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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”


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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 14 Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 SPRING AIR TWIN XL BED WITH FRAME, slightly used $350, Linda (775)266-4648 IN DYER NEED OF AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE? For a good, honest mechanic, call Brian Dyer, 12+ years serving Dayton area! Dayton Valley Service (775)246-7661 UBERTI 1847 COLT WALKER, BLACK POWDER revolver, as new, Texas Rangers used these Colt guns, the largest revolver made by Colt, with extras (775)501-2153 PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, or (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179 HIGH DESERT BARNS, CUSTOM STEEL BUILDINGS, Horse Shelters, Quality Barns built with 25 years of experience, or (775)246-3004 500 GALLON OR LARGER PROPANE TANK Wanted, Yerington (775)463-4064

LOCKHEED SKUNKWORKS - LOCKHEED Skunkworks; Buying Photos, Mementos, Autographs, Books. Especially Blackbird, Jamie, or (775)720-2829 CHEVY 235CI 6 CYLINDER ENGINE $300; Ford T-10 transmission, 4 speed $250; Chevy 4 speed truck transmission; (775)354-8254 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 ALASKA FOR SALE - 2017 ESTATE LIQUIDATION, 8 parcels, ½ acre to 80 acres, 2 remote, 6 with road access; homes, cabins, outbuildings, waterfront, riverfront $1.65 million, all or part, no tire kickers please (775)220-7332 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539 FIREARMS WANTED! ESTATE COLLECTIONS or single items: Winchester, Colts, Smith and Wesson, Luger’s and others. Appraisals upon request, Licensed, Gary (775)267-2045 or (775)671-0563


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

I am a Seenager (Senior Teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager. Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise. I have more friends I would like to send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names. So, please send this to your friends, they may be my friends, too.

April 1st- April Fool’s Day 4

GUNSMITHING SERVICES, CLEANING, REPAIR, Customizing, Federal Nevada License, Thom’s Gun Shop, Wellington (775)266-3136 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City, (775)315-0834 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827

Barking Lot Sale!

Saturday, May 20th, 2017 8am-3pm. Sell your “stuff” and help maintain your local dog park. 12’x12’ sales spaces available. $20 donation in advance, ($25 day of event). Mail checks to DVDP PO Box 995, Dayton, NV 89403. Want to donate your stuff? Drop off items Friday May 19th, 4pm-6pm at Dayton Valley Dog Park, Dayton Valley Road and Como Road in Dayton. For more information call Kathy at (775)721-8853. Thank you for your support! WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Facebook Addiction Disorder....

WNC Community Education Classes

R.I.P.P.E.D. exercise class Monday/Wednesday’s 5:40pm6:40pm - Women’s Self Defense - 5 weeks $96. New: C.L.E.P. - Learn the process of obtaining a University Degree in 24 months and save money and time - 1 day workshop $60. Check class descriptions, dates, cost and registration on line at or call (775)445-4268. PIANO AND ORGAN PRIVATE INSTRUCTIONS, Member of Sierra Organ Club, Call Joanne Booth in Sunridge, Carson City (775)267-2429 SET OF FOUR 22” BRIDGESTONE SNOW TIRES, almost brand new, used only three weeks, paid $1,600, asking $800 (775)782-6002 JOB HUNTING? CHANGING CAREERS? SEEKING a promotion? Re-entering the job market? Beat the competition with a professional resume created by The Resume Business (775)267-2711 HDS INSURANCE REPRESENTING NUMEROUS top companies, we do the shopping for you, right priced, right coverage, all lines of insurance (775)267-9947 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912


also known as FAD, is a real disease that affects many people. What starts as a small desire to keep in touch with friends and families becomes a major distraction that impacts every aspect of a person’s life. According to many therapists, anything above over an hour of daily Facebook use should indicate you are stepping over the line into addiction. In addition, if you possess any of the following symptoms, you may be suffering from Facebook Addiction Disorder. Increased Usage - If you are spending more time on Facebook than ever before, it’s possible that you’re suffering from FAD. Those with an addiction feel compelled to be on the social network as often as possible. If you’re logged in first thing in the morning and are still using the site after you are laying in bed for the night, you may want to seek help. Fake Relationships - Those suffering from FAD have a need to constantly build their number of friends. This is usually the result of low self esteem, and they fill this void by making more virtual friends than real friends. If you don’t know who the majority of your Facebook friends are, it’s a sign you have FAD. Withdrawal - If you ever feel symptoms of withdrawal when you cannot be on Facebook, it’s a major sign of FAD. If you feel anxious when you cannot be on the social network, you need to receive help. Topic of Communication - If you are constantly talking about Facebook, it’s a sign that you have FAD. The majority of your conversations should not revolve around Facebook, what you saw on Facebook or what you did on Facebook. Notification Excitement - If you receive email or mobile notifications every time activity happens on your wall, and you receive a euphoric feeling every time a notification appears, you need to seek help. While it is nice to be communicated with, it should not be the most exciting thing that happens throughout your day. Oversharing - Those who are addicted to Facebook also tend to overshare. If you find that you are changing your status update or profile picture at least once every hour, it means that you are spending too much time on the site. Plus, oversharing can lead to harm. There is no need to tell all of your Facebook friends every single detail about your life, as some of them may use this information against them. Lost Relationships - If you have lost real relationships - or worse, jobs—due to Facebook, you’ll want to seek treatment. The use of Facebook should never replace family, friends and careers. If you are not spending time with your family, if you no longer attend daily responsiblities because you’d rather sit on Facebook, and if you have been fired because of Facebook (or at least been reprimanded for your use during company time) you have FAD. Facebook Addiction Disorder is a serious illness, and if you don’t seek treatment, it can spiral completely out of control. The best thing to do if you believe that you are suffering from FAD is to meet with a psychologist, as they’ll be able to address your situation and help you work through it. Six things you should do to become less of a Facebook

