying to get in (or out).
ANA’S HOUSECLEANING SERVICES; APARTMENTS, homes, studios, office, Serving Douglas County, Carson, and Dayton, Lic.#202443295503 (775)508-3267
CARNIVAL ARCADE GAME IN GREAT CONDTION
$500 OBO, free games, no coins needed (775)265-5742
COMPUTER PROBLEMS? DO YOU NEED help connecting your gadgets? On-site computer repair and network configurations, Honest and Affordable, justin.nelson@ goowy.com (775)450-3735
The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. Scoop online edition at www.sierrascoop.com
DID YOU KNOW? Three presidents, all Founding Fathers—John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe—died on July 4. Presidents Adams and Jefferson also died the same year, 1826; President Monroe died in 1831. Coincidence? You decide.
SUGAR PLUM HOUSEKEEPING - LICENSED with References, $50/hour (775)220-4252
“Ageing gracefully is like a nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.”
“A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25+ years experience, Senior Discounts! KenJeter, kenjeter65@gmail.com or (775)530-8932
The story of Lot
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt.”
The son asked, “What happened to the flea?
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Night out with the girls
The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls”. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight ... “I promise!”
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he’d probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12 o’clock. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said we need a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “Oh crap!!”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.”
50 BEANIE BABIES IN MINT CONDITION 1993-1999, $30 each for the bears and $20 each for others (775)9013024
WE’RE THE SOLUTION TO YOUR CLUTTER problems. Put a roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove, ask us about our available loading assistance (775)297-2320
Smoking in the Rain
Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, “Hey that’s a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?”
The other old lady said, “It’s a condom.”
“A condom? Where do you get those?”
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, “What size do you want?”
The old lady thought for a minute and said, “One that will fit a Camel.”
LAWN CARE SERVICE! MOWING, TRIMMING, Pruning, sprinkler repair and general yard cleanup, over 10 years experience, Andres (775)400-4742
3RD GENERATION CONCRETE LLC: ALL PHASES
- Decorative, Over lays, Repairs, Tear outs, Shop Slabs, Foundations and Grading - Call Owner David (775)7816067, Estimator Chuck (775)552-5151
Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520
Sex in Advertising
Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: TWO HOOKERS -- $50.00.
A policeman stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, JESUS SAVES. One of the girls asked the cop, Why don’t you stop them?
Well, that’s a little different, the cop smiled. Their sign pertains to religion. The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.
DECKS! RESURFACE, REPAIR, REPLACED AND trash removal, Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235
“Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.”
3rd leading cause of death
Medical errors have been recognized as a serious public health problem, reported as the third leading cause of death in the US. One study reported that approximately 400,000 hospitalized patients experience some preventable harm each year, while another (John Hopkins) estimated that 200,000 patient deaths annually were due to preventable medical errors. Moreover, medical errors have a high cost, with some experts estimating adverse events costing the healthcare system $20 billion each year and others approximating healthcare costs of $35.7 to $45 billion annually for hospital-acquired infections alone. (National Library of Medicine)
RYAN PAINTING, INSIDE AND OUT, 40 YEARS experience, senior and military discounts, locally owned and operated, serving Minden, Gardnerville, Genoa, Carson and Tahoe (775)790-7425
DID YOU KNOW? Human beings can use only a small fraction of Earth’s water. That’s because only about 2.5 percent of Earth’s water is fresh water, and only 1 percent of that is accessible. The rest makes up glaciers and snowfields.
BEAUTIFUL LANDS END CUTLERY 8 PIECE place setting, all piece asking $500 OBO, for more details call (775)901-3024
C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, AND GENERAL maintenance, Call Casey (775)350-8021
ALL GARAGE DOORS! $250 OFF - GARAGE door service with 50 years experience, offering Doors by CHI, Liftmaster garage door openers, spring or rollers replacement, senior, military and cash discounts. Jim Dyer Overhead Door (775)883-7740, para espanol (775)445-9448
THULE VERTICAL KAYAK CARRIER, brand new, still in box $100, FREE! Sony Bravia 54” TV; call or text (818)384-5478
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL SERVICES. Accurate, professional, experienced. Contact us at Che.White@ CheWhiteBookkeeping.com or visit CheWhiteBookkeeping.com Minden Office (606)485-0533
BARRETT MODEL 98 338 LAPUA RIFLE, INCLUDES 700 rounds of ammunition, 8TN Scope 12x36x80 with Pelican gun case $8,000 OBO, Call or text (775)980-7903
Who is the real virgin?