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addict. 1. Stop venting your anger and sensitive comments on Facebook. 2. Prefer real life one-on-one/face to face over Facebook socializing. 3. Cut down your time spent on Facebook and spread checking Facebook over 3 or 4 times a day for a time span of no more than 10 minutes. 4. Make sure Facebook isn’t the first or the last thing you do in your day. 5. Work first, family first, Facebook later. 6. Care less about your Facebook fame and instead worry about your real life character. TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, clipper repair, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 IRS PROBLEMS? FEDERAL AND ALL STATES, Past years returns and audit representation, “Service you can trust, quality you can afford.”, Call James A. Farnham, enrolled agent, 20 years experience, Reasonable Rates, Income Tax Services (775)392-0321 FLEA FAIR, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, APRIL 8th - 9th and April 22nd - 23rd at Wa-She-Shu Casino and Travel Plaza, Hwy. 395 South, Gardnerville or for information (775)265-9567 MAINTENANCE FREE DECKS AND PATIO COVERS, knowledgeable, honest, professional service! Serving Northern Nevada for 18+ years! Free Quotes! K & C Construction, NV#0079034 (775)691-6462

Caregivers Needed

Join our team of Caregivers and make a difference in the lives of seniors. Provide companionship and bring assisted living into their home. Full-time, part-time, days, nights, 12 hour, and 24 hour shifts available. Retired and mature adults encourage to apply. EOE Apply online (775)392-2000 CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! REPAIR, RE-STITCH, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Spa Sun Covers and Patio Shade; Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706 MKD CONSTRUCTION, GENERAL ENGINEERING, concrete structures, concrete flat work, grading, roadway improvements, drainage, storm drains, underground utilities (water and sewer), paving, fencing, barrier rail, environmental improvements, commercial and residential snow removal, excellent reputation and references available, NV#50061 and CA#818376, Mike (775)246-1900 or (775)315-2416 HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30 years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick –up and delivery; parts in one day! or (530)6942521


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”


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A Shocking Story!

Do you have an electrified fence in your home? Aren’t you scared of how much of a hazard it is? We’re sure it can stop a burglar from entering your home, but the biggest risk it provides, really, is to you. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger the supply store had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 foot long ground round, and drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I’m mowing the back yard with my cheapo 6hp big-wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn’t remembered to unplug it after all. Now I’m standing there, I’ve got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my privates trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot poo and pee at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you’re all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just poo your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I’m about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences… but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the perma-damp Ark-LaTex river bottom soil. At this point I’m thinking I’m going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. Continued on next page...


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” lawnmower runs like a son of a gun now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7. My privates are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8. I can turn on the TV in the game room by passing gas while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this?) That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, summer clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 TIRE CHAINS NEVER USED, SELF ADJUSTING, self-tightening, various sizes for 16 inch tires, $50 each; utility wagon, 58”Lx34”Wx24”D, tilts $100; two tubeless truck tires, 31x10.50R15LT, studded with wheels $25 each (530)318-6345 LET US UNLOAD ON YOU! TOP SOIL, ROCK, DG, etc. Tight time line? We’re really fast! 30+ years experience, serving Carson and surrounding communities, Nevada Organics (775)882-9500 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, or (775)530-8932 or (775)884-3906 ‘D*mn,’ I think as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poo and pee and with my privates on my chest I think ‘Oh God, please die… pleeeeze die’. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner’s right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day… he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created… I honestly don’t know how I got loose from the wire…. I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things. 1. Three of my teeth seem to have melted. 2. I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3. Poo and pee when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4. My left eye will not open. 5. My right eye will not close. 6. The


Compulsive Eaters Anonymous

Concerned about your eating or weight? Meetings every Monday and Thursday 5:15pm, Tuesday 10am, 314 N. Division St. Carson City; every Sunday 7pm, 1375 Centerville Lane, Gardnerville - All are welcome! or Sue at (775)400-0098 BUFFOS REFRIGERATION IS LOOKING FOR a Part Time Preventative Maintenance Technician, must have EPA card and 3 years refrigeration experience, see Craigslist ad for more detail, please call (775)782-8204 $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461 ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX preparation, Federal and all States, prior years, audit representation, 30 years experience, reasonable rates (775)392-0418

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Man Sends Text to Wife

After having one of the worst days of his life, a husband sends this text to his wife: “Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be a bad concussion. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.” After almost no delay, his phone buzzed and he saw that his

wife had responded. Her response: “Who is Tina?” HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $35 per hour (775)6915119 GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! or Lisa (775)450-3175