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.
But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, “Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”
SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER Door install/repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, moldings, barn/ wood plank-shiplap-beadboard wall covering and cabinet installation. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927
1950’S 45 ALBUMS ALL IN GOOD CONDITION, about 100 LP’S including Michael Jackson, call for details (775)901-3024
HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521
TORO CCR2000 SNOWTHROWER 4.5HP TWO cycle single stage snow blower with manual in excellent condition $350, Contact Ray (775)265-6559
Come join us at
Johnson Lane Baptist Church
Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 3pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590
TOTAL GYM DELUXE WITH ALL ACCESSORIES, lightly used, paid $1,200, sell for $650, Bill (805)801-4505 or (831)818-9860
2006 HARLEY DAVIDSON STREET GLIDE. COBALT Blue, 24,000 miles, excellent condition, new tires, recently serviced, solo seat. I have the original seat and all original parts. Located in Bridgeport, CA. Asking $10,000. Please call (760)932-9139
CUTE RARE MINIATURE LABRADOODLE PUPS, COAT PATTERNS, blue and chocolate merle, some with tuxedo paws, etc, 4 months old, up to date on vaccinations. For more details call (775)685-0528
April 23rd - Admin Day
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $22.85/hour or up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Please apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application.
CUJO’S HOG HOUSE! V-TWIN Motorcycle repair, maintenance and accessories, also sales and service of Frankenstein Trike conversions, Factory Trained PHD and ASE Certified, 1430 Industrial Way, Unit C (in the back) (775)782-6051
COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827,davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439
PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065
To: GOD, from the DOG
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’. 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. 7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’. 8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585
LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585
DVD’S, CD’S, VHS TAPES AND RECORDS FOR SALE! Many western books! Call for appointment (916)920-1164 USA DRYWALL LLC, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#88940 (775)247-2539
Fortune Teller
Elaine went to visit the much heralded local fortune-teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, Elaine stared at the woman’s haggard face, then at the single, flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I be acquitted?”
ANDRES LAWN & LANDSCAPE - FOR ALL YOUR lawn and landscape needs, 16 years experience, senior discounts, Lic.#00030471, Call Andres at (775)443-0431
“YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!” Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $379 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813
“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
JUNIPER, TREE & STUMP REMOVAL, Defensible Space, Fire Breaks, Excavating, Sprinkler Repair, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955
Kitchen Refinishing Services BY ‘CABINET GUARD’ PRODUCTS
DON’T RE-FACE OR REPLACE YOUR CABINETS UNTIL YOU EVALUATE OUR REFURBISHING / SERVICES! (WE ARE 80% LESS COSTLY)
We utilize exclusive Products & Processes by ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) w/ 40 + years of development by founder & master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your Cabinets”.
We blend over, ‘Refurbishing’ your original cabinet finish, so there is no stripping or sanding mess! We are completely dustless! Starting w/ a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & re-luster the wood’s grain for its contribution and light color (tint) to block yellowing from the original finish, w/ 100% UV protection all with exclusive ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) products.
Final topcoat/s, very durable, strong enough for hardwood flooring, superior ware, extreme moisture resistance, 100 % UV-Protected. * Easier to clean & maintain * Spray-less & EPA –Non -Toxic * No need to empty out Cabinets * You do not lose daily function of your kitchen * Good for environment, no tree cutting * Door Sampling * Written local Client Testimonials & References * Up to 20% in discounts, inquire.
Workdays: 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Returning your kitchen
back to you until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! I Dana, perform all work on job site.
Questions: www.danadesignnv@hotmail.com or call: Dana, Cabinets Etc. @ (775)781-7462 or Kathy @ (775)782-7821 or visit our new website cabinetguard.net NV. Lic. #18331, CA. Lic. #310071.
NOW BUYING UNFINISHED PROJECT CARS 67-69 Camaro, 66-72 Chevelle 1930 to 1970 American classic cars in any condition Call (775)552-5113
PIANO, GUITAR, COMPOSITION LESSONS. ALL LEVELS and ages. Experienced teachers with music degrees. Jim and Janet, Sunridge/Carson City (415)678-0504
Serving two Masters
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
“Nothing easier,” Twain replied. “No man can serve two masters.”
HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? INTERIOR remodels, kitchens, bathrooms and more, Free estimates, 25+ years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453
Help Wanted
Hunewill Construction is hiring an Accounts Receivable person. Experience with AR, knowledge of computers, excel and word is a plus .
Wage depends on experience. Apply at 315 Artist View, Wellington Nevada. Phone (775)465-2448
WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999
YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Serving Gardnerville, Kelly (209)352-0084
MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501
THINKING OF CALLING CASH PAID FOR Old Costume Jewelry? This may be a good time to call. Often times, callers tell me they have seen my ad for a long time. I have advertised for over eighteen years in the Sierra Scoop. Looking forward to meeting you. message or text Joanne at (775)430-2352
Fearing the worst
A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members.
“How are you feeling?” the visitor asked.
“Oh,” said the lady, “I’m just worried sick!”
“What are you worried about, dear?” her friend asked. “You look like you’re in good health. They are taking care of you, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are taking very good care of me.”
“Are you in any pain?” she asked.
“No, I have never had a pain in my life.”
“Well, what are you worried about?” her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry - “Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I’m afraid they’re all wondering where I went.”
WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR SPORTS CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224
2016 26’ PACIFIC COACHWORKS RAGEN TOYHAULER 19EX-102” wide, good condition, well maintained, new tires, new roof, new water tank. Easy to tow, reduced to $19,500, call/text (760)914-1341
“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.”
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
The Schitt Family
First published in 2007
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
SLOOWW COMPUTER? VIRUSES? MALWARE? Need an upgrade? Will do a complete computer maintenance: Remove Junk, Viruses, Malware. Test Hard Drive, Memory, Do updates and Print-Out. 25 Yrs+ Pro & Corp Experience $50 flat fee. Satisfaction guaranteed. I come to you! Tom (775)720-2814
“You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake but a choice.”
DID YOU KNOW? - Dead skin cells are a main ingredient in household dust.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, And they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six chidren, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt
This piece of writing has been floating around for quite some time. It was written by Jim Hickerson, as a fun email among co-workers back in 1998. It’s so tongue-in-cheek, your tongue may permanently stay there, and I dare you not to think of the whole family tree the next time you hear any of the associated phrases! (Stephanie Huesler.com)
PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES,
SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)2657081
Acts 2:38
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services , when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!’ (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!’
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462
NOSTALGIA FREE STANDING CART POPCORN maker machine, for more details call Russ (408)270-4028
5TH WHEEL CONNECTION ANDERSEN ultimate gooseneck mount, complete, new - $1,040, will sell for $700 OBO (775)781-9576
New Miranda Rights
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me. 2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth. 3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you. 4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his pursuit of you in full stride. 5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk. 6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!
May 1st - National Prayer Day
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Golf on Christmas...
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning.”
Job’s Peak Veterinary Hospital Now Hiring
Reception/Cleaning/Animal Care, Full/Part Time, Monday - Friday, Apply In Person, 1454 Southgate Drive, Gardnerville, NV 89410
MANUELS LANDSCAPING SERVICES - FIRE Pits, Pavers, Fences, Rocks, Sprinklers, Artificial Turf, Retaining Walls, Water Features, Spring and Fall Clean Ups, Lawn Care Service - Aerating, Thatching, Mowing, all for a great price, you’ll be happy, NV#20222462146, Castaneda Landscaping LLC (775)291-7499
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, “Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “ Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ and she said, ‘Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there.”
HANDYMAN PROS (NOT LICENSED) - RAPID RESPONSE, ALL Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Concrete, minor Plumbing and Electrical, Tile, Granite & more, Professionally Designed Blue Prints (775)400-6822
DID YOU KNOW? The heart of the blue whale, the largest animal on earth, is five feet long and weighs 400 pounds. The whale, in total, weighs 300,000 pounds. For comparison, an elephant’s heart weighs around 30 pounds. And a human heart? A mere 10 ounces
Beer contains female hormones!