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Search for a Pastor During Bible Times

Dear Member, We do not have a happy report, as we have not been able to find a suitable candidate for pastor of our church thus far. We do, however, have one promising prospect. The following is our confidential report on the candidates: Adam: Good man, but has problems with his wife. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects. Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart. Interprets dreams. Has a prison record. Moses: Modest and meek, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings. Deborah: One word—female. David: The most promising candidate of all, until we discovered the affair he had with a neighbor’s wife. Solomon: Great preacher, but serious woman problems. Elijah: Prone to depression; collapses under pressure. Jonah: Told us he was swallowed by a huge fish. He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. Amos: Backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a problem with wealthy people. John: Says he’s a Baptist, but doesn’t dress like one. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. Paul: Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher. But he’s short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night. Timothy: Too young. Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday with great hopes that he will accept our offer!

Have a Side by Side or Quad...

looking for a group to ride with? For information or Gary/Gardnerville (714)757-3229 WANTED! 5 CORDS OF PINION PINE, $200 PER CORD, Iggy’s and Squiggy’s, Holbrook Junction (775)2663340 or (775)790-1064 ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766 ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at or (800)459-5179 DAYCARE/OVERNIGHT PET SITTER, AVAILABLE, Nail Trimming Available, Bonded, Insured, 20 years experience, Susanne (775)265-7900 or (775)309-3707 CHIZEK CONCRETE PUMPING, GROUT AND 3/4 line pump; Residential and commercial, prompt, dependable service, Brad (775)721-0055 DON’T HUMP IT, PUMP IT!

April 14th- Good Friday 12

GOT DIRTY WINDOWS? ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, mirrors, gutter cleaning, re-screening, pressure washing, 30 years experience, NV#20161064184, CA#310507, Gardnerville resident (530)544-0590 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Joanne, please leave clear message (775)465-9422

WNC Motorcycle Rider Course

Registration for the 2017 Motorcycle season is open, Basic Rider Course - $160, the NEW Basic Rider Course II - $85 and the Advanced Rider Course - $85. The BRC II is for rider who have been riding or need to update their skills. This new course is the intermediate course of the three offered at WNC. The BRC II will include an online classroom portion and MUST be completed prior to the in person class. Check class descriptions, dates, and registration on line at or call (775)445-4268. HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (530)495-1641 or (775)233- 5297

Why do Countries Drive on Different Sides of the Road?

Wild Horse Gallery and Decor is a new store...

that was just recently opened at the Carson City Mall, an expansion of Wild Horse Gallery in Virginia City. It specializes in Western and Wildlife prints that are custom matted and framed. The artists are well known such as Tim Cox, Chris Owen, David Stoecklein and Nancy Glazier. There are open editions and also signed and numbered Limited Editions, ranging from small to large sizes. You can also find home decor by Artist Bill Eisele of Nevada Western Creations. Each piece that is handcrafted and created is a work of art. There are western lamps with genuine spurs, wooden hat rack wall mirrors that are embellished with Conchos of Silver and Brass. Other pieces include horse shoes and horse shoe nails. In addition, there is decorative barb wire art in the shape of a Nevada map. Your favorite prints of Tombstone and John Wayne can also be found here. The store also carries Patriotic Flag prints, Military, Firemen, Police and Reno Air Race art posters. For more information visit or Owner, Sheila Hilebrand (775)250-7624 STOP THE COLD AIR FROM COMING UNDER your house! Change your foundation vents to Raz Air Vents. Easy to open and close, 100% guaranteed, available at your local Meeks Lumber and Hardware Stores and Dave’s Supply in Carson City, call (775)392-4455


Archaeological evidence suggests that the ancient Romans may have driven their carts and chariots on the left, and the practice seems to have carried over into parts of medieval Europe. The reasons for this are not entirely certain, but some believe it arose as a matter of safety. The majority of people are right handed, one theory goes, so driving or riding on the left would have allowed them to wield a weapon with their dominant hand if they crossed paths with an enemy. Until as recently as the 1700s, horse and wagon traffic was so light that the decision to drive on the left or right often varied according to local custom. Left-hand traffic finally became the law of the land in Britain after the passage of government measures in 1773 and 1835, but the opposite tradition prevailed in France, which favored the right as early as the 18th century. These two countries later exported their driving styles to their respective colonies, which is why many former British territories such as Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and India still drive on the left. In the United States, meanwhile, many researchers trace the beginning of right-hand traffic to the 18th century and the rise of freight wagons pulled by large teams of horses. Since these vehicles often didn’t have a driver’s seat, drivers tended to ride on the left rear horse to more easily control their animal team with their right hand. As the wagons became more popular, traffic naturally moved to the right so drivers could sit closer to the center of the road and avoid collisions with one another. Yet another major influence was carmaker Henry Ford, who mass-produced his Model T with a left-positioned steering wheel, which necessitated driving on the right side of the road. These days, left-hand traffic remains the norm in Britain and many of its former colonies as well as in Japan, Indonesia, Thailand and several other nations. Nevertheless, with the rise of the automobile, many countries have switched to the right to fit in with their neighbors. Canada abandoned the left side of the road in the 1920s to facilitate traffic to and from the United States. In 1967, meanwhile, the government of Sweden spent around $120 million preparing its citizens to begin driving on the right. NON-TOXIC PEST CONTROL – ADOPT A BARN Cat, Keep property rodent free, Nevada Humane Society seeking outdoor homes for healthy, neutered, vaccinated feral cats, Adopt and save a life (775)856-2000, ext. 200 FIREWOOD, HARDWOOD MIXED, SEASONED, split, $380 a cord, Almond only $420 a cord, Oak $460 a cord, delivery available, Jon (775)246-7186 ELLA K. LADEN, CPA, PROFESSIONAL, PERSONALIZED service for all of your Tax and Bookkeeping needs, reasonable rates, 25 Years Experience (775)392-0074

Private Lessons

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For my birthday this year my wife Joan purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife Joan seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was. They suggested I keep an “exercise diary” to chart my progress. Day 1: Started the morning at 6a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She’s something of a goddess, with blonde hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the Aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be great! Day 2: Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven’s sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worthwhile. Muscles all feel great. Day 3: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can’t imagine anything worse. Day 4: Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can’t help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word “dumb” must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men’s room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank. Day 5: I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you, Tanya, I don’t have triceps. And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage... you went to sadist school, you are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like a music teacher? Day 6: I got Tanya’s message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV re-


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Gift Wrap and The Jewel

“I looked in the mirror and what did I see but a little old lady peering back at me. With bags and sags and wrinkles and wispy white hair and I asked my reflection, how did you get there? You once were straight and vigorous and now you’re stooped and weak, when I tried so hard to keep you from becoming an antique. My reflection’s eyes twinkled and she solemnly replied, you’re looking at the giftwrap and not the jewel inside. A living gem and precious of unimagined worth, unique and true, the real you, the only you on earth. The years that spoil your gift wrap with other things more cruel should purify and strengthen and polish up that jewel. So focus your attention on the inside not the out, on being kinder, wiser, more content and more devout. Then when your giftwraps stripped away your jewel will be set free, to radiate God’s glory throughout eternity!” (By: Wanda B. Goines) ELECTROLYSIS AND LASER FOR HAIR REMOVAL; Complimentary, confidential consultation. 30 years experience. Weekday, evening, Saturday appointments available, Sally Battista (775)782-6190 TOP CASH FOR PRE WWII SILVER INDIAN JEWELRY, postcards, bottles, mining, swords, advertising, books, guns, badges, toys, lamps, railroad, military, documents, Indian and gambling items, any condition, please call Ron (775)782-3893 mote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel. Day 7: Well, that’s the week. Thank goodness that’s over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal. C.F.I. CERTIFIED CARPET, HARDWOOD, VINYL, no charge for furniture or tear-out. Three year labor warranty! Residential and Commercial Competitive pricing, JS Flooring (775)267-4123 SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 38 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316 GRASS-FED BEEF, ALL LOCALLY GROWN, $4.25 per pound hanging weight, works out to about $6 per pound cut and wrapped (775)721-1574 MASTER HOROLOGIST, CLOCK REPAIR, MUSEUM Quality Furniture, Chair Caning and Antique Everything Restoration, Grandfather Clock House Calls! A-1 Restorations since 1967, Larry (775)782-2422 ROASTED GARLIC JAM, SOLD AT SCOLARI’S Market, Carrols Corner, South Yerington, call for more information (775)846-8972 or (775)463-1265


HOT TUB SERVICE AND REPAIR, WEEKLY and bi weekly service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490

Flying Pig Flea Market

Be a vendor. Come to browse, April 29th and 30th, 2017 8am-3pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)315-0008 LICENSED AND BONDED ELECTRICIAN, ADDITIONS, remodels, extra outlets, switches, light fixtures, ceiling fans, trouble shooting and power panel upgrades, etc., 18 years experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discount, Degenspark Electric NV#52647 (775)267-4229 CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)783-4753 HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958

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HIGH ROLLERS PAINTING FOR ALL YOUR PAINTING needs and drywall repairs! Competitive rates and quality workmanship, bonded and insured, NV#44048, or (775)267-2534

MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501

FIREWOOD! WELL SEASONED DRY SPLIT PINE $240/cord, Unlimited supply, easy access, Location Woodfords, Paul (530)721-5011

LARRY’S TRACTOR SERVICE, CLEANUP WORK, rototilling, backhoe, box scraper, dump trailer, rake, hole drilling, affordable rates (775)267-2245 or (775)690-4632

REGISTERED WELSH AND HALF WELSH PONIES, suitable for driving or hunter ponies, 11-15 hands, call Nancy (775)313-6633

REDLINE CONSTRUCTION, INC., SPECIALIZING in garages, additions, remodels, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, (775)781-3955


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Doctor’s Advice

This man did not understand why his wife was angry on a daily basis. What could be possibly going on with her that makes her so emotional? The doctor knew exactly what was up, and solved his and his wife’s problem. We think you will learn something from reading this. A man goes to the Doctor, worried about his wife’s temper. The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?” The man says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.” The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.” Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The man says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?” The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick”. $100 OFF CLUTCH OR TRANSMISSION REPLACEMENT! New, used and rebuilds, up to 3 year, 100,000 mile warranty, Double J Auto, 1475 Southgate Drive, Gardnerville (775)782-8592