Yes, that’s right, FEMALE hormones! Scientists at Sydney University released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:- 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional 6) Couldn’t drive. 7) Failed to think rationally, and 8) Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary!!
D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808
May 5th - Cinco De Mayo
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
COSTUME JEWELRY: ALL TYPES INCLUDING vintage rhinestones, lockets, charm bracelets, rings, necklaces, tourist Indian jewelry, wind up watches, men’s jewelry, old pocket knives, old lighters, military jewelry, vintage jewelry type items, fountain pens, old service pins, badges. Interesting bits and pieces. larger quantities preferred. I return all calls. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352
QUALITY HAY AVAILABLE FROM PINENUT FARMING. Alfalfa, Orchard/Alfalfa mix, and straight orchard grass. Call for availability and prices. Delivery available! www.pinenutfarming.com - Call (775)901-3213
No Excuse Sunday
To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special “No Excuse Sunday”. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, “Sunday is my only day to sleep in.” There will be a special section with lounge chairs who feel that our pews are too hard. Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching T.V. late Saturday night. We will have steel helmets for those who say “The roof would cave in if I ever came to church.” Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot. Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner, too. We will distribute “Stamp Out Stewardship” buttons for those who feel that church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them. We will provide hearing aids for those who can’t hear the preacher and cotton for those who say he is too loud.
BUYING
CASINO
CHIPS, OLD POSTCARDS,
ADVERTISING signs, coins, old Nevada match book collections, old scrapbooks, old Nevada telephone books, old bottles, confederate money, letters, etc. - Terry (775)782-3904
Shopping
A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had avocados.”
If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’re going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time. My work is done here.
BLAZING FAST INTERNET: OUR 5G SPEEDS match or exceed cable internet! Low-cost, low-data 4G plans also available. Rural-Internet.US (775)297-4770
SONNYS TRUMP STORE BUSINESS CLOSING March 31st, Everything ½ price Now Super sale. 1504 US Highway 395 Gardnerville Unit #6 upstairs, Monday-Saturday 10:30am to 6pm (775)781-2125
PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827
AUTOGRAPHED BOOKS - RALPH “SONNY” Barger 2022 1st edition; Mia Farrow, Tom Clancy 1995; Cal Ripken autographed baseball card and book (775)901-3024
Delivery....
In the back woods, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”
HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)2672490
DID YOU KNOW! There are no muscles in your fingers: Their function is controlled by muscles in your palms and arms.
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Easter Prayer for Unity
Lord Jesus, as we celebrate Your resurrection, we are reminded of Your prayer in John 17:21, “That all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You.” We ask You, Lord, to unite our families, communities, and world. Help us to set aside our differences and work together in love, as we are all one in You. May Your resurrection be a beacon of hope and unity for all. In Your mighty name, we pray. Amen.
THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848
MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627
TRACTOR WORK: CLEANING YARDS, roof shingle repairs, exterior house painting, sagebrush removal, RV pad, etc., Call Florencio (775)771-7640
HANDYMAN - SMALL CONCRETE WORK, REPAIRS and some overlays, Call Chuck (775)552-5151
AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $90, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214
Dear Politicians, for your information our children are watching your behavior, and since they aren’t allowed to call each other names or tell lies ... politicians that do, really shouldn’t be allowed to either. It should be the law!
There is no excuse for name calling nor bad mouthing. We hold children accountable for their every “gesture, written, verbal or physical act or electronic communication,” yet we aren’t willing to even discuss holding ourselves accountable. Our children deserve to look upon us with admiration as we/ you factually debate the issues facing our nation.
You can help us to build a better future for all our children, a future where hatred and distrust no longer distort the mind or harden the heart. A future where what we have in common is far more important than what divides us.”
42” 1080HD VIZIO TV, OLDER MODEL BUT GREAT PICTURE, not used a lot, $150 OBO (775)720-7667
VERONICAS HOUSECLEANING, EXPERIENCED, RELIABLE, dependable, efficient, free estimates, serving Douglas County and Carson City (530)545-0831
GARAGE BLOCK SALE FRIDAY THRU SUNDAY, May 9th - May 11th 9am-4pm Tools, Sporting Goods, Furniture, Household items and more, Colony Estates Drive, Wellington
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