Young Irelanders in Concert

The Carson Valley Arts Council will present the Young Irelanders in concert at CVIC Hall, on Friday, April 7, 2017. Join us for an evening of Irish traditional music, song and dance. Tickets are $24 in advance; $28 at the door; Kids under 18 are free. Listen to their music at For information or to purchase tickets, visit or call (775)782-8207 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 2010 ARCTIC FOX CAMPER, AIR CONDITIONER, gas and electric water heater, heated black and gray tanks, three burner range/oven, refrigerator, full slide, microwave, $18,000 (775)782-2960 A BAD TILE JOB CAN BE LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT, but it doesn’t grow back, so don’t get hacked! Done right the first time, Sundance Tile and Marble, NV#58795 (775)6919954 WEEKLY LAWN CARE, DETHATCHING AND AERATION, 13+ years experience, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)2302546


MOVING? WE DO CLEAN OUTS, SO YOU can move on. We have 10 years professional cleaning experience! (775)315-4177 ACETYLENE WELDING TANKS AND CUTTING torches $200; floor jack $50; bicycle for a 4 year old $25 (775)781-7827 ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $399, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 CASH PAID FOR YOUR UNUSED DIABETIC TEST strips (775)200-6769 DASILVA’S HAULING/HANDYMAN SERVICES Cleanup, tree trimming/removal, rock and dirt removal, weed pulling, tractor service, handyman services, fence repairs and housecleaning, NV#03-19423 (775)230-3436 or (775)354-3328 GENERAL ELECTRIC REFRIGERATOR IN excellent condition $200 (775)465-1234 CLEAR THE CLUTTER! HARRY’S HAULING; pianos, spas, safes or anything else, serving the Carson Valley communities (775)291-6648

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A Busload of Politicians...

were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Lordy, were they ALL dead?” The old farmer said, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie.”

LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers, Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Snow Removal, Small Paint Jobs, Free Estimates, Senior Discounts, 10 Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585 KUBOTA B-8200 4 WHEEL DRIVE TRACTOR $2,500, CALL (775)221-8806 MIKES HORSESHOEING SERVICE, 30 + YEARS experience! Serving Carson Valley and surrounding areas! Mike Romine (775)350-0351

WE HAVE A LARGE SELECTION OF NEW AND Used RV’s and a full parts and service department, Carson City RV, 4550 North Carson Street, North Highway 395 (775)882-8335 SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (775)267-1800 OUR BUSINESS IS GROWING! IRRIGATION, waterbased feeding, tree trimming, cleanup, hauling, leafing! Winter snow removal and maintenance, Pyramid Lawn Service Inc. Residential Lawn Care, Licensed and Bonded, Owned by Ruben Vargas (775)450-1197 or (775)220-8578


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” HUNTER’S GUN AMMO AND SPORTING Goods; Wolverine Boots, Gun Consignment and Gunsmithing, Monday-Friday 10am-6pm, Saturday 9am-6pm, 400 N. Main, Suite C, Yerington (775)463-7010 SEVEN PORTABLE HORSE PANELS, 6’ LONG expandable to 12’, used twice, new $650, asking $300 (775)4651234 ACME HEATING AND AIR CONDITIONING Specializing in mobile homes; Emergency repairs, Sales, Service, Replacements, all makes and models, Free estimates on replacement furnaces and air conditioners, NV LIC#014612 (775)883-3220, Emergency (775)691-3185 LANDSCAPE DESIGN, INSTALLATION MAINTENANCE Synthetic Grass, Paver, Retaining Walls, Irrigation, Residential, Commercial, HOA, Free Estimates, 21 years experience, Serving Carson Valley and Carson, Total Lawn and Landscape Inc., NV#0045487, or (775)782-3505 COMPLETE LANDSCAPING AND SNOW REMOVAL, residential and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, or (775)2651491 or (775)721-8439

The 28th Annual Kids’ Fishing Derby

This year’s derby will be held June 3th and 4th, 2017 at Lampe Park in Gardnerville; hosting all children ages 3-12. Tickets to attend this volunteer run event are free; however, you must pre-register to receive a free session ticket. Derby hats, t-shirts and other resale items will be available for purchase. Raffle tickets are available for $1 each or 6 for $5. Registration forms, for mail-in only, are available at the Douglas County Parks and Recreation Department; located on Waterloo Lane in Gardnerville. Registration and volunteer sign-ups will begin on April 1st and will continue every Saturday through the month of May from 10am-1pm at the Gardnerville Walgreens. Volunteers are needed to help set up, tear down, register, river help, fish cleaning and more. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, please pick up a volunteer form at the Parks/Recreation Department and mail it in or stop by Walgreens starting April 1st. For further information, please contact Laura Ramirez (775)430-0592, Heather Gertsch (775)684-9018, Tiffany Ellis (775)790-3038 or ( BEAR BULLETS HAS MOVED! WE ARE NOW at 1506 US HWY 395 N. Gardnerville, NV., Reloading components, equipment and training. Remember, “we are just gun food!” Open Wednesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm and Sunday Noon - 5pm (775)392-3213



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Recently, A woman was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my flower tubs. As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. I go to get the car keys from the porch and then notice mail on the porch table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, I can run down to the mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in the computer desk, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of soda I’d been drinking. I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The soda is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the window ledge catches my eye--they need water. I put the soda on the window ledge and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my computer desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the window ledge, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but some spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: - The tubs aren’t watered; - The car isn’t washed; - The bills aren’t paid; - There is a warm can of soda sitting on the window ledge; - The flowers don’t have enough water; - There is still only 1 check in my check book; - I can’t find the remote; - I can’t find my glasses; - I have absolutely NO idea what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to work out why nothing got done today. I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the darn day, and I’m really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail. Don’t laugh -- if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming! 1996 TOYOTA T100, EXTRA CAB, LOW original miles 88,000, white, well maintained, $9,500 (831)512-3225 WANTED: NEW AND USED KNIVES WANTED and tobacco pipes; folding, hunting, military knives, Jeff (775)720-2577

April 16th - Happy Easter 23

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Juggler

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop. “I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!” HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/ exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 REFURBISHED MOBILE HOMES LOOKING FOR Good Tenants! 1 and 2 Bedroom for rent, payment starting from $505 plus all utilities, available now in Dayton, Silver Springs and Yerington (775)316-0634 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 35 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919

Codependents Anonymous

CoDA “Developing Healthy Relationships” Carson City, Sparks and Kings Beach, Visit or call for details, Al at (775)882-0884 or Bob C. (775)720-1040 PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441 CONVERTIBLE CUSTOM MOTORCYCLE RACK for street/trail $250; large heavy duty ATV or snowmobile rack $300; custom snowmobile ramp, guard rails, center cleats, easy loading $200(775)781-7827 BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629 ONE HOUR SIGNATURE FACE LIFT FACIAL, 1 hour aroma balance treatment, Monthly special only $60 per service, gift certificates available. Located behind Bank of America, Minden, Massage/Jennifer (775)291-1286, Facial/Karla (775)315-0673 1959 PLYMOUTH FURY, TWO DOOR HARD TOP, V8, complete, body restored (775)782-2422


VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)7201918 or (775)267-2582 HARDWOOD FLOORING WAREHOUSE CLEARANCE! Also Laminate, Vinyl Plank and Carpet at 20% 50% off, Specials starting from $.50 per square foot, Rogers Carpet One (775)267-2555 RENEE’S UPHOLSTERY, FORMERLY OF SARAH’S, specializing in motorcycle seats, furniture, marine, automotive, 20 years experience, or (775)530-3941 COMPLETE LAWNCARE, PAVERS, RETAINING walls and more! 30 years in Carson Valley, Senior Discounts and Free Estimates, Nevada Lawns (775)450-2156 WINTER-CAT SNOW GROOVE STUDDED tires, size 265-70-R16, like new, less than 500 miles, original cost $660, sacrifice for $400 (775)267-5266 or (775)552-5469 GREG’S SMALL ENGINE SERVICE AND REPAIR! Lawn Mowers, Snow Blowers, Portable Generators, Tillers, Shredders, Pressure Washers; On Site Pick-Up And Delivery, Serving Carson City, Carson Valley, Dayton or visit us at gregsmallengine. com (775)790-0435 or (530)307-1132

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Difference Between Grandmothers and Grandfathers

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? Well here is the answer: A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?” “Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a--hole or dumb sh-- anywhere we went today!” ALL AMERICAN OVERHEAD DOOR, NEW INSTALLATION, repairs and service, commercial/residential, 10% discount for spring repair, Free Estimates and Senior Discount (775)450-2156 KENMORE WASHER AND DRYER $225/PAIR; Hotsy Steam Cleaner $750; 3’ diameter commercial barbecue $850 (775)782-2422

THE CHICKS HAVE ARRIVED AT BENSON FEED; we also carry woodstove pellets, Pacific Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, Carson City (775)882-3999 SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)291-3095 HYDRAULIC AND PNEUMATIC AIR CYLINDERS repair and rebuild, log splitters, tractors, farm equipment, dump trucks and trailers, etc. all makes and models. Machining, welding, fabrication, design, reasonable rates! 18 years experience, Ramco Fabrication, Shawn (775)2677358 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, snow removal, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808 RUPERT’S GEMCUTTING AND JEWELRY- UNIQUE gifts, custom designing, repairs, specializing in natural stones and precious gemstone jewelry, Carson City (775)882-5988


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” High School in 1970 Verses 2017

Scenario 1: Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack. 1970 - Vice Principal comes over, looks a Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack... 2017 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. Scenario 2: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1970 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2017 - Police called and SWAT team arrives they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario 3: Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students. 1970 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good shouting by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2017 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD... The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario 4: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad screams at him. 1970 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman. Cont.. EXPERIENCED HOT TUB REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE, monthly/bi-monthly, new custom covers available! Serving Carson Valley area, Carson Spa Care (775)230-5328 TANGLES HAIR STUDIO AND NAILS, specializing in creative color and cuts; Men, Women and Children, Walkins Welcome! Follow us on Facebook, 1255 US Hwy. 395N, Gardnerville, (775)782-2742 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome., Phone/Fax (775)782-4520 BUY DIRECT! DECORATIVE ROCK, SAND, GRAVEL, D.G., Topsoil, Bark and Boulders, yard pick-up or delivery, Cinderlite, Serving all of Northern Nevada, or (775)882-4483 JANS TROPICS AND ELEGANT POOCH, 50 YEARS serving Carson! dog and cat grooming, pet supplies and tropical fish, 1000 Corbett St., Carson City (775)882-5659 or (775)882-4928


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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents - and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Scenario 8: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him. 1970 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2017 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy. EMTEK DOOR HARDWARE, OIL RUBBED BRONZE, several sets, in original boxes, paid $80 to $250, asking $15 to $35 (775)392-4242 GET READY FOR YOUR CPA – SAVE THE LAST minute scramble and paying high fees to your CPA to pull your 2016 books together, call Pro-Balanced Bookkeeping at (775)246-3363 $69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; washers, dryers, refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725

2017 Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison… Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist. Scenario 5: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. 1970 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock. 2017 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations... His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario 6: Pedro fails high school English. 1970 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college. 2017 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by the state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up landscaping for a living because he does not speak English. Scenario 7: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed. 1970 - Ants die. 2017 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called.


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Remain Independent – Remain at Home

The “little things” may become increasingly difficult as we age, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender. We provide affordable, non-medical assistance for seniors at home. Light housekeeping, meal prep, bathing/grooming, companionship, family relief, and incidental transportation to appointments. A few hours to 24/7 care. Eden Home Care, (775)392-2000 2016 19’ FOREST RIVER SALEM TRAILER, used 5 times, like new, asking $14,900 (775)220-5496

HANDYMAN, EXPERIENCED IN MOST HOME Improvements or Repairs, Quality Workmanship, Insured, NV#20101037419 (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179 READY FOR SEASONAL CLEANUP AND MAINTENANCE? For a free estimate call James at Gardnerville Green, or (775)450-0082 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)7828776


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Mother’s Dream By Barbara from Bishop

I stood in your bedroom last night as you slept and there in the darkness I silently wept. For the vision I had going ‘round in my head was a beautiful princess asleep in your bed. You looked like an angel in a world all your own; A vision of loveliness ascending your throne. Your crown was a halo surrounding your head. It was made not of diamonds, but of goodness instead. Your servants had knelt by your throne to present the gems, gold doves and the jewels that were sent. I had nothing to give you, no gems or gold dove so I knelt down before you and offered my love. But the tears on my cheek brought me back to tonight and I bent down to kiss you and whisper, ‘sleep tight’. You’ll awaken tomorrow not knowing my dream; Tonight, just a princess…tomorrow, a Queen. MARINE CORP DRESS SWORD AND SCABBARD $200; NHRA 1/24 scale die cast $40-$75 each (775)9807756 ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174 GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO OWN THE LARGEST firewood yard in Carson City, 11 years in business, retiring, over 100 loyal customers, call Ed (775)297-2320

Come Join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 GUTTER AND GARAGE DOOR INSTALLATION, 10% Senior Discount, Serving Carson Valley and surrounding communities, 20+ years, Absolute Rain Gutters and Garage Doors, NV#0071909 (775)267-4422 LANCASTER CONSTRUCTION, WE SPECIALIZE in Re-leveling Mobile Homes, also replacing old metal exterior doors with new residential doors. Give Phil Lancaster a call to schedule an appointment (775)720-4319 or (775)782-8785 COMPUTER PROBLEMS? ON SITE REPAIR and training, PC and network configuration, virus and spyware removal, serving Dayton and Carson, justin.nelson@goowy. com or call Justin (775)450-3735 REDUCE YOUR ENERGY COST! ATTIC blown in insulation, Residential and Commercial, licensed and bonded, 27 years experience, for your Free Estimate call BGS NV#58410, NV#58411 (775)782-9192

April 22nd- Earth Day 32

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Art Reflects Life… Too Closely

As a Speech therapist, I was working with a preschooler on 
body-part identification and the 
k sound. To that end, I had him 
use Play-Doh to make a sculpture 
of me. “Is that my neck?” I asked, trying to get him to repeat the word. “No, that’s your chin,” he said. He added more Play-Doh. “Is that my neck?” I asked. “No, that’s your other chin.” SET OF FOUR 7 SPOKE 16” CHROME WHEELS and tires, tires are in fair condition $400 (775)223-1704 DALILA HOUSE CLEANING! 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE in Gardnerville, Carson City and Tahoe area! Weekly or by-weekly with great references! Free Estimates (775)430-2531 PORSCHE 911 OR 912 WANTED, NEEDED! IF you have one that is taking up space and you would like to move it to a new home, have cash and a trailer (775)2916827 ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS? MAKE THEM GO away! No job too small! New construction, remodels, service and repair, Pigman Electric, NV#73243, CA#610417 (775)7219491


WNC Driver Education

WNC offers a 30 Hour New Driver Education classes throughout the spring of 2017. In person class fee is $100. Spring break classes will be Monday-Thursday. All in person class times are 8:30am-4:30pm with a 30 minute lunch break. Also included in our in person classes are guest speakers, when available, - law enforcement, insurance agents, DMV and sometimes a tire representative. Two things to remember all new drivers under the age of 18 MUST take a 30-Hour New Driver Education class to obtain a Nevada Driver’s License and most insurance companies will offer a discount upon successful completion of our nationally recognized Drive Right program. Carson City - Saturdays; March 20th-23rd Monday-Thursday; April 1st-29th and May 6th-June 3rd, 2017. Douglas - April 17th-21st - Monday- Thursday and March 4th-25th, 2017 - Saturdays. Fallon - April 17th-21st, Monday- Thursday and May 6thJune 3rd, 2017 - Saturday’s. Fernley - April 3rd-6th, 2017 - Monday- Thursday. Can you teach? Would you like to earn up to $1,000 and teach the driver education program? We have the curriculum. Call 775-445-4268 or 775-445-4463 for more details. WNC continues to offer an on-line 30-Hour New Driver Education course. Cost $90 and students have up to 60 days to complete the course. Register at or call (775)445-4463.

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JR’S POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE, ALL quads, dirt, street bikes, chainsaws, snowmobiles, generators, any gas powered machines, 30 years experience! Dayton, or (775)241-2530

WILL PAY CASH FOR BASS BOAT OR ALUMINUM fishing boat (775)781-7827 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)2657081 REGISTERED FULLBLOOD (100%) BOER GOATS for sale, California Quality at Nevada Prices! Home of Show Champion Producing Sire “Sudden Impact.” We have some of the Best Boer Bloodlines in Nevada! Registered Fullblood kids available year round. or email or Sharon (775)781-0243 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. WE BUY MOBILE HOMES, PARKS OR WITH land, NV# U2175 (775)815-1214

Happy April Birthdays!

Our birthday wish for you is that you continue to love life and never stop dreaming. May beauty and happiness surround you, not only on your special day, but always. Happy birthday! SCI GRADING EXCAVATING ROAD WORK, house pads, drainage and erosion control, septic systems and pumping, wet and dry utilities, demolition, water and dump truck service, Erik Viksna NV#076958, CA#954210, (530)306-2647 or (775)629-9000


“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

The Reverend and the Golf Game

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?” The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?” THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848


ONE HOUR MASSAGE $30 BY SPRING RANCH Spa, cupping massage available, extra fee for mobile service, Donna/Coleville, CA#63979, NVMT7284 (760)616-4091

No Such Thing As A Free Yacht

A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that 
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed. Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 
32 plastic feet glued to the bottom. PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free. KARHU 205 CROSS COUNTRY SKIS, POLES and boots, size 10 $100 (775)267-5964

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Saving Grace

Lord, you are so wonderful and deserve our love and praise. We cannot express just how we feel when we think of your saving grace. To think of what you went through that day upon the cross and in the moments leading up to it when soldiers spat and scoffed. And beat you with no mercy, making sport and having fun, you said not a word in your defense even though you were God’s son. You bore it all out of your love for the lost and dying souls, to give us a hope we can hold on to for a future yet to unfold. It’s such a beautiful description, Lord, of what your grace can do, for no one’s exempt from your saving grace, but it’s a gift freely given from you. © By M.S.Lowndes MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 14 Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453

RV TECHNICIAN WANTED, INQUIRE AT Ed’s RV Repair, 10087 US Hwy 50 East, Carson City, NV (775)2460777 PARENT/CHILD EARLY CHILDHOOD MUSIC classes now in several locations in Douglas County. For location and price call Maureen (602)820-1900 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065 GOT ART? COME SEE OUR NEW SELECTION of contemporary, rustic frames, Lone Tree Frame Company, 1497 Hwy. 395 N., Gardnerville (775)782-2522 HANDYMAN FOR ALL YOUR OUTSIDE NEEDS, yard cleanup, power wash, fence repair, minor jobs, free estimates, NV#11376PC (775)246-9899 CHIROPRACTOR IN COLEVILLE, CA, treats a wide range of neurologic and metabolic conditions, nutrition, head to toe analysis, 40 years experience, Dr. Stan Jones (530)577-2225 TV STAND FOR UP TO 65”, Tempered glass and black metal frame, $179, like new $75 805-732-4691


NEED HELP TO EQUIP MY NEW B&B’S ON LAKE Topaz shore, need to buy BBQ’s, life jackets, row boats, outboard motors, fishing gear, kayaks, paddleboards, patio sets and umbrellas, dishwashers, refrigerators, commercial washer and dryer, bar stools, picnic tables and benches, truck tires 265/75R16, pay cash, call Gary (775)782-3070 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. 530)495-2700 WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, or (775)782-5812 RENNER’S TRUE VALUE HARDWARE - FOR ALL YOUR hardware, household, automotive and gardening needs and much more now available online at truevalue. com, ship orders to store for free, call Megan or Chris for details (775)465-2217, press 1 for parts, 2289 Hwy. 208, Smith, NV RENT ME FOR SPRING CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove (775)2972320

Get the Poop, Read The Scoop!

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”


April 17 Scoop Online Edition  

Community members anxiously wait to receive “The Paper with a Hometown flavor” in the mail each and every month. We’re passionate about our...

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